“MY MOTHER IS A WHORE AND MY DAD IS A SIMP”

Hello, Hey, who's this.

My name is Sierra. I'm from Maine.

Sierra from Maine. What's going on?

Not much? I'm chilling here watching you on Xbox.

That's cool. Well, Sierra from Maine. What do you want to talk about today?

As you saw, my mom's kind of known as the family whore.

You're just gonna say that and then stop talking.

I don't know, I've never so, yeah, I guess you could say my mom's the family whore. And I say that in the most polite way possible, if that is possible. She has slept with numerous members of my family. I have half brothers and half cousins.

Due to this, Like she's in bread, like she's slept, like she's committed incest.

No, it's not incest at all. Actually, she slept with my dad's uncle.

Okay, is your dad's uncle, So she's uh so, so she's she slept. Yeah, she slept with your dad's uncle. Oh that's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. What's your relationship with her?

Like it's been on and awful lot. Right now we're on. She is an addict. She's two completely different people. When she is in youth, are not in use?

Mm hm. And how old are you see Erra from Maine?

I am twenty two.

Okay, and now uh uh used to you and your mom are on? Now what makes you guys?

On?

What? What was it the transition to the off to the on?

Uh?

She drunk called me after not talking to her for six months. Actually, she drunk called my fiance saying that she needs my support to help her get back to sobriety and that she has breast cancer. But she lied about the breast cancer. But I think she did that because she knew that I wasn't going to talk to her unless it was an urgent thing.

And it says here that she tried to sleep with your fiance.

Yes, that is originally why I stopped talking to her before she called me or called my fiance and tried to say she had breast cancer.

Okay, And so what is it that made you decide you wanted to let her back into your life?

I mean, like I said, they've always been kind of in and out of sobriety. And I think one of the biggest life lessons I've learned overall, being as young as I am, is to take the good when you can. And I got to say, when my parents are sober, they are amazing people and I really enjoy their company when they're cool.

And how often are they cool these days?

I'd say it's on a two year loop, maybe a one.

To two year loop.

Once to your loop meaning what is a loop is bad? What does that mean?

Like kind of like yeah, I'd say like every other year they're sober, and then every other year they're not sober, or maybe every two years they're not sober, and then maybe for one year, a happy year, they're sober.

Are they sober now?

Ah? No, they were for a little bit and then I think they thought they were hiding it from me. But they're not very sneaky people, and I know that they're drinking, and they've been a little more transparent with me lately, and I think they've kind of punt the fact that all I want from them is transparency, so that if they are going to use I just want them to be healthy and responsible people about it.

And are you or are they still together even after all the uncle fucking.

Surprisingly, Yes, my dad is the biggest simp in the world.

I'm so excited to title this episode my Mom's a whore and my dad is a simp.

It's the most catchy title in the world.

No, I'm probably not going to do that. Why is your dad a simp? Tell you more?

Well, my dad he's just so incredibly in love with her. She is kind of out of league, look spied. Maybe not mentally, but he's it's just a short balled ginger dude with a lot of with a lot of baggage. And she's pretty.

So well, that's cool that she's pretty. Who's who is is that your fiance who's ragging on your dad?

Is?

What is that your fiance in the background? I it sounds like you were not alone.

Oh yes, yes, this is my fiance.

Okay, let me talk to him.

Okay, okay, what O get?

Hey? Man, So your girlfriend's mom tried to have sex with you?

Yeah, I mean she was drunk and like a girlfriend's like godfather told me, like, don't feel special because like everybody's been there.

What did she say to you? Exactly?

So she she called up.

I guess they were at like a bar and they were ship days and they were like being like belligerent right and then and then so like her sister was calling us going there at a bar, they don't know what the fuck they are. And then she called and and and my fiancee was was being a little hysterical. So I was like, let me take the phone off. I'm more calm, I can handle it, right. So I took the phone. I'm like YO, like, no, I'm not a named is. I'm like, yo, like what's up? How

Sorry, finish your story.

No, you're good, You're good. You're good, bro.

No.

So like I'm like shithouse and I'm like, She's like, you have to go pick up my sister. I don't like it being in that environment. So I'm like all right, So I went. It's like a forty minute drive. I went picked her up and I get there and try to talk to me and then she like she's like, you know.

Like wait, hold on, wait what your fiance is like, Hey, my sister's not safe? Can you drunk drive forty five minutes to pick her up and then drunk drive with her forty five minutes back?

She was drunk too, but yeah, like exact, and that's that.

Was my point.

But I was like, I don't know if I don't know if I would call that a significantly safer situation.

But continue, I'm a pretty good drunk driver, all right, get like, yeah, okay, I get it, but I'm good at it anyway, So I don't know, you get me. Like she gave me like the longest like crotch in like hugs that I've ever had in my life, or like the wettest smooch on the cheek, and it was just it was and it was in front of like her sister too, So this is all like well.

Documented, you know, like.

Like nothing in private.

So I was like, fuck, okay, so what did you do after that? Did you drive your sister back home?

Yeah?

And her dad and the dad is just watching his wife like kind of touch up all over you.

So thank god he was asleep. I guess he was so drunk, but he passed out on my drive out, on my long ass drive over because I was. I was talking to her on the phone and I was like, yo, am I gonna have to fight your dad right now. I'm kind of down for but I was like, I really don't know if I want to get into that right now, and she was like, you might, you might have to, and I'm like I kind of went in ready, but then I just got hit on by like.

An old lady.

So it's like bed and the alternative, I guess.

All right, So what's your relationship like with them?

Now?

I'm cool with them. It was a little locker with their mom, Like I really, I was kind of flattered by the whole thing, like realistically, but uh, but my fiance was was obviously upset, so the relationship was kind of rocky for a little.

Yeah, your fiance not as flattered.

Yeah, so now between me and her mom was exactly he didn't happen. Her dad like, I think he's used to it rough for him, but yeah, it couldn't be me.

All right, let me talk to her again. All right, Hey, dude, Hey, what's up?

You know? Talking to you listening to my fiance.

So let's see, You're mom is a whore and your dad is a simp.

Yes, yes, they are.

Why do you think they're like that?

I think they got together at a very young age. I think they had a lot of baggage and a lot of a lot of things in common with their baggage. I think there was a lot of drugs and alcohol involved, and then I think they ended up having a kid n planned.

Aka me.

And he just rolled with it.

M hmmm.

I gotta say, despite all the ups and downs in their relationships, they are always the best of friends. Whether they are.

Aren't together, well, that's wholesome.

In a weird way.

I don't know.

If I would fuck my friend's.

Uncle, I definitely would not personally, and if I were my dad in that situation, I would leave her. I've told him multiple times, you you could probably do better, but it's your choice.

How long are they been together for?

Oh gosh, I'm not even sure. I think close to thirty years.

Thirty years.

Yeah, it's it's oh, well, at.

This point, this is I mean, at this point it's an open relationship after thirty years.

The thing is they they I think there's a lot of confusion in the relationship because I think it's so my parents. They originally they met together on a military base. My dad was supposed to be a wingman for one of his friends and then he got stranded at the bar with my mom, decided to hit on my mom and then they she finds owned him for nine months. He finally asked her out. He was switching basses, so he told her if she wanted to come with him,

Wow. You would think that would implode after about two seconds, but it lasted well, I guess it kind of lasted thirty years.

It definitely hasn't floded a handful of times.

That's crazy. That's really crazy.

I'm not saying I support it. I definitely don't. It's not my relationship.

Not to and sorry I'm looking at the twitch chat, but some people in the twitch chat are saying that the dad low key kind of likes it, and I and look, I'm not here to you know, uh uh no.

No.

They used to be swingers actually, so it originally started off as a closed off relationship and that wasn't really working out, so they tried to do an open thing, but then it just kind of turned into a jealousy thing. So then they tried to do it together there, and then I guess it just got really awkward and really messy. I remember as a kid them having like swinger parties and telling all of us kids, go into our rooms and.

Wait, they had the swing. They had the swinger parties while you were home.

Yeah, they just didn't go to bed. I just I thought they told us all that their friends were probably going to come over and get too drunk or too high to drive home, so they laid out air mattresses everywhere. And you know, being a kid, I believed that.

I really hope that, uh, you know, I really hope there was never any further situation in your childhood where one of your friends stayed over and so you blew up the air mattress.

Unfortunately, there has been, and I've thought back on that a lot.

Oh God, all right, so you're back with your mom. You guys are cool now? Sort of kind of?

Yeah?

Is that where we are?

I think we're cool, but there's like this awkwardness in our relationship where it's almost like whenever we see each other, it's almost stand offish in a way, like we're just trying to impress each other. But at the same time, we enjoy each other's company.

Mm hmm.

What now, what would she have to What are the conditions of her continuing to be in your good favor?

I told her she has to go to therapy. I want her to go back to work. I just need a more consistency in our relationship. I told them that I would like to do piss tests on them if they want to see their granddaughter and any Yeah, any visitations with my daughter has to be supervised.

Mm hmmm, mm hmmm, because I don't.

Take Oh, I don't want to take that relationship away from my daughter of the grandparents.

That's totally I respect all of those, all of the all of those criteria. I think those are all really great criteria, and I think that you're very giving to offer them to your mom, right.

Because as as I am, I lived through a lot of weird ship and I've learned the best thing you can do is just take the good when it comes, and you know, be as forgiving as you can given the circumstances.

No, I think that's I think that's totally big of you, because a lot of people, I think at the time when the if if if their mom tried to fuck their fiance and put them through a crazy, crazy childhood. They'd be out, you know. Yeah, So I think for you to be like, hey, you can still be in my life, but you got to piss into a cup for me, I think that's that's uh, not only reasonable, but that's that's very very big. So oh well, all right,

She still has not joined therapy or gone back to work, but she has to get uh she's like a nurse for yeah, she's a nurse and she has to get her license read like recertified or whatever. So she's going through that right now, and she's gonna go back to work. As for therapy, I don't know what's going on with that. She seems to have excuses up the ass, but I've been on her about it for a couple of months

And how about the the peeing in a cup.

My mom's very open minded to it, and she's willing to do it. My dad, on the other hand, he gets very angry anytime I bring it up, and so he has not.

Mm hmm, well those are your fucking criteria. Man, He's gotta he's got to pee in that cup.

I accepted as it is, yet to pay the cup.

No jizzing in the cup, that's not the right.

Well.

Also, when my mom called me about or well, called Ben and tried to hit on him. That same night, she also told him that she recently had an abortion with my cousin's husband. Jesus, Yeah, I told you, I told you, I told you. There's more.

How much time you got? I mean, fuck, I don't know. I don't have anything else to do. Yeah, just well I really do. I really am Like, should I call this episode just you telling stories of here moham fucking all of your family members. That's pretty crazy man. Well, well, well good on you. I mean this is cool. Are you excited about having a child?

Oh? Yes, I feel like I've always wanted to be a mom. I mean, I definitely didn't plan on having a kid this young. I actually got pregnant very unexpectedly on birth control at nineteen. None of us thought it coming. But when it happened, I couldn't bring myself to boord it I just I just felt the need to keeper. I felt like it was gonna set me straight and on this path of I don't know life and growing up and moving on from the situation I was in.

And it did.

So you got pregnant while you were on birth control?

Yes, so definitely, yeah.

Really, what are the chances of that?

Very unlikely? They say one percent. Well, but I was on my doctor, I had an allergic reaction. We don't know what to My doctor put me on any biotics, and I guess apparently when you're on any biotics that cancels out your birth control. Nobody mentioned and.

Is the guy I was talking to? Is that the father of the kid.

Yes, we've been together for five years now.

Well it worked out there, we go. See. You know, here's the thing I don't know, man, I have all these phone Any people who regular listen to the podcast know that for some reason, fucking nineteen eighteen twenty year olds having kids and getting married is like a big thing that people want to call in and talk about. And from my perspective, I'm always like, that sounds like

Oh he too, very much.

I hope he becomes I hope, and I hope at the age of one hundred. No, I hope your child lives into the age of two hundred and then becomes just a ball of blue light that reminates me too. Sure, that sounds painful.

It is already a ball blue light. She's the light of our life.

That's very nice. That's a nice That's a nice thing to say. But after after calling your mama whore? Is there anything else that you guys want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Trust your instincts, and if your parents are pieces of ship, their pieces of ship. They take the good for the bad. TA take the good for the good and the bad for the love. We love you.

Thank you, guys.

Yeah, no, fuck the yellow line from Boston. We saw you.

The yellow Wait, wait, the yellow line. What's the yellow line? Oh you are yes, I do remember that. Oh you guys went to my Boston show.

Yeah.

Wait, but you're all the way in Maine. Yeah, we were all the way in Maine.

Yeah. Do you remember the guy with food tattoos at all?

Probably not with food tattoos.

Yeah, we pictures with you. You stopped him and told him that you loved all of his tattoos because he has arm sleeves that are food tattooed. Themes.

Ah fuck, I'm sure I meant that, but I do not remember it.

Fair enough, fair enough when when you're celebrity like you, are you coming back?

I'm coming to Boston soon.

Yeah, of course, we're obsessed with you.

Sweet awesome, Thank you guys.

Don't bring the baby, we don't plan on it. We love her, but oh my god, oh my god.

Maybe bring the mom Oh maybe no, I mean, well, bring her with.

You on with her. My family's insanely open with each other, like to do a disgusting point.

So well, I'm sure she would love to come up on sitation tell all of the family secrets, but that would be the length of the whole show. Thank you guys very much. I wish you both the happy life and universe, and I'll talk to you guys soon.

We love you, We love you.

Bye guys, get bless ye Hey folks, this is Lyle. I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country. If you've never been to one of my live shows before, they're basically like giant group Gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do right here on the podcast. Plus I mix in a few stories and presentations and

What's going on?

Do you have a child? To hear a child in the backgrounds, I do have.

A child, which is also you know, factors into the problem I'm having.

Tell me about the problem you're.

Having, so, you know, making my text, I robbed the dairy Queen ten years ago. I went to jail for a little bit for whatever. You know. Fast forward now you know I have a job, decent thing, but I need more money to you know, support my family. And I went to ask for a raise the other day. Lo and behold, they told me that I guess I'm not doing my job very good and they can't give me a raise, even though you know, in my mind

A little bit lost? And did the job deny you a raise because you robbed the dairy queen?

No? No, they they knew about my felony when they hired me, and they said, you know that they give people second chances. But I've been the manager at the grocery store now for two and a half years, and I just feel like I deserve a raise. I'm doing a good job, but they don't want to give me one. I got my family to support, so I.

Feel like there's definitely going to be I feel like there's definitely going to be a mission in Grand Theft Auto six where you rob a dairy queen, and then everyone's going to start thinking that that's cool and it'll probably be easier for you to get a job.

Then that's true. I can see that.

I before we get into a problem, I do have a couple questions. Well, how old are you? I'm twenty eight, Okay, oh so you're eighteen.

Yeah I was. I was eighteen and when I did it, I was on probation for a battery charge. Okay, it just wasn't good.

I really, I just have to ask, and I know that for a lot of things, and I have things like this in my life that I just can't explain why my brain was at a place at that time. Why a dairy queen, Because how much money There's got to be less than two thousand dollars in existing in total in any given dairy queen in the United States.

Yeah, So it all started when one of my friends he was gonna throw this party and he needed money. You know, we needed money for some you know, drugs and alcohol and everything to this party. And this other guy was like, hey, I used to work at the dairy queen and I know when they take you know, the money bags to the to the bank. So you know, we waited outside and then I don't know, probably around

Why was there? Ah, how did you jump him? Was there like a weapon involved?

No? So originally I was like, well, yeah, let's just knock this guy out, you know, but my friend was like, no, like, don't because he knew this guy that we were rather that worked there, and so he didn't want him to get hurt. So whatever, So we just kind of hopped out. I'm not even lying, this is this is crazy. So we hop out and there's you know, me and the guy I'm robbin with and the whatever the guy's name was that was working there. We like, we had mass

Well, you know what's kind of cool is I feel you could actually if you wanted to, you could rewrite the story. When you know, like in the interviews, when they like will say like, hey, I noticed you had a felony here, what's up? You could say that you you just really wanted ice cream and you you rob them for big drums of mint chocolate chip. And that might be a little bit quirky.

That's true. I had everyone texting me they were like, I could have just bought you a blizzard. So I definitely it wasn't my best frind.

Okay, So I mean throughout your life, have you encountered any times where this felony has impeded you from doing anything?

Oh yeah, one hundred. I know one time me and my wife, like twoenty seventeen, I believe, we tried to move to Seattle from the Midwest, and I called shit, you not probably about sixty places to try to find an apartment, and every single one denied me because of my felony. When it comes to jobs. Oh yeah, they just see that felony and they're like, man, this guy's a piece of shit, even though it was ten years ago. But what can I do?

Hm hmm. Well, and so that happens whenever they run your like your social Security and whatnot.

Yeah, let they do background checks. They just yeah.

Now when you google, when you google around, when you google around, what do you what do you find on how you can uh get that expunged?

So in Wisconsin you can only get it expunged if it's like pretty much requested at the time of your court. And I had a public defender and so he well he's terrible and I didn't know any of this stuff until afterwards. But and so that never happened. So the only way I can actually get an expunged now, is if I send like pardon paperwork to the governor and he decides he wants to expunge my feeling.

The only way I have it, like the fucking governor of Wisconsin has to expunge this personally.

Yep, that's the only way I can get it expunged. And I have the paperwork ninety nine percent completed. All I have to do is the job history. And it's been that way for about a year now, and I just for whatever reason, I just haven't done it. I don't know what.

Wait a minute, so is getting pardoned by the governor. Is that like is that a crazy like Simpson's thing or is that like a real thing you can do.

No, that's the real thing. Yeah, I like got eligible for able to like request it like two years ago. It has to be like a certain amount of time go by since you've committed your feeling it.

Okay, all right, So why don't you do it? What's stopping you from doing it?

I'll be honest, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just nervous to get shot down again. I don't know, but I really probably should as I have a kid.

But yeah, I mean, I mean, what so you're just afraid that it'll get that your request will get shot down?

H I don't know, it's something like that. Yeah, just that you know, I'm just always gonna be thought of as, oh, this guy's ship. But I don't know. I should do it.

You should do it. I don't see why. I don't see why you wouldn't.

Yeah, I got nothing to lose, really, except I don't I don't know how it works, like if I get denied, if I have to wait then a certain amount of time to try again. But I don't know.

Do I think maybe you've got to go get some You gotta get the you gotta get some dirt on the governor of Wisconsin. You can you control f the Epstein flight list for his name, you find that you're getting that expunged immediately.

That's that's that's true. That's true because I mean, he's kind of creepy when you look at him, but the governor.

Of Content, Yeah, I mean you could probably you could probably stake out him doing some shady ship.

Oh yeah, he looks like you definitely be on that flight list.

Well, let me think, how old is your kid?

Two. Okay, he's too. So you know, I feel like I have a good case here. You know, I haven't been in trouble in ten years. I got two year old, we got a wife, we got you know, a decent, tame job. You know, maybe the governor would be like, yeah, it's enough.

You've paid for every ice cream cone you've consumed in the past ten years, all abiding assists, and oh yeah, yeah, man, I just do it. I don't know, I don't know, man, I'm not I'm not I'm not in your brain. I don't know what's holding you back. If it's a fear of rejection, but like you got a fucking kid and a wife and a whole Yeah, you know, what what do you? What do you? What do you? What do

Not true, And man, I'm not gonna put.

Your face up outside of every dairy queen in Wisconsin.

So funny enough that dairy queen it got it shut down about two months after he robbed it, and they got torn down.

Damn scared off. I did scare you scared dairy queen out of town. That's pretty fun, you know.

But dude, yeah, I got so much ship for it in jail by the other inmates.

How long were you? What kind of ship did you get for it?

So so originally it was I got charged with strong arm robbery. They got dropped down to a theft from a person or a corpse. I don't know why they have to have corpse on there, sound like he was dead, but whatever. So they gave me. They gave me eight months in jail and then two and a half years provision, and they, I mean they just kind of you know, it's called me them ship like you know, like the DQ bandit and just gave me other crap about ice

Yeah, like what.

So, I don't know if you've ever seen, Oh man, that guy listening to about six foot five and there was probably about a five foot six guy, and he tried to fight him, and it was pretty funny. He jumped up as high as he could and he swung and it still only hit this guy in the chest. And it was just like one of the funniest things I've ever seen. But now I saw a couple of fights in there. They're pretty interesting. The guards never ran

All the ice cream related nick names that you received, do you remember any where you were like, all right, that's pretty good.

No, not really. I mean, I'll be honest, in my memory kind of kind of sucked, but just really just the gky vand it is what they'd call me m.

And so you were in there for eight months? Did you go crazy at all? I mean eight months is fairly long.

No. So the first two months I was on the jail side waiting like and see what happened to me? And every even me was like, oh yeah, you're going to prison. You're you're on probation for a battery charge and you just committed selling. You're going to prison. Oh. I was like, well shit, I'm going to prison. I was just trying to like prepare myself. And then when the time came, they just got that sentence and then they moved me over to the Hubre side for six months.

All right, that's not that bad. As long as you weren't sneaking them ice cream cones, then you definitely then you would be like, all right, I'm the fucking ice cream bandit.

Oh yeah. And I know one time they wanted me to sneak some chewing tobacco back and I wasn't gonna do it, so they had to have someone I'm not sticking anything up there, you know, so they had they had this other guy in there bring it back. And I got to say, was one of the funniest things. Man. We're sitting in that room and the dude comes back and he goes into the bathroom. He's in there for a while. He comes back and he's freaking out. I do he won't come out, he won't come out as stuck.

Just can you die from a plastic fork in your asshole?

Well? Well, he had like two tins up his ass.

Like.

Tobacco. Yes, and this guy's got a giant asshole. Oh my god, how big were these tins?

I mean, I don't choose, so I don't know how much you know tobacco is and it's in, but yeah, you had two tins up there.

Mm hmm.

So frobe Nott the first time.

Doing that, that'll give you quite the nicotine buzz. Oh yeah, Well what's your name again? Man?

Craig?

Craig Craig. So you have a kid now, Yeah, that's cool, you got you know, I hope, I truly man, I wish that you fill out the form because I know it's easy to you know, be pessimistic and go ah, this is never going to work. Why even try? But I mean, if the forum's ninety nine percent filled out, you might as well.

All right, And like at first it was like, you know, there's dumbness. Sounds is kind of cool having a phone, you know, a felle my. And you know, my wife said that when she, like we met each other at work, and I was like a fry cook. And she said when she heard that I was a fella, made her pussy wet.

So well, there we go. It counted for something, it did, Yeah, you know, and hey, if you're lucky, maybe it will make the governor of Wisconsin's pussy wet too, Craig, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

No, man, I appreciate everything, all the advice. I'm gonna go fill that format. I'm gonna do it good.

Please do let me know how it goes.

Yeah, well many good night.

Take care. Maybe I should put uh, maybe I should put that on my dating app profiles that I'm a convicted fell and maybe that'll that'll up some of the matches.

Hello, hi there, Hey, this is the therapy dot go thing.

Yes? Is this Sydney? Yes, Cindy what's going on, Sidney? What do you want to talk about?

Well, I have a lot of anxiety over this like plastic surgery thing I scheduled, and it's been really hard to find a job, and I are already rescheduled at once and it will key can't afford it, but I think I'm just gonna do it.

Anyways.

You texted me and you said, I have a plastic surgery appointment in two weeks and I can't afford it, but I'm gonna have to do it anyway. And I'm freaking out. Lol, I'm ready to go into debt to feel sexy.

Yeah, pretty much.

Can I ask you what the surgery is?

Yeah, it's a It's an eelid surgery of a condition called toasis, where one eyelid is droopier than the other. It's not that noticeable, but less I take a picture or something or even my id, you can see one eye is lower than the other eye and you have to fix both eyelids to make it even. And it's like an insecurity that I have.

Can I ask you how much the surgery is?

Five thousand dollars?

Okay? And do you have literally zero money right now?

Pretty much? Yeah, I love a for my mom, so I don't have to worry about rent or like that. But uh, I'm not out of a job for a while. But I do have six thousand dollars in credit.

Six in credit. Okay, Now, why do you feel like you want to, as you say, go into debt to feel sexy?

Just because I've always wanted to get the surgery done and I found like a good plastic surgeon in Chicago, and I just thought, if I don't do it now, I'm just never going to get it done. If I just cancel it straight up, I'm just never going to get it done.

I feel like, what makes you think that?

Because I don't know. I just I feel like it's a nowur never situation. It's probably not, but like that's just how my brain makes it feel.

Mm hm.

I feel like I'm just gonna end up just going through with it anyway and then just work really hard at like job that didn't want to take, and then just pay it off over time.

It sounding and it's sounding to be like this is the wrong time to do it, you know. I mean, you said now or neever you're you were, you were clinging to the idea that you have to do it now when you are in just a terrible position for it. And I just don't know why you are clinging to that idea.

I don't know.

I'm not really known for making good decisions like that, but I don't know. I just it's just like a self conscious thing, like no one else really cares about it, like except for me, Like it's just a me thing.

Mm hmmm. Uh did you put a deposit down already?

Yeah?

I did.

Okay, So I mean, so you're doing the surgery.

Yeah, I technically have to pay what is it for? Well, a lesson for. I forgot how much I put down, but it is lesson for. But it is still pretty high up here.

Okay, Well all right, So I mean so, I mean, listen, there's nothing at this point I'm going to say to you that will influence uh the outcome, because you have already put down a deposit on this surgery. Yeah, okay, so are we are?

We are?

We just deciding if we've made the right decision so we can analyze our decisions better in the future.

I guess.

So yeah, Okay, walk me through how you are feeling.

I'm feeling dumb, feeling nervous uh thoughts of anxiety.

About what uh having to work the jobs paying off the debt.

Yeah, about like me having to go through like probably working two jobs.

Is there any way you can get this deposit back? Or is that because I guess the point of the deposit.

Nah, I'm gonna have to lose it.

Okay, Well, how old are you?

Twenty five?

Okay? I mean, look, everybody has at least one very questionable financial decision to talk about in their lives.

Yeah.

I don't know if I talked about this before, but I once, uh, I once met a guy at a hostel who told me that he would get me started in real estate if I gave him fifteen hundred dollars in cash. And I did because and he left the hostel, but his shoes were still there, Like he left his shoes in the room. So I was like, well, he's probably I mean, there's no way he just took my money and left. He's got to come back for these shoes.

Actually do have, but I haven't paid it at all and nothing's bad happened yet, and my credit score is still Southern fifty.

So I really do feel like this is like the Dave Ramsey Show sometimes. Okay, well, where are you gonna work? These two jobs?

I didn't want to go back to fast food just because, uh, I have a I have autism, so it makes I can force myself to work like jobs that are overstimulating, but like it just really sucks and it's bad for my mental health. I'm just gonna have to force myself to go back to fast food.

Mm hmm.

What about back to the warehouse? It did work warehouse jobs.

Couldn't could you day trade bitcoin? What? What are some jobs you could do?

Like?

Could you you ever? Do you ever flip mugs on eBay? There's all sorts of things you can do for money.

I do some of my collections, maybe some some of my uh some stuff that like overcrime my room. I have like a big Hello Kitty collection and other anime stuff I do resell every once in a while.

Rustin Dy, I hope you enjoy your new eyelid. That's that's that's what I want. That's what I want. Here's the thing. If you're gonna pay five thousand dollars for an eyelid, don't feel like you did it already, right, So I mean, look, if don't feel dumb and stupid about it, because then it's like, well, you paid five thousand dollars for the eyelid. Fucking enjoy the eyelid that you paid for because you're the feeling dumb and stupid about it? Is it is like, is the dumb option

Definitely be smarter about your money choices, and don't be like me. That's all I gotta say.

All right, you take care of Cindy, all.

Right, thank you, love you.

Bye.

I once bought a year of brassers for like, I don't know, one hundred plus something dollars, and then I found out there's all this porn on the internet for free. Imagine how dumb I felt?

Jack, Hello, Hey, what's going on?

Not much? Man? How are you?

I'm good?

How are you?

I'm good too. You sound crazy on the some a lot. Most people sound far away, you sound too close.

Shot.

Back up, yeah, back up a little bit. What do are you?

What are you?

What are you on a cell phone? Like I would imagine most people.

All right, yeah, Matt, what's going on? How's life?

Life's doing good? I got my dog right here watching some therapy, gocko, enjoying a day off.

Beautiful, beautiful? Would you want to talk about today, Matt?

H Well, it's kind of a crazy story. So I wanted to talk about your show in Chicago and what was going on while I was there. So basically, long story short is, I got on antidepressants just before your show and kind of went a little manic for a while. I was dating this girl at the time, and I ended up cheating on her, I think right before your show, and the show went so good that we actually I couldn't do it, like I had to like stay together with her. I was going to break up with her.

Okay, you wait, you cheat on your girlfriend and then my show was so good that it made you stay with her.

We had such a fantastic date. We were discussing breaking up all throughout like the past couple of weeks. You know, it was really hard couple weeks.

Uh.

Then we decided to, like, okay, one more date. We already had these tickets, or I already had the tickets, so I said, you know, come with me and we'll see how it goes and then we'll decide afterwards. It was such a good date. We got some ramen right across the street, and I think you were at Lincoln Loune right, Yeah, yeah.

Wait, does she know that you cheated on her?

I was gonna break up with her the day of or the day after or whatever. But the antidepressants just really fucked with me. And either it was you had a really good show and I wanted to like stay together.

Or does she? Does she know that you cheat?

Oh?

Yeah?

Yeah, so this was your show was about April or something. And then why I don't know why.

I don't know why you keep needing my show to answer this question.

It was such a good show, Matt.

Does she know that you cheated on her?

Yeah?

Yeah, so we've broken up. I came clean and uh, I told her everything, trying to start new, and obviously that didn't go well. So I'm sitting here single with my dog.

Wait, I guess you guys aren't together.

No, no, she's my X now.

Okay, I'm let me try to understand this. You cheat on her, yeah, and then you guys go to my show yep, and then you tell her that you cheated on her.

Like two weeks later, we took a little bit of a break, like after the show. We decided like, okay, let's take some break, like some time apart. When we were supposed to meet up the day after the break ended, I decided.

To tell her and come Quan, and that was like a month after it happened.

Probably like two three weeks.

Okay, I don't, I don't. I guess I don't know. Well, I mean, thanks for the kind words about the show, but I don't know if it has anything at all to do with your relationship. Unfortunately, I thought this was gonna be a story of thought. I thought I was going to start having to advertise my show as, Hey, if you cheated on your girlfriend, just buy her tickets to Therapy Gecko and she'll forgive you. But that does not see. It was like, it is what happened.

Our relationship was teetering, and you know, I shouldn't have done what I did, and then the show is just so good that we I decided to like give it a chance. But I think the main story was I don't know if you have anybody here, like on antidepressants or anything, but I want crazy. For like two three weeks, I was really up there. I think they call it like a manick state, and I was just absolutely wired for two weeks.

What what are you doing now?

What am I doing now? I got off the pills, working on myself outside of the pills, going to therapy not just got but you know, human therapy and yeah, just trying to do it naturally.

But that's good.

Yeah, the antidepressants. For about two weeks, I didn't sleep maybe a couple hours. I was barely eating. It was absolutely crazy. And that's when that all happened. So I kind of convinced myself for a while that it happened in that manicked state because of the pills. But after all this time, after you know, eight months, whatever it's been, I've kind of admitted now you just you did it.

Was it taking you a long time to admit that you cheated on your girlfriend?

It has taken me a long time to like seek forgiveness for myself. So we haven't talked since I told her. And that's like the really hard part is if she would have forgiven me, I would have been able to forgive myself. But when it's just me, uh, you know, it's it's a lot harder to forgive yourself when there's no I guess, outside source of forgiveness. I'm still not even one hundred percent there.

M how long did you say it's been since you talked to her eight months or so? Well? Well, man, I don't know man I I I I'm look, I'm glad that you're taking pills. Well you're not. Are you taking pills?

You're not. No, I'm not taking pills. This is a warning against the pills. So I actually got them off the ther rectile dysfunction website HYMNS.

Oh Jesus, all right, don't I know taking pills. Don't take any pills that you get from a porn hubad I know?

And I I was like, you know, maybe I'll just try and out before I actually go get diagnosed or whatever. And man, I was wired. And because I got them from HYMNS, I couldn't like talk to a doctor and say like, hey, I'm feeling this way.

So Matt, you're telling me that you bought adderall off of porn hub. That was so good? It made you cheat on your girlfriend?

Is it Adderall? I don't know what it was, but man, I was like everything made me happy for like two weeks, three weeks, whatever it was. I would describe it like being tickled, like everything may be happy, but it was also kind of torture.

Well, I'm coming back to Chicago, and uh, I think, may I know, Yeah, if you have any other relationships that you need to mend.

Yeah.

No, I'll be there, hopefully with somebody that I don't cheat on.

Well.

Uh, I would like to be the first one to remind you that that is within your control.

Yes, it is.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Mat Uh, don't get antidepressants from boner websites.

Take care man?

All right, thank you.

Maybe I should start my own line of gecko boner pills. Okay, let me think lizard irreptile irreptile enhancers, irreptile reptile erection enhancers, reptile erection enhancers. Yeah, let's go with that.

Never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Everything goes to teaching you aloud in the interview Line's not ready.