Hi, Can I say something in advance? I'm so sorry for my accent if it's hard for listeners to understand what I'm saying.
No, not at all. Where are you calling from.
I'm calling from London, but I'm originally from Russian as you can tell, but I leaks here. I've been living here.
Why how long have you been living in London for?
I actually just moved in September, but before that, I've been going to American International School in Greece for two years, so I've been around Europe.
Definitely, very nice, very nice. Why did you? Maybe I know the answer to this question, but why did you leave Russia?
Oh? Yeah, you know the answer to this question.
Obviously, there you go.
It's not good there, and my family is definitely not welcome there because of our political views. But anyways, I wanted to talk about something else, actually.
Oh sure, please, Yeah, I was.
I wanted to talk about falling in love for the first time, because I'm only nineteen, but I'm pretty sure that I won't ever love anybody else.
But my first love.
Yeah, but if you go ahead.
What I wanted to say is that I'm the kind of person who you know when I'm pretty self aware. So if I'm delusional, I know I am, and I know i'm young. I know I'm wrong about most things. I'm fine with that. And when my parents tell me something like, oh, you're too young, it's all going to be fine, I believe them. But in this specific case, I don't think I'll ever love anybody else, and I'm completely serious about that. The most important thing, too, is
that I'm fine with that, like I'm not. I don't feel bad about it. I'm okay with that. I just know I'll never of anybody else as much.
You know, Okay, why tell me? Why don't you tell me the story? Who had you meet this person? Who are they? What happened?
Yeah? Well, you see, when I was fifteen, I was really into punk rock. I was really I had a short, black mullet like haircut. I'm hopefully I'll pronounced that right. I was really into all tho punk music. I had a really big friend group with people who were into the same stuff as I was. And this guy was one year younger than me, and we became really good
friends and we dated for a little bit. He basically he stopped liking me in about half a year, but then we moved to Greece together, you see what happened. And in Greece, like I said, been there for two years in an American school and we went together, so I knew I know him for four years and the entire time. Basically, if the story is not that interesting,
I'm just deeply, deeply in love with this guy. And uh it's I don't really want to talk specifically specifically about this story because I've a fact it's not interesting. But I was wondering if anybody else is in love the same way I am where I don't feel pain about it, Like I'm not upset that it's not mutual, and it isn't mutual, and I'm not upset at the fact that it happened, and I'm totally okay with living the rest of my life without this person but loving them.
You know.
Uh oh, I have a lot of questions, so, well, what is it? Well, what is it that made you so in love with this person in the first place? Or or or or or actually what is it that can continues to make you in love with this person?
Well, you know, it's really not as important to have similar interests of having similar views on life and most people know that if they have some experience in romance and everything, and we basically have all the same you know, values in life. But we're very different people, so it makes it really interesting to be with him and to talk with him. We agree on the things that do matter,
but like small stuff, we're completely different people. He's very He's the calmest, kindest, most genuine and honest person I've ever met, And in the worst times of my life, he would always, you know, save me in a way. And I don't like if was the reason I'm in love with him. I just don't think there's anybody, anybody for me who would just make me so, you know, make me respect them as much, you know.
So you say the way you're talking to me about this, you're like, okay, I've I'm completely okay. I have resigned. You're not like coming in here, You're not like head and hands, Oh no, boo, who I'm not gonna fall in love with anyone else. You have calmly, quietly decided you will never find love again, and you're not bummed out about it. Tell me about that feeling. Why do you feel like, why are you not? Why have you decided that? And then why are you not bummed out about it?
See, that's exactly what I wanted to talk about, because obviously when I tell people that, the reaction, the instant reaction is, oh, no, it's gonna be fine, You're gonna But I'm fine already. I'm fine with that. And what I feel is I'm definitely going to find someone else, And I mean, I'm attracted to other men, not going to lie. But it's just not the same as with
that one person. I can't even call him a guy because he's a person in my brain, in my heart, he's something beyond other people to me, like and I know, you know a lot of people tell me that if he really was her soulmate, then it would be mutual, and I understand where they're coming from, but I just don't think. I just don't think that. Because we met when we were very young. Maybe if the time and place was wrong, maybe there was something wrong in my behavior,
but I don't really think about that. What I feel is that it's always in the back of my mind. I'm trying to come back to the main topic because I keep for trailing off, but yeah, it's always in the back of my mind. I am. I'm I'm a happy person. I'm first year in university. I've met so many new people here in London. It's amazing. It's very fun. But yeah, I don't think it will ever pass. And I haven't been talking to him for half a year now, not a single word, And I'm fine with that because
I'm not even attached to him. You know, I don't have any attachments, not emotional, not anything. I just love this person and I will forever love him more than anybody else.
That I mean, everything you just described is like a that's a very that's like a it's like a very mature way to view your relationships and your love life. I don't know why, Like that's kind of the ideal thing as you you recognize, like when you fall in love with someone and when it doesn't work out, you
kind of reckon. You can still kind of recognize the uniqueness of that individual, and and yeah, you can say, oh, I don't know if I'll ever meet somebody like them for the rest of my life, which is probably true when it comes to yeah individuals, but ye uh, and then and then just be like I think it's oh yeah, to be like I loved them I still love them. I have no attachment to them. I'm moving on with my life. I wish them well, they're moving on with
their life. But I still love them, and I carry that love with me as I in kind of a fucking hippie way. I carry all the love that I've ever had for anyone and that anyone's ever had with me throughout my whole life. Blah blah blah yah yah yuck. But uh, but what I don't understand is you've come to this is when you said I'll never love someone
ever again. That makes no sense to me because being like, sure, if you want to be like, I'm not going to meet someone like them ever again, and I'm okay with that, but you can. But you are you going You're obviously going to throughout your life meet especially because you're only nineteen, You're gonna meet other people who you'll will unlock new
things about yourself. You're gonna, you know, develop as a person, and you're the kinds of people that you're attracted to develops, and the kinds of people who are attracted to you develops, and you become a different person. Everyone arounds you becomes a different person. So I don't understand. I guess why you're saying, Oh, I'm never gonna fall in love with anyone. What I meant that's the thing that I don't understand.
Yeah, what I meant by that, it's I'm sorry. I'm also stuttering because I'm so nervous, but yeah, what I meant by that if it's not going to be the same, which is obviously true. And also, you know, you have you seen on TikTok like videos of older people who are like, I still think about my first girlfriend or my first boyfriend, and people in the comments are like, I'm so scared, but I don't. I don't understand. Why would you be scared of that? Because I don't think
I will be unhappy in my life. Feel like, I think I will love somebody else, but it won't be ever the same. And I'm not trying to compare love because it's a very unhealthy thing to do, but I don't think it will ever be the same. And I also think that I will forever remember him. It doesn't mean I won't be happy, but I will forever have a you know, a part of my heart given to that specific person, even though I will probably meet a lot of different people, and I will love again, but
it won't be the same. And I'm convinced I will never forget him because what people think about Let me stop for a second. When you are in a new relationship, it's almost like you should forget about your previous ones and like fall in love and it's the one, and you're saying, no, the person who was for me is in my past, And why is that not the scenarios that people talk about? Why is it always the one for me? We're together?
Hold on, hold on? What is the one for you?
Man?
The person that, in my humble opinion, is perfect for me, somebody that will never be replaced by anybody else in any way, shape or form emotionally. Uh cannot create the same connection as the person. Nobody can create this connection.
Well, sure, you know, yes, you're never gonna have the same connection with somebody that you had with somebody else, because those connections are all unique. But this kind of like it's the word monolithic applicable here. I don't know. I don't know if that means like God, but it's kind of like thing of there is one finite connection for me, and it has passed and it's gone, and I'll have other connections, sure, but the one that was really meant for me is in the past. That I
don't agree with everything else that you've said. I think is very explain why actually a pretty a pretty mature way to kind of move through your romantic life and a healthy way to do it. But explain why, well, because you have no fucking idea, because you're only also also the you're gonna like you at nineteen and you at thirty are going to be two completely different people. And the your eighteen year old boyfriend who was perfect for you at that time is not going to be
the same. It's not going to be perfect for you at another time in your life. So that the idea that doesn't add up to me, This idea that there was one perfect person for you for all of the time that you will ever be alive and they're gone, that doesn't add up to me.
Yeah, but you know what you said before, where you were like that, I really appreciated what that person did for me at the time that they were in my life, and I have a deep love for them, and I have a deep appreciation for the connection that we shared, and blah blah, blah yah, yak yak, that all made sense.
Yeah, I know, it's just that, you know, it's when you're so in love. Honestly, it's I understand because obviously I hope, I really hope I won't be the same
as I am now when I'm thirty. But yeah, it's just the thought that I would spend the rest of my life with him, you know, Happily, I'm okay with not spending the rest of my life with him, but I would just spend the rest of my life with this one person because you know, we grew up together too, and I know that in a healthy relationship you change and grow together. And because after we broke up.
Yeah, but I'm I'm sorry to interrupt you, but but you're yeah, but you're gonna you're you you You literally can't see it because you haven't experienced it. But you'll develop and change and meet new people and all this stuff. But I'm not worried about you because you seem like you have a pretty healthy perspective on it.
Yeah, thank you. Have you ever been in love yourself?
Yeah?
Sure, Yeah, I've been in love myself, and I I kind of take a similar approach to it. As as you do. That's like, oh, you know, I really really loved this person and I really uh was was fond of the connection that I shared with them, and I I feel really positively about them and I have I'm really hopeful for them in their in their life, but I understand at the same time why things didn't work out, and I have faith that I will, you know, continue to love again.
Yeah. So do you think you'll ever experience the same, like the same I would say, a feeling as strong as that one ever again? Do you think it will happen?
Uh? Yeah, I have faith that I will find someone that you know well, because when I think about those feelings, I think about like, you know, trust and comfortability and connection and all those things, and I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm I'm about to turn twenty seven, but I still have a strong faith that I'll find all those things in my life. I mean, my parents are in there. My parents are divorced and they both got re married, and they both the people that they got both of
their remarriages are are going really well. I think they're both both of the relationships that my parents are in now are way better than the relationship that they had with each other, and both of them they met their spouses on fucking jay date in when they were both in their like late forties or something like that. So it took both of my parents until they're late forties to find the person that they're with now that they're
they're really happy with. And I think I think about that a lot, and I think that's that's really nice. And so yeah and so and so my dad, I think, started dating his current wife and my mom started they started dating her current husband. I want to say, around like fucking forty nine years old maybe, so that's about thirty years older than you are, and that's three years longer than I have been alive. So that's kind of the perspective that I have on it. Yeah.
Why I said I can relate to that is that, see, I'm not stubborn. You're actually changing my perspective. Maybe just this one talk is what I needed, because obviously I can talk about my healthy perspective all I want, but I do have feelings and I am like not going out and seeing other people, other men, specifically romantically too much.
What I wanted to say is my parents are getting the right now, because what happened was my mom is forty two and she's suddenly, at forty two, just fell in love with this one guy from her her work, and it's like they're so perfect for each other. I've met this person and my my dad is the complete opposite of my mother. She's very she's a very happy, outgoing, like active person, and he's like grumpy, horrible, scary Russian man,
you know. And and she just and she just met this one guy who is, you know, seems perfect for her. Maybe he's not, but she did kind of fall in love with him, and you can see her blooming at this age. So maybe you're right. Maybe it's not that. Maybe you can't even you can't predict anything.
I guess, Yeah, what so what's that? What's up with your dad? Is he is he like are you do you have a good relationship with him? Or is he kind of wild?
He's he's not too wild, but uh, he's basically this guy that I felt fell in love with. He's like a carbon copy emotionally as my dad, and like he.
Has this the guy, the guy that this guy who's this guy who you are talking about that you were in love with is a carbon copy of your father.
Not physically, but I mean like he reminds everyone of my dad, and everyone has been saying that he's like a little little Dmitri, you know, which is weird a little bit. It weirds me out, but it is true. And my father is very emotionally absent. He isn't I don't know.
I hope.
I'm not saying. He lost his parents when he was a child, so he's obviously very emotionally damaged. But he's one of those people who say, ah, let me put on a really really hard rational therapy. Is not true it it doesn't help, or I have to go to work and then it will be okay. This is what it tells all the time. And basically, yeah, I don't really have a good relationship with him. I would say I don't have a relationship with him at all because
there's just nothing very emotionally. Obviously, he sent me to London. I'm very grateful he gave me a lot of money, but money doesn't buy an emotional bones, I guess. And he's the same way with my mother and everybody else because obviously he had a really rough childhood. And I don't blame him. I love him still, but I guess I don't really have a healthy really show with him.
I'm gonna play utter armchair therapist, which I guess is kind of my job. You should This is, by the way, something to talk to a real therapist about it, but like anecdotally as a as a outside observer, as or just a random guy, not a real therapist, not a real psychologist. But are you like do you are you like looking like are you trying to like get what you couldn't get from your dad from this guy because he reminds you of your dad?
Well, it's you know, it's very in a way. In a way, yes, but what I think of it myself because obviously I've thought about that, just so you know, I am. I was in therapy and like I know a thing or two. So it's fine, there's nothing wrong you can say to me. But yeah, because you know, I couldn't ever get my dad to have something emotional with me like to He doesn't show emotions in general,
and he's never It's very funny. Me and my sister are always like we you know, sitting there together and like, have have our dad ever hugged us? And she's like, no, has he ever told you he loved you. I'm like, no, but yeah, but he clearly does. He just doesn't say that. And I guess when a person is similar to my dad, like this guy, and he how some emotion, it's almost like, I don't know, it's weird. I'm sorry for the sounds. Let me close the window. But yeah, there is some connection,
I guess. But it weird me out to think about that, because what does my dad have to do with my romantic life?
You know?
Hmmm, yeah, yeah, what's your When you said you were seeing a therapist, what they say about all this?
Uh? You know, I'm That's why I have a really healthy perspective because I know what is writes, what's the right way of thinking. But I don't really talk about that because it doesn't make me feel better. There's a lot of different things in my life that I need therapy for, but this in particular, I don't really care about.
I just wanted to talk about that because I think I was wondering if people in general experience the same amount of not caring that seemingly a lot of you life will ever be with you, And I guess, well, I don't know.
I'm scared to open the well hold on, hold hold on, I mean the this let me understand what you just said. Do other people similarly not care that they will never find love again? But there's there's but there's like no fallacy, but there's at is that? What is that what you're saying.
I'm saying, are there other people who are in love but they also don't care about the feelings, so they continue on with their life, they don't talk to the person.
Well, hold on, there's a lot of there's a lot of fallacies. I think of what you said, because you don't I don't you don't not care, do I? I don't From from Mianda, from talking to you, don't seem like you don't care. You clear, you've stated that you care about this person. You've stated that you love them, You've stated a lot of things that show that you care. You're just not as you're saying, like are You're just saying you're not emotionally attached or invested, which is not
the same as not caring. It's just you're like, from my understanding, it sounds like a healthy way of moving on from a relationship and continuing on with your life. That's not the same as like not caring.
I guess you're right. I've never thought of it like that, but I guess you are right. I just because when people are in love and it's not mutual, I they seem to you know, they seem to be crying.
Every day, like, yeah, they.
Seem insane, but I'm not insane.
Yeah, they good. Good. You shouldn't be insane. You should you're You're shouldn't be insane. I think you should absolutely not be going insane that your high school boyfriend doesn't like you back. I think that's that's a good thing to not be going insane over. I don't think that. I don't think that you should be going insane over the fact that you're not going insane either, So you don't. I'm not concerned in this scenario. What do you what do you so? What are you in school? Are you
like in college now? Or what do you what are you in school for?
I'm like, I'm I am in a business school, which is embarrassing to say. I see Instagram reels all the time about computer science majors and people attending business school not having a job in ten years, and I partially agree, but partially I will have a job.
Hopefully it's okay. Nobody's going to have a job in ten years, so we can yeah the tunnels together.
Yeah, well, it's really fund out here.
What's your name again?
Oh? My name is Sasha.
Sasha, Sasha is well. I guess I can take a couple of questions from the chat. If they have any, let me. I'll read them out to you. You don't have to read the chat. If the chat has any questions, I will I will give I got to give them a second.
Two.
Someone said, is borts going? Who the hell is that?
It's like it's a Russian. It's not a Russian soup. It's a Ukrainian So I just want people to know that. But yeah, it's I couldn't hear the question. But the soup is amazing. You should definitely do it to try to brew it at home. It's very easy thing to cook.
Someone said, what's your favorite pizza topping? I don't know if that's that's not? Yeah, go ahead, you can answer that.
Do you think it's a both question or a real person? Uh? My favorite. I might get hate for that, but I don't like any topics.
I just love Margarita that it's like Oh, sorry, go ahead, well, someone said, someone said, did she just called borch Ukrainian?
Is it Ukrainian or is it Russian?
It's it's a Ukrainian soup, and I'm Russian. I'm as a Russian. I would love to claim Borsche, but it's not. It's not Russian, it's she's Ukrainian.
Someone said, is your dad, how's your dad doing with the divorce?
Oh, he's uh, he's going insane. He's uh, he started drinking. He's he's pretty much. Yeah, he's going insane, completely insane. He's been ignoring my mom for the past twenty years of their marriage, and now when she's finally free, obviously he remembered that he had a wife and now she's gone. So he's gone insane, and I do feel bad for him, but yeah, he's been neglecting this marriage this entire time.
Someone said, how's your relationship with your mom?
With my mom, it's good. I mean, it's very trusting. I trust her a lot. My mom is you know, she's a very loving person. But I don't know. I don't think I have a strong emotional, necessarily emotional bond with both my parents.
But yeah, Someone asked, what do you do for fun?
For fun? I like that light hearted questions. Well, for fun, I draw a lot. I'm an artist. And I also I am trying to learn Python and like coating, any type of coating, honestly, because I think it's very It's a thing that everybody has to know how to do who wants to get a good job. So I'm trying to learn code, and it's it's very bad. It's very bad.
Well, what's your what's your name again?
My name is Sasha.
Sasha, Well, Sasha, good luck to you. I think I think you're gonna be fine, but I I don't know. I don't know if any I don't know if anything will ever be fine, or if I'm gonna be fine, or if you're gonna be I don't know anything, but I have I don't know anything, but I'm optimistic. I'm optimistic that you and I will both be doing and so everything. The sun will rise again, and yeah, whatever all that stuff. Is there anything else you want to say to the pe the computer before we go?
Yeah, guys, all of you will be fine, me Lyle and everybody else, we all will be fine and loved.
Here's hoping.
Thank you for having me.
Here's hoping. All right, take care, Sasha, thanks for calling. Bye bye, m I gotta try me some of this porch Porsche Bork. What's in it? I should have asked her what was in it? I really like soup. Soup's good. It's a hearty meal. I'm gonna do an advertisement for soup right now. Not not. This is a free advertisement for soup. Right before we get into the real advertisements. This is this is just a general advertisement for soup.
I think soup is really good. That's my ad for soup. Hello, Hey, what's up?
Man?
What's your name?
Uh?
Walker or Jesse Walker?
What's up? Walker? What do you have to What are you doing?
Just got off work?
Man? Yeah?
What what do you do for work?
I'm in the military.
Oh yeah, what what branch of the military?
Army?
So how's that going for you? Because on this show, I don't know if you listened to the show, but I've had a lot of people call in who are like, they're like debating if they should join the military, and like, I've talked to people who have and they they enjoyed the results of their decision. And I've talked to people who are not enjoying the results of their decision. So I'm curious where where you're at with that.
Oh, I mean I've been in for like, uh, it's like a year and a half now, roughly. I think I texted you about it, like just being like a new new like private, new soldier in the army. I think it's a great vision. The military is probably better decision that I made compared to you know, how I was living my life prior.
Okay, yeah, what tell me about that?
I lived on my own. You know, I moved out of my folks house when I was like twenty and my mom didn't really want me to leave, you know, she was. She was super worried, super worried about me wanting to move out. I'm sorry, dude, I'm like, I'm really excited. My roommates like try to look at look up your screen because we didn't think we would make it on But oh yeah, I lived on my own for a little bit at twenty years old, by myself,
no roommates. It was great. I was a supervisor at an arcade like prior to joining the military, and that was really fun. But people at arcades are kind of, uh, they're not the best people to work around all the time.
So what you said that this was better than the life you were living before. So why was the life you were living before, Uh not satisfactory to you?
Well, I felt like I didn't have like I didn't have any roommates, right, So, like I just I was by myself. Man, I have like a girlfriend or anything. And I spent a lot of time alone. Like I come home from work.
Uh.
And I loved my job. I loved interacting with people arcades. I like to think I was pretty good at what I do since I made it up the supervisor. But I love my job. But I'd come home and I'd be around all these people and customers and and I come home and I'd just be upset, you know that I'm alone. And I would have on like online friends to play games with us, but like they wouldn't you know,
they wouldn't always be on. So I'd just be sitting there by myself and and god, god, I'll say, don't see this, but like, dude, like I got into like edibles, and I like start make edibles. Just like I could feel something, you know, when I was there by myself, and I was really lonely, I quit, you know, since I joined the military because I can't do that in the military.
Interesting. Interesting, yeah, I I I. I it's funny listening to uh you say this because I'm I'm not exactly uh, I don't exactly find the concept of getting high alone in your apartment to feel something to be foreign. So I get what you're saying. And then so how long when did you join the military, and then what made you ultimately decide that you wanted.
To do that?
Oh, like I joined, like said man, I joined like twenty twenty three, Like I'm brand new, dude.
Like, so, so why why the military? What made you want to join?
Dude? Because I feel it there was like no other options I did, like, like I quit my job, and like, you probably shouldn't cut your job before you move out of your apartment because I didn't know I had to pay for rent, so after work it is like moving place. And I thought other jobs could feel the spot. But I was really out of shape at the time too, and I was just really just upset on my life.
I was happy that I had moved out, but like, I don't know, man, I guess I just didn't feel like I had achieved enough, and bro, I was not going back to school, Like I went to school for two years. I basically have an associate's degree. I'm not going back. So I thought it'd be a great choice. It can get me in shape, get me some discipline. You know, it was worth it, you know, basically can ai t weren't fun. Don't let don't believe what people tell you when they say, oh, these new soldiers don't
have a hard time. Basically, no, they kicked They kick our ass.
I have I have never ever ever heard somebody say that basic training for the army is not that hard.
Oh dude, No, it's the old it's the older guys. This is the guys that like already been in for like ten twelve years. They're like, yeah, they don't, they don't beat the shit out of you guys like they should.
I'm like, well, because for them, for them, but they actually got the They literally the guy would beat the ship out of them. You know, they weren't just making you do push ups and stuff back then.
I mean that's fair, but I have seen some people get like tossed and thrown around to the ground, and I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, I ended up being on. I ended up getting my collar choked to the wall. And you know, people don't believe that this happens because.
Wait, wait wait wait, wait wait wait somebody somebody choked you out.
No they didn't. So they grabbed me by the collar. They like pushed me up against a locker because like there was like a case going on in our Basic and I wasn't I had some information and I wasn't gonna reveal uh, and my Jill surn just had enough and he grabbed me about a collar and he just took me to my locker and he's just like, what do you fucking know? And I'm like, I don't know any take please unhand me.
So so there was a case going on and you were like, I'm not, but did you know? Like did you did you have this information? But you just didn't want to snitch?
Yeah?
Like do you snitch? Yeah? It's kind of like, Jill, do you snitch in there?
Dude?
You snitching Basic or something? Your your your rep is gone? Man, Like no one, no one's gonna tell you ever, damn.
So what can I ask what the case was? Or or is the statue of limitations up on that or are you gonna get I don't want you to get beaten up for uh snitching to the gecko. But I don't know if I don't know if this is old news.
It's pretty old. It was probably some petty stuff, you know. Uh, I don't know if you know what SHARP is. But it's like our program to prevent like sexual assault and stuff. I think it's pretty effective, but it's not as effective as it should be because it still goes. The stuff still happens in the military, sadly. But it was a
SHARP case, like a sexual harassment case. Yeah, not assault, of course, but like one there was a girl there that felt like uncomfortable with one of the guys and our platoon and apparently he had stole some of her clothes or something, and it was like stashing them in his locker.
It.
Man, you'll do You'll meet the weirdest people and basically changed, I mean, the most immature, like dumbest idiots ever. And then you'll meet like these pep performing officer ready guys that come in like as a specialist and they're just like the best of the best. And then he just got like the dumbit there's dude, it's anyone can join, Like there's no range, like you can all ranges of people. You'll me.
So where So after a year and a half. After a year and a half, how has it been for you? Are you still enjoying it? Was it a good decision?
Oh?
Yeah, I I you know, I'm an older guy. Most of the guys joined like right out of high school, so they're like eighteen nineteen. I'm twenty two, but they like joined right out of high school. But I joined when I was like twenty one, so I was a fairly older guy. I was older than all the new guys. So it sucks being like, I guess, treated like I'm a kid again, even though like you know, I lived, you know, on my own, I took care of myself. I'm not a kid. But I understand they do it
for discipline. I understood why they do it. It's for respect, because discipline will either be demise of you or it'll save your life. You know, I understand that now. But you know, when I first got in, I didn't understand. I didn't like being taught down to like I was some kid, because you know, I'm a pretty functioning adult. You know, for the most part.
Did you sign a contract where you have to like be there for a certain amount of years.
Oh yeah, man, I'm in for six years.
Yeah? Or how do you feel about that?
Yeah?
Because that's because that's the main thing, right, Like when people we had another caller very recently, it might have even been on the most recent episode or or two episodes ago or whatever, who called in to debate whether he wanted to join the military, and he was like, yeah, you know, it's a six year contract. And that was
the thing. That's the thing that I think am like the most hung up on is like pledging so much of your life to this thing at a young age, is it's kind of crazy to me, Like, how do you feel about the fact that you have all this uh time that you have to be a military guy or else? I guess they do they do they kill you if you leave.
No, if you don't serve your time, you'll just go to jail. But like guaranteed, yeah if you don't, if you don't serve your time, you're going to jail.
Jesus, they will find you.
How do you how do you feel about that? I, you know, keep my head down and I served my time, and I it's it's not hard, like you literally have to go a wall, like you have to just be lose contact with anyone you knew in the military, uh, with your leadership, with your n c O.
Like you gotta lose you gotta go a wall. Like it's really hard to just not do your service. All yeaha do show up. That that's like the main if you're lower enlisted, like for me, I don't.
Know, well oh yeah, but but like what if you what if you decide you want to do something else?
Uh you can, oh god, I hope I don't get in told you can hurt yourself.
You can.
Uh, that's another thing you can if you have like a case, like a sharp case against you, you can easily get kicked out. You can just like not participate in work and just be a horrible soldier. And you know that can get your article to a team. You can get kicked out.
Really wait, so you can you well so like if so like if you if you decide you don't want to, you can just like do it. Like what if you just you show up or you just do a shitty job and you don't do what you're told and you fuck off and like private pile from fucking that fucking movie, you know, like like if you just do that, well they just kick you out.
Well, that's that's going against like the code, right, Like that's going against the discipline like they try to install. Right, So you're gonna catch hell, like one hundred percent, you're gonna catch the most hell you ever caught. But if you're willing to go through all that just to get out of the military, by all means, I wouldn't recommend it. I just do the time, and you know, not be a bitch, you know, Uh, just do the time. You know, Oh,
I'm wasting all my years of youth. Like most people that say that, they don't they don't know what they want to do anyway, and they think they're just gonna magically far figure it out. And I'm like, if military is already on your mind, you might as well just join.
You know.
I wish I joined earlier when I was younger, but most most young guys, young females, young guys, young.
Everyone doesn't know what they're doing.
I think military is great. Like not all moses have to do six years either, Like you can do like three four years, Like it's not that bad. Just don't do infantry.
Well, so tell me about So that's it, because look, here's the thing from my brain, because this is clearly this is a one shoe does not fit all sizes situation because I look at your I look at what you've everything you've told me, and I'm like, well, that sounds like it fucking sucks. But again, I mean that's because I don't know. I can't see like pledging like
six years of my life to the military. But I definitely, definitely, definitely can see how for a certain kind of person who likes that rigid kind of structure and who likes the things that the military does provide, I can see how that can be beneficial. But tell me more, Like you said that, the people who say, like, oh, I'm wasting my youth, you push back against that, Tell me more why you push back against that.
I think people that say the wasting the use just because like you're preparing yourself for like the real role, Like you don't have to stay in like ten twelve years at least from my respect this, you know, I haven't been in that long. You know, it's like a year and a half. And I'm pretty sure any any military guy out there can figure out what my rank is. I'm not even gonna say what my rank is, but just by saying how long I've been it, they probably already know what my rank is.
So I'm not even gonna say it.
But uh, from my current experience, I don't think it was that bad. I think you need to get something out of it, you know, Like there's so many things that the military offers. Like my goal is to like get the military to pay for my school, Like that's the main thing most people doing for Like, most people aren't fortunate, man, and if you're not, you're not fortunate. Your parents aren't rich or anything like that. Like join the military, bro, Like free it basic sucks a t guarantee,
it's gonna suck. It's gonna suck at first, but once you once you embrace enjoying the suck, it's really not that bad. You get free room and board, a place where you can go eat, like any time that's usually you know, certain times of the day morning like Grex with lunch and dinner for a young person that doesn't
have ship. Dude, that's like, dude, that's you got a meal. Yes, I want to live, you got work, choose an mos that like you want to you want to do something maybe that you want to do in the future or something you just like in the you know, don't be a bitch, you know, and you'll be fine.
Yeah.
I uh.
Well, uh should I was gonna ask you so oh yeah. So so you were saying that you want the military to pay for school. What do you want to go to school for, like.
For flight school? I want to be a politile.
That's cool. Well, I don't know, I don't know, man, I feel like again, I just can't get over the fact of like signing such a well here, you know what sucks about being like eighteen is that like all these people are trying to get you to sign your life away, like because the military, right, They're like, Okay, if you give us six years of your life, we'll give you this stuff. And if you say I don't really want to do that, yeah you can go to college.
But then college is like, hey, if you give us one hundred thousand fucking dollars and take out this huge loan, then you know, we'll give you this stuff. And so it's pretty easy as an eighteen year old, especially if you don't have a lot, to just get like sign there's all like as soon as you graduate college, there's all these deals with the devil that you can sign. And you know what, God bless the people for whom
it's worked out. But it is a little spooky to me that all these really fucking young people are they're just they're being offered all these kind of intense options straight out the gate.
I mean, I can't understand that, you know, I can't understand that, like being eighteen, like, you know, that's why I'm kind of glad, you know, I got a chance. You know, when I turned eighteen, I was still working at the same job. I worked at that arcade for six years since I was fifteen. That's a they hired me when I was really young. They did not know
how old I was. That's sorry, sidetrack, But I was working there when I turned eighteen, and I was thinking about joining the military, and you know, I just canted it, you know, and I lived my life a little bit up until the age of twenty where I was like, you know, okay, I need to do something in my life, so I can understand like joining like right at eighteen can be kind of scary, and I you know, I'm
kind of glad. I say, I wish I would have joined earlier, But I'm kind of glad I lived a little bit of my own life before I joined, right, And I don't think it's like signing a contract with the devil. You know, I won't say that that's a that's the league street, but well.
I well, I don't know, I don't know. But let me look look, well, let me say this. When you say you wanted to uh uh by the way, I'm I'm a I'm a crazy person at Gecko Suit. So I'm not here to have a hell dude, I'm not here to have a discussion about the military industrial complex with you. I'm curious when you when you say, when you say I wish I'd lived my life a little bit more before joining, what is that?
What?
What is you living your life a little bit more?
Look like, Well, for me, like I said, I already did, like I accomplished. I had a job, I was paying on the car, and I moved out successfully on my own. Those are goals that I just had, like get out of my parents' house, you know, continue to pay on my car, see you pay on assurance? See how I handle living life on my own, no roommates, no nothing.
It was rough sometimes, but I liked the challe and just like figuring out how to take care of myself, you know, I thought it was great, especially having your own peace of mind. Like, man, my mom, dude, she had me right. I love my mom, don't get twisted. I do anything my moms need to do. But man, she had me running all over the place like I had all the time in the world, and I just kind of wanted a little piece of my mind. You know. It was but that was That's what I mean by
living my life. You know, I lived a little bit of life. You know. I moved out, got what the experience. I worked at a job, I went places around Texas. I'm from Texas. I went places all around Texas. Uh. Yeah. I just think you need to like accomplish something before you join a military, because if you consider joining the military your only accomplishment, I can see how that can be a little that can you know, make you feel like, well, I didn't I didn't do ship with my life other than joint.
Well, I mean you were like, well, I mean, how much how accomplished are you supposed to be?
Uh?
At twenty you know, hey.
Man, in this economy, dude, twenty twenty three, living on my own twenty as a as a twenty year old, I think that's a great accomplishment. I hold that up to myself.
To this day.
I don't know how I managed to make it, as Like, dude, my rent was like twelve Like, no, it wasn't that day. It was like twelve hundred for everything, thirteen hundred roughly for everything. Then I had, like my car. No, dude, I don't know how I made it. Sometimes God is God. God helped me.
Bro.
Well, look I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna take a call if I don't know if the chat has any twitch chat that I'm recording these on, I don't know if they have any questions. You don't have to look at the chat. I'll read the questions for you.
Oh yeah, I know somebody's gonna do.
What do you think someone's gonna be.
Like, uh, someone's definitely gonna ask some crazy questions. I was also gonna say, like, my experience in military is like not done. So my perspective may change, but thus far is not that bag of a gig. I've heard some people experience as bad. Some people do the full twenty you know, I don't know. Somebody said, we're going to take any questions.
This was the question I was gonna ask. Somebody said, what are your plans after you get out?
Oh dude, That's why I'm like trying to get my pilot flight, my commercial and my private spiler's license. While I'm in they give me like kind of like I think I have to use leave time, but I had to use like leave time and stuff to work on that stuff. I'm gonna try to do all that and get the military to say for that so I can be a pilot when I get out of the military.
Hopefully Ryan's rewind asks are you afraid of war?
It's a scary thought, you know. But when they asked me if I want to be like reserve or National Guard or no, those are like the part time people. I'm I'm active duty. Those are like I'm not gonna say, those are bitch made people. They probably have like their own life. They have like kids and stuff. They got college and stuff going on. I don't have anything going on. That's why I chose actives. But am I afraid of war? Nah? But I know I'm not gonna be the same after it.
I'm not gonna lie to you. It's I would not be the same after.
It's Someone said, I don't know what this means. But someone said, what what was your ASVAB score? What does that mean?
As that?
Oh, it was a sixty eight?
What is my GT? The as that?
I just like the test you take before you join the military is like you go to a military recruiting office, they'll have you at you take this test so you can determine what job you are. You don't have to study for it, especially if you're like you just got out of high school, you definitely don't have to study for it, or you're like in college like me. I had just quit community college and I took the test. It's basically like math, science, English, technical mechanics. I think
there's some other stuff. It's really easy. In my opinion, I didn't think it was that hard. But some people don't think it's that easy, and they have to go to programs to help them be able to take it and pass, and then they'll join the military. That's fun. Fact, I was too fat to join the military, so I had to send me to fat camp and that was horrible. Yeah, that was that was not fun.
Someone asked, do you think the American Army is on the right side of history.
Uh, that's a great question. That's a great question. It depends, man, because like the American military and army specifically has done some pretty heinous stuff. Like they tell us about the history, like they encourage us to look up the history. Uh, and they use like previous military accidents and things that we did as like examples of what not to do, uh with our current military. But yeah, I don't think
the military was the best back in the day. Like the reasoning sort of military's use, even in peace times weren't the best, especially in like when when the military was like first made round like eighteen O god, I'm supposed to notice eighteen shit what seventeen seventy six? Holy shit, seventy seventy five. Oh my god, I almost forgot that I was what kind of fucking soldier in mind?
Do you feel like, yeah, yeah, well, I guess it's good that they're like, it's good that they're like, Yo, we did all this fucked up crazy stuff in the past, so here like learn about it so that we don't do it again. Do you feel like, uh, do you feel like the military is on a better track now?
Yeah, I mean I think it is. Yeah, I sound like I'm a recruiter. That's what I sound like, trying to tell people to join. And I don't want to sound like I'm atruder. I just I'm having a good time. I'm traveling. I'm getting free travel, free room and board. All I gotta do is go to work, do my job, which sucks. Sometimes go to stupid formations, which also sucks. Sometimes I get smoked sometimes too. Any Getting smoked means like you get punished usually push ups one just it sucks.
But other than that, man like, I don't know. I'm just I think it's great. I don't think everybody's gonna have the same experience.
What's your name again, Sir, H Walk Walker?
Yeah?
Right right, Well thanks for chatting with me.
Walker.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Even though I cursed during this, you know, during this call, I love I love God, I love to use I love your shown. I listened to it.
All the time.
Thank you, Walker, But yeah, I want to waste your time.
Oh you're all good?
Uh?
Take care Walker, good luck you too. You know that was that was an interesting call. I like, I truly I really enjoy uh listening to like alternative perspectives on things because it's like, uh, I don't know if you guys remember that phone call that we had on the show,
like however many podcasts ago. It was where there was a guy who was like debating whether or not to join the military, and I was like, I've had conversations like this on the show with people like the guy we just talked to a bunch of times, and it's like, not everything's gonna work for every person, because there's some people we've talked to who have been like, oh, I signed away six years of my life and I'm fucking terrified.
But I don't know, it just goes I think it goes to show in general, in general, that there's a wide range of lives available two people, and some are
gonna be a better fit for others than others. It just it sucks that like when you're again, like I just when when you're eighteen, it's like, well, you can join the military and sign away six years of your life, or you can take out a gigantic fucking loan or you know who I liked is On a previous podcast, we talked to this guy who fucking like he was graduated from high school and he went and went to Yellowstone and just started working there and he had a
pretty he's been having a pretty good time with that. I don't know if you folks remember that guy, but I really like that, So I don't know. I guess I would say, if you're eighteen and you're just now graduating and stuff, there's there's a wide there seems to be a wide breadth of options of things to do. You can go to fucking volunteer somewhere, take a gap year,
do something I didn't know. I didn't know. There seems to be a wide breadth of options if maybe, if you're gung ho on joining the military, it could work out for you like it did for this guy. But I don't know. I'm weary about signing away that much time of yourself. But I don't know. I don't know anything. I'm a crazy gecko guy. I'm glad it worked out for Walker.
And h.
Tits. Hello. Hello, what's your name? My name's Jacob, Jacob, what's going on with you? Has life How's how's everything?
It's all right. I'm nineteen and a little lost in life. I guess, like a lot of your listeners, sounds.
Like, yeah, well it's funny. If I'm just gonna level with you real quick, Jacob is it's it's been I think over the years, it's, uh, well, I'm just whatever. I don't think I ever set out to. I guess start like an advice podcast because I'm almost twenty seven and and I've been able to be lucky enough to do a lot of stuff. And I'm also actually feeling pretty lost in life, eight years older, older than you. So it's it's it's, uh, it's tough. It's why are you feeling life?
Uh? Dropped out of college, just stalking shells, not really knowing what I want to do. I'll work overnight. It's been tiresome.
Uh, you don't know, do you have inklings of an idea of anything you'd want to do?
No? I just want to like live and try to have hobbies and ship.
Hobbies.
I don't know. I just smoke weed and collect records.
I don't know if smoking weed is a hobby.
If you do as much as I do, I think it is.
Yeah, well what how often you smoking weed? I'm also a daily weed guy.
I've been trying to slow down for a while, but I felt a joint in day.
All right, well, so tell you want to have hobbies and live like okay, Well, tell me more about why you're feeling lost, like what, like, where's your What do you long for?
I long for motivation. That's that's what's been my struggle. Motivation. I have goals. I know what I want to do kind of not really, but like I want to do it. You know.
Wait a minute, so you what you said? You have your goals and you know what you want to do. What do you want to do? Uh?
Ship? Like?
Uh?
Fuck? I want to make money and save money and be an adult and mostly relationships in life. I want to have good relationships and ship.
Those are good goals. Yeah, man, do you have do your friends?
Yeah? I have a good few good friends. You know, high school ended last year. You lose a lot of friends after that, the various social persons, so that sucked. But I got my good ones and I think that's what matters.
Let's see, you want to make money. How do you want to make money?
I don't know. I've been stocking shelves and that kind of makes money. I really have no plan on it. I just kind of want to like figure out life. I don't know. This shit's all confusing, you know.
Interesting? Have you like have you tried to like okay, so you're like sitting here like, Okay, I know what I want to do, I just have to do it. So what would what would you what would you just doing it look like? Even because you can't just do a thing that you don't even know what the thing is that you're doing. That's impossible.
Well, yeah, I think too, Like sitting at the end of every day, satisfied that I actually try.
That's that's That's not a thing though, Okay, sitting at the end, that's a feeling. I'm like you I'm talking about Like, huh, that's not it. You didn't describe an action, Just now describe it, Okay. What is when you say I know what I want to do, I just have to do it. What is doing it look like?
Well, for example, I used to love biking a lot, and that's something that made me really happy. I have a bike. I just don't get on it anymore. And simple stuff, I think, Okay, what's stopping anymore?
What's stopping you from riding your bike?
Uh?
Myself? I just lay in bed. I don't know. I just I don't have the motivation to really go out and do it. I could be I don't know.
Have you ever talked to a real therapist about any of this stuff.
It's been something that's been on my list. I just only have online therapy that's free to me.
Yeah, scary.
I haven't touched it yet. I'm scared to touch it.
You have?
You have free online therapy? Who through what?
Through? Uh my mom's insurance.
Oh okay, so you're through your mom's insurance. You get free online therapy?
Yeah? I just I have the app. I just have to press the button and then the conversation starts.
Ah, man, you should do that.
Ship I've been able to do it for like two months and I haven't touched it.
Ah, you should do it.
Okay, you're telling me I'll do it.
There we go, Okay, there we go. We got a thing, perfect day done.
See.
Here's the thing, right, is like, because I guess what I said, like just now when you were like I want to be satisfied, and I was like, that's not an action. It's like, we got to think of like some actual action thing to fucking do make and that's I think that's a great that's a great that's a great first action to start fucking Oh my god, especially if it's free.
Yeah, dude, this ship's crazy. I've been listening to you since COVID.
Yeah, that's what's when I started doing this.
Yeah, man, the big.
The big. So what are you going to talk to your online therapist about.
All the motivation? Yeah, it's just been motivation. I haven't had the motivation in so long. I didn't have the motivation my senior year of high school.
You've seen year of high school. Wasn't that far away, was it?
No?
No, it's twenty twenty two to twenty twenty three.
Mm.
That's what's U.
M hmm.
What would a real therapist say, I don't know.
Well, you're not one.
I know, I'm yeah, well, I I uh well, I guess it's so hard because sometimes you know, like you know, the Nike just do it thing. Yeah, it's so funny because you can I think there's a lot of things where you can kind of get into thought loops about and go over and over and over about the motivation and so that, and like, I think some of this ship is chemical, right, and sometimes your brain chemistry is
just fucked. But other times I am kind of like, I think there is a little bit of Nike just do it in there of like you just gotta just do something, but don't don't overload yourself. I mean, I don't know. These are like topics that people have studied and written extensively about and come to some forms of conclusion,
and hopefully, hopefully your online therapist has good conclusions for you. Yeah, but that's a good place to start, I mean, especially especially especially if it's free and you have the opportunity to do it without spending a bunch of money.
So just do it.
Just do it.
That's the advice I'm getting.
Yeah, Sorry, it's shitty, but I think it's it's uh, that's that's that's all. I that's all. I it's the only conclusion I think I have in this moment.
Well, that probably helps. I'll press the button on.
My phone and good, please dear God, do that. Oh will, what kind of bike do you have?
Ah? Fuck? I don't know. Uh, Older, that might be please really me making it up. It's a cool bike. Fuck, I don't even know. I got it from the bike shop they sold it to me because.
My last sounds that sounds like a place where people get bikes from.
Yeah. Yeah, it was a vintage bike from the eighties or something.
Really that sounds kind of cool.
Yeah. It has two wheels and it goes.
Ride your ride your fucking bike. Man, that sounds fun.
Okay, I'll ride my bike just so you know.
When you just so you know, when you're riding your bike, where what state do you live in?
Texas?
Okay? So is it is it cold?
It's forty degrees right.
Now celsius or fahrenheit. That's the dumbest thing I've ever asked anyone in my.
Entire last.
So it's cold. Yeah, yeah, all right, Well ride your bike.
I'm still gonna do.
No, go ride your bike. And I just just so you know. I when you're riding your bike in the coals and you're outside and you're looking at stuff and people, and you're you're out and you're moving your body through space, you're really living the height of human experience. I mean that you're really doing the most anyone's ever done. When you're doing that, it's like that's everything. There's every everything
is in that you're you're living. I just really understand how intensely psychedelic and amazing of an experience that is. The just ride your bike down the street. Really like soak up all there is to soak in that when you're doing it, and you'll be like, huh my life's pretty crazy right now.
Have you riden your electric bike much? I remember you talking about that.
I did. I there was a period. I had a period of time where I was obsessed with the idea of getting an electric bike and being like an electric bike guy. Now, I I don't like I used to ride the city bike, but I don't like every every single time. It's probably different for you because you're in Texas, but in New York City, every single time I try to ride a bike, I almost die. I almost get hit by a car. Are you in a big city or are you in like a like.
A I'm in like a suburb next to Dallas.
So okay, perfect, okay, perfect, perfect, So you won't almost die? But yeah I didn't. I didn't end up buying the e bike because I I just like walking. Okay, walker, like that guy, Walker?
Yeah, Walker, This is cool, Jacob.
Jacob, Jacob, is there any well before we go? Is there anything else that you wanted out of this experience that I could provide for you, or any other questions for you before we go?
Yeah?
Please?
Do you know what a fantasia is?
Say that again?
A fantasia?
A santasia?
Yeah, like p h fan A fantasia?
Is that? That's that Disney movie?
No, it sounds like it's the inability to picture things in your head.
Oh okay, I actually have Okay, I actually do kind of know. Yeah, okay, I actually do know what this is.
I do know.
Yeah, I got that. Yeah, oh you do. Yeah, I can't picture huh.
Okay. So I guess everything I say to you about picturing yourself. Yeah, I guess that meant nothing to you.
Yeah.
Well I don't know.
I'll go do it and I'll and I'll write it down.
So I remember, Okay, good, good, yeah good. I'm honestly I'm picturing you doing it, and I'm like that nice. I'm picturing you. I'm literally picturing you right now riding your bike through a suburb of Dallas, looking breathing fresh air, and I'm like that sounds really nice. So it's I'm doing I'll do it for you right now in this moment.
Wow, I appreciate that.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Jacob, other than just do it? I guess that'd be it.
They have a good one.
Get bless you.
I go enjoy your bike ride. Man, I'm living vicariously through you on your back. Well, I guess I don't have to. I'm gonna after this, I'm gonna probably I'm gonna walk outside of my apartments and I'm gonna walk around and I'm gonna do the thing that I just told you to do, because I just told you to
do a very hippie bullshit thing. And so I'm gonna when I'm walking outside of my apartment today, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be like, Okay, i gotta do the hippi bullshit thing that I just told that guy on the phone to do, where I'm gonna be like soaking up the psychedelic experience of walking outside. So I'm gonna do this. You've inspired me today, Jacob.
Great sounds like a plan. We both got something to do today.
I liked it all right, I'll talk. I'll talk to you, uh, maybe never again, and maybe in the astral realm.
If you come back to Dallas, I'll talk to you. Have a good one, Jacob, all right bye, thank you.
I'm doing it. I'm taking a walk. I'm gonna walk right now. This is the end of the podcast. I'm gonna I'm gonna go outside and take a walk. If you're listening to this, maybe you can go outside and take a walk. Uh, and we can all walk around together. And then Die goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.
Deacon goes doing his eye's teaching you a loud in the memory line, but he's not an expert.