"MY GRANDMOTHER HATES ME"

Hello, Hello, Sadie, what's going on?

I wanted to talk about how my dad sucked my grandpa?

Like, quite literally, your dad fucked your grandpa? Yes, absolutely, your your dad had sex with his dad.

Well, he was married into the family, but he's been around for a long time, so technically yeah, like it was kind of like his dad but not blood related.

But yes, oh, okay, okay, so he had sex with Okay, so he had sex with his father in law, his.

Mom's husband, his mother's husband, yes.

Okay, his stepdad yes, ah, okay, yeah, sure, what's the story there?

We found this out initially, well, my mom knew for years, since she didn't tell anyone because obviously she didn't want anybody to know. And she found out because my uncle, well my dad's brother, he used to stay at the house when my grandma was sick all the time, so he was always taking care of her and my grandpa, I called him my grandpa. He was there and basically he went to my uncle. He was basically like, hey,

Yes, so so okay, So how old was your dad when he had sex with his stepdad?

I have no clue. Definitely an adult though.

Was it consensual?

Yes, he was doing favors for him, and my grandpa would like buy him fancy cars and stuff like that. After my parents got this, he stayed with my grandpa.

Okay, Cidi, you sound very You sound very excited to tell me all of this.

I'm just excited to talk to you, like I listened to you every single day at work.

Like okay, okay, okay, all right, all right, We're gonna step back for a second here. When did you find this out?

When I was about sixteen or seventeen, I'm twenty now, Okay, my brother ended up telling me this and I was supposed to find out.

How did you react when you found this out?

I was absolutely shocked. Like I can't explain the way that I felt about it.

It was really weird.

But like when you look back at the way that they would treat each other, You're like, yeah, that makes sense. They were probably fucking.

So your father was basically sleeping with his step father and his stepfather was like a sugar daddy to him. Basically, yes, Okay, when you found this out, did you did you ever talk to your father about it? I did.

There was like a huge fight about it. I didn't talk to him, but my ex boyfriend at the time like blew everything out of proportion because he liked to start fights, and he's like, oh, I know you fucked him. You did this and that, and it was like this huge bull out and I don't talk to either of them anymore.

Wait a minute, Okay, my grandpa, what what? Why is your ex boyfriend fighting with your dad about having sex with his stepdad? How did that?

I don't know.

That doesn't make any sense.

I know it really doesn't. But he got really involved in the whole situation when I was trying to cut ties with my dad.

Okay, why are you trying to cut ties with your dad? Was it related to this?

Yes, my dad has been like, my dad cheated on my mom like over twelve times with men and women. In the worst it was probably my grandpa, And I'm like, dude, that's just really fucked up.

So your dad cheated on your mom with his stepdad. So he was married to your mom. Yeah, yes, okay, so he was a full blown, full ass adult. He wasn't like, you know, in his twenties or whatever.

No, he's a full grown adult.

Okay. And how did that all make you feel?

Sadie and maybe feel terrible? Like I'm not I don't belong in this family man, Like I'm not as fucked up as them?

Okay, I can you Why did your boy why did your ex boyfriend get involved in this?

I have no clue. Okay, Honestly, my grandpa was like super rich at the time, so still trying to milk him for like money or maybe like a car or something like that. My ex boyfriend completely ruined that for me.

What did your ex boyfriend do to all? Right, so you were trying to get money from your grandfather and your ex boyfriend ruined to that by getting upset with your grandfather for having sex with your dad.

He basically just like outed it and it was like, yeah, we all know that you did this, and that was enough for to tip the boat over.

Basically, were you upset at your ex boyfriend for outing this?

Oh?

Yes, because it was not his place to say anything at all.

I would agree with that. I don't really his place in this is undefined.

To me, right, Okay, I just needed to tell the world.

Now, what about what is you about your mom? What are your conversations with your mom about this? Sound like?

My mom told me that she never wanted me to find out. She was like, I never wanted you to see your father in this way. Like it's honestly really disgusting and disturbing.

Okay, it just that wled be the.

Fact that she knew for years and she kind of like kept it under the carpet, I guess.

Okay, have you ever talked to your step to your grandfather about it? No?

I have not.

Do you keep in contact with your grandfather at all?

Not? Really?

No.

I talked to him a while back when I asked him for my cat, but then he told me, no, you can't have the cat back. She's all that I have.

Your grandfather, yes, okay. Do you have brothers and sisters?

Yes?

I have a brother and he was the one who told me about the situation.

Okay, older brother, yes, okay? Uh was he keeping it from you for a while? And like, who told him?

I think my uncle told him. After he basically was like, yo, Papa, asked me if you want me to suck his dick? And my brother told me like almost immediately. He didn't really keep it to himself for that long, and they just kind of made the connection.

Wait, wait, your brother who asked who to suck their dick?

My grandpa asked, my uncle, my dad's brother.

Yeah, it's your grandfather who sucks your father's dick, asked your uncle if he could suck his.

Yes.

Get you got a whole This is a whole thing going on here, I know. Okay, And so it was your uncle who told your brother.

No, my uncle told my mother and my mom basically like confirmed, like, yeah, they are fucking you made the connections.

Uh so excuse me the whole you We're beyond confusing. We're in a new emotion that I haven't quite figured out how to label. Your Your brother found out because he made the hot He put two and two, he put fucking put six and six together to find this all out.

I believe.

So, yes, okay, So what's what's your relationship like with your father? Now?

I haven't spoken to him in years?

Mm hmmm, mm hmm. How long do you think?

Maybe about two years? The last time I saw him. His girlfriend at the time made up this false lie basically saying that he was dying in the hospital, and we all had to drive two hours out to see him. And we go to the hospital and he's not even dying, and my whole family was pissed, and we're like, dude, fuck you, we don't want to talk to you. We only came here to pass our condolences. But motherfucker wasn't dying, So all blintont lie to get us to come to see him.

Do you about a year ago?

Two years ago?

Okay, well, can I ask you this then? I'm curious, how did you feel when you thought he was dying?

I just kind of My mom made me kind of feel bad. I don't know why. She was the most upset out of everyone. Like I really just didn't give a shit, honestly.

I was like, Okay, and your mother, what's your relationship like with her?

Oh?

I see, like every day we have a good relationship.

Okay, is does she find a new husbands?

Yes, she actually has two kids with him. Now I'm twenty and I have two year old siblings.

Okay, I'm glad to hear that your mom found a good life for herself. And do you like the guy?

Yes?

Absolutely, okay, And he's not having sex with any of his parents, is he?

Nope? At least I hope the fuck not. But no, I do not think so.

Okay good, I think that's a good quality for a person to have. So like, I mean this relationship between your dad's stepdad and your dad. You claim that your dad was like a fully grown like a fully grown adult man in his thirties or forties who was having success with his step father as a means of getting money out of him.

I mean, like my dad was really just kind of like borderline a slut, Like he just liked attention and then it turned out to him doing like favors for him. You always let him get away with blowing out big scenes. They'd be like, oh, he's okay, he's okay, okay.

All right.

I don't want to say like specific names here. I almost get like close the same name.

Okay. And what about you? You you said that you don't talk to your ex boyfriend anymore. Are you seeing someone else like with you in your life?

I actually live on my I live with my boyfriend Chris. He actually introduced me.

To your stream Okay, how are things going with Chris?

Everything is great with Chris?

Okay, good? Good? Have you talked?

What?

How did he react to this story?

Like anyone else would react? Like what the fuck? Are you serious? Like your dad slept with his stepdad, like and it's not just like dick sucking, like it was full on sex, Like I don't mean to emphasize that, but like it's the point, like they were full on, like fucking for sexual favors.

Do you keep in contact with your grandmother?

My grandmother passed away, and this actually came out after she had passed away. This is when the ball dropped and everything just came out.

Okay, well, I'm that's I guess good that she never found out.

Yeah, that she didn't know?

I know? Is that good that she never found out? I don't know.

I yes, it's very like a certain point she'd probably have she'd probably have a fucking heart attack.

Yeah, probably probably, Sadie, do you think this fucked you up at all?

Definitely? Probably. I'm not a normal person.

Okay, how do you how do you feel like it fucked you up?

I don't know.

I can't really explain that. It would take me a lot of stinking, But like, I don't know, get go, I just came from the wrong bunch of people. They're all fucked up. Uh.

You said you feel like you're a weird person. Why do you feel like you're a weird person?

I don't know, I'm just not normal.

Okay, Well, I mean.

I don't think you things like they do, but I just don't feel what's the word, I don't know.

What what I mean. Sit with me for just a second before we go what I mean. Listen, you clearly said you're not a normal person for a reason, right, mm hmm, what what do we think? That reason is?

Probably just because of like where I came from, honestly, the way I was raised and the way things went down.

Okay, does that affect the way that you think about anything or the way that you feel about anything in your present, current day to.

Day life, the way that I process everything. It kind of just like ruined it for me for everything, Like I can't look at families the normal way of be like, oh, they probably have some fucked up secrets, or this guy's probably doing something in their family or something really fucked up.

So it's kind of so so the fucked up stuff going on in your famili has kind of opened your eyes to the almost inevitability of fucked up things happening in other families in other places.

Yes, absolutely.

Okay does that lower your level of trust or does that make you feel more open?

Or what?

How does how do you think that that makes you feel?

Oh?

Yeah, No, I don't trust anyone, especially family members who I cut a lot of my family members out. It's just really just my mom and my actual stepdad at this point. Like I don't really talk to anyone. Oh, I'm my cousin too. Like I don't really talk to my family members anymore because I feel like they're all fucked up somehow. I don't trust anybody. Wow, Okay, what about just a bunch of whack jobs?

What about your your boyfriend? Do you trust him?

Oh?

Yes, of course, and he comes from like a place of normal. Yes, I only have like one friend that I've talked to for like over ten years.

Okay, do you trust them?

Yes?

Okay, it takes me a long time to develop trust in people.

Okay, what how does how does a person get in your.

Trust just being around her so long and just accepting me for who I am as a person after so long?

Mm hmm. Have you ever talked about this in real therapy?

Yes?

I have a therapist. Okay, I just thought it would be fun to call.

What did your real therapist say about this? I'm very curious.

I haven't really gotten into this point with her. I'll probably talk to her about it in like two days. I'm going to see here, so I'll probably talk to her about that.

I'm very curious. I am very curious. What was higher on your priority list to talk about in therapy than your dad fucking his dad?

Oh my god.

Yeah, there's a lot. Man.

Maybe I'll call in some other time.

Well, Sadie, thanks for calling in. I I yeah, this is all definitely like super fucked up and weird, but you uh, I am. I am glad to see that you are in at least appearing to me to be in high spirits right absolutely?

Uh.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Yes, I just have one thing, please Fox that X ground That's all I have to say.

That's the that's the that's the anti sponsor. You know, we have sponsors, and we like talk about products and stuff we need to do. One where we talk about products we don't like, and so that was it.

Yes, absolutely, thank you so much and you're awesome man.

Uh hey, you're pretty cool too, Sadie. Thanks for calling in.

Thank you so much.

Have a good one you too. Well. That is definitely the giddiest I've ever heard somebody be talking about incest. Uh. I guess I, like I said, I'm glad to hear she's in good spirit. I hope that she is able to live her best life in spite of her weird family stuff, and I think she will. And you know what, I actually I think her telling that story has made me a little bit less trusting too. Hello. Hello, Hi, who's this?

This is Bobby.

What's up? Bobby?

So I don't think my grandma loves why not? Well, it's kind of been a running joke now with me and my wife. Every time we've seen my grandma, I've told her I loved her, and then we look at each other and everyone looks awkwardly, and she doesn't say it back.

Your grandma, that doesn't Your grandma doesn't say she loves you back when you tell her you love her.

No, never, no, I've she's never said it once.

Why do you think that is?

Well, I don't know if you saw in the note, but she is a lesbian, and I don't think she likes male very much because you've heard her say I love you to the females in my family, but not me.

So you think she doesn't love you because she's a lesbian.

Well, because I'm a male, not necessarily because she's a lesbian. I don't think she likes men like at all.

Why do you think she doesn't like men?

I don't know.

Kind of a guest, have you ever asked her?

I was kind of your standpoint on it. I don't know what Maybe we'll see what you thought.

Have you ever asked her?

I don't know. It's kind of like I don't know if I want to approach that. How do I even say that to somebody? Do you do you love me? That's so awkward.

It's a little awkward. But uh, I mean, let me ask you this. Are you prepared to hear the truth? If the answer is that she does.

Not, I feel like I wouldn't be surprised. I mean I would I would be. I would be more surprised if she said yes than if she said no.

Tell me why you love her.

She's always She's always been in my life, which is really a confusing thing for me because she's never said I love you, and anytime I say it, the root like she just kind of gets awkward and like he's like with goodbyes, like oh, I love you'll see you later. She just like looked at me the blanks stare and then just kind of like all right bye, walks away, really awkward. Do I I do have her phone number?

Can we call her?

I don't think that's a good idea, you know.

If I were you, I also wouldn't call my grandma right now. Okay, So you think it's because she doesn't like men? Does she? Is it your grandma's dad, Is it your dad's mom or your mom's mom, my mom's mom? Okay? Does she ever? Does your Does your dad ever say I love you to her?

Does my dad?

Yeah?

No?

She also never said it to my dad either. Do you also never liked my dad as well?

Do you have any male family members that that that that your grandma has ever said she loves you too?

Oh? Yeah, her wife's son all times.

Why do you think she likes him? If you think she hates men?

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Do I suck?

You might? And by the way, here's the thing, even if you do, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's not it's okay. If you suck. People are so like afraid of like sucking or being annoying or like being kind of an ass it's not that. It's fine, it's okay. Why do you think you might suck?

I don't know.

I feel like I've accomplished a lot. But oh I'm kind of an asshole.

Okay, that's fine. Why do you Why do you think your an assle?

I'm just like, I don't know. I like confrontations, like when you know, an awkward stare when you look at someone and then catch you looking at them, I'll continue staring. I'm an asshole, like I want the awkward confrontation. It's weird.

Why does one doing an awkward confrontation make you an asshole?

Well, not only that, I mean, I like, I don't know. I like being mean. It kind of suits me. It makes me makes me feel happy.

It makes you feel happy to be mean.

Kind of.

Have you ever been mean to your grandma? No?

But I mean, she's like a really big liberal and she hates me because I voted for Trump and that's getting political. But yeah, he hates me for that too.

So you think she hates you because who's what is who it is in the background.

That that was my daughter?

Sorry, so you think she hates you? Okay? So now so I mean, so now you've come up with We started with just because you're a guy, but now you have like three different hypotheses of why you think she might hate you. Yeah, okay, you say you like being mean because it is fun.

In a way.

Okay, tell me the last mean thing that you did that was fun for you.

I'm sure I did something today. Give me a second.

Okay, I'll let you think of it.

Oh okay. So I'm a technician. I work at a dealership and the guy next to me was lowering the car down off the lift and I put a cap to a ariosol can underneath the tire so when it got to the ground, it made an extremely loud crunching noise, which then made him very scared. I laughed the okay, well he thinks, well, he thought he destroyed something on a one hundred and fifty thousand dollars car.

Okay, so your you found enjoyment by uh your co workers fear that he might have messed up. Yeah, okay, so it is a little prank you like you like you like a little pranks. You like a little mischief here and there.

Okay, Yeah, I mean I'd consider myself mischievous.

Okay, telling me about your wife. Does your wife know your grandma?

Yeah, she doesn't like her either. She's kind of, well, my wife doesn't like her. She's not really nice to anybody. She's just kind of controlling, wants to it's kind of her way or the highway.

This is this is your wife or your grandma.

Think one of the reasons my grandma it's kind of her way or the highway, and she's kind of I think that's why we bought heads alot because I just don't care. I'm ale, so I'm willing.

To You're an asshole. So you're willing to.

Say that whatever she wants is stupid, or voice my opinion even though I know it'll put her off.

So I've got some confused here because you're saying that you're not afraid to voice your opinion. You're saying that you're not afraid to argue with her. But when I asked you why you wouldn't just ask her, you know, confront her about whether she loves you, you said that you were like afraid or that it wouldn't be a good idea. So why do you feel like you're comfortable

That's a that's a really good question.

Do you okay? What kind of things do you argue with her about? Is it like political arguments?

Most of them are political?

Okay? Do you get into a political argument with her? Like most of the times that you're with her.

I'd say about like fifty percent of the time.

When you're in an argument with someone, is you being correct or getting your point across more important to you than preserving the relationship that you have with the person you're arguing with.

It depends on the topic, but I mean it can get that way sometimes depending on what the topic is, Because if it's something serious and they really think their way is right, and I know it's not, or at least in my opinion, is not. I mean, fuck them.

Okay, well so well so Robert, like I mean, and look, it's okay. If the answer is no, I mean, tell me whatever the truth is. Do do you really care that much about whether or not your grandma loves you?

I feel like I should. Okay, but I mean I've gotten this far along without thinking she does, so maybe not.

Okay. So, so your grandma's love is not that important to you.

I don't know how to answer that. I feel like it is, but at the same time, I feel like it's not.

Okay.

Guy's got bixed feelings about it.

Okay, because look here's what I can. I tell you what I think. Sure, if it's not. If your grandma's love is not important to you, that's okay. It doesn't have to be. There's no law that you have to love your grandma, that your grandma has to love you. You can. You can live your life however you want.

It does make sense. I feel like I've given her that opportunity. We went on a family vacation and the first thing, because we flew in from different places. She

Okay, it was immediate disrespect. Tell me what she said that made you feel disrespected?

Well, she she called me fat, okay, which she said. So the last time I wore a swimsuit because we went to the beach, was you know, three years prior to this vacation. But she was like, oh, we need to go get you a new swimsuit. And I was like, why is that. She's like, because you've gained a lot of weight. I've gained fifteen pounds since the previous three years of wearing a swimsuit. It's safe to say. I don't think I've changed sizes. M. Yet they felt they need to say that. M.

You know, I think and I had a call about this. I had a call about this kind of recently. And also this is a thing that I think about in my own personal life, which is like the best like if your true intention is to keep the peace, like truly, and I'm and this is just me kind of hypothesizing about this because it's a difficult thing to maneuver. But if you're real intention is to keep the peace, then always have that in mind. And occasionally to keep the peace,

Yeah?

No, I was walking by. He was like, he had like a fucking store and I walked by his store and he was like, hey, come on in, we're having a sale or something. And I was like, sorry, man, not today. And he was like you know, and he was like, no, need to be rude about it, your fat asshole. I just kept walk. Now, I could have gone over there and tried to like defend my honor and ship, but that that's not what I wanted out of the situation. I wanted to keep the peace, so

You should go online and make a better review.

Why why would I do that.

Because he felt that your feelings weren't worth it. Why should you think that his feelings are worth it?

Because you know, yes, sure, okay, let's let's relate this to your Let's let's relate this to your situation. Why do I not? Why don't I go to his business and leave a better view? Because it's not worth it to me, Because I'm not concerned with keeping some kind of charmatic scoreboard of you know, needing to equally wrong all those who have wrong to me. I'm concerned with keeping my peace, and the best way to keep my

Robert, you got a point. You've got a point, Okay.

So listen, man, I I I I hope that you keep that in mind next time you interact with your grandmother, you know, I mean, what do you think about all of this? Tell me your thoughts.

I think You've brought up some good points, and I think I'm gonna have to try to use those and maybe I can get her to stay show with me.

Okay, good. I hope that you feel like you have a different way that you want to approach this situation. Is there anything go ahead?

No, I was just thinking, good.

Is there anything else you want to say to me or to the people of the computer before we go?

Do you have a nice trip. I'll have a fun time in Japan.

You're going too correct?

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

I hope you have a great time over there. And thank you for talking to me.

Thank you, Robert. You have a good rest of the day.

You as well.

I don't know. I think it's okay to not love your grandma. And look, if you see someone like you know, two times a year, how much do you really love them? So it's okay to love By the way, it's okay to love your grandma too. You can have whatever relationship that you want with your grandmother in this life. You can. You can be in love with your grandmother. You can know you should not be in love with your grandmother. I don't know why I said that. Okay, all right,

Yes?

It is yes, I could hear you.

AJ. What's what's gone on with you, dude?

Well, uh, as I told the call screener, I I am the other woman in a dumpster fire of a relationship.

Okay, tell me about this relationship.

Well, it hasn't really been going on for very long, for maybe like two months. But I'm fully aware that this person has a wife and kids. They're just in a different country. And I have this speaking suspicion that they're probably just using me to like get money of me. Things are moving very quickly, and they're telling me that they see a future with me and that they want to invest money with me, or that I should invest money with them, and uh, it's it's just a little weird.

Okay, how long have you been seeing this person?

About two months?

Two months? Okay, and they're trying to get money out of you. Why are they asking you for money?

Well, I guess like so in our community, because we're Hispanic, there's a lot of ideas of like investing money, kind of like starting your own business, kind of like an entrepreneurial mindset, and so okay, you know, everyone kind of thinks the same way of like, oh, I'm gonna invest money, I'm gonna like buy properties like that kind of stuff.

Okay, Okay, So I mean that aside, why does he want you to give him money?

Like?

What does he what does he as? What does he want money for?

Uh? Well, he has friends in where he's from, and he says that they have businesses and he wants to keep investing with them, and that it's a good idea because I've talked about my goal of wanting to be financially independent, and so he's like trying to pitch me, you know, their businesses as like a good investment for my sake, you know, framing it as like it would be in my benefit to invest with him.

Okay. And is this somebody that you've actually met in person?

Yes, yes, I that's I live at one of his relatives house and that's how we met.

Okay. How soon after getting involved with him romantically did he start asking you to invest in him?

I mean it was pretty soon. I mean maybe the first couple of weeks. We well, my my family is also they have businesses here in Kentucky, and so I told him about those businesses and we started talking about investments and that's when he brought it up.

Okay, so this money thing aside. You say, this is a dumpster fire situation and you are the other woman. How did you find out that he was is? Did you find out that he was married?

I mean yes, Like I guess, it wasn't hidden. It was more like he told me, like, hey, I'm married, I have a family, but things aren't going well, you know, like the same story that gets told all the time, like oh things are rocky or I'm going to separate, stuff like that. Yeah, and they're not here, so they're not like in the States. It's kind of I guess easier because to me they're not. I mean I know that they exist, but I don't see them. So it makes things.

When you say them. You're talking about this guy's.

Wife, Yes, his wife and his children.

Okay, his wife and his children. Okay, I mean, what are your thoughts on this situation?

I think I'm wasting my time, but I don't know why I don't get out of the relationship. I have a tendency to like think a lot of time into relationships, like years, even if I know that they're not working. So like I know that if I don't get out soon, I'm just gonna end up wasting probably years on a guy that I'm definitely not the priority.

Okay. So you know that you're wasting your time, But even in the face of that knowledge. Mh, you you persist?

Yes?

Why do you think you persist even in the wake of that knowledge?

Hm?

I'm not really sure. I mean it feels I mean he's he's nice. Well, he's kind of nice to me, so it feels good.

To be a relationship, I guess.

Okay, yeah, so uh our agent. Just in your life in general, do you have friends and family.

H yes, I do.

Okay. Are they nice to you?

Yes?

They are?

Okay, So you have people in your life who are nice to you and support and whatnot. That's not like a thing that's totally absent from your life.

Right, My support system is pretty good, to be honest.

Okay, Okay, So why do you you think you feel this? Like, how do I say pressure or like desire to settle for somebody who is kind of nice to you?

Like?

Why are you in a rush so much for a romantic partner that is kind of nice to you that you want to settle for something that you know is a waste of your time.

I mean, I honestly, like, deep down inside, think that I'm unlovable and so when someone shows me like a moderate amount of affection, I will be inclined to be very loyal to that person.

Okay, well, let's step out of the realm of romantic relationships for a second and like, you know, you're as you said, and this is why I asked you about it. Your friends and your family? Do you feel loved by them?

I do?

Yes?

Okay, you do? Mm hmm okay, So how do you stack? I mean, and you answer, and you answer you didn't have to think about that, you said it just pretty confidently, just now that you feel loved by your friends and family, I mean.

I know that they love me. I just I don't think that they should. I feel like I'm kind of a hasfle sometimes.

Have you have you had your felt like that?

Uh? Yes, I've struggled a lot with mental health, and my my family has definitely. I've been more open with them in the past couple of years and they've seen me struggle a lot, and I feel like kind of a burden on them because of that.

Yeah. Yeah, So I don't know m hm, Well, the path towards you know, getting over that feeling of yourself as a burden. I'd consider that maybe as like a further down the line goal. And in order to get there, you have to first cure yourself of all these things that you're doing in response to that. So like, okay, you know, it's a whole it's gonna be a whole, whole, whole journey for you to get to the point where you feel okay about yourself. But to begin walking down

No, I do not.

Okay, before we begin to walk in the let's just say, before we begin walking the path of gaining some higher self confidence, we got to focus on stopping the detriment that we're doing by getting involved with people who are asking us to invest money in their cousins' businesses. Uh and uh, you know, promising that they will break up with their wife who lives in another country and their children. So I think I think we first want to get

I mean, I guess I feel like I always know what I'm doing, and I'm pretty aware. I just always want to steer towards chaos.

And do you have a real therapist?

I do, Yes, I do.

What do they say about this, Well.

I've actually this is the first therapist. I've been going to therapy for like ten years, and this is legitimately the first one that's like life changing. Obviously it's not very apparent from the call, but in other aspects of life, like I feel like they're helping me kind of, I guess, see what my values are and move towards them, and so in other aspects of life, I'm definitely moving more towards my values. But romantically I'm a little bit stuck.

Well, shit age. I mean, look, if I can tell you anything, from my perspective, it sounds like you're doing a lot. It sounds like you're living a very full life. It sounds like you are very smart and very aware, and so I don't I don't know if you understand everything. I don't know if you under I don't know if you understand the degree to which you're doing a lot of positive things for yourself from your perspective, but from you know, at least where I sit, as you're telling

I I just appreciate talking to you. I mean, I'm not gonna I don't know. It's it is hard with a low self esteem because it never feels like you're doing enough or you're not enough. Even it doesn't matter like who tells you that, like oh you're doing great or whatever.

Right right. That's why that's what I meant just now when I said, like, you know, I could sit here and like and by by the way, to be telling the truth, okay, because I do really think that you're doing a lot for yourself. It's what I could sit there and tell you that, and then you could even experience it for yourself, how much shit you're doing. And

I guess I just want to say that to the people that have shitty therapists or have had had experiences in the past. I know it's like really tiring, but just like keep trying, keep looking because I was legitimately going to give up, you know, like I've been doing therapy for like ten years. I'm practically an expert at this point. Uh, And I never thought that I was going to click with someone and that they were going

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