THE IDENTITY CRISIS

Guys, listen to this. Charlie twenty years old from North Carolina listened to this. This is a poetic Charlie twenty years old from North Carolina is known as the Hawaiian shirt guy, but feels like he is more than that. Is that not the greatest premise of a phone call on this show that you have ever heard. I don't know how the phone call is gonna go, but the premise.

GEX Hello, hey, GEX, how you doing.

I'm doing okay, I'm hanging out, I'm being a get go, I'm talking to people on the phone. What's going on with you?

You know, it's the summertime, and in the summertime, I like to wear Hawaiian shirts. Well, actually I like to wear Hawaian shirts anytime I can't back at school. I wear Hawaiian shirts almost every day, just because I like how to look. I have three main reasons for liking them. I like the patterns, and I like the like fabric. But I also like not wearing a shirt. And I feel like whenever you're wearing a Hawaian shirt, you can just unbutton it so that you don't have to wear it all the way.

This is absolutely fascinating Charlie. It says here that you are known around town as the Hawaiian shirt guy, but but you feel like you are more than that.

I believe that I cannot be because you're just thinking. If someone walks around every day and wears a T shirt, like just different T shirts, no one's gonna spot not but because it's a Hawaiian shirt, it's like, oh, this guy, this guy is just that dude, he's the Hawaiian shirt guy. I'm just a guy wearing clothes because it feels.

Good, you know what I'm saying.

You say you feel like you are more than just the Hawaiian shirt guy. When you are describing what more you are? What more are you? Hmmm?

That's a.

That's a good question.

That's a good one. I think I think I'm somewhat of a of a comedian. I've grown up listening to comedy, studying comedy. I studied standing up. Oh yeah, and I feel like that I have the ability to make people laugh when ever oka. But I also think that I'm like a guy.

Yeah, no, go ahead, you finished first, then I'll give you my thoughts.

I think I'm a I think that I'm just h and all around good dude that just likes to just likes to be silly. I'm not silly. I like to be funny. I like making people happy.

Can I bring up an idea to you and I want to get your thoughts on it.

I'd love to hear it.

Okay, you're upset that people know you as the Hawaiian Shirt guy because you believe that there's more to you than that. You believe that you want you want people to see you as funny. You want people to see you as silly, as entertaining. And what if I told you that. I think that within the perception of you as the Hawaiian Shirt Guy lies all of those things. Being funny, being silly, being entertaining is part of the

I agree? But I feel like sometimes people only see me that when I'm in the Hawaiian shirt Like, for instance, I went to class one day, I go and I go to a less class, more of an office hours with all my friends, and I wasn't wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I was just wearing like a polo because I thought I'll dress up differently and everyone was and everyone was like, are you all right? Doesn't seem like you're doing okage? And I was like why and they said, well, you're

Now?

Am I the guy that always wears a warn shirts? Is that with TV as.

What's your name?

Charlie?

Charlie? I think that you need to be less worried about people's perceptions of you.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. I feel like I feel like the people should just wear them more often, you know. I feel like that if you came in on a stream with like your get go, get get up and then a Hawaiian shirt over it, people would feel more comforted.

I don't know, just throwing that out there just might.

Also. Look, here's another thing. If you're going around telling every single person you meet that they need to start wearing a Hawaiian today, Oh no, Hawaiian guy. True, You're you're digging your own grave.

Here, So then I should I shouldn't pitch it, but I shouldn't not wear it. You know, I can still wear it.

I can be.

Comfortable with it. I just don't have to like spread I don't have to spread the word of Hawaiian shirtness to people. I'm not trying to get everyone to be like me. That's got to be myself.

I knew when I picked up this phone call that we were gonna hash out some very complex character development, and I'm so glad that I was right.

Dude, this is this is so cool.

I'm really vibing with this right now because you know what, I've been like thinking to myself, because I've been listening to so many of your videos, and I'm like, I feel like the deck can help me out.

With DECI, Charlie, you love wearing Hawaiian shirts.

I love wearing Hawaiian shirts. And honestly, if you give me like a lay that they wear in Hawaii, I love wearing those two.

You'd wear Hawaiian pants, Oh, you said, Lae, Charlie, you know what? I why the way? I have another I have another solution for you. I have another solution for you. Okay, okay, move to Hawaii because there everyone's the Hawaiian shirt guy. I actually don't know if that's true. I don't know if people in Hawaii wear Hawaiian shirts. But if everyone's the Hawaiian shirt.

Guy, you know what that means.

You know what that means, Charlie, No one. That means no one's the Hawaiian shirt guy. But I don't think you should be taking that drastic measures, Charlie. I think you should just do what you do when you live your life and not care about how you're being perceived as much. That's my fine answer to you on this subject.

I think that that's I think that's the best answer that I've heard, given you're the only really talk to you about it.

Are you afraid to talk to other people about this?

Well?

I mean like it's not a real subject. You can't go up to someone and be like, man, I don't like how people come with a Warine shirt guy, because then they're like, what are you talking about?

What do you mean? This is not a real subject. This is as real of a subject as it gets. This is a very like I know you're fucking around, but this is a manifestation of you caring about other people's opinions of you. Which is a thing that everybody deals with. This is it's an extremely common human struggle. So I'm not I wouldn't say that this is not a real issue. You know, this is this is real.

I guess, like when someone says something to me, like like, why you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt today? Are you feeling? I kind of just play along. I'm like, oh ha ha, yeah, you know I should have worn one.

I'm like, but should I have?

Like, you don't have to like tell me what to wear, Charlie.

Do you feel like you learned something from this call? Yeah?

Man, I learned about self love or something to that extent.

That's good enough anything else. When I say to the people of the computer before we.

Go, uh, enjoy your enjoy yourself this summer. Wear whatever you want, do whatever you want.

It's nice.

Now, thank you for calling Charlie.

All right, love you, bud.

I See, I knew that was going to be a great call because there was I like anything, any call that has some character development in it, or has, you know, deep conflicting feelings about one's identity, I think that that's a compelling drama. And I feel like there was a lot of compelling drama to Charlie's character as he's figuring

Yes it is hello, mister and wild get go going on with you? Kat having some relationship struggles, kind.

Of what kind of relationship struggles.

So back in February, I met this girl. She was really nice. We hit it off. We were dating for three months, and then we broke up, which such, but it was mutual and stept forward to now I have met another girl who like vaguely reminds me of the first girl, and I'm trying to like to figure out in my head it was like a rebound relationship or not. It's been a lot to think about.

Yeah, so I'm going to say what the call screeners said, and I want to kind of make a little bit of sense of it. It says you broke all right, I mean it's just really you know this is what you just said just now. But you were dating a girl, you're seeing a new girl. You said this new girl reminds you of your old girlfriend, and it says you are quote worried that this new one is a rebound. What does that mean. I'm more than worried that she's a rebound.

I'm more just like a rebound relationship, and like, I don't I'm only interested in her because because of how much I missed the first girl.

Sure, interesting you are, You're okay, you're having conflicting feelings about this and you're feeling like, oh, am I just using this person as a way of getting over my girlfriend, or because she reminds me of my girlfriend, and you're worried about if the foundation of this relationship is coming from a legitimate place. Yeah, exactly how long were you dating your old girlfriend for?

Uh?

Three months?

Almost four?

Okay? Three months? And ends? Was that your first time in a relationship?

Uh?

First time? I'm like a I'm like a serious relationship, Like it was like both of ours, like like there was three months, but it like felt like longer.

You know, Hm, what is it that you like about this new parson?

We both have autism? And so they kind of like understand they us, like I called my girlfriend of the day, who's the apprentance, But like they're really understanding for when I have like like mental health stuff. They're really smart and just like it's really like they're like emotionally mature.

Sure, and.

We just like really clicked.

I guess, mm hmm.

Okay, So this person you said that they're a non binary person. Right, I'll go word. So, I mean, here's the thing. You you're expressing to me that you're worried that you only like this person because they remind you of your past girlfriend. But when I asked you, just now, what about this this new person you're dating is attractive to you? You listed a bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with your old girlfriend. You said that they're also autistic, and you guys kind of bond over that.

Yeah.

Well, like, but.

The thing is it was also autistic. We also wanted over that, okay, and like I thought that we also clicked, but I mean we broke up, which I don't know, it's weird.

Yeah, but I don't think that your past relationships need to define your your current ones. Can I also introduce another idea to you because it sounds like it was not that much time in between the old girlfriend and the new partner you have just spent You're only nineteen years old. Have you spent an extended period of time just alone?

Oh yeah, definitely?

Okay there, Well why is there trauma there and just being you know, not having a partner?

Uh.

I tried to like like like I tried to start eating when I was like fifteen, I think, and their currents were against that. And back story short, I got sent to this like troubled team industry place, which was really terrible, and.

Yeah that was great, okay, but but I'm asking, like you know, you said you. I mean, you're only nineteen, Like, well, I guess what I'm asking is like, in your in your short span of adult life, have you spent time just being alone and not in a relationship with a person. And I asked that. I asked this to every person who calls here talking about relationship issues, because I do think it's very important.

I mean, okay, guess not.

Okay. And I'm not saying that to say, hey, go break up with your partner right now and and fucking go do that. But I'm just saying, like, you know, if you rushed out of this old relationship and you're rushing into this new one, you maybe I don't know if you've and I don't and I genuinely don't know the answer. I'm not trying to pride to you either way, but maybe you didn't give yourself enough breathing room here, yeah, to just be like, Okay, who is cat? Who am

I'm looking on my ged I was trying to find a from home job because you know, autism, and I'm trying to get back into art. I play video games hat with my cat. I go on my major walks pretty often.

Okay, you said, you said because of your autism, you're trying to find a work from home job. Are you Are you adverse to going outside and being around people and whatnot? Oh?

Yeah, definitely sure.

Does any part of you have a desire to overcome that or are you feeling very comfortable with uh uh, you're the way you live your life.

Now, I guess somewhat just like like I feel like now it's like not the time because like I'm also trying trying to move out and stuff. Yehich like like obviously that requires a study income, so IM trying to do that before I like trying to like push my boundaries more.

Yes, you have a lot going on. You have like five thousand different things that you're trying to figure out seriously this moment. So don't stretch. That's why I'm saying. That's why I said to you about the whole like how long have you spent some time just being single, being by yourself? Because you are dealing with all this shit. You're trying to find a job, you're trying to you know, move out, You're trying to do all this shit, and then you also have this relationship on top of it.

Who does?

It? Does?

Takes a lot of sense.

Actually, what's your name?

Cat?

Cat? Is there anything else you want to say to other people of the computer before we go? Uh?

Don't let other people tell you how to live your life unless it's good.

Advice, unless if they're a Hollywood movie star. Like if Brad Pitt tells you to start wearing blue socks or something, you should do it because he might give you money. Absolutely, absolutely, don't let anyone tell you what to do unless if they're going to give you a lot of money to do it. That's what I say. Thank you for calling Kat, of course, have a good day, Jared.

Hello, what's up?

Jared?

What's going on?

How can I get you today?

Well? I don't know. You've probably read the promise, but I wanted to talk to you about my I think it's rational, but rational fear of ceiling fans, more specifically ceiling fans that are going at a high speed.

Am I in your car right now? Am I in your car? Speaker?

Yeah? You're in my car? I No, you're you're actually I am driving?

Yeah?

Can you pull over?

Yeah?

Are you driving towards?

I'm going home from work right now?

Okay? Are you on a highway or are we on like just a street thing?

Yeah, we're on a highway, but I can there's a negative right here?

All right? What's so? What's on the exit? Is there any like you know how right before the exit there's like signs that are like here, there's a McDonald's here and Jolly Rogers here. Yeah, yeah, Roy Rogers. The word? What's what's that? The exit.

I'm not quite area. I think I know this road, though there's a gas fish like right on the side of the road.

Okay, all right, So in the meantime while we're waiting, you have what you consider to be rational, but what others are telling you is irrational of a fear of ceiling fans going in a high speed. Tell me, uh, your rationale for this fear.

So when I was younger, I shared a room with my brother, and I was on the top bunk, and so a part of my bed was like right underneath the ceiling fan. And so sometimes when I would wake up and get down to go to the bathroom or something, I would hit my head on the ceiling fan while I was going and it hurt really bad. And so I think that's probably the reason why they make me uneasy, just because of the the starring from when I was younger.

It's funny. I think I've been in various rooms where there were bunk beds where I've also noticed that the top bunk is dangerously close to the ceiling fan.

Yeah, I mean ceiling fan is right above where I was.

And how old were you when when this was your arrangement?

So I shared a room with my brother since I was four when I started sharing the with them, and this is something that moved out of that room.

Go ahead and please go ahead. Sorry, I know you.

Oh h. He moved out of that room when he was like eighteen, so I think I was like twelve. So that's when I started to use the bottom bunk.

This is something you got to confront your parents about, you know, because why on earth? I don't know. I never thought about this until you're making me think about it just now. But when I was a kid, I was like, man, these fucking top bunks because I've been in rooms like this before, like whatever, you know, staying at cousins' houses or some shit, where there's a top

Yeah, there were multiple places and where they could have put the bed, but they chose to put it were my head. It was almost directly underneath the ceiling fans.

Why you need to confront with I'm like angry for you because now I'm thinking about times when I've also been on the top bunk and hit my head on the fucking ceiling fan. Why the fuck did anyone put it there? You should confront your parents about this.

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think I should. I tell them sometimes when I'm over at their house now I'm moved out now, but when I when I'm at their house and they have the ceiling fan and the living room on all the way up, I would just turn it down a couple of notches and I tell them I'm like, it's because you you scarred me from when I was younger, and they're just like, oh, you're fine, and they just turn it back up. But they don't get it.

This is something that you need to confront your parents about. You need to ask them why they would make the decision to put the bunk bed so close to the ceiling fan, especially when there were obviously several other options of places to put it. You need to ask them why they made that decision, and you need to confront them about it.

Yeah, I think I think so too. Yeah, for sure because it I'm going to talk to them about that this weekend. Yeah. No, it doesn't make any sense. It's like they wanted me. Maybe they were trying to make me tougher or something in some statistic way.

Really, you think they might have done it intentionally as a way to make you tougher.

I mean, I don't know. I'm just I'm just kind of spitball and I'm just trying to rationalize. I guess because I feel like my parents wouldn't. We're smarter than that, but maybe they're not.

Do you think it worked.

I'd consider myself tough, I guess, but I'm also pretty emotionally absent. I've always struggled having emotions.

And you think that that might have something to do with the ceiling fan near the top bunk.

I think there's probably more to do with it than that, but I think that that probably didn't help.

No.

A thousand of different places you could put the bunk bed. I don't know why they would put it under the ceiling fan. And I'm so glad that you called in and that we could talk about this, because I haven't thought about this in a while. I've been in several rooms where it's weird. This is a recurring phenomenon, and I'm sure that there's other people in the chat and people listening to this that have experienced this as well, and we can all kind of collectively gather in frustration.

Yeah, for sure.

Well, I hope you overcome this. I'm rooting for you, and I hope that your confrontation with your parents is helpful to you in overcoming this.

Thank you, thank you.

Anything else I want to say to the people of the computer before we go, Jared, No, not.

Really, just I love what you do. I listen to everything that you've put out so far, and I love it. I listen to it at work all the time, and I just appreciate what you do.

And thank you, Jed.

People out helps me out a lot.

Thank you, Jared, I appreciate that man. Thank you for calling.

Yep, thank you.

God. What a strange memory that Jared's brought back from me and for possibly a lot of people listening, I understand. And in certain floor plans where the ceiling fan is so centered and the bunk bed is big, where like maybe an edge of it is there, but it feels like an avoidable problem. So there is weight to the idea that it was done intentionally, and I hope if it was, it was done for good reasons that I can't think of right now as to what those reasons

Ah, Yes, this is Jake.

Well what now?

Uh?

I'm assuming this is gek.

This is you know what? This is somebody that you are on the phone with and you are on the phone and I am on the phone. What do we do? Now? Where do we go from here? Jake? Tell me?

If I'm not mistaken, I believe we talk. Okay, what I wanted to talk about spitting in food at a fast food restaurant?

Okay, you wanted to talk about spitting and food at fast food restaurants? And uh, please elaborate. I would love to hear more about this. Uh.

Well, I work at Chick fil A in Wyoming, so there's there's nothing here, and you know, we we occasionally get quote unquote Karen spitting their food. Yeah, but we have to say a prayer first, Uh, considering it's Chick fil A.

Okay, So you're telling me that you work at a Chick fil a and Wyoming you occasionally get quote unquote Karen's and when you do, you spin in there. Yeah, okay, tell me about something a person did to make you want to spit in their food.

Well, I've worked, I've worked in the kitchen and the in the front, and I got I got slapped by a customer once and uh, she threw her drink at me and we still we still served her. And uh that that that would be the first time I spit in some of these foods.

She slapped you. Why did she slap you? How did the situation escalate to that point?

Uh? You know, I took I took her order and we we ran out of waffle fries very very early in the in the morning.

You ran out of waffle fries, and so she slapped you.

Yeah? Really, yeah, Yeah, that that was it. It was. It was a nice slap though. If I if I had to rate it, I'd probably put it up there seven.

Telling me and you know, listen, here's the thing is, I I don't I don't have your job, so maybe I'm not as keyed into you know how intense people can get over nothing. Maybe I don't have as much of a barometer on that as you do, But you're telling me there really is nothing else that happened in this situation. You said, you are telling me that it went like this. You said, she said I would like

Uh, Well, you know, she she said that how could we be out of waffle fries? That I made a careless mistake, and I told her that, you know, I had nothing to do with the waffle fry situation and received a slap.

You received us, and you served her anyway.

We yeah, my my manager had us serve her. So that that's what started this apocalyptic.

Because you know, look right when she slaps you, I think that's that's what it's time to possibly get the authorities involved and and get her on down to uh, you know, booked for assaults.

Well, it's Wyoming, so I'm sure I'm sure came out.

Well what does that mean? It's wyoming?

So, well, it's it's you know, there's there's nothing that goes on here. It's it's a bunch of small towns and you know, a crazy occasional hillbillies come in. You know, they might pee on the floor, and uh they might not.

Do they not have societal infrastructure in Wyoming? I wouldn't be surprised if the answer is.

Yes, I wanna. I want to say yes, but I feel like there there might be some parts in Wyoming that do so.

Okay, Well, what's your name, Jake? Jake? Do you desire to get out of Wyoming? Do you see more for yourself?

I do see. I do seem more more for myself. I don't think you think Wyoming is the place for me. I see, I see, I see a future in in maybe a bigger city, someplace like Chicago, maybe maybe you know, somewhere in Arizona like Phoenix. Uh she kind of kind of living living a somewhat better life.

What does a better life look like to you?

You know, not getting not getting slapped over waffle fries? I think I think that's stuck with me pretty pretty pretty hard.

Yeah, you know I see that for you too, Jake. I think that there are better there's a better future ahead for you that doesn't involve getting slapped over waffle fries. I'm still shocked that this woman. How old was she? Do you think?

Uh? Late late forties, early fifties, late probably fifties.

Let's you know what's crazy to me about people like that is this woman's in her fifties. This woman's in her fifties and she's still acting. I mean, if the story is as you told it, and she slapped you all out of waffle fries, that means that it's been fifty years and this woman acting like this. Fifty years is a long time. And whenever I see like an old angry person, I always think, like, man, what kind of fucking carnage must have gone on in this woman's life? Like,

You know, I never never really thought of that aspect. I'm she could have she could have been happened, you know, an off day, something horrible could have happened too. That doesn't That doesn't excuse the slap. It was a very hard slap. My eyes watered up a little.

Now, of course, it doesn't excuse the slap. I'm just thinking about it, not even I'm not even thinking about it in terms of creating a sympathetic tone. I'm just thinking about it in terms of, like, you know, I'm aghast at the fact that she's been alive for fifty years, like probably slapping people over miscellaneous bullshit all the time. Like that's a crazy, that's a crazy. How do you live to fifty like that? That's wild? I don't understand.

Yeah, you know, she she was the stereotypical you know, Karen. She she had the the bob cut, and she she just seemed angry. I feel like, I feel like even even at the start, she wanted to start start a problem, CAUs an issue. It was in coming of her voice.

I'm gonna tell you this, what is it? Okay, before we go, what is it? And you said you want to move to a big city. What do you want to do in this big city.

I want to I want to become something. I want to be more than what I am now.

Mm hmmmm hmm. I'm gonna tell I'm gonna give you an unpopular maybe this is unpopular who I don't know, But I don't think you should have spat in that lady's food. I think that, you know. Look, I'm not gonna say whether or not she she deserved it, but I'm gonna say that whether or not she deserved it is irrelevant. You know, because you, Jake, you have aspirations to get out of stupid Wyoming and to, as you say,

Yeah, yeah, it really, it really does make sense. I have to thank you for your for your advice.

Of course, thank you for Hey, you know what, you know what, Jake, my pleasure.

Ah, I don't like you anymore, Lole.

It was a Chick fil A reference, It was.

It was a Chick fil A reference.

Talk to you soon, Jake.

Yep, have a good one.

Mode.

Hello.

Hello, Hi?

Is this Amanda? Yes?

Is this a get?

Yes? This is the get? What's going on with you? Amanda?

Oh my god?

And I expect to get on.

I have I'm calling because I have COVID.

You're calling because you have COVID?

Yes?

Interesting, Okay, what's that like?

What's my second time having it? I'm actually vaccinated? This time. So it's a lot less bad, but I'm very confused.

Okay, what have you been doing since you've been How long have you had COVID for.

I had tested positive yesterday and I have not stopped playing Animal Crossing since.

Okay, so you've been playing a lot of Animal Crossing. Well, it says here that you're trying to forgure out what to do with your time because you were quote partying every day and now you can't do that. Yes, well, this doesn't sound like it's going to be a long call because you found a solution. You've started playing Animal Crossing.

Well, I mean, I can't I get bored if I plan crossing for more than like an hour.

You don't get bored after going to partying for more than an hour?

No, because there's stuff to do, tell people to talk to when I go out.

You can talk to people on the computer. I'm doing it right now.

I mean I am too, I guess or would you call the phone call?

Well, no, I'd call this a party.

I like this party. I think this is a good party.

What do you do when you go to parties? Do you walk? Or are you like a social person? Do you just go up to a circle of people and go, hey, everyone, what's going on? Type of thing.

I think it depends on my mood. But lately I've been going out and dancing, like I went out to a club. Actually that's the think that's where I got COVID. I went out to this club and I started dancing with a bunch of strangers. Obviously my friends were there too, but it.

Was just like.

I wound up getting hit on by a couple of swingers while I was there.

So I guess that the sort of pre written, coded world of animal crossing doesn't compare to the real world that you've been living in for a while. But here's what you do is take this as a as a little breath, you know, be bored, really relish in your boredom, because then when you get cured of your COVID, if you make it and look, I don't know if you will, but I hope you will. I'm Brian for you. Prayers. No damn good at doing anything, but I'll do it anyway. Actually I probably won't.

I appreciate this.

I probably won't pray for you. I'll probably gonna forget after I get off the phone. Oh but you might make it. And if you do be prepared, you know, once you go out into the world, everything will be even more exciting because you are bored for a little bit.

I mean, I guess that's a fair point, but it's so hard to sit and be bored, Like I can't even go get food, which is an easy one for me to like preoccupie my time with, you know, play.

More animal crossing, get deeper into that, and like I said, being relish in your own boredom, Amanda, because it's gonna make everything a lot better when you're done. It's okay to be bored. Think about it like this. For most of uh the time that humanity has existed, humans have been extremely bored. It was only into it was only about ten years ago when we started being on our phones all the time that it was unnatural to be

I feel like people back when they were bored all the time could still like find things to do, like that it were physically active but I can't breathe very well, so I can't like go out for a run or like do those things that be bored and active, you.

Know what I mean, Like get yourself a yo yo, Amanda.

I don't know how to yo yo.

I've never been able to learn how.

To yoyo Amanda, Amanda. Were Look, I'm sitting here, I'm giving you, you know, all these ideas, and I think that you need to be open minded toward alternative ways of keeping yourself occupied, or don't keep yourself occupied like I'm saying, and then don't even get the idea. Just fucking stare at a wall and learn how to be extremely bored. We always run into problems when we're fighting these feelings that you have a feeling of boredom and you're fighting it. You're trying to get it to go away.

Okay, but before I stare at the wall, what color yoyo should I get?

Don't get an yo yo. Stare at the wall. Talk to you soon, Amanda. That's what I want for her. I want that for her because wouldn't that be a great place to be to not need a yo yo, to not need animal crossing, to not need some guy at a party talking to you, or some lights and colors and just you in a wall. You look, if you're placed in a situation where it says you and a wall, you're gonna fight it. That's gonna be your instinct. You're gonna fight it. You're gonna go. I need to

I'm good? This is Lyle.

Yes, sir, is this Isaiah?

Yeah? This is crazy? Man?

What was going on with you? Isaiah?

I just kind of wanted to talk about this project I've been working on.

Okay, what's the project?

So a little backstory. I have a Type two bipolar disorder OKAP, and when I was a bit of a manic state, I started making a movie. I'm I'm a film student and I wrote the script like a year ago. But when I was in this manic state, I took out a loan from a family member for a couple thousand dollars and I've been working on this film for the past maybe six to eight months. Since that manic state.

So you're saying, in a manic state you decided to create a film.

Well, I already wanted to, but in a manic well technically more of a hypomanic state, which is like a less severe manic state. I started like actually working on it, you know.

Okay, So let me ask you something. The work started while you were in a manick state. But has the work continued by you in all different kinds of states? Yes, okay? And how has that work been?

Stressful? Man? Really up and down? Like it's by far the hardiest thing I've ever had to do, and like, and it's not going fantastic, but it's going you know.

Oh yeah, yeah. Before I was a gecko, back in high school, I would make movies with my friends, just by myself, independent production lot like what you're doing. And it is to this day. I say this full sincerity. The hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life is make those fucking movies. It's fucking stressful and possible. It's not a reasonable task to go and try to make a movie. It sucks.

Yeah.

Yeah, what is your movie about? Okay?

My movie is about a thirteen year old boy who kind of has a city home life with him and his dad. So he decides that he's that He's like, fuck it, I'm gonna become a serial killer. And he goes out and he finds a victim, which is another a thirteen year old girl that lives nearby, and he tries to murder her, but in the process he ends up getting his ass beat by her.

Mm hmm. Is it this is non I an autobiographical story?

Is it?

No? No, it is not. It's kind of It's just kind of like a it's like an act comedy film.

That's nice. Always is a shorter feature.

It's a feature.

It's a feature. You're breaking on making a feature. How long are we talking? This is like an hour and a half long movie.

We're shooting for eighty ninety minutes.

Eighty ninety minutes. Jesus, Okay, how many more stays of shooting do you have left?

Right now? We have seven scheduled. I'm actually getting ready for a shoot because we shoot in a few hours. We have seven schedules, but we are behind schedule, so we're probably going to have to pick up a few more days.

You know, Isaiah, I'm I'm really proud of you. I know, here's the thing I don't and people I feel like this the stream and a lot lately people are, you know, chalking a lot of things about themselves up to their to their mental illnesses and whatnot. But give yourself credit. I know you're just talking about like, oh, I started this in a mental state, but inn in a manic state. But yeah, took a leap of faith. You decided to embark on doing a really difficult fucking thing, making a

Yeah, but can I can I kind of kind of talk about kind of an issue I'm having with it? Yeah?

Please?

So I have this problem where I can't think the small picture. I've always I always think big picture, and I've been working on this project lately and i can't and it's just not coming together like it is in my head. And it's very important. You know. I sat down and I wrote this script because I had something I wanted to say, and I think I communicated with the script, but I'm worried that the picture, when it comes together, isn't going to say what I'm trying to say,

Yep. Uh yeah, going into once a debt it's expensive. Uh, it's you having to wrangle the schedules of a shit ton of people. It's you putting in a shit ton of work and effort into something and then looking at it on the screen and going, oh, fuck, this isn't even what I set out to make. It's yeah, it's a lot of this stuff. You're in film school, this

It does. But it's like, you know, I keep trying to focus on all that stuff, but it doesn't make it any easier, you know, And I'm.

Not going to.

Yeah, you know, there's nothing that I or you're real therapist or any No. No, what you're doing is very hard and stressful and kind of sucks, and it's not gonna get easier. But you'll be able to do it. You'll do it. You'll get it done if you want to.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get through it.

But you will.

I'll see if I survive.

You'll survive, you won't die. I mean, how much that are we talking? How much? Dad, are you going to go into.

Right now? We're like just a couple of thousand, maybe like four or five thousand.

Did you go to college?

I'm majoring in film at my local community college.

Okay, are you paying to be there?

No?

Okay, you're not paying to be there? Okay. I mean, listen, people go into debt for fucking way more money than a few thousand bucks to do dumber shit at college. So consider this in a similar sense of you're going

Yeah, that is a good point.

Getting an education.

Yeah, I guess some kind of I guess like the experience that I've had so far as invaluable. You know, had to present myself in this professional manner when I'm out here interviewing actors and hosting auditions and working with my crew, and that's like stuff that that's big time stuff.

You know.

I have goals that I'm trying to get to and like I said, I can't think I can't think small, so there's always big goals. So this is like that's like something that I talked to my with my therapist about like how how the experience is invaluable and that's what I should be focusing on the experience. But I just can't get out of my head that this project isn't going to come together like I wanted to.

I've sunk money and time and ship into this is by the way, this is why I quit making films and why I like doing what I do on the Internet, which is like very quick short stuff and maybe after and maybe and and you know, you have to go through the experience of trying to make a feature length film or some shit like that to really gain this perspective. Like and that's why I say you're getting an education.

Yeah, I get that, But at the same time, like I care about this project. I put a lot of time into it, and I you know, like I want it to be good. I want people to see it. I can't even get people to follow my TikTok like like, and I'm worried about like if I try to go for like a festival gun if it's good even going to get in because that's more money. And maybe I'm just like I'm too far ahead of where I'm supposed

Yeah, please do that. Focus on the moment of trying to get the thing done. Don't worry about the festival run, don't worry about any of this shit. This is not the last movie you'll make. Look at this as a as an education because that's what it is. Okay, charge it to the game as they say, Yeah, what's your take?

My TikTok? Is this that cinema?

This d cinema? Okay, I'll check it out. Anything else you want to say to other people with the computer before we go, Isaiah.

Uh no this thank you for your time. You're a hard lizard to reach, so I'm glad I was able to get through to you.

Of course. Uh thank you for connes. I appreciate you, and good luck with the film.

All right, thank you bye.

This is the sunk cost fallacy which I might fall victim to all the time, I fell in victim to it in the same way that Isaiah has with making movies and shit. You sink a bunch of time and a bunch of money into something and it becomes a big fucking ball of chain around your around your your leg. And I get where Isaiah's coming from, because I'm not again, I'm not talking to Isaiah in a retrospective. I'm talking to Isaiah in the height of his emotions surrounding this project.

Hello, Oh my goodness, Hi.

What's your life like?

It's pretty good right now. I just recently moved. He's been getting Betty.

What where did you recently move to?

I moved to Michigan from Chicago.

This is weird, but I feel like those are the same place, right, I mean not really.

I didn't move to like a big city or anything. I moved like from a big city to a little small town.

In my mind, I don't care about I don't care where stuff is. Like I think like Saudi Arabia and Colorado to me are in the same place. Does that make sense? I guess.

I guess it's all subjective.

Is there anything in particular you want to talk about today? Valerie, It's okay. If not, it is Valerie of val Kyrie.

It's Valkyrie.

Is that a fake name or is that a real name?

Well, I'm a sex worker, so it's my like fake name.

Oh okay, cool? Cool? What's going on with you?

Valchorim? But so I have like I have been like a strange for my family. I all my family lives down in Florida, except for my immediate family lived up in Michigan here for a couple of years. It's up until a couple years ago, sorry, and ever since they like moved away, Like I try to reach out to them and like meet up and stuff or just like call them or whatever, and no one ever really like answers my calls or will respond to my text and it like kind of hurts.

Hmmm. How long have you been a strange from them for?

It's going on like three years now?

Three years? What did did something happen three years ago that was like the inciting incident to this?

Not really, I just turned eighteen three years ago and then I moved out, like as you do. And then ever since, it's been like such a pain in the butt, Like try and get a hold of them.

What about your brothers and sisters if you have any.

I'm the oldest of six, but all of them except for one of them, are under the age of twelve, so they're really little.

Uh oh wow, So that's a that's a pretty huge age gap. Yeah, between you and five other kids.

I used the one like raised.

The one that's over twelve is my younger brother.

His name is Ethan, and how old too?

He is nineteen now?

Okay, he's nineteen, okay, so he's pretty similar in age to you are. Are you in touch with him?

Not really. We never really got along like growing up because I don't know, we just like butted heads a lot. But he doesn't ever really like use his phone either, so I wouldn't even like try to.

So it's mainly your family members who aren't answering your calls.

Yeah, or text or anything. Like my dad just bought a house and I asked him about it and he just sent me the Zillow link with like no nothing after that, and this little link had nothing on it because the house to be sold.

Weird. So it's not a complete and utter ghosting. They are still giving you some low forms of community, yes, like Zilo links exactly.

It's all like half assed so because they have like their whole family group chat that I've asked to be a part of and they won't.

Like put me in it.

Ah, man, that's a tough that must be as a tough feeling. That's a tough thing to deal with. Why do you think it is that they why do you think it is that they are being so dismissive of you?

I have the idea I think it's like, because I won't move down to Florida with them, I think they all kind of resent me for that. Every time I go down there to visit, they all that's all they're really talking me about. But I hate Florida. It's not a great place to live.

So I still visit.

Like once every three months. I don't see why.

It's a big deal.

Do you think that they don't want to talk to you because you won't go down to Florida? Are have you ever gone in the past three years? Have you gone there at least to visit?

Yeah, I've been to Florida like twice this year already, and four times in the last six months.

No, not not to visit, just the state. But have you gone to visit your family when you were there these this year?

Yeah, that's all I ever go down there for.

Oh okay, So you have had contact with him in the past three years.

Yeah, they just like don't text me back, Like as soon as I come up here, it's like I'm dead.

Ah okay, all right, but when you okay, so you're not estranged from them though, when you go down there, you see them.

Yeah, but that's the only time I ever get anything.

Do when you go down there and you talk to them in person, do you tell them that you feel isolated when you're out of town. I do, actually, And what do they say?

They kind of like, well, my dad, who is my main problem, He doesn't really like say anything at all. He just like kind of huff and then we'll move on to something else. But the rest of my family like kind of apologizes and says they'll do better, and then like nothing ever comes from it.

M what's the rest of your life?

Like, well, I just recently broke up with ex boyfriend and I moved back to Michigan just because I missed all my friends and stuff. I didn't really have a lot of friends out in Chicago.

Okay, so you're living your life, You're hanging out and you said you're in Michigan, right, You moved from Chicago to Michigan, which are both, yeah, the same. They're about twenty miles away from each other. And you have your own, your own life in Michigan that you forged for yourself outside of the little circle in Florida where you have your friends and associates. And I assume maybe you even have a job there. I know everyone's kind of working

Yeah, it's accurate.

Good, And I think that you, as your own independent human being on this earth, should take pride in that life. And I'm sorry to hear that your family is not is not as proud of you for that as they should be. It's good that you're trying to keep contact with them, but at the end of the day, think it's good that you ventured out of the Florida circle to do your own thing, because what people should do, right. Yeah, it's good that you come.

Down a lot in the what do you.

What are you seeing in the chat? Don't I tell people not to look at chat? What are you seeing in the chat?

I'm seeing a lot of like anti sex work stuff and.

Like, what what's your what's your Vaca valcoy, don't don't read the chat? Okay, tell me, tell me what you're going to say.

Anyway, it just doesn't have My family is all actually super accepting about what I do. So that's definitely not that. I just think it's more of a weird like communications like communications things they want you.

Down in Florida. It's the opposite of that. I assume people in the chat are thinking that they're shunning you because of sex work, but that's not what they want you down in Florida.

Yeah.

But as we've established you, you've built your own life with its own flag in Michigan, and I think it's good that you're continuing to make trips down to Florida because it sounds like family is important to you, but it's also important to you to have your own life. And you know, I know that you're experiencing issues with this, but it sounds like you're doing like a pretty good job of balance.

Again.

I mean, you go home, you said three times a year. Yeah, you said, you said you've been home two times in this past year.

Yep.

That's pretty damn good man. I know people here in California who go home, you know, once every seven thousand years, So you're doing pretty good. Thank you, Valkerrie. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Not really, honestly, thank you for taking my call.

Of course, thank you for calling. I hope that this was of something. I hope this felt productive, this was productive.

Thank you very much.

Good have a good night, Valkyrie, you as well. I don't I don't. I don't I understand why she why she doesn't want to go down to Florida. Florida sucks. Actually, I don't know why. You know why I said that. I said that just now because a lot of other people have said that Florida sucks, and I am parating their opinions. I've been to Florida multiple times, and you know what, It's fine. I shouldn't have said it sucked. I was just saying that because I wanted to say

Really goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.

The recon goes to his d he's teaching you Cloud in the Memorial Life, but he's not read an expert