Hello, Hi, do you hear me? Hi?
What's your name?
My name is Matt.
Matt. When I was a young child's I was I went to the j c C, the Jewish Community Center day camp, or maybe I was in kindergarten or something, and there was a guy who used to work there. His name was mister Matt, and he had a hook for a hand. He didn't have a hand, he had a hook, and he was a cool guy. I don't think I was a little intimidated by him when I
was a child, because that's just the nature of that. Yeah, I was a little intimidated by him, But now I'm like, oh, what a guy to you know, really serve in his community, you know what I mean?
I don't know.
Yeah, he's a good guy. He might know he's alive. But what's your name, Matt?
My name is Matt. Yeah, No, it's good. You can call me. You can call me Matt or or I can go by eighties.
Like Matt is more pronounceable to me than what you just said. But Matt, enough, yeah, and enough about all this fucking bullshit. What's up, man? How's how's life? Would would you want to talk about today?
I've been I've been trying to talk to you for ages. I've been listening for a long time. I actually I've been listening to all the Spotify podcast and I actually joined the super Cast like maybe a month ago. Yeah, of course, of course, No, I love your content. No, I've been trying to call for a long time because like, the past two months of my life have been a little chaotic, a little uh, a little eventful, more or less.
I was in a relationship for a really long time or not not a really long time, like basically up to a little a little less than two years, and it ended a little catastrophically where I have a BPD, so that's like borderline personality disorder. So it's really hard for me to uh, it's really hard for me to accept that other people like me and other people want to be around me and all that kind of stuff.
So it made being friends with my exist friends really tough, or at least it made it really tough for me to see that they liked me in the time that we were in a relationship, and it ended a little catastrophically where I held a lie from them for a really long time and once once I told them about that lie during like a mental health episode. They broke up with me for good reason, frankly, and then they reached out to me and asked to try again, and I was like, yeah, I'm okay, we can do that.
And when that happened, we both agreed that we would not see or date other people in the meantime. And then their best friend told me that, or the best friend at the time told me that they actually did go on a date with one of our friends and
did quote unquote something. So that was a little that was a little a bit of a backstab, and it made the whole BPD part of the life way more difficult to push through because it made me feel like I validated all the facts that the people around me at that time did not did not enjoy my presence all that much. Also, work is a little strange. I work at this it's it's a small company, but it's going to be maybe larger down the road. But I work. I work at like an escape room place, and I
fixed the escape rooms. They're kind of like automated escape rooms where just a bunch of drunk drunk children, No not children, drunk drunk adults and kids just like break shit in random fucking ways, and it's it's pretty miserable, but you get to see some pretty fun stuff at times too.
America's Escape room engineers are some of its most unsung heroes.
Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, we really are on the front line. We're we're like, we're like uh ups delivery guys during COVID. Obviously we're we're on the same tire.
Definitely, definitely add or above that level.
Yeah, now, one hundred percent. I think the thing that I've wanted to talk about the most, because you got a lot of experience in this, is traveling alone. Sure, sure, because uh, I've I've my my friend group at home is a little strange. The ones who are extroverted don't really like the nerd things all that much, like going to like conventions or just conventions, I think is probably
the best example. And then all of my introverted friends don't really want to go out to conventions because of the whole like overwhelming social aspect and all that kind of stuff. So it makes me really scared to uh start the initiative to go out into the into the world and like visit places alone and try to meet people, because it feels like, uh, it feels like you receive a lot of judgment for doing things alone.
Well, Matt, you I I appreciate all the lore that you just dropped on yourself. I feel like I got I feel like I very concisely just learned a lot about you in a short period of time. Yeah, no, don't you No, No, no either, But I hope that didn't come off passive aggressive ily No, do you have nothing to be sorry for? Wow? Okay, hmmm, how old are you, Matt?
I'm twenty two. I'm gonna be twenty three next month.
All right, cool man. Well, would you just graduate school or you've been just working?
Yeah? I graduated a little while ago, graduated last year. I'm actually hanging out with my with one of my old roommates from college, uh, sort of sort of Athena, and I've been showing I've been showing them a couple of your clips because I just liked the content.
So I actually, well, yeah, you dropped a lot of lore. I I I'm super down to talk about. I have a lot of thoughts about your particular situation about uh wanting to do stuff alone. But do you I do you see a real therapist to talk about BPD stuff.
Yeah, yeah, I do.
What do they how what do they have to say to you?
Like?
How do they help you with that?
It's really it's kind of tough. I think the way that they really helped me with it is it is clearly seems like they're they're excited to talk to me
as a patient. Like it seems like whenever I show up in order to talk to him on the days that they're like excited to hear more about my life, which that alone is enough to help me at times, But when it comes to what they tell me, it's a lot of you need to learn how to appreciate yourself before you go out to appreciate other people, which is really tough because I've tried to do that time and time again, and every single time I end up more relying on other people for that affection rather than
trying to get it out on my own, which is why I kind of want to solo travel. But the same exact thing, Yeah.
I like, I love I see we're get see. I like this because you brought up a bunch of stuff and then you're like, I really want to talk about that. I want to talk about the solo travel thing, but then we talk about the other stuff and we find it all.
All kind of clicks together.
Clicks together, right, that's cool. Okay, So you're you're kind of on a mission to you said that the BPD, and I'm as I think I've made clear, I'm not a real therapist and have no I don't know anything about psychology, but like, so BPD is something and that that is preventing you from like accepting that you have like value that other people can find with that that other people can find value within you.
Is that? Yeah, you know how people like dismiss compliments sometimes when you give them compliments and stuff. It's like that that is like a very core mechanic to my lifestyle. Is if someone I have like an half ro for instance, and a lot of people will be like, oh yeah, I love your hair, and I'm like thanks. It kind of just does its own thing. I don't really do much to maintain it or anything. But at the same time, I still do need to accept that people do appreciate that part about me.
Yeah. Yeah, Is that a problem you've had forever or is it something you like developed.
I definitely had it for a very long time in my life, like when my parents used to try to give me affection, like just say that they love me and all that kind of stuff. I would say in my mind or either eventually to them as I got older, that my parents only say and try to love me because they are my parents.
That's by the you know what's funny is a I A. That's I mean you by by the fact that you're self aware of what's going on with you. I think you logically know that to be true. But be even if it was true, that's not a bad reason.
Actually, yeah, I know it's not a it's not a bad reason, but like you know, it's a I also artificial.
Well it's it's also I'll actually say this and I'm hold on, I'm I'm I were veering off track of I mean, that's all directionally whole. I take back what I just said. There's no track at all. It's all one thing. But I mean, your parents don't totally don't have to love you at all. So that's yeah, that's.
What I've learned from the show for sure, is that I YEA, that's what I b that's that's what I make me. I get have parents that make me a drug dealer at seventeen years old.
Right right, Bro, That's what I was on the phone with my mom today and I was just going off on her about like, uh, I was just so grateful that she, uh, you know, loved me and gave me the foundation for my life. It's five all. I've also really, I feel like, learned that from doing this show. So you know, it's not a given necessarily that your parents love you. So I don't. I I mean, we could get into the whole thing of that not being artificial,
but one, yeah, I don't. I don't think that's started off for show at all because it's just it's not a given as as you know. But what else does your therapist tell you about, like the actual logistical process of building up your self esteem?
Oh? Man, I don't know if they really have given me much about that, Like they say to just like go out and do the things that that I appreciate the most, Like I I like to make neon signs or not neon signs. I like to make LED signs, which I like. I have a I've had a radio station or not radio station radio show for a little while, and I'm making an LED sign of my radio show logo or my old radio show logo. And then I
also have been making like these little hexagon lights. You know how people have like those hexagon lights that they hook up on their walls.
I have a perfect picture of what you're talking about.
Yes, yeah, I I I have a three D printer, and I three D print my own and I make them using LED strips.
Cool.
And one thing, one thing I've been considering doing as the whole solo traveling stuff is using the three D printer to make those LED signs and then selling them at conventions.
That's so cool. I love that idea.
But it sounds like a lot of effort, sounds like a lot of dedication and money, and I'm afraid. I'm really afraid to fail. I feel like it feels like a waste of my time or like a waste of effort.
Hm hm hm.
Wow.
There there's so much I want to talk to you about. I will, I will, we will, we will get into the solo traveling part of this, but.
It takes your time. Do you thing?
What was I going to say? Interesting? Why do you think? I mean, I know, why do you think you have low self esteem?
I feel like I don't really have much of a character that uh that defines myself as as something in particular, you know how, you know how it feels like. It feels like a lot of people in the world have like that thing that they're good at or that thing that they do that makes them like who they are. Like you, I don't want to.
Hexagon lights.
I suppose no, no, no, no, you're good. You're good. I like, I haven't made much of those hexagon lights, but like for what I have made of them, I wanna I want to make more, and I want to do more. Maybe I can, I can, Maybe I can send you a text to what.
It looks like sure sure, sure, sure, sure go ahead. And some of the you know what I'm actually realizing also is like I I think and I know this from like personal like low self esteem ship is like I am, I am aware that I think when you go I think when you walk around and you have low self esteem, people try to Like, you know, people naturally want to lift you up. Your friends want to gass you up. And if you're like you know, if you're lucky, your friends want to gass you up. In
your parents, the family want to gass you up. But I think when you have an issue like that, uh, I mean, external validation helps. Do not fucking get me wrong, I would, I wouldn't. I don't want to discount that. But I do think that it's it's a mostly internal issue, you know, because that's that's literally absolutely is the thing. I mean, that's what you even said is you're like
I have I have a low view of myself. So even it doesn't matter how much people are telling me this, I just can't believe it, you know.
Yeah, hmm have you Okay, I guess sent a video of it.
Oh yeah, hol I'll take a look. Let's see here, let me did you send it to this phone number?
Yeah? I did.
Okay, all right, I'll take a let me see it might take a second to oh wait here it is. Oh that's sick. I love this. Did you find it's like it's like all rainbowie and ship.
Yeah. You can connect to it with your phone and everything too.
You can connect to it with your phone. Yeah, bro, okay, okay, hold on, I'm putting. I'm literally gonna write this down because I have a lot I want to talk to you about. But we need to talk about we need to talk about. I'm literally making a note we solo travel I feel like, you know, we're okay, we're gonna talk about solo traveling and Hexagon business. All right, all right, putting a pin in those two things. But for now, Yeah, that looks awesome, putting a pin in those two things.
What have you done, Like, have you done any kind of like internal work to try to like fix your self esteem at all?
I've tried, like some some minor stuff. Like a lot of it is just reaching out to friends that I haven't that I haven't been contacting all that much. Like like I mentioned, I'm in New York right now for the for the weekend, visiting my old roommate, and like that's that's been a really positive experience. It's been a great time to talk to the people that I have definitely lost contact with over time and see that more
people appreciate me than I let on. Then I led myself on into thinking yeah, But at the same exact time, it's still like a struggle of like, oh, well, I can't I can't anchor myself to these people for the affection that I need at all times in my life. I need to be able to do that on my own. And it's really hard to do that on my own when I'm in the same habitat that I'm in all the time, like just living at my house, going to
work and just doing all the mundane stuff. It's it's tough to kind of break the mold of how I view my own self image. But I've gotten into I've been getting into a couple of other things, like I've been getting into Gunda Models and Warhammer Cool.
Yeah.
Well, also, just so you know what you and I can. I can only talk about my personal experience. I can I can talk about my personal experience, and I can talk about like what I have hunches about what you're just so you know what you're attempting to do. A is it extremely worthy thing of you doing with your life?
And b is is not an overnight thing? Is a thing that take can even take years of like intentional effort and sometimes just through living life, you know, yeah, by and what I mean by like and the thing, the thing being raising your self esteem and changing the quality of your thoughts and perspectives about yourself and the world is not an overnight thing. And it's sometimes uh takes like a combination of like intentional effort and of
just like living your life. It's not gonna be an overnight thing, but I do think a lot of it does require Okay, so to go into like the solo travel ship and the business shit, A lot of it does require like some form of external evidence of your own competence. I think is helpful. But even but you could, even part of me thinks it's like a Yin and Yang thing and they like for the the the external validation of your own competence and feeds into your internal
view of yourself. But I don't know. I don't know if we have to get all fucking I was gonna say, I don't know if we have to get all capitalist about it, but maybe we Maybe we do. I don't know. I'm somewhere in between. But let me ask let me ask you this. Do you like have you made any like intentional efforts to like change your thought patterns?
Yeah?
Actually your podcast has helped a lot with that. Great Originally I used to be really recently, I think your last few podcasts episodes have been going into absurdism and nihilism. Yeah, And I'm trying to I'm trying to reshape my thought into the the nothing matters in a really depressing way and being like nothing matters, so what's the point to anything, and reshaping it into nothing matters, so you should just try everything. Yeah, that's That's definitely been the biggest mindset
that I'm trying to turn myself around to. I think the issue is consistency because like the whole thing with like BPD is that you kind of go through these these large mood swings where and in some point of time, uh, you're going through like hypo manic phases where you feel like you feel like God almost you, you feel like you can do anything, and you're some unstoppable force, and then it all goes crashing and burning down and you're next thing, you know, you're just sitting alone in your
room thinking about how you, uh, how you should end it, and uh, it's it's really it's a really hard and abrupt change where it's it's hard to keep that that momentum of consistency where you're constantly trying to tell yourself that the that the effort in uh you're doing does matter even if it doesn't work out.
Do you take medication?
Yeah? I do?
Is it hows that work for you? Is it good?
It's uh, it's pretty good. It definitely.
Uh.
I can I say the medication or am I not going.
To do whatever you want?
I take Quittapoline and Sarah Quill QUI quait tapoline. Yeah, it's a little weird one.
That sounds like a Pokemon.
It kind of does. That's a good point. Yeah, no, that one. Uh, quit tapoline is pretty good. That's the one for BPD. And then and then uh, Sarah Quill is like kind of yeah, Sarah Quill is kind of like an energy booster almost.
Sarah Quill actually does sound like a Pokemon, you know, sind Quill.
Yeah, they do, both of them. Do I think quaitapoline would be more like a water Pokemon.
Quintapoline sounds like the evolution of Sarah Quill. Like ever, Quill is like the base one Yeah, a base one Pokemon and then the the like the level three evolution is Quintapola.
Is that we said quintaboline, Yeah, something like that. I always butchered the name of it too. Don't worry about it.
How long have you been on those?
I've been on it for maybe six eight months. I started to take it. I had a really bad mental health episode a little while ago, and I went to a mental health hospital for I think like a week, and during that time they got me situated with those those medications. I think the only downside with quitapoline is
that it makes you really tired. So I have to take it at I have to take it at night or no, I'm sorry, I have to take it in the morning because if I take it at night, I sleep through alarms and everything.
But but I guess do you feel a nice difference pre taking it to post taking it?
You know, it's really hard to notice. To be completely honest, I would like to say yes. But at the same time, my life has still been kind of a train wreck and I have a lot of uh. I still have a lot of internal struggles.
So why is your life a train wreck?
It feels like it's not actually a train wreck. You know, I'm building up to be worse than it actually is. Really, I just kind of catch myself in this dumer mentality where I'm like, I can't do anything in my situation. There's nothing I can do to fix this. Like I feel like I it feels like I missed the train almost where like the chance to turn my life around is uh, it's it's I don't I feel like I missed the opportunity to make things great.
Like I uh yeah, give me some, give me some.
Like some examples, one would be like I wanted to start like a YouTube channel, but it feels like YouTube is kind of like gone down in quality or like getting getting the getting the momentum to build like a even small audience in a place like that is something
that has been significantly harder to do post COVID. So feels like that that chance to build something along that line would be uh impossible because of uh how loud and oversaturated the like community making scene as I suppose, like you you you got you got therapy got co to be popular because of the whole Reddit thing that was going on through uh through COVID.
True, yeah, I got, I got. I got lucky with kind of uh finding that that medium on Reddit. By anyway, enough about stupid me, but uh that your life is a train wreck.
The other thing is like I want to do the three D printing thing where I three D printed it's a little uh the hexagons and then make them like LED signs but on light sits like Etsy actually banned three D products three D printed products from their platform recently, mostly because there it mostly because all the three D printed products that were being sold on there are like garbage.
You know.
Have you ever seen like those little like three D printed dragons?
Yeah? Yeah, you know. You know, here's the thing. What whether whether or not your market analysis of the things that you want to do is rooted in truth or not is not to me, the I guess spiritually interesting part of the equation. To me, it would be more like, look, would you be happier knowing you gave it today? Shot not.
I've always thought about that, And that's the thing that stops me from actually making like the big step into uh, into doing stuff like that. It uh. It's a lot of people say like, you succeed as long as you try, but I feel like that's not necessarily true because you have to use resources in order to get there in the first place. You know, Like I use my time, I use my effort, I use money all those sorts of things, and those are things that I can't get
back whether I succeed or fail. And if I fail and I get nothing back from it, then what was the point of it? All, it's not like it doesn't feel like I learned some sort of lesson. It feels like I just kind of fiddled my thumbs and walked in circles.
Yeah, that's that's that. Yeah, that's uh, that's some deep nihilism.
Yeah it is.
Let's see. Well, okay, let's talk about the solo traveling thing. Tell me more about that. Where you where are you trying to solo travel to or like, what are you trying to do for your solo travels?
I would like to, Uh, I heard a heart con. I actually kind of want to see if I can go to hearst con. That stuff sounds really cool.
I think I think we I think we passed the first one, I think, but I think we got got Yeah, the next one.
Yeah, it's going to be next year, but I'm down.
I'll wait next year. Yeah, I'll wait. Definitely there next year, but go ahead.
Uh.
No, places like that weird weird, like obscure, weird obscured conventions, Like there's also a love Craft convention HP Lovecraft wasn't wasn't a good guy, but the community around him is pretty cool. And then there's also like Comic Con and all that kind of stuff or Pax East to Pax West. I've never actually been on the western side of the US. I've only been in I've only been in New England more or less my entire life. So I I would like to go out and explore more of what this
world has. But I feel like I've always locked myself down to not having the opportunity to either because of school or money or taking time off work stuff like that. It feels like, UH, there's a there's a lot of convention the phrase that the conventions that I would like to go to. I think the main ones right now would be like Comic Connor Packs East or Pax West, and I would like to do stuff like cost playing all that kind of thing. But UH as UH, there's
two stuff. There's two things to it. Putting the effort in into UH making a costplay is UH is a lot of effort, And I feel like I would almost embarrass myself by going to UH by going to a convention cost playing alone or the other one is just like it feels it's impossible to meet people because being being alone in a situation makes it feel like you don't have the social acceptance of others. So people would instantly dismiss you for being like weird or potentially evil, well potentially evil.
Well, well, a few counterpoints to that is one, I think I don't know what the vibe is at at Pas Easter PEX. Well, I don't really know what the vibe is that Like, uh, I mean, comic Con is like a huge, huge, crazy commercial thing. I don't know. I don't know anything about packs. But like these littler places like the Lovecraft Con and like Herst Con and the other shit is like these are specifically places that people go to because they're weird and because they feel
inherently outcasted by who they are. Like that's the fucking point is they've inherently create any of these spaces because they feel the way that you feel. And then the magic of the space is that all those people who feel the same way they combine and have this like niche interest over which to bond, right, And so it like it's funny. I was laughing a little bit when you were talking, because it's like the thing you're afraid of is the point of the thing, you know what I'm.
Saying, Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong, And that's what I try to convince myself of. It's like, do you ever get lonely when you're when you're traveling around? Like for yeah, like the one thing that the one thing that I dread the most is like getting a hotel room, setting myself up in the hotel room, and then going out there and then coming back alone.
Yeah sure, yeah, well let's see. Okay, So where are you trying to go to? Packs?
Frankly anywhere. I haven't had the time to really look around for what I've wanted to do because this, uh,
this change has been a little abrupt. I've been in I've been in Rhode Island my whole life, so I haven't Uh, I haven't really been able to experience experience all that much when it comes to, uh what the other states have to offer and what other things there are to see beyond what I already know about, Like I would like to know more about some more obscure conventions, but I don't even know how to hunt them down.
Who do you what do you like? What do you into? Love Craft?
Uh?
Yeah, now, HV Lovecraft is definitely one of them. Gundam's another one. Uh. Just a big fan of communities, uh, like communities around like computer science, Like, uh, how I explain it? I wish I wish there was a lot.
Second, what what part? What part of the country you when you're in Rhode Islands.
Yeah, I'm in Rhode Island. Actually a quick question, would you ever do a show and profit?
I don't know. I don't want to know much about Providence. I'm sorry, I'm looking at Okay, the Gundam so I'm looking. I'm trying to find it. I'm on the computer. I'm trying to find a thing for you. But well, okay, you're in Providence. When is like the Providence? Like I feel like every every like city has their own like oh, the Liberty City, Anime Convention, Anime and Anime NYC. Here we go Anime NYC twenty Javit Center, August twenty first,
twenty fourth. So here's the thing, right, Look, So if I go to Anime NYC, I see they have a discord. So I'll go in the discord. If I'm you, I'll go in the discord and then I'll kind of scope out the culture of the discord and then maybe i'll make a little post that's like ooh, or even better, one of two things. One of two things. If I'm you, I go to the a NYC Discord, I join. I make a little post. Hey I'm Matt. Here's the stuff I'm into, Here's what I like, whatever, whatever, I'm going alone.
If anyone wants to meet up, that'd be cool. Blah blah blah. You make that post, Okay, maybe someone reaches out to you. But get this, I'm not even on this. You know what I'm hold on. I'm trying to join it, but I'm not even on there. And I already know that without even looking that. There's about one hundred other people who've made that post already, right, so you could go in there and hold on, I'm joining the Anime NYC Discord real quick? Wait are you human? Please confirm
me I'm not a robot. I don't know if I'm technically a gecko. What the fuck is up with these captures?
Now?
Okay, wants me to drag a thing into a Okay, we're gonna verify the capture. Uh okay, Well I'm in the Anime NYC Discord. It's loading and through your birthday? What the fuck? Hold on? Wait all right, We're fine. No, I don't want to buy nitro nine team. I was born in ninth I was born Fuck you May fourth, nineteen sixty six. Good enough, No, I'm not giving you my email and password. Just let me look at the
all right, we're here. Look so look at this right, look at look at this, Look at this meetups in NYC. Oh introductions, but look at this, look at this this. I'm literally I'm on the NYC. Dude, here's the thing I'm on. All right, I'm on the n y the Anime NYC Official Discord, I'm on the intro. I'm on the introductions channel on this channel today alone, There's already been one part, like every single day leading up to this thing, people are writing down like look at this guy,
not to put him on blast. Hey everyone, my name is Stephen. I've gone to a few anime conventions. This will be my first time. I'm doing a lot of cosplay work with it. I wanted to meet new people in the area with similar interests. So fucking you know, fire emoji reacted. Send him a DM. Hey, Steven, I saw you also like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure where I'm doing a how what kind of cosplay do you do? You
know what I mean? Like it's just this, it's all, it's all wait, I'm just, I'm just it's all waiting for you. And whether it's the Anime NYC thing or it's the love Craft Convention or whatever. For all the evil that the internet has done to society, true, I really mean this, that's done a lot of good too,
in in in this particular aspect. So you just got to put yourself out there, man, like the potential for you to if you if because right, if you just go and you don't put fourth inn the effort to chat with people on discord beforehand, or go to a meetup or say hi to someone, then yes, you risk the debilitating moment, your your your fear coming true of uh being back home alone in your hotel room. But
you go to you can maximize that. You can hedge very much against this by going on the discord beforehand, introducing yourself in the thing, finding little events, finding little meetups or events at the Lovecraft con where it's you know, you're because you're not the only you're. You're insane to think you're the only person going to these things alone. It's meant for people to convene and get through fucking and get this. Get this, Matt, because you've you've never
done this before. But what's amazing is once you do this, the more times you go and you do this, and the more times you used to like, Oh, I'm gonna go on the discord, I'm gonna message these people. I'm gonna oh I oh. I know how to the middle of a conversation is always easy. It's the beginning and the end that are tough. I know how to initiate conversations with people. I know what to, you know whatever. And also, by the way, as you do this, you're
gonna encounter a lot of people who are assholes. Because that's just yeah, that's.
The one thing I'm afraid of.
And I have a solution, and it's I know what you mean. Okay, You're gonna encounter a lot of assholes, and you might get really unlucky. And the first person you try to talk to you might get really unlucky. Matt. And you're work, you're at the convention, and you're in your costume and you're of vulnerable, and you're like, the first person you go to try to, You're like, you build up the courage to talk to might be an asshole. You might get unlucky with that, but they're but the
you just got to learn that you got you. That's almost the skill in and of itself. So you have to learn to like brush that off. Like that's that guy's problem. I don't I put I put forth. I am at a fucking convention where the point of the thing is to convene. God damn it, I know I am not. And even if this guy whatever, he has his own thing, he doesn't want to convene, I'm gonna brush that off and I'm gonna find the people who
are there to convene because I know they're there. And you just have to kind of code your brain to be you know, understand the the like this is like
how do I say this? The data is on your side because you need to keep putting yourself out there and keep trying, and eventually you will find the person who likes the same anime as you, and then all of a sudden, maybe that person is like a really cool, wonderful time is on the other side of you putting yourself out there and brushing off a few unpleasant people. It's just there. It's inevitable. I mean, that's why these fucking things exist, So so I hope you do that whatever it is.
Uh.
And and there's there's just there's just ways to do it and make it easier for yourself.
Yeah, no, you're you're You're definitely not wrong. It's it's really just like the.
The mental of it, the mental.
Of it, and the money of it too.
Sure, Yeah, of course, are you like it's hard? Go ahead?
Uh?
Uh Sagan, No, go ahead?
What were you were saying it's hard?
Oh, it's just like the money of it at all, is like that's dedicating a lot of effort only for a chance. Like you know, it's not none of it is guaranteed, none of it is uh set in stone. Like there's a lot of groundwork that you can do, like just what you're explaining. And I've tried stuff like that. I've I've gone to like meetup, dot com and all that kind of stuff in order to try to find like groups in order to get a get connected with.
But it's hard to It feels like it's hard to make myself be a person that someone else would like to convene with. Uh. And I I think that's mostly just because it's in my head, But I strike myself as a person who is not interesting to other people. Why, uh, mental illness?
Sure, hmm hmmm mm hmm. Yeah, you know, I know, I just kind of went off on you about a lot of like logistical things.
No, I know your advice is good.
No, no, no, no, well no, I I I well, I I went off on you about a lot of logistical things. But it's funny that you said that because I am aware that, like, mm, the question is not a logistical one. It's a mental It's like a it's a mental game.
Yeah. Yeah, Like it's tough to just walk up to some person that you just don't know and initiate a conversation because I don't know how to do that without uh about it coming across as like weird or unsettling. You know.
But isn't that the whole point of the anime? Because you're a cosplayer.
Right, Well, I I want to get into costplaying. I've done a few things for before COVID, but then obviously life got in the way with like school and everything.
Isn't that though, Isn't it the whole point of the anime? Convention is that you go up to someone and you're like, oh shit, your Junji patoa from uh from from uh from Nintendo Fiesta and then you and then what that's the end and then you guys start talking about life, you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's true.
Is that the whole that's the whole point. That's why everyone loves Halloween is it's much easier to get laid because everyone has like, yeah, you know, you have openings to talk to people more than anywhere any other time because everyone's wearing these costumes.
That's not a bad point. Yeah, I know, I know.
A lot of the yeah, sorry, go ahead.
A lot of the battle is to a lot of the battle is just just like turn off your brain from the negative things that you're telling yourself and to uh push yourself and go out there anyway, because even if it's a negative experience, like I like I said before, even though I shut it down, was like, uh even if you try, Uh that's enough, Like you won even if you tried.
And also the money thing I'm looking because well, okay, let's i Rhode Island Anime Convention has passed. But yeah, but like the shit like this exists, like look at this. So the Rhode Island Anime Convention Facebook group. How many fucking people are just posting in this Facebook. I mean there's there's you can probably get away with with doing ship like this over a weekend without having to spend
a ship ton of money. But again, I I think, I think, I think the logistics of it is not the thing as much as it is, like, yeah, the the mental of it.
Yeah, the the the like mental effort of it all.
Yeah yeah, yeah. Hmmm. Man, I don't know. I wish, I wish, I wish I had, I wish I I wish I could tell you anything other than like just a Nike, just do it. I only have my own personal experience to draw from. But I do know that people study this ship, and I think it'll probably be some combination of like it was, some combination of doing it scared, as they say, and then realizing that it's
not as bad as you thought it was. And again, I mean you're in like, dude, here's like people by the way, no know this, Matt, The people posting in that discord and the people going to these events. There's people who have probably even probably there's bro there's people who hate themselves more than you hate yourself with more social anxiety than you have that are going to these fucking things. You know.
Yeah, that's not wrong.
It's not wrong. Do with do with that information what you will. But yeah, m hmm. I hope you do it. I really do. I hope you do it.
Okay, I'm going to try to push myself to do it soon.
I hope you do. And just remember that, please just promise me that, like if you the the the.
Uh?
Can I can? I can? I actually steal something from a from a podcast that I was listening to yesterday and tell it to you. Okay, I was listening to this is shout out this Uh, this is this guy I really like. His name is Naval Robbie Kant. He talks about it. You know who that is. No, I don't, Okay, I'm gonna completely steal what he's saying and say it on my own podcast. Shout out Noval Ravicon, he rocks.
He was talking about like, Okay, so in like all right, So everything going on with you, I think is like comes from like social anxiety and ship it comes from
like prehistoric biological conditioning, right, like our biology. Our biology has not kept up with the modern world that we live in and in the prehistoric world, when we were in like tribes and ship, social anxiety was very necessarily because if you were like like, if you did try to make friends with someone and they didn't like you and it didn't work out, you actually were fucked because you could only there were only like a few people to talk to or go on a date with or whatever,
and if you were shunned from your tribe, you were just fucked. You were left out to die, like like, like everything your social anxiety was signaling to you was actually correct.
But there's billions of people now.
But now we live in the modern world where it doesn't fucking matter because if you are at this anime convention and you try to say hi to a guy and he's you know, shrugs, shrugs, you off, it doesn't matter. You know, there's you, there's you have infinite infinite iterations right on which to get it right, and you only need one you only you can reach. You can go and talk to like five p and a five of them are jerks. It doesn't matter because if the sixth it's like, oh hey, oh cool, oh I love oh
oh wait yo, you made this hexagon thing. This is fucking cool. Which, by the way, will happen. And you know you just need that, You just need that to happen once for your brain to be like, oh shit, this I I okay, I haven't. I have like evidence now for myself of what can be if I get over the the hurdle.
Uh it's true.
So yeah, dude, I I hope you do it. I really do. I think. Uh, there's I it's I don't. I don't like solo traveling as much anymore because it it's it's intense. But I I think like, if you've never done it before, the feeling of putting yourself out there, meeting someone new and having an experience that you didn't think you could have is great. And it just happens as a byproduct of having the like courage to put yourself out there. So I hope. I hope you do it.
You know. And also you're not I only I've only been talking to you for forty five minutes, but you present to me as a well put together a person, you know what I mean. Like if we were having this conversation and I and I felt off put by you, Even if I felt off put by you, I still would say all these things, because even because I gotta tell you something, Matt, you could be like three hundred percent crazier you could, Matt, I think you could be five times as crazy as you actually are and still
make a lot of friends at this anime convention. I believe that sincerely, you're.
Like, I think it easier.
You're no, You're no, You're nowhere near past to the amount of crazy that you have to be to be unable to make friends at an anime convention.
That's true. What, Yeah, I just think that, like, if I was crazier, it would actually be easier to meet people because it sounds like you're more of an interesting personality.
Well, no, it would be easier. You know, there's like an optimal level of conscientiousness that a human being can have because we all know, we all know guys who are like, have zero conscientiousness and say what they just say whatever comes to them, and they're like really annoying and they do they just do shit right, And because of that they have a lot of people who are
like that guy fucking sucks and is annoying. But also because of that, they just they end up taking more chances and they leave they live more interesting lives, and they are less concerned with how annoying people think they are because they're just they have low They're not even thinking about it. They just have no conscientiousness. They're just hurling themselves into the universe. And that leads people into
into but it also leads them into opportunity. And then on the opposite side is the guy who just never says anything to anyone who takes any chances ever, because oh, because there might be danger. Right, You don't want to be that guy either, So you want to You want the you want and I think you're actually the I just from talking to you. You're you want to aim.
You want to aim somewhere in the middle where you're conscientious enough that you're not like being a complete uh insane person, but you're not too conscientious that you're never putting yourself out there at all. You want to be somewhere acutely in the middle. You want to be somewhere acutely in the middle, edging towards a lack of conscientiousness.
Possibly, Yeah, I agree, I agree. I think it's better to be on the lack of conscientiousness, better to.
Be on the lack of conscience too. Much at least for you, maybe not.
For better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Well better for you, maybe not better for society though.
Know yeah, well yeah, yeah, people people.
On the people who lack conscientiousness of any kind. They they live, they they personally do well and then fuck fuck up a bunch of shit. But who can who there, Whoker, we're talking about anime codvention, not you know who gives a ship? Matt? Are you still there?
Yeah, I'm still here.
How do you feel about this conversation?
I'm I'm pretty happy with it. I'm I'm glad I was able to finally reach out to you. I I've called a bunch of times over the last i think like maybe two years, so this is the first call that I've actually gotten in on which I'm I'm so happy about to be honest.
Yeah, I hope you do it. Please if you go, Please, if you do this and it works out, send me a send me a thing anywhere I look at stuff. Send me like an Instagram. I don't actually I don't look at the text on this phone number. But send me like an Instagram or ah, I mean, Instagram is probably the best way to do it. But if I got a message from you that was like, oh, I went to uh piss con and I made a bunch of pissed friends, I'd be like, that's awesome.
Yeah. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna try to update you on what happens. Okay, see what See how this changes the course of my life in the future.
Okay, please do If you try and someone's kind of dismissive of you, please try again.
Yeah, it's gonna be hard to do.
In fact, go into it with the expectation that people will be pitted. No, actually, don't do that. That's a self fulfilling prophecy.
But I feel like that's what we're trying to avoid.
In fact, that is actually absolutely what we're trying to avoid. Yeah, you strike me as a smart guy.
Man.
You should you should really, Yeah, you should go for it?
All right.
I think that's uh, I think that's kind of what I need.
Good man. I wonder what happened to that guy with the hook. I don't know what he's doing now, I remember, I don't I'm actually got let me look him up. I remember his I'm not gonna say his name on the podcast. But I actually do remember his name. Let's see what happened to him. You want to sit on the line with me, Well, I see what happened to him?
Hold on, yeah, no, no, no, absolutely?
Uh wait, maybe I don't remember his name. Hold on? Do I fuck?
Uh?
Oh?
Here wait do I No? No, I don't remember. And I can't just search guy with a hook because I don't. That's not gonna work.
There's a lot of guys with hooks.
There's a lot of guys with hooks. Yeah, hold on, wait, that's his fucking I'm trying to say is I'm trying to not say his name? Okay, fuck it, we never you know what, Let's just assume he's dead. No, he's I mean, he's probably not dead. He's probably he's old. That's a good enough that's a good enough. That's a good enough answer for me as to what happened.
When when you're old, you're already dead.
Kind of that's not true. You're the opposite of dead, you're alive.
True. I guess it's fair. I think it's I think it's more like you. You you don't have the ability to go out and do as much. You know, I'm like I'm I'm gonna be twenty three, and I'm gonna be really afraid of when my frontal lobe develops.
Matt, I only from personal experience. About a month ago, about two months ago, I decided that there was no point in ever exercising again because I was just gonna die anyway, like severely lost and not. I only I only I don't want to be like toxic positivity or really do I. I just I just only have my own personal experience with existential nihilism to draw off of. And I truly I felt as though there was no point in like exercising because I was just gonna die anyway.
Way It's and now I'm like, that's insane. I don't I have all I have all the same information that I had then, but I just don't. I just feel life makes it. I just I never I thought I thought I was gonna die. I didn't think I would be able to get out of that. And not that my personal experience is gonna reflect yours. But I guess
I just think that from from my own perspective. Since I thought I was gonna die and I didn't, it wasn't gonna whw ever change and now I like, when I hear somebody else in it, I'm like, well, okay, maybe they'll have things will work out for them too. So I can only again, I only have my own experience. But I hope you go to the the furry con or whatever it is you want to do.
And I would not mind going to a furry con.
Go to a fucking furry Knes guarantee you're gonna be that. You're not gonna be the only person there that hates themselves.
M hm, that's true. There's a lot of people that hte themselves in this age.
Matt. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh? I want to say, I love your content, love what you do for everybody here. I think you're really good for putting into perspective how I don't want to say how life could be worse, but how how how everything is a matter of perspective.
I hope.
So, I hope so that, And pay attention to who says bless you when you sneeze.
Pay attention to who says bless you when you sneeze? Yeah, what does that mean?
That's it? No, there's nothing else to it. That's just it.
All right, Well, good luck, Matt, give me, give me a ups you.
All right, all right? Thanks wild later.
I'm in, by the way, I I have to, I have to vehemently disagree with Matt's statement. Notice, who says bless you when you sneeze? That's just that's that's a psychopathic thing to do. Don't do that, I I I that's I think that's a crazy thing to do. I mean, I know what it means. It's like take stock of like who's watching out? But even even I don't, I don't. I'm I think keeping score is not a good idea. I think it's bad for the soul to keep score in a in an abstract sense, I think it's bad
for the soul. So I don't. I don't agree to pay attention to who says bless you when they see. Imagine you're in a fucking argument with your wife and you're like, well you didn't say bless you when I sneeze. It's like, are you crazy? I think keeping score only I'm trying to think of in my life when I've kept score. I definitely have of I totally have kept scoring. I think it's a natural thing. To keep score, but I don't. I don't know if it's done good things
for me, So I don't know. Maybe I'm gonna go to a furrykidvit I have an idea for a video I want to I think I have an idea for a I'm working on the the Tijuana thing first, and then I have another thing and then another thing after that, but then after that, I want to make a video about people ask Since I've been doing this show, people have asked me if I'm a furry, and I don't know how to answer that question. Because I am literally a man dressed as an animal. Does that make me
a furry? Am I a furry? I think I have to go talk to furries to figure out if I technically am a furry. I think gonna make a fun video. This is a good chance. So this is a good opportunity for me to uh plug my YouTube channel. Go follow me on YouTube YouTube dot com slash Lyle forever. That's the thing, that's the thing I'm the most excited about in life right now is making these intentional YouTube videos. So go go check those out. I'm gonna try to do one a month. I just I was in t one.
I did gonna do that one, have another one one after that. It's gonna be good. All right. That is the end of these post call thoughts. Hi. What's your name?
Hi'o? Rat?
Rat? What's up? Rat? How's life?
Life is good? Sorry? I also kind of freaking out. I did not expect to get through.
I don't have to freak out about anything, Rat, This is gonna be, This is gonna be perfectly fine.
Beautiful, beautiful. I'm good. I am just living life.
Out in Seattle right now.
Yeah, I don't know, things are a little bit stressful. I just I feel like I, you know, I completed college and that was like a big goal and then moved out here for like a job, and it's like, well it kind of, you know, now what kind of had reached all of my goals that I feel like so far, and it's like, okay, now I'm doing the thing, and now it's a little bit stressful as having nothing else for I don't know. I don't want to say I'm nothing else to look forward to, but you know, m.
What job did you get?
I'm a meteorologist? Oh cool, I forecast for the weather out here?
Yeah?
Oh cool? Well, I guess you have a lot. I guess you have a lot of weather to look forward to. Yeah.
Yeah, the weather right here has kind of insane, but seeing like all the mountains out here is super beautiful. So so yeah, it's been great.
Is that what you wanted to do? Is that was like one of your big life goals?
Absolutely? Yeah, I've always been into weather since I was a kid. I was really into like severe weather and like tornadoes and everything. We don't get really much tornadoes out here, but it's still Yeah, definitely achieved that life goal. So now, uh, you know, I kind of moved out here because none of my family or friends are out here, but I feel like I've been able to meet some people. But yeah, pretty much kind of at that now what
stage in life? Been trying to get out there and kind of do a little bit of the soul driving myself, I mean just around the area. But yeah, definitely it's been a little bit rough in that sense.
What the fuck was I gonna say? Yeah? I do think that having things in life to look forward to is an important part of like, you know, stability and shit. Well, I mean I knowess this is a maybe a stupid question, like what do you want to have to look forward to.
That I feel like is where my problem comes in. Definitely, like wanting to like travel and like see the world and that kind of thing, but it's hard because, like you know, you just get your first job and like kind of settle down a new area for a bit, and like I know, in the future I'll be able to kind of move around jobs and like you know, maybe you just kind of see different places in the world.
But for right now, it's like it seems like that's like kind of a long term you know, like oh, by the time I'm old, I want to have done this, I guess. But I'm also I also have VPD, like the first color, so a lot of the things is for me is like the unstable like identity and like sense of self. So it's kind of hard to know exactly, you know, like you said, like what goals or what things I want to do with life. That's kind of where a lot of the struggle comes in.
M hm m hm hm hmm.
Yeah. I've been kind of doing some little trips around Washington's which is so beautiful out here. That's been nice, but it is kind of rough, like especially kind of doing a lot of it by myself. You know, it's like, well I have nobody to share, like, you know, this beautiful moment with kind of things that's been a little bit hard as well.
What what what are you doing to put yourself in situations where you're around other people.
I've been going to some uh there's like a little community like park thing where I went to like a little pick a ball instruction class and kind of met some people there. Just kind of trying to do like little like events and things like at that are going around. I went to like this one event called like Skip the Small Talk, and if anybody throughout I think it's just like throughout the US is looking for uh, kind of a place to meet people. I would definitely recommend that.
That was great.
I didn't really make any like lasting friendships through that, but it was awesome experienced. So things like.
That, Well, the lasting friendships that you'll make are are gonna be like a one off event is cool. I think it's I think it's like good to do sit like that, But making lasting friendships is like gonna be as a result of finding a community that regularly meets and then showing up there consistently for a period of time, Like I mean like a like a sport league or an art thing or like like something that you go to once or twice a week. Yeah, do you have anything like that? Do you have like a I mean
especially I mean, fuck, you're in Seattle. It's a huge, major walkable city, the Seattle walkable city.
Yes, I'm like kind of like a little bit outside of Seattle. I guess I'm not like right in the downtown area, but i'd say it is.
But yeah, there's anything. I mean that's great, right because I I do you have anything like that? Do you have like a hobby like a fucking play pinball or sing or anything like that.
I used to be like kind of play an instrument, So I've been kind of looking into getting back into that out here. Yeah, I feel like that'd be a good community to be a part of. But other than that, I'm trying to get back into sports. I did gymnastics, but that's not really you know, something kind of be like on a sports team with or anything. Right now, So trying to look into doing something like that, but not at the moment.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I think that's that's the that's the that's the key is being part of something that like regularly meets.
Mmma, that's true, that's true.
And then also it's not us that you have to go to something regularly meets. And then when you first get there and everyone else already knows each other and you kind of don't, you have to be okay with feeling uncomfortable for at least the first month that you're
regularly attending. I found that to be the case in most of the times of my life where I have been because if you go, if you go there and you're immediately like, oh, fuck all these people and this is I don't know, this is I feel good by the way that happens every time, And for me, every time I've gone to like a fucking I joined a coworking space, I was doing stand up, I played in video game tournaments, And every time you show up for the first time, you're like, I feel so uncomfortable that
I don't think I should be here. I don't think this is it. And you have every time you have to push yourself past that. In order to feel like you're part of the gang. You need you need like a month to solidify yourself, you know, mm hm.
Just keep showing up and kind of trust that it will work out. Definitely. Yeah, I guess, like I I'm like wondering like how you would get over that, because that has definitely been something that I've experienced as well as like, oh yeah, everybody else here is already way close with each other and I'm just like, you know, kind of barging on their time.
Do you have that thought on the first day?
Yeah, I don't know, maybe that's just kind of like a persistent thought that like I'm like, maybe it's just kind of feeling that welcome kind of thing. But I feel like, yeah, I've definitely had that on the first day, and like.
This very natural thought where what was the context? What was the group?
I mean even just kind of going to like the like the part kind of near me, like they have like a bunch of like different events and things like obviously like the little like pick a ball thing was just kind of like a one off, but like, I don't know, just kind of trying to be a part of things here and there. I guess I did kind of like bounce around between like a couple of different but.
That's which is which is fine, by the way, I mean, I but that's why I think you should do, right, is bounce around a bunch of different ship until you find one that you naturally gravitate yourself towards.
True true. How was the coworking thing, because I was kind of looking into doing something like that, especially if I'm able to be working remote like I do, I would love to see more of the world and everything, and I kind of been looking into that a little bit recently.
Truthfully, it's been one of the best decisions I've made, uh in in my life recently. It's been great. Okay, it's been I I yeah, it's it's kind of given me actually exactly what I needed.
Hmmm. Interesting. Did you kind of like do that like internationally, Like how was that experience, because it's very intriguing to me. I know, they're kind of all over the place.
Internationally, Yeah, just like I don't know, there's a lot like kind of just like within the US and stuff, but I know there was also like a lot like France kind of thing, like.
I've never I've never been to a cover well I joined one, you know where I live, but international, I mean internationally, like you know, I've I've like spent time in like hostels and uh shit like that that have kind of similar similar vibes. But what your meet You work in an office?
Yes, yeah, there's a lot of like remote work available with meteorology, but I am in office right now.
Do you go? You go in five times a week?
Yes?
You talk to people? Are the people of your age there?
Yeah?
Actually, surprisingly there is decent amount of people my age there. It is a smaller kind of company, so it has been kind of you know, I do try and make friends. I talked to a lot of people there. It seems like it's very work friends, you know, like we kind of all get along at work and we've flung out a few times outside of work.
But you're looking for deeper connections, Yeah, exactly are you? Are you dating anyone?
I am not. I'm not really looking to but I'm not.
Okay. Feels a little.
Oh go ahead, sorry. It definitely just kind of feels a little hard, especially like kind of going through those changes, you know, of leaving college and then I was so happy that I was able to like move away from home, and.
I don't.
Not happy that I don't have like my friends and family here, But you know, it feels like a fresh start, but it's like I kind of feel like I've lost Yeah. No, no, it definitely feels a little bit isolating sometimes.
How old are you, I'm twenty three, twenty three, it's twenty three. Do you live alone?
Yes?
Do you have a car?
I do have a car.
Do you work in the city.
I do not know, but I'm close enough to the city where I can go.
What time do you get off of work?
Usually two pm? I'm usually a.
Working You can off work at two pm?
Yes?
Yeah, actually just got off of it ago.
Dude, do do I mean, look, Seattle, this is what this is kind of what I do. And I just like when I try to when I'm in feeling feeling like this, especially in a city like Seattle, it is like, dude, just go every night of the week, just go do something. Like there's just shit going on all the time, and there's a lot and by the way, you know, look, I know, I know money is tight around, but like there's a lot of shit that's free that you can do,
you know, or cheap. I mean, we had the guy last episode go to the fucking five dollars basement show. You know, just like go do go do things. Just go do his When did you move to Seattle?
About ten months ago? So I've just kind of settled down here and.
What what do you have? Do you? Okay? So like what's the day for you? Like you get off work at two pm? And then what do you do?
Yeah? I do. I have been kind of dealing with like a little bit of like kind of illness stuff recently that's kind of sort of blare up. So I have a lot of like doctor's appointments at the moment. But usually I try to kind of like go for like little walks and stuff after work and like kind of like get any like chore the grocery shopping done, like you know, kind of all have that done during the work week and then we're weekend focus on more of like recreation kind of thing.
That makes sense?
Sure, sure? And I actually, by the way, the the frequency actually to me is not as important, Like I know, I said go out every day of the fucking week. But like if all you if all you have in you within your you know, health limitations is twice a week or once a week, then you know, take you twice a week or once a week, and you know, do shit. Try to find a community that you're like, Okay, I like, I like this. I'll go I'll keep going
to this because I mean that's the salt. I think that's the sauce of life is finding something like that. And yeah, you feel uncomfortable, and I mean, if you're lucky, you find a place that just always want some Some communities are more welcoming than others by nature, but even even the ones that are welcoming, even if, even if even if you show up to improv night and everyone's like, hey, what's your name, you still feel a little weird. It's
gonna happen no matter what. But right, you just keep showing up.
Okay, Okay, yeah I like that.
You go do improv. I go do improv. You can hang out with a bunch of other a bunch of crazy people somewhere and there's a bunch of do you have to participate specifically with.
The improv because that's I don't have I'm not like funny like you and a lot of other people are.
Then then fuck improv. Don't go don't go to improv, to go go to a sewing circle, just anything.
You know, Okay, I mean, yeah, that's the watch. I just was always kind of a little bit intimidated that I'd be you know, dragged up on stage or anything like that.
You know, this is I'm gonna sorry, I'm gonna go on a rant. This is like, I know, we're all scared that we're gonna like live in the computer forever, but we're there's you don't have to live in the computer forever. There's the whole time. There's motherfuck bucks in places in cities I don't know. I mean, maybe not even in just cities, but there's people gathering and doing things, and a lot of them doing it, you know, for free, and it gets out there if you look for it.
So just I hope you look for it. There's people going to pinball tournaments. You can go to a pinball there's you can probably go in Seattle. You can go to a pinball tournament four times a week. Probably.
That's true. Man, I need to get good at pinball.
No, you don't. You don't have to do anything at all ever for the rest of your life. That's not true. I mean, it's it's a little true. It's kind of true. I don't know what's your name again, Go ahead, go ahead.
I was gonna say, I think some of it does come up a fear of like I do feel like, you know, you need to be good at it, Like how with the improv like Pinball's like, oh, I'm not good at it. So it's a little bit nerve wracking, I guess, But I guess you don't have to be that just a little bit more.
But here's here's here's the thing first. The first of all, the funny thing is is the people who care whether or not you're good at it. I want to use stand up as an example, uh because like like in the stand up comedy community, everyone I think, deep down knows that they're just there to like hang out and have fun and do the fucking jokes. You know, even even people who I think even people who do it
professionally and like at a high level. You know, deep down, we're just all there to like have fun and do the thing right, you know. And and when no matter what the thing is, it's like the everyone we're just there to have fun and do the thing, Like who gives a fuck if you're good at it or not? Like, you know, I don't know, I don't know where I don't know where I was going.
With that, Like that like that, thank you.
Okay, we're all with yeah, but wherever we're just everyone's even the people who are really good, and even the people who care about the politics of who's good and who's not deep down are just they're there because if they weren't, they'd be at home trying really hard not to uh, not to want to die. You know. It's when it's a better thing to do is to be out of the house, you know.
True, this is true. Thank you, appreciate your get wisdom.
Rat. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I'll share really quick my bacon analogy. I was eating a salad one day that had bacon and realized, oh, this is a pretty big piece of bacon for the salad. And I was like, well, if I was eating like a blt and there was like, you know, that same size piece of bacon, I'd be like, oh, it's just a crumb, that's nothing that compared to what's already on it.
So I like to use the bacon analogy to appreciate that really life is just perspective and maybe that one piece of bacon may seem big to you, but some people might be small to them, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, save our national parks.
I like it.
I like it. See you're rat, thank you. Thanks. I like things. I like I think you should. I think it's good to do things. You know what. That's my that's one of my big that's one of my big Uh. I'm I'm I know, I'm all like wishy washy on this show. I'm afraid to express opinions. Maybe I'm not. Maybe that's a lie. That's one of my strong opinions. I think it's good to do stuff, and there's a lot of stuff to do, so it's good to do things. You should go do things. Okay, Hey, Hi, what's your name?
Hi?
I'm Puffy.
How are you puffy? That's a cool name, is uh? How'd you get the name puffy?
You know, just smoking a lot of weed, being chronically on the internet.
So yeah, cool, very cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like the Marshmallow guy.
Yeah, yeah, like the marshallow guy.
What's good with you? Puppy? Pup puffy not puppy. What would you want to talk about today? If you had anything that you wanted to talk about today.
On show? And I'm working, h working, a piece of place. Yeah, I'm kind of nervous. It's been a while since since I've been calling. It's been a while since I've been watching your stream and yeah, I've just been a fan of you since ship. When did you start on Reddit? Like five years ago? Dude, it's been quite a journey, honestly.
Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging in with me for if. I did not think that this would keep last thos long, so I thought I appreciate you hanging in there with me.
No, dude, it's been great. Sorry, let me get to somewhere a little quieter.
Are you. Are you at the pizza place right now?
Yeah, I work like right next to the oven, but I'm in the bathroom now.
Oh shit, is it busy? Busy?
You know it's getting there. We kind of like passed the lunch rush. So I'm just kind of, you know, working on my shores, working on dishes, working on the oven.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I drive, so this might be a short call because I know you, like, you know, you don't like people driving.
I was gonna I'm not keeping you from uh pizza duties, am I?
No, No, You're you're not keeping me from pizza duties.
What's the most uh popular pizza that you guys have?
Ship? If I give that away, then I'm gonna giveaway where I work. It's like uh ship right now? Probably the stuff crust right now.
I'm trying. Oh do you work at like a big chain?
Yeah?
Okay, you don't have to say if this is it? But I've been I've been uh craving Little Caesars. I haven't had that in a long time.
Oh you know, before I worked here, I was a die hard for Little Caesars. Man that They've always been good to me, and people will talk a lot of shit on them.
Good to you like you used to you used to work at Little Caesars.
No, thank goodness, but no, I work for another bigger chain. But I'm not going to get it away or nothing. But honestly, I've been wanting to talk to you for so long, dude. I've been calling since I got like the courage to start calling, since oh what was her name? Ice cream queen with the ice cream truck.
Yes, I love. I'm not a big I don't you. Everyone knows. I don't remember like names specifically, but Angela, I remember her.
Angela, Angela yes, Oh my goodness. Yeah, she's so cool. And honestly, I've been like getting the courage to call in because I'm kind of like an introverted person, but she just seems so happy and content, I guess yeah, And just I don't know, I just envy people like that man her and uh the Caveman and uh who else?
Who else?
Oh my goodness, there's so many people that call into your show and they're just such cool people, dude, and so like they seem so content with their lives and everything, and it's like, how do I do that?
Do that you don't want to just piss you off?
Yes, No, I mean I'm just more envious than anything, because you know, I've I'm only like twenty five, but I've been on this journey of trying to, I don't know, just kind of find myself. I guess I really related to the last caller as well. I'm not sure if I have people VPD or anything like that. I haven't really been diagnosed with anything other than like anxiety depression, you know, the common stuff. But uh, I don't know.
I just related a lot to him, and just like you know, not knowing if people genuinely like you or being like afraid to like, you know, put yourself out there because you don't know, you know, if people are genuine or not. I don't know, But yeah, what's you're like?
Uh So, if if the previous callers thing was like doing a solo travel thing, what's do you what's your uh an anal analogy to that? Do you have like a thing like that that you're you're trying to do?
Dude? Honestly, me and my partner were just talking about this, and we because we kind of feel this similar way about that. We honestly didn't think that we would make it this far in life, and so we kind of don't really like know what to do because we didn't have such big goals for our life, you know. Honestly, at this point, however, I can make enough money to just kind of like fuck off and have a have a place for myself in the woods or something, you know,
be self sufficient in some way. However, I can make that dream happen, honestly, but I don't know. I've been kind of burnt out of like school or college. But I know that's probably the most sufficient way that I could get to that. But I don't know, I'm kind of scared to go back to school because what if I drop out again? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I want to just end those people that are very just steadfast and know what they want and they are just very sure of themselves.
It is interesting, I you know, it's I hate being all fucking.
Like.
I don't. I don't. I don't like this podcast as like a self helpy, motivationally thing. I'm just kind of like making observations.
But like.
The whole idea of like a life is about perspective, I do. I feel that way when I see people like when yeah, like that lady Angela Angela with the ice cream job, it's like she or she's like she delivers the mail and it's like she just because of the perspective she has on life, she's doing better.
You know.
I mean there's like CEOs of big fucking companies that make eightyjillion dollars and they're fucking miserable because their brain perceives life differently, you know.
Right exactly exactly.
I don't know how one changes their perspective necessarily. I think that there's like a there's some some something intuitive has to happen there or maybe it's a drug, or maybe it's uh just living the nature of living life. Maybe it's some is some intentional desire to do so, maybe it is an external factor, maybe it's genetic. I think I've got these these things a lot. I really really don't know. I mean, what about you. Have you noticed any shifts in your perspective lately.
Lately? I mean, I don't know. I've lately been getting kind of tired of my monotonous life. So lately, I don't know, I've been trying to hit the gym as much as I can, been trying to uh, you know, eat healthier, I guess, be more money conscious. You know, I recently, like well, I stayed in the same chain I've I've been you know, at this pizza chain for a few years now by those locations and like different
like franchises and shit. So it's been you know, a bigger influx of money thankfully, or I've been making better money, so yeah, more money to you know, treat myself instead of just you know, doing what's best for everyone else, putting everyone else in front of me.
You know, more importantly, what kind of pizza benefits are we getting on these gigs.
Honestly, it depends on the franchise because the last franchise I worked for, they really didn't give a shit. If you know, you took pizza home or whatever, it would be free. At this place, they're a little bit more strict than that. You at least need to you know, put in the system, at least pay a percentage of it, you know, really at the very end, like.
You have to, like like at the I mean, like I'm talking like look the very end, closing shift, right, the pizza is unsellable.
I mean yeah, I mean, uh, they're gonna throw it away anyways, So as long as you ask pretty much, hey, can I take this home or whatever? Or anybody else have plans for this?
And that's fucked up that they make you pay right the pizza, Right, That's what I mean. Actually, well here's uh, well let me ask you that like these like you don't have to tell me again the restaurant you work for, But like, is the restaurant's kind of like a like the big chains are still small businesses kind of, right, Isn't that how like franchising.
Works, Yeah, pretty much, it depends on like the city, the franchisees they have like a good handful of stores that they just you know, look over, I'll shoot, they're they're telling me my deliveries ready. But yeah, yeah, it's more you know, small chained.
Well, listen, I don't want to keep you. Uh, I would feel I would feel horrible if I knew that I was taking part in the delaying of any pizza delivery orders in the world right now. So I'll let you. I'll let you go do your thing, you.
Know, man, I us go ahead, go ahead. Sorry, it's just been an honor to to talk to you. It's been again, you know, a journey and to the people computer just uh, I don't know. Just stay happy, do things for yourself and you know, focus on your goals. Just live your life pretty much.
Steal as much pizza from this place as you possibly can and feel don't you don't have to feel any guilt about it, Puffy, I'll take you all the guilt to me. Eat as much of the fucking place as pizza as you can.
Exactly, exactly. Thank you so much for taking my call, Aisle.
Yeah, you have a good day YouTube.
Bye bye, Puffy, bye three pounds. Fine? How does that? How does that work with because I know that they're like they're small businesses. Some of them are right like that, like like like they pay like a fucking license or something. So I guess if it's a small business, you don't want to steal the pizza from them. But I don't know, I want I kind of want pizza. Now, the repeet goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. The repe goes to his hide.
You're just teaching you
A loud in the mid of your life, but he's not really an expert.