Hey, folks, My Therapy Gecko Live Show Tour is starting very soon with shows in San Diego, Los Angeles, all over the Pacific Northwest and all over the country, the Country of America, and like three cities in Canada. You can look at all of the cities that are available and get tickets right now at therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode description. These shows will be a combination of group Gecko therapy sessions with
the audience. Plus I've got stories of my own that I will be telling from my travels across the universe interviewing people as a gecko. The shows are always a great time. If you like the podcast, you're gonna love the live show. And if you bring friends who have no idea who I am, the show is set up so that they will probably like it too. Go to therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode description to get tickets right now. I hope to
see you guys there. And uh, with that said, let's get into the episode.
Hello.
Hi, Hello, is this uh Pickles?
Yes?
Uh, you texted me and you said my furry friend group exploded.
Yeah, I did.
Your furry friend group exploded, like, not literally, they combusted into feathers. They the interpersonal relationships amongst your furry friend group have have gone astray? Is that what I am to understand?
Yes?
So what happened? Was there some sort of inciting incident?
Oh man, what a long story? Okay, well let's see where do we start. Me and my boyfriend had a friend group. Obviously we met one of We met a couple in the group maybe what five or six years ago, and we became really good friends with them. Long story short, it's been probably five or six years. At some point I joined the furry fandom because I thought it was interesting, thought it was cool. I was making suits, I had a social media and I kept everything hidden from them
because I wasn't comfortable sharing it with them. And one of them actually found me.
Wow.
So yeah, the whole group kind of found out about it. Figured, you know, tell one to tell them all, and everyone was really cool with it, so they actually kind of got into the fandom.
Ah, you converted them. Wait, that's Razzy, that's great. You were from your friends and little did you. It's so funny. You thought that they would make fun of you, but you converted them into furries.
Yes, definitely, definitely one of the best outcomes I could have gotten for sure.
Yes, okay, go ahead.
So yeah, so they joined, I helped them make their sonas, I helped make their suits, and then so uh we pretty much did that all last year. However, the group is two couples and another person kind of joined it, which is our neighbor.
What.
Yeah, so it was us two couples, and we also became friends with our our neighbor as well, who was he's just like a single guy was at home, so he joined the group as well. So our group is now like five pretty.
Much, okay, And you helped everyone so everyone was like, oh, we want to get into this too, and you were kind of like the guiding hand for everyone through all of this. So you helped everyone pick their for sonas or sonah for short. Yeah apparently, how I now, okay, I'm curious about this, Like, were you doing like a sorting hat kind of a thing where you asked them a lot of questions and then you were like, you are a turtle, you are a fox? Like how like if I came to you and I said, I want
I want your help picking up for Sona. What how would you help me do that? What kind of questions would you ask me to help me build this profile of myself.
I feel like a good place to start is always like your favorite color and your favorite animal. That's pretty much what I do.
That's a whole lot. That's a total cop out, by the way. That's a total cop out, by the way, to just be like, what's your favorite animal? Okay, that's what you should be.
Yeah, I mean if you if you like the animal, it's easier to kind of attach to it, you know what I mean?
You know what I think I'm trying to overcomplicate this for no reason.
Maybe I don't know.
That's pretty much what I did. There's there's people that have like their own, you know, custom characters that have backstories and different personalities and stuff. But like, I don't know, I just I just wanted to be my favorite animal and colors.
So but yeah, okay, so you help everyone make their for Sona, and then everyone's getting into it, the neighbor's getting into it, and then how did things all fall apart?
Well, the around the middle of last year, we went to like a really big con and then for the time after that, it seems like the neighbor was uh starting to cross some boundaries. I guess I'll say he was getting really close with like myself and my friend's uh girlfriend. He would kind of come over to like our house, like I won't say uninvited, but like unannounced, and he would just kind of like show up. He was trying to hang out with us and was succeeding
with the other person. I don't know, I just like more than like a normal friend in a group would with someone's girlfriend.
Oh, he was already like one of the girlfriends.
Yeah, okay, it seems that way in hindsight, but you know, over you know that period of months, you know, like red flags were kind of raised. Both the boyfriends would like talk to him and be like, hey, can you like step off? They would talk to their girlfriends and
be like, hey, can you like also step off? But ultimately it came out a few weeks ago, I guess shortly after roughly I texted her before I texted you, and we just we got a message that was like, you know, this person's my ex now and they were cheating because they decided to check her phone and apparently it had been going on since that large canival last year, so the whole group just kind of exploded after that. So kind of where we're at.
Okay, so you're back to being a proverbial and literal lone wolf.
Me, Me and my partner are still together. It was unfortunately the other you know group that we have met and you know, made a relationship with over time, but now obviously they're not together, and now uh one of them is going on like a you know, they're you know, dealing with everything. So I mean they're both dealing with everything. But yeah, pretty much, Uh, we we lost pretty much the entire friend group. So we're just kind of with that now.
Okay, so you're I hear someone in the background. Is that you're you're uh your your s o?
Yes?
And are they also a free.
Yes?
He supports me and it yes.
Okay, what is his? What's his? Who's he? What's his persona?
He is a purple wolf?
Well, okay, what are you?
I'm a purple tiger?
You're a purple tiger. Was that a coincidence that you guys are both purple? Or is it like and you can only like the animals can only have sex with each other if they're the same color.
Now, originally he started as a completely different species, but that's kind of when I was learning to make them, so it didn't turn out very good. And then he actually became in anubist like the Egyptian like dog god.
Oh okay, I actually you know what, I think that's cool? Is there like a hierarchy between Like some do the people who choose to be creatures that have mythological origins think they're better than the people who choose creatures that are bounded by reality.
I think some might. We have seen there's another person that's in the Nubis as well, and he seems to have a different aura. He definitely has a I don't know, he has a different aura than us for sure. We just tryd of go to hang out and be silly.
You know, it's funny. I wait, actually, hold on, he has a different in what way? A different aura? What do you mean? Like he takes it more seriously?
How do we describe the other new of this? He's just like in his like body language and how he like walks around. It's like slower.
It's like.
I guess maybe like confident could be a word, but like, you know, like he has like a presence more.
Do you do? How into it do people get?
Like?
Are there some people who genuinely start to believe that they are these animals?
The ones that usually believe their animals are usually classified as theians. This is definitely yeah, Yeah, those are ones that like definitely identify like I am a wolf, I am a you know, links or whatever. They usually wear like the masks over like the entire suit.
Okay, is a fairy And that's a word for like a person who genuinely literally believes and identifies themselves as an animal across all aspects of their life.
I think I don't know if that's like a perfect definition, And I'm sure there's different people that are different like.
Degreaves of it, but.
Observations, Yeah, that's that's like my understanding of it. Yeah, we've definitely met there's a oh, there's a there's a very large like spectrum of people in the in the furry fandom for sure, though in the years we've been in it.
Interesting was like, okay, like what's the most hardcore into it a person gets?
That's a really good question. I guess they would be. I would describe it as their life probably overtaken by the hobby in a way that's like all of like a hunt, Like a lot of their money goes into it. It's pretty much like their life at that point. They're probably traveling to places they probably have like a dedicated social media or like multiple maybe even like Sonas. I guess, I'm not sure. I don't think uh yeah, I'm not. I'm not sure that that would be like my guess.
You know.
It's funny that we're talking today because this morning I was I was on Instagram reels. Tell me if this feels right to you. I was on Instagram reels and I got a reel of this guy in like a wolf first suit and he was going like, hey, everyone, this is a check in. Did you have your water today? Did you take your medication today? How are you guys feeling? I hope And he was being like very sincere and wearing this Furst suit and it like in twenty eleven
a video like that. If you looked at the comments, all of the comments would be like this is cringe, this is lame, fuck this guy. But I swear to god all I was looking through the comments and there were lots of comments from like all people, from all walks of life just being like, you know what, thanks wolf man, appreciate you. This was very nice. You know.
I feel like culturally because there's because like since since like twenty ten, like I guess when I assume that kind of furry culture was was like first introduced to the mainstream of existence. Since twenty ten, there's just there's so much like crazy stuff going on the world that like being like being quote unquote cringe is like not the worst thing you can be, now, you know what
I mean. There's so many people being like there's so much stuff out there that's like actively hostile and actively like fucked up that when you see a wolf guy telling you to like drink water, you're like, you know what, thanks man. Like I feel like like like culture is like softened in like kind of a nice way, do you know what I'm saying a little bit.
Yeah, Yeah, it's definitely it's definitely like expanding in a lot more like acceptable now for sure.
Mm hm, cause yeah, like with all these like I don't know, there's so much like crazy shit online that like you know, in a like in twenty ten, like a guy in a wolf suit would be like, whoa, that's crazy but nowadays it's like, you know, fuck it, live your life. It's one of the ways in which I do think society is maybe healing.
Yeah, it's it's definitely, it's definitely like a jump, and it took like some time to get used to. I think even uh uh, like our our first time even trying to go to like a meet, like I was too scared to even just like get out of the cars and we just sat in the park. So it definitely took some time. But I think that's part of the fun, is, you know, learning to overcome that the
community is super super supportive and accepting. I like the art a lot because there's so many creative people and characters. I don't I haven't had like a really terrible experience or anything, or like met anybody super malicious. It's been uh, it's been pretty chill, and I really like don.
Uh So, Okay, now that your previous for a friend group has dissipated, are you considering joining or creating a new one? What's that looking like?
Definitely, Yeah, it's definitely been a big part of it because I can't help but sort of feel like I was maybe used in this to help them, like make their suits. One of them wasn't even like paid off all the way. But like, I don't really care about that. I just wanted, you know, my friends to have wanted to get into it.
What you find, you find it. I'm sorry you financed some one of your friend's suits.
Uh No, Like I I gave them like a row super reasonable like friend price and they didn't even pay that.
Well, oh so you made it for them after?
Yeah?
Yeah, I made all of my friend suits.
Really that those because I know that those fucking things, Like I know that those fucking things are expensive. It's like what like fifteen thousand dollars for like a good.
One that's for like a crazy maker like that. That would be like the Gucci of suits most uh, I say, like an average like from a it's a really like wide range. You can get some really good stuff from smaller makers though, for I. So you could get like the pause head and tail for maybe around fifteen hundred pretty average.
Damn. So you feel like they use you to create their first sewn as and then left you in the dust.
I'm not. I don't. I truly don't think that was their like direct intention, but you know I can't help, but sort of feel that through you know, bringing them into this, like it kind of caused and led to that, and I guess encouraged it because we would constantly go to meets or there would be meats that that they
would go to. I think from we just we finally went to like the first one this year, and I definitely felt better about it and kind of remembered why I like doing it and a lot of it's soualization. So you know, we met some new people, met some other people we knew, so that definitely made it feel better. But you know, it is just still that, you know, the whole thing. You know, it's going to take some time to just kind of let that in the past.
I do also have my friend's suit still do so that yes, yes, as soon as that went down, I was keeping her suits at my house and so when that went down, obviously I was like, cool, don't come anywhere near me right now. So I kind of still have them, and at this point, I definitely feel like
it's time to, I guess give them back. I don't know, I feel like I wanted to keep them just to prevent them from being able to go to That's a preventor from kind of going to the cons and just you know, for lack of better words, ruining it or like, you know what I mean. But I think at this point I've reached at where I think I just need to like give it back to her and then just heal from there. So that's probably what I'm doing this week.
Actually, did you have you ever tried it on?
Yeah?
And what is it? Okay, So when you wear a first suit that does not match up with your internal fort sona, how does that feel? It feels?
It feels kind of weird, you know, especially like you know, you like you can't help but put you know, look in a mirror when you do it, and you're just like, Hm, I'm this person, but I'm not this person.
What's the vibe like at these meets, these conventions.
It's super chill. A lot of if you have a suit like you are going to get attention. A lot of people come up and you know, ask for pictures or they trade stickers and trinkets. It's I carry stickers on me all the time, and you know, you just kind of socialize and talk and stuff like that. I think one of the cool things about suiting is like if you went to a comic con, you might see somebody you know, dressed like Superman. You're like, oh cool,
that's Superman. It's almost like inviting. And I think the furry fandom like you're just a character. Like you're not like some guy in a hoodie hiding in the corner. You're a cool purple dog in the corner, like yo, I love purple.
What's up? Man?
And it makes it, you know, really inviting to interact with people.
Well, personally, I think wearing an animal costume is a bit bizarre and it's something I'd never even consider doing.
Right, how DoD is it?
That was a joke because I'm a gecko.
I got to.
Well, yeah, how would it be? You know, it's no everything you're saying, I fully, I fully do get that. Like even like like I know, like, you know whatever, it's funny. Even if I wasn't like like an internet guy or whatever, Like just being in a costume walking around it does make you feel like you're you're like, uh, go at getting outside of yourself.
Yeah, it's it's really cool. I've never like been like a super girl like good at make up, Like I'm not like a supermodel by any means. But that's another cool part of the fandom too, is you just put the head on right, like you don't need to be like a super you don't need to be super attractive. You don't need you know what I mean. You kind of just put on some paws and a tail and poof, like it's fine.
So what what do you think it would be like if I went as a gecko? Like, how do you think? Actually? I guess of all of all the Like, it's funny because I think of all the places where I would go to do my gecko thing, I feel like it wouldn't It wouldn't work there because the whole point of the gether thing is like I kind of stand out a little bit. That would be the only that would be one of the only places I could go to do it, where like I would actually blend in more I think, right.
Yeah, No, I think you would definitely blend in pretty good out of good?
Is there a certain section just for scalies. I know that that's kind of its own subculture.
It's pretty open to everyone. There's people that just do like normal cosplay. You know, we'll dress up as you know, whoever, only I'd say for every three people, really only one of them has a suit, So there's a lot of humans. It's uh, there's all sorts of different species. Yeah, I mean it's it's really like it's it's definitely an experience, not something you can really find at any other conventions.
Mmmm. Okay, So before we go, what's next for you in your free pursuits? Is there Colm coming up? Is there a new fer sona you're exploring what is next on this adventure?
Right now? We do have I think we're gonna do a one day con this weekend, and there's a large one coming up pretty much in the middle of uh and on the middle of in July. But for me, I'm kind of just you know, I'm continuing to focus on pretty much my little first use making business. I might make an Etsy, and I'm gonna just keep bringing you know, joy to people. I've made probably about what twenty suits and there's nothing better than you know, seeing
somebody get their suit and you know love it. That's like the best feeling in the world. So that's what I'm going to keep doing.
Plug it up, pickles, what's the how do we how do we how do we get a first suit from you. I want to plug.
I can share my Instagram handle if you want, and I hit it. It is Grape Underscore, the Underscore, Tiger.
Grapes, the Tiger Funk. I wanna hold on. I gotta redownload Instagram. I wanna live look at this.
Uh yeah, I have.
I have a TikTok as well. But that's just it's.
Let's let's do some banter while I wait for Instagram to download on five g Yeah, yeah, banter, yes, banter. Hold on, all right, it's a quarter quarter the way there, it's downloading. Let me think of a question to ask you. What's this convention that you're going to? What's what is what is the One Day Convention? What's it called?
The One Day? One is an event in New Jersey. It's called Forget about It.
Forget about it? All right, I'm looking all right, great, I'm gonna look this up right now. Forget forget about it, forget about it. Twenty twenty six. Come hang up, come hang with us. In the eighties. This year it's it an eighties themed.
Yeah, this year it is What the fuck is never really? Super?
Yeah?
Yeah, you're not like I wouldn't anticipate walking into like an eighties scene or anything. But like some of the signage, might you know, have that on it? The dance probably have some music from there.
I gotta come to one of these things at some point as the get go. I think that that would be pretty sweet. This these conventions, Oh, I love I love a con. I used to go to I mean, I love a con. I used to go to anime conventions when I was a kid. You know, going to VidCon and twitch Con is fun, Like I love, love, love love going to cons and festivals and ship okay, fucking Instagram.
Yeah.
These are kind of my first experience with any sort of con and they've been They've been super cool. Some are better than others, for sure. But even if you just like show up and a lot of them are at like hotels and stuff, I mean, you're going to see tons of people and tons of characters.
Oh there's so oh look at this. The timing of this convention overlaps a firm meat What gives We did not intend on these dates to overlap, but unfortunately it is the closest date available. It looks like it's okay, oh look at this. We do not wish to cause ten with the community and want to make it clear we are not in competition with any groups or events
inside or outside of New Jersey. Is this is there some drama going on that the that the Forget about It convention is overlapping with a different fur convention.
It probably is. The I'm not super knowledgeable about it, but I believe the New Jersey one split. So they have two different people or those two different like groups of people running two separate conventions. I think is they disagreed on some things, so they actually have them separate now damn. So they probably booked the booked on the same day.
Look at this. This is NDO their Q and A. We do not care about clout, drama or status for anyone thinking differently. They are sorely mistaken, and the board would like to direct them to our point above about working together respect. Okay, all right, give me your give me your give me your thing one more time. I'm gonna look into it.
It's grapes, the tiger with underscores.
As spaces, grape like grape jelly grapes.
Like uh like the purple yep, like the purple food.
I was not very tiger look at that. Commissions are closed? Are they closed?
They're the commissions are closed, but they're like clothes are open. I kind of just have it closed so I don't get a ton of like a ton of people, but you can, you can feel free to hit me up. I've been pretty much giving people commissions. It's kind of I'm at a point where I can kind of at least choose which projects I work on. Cool, So I've been accepting some of the quotes that are sent to me.
Dude, look at this, or like the characters that are sent to me.
Holy fuck, dude, look at this big ass purple tiger. That's so awesome. That's crazy that you made this.
Yeah, it's I've been doing since twenty twenty three, so I've each project, I've definitely learned something new with it, and now I have my own sort of head bass and stuff. I love business, and you know, I like giving back to this community too.
So whoa, I just checked your story and you have these like Thanos gloves that make the fucking fur rot fingers? Yeah, the robot fingers. Do those go on every Do those go on everything?
Like?
Do they go on all the Nah?
One of my current commissioners. His character is based on a on like a five Night to Friday's kind of like he's an animatronic. Ah, so the commissioner, if there is a way I could come up with, like the hands being robotic, So that's I found that print file and I just got the settings right on it. So those are printed that day.
Wow. Much respect to you, Grapes the Tiger. Much respect.
Thank you?
Is uh is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
I guess, uh, you know, keep being awesome and uh, don't take advantage of people.
Rock and roll. Thank you, Grapes the Tiger. Uh, I'll see you around the universe.
Thanks you to see you.
Maybe I'll maybe I should you know what, Maybe it's time, folks. Maybe it's time, folks. Maybe it's time to upgrade the gecko suit to like, you know, because right now you can see my face, all right. What if I just got like a hyper realistic gecko suit that like you couldn't see the face and I really just like kind of got deep into being a gecko and I and I and I made made the thing look less human.
I made it just look hyper realistic. Abandoned my humanity and dove head on into into committing to lizard lizard Dome. Maybe it's time. Hello, Yo, what's up? Dude? What's your name?
Dude? Is this the real gecko?
This is the this is me, this is someone, this is a person alive.
Hey, Lile, I'm gonna I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go by Nick. Nick, that's my name today.
I knew a guy named Nick in middle school. He was very popular. I don't know what he's doing now. I don't know if he's still popular or popularity.
He's probably really formal.
He's probably really famous, you think.
Yeah, he was popular in middle school, he's probably really famous now. But I think he has a stage name.
If he was really famous, I think i'd know.
That's a good point.
Are you famous?
No, I'm the opposite?
Would you want you're the opposite? What do you what's the opposite of famous?
The I think the opposite of famous as uh you know, uh, like under the radar. You're under the radar, like not not in like a not like a crazy way, just like you know, just like everybody else.
Yeah, do you like being under the radar?
Yeah? I mean, like I used to want to like start a YouTube channel and do all that stuff, but like as I get older, I kind of just want to live life like none that exists, you know.
Yeah, how's that go? How's that going?
For? Honestly pretty good. I periodically delete social media off my phone and it's when I'm happiest, but I have to I have to download it again because they're like, you know, periodically because my friends want to show me silly little memes and and uh you know, I have I have to. I have to keep up with what my friends enjoy too, because that's being friends.
It is true that, Yeah, I mean whatever they they they've done studies on this, not like they need to for us to know this, but yeah, that ship causes uh I me insane amount of anxiety phone and ship tell.
Me about it? Yeah, dude, I I I'm thinking of installing like a complete the new operating system on my phone just so I can like avoid all of that.
Okay, so you're avoiding social media? What do you what are you moving towards or do you or are you just existing? Which is fine too? What do you use? Where are you at?
I just want to exist without being I would love to exist without being required to have a phone. And I know, in a literal sense, I don't. I'm not legally required to have a phone. I'm not physically required to have a phone, but like I guess to, you know, to to get around in this world today, you kind of need a phone to do most things. And I like, I envy people who grew up and lived like young adult lives with before carrying around the phones.
Well, let's talk about it. How old are you? I'm twenty seven, okay, all r Yeah, so we have the same age. Why do you feel like you need why do you feel I mean, I have my own answers to these questions that probably have lots of flawed logic in them, But why do you feel like you need a phone to exist?
So? I mean, I'm definitely guilty of developing a dependency to it. I'd like use my GPS, I do doom scroll. Totally guilty of that. And I communicates all my friends and I need it for my job so that, like, you know, if anything comes up with work, they can reach out to me. One of the managers that at my job like went off on some guy because he didn't have a phone for two days because his phone broke and he just didn't immediately replace it.
It's crazy, but.
Yeah, I I try to like find parts of my week where I can like leave my house and leave my phone at home, like just going on walks or run runs and things like that, but like I gotta end up coming back to it. I really wish I could just get rid of it. But like there's so much of my life tied to my phone. And I'm not saying, like, you know, my life being like obsessed with social media or anything like that. I try to really avoid it as much as I can, but like,
you know, I pay for stuff with my phone. Everyone that needs to contact me contacts me through my phone, and I don't know that's a that's a totally normal thing. But like I always like wonder what it would have been like to grow up before cell phones where they I say, I say, grow up, but like not just grow up, but like live a life, an independent life before phones were a major thing and required.
Yeah, it's the phone is like an extension of the body at this point, and it's great. I really I can't this Like this is sad. I'm gonna say this is sad. This is really sad. I really don't think I can imagine my life without the Internet. When I think about my life without the Internet, I'm so bored.
Yeah, I completely agree with you. I mean, I I just got home from picking up food and I was about to turn on YouTube while I ate. I watch YouTube while I eat and go to sleep, or you know, while I eat and then like watch YouTube to fall asleep.
Same almost every night, same, same, same, And I.
What am I supposed to do while I eat if I don't have the Internet.
And here's a thing, I okay, well there's some stuff right, like like scrolling reels. I hate it. If I could, if I could eliminate all the time I spent scrolling reels, I would do it. I mean I can, but like that stuff, I would easily eliminate painlessly. I like. I mean, it's my job is like making Internet content, and I like doing that, and that feels good to like build stuff using the Internet. I really enjoy that aspect of it. I fucking love eating lunch and watching a YouTube video.
And I fucking love falling asleep. Every night I fall, I put on like three hours of like Crash Bandicoot Trivia or whatever the fuck it is, and I fall asleep and.
It's yeah, they no gaming videos, but.
That's why. Oh my god, Ca, you're he's night you know ball you motherfucker? Oh my god, you dude? Hell yeah, okay.
Yes, And then I learned like all this unnecessary video game trivia through osmosis.
It's the best. It's the best. I love it. I I don't care. I don't care if it's unhealthy for me. I dude, I can I tell you something. I really I have had many nights. I I've had many nights where I've fallen asleep, like I'm closing my eyes, I feel really tired. It's like midnight, and I have a video on and I'm in my own bed, and I'm like, this is a peak life experience. I've been. I've I've I've like been in bed cuddling with a beautiful woman
and in complete silence and darkness. And then I've been in bed, single and alone, falling asleep to a three hour long video about like crash bandicoop facts. I genuinely can't tell you for sure which of those experiences I find more enjoyable.
What you said is the most relatable thing I've.
Ever heard dude, Like it's like, have you ever, like you ever have you ever had that thing where like you sleep with someone and then you're like, hey, do you like is do you like watching?
It's a soul crush, like I'll sleep with someone else. I'll like, do you like when?
Uh?
Like, are you do you like falling asleep to stuff? And they're like, no, I hate it. I can't fall asleep without it. And I'm and we're just like we're sitting there in like darkness, and I'm like, I think, why do I feel like I'd rather be alone listening to this YouTube video right now? Like does that make me insane? That must be a defect?
No, I don't think. I mean it. It definitely doesn't make you insane. I feel like it's more common. Uh Like it feels like a weird thing to do, but it's like one hundred percent something that like most people do, especially if they live alone. Uh the my uh my girlfriend just moved out of state. But when when she was here and uh we'd sleep together, she'd uh she always had to fall asleep to something. I haven't think if if I'm sleeping, if I'm like sleeping with somebody,
I don't feel the need to turn something on. I just it's easier to fall asleep, I guess. But like she had to turn something on or else she wouldn't fall asleep. Uh and uh, like she would always put put in her headphones. But I I saw she was like she would watch fuck what was the smash podcast? The yeah? Uh, like they were reading like like am I the asshole? Uh? And I and I convinced her to not use her headphones, and so I got like
the best of both worlds. I got to fall asleep to some random person talking on a on a YouTube video, and you know, with somebody it was the best liked like you're talking about like you're you're talking about like not really feeling the difference between like falling asleep with the beautiful woman or uh, falling asleep with with Uh did you know gaming in your ear but like it's doing those things at the same time.
Yeah, right right, dude, It's so funny.
It's Uh.
I I genuinely I could genuinely see that being something that would like break up my marriage, you know what I mean, Like like if that like that being a difference of like if I like if I I'm terrified that like I'll wander, like I'll find like the love of my life, like like somebody like I'm so deeply like attracted to, they're attracted to me. We're in love, we're super compatible, except that she needs to sleep in like total silent darkness, Like that could break up my marriage for sure.
Yeah, no, it's I it can. It can be like a scary deal breaker. That's why. That's why I like kind of conditioned myself to like, I guess not need it if I'm if I'm not alone. But that she she was like super cool about it, h or like you know, she she just also needed it. So it just I don't know that that worked out. That was That was That was a really cool scenario. And while I think you would find somebody that needs to fall asleep to the video gaming.
I don't. I don't know. I mean everyone's like different, like it is a it is a very like personal preference. Like there are some people who are like cannot fall asleep without it, and I don't know it's the yeah, I yeah, one night I tried to fall asleep without it and I just couldn't. It was just like I just had so much anxiety if I have dude, yeah it is. It's just like an anxiety thing or like an ADHD thing, like I just need to be I think I've always had this thing where I need to
be stimulated like at all times. Like it's it's the reason why, like you know, I mean I do all this shit, like you know, going on tour or making documentaries, or like living in a city, or like being addicted to the internet, being to the food or drugs or whatever. It is like just always like this is constant need to be stimulated, and it's caused. I think there's like
healthy outlets for it. Like I think my constant need to be stimulated has led me to a lot of like beautiful life things and a lot of stuff that I'm like really proud of. But it's also led me to a lot of stuff that I'm like, oh, I would love this to not be a part of my existence, you know what I mean. Like she's like doom scrolling or like you know, not being able to sit still.
But there's it's like like if you have that, if you have this like like anxiety stuff like I do, I do feel like it's like a kind of It's kind of this like energy that you can't just like ignore, like you have to out you have to find an outlet for it. And there's positive outlets for it that'll like make your life better in the life of people around you for it better. And then and then there's like negative outlets for it, like you know, eating a bunch of shit or fucking jerking off ten times a
day or like whatever. Like there's there's there's different ways for that energy to be put out there. You know, are you like, are you a big like ADHD crazy person?
Oh yeah, I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and I haven't taken I haven't taken meds for it in a long time. I'm actually like finally at a point where I feel I could be okay to take ADHD meds again and like try that out. But uh, yeah, I I always got to be doing something. Uh. And I also I hate I live alone with my cat,
and uh, you know, I I hate being home. I mean, I like being with my cat and I need to spend time with him, but outside of that, I don't really like being home saying so I always try to find something to do, like you know, when I'm at work. I'm at work, but when I get off work, like to day, I went straight to the rock climbing gym. I got there at six forty five and I didn't
leave until ten thirty. Yep. Yeah, and I yeah, I have And this is kind of like it's not not I didn't do this necessarily because I heard it from your podcast. But I have heard it from your podcast. Like you know, find find a community. If you need stuff to do, find a community and they'll give you
stuff to do. And I have like a like a ton of like like range from good friends to really you know, good acquaintances at at the gym I go to, and I even and I have people that like in a group chat like we we try to plan to go at the same time because like rock climbing, the kind of climbing we do is like a partner thing.
You need somebody to blame you. But even even if nobody's going, I know, when I go to the gym, I'm going to see somebody I know and then run into somebody and and have a cool conversation yeah, and and exercise and feel like all those things cause endorphins, oh yeah, and just make it feel good.
Yeah, I've talked about it to death on this podcast, just because I think it's like it is like something that I believe is like at least I mean, everyone's everyone's wired differently. Like there's some people who talk about like being a homebody and like they don't really like leaving the house and they don't and you know that that feels like like being a homebody is like a
kind of a foreign concept to me. Like I just always feel like I need to be out and like having exactly what you just subscribed, like having something where like you know that there's a location that you can go to where if you go there you will see someone.
You know.
It's such a great it's so like I think important to like, at least for me, it's like very important, like the homeostasis of my existence, you know, just having like a place to exist because you can't really you really, at least in my opinion, like I don't think you can really like run an effective social life that needs that needs to be like planned out in advance, Like like you can't really run an effective social life with like four different people that you like individually have to
schedule where when you're gonna shit you know what I mean, you see like a especially just as you get older. I mean you have that shit naturally when you're in like high school and college, like you just just shit just happens, like you need a place to go where like naturally things just happen, Like the gym is a great one. Like if you're lucky, maybe your workplace kind of feels like that. But without without something like that, like life, life does feel a lot more uh hollow.
I think I've said this on the podcast before, but like I was walking I saw like a.
I walked.
I was in a storia and I walked past this like old folks home being advertised, and it was like, uh, like they were advertising it and it.
Was like we do.
We do field trips with the seniors and we have like music classes and you know, cooking classes and stuff. And it made me really happy to see that because I was like, damn, if I can make it till like eighty years old, I would have a great time in a place like this.
You know, dude, that stuff is so cool. Like my my grandmother she passed away back in November, but she had dementia, and we after my grandfather passed away, we had her in a home closer to where my parents played, like a home like that. But like even though she had dementia, she was still able to go like on those field trips and all those activities and stuff. And whenever we'd go visit her, she would like talk about
how much she like hated it there. But then like you know, we'd leave and then they'd like do activities, go on field trips and stuff. And they had like a Facebook page where they take pictures of the uh what's the word, but like they yeah, they take pictures of the seniors and and like my grandmother would, she'd always be in like the center of the photos doing whatever activity they were doing, whatever craft or whatever thing they were doing, and with a massive smile on her face,
like clearly having a good time. Yeah, And like I know it was just the dementia like uh her, you know, like not what to be there, but like that that that kind of that kind of thing is so good for them, and and like you know, if you're a perfectly healthy senior, that stuff's cool too. But like, uh, you know, even even just like being there hanging out with them, they like they have no idea how what kind of an. I mean, they have an idea, but
that's why they do it. But that has such a good impact on And yeah, I think that would be a fun life to like just like always have an activity to do and not have to worry about what the next one's going to be because it's there's just always something to do.
Put me on the right, I'm on the record here, by the way. Put me in a home if I'm like however old and I and I start like developing dementia, Like, put me in a home I want to be in there. Isn't it interesting? Like like I don't I don't know. No, no, no, no, the geckos by the time I'm eighty or the gecko suit will be uh will be defunct. I'm sure, But
what the fuck was I gonna say? Oh, it's like I don't know, Like when I was like like I went to like sleep away camp and all that ship and like all these places where like, you know, you have a little stuff. Isn't it interesting that like if you if you live long enough, you get to just go back to being a kid kind of It's like you're a kid at the very beginning, and then if you make it to eighty, you can you can just be a kid again, and like you're the one get
right right, right right. You have this like long stretch in the middle, and your reward for uh uh sticking it out is you get to go back to being a kid. That's what. Because that's because I don't know,
like like well, like honestly I do. I mean, like, when I saw that place being advertised in a story, I was like, it kind of made my existential dread go down a little bit because I was like, oh, you're telling me I could, like, you know, when I'm if I'm lucky, right, if I'm lucky and I make it to old age, I stop eating so many peanut m and m's, and you know, get my shit together, Like if I make it, they're the best kind of
m and ms. If I make it to eighty, and like, you know, even if I if I like start going crazy or whatever, at least I like, if I can do that, but like, at least be around other people who are also like dying and going insane. I'm like, all right, I could you know, hey, like dying and going insane, like alone in a dark room sounds awful, but uh, doing it with other folks. I'm like, all right, I can handle that.
Yeah, like if you're going insane and just like in an environment where you're just meant to have a good time and you have no other option, really like that doesn't that doesn't sound too bad. Man.
I can't believe there's another I mean, they have a fair amount of views, but I I'm so glad to connect with another person who falls asleep to those three hour video game trivia.
Oh yeah, I've never met anybody else that. Like it's so it's like it's either that or game brooms compilations for me lately that I fall asleep too, but it's it's mostly the you know, gaming one. But I I've kind of been burning through them and and like rewatching some of them because like, I know I'm gonna fall asleep that I Actually, I've had trouble sleeping for a while, like ever, really ever since I was a kid, but like like back in college from once I stayed up
for like five days straight. But uh, I recently got prescribed some sleeping medication and I was really scared to try it because of the side effects, but I finally just said I'm gonna try because I couldn't fall asleep, and uh it like it worked a little too good. Yeah, and I ended up falling asleep at work the next day. Uh so I was like, Okay, I can't take these but that so then like I try. I tried it for a couple of nights and like just like gave up.
And I know, like that kind of thing, you're supposed to take it longer and it evens out in your system or whatever. But I couldn't keep falling asleep at work. But like falling asleep to the like the did you know gaming videos? Yeah, it instantly knocks me out.
M dude, popping on melatonin and putting on three hours of Super Mario Sunshine making of is just one of the best feelings in the world. I genuinely think I'm genuine I am not even I'm seriously afraid of my ability to like get married and have a family because it will interrupt my ability to do that.
Are you a vivid dreamer? Does does like it if you take a melatonin because I always fine, I feel like I have really weird dreams, Like take melatonin, Yeah, and you're like falling asleep to the like the Mario Sunshine ship. Do you feel like it influences your dreams?
Yeah, I have recurring dreams where I'm in like a fucking jigsaw trap. It's horrible.
Yeah, but like only when you take melatonin.
Uh no, they just they just visit me when they want to ruin my day. Actually that's uh.
Uh.
When I stopped smoking weed, the dreams get, My dreams get fucking crazy. Uh crazy vivid? Does that happen to you really?
Well, So I've never smoked weed, so I wouldn't know, but like I I do. For a while, I was like taking like three melatonin every night, three melatona and yeah, because like I don't know the well, I had these gummies that said take two, but like two, if I took two, I still felt really wired. It would still take me like four hours to fall asleep. So I started taking three and it worked, but I would have insane dreams. I think I texted you about one of
them once. Uh let me see. Yes, well, okay, I can't find a text, but I said it was something about like a prophetic or prolific dream about skittles or not killed eminem. This is not gonna I'll I'll do you do you want to know about the dream.
Sure, let's hear about the dream, and then I'm gonna let you go.
So that's fine. I, by the way, I really appreciate you calling me back because like my my food that I just picked up just like fell all over my carpet and I had to go get other food and that like I missed your call like while I was cleaning it up. And you have no idea how much this has made my day that you called it so cool. I love this podcast so much.
It's made you It's made my day to connect with another person who watches these fucking video game trivia like there's such like there actually are. That's a key part of my life in a weird way, I have found.
Myself what like I wonder who else all the sleepy
But yeah, anyway, the dream. So this probably is gonna make any sense because it was a dream, but I so I was like just for some reason, I was like just in a park with like a bunch of uh like benches and tables, and like a bunch of random people were all uh sad at them, including myself, And there was this guy walking around and with with a bag of eminems and handing them uh to people, and like every time you'd go up to somebody and and they like let him pick an eminem out of
the bag. They like pick one, and they'd give them the option to like put it back or eat it, and everybody kept putting his back until they got when they wanted. And but he came to me and I picked one and it was like it was a red eminem and like it didn't it didn't matter I uh, and he like got my face and he's like, well, what are you gonna do with it? And uh, I said, I'm just gonna enjoy it. They're all the same, and I ate it, and he like got it in my
face and said, this guy gets it. And then there was a flash of light and I woke up and I was like, oh, but that's some meaning of life dream I just had. I it. I feel like there was some metaphor that I still haven't quite gotten from the eminem's.
Nick. I have no idea what you were just saying, but I think that's I think that's how you experienced it. So I actually think that me not knowing any any of what the hell you just said is actually accurate to what you were attempting to make me feel by saying it, so I actually, in that way, understood more of what you said. I I understood more of what you said by not understanding it, by that logic.
I'm cool with that. Nick.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh? Everything, Everything is cool, go outside, beautiful. Thank you Nick, Thank you. Nick.
You do.
Goes on the line, taking your calls every night.
Everything goes just teaching you the line.