"I WAS BANNED FROM YOUR SHOW"

Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello.

How are you.

Just chilling looking at the fucking ocean and just.

Chilling looking at the fucking ocean and drinking beer? Okay? How many beers are you telling him?

And I am here what you said?

I'm sorry, Cody. It says here that, uh, you were banned in my twitch chat and you you say here that you would like to be redeemed.

Yes, I would like to be redeemed.

Okay. Do you remember what you were banned for?

For the most part?

Okay, well tell tell me, tell me the most of that part.

Uh. I was just watching the stream one night, and I wasn't only one in the chat that was getting upset. Some some girl just kept going on and on and I told her to shut the fuck up.

The band okay, Okay, So somebody was was talking on the stream, you told them to shut the fuck up, and you got bands okay. And now you are coming to me for for for redemption. And I assume this means that you've you've h regret do you look? So let me ask you this. Do you regret saying that in the chat?

I regret it saying it to that person.

You regretted by saying it to that person.

I regret it saying to that person, and individually.

You regret saying it to that person individually. Yes, okay, why do you regret it?

Because I love you?

Okay, So because you love me, you regret typing in the chats telling this person to shut up? Yes? Okay, what's your user? What's your username? Is?

On my high Horse underscore?

Okay, I'm gonna look you up right now. Hold on, Okay, I'm gonna is it. Okay if I read exactly what you said.

Yeah, you can, because because I don't even remember what I said.

To be honest, were you were you drunk when you said it?

Yes?

Okay, Okay, here we go.

Okay, all right, okay.

I'm I'm not gonna you know, I'm not going to read this. Okay, I'm not going to read this because I'm it'll just perpetuated into the universe. Okay, you were you were? You were banned a year ago. You were banned a year ago.

I've been around for a little bit.

Okay, you're banned a year ago. Solid solid band. Deserved band. It's deserve Okay, why do you feel like it's deserved?

It was just not nice?

Okay, because here here, here's the thing is you know, and look, I am not I don't desire nor do I feel qualified to be any kind of moral arbiter in the universe. I'm here to tell you it was bad and was good, but I mean it was a pretty deserved band. So you feel like you you regret it because you like me, but not because you feel like it was a mean thing to say.

I think it was me. It was mean, but it's fun, It's all. I don't know. Like, I just I'm a very confrontational person and I don't really want to be. But like I got pretty much. I got let go. I didn't get fired, but I got let go of my dream job. Okay, and it was in law enforcement, that's all I will say.

M hm.

And I got let go of an incident that happened. And ever since then, I have been just pissed off at this fucking world, in every single body, and I just like confrontation.

M hmm.

And I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Kay, has turned me into just a complete asshole.

Okay, do you do you do you have a real therapist?

No?

Okay, Well here's the thing. You definitely need to go to a real therapist, because it sounds like you, uh you know, are having a difficult time and it is causing you to uh deflect that out in ways they're not amazing. And look, I think everyone's entitled to to uh walk their path towards uh you know, becoming better whatever that looks like you for themselves. Why Okay, when did this thing happen that you say is the catalyst for you being angry?

You talking about when I got fired from my law enforcement job. Yes, it was about like it's been like five years. Okay, Well, like there's there's a thing called Post and Post is essentially like court for people in law enforcement that I like have to go through to get approved to eat like work in law enforcement again. But it's like I can't go right now, Like even if I do go, like, I don't know if I'll have a job in law enforcement again. So I don't even know if I want to go or not.

Okay, yeah, I just like it.

It'll be a waste of time for me to even go.

Okay, So you were fired from a law enforcement job.

I was.

I wasn't fired the sheriff. The sheriff where I worked at she she was kind of like a family friend kind of thing, and that's how I got the job in the first place. And then I had I had worked for about three years and the incident happened, and then she essentially just told me just to kind of head on out before I do get fired, you know.

Okay, And you say there is some sort of a court that people go to to to try to get reassigned for jobs.

Pretty much, I mean, I pretty much I got fired. I pretty much got fired, but but I didn't get fired though. She kind of just told me to leave. But I didn't get fired though. She just took like, okay, all right everything.

So so so I mean, listen, these I don't I don't even Okay, So this happens. You no longer worked your job, and you this is something that made you very upset. It happened five years ago, and for the past five years you have been upset. You have been angry, and you say that, uh, wrestling with this anger, you have taken it out on other people, and as you say, you have become an asshole.

Yes, because I lost the job that that was my dream job, and I don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

Okay, my dream job.

Okay, and then I don't give a fuck about anything or anybody anymore.

Okay, all right, let me his thing. I'm gonna talk to you about this. You also talk to this about this with the real therapist. Let me ask you a question. Okay, this job was your dream job? What? Why was it your dream job?

To be like, I don't know what?

What? Like?

What made it my dream job?

Like?

I don't know, like it literally they could call me like I would work seven days a week if they were, like, I just loved it, like okay, so let me dream job like I just enjoyed it so much.

Tell me tell what did you enjoy about it?

I don't know.

I guess like having power over people. I don't know that. That sounds bad. That sounds bad for all I'm I'm not speaking for all of them. No, I don't know.

Okay, all right, Well, I mean, let's get into it. Well, okay, well let's hear it. Well here here, okay, hold on, all right, let's get into that for a second. Let's get into that for a second. Why did you like having power over people?

I mean, I don't know. I'm I'm kind of a smaller built.

Yeah, okay, I don't know, and this is true. I mean, are you You're not fucking with me? This is all No, Okay, you liked having power over people because you are a smaller guy. Throughout your life, do you feel as though you did not have a lot of power?

I mean not really, but like you know what, it wouldn't even power. It was more I take that back. It wouldn't even the power over people. It was attention, is what it was.

It mm hmm. You liked going around them, Okay, it was attention and you felt as though when you had a uniform on you and you were in this position, you were getting attention.

Yes, uns that that's that's almost like that's that's exactly what it was, is attention. When when people saw me they would just like look at me and be like ooh uh you know yeah.

What what was it that was so intoxicating to you about this attention? I guess I guess. I mean same question with the power thing. Like throughout your life you felt as though you weren't you didn't get a lot of attention.

No, Like in high school, like I was like hop pier, Like I was like like one of the like soup, like really popular kids. And I went to like a huge high school and I like I was up there, but like, I don't know, I just like attention.

Mkay do you and do you still like attention?

Yeah?

Why do you like attention so much?

I don't know. I really I really don't. I have no idea.

Okay hmm.

I like always wanted to be the center of attention no matter what, and like there's no rhyme or reason behind it.

Mm hmm. Does does attention make you happy? Yes? Okay? Do you have Do you have friends?

I just moved to Florida, so not really like moving from out of state, Like I've only been here since August, so like I'm still trying to meet people. Like I had a ship ton of I don't want to say a ship ton of friends. I had like one or two people that I could call at any time of day if I needed help and they would be there.

Okay. Do you what about your family down here?

Like?

No many?

Like I love my parents?

Oh yeah, okay, do you've like I mean, this is like you know, classic ship but like when you do you feel like they gave you enough attention? Oh?

Yeah, they do they have.

They have.

Like been in my baking call since I was born, even now, like I'm twenty seven now, and like they're you know, I'm to my parents, welcome to death.

Okay, So you're upset now because you lost the thing that was giving you all this attention that was making you happen. Yeah, okay, I have some thoughts. If you do, you want to hear my thoughts, I do. Okay, first one obvious one. I'm sure everyone in the chat is talking about it. It's okay, listen, it's okay. It's okay if you like attention. Lots of people like attention. By the way, everyone likes attention. I don't care how cool you think you are or whatever. Everyone likes that. People

I agree.

Okay, good, glad to hear that you agree. So since you okay, so how about that since you agree, you you you're telling me you agree that attention is not a good reason to be in law enforcements. So with that said, now that you are no longer in law enforcements, you are now no longer in a position that is probably not great for you to be in in the first place, considering your motives for being in it. Would you agree with that?

Well?

I mean, yeah, okay, okay, So listen. So now we're in the present and you want attention, and we've established that's okay. It's fine that people need attention in their lives. So now that we know that your previous job was not the best place for you to be serving this need, what is the best place for you to be serving this need? And have we I guess? Well, I guess. I mean even more than that, I'm wondering like this attention, Like where does the need come from? And I don't know.

I guess I'm trying to see like the cool guy or something, you know, Like I don't like, I don't know.

I was.

I had I worked in the jail where I lived at you could you could work in the jail at eighteen, and I had started working in the jail and then you could get to work in the jail for like two years and then they would put you to the police academy for free. And then I've been like patrolling on the road since I was twenty one, so it

All right, because listen, what I was going to say is listen, if you want to be in I would hope that if you want to be in law enforcement, you want to do it because and listen, we you know, obviously there's lots of like subtext to this that I don't understand because I'm dumb, But I would hope at least the intentions I'm just talking about intentions. I would hope at least your intentions would be that you want to help people.

That I mean that that is another part of it, Like I do, like I really do, Like I do enjoy helping people, like I did. I did volunteer fire at EMS, like I went to EMS school, like I'm certified. Okay, I do enjoy helping people because I mean most pops where I'm at are like certified like bms, like they have to be certified to do that. Like I do enjoy helping people. But it's it's a lot about like status, okay to like to me, I don't know, it's weird. I'm typical. I mean a lot of a lot of

But okay, so now I'm like, okay, like we've said, we've established that being in law enforcement for the desire of status or of attention is probably not the best idea for you. I think you've agreed to that. But and so now can we at least like.

You know?

I guess what I would hope is that if you have understood that, you can start to replace this anger with some form of optimism or determination toward a better future, where now that you've understood these underlying things that you're trying to serve, a desire for status, a desire to help people, you can go, Okay, I have a better

I mean, I've kind of like I've stepped away from all that, and I like I don't even I don't even want to do it anymore, like when I've kind of moved down here to the Florida, like I'm I'm pool boy now, but like I kind of enjoy this shit, like it's kind of nice. Like I don't know, oh I like it, but like I don't know, Uh, it's just like attitude has really, I mean it's changed a little bit, but like a lot of people.

Still notice it.

But like I enjoy what I'm doing now though, but I still, I guess because I miss it a lot is still the reason why my attitude is still the way it is because I still kind of miss it. You know, Hm, I would I would like to do it again, but I also enjoy what I'm doing now a lot.

Okay, good, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying what you're doing now. Well listen, Cody, Thanks for sharing all of this. It definitely sounds like if you can, if you have the resources too, you should go and try to talk to a real therapist. And I hope that you continue to find the ways in your life to serve those those underlying desires that we've kind of talked about over the course of this call. Uh, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

I'm going to try to love everybody in the chat instead of hating ho them.

Good. I had to hear that.

I appreciate you taking my call. I listen to you every single day while I'm cleaning pools.

But I'm gonna imagine myself as a leaf that you're picking up with that net thing. I don't know why I said that, but thank you for calling code shit. You have a good night. I love you, Take care man. So yeah, So, uh, I mean, look, I I I fucking I. I'm pretty sure everything I said to that guy made sense. I'm glad to hear that. Uh. Over the it sounds it sounded like some of this resonated

My name is Kayla. Hi, therapy Gecko. How are you tonight?

I'm doing all right? How are you? I?

I'm really struggling over here. I don't know if you've read my prompt and I can go over that.

Uh. Well, yeah, what's going on?

So?

I've been with my husband for five years now, since we're fifteen, so I'm twenty now, and we've just been kind of like best friends on healthily ghosts for those five years, I would say, And then in September of this season year, he accidentally came out to me as transgender, which was a complete shock. I had no idea. I

So tell me, in what way did did this person accidentally come out to you? What does that mean?

Yeah, we actual or we had both agreed to lay off our kind of take a hiatus from marijuana for a while, I included, And one night I smelled it on his breast and so I just like said, hey, what are you smoking?

Like?

And I'm understand I had all this stuff that we used in my in my personal tour or whatever, and he kept trying to like hide it from me whatever. He finally admitted to it and I'm like, so, what are you smoking?

Like?

Where is it? He just would not tell me for the life of me. We have a one bedroom apartment, and so I just started getting like really mad, what do you need to hide from me? That's disimportant, you know, and he wouldn't tell me whatever. I went to bed for the night, just really confused, and the next day I come home from work and he had wrote me a letter basically saying the reason I wouldn't show you

Go okay, all right. So they're on some kind of like a like a hormone therapy, not quite.

Like a prescribed hormone, but it was like like an over the counter supplement. It was really okay.

So I mean, listen, they didn't accidentally come out to you. You know, they they they you know, told that you know, there was a situation where you know, they were like, I don't know if I want you to go in here, and then eventually they're like, you know, I can't keep the cigarette anymore. I'm gonna tell you what's up. That's and that's why they wrote that letter. Hi. So h okay, you know, we actually we've talked about this on on this podcast before, but let's let's let's let's talk about

Well, our relationship Artie wasn't great from the start. I'm about to be twenty one, and I'm kind of coming into a new era of myself and it's just I don't know if my heart's necessarily there anymore. And then also just all the things that come with being transgender. I've been learning a lot of new information and what it really takes to transition, and just being so closely intimate with that, I'm not I'm not really comfortable with it.

Okay, So if I could just make an observation here, it sounds like there are multiple, uh different angles that you're exploring as to why you might want to move on from this relationship. Uh, you know, legitimate angles, right. You know, you're you're growing up as a person. You know you two are are making sort of divergences in your life that are bringing you to to less compatible places.

The last time that I was technically like relationshipsly alone was when I was fifteen, So it's quite a contrast, and I feel like in this time, we've kind of melded into one person, which is both and bad. And I'm just kind of also speaking my own individuality from this.

Okay, well, so so again, you know what I what I'm asking is like, what is stopping you from from making a decision as to how you move forward? Is it? Is it? I'm gonna throw this out there, tell me if it's accurate. Is it a fear? Is it like, Oh, I've in a relationship, you know, since I was fifteen, and now I'm this totally new person and I'm you know, are you afraid of the journey of figuring out how to be alone?

Yeah?

Definitely, fear of like the unknown being alone, like what I'm going to do next, and just having that kind of bond with another person. I don't have many friends, which is a bad part of being so close with him, but yeah, I don't. I'm not as close with anybody else.

So all right, let me ask you a couple other things your life outside of your relationship. What's going on? Are you in school, are you working? What are we doing?

She also began a new career. I was working and pretty much in a lone environment for the past year, so I was very isolated. But beginning this new job in a career that I actually enjoy has also been kind of like pulling out my need to become my own person in an individual.

M So, I mean, listen towards the fear thing. It sounds as though you have a lot of places to sync your head into once, you know, if you make the decision to leave this relationship and learn how to be on your own. And also you got to like you got to do that at some point, right, because if I mean whatever, people make all sorts of decisions

Yeah, how do you feel about that? I have kind of had this internal fear that I'm not strong long enough to make big decisions like that, not even just in regards to this situation. Yeah, so I definitely think that making a decision would be a.

Big step forward, right of course.

And I mean, well, listen, I mean I think maybe one of the reasons you might not feel strong enough to do it is because you have you have no proof that you are to yourself. You know, look, you believe it, Look, believe it in yourself is cool and all, but uh, I mean, you have no proof that you're able to handle, you know, being on your own right, So of course you're not going to believe in yourself.

We go, There is just one concern that I'd like to bring to your attention to see how I can cope while I'm in this in between time.

Sure.

Yeah, he has this or this stink that comes with him coming into his new femininity, and I walk in on it several times. It's called hypno porn. Are you familiar.

I mean, I'm familiar with hypnosis and I am familiar with pornography, so I guess I'm I can imagine what that would be.

Yeah.

He listens to it on a speaker and it's basically like a robotic voice about being a sissy samboy and getting sucked in the ass.

I can't say whatever you want.

It makes me just feel like really uncomfortable in my own home. So how would you advise I go along?

Okay, I mean now, I mean listen, Now, you just have a roommate issue. Now you have an issue where your roommate is listening to uh hYP no porn on the speaker, right, how do you deal with it? Listen? Have you have you even kind of expressed that you do not desire to listen to their hYP no porn?

Oh?

Definitely?

Wait? So you wait, so you told them that you don't want to listen to the no point into wear headphones?

Yeah?

What the fuck did they say?

He said no, you know, he said he said that he would avoid doing it while I was home. But I mean it's locked in on it several times at this point.

So okay, well, look, if you've expressed yourself and they have not, you know, respected your wishes, then uh uh are you working on moving out?

I'm figuring out a plan.

Okay, go figure out a plan for yourself, because I mean, look, at the end of the day, I mean, you can express that you're upset about the hypno porn thing, but if they're not going to give in and you've already tried, you you just you just got to get out of there or I don't know, I mean, like, what what what? What? What is that? What is the context of this the contents of this hypno porn? Is it interesting at least? Can you learn anything from listening?

Well, a lot of it involves a male penetrating and I don't know, I've had an issue with beagle droms, like I'm really uptight about bathroom dreams in general.

Yeah.

Sure, that's been a topic of our sexual lives that's been staying away from.

But well, uh, you know, you've done a good thing. You've You've you've introduced many listeners of of of this to uh, you know, a thing that will maybe change their lives if they go decide to look up hypno. Thank you for calling Caleb, Thanks Derek, Thank care? Hell Hey what's that man?

So much? Us?

While? Yeah? Who is this?

Uh?

This is Ikoba nicobad how are you?

I'm doing good now?

Uh?

Actually today was actually a pretty good day.

Okay, why was it a good day?

You know?

I at work, I was training some new someone new. We really clicked and I can feel like we made a connection and I think it's going to be a budding really friendship and I'm really looking forward to it.

Okay, so you were training somebody new and uh, you feel like you guys got along and now you have a new friends.

Yeah, I think yeah, yeah, definitely.

Okay.

Do you.

Is friendship something that you've you've sort of struggled with in the past, or are you just excited to have more friends.

I'm It's not really something I've struggled with in the past. I've always had friends or people that have like I've called friends. I just always look forward to having like just meaningful conversations with people, like things I can just actually like talk to people about. I don't have to like censor myself. I can just talk to them. You know.

Do you do you consistently feel like a desire to censor yourself or to be a different version of yourself to appease people.

Yeah, I would say so, because, like I mean, I'm pretty much an open book, Like I don't really have much of a filter. I'll talk about basically anything. I mean, I mean, sex is a big thing in my life, so that's something that I will bring out quite often and just kind of casually talk about with people. It's never something where I'm trying to get information from them or anything. It's just something I'm just talking about it. I'm not trying to, you know, get sort of up about it.

How how often are you talking to people about sex?

I mean, it's not something that it's like I'm bringing up. It's kind of like offhand or mark type of things, being like talking about like I don't know, talking about girls in there, but they're talking about like the kind of guys that I like to because I'm pan sexual and yeah, that kind of stuff.

Okay, So you say that sex is a big part of your life. Yeah, in what way does this does this manifest? How did this become such a big part of your life?

I don't know. I think it's kind of like from a from a young age, like because I grew up in the country, not around a lot of people, and or at least not around a lot of kids my

It's interesting to hear you say that. I remember I lost my virginity at eighteen too, and I also felt like I was like behind, you know, because because you compare it, because I feel like at that age, you're constantly you're comparing yourself to your friends, and you're like, you know, it's when your friends are like, you know, looking up with people, but you're not, Like it can seem as though you're behind. But it's funny, I think, like you're really, I mean, lose your virginia at eighteen.

All right?

I think that's pretty normal.

Yeah, I think that's that's fair. It's another thing is I really didn't have I was one of those people in school that didn't really have like a friend group. I was one of those who was like I didn't feel like I belonged to me, where I kind of was just friends with a bunch of different people and a bunch of different groups. I didn't really have like a solid group of friends, you know.

So what about your life today do you feel like you have a solid group of friends, solid supports.

You know, I have friends that I see every now and then, Like I mean I'm seeing I've seen my best friend and his wife. They live in the I mean in the town where I grew up. Now they just moved there, and I'll be seeing them on Sunday. But I almost the last time I saw them was on Christmas Eve. I don't see them very often, even though they live really close. Other than that, like I see my people that I work with that I call my friend, and I mean it's nice. I mean, it's

Okay, I mean, how do you feel when you're off of work when you're feeling alone?

I get I literally just depend sometimes. Like I come home and I will immediately pretty much take a nap because I'm just kind of wore out from the day. The thing is is like I wake up and I'm extremely horny, so I'll like I'll masturbate, and then from there, I pretty much will either play some video games, go get something to eat, or play my guitar.

All right, so you masturbate you play video games, you eat things, you play guitar, you work, Okay, and is all of the Are all these things harmonious? Do they all feed into a desirable life for yourself?

I think a lot of it. A good amount of it holds me back, I think distracting myself in video games. As much as I really do enjoy them, they are kind of holding me back and my whole like just kind of constant horniness with like just after I get off of work and everything and just doing that, it really holds me back from what I want to be able to do.

Like music is okay the one Okay? Yeah, your horniness is holding you back? You're Are you a compulsive masturbator?

I mean I feel like maybe I'm just normal. But then again, it's like I if I have nothing to do, maybe I'll do it three to four times a day, maybe more.

All right? Yeah, And in what way do you feel like you're being held back?

I feel like it. It has in the past definitely affected some like relationships that I've had, and I feel like I've been learning from that that I don't use that as a way of like trying to really like build a relationship on just just pure sex. You know, I learned that that is not as satisfying for me.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, So you you feel like you're being held back in your relationship, but also with the music thing. M what do you feel like you're you're not having enough time to make music like you want to.

It's not even that I don't have enough time. I have plenty of time that I could definitely do it. It's that I haven't been I haven't been inspired to really sit down and like learn a new song, play something that I've known for a long time, or just try to write music, try to write a new song. I just haven't felt that that spark in a long time.

Okay, what things normally inspire your music?

Oddly enough? Like autumn? Like I feel like my peak, like my peak inspirational period is during fall, during the Halloween season, for sure, I feel I write. I tend to write like really dark, spooky stuff. Then I'm inspired by traveling, by going and kind of being this like whole idea of like trying to taking a van driving across the country or just playing music wherever I feel like doing it that really inspires me. And going and seeing new things I've never seen before.

Hmm. Okay, and and I have you taken any trips recently that you feel as though it could inspire you.

I wish I could say that I have that I haven't. I honestly have been pretty much. I've been trying to save up money because I perform music live and my sound system has been shot for a while, so I'm saving money so I can get a new one. So I haven't had the money to be able to go on any sort of trip at all.

Okay, Okay, Now if you did have the money, where would you want to go to?

If I had the money, I would love to go to California because I've made it as far west as Denver, and I would love to go to California because I mean, that's the dream of spot for everybody. You know.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I live in California and it's fine, it's cool. It always depends on what you like. It depends on the environment that you feel the most right, the most comfortable in.

That's fair. I've always felt like I need to experience these things for myself, and on it I can. I can take the advice of people and like have them tell me all you should go to this place or you should go to this place type of thing. But until I experience it for myself and then I can make the informed decision as to if I like this place or not.

So tak about it. How do we get you to California? How do we get you more freedom in your life?

You know, I come down to thinking that if I do it, it's going to be one of those days where I just kind of lose my shit and I just I quit everything. I just grab my guitar and I just stick out my thumb and I just go or I start.

Walking or are you are you on the verge of losing all of your shit?

I mean, it just kind of one of those things where some days are good, some days are bad. Todays was a particularly good day, But on my bad days, like it's one of those things where I just want to run. I just I hope I can either run or I can die here. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think lots of people feel like that, Like there's you know, some their routine or their their lives are like holding them hostage or something like that. Do you feel like that?

Yeah? Absolutely, I feel like I'm kind of a I'm kind of a cog in a in this in the capitalist like this capitalist like society we live in, and I can't really find hard I can't really find a way out.

You know, it's hard to navigate the situations. I've been thinking about this as a ton right, because well, you need to keep yourself alive by eating food and uh not. You just have to not die. That's like the very bare minimum requirement. And I feel like there's a good

I get that it sounds honestly, this is this is it's gonna sound like it almost sounds like the whole cliche of like you know that the snls get with living in a van down by the river. That's honestly, what it sounds like to me is I want to live in a van and just live on a steady a government cheese.

That's what you want to do is live in a van on what is government cheese?

It's uh, it's an old Chris Farley bit from S n L. It's the classic h what is his name? Matt Foley talking a bit from that, but he talks about how if you don't if you don't do good, you're you're gonna end up living in a van down by the river and suciding on a steady dyeing government cheese.

That it doesn't sound that bad. It doesn't sound that bad living down by the river and eaton government cheese. And that's the thing.

It's like in the nineties, that was like a thing that was like, oh, you don't want to do that, But now it's like, you know what kind of van were talking about here though?

Right right? I mean, okay, when you think about all these things that we've been talking about, what do you what does it inspire within you?

It inspires me to really try and just trying to find the spark again, trying to find the inspiration because, like I mean, as much as I enjoy my alone time to being in my room and everything, I need to get out there and just find the inspiration again to start playing and start writing and finding a way to get myself back on the road again as well.

I would say, yeah, well listen nick about I'll say this before we go. And I don't know, dude, I'm trying not to be like a fucking bullshit or I'm trying not to be like a empty motivational guy or whatever. But I fight God damn my bone marrow, and maybe one day i'll be I'll be forced to, you know, face this head on. But I really believe in my bone marrow that uh, you know, the world is an infinite place of lots of people and lots of places,

I will don't go. Definitely stop doing that.

Okay, right, I'll talk to you Sonic about.

Thank you so much. Wule have a good one.

I don't want Akobye getting caught jacking off in the bathroom of the grocery store, but I don't know, maybe that will compel him onto his onto his new beautiful life. Beg goes on the line making your phone calls every night, there Beacon goes to and his eye, who's teaching you aloud in the mid of your life, But he's not read me. An expert