“MY LIFE IS LIKE THE LION KING”

Hello, Hello, Hey, Hello, Hi, what is your name?

I'm gonna go with Nancy.

Nancy like Nancy Drew the famous Uh what does she do? She's like a detective, right?

I think? Yeah, I think she's like a detective of a book. Right. I think.

Yeah, that's cool. Is that uh where you came up with the name Nancy?

Yeah, I was. I don't know.

I was thinking like a fake name, and I just thought of Nancy because nobody would guess that I am Nancy.

I don't know I would be I could be convinced that your real name is Nancy. You sound like a Nancy.

Oh cool, I'm fucked.

Wow, you know you're not fucked. You're not fucked. You're not fucked. I'm gonna assume your gender real cood? Are you a man?

I am a man?

I kind of feel like like a really like I don't know why, but I feel like like a really like Nancy could be the name of like a really confident, attractive man. I really feel that way.

That's that's a pretty good. Yeah. If I ever get a son on Monday with me Nancy.

Well I wouldn't. You shouldn't do that experiment on your son. You should let some other poor motherfucker try that one out. But I think it could work. I think Nancy could work as like as a masculine name, like well, it's like well like like actually, I mean there's there's Clancy, which is like an extremely masculine name. That's like a lumberjack name, Clancy.

Oh yeah, there's that guy Tom Clancy.

I don't even know who that guy is, but he just shows up on video games.

Yeah. Yeah, he's killed a bunch of people. What's up, Nancy? How you doing? What can I house? What made you want to call this phone?

This is crazy.

I'd never thought that I would get here, but I when I was eavesdrop, I mean daydreaming while I do quite a lot, I thought about I could tell you a story of how I was a CEO of a small company at an age of nineteen.

You were the CEO of a company at the age of nineteen. What kind of company was that? Were you a drug dealer?

No? So it was actually my dad's company. It was like a physical therapy machine manufacturing company.

So like there was like heating paths and.

Like massage chairs, I guess.

And then yeah, and then he suddenly died. Oh, I had to take over the company for like a week.

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad, But also I have to imagine that a lot of the people who worked at that company were a little pissed off that the CEO's nineteen year old son was now telling them what to do.

I mean, yeah, I mean what was I was just.

Trying to, I don't know, just survive. I mean. The worst thing was my uncle was trying to basically overthrow me and trying to take over the company and his wife. So basically my aunt knew that and was scheming with basically rest of the family to prevent him from doing that.

This is the plot. I think this is the plot of the Lion King, right, this is the plot. Yeah, this is the plot of the Lion King. Simba's dad, Mufasa dies and so he becomes the king of the of the massage chair company, and his uncle gets like really pissed off and jealous and tries to dethrone him.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

You live, bro, you lived the Lion King, but for massage chairs.

I guess, yeah, I guess I am the massage chair king.

Lion King.

Yeah, you're the massage chair lion king. So what happened with your uncle? Did he like, did he banish you?

No?

So actually what happened was I was a CEO and then my aunt came up to me and was like, listen, dude, this is like your uncle's trying to overthrow the company. But your dad never thought that he was a good like a good fit for the CEO, and I don't agree.

Also, so.

We're going to create a water tight contract so that he cannot take over the company. So me at nineteen. By the way, this I like, I'm an American And this happened in Indonesia because that's where my dad's business was.

So I was like jet lagged.

Because I just flew like twelve hours out of freaking nowhere all into my.

Your dad, your dad passes away, and then like how soon after you get the news? Are you thrown on a plane to Indonesia?

Oh?

Yeah, like the day after.

That's insane because.

I got I got the call from my sister like, oh, by the way, dad died, and the next say, I flew and then I went there. I don't I don't know how long signed the plane ride was probably like hours, and then I got there and then basically his like biggest shareholder slashed. His mentor who's like seventy years old, was basically told me like, by the way, this company is too small, doesn't have a board, and because this is a very patriarchal culture, you're the only son, so you are in charge.

So I was like, what the hell.

So that's how kind of it became that and then basically I was like the proxy. My mom made most of the decision, but I was kind of like the figurehead.

I guess.

Yeah.

So yeah, I.

Mean that's how most that I think that's how most organizations work, is that there's a guy who like is you know, he's the quote unquote CEO, president, whatever, but it's really you know, his mom or the shareholders that actually make the decisions.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's true. Yeah, so that's kind of what I told the shareholder to to Like, dude, I am in college, I don't know any things about business, but yeah, so we have to create like a watertight contract so that my uncle could not take over. And then we were also afraid that when he finds out the news that he was not going to take over the company, which I thought he thought it was guaranteed.

So yeah, so that's what happened.

Yeah, I I was curious about that, Like, what happened with your uncle? Did he did he crash out? Did he get pissed?

Yeah?

I mean so, so this was kind of the game plan. The game plan was, we write the contract, we give it to my aunt with an excuse that the seven year old shareholder will basically take my place in an excuse.

That I have to go back to school, blah blah blah.

And and basically like I flew out to basically get rid of, like to not be in the mess when it happened, I just told them to just message me if shit hits the fan, and all I heard was all good, So I'm assuming shit did not hit the fan too much.

Is your dad Indonesian? Is your family like Indonesian or do you guys just like why is the company in Indonesia?

Yeah?

So my family, So, my my ethnicity is Korean. I am from here, but my dad's family is from Korea. And I guess, like I don't really know the logistics, but I just I think just opening a company and managing a company was a lot cheaper Indonesia and my aunt and uncle who I spoke about before, lived there, so I think just because of like connections and yeah, just mostly connections and opportunity. I'm assuming he started his company in Indonesia and he was going through shit too.

So he was going through that too. So it was a lot were.

You were you were you close with your dad at the time that he passed away? Did you have much of a relationship with him?

So this is kind of the weird thing.

I think we kind of did so, like because of his business and because I was in America. I like the last time before he died, Like the last time I saw him was like I don't know, like ten years ago, and he would WOA like once in a while, like but like he we would always like talk.

On the phone every I.

Would say, like like three four.

Times a week we would talk.

But whoa, yeah, okay, you like everybody, go ahead. Oh, I was just gonna say, like everybody thought like my mom and dad were divorced because like they're separated for so long, But honestly, it was just my dad was just financially supporting us.

And that's it.

Bro, hold on, hold on, hold on. So you're telling me, Okay, you're telling me, and you were living with your mom, like your mom was the parent in the house with you. Yeah, okay, so you're telling me. Do you tell me that your dad went to Indonesia and just didn't come back for ten years, and so you but you would still but you would still talk to him on the phone three times a week, but you didn't see him in person in ten years. Yeah, and he didn't see your mom in person for ten years.

Yeah.

I mean he did like come to visit like once, I think, like in the middle of it to like maybe three four, like maybe like five years since we were separated because of the whole thing. So I saw him once then, but like other than that, yeah, it was it was kind of years of not seeing him.

But okay, you know, damn man, So you what's do you give? Any Like, Okay, where in America were you even?

I'm gonna say very vague and say like.

West Coast okay, And so yeah, I mean, how did it feel when your dad passed away? Because I mean that's such a interest, that's such an interesting I've never heard I you know, obviously, you know there are people you know, I've talked to on the show and that I've heard of of, like you know, their dads weren't in their lives, and then you know those people whose dads are in their lives, but your dad is like it was like a phone.

Yeah, I mean, it was definitely kind of weird because I don't know, like my my siblings were more attached with my dad for sure.

I don't know.

I think they just had better memories of him. I have, like mental issues that like long term memory is like very foggy because of it, so I don't remember much. So yeah, so like I would say, like a lot of most of my memories just like of his voice, I guess. I mean I do still like remember like

What I mean?

So your mom is very sad?

Oh yeah, yeah, my mom was very sad.

Yeah, And but did she see him very often over those ten years?

No, she was like with us, so it was kind of like that too. I mean, she's kind of an odd character too. She like she's one person that I know who like genuinely is okay without interacting with humans as much.

If that.

Like, I've never like seen her really lonely, and she literally never.

Really gets out of the house.

She has like maybe one or two friends, so I don't know, And I think like my dad was maybe the one anchor she had at that time, so I mean, and also, you know, like he's her husband's I guess it makes sense that he was.

She was very devastated.

Interesting. Interesting, why are you the youngest or are you are you the oldest?

I'm the middle.

Child, so but like, but I have two sisters, so I guess I guess like the logistic was like I'm the only man of the house. Yeah, and it's like yeah, and it's like a traditional Asian household, so I think that's kind of how it was. And also my older sister could not leave the country at the time because of like visa and issues like that.

So huh.

Interesting. So how's your relationship with your mom?

Oh?

Not the greatest, to be honest, I mean we are working on it, I.

Guess, but I like she.

I mean we still like talking like once in a while. But so my mom's kind of a has an odd personality in a way that like other moms would like really appreciate, like if their son calls them and you know, but like she's more of the person like if I call, then she's like, only call me if you have like an objective, if there's something that we need to talk about. Yeah, yeah,

I guess, bro.

How are you doing like like all that, like let me let me stop you real quick. All right, so you were this had okay, so to go back to your main story. Okay, So you became the CEO of this company. You were there for like a week, and now who's running the company now?

Oh yeah, so that's seventy year old shareholder. So we basically created the contract and said, hey, you're going to take over the company, and and he was actually very nice about it, and he said, you know, like you guys are still the family. So what profit like comes out of it, Like, we will give like livery percentage of it too, And I and I think, and I think, I don't know if this is correct, but I just remember, I'm like, I'm just doing this to say things because

That I don't want to be a part of.

Inter So so I remember I just left, and I told my mom too. I was like, I don't want to be a part of this. If things happened, things happen. If you can, you just take care of it, because I don't want to be a part of it. And I think last thing I heard was that basically like that company got liquidated, and I think it got consumed

Company is no more.

So I was like, okay, well good for good for us, I guess. So yeah, so that's what happened to the company.

How how okay? So this was when you were in nineteen. How old are you now?

I am now almost twenty nine, thirty thirty?

Oh oh fuck, oh shit, okay, damn all right, so this was a long time ago.

Oh yeah, yeah, this was a long time ago. Yeah yeah, yeah, in many years of therapy and not like a real one.

And then so I'm I'm able to talk about it.

I guess, bro, how you okay? So back to what I Yeah, how you doing now? Man? What's up? Goddamn eleven years? Okay, what's up? How you doing? Oh?

I'm doing great now.

I just tell this story and people are like, to my friends, I guess and They're like, dude, this is like a drama. And I'm like, uh, yeah, I guess.

So I'm doing great though.

Now I am in a PhD program and I'm about to graduate and yeah, so everything's going pretty well.

Cool. Do you still talk to your mom or is it like you know, she's like, only call me when you need some.

Oh actually yeah?

So oh So I actually just got back from a family Redian trip because because my mom's mom, so my grandma, she's like ninety, so my mom wanted this to be like a last little trip before she probably will pass away soon. So I actually just.

Got back from family reunion with my mom, my.

Siblings, and my uncle and cousins who I have not seen for like twenty years. So I saw them for the first time in like twenty years, like two three days ago, which was pretty wild.

But yeah, and do you still keep up with your siblings your sisters?

Oh yeah yeah those Yeah, my sisters are like I'm kind of the I guess, like my anchor to the family. I like they I still like hang out with them and get along with them and text them.

So yeah, nice, man, Uh, you gotta you gotta, you gotta a lady a guy in your life. What's what's going on over there?

Yeah?

I actually I recently started dating this girl. I mean, like we've been talking for like four.

Months, but uh like.

And like recently became serious.

I guess.

Cool.

Yeah she's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Cool. Do you do you like get did you, like, say, did you get any money from from this company that you like saved it all? Or was that kind of just like a was that was that lucrative at all?

Actually?

No, So when we like I remember like when like when we were just processing everything, we I remember just like counting the investments, like because a lot of investments actually comes with death.

I guess I just.

I don't know how money works, but it's basically the profits that we were making at the time were basically split even with like the depth that the company had. So I think we Yeah, so I think we basically didn't get anything. Or if we did, I think that covered form like the funeral and the other stuff that we had to do.

While we were there.

Yeah, we just broke even.

Yeah.

Huh. This is an interesting, interesting story. This is very interesting. Do you feel like what you said you went through like multiple years of therapy or whatever, Like, do you do you think like this untraditional or I guess I don't.

I mean like it's something that I personally like steer away from it, so like you know, like the whole like Asian traditional like ivy idea of like oh, you know, like no matter what your parents do, like it could it could do like absolutely one hundred percent wrong, Like you know, you still need to follow them, and you know you need to like basically you know, support them until they die, and you know you'd be feel like you'd have to be indebted to them, like for the

Oh how long how long after he died was this?

I mean, this was like.

Last week, so I guess it was like Jesus, it's been like ten years.

That's kind of crazy.

Yeah.

So yeah, So like I always say, like, there's gonna be that, like my Grandma's gonna be that meme of like a surprised dude's face, like when she goes up to heaven and sees my dad.

Like why the fuck are you here? You know.

So, so, yeah, interesting what Nancy?

Right?

Yeah, Nancy, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna do this. I don't know how many people we got hanging out in the live twitch chap, but if anyone in the live twitch chat has questions for Nancy, I'm gonna I'm gonna let let's let's answer some questions or feed you some questions from the live twitch chat if the twitch chat wants to ask any questions. Sometimes the twitch chat ask questions, other times they just talk to each other about, uh, whatever is going on in their life. Okay, here we go.

Oh?

Yeah, so, like so, my family's reasoning was, like she's very old because she was like eighty at that time, and they thought that the news of it, like they were very close, like he was like she she treated him like like her own son. So they thought that if she found out that he was dead, then that would cost so much like mental stress on him on her, that she would also die. But yeah, so that's what that was the reasoning.

Yeah, that makes sense. What's your PhD in?

Oh?

So, I'm gonna also be very vague and say, like related to some medical science research, is what I'm gonna say.

That sounds important. That sounds like it's good. It sounds like you're doing something important and real. You're not getting like if you're not doing like film history or some bullshit. Someone people are saying, did the uncle kill the dad? Do you think your uncle killed your dad?

No?

I know that for sure, that's not what happened. So he actually died from like a blain brain bleed. Actually, this is a really.

Crazy story too.

So my dad had high blood pressure for like the longest time, and I guess like he was like out in the middle I love nowhere like in Indonesia for like a business meeting with that share holder that that I talked about, and I guess like an aneurysm in his brain like burst in the middle of night, because I guess he was just very stressed about that busy So like two am, three am, like my shareholder, the shareholder guy said, you know, I'm gonna give him a name.

He's named Brian. So Brian.

Apparently, like I was sleeping next to him in the hotel room and my dad like suddenly like turned on the night lamp and was like my meds, my meds, and then fell down and then uh he was and then like the nearest hospital was like I think they said like five hours, and so the ambulance was driving for five hours.

But obviously if you have a.

Brain bleed, you don't have five hours. So I guess he passed away in the ambulance and just arrived dead at the hospital.

Oh man, So yeah, fuck man, he was in the middle. He was like in the middle of nowhere, Indonesia, five hours away from a hospital and got a brain aneurysm because he was stressed out about a meeting.

Exactly.

Yes, nuts man. Do you think how old.

Was he at that time?

I think he was like.

Early fifties, mid fifties maybe.

Shit. Man, does that make you think about like life at all? Are you?

Are you?

Like, damn, I gotta make sure I'm not working so hard I don't get a fucking like brain bleed.

Oh.

I mean like for first few years, I was like in this constant state, like I could die any moment.

Yeah.

So yeah, I was like a.

Constant like I was like you know, like I remember I was like walking down the street and I will be like I could like that bus could hit me, or you know, like something could follow my head and I could die. And I was like in a constant stead of panic. But now I kind of like flipped the other way of like I can die any moment, like, so might as.

Well enjoy every day.

Like like you know, other people are like, oh, I have this money, and I should save you know, all of it. I mean, yeah, I've just obviously be piscally responsible and save some of it. But I'm just like, you know, like if it'll make you happy, you know, go to that place, you know, buy that whatever ridiculous thing that you want to buy.

You know.

So I kind of flipped the other way now with that ideology too.

It's kind of funny to me that well I don't funny, I don't know, but like the just the fact that like they're like, hey, so your dad died of stress from running this company, so why don't you run it instead?

Right?

I mean yeah, I mean they were just like you don't know what to do, and he's there just like I'm just like standing there, just like waving, and they're like that's the guy. We're gonna grab that guy.

Oh so yeah.

All right, let me see let me look for one more question. Oh okay, people were asking if your dad, if your uncle killed your dad because it was ah, it's a lion king. Do you still talk to the uncle? That's my question, that's not in the chat. I'm just curious, Oh hell to the No.

Yeah, no, I just felt really uncomfortable too.

I mean one because like I know that like.

Whole thing, and so that just leaves a.

Bad taste in the mouth.

But also, like while we were there, he knew that he had a chance of taking over the company, so like while we were there, he would basically like quote unquote pamper us, like take us to like fancy department stores, and like I remember, like he bought this really expensive lipstick for my sister, and you know we obviously were like, oh, you know, they're politely accept and thank you, and then I remember my sister like leaned overs like I don't

Yeah, that's wanting. Yeah, but that's that's just want to Yeah, that's yeah, because he's like like he he's just acting under the assumption that he's about to have a ship ton of money and spending it before he can even confirm that he will have it.

Exactly.

Yeah, So like all in all, because of all of the mess, Yeah, I don't talk to the and I don't talk to the uncle. I try to, Like, I don't think I'll ever go back to Indonesia ever.

Oh yeah.

The aunt though, the aunt's interesting to me because the aunt was like, yo, my uncle. The aunt was like, Yo, my husband's kind of a dumbass, and I don't think he should have this company, So you should. I'm gonna make sure that it goes to you.

Yeah, I mean my I mean that's like my aunt, Like she's such a sweetheart, Like she is one of the nicest persons that I've ever met. And I think part of it was like she, you know, she was my dad's sister, so I think he she had his best interest.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. Okay, well that changes everything, Okay, okay, oh that's just completely Okay, this was your uncle, this was your uncle. Okay, this is not your blood uncle, this is your uncle.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not like, oh okay.

That changes completely everything. Yeah, that changes complete Yeah. But then of course your aunt is gonna have your have your back on that or not. Of course, I guess it's not a given. But uh, your aunt, your aunt could totally I mean, it's in your aunt's best interest that you know, she's her I guess she gets the money right over the fuck. But that's uh, damn, that's

Yeah, yeah, I mean it's fine. You know, I don't think I mean, he doesn't speak English, so I don't think he can even listen to this podcast anyway.

So well, Nancy again, you know, look, if you're ever thinking about really adopting that name, I think it's a good name. Is Uh. Thank you for sharing the story with us. This was fast. I feel like I just watched a movie talking to you.

Oh well, I'm glad it was entertaining.

Thanks, Lyle.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Live your life?

Indonesia is a great place. They have great food. Visit it some time.

Just get your vaccinations beforehand.

Beautiful, have a good rest of the night, Nancy. Thank you for sharing, and good luck doing medical good luck doing medical stuff on the West coast of the United States.

Thank you, sir. You have a good night, by Lyle.

Bye bye, Nancy. That was a nice call. That was like I've never seen I hate I do this a lot. Like I'll be like, oh, that was like the Wire. Never seen the wire. I was about to say that was like secession. But I've never seen secession. But I think I think I know enough about I never seen a single episode or I never read the Wikipedia page.

Hello, Hey man, I just have like a lot of stuff going on recently, and I'm kind of bummed out, all right. I mean, I'm good, I just it's just like it's kind of lonely out here.

Where are you?

Where is that here?

I mean I'm in my apartment, but like you know, there's just no people to talk to, like.

Even metaphor yeah, what so you have?

Yeah, but I mean like I can't even ask I can't even ask this guy like if they want to go work out, you know. And then like I've even I've gone to one of your shows in LA and I brought somebody, like a significant other, and then like now, i mean like I don't think that my lifestyle was the problem, but I guess my lifestyle was a problem.

I just I'm not like.

I just feel like, you know, if you have like what do you call that when it's conditional love? And then like unconditional love is different, and I'm just like it was a conditional love type of thing, and I'm just like yeah, like damn, like.

Guy, yeah, well you know, it's I've been I've actually been thinking recently a lot about that concept because like I think all love has uh. I think I don't think that like truly unconditional love exists. I think there's like I ideally you find love with like the minimum amount of conditions possible, you know what I mean? Like you like like like like if you're like, if you

Solutly? Like to be honest, I get fired for my job because I've smoking weed and I don't think that's a big issue, but because you know, people know who

They didn't like that you were smoking weed.

Man, No, they didn't, so like now do they they did?

They tell you? They tell you that you didn't they didn't like you smoking weed.

Yeah, but I was.

Just like, it's just so fucked up because like, I don't I'm no contact with my family too, you know how kids are or whatever, And I'm like no contact with family, and then like people, I don't talk to people either. I just kind of I just kind of sit around and I don't I don't feel I don't feel like I need to impress anybody.

All right, hm hmm. What how old are you?

Yeah, in twenty eight eight. I have what's going on, like outside of whatever we're talking about, Like, I have other things I'm doing now that are more important. But you know, it's kind of like, dang, like I really wish that I would have somebody to hang out with or at least or at least bring with me, you know, to the place I'm going.

I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah, what you said, you have other things going away to the other things.

A recruiter hit me up for the military Okay, So yeah, I have a degree and stuff and whatever. I'm kind of like I have a background and corrections. I guess, like sort of paramilitary, so you know, all right, I guess it's not unexpected. But they called me, and I'm like, I wish I had somebody to bring with me. I don't know if they're listening, but probably not.

You wish you had somebody to bring with you on on military deployment.

Essentially, Yeah, let me ask you.

I am genuinely curious why you know in this particular phone call, because I could sit here and like, do you I'm guess, like, I guess I want to know if there's a particular like preference for this phone call because I could we could sit well, I'm only asking is like we could I could sit here, we could talk and I could we could attempt to uh create solutions perhaps.

I mean, I'm not like, or we could just or we could just.

Suck around, or we could just fuck around, or I could or I could I just suck around?

Well all right, super ugly, I'm like pretty no, hold on.

Hold on, don't hold on, hold on, Why why are you bringing that up?

Even you know, because like fuck man, I've the reason I smoked weeds so much is because I just have like the the behavior of other people and stuff in the world, and then like my behavior versus that, you know, uh okay, weed's legal in California, right, and so I'm just like, fuck, yeah, I smoked weed all day, bro. And then so like that's how I get around socially. But then like now that the like it's not legal subterally, so like I'm literally getting getting ripped apart right now.

Why are you?

Why are you?

No? You know? Please please? I don't look I don't know you at all, but as a fellow, I would love to one day. I really like a utopia would look like one day I go on Reddit and all the post there's no posts and there's no comments because everyone got a life and went outside. That would make me so happy. If I went on Reddit one day

What do you? What do you?

What are you insulting? What are you insulting people on Reddit about?

You know, people need stimulation, whether it's bad or not. But like you know, and it's like sometimes it's not that good, but I do give that good stimulation.

What is your hold on what is your idea of good stimulation? Are you call? Are you calling people fat on the internet?

Damn no, I'm just calling all right.

I don't know.

I'm kind of losing it now, I'm kind of losing touch. But I'll say this is that a lot of people don't pay attention to what's going on. And I'm like, I'm not I'm not one for it to be like supportive of like drugs and stuff, but I will say it's a problem. And then like, you know, uh, that's I think it's funny when I see homeless people. I am sorry. I'm sorry, but.

Hold on, hold on, Okay, just back up for me real quick. Who are you fighting with on the internet.

I'll be I'll be saying stuff, you know, against like whatever people people have, like I need I need this to be happy. And it's like, dude, I don't even smoke anymore, you know, And then it's like, okay, you need you need drugs to be happy. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, I will devote my entire cause to defeating the illegal drug operations.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, what's your name again?

Bob?

Bob? We have we, we are we. This conversation has leapt into a different and to a into Mars right now. Okay, I'm gonna reel it. We're gonna reel We're gonna reel it back to Earth. Okay, We're gonna reel this conversation back to the the planet Earth. So you you know what, I don't actually care what you're arguing with people about on the internet. To be honest with you, I'm curious, why, oh god, why do you like getting high all the time? I know, I really I don't want to go on

At the end of the day, man, I'm I'm just saying, at the end of the day, I want to be able to paper parking. Okay, you know what I'm saying.

That's a good goal. That's a great goal to have to be able to pay for parking. I believe you can achieve that.

And it's hard.

I can't pay for parking, you know, because people steal my debit card. What I'm taking them out to dinner, you know, and then that.

Card dude who stole who stole your debit card? When you take them out to dinner? What are you talking about?

I don't fucking know.

It's gone.

And I'm like, I'm like, I all, I'm like, hey, why just left this place.

I'm checking my wallet.

I can't pay for parking.

Here's the thing.

I don't know.

It's okay, do me a favorite when when when I I'm gonna I'm gonna this is, I'm gonna put this in a podcast and put it on the internet. Don't don't go into the comments section and argue with people. Just just go just I just bob. Bob. Is your name.

Coop? You can call me Coop?

All right?

I like I like Coop. That's a fun name. Hmmm, did you what did you have a time in your life where you've like you felt.

Good, that's sucked up?

Well did you ask that?

Yeah?

I have, I have I have a good time sometimes.

I have a good time sometimes.

Man, okay, but you have a good time something? So you so you you sometimes have a good time.

It but I have to pay for it, you know, like I have to pay for friends to bring them out because they have issues. And then it's like why did they have issues? Are you fellon or you know? I just wish people were not so terrible?

What do you? All?

Right? Hold on?

What? So? What?

You two things? And and I this your I can sense in your voice that you're about to take this conversation back to Mars and we're keeping it. We're going to keep it earth. Okay, what why are you who are you paying to go out with you.

No, it's just like I need I need to like I needed to go to like you know sometimes essentially you know, it's like I was using the restroom right, Like sometimes I need to use the restroom mentally, right Yeah. And I'm like, okay, let me just hit these people up and see you and see like what I can do to like get some social interaction. Yeah, you know.

Okay, I'm like I'm gonna stop you again.

I'm not sharing women with other dudes.

Can I see? Do you have a real therapist that you talk to?

Yeah?

I went to therapy and this guy just had met his iPad and then like he was like really gluttonous, kind of like fatty boy, and I was like, all right, I'm just.

Gonna walk out of here, okay, So yeah, so you were like, so if you're so, if the therapist is fat, You're like, you're up. You're kind of like, oh, why am I gonna let you coach my life if you're if you're.

Fat, well, I mean, dude looked like he was taking medication for his own self. And I'm like, bro, like, I don't go to a therapist, Like, look, it's fair.

No one has answers no, no, yeah, yeah, I don't know, man. I just.

You're not my therapist either.

I'm not.

No, I'm not. I know, I'm not your say, I'm just. I'm we're too. We are two complete strangers talking on the phone together on a podcast right now. I understand that to be the context. But I'm just and I'm just but I'm.

Okay, I'm I'm I just the thing I want the most. If I was on this planet for as long as I will be right, Yes, it is like I wish I could cast a magical fucking spell due and just at least have an inkling of my peace of mind like just on like at least shown to somebody else, right, or at least like a couple like some people right, at least at least, like if if I had some energy in my pot, in my in my person and that energy was like projected, I guess that would be nice.

Okay, hold on, stare right there, stare right there, stare right there. If you okay, you could, if you could wave a magic wand you would have peace of mind that was shared with another person.

Said at least at least one person. Okay, I mean I don't know here.

I go, well, yeah, but like I mean, do you have like do you do you have peace of mind already? Because you can't have peace of mind to share with another person if you don't have, like I guess, peace of mind.

You know.

I mean, I don't want to be weird, but I'm drinking this and this meat a lotta is really good. Yeah, I've been drinking.

Yeah, what is a michta.

Well, you put a beer in a cup and there's like a a rim of taking, and then they give you some salt like whatever flavor, and you pour that in a beer and you have a beer with some salt and taking rim.

It's pretty good.

Yeah. Alcohol will give you, it will definitely give you temporary piece of mind and then you you but you kind of borrow the piece of mind. I don't, I don't. You don't. I'm getting this. I don't really want to go on a motivational fucking whatever thing.

But Okay, we're trying our hardest out here. Okay, yeah I know you are. Mm hmm, but yeah mm hmmm.

Do give a job or what else do you work? Do you work?

Dude?

I can't.

I saw two hundred applications, man, two hundred, and I have a degree, and like I'm like, bro, okay, I smoke, we I get it, but like who's who's fucking with me?

Bro?

Like like why is there? Like is this someone on my phone that's like part of like the I T Department And they're like, wow, this guy when he's we're weird, we're bringing him in. So don't give him a fucking job. Let him do this and that and to make some money.

And then like you know, I'm sorry, I can, I can. I fuck. I really don't want to try to go on a mote. I like, I just I'm just trying so hard. I just want to talk to you, and I don't want to go on a motivational rant. But I have a little I just have a little thing that I want to. Can I go on a little motivational rant, like a tiny one.

I mean, I'm if it makes I mean, all right, you.

Know what, you know what you know? Fine, all right, fine, fine, I want, I want.

Because I know I special place for me, man, I have like a special place in my heart for you. Thank you feel free?

Okay, all right, listen, First of all, just say look, and this is a thing across the fucking board. Uh the it's just across the fucking board that yes, getting a job is like, this is really hard. It's like insanely fucking difficult. Even if you feel like two hundred motherfucking apple, it's like, annoy, it's really hard. I'm I'm the most privileged individual on the planet that I can do this stupid podcast and I don't have to do it,

Get and you're just saying positive about it. That's cool, not be not.

Like not like fucking hey, everything's amazing, rainbows are awesome, life is good, isn't it good? Not like that, but just like, at least you don't have to do that, You don't have to walk around like a fucking teletubby, but just the opposite. But just don't do the opposite. Don't don't walk around like you're you know, because then then you're just fu you just prematurely fuck yourself.

Okay, all right, all right, cool.

Well Bob, I'm gonna let you go back I mean, it was a cool talk. It was nice talking to you.

Man.

I hope you're I hope you're okay. I don't know you. I hope you're okay. I hope you're not going completely and I hope you're going I don't I hope you are not going more insane. I hope you're not going significantly more insane than the average person on the planet is going insane at this current time.

I think it's okay to cry. I wanted to say something to the viewers to cry. I mean, just like, calm down, don't cry too much. But if you can't help it, fuck it. Just light it up.

Yeah. Yeah, Well, have a good night, Bob, thanks for calling.

Cheers, Yeah, Coop, Yeah, I'm gonna have this all right, cool, all right, take care, Coop, all right later.

Up. It's good to cry. It's good to cry. Sometimes you cry. When is the last time I cried? I cried recently? Yeah? No, I cry a lot. I actually cry fairly often. No, cry, Oh my god, cry Yeah, cry, laugh, cry, uh, drink, drink a diet coke, live for eighty years, and then pass away peacefully in your sleep, ideally rounded by at least one other human being if you can hack that. But even if not, this is fine. There's no this. Well, I don't know. It's not a win lose life. Isn't

My name is Coal?

Coal?

What up?

Coal?

Yeah?

What are you doing?

Yeah?

I saw you. I saw you in l a kind of recently. I guess it was in like November.

Oh shit, Yeah that was ah Yeah that was fun. That was a good time. Those are fun shows.

Yeah. I drove from I drove from Phoenix, Arizona.

Where are you? Which one were you at? Do you remember anything that happened at the show?

I think I was at Night two.

Was that the one where the lady talked about having sex with Mark Zuckerberg and her dream?

Yes?

It was okay, Yeah, that was interesting.

Yeah, that happened.

So what's going on with you?

Man?

Dude?

I mean I've been watching your stream for years now and I finally had the urge to call in because I don't know, life's just like a crazy, crazy journey and recently, recently, I feel like I've made a lot of big changes. That's just been really crazy. The catalyst of it all. The interesting thing is that I was engaged to be married and now I'm not. So that was kind of really tough, but it ended up being like a catalyst for me to really get into like mindfulness and ship.

How long how long were you with this person for? Like how long are you like in total like dating and engage?

Probably two years?

Oh all right? Two years?

Yeah?

And uh, do you want to talk about what happens?

Yeah?

It was, I mean, it was an unfortunate situation.

You know.

It's it's one of those situations where you love the person still, yeah, but you come to realize that you kind of just don't work together unfortunately. Yeah. And the crazy thing is we we separate after like a year and we ended up getting back together, and it's like we didn't learn our lesson, you know, like we tried to just jump back in even though there were so many issues, and we tried to like honeymoon face it out again and like forget about the issues that happened.

You know, can I ask if you wanted, if you are cool to talk about them, Like what was the main one or a couple of ones?

Yeah? So yeah, what happened is I flirted with a girl.

Oh no, I flirted.

With a girl, right, And I was like feeling kind of weird about it. I was like, oh, you know, I definitely like flirted with this person while I was in this relationship, and I started journaling, so I journaled about it, you know, like I kind of feel shitty that I did this, you know, like it feels like cheating, even though it wasn't physically doing something with someone. And what happened was my ex read my journal and then I came home and she had moved out.

This was, uh, this was a bit like the first time you guys got separated. Yeah, yeah, and then and then what was it? What was it that got you back together?

We did this thing you're not supposed to do where even though you're broken up, we kept having sex with each other. And that was not a very good thing to do, but we both participated in it and not very proud of it, but we kind of it was just what was easy. Like we were both two lonely people who like, like I knew the right path for me was to like focus on myself and grow, but it was just like so easy to go back to what was familiar.

Oh yeah, I mean, uh yeah, I think, well, it's like a human default nature. That's why I mean, that's why people stay in like fucking like that's why people stay in like abusive relationships and shit like that is. I mean, I'm talking about I'm talking, I'm talking about shit that I have, and I'm by the way, just I'm just really want to iterate in this very moment that I am talking publicly on a podcast to thousands of people about shit that I fucking don't know anything about.

Yeah, yes, m hm.

So whether or not that's good, I don't fucking know. I'm not I'm not a I don't know anything.

But yeah, at the time it felt good. At the time, it felt good, But like I said, we kind of jumped back into the relationship and that kind of lack of trust remained kind of deep within our foundation. Sure, So you know, the thing that happened recently was I was talking with a coworker, an ex coworker of mine that she wasn't comfortable with me talking to because this was a woman, and you know, in my dumb man brain, I was like, I'm not interested in this person, so

So what uh yeah, So I mean, do you still talk to this lady that you were engaged with? No?

She, Uh No, I haven't been able to reach out with her. I called her a month ago. That was the last time I spoke with her. I kind of really I kind of wanted some closure. And you know, my thing was, I wanted to get to a point where I didn't want to call her out of necessity because like, like after we broke up, I struggled with anxiety and my panic attacks came back and I started having these panic attacks and I want it's so badly to like call her to make it go away, and

Yeah, feel better?

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because you yeah, because if you do that, you open up a whole canno that you know, there's no such thing as free. You can't just like you know, she's like, you know, you can't just use it as like a band aid. It opens up a whole can of worms.

Yeah right, Yeah, So that was really hard.

But go ahead, No, I don't have any go ahead.

I was gonna say it was really hard, but what got me through, like that hard time without reaching out to her, which was you know, the crutch I was so used to was like just reaching out to my family and friends. Yeah, which seems like so simple and stupid, but like I never really did.

That before that, that's not I don't think that reaching out to your family and friends is stupid. If you told me, yeah, you know what I did is I got I got, I got twelve MIC's hard lemonades, and I rammed them down until I forgot about my life. I'd be like, yeah, that's a little simple and stupid. But no, reaching out to your family and friends is quite smart and good. I would say that is a smart and good method of doing what you are attempting to do.

I guess it's stupid stupid how simple it was?

Sure? Well, yeah, I guess it is a little stupid. Yeah, I guess it is like kind of funny that, like sure, sure, Like you call your friend and you're like, oh, I should have just called my friend, you know, like, especially if you have some do your friends? Do you have a lot of friends?

I have some. Okay, I have a few core friends that I'm very grateful to have in my life. Like I reached out to my cousin and this dude I have known my whole life. He's my my fucking cousin,

Bro do Yeah, that's the most vulnerable that I mean, not vulnerable. That's the most valuable fucking thing that you can do. If you're lucky enough to have people like that in your life. I mean, those people will just save your Assay, those people will save your ass if if if you're lucky enough to have him in your life. I mean, yeah, that's what I typically do when I'm going insane, as I call all of my friends and fans Emily and whatnot. Yes, when it's the most valuable

Cool.

How old are you cool?

I'm twenty five.

Okay, all right, this is cool. I think this is a good life experience. Probably you're learning how to be more vulnerable with the people who are already in your life. It's deepening your connections with them. Sounds like you're learning a lot. Sounds like you're having making good skills. Again, it's if you told me that you were coping by you know, getting fucked up. There's worse ways to do it.

Yeah, No, I try to go outside and smell air, look at trees. It's really nice.

Yeah. Life is pretty uh pretty, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty coral. I'm gonna say it, and you know what, I don't I say it's I really mean it every time I say it. I've never I've met you know what, fucking Cole. I've never felt more in my fucking life. And I say this with so much confidence, and I mean it. I've never felt more. With every day older

Do you think that's part of the human experience that everyone experiences, that gradual increase of craziness.

No?

Do you think there's a certain path that allowed you to have this clarity?

I think, I think, I'm I think, I mean, I think I've been very uh lucky in my life to experience that, to to feel like life is crazy. But I also think think that you don't need a lot to feel like life is. I mean, I like sitting, if you're like having, you know, sitting at a standing like you could go into a convenience store and buy a bottle of water and stand outside and drink it. And and look around and be like, whoa life is crazy?

You know?

You know it's not a lot.

I don't you're talking. I have an experience every time I go to a gas station and I'm like waiting for my gas to finish, and I look around, I'm like, this is a gas station.

What is this fucking podcast anymore?

What?

I don't know what I'm doing anymore? Are you all right?

You know what?

Cole? I'm glad you know what, Cole. I'm not worried about you. I think you're gonna be all right. I'm not worried about you.

I really appreciate that. Can I tak one more thing? When I started listening to the podcast, I was still looking for love, and I had this habit of where, if I had I was lucky enough to meet up with someone off tender or whatever the fuck, I would like leave early because I like my own bed, and I'd hop in my car and I would turn on Therapy Get Go, and I would go buy a large milkshake and a large fry from Wiler Burger, and I would drink my milkshake and my eat my fry, and

I am I'm happy.

I don't know why I'm sharing that with you.

No, no, no, I'm I'm I'm happy to I'm happy to be part of your post sex driving home to get food. Ah.

Yeah, I don't want to say it that way.

But.

I'm on, I'm on. You know what that's I I'm really happy. I'm really honored to fit right into that little part of your life. That's a nice little place for me to be.

I just want you to know there's no particular reason. It's just it happened and in it and it's stuck.

Every time I come, I gotta listen to therapy, get go and drink a large milkshake. I don't know why, but it's my post coom routine. Yeah all right, Well you have a good rest of the night, Cole.

You two while thank care bye.

What a burger is good as hell? They have? I don't shit, I don't know if this is fat burger or what a burger? I think it's what a burger that has the Doctor Pepper milkshake. I'm a big fan of that Doctor Pepper milkshake.

Goes on the line every night everything, And I was teaching you a loud look like but he's not really an expert.