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Fuck?
All right before I die, Let's get into the episode.
Hello, Hey, is this the therapy? Get go?
Yes, sir? Who is this?
Wow? I'm surprised to get on.
My name's Chris, Chris honestly, Chris, I don't like you might think I'm fucking with you, and but I dude, you might think I'm fucking with you, But I really believe what I'm about to say. You only said like two you only said two things to me, but I already like your vibe. I'm not like saying this, Yeah, this isn't a this isn't like a bit, just something about it. I'm actually I'm actually having a bit of a crisis in this very moment right now because I'm
not I'm not even doing a bit right now. I'm judging. I'm realizing because of the fact that I can tell that I like your vibe after you basically saying nothing just like too like sentences, I can now tell how much of like me people are judging based on like the first thing that comes out of my mouth. Like I'm fully realizing how important that like first micro impression is, Like how much information is in that little thing, because I got so much information about you from you just
saying is this the therapy? Get go? Oh man, I didn't think I would get on and it was crazy. A lot of people say, and a lot of people say that you're not the first person to say, oh man, is this a therapy? Even the way even like you're not the first person to say, is this a therapy? Gecko? Oh man, I can't believe I got on, But other people I've said that I didn't even clock it. I don't know.
I'm not.
I swear on my life, I swear my children's I don't. I be dead serious right now. Something about the way that you said those two things. I'm getting good vibes from you, and and I even a woo woo way. I don't even know what it is. I'm gonna let you.
Talk, yo. Yeah, well cool, cool. I'm glad that you get good vibes from me. I hope that continues throughout this call. Uh yeah, I don't even really know what to say, dude. Like, I've been listening to you for not very long. Honestly, I've been listening to you for about like a month or so. But I've just been consuming your content like so much over the past months. Just it's like everyone else says, it's like it's really gotten me through like some really fucking tough times lately.
So dude, thank you for putting out good shit.
I have two questions First of all, did I sound insane?
Just now? Uh? No, you didn't sound insane. I don't think he sounded insane. I mean I feel like a little imposter syndrome because like, I don't feel like I give a ton of good vibe. But that I mean, I feel like you you kind of I took it as a huge compliment. I'll say that you didn't sound insane, and I totally get what you mean by by like being able to read people as soon as you kind of you know.
Yeah, Okay. My second question, I'm curious, how did you find out about the podcast?
I saw? I saw a clip on I think it was like Instagram or something cool, and I just I don't know, I really related to you a lot.
Cool cool cool. What's your name?
My name's Chris, Chris, Chris.
Uh, dude, what's up with you? Man? What did you want to talk about today? If anything?
Dude, there's so much going on in my life right now, please please? Uh shit, Well, yeah, this is gonna be live. So let's see.
Let's start with Let's start with the first thing that comes to your head, and I believe it will naturally guide us towards all of the things that you want to talk about. But let's just start with the first thing that comes to your head.
Okay, So my wife and I are getting a divorce, and that's uh, that's been kind of like the heaviest thing that's been on my mind lately.
Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. How long has that process been going on for?
It's probably I mean we got separated about, you know, month and a half ago or something of that. M hm. So right now I'm in the process of like finding an apartment and we're going to sell the house and things like that.
M So you guys already lived together.
We did, Yes, we did live together for uh, I guess like six no, five years?
Five years?
Now? It was it was like, hold on, so math, it's been a long time. Let's just say like seven years. Wow.
How many kids do you guys have any kids?
No, we don't have any kids. We do have cats, though.
You guys got cats? Yeah? How long are you guys together? In total?
For? Nine years?
Nine years? Okay? How old are you?
I'm thirty five?
How old is she?
Thirty eight?
So so listen, I mean, listen, Chris, Chris. I from the second you said, is this a therapy? Geo. I never thought I would go on. I was like, I could talk to this guy for three hours. So if you if you want to, I don't know. If you want to, I'm I'm here, I'm down if you want to talk. If you want to talk about it.
You know, I've talked to so many people about it already. I don't really want to talk a ton about it. We might get into it later if that's school. But okay, I want to talk about something else.
Well, can I mmm, yeah, well I can? I ask you this? Sure, And just because I'm curious what was like the catalyst of it, because I'm only I'm asking, I guess not well, I mean, I'm nosy in all aspects.
I guess that's why I do this show. But I'm also just like I'm curious what it is after five years of living together because it seems s I feel like, just like in my head right when I'm thinking about relationships and stuff, I'm thinking that, like certain, you know, all relationships have kind of kinks and whatnot that reveal themselves over time, and nowther get worked out or don't, and it just seems like after five years, it's like, what else is there left to discover or work out,
you know what I mean. So I'm just I'm just curious from that perspective, like what, sure, what the catalyst was.
So I'm I'm generally more like like the avoidant type. I guess she would call it and say, you know, she's more like the anxious you know, like let's figure the shit out right now sort of thing. So we're trying to We tried to like work through that, and I mean I tried to listen to her, you know, I tried to sit down, you know, I tried to change my ways and shit, and uh, you know, I feel like I really tried hard to you know, to listen to her, be there with her, be there with
her through her emotions and stuff. We tried going to marriage counseling for about a year, and you know, at the end of the day, it was just it didn't it didn't really work out. I mean, I know that's very vague, sorry, but like it was not It was not like a super like big catalyst that was like, oh you know, this is we're okay, you know what. There was kind of a catalyst. I'll say that, Okay. So I used to drink a lot like heavily, like alcoholically,
and that was like eighteen months ago. Well no, wait, that was like, I don't know, twenty months ago or something like that at this point. But so we used to drink a lot together, a lot, and that's pretty much like all I did was sit at home and drink. But I had recently started going to to you know, AA meetings and things like that, and I spent a
lot of time in those rooms. And I dedicated a lot of time too, you know, recovery, and and I don't think she really appreciated it, you know, she would say, you know, it's she would at first, she really like was very vocal about like, hey, you're spending way too much time away. But like over time she kind of told me like, hey, you know, I get it, you're in recovery. It's fine. But I think that she never kind of got over that. She got to a lot of the times she would tell me like, god, it
you're not. In a roundabout way, she would say, like, God, I wish you would just go back to drinking. You were so much cooler than you were able to talk to me about things then. But man, like, whenever I was drinking, I was just I was miserable, dude, like I hated hated living. I mean I didn't show it right, like I didn't on the outside like a normal human being, but like internally I was fucking dying. Like so I had to do something different.
Yeah whoa wow? She really so in a roundabout way, she told you she missed when you were drinking heavily. Oh yeah, yeah, crazy, Like what do you mean by in a roundabout way? Like, like what did she say?
She would say things like, you know, whenever we used to drink together, or whenever you used to drink with me, you know, you would be much more vulnerable. You would be able to talk to me about things more you weren't. You didn't shut down, you didn't have this wall up. And you know, I tried to, like and honestly like I whenever we did get in the conflicts I would have, I would get I would start shutting down, but I would try to notice that I know that I do that.
So I tried to tried to not do that and try to open up and connect with her, but it was never quite enough for her to be like, oh yeah, he's he's trying to do the thing. He's trying to work through that ship, like she just I think she lost her patience and eventually she was just like, all right, he's not he's not he's not in a change, he's not he's not gonna do what I want him to do.
That's wild, man, man.
I mean I don't want to see her as a villain or anything, because you know, I have my I have my shit too, you know.
So okay, so she was so you're okay, So like you're an avoidant and she's anxious. So does that mean like like was she too emotional for you? And that just like you just couldn't handle it.
I mean, now she definitely got emotional, like you know she would and I would I would be, you know, kind of stony, like I don't really I didn't really know how to.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I.
Mean I would try to be there for as much as I could, but I just really didn't know how to how to handle it. Like I would be there and be like, hey, you know, is there anything I can do for you? Like what what can I do for you? Like I would look to her to try to help fix her, and that would be yeah, yeah, like what what do you need me to do I'll do anything like and that would.
That was yeah, yeah, like I see what you mean. No, that's a big difference. That was an interesting way you phrased it. I would look to her on how to help her as opposed to like having my own plan or thought about. Yeah, And I don't actually I don't think that that's some people just aren't like built for just aren't good with like crying or with like dealing with, like, you know, very emotional people. I feel like it's a
it's like a personality thing. I don't know if it's necessarily like a defect, like some people just don't have it. Why do you think like it took five years for this to like unravel, Like what what was going on in year five that wasn't there in year one.
I feel like just over time we we had more and more responsibilities, Like when we first got together. When we first got together, we were just living in an apartment together. We were both going to a normal job, you know, And I can't quite like I said, I can't quite tend down one thing. I think it was just like a culmination of like, uh, like responsibilities around
home ownership, the future, like finances. It was a lot of it was a lot of like external things, and maybe I didn't put a lot of focus or as much focus as I should have on the relationship. That being said, I mean, I'm I'm gonna get defensive here a little bit, but like I know that I put in a shit tone of work into the relationship, and I really wish that I could have like been enough in a way. I really wish that it could have been enough, because I mean, we had a marvelous life.
We had a marvelous life together, Like we have a house, we have cats, we have farm animals and a business together and like so much, and it was just like everything's being unraveled now.
Hmm hm. So you said you focus too much on external things, like you were worried about money and worried about finances and worried about home, like more responsibilities kept piling up that you couldn't really like focus on the relationship itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
Yeah, m was there like one person who kind of broke it off or did it just kind of like mutually not work?
Oh well, she she you know, she she broke it off. She broke it off.
Yeah, did you want to stay.
Yeah, like I imagine living the rest of my life with her. Mm hmmm mm hmmm. I like what you've done. By the way, Like I said, I didn't want to talk about it, We've been talking about it for a while now.
Oh yeah, sorry.
No, it's fine. It's totally fine. That's why I'm here.
You know, Well, how long how long ago was this? Like have you guys been in contact or is it like a complete like no contact now?
It's kind of just like logistical things. She's you know, she's gotten a lawyer. I don't have a lawyer.
She's a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah, divorce lawyer.
So, uh did you do a pre nub.
No?
So what's what's she's suing you for?
Well, it's divorce. The worst lawyer thing she she I think she did it too, like make things simpler as far as splitting stuff. Mm hmm.
Hmm, man.
Hmmm.
So this has been I suck. I'm sorry, I lose track of my own brain. How this has been? How long since you guys have not been together?
Uh? She separated, she took all her stuff on the mountain to today. Mm hmmm.
So so kind of fresh.
It's been like a month and a half.
Yep, bro, what's that? What's the month and a half been? Like? What's been going on?
Oh?
Man, it's it's been very raw. It's been like, oh shit, like I'm living alone. I need to figure out what I'm gonna dolunk forward. M hmm, you know, like a lot of ambiguity. Like it's it's been a very emotional month and a half. I half the time, I'm just like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I get like these existential crisis is a lot like fuck, what am I going to do? Life is is fleeting, like I don't know.
No, I give what you mean, I give what you mean. Yeah, life does feel a little a little fleeting. I mean, what were you doing before.
Before? Yeah?
I mean you got, you got, You've been dere together for well, you've been here for nine years. So yeah, well I guess ship Yeah when you were what twenty five.
Uh something like that, twenty six? But yeah, so how do I say? Right? So a lot, but like we we moved around a lot. We we lived in another state at one point. Uh, Like I worked through regular jobs. You worked a regular job, and then we moved back to my home state, and uh we had a business, ran the business for about here. We ran the business
for like four years or something like that. Together, things were pretty chill, like I said, like first time at home owners, so we were just kind of figuring things out as it came. I like I said, I was drinking heavily when we first got here. Recently got in the recovery, so it's like it's been a it's been like a with a learning process for me to like figure out my own ship too, because like I was numbing it out for so long and I'm like, oh, this is who I am?
You know, yeah, did you know? Did you well? What did you what? I'm sorry, you know that that's what.
I know. That That's like how do I say? I mean, it's not giving you a very clear picture of what happened before, right, No?
No, no, Well I was gonna ask. Okay, so you were numbing yourself out and then when the numbing went away, who were you?
What did you?
What did you What did you find? What did you discover?
Mmmmm, good question. Well, I mean I was, I was uh like pretty broken inside, like I feel like I just know I'm just shot away, like throughout my entire entire, like entire life. I'd used video games or nicotine weed whatever to kind of shut that ship out, you know. So now it's like, oh, now I'm I'm this guy who who kind of just lives and uh like I don't know who who after that?
You're this guy who kind of just lives?
Yeah?
Bro? Who?
Uh uh?
Okay, hold on, so no, we're gonna we're gonna do this. What are you sober?
Now? Yeah?
Okay, how long you've been sober?
Uh? Let's see, I've been sober for one year, eight months and seventeen days.
Oh that's that's great. That's I literally I could have swore you just started. Okay cool?
Oh no, no, no.
Oh congrats man, that rocks.
Hell yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you for really for.
Real, for real, for real, for real.
Hmm.
Okay, So, as of today, March twenty eighth, two thousand, who cares if you feel? Do you feel like you are just a guy who exists.
Some days? Most days? I mean I still do, you know, I don't feel like I really have a purpose, if that makes sense, Like I just kind of do the next thing like in front of me, Like I still have hobbies and things like that, like, yeah, I love my hobbies, and maybe that was I'll kind of get into this, like she didn't like that I spent time outside of the relationship with my hobbies. So you know, whenever I got sober, I was like, oh shit, you know, I want to do something that's active. I want to
get out of the house. Uh. And she didn't like that either, spending more because before, well not always like I spent. So there's there's this hobby that I do. It's like two times a week, it's Wednesday and Saturdays. And I would go to it pretty religiously because I fucking loved it. But she did. She would like throw that in my face whenever whenever like, oh, you're not spending you're not spending quality time with me, You're not
you're not doing whatever. But I would. I would make a conscious effort to take her out on dates, like, Okay, I'm gonna take you out on a date Friday. Every Friday, we're gonna grow out on a date, like I'm gonna get you flowers, I'm gonna we're gonna go to a marriage counseling, Like we're gonna spend some quality time sitting down with each other, talking to each other, trying to figure out each other's feelings about whatever. But I just
don't think that she was. I don't know. She told me at one point that it's like an energy thing, like she didn't feel like I was totally in it, whereas like I'm sitting over here pouring my guts out, like what the what the fuck? I'm totally in this shit. It was confusing.
Hmm okay, hm hm. And so in the past five years you've been living together, you said that you where do you live? I'm just curious.
United States. I'll tell you the state of South Carolina, he.
Said, in South Carolina. Okay, so the entire are five years. Did you have any purpose outside of the relationship, Like why do you feel so purposeless right now?
Dude? Like, yeah, the relationship, so you know worth there we talk about like super codependent. You know, I did put my purpose into the relationship, as like that was my purpose, like to try to make her happy, to do everything in my power to make this woman happy.
Yes, yeah, I understand that being a driving purpose. And look, it's not the worst purpose in the world to have, but it's definitely a purpose you want to have among other things, sure, you know, did you feel like you had any purpose outside of that, any purpose about like just like, oh, I want to make this woman as happy as possible.
Mmm. I mean I wanted to make enough money to survive. I wanted to, you know, contribute to my community in some ways, like I didn't not other than that though, that was my driving one. Like, Okay, I did have you know, I had a little bit of a goal to to like work on myself too, in order to be a better person for her.
M h Why did you love this woman so much?
Hmm, that's a good question. I mean her and I just just kind of really kicked it off. She she was a really she is a really wonderful person when she's not angry. Uh, she's she's she's very sweet. We have a lot of inside jokes. She loves her animals, she's attractive, she's it's wanted to be around. Yep. I wanted to build a life where they're like, I don't know, Yeah, I hope hopefully the vibe is still good. I don't want to I don't want it to you.
Yeah, I take back nothing I said at the beginning of this call, Chris, I take back nothing I said at the beginning of this call. Don't you even think for a second that I do M No, I'm I'm in uh, I'm in ponderance over your life. Hm hm hmm. Okay, So now you're like, what the fuck do I do?
Yep?
How do you?
How do you make money? Right now? How do you make money?
So? I have three jobs right now. I I don't want it to say too much, but like I work, I work for Mlissy, I have. I still have that business I have. I'm working for a startup and I work for the government.
Oh shit, you really do have three jobs?
Yeah?
How do you have time to do anything?
I just that's all I do is work basically and listen to you. But I still I still make time for hobbies. Like my week's pretty full. I'll say that.
Okay, what do you do? You do you have any friends?
Oh? Yeah, I have? I have a very Like my friends are my family, Like I don't, I don't connect them. Yeah, like the that group, that hobby group, what that hobby that I do. It's like it's that those people are are my family. And you know, people in recovery are also my family. So it's super nice to have those people around. I don't know how what I would do without them.
So you've been with this woman for nine years, right, and then if throughout those nine years, have any of your friends like been in contact, like like have your do your friends know this lady?
So before before I got like sober, I didn't have only had one friend, and that was the friend that I had from middle school, which was oh yeah, so I didn't have any.
You didn't have any friends before you got sober?
No? No, oh okay, she was my primary social circle.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, damn. So she was your primary social circle from the ages of twenty from essentially the ages of like twenty four to thirty four or or something like that. So the my map is like, but like about a decade, let's call it about a decade she was your primary social circle, right right? Yeah that's tough. Yeah yeah yeah.
But now I'm like in really developing those those bonds again, which again, well I don't know if I ever really had them, but like, it's it's nice to to go out and like be with people, just be around people, even if I don't really think they I'll connect with them. On a certain level. But I'm kind of like background character sometimes, which is fine, Like that's like I just kind of hang out and I get to know these people and be with these people. It's great.
Being out and around people is the only thing. I mean, not everyone likes doing it, but to me, it's like the the To me, the added of for depression is just like being out of your house and in the universe as much as possible, you know, right, Depression, depression and existentialism really really they come to me lay it at night and in times where I'm like not doing anything. And I posted this video about like existential depression about a little less of a year ago, and someone made
a comment on it. They were like, the opposite of depression is expression, and I was like, that's fucking genius. That's genius. And so I kind of have been kind of since then, like I mean, I mean, this is always, this has been a constant of my life, but I've been it's been a little more pointed since then. I'm just like, oh, the antidote for like existentialism and depression is too just like how can I be of the universe as much as possible? You know, Like I could
be around people doing things like like on missions. My mind demanded somewhere shit like that. So you know, I mean it sounds like this relationship, although it was nice, it sounds like it kind of kept you from being of the universe for a for the better part of a decade. Is that accurate?
Yeah, that's that's so profound. That's so profound. I love that. Yeah. I mean, honestly, yes, it's it's very true. I get it. My I was a part of it in a very in a very contained sense.
Exactly, Yes, a very contained sense, uh, which is which is fine. I mean that container, there's a lot of joy in that container. People find a lot of joy in that container. I think there's a lot of joy to be found in that container. There's a listen, dude. Also, by the by the way, the thing about that container, right, this this thing about like you have your friends and you have your people, but you feel like a background character.
There's there's a lot of trade offs. And I'll explain this of like, you know, you can go out right and you can be a part of a big community and you can be valued in that community, and you can be uh really helpful in that community. And those people can feel like your family and all that stuff. I don't know if you feel this way, but this is the way I kind of feel, where it's like like there's there can there can be, there can be there can be like people who are like around you
in life. But there's a difference between that and like people who are like in your life, you know what I mean? And that quick because you go to you cause, you go to the rock climbing gym, or you go to the comedy open mic, or you go to the whatever, and you have a good time with everyone. But at the end of the day, everyone goes home, at the very end of the day, at the very end of the day, everyone goes home to their own little container,
and you want to have a quality container. Still, I wouldn't completely neglect the value of the content, but I think a real at least to me, a real quality life is about like, Okay, if you spend too much time in that container, and that container is your entire universe, then uh, you know, if you get divorced or or even if you don't, you just you just kind of find yourself confined to that container. And then if you're
in the universe that's really great. If I had to pick between one hundred percent in the universe or one hundred percent the container, I'm picking one hundredercent in the universe. If you're in the universe, that's great. The universe is a great place to be. But you might find depending on the kind of person you are, if you're of the universe, uh, indefinitely you you kind of that's how that's how you wind up going back to your container
being like, Oh, I'm kind of fucking lonely. Like everyone else has their lives and I get to interact with other people my life, and these are the people's lives, like they're they're rubbing up against each other, and that's nice and that's great, but like, who's really at the end of the day, who's really who's really in my life, who's really in my day to day decisions and in my day to day existence, and like, you know, fucking
sharing a life with him, you know. And I think it's important to have people who are really in your life, but also important to balance that with like being of the universe. So it's a tricky it's a tricky balance to have. It sounds like you were a little bit more in your container for the better part of a decade, and now you're learning how to be more of the universe. But this is good. It sounds like this is a good thing. Actually, it sounds like this is a good thing.
This is a good development for you in some way.
I think so, I think, you know, I think so, Like when very first, I mean, it's it's still kind of it's still it's still very fresh, but like, ultimately, you know, it's it's a good change, because yeah, like branching out being of the universes is ultimately better than being in like a super you know, codependent uh potentially like negative container. Like yeah, yeah, I don't really know what to say.
So well, let me ask you this. We've been talking for about thirty five minutes. I know you said there was a lot of different things you wanted to talk about. The divorce was only one of them. Was there anything else?
Yeah? So I'll talk about like there's a so that the hobby that I'll talk about that of it a little bit if that's cool?
Yeah, sure, what is it?
Sure? So the hobby that I recently picked up by a year ago is foam fighting, like with foam.
So oh, you're a fucking larfer. Dude, You're a larfer.
Fuck.
Yeah, absolutely, that's awesome. That's so cool.
I am dude. I've just I fucking love it. Like it's it's not like so the one that I play, it's not you're not like role playing per se, but you are like using foam swords and foam shields. It's like almost like a martial art. Uh. And it sounds very nerdy, but like it's so much, it has so many buffs, so it's like, uh, it's it's outside. You're socializing, you're getting better at something. You're like learning different maneuvers
to like out smart your opponent. Uh. I just I've been really on this kick lately and I fucking love it. It's called Bella Gars. Yeah, Bella b E L E g A r th.
H Mmm. Have you met a lot of friends doing this?
Oh yeah, yeah, I've met a lot of really good people. Like the communities and belly Art are super welcoming, especially the one that I've I've recently become a part of. Like like I said, they they are essentially like family. Like everyone's super cool, Like everyone's super like wanting to YouTube to improve and just we hang out outside of outside of the group. I mean, it's been super super nice.
Uh so yeah, and it makes me it it taps into that that part of me that like, I don't know, I used to play a lot of like Skyrim and like Elder Scrolls and like role playing games, and I actually had to do it outside with people. Cool, and you know, it's it's really cool. It's really fun events that happened. I've been doing it for for for for ten months now.
Okay. Cool, Okay, so you must have acted, you must have made some like actual friends.
Yeah, that's an definitely.
Okay, let's get into this real quick because I actually have some thoughts about this. You say that you're a background character, right, you don't feel like you're really like Okay, there's clear solutions to this. Okay, First of all, how do you feel about your status as a background character? Would you like to be less of a background character?
You know, I feel like subtly like I'm moving from the background character to becoming more of like I don't want to say main character, but like a like an extra.
Here's what you gotta do, Here's what you gotta do. Yeah, here's what you gotta do you have to start the key? I learned this a long time ago. The key to in any scene you're in a scene, right, The key in any scene if you are feeling like a background character is you must add value to the scene. Right. So well, I learned to this a long time ago. When I was in college. I had two things. I still love these things, but you know, I was doing a lot of stand up comedy, and I was doing
like Super Smash Brothers tournaments. And I would show up at these open mics. And I would show up at these tournaments and like, I would know people there, and I would have fun and I would make some friends. But I again, you feel a little bit like a background character. And it wasn't until I started putting on the shows and the open mics, or I started putting on the tournaments that I went from a background character to really being a part of the scene. So that's
the key in any scene. And it's not, by the way, this is not like a transactional thing. It's just like you know, you you you gotta you gotta host the party. You know what I'm saying. You gotta have everyone in your backyard to fucking hit each other. With swords or whatever, because they're like, oh shit, this is this is you know, this is Chris's backyard. They start to recognize you because you've added some form of value to the scene. You
now become a part. You now go from like kind of a a consumer of the scene to a contributor of it. And that is what really kind of makes you a bit, you know, a pillar of this community. So so if I were you, if I if I wanted to to find a way to elevate myself from just a background character to really feeling like, uh uh, these people are like in this community is like kind of part of my my ship, I would start putting on events or just figuring out how you can contribute. Right,
you just have to contribute. You get a contribute. You can't it's not a it's not enough to just show up consistently. You can show up consistently, be usefully be a background character. Where it's once you start to contribute is when you elevate yourself from background character to like, oh I'm a cornerstone of the uh fucking South Carolina larp scene. So that's that's my.
That that helps that helpful lot. Yeah, like I will I will start, like because so there's a lot of volunteer opportunities in it too, So maybe I'll start like volunteering some more in the games and stuff. So that's that's actually a really good idea. Yeah, when you say it, when you say when you say put on put on stuff, like you said open mic and uh super Smash Brothers. Like so did you did you like say, hey, everybody, come to my house, We're going to play Smash or
did you like put on the show? Like what what was that process like for you?
Well, it's I mean it's easy because, like in anything, there's always more people that want to participate in the thing than than want to put it on, right sure, like like like I mean I'll use those twos. I'll use comedy, and I'll use uh uh, I'll use I'll use Smash Bros. It's like there's way more like players than there are tournament organizers. There's way more comedians than
there are people putting on the open mics. So in any there's always going to be like more people who want to attend events than there are events.
That makes sense.
So all you so just like do like like listen you the all these like all these people, all these LARPer people, Like they're gonna want fucking more opportunities to do their thing. So if you give them more opportunities to do their thing, you start becoming an important part of the community. So it's like it's very much if you build it, they will come type of thing. Yeah, so you still got to start of some way, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I will. I will say. I will say last night that I did. So there's a a discord and I posted like, Hey, it's kind of like, it's funny because you mentioned that, because like this is kind of a this is kind of a crossover to what you were saying, is that last night I posted something in the discord. I was like, hey, who wants to go to this improv show? And that was like kind of outside of my comfort zone because I'm planning something.
Oh, you gotta plan the thing. You gotta plan the thing, get that get it, get that ship deep into your comfort zone. You gotta plan the thing. That's the key to life. You gotta the key. You gotta host the party. It's the key to life, I swear to God.
So I did that and I went with a friend of mine. It was just one guy, but like we still had a really good time. It talked about life and ship with him. It was great. So that was just like one, it's funny that you mentioned that because I am on that path. I just have to start doing shit Moore. But I like that advice. Thank you, Chris.
Yes, I still think you're a good dude. I like talking to you. I'm I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful for you in this crazy Yeah, don't get just just like listen, man, don't like next time, next time you start feeling all existential and crazy, just be like, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta put something on. I gotta, I gotta invite everyone to the improv show. I gotta do what I just start. You just got to do things as the
only kid. That's the only answer I have to any existential bullshit is just you know, be of the universe in the best way you can.
Yeah. I just want to say, like I really love what you're doing with this this podcast, and like thanks. Like I said, I'm not really like a super longtime listener, but probably will be going forward because thanks. Man. It this ship is, this ship is really like hitting for me. So like I love what you're doing. You're doing a great job. So I just wanted to say that. Now.
I'm glad that it's cool that more people I thought I thought that I kind of thought that this podcast was like, all right, everyone who has found it has already everyone who is going to find it has already found it. So I'm glad to hear that new people are finding it. I gotta I'm gonna start posting more Instagram clips now because of you sweat, Chris, Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Hmmm? I would just say, you know, keep your head up. Things get better, everything passes, Everything's transient, but everything. Just enjoy what you have today. Just enjoy what you have today. That's why I leave people with the computer.
Thank you, Chris. You have a good rest of the night. Get blessed brother, Gat blessed brother.
Bye.
See Chris, I'm telling you it's just two he said two things. He said, is this really the Gecko? And then he said nice. Actually I forget the two things he said, but I could tell I could tell you good vibes.
Hello, Hi, how you doing, Lyle?
I'm doing good? Brother. What's your name?
Tell yeah, my name is Finn. Dude. Holy shit, so good to be joking you.
Man, Finn. What's going on with you? Good? Good, sir, Finn.
Not much. I'm I'm a stuff lifesaver done here in Australia. I just had a patrol shift. So I'm sitting here with my girlfriend doing some university work. We're both self life savers and yeah, kicking back.
Man, beautiful beautiful you said you're both life savers. Is that what it's called?
Uh? Yeah, Well, basically the guys that hang out on the beach and like makes it all on drowns or like pull people out of the water off.
That it's oh wait, in Australia they call a lifeguard a lifesaver.
Yeah, so it's like surf lifesaver. So you're the you're the guys and the stuff out on the boards, like I'm in the boats and shit like that.
Wow, that's a lot more. Uh what's the word for it, Godly, I don't know. I don't know what to say, Like this is a difference between you like you guard because you know what, Actually, here's what I'll say, a lifesaver. It kind of implies that like something inevitable will happen, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I mean, hey, dude, it's Australia, Like you got the shocks, the snakes, the fucking everything. That's again. Yeah, it's like that's the implication.
Yeah, because if you're guarding a life, you're like, we are the life guards. It's like, hey, we're just making It's like we're just making sure that nothing bad happens. But if we're if you're a life saver, it's like, hey, something's going to happen, but when it does, we'll be there to save your life.
Yeah, we're ready to step in. Holy shit, man, hey, gek, what's you? I noticed Like obviously you're asking the questions a lot, it's your show, but like, what's going brings you joy? Like decides doing this sort of stuff? What what's sparks joy for you?
What sparks joy for me? I don't have a good answer to that question.
Man.
I mean the sun. I like the sun. I like working.
Honestly, fair as fuck. Yeah, getting out gonna be like vitamin D. We're just going into winter down here, so you guys are gonna be going into summer pretty soon. Get from some nicer weather or park weather.
Yeah, I was in Australia like three years ago and there was it was winter time. But anyway, listen, fit enough with a small talk. What's up man? Would you want to talk about?
I kind of want to talk about what I'm doing at the moment. I've just kind of made like a bit of a career not career shift, but for reference, I'm studying engineering at UNI, so I'm in my fourth year, so like coming to the sort of back end of the degree. In the last like two and a half years, I've been working at a startup with a friend and I have just left that to pursue my own sort of little startup situation.
Please please please, please please please please please please please.
Tell me it's not like a dumb, bullshit AI startup that is just a thing the chat CHPC already does.
No, no, not at all, and like do trust me, because like we go through with Whilst I was working at the other startup, we're doing like a lot of pitch competitions. So it was like would be sat there with other people who were trying to get like grant money all that sort of stuff, and dude, ninety five percent of it was just like you know, this this apple, this thing that you like, what if it was AI. Believe it or not, it's so dumb AI as well.
It's so dumb.
It's it's very like dot com bubble, like just kind of throwing throwing it on there because it's what's popular. No, the previous startup I was working at, it was actually really really cool. They used algae to like fix up wastewater. Oh I like that.
Okay, that's real.
Yeah yeah, a real, real, actual, honest to god thing. But yeah, that was pretty cool. And now I'm working on one of my own things, keeping like putting a little sensors and shit in the ocean and checking on and like environmental data in the sea.
Dude.
Cool.
Okay, so that's your startup?
Yeah yeah, I mean I don't know. I'm like very very ocean coded. I love like diving, spearfishing, snorkeling, all that sort of business, So like, I don't know, I want to kind of set myself up to be working in that industry I once I graduate.
Dude. Cool, No, dude, whenever I hear startup, I just immediately think, like some bullshit AI app that like the world does not even remotely need at all.
Yeah, just like up the up the global water consumption a little bit more. Talk to your AI alarm clock as you wake up. That's that's good for everyone.
Really, Okay, So what do you like about the ocean?
Dude? It's just so fucking good man. Like, I'm I'm obviously very biased because it's like Australia, We've got like some of the best beaches in the world, But I feel more comfortable underwater than they do out of water, you know, Like it's a it's a really like, I don't know, kind of primal, just like incredibly present feeling that I only really get when I'm like gone for a dive.
Mmmm, where so you dive?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I've done like scuba. I do a lot of snorkeling. I do a lot of spearfishing with some of my friends.
But yeah, cool, cool, And Australia is known for having pretty fucked up creatures. Are there a lot of fucked up creatures under the sea.
There There are a lot of fucked up creatures, but they're the cool ones, man, Like the ones that are super venomous and like kind of crazier, the coolest, weirdest little ones, like like we've got do you know about the blue ring octopus?
Yeah, I know about the blue ring octopus. There's like that video of a lady holding it and she has no idea that it's like the most poisonous thing on the universe.
Yeah. They've got like the kind of colored like those little like highlighter pens that you've got in school, and they're like tiny and look really really cute and are like fluorescent like a glow stick. So little kids will be like, oh, this is fucking sick. Let me pick this up and then just fucking straight up die. They're like, it's crazy venomous.
Whoa are they common? Uh?
Not like super common, but there's enough of like a spread between like another fish that just looks like a rock and is also incredibly poisonous and it just sits still and then if people step on it, it fucking stabs them and then they die. It's crazy, dude.
Do you know anyone that's been killed by any Australian animals?
Not killed, But I've had like friends that have I've got a mate that's got like a pretty solid at like anti venom tolerance, because growing up you just got bit by like a lot of snakes and so would just kind of is naturally immune and kind of just fucks around with snakes a running too them, like out out bush?
Oh wow, how often do you go out the bush?
Dude? As much as I can. I'm like, I'm twenty two of like just only had a cough of lost like yearish, but have gone on like heaps of camping trips and like full wheel drive trips. It's like, know, it makes me very very happy.
Cool man cool.
Also, my girlfriend is here and she also listens to the podcast. I want to say high quickly. One think I'll put you on. Hi. I'm a big fun and I was not expecting him to actually put me on.
Oh hi, Well, what's going on in your life? What's happening with you?
Are you? Do you? Are you? Like?
Are you a pilot? I'd like to think you're a pilot, maybe because one does one covers the ocean, the other covers the sky. That could be nice.
Oh that would be so poetic. Yeah, oh I should have been a pilot. No, I'm also an engineer.
Oh okay, that's still real. At least you're not yeah, using AI to kill dogs or whatever they do.
No plans on killing dogs yet, but i'll lend you back here. You get.
What's your name against Finn?
Yeah, I always remembered it.
Hell yeah, I did remember Finn. Well, Finn, listen. It was nice having a nice little chat with you. Is there anything else that you wanted to say to the folks before we go?
Yeah? You know, I mean I've listened to the pod quite a bit, and I always I've always thought of like, what would I say if I did manage to get on and have the little like what i'd say to the people in the computer. And there's a quote that one of my friends has misattributed to our friend group has misattributed to one of our friends Grandpas. But it's something that I really love as kind of a compass
towards like how you should spend your time. And the quote is the tools should feel light in your hands, so that being like it shouldn't feel like a chore to kind of use the tools of your trade.
I think that's a good way to be. I agree with that.
Hell yeah, man, dude, love the podcast. You're doing amazing stuff and keep it up. Come much to Australia, man, when you come back.
I don't know, I don't know. Man, I I don't I don't know if we'll ever come back to Australia. We'll see, we'll see how this will see how my US We'll see If my US tour does well, then we'll we'll go back to Australia. I gotta see what we do in the US. So so tell the people to go. Tell the people to buy tickets at therapy get go tour dot com. And if we can sell in the.
US, subscribe. Make sure you've got notifications enabled to thank you when your city or town is coming up. Thanks lovely chatting to you mate.
Have a good night, man, take care great see if what's up, folks, it's Lyle. I am here to end the episode with. Yes, that's right, you guessed it. A piece of gek mail. Gak mail is mail that people send me to the email address therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. It's a mail that people send me to the email address Therapy gecko mail at gmail dot com. And uh, I read it. I read the mail, I ponder the mail. I become the mail in some ways, you could say. And so that's how I like to
do the show. I like to end it by reading a piece or two of viewer mail. So let's do that, guys down, let's do that all right. This is from Celeste, subject line, I am on a new journey. Hello, Lyle. So much has happened, and in the last couple of months I thought I would share. I recently broke up with my boyfriend right before Christmas because I was at my breaking point. I've had this burst of freedom ever since then, and it's made me so optimistic about life
in the world. I can do anything I want. So I decided to apply to a cruise line and I got the job. I've always wanted to work on one and follow in my mother's footsteps. I know it will be tough, but I'm excited for the connections I will make and the places I will see. I just got back from training in Salt Lake City, Mama Mia, I did not like Salt Lake City. No offense to anyone listening. I already met a bunch of new people who are
super cool and keep in touch. I recently found out I will be in the New England area, mainly Baltimore and Maine, but I am super excited to start next month. I know you grew up in the Baltimore area. Do you have any cool recommendations to see around that area? Love what you do, never stop being yourself. Toodles recommendations for me Ireland. Uh, there's one place in Baltimore that I recommend everyone go to if you're in Baltimore. I want to give a shout out to this place. One
of my favorite art museums in the world. Possibly my favorite art museum in the world is I just dropped a bottle cap. I just dropped them. I was fidgeting with a bottle cap and I dropped it. Okay, the my favorite art museum in the world. It's a place called the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore, Maryland. Highly
recommend the American Visionary Art Museum. It's this place where it's like it's art that's kind of made by like vagabonds and like, uh, I don't want to use the term vagrants, but like it's you, it's it's it's art made by people who are not like classical artists, right, Like you go into a regular art museum and like all the artists are like professional artists, I guess, and these are all just like folks who kind kind of like maybe they they had maybe they you know, started
making shit when they were like eighty years old and going insane or like, you know, they died in obscurity. And this is like art that was found of theirs later. But it's kind of art that comes from conventional places and it's really like cool and modern and shit. So I recommend the American Visionary Art Museum. Go get it. Go go eat a crab. I guess I don't fucking know, Go to the go to the dinner harbor. I didn't know that Baltimore is New England, so thanks for letting
me know that. Okay, let's read another email. Let's see here. Okay, this is from Kirsten subject Line, child therapist who listens to Gecko therapist. Hey Lyle, I have been on and off listener since twenty t twenty three. I recently started a weekly routine of listening to your podcast on Spotify and it has made me feel less alone in my career. As someone who talks all day, it is quite a
lonely profession being a therapist. I am a school based therapist, which means I am contracted through an agency to have therapists with children, to have therapy sessions with children K through twelve during school hours. Wait, that's weird. I've never heard of that before. They just like I didn't know that they hire like free lancers to do this shit. That's weird, right, That's like not normal, isn't the fucking
aren't like school therapists typically like school staff. I am not a part of the school staff exactly, so there can be a lot of miscommunication when it comes to school schedules and school politics surrounding when I can see my students and safe places I can actually hold sessions. I have been offered a janitor's closet before, and I had to advocate for an actual room. Hilarious. Typical therapists keep a case load of fifteen to thirty clients, whereas
I have currently fifty three in counting. Shout out to community mental health. It can be lonely due to being an outsider in the school system, but in a way, it is also lonely because of the secondary trauma you carry that no one else can quite understand unless you are a mental health professional. There's more of the email. But yeah, interesting that you can be like a freelance. I didn't know you could be like a freelance therapist. I think that is what has drawn me to the podcast.
As a therapist, you're supposed to lead people to their own conclusions, not offer them advice or tell them straight up that they are being an ass or who you think in their life is an ass. This podcast feels like an outlet for me after a hard day. I don't have the pressure of the person in front of me. You can say what you actually think without the license, and sometimes the people the problems people talk about on here feel very relatable to what I'm currently going through.
It is nice to take a break think about problems that aren't completely related to children being abused or experiencing suicidal ideation. I think you're doing a great job offering advice, support and comedic relief. Thanks get K. I appreciate you, k.
I.
I you know what, Kay, I have to be honest. I appreciate you, but I have to I truly you know it's funny. I appreciate you. There's a lot of real therapists who have told me that they listen to the podcast. Although I can't imagine being a real therapist and wanting to listen to this podcast, I really can't.
I really, if you're a real therapist out there and you listen to the podcast, I want you to know I deeply appreciate you listening to the podcast, but just for a personal level, I can't imagine, like if you're like listening to folks' problems all day and then you
want to come home and do it more. I guess it makes sense the way the way that you're talking about it, Kay, is it makes sense being like, oh fuck, I keep hearing all these people's problems and like, you know, yeah, you have you like I mean, I'm just like some fucking ass so I can just like kind of say whatever.
I don't have a license to do this, So I guess it makes sense if people are talking about their problems, and then it makes sense they would be cathartic to hear somebody who doesn't have to abide by any like actual medical rules give their feedback. So that make that makes sense. I appreciate you listening, Kay. I'm sorry that they made you have to do a fucking uh.
Uh.
I don't know. So I don't know. Honestly, doing a therapy session in a janitor's closet sounds like there would be something like there would be something so funny to me if I was a kid and I had to sit with a therapist in a janitor's closet and do a session like I would be amused by that that it would it would solve whatever whatever issue I had. Maybe I could fidget with a broom. I don't know.
Thank you for your services or I always appreciate the real thing therapists that talk to me or call into this show they're doing. They're doing actual, real ass work, so I appreciate I appreciate them. Thank you. Kay, she was doing more? What more do we have? Do we have any more? One? Sec Let me see if I can find a quick one.
Here.
Okay, I've answered this question before, I'll do it again. Important clarification. This is from Eddie. Eddie says, hello, what species of gecko are you? Thanks Eddie? What species of gecko am I? I'm a therapy gecko. I think officially though, I'm a day gecko because I'm the same kind of gecko as the Guico gecko, and he's the day gecko. But I do not sell caring insurance. A lot of people ask me that, and it was funny. It wasn't actually even funny the first time. It wasn't fun of
the first time. But you know, it's annoying to me. I get annoyed at myself for getting annoyed when people ask me if I sell car insurance, because because you can't dress up like a gecko and walk around and expect people to not ask you if you sell car insurance. Like he's just the guy, you know what I mean, Like he's the fucking guy. I don't come anywhere close. I'm not even like the third or fourth most popular gecko in pop culture. He's the most popular anthropomorphic gecko
in the world, not even close to anyone else. So you can't reasonably expect to be able to walk around in a gecko costume and not have people ask you if you sell car insurance. So when that happens to me and I get annoyed, I get double annoyed because I'm like, I have no business being annoyed by this thing that I signed up. I signed up to have people ask me if I sell car insurance, So I don't mind. Okay, anyway, folks, thank you very much for listening.
Before we go, I want to remind everyone that I am releasing bonus episodes of this podcast over on Patreon dot com slash lyle forever. You can also find the link in the episode description that's bonus episodes. I put out two bonus episodes a month, and you can also get access to a Spotify feed. What you do is you link your Patreon with your Spotify page and you can get access to every episode of the Therapy Get Goo podcast ad free. Yes, that's right, no more ads
interrupting the podcast. For just six dollars a month. You get two bonus episodes a month. And I also have up there you know, as you guys know, I went to Tijuana, I went to the gathering of the Juggalos, I went to Iraq. I'm posting my video soon from Ukraine and all of those travel videos. I have bonus, tons and tons and tons of bonus content from those travel videos also on that Patreon Patreon dot com, slash
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longer on Supercast. I am doing all of my bonus content on Patreon right now, Patreon dot com, slash Lyle forever, And if you are a current Supercast subscriber, you get one month free and it's the same stuff that you were getting on the Supercast, except now there's more because it's basically a combination of the bone bonus episodes and the ad free stuff and the bonus documentary stuff. Here we have, we are are We just released a bonus
episode today this morning. Here's a little preview of today's bonus episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me and my boyfriend whose name is also Owen.
Wait you're dating a dude who's also named Owen. Yeah, that's so funny. That's a very uh call me by your name relationship you got going on there.
So your little tam I I won't get too TM. I'm your this your gag man, that's what this is. That's that's you know, go ahead, man, the question has been posed before, you know. Is it weird calling out your own name during sex? Mm? Hmm?
Is it?
And I it?
Dean?
Hey are you doing?
I'm doing good man? How are you? What'd you want to talk about today?
Nothing much. I'm actually currently on vacation with my ex.
Right now, you're on vacation with your ex. Yeah, okay, and why is she your X.
It was just a lot of arguing all the time. I wasn't I'm not going to say I was the best. But we planned this vacation a while ago and we were debating on still coming or not. But we thought it would be a good idea.
To come on this trip and just kind of like have a one last like little like trying to hang out, you.
Know, to hear that full call and a whole brand new hour of fresh podcast, a fresh podcast that's not available on the public feed. Please go to patreon dot com slash Lyle forever to become a member. Today. This has been the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you all for listening. I am Lyle ghak bless you all for billions of years and then billions of years after that, and uh that's it. Thank you guys. Have a good one bye bye see you next episode, ghak bless see you guys.
Around the universe goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Deacon goes to ride. He's teaching you aloud in the mind of your life.
Money's not really an expert