From Sam.
Hello, how to do? What's your face? Lyle? The get go? How's it going? Oh?
How long were you? How long were you practicing that? For?
Literally two hours?
Well are you not being literal? Are you?
No? I mean literally two hours?
For two hours in your head? You were going, how are you doing there? You were doing that for two hours?
Well, I mean I was gonna say slowly different, but I'll just go with what I said.
Well, what's your name again, sir?
My name is Sam?
Sam? Is that is that how you talk? Or? I thought you were just doing a bit that.
Well it was going to go like this to hide my voice, but that fell apart instantly.
Okay, are you still hiding at what's your real voice? I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't. Yeah, well, uh oh, I'm excited to hear about what you're what you're going to tell me that you are desiring to remain anonymous.
About it's pretty bad. My question is how far do you want to go back? We'll start with the Bay six. I'm twenty five. I've had depression as long as I can remember. It's been real bad at the age of about sixteen, and it's got worse and worse and worse. And then last week I tried to join a cult?
Is that a euphemism for something? Or you tried to join a cult?
Is I tried to join a cult? I didn't realize it was a cult I was trying to join. And then after I didn't join the cult, I got to thinking and realized, oh wait, that's not good.
Tell me why go out? The floor? Is yours?
All right? Let's go as far back as I.
Could think, Well, wait a minute, I will. Let's do this cult thing. How did you try to join the cults?
We're going to go back a little bit and I'll speed run through the story. My whole life, I've been trying to find just someone to love me, so I'm going to be my partner. I've never I can't speak my whole life. I haven't sent into my whole life trying to find someone to be my partner, someone to be my friend through life. Literally, even back before preschool, I remember thinking, man, can't wait to go to preschool meet all these people. One of them will be my partner.
So through the entirety of elementary school. Come on, that's not realistic. Middle school tried a little bit didn't work. High school started doubling down. At the end of high school, asked out someone I thought was cute. They said yes, took them the prom. Had the best day of my life, after which through the rest of the school year, through the entire of the summer, I kept asking them out more and more, and they kept saying, no, I'm busy, No,
I have to do this, No, i have to do that. Now. Me, being a very trusting, loving person, I thought they were telling the truth. I thought they were just busy. Yeah. So then I went off to college several thousand miles away, and through the entirety of college, I didn't bother with any other relationships. I didn't bother getting to know anyone, meeting anyone, making new friends, because I knew that when I headed back home after college, I didn't have someone to return to.
Uh you, so when you went to when you went to college, you were like, Oh, the girl I went to prom with will be there when I get back, So I'm not gonna bother getting to know anyone new.
Okay, So I get back and this chick does the same exact thing for months after month after month. YEP. In hindsight, it's pretty obvious you didn't want to go out with me. But I'm such a loving, trusting person that if you don't think, no, I don't. There was one other chick before this in high school. I asked her out and she said, sorry, man, I'm not your type. She's the only person that I've asked out that I'm like, yeah, that was fair, that was a fair way to do that.
There's a lot of others that slightly led.
Me on or as you look, when you're in I look, I understand me. When you're in high school in college, it takes you a second to uh understand the subtext of what is going on. And more important, more importantly, it's like you got to go through that fucking journey
of like, uh be it you of like acceptance. It's a mourning like really right, because you know I know that you say you were being a sweet and trusting person, but like like in the deepest recesses of your brain was probably a person who was like, this person is not into you, and your defenses want to go no, no, no, no, no, they totally are, and you have you have to kind of like, uh, you have to kind of learn how to mourn the this this thing and be like, Okay,
this person's not into me. And more importantly, I deserve some relationship or a thing like that that that doesn't feel like I'm I'm I'm fucking pulling teeth to get somebody to, you know, like me. And that's that's just a lesson. You gotta fucking learn when you're when you're you know, at some point in your life, unless if you're unless if you're really really, really attractive, then then then you never have to deal with that.
But we're getting there.
Okay, go ahead.
Uh yeah, I learned that lesson after this person. But with that person, I honestly I got this little thing that all the kids got these days, called autism that was not diagnosed until after college. Everyone else knew. I didn't know, so I didn't realize that. Honestly, I'm still not used to people lying. I just think everyone's telling the truth all the time, and it keeps biting me. Sure got back. I'm gonna go back into the story. Got back from college. This chick finally was like, listen,
I just don't want to go out. That's not true. She said yes to one more date after waiting a year and a half, we went on one more date. I went home, checked Facebook. She was in a relationship with someone else. All I read was in a relationship with and I closed that, laid down, put heaven, burn pillow, and just rearranged my entire understanding of the world for about an hour.
Yep.
And after that it was I'm gonna fast forward a lot of stuff. I worked at a place, I quit that place, accidentally fell in love with my best friend on the internet at the time, who Then two three years later, one of my friends accidentally told me, you
know your best friend loves you, right. I have a long history of trusting people like I did that chick, and it hurting me so immediately when I went to college and was still trying to chase that chick who didn't like me, I made a new friend on the internet due to mutual acquaintance of one of my other friends who went to a different college. We hit it
off immediately. We talked for two or three hours, had a great time, and over that year, then the next year, and the next year below, I was just wasting my life away working in retail. I slowly liked this person more and more and more. Then they became my best friend. And then one day in twenty trying to remember, I
think it was March twenty twenty. It was January twenty twenty, before the big pandemic and everything hit, or November twenty twenty, but Thur nineteen, you know, right before the pandemic hit.
Okay, so you fell in love with this person over the internet, and then did you talk to them? Did you meet them?
Yes, because I realized that I had fallen in love with them four months before our mutual acquaintance's wedding, when I was going to be stuck in a house sleeping in the same bedroom with the person that I had fallen in love with and they didn't know. Okay, We for those two or three days had essentially everything I imagine you have in a committed mutual relationship. We're talking hugging all the time, holding each other all the time, hex sleeping in the same bed, feeding food into each
other's mouths. At one point we spooned for an hour straight. At one point I pinned him to a bed and we cuddled for two hours straight. And then at the end of all of this, I'm like, I love you, and he goes, I'm not gay. Figure that one out? What but yeah, uh huh. And I'm like, we have been talking about this four months. We have done every single thing I could imagine spending the rest of my life with you.
Do it.
I don't. And he's like, Nope, not me.
Whoa yeah, you know uh ah man, you know, uh man, that's pretty crazy, dude.
I'm that's a bummer. That's a bummer. But this is this is the thing, man, and and you you you It's it's a hard boundary to reinforce because your emotions don't want to make you reinforce it. But it's like, look, you could be you could be sitting there groveling, going, what do you fucking mean you're not gay? We we kissed, we cuddled, we fucking did all this gay ship. What
do you mean you're not gay? And you can sit there and maybe you're right and maybe he's repressing whatever, whatever, whatever. But at the end of the day, my friend, if this guy is looking at you, whatever is going on in his brain, whatever is in his journey, whatever, then if he's looking at you and he goes, sorry, dude, not gay, can't do it. You have to be. It's a fucking hard thing, but you gotta be able to go well all right, see.
You yep, And that would have been the right thing to do four years ago. But he also was my best friend, and he had successfully put himself into a position where he's friends with all of my old friends, all of the only people they ever talked to on the internet. So for the next three four years, it was on off, on off, really awkward, really weird. All the time. We both knew what was happening, but we
never talked about it. Because I would like to go on Discord and play games with my friends that I've had one of which since kindergarten, you know, the one since middle school. I'd like to go play games and talk with my best friends in life. Problem is, guess who's always there? Oh, this guy that I'm in love with but I also hate and he really really likes me as a friend, but he also kind of hates
me because of this. And it's just this weird dynamic where sometimes I would leave the discord for a month or two and then come back. Sometimes he would leave the Discord for a month or two and then come back.
But right this whole thing becomes infinitely complicated when it's like, uh, you know, if somebody is just like an isolated part of your life and you go, well, I really don't want to remain friends with the person that I'm in love with because it's it hurts, you know, that's that's not easy. But like, you know, whatever, you can cut it off. But when they're in a circle with all of your other friends, that's tricky. Chick, It's tricky.
Yeah, exactly, there was. I had no way out. Everyone says find new friends, but at the same time, it's like, do you have any idea how long it takes to make new old friends?
Yeah?
Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to make a new friends that I've had for tense kindergarten?
Yeah? Yeah, okay, we didn't get the cult yet. Yeah, no, I know, keep going on this story.
Uh so I go back to my but the wedding ends. I go back to my home, he goes back to his, and I'm like, what do I do in life? I'm lost One of my friends, one of our mutual friends, of course, becomes a school bus driver, and I'm like, oh, I could I could do that? So I get my CDL. I'm like, well, I want to drive something, but not a school bus, and the one that I'm in love with goes, you should drive the school bus to be
good experience. Boom. I instantly signed up, became a school bus driver and drove through twenty twenty and twenty twenty one, so the COVID year that year, that was the worst possible year to be interacting with anyone in public, especially children on a school bus. Oh my goodness, I don't ever want to go back.
Oh.
I became a school bus driver because the person that I'm in love with told me to any comments.
Any comments on that. Well, I think when you're asking me for any comments, I think you know the comment that you want me to say, do you not?
I don't know, go for it.
Obviously, making a major life decision based on, you know, someone who you're in love with telling you that it would be a good idea is not the best way to make well, I don't did I did I say just now major life decision because I don't think that was a major life decision. I mean, I don't you know.
I would major life decision. And we'll be honest, and it's about to get so much worse when I tell you the next major life position.
All right, keepee, I'm gonna say my comments until the end. Keep going.
That's fair, that's fair. So I became a school bus driver and drove a school bus in this beautiful, scenic location, absolutely amazing. Everyone that moves there says it's their favorite place in the world. But I grew up there, so I'm used to it. I look at the trees and go, trees have always been there. I look at the mountains, and go, mountains have always been there. The nature's there. Who cares? I want to move somewhere else. I want to see what the rest of the world it's like.
So this person I'm in love with one night, I'm in the discord and I'm just real down. I'm real sad, and I'm talking and I'm like, I don't know, man. I want to leave my parents behind. I want to leave this house behind where I grew up. I want to see what the real world is like. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, and he goes, you should move here. We could hang out. We would have fun.
Oh no.
So that was at about ten PM. That conversation. At one thirty in the morning, I booked a one way ticket and told no one. Three weeks later, I tell my parents, Hey, I'm moving to Indiana, middle of nowhere, right next to Ohio. But hey, at least it's not Ohio. I'm moving to Indiana. And they're like what, and I go, yep, my flights in a week. I'm taking a double bag in a backpack and never looking back. I move with a duffel bag and a backpack and zero plans straight
to Indiana. Show up at like noon, go uh shoot, now what when I message my friend who I've had since kindergarten who happens to live in talk and I go, hey, can I stay in your apartment for like, you know, a week or two? And He's like, yes, you're an idiot, and.
I'm like, I'm aware I am anyway, So I got the easiest thing possible, an apartment that I'm still in literally five hundred feet from my friends since kindergarten.
You got an apart You got an apartment, so uh yeah, well these just I mean, you say, it's these is impossible. Did you have any money?
I had enough money in the bank that it wasn't an issue, all right, not much, but my dad conveniently did rather well and started to what is it? What's it called? He started a little bank account when I was gid, like thirty k Okay, it's not the most amount.
It's not a small loan of a million dollars, but it's not like recents, okay.
All right? So you move, you move, like well, very impulsively to be with this guy that you're in love with. Yep, okay, And you get the apartment, and you get an apartment like five hundred feet.
From him, five hundred feet from my friends in kindergarten, like five miles from the guy in love with.
All right.
Yeah, the first day, we all three hang out. It's awesome, it's amazing. It's everything I've ever wanted again, and everything seems pretty normal. The guy I'm in love with introduces me to some of his other friends. It's cool. The next day, the guy that I'm in love with comes over and picks me up in his car, and we again spend all day hanging out and it's awesome and it's amazing, and I overhear at the end of the day, I overhear him. This is before I had the apartment,
so We're at my friend's apartment. I hear him over. I overhear him talking with my friend and he says, yeah, I'm free tomorrow. I have nothing to do. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool, just store that in the back of my head. So the next day comes along, my friend whose apartment I'm in, leaves the apartment and says, well, you can't leave because I have the key and you need to eat a
lock the front door. And I'm like, okay, sure, I'm stuck in your apartment all alone with nothing to do all day, and I know that the first I'm in love with is about five miles away across town and has nothing to do all day. Now, in my personal history, if I have quote nothing to do all day, that means I'm sitting at home alone, sad wishing that anyone would ever show up. So what do I do. Well, I get some scotch tape, I get a ziploc bag,
and I go to the front door. Now, the problem is I can't leave because there's a dead bolt that I can't lie. However, if you scotch tape a ziplock bag to the inside of it, then closed the door from the outside, then pull the ziplock bag through the gap.
It twists the dead bolt and locks you out. So I did that, and I went and rented one of those little rental scooters, the Electric Ones, and rode for two hours across the entire town that I've never been in and don't know my way around, on the sidewalks that are concrete blocks, so there's about an inch gap between each one of them. Straight to this guy that I'm in love with apartment and he's like, what the
heck are you doing here? And I'm like, hi, surprise, and he's like, I don't understand uh moral of a story. He didn't want me there, which makes sense in hindsight, but at the time, I'm like, you know, in every movie and every TV show ever, when you see like the dude standing outside with the boom box playing new music in the chicken side, it's like, what the Heck's going on out there? And opens the window and it's this guy who's like, look what I did for you?
That was was he was? He was he hang Was he hanging out with your friends?
No? He was just alone that day.
Oh oh okay, I thought I thought you were gonna walk in on him and your friend like hooking up or something.
Oh, that'd be wild. Uh. It was also the fact that hold On, he lived in this apartment that was on the bottom floor of like a five story building, and it was wet, dark, and there were those house centipedes that have like twenty thirty legs crawling everywhere. It was horrendous, and I'm like, I have to save this person from this place.
So, uh, okay, how long ago was this? This is twenty twenty three.
Uh, that was twenty twenty one, Okay, for years?
How did you end up joining a cult?
We're getting there, We're getting there, okay. Uh yeah, he didn't like that over sure. He at one point texted my friend, my friend picked me up. I still have get to get to the bottom of that, but I'm like ninety percent sure. The one I'm in love with texted, my friend said, this guy's crazy. Come pick him up and get him out of here, which is fair. Then
you know, I don't think we hung out again. He moved out of town, went somewhere else because he was done being in college here where he went to college, which is fair, and I just kind of hung out, still talking with him most days on the internet. Sometimes he would go away for a month or two, like I said. Sometimes I would go away from a month or two, like I said, just because we couldn't handle
being with each other. But at the same time, we're both such good friends and we love playing games and talking with each other. We can't handle being away from each other.
This is your higher friends. This is you're talking about your friends in kindergarten, right, not the guy you're in love with. Ah.
Shoot, I mixed it up. Nah, I'm just talking about the one I was in love with.
Okay.
The friends in kindergarten at this point had a wife. He had a wife, and he had a dog, and he had a whole career set up. He was living his own life. And it would come into the discord like once every month, just to see what was going on.
He had so saw my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother. Yeah, how did you end up joining a cult? How does this lead to you joining a cult?
We're almost there, okay, So I keep this. This weird thing with the one I'm in love with goes on and on and on for years and years and years. About two months ago I was invited to go and hang out in Dallas, Texas for like three days with the one I'm in love with and my best friend since kindergarten. So we did, and the first day was amazing, hanging out with the one I was in love with, joking around, just walking around Dallas. It was very nice.
It's really fun. It was a little vacation. The next day, the friend that I've known since kindergarten shows up, and same thing. Whole day of hanging out, having a good time. They I repeatedly told them, I don't want to go do this one thing. I don't want to do this one thing. I don't want to do this one thing. I am not exactly mentally well. I have strong opinions against this. I don't want to do it. But they
still took me there. It tripped something in my head and I kind of lost my mind a little bit.
I've ever covered what can I ask? What this thing?
Last night, I got really really drunk, having a great time with everyone. We went back to the hotel room and one of them said something I don't remember what it was. I think it was You're still young, you haven't wasted your life yet. And I just broke crying, screaming, about hold on.
Hold on, stop, stop for a second. Stop stop for a second. What was this thing you didn't want to do?
Go shoot guns?
Okay?
I don't like guns. I don't want to ever hurt anyone in my life. I love everyone. I think everyone is the most special person who's ever existed.
Okay, So, Sam, how does this lead to you joining a cult?
Because at the end of me screaming and crying all night, at two in the morning, my best friend's in skindergarten and the guy I've been in love with called the police and ran away through different hotel. Okay, so I went back after this, Yeah, I went back. I quit my job, and I just vibed for like a month. Then I went on vacation to my parents' house, so I had to pretend to be normal for two three weeks. On the way out of my vacation from my parents' house,
this is like last week. We are at the colt. This is where the story starts, but now you have the backstory.
Hold on, this cannot be where the story starts, my friend.
This is where the story starts, but now you have the backstory. I hope you're sitting.
Okay, if this is where the story is start. This is like, this is like Red Dead Redemption two, where you're like, hold on, that was the prologue to the fucking thing. Oh yeah, Okay, well I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna ta the truth right now, sam My AirPods are about to die, so this cannot actually be where the story starts. But I'll say this, Okay, go ahead, How did you almost get into this cult?
You want to do that? Or do you want to book me up for Monday?
There's no such thing as booking you up for Monday. That's not a real thing.
And let's do this thing. I can't tell this could story that. Shoot, see what I can do?
You're gonna have to Yeah.
While it was really, really, really tired, I got some I was talking with people on a discord I was in about my mental illness and one not on They're like, you need to do this, you need to do that. One of them went, hey, you want to take a little ADD test and ADHD test, And I went sure, So I real quick speed ran through the ADD test
ADHD test. All my flights for the day got borked up, so by the end of the day I've been up twenty four hours straight on four hours of sleep, and this person went, hey, you want to talk about a weird sex stuff? And I went, I got nothing better to do. Hit me with it because I've been up for twenty four hours. And they just started saying the weirdest sex things. Oh, you can do this, you can do that, you can live your life this way, you can live your life that way. And I'm losing my mind,
like that's not how life works. That's not how any reality that I've ever grown up in works. And I'm like, no, no, it's power works, don't it's not life works. Just okay the way that they do.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna'm gonna. I'm gonna intervene right now.
I got one in the left. But okay for.
It, Sam, Sam, I really, I really, I really have to ask, do you do you do you see a real therapist?
I'm about to okay, oh no, yeah, I'm booked up with someone looking for a psychiatrist for me to get me fixed so I can move out of this town that I moved through because I was in love with someone.
Okay, Sam, I really feel like Sam, I really, I dude, I really mean this. I really feel like you deserve to be happy. I'm really just saying that, like from the bottom of my heart. I really mean that, and I really hope that you get whatever help you need or come to whatever conclusions that you need to come to for you to like make better decisions, you know what I mean? Because like.
I just.
Do you still feel like you're you're impulsive?
I at this point have not been thinking for the past week. I've literally made it awful limits to think about anything because I've realized how mentally ill I am and I need to find proberably a psychiatrist to get whatever the heck is in my head out of my head.
Okay, how old are you?
Sam? Twenty five?
Okay, I think you Yeah, I think you mentioned that, did you. I I know you said you can't tell the story and briefly, but you totally can. And I promise you that. Pretend like, pretend like you're at the end of the story. Pretend like you're telling me the last two sentences of the story. What would those last two sentences be?
Yeah? Oh, and I think I got this. I don't know if they kicked me out of their ritual places. I don't think they kicked me out because they cared about me or because they were afraid of me. But either way, I am glad that I did what I did, because if I didn't do what I did, if I didn't put everything I had into joining this cult, then and there, I would be joining for free in two weeks and I would never come back out. So I have no hard feelings against the cult members. They did
what they thought was appropriate. They saw someone who was weak and needed help and had no other options, and they tried to take me in, but I was so eager. I get the feeling the cult members are at like a five out of ten on the crazy scale, and they look for people that are like a two or a three, because you can take a tour or of three on the crazy and bump it up to five. I showed up and was at a nine out of ten, and they went, listen, my friend, you're too crazy for us.
Please go get some help. You know, when the cultists say you're too crazy to join the cult, that's when you know you got a problem.
Sam. I really, I really like, like, Okay, you're gonna go see a psychiatrist and you're gonna go go to therapy.
Yep. I'm gonna see a psychiatrist, get that figured out, hopefully, get my mind a bit level, and then move out of this town and go.
Okay, good, because I really think like you're it sounds and I'm not in anything you are. You know, you don't have to. I don't need to explain that I'm not a real therapist to you. I'm sure you're ready. No, But like if I were you, brother, I would like take every like stop, like, don't go. They don't do it like I like, like if I were you, I would like literally not do anything except pouring one hundred percent of my effort into trying to like get better.
You know, all right, I'm actually I'm embarrassed about it, but I do plan on moving back in with my parents for some time.
Sam Sam Sam Sam. Life. I say it all the time, and I mean it. Life is fucking crazy circumstances, the brain, the universe, we live it. It's fucking crazy, Okay, And I don't think you should be embarrassed about saying, you know what, I really don't be embarrassed about you about identifying that you have this crazy problem that is such a strong priority that you will do anything to fix it, including moving back in with your parents. Don't be embarrassed
to that. I think that's a really good decision. So really, don't be embarrassed of it. You really shouldn't be. I think you're making the right decision. Okay. There's from what you've told me so far over the course of us being on the phone call, of the possible decisions I think are within the realm of possibility for you to make, moving back in with your parents is the best one that I could think of that are in the realm possibility for you to make, based on what you've told
me so far, So don't be embarrassed of it. Okay, I think it's a great idea. You move back in with your parents, You go see a psych you go see a therapist, you just figure it, just figure the shit out. Sometimes life gets to that point, dude, Sometimes life gets to that point where you've been so fucked up for so long things have just been going crazy, where you just have to go like, Okay, I gotta drop everything and i gotta make fixing this fucking shit
a priority. Because you know, I'm only twenty, I'm only twenty six years, twenty five. We're young dudes, like, there's a lot of life ahead and if you take this year, two, three, four, however long it is to sit down and go I'm gonna figure this shit out. I really want to be optimistic and say that you can like live a nice, fulfilling, great life for many many years after you get better. So don't fucking be embarrassed of it.
Okay, all right, sounds good.
How are you feeling, Sam?
Uh? Better than I was? Still a little bit crazy?
Yeah, so you know you know, well, listen, man, it is is. I'm glad we got to talk. I'm glad you're making this decision. I hope it goes well. Message me on Instagram, you know, a year, two three, whenever, if you if this works, if you're like, hey, I figured it out, I went to therapy. Life is going good, send me a thing. I want an update on this. If you have an update, Uh, give me one. I'm curious.
You want like every week updates are like only in like a year.
No, no, not every week, not every week, but like when you like, if when you feel significant, if like, I'll take a I'll take a year update.
That'll work. Okay, I'll hit you up on August ninth and a year.
Okay, hit me you know what, hit me up on August ninth in a year. Do that. And I'm curious if things have gotten better?
All right?
And Sam, is anything else? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh?
Sometimes even though you think you're the smartest person in the room, you're not. And just sometimes thinking to yourself is not the answer. You really do need to just talk to other people and figuret out.
Sam, honest to god, good luck man. Okay, take take take care brother.
You too. You're probably doing better than I am.
But you if only you fucking knew, take care. Yes, I hope that guy's doing all right. Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know that I do a live version of this podcast on stage in person in front of real people, And that I'm doing this live show in several cities across the United States and Europe? And that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link in the episode description. It is all true. I'm currently on my third tour
doing Therapy Gecko Live. All around the country and it is the most fun, sick, amazing thing ever and you should come out and be a part of it. The shows involve a mix of material and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko therapy session where members of the audience come on stage to share things from their lives in front of a big group of people, just
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Awesome schell yo, Oh my god, I'm finally on.
What's up?
Man?
What's your name?
Chef?
Shit? What's going on?
Uh?
A lot of life, A lot of life.
Get okay? Do you want to talk about any of it?
Oh?
Absolutely, okay, let's do it.
Yeah.
I texted you because well, the main thing is I got fired from my job back in May. Now, I was a shitting employee. I'll admit to that. But it's been a little tough in the job market, especially as an engineer. But after a lot of second round interviews that you know, fall flat, I think I'm gonna get an offer soon, So feeling optimistic about that at least.
Hey, congrats man, that's cool. You know, the job market is tough no matter what you are doing. I remember when I was like sixteen, I was just trying to get to fucking like I was just trying to get like a shitty job doing a retail or like working at a grocery store or whatever. And I kept putting in all these applications and I would never hear back from any of these places. And then I realized, like,
it doesn't matter what the thing is. It could be like electrical engineering or working at a fucking grocery store. You like gotta know a guy in the fucking thing you, I mean, oh my god, And it's it's so annoying, and it like it genuinely does not matter how prestigious or whatever the job is. Like you have like like people like people talk about like the entertainment industry where it's like, uh, oh, you know that person only got that job because they, you know, know the owner or whatever.
And it's like there's nepo babies working at the grocery store where it's like, you gotta know, a guy got the job because his uncle's the manager of the fucking safeway. It's like, that's how anyone. It's so frustrating out there, no matter what kind of job you're trying to get.
Yeah, oh my god.
So okay, so that's so we're optimistic.
Now, Yeah, we're optimistic. And I'm always an optimistic person, you know.
I mean it helps to.
Be what anything else going on.
I mean, I'm home a lot throughout the day just because I'm unemployed, but I pass the time really just with friends or hell, I'm petting my cat right now. She's trying to get my attention. A lot of a lot of shows, video games.
Yeah, okay, you sound like you're doing what When you said that life was lifing, I I anticipated that you might be in some kind of extreme duress. But I'm happy to hear that that doesn't seem to be the case. As far as you're letting onto me, it.
Sounds like extreme duress. I mean, I've definitely nervous about not having a job. Well also because like I'm past my seventh period for my old job, so you know, I'm no longer getting money.
Uh.
So I'm hopeful that this offer comes in soon because you know, my my one priority right now is to stop free falling.
Oh you're like burning through your savings.
Yeah, yeah, that's the that's the that's yeah, that's a That's the one thing I definitely recommend is don't get fired because uh because it definitely, uh definitely hurts your VIC account for sure.
Uh do you so, do you know a person at this engineering thing or did you just kind of get in as a as a random?
Well, it's it's funny because I started off as a random and it's actually back in my hometown. So I'm in Harrisonburg, Virginia. I don't know if they're familiar with that at all.
Uh.
If you know James Madison University, it's it's that town. And this job is actually back in my hometown, which is about an hour away.
Uh.
I'm known of them, and in fact, my dad, who's also an engineer, used to like consult use like the consultant for their their building. And then when I got in, I realized we got a pretty interview. I realized that some of their higher ups work with my dad in the past on like some town rutary thing. There's like a couple other people that I I was like looking through the list on LinkedIn. A couple of people are recognized there, so there'd be some familiarity, which is nice.
That's good. That's good. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard if you're starting from complete scratch. But I'm glad to hear that you're not gonna starve and die because it doesn't seem like a fun way to live.
Yeah, if it was.
Like two months from now, I'd be very much worrying about starving and dying.
What's your name again, sir? Shep Shep? Anything else do I say to the people of the computer before we go?
Go?
Commanders?
Uh?
What do they the Washington commanders of the NFL team?
Okay, go go commanders?
Yeah?
Absolutely. And oh, by the way, I saw you in Richmond and you asked the crowd at one point, is anyone Jewish? And there was one person who yelled back, and.
That was me.
Ah, that's that's awesome. Yeah, I do that at every show. I don't do that at every show. I don't know why I said that, but I'm that's surprising. Do you think you were the Well no, I don't think you were the only Jewish person there. I just think that someone else.
Someone else then spoke up.
Yeah, I think that you know, as Jewish people, we don't they'd like to identify ourselves because that that doesn't historically go in our favor.
Yeah, just a little bit.
Well good luck and uh lhiam well him see ye yep. I'll tack this on to this call because this is something I think about a lot. Is you know, the whole thing about like, hey, you have to know somebody to get into a job. I so the one job that I really wanted when I was in high school and college was that I wanted to work at Adult Swim because I was really into that network when I
was a kid. And so I did this thing. And if you're like in college right now, especially if you're like I want to do like an entertainment industry thing, this is something I highly recommend doing. Is I would go on Twitter and I would just like find people who worked in the entertainment industry, who like worked on TV shows, that I really liked, or who worked at Adult Swim or whatever, and I would just tweet at them and I'd be like, Hey, my name is Lyle and I'm in and I'm a little boy. Can we
can I ask you for advice about the industry? And I wouldn't. And a lot of people they try to do that, but to like famous, but like a lot of people are like tweeting at mister Beast, like, hey, mister Beast, can I I want to work for you? And it's like that's not what you do. You fucking find like the like the third ranking guy who works for mister Beet, So you tweeted them because they're on Twitter all day that you know they have seven hundred
followers or whatever. So that's what I would do. And I got to interview some interesting people. I interviewed the head writer of the Eric Andre Show. I interviewed the I was really too Nathan for you. I got to interview not Nathan, but the guy who co created the show with him. I was there was this like back in twenty fourteen, maybe there was this viral video from
Adult Swim called too Many Cooks. I got to interview the guy who made that, and then I kind of parlayed my connection with that guy that I just made by you know, hitting people up on Twitter into working on one of his shows, and then I kind of parlayed that into eventually getting to work at Adult Swim for a little bit and so on. All these like connections are kind of out there, but you just got to go on Twitter and be like, oh, I don't
know if it's still Twitter anyway. This was I was doing this back in like twenty seventeen, so I don't know if Twitter is Maybe it's crazy now, but yeah, I don't know those connections out because if you just like send in a job applications for a lot of stuff, you just get fucked, like nobody cares about your job application. You got to like noah, person. But there's the people out there if you just try to find them on the computer. Hello, Hello, heuck, what's up man? What's your name?
My name is James.
James. You texted me and you said I'm afraid of using my penis.
I did say that.
Yeah, what does that mean?
Uh? Okay, So yeah, it's strange. I guess well, maybe it's not too strange. Maybe some people have had this before, but it's new to me. I was basically just having sex with my partner and yeah, like you know the bit that connects your four skin to your dick, the.
Bit that connects your foreskin to your dick.
Yeah, some people call it like the banjo.
Card, the part of your penis that connects your foreskin. I guess I don't really have foreskin because I'm circumcised.
Oh okay, yeah, maybe maybe this is a cultural difference. But yeah, man, that thing, that thing like started bleeding. That thing like ripped, So that was not fun. And it's kind of.
Oh is it on the front of your penis. Yeah, like the little the little of the tiny thing that connects like the tip of the pen the little uh it looks like the same thing you got on your tongue, right that connects your tongue to your mouth. You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, yeah, you know that.
Yeah, okay, is that what you're talking about?
Yeah, dude, that ripped.
Yeah.
Man ah, oh, it was just going fucking too hard.
I guess Jesus fad my god, that's the worst thing I've ever heard ever in my entire life. Did it bleed?
Yeah, there was so there was like a little bit of blood, right, So, like it happened once and then we stopped. I washed and everything, and then I like looked up online.
Like what should you do if this happens?
And it really it kind of just said like leave it for like four weeks and then you know, see how it goes. So we've done that, and then that happened again.
So it happened again.
Yeah, madam, I'm scared.
Like, yeah, no, I'm with you, man. I don't think you should have I don't think you should ever touch a penis ever again. I think you just you just off limits. You know, maybe a year. Can you go a year without touching your penis?
That's gonna be hard to think. Ironically.
Are you are you Irish? What are you?
I'm Scottish?
Oh we wee. Yeah, yeah, that's terrified. What did the doctors tell you? They said, okay, so you here's what I would have done. I would have gone back to that doctor that told you, uh what four days? How many? How long did the doctor tell you?
No, it was just like online, like I just seen that online because I was.
Like, this is something hey, listen, listen, this is something you go see a doctor in person. For this is not a This is not a thing you ask chat GPT about. Okay, go to a fucking doctor and tell them to grab Have a doctor grab your penis and stare at it with their eyes in person. Okay, this is not an online issue. Okay, this is not ah a digital doctor calling. All right, you're fucking dick ripped in half, my brother. They have doctors in Scotland.
They do, they do.
But yeah, man, it's uh, it's something like eighteen months to get like a clinical like doctor to see you.
So I don't know.
Hold on, okay, all right, two things. Two things. There's no way you need you have to wait a year and a half to have a doctor look at your penis. Is that's really true?
No, So I don't I don't know. To be fair, that is a lie. A doctor has looked and touched my penis. But to get like a professional urologist to like, because my doctor was like, you're gonna have to get circumcised, mate, So like, yeah.
Did your doctor look at your did your doctor look at your penis after it got ripped?
Yeah?
Okay, well I thought you said you saw a doctor on the internet.
No, Just so we have like the NHS here, and they have a bunch of like web articles on lots of different things.
So hold on. So, brother, you're confusing me. Did you go to did you go to a doctor office and have a doctor in person look at your penis?
I've done both.
So after the first time, I googled it and then it said wait four weeks.
So I waited four weeks and.
Then when it happened again, I was like, fuck this, I'm going to the doctor today.
And what did the doctor say?
You know, he kind of said that everything looked all tip top to him, but that you know, it's it's not normal for that to happen. So he was going to refer me to a urologist to have a look at it.
He said, you should get circumcised.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Hi am brother, welcome. Yeah for you, I'll throw you. I'll throw I'll throw you and your dick a bar mitzvah dude, and yeah it'll you'll it'll never be uh, I'll never rip again.
How do you feel about that?
How do I feel like getting circumcised?
It was that like when you're young, you get it.
Being circumcised is great, dude, you know, I think it's it's uh, it's it's always good to have less stuff. I think I think stuff burdens you, and that includes foreskin.
Yeah, I think it's uh, it's definitely burden. Yeah, it's getting in the way, that's for sure.
But you know, so your doctor, So your doctor told you, all right, uh, just don't touch your dick for a year and a half while you're waiting to see urologist. That's what they told you.
No, my doctor said, he said, like, go for it. He's just like, see what happens. So we actually happened, Bro.
You're all right. You know, people talk so much shit about the American healthcare system. Your doctor looked at your ripped dick and said, just go for it and see what happens.
Yeah, basically, and we have we have had sex.
A doctor told you that, Okay, what happened.
Like, I've been just like taking a gentle right now for the clear reason of not wanting to, you know, tear it to shreds again. So yeah, I don't know, we'll just use their way into it. But yeah, I'm fucking scared of like using it.
Man. It's not where I want to be.
In like well, brother, I got it. Well, why don't you do this? Why don't you get really good at oral sex? Right? You don't use for that? Yeah, you don't. You don't have to use you don't have to use a penis for that.
I've been I've been training, so to speak.
I bet this is a good thing for for your partner because you've become a you've become a more gentle lover, and b you you've practiced your oral sex skills.
So uh those really important.
Yeah.
Life is all about perspective, and that's the perspective that I would have on it if I was you.
Yeah, man, I think that's that's a great mindset to have.
I can't believe your doctor said just have sex and see what happens. That's crazy.
Yeah.
I did kind of think it was a bit weird, But you know, he's not been totally wrong.
Like we have had sex, like we have taken a gentle but it's been fine. So so far, so good. Yeah.
I was staying away from that freaky ship for a while, that's for sure.
Yeah. No, I definitely wait until you see the urologist, until you start tying each other up.
Bringing the apes the handcuffs, so we put away.
Well is there anything else you I say to the people of the computer before before you continue living your life in Scotland.
Well, I hope you have a good weekend coming up. Last man, I'll see you when you're in Glasgow.
Oh, rock and all. I'm excited. I'm excited. Number round two, Round two. All right, I'll bring you up on stage and you can show your bloody cock to everyone on at the show. All hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at Therapy
Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
So I was s lipping with this dude in this apartment that we rent it out together. I thinks just get a little messy.
He had this dog.
She's a pit bull, so she wasn't taking a dog out or anything. And there was fucking shit piles and piss, you know, accumulating in the living room. I'm just gonna leave and disappear and just leave him with this mess. I don't want to.
Deal with this ship, Okay.
I mean, I got a couple questions. One is like, okay, so his name is is your your name is on a lease with this dude?
I assume no, it's not.
Okay, So you had this little handshake deal with him, and your your your rationale is like, I'm not going to pay him this last bit of rent because he didn't keep up his end of the deal, which would be, you know, an unwritten part of the deal, but an implied part of the deal is I'll pay you rent, but you have to not cover the apartment in dog piss. If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or find a link in the
episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say.
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