NOEL MILLER GIVES ADVICE AS A GECKO

Are we live? Are these on?

Noel Miller? How you doing?

Man? Good? How are you sorry? I jumped the gun?

I've Yeah, where's that expression come from? Jump the gun?

I think that's like a like a eighteen fifties reference. Okay, you know, I think that's something they said, probably in like The Oregon Trail.

Yeah. Do you ever play that game The Oregon Trail?

I did in the computer lab though, Yeah, yeah, I never had it at home, so I don't have like these deep connections to like other people do.

Yeah. It definitely is, you know, rings a bell for a lot of people in the childhood experience.

Yeah, did you did you play? Yeah?

I played it at school in a computer class.

Yeah, yeah, damn, I'm just thinking about computer class. No.

Well, what's been the most persistent thought on your mind lately?

Most persistent thought?

Yeah, it's gonna sound sad man, but no, please go karts?

Yeah?

Is that is that? Is that really been the most recent thought? Go karts?

It's just I love doing it. It's such a I don't know, it's such a simple hobby, but it's just so much fun. I get a lot of enjoyment out of it.

How recently did you start doing go karts.

About a year and a half ago, and I can't stay away. It's just too good.

When you are on the go kart track, do all of the things that typically take up your mind space during an average day of your life just go away.

And you're very in the moment they do. That's why I love it. Keeps me, keeps me grounded.

What kinds of things are you escaping from when you're on the go kart track?

I would say I experienced a great amount of stress, you know, after the TMG podcast kind of blew up and we've kind of taken on this ambition to start a network and you know you and just keeping up with everything else. Feels good to get out there and just think about turning right and left.

Yeah, are you do you like being stressed?

No? No, stress is horrible, man? Are you?

But you you seem to me like, you know, I mean, anyone who you know achieves any you know, modicum of success doing anything, you know, it has to be, like, you know, an entrepreneurial spirit and whatnot do is that you? Do you identify with that?

I think so? Yeah, I definitely enjoy the problem solving of it, you know, But it's it's like I've I have mixed feelings. You know, I appreciate where I'm at, but I hate stress. It sucks.

What do you think your life would look like if it had less stress? Like, what would make you less stressed?

M probably being online less. I think I'm terminally online. I think I get stressed out from that too. Yeah.

Yeah, are you like constantly checking the Instagram, Twitter, Facebook?

Book? But yeah, no, definitely not Facebook. But I think, you know, just even reading too much of the news and paying a lot of mind to it random people are arguing about and all that. So yeah, I think generally if I was online less, I'd be happier.

Have you ever tried to do one of those like detoxes, where you you put away the phone for a certain amount of time and agree not to touch it for a certain amount of time.

I haven't because I'm just terminally online, but I think I need to at this point.

You know what the fucking problem is and I get this too, is like, you know your job requires you can't just you can't delete it, exactly need to have it so you can't go cold turkey. Yeah, and like the the I know personally, like of my Internet usage, A very tiny percent of it is like essential for what I do. The rest is just mindless, fucking scrolling. Agreed, But that little one percent is what reals in. Yeah, to you know something, allow you to what's the word not?

Yeah, No, I agree. I think I tell myself, if I unplugged too much, then I'm not going to be connected with what's going on, so I I should just go for it just for that, you know, a little bit of thread to everybody else, which is just kind of you know, it's bull like a lot of the time. Yeah, you're just looking at bullshit. And you know, the most I ever get out of most of my Internet usually just like a couple of good memes. Okay, Like that's about it, and I really boil it down.

Is it worth it?

I don't think so, because I think for the other time, I'm just I'm locked in. You know, I'm not paying attention to the world in front of me, you.

Know, outside of like your personal relationship with the Internet. Are you one of those guys? I feel like there's the two camps of like the internet is destroying us all in our attention spans and making it so that we're depressing the ship, but it's also connecting us. It allows us to do what we do, provide a lot of good things. Where on that spectrum would you say you are and you're just general thoughts.

About it is killing us all? Yeah?

Okay, yeah, yeah, I think.

The Internet is a is a poison. It's bad for us. We'd be so much happier without it.

Do you have any other vices?

Vices? Just a little bit of crack, a little bit of cracked?

No, you're done crack?

No?

Have you?

No?

I have a friend who has done it, though.

What did he say about it?

He said it was awesome, That's what I've heard. I'm sure it's amaz. They wouldn't. People would get adicted to it if it was not.

Yeah, it feels bad. Yeah, yeah, no, I've heard it's great.

Would you if you were in a is there a situation that could possibly be orchestrated where you would try it?

Man? I think I could do it if if it was someone else was not supposed to do it.

Okay, So you and a friend hang out with a guy who does crack all the time, and the friend is like, fuck it, I'm down.

Kind of yeah, or I was thinking something more damning, like like Lewis Hamilton he could never be within six like miles of crack in a you know, and that dude is just such like he's held us to such a high standard. So if I was in a room and someone broke out some crack and Lewis Hamilton looked at me and was like, hey, I'd be like, yeah.

You would go down with him. You'd be on this is.

Our secret, bro.

So so uh no, like, do you drink? Do you smoke weeds?

Oh?

Yeah?

No?

Okay? High?

Okay.

I recently took mushrooms one time.

How was that?

It was great? Yeah? Now that you know, I've I got some time off this month, so I think we'll do some more.

Okay, but yeah, did you learn anything? I learned that I like mushrooms? Okay, Yeah, that's about.

It, though. Nice.

Well, and this was the first time you did it? Yeah, so you didn't you like? You know, why why do you feel like it took how old are you again?

Sixteen?

Sixteen? Okay? So, uh, why did it take you this this long to one experiment with it?

You know? Man, I grew up in a very like chaotic environment. Yeah, so I think I always had this commitment to myself that I wanted to make sure my life was on track before I went crazy, for sure. So I had like this deep commitment to myself to put myself in a good position to succeed. And now that I feel like I'm in a stable position, now I can do some shrooms fucking go crazy. Maybe even a little crack, you know, Yeah, we just find out,

You know people that take these mushroom trips and like it changes your life for the better. Yeah, could that happen with crack? Like you take crack and all of a sudden it actually inspires you to be a better person. I mean it could, it could. It's unknown, It's it's a question mark variable.

I mean it might. It might motivate some beautiful art, you know it. Crack could do a lot, Yeah, a lot, I mean a lot has come from crack. What Like, what good music?

Yeah? Where the Beatles on crack? I heard that's a long le that's a yeah, it's a legend. Yeah, I've heard about I.

Mean even you know, rappers selling you know, drugs in general. You know, that's produced some great art as well. So I feel like, in a weird way, positives have come out of crack, you know, at the expense of in a terrible way. Yeah, but I think it's fair to villain ice crack though.

I'm impressed that that you are. You're telling me you have a lot of stress in your life. You don't because like I I have stress and I eat a ton of candy. I like everyone has a thing. Yeah, you don't have like a fucking bad thing that you do to just like No, I guess it's go karting. Yeah, that's my that's my thing.

Though is I've always thought maybe I need a little bit more I need a little bit more vice, Okay, because I locked myself mentally into like it's almost like I chose to put myself through boot camp. But like every day, you know, just like piss and clean, working out, I'm trying to eat solid.

So you're also doing the your a healthy guy. Yeah yeah, okay, yeah you said just now, you said you put yourself through boot camp, so you it's a conscious choice every day to take on this. Yeah, Like I just wake up and I'm like, bring it, okay, nice, I'm ready. Have you always been like that.

At a point? Yeah? I think there was a point where my childhood got too chaotic and I had to step up. And I think from that point I just learned how to tune shit out and take on stress and just do. It's difficult.

Has anything ever made you just crumble?

Yeah? Definitely? Yeah, uh trying to think. Oh, I mean, you know, the thought of oh this like breaks me mentally all the time, dude, Like the thought of being like bad at stand up. Oh. Sometimes I'll get on stage and people are like great set, and I'll just reflect on my set a little bit and I'm like, was it?

Oh you kind of answered the question I was gonna ask you with that, which is bad at stand up?

Like?

What is the rubric of that? Is it?

Like?

Cause you?

Is it?

You? Do you get to decide whether not you're bad? Or is it like the crowd who decides you're bad? Who's standard are we going with?

That's a great question, man. Yeah, I definitely think the crowd gets to decide to a degree. But sometimes I get a little you know, it's that imposter syndrome. You know, I could have a good set, but then I think, are they laughing because I'm funny or do they just think I'm a nice guy? Is this whole thing like a make a wish situation? Like did I walk off stage and then some producer came out and they were like, thank you for doing your audience work for the Truman Show.

Can I actually can I bring up kind of what we're talking about back is I asked you what you were really enjoying about, you know, life now, and you said you're enjoying doing stand up, but you said that you want to go and do stand up in more places where like people don't know you. Yeah, And what you're saying now kind of like it kind of tracks with that, like you want to like earn it. You want people being like, oh, I saw this guy on YouTube, I'm just gonna laugh at everything.

Says well, it's definitely yeah, you know sometimes I think, I mean, you know, I've heard different opinions on this. You know, I've heard Schultz say it's it's a great thing when people recognize you from the internet, because then they know you and you can just kind of tell the jokes you want to tell. But I think there's something super special about stand up when they just don't know you and it's just total strangers and you guys, could you know, vibe with the same sense of humor.

It feels like you earn it a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely, But.

There's also I mean, you it's it's almost like two different types of earning it because when the people feel the seats, you you earned the filling of the seats.

That's very true. Yeah. Yeah, I think this just kind of goes back to my you know, I like boot campsh mentality. You know, it can always be taken away from you, so keep working.

Has the boot campish mentality served you ultimately?

I think it has. But I think at this point in life, I'm trying to listen more to what you're saying. You know, maybe maybe a little vice is good, you know, maybe maybe relax a little bit.

Just don't go kart on Instagram. Yeah, if you're addicted to social media, you don't want to find yourself like checking Twitter.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I feel like cracking go carts could be amazing.

Cracking go carts sounds fucking awesome. Yeah, they should make a circuit for them. It's okay if the answer is absolutely nothing. But what do you know about no.

I know, I know. On this show it can get very deep.

Yeah, yeah, we get like, you know something. It ranges from like people talking about ships that they took three days ago and yeah, you know the issues they're having with their dad for many years. Yeah, it's anything. Yeah, let's see what we got.

Let's go Mmmm.

Okay, that's way too heavy. Let's start with something easy.

Hello, Hello, Maddie. What's good?

Maddie?

You are on the phone with two geckos. I'm here with Noel and how can we how can we get you today? What's going on?

I wanted to call in because my boyfriend is moving to a big city for college next well this month, and we're gonna have to do a long distance and we haven't done long distance before. So I wanted to see if you guys had any advice.

M Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?

No, but I know some people who have.

Okay, what's worked for them? Or do they all fail?

Cheating? The cheating?

Okay, I'm bringing all the options to the table and then we'll, you know, go from there.

No.

I know one person has been in a long distance relationship for a while, and I think would help them is no real contact with the opposite sex outside of work?

Really, Yeah, Mattie, how do you feel about that? Does that seem limiting to you? Does that you know what? What's what? What is your take on that?

I don't know. I feel like we kind of do that now, like when we live together, we don't really have any like opposite sex friends. But I mean I before we got into a relationship, I went to college and I know that I had like a big friend group with guys and girls, and so I feel like i'd probably want him to get like the full college experience, but that would definitely be something that's hard, Like hearing he has like a girl best friend or something out there that would definitely be hard.

Okay, Now I got a couple questions. One, how old is your boyfriend? And to what city is he going?

Like?

What big college is he going to?

He's twenty and he's going to University of Texas in Austin.

Oh, I know, what do you know about the university of Texas.

Man Austin is already a weird place and they party like fucking crazy there, Maddie, Where are you going to be staying? Where are you going to be living?

So?

I'm in San Antonio, which is not like different state or anything, but I know San Antonium. But with like, I work, so I worked Monday through Friday, so we probably won't be to see each other like maybe on the weekend and stuff.

How long have you guys been together for?

Yeah, that's a great question.

Almost two years?

Okay, Okay, and you're both like early twice, so like, did you meet in high school?

No, we met right after I guess we both graduated. We were like in our first year of college. But he was going to the UTSA, so like a college in San Antonio, and then he transferred to you.

Okay, I got one more question. I probably actually have a couple more, but I want to ask what's his major? That's key.

He's been mathematics major.

Oh you're fine, Yeah, you're fine, You're you're okay.

That's the pro of dating mathematics major. Yeah, does he look like a mathematics major?

That's a great track.

When he says that he's that.

No, I don't think so. I don't think when I first met him, when he told me math, I didn't think it's it.

I know he's cute.

See that's oh, that's see, that's oh he's one of the like Likenridy, but in a cute way.

Guys, Yeah, he.

Is, Maddie, Maddie. Now you're you're his girlfriend, so you know, naturally you're gonna talk about him like his mom. You know, you're like, oh, he's the cutest, he's my favorite. Let's you know, let's let's take off the girlfriend glasses and let's look at him through stranger glasses. Is he a hot guy mathematics major? Or is he? Is he just like he's just cool?

I think, you know what, when I introduced him to like my coworkers and everything, everyone told me like he was a cute guy. Like everyone, everyone thinks my boyfriend is cute. So I think it's everyone's opinion.

Now if I'm trying to think, because okay, let's say that they were lying to you, yeah, or they do not that not that they were lying to you, but let's say that they didn't think that. What would they say. I feel like they would say nothing. Yeah, yeah, no, I know, so they must be. So I feel like it's not the truth because they said something. If they were lying, if they didn't think they were like, oh he's cool.

Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I think if he was ugly, they'd have been like, oh he's a nice guy.

Man.

I can I ask you, you know, like a real question, and this is this is not a leading question by any means, but why do you want to stay with him? You know, after two years? What is continuing you wanting to be in a relationship with a great question.

Man.

Honestly, I think he's the first guy that I ever wanted to make any type of relationship work with. Like, before him, I wasn't in relationships. I wasn't looking for a relationships. But it probably is the way that like he treats me and stuff. I don't know. I think we also just get along really well. I think we're very similar or like compatible people.

What do you do for work now?

I work at a department store in San.

Antonio, Maddie. There's not a damn thing left for you in San Antonio.

I know.

I'm finishing school too in San Antonio, so I'll probably end up graduating in the next year or so, and then you know, it'll be easier for me if I wanted to like move somewhere. Great, now I'm kind of stuck there.

Well, look, I think this is gonna be one of those experiences. You're just gonna have to go through it, you know, as much as we could give you advice here, Yeah, I think you just got to ride this wave of seeing you if you're a hound of a mathematics major boyfriend.

Right right, these are situations in which they allow the relationship to reveal certain things about itself. Yeah, you know, you'll you'll discover more about who you are, discover more about your relationship. I mean, these tests are They're almost healthy in a way to have these tests, definitely, especially after two years. It's like, all right, you know you thought those two years we were easy. Yeah, Okay, let's

He's a math major, so you know he's asked love's tests. Yeah, He's like, give me this the test life. I want this.

But Matt, I think, Matt, if if if both of you want, both of you I think at the end of the day. If both of you really want to make it work, you will, Yeah, you know, but look, there's plenty, there's so many things you can do with your life. Also, Yeah, so I don't fague out too bad.

Yeah, don't you know what? Just be just be like, just be a total freak and like the night before he leaves, like give him a flashlight and say I'm going to miss you and just see what the look on his face is if he he might he might look at you and think you are such a fucking pervert. I love you, you know, like he that that might that might be one way to just you know, leave a statement on him, you know.

And every time he's at you know, one of these crazy mathematic majors parties and you know some girl has given him the eyes, he's gonna he's gonna be thinking about that flashlight. Yeah, and he's gonna say Okay, nice to meet and walk away go upstairs.

Ye.

So, uh, Matt, is there anything else you want to say with people of the computer before we go?

I feel like my boyfriend's probably watching some work right now. Could Noel say hi, Nott, No.

No, I'm kidding, Matt, listen, let me tell you this, Matt, don't go to U T and be mister Clark Kent. Okay, you know, with her, you're the reporter. But then when you're out there on sixth Street, that's when you're in your fucking superhero suit, you know, being crazy doing whatever. So Matt, I say to you, be loyal, and.

Yeah, I'll second that.

I'll second that.

Hey, thanks for calling, Mattie.

Thank you.

Guys.

You're welcome.

Are you? Are you in a relationship at all?

I am man?

How long you've been in a relationship.

For a long time?

How long?

Like over ten years? Now?

Over ten years?

We've been through it all?

Man? Holy shit? Yeah, okay, so I mean throughout those ten years, has there ever been this like a period of time where you had to spend a long amount of time away from each other?

Yeah? You know, I mean she she like halfway through our relationship, she took on like really time consuming jobs. I can't say where she worked, sure, but yeah, she'd work like sixty seventy hour weeks, so you know, months at a time. So there was definitely we had to figure that out. It was as definitely a test.

Yeah, what kinds of things did you do? During that time where you know that was difficult, that that kind of helped.

I think I just that's when I just took advantage. I would just be going to do stand up and yeah, that's when Cody and I started doing a lot of work and yeah, just just trying to build my career.

You know.

She was doing her thing, and I said, all right, I think now it's time for me to do my thing.

So it's hard, I feel like to you know, talk through you know, people with relationship issues, because I mean, you know, like if I'm twenty and I'm but justin and I'm like in a new place and a new thing, like you know, I would feel like that's a great time like explore yourself and you know, worry about being in a relationship. But yeah, I don't know. But then you meet people who are like, I've been with my whatever for you know, since we were in high school

No, I think it. I think it really just depends. I mean I feel, you know, based on the way Maddie speaks about Matt. First of all, their names are very close to each other.

Yeah, definitely, And that's a good sign.

That's a great sign.

Yeah.

You know, I think the way she speaks of him, I want to believe that they have something special. Mm hmm. That's what I want to believe. So, you know, I hope they I hope he doesn't get lured in by the by the you know, by some weird circumstance in the middle of Austin. Yeah. I hope he stays true.

If she makes that flashlight for him, I think it's you know, to do. Is that a thing you can can you do that? Can you make custom I'm sure? Can you make like custom molds of your penis or your vagina?

I know custom build is very common, Yeah, vagina. I feel like that'd be tough to make it.

Really. How did they make the penis ones? Do they like they have to like put some clay around your.

Yeah, you can like junk. They just send you like a tube and you just fun too, Yeah, you fuck it and then they you send it back. But that that shit is crazy to me because then they're just going to three D print your ship and but you give them like a mold of your.

And then you know they're keeping that on file's exactly.

Yeah, how do you know someone working there isn't like I like.

This, I'm gonna use this model.

I want to I want to know some more.

I wouldn't mind that if I if I like if I you know, was signed to the agreement to give away a mold of my penis and like some whoever that works at the company wants to, I don't care.

You know, that's fair. I feel like, you know, it is pretty flattering if someone someone prints your penis for themselves, You're like, damn, shout out to you.

Yeah, I'm just you know, I'm just happy to you know, help people. Yeah, in this universe. Yeah, uh okay, there was one. There was a call here that I have no idea how this is going to go. This might be something where we take it and we're immediately like, let's.

Let's go.

I'm too curious to not take this call.

Hello, it's just a gek.

Yeah, this is Gary.

This is Gary.

What's going on with you?

Gary?

I'm here with Noel. We're Gecko's.

Man. I am so excited to be talking to you two fellas. Let me tell you something.

Well, well, listen, Gary, it says here that you have a pending domestic terrorism lawsuit against yourself and your cousin.

This is very true. So it's actually myself, my cousin, and his girlfriend. Although I am the main subject of person of interest here, I should say I let me give give a little bit of a backstory before we get before we get too deep into this.

Yeah, I would the mask.

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't say the Messic Terriors group. So all right, So this was a couple of years ago and we, uh, you know, we're chilling at his house, and we decided that we wanted to go smoke the Devil's lettuce. Now in my cousin's neighborhood, he has this neighborhood beach that was kind of the spot that everyone went, okay, So we decided we were going to walk down there. It was probably four or five in the afternoon, and I

And between real quick quick between you saying okay, let's do it and your cousin asking you to do it, did you have any thoughts?

Was?

Did any part of you mauld the situation over? Was it a fairly instant decision?

Absolutely? No part of my being mould that thought over for a split second.

Now, Gary, can I just ask you just a question?

Absolutely?

No.

Well are you white?

I am as white as they come?

All right? Yeah? No, go ahead continue continue, Yeah, yeah, no, you're fine, You're good.

So what happened after you agreed to throw this soda can under a car?

So, in lieu of, you know, the adrenaline of the situation, we neglected to see that the two homeowners were actually sitting on their front porch when I threw this said soda camp or soda bottle under their car.

Okay, so this is a part Wait wait, so this is a parked car in.

A driveway, Yeah, in my cousin's neighborhood.

Okay. And when the owners saw that you were throwing this low grade explosive under the car? How did they react?

So I actually didn't see them until it had gone off, because I was, you know, standing there waiting for the bang, and it happened, and I was, you know, giddy with excitement, and I turned to my right and they are starting to stream at scream at all three of us, very very intensely.

Okay, did the did the soda can do anything to the car?

So that's actually an unknown. I don't believe it did.

Gary. I just have to say, you have the most like your voice sounds like you'd be a member of a yacht club. But what you're describing are like a unibomber activities. So I'm just I'm trying to picture you. You know, You're just you're you're a bit of a bit of a wolf in sheep's clothing right now.

Can you actually, just like super brief, describe what you look like.

I am probably the most average looking white male that has ever called into the show, to be completely honest with you. Brown hair, brown eyes, five ten, average build, So I'm basically describing Noel Miller to.

A t uh. I wouldn't say that.

Okay, fair enough, Gary, tell us more about how you got eventually, when did this turn into a domestic terrorism lawsuit? From your sitting in front of the the this person's house.

Right. So, after this happened, after the bang and the screaming ensued, we just we ran. We ran for our lives down to the smoke spot. And we're at the spot for i'd say about an hour and a half, just hanging out. And to be completely honest with you, it didn't really cross my mind as to what happened, you know, because at this point we had smoked quite a bit, and it just it was never a thought that was reminiscent in my head. So we decided to head back up to the house. And as we're walking back,

It's very nice of you, by the way, to Clare to like single yourself out just in case the courts use this stream for evidence.

Yeah, yeah, continue.

Thank you. I have to, I have to make it known. So we're walking back and there is now three County police cars outside of the home.

M hm.

And still still it's not registering with any any three of us that this may in fact be because of the bottle that I threw. And you know, so we're we're still walking on our merry way and just not paying any mind to it. So we get up towards the vehicles and I'd say, what four or five police officers h get out of their vehicles and run up to us with their weapons drawn. And at this point is pretty much where I shit myself.

Yeah, how stoned are you? By the way, when the guy's appointing.

Us at you.

I gotta tell you, man, I gotta tell you, this was probably one of the most stone I had ever been. When I say, we were down at that smoke spot for an hour and a half. We were smoking for that hour and a half straight. I was, I was, I was blazed. There's no doubt about that.

Mm hmm. Okay, So they take you, they take you into custody, I assume, right.

So, no, that's the thing. They did not take me into any of us into custody right away. So they approached us and at this point, we're we're looking like the neighborhood bums. We are all three wearing pajama pants and like some random T shirt, you know, walking about, and so they say, you guys fit the description of three people who have just come through here and we received a call regarding an explosive going off under a

Now any questions up until this play anything unsolved boggling in your mind about any of this?

No, I mean, Gary, I just I assume your dad makes more than like one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year. That would be my guess.

What's what's the uh? You would be what's the answer to that?

So you are actually absolutely wrong in that sense. My dad is unemployed, he was a uh, he is a. I don't even I don't want to say retired because he got fired. He was he was the manager of a porta potty company.

Hey, hey, waste management makes money, man, I don't hate on that. This is what I'm saying, is so confusing about you. Man. You speak and behave like someone with a trust fund, but then you're doing toothless activities.

Okay, so maybe this, maybe this can put it into perspective. Here my occupation, I'm a commercial electrician.

Oh oh okay, all right, now I'm saying it the blue collar grit. I'm saying that.

Yeah.

So so so it was any part of your I mean, this was this three years ago. You said, were you minor when this happened?

Yes?

I was, okay, and this is still like weighing down upon you. Were you tried as a domestic terrorist?

No, I never was. That's the thing, because they actually said that it was a it was a smoke bomb. The homeowner said that it was a smoke bomb to the police officers.

Ah okay, so that's cool.

So that's the thing. The police officer actually had me talk to the homeowner, you know, in my very intoxicated state, and I had to explain what my reasoning was for throwing this smoke bomb under their vehicle?

Gary, I at a respect for your future existence. Let me just stop you right here, mm hmm, and just say, listen, you got away with this one, and just you know, continue to live your life, not fucking around with smoke bombs anymore, you know, do.

You like like to to? But but you know to that point, Gary, now that you've told us this, you got away with it. You're living your life now, you're a commercial electrician. Things I can hear in your voice, things are okay for you. Did you learn anything from this experience that you can take away?

I absolutely did, and that was to not mess around with smoke bombs.

That is a great it's a great lesson lesson.

It's a great lesson.

Learn was was I wanted those? Really? Before we go? Your cousin, your cousin and your cousin's what is it friend? There's three of you, right, the two the two other people did they get did they get fucked that all by any of this stuff? Or are they doing okay too?

Oh?

No, they no, no repercussion. And actually my cousin is currently a commercial electrician with me.

Got it.

It's the smoke bomb to commercial Electrician pipeline.

Yeah that's a good one.

Yeah, well, Gary, thank you for sharing that with us. I feel like this is a fable, right, what is it a parable? What's the it's the word for a story where there's an inherent lesson to it.

Yeah, it's.

I don't know what I'm talking about, but Gary's anything else I want to say to me or Noela or the people of the computer before we go.

I just wanted to say, I love you guys, and Ghek forever.

Appreciate you. Gary.

Thanks, Gary, have a good one, GAK forever.

You know that he has such a just an upper class fright freanck guy voice. It was so did you hear it? Like a little bit?

Let me to that after hearing him say that he learned something, do you really think he learned something? What do you think he really learned? Because he said he didn't learn but like more deeper than that, what do you think he learned?

I think he learned. I think the real words that came to his mind when he blew that car up and he sort of got away with it was oh shit, I definitely need to not fuck around as much. I think that's what.

Okay, and that's that is legitimately learning something, and he that, Yeah, he definitely kind of had it go off in his mind exactly like that.

And not to make it about this, but I just felt like it was a very very white gy thing to call into a public show.

He did say the case was pending. I want to to get more into where it stood now, but.

I for sure thought he, you know, was like a like a privileged kid. That's what that's just that behavior just to call in and just like I committed a crime once, you know. But he's an electrician. He comes from that working class, so I feel like his dad would be, you know, unibomber enough to be like, Gary, don't ever do that again. Don't don't incriminate yourself, don't talk about this ever again. Keep it to yourself. Take it to the grave.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, this is like it's a quasi anonymous.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah, we don't know.

I mean, how many other people are making h bombs out of soda cans? I'm throwing them under old ladies' cars. Hopefully not that many.

I hope, yeah, we hope.

It is funny to think that this like podcast would be used as evidence. Yeah, in a fucking court us in the courtroom people, a whole jury of people watching him tell that story.

And then so one on the jury is like, is that Lyle?

Yeah? Yeah, like they call us him to testify, show up in.

Suits, Like the suits weren't necessarily Like what are you talking about?

That's how I I need to get back into where I was.

This is who we are. Man.

Just don't do you have you ever growing up? Did you ever get into not pipe bomb level, but did you ever get into trouble of any kind?

Yeah?

No, I mean you know, I definitely had tons of friends who built like potato guns and stuff like that. I think one of the funniest things that happened to me and a kid and his brother used to mess around a butane. Yeah yeah, and we kind of realized that butane would had like a self sustaining burn, Like obviously a fire can catch, but basically my boy at the time he would spray buttane on the top of

That's kind of a funny bit though, Yeah, to show up with the show with your head on fire and be like, what's up, guys? What?

Yeah, looking like like fucking hairy from home alone too, just but you know, we would walk down this hill that we lived near, and he would spray it on his head and he just light it on fire, and I, me and his brother would just watch it cackling, and people would drive by and their necks would break, like what is going on with this kid? Or annoyingly and dangerously he would just spray it on us while we were walking and then just light us on fire, and we had no idea.

He let on fire without you're knowing, yeah.

Which is psychotic behavior, but he was convinced that nothing bad could happen from it.

I was also a little bit into fire when I when I discovered that you could take acts or not even like any hair spray yeah, and a lighter yeah, and it would make a flame thrower. Yeah, I was. I was a little too into that. And I wouldn't do it like a w because it would scare me. Would do it for like a second well yeah, like I was like discovering my own like powers.

Would you only ever do it like in the privacy of your own.

Yeah, I would do it. I wouldn't like go into public and start terrorizing.

Yeah, fucking do you have kids like that in high school that would do that? Ship?

I wasn't. The people I was friends with in high school, I wouldn't. We were mischievous, but not in any sort of violent way. Yeah, you know, but I did have I had like a obsession with fire at some point, like lighting fireworks, and I would keep a lighter to the pocket.

Was like the biggest thing you lit on fire. You think, Oh man, you're just like, uh, just the pentagon.

No, I don't have anything cool man, It's like sticks, pieces of paper. Yeahs oh you know, my own, like my own like I would I would like light my hair on Oh yeah, like my hair hair, but like my arm hair.

Yeah you ever do that? I had friends that would do that then. Yeah, that thought that was like super funny, and I was thinking, like, dude, I couldn't relate. You know, I had exema, so I was trying to keep as much moisture on my skin as possible. So when I watch kids do that, I'm like, you take that, You take your skin for granted, Man, what.

Do you what do you think Utane your your butane friend is doing now? Maybe you lost out with him. Uh?

Last I heard he's married. He's good. Yeah, I'm sure he's solid.

Do you think when the kids are asleep and the wife is asleep, he goes down into the basement and lights ship on fire?

You know, I wouldn't put it past him to do it in front of the kid. He had a good sense of humor.

You're ever gonna have kids?

I think about it, man, I'm just not sure. I'm kind of in a selfish point in my life where I like, I like the freedom I have soah, you know, but I think raising a kid is definitely it's cool. Like I got a little nephew that, okay, I see every once in a while. It's like a rental kid, Yeah, basically, and that's always that's always a good time, you know, even even if he's misbehaving, it's still kind of and

I feel you on the Uh. I I don't know if I would, you like, I don't know if it's like a selfish thing. But I I think I think by the way, I think I've asked every single guest I've had on this podcast if they want to have kids.

Yeah, but.

What is it? I feel like you can do any you can kind of do anything, and you can do anything in life, come back from anything, except for having children or getting arrested.

Yeah.

If those are the only two things I can think of where like there's no turning back.

Yeah, yeah, Ye're getting arrested.

Is like we're like some crazy physical injury m m.

Yeah, kids are I mean, in a way you could come back, you.

Know, you you ditch the kid.

If not like that, but I mean if you turn them into free agents, you know, put them up for adoption.

Yeah, you could do that, because that's the thing is, that's the only you could ditch the kid. But no, no, that's not cool. It's not I was you know, I wasn't bringing that up as like, no, no, you know legitimate. I mean, but you could do it. Yeah, no, you shouldn't ditch your child.

But in theory, you could put them out for free agency.

Hey, you want to take a call? Yeah?

Am I being too controversial? No?

No, no, no, no, this is uh. I think these are important things to talk about with people because there's you know, people who are listening to this that you know, I don't know. Maybe they're things.

No, you know one of my one of my one of my close friends, we do a lot of work. He was adopted, and you know, he makes me think about adopting.

Hello is this Jacob?

Can you hear me?

Yeah?

Can know what's going on with you?

Man?

Nothing much. I am in the parking lot at the gym, just finishing my workout.

Okay, we're finishing the workout in the parking lot big time.

No, I'm sitting in the parking lot hoping i'd get to talk to you guys. So I just finished my workout.

Got it?

Was it a good workout?

You know what?

I took like a week and a half off. I like hurt my lower back. So they won back of the gym.

How'd you heard the how you heard the loan?

Just turned thirty and I dude, I feel like when you turn thirty, your body's nose and it just will bite back for like the littlest things. So I don't even know what happened. I might have lifted something wrong at work or at the gym, slept wrong, caught that down, watched TV wrong. Yeah, literally, just king.

Well, Jacob, is there anything in particular you want to talk about today?

Yeah, so I wanted to talk about I guess the kink that I have. Maybe I'm a fetish twink SI right, I am addicted to sleeping with married straight men, and I want some opinions on it because I feel like it's a bit controversial. I feel like sometimes I feel bad about it, but other times I don't, especially not in the moment. Of course, it's also a little bit it can be seen as like homophobic. I guess you could say I don't really sleep as other gay men.

You you you say you you almost exclusively sleep with men who identify a.

Straight almost exclusively. Yeah?

And is it?

Is it you almost exclusively identify with men who identify straight or you almost exclusively sleep with married men who identify a straight.

So open minded in that sense. But if they're married, man, I don't really care if I find them attractive. It's like an instant yes for me, you know.

So the mayor, the fact that they're married makes them more attractive.

To you just fucking gets me.

Yeah, okay, why can can you explain why that is?

Yeah?

I have no clue. That's I'm trying to pick my own brain right now because I couldn't tell you it. Part of it.

I feel like I'm just picturing a married this guy head the whole time talking to us Jacobs, just getting ahead parking lot, and he's like, do you have to take this call right now?

I've had It's gotten to the point where they've knuck me through their garages, into their guest bedrooms, whilestairs.

No, okay, But when you're when you're doing that, are you not like, okay, when you're doing something like that in your mind, are you not lying? What the fuck is going to happen? If like, like you are entering, you're just you're not just entering into a physical location, You're entering into someone's whole ass life.

Yeah, you're behind enemy lines, man.

What's going through your mind when you're in a situation.

I yeah, certain situations like that. I'm not thinking with my head, you know, I'm thinking with my dick.

So technically your head exciting for me.

The other one.

Yeah, yeah, it's okay, okay, let me let me say this, let me say two days.

Yeah.

Do you is it that that's a crazy thing because one if if their lady wakes up, you know, like that's just a wild situation to be in. Two is it that you do you enjoy the like sort of the power of it. Do you get a rise out of it knowing that, like you are somebody's secret?

Mm hmm.

Maybe I my parents growing up, My father was a big cheater, and I never they understood why he did the things he did. So there's a part of me that, like, I don't know, probably wants to find out the reasons why people do those things.

You know, did it hurt you that your dad would cheat on your mom?

Uh? Yeah, I guess so, I mean as much as it or any kids these days, not so much, like not a big deal.

But do do you keep in touch with Are your parents still together? And do you keep in touch with your dad?

They're still together?

Yes?

Are they happy? Probably not.

My dad.

I have a better relationship with him now than I did growing up. Me and my daughter are call's cool.

Does he still cheat?

Probably couldn't tell you. They're fifty mid fifties. So I mean, I'm not sure, have.

You always been this way or is this a recent thing? I forget, so.

I would say it was more of a recent thing. So I am in a relationship, an open relationship, I'll say that. So my partner and I have been open for three four years. That's three years.

And that's a crazy thing because I just real quick, I want to carry out. I want to caveat because there are probably some straight people in the chat that are thinking, like, man, what the fuck? And it should be said that at least the gay man, I know, the ability to compartmentalize is crazy. They can just like you know, the gay dudes, they just oh yeah, I'm just go mack. This guy in the club means nothing to me. It's savage. Anyways, continue, I'm sorry.

No, that's a great point. I feel like open relationships in the gay world are pretty common because men just have like this. I mean, I don't want to.

No, I think you're hitting on something that's no. No. I think it's a tough and dangerous facet of the traditional or like traditional male psychology is. I think we have a dangerous ability to shut off our feelings and and so I'm just wondering if there's an element of that here that's enabling you to continue doing these things, because maybe there's something deeper that you're not acknowledging, but you're kind of dealing with it in this way.

Hmmm, does that can can you think of anything that that that that might be? Jacob, Oh, I don't know.

I didn't really grow up mid twenties.

Uh.

I didn't really explore my sexuality the way that I'm doing now. This goes from my partner. We kind of grew up with the gay stigma. I guess you can say the STDs. I mean I have had a fair share of STDs, so I mean that is common. But like HIV scare and just being the person that our parents were afraid of, it's so our early twenties.

So Jacob, you know, what are you? What are you wrestling with here? Are you? Are you wrestling with the morality of you sleeping with married men? Are you wrestling with why you have this impulse? Like what if you have to say that? What is the crux of your issue with everything going on with you?

It's definitely a morality thing, because afterwards, I do kind of feel like shit. And I do think about their kids that are probably sleeping upstairs, or you know, their partners that are oblivious to the whole situation, and I just feel like shit, you know, but in the moment, and it's always in the moment that I just I don't give a fuck, you know, It's.

Just Jacob, do you feel at any point in your I'm not going to say daily life, but do you ever have moments where you still struggle to accept your own sexual identity and preference and things of that nature.

No, I don't think so. I'm a I think I'm a proud team man, and I I love the gay culture. I love everything about it.

But that's good.

I mean, I don't really I don't know. I just sexually, when it comes to like getting off, I don't really have that connection with other gay men. And I asked myself if it's because I don't want any kind of ties to be held with these men because I am in a relations happy relationship, So I I kind of I'm not sure if that plays a factor in it as well.

Let me throw this one on you. Have you been to a real therapist and talk to them about why you have the compulsions.

I have not. I have not. I've never really expressed myself like this, even to my partner.

Yeah, okay, that's another question. Have you does your partner?

Now? Hey, first, I want to say, Jacob, we appreciate you taking this leap because it's a very public way to address these deeper thoughts you have. And so no, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not even sarcastic. Now, you're fine you're feeling because I, as a person, i'd rather you get this out in it's sort of a comedic tongue in cheek way, and if this opens the door for you to have deeper discussions. Here's here's the thing, bro this you know, I feel like listening to you,

Thank you, Jacob. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, or to me or Noel or anything else? Do you want to say about the situation that you feel like we didn't get to or anything like that?

Oh, I think we covered all the bases. That was the fast one.

Huh.

Big fans of both of y'all tell you, Noel, my partner has a huge crush on you, damn. So it's kind of like a full circle moment in a lot of ways.

Well, look, Jacob, everybody out there, just what's up?

Yeah?

I know again, we appreciate you, tell your partner said, I appreciate the love. I appreciate the love for you too, Bro, Me and law want to see you succeed, man, So sir, so come away from this conversation, uh thinking about that next step and uh, you know, ultimately we want to see you happy. Man. So dude, you gotta do to to to find that, you know.

Thank you for sharing. Thank care man, you get some protein, you know, with that call, I have dode, I have these thoughts and that, and I get I get calls like that a lot, where like I think, you know, I think maybe it is the possibility that people listening or anything like that, like wanted a response that's like you know, more like ragging on like what you do, what you're like, what you're doing is fucked up and

No, I think I think you're totally I mean, you're totally right to reflect on it. But I think it's creating that space for people to talk. I think it's I think when you rag on people, that's when they keep their cards close. Totally, totally that that motivate.

You know.

The biggest thing I heard from the guy is he's turning off his feelings. You know, he's like, oh in the moment and I think about it, which you could say, you know, is because you're horny, fair sure, But if he is getting his nut off, and then the second that happens, he's got that guilt that horrific, that same feeling when you masturbate to like some just porn like that you are not proud of. You're like, man, what am I doing? Yeah?

Yeah, I mean that must be some like the the amount of horniness that he is feeling to get himself into a suburban house with the wife and the kids must be uh, you know, just some astronomical animalistic amount.

Oh, bro, I mean that that's a.

That's a terrifying situation to place yourself.

In, bro, to to keep it up in a suburban home with a with a family upstairs, that is that is cataclysmic levels of horning. You know, Like that's a great word for that, just absurd power going through his body, like my family's upstairs, and he's like, I don't care.

Yeah, I think that's that's probably part of it. Yeah, it's probably part of the adrenaline that you know, the adrenaline from that is like going through a machine in his body and transmuting to make his penis you know, stronger and whatnot.

Yeah, you know, I mean, I asked him how he felt about his own identity because I think it'd be a sad thing if he was maybe doing that, because maybe he feels some kind of shame but doesn't sound that way. So I think it's deeper. Is above our pay grade for sure.

Definitely, I'm glad. I'm glad that you know, he's see I'm glad at least that he seemed like he he wants to guide himself towards better.

Married men's.

Away from married men's whatever and into uh, you know, better better for him. So that's also why I don't you know, we were talking about like whether should we rag on people. I never like, you know, anyone who's like, you know, he he wants to change, He wants to change, calling in to talk about how he wants to change, and I can respond, you know, why would I do that.

I'm a little sad because I'm not sad, but I kind of wish we interviewed him a little bit, like you know what type of suburban dad has the best bussy? You know?

Yeah?

Who?

Like, like who of these suburban dads? Like is actually really a really convincing gay guy in the bed?

And then like, yeah, like is there is does he witness a very sharp change from like who he observes these guys as when they are, you know, in public, and who they are you know, when they're with him. Yeah, Like it's kind of interesting to talk about.

Yeah, is he just piping down like little league baseball coaches and they're you know, they're all rooted out and crazy or actually baseball Lit League Baseball coaches when we rited out. But you know, these guys are used to talking shit. You know. They bring them in there and they say, you know, make me you're a little make me you're a little whatever you want me to be. Yeah, have your way with me, And Jacob goes, Okay.

Well, I hope that Jacob can find can get his kicks. I was gonna say, like what else, that's not what what that is not sleeping with straight married men could give Jacob a similar sense of adrenaline. And I was like, there's nothing. And then Jacob, but you should try go karting.

Yeah, yeah, no, I was gonna say a little crack, but I can go karting.

Yeah, yeah, that you remember? Okay to sort of sort of do a loop here. Yeah, you know how in the very beginning of this we were like, is there you know people, is there a version of a crack experience that changes someone's life for the better? Ye? This could be that maybe Jacob finds crack go karting and he's like that you know, depressing, shameful thing I had when I was going around having sex with all these

Damn damn. Now now I'm just I'm thinking of all the questions we should have asked him, like has he ever been like a pastor? You know? Damn it, Jacob, if you're out there, leave some notes in the chat.

Oh, this is a great call.

Let's take let's hit it. Let's hit it.

Talk to crazy holy ship.

Oh my god?

Wait is this you guys?

Yeah?

What's going on?

Dude? No, this is actually your student loans debt collector. Uh, it's not a pay up?

Yeah, can you give us more money?

Oh my god?

Wait, I can't believe I'm on guys.

You can split the payment between what's your venomo?

Uh? At I forgot about?

Yeah it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. We'll we'll send it later. No, what's going on?

We'll send you an invoice. I'm Gracie. Thanks for calling into the Gecko show man. What's haw's life going for you?

It's going pretty good.

I've been trying to call for like literally six months, so I'm like so shocked right now.

How you doing, man?

Fantastic? How are you doing? Man?

I'm feeling good. I just peed. We probably cut the part of me peeing out of the podcast, but I feel really good after ipe. I feel like I'm It's like a nice mental reset. But that's enough about me peeing.

Gracie.

There's some things here that you wrote down that you wanted to talk about, but I'd rather hear them out of your voice than mine.

Yeah. Okay, So about a month ago, I went and I got three tattoos. One of them is on my arm and it's a cherub. So it was like stupid. So basically it's like naked.

And child's penis on your arm is what you're saying.

I mean, that's like a really terrible way to put it, but essentially, Yeah, So they keep telling me that it has a child. I've heard this from literally like five different different people, and I'm like so self conscious about it.

I don't know what to do.

Because it's like visible and I don't want to be like walking around in public and somebody's like, oh my god, look at the child on that girl's arm. That's embarrassing.

So so you're you're saying you're very self conscious about this penis, and it says you're you're considering getting it removed.

Yeah, yeah, I am all in all serious.

What compelled you to get it in the first place? Like, what was appealing to you about the cupid with the penis?

Yeah? Was it was? It was it.

A penis could be that small, it was, So it was nothing about the penis that was appealing. It was about like the message of.

The tax Oh so circumcised. Sorry sorry sorry continue continue you continue, Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm being smartest.

Good, No, you're all good. Like the tattoo is special to me, and so like when my tattoo artists is sketching it up, like I didn't even notice that the child was there, Like it was just stupid, you know, I didn't think about that, and I didn't think about how other people would look at it. So, yeah, I don't know what to do.

What couldn't you cover over the leaf or something? You know?

Yeah, so you're thinking about getting it fully removed. But uh, you bring up a great point, man, I mean if if if, like it seems like the penis is has become a big thing. It's the first thing that people are noticing about it. You know, it's a point of self uh you know, consciousness for you do you don't have to get that you're talking about get the whole thing or moves. Why don't you just fix the penis? Why don't you have them draw over it with a leaf?

Yeah, I mean, I reckon I could do that, but I don't know. Like my family, there's a less like my family and my boyfriend they're the main people who like have steff to say about it, and I feel like they're just never gonna like blive it down, like they're never gonna stop bringing it up. So I'm just like, should I just ge to remove like all together like it never existed?

Okay, Well if we're going on, you know, listen, grace. So you don't want to be doing things just because your family and your whatever are are casting judgment upon you. I mean, how do you feel about the pena?

Yeah, how do you feel about this child's penis that's on your arm?

Well, when I thought it, right after it was tattooed, I was like, Okay, well that's the thing, like, you know.

There's a little penis there.

But I didn't think it'd be a big deal to anybody. I've seen a lot of people with like making women's tattooed on their arm or other things like that. I mean, I guess I've never really seemed like a dick tattooed on.

Somebody, but people, I don't know to think that people would not be I mean, people are like obsessed with talking about dicks and penises and stuff. I've seen dicks drawn on bathroom stalls across the nation. People are obsessive about you know, penises in you know, being in places and shit. So I you know, it is a thing that I think, you know, it makes sense that people are noticing.

Personally, I think your boyfriend and your family are. They don't understand, like what kind of a cool person they know? If you fired up tender right now in your in your bio said I got a child's penis tattooed on my arm. Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean people gender irrelevant, We're just matched to be, like, I need to know more about you.

You're considered putting that in the tender bio.

Well, I'm I don't think I'm ever gonna get tender again. I mean, I'm in a pretty serious relationship.

Like, Okay, how long have you guys?

And I feel like if I did, We've been together for a year and a half.

Oh sorry, and you're from where again? Just what state?

I'm from North Carolina. I just moved from Minnesota literally a week ago.

Okay, all right, man, it's just so sweet to hear that you say I'm in a pretty serious relationship after a year and a half, and you have to understand you know, we're you know, in LA A year and a half is like three weeks. Really, I would say.

Well, you've been in a ten year yeah, yeah, you're like from the you know.

Yeah no, but no, I know, I respect that it's a very serious relationship for you, so you wouldn't even think about firing up tender. But what I'm saying is this is not a point of incompatibility. I just think that, you know, back to Lyle's point, if you like the tattoo, I think you can find a way to keep it that makes you happy.

Yeah.

I agree. I think that what the you know, the question of the penis on your arm is like is it is it an issue for you?

I don't know.

I don't know how I feel about it. I feel like I need to separate myself from like listening to what other people have to say about it and kind of figure out how I feel about it myself, because like I was psyched to get the tattoo, like I loved how it turned out, and then once everybody started like making comments about it, I was like, oh my god, did I make a mistake, Like did I not think it's through?

Well? This is this is an opportunity for you, Gracie. I mean, you know, to free yourself from the chains of the pions of other people and uh, you know, decide again. This is what I would say to you is really take some time. Yeah, really sit and look at to stare at your arm. Yeah, stare at this, uh this tattoo, and decide for yourself if this penis is a big deal for you, and if it's not, then then live life freely with the penis on your arm. And if it is, and get it covered up with

Faces, you know. Yes, COOLi one hundred.

Yeah, I'm gonna take and think about it. I have a twelve hour drive tomorrow, so I'm gonna think about this the entire time I drive.

If you stare at that thing long enough, it's gonna start talking to you.

Yeah, it's crazy how big of a deal it is in your life, considering how small it is.

What if you like took like on this twelve hour drive. I don't know, if you're driving, it's kind of big? Is it kind of big?

How big is it?

Like? It takes up my entire forum?

So that's why the whole thing, because.

Yeah, yeah, she's like the cherub is only in my elbow, but.

Of the body.

It was like, why don't you put that big?

You know, I feel like over this twelve hour drive, Right over this twelve hour drive, you know, stare just stare at the tattoos, stare at stare at the cherub, and eventually maybe it'll start talking. Maybe you'll have maybe it'll come alive, right, they'll have a conversation with you, and maybe it'll say, Gracie, there's nothing I love more. It'll say one of two things. I'll say, Grace is something I love more than having my penis out for the world to see. And then please don't cover it up.

Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that, and I'm really gonna listen to see what he thinks.

Gracie, let let's final question. You said you were stoked when you got this thing, all right, when you separate right now, like when you just look at the art, do you look at it and go, I like this.

I do Like it's the exact like style I wanted and it turned out like even better than I thought it would.

Gracie, let me say this. I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of because families spend thousands of dollars to visit a country full of statues with baby dicks. Okay, that's like that's like a prime revenue stream for Italy. There's all these grown men with baby penises and babies

There's a stand that you could take there, Yeah, if it's if it's the stand you want to take.

If it's the one you want to take, if you just you know, just on this drive tomorrow, just think about it. If you love it, because here's the thing. Having that art there and going to get it covered up. You may feel a piece of you die as that penis gets covered. You may feel a piece of you just giving in to what people want out of you. And that doesn't feel good either. So stand on stand on that. Yeah, if you want to keep it.

Keep it, Mattie. Is there anything else I want to say? Too much, like to me, Noel or the people of the computer before we go.

I just want to say thank you guys so much. While I started listening to you like in January, and I would just play the podcast all day at work, so I'm like super stoked to talk to you. Noel, Thank you so much. I feel like I'm gonna learn about this and I really appreciate that from you guys. I also want to shout out my boyfriend. I love you, Coryland, even though you make fun of my baby's penis.

Thank you very much for calling Gracey.

Thank you so much. Bye, guys.

Well we did it, Noel, we did two and a half minutes on baby penises. Yeah, twelve and a half minutes.

That's crazy.

Yeah, what did any post call thoughts on that? No?

I mean, I mean I just think it's so it's funny. You know, if if that if that baby dick was on was on her hard drive, she'd be in a much more precarious situation.

But but it's it's it's okay because it's on her arm.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is this is what people miss about me on stream. They just get to hear me say all this. Dude, No, I mean you are I mean, you know, can we see the chat?

Does he talking about this? I'm just curious.

I was just kind of curious. But it is an interesting like double standard because it's true. If it were on a hard drive, that would be a horrible problem.

It's fine, Yeah, we shouldn't put this out there because now we're gonna get a bunch of discord moderators tattooing really bad ship on their arms and they're like, no, it's art. It's art, man, No, that's art right there.

There are no I mean there's people take trips to go to the Vatican and ship and at the I've been to that they have lots and lots of statues naked babies with the thicks hanging out.

That's true. What's what's the famous one of like the little baby peing.

I don't, I don't, I don't know. I just I don't know what. I don't know what to strategically look up, like what, yeah you google find that, but also not be on the list.

I think it's type like famous baby peeing statue. It's small, Okay.

Not his, but I think famous baby peeing statue is probably fine. Let's see what that results in famous baby peeing. The mannequin piss in Brussels. There it is, there, it is. See you're looking at it right now. Yeah, the mannequin piss. And what's crazy is famous statue.

He's not even that large like the statue, it's very small. All people actually complain that they they make this uh something that they go see and then when they get there they think.

Wait a minute, we can't don't. I don't have like the whatever to pull things up. But that's not a penis. That's a little hose.

Yeah, straight up.

That looks kind of weird.

Yeah, but the implication is there. Can we give you any tattoos? I don't, man, I thought about getting one this year, but I thought maybe it's too late. It's really corny.

What else.

I don't even want to say it, man, but it's gonna be like some fuck boy tattoo behind the ear.

Well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

Yeah, no, it's gonna be real simple. But then I realized it felt I feel like it's too late. Okay, early thirties is a little bit late to start.

Okay, what was was it? The fuck boy? I kind of want to know what it is. You don't have to tell me, but yeah, is it like, is it it's like a sincere thing?

Yeah? Okay, yeah, it was going to be a sincere thing.

Okay, is it like dedicated to a person?

All right?

Keep asked me questions, but.

No, no, no, it's not dedicated to a person. Chat's like, it's never too late. They all want me to get it and get blasted. Get I'm fucking blasted. Yeah nah, I was, Uh, it was it was just something, you know, something related to to to me personally. You give me a little bit deep.

I My thing is that there's nothing, Say do you have any Well I don't have it because there's nothing I want to put on my body that I'm like, you know, there's nothing that I feel like maybe not nothing. There are only there are a small handful of things. Yeah where I'm like, I could reasonably see myself still identifying with this in sixty years. Yeah, but nothing. But even those small handful of things, they're not one hundred percent certain.

You know what's interesting about that is the people that get like family on their forearm. Yeah, that tattoo actually makes the most sense. Yeah, it's one I would say, in like, in terms of theme and your life and whatever, family is actually something that you could believe in in sixty years, you know what I mean, rather than but but.

So like, yeah, that's that's the thing is like, I'm I'm pretty sure. You know, I have a great relationship with my family. I love my mom, love my sister, shout out to Chloe, I love my father, you know, great relationship with all of them. But I don't know what could happen six they could one of them, could you know?

It's true?

Which would really fuck me over. Yeah, and maybe maybe I know, maybe, and then maybe every time I see the family that I think, like, I don't think, I don't think that's going to I'm like almost I'm almost one hundred percent certain that that's not going to I'm basically one hundred percent certainly like nine nine point nine nine, but that point, you know, you just percent. I don't want to get that tattooed on my arms.

That's fair, that's fair.

You know.

I see people with I mean, some people don't give a fuck. They'll just and you know, I don't get what other people do. But like when I like, I'm not gonna get like master Shake on the ass, because actually that is that's among probably one of the things that like when I'm eighty, when I look in the mirror and if I saw master Shake on my ass, it'd be like, that's pretty funny.

I think that's a good one. Man. I think you're sleeping on that one.

Okay, maybe I'll get master Shake on Yeah.

That's pretty solid. I think my fuck boy one is the one that it shouldn't do, because that's when I could wake up in the air and be like the hell I think you keep bringing it up. Yeah that's the third time.

Now I won't ask you about it anymore if you want to, Yeah, no, it's it's yeah, No, I'm just gonna get a baby dig just now. That tattoo would be weird if if if if it was just the baby dick, then I think then I think she would have a serious problem.

Hello.

Hello, Uh is this Alex?

Oh my gosh, it is Hi.

What's going on with you?

Alex?

I'm kind of freaking out. Hold on, let me turn the stream off really quick. I didn't not think I was.

I didn't think I would ever be sitting in this chair wearing the scackow costume next to you, Noel, also sitting in that chair where so where all of us are in situations equally, everyone watching this never thought they would be sitting where they are watching it. So you're you're, you're, you are in You're at home, You're at home with everyone else who never thought that they would be. What's going on with you? Alex?

It's so nice. I'm just kind of hanging out. I've been watching the stream, just chilling it. It's my last day off, so just trying to make the most of it.

What do you do?

I work at Starbucks.

So you've been dealing with the shittiest of people for the last however many years?

Yeah, four years. It's it's brutal. It's been especially bad post code. Well, I guess we're not post COVID. But after COVID happened, people have just gotten very very mean.

How how have you been coping with that?

I mean, I don't know. I don't I don't know if I necessarily have to like cope with it. I think there are definitely frustrating moments where I'm like, damn, why do we even? Why don't even work here? If like people are the shitty? But I actually I really

I guess no, that's it's a beautiful that's a beautiful amount of empathy that you have right there too, to to be thinking like that. I admire that. So, Alex, you had the thing here that you wanted to talk about. Do you want to explain to.

Us what it is?

Yeah? I can explain. So I was calling in to talk to you guys about So this actually happened way back in like twenty fifteen, I have a friend in Michigan who I am like online friends with haven't met in person, and back in twenty fifteen, I actually kind of pulled, like, I guess, a prank on them, and I was able to convince them that I was needed from Catfish and someone had been using their pictures to catfish other people, and I just convinced them that they

So why God.

They never found out?

Yeah, no, they never found out. They still think it's like totally legit. I've just never I don't have the heart to tell them that it was fake. I feel like I would feel really bad.

Uh yeah, damn. Yeah, to the graves with that one. That's my initial thought. To the grave, you think you think, you think she's too late. Man, just gotta let it.

Just let him think Yeah, what what would be the reasons why she should tell I can't. I can't think of any like halling ones.

Yeah, because I feel like it would just upset her if anything like like exactly you said, Like what do what comes out of that situation if I'm like, hey, remember seven years ago when I like did this thing? Like, I feel like you took an upset or if anything, But.

I think I think the the So. So do you guys don't hang out in real life ever?

Do you?

No?

She could.

I live in Washington State. She lives in Michigan, so I never have to faith her.

How do you guys know each other?

We met online when we were younger. I think we met like on Instagram or something and we just became friends.

What what was this because you guys were like running stand accounts, like what's the connection?

Probably yeah, it was when I was like in like late middle school, early high school, so it was probably something like that. Yeah, we met on Instagram over some probably mutual like fandom thing at the time, like you said, and then just have stayed friends ever since.

Listen, you're all respectfully, fandoms have made you all a little crazy. If you've participated in a fandom. It's it's affected your brain cells in ways that TikTok has not, And so I think it's fine. I think it's fine if your friend, you know, just has a little residual fandom craziness and she's like I was on an unaired episode of Cafete because like whatever.

Hm, okay, So this was seven years ago, and I want to know from your perspective, From your perspective, like, how how much does your friend talk about this? Like what like how much space does this take up in their lives? A big thing for them because it happened seven years ago. I don't know, Like how often do you think they think about it? Do they think about it more than once a month?

I mean, it's hard to say because I see them post about it maybe once a year, But that doesn't mean they don't talk about it like in real life with people they know. Because to me, this situation would be equivalent to like someone asking like, oh, what's like a fun fact about you or what's like something interesting that's happened.

She's losing a fact when she's playing the circle games at the beginning of any like introductor, any summer campy thing would be taking that away from her. This is her, this is this is her truth? Two truths in a lie or played that game. Yeah, she's probably played that game. Just lied three times.

It's tragical, I know.

So yeah, I think about it way more than I should and it makes me feel really guilty. I probably think about it more than she does, which is kind of the problem. So it's like, do I tell her to give myself inner peace to not have to think about it all the time and feel guilty, or do I just like let her let her have that because it's not hurting anyone, right, So I don't know.

So we we we started up by being like, okay, well, what are the positive? Why should you tell it? So the positive is you feel guilty? It would make you feel better to tell her?

Yeah, I think so. I think it would also be kind of like a funny like, hey, like I did this, so sorry, how are you? Because we don't really talk that much anymore. But I don't know, I don't know.

Now I'm feeling maybe it's like not that relevant to bring up.

Well, if you guys don't even talk that much, I mean, I think the best thing you could do, Alex is head down to your local open mic workshop. This story, get really good at telling it, make it really funny. Go all the way for the next eight years until Comedy Central acknowledges your explosive talent, and then at the top of your thirty minute special you go. So, when I was thirteen, I convinced someone they were on catfish and the crowd is roarings, and that's where she finds out.

She goes, you.

Motherfucker. You're like, but hey, then you bring her out at your next big show and you're like, this is who I catfish? And then that's how you make it full circle otherwise.

And then it replaces the Now she has a new fun story. I was brought out, told the lie, and now she told it on TV, so it replaces. She still gets to have a cool factoid.

Now you get to extract Now, yes, she gets to have this insane story to tell.

Almost makes the story better. Yes, which is what Now that's a perfect win when you get to be open with uh uh, you know, you get to absolve the shame and guilt with with with coming out honestly, and she gets like a steroid injected into her factoid make it even more interesting. That's a good win win. I like that.

So I think that's you guys have a lot of faith in me.

I do not think we're gonna make.

It that far.

Hey, you never know.

Now with that attitude, I think that you could mean you're.

You're inherently a funny person. I mean, you did this fucking frank and that is hilarious.

You could become some kind of like social experiment comedian. Yeah, have you ever thought about leaning into the like have you ever done anything like this? Since that's a great have you talked with anyone or anything.

Like that.

Where I've gassed other people?

Let me think, let's go through your real quick.

Not on like this large of a scale. Now, I don't think. I think probably smaller situations, but nothing where it's like I've completely embedded an illusion into someone's head. So it's od macherioid. God, this is what I feel so bad about.

But the guilts. But like, like, but you've you've, in a way by fucking with her, improved her life. You have. You know, she gets to be more interesting at parties, she embraces that. It's made her happy.

Also, you said she lives in Wisconsin, Michigan Michigan. Sorry, same thing? Where in where in Michigan? Can you say?

Can you tell her home address?

No?

No, just what's the city?

I have no idea. I yeah, I don't know off the top of my head.

Here's the thing. If she's running around fucking ann Arbor being like, you know, even though it's Minnesota.

I was on an episode of Capitis fans. Who gives a fuck?

Like the people in Michigan, they let them believe her, you know, they see that could happen is that someone finds out and it's never true. And then they orchestrate a meeting with Neve and he's like, you know, we never spoke before, right, And she's like, oh my god, this is the thing that you do, you know what I mean? Like, there's so many positives to not telling so I think Lyles hit it right. There's no real positive to tell it.

Well wait a minute, okay, So you by the way, for those who are listening that don't know what Catfish is, cat how would you just it's a show where this guy talks to like what couple people who Yeah? He would you describe this?

Yeah? Catfish is a show where a guy and his friend go out and find people who are developing feelings for someone on the Internet that they've never met, and then they go and reveal that person to their subject, and the subject realizes that the person they've been either in love with or spending a lot of time with on the internet is in fact not who they say they are.

And you kind of did you you pretended to be Nev, right, correct? Yeah, so you kind of you kind of did. Can't fish her? So that could theoretically you turn into an episode or something.

Yeah, do they still do that show? You should submit yourself. Yeah, get her on the show. That would be a great way to absolve the guilts, Like you weren't on it then, but guess it now.

But then I have to approach Neve and say that I can't fished her at pin.

Oh. Yeah, no, you would have to. You have to give an interview about that, and then the documentary crew could edit it in whatever way they want to portray you as heroic or villainous as they.

I mean, I think that's so funny, And you should see if they still do that show and do that.

Well, Alex, I think we've given you, uh, you know what, three different solutions so far, I hope that some of them were said, Factor Dio, Is there anything else that you want to say to me, Noel or the people of the computer before we go?

I do yes to Noel. Yeah. So, my partner and I we've been dating for four years. Our first TISS four years ago was to the song keep You a Dick Fat by TMG, and it's not on Spotify anymore, and it ruins my day every single time.

I go to listen to it.

Listen, you don't even need that song. It's you and a girl, right. I do need that, but it's you and a girl right.

With me and my boyfriend.

Oh.

When I say when I partner, you know, I'm thinking.

Part partner. I feel like I've I've heard part I've been hearing partner used as like just sorry to catch all.

Yeah, yeah, not. You know that's that's fair.

You know.

Well, Hey, listen, I'm sorry, it's never it's never going back to Spotify. I'm sorry, but you know, stay strong, stay strong out there.

Yeah, thank you guys so much for everything you do. I love both of you guys so much. You guys are like I love you guys so much. Thanks so much for having me on Alex forever.

Now four years. That's that. That's four years? Is that a serious relationship?

Oh yeah, deaf, No, one year can be a serious relationship.

I just like, you don't you know, if you don't believe that, you don't have to say it now.

I think I think after a year it can be serious for you, like you take it seriously and so it can be serious. But I just laughed at the tone of her voice, was like like, well, I'm in.

A very very serious relationship and then to reveal yes, because.

I feel like after one year people are very like, yeah, I've been daing for a year. You know, it's been going good, right, you know, one year typically signifies like, yeah, this is going in a good direction. Yeah. But she said that ship like I fucking you know, like like she's been a relationship for ten years. Yeah, like they even thought was like absolutely, you know yeah.

I mean even you earlier when I was asking if you were in a relationship didn't say with a serious evaton, yeah yes.

Yeah, we didn't get it.

Got ten years.

Yeah, it's whatever.

I feel like there's a bell curve right where like you start out like, yeah, we've been together for a year and then you go and then five years it's like when a very seriously show five years, and then by ten years it becomes casual again. Yeah yeah, ten years whatever.

Yeah, because at that point I feel that you, I mean, you've been through so much shit that.

You know, it's just like, yeah, when when would you say your relationship became serious?

Yeah? I would say around like that, oh that you know that, it's like right around like you know that that three four year mark we were like, Okay, this is like for real, for real, like we're not going anywhere. That was that was the vibe.

And then you have not yet gone anywhere. No, do you think like you might one day or you no? No?

Cool, Yeah, we're solid. Yeah, I mean she and I may go somewhere, you know.

That's cool. Do you get married? We're going to get married in October? Yeah, muscletough Yeah, thanks, man, are excited.

Yeah yeah, no. I think originally we were just kind of like whatever about the whole concept. Yeah, and then recently we were like, eh, why don't we do something.

You're gonna have like a big crazy no.

No no no, We're just gonna fly out with some family to another country and just do it somewhere private.

It's the way to do it. I feel like if I, if I, if I get married, I don't want to do a big wedding for because I don't want There was did you hear about the story of the couple who didn't have catering at their wedding so that they could have Mickey and Minnie Mouse there No, And people were like, fuck those guys, Like wow, considered to the guests, that's brutal.

Yeah, no, you know, I don't want.

I don't want to do a wedding that's like for other people, I would want to fuck with what you're doing.

Yeah, thanks man. No, no weddings. You know, I've heard a lot of different opinions about them, but ultimately, you know, unless you got like some situation where you both have like a crazy big family and that, and those families are like, we're gonna put money down, it's gonna be the biggest party on earth.

Which even then, it's if the folks are paying for it, then then I'm down.

But even then they're kind of making your day about them.

Yeah. No, you're right, You're right. That kind of kind of comes with a contract.

So I think just make it down the middle. You know, I have said to a buddy of mine, I do think weddings should have activities in them, you.

Know, other than dancing.

Heh. Yeah. Like, imagine if you went to a wedding and then immediately after there was like an open registry for a free moon bounce would be great. But even like, you know, a fifteen on fifteen paintball match and you could just go in waves and sign up with the people at the wedding. I feel like that would bring you all closer together. You know, some people drinking, some people playing paintball, they like, hey, yeah, we can't. This wedding was crazy.

I had a similar thing, and I I said, mazotov a, now I'm talking about my burmtsvah. I'm not that Jewish. Yeah, but I've I'm signaling Judaism.

Yeah a little bit, that's all right.

I had even busters.

Bro, you're probably one of the most memorable ones.

Yeah, because all I And the reason why is because like I, girls really didn't like me when I was thirteen, and like got guys, I don't want to dance. It's like never like no girls my bermtzvah, yeah, and guys never really want to dance, and like unless if there's like girls there, that's kind of like what the you know, dancing environment was about. So we fucking play video games instead, and it was sick. Yeah, way better idea than and.

All those girls missed out, bro, Yeah a little as sick ass.

Party would have missed as party had we had a cake shaped like a slurpie.

I mean, you're you're describing all cool things.

Yeah, how are you doing on time? I know that you have a thing.

I think I got it. Unfortunately I have to dip. But this was this flew by man. This was fucking amazing.

Dude, dude, thank you so much for being on No.

I would I would love to come back and do this again. Man, please do, please do.

Is a pleasure having you here.

Yeah.

I appreciate you very much taking the time out of your your your you know, go karting and.

Here.

Dude, is there anything you know before we go that you want to say to the people of the computer anything I want to plug you. Are you still used to have dates? Right?

Yeah?

That's your dates?

Yeah, I got some. I got some dates coming up. I can't remember all the things I'm going to I'm going to I'm.

Looking them up. I'm looking at Miller Miller.

Uh.

The very first question here is what is Noel Miller's ethnicity?

Uh?

There we go on, let's see. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna do this for you, Noel Miller. Is you gonna be in you already in?

Yeah?

Yeah, here we go. All right, hold on, Okay, you're gonna be in West des Moines, Iowa. September sixteenth, seventeenth. Pull up, You're gonna be in Sarahcuse, New York, September thirtieth and October first.

Yeah, you're gonna be in West oh that's canceled West Palm Stans.

Oh.

Wait, that's when I getting married. No, Syracuse is good, West West begins. That's when I'm getting married.

You're gonna be in Baltimore, Maryland at mcgooby's Joke House, one of the first places I Elveray did stand up. Hell yeah bean one, November third, the fifth shout out to mcgooby's joke House. Yeah, November eighteenth and ninetheenes. You gonna be in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, it's wint stand up.

Just just a few more dates for the year than we take a break and the next year going hard.

Check out the Tiny Meat Gang podcast.

Yeah, pull up.

I think I don't know if I said this on the podcast or not, but I just found out that tiny meat means small penis.

I think, yes, I didn't know. You just thought it was like a small deli meat. Yeah, something like that. That's fine, that's we We like it more ambiguous, you know. Sometimes we like it like the media. Guys.

You know, I'll let you get out of here. Everybody, thank you for being here.

Are you all? You're not staying, are you?

Oh no, I'm going to Hell.

Yeah, everybody, Thank you everyone, goodbye, See you folks.

There, Rep Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.

There, Repeat Can goes doing his eye.

He's teaching you cloud in the of your life, but he's

Not really an expert.