Hello.
Oh, oh my goodness, what up?
What up? What up?
How are you?
Uh?
You know, I'm I'm doing okay. I uh it's like the afternoon, uh where I'm recording this and uh I like mornings. I hate nights. Nights are scary and uncertain and weird, but days are great. They have so much potential and light. It's good. What's your name?
Oh yeah, my name's Alexis Alexis.
What's going on? Alexis? What brings you to call a lizard on the phone today?
Oh my goodness? Here right, I'm going to like catch my breath a little bit. I'm like excited. I've been listening to your podcast for like the past three years to guess. No, yeah, I guess what I'm calling about. Actually have like I want to chat wants like this therapy.
Okay, aspect of it. Yeah.
So like for me personally, I'm going through like a bit of like a big life change at the moment. I just well, not recently, but like in like seven months pregnant currently wow.
No.
Yeah, but like with this guy's baby that I had like met in rehab, I went through like it was my first time like going into treatment in twenty twenty four. In January, we dated a bit. I found that I was pregnant. I was able to like stay clean through all this, but this dude's like like struggled with his sobriety, which I understand and everybody understands whenever you're like going
through rehabilitation. But crazy, crazy, crazy stuff he turned out Like whenever I talked to him in the beginning about like children and stuff, he told me he didn't have any, but he had been like deployed in Germany before and he'd had a child in Germany. Like this whole shabang where like this German girl like ended up talking to me like months later about it. I was already pregnant
at that point. He went into like a veteran's homeless shelter and started getting into like really hard drugs even though he'd been sober up till then and stuff. So now I'm just kind of like taking care of him because he lives in a state separate from like all of his family and stuff. I just kind of like, like last week I spent like one hundred dollars on groceries for him. I'll like randomly bring him joints so he doesn't drink. I don't know, and it's kind of like sorry, I'm rambling.
No no, no, no, no, no no, okay. So just to be clear, like this guy you met e rehab, you're still like he is like living together?
No, I'm not living with him. I'm living with my parents now. I was in a sober living before.
Are you where you live?
Sorry?
And is he like is he your boyfriend? Are you guys still together?
No, we are not together. I actually broke up with him like two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, and then you changed my phone number.
Wait, so you sorry if I'm misunderstanding the story at all, But so you're and the guy that you're bringing stuff to and getting groceries for, is this the guy who's the father of the kid inside.
Of you right now?
Yeah? He Yeah, he's the father of the child.
So you broke up with him eight months ago or seven months ago?
Yeah, I broke up with him like right before I'd found out that I was pregnant.
So I mean this genuinely. Why are you still running errands for him?
Because his family like lives like we live in Ohio and his family lives in Texas. And he's just kind of all alone, and whenever I see him, like he just looks like really sad. He just dwells inside.
All the time.
It just makes I have like a lot of hormones for him. I guess that make me emotional for him, But I don't want anything with him, like romantically or even like sexually. Like I just want to like help him out because it's going to be like my daughter's father at some point.
I don't know, does he do anything for you?
He listens sometimes like whenever, Like I also struggle with having friends like outside of my family, but I have a big family, so there I can rely on them that way. But he's like who I go to if I'm like complaining about like family members. So he like provides something and again like he'll get to be which he was already a dad before technically, and he kind of like just like gave up on that kid, I guess. So I don't know why I'm expecting him to treat the baby I'm carrying any differently.
How old are you, guys, I'm scarious, I'm twenty four.
He had just turned twenty six in November.
How are you feeling about the whole situation.
Well, right now, I just feel really overwhelmed with like the upcoming baby and a lot of life changes are happening, Like the company I've been working for they're like closing down, like they declared bankruptcy and stuff. He's I don't know. I just want him to get it together to help me fee a little bit at ease. I'm excited about the baby. Yeah, yeah, well.
You know, Oh so I'm curious. I mean, so this is this was in like an accidental pregnancy, is it's is did it kind of take you a second to like come to terms with it and be excited about it?
Uh? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. My mom was like a big player in me coming to terms with it and very encouraging about me keeping it and like supportive. So but at first I was very much on the lines about like what I could provide, and then like I didn't really have an active father, so and I knew like he probably wasn't going to be very active, but I was hoping like otherwise, I don't know, m.
Yeah, well it's it's I mean this like, would you even consider this guy like your friend?
Yeah, that's the thing about it, Like out of a lot of the relationships I've had, and what I liked about him so much is that me and him get a long in a very friendly way, Like we get along in a playful way. He's just like also really evil. I guess it's like I I like differentiate his evilness from him I think too much, and I I need to get better at accepting. Like maybe that's just like his entire character, Like that is him. It's not just like these moods he has or whatever.
Evil. Evil is a strong word. What made you pick the word evil? What made you pick? But something made you say it? Well, I mean, yeah made.
Like the reason why I decided to break up with him is that I was already teetering with breaking up with him because I could, like I like noticed that he had like relapsed, but he wasn't admitting to it, and he like threatened to like share a lot of intimate photos of me on like that to my parents. Yeah, and then like he's going to kill himself. I had to call the police on him, like two several days and even neat of them yeah, with them to him.
Yeah.
And then I changed my phone number, and then I found out I was pregnant so I reached out and then when his other German baby, Mom.
What sorry, wow, what's your name again?
It's Alexis.
Alexis, So, why why are you still running errands for this guy.
Again? I'm just trying. I think maybe if I like help him out enough and he can like get situated enough and like get out of this hole he's in, like my baby would probably be able to have like her dad around. But I don't know if there's like any saving him because just since I've been pregnant, he's been through like detox or rehab like five times, like like going back and forth like as a hail Mary to get like me to forgive him, and then he just relapses or messes up again like right after.
Look, brother, let me ask you a question here. Uh do you I mean, do you feel like you're putting effort into this guy like at your own detriment? Uh?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I see like some sort of benefit.
I don't know you ever talk to a real therapist about this.
I had a therapist, Yeah, but I left the program I was in to come home to be pregnant because I couldn't say they're pregnant. But yeah, I should probably get another therapist.
M m m.
Uh.
You know, I kind of asked this already, but like, I mean, how are you feeling about the whole thing, Like how are you feeling about, you know, getting a kind of as as as you said, like, how are you feeling about like running errands for this guy to your own detriment.
I don't know. I just again, I just kind of want to help him out. And then, like I guess, whenever, like my kids like older, I can tell her, like at least I tried, whenever I have to explain like why he's like not around or something, but hopefully like he would be. But I don't know. I'm just trying to I don't know. Again, I just wish you'd get it together. I keep telling him to like go home to Texas and be around family, like because he relies on me as his only source of contact, but he
could be lying about that. I don't know. I just I just really want this dude to like get it together in some degree, like at all. But I understand that's not my problem either, and I should be focused on like the baby stuff, but I feel like their interlinkd mm hmm.
I don't know.
I mean, yeah, dude, it's uh, well it's so hard because there's like a so it's it's weird. I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm personally personally like learning more about like relationships with other people, and I think there's something to be said about yeah kind of what you're saying where you're like, listen, I'm trying my best here, and uh you like you you got to like I think there's a thing of like accepting that you cannot
change a person. Uh, this is like accepting you kind of change a person, but knowing that you try your best to uphold your end of the deal, uh in a situation such as this, and hopefully the way to go about it is like, look, man, I'm going to uphold my end of this fucking deal, and uh I'm going to do the best I can within my uh finite flawed human ability, and uh whatever whatever the fuck happens after that, Uh it was, you know, I had
no say in it. I only I only did the thing with the part that I had the thing.
In, you know, no, yeah, exactly exactly. I'm hoping that once I like pop the baby out, that I will feel like my role with him was kind of finished. Like I helped him up to the extent where I could finally be like, Okay, I need to be focused on this thing now and I did my best, and maybe meeting her will help change something in him. I
don't know, we'll see, hopefully, who knows. I do need to like back off at some point and like just let him like sit in his ship a little bit to pull himself together.
Well yeah, I mean, look, if this guy's not giving you anything back of value to your life, right, like, that's the that's the the question you have to ask yourself is like, is this this person's presence in my life remotely fucking valuable? And if it's not, then you know, I don't know. I I guess what are you doing?
Because you could also I mean, I don't know how it developed your own life is or what you kind of want for yourself, and how much of the attention you're giving to this guy is detracting you from that. And I think if if you felt like this guy, if you really, in your gut felt like this guy's presence in your life was important to you, then it would be worthwhile to sacrifice, you know, some of yourself for it. But if not, then uh yeah, I don't really know what what's going on.
Yeah, like that's a real thing though, like I probably yeah, yeah, I need to I need to figure out like balancing. Like well, if if I had more like like like I said, like when the baby comes, that's going to be something that would need my full attention and that would feel more fulfilling and stuff to where I'm not like I don't even know. I don't even know, but I am super excited that I got to talk to you though I've tried to call you so many times now, so I was very excited.
I'm glad, you know, I'm glad I got.
Because I was so excited.
I'm glad I got to talk to you too. I've been, you know, I've been. I've been on a lot of rants lately in my own brain and on the live stream thing of this just talking about you know, I'm I'm like, so, I'm like so burnt out on like uh the I don't the advice portion of this podcast. I'm just starting to hate like when people are like
I don't know what to do here. I'm always I just in my gut, I'm just like, I don't know, dude, I don't know, like I don't I think, I think, I think, Yeah, I get burnt on on that because I don't fucking know what to do in life at all. Life is really uh big and scary to me, and I don't know how to deal with like a lot of ship. But I liked I liked talking to you about this because it's it's a bit of a you know, I feel like I feel like we kind of are like talk talking through something.
You know.
It felt, it felt, I felt, I felt good, I felt I enjoyed and I and as I liked hearing your perspective on this situation and hearing what's going on with you. It was cool.
Thank you. I enjoyed getting to like let out my gapping a little bit, and that's all I really. It's nice to get to do that and get to be listened to.
So thank you for that, Alexis is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Have a good night? Thank you?
Hey YouTube, bye bye, hey, goodbye. Hey. What's your name?
Raffi?
RAFFI? What's up? RAFFI?
What's going on? I don't know? Man, you know, I just started grad school to be a therapist, and the more I learn about it, it's really interesting. I just don't know if I'm built for this.
Yeah, yeah, I mean I think being a real I'm just gonna be honest. I think being a real therapist, I don't want to say sounds awful that I think that's like a simplification, but I think it requires you to be a very specific kind of person, with like a specific brain and a specific amount of like emotional tolerance.
I remember one time I was talking to I saw a therapist for a good for like like I saw a therapist for like pretty much all of the summer of twenty twenty four, and I remember I was really like going off to him, I like really really emotionally
going off to him. And I was like, I was crying and I was going off to him, and I remember I was looking I was like, oh, I was like, you know, deeply in my own emotions, but I was looking at him and I and after I finished my rant, I said to him, I was like, you have a really hard job, you know, like because I don't know how the fuck I would feel if somebody just said everything that I just fucking said with so much direness and emotion to me, you know, I would feel I was completely insane.
Yeah, did you feel like better? Did it feel like? Do you feel like it worked? Because my fear is like I'm just gonna not help people, like they're gonna come to me and like I'm gonna try my best, you know, giving empathetic space and just listening openly, no judgment and not like giving advice or anything, but just listening. Right, So do you feel like that actually made an impact for you?
That's a good question. I think it helps in the moment. But one of the things that I don't like about therapy is that, well, it's such an individual thing because for some people who maybe have trouble processing their own emotions, like it's helpful to talk them out. For me, I'm a big journal a guy Like I journal almost every day and I've been doing it regularly for like eight years, and that's therapy. That's therapy for me is journaling. That's how I get out my emotions and my thoughts and
my feelings. For a little bit, I was like, I haven't been doing this that much recently, but I had a phase where I was like writing journals and then copy pasting them into chat GPT and being like, what do you think about this? And it would give me back some good feedback and I liked that, And therapy is kind of meant to scratch that same mich uh, are you gonna be good at it? I mean some people are gonna I something right, Well, yeah, I mean
some people are gonna hate you. Some people they're gonna say a bunch of stuff to you about their life, and then you're gonna say something like, well, how do how do you feel about that? And they're gonna go, fuck this guy, I hate that. I'm paying him one hundred dollars an hour, two hundred or three hundred, wherever the fuck it is, and they're gonna hate you, and they're going to think that you're useless. But then other people, you'll they'll say a bunch of shit to you and
you'll go, well, how do you feel about that? And they'll go, oh my god, no one's ever asked me that before. This is how I feel about it. And you know, you you'll just be like a blank, a rubber wall for them to bounce their shit off of and figure it out by themselves That's how therapy felt to me, is I was talking to this guy, and
I was talking to about a bunch of shit. And while I was talking to him, I was going, well, maybe actually this and why you know, actually, okay, I now that I'm talking about it, the conclusion is actually this, and I but I was I felt like I was getting ripped off because I was doing therapy on myself basically while this guy was, you know, standing there. So maybe subconsciously weird.
Because you got to like find that right balance of like not giving someone advice and telling them what to do, but also like gently pushing them to do the right thing or just like what they perceive to be the right thing for them, And like how do I hold my shit back? It's just been really interesting and like I think I'm fucking built for it. I just hope that like I can do it properly and like not harm people, because like I've had bad therapists, you know,
and like there's not like a determining factor. There's not like a line in the sand that makes you good therapists bad therapist other than the like ethically incorrect things to do, which there are.
Yeah, I don't know, man, I I, Uh, it sounds trite, But the more I do this show, and the older I get, and the more I think about stuff, and the more I ride the roller coaster of my own life, the more I just have less and less answers to any of the things, right and I and therapy, and therapy is kind of there for you to work out the answers to your own things. But therapy is not like a pill you can take to change your life. It's not like, uh, you know, I don't know. Sometimes
you have to do stuff. That was the thing that was why I got sick of therapy is I was talking about my problems, and uh, I thought about a
couple of things. For first of all, this this might sound insane, but when I was regularly going to therapy and regularly journaling about my problems, part of me, part of me thought to myself, by by talking about this stuff, what's what's the line between talking through your problems in a healthy way versus talking about your problems and thinking about them so much that you center your life around
your problems. And uh, I got to a point where I was like, I think, I'm I think the center piece of my life is not My joy is not the my relationships. It's not what I have. It's my fucking bullshit, fucking ship that I'm always complaining about in my journal or in therapy. And to what point is it healthy for me to work these things out? Versus
to what point do I just go? You know what, I'm just gonna try to think about things differently, and I'm gonna try to, uh do the most annoying thing of all time, which is take some form of actual action whatever that looks like, to deal with my problems instead of just repeating them over and over and fucking over again. I don't know what the.
Healthy awareness is like the first step, but it don't do shit. It's like it's cool, It's like, ah cool, now I know I have a problem, But like, fuck, what am I supposed to do now? Like you're so right, man? That taking action part fucking hard?
Yeah, you gotta do. You gotta do stuff, You gotta do stuff, Like I hated. I don't know, like like, uh, I don't know. I don't want to get into my own fucking problems, but like I just I just for a while, I was like, and I'd like to think I'm a fairly action oriented person. I'm trying to become
more of one. But the more you talk through your problems and the less you take an action or doing anything about him, you just you just wind up being a just from from I'm saying this from experience, the more you just wind up being like a sad sack, you know, Like I and I I got and I got kind of tired of it, and I was like, dude.
Now I've been doing I feel like I've been doing a lot of like relearning about like what therapy is just by being in school. And like I had a thought that there was people who just kind of belonged in therapy. But that's just like so wrong. Like you're not supposed to be in therapy for long time, no, or like if you are, like it's very special cases,
but you're not supposed to be in guarritee forever. You're really supposed to be there until your shit is solved and you get out, like yeah, not like sitting with the sadness, Like.
Fuck yeah, you don't want to just sit with it forever. You don't want to just dwell and dwell and dwell and dwell and dwell forever. Right at a certain point, I think I think you gotta you gotta, you know, you know, go make a make a plan and like
do some shit. But but also also some some everyone's kind of oriented differently, and I I'm only speaking from like, I really this is just my like experience and in my life, and uh, I think it would be arrogant of me to assume that my life experience is is
mirrors everyone else's. And so for some people, like genuinely some people who who have not had opportunities to talk things out, maybe because they haven't discovered journaling, or they haven't you know, they don't have a strong support system, you know, it could be helpful, It could be helpful. So I again, I'm just speaking from my own experience. I'm not I don't want to say that my my experience is is God or anything. But yeah, I think being an action like being a real therapist, I think
would be exhausting. I mean, I get pretty exhausted a lot of the times doing this show and this is like a total bullshit thing.
And being like a I don't know if it bullshit.
No, I'm just I'm being self deprecating, you know. Yeah, But yeah, I mean I think like being a real well it's fine, I mean, yeah, I get exhausted doing this show, like being like a real therapist who has like genuine accountability, uh you know, because they're they're like a medical professional. Yeah, it sounds like a lot.
I don't even feel like that part scares me, Like the like the like ethics of it all, or just keeping with the code and you know, keeping with laws and you know, telling clients about informed consent, And I
don't feel like those things aren't scaring me. It's just the concept of like being in a room with someone and then them looking to me as some sort of like person with answers when I'm just me, Like, I feel like I don't know, like does my educations, is my years of like working in a practicum space or internship or whatever, is that really going to make me prepared? I don't know.
Well no, you well yeah of course well not yeah, of course. Well anyone who looks anyone who comes to therapy looking for answers, I mean, good luck. Well I don't think I mean, uh, you know, I think like answers, can you know only you you you already.
Have the answers, right, So maybe it's just my that concept of therapy is not just in my own head. It's not it's looking for answers, but that's not it for everyone.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know therapy is.
It's weird.
I know, I really I found a lot of joy and I'm only I'm I'm not trying to be like, uh what I talked on the podcast a little while ago, back when I was really, I'm less into it now because I think I got I got a little too into it and I started like, uh what I what I'm What I'm trying to say is like ure, I still love journaling, but journaling and throwing my journals into
chat GPT was really helpful. I could see it being kind of detrimental in some sense because I I I at a certain point like I was I was kind of amazed at the technology. I was amazed that, like I could get objective, non emotional, logical, well thought out, well reasoned answers from a machine and I and I was kind of intoxicated by that for a while. But then I started living my life, not living my life, but I started kind of thinking in terms of the machine,
and that was a little too rigid for me. I think, but it's helpful if you have you've never done it, you know, it's a helpful thing to do, especially if you can't afford us here.
And there for like fucking assignments and ship. But like, I haven't put my own personal like, uh, you know, whatever I'm dealing with into chachipt. I haven't thought about that.
I'm not gonna put I'm not gonna put my I'm not gonna put my Lyle stamp of endorsement on it by any means. But I was doing it for a while and it was, uh, it was helpful for me for the duration I was doing it, and I still I still, I still like use it. I still use it for advice a lot because it's.
Yeah, but.
No, no, no, it's better than me. It's way God, it's way better than me. Dear God. Please, if you have a question, uh yeah, because chat well, because chat ChiPT, you'll never ask it something and and it'll go You'll never ask chat chip t something and have it go.
Well.
I don't know, man, Yeah, I don't know. That's kind of crazy.
You know.
I'll do that nine times out of ten.
It's all validating to put something into chatch ept and give it, give me like five hundred seven hundred words like sometimes I don't want all of that, you know, but I guess you can tailor your uh message and have them give you less.
Well. I think you'll you'll die one day and before that, UH probably have probably find some joys. Is that comforting? Somewhat somewhat okay?
I like the last part?
Good? What do you mean? What do you mean? I know about it. You're definitely gonna die one day. That's
one hundred percent thing that I'm certain of. I'm one hundred percent certain that you're going to die one day, and I'm I'm a hundred I'm certain that one day you and I will die, and I'm optimistic that between now and then we will find uh moments of joy in some way, shape or form, and also moments of of sadness and of uh of of horniness and of being really hungry and of having diarrhea, and of of of eating a piece of candy. Maybe mm hmm.
That does make me feel better? Good? Yes, that was.
What's your name again?
It's Raffi, Rahi Rassi, It's Raphael, but I.
Go by well Raffi. Uh, listen, man, God bless Uzbeka Stan and God bless your your aunt and I'll see God bless your mother, your fucking aunt. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh No, have a good night, drink water. We're all gonna die.
We're all gonna die.
Peace.
Thank you.
That was rafi. That was nice. I liked that. Uh, therapy is crazy. I don't have anything else to add to that conversation that I don't think I already said. Uh yeah, I'm still trying to. I don't know. I'm curious people stuff. If you're if you listen to this podcast or you watch it on YouTube or whatever, let me know. I don't know the conversation we just had. I'm genuinely curious what other people's thoughts are on it, So leave a comment with your thoughts on like Adam's
therapy helpful for you? Like what's what's been helpful for you? Like I guess the general question I'm curious about for myself and for the people listening is like like moving your life forward or like dealing with your shit, Like what's what's been the most helpful thing? Because yeah, I'm just to reiterate like I'm so, I'm so torn between how much of talking about your problems is centering them in your life versus how much how much is centering
them in your life versus like dealing with it. I really don't know, So I'm curious what people think. So leave a leave a comment, or or don't or don't or do whatever you want. What's up, Shelley? How you doing?
Oh? Not much. I'm actually doing pretty good. How are you?
Man?
Uh, I'm doing actually pretty good myself. Is there anything in particular you you called in to want to talk about, Shelley.
Well, you did say earlier you're not really in the mood for advice.
Well, I don't, you know, forget about what I said earlier. Do you can tell me, you know, don't whatever, whatever you want to talk about, I'm in for.
Hmm. Honestly, I've been doing really good the past times I've tried to call in. I always need like some deeps, like you know, some types of specific advice, But I don't really have anything right now.
What is it that uh uh okay, Well then what is it that was going on? And what changed?
I think I was feeling really lost about what I wanted to do in my life. I remember, I feel like I didn't have any goals to work for. So I'm turning twenty one. I've been doing community college and I honestly just did that because it was expected to from my family, and I told myself I wanted to get in psychology, but that shit is kind of way like, I don't want to do school. So now I'm pursuing audio engineering and music because that's much true passion.
Very cool and yeah, I mean, are you? Are you feeling like you have more direction now.
I do. I found like this perfect trade school that's only like forty minutes away, and it's everything I like want and need for, like a day job and audio engineering. And also it's like I can learn to be a self producing artist too and use all their fancy equipment.
Yeah cool?
Is that? Are you?
Is that like the uh the ultimate call? Like a day job in some form of audio engineering, and then the dream is to be like a artists.
The dream for me honestly lies in singing. I feel like being more like an artist and not necessarily being famous, but being able to just do that as much as I can and getting paid at the same time. Would be great. So yeah, that is the true dream. Like I get jealous every time I, you know, be someone like what's like a recent artist, like you know, just like these pop stars that don't even they don't touch their instruments. Their producers and audio engineers make the music
for them. But I want to be able to thing, play every instrument, produce it all, mix it. So yeah, that is the ultimate goal right now.
I like it. I like it. That's cool. It's nice. It's nice to you know. For as jealous as you may feel about those people. Look, it's nice to have something that you want and care about doing. It's value. It's a diamond to have a dream. I know that sounds like something from a Disney movie, but I really mean it. I think it's it's nice to have something, to be excited at the potential of a thing that could happen, or or I mean most but actually I
mean look, most of all. Most of all, most of all is I'm excited for you because you seem like you actually just fucking want to make the music, which is the most important part.
Okay, I will say it's not all like paradise. I'm having issues finding original sound and original melodies because I'm so used to singing everyone else's music and songs and covers. So that's the one thing that scares me is like, shit, wait, what if I like, I can teach myself every instrument, but how do I compose something like I've never heard of or someone like someone else has never heard of before?
M hm.
So that's the scary parts. But I think it's something I'm gonna have to learn along the.
Way, you know.
So yeah, part of me scared. Part of me feels I get like imposter syndrome, like oh, maybe I'm I'm not as good as I want to or hope I am and will be. But you know, I don't want to be like my father's like, oh, you should get into medical field and you know, make uh you know this much and work in fluorescent lighting twelve hours a day. Like that sounds like I would rather kill myself.
Yeah.
No, yeah, being in med school and working under fluscent lighting sucks. I mean, look, some people, well I'm glad it doesn't. I'm glad not everyone thinks that it sucks, because if everyone thought it sucks, then there there'd be no doctors when that would be bad. But yeah, yeah, dude. Look, I'm good, you get I'm glad to hear that you let you have a thing you want to do, you have some sort of direction, you know. I I just for I guess for anyone listening to this, and and
you're right. I did say earlier that I'm not uh uh uh you know, I'm a little burnt out on advice, but I I feel like I've just I've learned a couple fucking things, and one of them is like that that just having a some semblance of a sense of direction of a thing you want to do is is
where the real beauty lies. I think the beauty lies in that and in enjoying the work more than it does in uh any kind of material success, right because because your yeah, because your material success is everything leads back to the actual work of whatever it is you're doing. So you can have material success and it's it's it's it's great, and it's it can be beautiful, but uh,
it all comes back to you know, the work. I mean, I mean in my life, it's like, uh, you know, whatever, I go to interview Doja Cat and I do a vice documentary and I tour Australia and you know, I got all these cool things. They all lead me right back here talking to you doing the work of making the fucking podcasts and whatnot. You know what I mean. So it all, whatever, it all, it all, it all
leads back to the work. So if all you have is the work and you don't have the material success that you imagine, it's the same fucking thing because the material success you imagine leads you right back to the work. Right Like you you're always you're you're you're in this. You're whether you're the most whether you're fucking making music in your bedroom for zero people, or you're Kendrick Lamar. You know, you're you're in the studio. You're both in
the studio. You're both dragon shit around a fucking timeline on your computer and coming up with stuff. So that's I mean, that's where everything is.
Yeah, definitely. And I've been watching so I've been doing like this thing called mindful doom scrolling. O good, but I've trained. Here's it sounds bench. But before it used to be cross his garbage that I would forget about. But now I switched over to like YouTube shorts because it's tailored to all of my you know, like of a music theory artist interviews, and I really like Tyler the creator. He is saying things like, oh shit, wait, I'm going blank. He just has really good advice. It's
just like, what are you scared of? Go for it? Oh one interview? I really like he's like he like he put it where no one knows what you're capable of except for you, Like, no one knows what you're gonna be doing in the next five years. Everyone just knows you from what you've already done. So he's telling everyone at nineteen, I'm gonna get a Grammy. I'm gonna get a Grammy. And they're like, no, you're not, like you're just you're just a kid. You're like shut up.
And he was so confident he tweeted it like forever ago, and then retweeted it when he won his Grammy, like he was just like so inspiring, and it's like I'm now telling everyone like, hey, by the way, I'm gonna want to get Grammy, whether that's in singing or producing.
Why wait, wait wait wait, why wait Hola HeLa, Why are you telling everyone you're gonna win a Grammy Because it's gonna.
Happen I it's like it's you hold on.
Hold on, hold on, hold I just hold on, hold on. I just want to make sure you heard everything. I just want to make sure you heard the rant that I went on. Did you hear the rant I just went on?
I yes. But it's also a part of me is like I would rather get my hopes ohs than think the opposite, like I'm never gonna.
Win a gram Okay, all right, you know what? You know what I you know what? I I hope you win a Grammy. I hope you win a Grammy. And if and if the idea that someday you may win a Grammy makes you feel good and makes you want to work and do your thing, then uh, then then please continue to tell people that you're gonna get a Grammy.
Well maybe I shouldn't. Actually, I'm taking it back because I've recently looked up the list of artists who hasn't don't have Grammys, and Nicki minaj it does not have a Grammy, and I think she should, but maybe she just hasn't got one yet.
Well yeah, yeah, but the Grammys are just like yeah, but the Grammys are like that's yeah, but that's all bullshit. That's like whatever. That's like ten people who like think that they're important enough that they're you know, they matter, but they don't. Yeah, who gives a shit about the fucking Grammys. Shit, it's just a but it's just a
bunch of people. The Grammys and the Oscar these are these are like a group of like ten fucking people who have successfully convinced the masses that their elite opinions on things matter and create reality and if it's complete and total bullshit and doesn't matter at all. I really hope that you, you know what, I hope. I hope that you can make fifty thousand dollars a year making music. That's what I hope for you. I hope you I hope, I hope you can. I hope you can achieve higher
than that. But my baseline hope for you is that you make fifty thousand dollars a year making music and you and you don't have to work at Chipotle, and you can pay off your student debt, and you can make the songs you really want to make that make you happy to make. That's what I hope for you, more than you getting a Grammy.
You know what, Yeah, shit, you're good, dude, are you? Are you a therapist?
No, I'm a crazy person, but I think about these things a lot. I do. I think about these things a lot.
You're right. I think I'm definitely setting those realistic goals while having, like you know, wishful thinking.
Yeah again, if your wishful thinking makes you feel happy and motivated, then God bless you. What's your name again?
My name is Shelley, Shelly.
Uh fucking Shelley. Where can we find you?
I don't that's my thing. I don't have any like an online presence.
You want to you want to win a Grammy?
You don't?
Ah? My god? All right, well go make one. Goddamn Okay, here I.
Will call and, like you know, I'll have more of I was gonna have a gig, but I had to cancel it because I was washing and someone punched me in the throat and I can't really sing right now. It's getting better.
Yeah, that's called fucking around and finding out.
No, I didn't want to wash. My friend pushed me in and I'll oh, no too much. Oh really it was like a really shitty venue and it smelled bad and it was actually I had a really horrible week, but now it's good because I was like, I had to cancel my first music gig. They were gonna pay me like three twenty five for three hours of singing, and I'm like, dude, I can do that.
That's pretty good.
But so that's the thing that's making depress right now. I can't sing and I'm a phenomenal singer. Like so it just knows. Thing just kind of makes me like diference. But it's like, just for now, just for now, we're taking a break, Shelley.
Is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I just want to say thank you for being you, and stay.
Green, God bless Afghanistan and talk to you later. Shelley.
All right, I'll have an interview with you when I'm rich and famous one day.
See you later.
Bye.
I feel like that thing she said at the end indicated that she I don't think she listened to anything that I said. But also, I'll you know what, I don't think she listened to anything that I said, but that's okay. I also think I'm a total I also genuinely I think I'm a total bummer. Yeah, that's why I don't like giving advice. Is that's what's why, because I'm just a bummer. Maybe she totally should aspire to
win a Grammy. Maybe I'm just being a bummer and I'm wrong, and you should want to like, you know, I don't know, big dreams are good. Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I'm jealous of her. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm maybe I used to have I used to wanna. Uh well, actually I don't know. I mean, I think I accomplished
a lot of the things I used to wanna. I used to wanna accomplish, you know, And so I feel like I've seen what that looks like up close, and it's different than what it looked like from afar, and I feel like I've kind of learned a little bit. And so that's why I settle the ship that I said. But I also, I think being I also, i've become less ambitious over the years. And it's actually one of my problems that I've become a little bit less ambitious
over the years. I'd like to be more ambitious. I've been pretty I mean, I started making crap a long time ago. I've been making stuff and having ambitions for like fourteen years and yeah, maybe I was just jealous of her ambition. I wanted to just zap it out of her. But simultaneously, I also think I have a little bit of perspective on some of this stuff enough to that I that I believe. I believe in everything I said. But yeah, whatever, I maybe I just want
to Grammy. Maybe that's it all from right? Hello, Hello, Hey, what's up?
So Mike picking anything up in the back?
Uh you are you on like speakerphone or like, what's up with you?
No?
I'm on Google Boys.
Oh okay, all right, all right, all right, So and you're holding your phone up your thing.
No, I'm on PC.
Okay, so you're in like a microphone. All right, we can check chack check. Can you guys hear this? Guy?
It's exactly like a phone call?
All right, all right, you guys can hear this.
I've done this before. I've called again. I used SETH last time.
Oh oh wait, so we talked before?
Yes?
Oh okay, all right, well hold on, all right, hold on? Actually you know what fuck it? I usually cut this part of the podcast out where we're doing the audio check stuff, but let's just leave it in for now. Let's just leave it in. It's part of it's part of the lore of this conversation. Okay. So we've talked before, Seth m okay, okay, so hold on, I'm gonna give some context.
Can I have a request though? Can you not put it in the podcast? No? The Spotify podcast? Please?
No?
Wow, rather listen to it?
Uh no, you don't want to. If you don't want to be in the pod cast, then I have to hang up on you unfortunately.
Okay, No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
All right, Well, I'll talk to you again soon. Seth.
No, no, no, no, no, just put it in the podcast.
Okay. You you're okay with this being in the podcast?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, discle Are you all right? Are you? Hola HeLa? Are you? Are you sure? Because I don't if we have this conversation, I'm fine and we.
Just if we with you, you could cut it. But you know I'm fine with it being in that.
Well, I only here's look, I only want I only I only want you to do this if you want to be in the podcast.
Well no, no, that's the thing is I'm fifty to fifty over it. So I'm comfortable with it being online inaccessible?
Are you one hundred percent short?
Yes? Yes?
Okay, well I did we I this is recorded confirmation. You are one hundred percent short?
Ye?
You want this to be in the podcast?
You?
I'm asking you three times? Mm hmm you sure?
Yes?
All right, we're leaving all this in. This is all well, this is we're not cutting out the audio checks. We're not cutting out this. This is all staying in.
Whole thing. Whole thing, all right.
So for some context, is I remember you, You're you're eighteen.
Right, yeah? Do you want me to do a recap?
I can, No, I'll do I'll do the recap. So you're eighteen, and you were talking about last time we talked. You talked about how you were gonna go on it. You wanted to go on a trip, right, yeah, but your friends weren't weren't gonna go with you, and you weren't gonna go You didn't want to go without your friends. And I was telling you that you should just go anyway, and I was yelling at you a lot, and I was talking over you a lot, and I got a lot of comments on our conversation.
That's actually my brother texted me about it. That's why I know he listened to it.
I got a lot of comments on our conversation from people saying that I yelled at you too much and I talked over you too much. Did you see those?
Also? I also know there were comments.
I also thought I was fine. I also I disagreed with those comments. I felt as though I yelled at you an appropriate amount, and I and I that was.
All over the place. I actually have notes this time.
I don't regret yelling at you every I I meant every word that I yelled at your face. What are your notes?
Yeah?
Go ahead, all right, So.
The context when I called last time, right, some dude kind of dropped a nuke on the friend group went to ship.
It's fine now.
Actually, it's like nothing happened, except he's just not there. And it's hilarious because he's now best friends with one of our other friends exes and someone else's exes. So we call them the Evil League of Exes because they're all friends and like two of them are dating.
It's hilarious. They're like the Evil US. So funny but irrelevant.
So Seth, So Seth, Seth, let me ask you this, what's going. What's going on with you? Are you going to take the trip?
Uh? Probably not? Actually, well why not? Uh, I'm gonna wait till next year.
What's next? What's happening next year?
Uh?
No?
Money right now?
Okay?
All right? And also my friends are.
I'd want I'd be willing to wait for them because it's they're both coming.
I didn't I thought, seth. I yelled at you about this already. You want me to yell at you again? No? No, all right, Well but well listen, Well, well let me ask you this man. You called back in again, and I'm curre serious. Uh why I assume you had a specific reason.
Uh, just kind of.
An update, because like, my first semester of classes bombed, it completely bombed. It past my physics class.
Mm hmmm, that's it. It's crazy. So I'm trying not to do that again. And then.
My other friend group went to ship. Actually, uh, the other one's completely fine. Then the other one just like exact same thing, but it's online, so it's like not as serious, but like talk to him daily for a few years, so.
It sounds just like nah, whatever, Okay, trying to put together my notes.
Can you know, can you know if very you have not you have notes, right, mm hmmm are they like bullet point notes?
Yeah?
Okay? Can you just read me off all of the bullet points?
Oh okay, so we got it based off of the online friend group event going to.
Ship could you could you? Could you just read them to me like verbatim, like just like no context, read the words.
Yeah, so I have it in three.
So it's before, uh, the thing that happened, and after the before is just recap about all that, and so pretty much bullet point one is done. Now we're at the online friener bullet point and then we'll get to what.
Happened after seth Can you read just the piece of paper? I just read all the bullet points.
So number two, I think we kind of covered this in the last one. It's like I've been gay the whole time, but then there's like this chick that I like, So we figured that whole thing outa gay, but I can develop feelings for chicks and that has to come into play.
So chicked it have known for a while.
Right, wait, hold on, what's what? What is this?
This is the point too, because if I read the bullet points and that, yeah.
But I just I just was I just want you to you know what, ah, it works, it works, I promise, Seth, you know what. I I just can you just you need to me the bullet.
Uh met The chick bumbled mm hmmm.
That thing that I just explained and a heart effects trying not to fail classes, trying not to fail them, trying to go to classes, figuring out how to recover from the fumble is what I need the advice on.
Okay, yeah, okay, go ahead, all right, let's focus let's focus in on that. Let's focus in on that. Let's focus in on that. That's that that's gonna be what this call is about. Focusing on what, go ahead and what is the fumble? What did you fumble?
So chick known her for like a year, my age online, same interests and shit talk like daily VC's ship all that. The thing is, she lives like twelve hours away, but like I've talked to her mom and she and like her dad. I fucking and I've known her for like two years almost.
So.
Like I was like, oh, she's kind of cool, right, And I was like, okay, I like her more than just she's my friend.
And I was like, okay, fuck it, I'll go for it instead of just being a little piss whim. Uh it was a no. But then she's awkward. And now because the whole.
Thing is like that friend group, I was kind of like, meh, she was really the only reason I'm still friends with half the people.
So it's like, do I try to salvage the relationship.
Or I'm Seth, Seth Seth, I I true, truly, I only I'm I'm only acting like this because I'm I'm investing. I mean, I mean this, I'm investing. No, No, I'm I'm I'm I am. I am invested in you having a good life. I don't know you at all, but I'm just like, in this moment that I'm talking to you, I'm invested in you having a good life. I'm extremely confused at what online Okay, okay, what do you mean you fumbled friends with Like okay, all right, you're friends
with her, she says. She says, No, that's not a fumble. That's not a.
Fumble that I feel like.
No, No, no, set Seth Seth, not a fumble. It's actually uh, it's it's actually a field. It's actually hold on it's actually a field.
Goal.
Let me tell you why it's a field goal. Let me tell you why it's a field goal, Seth. Let me tell you why it's a field goal, Seth. Okay, not to fumble, Seth. I Seth, I said, I said, I'm gonna said, I'm gonna yell It's not I'm gonna keep yelling at you. I'm gonna yell you again. I'm gonna yell at you. All the comments are gonna be like, li, why do you yell at that guy? And I'm gonna not care and I'm gonna be Yeah, Seth, it was not a fumble. It was a field goal. Okay, fucking
listen to me. The second you decided, you know what, I'm gonna express my feelings for this girl, and the second you grew the balls and you did it, you scored the field goal.
Mmmm.
Okay. Because now, because you're eighteen and no relationship you're gonna have at this point in your life is gonna really matter all that much. But the development of the skill of having the courage to express your feelings is is a w and is a field goal, and is not a fumble a fumble in this situation for you, Seth would be if you were to never express your feelings at all and decide to play it completely safe and not risk rejection. That's a fumble, Seth. But but what but what then.
We'd still be talking because.
Like, okay, okay, yeah, okay, okay, yeah okay, But but you would still be Yes, you would, Yes, you would have a relationship that is skewed by the dishonesty of your feeling of your of your feelings for her, because you would have a friendship with this woman, but you would want something more, and the fact that you want something more would be it was, it would be what I'd rather put up.
With that then, yeah, the ship.
But Seth, Seth, Seth? Are you like, are you in college or anything? Like? What are you doing?
Yeah, I'm in college. I'm in computer engineering.
Okay. Do you live on campus?
Yeah?
You live out? You live on a college campus. Like are you staying in a dorm? Yes, Seth, I'm in Seth. I'm gonna kill you. Go out in, Seth. You're eighteen, you live on a college campus.
Fuck this girl that lives twelve hours away, who you said she doesn't like you? Go God damn it, Seth. Go to clubs. Go start clubs, go talk to random people that you find attractive on park benches. God, but but what Seth.
That requires socialization?
It's sure, yeah, sure, God damn does Seth?
Would you would you do that.
If I were you, if you were in my if you were in my predicament, what would you do if I were in your predicament?
Well, let me tell you something, Seth. If I was in your predicament and I was the eighteen year old version of myself, I would be you know, I was okay when I was eighteen. I was actually pretty, you
know whatever. You know what, Here's the problem is that if I were the eighteen year old version of myself, I would have eighteen year old version of myself fears and anxieties, which I and you know now that I'm talking about it, I ampathize with you that you have those fears and anxieties that eighteen year old version of myself would have. But I'm okay, but you get what.
I'm okay, But I'm twenty seven version of your old Okay, But I'm twenty seven year old version of myself now and you and I are talking, and I'm trying to tell you with my twenty seven year old version of myself with my brain that you should overcome the fear that you have of the socialization and not be fixated on this you know, this, this lady that lives twelve hours away and so and so and so and so.
If I were you now with the brain I have now, I would I would write down a list of my interests and I would join or start clubs related to them, and I would try to work up the cajoles to fucking talk to people. And uh, it's really hard.
I don't.
I don't, I really I don't have like good advice for you on on how to get over it. But like you know, I mean, that's that's the thing.
Man.
It's a real Nike just do it situation. But I again, I'm just letting you know. And I actually think I did really understand this when I was eighteen. Is like the the putting yourself out there and getting rejected is not a fumble. The fumble is to you know, just just stay in your room and you know, jerk off a thousand times and and and not do anything. You know, kid, Okay, do you yet? Okay, I'm gonna I'm that's all I have for you today. That's all I have for you today, Seth,
call in, call call in next week, we'll talk again. Well, you know what we're gonna We're gonna keep doing this until you eventually call me and you're like, things are going good. I don't I normally I don't like normally, I truly I don't like when people I don't really like return callers. Things are fine, hold on, but I'm not a big hold on I'm not a big return caller guy, like historically in this podcast, I'm not a return caller guy. I wanna make an exception for you, Seth.
If you call it, you call in again, don't call in next week, call in, give it some time, but you call in again, I will make you the only honorary return therapy get going caller. Mainly because I have a lot of fun yelling at you and I want to know. I want to hear what's going on in your life. Yeah, it makes it. I get a lot of adrenaline and serotonin from yelling at you. So please call in again.
Okay, Okay, I will, I will.
All right?
Is there anything else do you want to say to the people of the computer before we go Seth.
I saw this reel where it was an idea for a show where it's nine gay dudes and one straight dude and they have to vote out the straight guy and if it remains him, he gets money. But plot twists they're all straight guys and it's just weeks of ten straight dudes convincing each other who's gay.
Okay, I'll check that out.
That would be awesome, wouldn't it not? It would be layers.
All right, I'll think I'll talk I'll talk to you later, Seth. Okay, all right, later man later. Yeah, well, I don't know about it. Yeah, well we'll hear from Seth again. I'm not a big return caller guy. But I something about out, you know what. I It's funny. I was talking to Seth and just now and I was like, yeah, if I had if I were back into my eighteen year old version of myself, I would probably would probably have similar amounts of anxiety that he does. But I'm trying
to but that. But if I could go back, but if I could go back with my twenty seven year old brain, I might do it a little bit differently. And I don't know, isn't at the point of a conversation is you get a different perspective on a thing. I don't know. I also I just I really like yelling.
Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night ever, goes to he's.
Teaching you loud life. Really an expert