Paul from John to accept Press one to send a voicemail Press te Hi Lyle.
Hello, who is this?
This is John John.
How can I get you today?
Man?
What's going on?
Well, I'm just calling in to talk about some stuff that's happening or has been happening in my life post military. Sure, I was working for the Navy, the US Navy on a submarine back in the twenty tens, and pretty much I feel like my life is in shambles afterwards. And the government's response to that stuff was just like, Okay, we see what happens here. It's fucked up. Here's your money. But now I can't pursue like a career education and
like stuff like that. It's kind of like a permanent hiatus. I'm basically forced to be in this retirement in such an early life that I'm lost because of a typical you know, bureaucracy fuck ups. Sorry, can I curse? I don't know if I can.
You can say whatever the fuck you want on here, John?
All right, So yeah, it's just a rough bag to get. You know, I'm only twenty seven and I'm basically living life like I'm fifty six.
Wait a minute, so you were you were in the military in twenty ten.
No, no, twenty fifteen, sixteen.
Okay, Now, if you want to go into it, you can. If you don't, that's fine. But what was it about being in the military that that left you, that left you, that left you fucked up?
Yeah?
Uh, well, they don't have a really efficient pathway for like really serious like stuff that could happen to the people they recruit. For instance, like they try to recruit from like young ages, right, but they don't really coordinate and like figure out like, okay, what kind of health risks can this person have? Right? So what happened to me is I'm perfectly healthy, fit, ready to go head out there, pass all my stuff, do all my calls, stay physically fit. And then I think it was about
nineteen years old, something in my head snapped. And I don't know if it was because it's a submarine and I'm six foot, if I hit my head too many times or what, but like I started going down a path that was like very strange, out of character, and yeah, it was. It was very weird for a few months. And the health pathline in the military when you're out doing something like that is very non investigated, you know. They basically were like, you're just making you're healthy. Look
at you, nothing's wrong, you know. And then it got worse because they were like, he's just acting out because he's depressed, obviously, and so they prescribed like the prozac, and when that was working, increase the dose week by week until I was like at the maximum dosage for months. And this is long winded and really shitty. I hate to bring this here.
Listen listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm fucking suck at names. What's your name again? It's John John Lowell. Look, here's the thing. I'm it's not long winded. I'll say this. Are you Is it like, as you're talking about this stuff, is it or is it helpful for you to talk about it?
Well, obviously, I feel like this is a great way to take off.
Okay, cool.
I haven't really told anyone other than like VA therapists, So I feel like it's good to get out there at least so capacity.
So as I understand it so far, you were nineteen, You're in the submarine, something in your brain snaps. You go to UH Military Health Services, and you kind of go through a bunch of lifes and and by the way, I listen, before we even go any further into this, just do you talk to a therapist?
Now? Oh, oh, that's something I should add. I'm a complete Uh, I've completed all forms of like behavioral health therapy, A graduated a bunch of programs. It's okay, posts, so I'm very good at this moment.
Okay, Oh so you're doing great now yeah? Yeah, really well, okay, I will I thought I thought I thought you said your life wasn't shambles.
Well, yeah, at least in terms of like passing wise, my life is in shambles because of the circumstances. Like you have to understand, I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia and yet I'm I'm here speaking and talking with you like like everything. You wouldn't really know if we met and talked for like ten minutes. You know, you kind of feel like something's up, but like, yeah, I'm pretty pretty.
Mellow, cool man cool. So hmm hmm. Do you what when you went through all this like mental health like stuff and these programs, like what did they tell you anything that was like helpful for you?
For me, it was uh, trying to not assign guilt for what happened, you know, at the time. Like I can't blame the military as a whole. I can't blame you know, myself because it's out of my control. The only people I could really assign any blame was like superiors or like people that actively harassed and like made life worse for other people. But I can't need or receive them again. I mean, hell, they were so old. Probably half of them are buried. I'm not really too sure.
So it's kind of like to make peace with it.
So so I mean, let's do this. Let's talk about right now. Because you say that you're doing good. I'm glad to hear that. What I mean, what's going on in your life right now? You were saying earlier that you were felt like you were living like you know, you were in your fifties. Tell me, well, tell me this, what what is it if you can, if you have ideas of it even what is it that you want out of your life right now that you don't feel like you can attain or is there anything even like that?
I would say attaining stable housing is like the craziest thing to do nowadays, Like I can't plant roots nowhere. I can't own chickens nowhere. I can't like pursue a life that I would perceive as like peaceful and in my control. For the most part, I've been living half out of a storage unit for like a year and a half.
What are you calling it?
Just because oh no, no, I had to move back in with like my parents. So that's like another thing that people typically have to do. Sorry, I'm paying a lot. I should get out of the heat man. So what I'm trying to figure out is like, because it took seven years to fight for like the medical evaluations and the disability and all that stuff, it's practically put me in a hole where it's like, well, now I can't even make money on the side, I can't pursue like a job, so I'm just stuck at home or like
helping others. That's pretty much it. I can't take money, but it's like not enough to pay for like rentals in my area. So it's kind of like a weird, floating gray area where I can survive, but I can't like pursue like home ownership or higher education that stuff. So I'm stuck at this level where I'm just is the right above the poverty.
Line and so ut so is the government? Did they just give you like here's a big one time check or where they are they like occurringly.
Giving you until it's until I croak.
Oh so you get okay, So you get recurring payments from the government from the result of your services. Okay, and that's enough money for you to survive. Yeah, okay.
And it's like, I feel like I'm not providing enough because I feel like, oh, I'm approaching thirty, I should have a house.
Did you say just that you're Did you say you're married?
Yeah?
Tell me, tell me about your wife.
She's amazing. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere or fought for myself at all if she didn't like kick me in the ass and say go fight for what's yours. You know, it took seven years, just like back and forth with the system for them to be like, oh, yeah, I remember you, I see that you exist. So yes, if she didn't fight for me, none of this would have been happen and I wouldn't be speaking with just straight.
That's really lovely, man. How did you guys meet?
This is weird Facebook dating.
That is weird. Yeah, that is very weird.
Yeah, when they did that, it was like we both joined within a week of it like starting, and it was just a chance encounter. We were both thinking about like deleting different sites. So it was just like, I don't know, I don't like to believe in fate because it feels too spiritual to me. But I was like, damn, what are the chances? It's very slim.
Well, it's funny because even if you are diagnosed schizophrenic, you are probably one of the more sane people on Facebook dating.
Only stay for as long as you need to pick one person and then leave all dating sites. That's my advice. And then if that don't pan out, try again. So just don't stay on those sites. People are crazy.
Yeah, did you have any like weird encounters?
When I was more vulnerable post psychosis, a lot of ladies out there kind of brought me over and used me and a wood like ghost. So and it's not like use me for food either, it's like get me drunk or high and then you know, So a lot of my relationships were like that. There wasn't anything labeled or serious. It was very It's probably why I'm I'm for four years in this relationship and I still don't know how to like perform intimacy, so like hugging and
you know, properly cling and stuff like that. So it's it's a learning process for me.
Do you still I know you that that there's all these like programs and stuff, But do you still, like, do you see a therapist like regularly who can help you with these kinds of things?
Yeah, I have a doctor and I have a psychologist.
Okay, it ends like go ahead.
Yeah, it's just like process to the level where I'm I'm not talking to someone every week. I'm like talking to someone every two months because they're confident that I have enough control over my life and my medicine to just be stable at this point.
Do you do you do you feel that way?
Yeah? I do.
That's great.
I feel like I'm possibly the most saying schizophrenic.
On Hell that's a that's a badge of honor.
I certainly hope.
So that's cool man, Hell yeah, I mean no, I really, I really mean it. It is. It is cool too. You know, I've undergone that affliction, but you're still like, you know, for for as difficult as that is, to to deal with it. Sounds like you're dealing with it very well.
Yeah, a lot of times nobody knows. That's something that I always kind of like, don't mean to joke around, but I'm always like, man, absolutely nobody in this room knows that I'm I had like a psychotic episode, and like actively now I see and hear things that they don't. So it's kind of like a thing that I keep to myself.
And what was I gonna say? Oh, yeah, so I guess back to like, so you're making enough to survive from the government, but you feel like I guess and and forgive me if it's if, if if this is just me being ignorant of of of the affliction, but like, are you are you unable? Are you unable to get a job because of this? Are you unable to do for money?
I can't pursue work because retroactively, once I got the VAH stuff done, Social Security came in and did an evaluation. Basically they said the only job they felt like I could do was making grammets for the next forty years, like rubber grammets. It's like a feal that's usually used in like mechanics.
Okay, I thought I thought it was I thought it was that clay dog. You know what I'm talking about.
Oh yeah, yeah, of course anyway, but yeah, Social Security basically said, okay, we don't think you can work in this economy and workforce.
So so so so so social so you can fucking go down to McDonald's and put in an application and they run your Social Security number and they come back and they're like, sorry, social Security says that you're not fit to work.
Yeah. Like, like, if I do start working, it would have to be through Social Security. They have a bunch of programs where agent figures out where I go work. Yeah, but if I do that, then it gets shady because they can start taxing me again, and they can start like shaving off what they pay me, so it just evens out. So if I make like two thousand dollars from working my job, it would probably just end up being like seventeen hundred because of Social Security being like
and I'll just take this. You know, you don't get this, this you made too much. It's a lot of stuff like that. When you're married and disabled, it's like, oh, the government gets to stick its nose and practically every single thing that I choose to do. I pretty much summed it up to I should just pursue a life where I owned my land, improve my home and like raised bees and like raised chickens. Does that sound like that it's the plan right now?
Does that sound like a good life to you?
Yeah? I mean it's something they can't tax, It's something they can't say I'm doing a like job over and it's something I feel like I'm giving back to the planet. You know, Yeah, some way with my life.
I like that, man, I really like that. I wanted to actually touch on that real quick because you told me something you said, like you said, like you can't work. All you do is uh you said you live with your parents and you and you help people. You said that, Yeah, tell me about I try.
I'd try to like branch out to like people that are kind of like in circumstances that I was in. So like, if somebody is struggling with fighting for their much deserved benefits because they served or x Y, I try my best to get in contact and basically tell them, Okay, you gotta be the squeaky wheel. Only the squeaky wheel gets the grease. You know, you gotta you gotta keep bugging them even if they tell you no three or four times like they did to me, because that's what
they'll do if they feel like they can. Mm hmmm.
Do you know a lot of do you personally like? I mean, I don't know if they ever you know, had to do any group therapy or anything like that. But do you know a lot of other people in similar situations as you?
Yeah, in in the area on Matt there's a lot of veterans that don't don't get help, or don't know how to, don't have access to even file for stuff. That's why the vet centers in your local area are pretty important. People need printers and fax machines and to even respond to them. So it's really important to like support your local vet center because you don't know, it could have nothing. It could be sleeping on cardboard, no documents, you know, so it's really hard.
What are you doing? I guess what are the steps between you and being able to cultivate some lands?
Well? Going through a prodromal phase schizophrenia, being I had a high dosage of prozac was like horrible. It put like a heavy damper on my credit score for years, because when you're in that kind of mind state, it's like it was like a haze. I did because of the prescription and my brain being funny. I like racked up one hundred thousand dollars in debt in like three months. Three months? How does that happen? Every time I think back,
I'm like, I have no idea. So that's all paid off to currently, but in my credit score is better now. But that was probably the biggest damper on like fixing all of that. I can't afford a mortgage unless I moved to Kentucky, That's what I see. And then the rentals, it's like half of my assets they ask for and then say, oh, you have to pay the utilities. Also, I can't wait to eat fifty dollars worth of groceries for the month. That's the West side of the country
in terms of like rental. I feel like there's some sort of malignant monopoly causing everyone to just increase their prices to ludicrous standards. I think they're hoping somebody from out of state who doesn't know any better is going to come in and outfit the price, and they don't know. Washington has like heavy mold leak, termite problems, land erosion. They just don't care. They're gonna just turn it all into seattle eventually.
So can I ask you a weird question? Maybe this isn't a weird question, but can I ask you a question?
What? Go ahead? Yeah, I'm free and open.
Do you do it? What do you do for fun?
I like beach crawling? Okay, it's if you go to like abandoned areas of like some shoreline near you. You just walk, like you have to hike first, but then you walk the beach and you can find some pretty wacky stuff. Man. A lot of people keep sea globes, but I'm more interested in like the stuff where you're like, how far did this have to drift to get here? A lot of the Chinese stuff is kind of crazy to think about your like that had to drift all the way through the Pacific to end up here. That's
the stuff that makes me go wow. You know, sometimes dolls, I don't know why dolls end up in the ocean, but sometimes do.
You have you collected a lot of different things? Like do you do you do you keep any of this stuff?
I keep the ones that I know I can, like preserve or keep keep as is Is.
There anything in particular that you've that you've kept that you you hold a fondness of that you you want to share.
A really really heavy tin iNKT I didn't know it was a tin inkit because it was covered in barnacles. But it's a like three pound block of tin covered in barnacles. Talked a bottom and they were dead by the time I got to it. But it was a really interesting find. Be like, what's under here? Oh a metal bar? You know? Uh?
Well, listen, man, I I I do gotta say. It's unfortunate that Social Security is not letting you work, because I think you would do a great job as an audiobook reader.
I hear that a lot.
But yeah, you got a good voice for that.
Oh maybe I'll try that sometime.
Dude. Thanks for sharing all of this stuff, John, I hope that it was it was helpful for you. Actually, I want to do this real quick, if you're down with it, I want to see if the chat has any questions for you. All right, if you're down to answer any any questions, I'll let the chat write some stuff and I'll pick out some some questions.
I'm open.
Let's see one person asks, do you think that farts an age in a jar like how whiskey does?
Did you say farts with age and a jar?
Yeah, I didn't, I don't. I now that I read it, I don't think that question.
I don't know. I would say, if you're really interested to work for your local septic company, you'll find out.
That was a good answer. So I want asked, have you been open with your with your loved ones about being able to manage your schizophrenia?
Kind Of it's hard to express because some family members have a different perspective of what post psychosis me was like. You know, I practically had to rebuild my entire self from the age of five back in like a year and a half through medication and like heavy everyday behavioral health therapy. So some people experienced me while I was practically mind my language retarded. And then some of my family experienced me while I was actively like having reactions
to like other kinds of medications. So there was a lot of physical problems. So they know that at this point I'm the healthiest I've been, But other people have different perspectives of how capable I am. So I would answer that question with that, So it's a kind of mixed bag. My grandma feels like I could regress any day, and other closer friends just know that I'm I'm really doing okay.
So yeah, bro, I think the fact that you're the fact that you're confidently saying that you're doing okay you know today in this moment, is is very very good and commendable. Soone asked what your favorite movie was.
My favorite movie, I would have to say A Racer Head, just just because it's it's such a unique David Lynch you know film.
Do you watch a lot of David Lynch films?
Not recently? After The Monkey one, I kind of was like, he's he's going places, but I don't know where this is going.
What The Monkey.
Made a short film a while ago where you voiced a monkey for like the entire film.
That sounds kind of cool.
I was his mouth was over the monkey's face. It was a trip, I would say, just out of blue. Oh look, new David Lynch, what's happening?
Someone wants to know if you wipe your ass back to front or front to.
Back, you're you're supposed to go front to back. If you go back to front, you've got problems. You probably never get any head ever, and you wonder.
Why, actually somebody did earlier? Ask does John like.
Sloppy h I I don't like it because my sexual arousal is completely derived from the partner. So if they're just not getting anything at other other than the sore throat, I'm gonna feel bad. I'm feel like it's a waste.
You're you're you're, You're a sweet guy, John. You're always giving back to the community.
Yeah, yeah, no happen though.
Well, look, man, thank you very much for sharing your story with us. Is there any other like I guess m hmm, Well, is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the of the computer before we go?
I'll say this, everybody is deserving of love and they should always fight for it, no violence.
Mm hmmm.
John, we appreciate you sharing your story with us, and I've said a bunch of times I'll say it again. I think that the journey that you've you've been on to uh, I like you know. I mean, you started this call by saying that your life was in shambles. But I think the journey that you've been on, as you've described it to us from having that psychotic break to being in this place where you are right now, where it at least sounds to me like you have some optimism for you know, good things to come to
the future. I think that's that's a very commendable thing, and I don't think that that should be lost on you. So good luck. I hope you get this farm one day. And thanks for calling man ghak bless.
You, no problem, GEK, have a good one.
Take care, John b Oh. I wasn't gonna say it, but I something about like, you know, I might regret saying this, but whatever, I feel like having schizophrenia and watching a bunch of David Lynch movies sounds like it would be a pretty crazy experience.
Ah from Carlos.
Hello, Carlos, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
Yes, sir, how's it going.
It's going pretty good, man. I need your advice.
Tell me what's going on. I'm gonna try my best, man, I'm you know, whatever, Yeah, fucking I'll try my best. What's going on, Carlos?
All right?
So I've been married for for five years and been with that person for fifteen and they've been unfaithful to me in the but not since we've been married. I've recently discovered that they are being unfaithful, but they don't know that I know. And they're supposed to go away next weekend to what they say is a friend's trip.
But I've uncovered that they're going to go meet up with the person, and I need to know if I should like go and confront them there and confirm it, or if I should just talk to them.
Now.
Well, let me ask you this, what do you want to do?
I want to go there? You want to go there? Well, because I kind of want to see it with my own eyes, Like they're going to a concert, and I want to buy tickets and just like I know what section they're going to be sitting in, so I want to buy one like a little far away enough to like see what's going on and then kind of confront them after the show.
Are you I guess? Let me So, how did you find out that she is going to a concert with this guy and not on this girl's trip?
Yeah?
So she has a few friends she regularly hangs out with, and one of her friends when we were we have kids. So we were at a baseball game one of my kids and one of her friends accidentally said something about going to a show, and just the way they looked at each other, like their eyes got big, just kind of put up red flags for me. So there was a time where she left her phone on the bed
and it hadn't lockt yet. It was she was showering, So I went in there, and then I saw the whole message thread and everything between her and that guy.
And you guys have two kids, we have three, you have three. Yeah, have you talked to a lawyer?
I've looked into it, but no, not like a lawyer, just like what it looks like for divorce and stuff where I live.
So look, I don't I don't like, should you go and do a whole dramatic confrontation between her and this guy and rile up the emotions and and take part in a scene? I don't know, but I guess what the way that I'm thinking about this is like, Okay, you have three kids, and what's gonna be the best course of action for your kids? And then what's gonna be the best course of action for like you and your own uh you know, sanity? And I don't. I don't know if the answer to that question is to
go and confront them and cause a scene. I don't know if the answer to that question is to leave quietly. I don't know if the answer is to consult a lawyer and see what what he thinks you should you should kind of what sort of ducks you should get in a row before you take on this. But yeah, I mean, I'll say this, I'm sorry to hear that. That's a really tough situation, especially after after having kids.
And uh and it's a real big bummer because you said she was unfaithiable before and yeah, you know, I I commend you for uh having the the strength and the outlook to to forgive and take another chance. But uh, and it's a bummer when you do that and you're like, well, no, it was it was like this all along. And so again,
I'm sorry to hear that. But I guess, man, like if if if while we're on the phone right now together, I would say, like I I guess, I just I wouldn't want you to like go out, like make your next steps in this situation out of pure anger and emotion because you know, look, you don't want to go there, and like you don't want to start, don't want to get in a fucking fight with this guy, and you don't want to do you don't want to.
Do all that, right dude. Anyways, right, I guess when I was when I was younger and she she did cheat on me, I saw a lot like that. Right now, just because it's been so long, man, I'm matured so much. I got three kids, Like I want what's best for them. I'm not going to be getting into fights or anything, you know, even though I could probably take them. But the thing is, it's like she'll chill. She's a very
good liar, as you can imagine. And my big concern is, like, if I don't capture in the act, you know, and take a picture or something of them kissing or something like that, she's not going to admit it. And then and in court, you know, I'm not gonna be able to say that, you know, she committed an adultery or anything like that. She's not gonna give me her phone. She's not gonna obviously allow me to like I didn't
take any screenshots or anything like that. In the moment, I'm just just very disappointed, and I kind of just want this to be over. And I know that if I, like just confront her, you know what I mean, like, just talk to her about it, just her and I. She's gonna deny it, you know, she's gonna call me crazy or something like that. So that's like a big reason why I want to go there. Like as far as anger am, I upset about it, absolutely, like who
wouldn't be right? But not like, oh I can't believe like you know, I'm gonna go beat this guy up or I'm gonna I don't feel like that at all. I just don't know if like that's too much to just go and try to collect evidence see it for my with my own eyes. So like when she tries to tell me that I'm not sure that I'm making stuff up that I know I saw it.
You know, when's the concert.
It's gonna be looking at I think it's four more day to twenty six. Yeah, it's going to be the twenty sixth, the twenty six and then she's spending the night quote unquote, so there's a hotel involved and all that.
Where are you right now? Are you at work?
Are you? Yeah?
I'm a I'm at home right now?
Where's she.
She's at work?
Where are the kids?
There? Were cool?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, look, man, first things first, I'd consult a lawyer. But I mean, let's talk about this, right So, you know, what do you and you've been with her, what fifteen years?
Yeah? Man, since I was like seventeen.
And okay, so so what what would be your plan afterwards?
Man?
Like, I guess, what do you what do you what do you anticipate for the future?
What do you?
What do you? What do you want to happen? I know you're kind of in a in a state of like processing right now, but you know, let's let's talk about it for a second.
If if you can, yeah, I you know, afterwards, I mean, if I see this happening and it's really what I saw on the phone and all that, Like I want a divorce. I want to be in my kid's lives. I want to be an active father, you know, just because she's not a good wife to me, I want to be clear, that doesn't make her a bad mom. She's a great mom. She's just not a good wife. So I hope she allows that for me. And like, you know, I'll just keep that work sixty hours a week,
so you know, do that see my kids? You know, I just want to be successful enough to help raise them and they have for them to have a good shot at life, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, that rocks. Mm hmmm mm hmmm. Who's the concert again?
It's well, I'm afraid if I say that people will know the location because oh.
Yeah, actually does that doesn't make sense?
Yeah?
That actually that would be That would be really funny if like a bunch of people in gecko suits just show to her her section and her seat, then she would definitely be like, what the fuck is going on?
If I had like more animosity towards there, I probably would. But like I said, I've I don't want this to be like a big spectacle. I'm just turned between what I should do because, like like I said, she's gonna lie her way out of it, like and I won't have any proof and I won't I won't have any reason in court at all to like, you know, I'll just be like me filing for divorces. I don't want to be with her, That's why.
I mean, that's why, Like, that's why what you say she's been spiteful before?
Oh yeah, like when I've caught her in the past prior to being married. I mean, she's she's definitely gone out of her way to try to like hurt me and stop me from having any future with other people.
And then things got kind of quiet for a while, and then for lack of a better phrase, like the flame was rekindled, and then we got we got married, and then actually, not too long ago, she admitted to me that its messed up as it is, that like she only married me because she wanted to make sure that I was never going to be with anyone else. She couldn't stand the idea of it.
Mm hmmm.
So that was that was a really nice thing to Is this the only woman that you've ever been with.
Uh yeah, like in a relationship on me when I was younger, Like you know, I've been with other people on dates and stuff, but not on anything like this at all.
M hmmm hmm.
Well I guess. Well another thing is I mean, I know it's been a really long time, but I hope that you don't and dude, any honestly, anything I'm going to say. I mean, you sound like a dude with a real healthy mindset about all this stuff already, But like you know, I guess I hope that this uh situation, it doesn't like set the framework for how you view relationships, because that can happen, right, Like, especially if you've been in one relationship for a long time and the person's
like fucking nasty to you. Then when you go back out and start a dating again, like you just expect people to be nasty to you, and it happens, you know,
friendships wise too. So I guess like when you if if you do decide for however long you know it takes, whatever, if you do decide to go out and you know, starting other people, like, you know, I hope you uh, just make sure that you're like setting a news standard for yourself so that you're not like being like, oh, you know, it's it's so that would be like the next time someone's like, you know, yelling at you or whatever, you're not like, well, this is just how relationships are, you know.
Hm hmm. Yeah. I I guess I haven't thought that far ahead yet because like I haven't pretty much like blasting all. But that's a good point. I've never been in that situation, so yeah, that's a good point. I mean, I probably can be hard on myself and like have some expectations, so.
How old are the kids.
They're three and a half, nine and two.
Mm hmmm mm hmmm, mm hmmm. Well listen, man, you're uh, you're you're. You're a good dude. You that you really are. You're a good dude. You got your head on straight. I think, I mean, I'm glad that we could talk about this, but I don't. I don't think you really needed my advice. If you look, if you were to if you came in hot and you were like, I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna beat the fucking ship out of that guy, all that stuff, Like if you were coming in hot, I'd be worried, but you're you're. You
gotta show mine you're not worried about you at all. Hmmm. Well go talk, go talk. That's as far as like, okay, it's like the final quot, like the question like should you go to the concert and like take pictures of them and stuff like, bro, I I would just I talk to a lawyer, I really would. I would like, get off the phone with me, go call a divorce lawyer and be like what do I need in court to make it so that you know, I'm all set when it comes to custody and assets and all that stuff.
And you know, see see what they have to say.
All right, I'll do that. That's a good idea. I've been putting that off for a while.
So, Carlos, I don't, Carlos, I really don't know if I believe in karma. I really don't. I really don't know if I believe in like an external force that makes the that that enforces karma necessarily. But I I have optimism just from talking to you that that, uh, things will go good in your life soon enough, because because you've been uh you know, a good, a good integral guy. And I don't I don't know if that's I don't know if that's true. You might uh get
get run over by a car tomorrow. God's crazy, but I hope it is. God, damn it. I hope it is. And and and if if I were in charge of the universe, I'd give you ten million dollars.
That'd be nice. I think the kids would be both set.
Up with Carlos, Is there anything else you want to say the people of the computer before we go, Hey, if if someone.
Is cheating on you, at the very least, don't stay in their relationship. Yeah, that's that's all I gotta say.
Take care, Carlos, thanks for calling. Good luck.
I think so.
I fuck with that guy, Carlos, Man, Carlos. Carlos is a good guy.
Uh that.
I went on a whole rant about carl at the end because I was just like, man, fuck, you know, Carlos is a good guy and he just got fucked, you know, And I hope, uh, I hope something good happens to him.
I really do.
I hope something good happens to him. Yoh, that'd be crazy. Well I don't know who the artist is, but what if it's like like Carlos uh fucking contacts Bruce Springsteen and tells him the whole situation and he goes on the stage and and he puts them up on the jumbo tron and he confronts them there. That'd be cool. I mean, I don't know how productive that would be, but it'd be cool.
All from Jayden?
Hello, Yo, what the heck?
What's up?
Who is this?
Jayden?
What's up? Jay Jay? I don't know what you just said. I'm gonna call you Jayden Jaden? What's up? How's it going? How? How how are you what'd you want to talk about today? Oh?
My gosh show. Uh did you see what I texted you?
No, no idea. I don't even know what what that means.
Oh well, I don't know. Anyways, I was calling you to talk about I watched I listened to your podcast all the time while driving, and I listened to one of them recently and it was you talking about like you struggling with like your way and all that. Yeah, and that like just like hit me like close, and I was like, man, I got to talk to this guy about this because this is like actually something I relate to so hard.
Man, Sure, sure, sure, sure, Yeah.
I don't know.
It's been like a constant like up and down and I'll like I'll really like get at it and then just like be completely unmotivated to Yeah. It's just I'm sure you understand what it's like.
What does it look like when you're getting at it?
I mean I constantly like trying to like diet, watch calories that sort of thing.
I mean, do you have a well, I mean, here's just like a thing about it. I've been thinking about it, but thinking about like there's no I used to always I find myself in this habit, and I've been doing this my whole life, at least as an adult, where like, I will fantasize about season of my life in the future wherein I have the strength and the capability to get in very good shape and the time to get in really good shape and the you know whatever. I'm
always doing that. I'm always fantasizing about seasons of my life in the future that I don't I'm not weighed down by the emotions and the problems and the constraints that I deal with presently, right, because you always want to believe that in the future those emotions and those constraints will go away. But guess what, I've been doing that for years and years and years and years. And here's the truth about the future. It never comes. It's
always the present. So I've learned that and I've gone, well, if I don't get in shape literally right now, not a future version of me that is cool and ripped, but me right fucking now, it's just never gonna happen. It's just gonna always, always, always be like this. And
so I mean that's what you got to understand. Uh yeah, just doing that, and that is is fitness advice from a two hundred pound five six man if that was of any value to you, Because I'm also I'm also very not I mean I go in little waves of it,
like I think I decided this. I decided this because I'm traveling a lot with like doing the tour and stuff, and I had a period of time earlier this year where I was like, Okay, I actually think I can still diet need okay, but I'll get Whenever I'm at the airport at five o'clock in the morning, I'm I'm just like I need to eat for some reason. I don't know what it is.
The biggest airport dude.
Dude, No, when I'm at the airport at five o'clock in the morning. First of all, like the days are longer, so it's a short day. When you can like wake up at eight and go to bed at ten, it's easier, the day is shorter. But when you're like waking up at five and going to bed at midnight, it's like it's just more time awake to eat. Yeah, anyway, who cares about that? But yeah, No, I'm at the airport at five am eating. I was at the airport at five am. I had a five am. I had a
vanilla kulata from Dunkin Donuts? Crazy is that?
Dude?
The airport Duncan is so dangerous.
It's so dangerous. I mean, yeah, man, what's your uh, what's your food of of of choice for the destruction of your body?
Oh my gosh, yo, freaking So I work at Chick fil A. So that is like my biggest downfall, biggest downfall God could have ever given me. Main job working at fast food play trying to lose weight. Craziest thing ever.
Do you get a lot of what's your favorite Chick fil A item that they give you for free?
Oh my gosh. Well, when I'm trying not to be you know, freaking tat, you know, just a you know, if you get a regular sandwich, if I can recommend anything, do you regular sandwich? Just a regular deluxe sandwich and add bacon and American and your life will be changed and you'll freaking be fat like me. But when I go and break recently, it's freaking dude, changes your life
for real, changes your life. But when I'm not trying to be freaking tet, I get just a grilled sandwich and that's also pretty good.
Okay, the grilled nuggets a pretty calorie efficient.
Bro talk about protein intake and like low calorie.
This is the this is the dumb ass version of the Huberman podcast. Well anyway, man, I mean yeah, I mean don't get the milkshakes.
Oh dude, our milk cheeks are so bad for you to I haven't had one of them and like forever, but they are fire.
I used to work at a frozen yogurt store and that was horrible because it was a frozen yogurt store, but it was also a candy store and it was a failing business and nobody would come in, so all there was to do all day was eat frozen yogurt.
Instead, at least you got paid to do it.
Yeah.
I used to work out of this like office and they had crazy snacks and I would stream out of the office and my routine was like stream talk to people on this podcast for two hours and then afterwards just take a huge fucking dab and eat literally literally like five thousand calories worth of of office snacks and stuff. But anyway, I don't know if any of this is is help. I'm going back to, uh my routine now,
like my routine. On a good day, I'll eat a quest bar and a muscle milk and then I'll have like, uh some other random fucking sometimes I'll have a Factor meal. Shout out the Factor Uh.
Yeah, I would. You made me genuinely look into them. I was like, I was like not to shout them out or anything, but I was like, yo, this is actually a really good option.
No free a factor. I love factor factors good. It gets a little tricky for me because I'm always like on the road and stuff, so I'm not always there to like be get the thing. But when I in the I had like two months where I was not on the road and I was doing a lot of Factor and it's good. It's good ship. So I mean that ship. Chipotle is actually pretty. It's fucking expensive. Like, I'll if you get a Chipotlet bowl for real?
I do I get a bowl?
Yeah?
So expensive?
No, I'll get literally, I'll get a Chipotle bowl. It's got fucking double meat. Get some queso on there. You know you white rice, oh and brown rice doesn't matter. Same amount of calories. It's something like eight hundred and forty calories eighty one grams of protein. That's a lot of protein and twenty dollars, which is a lot of money to spend on a fucking one meal. But whatever, I guess.
Whatever.
Everything's just money anyway, is it?
Proteins? Expensive? Dude? Proteins. That's why when you get beef jerky at the oh my god, you're he'sy expensive beef jerky nuts, you know, I mean the protein bars are fucking expensive.
Yeah, anything that is protein based, you're basically gonna have to sell your first born just to just to have a package.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, a twinkie is like all the hostess shit, it's super cheap. It's a dollar.
They want us to be fat.
They want us to be fat, and uh, they're getting what they want as of now, but not not forever. Not forever.
I hope when I come to your show, we're both just like absolutely fucking ripped.
When when which, literally which show are you gonna come to? How much time?
I really want to I put my I put my note, I put my number in for the I live in Delaware, so I'm like, between d C and Philly, they're both like forty five minutes.
I actually those are in September. I might actually be able to get a little ripped by September.
All right, you're gonna be rip.
Let's do You're gonna be ripped. All right, let's do this. Let's do this, let's do this, Let's do this. What's your name? I'm gonna forget it when I meet you? Jaden Uh okay, all right, if you come to either the show in d C or Philly and and and I stand around and meet everyone after the show. So if if you stand around and we meet, tell me let me know it was like, Hey, I'm the guy who you talked to on the podcast about you know, we will make up. Let's make a pact. We'll make
up it and maybe not rip. We don't get ripped, but we'll make a packed for to get about, like, you know, as reasonably ripped as you can get from May it's till Deptember. Yeah, And I'm gonna feel like a piece of shit because if he's if you show up and you're like you have a six pack, and you're like we had a pact, right, and I'm like ten pounds fatter?
Nah, No, we got this dog, all right, for sure got this. Like you're also going to be six foot I'm also expecting that. I don't know how you're going to grow that much, but you will.
It's true. I do have to also grow twelve inches. No, that's why I could go six into I feel like if anyone has one of those medieval torture machines stretched that I could borrow, that would be cool.
Well, I might have to find someone who can trailer one and we can do it at the show. Talk about a segment, Damn, I know, Yeah.
That's no. We should do a segment on the show where me and an audience member try to look smax.
Well.
I look forward to.
That, Jade, Is there anything else? When I say to the people in the computer before.
We go, oh my gosh, yo, get swool. And if you're fat, just know it's not forever.
You can change.
If you have If you have twenty dollars to spend on Chipotle.
Yeah, if you can eat Chipotle every day, then you're good. If you can't. Twinkies are like four dollars a box, you can live off those. Yeah, that's what the government wants.
But that's what the government wants, all right, take care of Jade, and good luck. Try not to sh.
I want I'm gonna do it for you, bro, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be tried when I.
See you don't do it for me. Do it for yourself, Jaden. That's what you gotta learn. Goes on the line, taking your phone calls.
Every night.
There Beacon goes doing his hide. He's teaching you about in.
The middle of your life.
Money's not really an expert.