The whole drive. I'm just crying. I'm sobbing the whole way. That's almost an hour drive, no music type of drive. So when I come home, I want to bend.
To my boyfriend, you know. So I come home and I open I go to my bedroom because he's in there, and the first thing I see is him just.
Laying in the bed faith down, asked so high.
So you know, he's.
Noticeable in one of my pink lace songs. And uh, I really don't know, man, we don't. We both just sort of look at each other. And I'm still sobbing because the day was just so ship.
Georgia. Yes, yeah, Georgia. What's going on with you?
Uh?
Not a whole lot?
What's your are you? You're in a car right now. I just heard a turn signal.
Uh yes, I am actually.
Where are we going? Are we turning right or left? That's what I want to know.
I am actually turning left.
I'm going home, going home.
Okay, what's what's home?
Home?
In Oklahoma?
Where are we coming from?
We're coming from my boyfriend's work and McDonald's. He doesn't work at McDonald's. He works actually a piece of please. But I also wanted to get McDonald's.
So you know, what'd you get at McDonald's.
I got a cheese burger happy nail.
I also do. I don't get mine with any onions or any pickles.
I do get the pickles.
Sometimes it really depends on my mood that day.
Did you get a toy? What's the toy problem they got going on?
Is it?
Batman?
You know, I haven't checked yet because I was too excited to like rush home, because I was nervous if you were going to answer before I got home, or.
If I was still driving. But that ends up happening anywhere.
By the way, your turn signal has been on the entire time we've been talking, and I'm are you did you make.
No, I'm just now turning. I'm finally turning. Don't worry, it's about to turn off.
Oh okay. You know, for a second, for a second, I thought you were just like taking aly long right turn. Oh wait, you said you're turning left. I thought would take a really long left turn. And then I and then it came to me, I was like, oh, I'm dumb. She's in the left lane waiting to turn.
Yeah.
But by the way, but if you're in. If you're in the left lane, do you really and do you really need a turn signal? Because everyone behind you is also turning left, so they and like just being being in the lane that itself signifies that you are turning left, So do you need to add a turn signal on top of it?
I have actually had arguments with people, well, I want to say, arguments just over there. In my opinion, I think that the turn signal is there for you should just use it, Just use it just in case you never know. I mean, granted the point, it's true, but like I don't know. I've seen people do some function on the road and you can't trust their turn signals. They're not and they do some of their stuff. So it's just like, okay, just just follow the general guidelines and we're all cool.
Georgia. It says here you one day came home from work crying, and then you when you got home you found your boyfriend face down, ass up, wearing one of your pink thongs, and then that and that made you feel worse. What tell me that story?
So I used to work, uh, I mean, it doesn't really matter where you used to work, But I was having a terrible, terrible day at work. I used to cut in there and just at the place they wanted to. They wanted us to like cut so many people, and the men there were so rude. It was a barbershop takes place, and it was just terrible. So I'm coming home. The whole drive, I'm just crying. I'm sobbing the whole way. That's almost an hour drive, no music type of drive.
That's it was terrible. So when I come home, I wanna bend.
To my boyfriend, you know, because ship fav that's what you do. And so I come home and I open I go to my bedroom because he's in there, and the first thing I see is him just.
Laying in the bed, face down, asked so high, so you know, he's noticeable in one of my pink lace songs. And I really don't know.
Man, we don't.
We both just sort of look at each other. And I'm still sobbing because the day was just so shit, and he's sort of just laying there awkwardly, and for I swear to god, it it felt like it was an hour. It was probably just thirty seconds.
But eventually he, you know, suits up and he's like.
I wanted to like make you laugh.
I guess when you came home and I just kept.
Crying and it was just really, really fucking awkward. He then was like consoling me and his in the song still his balls were hanging out and everything, and I was just crying. He was comforting me with it was a whole thing.
Uh, you know, that's actually nice. So when I first read this, I thought it was I I didn't realize that he intentionally wanted to be walked in on in this position. I thought he was doing something discreet and you encountered upon him in the act.
Nope, he uh, he likes to be seen doing these things for for shiitts and giggles. I guess he's I don't even know where he got the idea from. He I don't know, I think I honestly, I just don't know.
And did you eventually find yourself amused by this once you calmed down or or I mean you said you said it made it it made it worse?
Yeah, because you know, I was already having a bad day and I just wanted to talk to him about it, and just something about knowing that like his his I mean, he's a man you know, and sometimes men are like nasty and sweaty and shit, and like he was in my thong and I don't know something about his ball.
Just being up in my phone.
Just it was just a weird I was already having a bad day, so I see bad situations. But yeah, Honestly, after I had calmed down, though, we both laughed so fucking hard about it. We were talking about it last night. Actually, I told him that, uh, I was.
Probably gonna potentially talk to you and tell you about this, and he was like, that's great.
He says, it's the most embarrassing thing he ever had to deal with.
I like that your boyfriend, and ten only puts himself in embarrassing situations. I think that there is a strong power in that.
No, honestly, it's it's one of the he makes my life really amazing with that. I'm never bored with him ever.
Matt. That's so great to hear, because I think a lot of people think, like, oh, if I'm doing this way or whatever, women won't like that. But here you are, this guy is in your thong, ass up, and you you're you're you enjoy that. It's a part of his whimsy.
Oh, yeah, it's amazing. Truthfully, while in the moment, yeah, it was kind of shitty. It's it's it's fucking hilarious to look back up for sure.
How long he has been dating for?
About three years?
Now?
Three years? Wow? Is he with you right now? Oh no, yeah, okay, Well let me know. Uh, I'm wondering what he's probably like setting something up right now, like he's wearing one of your bras, or he's put one of your tampons in and you'll walk in through the door and he'll be spread eagle.
That would be a you know, I hope so.
And I'll update you all for sure.
Update you or oh yes, oh yes, let us know. Thank you very much for calling Georgia untily.
Thank you, Jacob, Yeah, Jacob, Jacob.
It says here that you're having anxiety about whether or not you are an asshole.
Yeah.
Actually, a.
Few weeks ago, I had a few drinks with some friends at a concert and uh, I made some I guess asshole has joked out loud and it seems like a few people heard and I said, out loud, am I a dick? And my friends started laughing, And I believe they think that I'm a dick.
All right, So you make a joke, h then you second guess the joke. I wonder if you're an asshole, and then your friends laugh along, and that makes you think that you're an asshole.
That's not I mean, that's when I started thinking about it.
But now I okay, So I'm sorry, can't continue.
I just feel like I'm micro analyzing my actions day to day and I guess the and take much micro analyzing. But I feel like I am a dick.
Why do you feel like you're a dick.
Well, I'm a delivery guy or a delivery company in the not so nice part of town here, and I don't have very good customer service skills. I've come to found or at least not now, but my road rage has gone up. If someone gives me attitude, I just don't I don't.
Care.
I just go off or I'll give him a finger.
And all right, So, so you feel like you, as you've gotten older, have become more prone to anger.
Maybe anger, yeah, bitterness, frustration Okay, I'd like soak like all day long.
Yeah, so you're getting agitated. So you have a lot like of stimulus and variables coming in, do you feel like all this stimulus and variables are like going through you and then coming out of you in the form of assholeish behavior as defined by you.
Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it yet.
Okay, so do you let me ask you something. Do you care about whether or not you're an asshole? Do you desire not to be an asshole?
Well?
Yeah, well yeah, so this went hand in hand with some other thoughts that I've been having and just about why we're here and why this is all.
Well well okay, well let's let's let's focus. I want to focus on one thing because if we get on other thoughts go crazy, We'll never you know. So all right, but why let me ask you? Let me ask you what what makes someone? Do you Do you desire to be actively good or you just desire not to be actively bad?
No?
I want to I want to be I want to be actively not bad if we have to all be in this world together.
And yeah, that's not what I'm asking there, Like, do you want do you want to be actively good or do you just like want to cease this behavior that you say is being an asshole?
No, I want to be good.
Okay, let's I want to. I want to with you right now. I want to define what does it mean to be an asshole? Like do we even know or are we just like or are we just saying that, like we don't even know what we don't even know what that means? Being an asshole is just words?
What is that?
What does that actually mean? To be an asshole?
Sure? So, I guess an asshole is someone who should affect the way a person is feeling and not care.
Okay, an asshole, in your definition is somebody who negatively affects the way another person is feeling and doesn't care. Well yeah, uh. When is the last time you feel as though you negatively affected another person?
Well?
They but perhaps they negatively affected me? First?
Jacob, Jacob, When is the last time you feel like you negatively affected another person?
Today?
Today? What happened today?
I yelled at a lady at worked?
Okay, you yelled at a lady at work?
Yeah?
Do you feel bad about that?
Not so much?
But there's a reason.
Okay, all right, So yelled at lady at work and you don't feel bad about it, and you feel like you negative affected that lady? Hm, what was what's the reason?
Her dog?
Bit my hand.
Her dog tod bit your hand, so you yell at her.
I tried to handle the package and her dog jumped up and bit my hands.
M hmm. Okay, what would you like to have done in that situation?
If I had set the scene this this place is what?
Jacob, Jacob, jac what would you like to have in that situation?
Hm?
I guess gotten in my car or my truck and left. But it's just hard to compose myself in those situations.
Why is it hard to compose yourself in these situations?
Because getting bit by someone's dog hurts, and they could have stopped the dog.
Mm hmm. All right, I'm gonna tell you this is something like I've been reading a little bit about this. Look look at me. I've been reading you know, uh, you know, you know stoic philosophy. You ever heard about that Shitai? Yeah, basically like trying to have I'm not coming at this as a master of it. I'm just coming at this again as a thought exploration alongside you, you know, accepting things that we can't control. Right, this
dog bit you, This dog bit you. You cannot control other people you can't control if somebody puts you off in traffic. He said, you have road rage. Can't control if a lady's dog bites you, but you can control how you act, and you desire.
It.
Seems it seems like you desire this, because if you didn't desire this, you wouldn't be calling me, we wouldn't be talking about this. So you do. You've bought Your actions are shoying. You desire to be cooler and calmer in these situations. Okay, So you can't control if the lady's dog bites you. You can't control if the guy's car hits you or cuts you off or whatever, but you can control how you act towards it. So if a lady's dog bites you, you have an opportunity. You look at
it not as a bad thing. You look at it as an opportunity. You're get to retrain your brain. Here to go. Oh, a bad thing happened to me that was under no circumstances my control. Here's now an opportunity for me to work toward this thing I want by choosing not to care, by choosing not to yell at the lady, choosing not to get upset, because it's the most logical choice, right, Because the dog bit you that that already happened, So why would you not take that
as an opportunity. It's like, logical, this isn't like this doesn't feel good, wholesome bullshit. This is like, yeah, legit, Logically, it is of your best interest to see it as an opportunity to work toward what you want, which is a greater control over your emotions. So take this bad thing that happened, decide to use it as an opportunity to not get upset. And dude, fucking you don't have
to become a monk overnight. But like, next time, like some homework here, next time that happens, gain like be conscious, you know, because because because you're you're gonna you're gonna slip into your unconscious habit of getting pissed. Next time this happens, choose not to be upset about it. Choose to just get back into your car and see how
that feels. Because once you've been able to consciously choose how you feel about a situation, once you then learn, oh shit, this is within my power, this is of my control, and maybe that'll make you feel empowered to keep acting in that direction. What do you think about all of that.
I like that good advice. It's easy to get caught up in the moment, especially because I'm listening to you in my right year all day long while I'm driving, and uh yeah, sometimes it just seems to happen so fast. People are fucking crazy. They're definitely steel packages and down to get my fucking truck. Like they need to know that I'm not putting up with that shit.
Why why do they need Why does anyone need to know anything? James, because James, could you have me, James, it's just that, James. This is like you're telling you're we're on the phone, you're telling me like the thesis of the reason why you called. I don't know. Maybe you called in just to tell me these stories, like just for fun, which is fine, I guess that's the whole point of this. But like it sounded to me like you you have a desire to like change your behavior.
I don't know if you actually do. It's fine, by the way, by the way, it's fuck. It's fucking fine if you don't, like, you don't have to, so you can you can continue, you know, doing whatever it is you're doing. No one gives a ship, but I know if you do. I don't know if you do. You might not, but like, do do you do? You do you want to be a little bit calmer?
Oh yeah for sure.
Okay, next time, next time, next time, next time, something like that happens. Just like make the decision to take the path of least resistance and be calm about it. Just make that conscious decision, and if you do that enough, it'll become a happy.
Word.
James, Good luck to you, my friend. I'll talk to you soon. I love your gay I will damn dude.
Oh yeah, no, iouly wasn't sure if I was going to actually connect with you.
Well here we are. We've connected. Whatever that means. How are you doing, will, Yeah, I'm doing good.
While Oh yeah, fucking uh?
What's up?
What's happening? What's cracking?
Not much? Can I can? I read what it says here. It says here that you were homeless sleeping in a dumpster two years ago, but you have your life. I was behind a dumpster. That's a little bit n I mean, I mean that's a little bit nicer than in the dumpster.
Yeah yeah, yeah, so you know I was probably I don't know, like eighteen at that point, and I'm like twenty one now, for reference, didn't necessarily have like a super troubled childhood or anything, but you know, got into drugs when I was like fourteen or fifteen, you know, started playing the drums in a punk band and on my nose pierced and all that jazz, and I was like, hell, yeah, let's you know, do a bunch of coke and speed and stuff. I guess, yeah, obviously got me into some trouble.
So I got kicked out of my parents' house and got kicked out of school, wound up in the city nearby, Calgary. And yeah, it wasn't like I was sleeping behind a dumpster regularly, but I was couch hopping and whenever I couldn't find a place, I'd hop on down to seventh Tab. And so you had.
You had a dumpster in particular that.
Oh yeah, yeah, you know it was a spot.
How did you find that spot and declare it as your spot? Did you like sort of go looking around or did you happen upon it. What's the story of how you found your spot?
Honestly, it was just like I used to just check around with a couple of pairs of clothes and a blanket on my backpack. And this spot was not too far from one of the train stations downtown, so I was buying an W burger chain. So you know, I used to hang around to that burger chain with some of the other hoboes. And yeah, no, just you know, it's just right behind the ANW. Pretty pretty secure. There's like some kind of generator or heater or some shit nearby,
so it was actually pretty warm in the winter. And did it's not too bad for being a burger chain.
Oh yeah, yeah, like good beef at least. Yeah. Yeah, No, ANW is a good one. I wanted to ask you said you were hanging out with other hobos. You said, did you make friends during this time period with other people that were staying around the A and W.
I mean, like not good ones, but I feel like anybody in that situation recognizes that to a certain degree, you got to stick together. You know, there were a lot of people that I didn't necessarily agree with that I found myself around because the numbers kind of provided security, or also like knowing some of these scumbags and knowing that some of the other scumbags who would potentially give me trouble new them. You know, that's a sense of
security in and of itself. I didn't really ask too many questions when you're with when you were with other people, So that was the main thing, honestly, Like, I can't think of too many people I was hanging out with downtown that I would want to hang out with now. But yeah, definitely I made some friends. It was just kind of making deal with what I had at the time though too.
You know, So, what are the main thoughts going through your mind as you are What would do you have a sleeping bag or anything?
No? No, I had had a blanket that I stole from my friend's house.
So when you're falling asleep behind the dumpster, you got your blanket you stole from your friends. What as you lay down at night and go to sleep, what are the thoughts going through your head?
Nine times at a time, it was holly fuck, I'm hungry a lot of the time. It wasn't a lot of sleep and being done. It was just sitting there listening to you know, trains go by, cars go by, sirens, listening to all the bullshit that a big city has to bring. Yeah, I'm just kind of thinking about what I could do next to make sure the next night I wouldn't be in the same position.
That was pretty much and eventually and eventually, as you say, you got out of that position. You say, what was the process for you of getting yourself out of there into a more stable place?
Oh?
I mean it was a lot of help, for sure. You know, like there's there's a community center in my city, and they helped a lot, for sure. A lot of volunteers there that literally would just hang around, like they'd cook food for vagrants like me and just hang around and listen to whatever we had to say or whatever. And yeah they be Alex, anybody from there's listening and shout out. So but yeah, no, so a lot of help.
You know. I had a couple of good friends from from school and whatnot that have my back, and you know, my brother and my mom and my dad obviously, But at the same time, same thing that I was telling the screener, not like like you know, I had a conversation with my brother a couple of years after the matter, and the big thing that I took away from it he told me, you know, you can't jump away, jump in front of a runaway train, you know, like he was there to support me. He you know, he made
it very clear he loved me. But whatever decisions I was going to make were mine to make. And you know, yeah, that's pretty much all it is to say about that. Like I had to change my perspective. It was up to nobody else, you know, like it was it was my own thing.
So you can't of a run away train. I like that, Uh that phrase?
Yeah, yeah, I liked that one too, And it's true. You know, like you can't whatever reckless decision somebody's gonna make, they're gonna make for themselves and you can't stop that. All you can do is provide your own perspective. And that's exactly what my brother did. That's my family and you know, my good friends. But I'm glad none of them took that upon themselves to change the way that I was thinking, or what I was doing or anything, because you know, let's some juju nobody needs.
Oh what is your life like now?
Well, about like eight months ago, nine months ago or whatever, I moved from the prairies of Canada, just a little ways east of the east of Calgary out to the mountains into a ski town too.
Uh.
Chase a cheats A dream I had since I was like fifteen or whatever. I moved out to Whistler to work at a mountain bike park and I decided to stay for winter. I'm working at a at a ski rental shop. Now it's pretty sick. I can't lie, you know. I get to go skiing all my lunch break. I'm looking out out my out my back door right now, a beautiful mountains. So it's nice. Money's not great, but yeah, honestly,
I don't think I I'd changed anything for the world. Honestly, even my past experience is all that homelessness and druggy bullshit and whatnot. I think a lot of that gave me the perspective I have now. Uh, that perspective gives me the ability to really enjoy where I am now.
So yeah, yeah, man, that's cool. I like, uh, I like whenever I you know, I hear people I can you know, I have gone through something something tough, but they like get something out of it that they can use in their sort of current life. That's awesome a ski rental, But do you go skiing yourself?
Yeah?
Absolutely every day that I can.
Beautiful uh, Will, is there anything else that you want to say to the to the people, thank you for sharing this story. I I uh I I always enjoy hearing a nice comeback tale.
Well yeah, honestly, one big thing I want to say is, first of all, my god, you guys have such a pleasant show on your hands. Even the screener was just like such a such a nice dude. Yeah, just overall vibe pleasant. And then beyond that, fuck, don't give up on yourselves, people, you know, do what you can to make it work, and eventually it will.
Beautiful. Thank you for calling Will, Hey.
Thanks for having me man appreciate what you're doing here.
Hmmm, this is the wrong thing to have gotten out of that, but I'm kind of craving a and w now. Rick Fallon, Oh hello, hey, Rick Fallon, what's uh? What have we got going on in the background? Are you're watching a soap opera of some kind?
Yeah?
It stays of our lives?
Oh is it actually no, it's just I thank you for yes anding me. By the way, it's it's nice. I always I always appreciate that. I always appreciate It's really hard, Rick Fallen, It's so hard to have a conversation where you feel like you're being listened to and the other person is taking feedback from what you said and using it to inform what they then say. And then you back take what they said that was informed by what you said and then using that to inform
you say. And I mean that's ideally how a conversation goes. Would you not agree?
Wow?
Yeah, isn't. And that's the whole point of the show.
I think right now. The point of this show is being a gecko and talking to people on the phone.
Oh you are a gecko. I paused the sentence, thank you. It wasn't that great of an episode.
What's going on, Rick Fallen? Is there anything in particular that you want to to talk about? It's fine if not. If you seem like a guy, we could just kind of, you know, hang out together on the phone.
Yeah, you know, I'm down for anything. I mean, I told the call screener guy, I I don't know. I guess I've just been feeling a little weird lately. I turned thirty over the summer, and it's pretty strange because it's like, you know, I think maybe I'll live till I'm like ninety and then after that, I don't know how much, you know, you can really consider that living. So it's like a third of my life. It's pretty strange.
Yeah, well, why are you so sure that you're going to live to ninety? I feel like I feel like most people are getting too eighty these days.
Really, I don't know. My great grandma lived till she was nine one hundred.
Oh, okay, all right, so you have the jeans, you'll all right, you know, we could we could say, we could say ninety, but then you're right, you did make a good point eighty to ninety or even if you have to one hundred, ninety to one hundred, it's like, what are you really even doing at that point?
It's I feel like it's generally like thirty years is like about a third of your life maybe, you know. Yeah, it's just strange to think about that, you know that. Oh it's and you know, and I so that kind of you know, I was dissatisfied with my job, so I quit that. Oh nice, and then I decided to go camping.
So you you're sort of coming to terms with the fact that a third or more of your life is over. And if we're looking back, let's look back at that thirty years now, we don't don't have to go into every every single sunday of it. But what at a glance, what are we uh? What are we looking at here?
Hmm? My life's been kind of weird and kind of sad, but I've done a lot of fun stuff and crazy stuff, so I feel like I've always had friends and stuff. But I never went to college and got a degree. I wanted to be a musician and I was in some cool bands.
But.
I never really, I guess, put enough effort into it. And then I became a carpenter and I did a lot of really nice wouldwork, like working for very wealthy people, and that was cool. But then I tried to go to school, and as soon as I went to school, COVID happened and kind of shut down the campus. So it's been a pretty wild, pretty strange like I've been, like I've been, you know, I've been trying a lot of different things, I guess.
So you said kind of did you say fun? Kind of fun? Kind of sad? That was the two immediate words you used to describe your life thus far, which, by the way, you know, that's pretty that's pretty good if we're talking about trying to live a colorful life, you know, yeah, reveling in the reveling in the highs and the lows.
Sure, yeah, it's been.
I mean, what's been the most I guess fun time period of these thirty years? And what were you doing in that particularly fun time period?
Probably from like the ages of like maybe twenty to twenty four, like you know, early twenties.
I guess early were pretty cool.
I just played a lot of shows in my band, drank a lot, smoked a lot of weed, did a lot of psychedelics, and didn't really care what was what was going to happen.
That was cool, okay, And so then all right, let's do twenty four to thirty. What's going on twenty four to thirty the sort of mid late.
Twenties, I don't know. I just I kind of just worked and didn't really didn't really think much of it. I became like a carpenter because I thought, like i'd feel like flipping houses or something like, I thought it'd be cool, like I wouldn't have to have a real job, Like I just like go in and like flip houses, and I wouldn't have a boss and I'd make like a lot of money or something, but he needed a lot of money to start doing.
That, right, did I mean did it work out kind of like that? Or did it work out not like that? Even slightly? Stuff worked to work? How would you? How would you? Where would you put it? Uh?
Works worse to work.
On a scale of it works like that too. It didn't work like that at all? How much did it work?
Oh?
Well, well, it didn't work like that at all. Then I tried to go to school to be an engineer, but then COVID happened, and then it was kind of weird. I was forced to go back doing this sort of carpentry stuff. And then I've been like freelancing and just sort of living at my mom's house and writing some music and uh yeah, not really sure. It's it's very strange, like nothing. I've been down twenty different paths, but nothing.
It's all just been one intertwined experience. And I'm like, I'm kind of okay with it.
So you had this realization lately, Uh, you just turned thirty. You're You're like, all right, this is a solid third over.
We were.
We've we've looked back at the third, we've had some pretty damn good times. We've had some sad times, but we we kind of I feel like we're accepting it all as part of the human experience. Now, what's oh yeah, let's let's get a all right, now we're in the present. What's what's going on? What's going on the present, what's going on today this week?
Yeah, I'm just thinking about.
I don't.
I don't know, I don't. I don't really like think about much. I just kind of I just kind of go to the gym and I'm just I'm I kind of stopped caring what's going to happen, and I just kind of like exist with what's going on around me. I just kind of stopped trying to be something. I got really into this guy. His name is Ecker Tole.
Yeah, that's who I thought you were gonna say, yeah, the power of now.
Yes, oh yeah, And I've been kind of like that, but you know, I still have to figure out like how to make money and stuff.
I guess.
Okay, So let's see early early part of your life, you're making all these plans, trying to do all these things, thinking about the future, and contemporarily you're trying to live more in the present. I'm trying to do that too. I'm always trying to see if I can do both. It's really hard to do both. But I'd like to fucking believe that you can both live in the present and plan for the future.
It's kind of weird.
It is kind of weird. It's a really tough balance. So you're trying to live more in the present. What's what's what's what about the future? Or are we thinking? Do we? You know? I know you say you're trying to live in the in the present, which is a good thing to do. I feel like it's pretty easy to neglect that, considering it's all we ever really have.
But when you're looking for the future and you're thinking about the next I don't even want to say five or ten, you're like, just, you know, the vague future. What are we what are we looking at here?
Well, you know, I'm gonna figure out what I'm doing based on like what I feel like doing, because you know, sometimes I've had a job because I've had anxiety because I don't have a job. But now I'm like, I'm just going to try to utilize my skills and figure out something that doesn't really suck to do.
I guess, yeah, if.
You really want to know, Like, I mean, my real dream would be to have like a homestead sort of thing, like a small farm. Maybe not completely off grid, but you know, off grid enough. I'm very good at building things, since I've built houses. Uh, and I'm not never farmed, but I could probably farm. And I like animals, and I'm you know, I think I could do that, but I don't have money to do it. So that's just you know, how do I make money. I guess that's what I have.
To figure out.
Well.
I like I like that you've got this like focus on your You're kind of you're kind of doing what we're talking about with trying to pair a desire to live in the present with at least a vague desire for something in the future, so you can vaguely walk toward that direction. I like that.
Yeah, everything's vague.
How do you feel about everything being vague?
I feel vague vague. I feel like it's just strange watching like every like just existing is so strange. I feel so vague, Like I don't feel good at bad about it, and dying is weird. I don't really care what happens after you die. I'm pretty spiritual, but just the idea that you're gonna have to experience infinity, that's pretty strange.
M hm, you're gonna have to experience in art? Do you believe?
What?
Why would we have to No, I'm gelling you curious, I'm not, but like, why why would we have to experience infinity? If we'll be dead, we wouldn't even we wouldn't experience anything.
Well, I guess you know, if you just if there's no experience after you die, I believe that there is some experience after physical life, you know, whether that's not really dying and go to heaven, but you know there's some sort of you return to some sort of source of something maybe or maybe you just.
Go.
So the final thing, I'll ask you, yeah, despite what you believe, because you're bringing up all these options, maybe you do, Maybe you don't. Maybe this maybe that you kind of accepting that you don't really know. If you could choose, if it were up to you, if you could play god for a moment, what of these different sort of maybees would you choose to be the correct way?
Oh?
Man, I don't know, not really like have consciousness like you do now, but almost just like I don't know, because that's sort of weird, because sort of asking like what do you want to happen when you die? And I'm just like, I don't really, Yeah, I don't.
I don't know.
I don't really. I think i'd rather just if it had, if I had to actually experience something, I just hope it wouldn't be.
Too I'm like unpleasant.
Thank you for sharing, Yeah, no problem, thank you, good night, Rick, good night.
Lyle Rick had a. Rick had a good point about living in infinity that always used to scare me when I was a kid. The idea of living forever, living forever scares me way more than dying. If we just are constantly reincarnated into something. Although I don't know, maybe that's beautiful, Maybe it's cool. You get to be a butterfly, you get to be an aunt, get to be a plant, just forever your stuff. At least you're not alone, right Like, if I'm here forever and my spirit is here forever,
then everyone else is here forever. And you know, my mom's spirit when she dies becomes something else, so she's still there. You know my dad's spirit when he dies, he is still there. The guy who works at the seven to eleven where I buy gummy worms from, he's he's still there somewhere, you know. So we're all kind of chilling forever. Sit tight. It's a long road ahead. Hellop, Yeah, how's how's everything going in uh various various h sections of your life?
Ah, so far and it's uh it's looking up.
Yeah.
Today is actually my birthday, so I mean, yeah, it just started to work.
Is is is your birthday important to you? Is it like is it a big events or is it like.
A not really I over the years, I had a kind of a big event around my birthday a few years ago. I live in a tower where drugs are kind of pretty bad. But it got my mom and her ex husband, but I was able to pull my mom out.
But I don't really.
Care for birthdays too much or like, I don't know, no cake, but uh yeah, I just wanted to call in say hi, Yeah, I don't know. I started smoking a little bit ago before I started watching the stream, so probably wasn't the best idea.
I was about to say. I was about to say, are you are you bringing that up as a form of like justification of your current behavior.
On Oh I'm a little bit spacey, it's fine.
Oh uh, why do you why do you feel like your behavior needs some form of justification?
Oh, it's I don't know, it's something that I've done. I constantly say sorry all the time, and yeah.
What do you Why do you think you do that?
For sure?
Yeah?
And I probably developed round some time after high school where I graduated.
Oh so this is a thing that went on sort of sort of late in your life. I fet how old are now?
But I am twenty two.
Twenty two okay, And so for the last four years you've been apologizing a lot.
Yeah, pretty much after I kind of like moved out of my my parents' house right before I graduated. Yeah, I never really felt like I really had like a place I don't to I don't know. I always felt like in a way or like a burden.
But why are you trying to work on that? You're trying to apologize less?
Yeah, Yeah, it's one of those forces that habit things now for four years, Like you said, mmm, but it wasn't for sure. There's any uh topic.
Of are you still are you still? Are you still you?
All right?
What's happening right now. You're you're I can tell you feel like you're doing this wrong somehow is that? Am I protecting that on you? Or is that that's what it sounds like?
Yeah, kind of yeah, I'm always sure. I was just watching the stream, uh, just recently, and I wasn't for sure. There's any topic of choice.
What do you what if you were doing what do you this is?
Like?
How what would you doing this correctly? Look? Even look like?
I don't know.
To be honest, I kind of wanted to come on to get some sort of like I guess false guidance if you will, because it's it's really comes in myself. But uh, any sort of like way in on the situation I'm dealing with.
Oh, it's what's Yeah, what'sh what's what's the situation? What's going on?
Yeah? So I I'm decently skilled with computers and like a networking or like a cybersecurity kind of way.
But the area where I live, it's.
Midwest and it's farming and random. I live in a city where there's nothing here but I need to move. But everyone in my family that I like talk to, which I stopped talking to all of my family except for.
The few people.
Availa want me to stay. So I'm at an impasse. Gek and I don't really know what to do. I want to move and starts college, but you know it's it's a cliche, like a small.
Town kind of thing.
I so you want to move and start Why why why can't you move and start college?
Well, uh, I don't know. It's well, it's gonna be.
Okay.
I'll just say fear. Yeah, the fear of fear.
I was going to say, you seem and again, I'm I'm just a guy on the phone. I'm a stick gecko guy. I'm not a psycho, I'm not anything. I'm a sick guy. But but listen, you seem scared. I don't know. I don't know how to take this fear out of you. But but we we both know it's there, like a general fear or anxiety or whatever. I don't I don't know. I don't have the skills to take this fear out of you. I cannot, I cannot do that for you. But we know it's there. We know
it's there. We know there's a fear. And I'm thinking, I'm sitting here, I'm talking to you and I and I know and because I don't feel fear for it all right now, like you're afraid of like even just how you're being on this phone call. And I know from my perspective that you have nothing to be afraid of. But I can't. I can't input that data from my end into your central nervous system and cause you to
not be afraid. So I don't. So I don't know, but I do know that your fear is or maybe I don't know this, but work work with me here as I come up with this uh, with this, with this thing. I do know that your fear at the very least on this call is unfounded. It's not helpful or backed up by by anything sort of legitimate. So maybe maybe that could mean that your fear about other things is UH is on a a sandy foundation by But again that's all that's all information. It doesn't it
won't compute with your central nervous system. You can't you can't tell your you can't use logic to become unfearful or unnervous. I've tried it myself a lot, yeah, and it never works.
It's been my problem because thats a very analytical mind I like to break things down a lot and try to think of them logically.
But yeah, okay, so you're a very analytical guy. You break things down logically. How have you attempted to logic yourself out of fear and has that worked?
Like?
Uh so, I have bipolar. So it's it's it swings of like where I feel, you know, good, and I
have those positive you know, like thinking processes. Because the only way you can change, like the way you can actually I don't know necessarily I feel better, like succeed quote unquote, is if you can, you know, put your yourself in the right mindset or set healthy mind habits and like the way of thinking that it was positive, I'll get in a good swing to that, you know, do great then just kind of like a cycle, sell and repeat. I've been trying to find the the the.
Point, you know, what's your end? Michael, Michael. Have you spoken to a real Have you spoken to a real therapist about your shoes? Oh?
Yeah, yeah?
And what do they tell you to do?
I'm underwent E. M.
D R.
Which is like a kind of like a which it was psychotherapy and stuff. But yeah, I just have like a lot of past traumas that was they were trying to unload and like put away in the filing cabinet. If you will, so mhm, yeah, well.
I think you should move I that's that'll if if, if you, if you did come here for me to weigh in anything, and I and I and I try to fucking I guess I try to weigh in as little as I can. But I think you should move right because what no, you know you don't think you should have shouldn't. But I hope I'm not being a dick to you. I I it sounds like I'm being a dick. I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm saying all these things. I'm actually just saying all these
same I'm like thinking. I feel like the majority of my talking has been me just sort of thinking aloud to myself, which maybe is maybe is being a dick. The point is, I'm a big, fat green dick. But I think, would you say, Michael, Michael, I think, look, at the end of the day, you're twenty two. Where where are we moving to? Where are we moving out of?
I had what I really wanted to like a bigger city.
Just where where where are we? Right? Now where are we right now?
Right now? We're fucking Central Indiana.
We're in Central and we want to move to a big city. What what? What? What big city? Give you some big cities? Where where ever? We think we're going to New York, We're going to Philly, We're going to l A. Where are we going the awesome?
I was thinking probably Seattle? And like it kind of sounds ridiculous, Like.
Why does it sound? Why is that your gut? That's that's what I want to know. And I'm not a real therapist. I'm trying to be careful here, But why why is that? Why is it? Why is it ridiculous? Why is it off the bat ridiculous?
Well, here, at least you know a lot of people.
From where I live.
At least they it's always the safety and that.
Kind of thing.
They always want to you know, I don't. They don't want to go very far do big things.
Mike, Fuck those people. Okay, Within you, within you, I know, I know you have you, you've got your stuff, I know you've got your fear. But within you, deep in, and I could sense this from you from talking to you. Within you, though you may have your obstacles of fear. You have this little burning light that that desires to uh do things in spite of those obstacles. I hear that within you. Mike, you want to move or else you wouldn't you, or else you wouldn't have called me.
You wouldn't have brought it up. You wouldn't it, wouldn't have thought, wouldn't have even come to the surface of your mind. You want to live a more rich life, you want new experiences. But all these fucking people in your Indiana town have this way of thinking that's like rubbing off on you. Don't don't let that happen to you, Mike, because look, I know that you're afraid. But here's the thing, dude, is you're afraid, but you can still do these things
in spite of your fear. You know, like, yes, these are obstacles that you have to overcome, but I still think you could do these things in spite of them. So you know, I don't I just I don't care what you know, your dad, or your neighbor or your classmate thinks about you going to Seattle. You want to go, I could I can tell I know I have barely been letting you speak this entire time. But I just I can tell that you want to go, Mike.
Yeah, because now I'm at the point where I mean, like, I don't I don't even see myself having anything to lose, you know, I mean, I might as well try rather than not and then being regretful and thinking about it for the rest of my It's small, you know, like the rest of my existence on this rock, working at a restaurant job or a dead end factory, because that's all that's here is restaurant factory.
Mike, you should be in my Mike, I'm not a real therapist, but you got it. You should be nicer to yourself, man, should be nice to yourself, should give yourself more credit. Because all the people around you, it sounds like are are are are thinking small. But within you want to think big. And I think I think you should listen to listen to that voice that's thinking
big for your life. And and and I guess I can just I can tell like you just you have a thought and then you attack it with like negativity or whatever whatever it is. But but but I don't know. I'm not a real therapist, and I don't I don't want to pretend to be. But all I will tell you Mike before we go is from talking to you again, I see within uh I can. I can hear it
in your voice. You desire to do things in spite of the obstacles to doing them that you've described to me as well, so that that is within you, and I believe you can overcome those obstacles.
Thank you, Gek. That means a lot. It's it's good, a pleasure, a great birthday. I have a good night chat.
Thank you.
Gonna be lurking for the foreseeable future.
Hello, Devin, Yeah, I'm here.
Is this Gek?
This is Gek, this is me?
Oh shit, hey man, It's an honor and privilege.
Honestly, it's a fucking honor and privilege that anyone calls into this thing. So thanks for being on the phone with me, Devin. What's what's going on? Is there anything you want to talk about?
I am a real estate photographer, Okay, So anytime a person is getting ready to sell and an agent reaches out to me to do the marketing, and I'm a pretty busy boy. I probably average four to five homes a day, so you got to think that's five different households five different lives. I'm just kind of walking into and like kind of getting it behind the scenes look really quickly. I mean you can you can only decipher
so much in an hour or two hour appointments. But people are very They're a lot more alike than they want to believe in a lot of ways.
Okay, all right, you're a real estate photographer. You're constantly meeting a lot of people doing this gig, and not only meeting them, but meeting where they live. Meeting Yeah, I.
Get to go into their dwelling. I mean, how crazy is That's like, hey, yeah, here's my sir bedroom, this is where all my possessions are.
Yeah, not only.
A big part of my job is to kind of coach them to get their home looking the best it can. And you know, we all live in our homes, so it is kind of impossible to like make a photo ready at all times. So like, not only do I have to go into their home, I have to like touch all of their things, which is you know, and especially COVID times that's a little it's a little sensitive.
Now, Well, real quick, I don't want to lose this because I want to I want to hear what you mean by this, you said, people are more like than they are, people are more like than they think. What what led you to that conclusion?
Just like, man, it's hard to put it into a word, but when people like present themselves, they all do it in a very similar manner. Basically, there's personality type a's type BS, type c's, et cetera. And the people who have like the picture perfect home and everything's immaculate, they all kind of like carry each other carry themselves the
same exact way. They use like very similar verbiage. They have very similar to pore sometimes and items and it's just, you know, like I said, when you're like going into these communities and you're like going into people's homes, you you get to line up all the similarities very quickly. And yeah, it's just it's just a kind of a mind fuck. Really, like we're a lot more similar than different, and we're all, I think, we're all just trying to do the very very best we can.
You know, And.
A lot of a lot of what I found is these families with large families, Like you know, I've I've walked in the homes with like children of ten. Honestly, Like, the more people there are at home, the merrier it is, which is not bizarre, but it's like you would think with so many different personalities there be a lot more tensions or dramas, and it's kind of the opposites, like the more people involve, the more helping hands there can be the achieve or a tackle a problem. So it's like,
if you have any goals, I have big families. I can tell you there's a very specific energy around that.
And although that sounds sounds exhausting, Brady Bunch, right, they tell me that it gets a lot easier after child like six, because they're all kind of starting.
To help a lot, and they're old. They're older, and I could just takes the village.
You know, if I were like the if I were like one of the first three, I'd be pretty offended if my parents had five more because because at that point, it's like, you're not having ten kids unless if something about the first few you were just like.
We need to do over here, right, You're kind of like the beta test.
Yeah, you're kind of like a beta test and then there was something wrong with you where they were like, you know what, all right, we fucked up these kids. But let's try again, let's have five more.
God do you do you have any kids? Mister?
Are you?
Oh? God, that would be such a terrible I don't think I'll I don't think I'll always be a terrible parent. But I think if I had a kid by a kid right now, like if a kid popped out of my dick hole immediately, yeah I would, it would he would not be having a good life right now.
Yeah, I'm a parent of two kids.
Your parents, well, oh well, you can't call it, you know, a little blasted first. But you you like them both? Do they like each other?
You know, there's six and three. They're so different. I mean, I love them both the same. There is a big difference between boys and girls, in my opinion. Boys are a lot more They're a lot more physical learners, so they need to touch everything, pull everything apart, jump off the couch to learn about gravity, you know, get the
bunk on the head, that kind of stuff. When girls are a little more in tune with like like they're smarter in a sense, like they actually get reality as it comes in and can decipher it just through observation, I would say, And.
They don't have to touch pain on them if it's dry.
Yeah, no, they like, oh, obviously paint is wet. You just put it up. It's still wet. Let's not touch that, you know. So, but there's with boys, it's a little harder in the beginning to because you know, they break everything and that's just part of it. And people don't really tell you this as someone who doesn't have kids.
They just say, well, have kids, it's great. They don't let you know, like, hey, you're going to like literally question everything in life by having kids and watch them just destroy everything around you that you built and that you loved. And it's just part of the process of being a good parents, like having the biggest thing I've probably gained through being a parent is patience. Like I'm kind of like the zen Master at this moment. Yeah, just because you have to be. You have to be.
They test you. Man, there, it's hard. Being a parent is not easy, and especially if you're trying to set them up to be a better version of you, because I think that's all we kind of really want is to do a little bit better than our parents said, not a ton, just leave a little bit, you know. It's like, hey, if I never got a car, growing up as a teenager. So I want to be able to leave them a car just because I know like it can be an enabling force to make him more successful,
like speed up the timeline for them. That's like when I can't step in and spoil them with like finances, it's only to like speed up the timeline.
It's not to.
Actually spoil them. It's to be like, hey, you don't need to have this much of a struggle here you go.
You know.
Yeah, that's that's nice of you to try to provide them with the things that you didn't have when you were growing up.
Yeah, it does feel good, It really does.
HM. So you said you've had a lot of patience. I feel like this patience it comes from like a patience by fire sort of sort of way. Like it's like you got to develop patience or else you will, uh, you will lose.
No, that's absolutely it. Yeah you have to.
What about what about your h Do you have a partner of some kind? Are they involved in this? Or are you raising the kids yourself?
Do you have a lovely wife?
No?
I feel like, you know, and it's so weird. I'm thirty five years old. I'm looking at these younger kids who you know, and I get the whole, like tender apps and the Internet of things and having that immediacy. Yeah, but they're not learning. They're not learning how to like build anything long term or like actually deal with shit, because when you can just say peace out and go to the next person until you need to say peace out again, you're not really facing that challenge and like
overcoming it and growing. You're just you're to me, you're just damaging yourself or you're just you know, hindering your own growth as a personally.
Do you think that Do you think that having multiple partners instead of just sticking to one person is actively damaging?
It really depends. I mean, I was raised in a fairly conservative household. I've never really been a fan of authority. My father was law enforcement, so that I did not like that. Growing up very fucking strict, insanely strict.
And are you are you significantly less strict?
You know, I don't know yet because the kind of strictness I'm talking about. You don't really have to deal with those things until like later in life. You know, there's six and three. There's not much they can do other than destroying my stuff. Just by not understanding.
Have they been destroying your stuff's been on understanding?
Oh dude, thousands my sons destroyed thousands of my gear is not cheap.
Oh god, what's he doing? What's is he fucking with the cameras.
And cameras, monitors, drive button mouth and stuff. No? No, okay, So he like literally shoved my iMac and my like three thousand dollars twenty terbyte hard dripe just off the desk, just wanted it off.
So it's off.
Thank God for insurance.
So this is why I'm not. I can't have a kid.
You just have to like baby proof, baby proof more than you because I thought it was babyproofed. No, he showed me he got into the office. And that's the thing. It really depends on your kid, if they're really like, if they're really not to say, he's like really intelligent, but he just figures it out. That would never think he could figure out. You know, this was an interesting.
This was an interesting sort of look into you know, it's a you know, what I like about doing this is that we have all kinds of people call in, Like, you know, I talked to a guy yesterday and then I used on Monday, who is your age? And he was like, you know, I'm gonna I don't I don't have a wife or kids or a job or anything like that. I'm just gonna peace out and become a nomad. You know, I have I have people who are you know,
trying to live that sort of traditional life, right. You know, there's people who are all sorts of lives and have all sorts of desires, of all sorts of ages. And it's very cool to hear it's and it just always instills into me that there is no one correct way
to do it. You know, everyone's wired differently, everyone has different paths to their own happiness, and it's very cool to see, Like, like I think, you know, would you say that if if you didn't have your wife and your children and your job, and you were just sort of wandering around visiting new places all by yourself, You know, maybe you would be if I.
Was okay, if I was no, because I could totally see, you know, like I've always gravitated towards the arts, so I could pick up a guitar and draw a crowd or a piano or whatever I need to do. And this whole experience with like generating revenue from my creativity with the photography, I could see like, man, if I was single, I could just like live out of a van because all my I mean my gears. It is expensive, but it's like the the footprint of it's very small.
So I only need like a pelican case worth of gear and a laptop and I'm able to generate six figures wherever I want. So, you know, having that kind of freedom, Yeah, stude, I'm I'm incredibly incredibly kids.
But the but the con is that your your son won't be there to take your guitar and and throw it off a cliff.
And mash it. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean and that's you know, that's and that's the whole thing. It's like, if that were to happen, sure it sucks, but do
it makes a good story. So you have to think on the flip side, you know, like think about the badass story or yeah, you gotta be like, hey, we're at the Grand Canyon and you know, I just got done with the job and took the kids out and pick the guitar, and Liam grabbed it and started playing and then immediately threw it off the freaking down the Cliff, it makes a badass story kind of.
Well, Devin, Also, I appreciate you, uh sharing your perspective with us. It's definitely as I said, it's very interesting to get all these different callers, different perspectives on things, and hear from everyone at different states in their journey
to whatever it is that they're looking for. If it's you know, uh, just general calmness or stability or adventure or or whatever it is, it's uh, it's very interesting to hear your take on all this, man is Is there anything else you want to say to the to the people before we go?
Yeah, just do you like a hundred if you want to be a doctor, do that grind at the college and get that awesome piece of paper and grind. Also, medical industry is gay, But if you want to do that, do that.
Do you say the medical industry?
Do we need we need medical reform in this country? Crazy? That's another thing. Going to all these people's homes, I can't tell you how many people have fucking pills upon pills upon pills upon It breaks my freaking heart.
Did you did you say did you say the medical industry was gay?
Or what?
Did you say it was not not.
Yeah, I mean that's probably the wrong word. It's it's medical industry is a scam.
Oh for lack of a I I didn't understand what you were saying.
It's not literally homosexual.
No, okay, that's why I thought. That's why I thought you I was confused.
Yeah I was, but no, just you know, go for go for the shoot for the stars, like if you if you want to be a creative mind, go to college, find people equally as passionate about you as you and actually just create with them as someone will notice. That's all it takes. All this is about is the enriching each other's lives, and if you can tap into any facet of that, you're going to be lucrative and you're gonna be successful.
Well, Devin, no matter what, gek bless you help you continue your climb into the Republican tax bracket. And it's pleasure talking.
Hey, get keep on keep an eye man, Thank you man.
Talk to you soon. H You know what, I I appreciate that. I am you know what. The medical industry. Yeah, he's right, it's it's a little gay at the end. He's he's he had a point. He had a point.
Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Everything goes to his teaching you cloud line that he's not really an expert.