All from Tommy.
Talk to me, Tommy moham man, what's up?
How are you going on?
I'm doing okay, I'm trying my best. What's up. How's it going?
Oh, it's going I get a bit too unfold and I have a wonderful super surprise at the end.
You said, you have a bit too unfold and a wonderful surprise at the end.
Is that what you just said?
That is that is exactly what I said.
Yes, well, unfold right into my into my ass. Hit mat what's going on?
All right?
So start this out in my axe broke up back in December, had to move back to my parents. Uh, like an hour away or so, I'm in I'm in New York Connecticut area. That's been super hard. I uh worked or her brother doing welding and stuff, and uh, you know, he had wanted me to stay. I was like, yeah, I don't know. I just need to get like all of it out of my life. Yeah, her brother, you had any connection with her, but yeah, I don't know. Sorry, I'm a little Uh. I didn't think you were going to answer.
You broke up with you said you broke up with your girlfriends.
Yeah, yeah, we broke up. We were just you know, a little bit toxic drinking and getting the sights and ship and.
Ah, okay, what's for both both party animals? But so well, what kind of tell me more about this toxicity?
Oh? Just late night she was a serverre atte a restaurant and uh, like summertime, she get home like two three in the morning. I don't know, food and bed industry. Usually, you know, you have a few drinks at the end of the night. Whenever she'd come home fucking blasted, and I'd be like, what the fuck? Mhm, uh, I don't know. Anytime I'm like, you know, we'd go out, she would just that sort of throw me to the side, I guess,
and I get sucked up and we'll get home. Everything'd be cool, and they fucking just fight over some random stuff.
Okay, I needed I don't. I don't know you, and I don't know your life.
But from what you are telling me right now, it sounds like this breakup was a good thing.
Oh yeah, definitely, uh yeah, definitely good for my mental health and probably probably a little bit of physical health too. But uh started working back and when you know, got up to my parents, took like a month, aful work at some money safe, So just chilling being depressed in my parents' fucking basement.
Yeah, there we go, which is cool.
You know, everyone's got to do that. Sometimes you do.
You got to do that.
Sometimes you absolutely got to do that. Sometimes I'm what the fuck was I gonna say?
So?
How long ago was?
This was early December, like mid December, like in the team's December teams.
Okay, so it's been a few months.
Yeah, it's been a few months. Definitely do a lot better.
Oh good, what's what's been better?
I guess, well, I'm sorry. Okay. So where she lives. She lives like forty minutes away from me, from the town that I grew up in. So about like six seven months after we started dating, we were like, you know, if she had to get a new apartment because she got a you know, we got a dog and dog wasn't allowed in an old apartment. Well, I guess we didn't get she got a dog. So I was think, you know, why don't I why don't we move in together? Sucky?
We heard you, you know, we'd like each other. We knew we were in it for the long term, for the most part, but I guess we moved a little quick, but I you know, I moved down to where she was from and left, like you know, my family didn't leave them. You know it's forty minutes, not like it's hours away, but you know, left my family, friends and stuff. Get a little distant with my friends. Sort of happened to a lot of people and you get into a relationship.
Now, So did you rekindle your your relationship with your friends now that you are not?
Yeah, I mean it was it was never like I never burned any bridges, Like I always talking to them anytime I was up here, head go, you hit them up and stuff, and uh, we were hanging out every once in a while. It definitely wasn't as close for catching up as much like I'd play Xbox with a couple of my friends from down there, which is cool. But now that I'm backed up here, definitely rekindled the pome. My boys been hanging out, which is cool.
Okay, that's good, and.
Doing some uh been abusing adder all bit.
And it was a drug. Yeah, oh yeah.
I worked long hours, worked eleven hour days. Went back to my old job that pizzeria I worked at like during high school and stuff. Who all the guys there that we were like a big family there, like been super close with them forever, and uh, a couple of guys got I don't.
I can't decide if a pizza made by five dudes on Adderall would be better or worse than.
I guarantee that.
Yeah, I'm sure fucking we'll get that ship to you in twenty minutes or less, fuck thirty.
Yeah we don't deliver. Though we did not deliver.
You don't deliver, then what's the adderall for?
Adderall? Just for sucking get through the day with all the shitty fucking customers.
Okay, so this was three months ago. What's what are you doing with your life now? Are you? You got it? Dude? I don't know. I mean I don't know your life.
I don't know what your feelings do, but uh, I mean hanging out with your boys and making pizzas it's good life in my from where I sit. You know, what do you want?
More?
Do you?
What's going on? What's missing?
Oh? Chuck? Being lowly? My friends closer friends are like like your relationships and stuff, and it's just like my buddy's birthday was last week, went over to his house and like, yeah, I'm the fucking like eleventh wheel there and everyone just yeah, which is fun, you know whatever. I'm not like, I don't want to sound like, you know, like fucking jealous or anything, because no, I'm very happy for that that thing.
Yeah, no, I got you.
Yeah, a little bit of a I've been drinking a little bit more than usual. Yeah yeah, drinking that at all, kind of like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah, I so get it.
I've had a couple of times where I've had anxiety that was just like anxiety or loneliness that was just like, so, I'm not a big alcohol guy. I'm not a big drink. I've mainly been like a big pot smoker my my whole life. But I've had a few times where my just anxiety or my loneliness was so bad that I was like, fuck it, let's just get drunk so that we can like numb the feelings. And I did it, and every single time, I'm like, oh, I one hundred
percent understand how people become alcoholics. It makes so much sense because it just numbs. It numbs these feelings that are so like difficult to.
Difficult to not.
Like a difficult to deal with and then be impossible to solve. I don't want to say impossible, because I like to be optimistic, and I do think that your level of optimism is a strong indicator of the quality of your life. So I like to remain optimistic that these feelings that you're trying to numb are are solvable.
But they're really hard.
Even with the wealth of information, to solve them because like, you know, people are like even like loneliness is difficult to solve in the sense of, oh, you're lonely, go get friends or go get a relationship. But then it's like, even if you do that successfully, I mean, look what happens, you know with you You were in this relationship, you were with this woman, but it was it wasn't It ended up badly with you know, all the drinking and
the and the fighting. So it's like, whether you're whether you want to be alone or you want to integrate other people into your life, you're going to run into into conflict. You know, conflict it's really hard to to deal with. So it's like, why not just get pissed and not have to you know, like, you know, just decide to decide to not show up for work metaphorically, you know, not show up for the work of life.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't know if that's a hell yeah brother. I don't know if that is a hell.
Yeah, brother.
I don't know if that is necessarily a hell yeah brother.
Because I I'd like to think that there's something I'd like to think that that there's nobility in showing up for the work of life and dealing with things instead of getting drunk and numbing them.
But well, no, no, I wasn't hell yeah and brother, oh.
Yeah, sure sure. But that's why I'd like to think that, because I don't know the answer to any of this ship that I'm amusing with you about.
But so you're feeling lonely, and.
You know, I'm trying to I've been hidden, you know, asking my friends like I have two groups of friends, like pizzeria guys I'm being super super close with, and I have like my high school friends and are like my brothers in a sense, you know, friend from school
or whatever. And uh oh, I've been hitting the muf I'm like, yo, guys, you guys want to go loud so I can say you want to go loud, you know, help me find you know, I can tell them to talk to so I'm not helping me, you know, come out with me when you try and talk to some girls or something. And I realized something, excuse this, and that I can't. I can't. So P three, you guys have been pulling me a lot more. But uh, I
don't know. I just feel like that. I also don't really have too much support from my brother friends on this more than like, you know, a little lesson, but I would like at least And you know, I've tried try to reach out, tried talking with him and everything they talked to I don't know. I don't know what I'm getting out here.
But no, you want you want, you want, you want the boy? You want the boys in your corner?
Yea, And the boys are always in my corner. I never Yeah, boys are always.
In my corner. How old? How old are you? I'm twenty six, twenty six? When you're this is hard. When you get older, your friends start to have their own lives, you know, Yeah.
Which is fine. I like, I get that one hundred percent.
Yeah, yeah, but it's stressful. It really is stressful.
Stressful when you you like your friends are like everyone's like kind of like you start out like we're all in this together, and then everyone it's just like a natural part of growing up, like everyone starts to form their own lives, and you're looking at your own, like you're looking at your own little sand castle, and you're kind of trying to make sure that it is, like it's hard. It's hard to build your sound castle alone.
But that's like, yeah, it's hard. It's hard to build your sand castle alone in your parents' basement.
It's hard. Yeah.
Uh all right, well well yeah, I guess I guess that does it on that.
You know, that's so depressing. It's so depressing the way what you just did. It really was so depressing. You were like, yep, sucks. Anyway, thanks for calling, Thanks for picking up my call.
I'm gonna go.
Uh, I don't want to go faster in the bathroom, so what I.
Really want to call that? You know, that break up thing definitely helped, Thank you. Okay, I have I have your fucking doppel ganger. You have, I have your doppelganger works at the pizzeria. He is actually not an adderall one or a drinker, so he's a he's a California sober sally.
What of what makes him my doppelganger?
He's he's your twin? He is? He is you? I do that at the pizzeria. I've been so I started watching you maybe a year give or take ago, you know, maybe ten months or whatever. And as soon as you came up on my Instagram seed randomly, I was like, suggested post and I thought it was him, and I was like, what the fuck? I texted. I was like you, Anthony. I was like, I was like, this isn't you right? I was like, it's sort of, you know, sort of doesn't look like you, but he's your twin. That didn't
make sense, But he is? He is your fucking twin?
Is he is? He is? He look like me? Does he act like me? How is he my twin?
Dude? He sounds exactly you look and sounds exactly like he has the floor. He's not with me right now, but like, is there any way I can send like a picture of him to you? Because I think you guys need to do a fucking live show together or a live stream together, both you dressed up as gettos.
No, I'm not gonna do that, but send us, send me a send me a picture of him.
Can I just do it through this chat?
I mean you do it through the phone. That's fun number that you're on right now.
Do it right now?
Yeah? Sure, for sure. What How do you how? What is he like? How's he like me? What's he like as a person.
He's just like like he's just like the most oddball person and again in great way. It's funny as hell, Like I don't know, he's he's been like the closest with me right now with this like relation you with this relationship and everything, and yeah, sorry, and dude, I don't know. He's just like I don't know. We just funk around the people, Like like at the pizzeria, they got another guy like I'm six foot seven, fucking skinny, like a white dude, and I got another guy works
for six foot five skinny, Yeah, white dude. So everyone thinks for brothers. So we just fuck with customers, not fuck with them in like a mean way, but you know, we use it like a little like it's our stage.
We just I'm sorry people fire.
You're six foot seven, yes, sir, you're like you're like literally you're two of me.
Wait, okay, so Anthony, I'm like.
Three ft tall, I'm like two feet tall?
Now get go, get go's max? What foot?
Well? I'm how tall am I? I'm like someone in the chat just said, GEK loves tall men. I do, got I I don't like.
It's been a long journey, but I've come to terms with my heights.
And uh, I've accepted that I'm like five six and a half.
I used to tell people Anthony is five seven, Bro, what the fuck?
Yeah?
Maybe that's probably what it is. It's probably what it is. No, I still do tell people on five to seven sometimes.
Oh that's hilarious, dude. I'm telling you, guys are fucking spitting images of each other. I swear. Do you want me to send them right now? I forgot?
Yeah, I thought I thought that thought what you were doing.
I thought I was vamping on the phone with you until you uh yeah, just.
Someone said I love tall men. I don't know. I just I wonder what it's like. I'm not. I'm not one of those guy.
I think I maybe used to be in my younger years, were a little bit more fixated on my height, but I'm less so as I get older, but I do. I wonder sometimes I'm like, what's it like to be, you know, six feet tall?
It seems nice, you know, everyone thinks it's all fun and games, which, don't get me wrong, it's i'd rather be. I don't know. I think six seven is a little too tall when I'm not a fucking basketball player, like you know, trying, you know, volleyball player or something like.
Did you text me this yet?
I'm trying. I'm finding a picture of Sorry. I looked on his entergram and he hasn't posted in like eighteen years. Actually got a picture of both of us here Halloween. He was trying to be tony soprano.
All right, Well, I go, I feel like you're gonna send it. I feel like this isn't going to be. This guy's not going to look.
Anything like me.
Dude, he is. I'm telling you, bro, I've convinced so many people to pizzeria that his account is yours.
Did you text it to me yet?
I just I just sent it.
Yeah, all right, hold on, let me try to find it. It's six six seven is a little too tall.
Yeah, dude, I have a queen size bed. I literally have to fucking sleep diagonally on.
It, like, Okay, you sent it to this phone number, the four oh one phone number you texted it to that. Oh, there we go. Okay, I just got it. I just got it. This guy does not look like me at all.
Bro, you're nuts. You're not You're nuts.
This guy does not look like me. He's just another hairy Jewish guy.
He's not even Jewish.
Keep he looks like he's wearing a keep on in the thing. No, he's This guy does not look like me at all.
You're smoking a brother, He's just he's.
Just five seven, Harry white, dude with a beer. He's in the same genre of guy as me physically, but he's not.
He's also a little skinnier. He's also a little skinnier.
He is a little skinnier. He is a little skinnier.
Jim, I'm looking more at you. Man. You're like a whole. You are twice the size of this other guy.
Yeah, and taller too.
Man. I I'm you. You have a lot.
You You've got a good life. Man, I really hope you're I understand. We all get lonely sometimes and it's a it's a bummer. And I've been there a lot of a lot of times in my life. But you you got good friends.
You gotta go. I'm I'm optimistic for you. I really am.
Thank you. The only thing I don't see a lot of tall old people, right, Uh?
I guess that's true.
Yeah, man, I told some way that the pizzeri once her kid was like like thirteen or something, and he was like maybe like five five nine or some shit. And I was like, yeah, the only thing with that, you don't see a lot of tall old people. And she just fucking shipped herself. She was like, oh my god, please don't tell me that. Well, what's your name again, Cornelius vandam.
Building that's not your real name? Right, just snickered Cornelius. Well, Tommy, I'll see you around the universe. Man, is he anything else you want to say before we go?
Yeah? Everyone, just keep your head up, don't uh, you know, and get into a swum but the walk on out of it ship that never know. I knew I was never going to be prepared for something to tell the world. Not keep your head keep on keeping all life's life's the garden, dig Joe dirty.
Keep your head up. That way you can make contact with this guy.
That was stupid. All right, we should stop, We should get off the phone, all right.
Love you chat, Love you Lyle, stay prosperous. Goodpi brother, and oh no, I'll try not to do any adderle today.
Good luck, sir. My prayers are with you.
Yep, I'm gonna take a shot at Jamil freet on the call, so God bless everyone.
Take care.
Just one.
Hey, folks, this is Lyle.
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko live all across the country. If you've never been to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of group Gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself. And if you've been to the show before, I have new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.
If you're a fan of the pod cast, you're gonna have a great time at the live show, So I hope to see you guys there. Go to Therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode description for a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also, if you don't see your city on the list of cities, please still click the link and rs VP with your phone number so I can contact you when tickets go on sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a bunch more dates very soon.
Geck bless call from Madison. Hello, Hello, Hi?
Who is this Madison? Is this uh the gecko?
This is the gecko? What's up?
What?
Uh?
Just sitting in bed currently sick? But uh, I thought that you were streaming and wanted to try to call.
So what are you sick with? Uh?
Just a cold, but it's like one of those really like congested type cold. So it's like in my finesses and my chest. But uh, it's been a little over a week now and it's still kind of not going away.
How long have the doctors given you to live?
Hopefully a little longer?
Well, well, Madison, here we are on the phone. Just two people on a phone call, two people who don't know anything about each other. Really, yeah, just on the phone having a conversation being broadcasted to hundreds of millions of people all across the globe. Here we are, Madison, Here we are, And I ask you humbly humbly from this my this is this is I feel so honored to be on the phone right now, and I have to ask you, humbly, Madison.
What would you like to talk about today?
Oh?
Man, that is a very good question. Well, lately, I've been having some uh I guess not issues, but just a little bit of some problems with dealing with being in a relation, like a long distance relationship. You know, Okay, hit me, Yeah what.
Was that I said?
Hit me to share the the crazy details of your life.
Well, I wouldn't call them too crazy, but uh, you know, I've been in this long relationship, long distance relationship for about a little over a year now, and uh we met on discord and you know, everything has been like really really great. It's probably like the best relationship I've ever been in. But I kind of have, you know, some issues with the fact that we're so far apart, and some nights I'm like sitting in bed just like, man,
what am I? What am I gonna do? Like, I can't deal with being alone sometimes and I it's yeah, it's pretty hard. So and I don't really have a lot of friends who.
Been in a relationship for.
Like a year in four months.
And what where's worse live? Where do you live?
They live in New Jersey and I live in Michigan.
Okay, what made you want to enter a long distance relationship with this person that you met on discord? What is it about this relationship that provides you with value on a continued basis?
Well, I guess initially I wasn't really like wanting to go into a long distance relationship. It just kind of like happened.
You know.
We started talking in this one server that one of my friends invited me to, and we were just you know, talking as friends, and you know, eventually we realized that we had feelings for each other, and it just it was like, I don't know, I had this like feeling that I couldn't just like not be with them, you know. So yeah, but uh, I they they just have treated me better than like anybody I've ever been with, and our communication is really good, and we're also like interested
in a lot of the same things. So it just made sense.
How often do you head over to Jersey to see them?
Well, I've been there a couple of times and they've they've definitely come to see me more. But uh, and also like Throughout our relationship, we've definitely seen each other in person more than like the average person who's in a long distance relationship does, which I'm like, you know, obviously really grateful for because a lot of people don't get that chance to like see them or their significant
others like for years or months, you know. But it's still just like so hard for me to like let go of the fact that I can't see them like every day.
Oh well, is anything stopping you from you know, It's very funny. I'm thinking about this a lot lately because I part of me was hesitant on the idea of, like is it a good idea to move to be with someone romantically, because I mean, you know, there's all sorts of like horror stories about people doing that, fucking
them up. There's also actually a lot of stories, you know, I've heard them on the podcast, I've heard them anecdotally about people who do that and the relationship doesn't work out, but yet the move works out, you know what I mean. Like someone maybe like moves to you know, some city to be with somebody, and that relationship doesn't work out, but then some other thing happens in that city, and and that kind of works out.
I'm not a huge fan of like.
Let me give up career opportunities to go be with a person, And sometimes that's kind of baked in to like moving locations, but a lot of the time it's not, because, I mean, you know, we live in a digital universe. People are working from home, people are building their their careers on the internet. So I mean, what's what's going on in Michigan and what's stopping you guys from you know, being in the same location.
Yeah. So, actually it's funny that you mentioned the whole like working from home thing because my partner actually was like trying to do that and was doing that for
a little bit when we first met. They have a degree in like computer engineering, and they were working with this company or like probably a little less than a year, but it was like a startup saying I don't really know a lot about computer engineering, so like, but like basically they weren't really like getting paid yet because it was a startup, I guess, and the boss was like supposed to basically pay them like after working for so long, and then they just like kept postponing it, and eventually
my partner was like, okay, like I don't really want to like be working under this guy anymore because he keeps like not going through with his word.
So they're thinking about quitting their job.
Well they they did, they did that company.
So uh nothing, nothing Michigan. What are they doing?
That's yeah, that's what I'm saying. But like it's there's a lot of like things though, where they just don't have the money obviously because of the fact that they haven't.
Been working, they don't have them wanted to live in Michigan, I guess not.
I mean, but it's also they've been trying to find jobs here and they like can't find any jobs here that will like respond back to them.
Do you do you want to move to New Jersey?
I don't know. I've thought about it, but like, excuse me, it's I have a lot of stuff where I'm at right now, like family, and I have a cat that would be having to be moved as well. So it's and I also have a job where I'm at right now as well.
So okay, so so this guy, this guy has a job.
Oh he doesn't have a job. What's he doing?
Uh?
So I actually right now they are basically like trying to find the place. But they're also they were making like YouTube videos for a little bit. A couple of months ago. They started a YouTube channel because they play a lot of like magic the Gathering.
So okay, hold on, it's just just I want to just like it ad be practical here for a few times, because because I don't know, I I'm and look, my life isn't perfect in any sense of the way. But if I'm talking to you, I want to just like, let's not fuck around here, you know, because you can just we can waste we can waste a lot of time fucking around. And I know that personally because you know, I mean, every human being is wasted a lot of time just fucking around, you know. So let's not fuck
around for a second. So you're in this long term relationship and you like it, it's good, but just there this big I mean, these long distance relationships, they can really make you unhappy, you know, because you wanted somebody who's who's there, right?
You know?
Yeah, and you have your job, and you have your family, and you have your cat, you know, and you don't really want to give those things up. I don't know what your partner has going on from what you're telling me it's nothing, But I don't know. I haven't talked to them about it, But has has there been any like like attempt to compromise and figure something out or is it just like, uh, like what's what are we figuring out here?
You know?
So we've we've definitely talked about it a lot, and I guess there this is the thing I haven't really like mentioned. Their whole thing is that they don't want to be like relying on me, if that makes sense, Like they want to have their shit together before they like come into my life physically, so like they want to have like an established job and have enough money
coming here. Because their plan was that they were going to move here because of the fact that I said, like, you know, I have family here, I have a cat, I have a job, so it would be better for them to move here. And right now they just don't think that they have the funds or you know, the ability to find a good paying job at the moment moving here until at least like next year. But it's like it's just kind of such a long ways away, Like I mean, it's not, but it is, you know.
Yeah, I still don't I still don't understand this person have.
Like, like, they are paying money to live in New Jersey. Correct, they're paying rents to live in New Jersey.
Yeah, they're They're paying for food.
And tricity and the various things that you need to live. And just that does the budget that they have to pay for those things currently not allowed for them to pay for those things in Michigan as well well.
So their parents have been helping them money.
And Okay, I I understand, I I I understand now what what this person is talking about when they're like, listen, my life.
Is my I I get it. I think I think I understand.
I think I think this person is like, Okay, look, my parents are helping me live. I don't have a job. I'm like, I'm kind of fucking around. You have a life, you have a thing. I don't want to like leech off of you. So let me like figure my shit out. Yeah yeah, and then we'll we'll see.
But here's the question.
Have do they have a and I I ask you this, do you believe that they have a a legitimate timeline as to when they're going to quote figure their shit out? A definition even of what figuring your shit out means and.
And see, do you do you believe.
Them, knowing what you know about them, that they will be able to achieve this this you know, forever elusive idea of getting their ship together.
I mean, I like, I know that they're like reliable and that they're smart, and their reasonings for not moving here are understandable and it's not just like some excuse.
But like.
Also another thing too is.
Well hold on, but we haven't even do we haven't even covered this thing before we introduce another thing. And then also like yes, understandable that we're not we're not trying to figure out if it's understandable or not.
We've understood.
The question is, you know, can we rely that this will be a problem that is addressed and fixed so that we're not you know, continually delaying our future.
For this person.
Yeah, I mean I don't think it'll take more than
a year. So but like as it is right now, it's hard to say like exactly how long it will take because of where they're at at the moment, like where because I mean they they're trying, you know to find jobs here, like they've applied to like so many places, and they just like don't get calls back, and they actually had a job reach out to them recently and they like did some tests that they wanted them to take and then they just like ended up failing the
test and that people were like yeah, or like you can't.
Let's let's go, let's go. We're getting too specific here, Okay, let's go. Let's go. Top line. Okay, this guy is doing what he's applying to jobs. He's do you.
And these are I don't have answers to these. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you should think about, like, you know, do you do you want to be waiting around for this? And if the answer is yes, then that's beautiful. Then wait around for it because you know it's gonna be worth it because you really really really like this person and you know it's gonna be yeah, even know not even no, you can't know shit, but you have a pretty good idea that this is gonna be.
How old are you, by the way, I just turned twenty three this month?
Okay? How old is this guy?
Twenty five?
Okay?
Are you guys still fucking young? Yeah?
I don't know.
Look here here's what I would say. And by the way, I'm a total hypocrite. I really, I've really been thinking about this a lot, with this fucking potty.
This podcast is.
Getting more and more difficult for me to do because my life is really not figure it out myself, and so I don't like to but but and it's but it's it's so much easier to therapy getto other people than it is to therapy gecko yourself.
But I'll just let's just do it.
You know, if I were you, just from talking to you, like, I wouldn't stop wasting my time like waiting, cold feet, fucking around, whatever, whatever, and like like kind of make a decision. And I'm not talking about like a foreverone. I'm talking about like and you could even even if like waiting, even if you decide to wait, that is a decision, you know, So so figure it out so that way you're not just like, you know, will he won't he you know, forever because this is gonna make
you unhappy, you know. And you could even do a thing where it's like maybe we go on a break and when you're ready, come at me, and if I'm ready, then it works out.
And if it doesn't work out, it's fine.
But you're also so fucking you know, we're all young, we're in our twenties. You knows, what's the big rush to go crazy? I mean, if you want, you can move to Michigan. I mean, move to New Jersey. They have pinball machines there.
I don't know, I don't know.
I hope any of what I said just made any sense at all. I really do, I really after I really just now was like, I don't know if I made any sense, but but just.
Yeah, because a lot of these, like so many I think this is just with like issues in general.
It's like, you know, you're sitting here, you're talking to me, and you're like, well, there's this other thing and this other thing is the other thing, and.
The details don't matter.
It's like the top line of like do you want to sacrifice certain things from yourself, your time, your energy for this person? That's the top all the little like well here's this detail, and here's this detail, and he's applying for jobs and this, and they all that none of that matters. That there's only really that one question that matters is how much of your time and energy do you want to sacrifice for this person? And there's
no wrong answer to that question. And by the way, even if you decide, you know what I do, and then two years goes by and it turns out that that was the wrong decision, It's okay. You're not gonna die, You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be twenty five, and you have much more life ahead of you to live.
Like you know, you don't.
Don't freak out about making that right decision, but understand that that's the decision that you're making.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah, I mean okay, at the end of the day, it's it's just whether or not I can be sorry, be comferable alone for however long until they can move here, you know, or if I should just drop everything and like move to them.
But if you want to do that, then you do that.
It's not gonna you're not gonna die, You're not gonna throw away you know, your one opportunity to you know, live a happy life. I mean, I just that's the thing is I would just pick something, because if you don't, you're gonna just live in in in this weird limbo state. But anyway, that's that's really I think what I have to say about this.
What's your name again, Madison? Madison? This was this. I'm glad we've got to talk about this. This was helpful. I enjoy thinking about these things, enjoy thinking about life. It's very difficult. It's really hard.
I know I'm making it sound like it's like easy, I guess, but it's not. It's really hard because you're you're dealing with I'm talking the way I'm talking about this. I'm not emotionally connected to it, so it's easier for me to you know, say all these things.
But yeah, I hope it was helpful in any way.
Yeah, I just want to say thanks for like hearing me out and giving your input of it and everything. And you know, I love them a lot. So at the end of the day, like I'll have to just suck it up and you know, be okay with waiting because that's what I mean, that's the easiest decision to make, because it's either that or try to like get all my shit over there. And that's.
So yeah, cool, cool.
Just before we go, if that's your decision, just like be just try to be happy with your decision, you know, because it's something it's not nobody forced this upon you.
This is like your decision that you're making and you should be that should make.
You feel happy and powerful and your life.
Thank you for that.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Oh?
Okay, I've always thought about what I was gonna say when you asked this. Uh, I guess don't ever just settle for what your you know, life is, or who you're with, because you deserve better and you deserve the best, and there are those people out there who really care about you and love you for who you are. And yeah, just see yourself and love yourself.
That's what.
I was trying to think of. Something.
I don't know why when people start saying a lot of really positive things on the podcast, Like in my brain, I'm like, what horrible thing.
Can I say to offset this so that I don't feel like it's the mister Rogers show? But nothing in my brain? Yeah, it was nothing.
Nothing that I said was I like, you know what, that's something I should say anyway, I'm I don't know why I said yes, go ahead?
Sorry?
Sorry, also get money?
There we go?
Okay, Well, thank you very much, have a good rest of the day, you too, But uh, hey.
What's up? Yeah, who's this?
You can call me Kate?
Kate? What's up?
Kate?
How's life?
Honestly, like not that kind of amazed my first time trying to call in Truly, I'm super nervous right now. Cannot believe you called me.
Really, don't be, don't be, don't be nervous.
Don't be nervous. There's it's just uh, you and me and a bunch of people who are probably folding laundry or driving.
A car, or.
People cooking dinner.
That's what I'm doing right now, something like that.
Well, what's up, Kate? How can I get you today?
I don't know.
I just thought i'd call and I would love to talk to you a bit about some personal I don't know, like realizations I've been having the past couple of months.
Sure, what are that?
So?
As I wrote in my message to you, I've recently realized that I am a meticulous control freak. I need control of every aspect of my life. And this is something I'm talking to a real therapist about. But I find I'm a verbal process, so it's helpful for me to talk to like other people. I really appreciate you talking to me it's actually means a lot. But like I've been in my relationship for six and a half years.
We got married this past summer. That's super exciting both me and my husband are coming to your your Seattle show. We can't wait, Like genuinely cannot wait. I was listening to one of your podcasts and I heard you and say that you were like coming to Seattle, and I like immediately.
Got on like dull shout out the crocodile, love the crocodile.
Yes, guys, be there.
I'm so freaking excited to your show. So my point here though, is that like we we've been we've been together a long time, and he's like when we resot arguments a lot of times, he'll tell me that he feels like I'm suffocating.
Him, and I'm over here, I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about, dude, Like stuffocation, what does that even mean? Like, I'm just trying to help you.
I'm a teacher, Like that's my job, and so I like that's what I do for a living, right, I help people, And so in my head like everything makes perfect sense, right, Like, oh, I'm just helping you do whatever it is. That like, I think it's going to be best for you because that's what I do with my kids every single day.
And I found that I'm kind of doing that exact same thing to my now husband, okay, And that set up kind of like this chain of realizations of like, oh, like, man, where do I do that in other areas of my life? And then you know, I've had eating disorders the past. I'm working like working through that right now, and I was like, oh, maybe that's connected. And I've gone to counseling so like perfectionism in the past.
And I'm like, wait a second, he needs that's connected.
And then suddenly it kind of starts to see this like web right of like all these different places in your life where you need to have perfect control. And I guess why I wanted to talk to you is because like I don't know how to like let.
Go of that need for control. Like I'm working with a therapist on it, and I still don't know how to like, hey, I don't need to know every aspect of every single thing. Like I hate surprises. I can't deal with them. I can't I can't like not know something like how how does an avid.
Person does not need to control free situations they're in.
I don't get that.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
So when when when your husband said you were suffocating him, Like what what was there? What specifically was going on?
That's a good question. So he he has ADHD, and so, like you know, he sometimes has like problems completing tasks or like you know, just like an example, like hey, you got to go to the doctor, right, but then it's like, oh, you got to make the doctor's appointment. He's got to do all these other things. And I'm like, well, you know, it just like just makes it make the fucking appointment. Sorry. Sorry, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to swear, but like just.
Yes, of course, hold on. I don't know why this always bothered me.
But of course you can swear, you can say, you can say anything you want.
I just don't care. Sorry, I don't know why this. I don't know, dude, I'm so sorry.
Kay, I don't know why that always works me up when people ask if they can swear.
I should know better. I listened to the show.
If you listen to the show, you've heard people talk about I mean, the guy just talked about you know, yeah, you know you're anyway put it.
Into a frosty. I heard every bit of it, right, No, No, for sure. Yeah. So I just you know, like he's got ADHD and I don't. I'm neurotypical. And still for me, it's like pretty easy, like let's just make the let's make the doctor's appointment. But it's like harder, you know, when you have to like, okay, what's the end goal?
You got to go to all these steps, and so I'll like try to like help, right, like in my head it's helping, but like it's not actually helping, and in fact, like when I'm checking in, I'm like, hey, when you're gonna be home tonight, like that feels like suffocating to him in a way that like it doesn't to me because I'm over here like oh, I'm cooking dinner or what have you, and I'm just checking in, But for him, it's like, hey, can you back the fuck off?
You know?
And he never does that to me.
What is your real therapist tell you about this?
She?
Uh, she told me last night I had a hard profession. She told me, because she thinks, and she's probably right that it all comes back to anxiety, right, there's some sort of right, there's some sort of fear right associated with whatever it is that I'm trying to control. And so she told me last night, she said, hey, you
should personify it, like personify it in your head. And so now I'm over here like having this image of like Gollum, you know, and Lord of the Rings, where like you've got Snegel and you've got Gallum, and then maybe anxiety's my Gollum and Sneagel to him, you know who I am, right, But I'm talking to this thing. I don't know how helpful that's going to be, but I'm willing to try that. Like maybe I can talk to the anxiety and I can talk to the fear.
But I'm concerned I'm never going to be able to get to a point where there is no Gollumn voice in the head, you know what I mean. Like, I want to get to a point where I'm no longer having to have that internal dialogue. I don't know how to not not want to worry or not want to control.
Tell me more about that Galumn voice? What is it? Yeah?
What's saying?
Yeah?
So I mean, like, you know, I don't know if you have anxiety or not. Like I've heard you talk sometimes about your own ship, so so I don't know if you've experienced this, but it's that it's that little voice in your head like everything's going right and then like a person sends you like a like a three word text when you're expecting a five word text, and there's that little voice in your head that's like, oh, they must they must hate you, you know, that's the
friendship's over right there. You said no to one thing and now they hate you. Know, that's the goalumn voice, right, It's like it's feeding you this negativity mm hmm yeah. And I like, I just want to not hear that anymore. I want to, you know, like, how do you get to a point where you where you no longer have that that little voice that just makes you want to want to just manage things, want to take control of things.
Yeah, I mean that's an interesting thing. I deal.
I deal a lot with anxiety, and I've been very recently, even just on a journey, I've how to kind of get those thoughts out of my head and whatnot and what I mean to be frank, now that you're making me think about it, It's like, what gets me out of that is like being in the present moment of whatever it is I'm doing. And that's easier sometimes and harder sometimes.
Because like how do you do that?
How do you pull yourself out of it?
I'm trying to think, Well, if I'm like sitting idly right, I'm gonna just my brain's just going to go to horrible anxious places. But if I'm in the flow state, if I'm like actually doing something to get my brain out of that, uh, you know, I won't be so focused on the anxiety. I mean, that's life, right, Life is a series of trying to avoid thinking about your own death and then you die. And so that's just like,
how do you distract yourself? Really, that's what you're trying to do, is distract yourself from this anxiety.
And how you do that? I don't I really don't know what typically sorry, go ahead, go ahead.
How do you distract yourself in those moments?
What what do you turn to?
Let's see.
The actual answer is I uh, I masturbate and eat shitty food and go on fucking TikTok. That's the real answers. I mean, I mean those are my bad ones, but I you know, in other ways. I I'll lately I've been like, you know, fucking exercising and that helps.
It's why people exercise same.
That's been really helpful for me.
Too, dude, That's what games are fucking great for that. But but again, I don't know what the hell was I was.
I gonna say, I think you're gonna ask me a question, and then I was going to ask you a.
Question about what are you typically doing? Uh? When anxiety creeps up on you anything.
I mean literally anything like truly, it's it's everywhere. It's it's usually situational, right, It's like maybe I'm at work and I'm thinking about whatever, and then the anxiety that's in I mean and tracing it back, right, the anxiety usually comes back to very reasonable things. It's usually Okay, I'm concerned about money, or I'm concerned about you know. Uh, it's like maintaining my my partner's happiness or my own happiness. And I know that I'm not responsible for my husband's happiness.
Like I know that right consciously, but like it's this little code toxic codependency trait that I have where I think I'm responsible and the goblins. You know that the gall and brain said, I'm responsible.
Did your therapist tell you anything else? Did your therapist tell you anything else that was helpful except to imagine that you're magel.
She didn't specifically say that. That was my interpretation of it. But you know, we're still new. We're new into this therapy. They've been doing it for a couple of months, and yeah, not not much. Als decides that yet. She's she's impressed that I'm acknowledging my problems. And I think that right now we're in the kind of like good for you. You're realizing you have an issue. Now we got to figure out how to solve it. Yeah, it's freaking tough, dude.
M what are you anxious about? I know you've kind of talked about it at the beginning of this, but like.
Like, really, dig it. Here's another thing. Here's another thing I do when I get anxious. And I actually.
Don't know if this is helpful or not, but I just follow my anxiety.
I just follow the thread, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, like you're.
Worried about money, you know, I'm like, all right, well, what happens if I go broke? Then maybe this will happen, then this will happen, then this will happen this, But I just follow it until it's like, you know, it kind of runs out of steam.
Right, it loses its power its.
Saying I don't know if that's healthy or not, because that's that's some people would call that catastrophizing, right, That's kind of what following your anxiety is.
But at the same time, I think that not knowing is almost more anxiety inducing, Right, So I feel like that's actually kind of helpful. Like, let's trace it. What would happen if the worst case scenario occurred?
Like yeah, right?
And often often when you trace it, you realize that the worst case scenario is, you know, is livable.
It's not that bad.
It's no, no, you're You're totally right, dude, you're right.
And then there's the other there's the stoic I mean, you should read it. Read up on some.
Stoic philosophy is really really helpful for anxiety.
Is one of them?
Subreded about that?
And then I didn't pursue that further, but I'm I should definitely do that, thanks man.
Yeah.
And then because one of the I've lately I've actually been battling some stuff with the Stoic philosophy because in some areas I don't believe it, but anxiety is one where I do, because like, well there's this there's a big thing in Stoic philosophy of like don't suffer imagined troubles, right like all like anxiety is like it's the suffering of an anticipation of an event. How fucking stupid is that?
It's so stupid because it hasn't even happened, and so you're just you're suffering deeply from from something that hasn't even happened.
It's one thing to suffer because of a thing that happened. But anxiety is like an if you even if you know a bad thing is going to happen, your anxiety over the inevitability of the bad thing is just you suffering more than is necessary.
You know, it's a foolish thing. I was listening. I'm listening to a podcast right now. Shout out.
I'm gonna shout out a podcast I've been listening to. It's uh, it's doctor K, who actually should get on my podcast at some point.
He fucking rocks Doctor K. He's going, you know, doctor k Yeah, yeah, he's yeah, he's great. He's great.
And he said, crap, he said something to me. You know, he didn't say this to me. He said this on a podcast. He said that like the brain is can like like the anxiety, the brain can do this thing where your anxiety over a negative event is just as bad as if the negative event actually happened. So your creator in your brain negative events that you're suffering from, even though the negative event actually isn't even happening. That's in my mind, Jesus Christ, it's not even real.
I no one has ever phrased it like that to me before. So that's actually like, that's that is kind of crazy when you really think about it.
Yeah, so you know, try that at the end of the day. I you know, look, man, I've listened to tons of podcasts of you know, done whatever, and I you know, I still get get anxious and I'm still dealing with it myself. But uh, yeah, that's something I've been thinking about lately. I'm gonna try to think about more.
I love that, man, I'm absolutely going to try that. Thank you so much for that, for that advice. You do.
You do good work.
I don't know I I don't it was about it. I don't know.
I get, I get, I get to breast sometimes because I think. I'm like, I don't is any of this ship all this at a certain point? Is it just like you just deal with it?
Like I don't. Do you ever do you ever actually get cured?
Do you ever you imagine a future version of yourself that is totally living a beautiful, amazing, perfect life? But it never comes? And I'm like, is that becau? Is that my fault because I didn't do any work to actually create that? Or is it because you actually that doesn't even exist? But then in the acceptance that that doesn't exist, can you find peace?
Maybe?
So I don't know that.
I think I think that's right. I think in the second thing, is that's right? I mean, because it's a brain issue, right, It's like a that's like a wiring issue. But I think that if you if you can accept it, and if you can say, hey, I'm going to manage it, then you can find that piece. Well. Don't play that very inspirational.
I like it.
Don't play the Golem video game. I heard it's really bad.
I also heard it was really bad. I'm kind of tempted to.
Play it because of that, though, go play it sounds fun.
Hey, I had a quick question for you before we do the sign off thing, which is that my husband, he's an artist, and he was thinking about make an art piece for you to bring to your Seattle show. And I'm like, oh no if yeah, So if he did that, how could we get that to you? Like, if there's somebody we could hand it to at the show?
Is there something?
Oh well, after after after after every show, after every show, unless if I have like another show that night, I stand around and I meet everyone, so.
Oh no ship, Okay, cool, so we can just hand it to you.
Yeah, you can just hand I'll see you there. Yeah, at every show. I there's some of the shows have like VIP tickets, but that's I do the meet and greet like for everyone I don't have, it's not the paid to meet and greet. So like if you buy a ticket, it's like if you if you're at the show and you are you're willing to stand in a line of a bunch of people, Uh, well I'll we will, we will inevitably meet.
We will stand in line for you guys.
Okay, cool, No, that sounds awesome. Thank you so much for doing that.
Oh no, I mean, don't think me. I think my husband, and he's pretty excited to see your show. So we can't wait.
Rock roll. Wait, are you going to the early one or the late one?
Remember the late one?
Oh?
Perfect, okay, because I'm not gonna be able to meet people from the late from the early one, but the late one.
I'm yeah, I'm there.
I figured, you know, screw the school day. The next day, get gos in town, so we got to check out the late show. Figure, don't get more unhinged in the early show could.
Be wrong, though, rock and Roll. No, I'm excited. I will.
I'll I'll see you there and then you can tell me that you were the Gollum Lady and I'll be like, oh shit, I remember that.
That's exactly right.
That's what I will tell you.
I love.
That is who I am.
Now, by the way, I'm just gonna say this. I I know, okay, I know people.
You know.
People think I don't care because I don't remember anyone's name, But I.
Swear to God. I swear then I don't.
I don't remember his name, but but but I swear to God. I do these the meet and greets, and people will come up to me and be like, hey, you're definitely not gonna remember this, but three years ago we talked about this, and I'll be like, I fucking actually do remember.
I don't remember anyone, but I remember the calls. Let's see. There was a guy.
You don't need to justify names to me at all. I'm a teacher. I can't remember his names.
It's awful.
It takes me three months.
There was a guy. It was was in Tampa.
I don't know if any of you guys who listened to a lot of the podcasts remember.
This, but there's a dude who was like in ah crap.
He lived in like Alaska or or deep in Canada or something, and he was getting sober and he was like agoraphobic and like hadn't left the house.
In in years and years and years.
I don't know if you guys remember this, but I met him at the fucking show and he was like, I don't know if you remember me, but I was the guy in Alaska. I can't gor phobi And I was like, I remember that, and he and there he was.
He gave us out of his house I don't know.
I think he went. I was like, what the fuck are you doing in Tampa from Alaska? And he's like, we came for the show. And I was like, holy shit. Anyway, anyway, you did.
You cured him a phobia. Dude.
You know what.
Hey, thank you so much for talking to me, Lyle. I really appreciate it.
Hey, take care, man, you have a blessed one.
Hey you too, man.
Goodbye. Hello folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm really a bonus episode this week.
That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
One day, at four o'clock in the morning, two dudes came into my room and they basically kidnapped me. They told me, you're going to go to Hawaii, or you can go to the desert. And I'd just why. My grandmother came in with them and was like crying and shit, sorry, am I going like too fast?
You know I'm not a real therapist, right, I do?
I do?
Okay. I just wanted to make sure because yeah, this this is pretty deep ship. It's pretty deep ship. So you went, you got you were.
This is one of those like your parents orchestrate your kidnapping for like troubled children kind of ship.
Yeah, dude, that's exactly what it was.
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say, goes on the line, taking his own calls every nine.
Goes to he's teaching you a life