“THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I’VE DONE”

Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I call them, we'll be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely

Call from Tom.

Hello, Hey, is this a gecko?

Yeah?

Is this Tom?

Yeah? This is Tom.

How I'm good? How are you? What's going on?

Baby? Nothing much?

You know.

I was looking at your stream and I had gek in the last four letters, and I had to wait to have flashed for the numbers because I never really got that.

What are you doing right now?

I'm sitting at my desk this watching.

Hanging out with hanging out? Well, well, listen, man, is there anything in particular you called in to want to talk about?

No, I've just been a long time fan. I think it's an interesting what you're doing.

Thanks, man. Hmmm, all right, let me think of something. What's the most horrible thing you've ever seen?

The most horule thing I've ever seen? Hmmm. I think it's when I was giving birth to a goat, well assisting aiding giving birth to a goat, and then like it got kind of like ripped in half. Because I don't know why it happened. I guess I tugged too hard and through weird experience for me, I think, you know, people think about agriculture and they never think about, you know, how a goat gives birth or whatnot?

You how did you rip a goat in half?

Well? I think it was a prettymature goat, so like the mother started like crowning and you have to pick it by behind legs and I don't think it was ready to be born yet, I don't know. I'm not a veterinarian.

What so, what the fuck were you doing? What were you doing helping a goat give birth? If you're not a veterinarian?

Well, what are you gonna do at like three am on the farm? Right? You're gonna call a vet out there? No, you're can try and help the goat out an assistant labor or whatever.

So, like, are you when you get so like you were holding the head of the goat and then eventually you were just had the head? Oh you're holding back? Wait, so you you ripped the goat, You ripped the mom and a and a half for the baby.

In half the kid.

Oh man, Yeah, that's a good that's a good answer to the question. Thank you for answering. Honestly, Well, you're welcome.

You kind of called me off guard with that. I wasn't kind of expecting that, but yay, you got it.

Man, No, somebody who wasn't expecting to have an answer, you definitely had an answer.

I'm glad you're happy.

I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I'm I'm satisfied. I don't know, I don't know the word to express how I feel about the interaction that we just had. But why are you giving birth to goats? What's do you live on a farm?

Well, I lived on a farm when I was growing up, and maybe that was the reason, because you know, it was like an adolescent I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe that was like a rite of passage for my parents or whatever, you know, like, oh see how an animal gives birth and assisted in that and it didn't turn out well, I don't think they were too happy with my performance.

Oh that was the very first time you gave birth, you helped to go give birth.

I wouldn't say it's the first time, you know, I always aided guy like the bucket cleaned up the afterbirds, you know, but I guess it was my first hands on type of situation.

Okay, man, isn't that That's the weird thing about the medical field, right, is that there's always a first Like there have been several babies born where the whoever's helping birth the baby, the obg U I and the doctor

Yeah, yeah, I suppose so, yeah, go ahead, please continue. No, yeah, okay, no, I didn't think I was going to get through. It's like, it's very late in the morning here, I'm just setting at my desk.

Early in the morning. Where what what time is it where you are right now?

It's three in the morning.

It's three in the morning, and you're on the phone with a gecko telling him about the time that you ripped a baby goat in half. How do you feel about your life right now?

You know, actually I feel pretty good.

You should.

Yeah, my life hasn't always been so stable. I just got accepted into engineering college. I got a new jobs. Thank you, thank you very much.

What's the job?

It's an it?

What do you what do you? What do you? Are you big? Are you a big computer man? No?

Well, I mean I've studied it in the past, and I've worked in the field as well as customer service. But I think like it's it's a step in the right direction.

Okay, it's It's funny to me because you grew up on a farm, which is very you know, farming, and I think of computers as being very computery, and that those are those are sort of opposites.

Oh that could be. I couldn't. I wouldn't say it's the opposite. I mean a lot of people think of farm work as you know, taking a hoe to the ground and plowing rows. But now our tractors are guided by GPS and there's a lot of math involved in calculations. So a lot of engineers or farmers.

Mm hmm.

So what's your what's your dream in life? What's your ultimate goal?

My ultimate goal? Well, I think I want to marry this woman in Sweden.

Uh. Tell me about this woman in Sweden.

I met her when I was a freshman in college. It's just everything she says about her life is just kind of like a fairy toe to me, doesn't make sense. They have wild parties and raves and all types of intoxicants and imbibing and plenty of days off.

Mm hm. So you want to live with her so that you can get a visa and move to Sweden and you and her can live the sweetest dream.

Well, No, she doesn't live in Sweden. She lives in the Netherlands. She actually doesn't want to live in Sweden, but I want to go to Sweden because it's cold.

You like the cold.

I do like the cold, but personally I believe winter is going extinct, so I want to move somewhere very cold.

Oh, because of global warming?

Correct? Yeah?

Yeah. The Netlands is awesome too, though. I mean there's plenty of raving and drugs, and there's play of raving and intoxication over there. If you want to do that, if that's your your mo.

Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if that's my m It does seem like a very easy way of life.

Hey, look tell that to the folks in rehab. Okay, So how did you meet this Swedish woman?

Yeah?

I know you said you were freshman in college, but what was the deal? Were you studying abroad?

No? I wasn't. She actually came to like my co dunk University out in the middle of a cornfield, and I was just known to hang out with the international students and at first, you know, I wasn't really interested in her but her friend. And then as time grew Well, I wasn't so interested in her friend, but more than her, and I feel like, you know, after I got to know her, I've gone fond of her.

M What uh? Why why were you interested in her friend and not her first? What was what was attracting you about the friends?

She was German?

Uh? You have German fever?

Yeah, I guess so. I guess that type of personality has always got to you.

I don't know, maybe the austere personality of the German women. Okay, and then how would you describe the Swedish girl?

Very kind, very sweet, she bakes and you know it seems to be pictures of her cakes and whatnot.

Damn, she sounds cool. I can see why you want to marry her and do mommy all day.

Maybe not so much as drugs, but you know something settled.

Down with Well, Molly is a drug. But are you good? Are you ever gonna go visit her in the Netherlands?

I think so. I I'm planning a trip to Mexico and I want her to meet me down there.

So okay, she's gonna come meet you in Mexico.

Well that's the plan. Who knows? Bode Willing and the creek don't rise?

Are you okay? So let's say, so is the deal with this? I am going to Mexico. You can come with me if you'd like, but if you don't come, I'm still gonna go.

That's correct. Yeah, yeah, I'm still of Mexico.

Yeah, gone by myself.

Well maybe me and my dog. I don't know.

Okay, rock and roll. We're in Mexico.

Uh, Mexico City.

Mexico City. I went by myself to Mexico City, had a great time.

How did you do it? What was the logistics I went on?

I went on the internet and I booked stuff and then I physically got there. Okay, are you having are you having logistical issues?

Well, I'm quite far away from Mexico, so me and my dog hopping in my car and driving?

You know?

Oh okay, Well, like if you want to bring the dog, I have no idea how to get a dog to Mexico. That sounds it sounds like a fun adventure taking a dog to Mexico. I went without a dog. I don't have a dog. But mm, why you awake at three o'clock in the morning.

My new job starts like in a couple of weeks, well, not even a couple of weeks in like a week. So I figured, hey, man, I might as well live it up. You know, this might be the last weekday I get to stay up like this.

So what do you do when you stay up really late?

I play war Thunder and I'll listen to a bunch of old eighties music.

Okay, you said, how old are you? By the way, I can't tell if you're nineteen or thirty five?

Closed I'm the median, I'm twenty five.

Oh okay, you're my age?

Really? Yeah? All right? Oh? Any advice to pass on to your fellow twenty five year old?

Any advice to pass on to you? You know you don't need. I don't think you need my advice. You sound like you're living a good life. You have asked, you have dreams that seems well intentioned. You have you you're traveling around your goat, you're becoming an engineer. You've lived like you've persevered through trauma of killing a goat. Baby, if do you do you have any fucking advice for me?

Don't get married?

Did you get married?

I did? Yeah?

How'd that go bad?

Why did it go bad?

I don't know? I think it was like not more so one issue, but like compounded issues, you know, and just that gone.

Uh okay, what were what were the issues? What was the main issue was the biggest? What issue made you the most upset? I'm sorry, what issue made you the most upset?

The issue that made me the most upset? Okay, Y's she had a ferret, right, and we got this ferret together. We bought it, and uh, well, the fair would always fucking bite me. I'd be in my office working and it would only bite my feet. And then when it got tired of biting my feet, it would like crawl into my lap and like crawl all over me. And then when I confronted her, it was like, hey, Hopper, you know he's getting out of hand. Can we put him up? And she's like, no, Hopper needs his playtime.

She chose the ferret over you.

I think she did.

Man, And look, I'm not gonna lie. You seem like a great guy, but in all fairness, fair, it's a pretty cool. And you know, I don't know, I could see myself divorcing my significant other over a ferret. So and now you have a dog, and does your dog bite you as your dog an asshole?

No, my dog is my best friend in my entire world.

That's sweet.

He goes with me everywhere. In fact, the years me talking right now, and he's he's ready to go.

Well, I hope you guys have a good look. I hope that you go to Mexico City. I hope this Swedish woman comes with you, because she seems really nice. I don't think. I don't know if there's any future in that relationship, unless if one of you is willing to move. But I don't know. You could write each other letters, that's hound's romantic. I've enjoyed having this conversation with you. I feel like I feel like we're having a leap over.

Well, thank you gek Man, it was a pleasure talking to you as well.

Maybe one day I'd like to think that when you die, you'll be reincarnated as the baby goat that you killed, and then when you die as the goat, you're reborn again as you as a baby, and it's just an eternal cycle of that.

Yeah, I never thought about that, but that sounds horrific, and thank you for implanting that in my mind.

You have a good night.

Ma'm thank you too. Oh hello, Hi, holy shit, man?

How you doing?

I'm doing all right, man? How are you?

I've been better, but we're here living life.

I've been better, but we're here living life. Is that do you tell? Okay? When you say we're here living life and you say it as a a way of dealing with whatever this thing is that you feel?

What do you.

What is you here living life feel like? And how is it a positive thing to counteract the negative things that you're feeling. I really hope that what I said just now made sense.

I was kind of jumbled, but I think I got the gist.

Thank you for being honest with me.

Well, pretty much. I moved for a promotion and I hated it, so I quit. And now we're here.

Where did you move to.

Massachusetts from New York?

That's not that bad?

No, no, not terrible. People have hours from where I was before.

People have walked from New York to Massachusetts. Yeah, no, thanks, Okay, did your family come with you? Do you have a family?

Na?

Nope. I I'm single and my family's in New York and other spots in the US.

So, oh shit, what were you doing before you moved for this promotion?

Same thing for the same company.

Same thing for the same company. And then what how come you do you hate it less when you were in New York? Or had you just been hating it and you were like, fuck it, let's finally just leave.

I didn't hate it as much before, but coming up here, basically I'm working on a branch that was not very established and basically being a good worker. I was putting basically picking up all everybody else's slack. Yeah, and then is not working.

Hmm.

Okay, So now that you've quit, what do you do you have a plan of what you want to do with yourself?

Well, since I live in a state that's legal, and I liked some weed when it was illegal, maybe I'll do it now legally.

I love that idea. I love so much that that's like I'm sure that there's lots of people who've made that made that jump before of like they started, like you know, it was an illegal drug dealer, maybe like in fucking high school or college or whatever, and then finally the laws you know, and look, they were just you know, I think if you dealt weed before it was legal. You're you're I don't think you're a criminal. I think you're just you're progressive. You know, you're ahead

So I've never left the US, but I've been the states that are kind of like that.

Which which state is? I don't you know the laws? I assume what states are like that.

Texas isn't too good on weed laws, that's for sure.

And is that state like all the people who are like getting super stoned in Austin, are they subject to the same laws or is there like city laws or something.

I think they're subject to the same laws. I think it depends, though, I'm not, like, you know, no, no, no way, am I an expert at Texas weed laws.

That sucks that even like if you're like, if you like, if you're just a cool guy in a leather jacket smoking weed outside of a bar or something, they'll still arrest you.

I believe.

So that's crazy. How long did you sell weed illegally for a good couple of years? Okay, and this was in New York? Yeah, was that your with these couple of years? Was that your full time gig was selling selling pot?

Uh?

For a bit? I pretty much started up when I was between jobs, and then it continued to supplement my income once I found another job.

Okay. You know, did you have fun selling weed?

Oh?

Yeah, oh yeah.

I had a lot of friends in college and in high school who sold weed, and I always thought it, like, it always seemed fun to me, and they were always stressed out, and I'm sure it was stressful for them, but I always it always seemed fun to me because they were always like zipping around town and like, you know, they they made all these friends from it and stuff.

But yeah, it's.

Almost like kind of like a social thing at the same time as it is, you know, a job, right. You know I had friends that used to you know, deliver Chinese food until at the same time that was a blast.

That does sound kind of fun. Would anyone do you think, oh I wanted to walk up, But were you worried about getting quants.

Ah, yeah, I mean Tankley, I got caught once. But what happens, well, that's a bit of a story. You want me to tell the whole thing or summarize it. You want to start in the middle, and then we'll start at the beginning. I just how you want to do this?

Do you want to tell me? You know what? What's your name again? I forgot Jimmy, Jimmy, I like you. I want to hear your story, all right.

So, basically, driving with the buddy of mine and we see two of my friends in another car driving with me. You know, we're pulling up on them, and I decided to be an idiot speed and cut them off and be like, ah, I put them off and oncoming traffic the cop passed by. Basically he pulled the U turn, and then I remembered I had an ounce a weed in the glove box, and then I kind of half assed tried to run and then gave up. And then pretty much they gave me a shiploaded tickets and a week charge what.

And but they well, what's stay was this New York? All right? So it was they don't like lock you up. They just give you like a charge or did they did they lock you up or arrest you?

Uh?

They Yeah, technically you're like brought to the station and processed and then they just let you go.

It's so crazy that people were.

Like legal there now.

Yeah, it's so crazy that people were like locked up for some people were locked up for like a long time for stuff that like is you can go to a like an apple store looking place and buy it.

Yeah, there's people still locked up for that.

It really did they do? They didn't? They are there? I like, I bet this is something you could research. Yeah, I about this is something you could research. I don't know anything about. I'm talking with no knowledge of anything, but there must have been a campaign to like free those people who were, like, you know, got drug charges for drugs that are now legal.

Yeah, I mean it's only right. It's kind of a dick moved to leave them locked up after it's been legalized.

Now when I when, I when do you think they're going to legalize cocaine? And and you can make like the apple store cocaine place.

That just reminds me. There was actually in I think it's GTA five, there's a little blurb in the radio talking about a proposition to legalize cocaine, and that should always made me laugh. And that's what that just reminded me of.

Do you think what do you do? You think they should make all drugs legal.

At least like decriminalize and try to like treat people that are addicted instead of just treating it as a crime and shriven people in jail.

What's the name of this? What's so you're going to start a weed store.

I mean, I'll probably start as a bud tender, but that'd be a pretty dope career plan.

What now, I you know, when you go in, when you apply for a job as a bud tender, can you use past experience illegally selling drugs as part of your resume? Because I think you should.

That's a good question.

I feel like you should be able to use it.

It's relevant experience to the job.

But I don't know, but it is definitely relevant experience. You're definitely right.

It'd be funny if you had like a you know, how so in high school, like the drug dealer, kids would like post a picture of a huge nug on their Snapchat story and just be like swipe up, Like if you just showed up to the interview with like a portfolio of the huge nug picks that you would post on Snapchat.

Yeah, I can, I can market I'm a marketing exactly and exactly.

You laugh. But it would be a good if I were hiring but tenders for my weed business, I would be like, Yes, I want this guy.

Look at me put in the effort. He knows.

Mmmm. Okay, so you were well, so tell me this. You start out this conversation saying that you have been better, and yet it sounds as though, through us talking that you have a nice, uh I don't know, path forward for yourself. It sounds like you are optimistic about the future. What's what's the deal?

Just I kind of feel stupid that I moved up here for this opportunity and I ended up painting it. But at the same time, it's kind of like if I didn't do it, I would have been questioning whether I should have or not?

Right, Why do you feel stupid? Why do you feel stupid? That doesn't make sense to feel stupid about that.

Just because I guess just didn't work out.

Basically, okay, hoped do you feel you feel like yeah, because you know, look not to not to act like a fake therapist on the internet. But this belief you have it that this was stupid is I hope you uh eradicate that from your brain because it doesn't it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you're right. It's just negative thought processing for some reason.

I mean, you were offered a position with more money and with the information that you had to go off. At the time, you were like, this could be a good idea. I you know, Actually, here, I'm gonna tell you something. I think if you were still in the job, I think that would have been that would be stupid. I actually think you made the not stupid decision by leaving.

I mean, I guess, I guess I'm just considering it kind of stupid just because I don't have another job lined up one percent yet and I still got bills to pay. But I mean, I do have money in the bank. I didn't just feel like, yeah, I have no absolutely no plan, but still not trying to put a gigantic dent in my bank account at the same time.

Well, you can go to the Taco Bell parking lot and get some references to put down on your resume and build up a giant portfolio of nugs, and I think you'll be on your way in your time.

Yeah, I mean that's that seems like a good place to start.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, like I said, I'm gonna say this one more time. I think it would be stupid of you to waste your life, you know, staying at a thing you hate, especially if you know you feel like there's a different avenue to pursue. What are you gonna do tomorrow?

What am I gonna do tomorrow? That's a good question. I don't really have a plan at the second.

Is that is?

Are you gonna start? Like when are you gonna start going door to door flyering yourself as the next hot bud tender in Massachusetts? Or are you going back to New York?

Uh? No, I hate moving. I'm staying here for now.

At least is we Is we legal in Massachusetts?

Yes?

Oh sick, just like legal everywhere now.

Yeah, I'm just pissed because they legalized it like right before I left New York, and I'm like, damn, I could just stay.

It's okay. When are you are you gonna go tomorrow? Why don't you fly? Why don't you go around to all the weed shops and flyer yourself as a as a as the hot new bud tender in town.

I don't know. I feel like most places don't do in person ship anymore. And you just say, ope, the applications online.

Right, but you go I feel like I'm your father right now.

You're right.

But you go in and they see your face and then they use your like you took it too far. You go in, they see your face and they're like, oh, this is a real guy. I like there's something to that. Right when they see your application, then you know.

I guess puts a face to the application.

I mean, you have nothing else to do tomorrow?

No, no, not really. Maybe laundry that may be on my list of things to do tomorrow. Okay, I hate laundry as much as you say you hate laundry. I cannot stand laundry.

I don't think you do. And you know how I know you do. You know how you know how I know you don't hate laundry as much as I hate laundry.

Because I'm going to do it, because you're.

Going to do it. So that was wrong that that you said that just now, you do not hate laundry. Actually, I did laundry yesterday and it's I have I have a pile I have. I have a pile of every time I do laundry. Fuck it up. It's my laundry is all soggy. I didn't put it in long enough, so I just have a pile of like soggy clothes in my part. Why not hung up? And you know what I want to do. I want to get high

Oh, I appreciate that. I'm gonna put my nose to the grand stone and get out there.

Is there anything else you want to say to me, or to God or to Jimmy Neutron before we go?

Well, while I just want to appreciate, uh, you know, shreaming my appreciation for you taking my call tonight. Man. I mean it's only the second time I've ever watched you live. I literally just got a twitch to watch you live.

Oh shit, hell yeah. Well I hope you enjoy all of the other things that twitch has to offer. Like you know, a guy playing Minecraft and not saying anything, there's some some people are really some people are somehow really good at playing Minecraft and not saying anything. I don't know why. I'm I'm not trying to talk to shit. I'm just trying to be funny and saying stupid things. All right, Hey, good luck to you, man, I when I don't next time I come to Are you in Boston?

Yeah, I'm near Boston.

Okay, Hopefully one day I'm gonna be in Boston with nothing to do, and I'll walk into a weed shop and there you'll be.

There. I'll be waiting to help you out.

God bless All right, Hey, good luck, team, I'll talk to you too.

Have a good night.

Le I don't know if I think all drugs should be legal. I hate talking about like any any even any even slightly any kind of social political philosophy thing on here, because then like one day I'm gonna like listen back to this and be like, I don't know what the fuck I mean. I never really know what I'm saying, but I guess all drugs should be legal and then everyone can just decide if the whether or not they want to do them. I did, all right, that was I'm moving on.

Paul from Lindsay.

Hello, Tie, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, what's going on with you? Lindsay?

Yeah, I'm currently in a situationship.

With my boss.

Okay, tell me you tell me more.

Am I on the stream right now?

You are on the stream right now? Okay, you seem to be sorry. Yeah, well no, it's okay. You seem to let me ask you. Let me ask you a more specific question. You were in a situationship with your boss, and I can see, but could just the fact that you're calling me to talk about it, I'm going to assume that you have conflicting feelings about this situation you are in. So what are the conflicting feelings that you have.

I'm definitely having conflicting feelings. I know that it's wrong. I know that it's a bad idea. However, we met on a dating app before I started at the place that I work at.

Okay, well, look, let's break this. Tell me, tell me about the whole situation. How did you meet this guy? What's the deal? Where do you work or that? Give me, give me, give me the as they would call them, juicy details.

Okay, Well, I work at like a chain restaurant kind of a little bit, so it's very fast paced and it's very fast food kind of thing. But it's a very close work environment. I will say, there's not very many people that work in the kitchen, and so that makes it very difficult to have this kind of situation, I guess.

Okay, so you said that you you you said, I know it's wrong. Yeah. What what about this situation do you believe to be wrong?

Hmm? Well, I mean just like the ethics of it, like the work code ethics of like the fact that he's my boss and I am under him technically, but we met as like individual people.

And the thing, here's the thing. You work at a restaurant. Yeah, okay, you work at a restaurant. You don't work at the White House. Yes, that's so. So I think the general like you know, I mean, is let me ask you this is he is? Is this relationship affecting your work in some way?

I would say.

No, okay, just more.

Yes, okay, But.

He didn't realize that it was me when I started working there. Does that make sense? M?

So you guys met on a dating app and then you started working there and then he didn't realize and then and then he was like, oh shit, it's you.

Yeah, after I brought it up because I realized and then I was.

Like, oh fuck, okay, all right, do you like this guy?

Yeah? Unfortunately, yes, Okay.

Why is it unfortunate?

Because like he's like really cool and I get along with him really well, and I really don't know, but it's not awesome because like he's my boss and I kind of want this job and I kind of want to still. Also I don't know, man, are you afraid?

Are you let me? Okay? Because here's Are you afraid that if things were to go awry with this guy that it would then start to affect your, uh, your work environments?

Like if things got weird between us, like if like we did something and then it did work out or something like that.

Yeah, if if you decided to break things off, what do you do you feel like that would affect the workplace in the workplace environments.

He's really cool, so probably know because of how safe of a space he is. Honestly, if I'm being real.

Okay, Well, because that was what I was going to say, because I was going to say, look, if this dude really is, like, you know, a good guy, a nice guy, he I don't think he would. You know, you're at risk of him going some kind of weird retaliation mode upon you. You know. Yeah, if that is what you are afraid of, and.

That's based on past things, you know?

Okay? Have you okay? So I have you said it's based on past things. Have you been in a situation like this in the past that went poorly?

No, I've been in a I've been in a really unfortunate relationship. I'll just say that I don't know.

Mm hmm, Okay.

I can elaborate if you want, But it's like not an important thing right now, you don't.

Well, only again, only if you think it's it's only if you think it's relevant to what we're talking about.

I I would say, I'll just say that it's a relationship that has given me traumas that are very relevant to the things that I deal with day to day. So he has been very understanding and comforting in that, and that is one of the reasons I was so drawn to him because of how willing to help.

Okay, okay, how long have you been seeing this guy?

So, so that's the thing. It's not like a we're not seeing each other or anything like that. We're just talking to each other.

And do you do you have the do you have the desire or even vaguely see the potential for this to be like a actual boyfriend girlfriend thing.

I don't. That's I don't know. I don't know. I like I in my delusional little headspace, I would love to think that. But also the other part of my cynical brain is saying, though.

You know what I mean?

Well, wait a minute, you said, why why are you saying delusional headspace? Wow?

Okay, okay, I have borderline personality disordered. This makes me overthink things a lot. Okay, Hen's why I watch your stream a lot.

It makes me.

It balances me out a lot.

You I had to hear that. Well, so okay, I'm trying to think here, so you so so okay, could you're like without judging the thoughts as as delusional or whatever it is, do you like plan and simple? Do you do you like this guy and desire to like date him date him.

At this point in my life? No, because I I know I need to work on myself as a person. But it was open on the table for friends with benefits before. Okay, mmm, yeah, and that's why it's like a weird thing.

Okay, so why did you Okay, it sounds like and tell me if i'm tell me if I'm reading this appropriately. It sounds like you like this guy. He's a good guy. You know, you have needs that he's fulfilling, and that's always nice. And for all that, I am understanding your your relationship with this guy has been a positive force in your life, but you are are concerned with how it might affect the workplace in the event it would

M hmmm.

Is that all accurate I'm getting at definitely okay. So mm hm take me take me to the to the to the to the end of the overthinking. Where does the overthinking ultimately? What negative place does this overthink ultimately lead us to? What's the worst? Are the worst case.

Like him getting in trouble at his job?

H oh, him getting in trouble.

Yeah, Like I don't want him to get in trouble. I don't want anything to happen to him because, like you know what I mean, I'm the one who started later, like in work, you know, and I just don't want to be the one that comes in and screws it up. For is.

Here's the is. It doesn't ever buddy in the restaurant industry, fucking dating, fuck each other.

I mean, uh yeah, but this is like such close quarters. I've never worked in a restaurant disclose quarters. I've worked in restaurants before, but like, damn, you know what I mean.

Sure, here's the thing I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say as far as it look at my personal opinion, as far as like ethics go, like I don't I your I think your status is a human being and his status as a human being are greater than your statuses of working at this restaurant. And therefore, I don't think it's inappropriate for you guys to you know, engage

Yeah, but I don't think it's like.

I don't think it's a I don't think it's morally reprehensible. It's again, it's not like you work at Like it's not like you're like a fucking you know, teacher, the ta or something. It's not it's not anything weird. It's just a restaurant.

Yeah, Like I'm not being a freaking like pretter or anything. This is a normal okay. Okay, yeah, see it sounds a lot more normal and okay when I talk to you about it, So thank you for that.

Have you talked to who else? Have you talk to you about this?

Uh? No? One?

Okay, Yeah, I don't. I think it's I think it's okay. I think, like I said, I think your status is as human beings override your status is as a you know, uh, a waitress, even.

Though like it's my manager.

Well okay, so again the I'm not I have no moral concern over this. It's all about you making decision of if you think it will end, if you think it has the potential to end poorly for you. But from what you have told me, you believe that this guy is a good dude. And even if you had to come to him and be like, hey, I don't think this is going to work out. I don't want to see you in that way anymore, that he would be like, oh, that's totally cool, and that it wouldn't

I mean, like always everything just because of how I feel like my head works right now as it be, but specifically with this, it's just more like I don't want to project anything known to him or I don't want to make him have to worry about anything that's

Do you feel like you have a good line of communication with him? Do you feel like you can talk to him about these these things that you were thinking.

Not on the phone but overtext?

Yes, not on the phone but over text. Okay, but but community you can commute, you can talk to him about these things? Uh? None, nonetheless in some type of medium.

Like but like, can I just like express my emotions about it?

Yes?

Yes I can for sure?

Okay, good, all right, Well that's that's I feel like the most important thing. What do you make at this restaurant? What's that? What are they specialized in.

Pizza?

You work on a pizza restaurant?

Yes, but I'm trying not to give too much d too.

Yeah, that makes sense. Look, here's the thing. I don't think that I don't think this will be the biggest scandal in the pizza industry.

Okay, you know you don't think Papa John beat it or anything.

No.

I think I think you're going to be Okay, Okay, So.

What what do I What do I do about this? What am I going moving forward?

What do you do moving forward? What do you what do you do moving forward? What does that mean?

Like?

Okay, so now we've established that it's not going to necessarily hurt, Like the world's not going to crumble if I do something about this, If I decide, hey, you want to you want to maybe take this somewhere or whatever. If the world's not going to crumble, then how do I approach this?

Okay? So we've established that the world is not going to crumble. If you ask this guy if he wants to be your like a boy, like in a real relationship with you, no, no, no, no no.

If we just want to like flirt more and probably be friends with benefits and maybe that down the line. But like that's not anything I'm looking for right now.

You said, you say exactly what you just told me to him.

Oh my god, Yeah, okay, is that?

What? What are you? What do you is that? Does that? Does that sound like a difficult thing to do?

Yeah?

For sure, it definitely difficult.

Okay, but it's good. Practice's good, it's a good it's good practice.

Though.

It's good to you know, you're working on communication skills. You could say, and you know, look, if you ever ask him for a promotion, you could bring this up as uh, you know, an example of your good communication skills.

Well, no, it's so hard, like when we're having a serious day at work, because I can't just like look at him and like not think of like the pictures I've seen, you know what I mean?

Well, what's your name again, Lindsay? Lindsay? Does he ever send you one of those pictures and you send back your like, damn, put that on a pizza?

This is a fuck? No, oh fuck, that's hilarious though. Well no, it's only been like one picture, but like now it's been burned in my brain.

Hole. Well, Lindsey, good luck to you. You're not you think you're gonna be okay? And uh, is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Thank you to everyone for listening, and thank you to you for taking calls all night and just being a person that listens and I get on the phone. I appreciate you so much. I listen to your stuff for a long time and it really helped me with my recovery and just being in my own head and that kind of thing. It helps me with other people's perspective. So thank you.

Well, thanks man. I have my having fun tonight. This is cool. I'm fucking uh, I'm I'm back. I'm home ish. I don't know what. I don't know. I don't I don't know where I'm going to be at the time that I'm putting this podcast out. But as the time I'm recording this, I'm home and I'm I get I get antsy and in my head, so it's fun to talk to other people to get me out of that. So thank you, Lindsey, and have a good night, and uh, keep keep making pizzas.

Thank you so much. Have a great night. Okay, have a good night everyone, Bye, thank you, by bye.

Penis on a pizza, Penis pizza. I'll have one slice of Penis pizza, please, and can I also get some jizz on my penis pizza? So take a slice of penis and a little ranch side, like you know the cups they put ranch in, put some GI's in it, and make a make a little Penis pizza. All right?

Sorry, Paul from not Basketball not bothering this.

No, he's doing God's work right now.

Who shut your whole mouth?

What is this? Who am I on the thing with?

Oh? Well hi? What uh?

What's your name?

I am not Basketball Dan?

All right?

Several I don't even know how long ago it was. I you know, here's the thing. I normally don't take repeat callers. I really, I normally don't. I've never been a good update guy. I don't know why. I think it's because I don't like to alienate people who haven't who didn't hear the call already. So I'm not I'm not a big update guy. I know people have been wanting updates. Maybe I should do updates. Maybe I'm just stubborn. But Basketball Dan, I mean, how long ago I don't

I'm gonna what if I told you the update was now I'm still cold Captain Basketball Dan hyphe in the FISTH logo.

I told you I would tell you. I have no fucking idea what that means, as much as I had no idea what anything you were saying meant. The last time I talked to.

You, good.

Checks out?

Who are you?

What?

I am actually with the man who gave me the monitor?

Basketball Dan?

Are you? What's what?

Like?

What is your location exactly? What is this like?

What?

Where are you in a car? Where are you?

I am at a bar, so I didn't think I was gonna get through.

You're at a bar right now. You're like fully in public right now?

Of course, Basketball Ban in his natural habitat.

Okay, Well, I don't really know what to do with you, Basketball Dan. What did you do? Is there something you wanted out of this? Yeah?

So the last time I called you were like, who was Basketball Dan? But and I was wondering, who is the therapy gecko?

I'm not doing this, I'll do I'm not doing this with you, Basketball Dan.

All right, check out.

What bar? Are you at?

What bar?

Yeah?

What bar?

It's called Franken Tony, but they should rename it to Basketball Dan.

So you still go buy a basketball Dan?

Correct?

And do you play basketball?

Not at all? I don't need you because I'm Basketball Dan.

Okay? Do you has your life changed in any meaningful way since we last talked? The only thing I really know about you is that your name is basketball Dan. I tried to get other answers from you, but they all kind of led back to your name being basketball Dan, right right, right?

Well, so now now sometimes they call me stone Cold Captain Basketball Dan, hyphen the fifth logo, and I've made it.

Yeah, and okay, yeah that has this? Has that changed your life in any meaningful what? Well? You being named Here's like you being named Basketball Dan has had nothing to do with your actual life, and so you being named stone Cold whatever you just said, I assume also has nothing to do with your actual life or anything going on in it.

Right.

I think you might be my arch and my arch nemesis, Basketball Dan.

Well, yeah, I think you might also be my arch nemesis therapy Gecko.

You can come find me. You're gonna come defeat me.

Who knows?

I did almost actually come to that show in Columbus.

Tell your should have came? How come you didn't come?

I know I should have if I had to work the next day?

Do something? You work?

Okay?

So what do you do? You do things with your life? You're not just the most one dimensional entity I've ever come into contact with. You have a job, you have friends, you have what do you do for work?

Uh?

I played the fifth?

All right, I'll talk to you again.

I'm invoking my fifth Amendment?

Right?

All right, Well, there we go. We did it. We had a repeat caller. If for those of you who have you know, been requesting that we follow up with some of the callers. That's that's a little sample of what it might be like. Let me know if if you enjoyed that, and we'll do it more. I mean probably not, but who knows.

It goes on the line. Everything he goes through his ID.

He's teaching him cloud to your life. But he's not really an expert.