No way.
Yoh, what's up, dude?
Way is up?
Bro?
I didn't think you called me. This is the first time I ever texted.
Well, let's see here, I'm gonna I'm not gonna ask you your name because I'm just gonna forget which is not? Which is? You know this should be anonymous anyway, But anyway, I'm gonna call you Jason. Jason. It says here that you used to have a chronic addiction to camera women. Does that? Does that mean? Okay? That means like cam girls like girls.
Who yes, you know more more specifically, to the audience that probably isn't familiar with the term, it's uh uh not like well, pretty much OnlyFans but more or less live and you can pretty much pay them to do whatever they want. Or well, you think whatever you want and then you.
Think this, you think this twitch. I'm sorry you think this twitch. Audience is not familiar with the term cam girl. I'm basically a cairl a camera that's true, that's true.
Yeah, cam get go.
Okay, so how long have you been addicted to the cam girls?
For shit? That started back in twenty twenty as soon as I start because I graduated back in twenty twenty. So it was like it was like, right as I started getting my own money, I was all like, oh, let me see, let me see where this can go. And that uh I turned into a pretty big thing pretty quick. Same thing with the pandemic and everything that was that was pretty bad.
How much money were you spending?
Oh shit, I probably couldn't even put a number on it. There was there was one girl whose attention I was trying to get, and before I managed to get her off of the side, I think I spent like upwards of nine hundred dollars on her. So I mean, that's that's again on on one girl specifically.
Are you is this still something that you're struggling with or have you kind of got it?
It's it's it's it's kind of gotten under control. There's you know, there's still rebounds here and there, but you know, not not nearly as severe. And I've feel very you know, bitter about myself when I do it, and it's just like you but you know, I mean, I mean the same thing. It's you know, something that I'm actively working on. And shit, so I'm talking to another girl in real life rather than you know, online and ship so you know, that's that's definitely helping a lot with my mental state.
So let's talk about this. So what when you were doing that a lot, what do you like, what were you looking for? What were you chasing? Like deep down? What was it?
I think I was just chasing for like attention or just like having someone there that like, in my eyes, cared about me and you know, spending the upwards of money,
like they'll recognize you pretty quick obviously. But I think I think that's definitely what I was looking for, was just like seeking attention because in high school, you know a lot of people would end up ghosting me because I was, you know, now realizing as an adult, I was hell of cleaning and shit, but back then I couldn't really realize it or pinpoint it.
Mm hmm.
But I'd say, I'd say, like a mixture between like loneliness and like getting me attention and and then, like I said, I was back in twenty twenty, so like you know, the pandemic and like getting loneliness during that time, I mean everyone was fucking lonely, so that really that really egged it on hard.
So did this did like, uh, did this alleviate that loneliness for you and if so, or did it did it end up making it worse? Like tell me how it how it affected you know, whether or not there served your needs.
So there were probably like three women that I managed to talk off of the site onto like Messenger, Instagram, just just different outlets to talk them outside of the site. And you think on paper, that helped, but no, it's like you know, then at that point it's like not only do you have their personal information, but they have your personal information and they extort you for like more money, and then they guilt trip you, and then it just
turns into like this big thing. So I'd say, like shit, I'd say, I'd say it definitely made it worse, but it just like made it to where it's like now I gotta I gotta talk with that person and make that person like more attractive than me.
You know, minute, I guess, so they wait, haunt So they extorted you for money, Like what what were they do?
Oh?
Yeah, no, there was there was one girl that, uh, the one that I spent nine hundred dollars on. Once I got her out of the site, then you know, we exchange pictures and all that and then you know one thing, let do another, and and I would I would end up sending her more money. She'd be like she'd be like, oh, there's this thing I want to buy, but like I don't mean.
Real quick, so down for me. Okay, Okay, there's a difference, dude, does it instreme like what you're talking about and being extorted for money? Like did she say like I'm gonna take these pictures that you took and like send them to your friends and ship? Like what what is that? What she do?
No?
But but but in my head I felt like they would do that like it it was never said directly do me, but like in my head, I was just all like, ah, ship that could that could come back and bite me on nass pretty hard if I if I don't do that, because it's because I mean, it's not like it's not like i'd use to throw away
Instagram like I use. I'd use my direct Instagram. So it's you know, I mean, I mean there's just like a I don't know if you could call it professional, like as professional as you could make a camera girl Instagram, but but mine would be straight up personal. So it's like, you know, if all of a sudden they decided, oh man, fuck this guy, I'm gonna expose them to all his friends and family. Sh It's like it's it's right there,
you know. So so I mean technically no, you know, I was never directly blackmailed or extorted, but but it was always something in the back of my mind. I'm like, oh man, if I don't do that, then you know, they could buy me back in that.
So was the fantasy that you kept chasing something of like Okay, this I'm going to actually get this person.
To like me yes, yes, yeah, no, there is there uh you know that the same person. Like there was points where like we talk about like meeting up and shit like that, and then it turned into like, oh, well, you know if we meet up in America d D and the instantly it because oh I can't meet up in America, you got to come meet me here, and then it's like that's when it turned into another thing.
I like, dude, if I if I come out there, like I don't know, you know, like like it's a South American country, so.
I ain't trying to where where where did this cam girl want you to meet her?
Uh?
Columbia?
Were you about to go to Columbia to meet her.
Hell no, they wanted me to though, But it was just one of those things that like that, like again, I would just be scared of because it's just like it's like, man, I'll get down there, and obviously I'm not going to bring no friends with me because I'm not trying to tell my friends, Hey, I met this girl online. She's cam girl. You know, let's go down there. Come with me so I feel safe, you know, and
so and so. Then it just be one of those things like man, if I could if I go out there and same thing, if they turn on dime, I could get I could get fucking jumped and I'm not going back to.
Isn't that what the movie sex Drive is about.
I have no idea. I never I ain't seen that one. But but you know, it was just I don't know. It was just one of them things that you know, I should I should have probably blocked it off a long time ago. But you know, I mean, I mean, because.
So talk to me about this, then what was it that transitioned you away from this stuff?
So about a year and a half ago, I changed my job out of retail in the in the work on cars, and it just it just gave me a lot of time to like think and reflect on myself with like how much I'm capable of doing with my own hands and shit. And then that's also kind of the point that I realized like how much money I was really sending without realizing it. And then that was the point that like it just kind of like something just kind of colicked in me, and I'm just like, dude,
I don't. I don't like this no more. So then who had send mass amounts of money. I was just all like, hey, this this ain't me. I don't, I don't. I don't think I'm with this no more. And she just like completely exploded. I guess she has some big panic attack, fucking ended up having heart palpitations or some shit and lander yourself in the hospital, and then she blamed that on me. Maybe she had pictures and everything, so it's not even like one of those things she
made up. She fucking had genuine pictures like her heart rate and shit like that being taken at the hospital.
And I'm sorry. You see this girl, the girl who you sent nine hundred dollars to that wanted you to meet her in Columbia. Once you told her that you didn't want to have a relationship with her anymore or spend money on her anymore, set you pictures of her in the hospital, claiming that she was so offended by this that she had a panic attack that sent her to the hospital.
No, it wasn't. It wasn't the pictures of her in the hospital, but like her records afterwards, But yeah, that's that's crazy, man. Yeah no, And that was one of those things I was like, oh, yeah, no. I probably also mentioned she has she has my name tattooed on her arm. She did that like like two weeks into us fucking getting off the site.
Dude, she did you pay her to tattoo her your name on that arm?
I even told her it was a bad idea too. No, I even told her it was a bad idea too.
Why did she tattoo your name on her arm?
I don't know. She was like, like, like I said, it was one of those things where it's like she you know, I was. I was obsessed in my own way, but I think she he was obsessed with me in her own way, And it was just it was it was just bad and the same thing at one point, she tried to have it in my handwriting, and then, like her tattoo artists, was all like, not, his handwriting ain't good enough, and then I was And then in the back of my head, I'm like, oh cool, she
ain't gonna get it. And then a week later she's like, hey, look at this tattoo I got, and I'm like, what the fuck?
How often were you talking to this one?
Oh? This was like an everyday saying. We essentially became a boyfriend girlfriend. I mean I think, oh, no, we did. We did? I guess we technically did have an online relationship.
Yeah, And how often were you paying her?
I'll tell you it was like it was probably about like every two weeks, but it just it just depends, so it'd be like fifty dollars here, like you know,
anywhere up to like two hundred dollars there. And then and then she gave me, like, you know, this big story of like, oh, you know, this is happening with my family, this is happening with my kids, this is happening at my house, and I'm just like, I'm like, dog, I don't like It's not that I don't have the time to deal with this, but like it's not it's not my thing to deal with, Like I'm not there, I'm not affected by it.
So I mean, you this sounds like it was like almost a digital like sugar Daddy seeking arrangements kind of a thing.
Talking about it out loud, Yeah, kind of. Yes, that's a good that's good. That's probably a good way to describe it.
Yeah, did you have a relation Did you have a relationship like this with anyone else? Or was it? Did it only to this point with just one girl?
So so after her, then there was one of the other girls that I got off the website, and you know, kind of tried some with her, but it was it was something that you know, I didn't really send her any money or anything. We just kind of like you know,
talked more or less. But it was one of those things that she had so many personal problems that she's just like, I don't think this is a good thing, and you know, so so we never we never really became official or anything, but I said has feelings for her as well, like I wanted to make her my girlfriend at one point, but she was just all like, yeah, I don't, I don't think I want to do an online relationship, which looking back on it, I'm I'm glad I didn't because.
Did you meet them on Did you meet these women on like uh chatter Bait or something like that.
Yeah. Yeah, we're like we're like, you know, you see them as the camera and then you know you're in the chat box or whatever.
Uh huh. And this was all four years ago.
Yeah, about about three four years ago.
Yeah, when did you cut off your communication? I just kind of people, Yeah, when did you cut off your communication with these people? Uh?
Shit, probably probably about the end of wintertime. Honestly, I just got like into a really bad oppression back in the wintertime, and I just like I fell into it harder and then it was just those things. One day, I just kind of woke up and I'm just like, dude, this is just how I'm gonna be for the rest of my life. And I and I just didn't want
that for myself anymore. So, like, you know, I actually started talking to one of the coworkers I was working with at the time, and like, now, you know, we're we're hitting it off pretty good and everything. And then like ever since, every ever since I took her out, it's just like it's just kind of been like a
whole one eighty. Like I'm more, I'm a lot more motivated, Like I'm on Like like I said, in the winter time, I was like bad and fucking credit card debt and shit like that, but like now I'm getting on top of it and shit like that.
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New York, Toronto, Canada, Los Angeles, California, and Minneapolis, Minnesota. Once again, that's therapy geckotour dot com for tickets. I hope you come to the show so that I can keep doing these shows every year because they are very fun and sick. All right, Thanks? Did you ever talk to a real therapist about this?
No? No, I have not, but I've been I've been listening to your show a lot lately, and I'm just like, I'm like, man, he'd be be an interesting guy to talk to you about this, So not that you know, I'm saying you'd necessarily how long for anything.
But how long ago did you did you start seeing this girl that you're you're seeing now?
What was it?
I have a year on our calendar. The first date that I took her out on was April twenty ninth, so it's been it's been just about a month.
Oh okay, And you met her at work?
Yeah, I met her at my last job, but then I switched jobs, so like I was working when I met her, I was we were working in retail, and there was one night that you know, it was one of my last nights working there, and it was the last night I was scheduled with her. I'm just like,
fuck it. So I went up to her and I'm just like, hey, I've liked you for a really long time, Like you know, I don't really know how to express it, and I just kind of want to let you know, like, you know, we may never see each other again, and if if that be the case, like that's fine, or like you know, maybe we might see each other again and if so, that's cool, but like I just I just won't let you know how I feel, and like I felt that way since like November, so you know,
And and that kind of opened up her eyes and everything, because she said she wasn't really like into the thought of our relationships or anything. But then when I said that, like that kind of made her rethink that situation.
Okay, be careful man, because I mean, look, I don't know this, I don't know this person. But if it's only been twenty days, you know, don't uh, don't put all your your healing in at in one basket, you know, because I guess it would be you know, I'm happy for you. I think it's a really I'm for real. I think it's a great step to be like, Okay, I'm gonna get out of this crazy, crazy hole that
I'm in and start talking to real women. But you don't want to get so invested so early on that, you know, if something bad were to go wrong, you know, in this relationship, you you rebound completely and you're like, yeah, let me send a thousand dollars to uh, you know, a woman in Switzerland.
Right now, I think, I think, like the biggest motivation is like a couple of years ago, I was actually out of my family. You need, when I was doing the camgirl thing, cousin's mom comes up to me and she's all like Hey, I noticed that you never bring a girl up here. And I'm like, right, and this this was like primetime in me doing you know, my cam shit, And they're like, hey, you know, do you just not like girls? Are you gay or something like
is that why you don't bring anyone up? And I'm just like, I'm like, no, I'm fucking awkward with women. And then I like tried to explain that to them without like mentioning the camera women and realized how impossible it was to explain. And I'm just like, I'm like, I'm like, no one's interested in me right now, and and and ever since then, that's just been like a big motivation to just like not be a fucking, you know,
sucubist and just to do something more with myself. But that was like, that was like two years ago, and I've just been thinking on that since.
So you said that you're like mostly over it, Like do you still have these yeah, you still have I guess urges or like what where's the in what ways is this still present in your in your life?
I would say like I'm not very good with saving I could say that fucking flat out. So a lot of my money tends to go towards like bills and shit, and so the more bills I can pay, the better it is, because it's like cool, I don't have that money. So if I can put like an extra two three hundred bucks on my car, I'll do that for sure, because it's like cool. Then it's just not money being spent.
But then, you know, if I'm feeling lonely one night and then all of a sudden, I look at my bank account and I see like, oh shit, I got an extra fifteen dollars, then you know, they get thinking and then all of a sudden it's just like, oh, let me You know, fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars, but you know, and then you can see where that gets to a very repetitive so very quickly you.
Got into this thing of like, let me spend as much of my money as possible so that I am not spending it on you know, digital companionship.
Right pretty much. That's that's that's the coping mechanism that I've come up with since moving.
Hey listen, what's your name again? Uh?
Yeah, I think I think you gave me the name of Jason.
Jason. Thank you for.
To reveal my real name today maybe.
Another day, Jason, Jason, you ever heard of a wroth I ra A A lof I r A No a roth I r All right, Jason, you're gonna here's what you're gonna. Here's what you're gonna do. All right, You're gonna go to You're gonna go to Vanguard dot com. Shout out Vanguard, I mean free.
All right, let me let me, let me let me look that up since my computers.
You can't believe this is a historic moment in therapy gecko history where I set up a caller with a wroth I R A so that he does not spend money on digital on camgirls.
All right, We're gonna do is honor the insane dad Lord right now here. It is for you, and it's insane Dad Lord for me, like it is.
It's insane Dad Lord for both of us. This is my honor to do this, to walk back with this. All right, you go to raw, you go to Vanguard dot com.
All right, I'm Vanguard dot com.
All right? You open what does it say where you can open an account?
Uh?
Ship, I don't know what the right one? This one's talking about investors.
Yeah, you're gonna go to You're gonna go to investors your I don't know, Okay, all right, all right, you're gonna open.
The personal investors, retirement plan, participants, institutional investor.
Right, you're a personal investor. You're gonna you're a personal investor.
All right, go let's go.
What's the saying now?
Uh?
Now, Now it's given me a prompt open an account.
Okay, you're gonna open an account.
Okay, I'm opening that account.
All right. What's to say to do?
Now?
I gotta says if I already have a log in or from new to Vanguard, I'm gonna say about the Vanguard? All right, it says, Now, how can we get you started? I would like to open a new account with money from my bank rollover and employer plan.
Are you gonna open You're gonna open a new account with money from your bank? This is this is this is awesome. Let's do this whole thing. We're gonna you're gonna have I want you to have a roth Ira by the end of this call. Okay, all right, all right, what's the saying now?
Wait?
Wait?
How much how much money do I have to put down yet?
Don't worry about.
That okay, okay, Uh, Vanguard Advice Services on my own. I'm gonna do on my own. I got the motherfucking get go helping me.
Okay, Yeah, I'm your I'm your financial advisor.
Now, yes, sir, all right, I think I gotta here's an overview of what's next. Select your account. Damn it says it'll take five to ten minutes you find with that.
Get Uh, well, no, i'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna let you off. But like, all right, basically all right, look, you got a personal hold. I'm actually on the Vanguard website right now. All right, yeah, go open an accounts okay, I'm gonna walk through this too.
All right, all right. Now it's asking me my investment goal retirement, general investing, or emergency saving.
Open a new account with money for my bank. Uh yeah, invest on my own.
Yeah.
You don't want somebody to alright, open an account. Yeah, select your account, all right. Your goal is retirement, all right, yop. The account is for yourself, and you're gonna open up a roth Ira yop. All right, all right, so it's just say continue right yep, all right, hey continue.
Oh yeah yeah yeah, and then I got to put in all my information, all.
Right, Yeah, you fill all that stuff. All right. I'm gonna let you go here, but you fill all that out. Okay. Here's what you do, all right, here's what you do. You open a wroth Ira all right, okay, and all the money that you do not want to spend on camgirls, okay, you go here, you put it there. Okay, you put it into your wroth Ira, and then when you're sixty years old, you will have a shit ton of money.
I appreciate this more than words can fucking manifest right now.
So basically, here's how this works. All right. You're gonna fucking you take money that you've already This is so funny. You take money that you already paid taxes on and you put it into this account, and then when it's
in the account, you invest it invested in. You're gonna invest it in something called VU which tracks the sp five hundred okay, and you can't take it out without having to pay fees on your earnings unless if you're fifty nine years old, so you just fucking you can put up to seven thousand dollars into this account a year, and then when you're sixty years old. Okay, you can take all the money out and then I mean at sixty years old, I mean go crazy with the camgirls
at that point. But until then, fucking just keep putting money in your raw Ira. That's my that's my practical gecko advice to you.
I love that, all right? Getting great?
Now, what's your social Security number? No, don't tell us that. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa a Right all right, So, I mean, okay, before we go, just just all right, we got you. All right, you gotta sort of have a girlfriend. Maybe, yeah, you have wraw Ira, I would say, so, I would say so, yeah, I mean you know, I mean, like, man, it's all have been a few weeks. Don't count your eggs before.
They had Yeah nah, But you know, all.
Right, what else? What else with you? Jason?
I went to I went to the races that they have out here near near my house the other day, and that actually it actually motivated me. Uh yeah, cause it was it was a it was a big old drift competition. So people got like, you know, Nissans, fucking corvettes, you know, a bunch of fucking cars and there and there was this old beat up ass car and it was like it was a Toyota from like the eighties, and and he ended up winning second in his fucking group.
And it was one of those things that like it motivated me, dude, And and now I want to I want to be a part of the races. And now I want to fucking I want to do some shit related to that. I want to like work on people's cars related to the races or some ship.
That's cool, man, you got a goal, you got stuff going on. That's that's what it is. That's another thing is like you know, obviously like whatever your career goes are like they're not going to satisfy like these needs you have for like love and companionship. But it's good to have stuff going on in your life. Just uh, and I don't know how exactly you're gonna do this because it's really tough, but just do me a fait.
Just like set yourself up so that, like we said earlier, if things don't work out with this girl at your work, and I'm I'm sure they will, I'm happy to hear that. You're you're you're putting yourself out there. But just we want to make it so that if if that ship doesn't work out, you're not you know, diving back into into the bad the bad habits. So just just like prepare yourself for that mentally, I suppose.
Yeah, for sure, you know.
Jason, you're you're you're a good guy.
Man.
I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that you've overcome these bad habits. A lot of people, I don't know, they don't they don't get out of them because it's it's tough, bro, No, it's.
And and it's not it's not an easy thing either. It's you know, like I said, it's not something I really areted talking about until really recently, you know. I mean I mean even even my friend that I was talking to about the other day, so that says it's become such a bad thing that I think, like now I'm addicted to just like getting my wallet drained, like not even like I don't know it just you know, you know, I mean once you once you get into a habit, you get into a habit, and.
Now and now you get to go back to your friend and go, hey, remember last time I told you I was addicted to for a real.
All, Like I'll be like dude, check this fucking podcast out. I was on the.
Do you now you get to Now you get to tell him that a lizard told you to open a roth Ira bro.
For not a lizard, the fucking lizard. Who are you kidding?
Jason? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I want to say to the people of the computer, It's not as bad as you've seem. It's really just like in your own head. And as long as you work on overcoming that, you can overcome that.
Jason, good luck to you, sir.
Thank you.
I will.
I will make sure to call you tune. I will. I want to update you and and I want to soon reveal who I am to the people of the internet. But for now I'm Jason.
Yeah. And and hey, hey listen, man, you know what, you know what I'm gonna start doing. I'm gonna start hanging out in the chat rooms of of chatter Bait, you know, just just to make sure that you're not there. And if I see you there, I'm gonna get pissed. But I'm gonna be better.
You better, you better reach through the goddamn.
Phone if you see uh, you know, Lyle forever. If you see that username.
Chat room, I need to I need to get the hell out of there.
All right, man, talk to you later, good luck.
All right, love you, take care Jason, all I love you.
When are we going to get that roth? When are we going to get that Vanguard sponsorship coming in?
Huh?
How many people did you use the if? You're if you if you heard that call and you're gonna set up a roth? Iray, just use the code gecko anyway even there's no prompt for the code. But just like at the point where when it tells you how you found out about Vanguard, you say, don't even write the therapegetical podcast, just write a lizard all from.
CALLI Hello, holy shit, geck Hi, what is your name?
I am CALLI CALLI.
What's up? How's life? Uh?
Pretty shit? To be honest, And I sound like a young man on the phone, but I indeed female.
How old are you? Cali?
I am twenty four?
Well? What's up?
Man?
Would you want to talk about today?
I have like a ton of things I could talk about, but right now, Uh, I owe twelve thousand dollars in rent?
How do you owe twelve thousand dollars in rent.
Uh, it's kind of fucked up, but uh, I'm not the one who pays it, and kind of got into a spot where it was required to pay the full amount and couldn't pay it at the time, so I just kind of kept piling up.
So who pays your rent?
My partner?
Okay, So all right, so your partner pays the rent and or he is supposed to be he's supposed to pay.
The rent, yeah, basically.
And did not, And so now you owe twelve thousand dollars. Yes, how long has your partner been not paying the rent?
Like six months?
Why?
Why have they been not paying the rent?
I don't know.
He's financially irresponsible, not to mention, he's eighteen years older than me and we have two kids, and it's probably a narcissist.
So are you too still together? Yeah? And you have two kids? Yeah, and you haven't paid the rent.
No.
Did you talk to him and be like, hey, you were supposed to pay the rent?
Yeah, but you know, uh, he's just like, oh, you'll figure it out. You always do. It's over the pandemic. We didn't pay rent for a year either, and then I got an organization to pay it. So I'm sure he's thinking I'm gonna be able to do the same. Again.
Do you work or are you full time? Mom? Yeah?
I'm gonna stay at home mom for the most part.
Okay. And and does he work? Yeah? Okay, I'm sorry. I feel like I blanked out and you guys are still together?
Mm hmm.
Yeah, all right? Where is he right now?
He's at work? Right now?
Okay, he's at work. And is he just he's just not going to pay the rent?
I'm guessing not because he doesn't have twelve thousand dollars.
What organization is this that pays the rent?
Oh, it's called Community Action?
And you're going to reach out to them to pay the rent again.
I'm hoping they will. Yeah. If not, I'm going to have to figure some shit out.
Is this guy? Is this guy your husband's Are you married?
No?
See?
So no. I met him when I was sixteen and he was thirty five, and I got pregnant and we kind of been together ever since. We had another kid about a year ago.
Okaym uh, you know what, Before I go even further, let me ask you this, is there anything in particular that you would like out of this phone call.
I mean, not necessarily. I kind of just wanted to talk to you, I suppose, and maybe events and maybe people on the internet might take pity in my situation.
Okay. And you're you're twenty four now, yeah, okay, do you have any like do you is being a stay at home mom? Is it something that you enjoy or do you desire to, like have a career of your own at some point?
I would prefer to Yeah, I mean staying at home sucks. I've had jobs here and there, you know, fast food and stuff, but other than that, not really anything.
Okay. And how like your partner, how often are they doing shit like this?
A lot?
Just like telling you that they're going to pay the rent and then not paying the rent.
It's happened a lot. I've got he'll probably like five times.
Okay. Well, I mean this is this is your There's a tough situation, Cali, it is.
I'm very stressed about it.
Yes, this is a tough situation. Do you have any help at all? You like people in your life that that that help you. No?
Not really. I'm from San Diego and I moved to Washington with him, So I'm kind of like alone here.
Okay, man, I mean the kids. I mean it's the kids. They just make this thing so so tough.
Yeah, it definitely does.
Mm hmmmm.
I'm in a big situation.
Yeah.
Uh, well, he cheated on me recently too. I had a whole relationship with someone else, so the relationship ship isn't good. Like I'm pretty sure he's in narcissisia. It's like cameras all over the house watching me twenty four seven.
The cameras all over the house watching you.
Yeah.
Have you have you considered leaving the relationship or what it might take to leave the relationship?
I have considered it, yeah, I mean heavily recently.
And it's just like, tell me what goes on in your brain as you're as you're doing these considerations.
Well, it would be a big thing because we have kids, and I don't. I just feel so trapped. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it since I am from out of state, so it's it's kind of it's kind of tough.
Have you ever well, have you ever talked to a real therapist about this or gotten like any kind of professional help? Yeahbut anybody Okay, and what do they say?
Well, my therapist just encourages me to kind of do what I'm ready for. I just see, like I literally saw a psychiatrist yesterday too, okay, and so it's just they just kind of tell me what it's up to you. You know, we can only provide you options, and I'm like, yeah, I know, but I just it's so hard because I've been in the situation for like nine years.
Your therapist told you to do what you're ready for. Yeah, basically, Okay, what are you ready for?
I don't fucking know. Like I was homeless for so long and then he came around and was able to provide for me, and I felt like comfortable and provided for for so long. But I'm just scared to go and be on my own and not know what to do because I've never kind of been in that situation for.
I mean, is and and you know, I mean, i mean, get get real with me here, is this. Is there a fear of like is there a fear of like retaliation if you leave him?
Definitely? Okay, definitely yeah.
Yeah, Kelly. Well, first of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I mean, this is I'm happy to talk to you about it. It's totally totally beyond me, and I think that you should try and get some some help. I mean, you're you're a psychiatrist. They just told you to do what you're ready for.
Yeah, I mean basically, you know, she's she's offered me like options and help, and I'm like, okay, but I'm just not I don't know if I'm ready to like accept those options yet.
What options has she offered you?
Uh, like shelters and stuff like that, and ways to get on my seat by myself.
But I just don't know.
I don't know. I'm just scared.
Maybe what are you scared of.
Having to like do it all on my own? Maybe why are.
You afraid of having to do it all on your own?
Because I never like have I don't know. It's just like I feel so irrational, But I don't know.
As does your therapists or psychiatrist tell you anything else helpful in terms of dealing with that?
Not necessarily, I mean not in the way that you'd expect. Didn't like of any coping techniques or anything like that. They just say like, oh, will you get the fuck out of it? And I'm like, yeah, I know, but no, I don't know.
So I mean, I mean, look, dude, I I I'm not gonna and I really can't like tell you what to do with your life, or like who to be with, or like what choices to make or anything. But I guess, just like as as an Internet lizard talking to you on the phone right now, I would say that I can't. I hope you understand you're twenty four. I hope you understand or at least have faith in the idea that you your life can be much better than it is right now. Do you have faith? Do you have faith in that idea?
Not really? I mean, I know it could be, but I just maybe I don't have faith in myself.
And and I guess if you had a little, like a little bit of faith in the idea that your life could be better than it is right now, and that you have the power and the options that you could take to make it a little bit better, that you'd be a little bit more brave in taking those options.
You know. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I know. That's that's that's the part of where I feel like super irrational because I'm like, just hear it kind of not doing shit. It's kind of along for the ride right now.
Mm hmmm hmm. But wouldn't you feel but like, and again, I don't know how you get there, And it's it's you know, I mean, it's a tough thing to do in a in a little phone call when this is something that you've been engrossed in for such a long time.
But like, do you think you could like find it within yourself to just be like, Okay, I know that it's gonna be tough and it's gonna be scary, and I've never done it before, but like, I know that if I take the help that's being provided to me and I go down the path of these options that have been presented to me, it'll lead to a better life for myself and also very importantly a better life for your kids.
Right, Yeah, it would just be shitty at first, but I you know, it's I just like I said, I just I feel like a total loser or just not doing anything.
But I guess I just want to get to the bottom of like why, and I what's tough to talk about this because I know it's so much easier said than done, right, I mean, what's stopping you from from wanting to take these options that that you see in front of you, maybe.
Hoping that things will change, will be different or better in some way.
But I don't know how.
That's gonna come about because it's just been the same for so long and most likely progressively worse.
But so you but okay, so just even like right there, like you just said that you have hope that things will get better.
I do, but it's like hard to because things have gone so much downhill recently.
But then if you have that little you, if you have that little hope that things will get better, is it such a jump for you to go, Okay, I have this hope that things will get better, and here are these options that these you know, whether it's a
shelter or I don't know. I don't know the logistics of this shit, but like, is it a crazy jump to go from Okay, I have this little tinge of hope that things might get better, and here's some here are some options that I could you know, are within my control to take that will make them better.
Right, I'm just, like I said, scared of taking I'm scared of change, scared of being alone because I've been with someone for so long, but that someone doesn't treat me well, you know, kind of takes advantage of me. You know, like this morning, I woke up to the toilet just fucking overflowing filled with shit, just like the smallest considerations for what I do at home or not taken. And it's fucking insane. So let's say you can't turn a hoe to a housewife, but I did it, cat.
And I'll just like, like brow for the past eight years, I mean, since you were, like since you were a kid, your frame of reference as to what a relationship should be and frankly as to like what life is has been extremely narrow because of this relationship and because of these circumstances, and I think and when you're in that narrow frame of mind, you literally fucking can't see, Oh, there actually does exist a better life than the life
I'm living. And not only that, but I also there are like ways for me to get there, you know. And I understand not being able to see that because you're so programmed in that like, you know, narrow frame of reference of the life that you've experienced thus far. And dude, all I can tell you is that if you have a little bit of faith in yourself. I think you can escape from that narrow frame that you've been living in for so long and get to a
better version of life. And you'll just kind of have to take my word for it and find some like courage within yourself. Does any of that? Does any of what I just said make any sense?
It makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it really does. I'm just stuck in a shit situation that I'm not doing anything about and I need to, you know, like buckle my shit up and get something done about it. But it's just I'm just so scared, like I said, you know, and change is hard.
It's really hard.
Would you do it for the kids? Oh?
Absolutely, because things aren't that great for them. I mean they're provided for, you know, but there's more I could do.
Kelly is is is there anything else that do you you wanna say about any of this or talk about or anything before we go?
I mean not really. I mean I just I've had a lot to unpack and I just wanted to know what you would think about it, since I just I have so much going on. I've been through so much, and we want everybody to know.
Do you make anything of any of the stuff that we've talked about. Do you feel any sort of more empowered to do whatever is in your ability to get out of this thing?
I mean, yes, I know you kind of said the same thing that my usual therapist does say, you know, like, but it's just I don't know's it's just crazy. I'm afraid because his family is my family, and I didn't talk to my family growing up, so I'm afraid to lose that. And it's just there's so much that I'm afraid of and taking that next step, I know it will be really difficult for me, and I'm just scared. And I mean, you're just another person that's encouraged me, and I appreciate it. Yeah.
The last thing I'll say to you is I just I just I if the last thing I'll say and then I'll let you go. I hope you have an abundance mentality when it comes to your relationships. You know what I mean, because you're sitting here like, oh, well, you know, I know this guy sucks, but he's all I got, and I know this person's.
Yeah, it's all I got, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah basically, and.
I understand how you got to that place because it's been all you had for a while. But I just please, if you get like anything out of this phone call, I just hope it's that, like you adopt an abundance mentality when it comes to your relationships and go instead of going like, oh, I'm afraid to lose this because it's all I've got, be like, well, this thing kind
of sucks. And actually there's an abundance of different people out there in the universe that could come into my life that would be far greater than what I have now. And there's actually an abundance of relationships, an abundance of people, And when you think about it like that, it's a little bit easier to not stay stuck in a place
because you're like, oh, that's all I've got. So I swear if you just get anything out of this, I hope it's that you you adopt an abundance mentality when it comes to people and relate ships, which is hard to do but it's worth it. Thanks, Gek, Okay, good luck, Cali. Is there anything else you want to say before we go?
Uh? Stay cool, love your Gek.
It was nice talking too, nice tucking you too, man, good luck?
Thanks?
Do I have any post call thoughts on that. I mean, I guess I can talk about I mean, abund abundance mentality in general is something that is really hard to cultivate, whether you're in a you know, a crazy dire situation or just like you know, trying to make any kind of life change. It's hard. It's hard. I'm not I'm not the master of it. I'm not the master of any of this ship by the way, I really I have no idea, but I think it makes life better.
And it's weird because, like you could, it's fucking weird because you can kind of have everything and still have a scarcity mindset. I fucked that word up a lot. I say scarce, scarcity. I thought that was the word, and then people got mad at me and they said it's actually scarce. But anyway, like you can have fucking everything.
They can be rich and have a scarcity mindset when it comes to money, or you can be poor and be like, oh, an abundance mindset, dude, Like just with all this shit, it's like you can have everything and still have a scary It's like the mindset is so fucking important. And I don't I don't, I don't know the logistics have had to change that mindset. But I
do know that that the mindset is important. I've talked about that on the podcast, and that's something I've learned from talking to so many people, is how important the mindset is. So yeah, I don't know. I'm a fucking gecko and uh thanks, yeah, thanks for calling Kelly. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But
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It just basically gotten really toxic and I wanted out, but I felt like I couldn't because like the guy I had formed the bandwidth had become kind of my best friend, and he had made me start drumming again toxic much Evelake would get really intoxicated on stage and just made made us look bad. And I mean, I want to play music to like it could be a positive force in the world.
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