MENTAL HOSPITAL FOOD

Hey, folks, it's Lyle.

Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I call them, we'll be able to get every new and

All right, let's get into the episode.

Hello, Hey, Hi, what I'm talking to you right now?

My boyfriend's gonna freak out.

Oh well, well, what's well? I can't believe I'm talking to you too. I can't believe technology has advanced far enough to get us to this point.

It's pretty crazy.

I believe technology exists.

What's your name?

Salem?

Uh?

Salem h? Like the witch stuff?

Yeah, like the witch stuff and like the cat from Sprainton a teenage twitch.

Well, Salem, do you are you? I don't know. I feel like, you know, I want to ask you about which stuff?

But I feel like it it would be hacky of me because you probably can ask that stuff all the time.

Not really, but I mean, I I don't know why should talk about it?

Well, is there a reason that it's okay? If not, we can find something.

But is there a particular thing you you wanted to talk about up from bike with calling in?

There's so many things going on, so you know we could figure something out.

Okay, Uh, tell me one of the things that is going on.

I was recently in a mental hospital.

Oh okay, what's the food like in the mental hospital?

Well, I have celia, so they had to make all my food in a microwave, like just frozen meals from the grocery store.

It sounds like what you've been eating in the mental hospital is very similar to what I have just been eating in my apartments.

Yeah, it was.

Honestly, my food looked better than a lot of the other biggest food in there.

What was the best frozen meal? You had?

Probably just some mac and cheese. I normally have that my house anyways.

And I feel like I've talked to people about this before, but like is it are you are you solitary or are there other folks in the hospital that you Well, I was in.

A detox and crisis center because it's one of the only like available facilities near me. So a lot of the people are on drugs or coming off of drugs. But I was alone because of that. But there's like hourly meetings that.

You have to go to, So you were alone because the only other people that they didn't mix you in with the people who are detoxing on drugs.

Well, like for like the daily meetings they did, but they didn't make me stay in the room with someone that was like coming off of fentanyl.

Why was that like a danger to you or a danger to them?

It could be, And I mean I was there because I had been having like really bad panic attacks where I thought I was dying for like like probably twenty a couple of days. So I was like I need, I need some help, So they probably thought that, like watching someone the talks probably wouldn't be the best for my anxiety.

Yeah, I feel like if you're anxious about dying, watching somebody who's like, you know, kind of kind of dying is bad.

Yeah.

Yeah it was. It was a lot just being in there. But I mean I have like family members that are addicted to drugs or have recovered from drugs, so I wasn't as shocked as I think someone else would be.

Do you have TV?

There was a TV in the day room.

I watched it on TV.

Yeah, and I brought a lot of books.

Which was you watched what did you watch the Hunger Games? Okay?

I also I feel like, not a good movie to watch if you're afraid of dying, because it's just it's about kids dying.

Well it was. It was only on Netflix for a month, and I didn't know how long it was going to be in there, so I was like I might as well.

You were like, I can't wait for my death anxiety to get better to watch this movie about the kids.

Well I just got to watch it now.

My anxiety was about like me having like an aneurysm and like it was like fictional death. And I'd seen the Hunger Games before, so I knew. I knew it was gonna happen.

How long ago were you in this facility?

I was only in there for four days. I was supposed to be in there a week, but there was some weird stuff that happened.

All right, did you now in this anxiety?

Like I don't want to, you know, but I was on the fucking Wikipedia page.

Dude.

I've been in some just weird.

Wikipedia loops lately and they and it's just having anxiety and unfiltered internet connection is a horrible mix. I was on the Wikipedia page for for aneurysms, like, uh uh a few days ago, just randomly, when you were going when you were anxious, were you like on the internet looking at web md and like just gone.

I have done that when I'm really paranoid, because I get paranoid about my health a lot. But I was specifically worried about aneurysms because my mom was really worried that I was having one, and her aunt died from one and her mom has one, and I think my great grandmother has a couple, so it was like, it's it's possible. That I could have one.

What did your why was what was your mom saying to you?

Like, well, she was just like I couldn't eat or like do anything for the whole time, so she was just also really worried.

I was saying, Okay, uh, well, how I know you You said you were in there for four days.

But how long ago was this?

Oh it was in March. It was like in the middle of March.

Okay, what did you What would you talk about at these meetings?

I mean I feel like I didn't have as much to talk about as some of the other people because a lot of it was more like like rehab oriented and like trying to get people to recover. But I mean I've been in A meetings a lot as a kid, so I at least like I didn't feel super uncomfortable in that situation.

The you said you've been in AA meetings a lot as a kid, Oh yeah, with your parents. Is that a thing parents bringing their kids to a meetings?

I mean, if they like, if one of the parents have to work and you really need to go to meeting, you know, there's normally like a little area for kids to be in. But I'm the oldest of my siblings, So I was paying attention to the meeting.

Do you kind of ask your question?

And like I is, when you go to these when you're at these meetings, and I know that it's people who are dealing with something different from you, But does any part of you, and maybe this is one of the points of group meetings and stuff, like, does any part of you go?

Okay? Well, at least I don't have I'm not dealing with that, you know.

Oh no, I.

I've been addicted to drugs. I've just never gone to like rehab for meetings for it.

Okay, are you are you?

Are you?

Are you under digited to drugs? Now?

I I'm pretty reliant on weeds, but that's because I have a lot of health problems and like chronic pain. But I'm not addicted to like hard drugs like I was when I was younger.

Is it uh?

Uh?

Is it like medically prescribed weed or you just buy it from like a dispensary recreationally.

Well, I don't live in a state where weed is the most legal. It's the criminalized here and they're trying to get medical So I'm going to get a med card, but currently I can't really tell you how I get weed.

Oh, look I have.

I have picked up weed from the Red Robin parking lot many times, so I've been there.

It's a little it's a little less legal than that.

It's a little bit less legal than that.

Yeah, I mean it, you know, I don't know, it's really it's kind of crazy, the uh dichotomy of like there's there's I live, you know, I'm in California right now, and.

You can walk into these like fucking.

Apple store type places where we'd is completely legal and like a smiley salesman will walk you all around the store and like show you everything. And there's like, you know states where people are doing that versus you know, the Red Robin parking lot States or whatever it is.

That you're going to.

Yeah, that's true. I lived in Colorado for most of my childhood, so I was used to like seeing places like that, and now I live in the South and it's just weird because when I started smoking, I was like fourteen, and so I would like go to dispensaries with people that could get wheat and get it from them. So like I was pretty used to that, and moving here was kind of a shock that it's so hard to.

Get Okay, so you were how's your health anxiety?

Now? Did the uh bend the hospital visit help?

I mean not one hundred percent. I think it was just good to like it's right next to an er, so I think like it made me feel safer that like, hey, if I actually am dying, like I'm directly next to hospital and then they up my medication and that that helped a lot.

Are aneurysms genetic?

Yeah, they can be hereditary?

Okay, what like what kind of I's fucking off to tell me? If you want to be like, what kind of what kind of medication are you take?

It?

Is it?

Is it like just for anxiety?

Yeah, it's called hydroxycine. My psychiatrist wants to get me off it eventually because I'm on mood stabilizers too, and she said that those should probably help us by anxiety when they like start working, because I have to like, uh get up to the dose where they're going to start working. So it's not the best medication to take for anxiety, but it's working for me. And I was addicted to Benzo's in the past.

I was, I was, I had a I've said kalanapin for a little bit. Is that similar to that with I know that there's a different word for it, but I get lost in all the words. I think.

I think klanpin is a benzo. I've taken that a several times. But I was. I was prescribed d X when I was thirteen, which is not good to do when you have family members that are drug ant. Sure drug at it?

Sure, I don't really, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't recommend anyone doing this. But I did have one night where I took both. I was I was sick, and I took both niquill and klanapin, and I think I might have slept for a whole day, and I had dreams about creatures that I cannot even describe.

That that sounds really scary.

No, it's I mean, it was it it.

It fucked up the entire next day, But you know, I mean it was worth a experiment.

I wouldn't recommend it.

I love I love niquil though it is it is. I mean, that's a great drug. I wish they have well they have Zz's e quill that you can take when you're not sick.

Yeah, I feel like being reliant on something like that like Nightly though it is probably not the.

Best because no, it's a terrible idea.

Yeah, I think there's a bunch of chemicals, especially in like the liquid night quotes.

I have to say, I don't I try to do like a chat.

But somebody said, dude was on that loved crafty and combo, and that is exactly what it was. That is like, that is what he was on when he came up with Cthulhu.

Was Nike, Will and.

Klonopin probably I don't know if they had clump in then, but.

Well, well all right, so what how is you? What's your like?

How so it got bad enough that you had to go to a mental hospital and then it got I suppose good enough that you left it early.

Yeah, kind of it was more like situational. Okay. There was a weird guy that's like my dad's age that was hitting on me and I'm I just turned so I thought that was really creepy, and I didn't I just turned eighteen like two months ago at that point, m M.

And he was like.

Forty, So what's your so? I mean, you're pretty young, dude, what's your like? Are you about to go to college. What's your like next life step.

I'm getting my ged and then I want to go to college.

M h what do you what do you try to go for?

I really want to be like a scriptwriter and eventually a director for movies and like. But it's a hard industry to get into. It's very competitive and a lot so it's a little scary.

Can I tell you something because I went to film school? Mm hm, well okay, where are where are you trying to? Are you like trying to You're trying to go to film school pretty much? Like yeah, okay, what I don't know how much you know information how to get out, But is there like a school in particular that you're trying to go to.

I'd like to go to one in the state, And I mean I'm not in like the best state for film school. But my dad's a veteran and there's a thing where you can.

Get like free college if.

You're a veteran and he's giving it to his kids.

Oh oh, then go to college.

Yeah, yeah, no, if you could, because that was because Okay, what I was going to tell you was if like don't go like, don't go into like, don't go into fucking debt to go to film school, because like I have, I have, you know, yeah, don't go to debt to go to film school. But like if no, if you're if your dad has like a thing with the government, we can pay it. Then yeah, let me go crazy, but do that. But do this, No, go ahead, you tell me what you're gonna say.

I was just gonna say. I think it has to be in state, which is why I want to go to school.

Yeah, I mean, if you're in you're in the summon. Yeah, it doesn't you can, you can go. But I think.

If you go to film school, make sure you're making make Like if I were you, I would make sure you're making stuff outside of just like what they.

Get, what what.

Your your coursework is, because if your film school is anything like my film school, it's like they're gonna make you watch movies and write essays, which is not it's not gonna be helpful to you in any way, shape or form at all.

Things.

Yeah, yeah, I mean some of you know, I'm sure there'll be classes where you know, I don't know. I mean, I'm cynical. There's people that I you know, went to the same film school as me that had a great time. But uh, you know, I mean, make sure you're like making stuff outside of class, right especially now because you get because you got fucking you know, TikTok and YouTube and uh I you probably have a computer that has iMovie on it and share like you have all the

And just make it.

That's good advice.

I try to now.

I feel like it definitely would be harder with like a whole courseloads, But I'll definitely do my best.

But you said you try to. What do you What do you make movies about?

I'm not making movies. I'm just like writing scripts and stuff like that because I don't have like the best camera to film on. But yeah, although I don't have anyone to help me.

Well, okay, you your ice are you?

You're holding an iPhone right now as you're talking to me, right.

Yeah, it's just not the best camera.

Okay.

I mean, look, man, it's like people are on I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen my show, but it looks like shit and it didn't matter, you know. Well, I mean, if you go on TikTok, everything is there is filmed with an iPhone, so I wouldn't.

I don't let that stop you from making ship.

That's true. That is true.

Okay, do you want to get a film school? What kind of what? Like? Like, what kind of script do you write?

Like?

Funny shit? Serious shit? What do you write scripts about?

I think funny scripts are easier to do, just because, like you know, it's not as serious. But I like writing scripts base based off of some of my like mental health experiences, because I think that is also fairly need to do. But yeah, sometimes I just look up.

Prompts and do that.

Have you ever seen one Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest?

I haven't, but my mom talks about all the time.

I haven't either, but I know it's about.

That about a mental hospital, I think, so.

I haven't seen I certainly have even brought it up, But.

It's about someone that's not crazy acting crazy to like be in a mental I think they're trying to hide from like the law or something, but they're hiding in as it was made a while ago, though, so I don't know if it's the best representation of hospitals.

Well, there we go.

Well that's the thing. Maybe you watch it and it inspires you. You're like this guy, this guy didn't get it right, you know, And now you can go and you can make the next great American.

Mental hospital movie.

Thank you. That's that's gonna be my legacy.

Look, what's your name again? Salem? Salem? You shall prevail against all odds. I believe in you.

Okay, thank you.

I really appreciate that.

All right, you have a good night, you too.

All from Hello, Hey man.

What's up? What's your name?

Griffin? I'm in your chat. I'm Rogus.

Jogan. Have we ever spoke before Rogus Jogan?

Never ever? My man? First time? Yeah, you got it?

But ripping like Peter Griffin jogas. What's up?

Man? Not too much? Brother? How's the stream going? What's going on with you? Let's get into it?

If I like you already, man, let's get into it. What do you want to get into.

Let's get into it.

Dude, John Cena on the phone, Hello, that was that was? That was a confident tall guy. Laugh. You just did.

My man? Yo, I got like in high school I met this girl right seven eight, ten years ago? Christ I don't know. And buddy, we were together for five years. We went through, traveled the world. She's a Canadian. I'm Canadian, you know. But she was being the means and man, things went real sideways. She found some pictures on my phone. I screwed up. Trust was gone, you know what I mean? And ever since then, I've just been self sabotaging, like a like a like a big old dummy. M kam.

You were how old were you when you when you fucked this up?

Oh? Crazy, lose a loose grasp on time. Man, I don't know. Probably it would have been five six years ago, so probably nineteen twenty. I'm only twenty six now. I'm a young man still, all right.

All right?

So you you fucked up and then you say that you ever since then, these past six years, you've you say you've been self sabotaging.

What does that mean?

Well? I had this one girl who was super into me. He's a great, great person. She was a pastor's daughter, you know, a good, good person, volunteer at all of that, super talented. Yeah, And I mean I wasn't so good to her. I didn't give her the time of day. I didn't give her the respect she needed. She still stuck with me for like three years. And then buddy, when she got pregnant, Holy cow, I messed a big time. You got a kid?

Yeah, holy shit.

Okay, you know, let's get serious with it, man. Yeah.

Oh no, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

Keep going.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm not ready like financially or emotionally or like spiritually or fucking anything for a child. Yeah. So I told her. I was like, I can't have a kid. I was like, if you have a kid, I can't be there for the child. I told her. I was like, I'm going to leave put on extradition country and we'll never talk again, which is a terrible, terrible thing to say. Mm hmm. And then well, anyway, she aboorded that baby, which is fucked up or not depending on your viewpoint.

I guess, well, okay, was it like, well, how did the conversation go?

Did she like really like really want to have the baby?

She was a religious girl, man, her father was a pastor.

Mm hmm.

Well what were her feelings?

Right?

Because I mean shit, man, like, if neither of you guys are ready to have the baby.

No, we weren't, but I think like she felt like she had like a moral obligation or you.

Know, Okay, do you still talk to this girl?

No?

No, okay, how long ago was that?

Uh, that would have been like three years ago.

I mean, that's it' that's a that's a tough and then from them and it's just.

That's a tough situation.

Yeah. Man, people keep telling me I need therapy, and I get real defensive, you know what I mean, which is probably not a good thing either.

Why do you why do you get defensive when people tell you you need therapy?

Because I don't know. For me, I have an association like therapy is for people who are like weak or you need someone to lean on, but also like at the same time, like you know, we're not always so strong on our own.

M hmm.

Well yeah, I mean, look, did you you're out here, you know, you're you're like reckoning with yourself and being like I fucked up here, I fucked up there, And I mean, look, it's good to reckon with yourself, right. People go through their whole lives sucking up and they never reckon with it. So I mean that I think

Yeah mm yeah, maybe it's something I need to come to terms with. Man. I don't know. It's so self reflection at the end of the day, but it is good to talk about it, you know. And I'm a big fan of the channel. I'm a big fan of what you do.

So well, thanks man.

All Right, so you got all these things in your life, situations, things that you're not proud of, things where you're like, things where maybe you can see why you made the decisions you made, Things where you're like, no, I was just totally acting out of selfishness or whatever. It was like looking back on it and being like.

Yeah, there's a logical reason behind it, but it was purely for self serving interests.

Okay, well here you are now, you're twenty six, you are not in jail, and you didn't die. You're a human being on the earth with an opportunity. Some could even say an obligation to, you know, go and become the best version of yourself that you can be in spite of things that you're ashamed of from your past.

And I think that you should have the.

Right to go and figure out the best way for yourself to do that. So, uh, when you think about that, what what? What do you what do you think about? How do you how do you want to?

I get where you're coming from. And I understand that, like you hear the self reflection and everything and the good ursus is good. But at the same time, my man, I have this whole urge, this inclination, this desire to stay oh so toxic reflection. Sometimes it's appealing to get worse, you know.

Okay, all right, tell me more, tell me more about this. Why do you have the desire to stay toxic?

Christ I don't know, man, So like sometimes I just do destructive things that aren't even self destructive. They're just destructive to other people's joint happiness. That's not good, you know, Like I got some issues. Who knows the reason.

I'm gonna tell you this. You should go. I'm down to talk you see.

You know, uh, you the fact that we are having this conversation right now indicates to me that you are capable of, you know, self reflection, and so I want to talk to you about all this stuff.

But you should totally go see a real therapist too.

Yeah. No, you're probably right, man, Like I would give you more in depth answers if I could, about a lot of this stuff, but i'd like the reasons for something. Some of my actions sometimes just gave me to you know what I mean.

Okay, So well, here's the thing. Is like, you're looking back at shit from five years ago, and it's okay to look back at yourself from five years ago and be like, yeah, I fucked up.

I'm you know, was not.

Perfect and I want to improve, I want to change. But you're telling me that that that you're looking back at yourself from the past and you're ashamed of it, but yet you still have the desire to, as you say, stay toxic.

Yeah, okay, what tell me about that? What is that?

Maybe almost two minds man, That's really what it comes down to. I guess right, I was deciding what path you want to walk at the end of the day, Like, buddy, I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really think we were going to get this deep. When I started the phone call, I didn't even think I was going to get through. I.

Look, if you we can't, we can. We can keep going. We can go deep if you want to.

You know, I don't want to. We don't have to.

Why not? Yeah, no, honestly, man, Probably it's self sabotage. Probably it's it's looking at myself in the mirror and saying, because I did these things in the past, I don't deserve to have good things in the future, and burning and whatnot, that that probably I shouldn't be yeah, myself to other people, you know.

So you look at yourself and you're like, Okay, because I've done these things in the past, I'm not deserving of uh a life where I improve myself. And therefore, fuck it, Let's just keep going down the path of evil and darkness, because why not be fund of redemption?

So let's just.

Dive deep in the deep in right, that's how you're feeling. Okay, hmmm. But here's the But from my perspective, From my perspective, and and.

I would say this, anyone who's done anything right is like, Okay, if you've reached this point of self awareness that that again, I can tell you have because you and me are having the fucking conversation right now.

If you've reached this point of self awareness, you have the ability to move forward positively in your life. And why would I don't. I don't.

I don't see why you're throwing yourself out uh so preemptively. I don't see any logical reason why you're doing that when you could decide right now, in spite of whatever transpired in the past, that you want to do the best you can moving forward and to just.

Go go do that.

What what is logically preventing you from that? Is this feeling that you don't deserve it?

You know that.

I don't. I don't even like what. I don't even know what that.

Means, what to deserve it or not. It's like, you're a dude on the planet Earth. Go figure figure.

Out how you can.

Figure out how you can fucking make your life better and the lives of people around you better. I don't see why anything you've done in the past should prevent you from doing that.

Yeah, no, you're not wrong, my friend. You're not wrong. You have a very good point. I should I should always try to be better in all things.

Right, Yeah, so go ahead in the way that people.

Maybe I'll find some redemption in that, who knows, But I can't. I can't tone for my sense my past, you know, like they're there are things that we can never make amends for. That Like, even if I want to apologize for the wrongs that I've done for the awful things of other people, those people don't want to have contact with me because of the bridges that I've burned, you know what I mean.

Okay, Well, so I mean, look, let's to that point, right you You can accept if you fuck, if you fucked up in some way, you can accept, like, I'm not going to reach out to this person because this person probably don't want to hear from me, And even if I did reach out to them, they could reject my apology, and that that'd be okay.

You just got to deal with that.

You know.

That's okay That that person rejecting your apology or that person not wanting to hear from you again doesn't to me negate your ability to move forward in some positive direction in your life.

Mm hmm. You know, yeah, Well, at the end of the day, man, it's probably you're right. And it's something that I gotta work on, something that I gotta work on. I gotta I gotta do a little bit more introspection, more self reflection and find a way to I don't know that go of some of this ship that career, right mm.

Hmmm, because it's not doing anyone any good, something you any good, it's not doing anyone around you any good.

To just be like to to to.

Beat the ship out of yourself and decide to stay toxic.

I think it's a good.

It's a god, it's always it's a good idea to reflect on your actions and reflect on your life and go, Okay, here's parts where that just wasn't good, and here's parts where I fucked up, and uh like, guess that's a healthy, good thing to do. But again, you said it yourself. You're a young guy moving forward. You could have you got, you know, forty five fifty more years ahead of you of positive action in the universe that you're just throwing away for for for no reason.

Hm hm hm.

And people have varying ideas, and people have varying ideas and philosophies about these things, and I respect that. You know, some people would agree with you, there's certain things that are beyond redemption.

But I don't.

I think as long as you're alive and you've and you're you're self aware to the point.

Where you know that you can change yourself, then you should, right.

Yeah, like, and that doesn't that doesn't mean that, that doesn't mean that anyone like owes you any kind of like, you know, accepting of any apologies or anything. But it doesn't mean that or you're you're you're entire you're entitled to fix yourself and to pick yourself up and to go all right.

I cannot change the past.

I can.

I'm going to reconcile with it, and I'm going to make an intentional decision to uh do better in the future, especially with how fucking young you are. Like I said, you have fifty forty five more years of you know, good life ship ahead of you that you're again that you're throwing out for no reason.

Yeah, no, I you there's a lot to think about. Man, You're you're you're not wrong in any of what you're saying. It's easier to agree with than to actually put into practice in my life, though, right, So, I mean, I will I'll be thinking about this for the next little while, my friend. Then I will I'll see what, if any progress can make the defeatistatude.

I'm sure it doesn't help, you know, you said, the defeatist attitude, the attitude attitude.

I gotta think more positively about this whole thing, you know what I mean?

Mm hmmm, mm hmmm.

I guess I'm just lost on that. I guess I'm just like lost on this idea that your unhappiness with how you've acted in the past it led you to some point where you're like, well, fuck it, let's just keep acting like that, you know.

I guess it's such a precedent and it kind of shapes how you see yourself as a person. Like if I did these things, I must be this way, you know what I mean.

Right, but but but but I think I think people are more complicated and uh bigger than like labels. Right, Yeah, the world is not white, right because you're just like, oh, I did this, I must be that way.

But I don't.

I think that's just you like boxing yourself in and labeling yourself when but our action is.

Not sometimes also a true reflection of our nature, like a true reflection.

No definitely. Yeah, but you can, you can change your actions and therefore change your nature. Would you not agree?

Yeah? No, fair enough. So then having changed my actions over the past four years roughly and worked to better myself as a person and you know, be a more upstanding member of society, I should still be able to let go of this all. But you know, and and then say, you know, I've made progress and that counts for something, But that doesn't that still doesn't erase the sense of the past. I don't know.

I don't think the goal is to erase them, right, Okay, come to Yeah, yeah, I think the goal is to come to terms with them and to figure out how to move forward positively in your life despite them. You know, mm hmmm, because why that? Why should it again? You're just you're throwing you're throwing out you know, fifty years of of uh, you know, good good stuff you could be doing just because you wanna you know, wallow.

Mm hmm, yeah, pretty anybody, You're not wrong, Crace, I got some issues a buddy, All right, Well, you know.

What are you gonna go to? You should you should look?

Look, look, man, I I think you should be less defensive. I mean I'm just a fucking gecko guy. You should talk to a pro.

Yeah, yeah, I know you've convinced me I might. I might benefit from passing this all out with somebody who's got some degrees and whatnot, because even this conversation has helped me. Man, I appreciate why you do what you do. You know?

Okay, good, good.

I do have a question before. Why isn't the face red?

You're really pushing yourself here. I take back everything I said.

You're your dear nor. Alright, what's your name? What's your name?

Man? Griff?

Griff like Peter Griffin?

Griff?

Okay, well, Griff, look, good luck to you. I think I believe in you. I think you're going to figure this out. And you know, keep think about all the ship we talked about.

Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I'm thinking about it.

Man.

I appreciate it.

Hey, cool man, all right, man, I'll talk to you soon. Letter on, Thank you, sir, aw from Andrew Andrew.

Oh, it's the therapy, geck.

Let's go.

What's up? How are you doing good? How are you doing all right? What's happening?

I have a proposition for you?

Uh, a proposition? You say, okay.

I want to count you to a singular game.

Okay, big tactoe okay. You want to play it in our minds right now?

Yep, no, no paper, just mentally.

Let's let's just do it.

You want to be you want to be.

All right, I'll be O's.

Okay, I'll be O's. You want to go first or second?

I want to go first, okay, all right?

All right?

Bottom? Left? I put an O.

Okay, bomb left. I guess I'll put an X in the center.

Okay, upper left, I put an O.

Okay, we'll go left, I'll put an X.

Okay. Right, I put an O.

Okay, I'll go bottom. I'll put an X.

Okay.

Uh.

Top, I put an O.

Okay, top right, I'll put an X.

Okay bottom right up? Put Now? Well that was fun.

What's your name again, Andrew?

Andrews? Anything particularly called in to talk about?

Nope, that was it. That was fun. I hope you have a good night. Hope chat's doing well. Watching. I'll keep watching and I'll see you guys around.

Well, I mean, is that is that all you want? We could do? Look, we can do more.

I mean we I don't want to do any more games of TikTok toe because my brain would explode.

But I mean, who are you?

That was?

That was mentally draining?

It was.

I'm just chilling right now, you know, Wednesday night. I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty pretty satisfied with this call. That's all. I really just wanted to just, you know, play around, have some fun, what.

You know what.

I respect that and I'm gonna let you go.

Thanks, have a good night, Lyle.

Soya you too? Take care?

Wait?

Did I win all?

From Peter?

Peter?

Hello?

Hey man?

How's it going?

Man?

It's going good.

How are you? Oh?

Not too bad at all?

Well, Peter, what's happening?

I'm just watching your stream, hanging out, playing a little bit of video games. Just got off of work, not doing much of anything.

Really, is there anything particular that you called in to talk about?

No, not really, kind of just hanging out and wanted to talk to somebody that wasn't on a bachelorette party.

What do your bachelorrett party? We're talking about?

My fiance is at a bachelor her bachelorette party, and I have no one to talk to.

Oh, okay, so you wanted to call?

You wanted to call me, I mean, who else am I going to call? Really?

Do you have any friends?

I have plenty of friends. Yeah, but they're mostly asleep. They all work the morning shifts and stuff like that.

Oh okay. Have you ever tried to just like dive into being alone being lonely?

Oh?

I do that all the time. Yeah, it's great.

Yeah, you weren't feeling it tonight though?

No, no, not not tonight. I wouldn't feel a nice.

Okay, why were you? Why weren't you feeling it tonight? What was upsetting about that idea?

Maybe it's just a lack of options, you know, having nobody else, uh, nobody else available?

Mm hmm.

Just I couldn't choose to be alone.

So I almost I almost feel like i'm, you know, the idea of like you're a second choice. I almost feel like I'm like a second choice to yourself.

Well that's not necessarily true, you're.

I know, I don't, but it's a funny idea to think about, I'm the second choice to yourself.

You were bored with yourself or it's.

Or it's it's like you didn't you didn't want to hang out with yourself, so you're like, all right, I guess I'll hang out with the gecko guy. So it's like I'm the second option because you didn't want to hang out with you.

Well, I mean, I'm kind of bored of me, if I'm being honest with you, Like what what am I gonna? So you can't really talk to yourself without feeling a little bit crazy, I feel like, and you can't really hang out with yourself at least I can't without doing something, and I'm kind of tired of all the things that I was doing. Can burn out?

Look what were you doing?

Well?

I was playing a couple of video games and then just none of them felt good to play.

At least I'm a third option. Sure it was you the video games and then me, what video games are boring you?

I play a lot of like management simulator games. So if you've ever heard of like room World?

What is room World?

Room World is kind of like have you ever seen the one hundred? The TV show? I? No, Okay, Well that doesn't help. Room World is kind of like this thing where you have these colonists that you're managing, where they're trying to survive and anything could happen from like raids from other quote unquote factions or just plague.

That sounds boring.

Well, the correct moment, it is.

Yeah, yeah, I almost didn't. I actually didn't.

I tuned out when I when you first started telling me about it, and then I tuned back in and I just heard you say the word plague. What about I mean, there's good video games out there, man, what about like? Uh no, yeah, you're right, I see what you called me.

Okay, yeah, yeah, there's nothing good out right now?

All right, well, your wife's aid a bachelorette party. Why is the wait, why is it her friend's bachelor party? Her friend's getting married.

No, my fiance is uh at her bachelorette party. It's her, it's her party.

Oh oh, so you guys are getting married.

Yeah, we're getting married in two months.

Oh so this is okay, wait a minute, so this is like your time. You know what's funny is you're gonna get married, right, and I'm sure this is gonna be great. You guys are a great time. You're gonna be happy that you're with somebody that you love. But I'm sure every now and then you will miss being alone and bored in your apartment.

I miss being alone even when I'm not alone, if that makes sense, Like I can be I can be alone and already miss being alone when I haven't even gone anywhere yet. I'm going somewhere. But I like being alone, I think maybe a little too much.

Oh what makes you say that?

Well, I would almost refer to being alone then going and doing anything with really anybody.

Really.

Yeah, I'm.

I'm I'm I'm like that too. I I'm like that too. I understand that. Yeah, so why are you getting married? That's like the opposite of being alone.

Okay, so this is where it starts to get interesting. I don't like being alone when I don't have the choice of being alone. Oh. When I don't. When I don't have a choice, it is extremely lonely and it's not fun. But when you have the choice of going out with friends and you're just kind of not feeling it, that's when I can really kind of relax and just be alone.

See, it's like being being ditched by your friends is awful. Ditching your friends is great.

In a sense. Like I don't I don't ditch them. But you know, if I have the choice of being like, ah, guys, you know, not tonight, I'm not really feeling that great. It it just feels better.

Yeah, yeah, I know, it's you know what, it's weird. It's like totally bizarre, but I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, being alone because being alone because you have no options feels so much lonelier than being alone because you want to be alone.

That feels empowering.

That feels like I'm making an intentional decision to that could be with myself right now.

That feels good. It feels confident.

Yeah, that that feels like you've got your own individual personality outside.

Of your friends, right, It's like who are you and your that's when you go to do you go to things? Okay?

Do you like to go to stuff alone? And like like, would you go to like a party alone or go to a or do you just like to be alone? And when you're alone, do you just like to be like completely and utterly alone in your house?

Kind of a mix of both. I don't like going to parties alone. I've done that a lot and that's not fun. I do, however, like running errands alone. That's so much fun because I can just get in the car and listen to music and I can just be my kind of my truth to self if that makes use.

Yeah, how do you feel now that you're going to be going on errands with your wife all the time?

That's that's some different thing, because that's that's fun because we can you know, kind of have good conversations in the car or throw you know, loud to ask music on, or just hang out in silence. Sounds is fine with us. But I think I'll still want to do. You know, Eron's alone every once in a while, and I think she would understand that. She understands that because she likes being alone too.

M hm hmm.

We'll like two cats. We like being in each other's space. We don't want to talk to each other.

Oh, that's the you know, that's the best. It sounds like you found the right person for you. That's the best.

When you're like being alone, you find somebody else who likes being alone and you can be like two cats.

That's perfect.

Yeah, we can be alone together.

No pun intended saying it's perfect, But that's stupid. Shouldn't say that. Where's her bachelor party?

Sorry?

Where is her bachelor party? Is it like at a I don't know, a fucking strip globbers on no, I think.

They went to an Airbnb and they're doing this whole like girl's weekend or something or other they're gonna do like they're talking.

Do you think they're talking about you?

Oh?

Absolutely, If they are, I'd be disappointed.

What do you think they're saying about you?

That's a good question. Honestly, My fiancee is probably bragging about me to her friends because I'm like the only one of them, Like we're the only like one of her friends that is in any sort of good relationship.

Really.

Yeah, so one of her.

Friends is definitely not great with men and does not know how to pick them how so, so she she is a very religious person. You know, she works at a church, but she likes to pick guys that are like super tattooed and you know, kind of like that punk guy kind of kind of vibe, not really into the whole establishment kind of thing.

I fall there's a little part of her trying to like escape this this.

You know, they tried to escape this establishment that she's tied herself to, and that would.

Make sense if it ever worked.

Out, right, Yeah right, huh, Well, well, no, I can tell why, you guys, you know, I can tell you guys work well together because you both like being alone. It's really perfect. I mean the opposite. It sounds like, sounds like a fucking nightmare. You know, you both cannot live without each other. That sounds like it would get uh what the real the the fancy schmancy real therapists out there call that codependency.

Yeah, I would. I would say though that I I wouldn't know what my life would be like without her, But I do like being alone with her.

Like I like being alone with her. That's that's beautiful.

Man, like being alone and not we don't. We don't ever really whenever I'm alone with her, we don't like talk to each other. I'm in my other room, I'm hanging out, and I can just pop in because she likes to read a lot, so she'll just be, you know, on the couch reading, So I'll pop out of my out of my little man cave thing that I have and I'll just say hello, or you know, fake beat her up, or you know that the thing that people

All right.

Well, that sounds sounds sounds like you guys got a healthy thing going on.

Well, I would hope.

So, So if I end this call right now, are you gonna go baut A You're gonna be lonely again?

No?

Probably not. I'll probably just tune back into the stream until it's over and then probably go to sleep.

You know, you goeah a cool life, man, You should be grateful.

You know, people tell me that a lot.

What how do you react to that? Usually?

I don't know how to react to that because I don't feel like I had that cool of a life. I feel like my life is pretty mundane.

What do you do for work?

Probably work at those right now?

I'm in school, so okay, well already in school to.

Do aviation administration.

It does sound kind of boring, Yeah.

A little bit. It's a little bit boring. I would like for administration.

Can I just say that? Can I just say this?

And I'm this is I'm saying this to myself. It's a fucking honor to live a boring life. I mean, Jesus Christ, look at you.

Oh absolutely, you're You're a king?

All right.

There there was some Greek quote where it was like it's it's like a curses to you, whoever it is. It's like I wish that you would live an interesting life, and it was meant to like be an insult to whoever was this being was being directed at.

Is it is there more to what you were going to say?

Nope? Does it okay?

Well?

I trail I randomly trail off. I don't know.

Well, no, you said that the guy. The guy was saying to another guy, you should live an interesting life. I thought that the guy who wasn't interested living an interesting life would have a rebuttal. But I guess that his rebuttal was to say nothing because he was boring, and so he was being boring in protest.

I guess, so yeah, maybe, yeah, it's an honor.

To you know.

I mean, look, you're a guy, You're alive, you have all your fingers and toes, you ate stuff. Today, you work at Low's, you get to go outside and stare at the sun. There's a lady who thinks you're cool enough to live with you. I mean, you got a great life. You're you're, you're, you're a god. Right now you're living in your life, playing video games, working at Low's, and occasionally looking at your wife in the face is a psychedelic masterpiece.

And I hope you look at it like that every day.

You know what I really needed that actually.

Good good, good good. I needed them too.

That was that was lovely. Thank you for that.

Thank you man. You have a good rest. Is there anything what's your name him? Again?

Uh? Peter, you can call me Peter, Peter.

Peter's anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

You know, love your people. If you have people, love your people. And if you don't find somebody to love.

Oh, you're beautiful, hey Peter.

Yeah, I love you man.

I love you too.

Geck you take care all right? You know I forgive you for me being the third choice of thing to do tonight.

Well, next time you'll be my first.

Take care.

See what a guy?

I stopped.

I stopped saying I love you back to people. But sometimes when the moment hits, it's just blind passion talking, you know.

It is.

I believed everything I said. It's a psychedelic experience, just being alive. I was at the I was eating bread, I was I remember a moment. But I used to do the show out of my mom's basement. That's where I started it, And I remember there was a moment where I was like it was breakfast time and I was just watching my stepdad like read the paper while my mom ate breakfast. And I was like, you know, eating breakfast in the kitchen and like looking at the

Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.

Never Beacon goes to and to ride.

Who's teaching you cloud in the interview life, But he's

Not really an expert.