Hello, everybody, Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast. Today's episode, we're doing gek mail. Gek mail is a thing where, you know, normally on this podcast, people will call me on the phone and I'll have conversations with them about stuff, and it'll be a dialogue. But this time, I'm reading emails that people have sent me. And I have a
special guest on today's episode. I am down in Georgia visiting my father, and I decided, I was like, you know what I've mentioned, I'm trying to get more guests on the podcast, and you know what, screw all the celebrities, screw all the you know whatever. I had. I had my sister on, and now today I have my father on.
I was happy to interrupt my nap to be on your podcast.
I was happy you could interrupt your nap too. I feel like there's a lot of times where I'm like talking on this podcast and I can like hear. This will be interesting for me because there's a lot of times where like I'm talking on this podcast and I can hear in my own voice that I'm talking similar to you. So the audience will now be able to tell me if that's true.
That happens all the time to me where I'm talking and I feel like my father is talking through me all the time. That happens. Really, yeah, it's very and I think it's actually pretty common in the world that people channel their parents, first of all through genetics and then you know, just through orientation. You know, I was thinking about this the other day. Actually, I was thinking about this yesterday when you and I'm pretty open with you about things that happened in my life and how
I feel about things and what I do. And there's multiple reasons for that. One reason for that is I love you, I trust you, I feel very close to you, so it's just natural to have that kind of interaction. But there's another kind of a parental reason that I do it, which is, you know, at this stage, you're totally in adults. You make all of your own decisions. You come and go and do whatever makes sense to you in your vision of the world in your life,
and I completely respect that. So you know, the parent child roles don't disappear. So the question is what can I do as your parents that would add value for you and to me just being totally transparent with who I am and what I've done and why I've done them gives you an opportunity to say, Okay, this is I could have a complete model of how I want to be as as I moved through life, or how I don't want to be as I move through life. And I can't imagine a better thing to give you besides,
you know, bequeathing you all of my worldly possession. It will happen at some times.
Well I hope it doesn't happen for a long time, but no, I appreciate that because I feel like the it's interesting to say you channel your father through yourself, because yeah, I also feel like I like, like, am you know, similar to you in many ways because I have your genes and so to hear when you're you know, transparent with me about your life and you know whatnot, I feel like I get more clarification on like my own brain because I'm talking to someone who genetically has
a similar brain to me. And to see how like your life plays out and how your thoughts and your feelings play out, it it's it's it's very helpful. It is it is far more helpful to me than all of your worldly possessions.
Yeah, and you know, you know, people who don't have children one hundred percent legitimate lifestyle choice. Yeah, no criticism of them at all. Yeah, But when you have a child and you participate in that child's life and you see him or her grow up, you start to recognize in that child pieces of yourself. You know that that that you have passed on, and then you somewhat recognies parts of your parents that are also reflected in the child and in yourself.
Interesting and think about that.
And it gives you a much I feel deeper understanding of yourself in the world. You know, when you see when you see characteristics and traits in your child and in your your parents that you may have thought was within you as well, And it does give you a fuller understanding of yourself in the world.
Right, Like you made a copy of yourself and you sent it out into the universe and now you're seeing how it's doing things and then you're like, uh, yeah, they can give you more perspective on.
Right, especially when you when you see those traits reflected in your parents, those because those traits that that carry through three generations. I mean, that's that's deep characteristic.
Do you see any similarities between me and your dad, Oh my god, so.
Many what well, you know, one of the things my dad was really really good at was going into places where he didn't know anybody, it was a strange and alien place, and make himself and the people he was with feel comfortable. He was really skilled at sales, and part of that was his ability to make himself comfortable in unusual in different situations, and make the people he was with feel comfortable, you know, in that situation and with him. And I mean, I think that's something that
you are very gifted at. I appreciate that, as is evidenced by all of the things that you've done professionally over the last half dozen years.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Hmm hmmm.
And it and it suggests to me that and it prompts me to consider whether I have that characteristic.
Of course you have that characteristic.
You know. And so so, why do we care what we're like? Why does it matter that we know what we're like? It matters because if we could recognize things in our selves that are our real parts of us, uh, and we want and we like that, we can lean into that in the in the things that we do and we could be more successful in our lives, in our relationships, in our careers, in our you know, social life, in our hobbies, in our creative pursuits. You lean into your strength.
Yeah, well that's the thing about like, that's why the self knowledge is helpful, because well sell like self awareness of like your self awareness, I feel like like introspection. And I don't know if you have this too, but like, sometimes I feel like I get too introspective for my own good, that I'm like like living in my head instead of like in the world, you know, like analy like thinking it Like, do you ever feel like thinking about yourself too much?
Nose? No, to me, that's not a problem unless I'm having destructive self talk.
Oh of like, oh I'm not good. Like unless if you're built, like you're building a narrative of yourself where you suck.
Yes, that's right. But otherwise, you know, your thoughts, you could have just wonderful thoughts about yourself and how you fit into the world. And I don't see a problem with doing that unless you have destructive self talk.
How how often are you having destructive self talk? At the age of sixty six? Every day, every day, every day It hasn't gotten easier over time? Have you gotten better at dealing with it?
I have gotten much better at dealing with it, because you know, when you get older, like I just retired a year ago, and you know, as a younger person, I had certain specific dreams and goals, and then my life changed and I focused on different dreams and goals. And now that I'm older, and all of that is behind me, and the activity of having dreams and goals is not behind me. I still have them.
I say, you be, the specifics of them.
Right, But the specifics of them. I can now look back, and you know, to a certain extent, my life has book ended a little bit, you know, and I can see, well, all right, I wanted to do that. When I was seventeen years old, I made different choices when I was twenty three years old. Why did I make those choices? What was it about me that made those choices? And that's where you might say, well, why bother? Why bother? And that would be a legitimate response.
Why by the analyzing?
Yeah, why bother analyzing? But you know, again a lot of it comes down to understanding who you are and what you're good at and leaning into it. Or what you maybe could use a little improvement at and focus on improving those areas.
So what was it. So when you were seventeen, what was your dream?
Oh? I was I went out to California to become, you know, a film director. And you know, and I'll tell you in stages, I moved away from that at various times.
Like it happened slowly.
It did happen slowly, And it happened before I ever really liked put my heart and soul into doing the thing.
Oh, before you ever put your heart and soul into doing whatever it was you were doing.
Right, Yeah, you know. I remember, I have a I have a really good friend who his name is Fred Decker, and I and I drop his name because I admire him tremendously and anybody wants to look him up. He's had a very interesting career as a filmmaker, as a filmmaker, as a writer. And I remember I was at UCLA and he had reserved a sound stage to make a short movie. And I remember walking by it and looking at it and and having this feeling that I don't
see myself in that environment. That's that's not the right place for me. Yeah. So but and then I kind of like let that go. And then I I work after I graduated from UCLA as a waiter at Bob's Big Boy restaurant, and I was going to write a novel, and as I was writing the novel, I was thinking, I'm not feeling joy from doing this.
Yeah, so.
Those were kind of introspective things, like if I'm not introspective about those things, I may not make the right decisions for myself.
Well, it's a I don't know if I think I've probably talked about it on this podcast before, but I had a moment with that with with stand up comedy where I was at a I was at this show and I wasn't on the show, but I was like a friend's show. And then I had another friend who was there who also wasn't on the show, and I was talking to my other friend who wasn't on the show, and I said to him, doesn't it feel nice to just like not have to worry about like performing and
like being on stage and stuff. And he looked to me like I was crazy, and he was like, I'm a comedian. I always want to be on stage. And I left and I left that night being like fuck, if I'm not like that, then I don't know if I can do this.
And then it was it.
You know, it ended up being this interesting full circle thing because I, you know, I perform as the get go and stuff, but I have at like had those moments where like I see somebody else like, uh, looking like they're really enjoying doing something that I thought I wanted to do, and then being like, fuck, am is that? Am I supposed to feel that way? But are you?
But it's hard to tell because I'm like, uh, I think there there must be a suffering of some kind, like in order to write a book or do something like, you do have to uh like, you can't expect yourself to enjoy every single part of the process, can you, You think?
Well, fair question, and it deserves, you know, a thoughtful response, which is, all right, let's look at those two situations that I that I told you in my life. Now, I could very well have said, all right, I don't see myself in that environment regarding that soundstage experience, And I could have said, why why don't I see myself in that and maybe understood myself better and gotten over that.
Yeah, sure baby, yeah maybe maybe.
Oh you know, same thing with you know, I was writing my novel and you know, feeling no joy, I would have thought, why am I feeling no joy? And maybe if I'd done some investigation, I would have realized that every novelist in the history of letters has hated writing and just had to get past that because they had a voice and they had something to say and and that was important to them. So, you know, Unfortunately, I I feel like I'm leaving your listeners with conflicting approaches to me.
Well the well I mean, if you know, I don't think there is a correct approach. You know, I'm very one of the hard things about uh, you know, one of the hard things about doing this, And I don't look I definitely I talk about this all the time on here, Like I don't. I try not to give advice. I end up doing it on certain situations I feel
like it. But I feel like I remain I remain rather agnostic towards a lot of stuff on here, truly, because I will think about the different ways to like approach stuff, and I will wind up being like, oh, I really don't know which one is the correct approach, Like the specific issues you know of, like you know, am I supposed to like suffer through the not liking of the process of the doing of the thing, Or am I supposed to find something where the process of
doing it it feels good? And I've experienced I've had lots of experiences where I did, like overcome the lack of desire to do something and it made like a really great product that was really proud of. I'm sure happy I did it. Deadlines helped with that, of course, But then there was a time where I'm life, but then there's ship where I'm like, oh, I can really tell I enjoy the process of doing this thing.
Listen. I remember being a practicing lawyer in Los Angeles. Yeah, in the nineteen eighties. This was short. This was shortly after let's say three or four years, you know, the Cold War was still going, Yeah, in the nineteen eighties, and there was a big production of nuclear war that came out like in eighty four eighty five that really was sobering about what nuclear war was going to be like. So it's kind of like roughly on your mind. I
was very lucky. I had beautiful office in Century City, Los Angeles, on the nineteenth floor, overlooking all of West Los Angeles and on a relatively clear day, I could see the ocean and it was just great. Yeah, And I was writing a brief that I hated writing. Yeah, I did not want to write it. So I was looking after the window and fantasizing that if a nuclear bomb hit Los Angeles, I wouldn't have to write the brief. I ended up writing the brief and we ended up
winning the case. But yeah, you have to sometimes you do, just have to power through those feelings. You know.
As funny as you've told me that story before, but I never knew that that was like in the context of the Cold War. I just imagined that you were looking out at your office imagining that a bomb would come. But I didn't know that there was a context on which other theoretically could have been.
Well, now it would be like a comet or an asteroid. Yeah, because we just watched that movie Green Lion. Then we're looking forward to Greenland too, which is all about a comet hitting the planet. And you know, and you know, my wife is a crazy uh apococalypts fan fan.
Are you do you worry? Do you ever worry about the apocalypse?
Never?
Is it because of the statistical unlikeness of it happening, or because if it does happen, you don't have meaning to worry about ever.
Again, you know, there's the whole concept of control. Yeah, and worry. Yeah right, and we all you know, worry is kind of a fundamental part of the human condition, but it's a very destructive thing. And most of the time we're worrying about things that we cannot control. Yeah, all right, So then then the question is, all right, well, let's get let's let's drill that and really how all right if we can control something, Yeah, why should we think about it at all?
I know it's hard, that's well, well, that's the you know, that's the you know, the serenity prayer, right, yes, absolutely, that's this. This serenity goes something like give me the you know, it's funny sideway fucking In the episode I did with Chloe, we brought up the serenity prayer of like the the well.
Give me the strength to understand the things I can control, and the curse up the whatever the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Yeah, the cur Yeah, the courage control the things that I something. Help me accept the things I can't control help me change the things I can. Help me understand the difference. I think, for if you worry a lot and you have anxiety, to me at least, I don't think I I've gotten pretty good at not worrying about things I can control.
I get worried about.
Things that I can control, you know what I mean? And I think I think people. I think having a lot of worry and anxiety is about a having trouble knowing the difference. But also is I have a lot of uh, But also, like I do, I have a lot of worrying about things I can control, which stops me from controlling them. It's like it's just it just takes up. It's like procrastination.
Well, but that's the great thing, right, because you can translate that worry into action. Yeah, right, Action kills fear.
Yeah, to procrastinate a lot.
Still, I was actually not much of a procrastinator. No, I never felt that way about myself. I'm feel like, if I'm procrastinating about something, yeah, it's because in my subconscious I haven't really decided that it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, you know, I I do, But I believe that too.
I believe that too.
When I feel intuitively drawn to do something I can, I don't have to crass it on it.
And actually that kind of circles around to something else that we were kind of talking about, which was like the concepts of powering through And you know, when people have come to me and said, I don't know what to do about X, Y and Z, what of the situation? My first I don't have advice for anybody. Okay, My
first question is what do you want to do? Yeah, And that's, in my opinion, the first question you should ask you don't know what to do because a lot of times people really know what they want to do, but they're afraid of the potential consequences. Yeah, all right, then if they can't get there, I say, okay. The second question is what's the smart thing to do? That's an interesting one. What's the smart thing to do? Which is not the first question. That's the second question.
Yeah, because you know what, those can be conflicting, Those can have conflicting answers.
Of course, absolutely no question about it. Yeah, because look, ultimately time is limited in our lives. We should do what we want if it's not hurting anyone, If it's not you know, leading us to you know, destruction and despair. You know, focus on what you want to do because it's your life, and you really, I mean, you really only get one of them.
I know. I think a lot of the problems that people on this show have, but we'll we can read some of these emails at some point is like juggling what they want to do with the ever growing external requirements of existing on the earth. You know what I mean.
It's very complicated. Yeah, you know, human civilization, it's just, you know, is a massive maze that gets more complex with more blind turns daily. By the way, your your listeners should know that that this is how we talk. Yeah, this is this is not like, oh we're doing this for a podcast. This is how we talk and then people might say, oh, poor Lyle.
So I'm really happy I asked you to do this. This is way better than me just doing this alone. Actually, you know, I wanted there's a thread of okay, all right, so just to just to close this thread of okay, so you're it's fine. You were on the you were on the phone with my uncle last night and you were talking about this about how you were on the phone uncle last night, and you were you said that one of the great things about being older is that you get to look at your life and see how
it all played out. Yes, so now with what you told us about how you know, you went out to Los Angeles to like do all these things and now life has played out, Like, how do you what's your reflection on how life has played out?
I have a great anecdote about that. Yeah, please, having to do with Chloe. Yeah. So I was talking to Chloe not terribly long ago, it would have been like within the last couple of years, and I I was talking. I was I was down talking the concept of being a dabbler, you know.
For reference, if some people know what some people don't. Chloe, Chloe is my sister, go ahead, so.
You know, like doing getting really good at majong and then learning how to ski Jack of all Trade, Jack of all Trades. And I was saying that kind of in a negative way, Okay, And then I do something that I almost always do. After I say something, I think about whether it's really true, you know.
I do the same. I do the same, Like I'll say it first and I'll be like, wait, I do I actually is.
It really true, and then I realized that my whole life, I've been uh, and I'm gonna say this proudly a grade A dabbler. Yeah, I was.
Yeah, you're a dabbler.
I'm like, you know, I write screenplays, I play music, I play chess, I play golf. You know, I like to tool around with computers. Uh, you know, over and over again. There's there's you know, I love sports. So yeah, I think I've gone through my life and I've looked at all the different things that I've done, the extra curricular things that I've done, and I feel pretty proud about what I've done. And the nice thing is, like, I'm sixty six, I still have time to do more things.
Yeah, what do you what more do you want to do?
I want to write music. I want you know, I have this idea and if somebody wants to steal this idea, go right ahead. That's fine. There's there's room for multiple people to do it. Ye. Yeah, but they won't because your your listener base, I'm guessing probably doesn't know the nineteen sixty nine hit song in the year twenty five twenty five, I've.
I probably not, yeah, probably not. I I guess they don't.
I would urge you to put a link to Spotify or Apple Music or YouTube in the subscription to the song. I want to make a music video where I play the song and then in the song is kind of a cautionary tale about the dangers of future technology. Oh really, yeah, that's what the song way? What is it?
I'll look it up in the year twenty five, twenty five, year twenty five twenty five. Oh I thought I thought you were saying twenty twenty five. Oh, okay, in the year twenty five, twenty five, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they might find in the year thirty five thirty five, you're not gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lie. Everything you think, do or say is in the pill you took today. This is about like fascism.
You could interpret it that way.
How do you interpret it?
I interpreted it more of like biotechnology.
Oh sure, sure, you know.
It's like you take a pill and it just, you know, drives everything you do during the day. You kind of are sacrificing your agency for the benefit of being able to rely upon that technology.
Would you would you analogize that to social media would you analogize that to our our phones perhaps.
You know, I never thought of it that way. I've always taken the songs lyrics pretty much to their face value. By the way, this was the number one song yeah the day and I'm apologies to conspiracy theorists go ahead. The day that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the Earth, July twentieth, nineteen sixty nine, this was the number one hit.
Yeah, that was probably can I you know, I'm curious, like, I bet it was. Do you think it's because people were stoked about the future.
Yes, I think there was a I think I think the future was very much on people's minds back then.
See, I feel so your generation was like tell me if you think this is accurate, But it seems like your generation was like stoked about the future because like was like when they would come out with something, it would be cool, like like, oh, we got a man walking on the moon, we got like, look look at this computer. It's awesome. And now like my generation, like when they come out with something, it's like like, I think my generation is way more like spooked about the
future than yours. Yours seems like it was more excited.
I think your generation has come through follows a lot of historical events that make it feel like we're on the verge of the apocalypse. Yes, and I think there's a very strong end of day's current that runs through our culture. And listen, you know, God willing, the influence of boomers, which is my generation, will pass God willing because we've had our time, and you know, it's time for younger generations to move forward and take the reins
and control the world. And you know, I'm hoping that future generations will kind of emerge from these end of days feelings and have greater hopefulness. But I agree with what you said. I think there's a big difference.
What year were you born?
Nineteen fifty nine, Okay, so.
You're born after so you're I mean, you're so what was I don't know if you've talked much to what year was your dad born?
Do you know? Nineteen thirty one?
Nineteen thirty one?
Okay?
So he was like so he's like a fun he's like fifteen and the world is literally at war.
He's at fifteen and we drop two bombs on Japan.
Crazy, Yeah, so I only fourteen.
It's actually thirteen because he was born in November of nineteen thirty one, right, so in August of nineteen forty five, when the bombs dropped, he would have been thirteen.
Well, I think about this stuff because we've lived through like, yeah, my generation has lived through a lot of like like really spooky apocalyptic things. But we're not the first generation to do that. I mean, there was a oh my god, there's a world war.
You're so not the first generations and that makes and.
I've I've explained, you know, I try to like it's something that makes me feel good and optimistic about the future because it's like, and I've tried to explain this on here before, my feelings of like it's scary to be living in like unprecedented times, but we're people are always living in unprecedented times, and so that makes me
feel a little bit better. Like there was a generation of people who was like, oh fuck, though there's we're dropping nuclear fucking bombs on each other, and look, we're our generation is also kind of watching the news and be like, are we about to drop a bunch of nuclear fucking bombs on it? Chiller and shit, But we're not the first people to you know, be looking at the world biting our nails.
Well, there's no question that the nuclear age is different than what came before, sure, because never before did humans have the ability with just a few fairly minor actions destroy the planet. Right, We never had that ability before, you know, nineteen forty five, and we very much have it now. So concerned about that is legitimate, But it's it's like living with a dull ache that you have
in your body. Oh sure, you just learn to live with the ache and you try not to focus on it, and you try to focus on other things, and you know, and get through the day.
Do you think that like when you were when you were my age, when you're twenty eight, like the people around you, do you think that they were like do you think do you think morale was better in general than it is for like people my age now.
Depends, you know, morale is kind of interesting. And when I was twenty eight, let's say when I was twenty eight, it was what nineteen eighty nine, all right, we were just ending eight eight years of Reagan.
The Simpsons began.
Okay, the Simpsons began. How interesting that is? You know what? I was a very early fan of mac Granning.
You know, I have You Have the Life and You Have the Life in Hell books.
I have those books from the early to mid nineteen eighties.
Yeah, sorry, you can go ahead. We don't have to go into mac graning.
Well, no, no, but it's just kind of interesting. So we're you know, I remember so much more optimism in nineteen sixty nine than I do in nineteen eighty nine. You were ten, Yeah, when I was ten, I remember, all right, nineteen seventy that was the first decade turn that I mean, obviously I had a decade turn from fifty nine to sixty, but I was less than a
year old, so it doesn't really count. But you know, decade turns are opportunities to be excited about the future, and I remember feeling that in myself and in the world in nineteen sixty nine. It helped that the New York Mets had just won the World Series, which was a miraculous event in the world of sports. I don't
remember feeling that the same in nineteen eighty nine. You know, I remember being in nineteen eighty nine, I you know, I wanted to meet a girl and have a family and buy a house and do all the things I was concerned was I was concerned that I wasn't gonna be able to afford to do that in Los Angeles, even though even though I had a good career and I probably could have afforded to do it well.
Because the narrative is that like that like doing all that The narrative is that like you know, like for like yeah, like in that generation that it was like relatively easy if you had like a good job, to like do all those things.
So well, it depends on where you are. Sure, it's always been tough to do them in New York, and I'm always been tough to do them in Los Angeles, depending upon where in Los Angeles. Yeah, right, right, And and even today, the further you go from a major metropolitan area, the more affordable it is. Yes, that's always been true. Right now, I I don't want to come off as a luddite. I recognize that, you know, it feels really intimidating to try to get into the real
estate market. Now, Yeah, I'm I understand that, and I could see why people feel that way, and I think those feelings are legitimate. That said, you know, it's just it's always been a hard balance. You know, Look, my brother bought a house in the nineteen nineties, and you know, he was living He's a doctor, all right, and he didn't feel like he could afford Westchester. He was a doctor practicing in New York City. Didn't feel like he
could afford Westchester. So we moved, I think to Putnam County, which is north of wester But it was it was such a headache, in a hassle to get to him. But it was the same principle, the further away you move.
From the Yeah, and I guess that does that does remain true today.
That's right, you know. And and interest rates have jumped all over the place. You know, when I graduated from college, inter states like eighteen or nineteen percent in nineteen eighty one. Now they're like now they're about, you know, about six ish percent. Yeah, we all remember, you know, to the last decade when they went down to two percent, three percent and four percent. I think we might see that again.
Yeah, that's what people are really cheering for.
That. Well, it's got to be done, right. I'm not a political scientist, I'm not an economist. I don't know, but I don't know the right way to do it. All I know is if you don't do it the right way, I think we're going to have a lot of unintended consequences. Well, listen, should we do an email?
Do you want do you want to do it? You want to do an email?
Yeah, because we could do this all we could do this all day.
Let's let's let's do and we can the emails can launch back into us doing this. But let's let's read it. Let's read start with an email. Okay, I'm going Now, here's the thing and I'll prep you for this.
Is that.
Okay, I'll prep you for this.
Is that.
These aren't all like question answer emails. Sometimes people just want to express things and then I'll ponder them. And sometimes they're like normal things and then sometimes sometimes they're like rare. Sometimes they can be depressing, sometimes they can be funny. But like you know this, just we'll read it and then we can we ponder it.
Well, you know what, one of the things I've always admired about what you have done as the get go is that you create a safe space for people to do that. I appreciate that and I will try to honor and respect that.
Thank you, Dad. I appreciate that Okay, so this is from This is from Chris. The subject line is, I think I'm a bad friend. Hey, GEK, I think I'm a bad friend. I do have friends, and I do care for them as my friends and would most likely do anything if they asked, But this isn't what I mean. To be honest, I do the bare minimum these days to be a friend to anyone. I find that I never hang with them, and I don't make time to go out with the boys.
Shit.
I rarely take myself out or want to do anything. I have maybe two good friends people I would go see if they called me. Otherwise it's just me and my family at home. I make zero attempts to try to hang out, but I'm never feeling a sense of fomo about it. Am I a bad friend? This was a very jealous He was very general about it.
You know what, Yeah, this email really speaks to what I'm experiencing right now in my own life. Please, Because we moved to Georgia from Maryland just a few months ago, and I have great friends in Maryland, and I've go great friends in New York, and I've got great friends in Los Angeles, and you live in New York. Chloe lives in Chicago, and I am becoming a little bit of a hermit in that I play my golf and I play my music and I do whatever I can. With my wife. We're very, very close. And I also
feel like sometimes I'm not a good friend. I totally understand that.
Because you're not actively to try to make the plans.
So I have made a New Year's resolution.
What's your news resolution?
I am going to make one call a month to a person on my list of my friends. That one call a month, and you know, and we'll talk. Maybe I'll send him a text, Hey, I really love to connect with you. When would be a good time We'll just talk. I'll do that different person every month. M h. And will that make me a better friend? Well, that's really subjective. I get it. I think it'll make me feel more connected. Yeah, I would.
And I would piggyback off of that. I would say that I think this guy Chris is kind of like like qualifying himself unnecessarily as like good or bad. But that's the question is is he does does he desire to feel more connected? Because he did say he was like I rarely want to do anything I'm feeling and
he's not feeling a sense of fomo. I don't know, it's it's here's Here's a weird conundrum I'm running into when I'm thinking about these things, is like, like this guy Chris, I don't know if, like from his email, I can't tell if he wants to feel more connected. And there's a lot of people. There's a lot of people like that, And you know, I respect that if that's how you want to how you want to be, But you know, I would say that, yeah, if he if he wants to be more connected, then he should
go out and reach out to more people. But not because he feels some sort of like sense of obligation of like I must be a good friend, but because he wants to, you know, I guess feel connected.
You know. The whole concept of good and bad in those terms is self destructive talk? Yeah, you know, destructive self talk? Yeah, because right bad? No, a bad friend is someone who goes and takes out a gun and shoots all of their friends to death. That's a really bad friend. Yeah, Okay, so that's probably on the edge. But why think in those terms. Let's go back. Let's go back because he's asking a question. What do I do with my life? Is really what he's asking. Yeah. Yeah,
so let's go back. What's the model? What do you want to do? All right? Well, I kind of want to just stay home and and and you know, play video games and and just you know, look at my phone and just chill. That's what I want to do.
And then what's the smart thing.
What's the smart thing to do? Well, the smart thing to do is stay connected, of course, right, of course that's the smart thing. So so okay, Chris, we have that balance. Now we understand what you want to do, and we understand the smart thing. Yeah, all right, and I think most people would agree the smart thing is to stay connected, you know, on whatever level, on whatever level. Like me, I'm I'm doing it the easiest way I can really imagine. It's a phone call, well, phone call
once a month. Yeah, you're right. At the end of twelve months, I've little connected with all of my friends, with twelve of my friends. Yeah.
I like that answer. That makes sense of like uh uh yeah, because again, like that's the that's a thing I'm constantly running like run into I'm noticing like people are like should I feel bad about not wanting this certain thing, but I think, yeah, it's like, what's the smart thing to do? Is a good way to think about it, And it's like, well, yeah, this smart thing I mean humans, humans, you know, are biologically wired to be able to connect with each other. So I'm I'm
with that. That's that's I'll piggyback off of that. I think that's a good way to respond to Chris is that, you know, it seems like what he wants to do is like, you know, he rarely wants to do He rarely wants to do anything. He probably just wants to chill. But the smart thing to do is to stay connected,
and it's better if he listens to this. I hope he comes away with it that it's at least better to think in those terms than the terms of like am I a bad friend or a good friend physically anywhere? So okay, let's see here, let's talk to uh oh okay, this is this is this is kind of just kind of on the subject of the things that we were talking about, So let's let's talk about this. Uh okay,
this is from Madison. The subject line everyone around me is ready for the end of the world high lyle, I have two very close individuals in my life that have been anticipating a collapse, a decline, a notion that essentially the end of the world as we know it is on the horizon. I graduated college last April with a very ambitious degree. I'm sure you can empathize. Oh, she wrote ambitious in uh quotes. Okay, And she wrote with a very quote unquote ambitious degree, I'm sure you
can emphasize. I'm sure you can empathize. I got a degree in acting. Oh awesome, how exciting they I think she wrote that because I've talked on here about getting a degree in film and media arts, and I've consistently ambassed it. Okay, because well we can geting go on a quick tange, but I consistently ambassad it because to me, I'm like, you know, I mean, I'm lucky. I have good parents that you know, helped me go to school.
But it's like, you know, there's a lot of people I went to school with to like, you know, they went they had to go into a crazy debt, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I might like every time I talk to him about this, I'm like, if you can if like you can afford it via like a scholarship or something, then like it's a good it's a good move. But like if you know, if you have to go into debt to it to do it, it's kind of tough. But all right, I'll keep reading.
But all right, but you know what, she's asking two questions. In my opinion, that's what I'm hearing. I'm hearing two questions from Madison.
Wait, wait, hold on, Oka, I mean there are more than to the two questions. Okay, let's read the whole email. That's my fault. We want to at change it. Okay, naive, probably, but I believe in my ability. Once arriving at college, I was made abundantly aware that no amount of ability or passion will ever trump how you look in this industry. At least that's what was made clear to me at a collegiate level.
Oh my god, I now have three things. Remind me. I've got three comments on this email already.
We're not even a fifth of the way done this email. But I'll remind you. I give you this context because I think it's really important to know. I'm already holding the weight of pursuing something with one in a million chances that you can't even really work linearly towards I'm not someone's notable kid, I'm not coming from a horde of wealth. I just have a lot of love and passion for this craft. As twenty twenty five continued, the state of our world declined in a seemingly rapid way.
I don't want to sit here and rattle off bullet points of what I mean, because we all lived through it, but the takeaway is that the priorities for people in
power are now clear. It's inarguable. With all of that said, over those past few months, conversations with my mother and my boyfriend have become increasingly centered around the idea of things are coming to a head, whether it be a strong whether it be a string of regurgitated tweets pointing out what Big Satan and Little Satan are getting up to, or a lecture on how we will manage amongst the
apocalyptic state of the world. I'm not exactly sure how to articulate the feeling I've been experiencing, but it's exhausting me. I'm being told the world is going to end and shown fact time and time again to support this prediction, and I always and I've been shown quote unquote fact, so another statirically said fact time and time again to support this prediction. And every time I tell my mother and my boyfriend the same thing. Lyle, I don't know.
I have no clue what's happening behind the curtain. I have no clue what's happening at the echelon stories above me, high in the in the you know, with people in power and whatnot. I'm among the rest of the ninety nine point nine percent of people just trying to survive and fight off such suffocating feelings of helplessness. I'm tired, things feel bleak. I'm still in pursuit of my ambitions in independent filmmaking. My friend and I had a short
film of ours become internationally award winning. Wow pretty good, and I'm so awesome, And I'm still out here auditioning. But I am stuck in this push and pull of going for something that I've been dreaming of since I was a child, or letting go of how I saw my life going and accepting that the world I envisioned living in no longer exists. Because I may be naive
enough to pursue something like this for a living. But I'm not naive enough to admit the interests and the lives of the American people, or the people of the world for that matter, do not take priority in the minds of those who are responsible for them. Okay, hold on, We're so close to being done with the end of the email. But it is interesting because I'm.
Like, oh, I've had so many I have so many things to say about this email.
And on that note, but I leave you with goodbye. Thanks for everything you do, Lyle. You make my job less grueling, and my confidence in my live life despite philosophy, must stronger. Stacy. Thank you, Stacy. I appreciate that.
I thought that was Madison.
Oh okay, sometimes they give me fake names, and then I read what the well call her Stacy. That's caller Stacy. Okay, okay, this is that's that's Stacy's email.
So, first of all, this touches upon some of the things we've already discussed.
Yeah, a lot of them.
Yeah, all right, Stacy slash Madison.
Huh.
You cannot control the end of the world, yes, all right, so stop worrying about it. Treat that general undercurrent that you perceive as being irrelevant to your life, all right, because you know what, I bet you there are like millions, if not billions of people around the world who are literally starving to death, who are not thinking about the end of the world.
It is true to it is it is true to think about it is true to think about that.
Yes, right, that is correct. Yes. So you know it's not a thing you can control. So it's it's not going to be easy if you've kind of allowed it to kind of crawl under your skin and percolate in your brain. But let it work at letting that go. Like whatever you want to go on chat GPT or Gemini and say, how do I let go of my anxiety about the end of the world? Do that? Do that? I mean it does.
My dad and I have been talking a lot about AI wars and whatnot. But go ahead.
So whatever you need to do to try to, you know, let go of that anxiety, I would urge you to do, all right. So that's that's the first thing. The second thing is, so you want to be an actress. That's awesome. That's awesome. There's so many opportunities for people to be actors and actresses, you know, and just you know you've been passionate about Like you answered the first question, what do I want to do? Answers what do I want to do? That's the hardest question to answer.
And then what's the smart thing to do? I think she's doing the smart I think she's making stuff.
And one hundred percent agree. Keep going on auditions, keep making the short films, you know, whatever you have to do, just keep doing it. Now, I'm gonna come up to the third thing. And and I'm a little uncomfortable talking about this because we don't know Stacy slash Madison. We don't know what she looks like, we don't know anything about her.
We know the thing about her saying that she wasn't attractive enough to be that's right, Okay.
First of all, it is really valuable to have an accurate sense of yourself in the world, right, And we talked about that so that you can lean into your strengths. Yeah, yeah, I have noticed that in every film where there's a female lead, all right, who has friends, those friends are never as attractive as the lead.
Okay, sure, there's there what you're saying, and it's it's like, if you there is space for actors and actresses of all levels of attractiveness to exist in the in the of course.
That's right, And anything that you think is a weakness a strength. There are so many people that we might think of as you know, not being the most attractive, yet.
Have careers, have great careers, like a fucking uh uh whatever, Jack Black or.
Well, you know what, in fairness, let's let's not be dishonest to Stacy. Sure, all right, looks mean different things for men than it does for women.
Yeah, it's a fair assessment, of.
Course, So I get that. But you know, and I'm not going to name names because you know whatever, but there are plenty of women who we do not think of as being particularly eventionally attractive who've got great careers. And you know, another thing about being in the arts is a great career just means you're working. Yeah, of course, that's all it really means, of course, you know, so there's going to be tons of opportunities. Stacy slash Madison,
hang in there. I'm sorry Lyle for totally please your podcast, but I think you're doing all the right things and and I urge you to do whatever you need to do to let go of that. End of day's anxiety.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I no, like like, it's it's interesting that that she she mentioned other stuff because, like we were talking about before, I think a lot of people are having this like uh end of end of days feeling. No I I I echot the sentiments that that my dad said of, like you know, you'll be able to find your own Yeah, like having having having some awareness of like how you come off, like weaknesses can become strengths. I believe that one hundred percent. So I don't think
you should look at you. She keeps saying she's naive. I would take that out of the vocabulary. I don't think she needs to. I don't think she's naive.
It doesn't help her that it doesn't help that's and that's a good tech. By the way, when you start having destructive self.
Thoughts, yeah, well how do you do?
So? How do you?
I don't know if we ever, I don't know if we talked about this, but okay, yeah, you were talking about how you have them every day every day. How do you deal with your destructive self thoughts?
I say to myself, what's the benefit of that thought?
Yeah?
And then if I can't find one, well, all right, So let's let's try to be a little bit, you know, kind of harsh. That's the benefit of that thought. Or one of your answers could be, well, I'm being honest with myself. Okay, you want to be honest with yourself that you're being naive. How do you use that? How do you use that new information? Yeah, to use it to let go of your dream? Okay, I you're gonna you can let go of your dream every day. You'll
have that opportunity every day. Yeah, you know, And you know I admire Stacy Slash Madison because she's doing a hard thing totally, you know, but it's a doable thing. Of course, it's a doable thing.
No, I I think I think that's true. I'm always trying to be like.
Yeah, with my.
Ditect my destructive thoughts, I always I gotta I gotta start. I gotta start attacking them more. I've been letting them off the hook. I've been letting them run run loose. I gotta start thinking more about, uh, logically, how is this helping me? I was on an airplane once and I was thinking, like, the only the only things I'll ever like, they're kind, they're they're like inevitabilities of like just having a you know, being an emotional human being.
But I'm like the only thing, like when I'm dying, the only thing I'll ever really regret is like time I spent worrying, or like times I was like a dick to someone because I was being impulsive or whatever. Those the main things I'll regret.
You know, people ask me, do you regret anything? Yeah, and I'll tell them, Oh, I have tons of regrets, but my biggest regrets are anytimes.
I have been unkind Yeah yeah.
H By the way, while while you're kind of looking, I have kind of an observation about something that colors how to respond to some of these emails, which is, you know, when you started this, you were like twenty two, and you just you know, and you know, and now here we are six years later.
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
Okay, you're twenty eight now. I don't know. Look, you have a significant number of people who have been listening to you from the start, all right, And responses that I would give to somebody who's twenty two years old different than responses I would give to somebody who's twenty eight years old.
Yeah, yeah, potentially, yes, Sam, I think.
I look, technically, a person who's twenty two years old is an adult, and they have agency and they can move around the world. But you know, every year that passes you have a little bit more experience. Yeah, it colors your view of things. So by the time you're twenty eight, you you know, those six years of life experience are night and day.
And you know what's funny is I like, I'll watch some of the older episodes of the podcast, and I was I think, actually you would think the opposite would be true. But I was much more well when the Fuckust first started. I was a little I think I leaned more into the uh what, like, I've been more sure.
I was more sure of myself. I think when I was doing this podcast in my early twenties than in my late twenties, because I the more life experience I've lived, I've actually come to realize the less I know, which which makes a sense to me. Sure, because you know, whatever, you grow up and you have the more. Yeah, the more things I experienced, the less I feel like I have any grasp on the planet. You know, I don't know if do you feel that way or do you feel the opposite.
No, No, I very much feel that way that you know, the older you get, the more you see, the more you realize what you don't know, Yeah, of course, and and that impacts how you viewed the world.
Mhmm. Oh, you know what do you want to have? Do you want to have? We could talk about that. This is a relevant thing. We were talking about this. So we've been talking about AI, like you use you you talked to chet ChiPT all the time. Sure, and uh, I've used it before for like therapy stuff and I and it's it's contra it's controversial. You you're you're aware of the reasons why it's like controversial.
There are good reasons for it to be controversial.
You know about like it using energy and uh, you know the general fear that people.
Have about.
You know, being replaced, being replaced and it being in control of people and and uh whatnot. But I don't kind of like social media, like it's just become a thing where like I just used I just use it for like everything, talk to it about ship and I use it for I don't not I don't do this that much anymore. But I had a little period of time where like I really needed to just like externalize some ship. Okay, and AI was really it was helpful
for that, like a mirror. Yeah yeah, so okay. So this is from Josh subject line Chat GPT Therapy changed my life. Greetings GEK. I wanted to call in, but I'm from England, so I don't know how to do that. I wanted to talk about how chat GPT therapy changed my life. I've heard you talk about it, and I got around to it by accident. I took a photo of my daily journal entry after I had a really bad day, and I uploaded it to chat GPT and said,
analyze this journal entry. It came back and told me what I was living with was not exactly anxiety like I had assumed, but that I had a hypervigilant nervous system. I had never heard of this and was very skeptical, as I know that AI just throws back what you say to it, so I asked it how this hypervigilant nervous system generally affects people's lives Without any prompts or insight into my life, it came back and accurately described exactly the way that I am in every aspect of
my life helpfully. It explains that this can be treated without medication. See this goes back to what an.
Awesome outcome for twenty one dollars a month.
I swear on my life. This is not an ad for chat GPT, but it is funny that we because we talked, I mean at the very beginning of this we talked about self knowledge and having you know, positive applications.
Helpfully.
It explains that this can be treated without medication but through cognitive behavioral therapy. It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders to hear that what I deal with is real and I'm not just crazy. It was more helpful than any therapist I ever spoke to in the past. And I'm about to start real therapy and I'm already starting to see improvements in my life by following the advice that AI gave me. Thanks for the suggestion to
try that. I've been listening since twenty twenty and I saw you live in Manchester, England a few years ago. Oh hell yeah, thank you, Josh. Keep on getting you know, it's the AI stuff is hard, man, because like like I don't like i've it. It's hard because I personally have like done what Josh is talking about doing. Like I've like copy of paste of my journal and like I have a friend who says that like talking to chat GPT or like an AI thing is like it's
like journaling squared. It's like I'm journaling, but like I'm gettings are getting reflected back at me. I'm still I'm not fully externalizing it to another human being. But like you know, it's hard because there's like re entering this fucking weird new thing where like you know, there should
be boundaries in place and stuff. But but I've experienced but I have experienced what Josh has experienced, or I've externalized something into like an AI thing and it's spat it back out, spat something back out at me, where I'm like, oh fuck, that's like true, you know. But I I hate chat. I use a again this I'm not as no, there's not a sponsored thing, it's just life.
But I've been using Gemini more because I I fucking hate Chatchepyta now because it's just like like I'll ask it something and it'll be like good question, and I'm like, don't I don't need you to tell me this is a good question, Like I hate when it and also like, I hate not not only do I hate that itself, but I hate what that implies about the people making it.
Have you tried explaining to chat Ept that that you don't need that kind of handholding and that Chatchapt's responses can be a little bit more to the point.
As matter of fact, I know that we were talking last night. I know that you've done that and it responded by handholding.
You know what, I I didn't say that that way, No, I had a different thing, because this is just so interesting. First of all, what's the name of this gentleman, Josh? Well, Josh, I am so happy for you that you have this outcome. What a great outcome to have, you know. So, you know, it's very It's when I'm pounding the keys on or my keyboard on my phone with Chatchept, I have to remind myself this is only code. I'm only talking to some really brilliantly compiled code, right, So, and that's good
for me. Maybe maybe that's not a good thing for Josh to consider, because, you know, because he did apparently have such a good outcome, But for me, it's helpful to keep that in mind. Of course, you know, I I love chatchept. And here's a very very funny feeling I had recently. So you know, chatchype is always telling you like, good for you to spot that mistake that I made, or yeah.
Yeah, you're passionate about or.
You're really thinking about things exactly the right way when you're considering how to approach that hole on your home golf course, or yes, yes, good, you know, yes you should simplify your home studio recording setup, and and that's such a smart move on your Yeah right, and uh and you know what, I'm a human. Uh huh.
You know you get a little hit, You get a little hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get a little hit.
Then I was reading, uh I am smart my wife's interactions with chatchypt, and they were the same saying, you are so smart and this is such a clever thing.
So this is a tragic story. You realize that you weren't special, and.
I felt a little jealous.
That's a sad story.
Well, and that's when I had to remember, this is just brilliantly compiled code.
Yes, that's all it is. Yes, So I would say off of that be that like it is really helpful to have like shit like because he said it without any prompts or insight into my life. It described exactly who I am in every aspect of my life.
Like like.
It is helpful, but I guess also remembering that you know it will try to tell you that you're amazing, and you know, maybe you are amazing, but uh, it's it's you gotta keep in mind telling everyone in the.
Josh is amazing. Okay, any any in my opinion as a dad, anybody who is a fan of my son is amazing.
It's really sweet, dead all right, so it's really nice.
I will never question or or you know, try to lessen Josh's experience, which, well.
I'm glad that he's he's getting he's getting some good help into things. Let's let's do a few more. Okay, uh yeah, okay, I have a few more that I think. All right, well, all right, we get into this. I don't know all right, okay, this is from Zeno subject line I developed an unwanted foot fetish.
Hey why is hey? Hey? I will hey? Ghak? All is? Well?
Oh hey gak hope all as well. I'll get straight into it. I have developed a foot fetish from being bombarded with foot fetish, shame slash media throughout my years. Since everyone talks online about feet, I have discovered a hey way more attention to feet than i'd like to. Anytime I see toes or feet, my eyes are automatically drawn to them. I'm still unsure whether or not I enjoy looking at them. That's the whole email.
What do we have? Who's it from?
Zeno?
Zeno? Yeah? Do we believe Zeno?
Or do we think this is just a gag email? I? Well, well, well you know that's you know, you bring up an important thing for this show. In general. Sometimes people call me or email me, and sometimes they're they sometimes they can be gag emails their phone calls. But the way I see it is, I don't think this is a gag. Okay, well a, I don't think this is a gag. But even if it was a gag, perhaps somebody listening has
this feeling. Man, it's not a gag, So might as well, you know, approach it like it's not a gag.
Because all right, let's approach it like it's not a gag.
Okay, yes, all right.
First of all, Zeno, congratulations on identifying something that excites.
You yeah, right, which is yeah.
And something that's really not destructive to yourself or to others. Right. Second, well, look, if you're a if you're a boob guy, but guy or whatnot, I mean you're looking at at people's private parts. That can be embarrassing, you know, but looking at people's feet very seldom are you going to have like hashtag me too problem by checking out someone's very nice pedicure.
Okay, so what you're okay, So what you're saying is that like if Xeno were just like into into into breasts and he he has a he might be like having a conversation with someone and looking at their boobs, and that would be that would be offensive. But if it's better that he now like he he won't offend anyone by looking at their feet.
It's a less dangerous kind of activity. And by the way, I don't think there are hundreds of thousands of people who have a foot fetish. I don't think there are millions of people with a foot fetish. I think there are maybe hundreds of millions of people with a foot fetish probably.
I mean there's it's you know, there's a lot of foot fetish stuff that exists.
I don't think.
Yeah, I don't think that Zeno needs to be ashamed of his foot fetish. You know, I'm with you. I think I think he, uh, he found some that is exciting.
But look, if you have, if you're out of here listening and you have a boom fetish or a bud fetish, I'm not judging you. I know, I think that's those are perfectly legitimate things to happen.
You know, I don't being into boobs or butts. I don't think it's I don't think there is such a thing as a boob fetish. No, because it's so mean, because it's so mainstream. I don't think you could call it a fetish. But you know, congratulations to you, Zeno on on what you've discovered. Oh here's one, here's a good one. Okay, oh was a perfect one.
All right?
This is from Dylan, subject line, I don't want to be an old dad. What's up?
GEK?
I am DK. I am twenty nine years old, and I have been extremely single for almost six years after having only one long term relationship in my early twenties. When I say extremely single, I mean no action whatsoever for a couple of years it was by my own choice. But for the last few years I've been very open to a relationship that have had no luck. I go out to bars, concerts, events with my group of friends often. I work downtown in my city in a very busy
building with lots of people. I'm unhinged tinder, and in general, I'm a very normal looking dude. Potentially an eight on a good day, you know.
What, regardless of the objective aspect of it. Huh. The fact that DK believes that he's an eight.
That's good, big thumbs up, Big thumbs up, he said. Potentially an eight on a good day, maybe even higher. I think I'm pretty good looking, so my confidence is solid. There is no in cell energy here, I promise. I have many theories as to why nothing has happened for me all this time. Part of me feels like God Slash the universe simply didn't think I was mentally ready to commit to a relationship. I wouldn't present the opportunity until I was. Maybe I'm still not. I think I am,
but maybe I still need to grow. I definitely haven't been perfect. Perhaps the city I live in is dry and general and I need to broaden my horizons elsewhere, expand my distance range on the apps. But I hate the idea of anything long distance. My love language is physical touch, so long distance never interest me.
Every man's love language and I think there are good reasons for that.
What do you think of the good good reasons for that.
You know, women have touch, women they meet up with someone there hugging them. You know, you see young women and girls walking hand in hand with each others, totally a non sexual way. That makes sense, right, So women have touch, that makes sense. Men don't have touch. I've got a very small handful of male friends and family who all hug. I greet them because because I think
touch is really important. But for the most part, men don't have physical touch in their lives, so in their relationships it's an incredibly valuable thing.
I think men, I think men should be. You know, when I was in its funny it's like this is like a Middle Eastern thing. Maybe maybe I'm completely making this up, but like when I was in Iraq, I would see a lot more like uh like like men like touching it, like men expressing like non sexual physical uh uh touch with each other was like a lot more.
I noticed that in that video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's nice.
Yeah all right, but so hold on, let me finish the email. So perhaps I'm too shy and I need to try talking in person more or putting myself out there more. But I think deep down I have the answer. I am just too picky. I've had women and men come on to me, so I should give me hints over the years, but I've never reciprocated the attraction, so I back out or I rejected them respectfully. I let
my tastes overtake my ability to have experience. I've never had a person that is my type show interest in me, so it's just a constant chase and a constant pushback onto those that are interested in me. The problem is the real problem is that I want to have a kid badly, and I have always wanted to be a younger parent. Next year I turned thirty, and while yes, there is plenty of time, and this is something that I one hundred percent should not rush having a whole
ass kid. Uh, the thought of having a kid at thirty five and being damned near sixty by the time they're potentially starting college, I hate it. I hate that thought, at least twenty nine year old me hates that thought. Thirty one year old me might not if one of my day one best friends. Uh, one of my day one best friends is getting married next year, and that's just crazy to me. A couple other childhood friends had kids years ago, and those fuckers are in kindergarten now.
I slightly envy them. But also I've had a pretty good single life, really good friends and family and work life, so I don't think I have that much that I can really complain about. And I hate to complain. This email has been long enough, and this has been a ramp to the gek man. I feel like the young parent dream is dead, and yeah, I can't get that time back. But it's so tough to find a let's have a child type of connection where I live, and so I'm so picky.
What's this person's name? Uh? Dk? Oh, this is dkay, This is DK Okay. You know I'm the perfect person to respond to this.
Yeah you are.
Yeah, you know, because I was thirty three when I married your mom. We had Chloe when I was whatt like thirty five. I was thirty five when we had Chloe. I was thirty seven when we had you, m hm, And I've never but you know what, I had a similar anxiety as I did you did earlier on in my life.
Really tell it's all well.
Because you know, I like, I had friends who got married and had children in their twenties, so you know, I was feeling a little left behind, you know. But you know, I had kids, and i've and I've never felt like I was too old to enjoy being a parent to my kids or to have meaningful a parenting or meaningful relationship with with my kids. So I think TK is going to be fine no matter what. And the whole concept of being picky is really interesting, you know,
listen forgetting it. The whole concept of settling versus on settling, I think a destructive way to look at it. Please tell you know, I you know, we make choices. We make choices, and sometimes we discover that the choices that we made don't really serve us in a way that we kind of would like, and so we have to kind of decide to make different choices. And sometimes that's painful and sometimes that's ugly. I mean, so you know,
I really hear dky and and and Dkay's song. We'll call it the Dkay's song is a common song of course. You know, it's basically the song of a person, you know, seeking love in the world, love and connection in the world, and how frustrating it is to find that. And I
think it's always been frustrating to find that. And if we want to go back and say, well, what about the nineteen forties and fifties and you know, when people would you know, marry somebody from their neighborhood and you know, with them.
It's you know, it's funny. Is I'm always I think about that a lot. I mean, I talk about it on the podcast question just I think about.
It a lot.
Is like uh we lit like, uh, there's two It's so different dating now versus like in the forties where it used to be like it used to be like uh yeah, Like in the forties it was like, you know, and shit, in fucking many parts of the world, it's like, Okay, you grow up across the street from someone and then you get married and then you fucking make it work.
You know, you just make it work, versus versus what we have now where it's like infinite options, you know, if something doesn't work out or the first time there's a little snag or whatever, like infinite infinite everything. Here's everyone that exists on the planet Earth, and you have this kind of like illusion or like a paradox of choice, and it's like both kind kind of both of those operations. I don't know how you would say, but both both of those have their own pros and cons.
You know, you know, it's just very hard. Relationships are extremely hard. I mean, even when they're going well, they're hard. You know. I like, I'm super happy in my marriage right now, and things are going really well for us, but you know, you still have to compromise. There are still things you have to say no to yourself about and I you don't have to get into them. And so relationships are just really hard, you know, no matter what. So I'm sympathetic to DK for wanting to have a
certain kind of person. And here's another thing. I love when people come up with like rules or generalizations and I want to say, hey, you know, there's so somebody was talking about, you know, needing needing to write the ship.
For our country, and I said, right, the ship.
Right the ship. The country needs to write the ships.
Okay, American needs to write the ship right.
And I said to this person, I said, there is no ship. There's three hundred and thirty million ships in a very crowded ocean, of course, you know, and every ship is going in the direction of its captain.
Wait, I agree with this sentiment, but also, wait, how do you how do you relate that to?
So let's go talk to that decay. You know, like, there's no rules for how you should have a relationship or who you should decide to have a relationship with.
Yeah, I'm learning that myself too, as I'm like observing the relationships of like all the people around me, and I'm really and I'm and I'm really. Oh, there is no right or wrong model of what a relationship. I mean, there's, yeah, there's some wrong models for what a relationship I look like, that's for sure, that's for sure, But there is no there's, you know, barring the extremes, there's no right or wrong model for what a relationship looks like.
I'm learning and you know what. Look, I married Lyle's mom, and you know, we had two children, we had a home, we built a lot of things, and it turned out not to really be the right thing for me. And I dated a whole bunch. And finally, when I was like forty eight forty nine, I met my wife who we have a very satisfying relationship. So nobody, nobody who's twenty eight or twenty nine wants to hear that I gotta wait until I'm forty nine to have a relationship
that makes me happy. But just bear in mind that when whatever relationships you have during your life will be hard because because the human beings are extremely complex creatures, and the notion that two extremely complex creatures can get together and enjoy perfect harmony is I think unrealistic. Not that it can't happen. I just think it's really hard.
No, I know what you mean. I'm I'm not I'm realizing that about uh yeah, I'm realizing that like life just can't, like it just fucking it just can't come to you like a la carte, you know it just really.
I don't know what that means.
So I look like, well, it's like like you can't like pick and choose your favorite aspects of what you want in a partner and have it, you know, a la cartes, and that you have to see you I have to just like take it as it is and you know, bad and the good, like you can't. You kind have to deal with it. But it's hard because people, I think people want like a idealistic version of their existences.
Everybody wants love, yeah, and everybody wants to have you know, just so very happy domestic light.
What was you said earlier? We like doing away with the idea of settling or like what why do you think that? I guess you kind of explained it. Yeah, the idea of like there is no settling or ascribing to like, it's all just like a kind of complex amalgamation of human beings attempting to coexist with each other, which is inherently difficult.
Another thing is, look when you're and this goes back to one of the things I was saying earlier. You know, the conversation I'll have with someone who's twenty two, it's very different than the conversation I'll have with someone who's twenty eight, And not because the person who's twenty eight is smarter or more capable than the person who's twenty two.
It's just that, having gone through different experiences in their lives, they perceive things differently and they express themselves differently, and you know, and you know a person that you might see when you're thirty two if you had maybe you had not been attracted to or found that person compelling earlier in your life, but later your maturity will have changed and developed, your perspective on the world will be different, and so you may perceive qualities in this person in
your thirties that that you missed in your twenties because you just weren't ready to perceive that. So, you know, you look on social media. I love looking at like I read three and I read X and X depresses me, and Threads is basically just like you know, there's troubled relationship.
X X and threads are filled with two different types of very extremely insane people.
True, yes, true, you know, so you know I feel for DK. Yeah, I guess I've kind of been where DK is. I've never thought of myself as an eight or higher. But you know, it's not just looks. I think I think to a very limited kind of woman. I'm a ten, all right, and fortunately I married woman.
Fortunately you were able to find a yeah right, yeah, So you know that, And you could say that about a lot. There's a lot of people, and maybe most people it's like listen to a very limited amount of people. Whoever you are, you're ten. Yeah, there was a there's a there's a woman who called into the show fucking. It might have been the last episode or a couple
of episodes ago, I don't know where. She was talking about how she like went she like grew up on an army base with this kid when she was like they were like in fifth grade, so they was like ten years old and they were like good friends, and then they both moved away, and like nine years later, she like found him on she was She was like, she didn't just like, oh, oh, look here he is on Facebook, Like, she went like looking for it, Like she went to like find a certain really like search
through a bunch of profiles and whatever, and she found like found him, and then they like met up again, and then they got together and they started dating. And I asked her, I was like, do you think, uh, like, what would you have done if you didn't find him like attractive after all these years? And she was like, you know, even if he even if he came out chopped, you know what chopped means no, chopped means chopped is
another of saying ugly, Oh like if someone's chopped. Okay, so she's like, even if he came out chopped, I would love him anyway because just the person he is. So he said to her, he's a he's a ten. So yeah, I guess you gotta find whoever.
You know. There's a great book that that articulates this concept in a slightly different ways, the book Uh Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And I would urge your listeners to ask Chatchip two to give them somewhere between a one thousand or five thousand words summary of the book.
Or they could read the fucking book.
I assume that nobody's gonna read the book.
You know, you know what I you know what a whole lot. Actually, I want to I want to analyze what I just did because it was a really it was a really asshole thing to do what I said. I want to let me I'm gonna take a second to analyze what I just said. It's really asshole thing that I just did, because I'm gonna go I'm gonna I'm gonna ask Ai to give me a summary of that book. Now there's just no I'm gonna read the book.
But if I but if I asked for a summary of the book, I'll at least know what the book was.
I'm not.
I just shot it down immediately because.
No, No, the thing is, first of all, if you're gonna use chat chub to ask you to write, what is gonna do it? Has not read the book? Ye? Not read? I know, I know, we don't and I've learned that the hard. I know.
My dad my dad was asking, we don't have to keep talking about Chatchepe my dad. My dad was asking Chatchepe Tea to uh summarize like an episode of the show pluribus to him, and it tried. And then my dad got into an argument with chet Cheepe because he was like, you don't you haven't really seen this show you and the was like yeah, but it's but anyway, what's what's the what's the what's the my father summary of the book.
Well, I don't want I don't want spoilers. I don't want to make a spoiler. But wait, hold on, hold on, let but that's so stupid, that's it's not it's not look we're talking about.
If you're not hold on, can I just if you're not going to read the book. Right, If you're not going to read the book, what were I don't. We can't live in a universe where we're extending spoiler cautions to AI summaries of media. All Right, if you're gonna if you're not going to read the book and you're just gonna summarize it with a I, then I don't. Then you're not. Then I don't think you should be entitled to a spoiler.
I'm not asking your listeners to read the book. I'm asking your listeners to consume the story.
Okay, I get what, I get where you're going.
They're hugely different, but an important distinction.
It's like if someone was like, it's like if someone wanted to talk to about a movie, and then you're like, it's like if you were like, like, uh, oh, have you seen Marty Supreme? And you're like, oh, I haven't yet, but don't don't tell me how it ends, because I'm gonna read the Wikipedia synopsis of it. I know it sounds stupid, that's exactly what you're saying, but it's.
Still a legitimate sentiment.
You know what, In my gut, I know I'm gonna be fair to you and I'm gonna be I'm gonna be fair because you know what, in my gut, I kind of agree with you. We will, we can, we can end soon. I know we have to go soon. In my gut, I kind of agree with you, but I but I I but also I kind of I if if you care about spoilers. But in my gut, I see it's not that I agree with you. I see what you mean. But if you care enough about spoilers for this piece of media, like you else, you should read it.
I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to give you. I was gonna take an end, but I don't know will end it when you think we should end it? Okay, with a statement that summarizes why I even brought up that book in the first place. Okay, let's do that. Yeah, which is that satisfying love is worth waiting for.
You know what, I think that's I think that's true. I hope that's true. Dating is for people who are lucky or patient, is what they say. So if you're one of those two things, you'll succeed, or if you're fucking ripped. I still believe that. I still believe that people tell me that but I still believe. People tell me that's not true, but I still believe it.
It means you'll have more sex. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll find love.
But the but for but for somebody to love I mean, barring in most relationships, I'm gonna go ahead and say, in most relationships, somebody has to want to have sex with you to I love you, not all.
In the conventional sense.
Of in the conventional sense of love relationships.
Yeah, that involves a sexual.
That involve a sexual complete It doesn't always that's true. No, I agree, it's not true. That's it's it's it's not always. Well, Dad, I appreciate you doing this podcast, and then I'm glad I asked you to do it.
Yeah, this is much more fun than that. But you know, and naps are fun.
What did you did? You do you have any major takeaways from the experience?
You know, I, I really I like your listeners. I like the emails they were they were thoughtful. And you know, I have a major criticism of myrs.
Of your peers, my peers, but you can you define your peers real quick?
Boomers?
Okay, people around my age give us your major criticism.
I think they unfairly diminish the the strengths of the younger generations. You know, I I don't think the younger generations get nearly enough credit from my peers for having intelligence, for having sensitivity, for having thoughtfulness, and for contributing to the world beautiful.
Well, thank you, Dad, I appreciate you doing this.
Thank you so much for having me. I had a great time, and uh, you know, I look forward to reading the comments and asking why my head is not red. Uh.
This has been the therapy Getcko podcast. Thank you for listening, and I will be I will be back in a few days with another episode. Jack bless see you around. Thank you all for listening.
Never Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Never Can goes doing to ride. He's teaching you a loud to the mover of your life, but he's not read me an expert