Hello, is this the therapy kick?
Yes? Hi, who is this?
Oh my goodness, I go by priestess.
Priestess, what's going on, priestess? How's life?
Ah? Well, life, it's amazing, but also as it goes, there's always craziness going on.
You texted me and you said that my dad has become my basement dweller, and the husband is pissed.
Yes, essentially, unfortunately, my dad faced a situation where he lost his home and in a three day notice, I ended up moving him into our house and unfortunately and unfinished basement, just because he had nowhere else to go. And the husband is it's been three months and he's a really get impatient as far as you know, get more space back. And we also have a roommate that we were in a room too, in one bathroom, so kind of a tricky situation.
Mm hmm. How long has he been there for? You said.
About three months? And where I'm struggling and why I joke and like affectionately like I love my dad. There has been many many years of like he was my best friend for a lot of it. I had divorced parents and that always creates a tricky situation. There's been some good times, but there's also been some really low low especially between me and my dad. So it's been
like tough for me. My husband is definitely pissed, but it's been a little tough for me and sometimes triggering because like, you know, I guess I've forgiven him my dad for some things, and I sincerely do want to help him, but at the same time, I feel like some things aren't being respected, like it's like, you know, it's my space, so that they're that weird dynamic of yeah, like trying to deal with that and like wanting to help him also not because he's kind of not in
like I don't think he's really left even his house much for ten years, and trying to tell somebody because he was a caretaker for my grandma, and trying to tell somebody like, oh, yeah, I know you, you know, you're not used to just being in society and stuff much, but like you gotta get a job and figure stuff out. Like I've tried helping him by helping him jobs. They're just trying to help him get medical stuff, trying to do things in like a nice way, and that doesn't
seem to help. So I'm kind of stuck in a tough place because I understand, like it's got to be like I just had a baby same time he moved in pretty much or first, and like, uh, it's it's like I want to help, but also boundaries and I got to put my husband and my baby first.
Mm hmm does he So what has he been doing that? Like? Is uh is disrespecting the boundaries?
Well, like, uh, there was an instance of you know, some things that are out of place or not done a certain way that the husband likes, and you know, I try to communicate it to the husband or to my father and he kind of gets this attitude of like, oh we did just talking to me himself and like you know, he's being a bitch or something. I'm like, WHOA, first of all, don't even say that, like I want
to like chicken myriad. Then when he said something like that, but you know, or or just like some things in the past have come up, like I just want to start off with like the reason I give my dad she and stuff, it's because he has built the foundation in me as a person to be a strong person and loving towards people and things. But like on the other side, sometimes I suspect maybe he's like got something like not to diagnose or anything, but like bipolar or
something going on. Yeah, And because on the other side, like you know, when I was living with my grandma and him, like it got so bad that I couldn't even be in my house because, yeah, I would be late from work and he would suspect that I was hanging out with friends or a guy that he thought I was dating at the time, which was just a friend I wasn't dating and wasn't and so like I'd come home to my shit torn up and like being
called you know words, which it was pretty bad. It got like that's the toxic part of and so he like where I feel disrespected? Is it came up once he said, well I had to do that to get you out of the house. And I'm like, like I had to be just like, okay, you need to leave my space because I'm about to go off on you because that like you could just tell me to move out. You didn't need to do all that.
Mm hmm Okay, So like do you confront him about this stuff? Do you say, like, hey, you can't be doing this ship you gotta if you're gonna stay with me. You gotta do X, Y and Z.
Yes. I I well, I should say I should. I try to, but I feel like I get talked at and interrupted, like I never get a chance to just sit down and actually say it, you know, or like maybe like even when I do get moments of being able to say it, it's like I'm being listened to to. Like, of course he's gonna be defensive. I mean, he wouldn't be when somebody's coming at you like that to where it's it's not getting received, if that makes sense.
Yeah, so he's not receiving it at all, or he's like yelling at you.
Right exactly, and like, so I don't. I mean, I know what everyone's gonna say. I know it's like just kick him out for everything, but it's I just I don't feel right about it.
I get it, I get it. I know, I get it. I mean I'm not gonna well, of course, listen. Of course it's easy to say just kick him out. Of course it's easy to say it's just kick him out. But it's easy for me to say and for everyone else to say because it's not our fucking dad. You know, it's almost like it's like, well, if you're in an abusive relationship or something, why not just leave, you know.
And it's like, well, there's so much like emotional quotent behind the logistics of it, and the emotions of it are a lot more murky. But to continue with logistics, I suppose I mean, how old is your dad?
He just turned fifty five, okay?
And does he work?
No?
Is he disabled.
In it? Yes? Actually in some ways not fully, but like his back and Necker feels so bad that like he can't even turn his next sort of thing, yes, and like his eyesight, like that's another thing, is like diabetes is really bad and things are going on, but he's also where it's making it hard. It's he's very much not wanting to go to doctors because it feels
like he can't trust them. They just want to pump them full drugs, which I agree with him to some points, but it gets to a point where like, oh, well, you didn't make the healthy choices you needed to prevent it from becoming worse, you know, and now you put your spot on yourself in the spot where it's either medicine or like literally lose some lens man like. And so I mean he is working towards getting possibly help with that stuff, but only because I really really pushed
it or I have to like initiate. H.
You know, is he is he? Do we know if he's eligible to receive any kind of government assistance? Like?
Is he?
That? Is it that bad?
That's what we're looking into. I don't know. I mean I think it is, because I mean the man like he's at eight out of ten pain all the time, you know, And so yeah, I'm looking into that. But I'm also like trying to look into jobs where it would be low impact, because it's not not only just job for money and supporting yourself, but there's some mental aspect too, you know, if you want accomplished, getting your confidence back and a purpose and being around people again.
Of course, yeah, you know, I I know. I guess the reason why I go to government stuff first is because it's like what's your name again? I'm sorry, I fucking suck with names, no worries priestess, priestess. H Well, because priestess, here's the thing. Uh, you know, it's great that your dad has done so much for you and you're a clear you are clearly a really sweet, caring person and your family is important to you. But also like you have your own life, like you have a
fucking you just had a fucking kid. Is it your first kid? Yes, like you just had your first kid, you know what I mean. And I'm sure that's the pain in the Like you have your own life, you have your own things to tend to. And I understand that you care a lot about your dad and it's not and it's totally not as easy as just kick him out, but like, uh, it's really fucking hard, but your dad has to be like your dad's gottah at
least like respect you. You know, he's got a least give you something because if he's just gonna like be the tyrant ruler of the house, like he just can't fucking do that. I mean, it's a it's a it's a it's a disrespect to to you. It's a respect to your fucking kid that he's taken away attention from because you got you got to be there for your kid, but instead you're worrying about your dad.
Uh.
And you're a nice person. But also also you you have you have you have a fine night amount of time and energy and whatever, and so you know, I it's not easy, but it's some At a certain point you gotta be like, Dad, listen to you. Either you have to like like you gotta do something, or else you have to like there's got to be something or else he's just gonna keep fucking walking all over you. And you know, for the sake of your kid and everything, he just can't let that happen. I know it's hard.
Yeah, it's it is hard because there there is also like the piece of I do work from home, and like, you know sometimes because I'm going for trying not to have to get childcare because it's stuff like two thousand a month. It's insane and we just can't like deal with the morganize things. Really can't swing that. But you know it's helpful sometimes like that he can watch her like and like the the other piece of it is too, Like I mentioned, my husband Bret pissed and I'm really trying to work.
Yeah, what's your husband's deal? What's he said? He's pissed off? What's he what's he have to say? What are his like solutions or thoughts?
Yeah, well, his his solution is out on the street. But that it's not stemming necessarily from the like just
being here. It's more so for him as there's he's holding a lot onto some paths because like while we were dating and stuff, he I was I think there was a two year time I wasn't speaking to my dad and during the time we were dating, I was trying to reconnect with my dad because my grandma had passed away, and like it was a lot of phone calls of me on the phone getting screamed at and then like like crying for an hour afterward.
And my husband was the one that had to see the one holding together.
Yeah, your husband, Your husband watched you you your husband watched you attempt to get back your Your husband watched you attempt to rebuild your relationship with your dad. Uh, and he watched your dad scream at you and make you cry.
Yeah, so he holds a lot.
Of that, Yeah, I'm sure.
And then which understandably, I love him for that, I really do, And I just I was like, can you try to please forget him for that, because I understand you're not wrong in feeling that way, but you got to understand somebody is not functioning from a healthy place. And at the time I took that stuff, because you know, like he was very much my father in the mind frame of like I don't even want to live his
life anymore. So for me, it felt like a battle of just fighting for his life, you know, which doesn't make it okay. I didn't deserve it. I recognize all that, but you know, I've been a shitty person times in my life, and and it sometimes it just takes people being there in your low lows, you know.
But at a and I get that, right, but also at a certain point, it's like you it's you're it's very kind of you again to offer your dad this forgiveness, but you have, but he has to, like he's got to do something to right can continue to be in your life, you know, because if he's not, he's got to hold up here. You're you're you're struggling so hard. You're like like you're given so much, priestess, Like you're just giving so much. And if he's giving and he
can't just give you nothing. He can't just give you nothing and then blame it on whatever he's gonna blame it on. He just can't. He can't give you nothing. That's why your husband hates him, is because he's watching you because if you're because if your dad, if your dad was in like my name is Earl Mode or whatever, and he's brought brought you a fucking fruit basket and he's like, hey, I'm sorry. I know I was a dick in the past, and I I really I want to get back into the good graces of you and
your family. I want to be there with my grandson. I want to be there with your husband, and I want to do this and that, and I thank you so fucking thanking you every fucking day for letting you, uh, letting him live in your house and being like I have a plant, like it like that because it's you. That's why you're your husband's having a hard time forgiving him is because he's not like for because he's your dad. Your dad's like, from what you're telling me, your dad's
not even asking for forgiveness. He's just continuing, you know what I mean. So it's like, how can you even give forgiveness that he's not even asking for And by the way, this all sucks. I'm really sorry to hear that. There's no like great amazing advice or solution that doesn't make any of this uh, suck a lot and be really hard, but I just at a certain point, you got to figure out where your uh where your limits are,
you know. And I don't know if that means throwing him out on the street necessarily, but uh, you know something, I mean, what what what's out there? Right? Like, I don't you know is he eligible for government assistants? And you're like, well, I want him to have a job and have all this, you know, actually kind of get back himself out there, and well, well, he has to want to fucking do that, you know. And if he wants to fuck he has to want to do that,
he has to want to improve his life. And you can't make him want to improve his life then, and you also can't and also you've got to be there for yourself and your kid and your hut, and like you got to be there for your life, and you only have and you you we only have enough energy for like so much, you know, and you your energy. I don't think it can continue to expand outside of your own life at this point. And I know that's really hard, but I hope, I hope it gives you something to think about.
Least it does.
I I appreciate it. I try to operate humbly as a person, and like I don't, I don't stay in the mind frame of I'm giving so much. I mean, I am a personal faith. So for me, it's like, well, it's not mine to begin with, but it's I guess it helps. You're making me realize, like especially the energy spending, because it's true, like a lot of my joy and things were robbed in the process of being pregnant and stuff, just because I was worried about him becoming homeless.
And you said, you said it wasn't yours to begin with. Is that like, I've been endowed by God with all that I am and it was never mine to begin with.
Yeah, in the sense of like like for me, I grew up in poverty with my new worst parents, and you know, I tried some college because there was a program where, like your last two years of high school, you can go into college early. And I just didn't know exactly what I was wanting to do with my life. I was going to family law that there was a little bit of passion there because of what I dealt
with growing up. But yeah, I just kind of fell off and just went out lived my life and unfortunately I had a really bad accident at my work where I basically fell head first at least ten feet and like woke up, couldn't like I don't remember anything. I couldn't even be in a room with lights or sound or I am lucky I didn't die. And so like I used to be an incredibly high functioning person and like now I really struggle with a lot of things
like just stopping this or or what have you. But like, despite my struggles, I still have work because like I could have probably gone disability, but I didn't want to, Like I rather if I can offer something, you know, I wanted to be, you know, be able to support myself and not be limited in any way as possible. And thankfully I have a very wonderful workplace that allows that in flexibility for me. And despite my shortcomings, I
somehow have made it into a pretty good position. And like the level of my life, my husband and my house was a whole miracle in itself. How that was obtained because by no means with what we make should we have any business being owners. But you know, it's it also in place in ways where I'm just like and I personally have experience where I like, I know God is true to where like spiritual experiences and it's
just like I've that's where I'm operating from. Is I'm and there's none of what I have I obtained myself. You know, I've been blessed.
Sure, sure, I understand what you mean, but I understand what you I understand what you mean when you say that nothing that you have you achieved on your I understand where you draw that conclusion. And I feel that way, that's a very because I've I've lost myself in a lot of like deterministic things and that of like so I don't know why I am the way I am, and like very like existential shit that gets you to that point of like feeling like everything you had was
not yours. I'm gonna say this, it makes sense that you're a woman of faith because the way in which you operate strikes me as very christ like. But here's the problem is that being Jesus sucks. I mean, yeah, being Jesus uh sucks ass. I mean he has to carry a giant thing for one thousand miles and then they nail him to the cross and he just sits there and dies for you know, for what you know? Well, I I don't know the f I've never read the Bible. But being I do know that being Jesus sucks. And
I just want you to know something. It's it's uh, it's noble. The way you operate your life, it's really noble. You give a lot for your family and for the world. But just so like, you don't have to be Jesus. Let me, let me be. I think in the Last uh what, there's some fucking movie my dad told me about. I've never seen it, but and it's like the Last Temptation of Christ or something like that. Jesus is he's hanging on the cross and a little girl comes up
to him and like takes him down. That little girl, I think in the movie it turns out to be the devil or whatever. But let me but pretending like that didn't happen. Okay, forgetting about that part. Let me be the devil in this Canara and and say, hey, you know, and that's what your husband's trying to do. He's trying to be the devil, the good devil. You get what I mean. I'm I'm losing this, but okay,
and he's trying to your husband. You're trying to be Jesus right now, and your husband is like trying to take you off the cross and be like, hey, you don't have to be Jesus. You can go back to what Nazareth and we can have a life and hang out with our kid. You know, you don't have to be the save You don't have to be the Messiah for your father, you know what I mean. So I'll let go the sentiment of your husband and say, it's very nice of you that you're trying to be Jesus,
but you really don't have to be Jesus. And uh, for the sake of your for the sake of yourself and the sake of your baby, you just you don't have to be Jesus. You can just be priestess, hes be yourself, be with your family. Does that make sense?
Yes, it makes complete sense. And I guess that's why I mentioned you too, because like I, I do, I understand that, and I'm just trying to figure out how, and I know you don't have the answer that I guess. I was just trying to talk and have a sound board another opinion other than people that are directly involved, you know, because it's emotional for them.
I'm sure. I'm sure it's very emotional for you too. Uh.
I mean, yes, I appreciate the sentiment. I'm not a prude. So you mentioned like it didn't like close off my ears.
It's saying that I'm devil saying I appreciate your time, and I appreciate you remembered my name because you don't.
Well, yeah, Priestess, is that your real name or is that a fake name?
It's a it's a gamer tag I went by like in my childhood.
M hm mm hmm.
I'm trying to think if I have anything else. I don't know if I have like logistical ways in my head of how you could move forward that aren't tough. But uh, I'll leave it with that that you know, you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm all that stuff. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, priestis.
Yeah, I I guess I would just say that no matter what dark room you feel like you're in, and you know you feel shut and scared and you don't know if you can keep going on that, just keep that hope alive because for every mountain or the valley in a peak and you know, yeah, it's it's things can become beautiful.
Have a have a good rest of your night, you too, Thank you, Gek those priests. Dude, I think a lot about the Last Temptation of Christ. I'm going to talk about it real quick, and I swear on my life I'm not I'm not a Christian. I'm not a Christian at all. I'm not. I'm just like I like this story because it's interesting because that's all the ship is. There's nothing like you know, it's not about like belief. It's just like these are just allegories of things. But like,
I don't know. I was telling my I would Yeah, I was talking to my dad and I was telling him I was having like a hard time doing something, and he told he was telling me about the Last Temptation of Christ and he was like, yeah, fucking so Jesus is that he's gonna go die for our sins. So he nailed they nail him to a cross, And oh okay, yeah, all right, so Jesus is the Messia. I swear this is not a this is just an
interesting story. Jesus is the Messiah. Okay, So imagine someone says to you, all right, you're the Messiah and you have to fucking die for all of our sins. You'd be like, I don't want to do that. That sucks. But you're like, okay, all right. Or and then they say you drat you'd, you'd They nail you to a cross and you're sitting there dying, and they're like, this sucks. I don't want to do this. I do not want to be the Messiah. I don't want to sit on
this fucking cross and die. And then yeah, and then a little girl comes up to Jesus and she takes him off the cross, and she like heals his wounds, and then uh like takes him back to Nazareth and he gets married and he has a kid and he lives a happy, normal life. And then later he finds out that that little girl was the devil trying to
convince him to not be the Messiah. And then Jesus like runs up to this hill and he starts trying to talk to God and he's like he's begging God to go back in time to be the Messiah because he realizes that he really actually wanted to be the Messiah. I think what the story is trying to tell you is some shit like and my dad was telling it to me and he's we're all Jewish. I don't know
why we're talking about this stuff. But when my dad was sail it to me, it's like, Okay, you're doing this hard thing that you really don't want to do and you cannot do it, but later you might go back up to the hill and beg God, I actually do want to be the Messiah. Now. I was. I was dating this woman at the time and I told her this and she was like, that is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard, Like, why would you do a thing? Why would you like live life in pain
just so that you can say you did? And she was right too. So those are the those are like the two different sides of that coin on that story, depending on who you are. Is like, do you suffer immensely for I guess nobility or whatever whatever the fucking thing is that you feel like you're suffering for or do you realize that, uh, suffering is pointless and just like go live and enjoy life. Uh. I don't think that has a lot to do with this woman's story,
but I don't know. It's interesting. I think about it sometimes. Jesus, Jesus Christ, crazy guy. Hello, Oh hi to get Ca, Yes, Hi? Who is this?
This is Ada?
Ada? What's up? Ada? Where you calling from?
Czech Republic?
Oh the Czech Republic? Oh what progue?
Yes, exactly.
Sweet. I went there a long time ago, and I ate a lot of churros.
Sure really check?
Well I don't they haven't. I don't know if they're churros, but they're like sweet cinnamon cake things.
Yeah, like the one that's like a big comb or something.
Like yeah, the big yeah, yeah, the big cone.
Well it's actually Hungarian. But we're going to this check.
Oh okay, I mean it's all the same pleasures.
Yeah, yeah, I guess.
To an American everywhere, they're everywhere outside of America. Is it's just not America?
You know? Yeah? Well okay, No.
I'm kidding. I think I'm kidding. What's your name again? You said you said your name forgot? You can call me aidan Ada. You texted me and you said I fell in love with a homeless man and he stole my suitcase. That was the second homeless man that I have been with.
Yeah that happened. Yeah. Well, I spent some time working in Switzerland this summer and I was pretty lonely in there because I actually don't speak German, so and I
didn't know anybody there. So I was just like pretty miserable, and I was like walking on the street and well, I was outside and I was I wanted to go back to my hotel but where I also work, but then I realized, like I missed the last train home and my phone was dead, and I was on this like tram station and like there were like some thretty old men trying to like, you know, they were like, I'm going to give you a ride home, blah blah blah.
And I was feeling like, you know, in danger. And the only other person on that stop was a homeless man sleeping on the ground who was like a young guy my age. I'm twenty, and to be honest, he was really fucking beautiful. So I was like, this is this is my dad's bed. I'm just gonna go up to him and be like, can I sit next to you? I'm scared and he was like yeah, I and I fucking spent the night on the street next to him.
And I did that again for the next like five days because I really liked him, and at some point I let him move in to my hotel room and I just we'll stay with him for some time.
This was the first time.
No, it's just the second time.
Oh okay, and you were living in a hotel room at the time, Yes, I'm a fuck. Did I miss a part of the story that explains why you were living in the hotel room?
Oh yeah, Well I worked as a hotel receptionist there, so I kind of just lived at the hotel where I worked.
Okay. Did you have like a family in the same city.
Oh no, I was there completely alone. So yeah.
And how long did your relationship last with the guy that you met at the train station.
Well, he lived with me for about a month, and then I was just like then, I just fucking west and went back to Czech Republic because it was all a little bit too much. He was an addict and me too, so it was a very like toxic, dangerous relationship.
Why did I'm curious why you slept on the street with him for five days instead of just going back to your hotel room.
WHOA, I don't know. I just well, the first day I had no way to get home, but then I just really liked spending time with him, so it was like kept coming back and always ended up just like sleeping there next to him. I know, it's fucking crazy, but the thing is, I have BPD, and sometimes I just like fall into like fucking involuntarily like obsession with someone who like I barely know, and like my main like goal becomes just like getting lost from that person,
and that's exactly what happened. So I just kind of went against all logic when I was there.
And tell me about those five days, were they like enjoyable for you?
Well? It was. It was heart of course, it's not like like pleasurable to sleep on the ground on a tram station. But on the other hand, I was next to him, and I was feeling, you know, I was feeling all the feelings you feel when you're cuddling with the person you like, and like, I was in a really bad mental state back there, so I was just like glad to be there with him, and I felt bad for him because he was my age and already homeless.
So I don't know, Yeah, it was there was some good and some bad in it.
And so you said he stole your suitcase.
Yeah, well, so after a while when I let him live with me, so sometimes he was just like go out to like get his drugs and like beg for money. And because I didn't want him to like walk around the hotel where I lived with like a pile of like blankets and stuff that he would take, so I just let him borrow my suitcase so that like it would be less suspicious. And then I told him by the end, like I'm going to leave this day, and
I told him which time my train is leaving. So but the day before he was with the suitcase and didn't come back until the train came. So I had no place to put my stuff. So I had to stay one more night buy a new suitcase, which was like super expensive because it's Switzerland. And actually I didn't get to say bye to him, but he still had like all of his stuff, like his personal items at the hotel. So I had to like take all of
this stuff and leave it somewhere. And then I texted his plug whose phone number I had because he used my phone, and I told him where I left the stuff. Yeah, so I he has my suitcase probably until now if he's alive, I don't know.
So I haven't had any contact with him.
No, because like how do you contact the almost in a different country.
Really, that's true? Yeah, So how long ago was all this?
That was this summer?
Oh okay, and how are you doing now?
I'm going to like I'm going to start like a day day program now, like where I'm going to be Monday to Friday doing like group therapy sessions and stuff and getting sober and then I'm just going to sleep at home and hopefully that works. I'm going to be there like four to six week a month. Uh. And like literally, like after I came back from this strip and this whole thing happened, I was like, this is the last strow. I'm going to get sober now and fucking stop doing this crazy shit.
Mm hmm. Who was what? Who was the first? So this was this was not the first time that something like this even happened.
Well kind of yeah. The first time was not that serious. But the first time was last year. I was I was in Lisbon on a solo trip.
And I just bought like a plea role joint and I was like, I'm not gonna smoke this alone. So it was just like walking around the streets of Lisbon, and there was this guy sitting like.
In front of some grocery store on the ground, like big beard, messy, like rasta hair and a cup in front of him and chest and like very crazy clothes. And I was like, that's my dude, this is the one I'm gonna like smoke weed with. Actually he was not really homeless, it was more complicated. He was. He didn't have a job. He just kind of like somehow sucked over the system and they gave him a free, shitty old apartment. He didn't have to work, and he
just sat on the street and played chessless people. And yeah, I did come back one more time to meet him. There it was a thing, but it was just like a few days with him. But this second time was a bit more serious.
I'd say, so, what do you I guess, desire for your life after getting sober, Well, I'm.
Not really sure there's more options in there for me. I one I'm thinking about, Well, I don't have a high school diploma because I because of the drug addiction, I had to drop out of high school like one month before the end. So I was thinking either I'm gonna try to, you know, finish that because that would kind of be nice, but also it's scary or I
would like to. Well, I haven't offered from my friend in Spain to come with with him, and I've been learning Spanish for some time, so that's like my plan be, you know, just fucking move to Spain because for me, like Czech Republic is just not the place I want to stay forever. It's the weather here, it's not like ideal for me. I get like seasonal depression, and the winters here get really hard for me.
M hm.
Hmm.
Do you still feel like you have this thing of like getting really obsessed with people?
Well, I haven't had it with anybody since I came back, and but I went back to therapy as soon as I got back. I mean I've been in therapy since fourteen, but I had a little break, and since I came back, I've been there and I haven't had this problem happen again. And I think this time I could just like notice it in the beginning, hopefully and you know, not let it get too much in my head.
Do you have a lot of like like you're talking about your family and shit like do you have like a support system, Do you're like friends and family helping you out with shit?
Uh? Yeah, yeah I do. I I mean with my family, it's a bit complicated, but they're still here, just not ideal sometimes. And I do have some pretty good friends. The only problem is, like I don't think I have any sober friends. And that's what I'm working on right now, like trying to get some friends that, like, you know, I can hang out with.
Sober And are these like when you say like sober friends, is it like stuff? Is it harder stuff than like just like like weed and alcohol?
Well not, I used to have. Well now I have friends who mostly just smoke weed or drink. I kind of got away from that, like group of people who did hard to drug solready. I managed to get those people out of my life. But still, yeah, like most of my friends smoked a lot of wheat, and I found myself addicted to wheat too. So I need to, like, you know, find people to hang out with whood will not smoke wheat around me.
Mm hmm, okay, hmmm. What about yourself? What's going on with your friend in uh in Spain? How do you know them? So?
Last year and New Years. I was at my best friend's house and she lives with a few people, and one of them invited this girl and she brought this guy from staying there just like you know, f are friends for a friend he was with visiting Czech Republic, and we started talking and we got like we you know, we we vibe with each other. So the next time I went to Spain, because this year I traveled a lot, I gave myself a promise to like every second month
go on a trip outside of my country. So next time I went to Spain, I hit him up and we kind of became very close. I already went there a few times to see him and his friends, and we do call like every day. We kind of became like really close friends. Yeah.
I think it's a good idea to find friends who are sober. Yeah yeah, I mean, I'm sure you'll be able to do it.
Yeah, I hope. So, I mean I did the first step like yesterday by well, there's this like uh uh center like but said, I don't know how to pronounce it, but histic center in my city, and so I decided to go there and you know, try to maybe start going there for like some meditations and meet other people who go there, and they were like super nice to me, talked to me for an hour, and I'm feeling like, yeah, maybe this is the place I can find some new friends with like a more positive mentality.
Cool. Yeah, yeah, I was. I was thinking that I assumed that in these like uh sober groups and whatnot, that you'd be able to find some good friends.
Yeah, I'm going to like once a week, I'm going to like something like you know, kind of like in the movies when there's like the AA meetings. This is
something similar. They call it like the motivational meetings. When I go there one time a week, but you know, usually I like don't want to get to know the people, and they advise us not to make relationships with the people there because yeah, because like in this group, it's kind of like some people are still using, some people are not, and it's not really you know, it couldn't end badly, like you know, you met at a a group and you just, yeah, it could mean just relapsing together.
I don't know.
Interesting, because I that's that's interesting. They tell you not to form friendships because I feel like the whole point of the group is that you're supposed to arm relationships with people.
So in this one where I go to, this one is like public and they do not like make the rule of being sober. So in this one they do not advise it. However, when I will start going to like the day program, they do put a lot of like importance on like the relationships between the people going there, because you get tested and like you're working really like hard towards sobriety. And yeah, it's going to be more safe because you have to be sober in order to be in this program.
Do you have any hobbies of any kind that will get you out and about and around people.
Oh?
Yeah, I paint a lot and raw and I also like to write, so yeah these things.
Are there any groups for any of that stuff that you might be able to join anywhere in Europe? I suppose.
Maybe probably there's something like that. Yeah, I mean I do have a lot of like artistic people around me in my life, but probably there are some kind of groups like this. Yeah, m.
Thanks for sharing your story with us a Ada, Yes, thank you for letting me of course. I guess is there anything else that you wanted to get out of this phone? Call or anything at all that you need to say before we go. I wanted to give you the opportunity to speak whatever piece you have left.
Yeah, I want to tell people like, don't do fucking drugs is going to ruin your life.
And I don't know, have a nice day, perfect, thank you, Ada, good.
Luck, thank you bye, Ada, bye bye.
That was Adam. That was an interesting story. I'm wishing her good luck on the sobriety journey. I know that's hard, five days hanging out with this beautiful homeless guy. I don't know why that sounded like that sounded romantic. That was like a in my head, I was picturing it's like a a Richard link Later film or something like that.
Hello, Hi, Hi, Oh my gosh, how are you, Gek?
I'm good. What's your name?
Maria?
Maria Maria rick Can? I is it okay? If I read what you texted me?
Absolutely okay?
All right? You sure? Yeah, that's fine, Okay, you texted me. These are your words you said, Uh, hey, Gek, I want to talk to you about being a veteran slut bag and getting chlamydia four times. I also need relationship advice.
Yeah, it's unfortunate.
Chlamydia is not that bad though, you just take a pill.
Yeah, chmydee is not that bad, especially if you have health insurance. But I think just being a woman and like the stigma around it, it can it can be pretty difficult, depending on who gave it to you or if you gave it to somebody else.
So okay, so yeah, where where where do you want to start?
Well, I guess we can talk about being a veteran floodbag.
Okay, what does that? What does that mean to you?
So basically, while I was in undergrad I'm currently twenty four. While I was an undergrad, I was just going through a really hard time and it pretty much bordered on like sex addiction almost but not like I don't know, like, yeah, it was debilitating, but I also just had a lot of other things going on, a lot of mental health issues. But we're past that now. So yeah, I went to a party school, so I think that kind of like created some influence.
Did you have fun? Did you enjoy the time?
Oh?
Hell yeah, Okay, I had a great time.
Okay, I mean it's our bi, it's I think I've talked about this before, but look, you know, obviously it's the thing you can get addicted to, for sure. You know, I've been addicted. I've had t especially yeah, when I was in college, fucking you know, addicted to the apps and you know, addicted to you know, goooning and all this kind of crap. But you know, it's one of our like the only true like the only like default meaning of life that we have is to survive and
have sex. Everything else is like we're adding on to it. But that's what we're born with, is don't die and reproduce.
Yeah, that's very true because like even growing up, like my primary doctor was like, and this is like a pediatric doctor. She was like, sexual desire is a very normal thing, and I like was so weird out by it. But I don't know. I was a pretty sheltered kid growing up, so the moment I was on my own and independent, it was like, holy shit, yeah, nobody can tell me.
No, right right, it's a weird thing, it is. I find it so weird that I don't know how we evolved like this, like societally, that one of our prime like one of our two primary like uh, innate goals is like taboo. You know, it's like under the it's weird.
Like eating and surviving that one is, you know, people love talking about food and eating, but like you could like like if like if you're like if you had a food blog, right and you were like, look at all this food that I'm eating and all the nutrients I'm getting from it so I can continue to survive. People be like, oh, that's cool. But if you started a blog of like, you know, I'm having sex with all these guys, people will be like what is this?
But it's like they're the same. It's just you enacting the biological goals that we're not endowed with. It's weird. They're like on the similar they're on the same level, but they're treated so differently. It's weird.
Well, if you think about it too, like it's a double standard because like from a woman's perspective, I mean, it's twenty twenty five and there's the whole concept of female empowerment and equality, and there's a different attitude when women have a higher like body count. I hate that phrase, but and like it's not okay, But when men do, it's like, ah, you're the man, Like there's no problem with that.
Yeah, I think I feel like that comes from. Well, one, I think that comes from like people just being like jealous and angry, and then I don't that's the main thing I think that comes from is just like again, yeah, guys being jealous and angry or just whatever. This like general cultural thing we have, even beyond the world of sex, of just like people wanting to like judge what other people do with their lives. I mean, where do you think that goes from.
Like judgment judging other people's like sexuality. I think that just comes from like how you grew up, to be honest, because like I don't know, I'm a I have a psych major, and I'm currently in nursing school, so like we learn a lot about you know, Ericson's theory of development, and obviously Freud is a big one too. But that nature versus nurture argument, I think initially, I mean, at least for me growing up, it was never really talked about and I was pretty shielded from a lot of things.
And but I think depending on if you make the decision to you know, leave the nest and go to school, and then you're kind of faced with other people's attitudes.
Yeah, yeah, so that makes sense.
Sorry, I'm like in shock right now because I'm like been trying to call you and I'm like, oh my god, please, and then I saw your number come up and I'm like, casp.
So you you said you had a sheltered life, Like what what? What did that look like?
My parents were just very strict with me. I wasn't allowed to like go to any parties in high school drinking, Like, I wasn't allowed to do that. Like maybe I would have a glass of wine at dinner, but that was very few and far between. I had Life three sixty on my phone throughout high school as well.
Wait, what is Life three sixty?
You know, like find my iPhone?
Oh okay, yeah, yeah.
It's like find my iPhone but I'm steroids.
Oh okay. So your parents were like tracking your location at all times?
Yeah, And I don't know, we just didn't really. You didn't really talk about like sex or consent or like, I don't know, having boundaries like I wasn't really I wasn't allowed to have my door closed or anything like that.
You never had like any kind of you never had any kind of fucking privacy.
No, my phone would be downstairs like at seven o'clock.
At night so you couldn't even you couldn't even jack off. No, that's crazy.
I think the first time I did that, I was like, I don't know, like nineteen, which is like horrifying, but it's not horrifying bad, but like horrifying weird.
Wo.
Uh.
Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Somewhat? I mean it's it's very complicated because I have a sister who's a lot older than me, so like I spent a lot of time growing up like watching how she navigated the relationships, so I kind of learned like what to do and what not to do.
Mm hmm. But how did your sister end up?
Oh, she like moved away, like a few hours away, so.
Mm hmm.
But she's doing really good now. I mean she she has her master, she has a really good job. She's currently dating, so I would I would, I would say she's pretty happy.
So what is your life like? And what what is this, uh relationship advice that you are in need of? I don't know if I'm not good at really I don't I try. I don't know if I'm that good at relationship advice, but I'll try.
Yeah, No, it's okay, I'm just grateful to even be having this conversation with you.
I'm sorry, what did you ask you? You well, you texted me and you said I need a relationship advice.
Oh yeah, yeah yeah. So, like I have really bad anxiety and PTSD and depression okay, and ADHD as well. Okay, just like a whole Like I don't know, you know, the guy with the trench coat and he's like trying to sell you things out of the trench coat and he's like, this is everything I got. What do you want?
Like, yeah, that's.
Me, Okay, that's.
Yeah. So there's this.
Guy and it's been kind of like talking on and off, but he has a very traumatic attachment to this girl that he used to date, and he's like telling me that he wants to take it slow and be friends and all this stuff, and we hang out sometimes. It's great, and I have a lot of feelings for him and he knows that. And I've been trying to be like open and honest but also not intense, which with having such bad anxiety like I do, like I'm always seeking that reinsurance and like I just never know how to
take it slow. And he wants to be sexual and I'm like trying to slow that part of myself down and just kind of like redirect my own behavior and not given to it. So like I just don't know if I should create some distance for him to heal and give him that time, or if I should like not abandon shit, but like.
Give it a break.
But he says that he really enjoys my company, and like he says all these nice things.
Can I interrupt you for a second. Yeah, who is whistling in the background behind you? Oh?
I have a bird?
Oh well, you have a bird?
Yeah?
I thought that was like a guy.
No, no, no, no, I have I have a talk of teal.
Okay, he's like whistling like a human being. That's kind of a that's uncanny.
Yeah, he likes just saying if you're happy and you know it, he says, what the fuck.
That he can talk.
Kind of it's not like talking talking like you know, like with bigger parrots, like you can actually make out complete sentences that they're making. Like he kind of he understands his phonics.
I guess.
I'm so, I'm he really sounds like a real human being that's whistling in the background. Okay, anyway, all right, this guy, Well, I mean, look, this guy told you you got to believe when you got to believe him when he tells you these things, right, I mean, this guy, he says he just wants to be friends. You two are clearly uh not on the same level of investment, or not even not on the same level investment. You guys are on like different planets of investment. You're on
like opposites. And also you you haven't even known this guy for that long have you?
I mean we've known each other for I want to say, like seven years.
Oh shit, Okay, have you like been in love with you?
And there's a lot of proximity and like overlap with our friend groups.
Oh okay, So.
Yeah, I've like witnessed him through different relationships and like I've heard things and I'm like, damn this man then through the fucking ringer. But I'm not trying to like six minute or anything either.
Well, yeah, I mean I think that this stuff should be easy. Right, So if there's this seems like there's too much this seems like to be too much distance between you guys in terms of what you actually are desiring. And it's not like this is a guy that you've been I mean, you've known him for a while, but it's not like he's been your boyfriend for you know, seven years and you want to try to bring things out.
So yeah, I would probably I would. I would. I would uh do an audit to see if this relationship is causing more of a benefit or more of a strife to you, and then act upon that information.
M hmmm.
I think there's definitely like some benefit because I don't know, I kind of take everything that I encounters the lesson. I mean, I've been through years of therapy, so I think the good thing about it is like I'm learning how to slow down. But there's like that one part of me that's like, dude, it's gonna move on, let's go. It's not that deep.
But yeah, but you can't. Yeah, but he's not. He doesn't want you can't make him give that to you. You know. Yes, he sounds like he wants to just like chill.
Yeah, oh for sure.
Mm hmm. Where'd you get a bird?
I got him from a like a mom and pop shop. He's two years old. I've had him since he was hatched. Now he's freaking out, but yeah, he's just he's just a little baby.
What's the rest of what's your life like outside of this? After you graduated from school?
So I graduated with my bachelor's in psychology. I am a nursing student in an accelerated program, and I also work at a law firm. So I'm all over the place.
That's pretty good. All right, you got a good you got a good life. Don't uh, don't don't get too distracted from it. That's what I'll say. Yeah, you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, I'm sorry I cut you off. You're about to say something.
No, it's okay. All I would say is wrap it before you tap it and be kind to everybody because you don't know what they're going through.
Welcome. What's your name again, Maria, Maria, Thanks for calling Maria.
Have a good day.
Gek goes on the line
Every staging.