How old were you when the alien encounters first started?
Four or five years when I was really young. I got really scared when I had a bad encounter and I saw it like carry my sister down the.
Hallway, And did any part of you desire to intervene, like thinking that your sister was in danger and you needed to do something that was.
Terrified because not all of them were friendly, some were scary. Hello, Carl, Hey, geck, how are you.
I'm doing all right, Carl, how are you.
Doing? Awesome? Awesome?
Carl says here twenty four years old from Florida, and that you were abducted by aliens as a child.
Yeah, it was a little a little odd. It was more like they came to visit my room.
Why do you think they came to visit your room? I don't know.
Man. Like when I was younger, I had like really bad nightmares. And one of the things that would happen is like I would see stuff floating in my rooms. And so one time, like really late at night, and man, I was terrified to sleep with the lights not being on,
Like if the lights were on, I'd freak out. But I would see like this little like two and a half foot tall dude in like sparkling black pajamas, like dancing and moon walking with me, and like that was the only time, like I wasn't really afraid of the encounters, but there was a few times where it like got
super like super scary. Bro Like, there was one time like when I was like I would say six, I was sitting there watching TV in the dark, just sitting there watching cartoons because you know, back in the day, you know, TVs were a lot different, didn't have them everywhere like now.
Well, so hold on, so hold on, hold on, back back up, back up. First for a second, Carl, how old were you when the Alien Encounters first started?
I would say about four or five years Oh, I was really young.
Okay, about four or five years old. And tell me about the very first one?
Was it?
As you said, because because you're painting sort of two separate pictures, one where the aliens are dancing with you and they come in peace and they're your friend, and then one where they are hostile to you. And yeah, in what form did they come the very first time?
Uh, it would be both at the same time because they would have different shapes. There'd probably be about two or three different types, you know, like like sometimes they'd just be like fo nords, and then sometimes it'd be actual, like they take on a human form, but they would look like a shadow, if that makes sense, a sparkly shadow just walking around my room.
Did they talk to you at all? Did they say anything?
No? But I would see them pick up, Like there was one time I got really scared when I had a bad encounter and I saw it like carried my sister down the hallway and my sister didn't wake up. That was the crazy part. And then hut back in the bed.
So you saw him carry your sister down in the hallway, and did any part of you desire to intervene, like thinking that your sister was in danger and you needed to do something.
That was terrifying because not all of them were friendly. Some were scary and tell.
Me that were friendly.
So so the friendly.
Ones would, I guess when they figured out that I was too traumatized, the friendly woman come down and just like dance and like no one else would hear it us about they hear like this little like do.
Do do do doo in the like music and the thing would dance and like when walking it's crazy and he was like a little midget thing. He wasn't like tall, he was like maybe three feet tall. And that was it. He just looked like sparkly shadow.
The hostile aliens, the ones that that you got bad vibes from, were they short as well or were they were they a different size?
Uh, they would be. They would have extremely exaggerated arms or legs and it would almost look like Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, like like like like like like watching TV one night, I saw a group like arm probably about six to eight feet long, reach up from under the bed and try to grab me. And and that that that p.
And you said, to try to grab you? Yeah, yes, was there any Was there any other instances of the aliens trying to touch you or or like fuck with you in anyway?
The grabbing was probably towards the end because they knew I wasn't the interceptive and so when they grabbed me, I just started screaming, screaming, and my family came in the room and that was it. I mean, my family was not happy about me convinced that I was seeing the stuff because you know, they didn't see it, they didn't encounter it. And I don't know if it put them in a trance. I don't know, if it blacked them out, I don't know.
And so whenever no, go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah. So so so whenever like it hit the point that I freak out, man, my dad would get and my mom would get really really upset with me and be abusive over it to the point because they're terrified. I mean, they were just frustrated. Like you got this little five year old kid, six year old kid waking us up at all hours of the night, screaming. It was almost like an episode of culture Guys.
You said you said they would be abusive.
Well yeah, I mean like go to bed now, you know, and they'd get mad at me because I couldn't sleep without the lights on.
Mm hm.
Hm.
Yeah.
How many times did this happen, these alien encounters.
I would say probably over the courses about three years.
Okay, so over the course of about three years. And how many instances in those three.
Years, I would say about maybe twice a week, two to three times a week. Yeah, they'd come down and did that. I don't know.
Yeah, So this was this is this is not just like a a couple of times things this happened a lot, right, Okay? And did it? Did it always happen on certain days or was it just random?
It was random? It was random. I remember being so afraid of waking the parents out, hiding the closet or in different parts of the house to get away from them.
So I imagine that over the course of these three years, like if you were getting visited by aliens twice a week, imagine that during your waking hours, you're afraid to go to bed. Yeah, like every night.
Absolutely, I was afraid of the dark completely, okay.
And you tell your parents about this and they just get pissed off and frustrated with you, and they don't want to have anything to do with it, right, right do you do? You tell you sister about this?
Ye?
And I mean me, And it was one of these situations where we talked about it, but she didn't recept It was just sounds weird, if that make sense, And she just didn't want to talk about it.
And you you're kind of were telling me about like there's the friendly aliens and there's the hostile ones. And yes, how often I mean this is happening. This must have happened to you, Like at least one hundred times. Uh yeah, how often were the aliens friendly versus hostile? Like if you had to give an.
Age, nine of the time hostile?
Kay?
Or maybe a language barrier? And I just did they.
Interest? Interesting? Interesting? So you believe that there's a chance that they weren't being hostile, that they were just communicating to you with actually pure intentions, but because of a language barrier, you interpreted it as hostile.
Maybe maybe about forty percent of the hostile encounters. Yeah, yeah, maybe.
So it happened for so you're twenty four years old. When when did this stop happening?
Yeah?
I would say when I was about nine or ten.
Okay, And it says here that it hasn't happened recently because you think they don't like you anymore? Is that accurate?
Yeah? Yeah. I got family that are devote Christians and they prayed against it, and when they prayed, they just last.
Interesting. So you think that your family praying against it is keeping keeping them away happily?
So I would say, yes, are.
You are you a Christian?
Yes?
Do you do you pray them away?
Yes? The scary ones?
Yes?
So can I ask has anything like supernatural kind of happened to you. I mean, this was it's been about like fourteen years. Has anything kind of supernatural happened to you in those past fourteen years aside from just this alien thing?
No, not no, no, just it was like it was completely unplugged and stop at age nine to.
And and it happened right when you started praying. Yes, do you pray have a day?
Yeah?
Yeah, and every day that you pray for the past fourteen years. Do you think about these creatures.
When I was younger, yes, yeah, because those a traumatic thing.
What do you think about when you pray nowadays?
Yeah? Just life direction, man, Okay, that's the biggest thing. I mean, you know, yeah.
Have you ever talked about these aliens with like an actual psychiatrist or therapist?
My mom, when I was really young, cut me to some one and she told him that she was praying against when I got older, actually probably about nine, and that stopped them. And when they told her that, the psychologist basically said you shouldn't have done that and that, and that you're just feeding into the illusions.
M hmm. Okay, So the psychologist told your mom that she shouldn't feed into your delusions. Pretty much Okay, so do you I said, and this was when you were nine? Yes, okay, so you're twenty four years old, you're an adult. Now have you made any effort, like, you know, independently to talk to a psychiatrist about this?
Uh?
Other instances, but no, not this, because honestly, I blacked a lot of it out. Yeah, I mean traumatic when I was young.
Interesting, Well, I mean okay, so tell me this, tell me, tell me this, then tell me this.
Then.
How do you feel like in this very moment talking to me and all these other people listening about it?
Yeah? Yeah, mm hmm. I I I wanted to talk in a way that it would be an open minded setting, and I feel like you're open minded.
Sure, so it feels so you you don't feel like because I because I want to kind of get to why you don't feel like you can talk to a psychiatrist about this? Like is it a like is there is there like a fear against doing that?
They're expensive?
They are fucking expensive. That's true.
That is very true, guy, That is true. You know. Yeah forty six an hour?
Yeah, yeah, that is true. I just run into this thing where it's hard because I was I always tell people that you know. Obviously, I'm not even a fake therapist. I'm a I'm a guy in a geckle costume talking to people. But I always tell people they should go talk to an actual therapist if they're trying to talk to me about something that I've talked to an actual
therapists about. And then I always, you know, they're like, a therapist are expensive, and I'm like, that's true, But I would I would look into real I would, I would, I would look into whatever. You know, listen, I want to keep talking about this, but just as an assad, I would look into whatever resources are available for you to talk to a real therapist. But I guess all
of that aside. Is this, you know, all that aside, is this something that like contemporarily, you know, as a twenty four year old as you sort of go about your day to day life. Is this something that still like affects.
You maybe out of sub this fear. Maybe I have some fear that I deal with, Okay, you know, with Gil being assertive and making decisions to do stuff, m you know, because you're afraid you're going to make the wrong decision, you know, and that and that it would make a mistake.
You know, how how did how do these aliens and these encounters, how have they influenced your feelings about decision making?
I think making the wrong decisions or the wrong moves, or making something angry. You know, that's that's that's the biggest thing you don't want to encounter. I don't know. I don't want to say rap of the heeling, you know, that's probably the wrong thing to say.
I mean is that it are you like afraid that if you make the wrong decision that like they'll come back.
I don't know, it's just you know, like you know, when you're five and six years old and your parents are yelling at you to go to bed, you know, yeah, it's like you know, you like you go to your mom and dad for protection and say, hey, mom, you know, I'm scared, and then all of a sudden, it's like, go to bed now. I got to be at the factory at six a m. You know, I'm sorry, talking quietly, I'm not sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, dude, I I totally I can see that, right, because you're fucking six. And whether or not at that well, look, whether or not it actually happens, you believe that fucking aliens are coming to fucking attack you. You're six or you don't have any you know, and you really kind of don't have any tools when you're six years old to deal with anything except for your parents, and so you go to your parents and they fucking
become like an extra source of hostility toward you. And like, yeah, that fucking sucks. I can see why that uh uh what would have an effect on someone, for sure? And I'm sorry that that happened to you. I feel like you deserve better. You seem like a sweet guy. You don't seem like you deserve anything like that.
Yeah. Yeah, what made me want to ask was I I was a friend of my family sent me a link about Fran being abducted, and I was kind of like hoping that this would open up dialogue into that and give me some like answers that you know, I'm not alone. There's other people that have dealt with this, you know, Fran, there's a change, Yeah, like Fran Dresser.
Ah, well, okay, all right, all right, Well, well Fran was abducted by like assailants, not I don't think she was abducted by aliens.
It's on the today show.
Really did she talk about being abducted by a I have you know more about her than I do?
Probably, yeah, Google it's true.
Well, look, I can put a word in I'll see if if I I know she was abducted, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't by aliens. Sure it was by like, you know, assailants.
Her hand, her hand, huh, being like, well, well look look, I'll tell you I'll tell you this much.
I'll tell you this much. You're definitely not alone. And you know people reporting uh ah encounters with with aliens and whatnot. I and I'm not gonna throw my you know, hat in the ring as to you know, my opinions on whether or not any of that stuff is real, because I you know, who the fuck am I to
determine reality. But man, look, at the end of the day, I will say, you know, I do hope that uh you you find the I I I again, I know it's I know it's tough for people out there to find like actual help, but I I do hope that you can find, uh, you know, a licensed person to kind of talk through this ship with that can help you make better sense of it. You totally didn't deserve for your parents to like fucking yelling you when you were in that position. Yeah, And man, I appreciate you
sharing this stuff. This is interesting. I feel like there's got to be somebody listening who's had a a similar experience as you with these aliens that maybe we'll reach out. Is there anything else that you want to say about the whole thing or about anything in general before we go.
The group hands When I was younger, scared me like that was probably the most traumatic because like, you know, you're sitting there watching TV and you see like a nine foot arm come out and try to grab you out of the bed. You know, that was probably the scariest. But see, like time they're scary, but there was that ten percent of the time where like I guess they would try to make me laugh.
They're playing good, they're playing good alien bad alien on you.
Maybe maybe like like like that looked a weird one, Like when you see like a two and a half foot tall dark shadow sparkly and at first you're scared and realize the dude's dancing and you're hearing like music.
You know, I wonder if there's like I wonder if there's like and This will probably be the last thing
I have to say about this. It's totally totally uninformed, But I wonder if there's like, you know, how people have like lucid dreams, where like they can kind of, yeah, like awaken themselves to determine the reality of, you know whatever, the dream reality of what's going on, Like, is there a version of that when you're in these encounters where you can sort of take control of the situation and perceive the aliens to be helpful, you know, like you
can kind of take control over whether or not they're helpful or hostile.
Maybe they were more like ghosts, because there's one point where I got bold enough to just run through them, if that makes sense. So so, but that was one hundred percent aware, like like like I wasn't I wasn't asleep or coming out of a dream to state if that make sense.
Carl, is there anything else that you would like to say before we go?
No, sir, thank you for your time.
Hey, thank you for thank you for calling. Carl. Appreciate you, yeap, appreciate you.
Bye.
Oh man. You know what's interesting is I f everybody listening to that like had their own like, uh imagination in their head of what Carl's aliens looked like, and I'm thinking about, what, ever, what everyone's different imagination of the aliens looked like mine? They looked like little, uh outlines of creatures that have like stars in them or some shit, and they're kind of dancing around. Man, I fucking feel for Carl because I want him to I want him to be able to talk about all that
shit with like an actual psychiatrist. And this happens, so this happens so often on this podcast where someone well will come to something and of course I'll be like, hey, you know, you should probably talk about that with a real therapist. And then I'm like, man, I wish I could sit in the room while he's talking about that with an actual psychiatrist and like actually like get their take on what's going on, because I have obviously no idea, but I do. I do wonder what they would have
to say about what's going on with Carl. You know, if it is some form of a delusion, if it is some sort of masking of uh traumatic event that that's not even you know, being brought up, or if it's fucking aliens. What if he goes to see a therapist and they're like, yeah, that's aliens. Aliens exist, and they did try to abduct you, and that means that you're the chosen person and that I have to give you a million dollars that could be what happens. I have no idea, I have no semblance of the thing,
but that's spooky. I felt bad for him too when he was talking about how his parents were just being jerks about it, because really, when you're six, you have nothing, you know. I mean, he's twenty four now, and you can kind of if you're twenty four and you get abducted by aliens, you can kind of be like, oh, well, that was weird that I thought about that. When you're six, you have every When you're sex, you accept everything that
happens to you at face value. So if you if you are fucking getting abducted by aliens and you're six, you're not You're not much of a skeptic. When you're six, you're still believing in Santa Claus and the tooth Fairy and shit, and so you have every right to take everything that happens to you a face value. And so the fear that you feel when that happens to you. It's real. It's like, oh, I'm fucking getting abducted by aliens,
Like you're really feeling that. And you go to your parents, who are supposed to be the only people in your life who can really you can count on for anything, and then they give you They respond to you with more fear. But it's not your fucking fault. Because you're six,
You're just You're six, You're nothing. You none of your actions are propelled by anything except for whatever emotion you're feeling at that time, And you're whatever emotion you're feeling at the time, you're not even control of because you because you're six. Fucking Carl. I I feel for him. I hope, I hope he gets whatever help he needs. Carl, Carl, Carl, Hello, Hello, Hi? Is this Jessica?
It is this is.
The this is the Gecko. What's your life like, Jessica?
Oh, you know, just crashing down around me? But I'm surviving.
Is that true? Is it really crashing down around you? Well?
I guess it could always be worse, but well, what is then?
What is it that made you, like gut say that it's crashing down around you?
Well? I don't know, just the way that my life has been past like a month or so, I was living with my grandparents and then my grandparents kicked me out of my house and I have a dog, so I had to find another my dog, and then I had to move in with my dad. I quit my job and everything. So I know, I love like thirty it's not that big of a deal, but it's like thirty minutes away from my boyfriend, and I just had to like uproot my life and everything. And that happened
to the last like a month or so. So I'm just trying to figure out my life right now.
Why did your grandparents kick you out?
They it's kind of complicated, but my grandparents are just they're not the nicest people and they were very mentally abusive towards me. So it was better for my mental health because I've lived with my grandparents since I was like sixteen, like on and off and everything like that, so I've just kind of been like I've moved around a lot as a kid.
But so are you feeling I never had a good are you? Are you feeling better now that you've moved out?
Oh? I knew it was the right move, but yeah, It just sucks because I had to get I had to find a new home for my dog because my dad was allergic and he couldn't live in his apartment. So oh well, it's not like I didn't have to give him up completely, Like he's just temporarily staying at this lady's house until I can find another place to live.
Pretty much.
Well, it says here Jessica that a couple months ago you were diagnosed with herpes, and you would like to talk about that.
Yeah, that happened like in like August or so, and like previously, I was like in a relationship with someone for like two years, and we like broke up like a couple of months before August, and then I was just kind of like wanted to get out there again and everything. So I did what everyone does and downloaded. I think it was Tinder or hinge, you know, one
of those dating the things that people do. But yeah, so I was talking with this guy and we hung out a couple of times, and he acted like he was totally into me and everything, and like probably the fourth time until like hanging out with him, I was like, notice that, you know, something was off down there. And then I went to before I could even confront this guy like out of blue. He was just like, you know, like I'm just like I just can't have sex before.
But I just thought that was the weirdest thing. It was even before I told him that, like something was going on, because it was before I got like tested officially, so I don't know, but yeah, and I at first I was just absolutely mortified with myself. When I went to like Planned Parenthood and they tested be and everything, I was just like, oh, great, Like this is just
the cherry on top of my life. Because I also have, like I have a kind of a rare condition called Eller's Damlo syndrome, So that kind of affects like your connective tissues. So the logistics is like the symptoms is like you feel like it's a chronic pain twenty four to seven and it's kind of similar to like rumin toward ourthritis. So on top of dealing with that every day, now I have herpes And I was like, oh, fantastic, this is great.
So what's the deal with Yeah it is? Is it forever? Or is it like chlamydia where you just take a few pills and you're done.
Sadly, sadly, it's with you for your entire life.
Really, every type of herpes it's with you your entire life.
Well, yeah, so there's two different types of herpes. There's HSV one, which is what like most people have, Like I think I've read like one statistic ver's like eighty percent. It's like the population has or a herpees and that's just like if you get like a cold store, like sure a lot of people had, And.
Is that one is that one the temporary one?
Well, it kind of it's kind of difficult to explain, but basically with herpes, it can you can have like an outbreak and it can like come and go like for me personally, like my first outbreak that I had used for like two and a half weeks and then like afterwards like each yeah, so like each time that you get an outbreak, it like gets lesser like each time. So like my first outbreak, it.
Was which one which one of you have?
I have HC too, so I have it generally.
Yeah, And how often does that one break out?
Well it was about once a month now, I would say, And I usually get it around like you know, my also weekly visit. So I think just like the hormones and stuff like that. Everything kind of like kind of starts it, you know, because it can often be triggered by like stress, you can get an outbreak from stress or like other like physical activities. Sometimes you can get it like a trigger to that for now breaks.
So now everyone that you have sex with is it? Is it sort of permanently transmissible?
It depends, so it there's like all these different types of like statistics on like how much is transferable and like if you use protection and then if you don't use protection. But I've only had uh, like I'm in a relationship right now, and that's the first person that I have been with since I was diagnosed and we've been dating since like mid December, and he doesn't have any symptoms at all really, so it's very interesting and like there's been I know, it's so it can be.
I can I ask you. I want to ask you request before you. I want to ask you real question. So when you okay? So, So it was for December that you were diagnosed with herpes and then you met this guy who is your boyfriend and you've been dating for about five months, and what was that conversation like before you guys had sex where you had to be like, hey, so listen, I gotta tell you about this thing. Yeah.
So that's probably the hardest part because like I hung out with him about three times and just because like I wanted to feel it out first before, like because it was my first time of ever telling like a male that I was like interested with and that I like, hey, by the way, I have rupies, you know, right, So I wanted to like make sure, like I don't know that he was like a good person, I guess, but yeah, so I basically they call like disclosing in the Harpies world, but I just closed him.
Like.
Yeah, that's the actual thing. But yeah, I just texted him like the third day of us like hanging out or whatever, and I was just like, you know, like I enjoy like spending time with you, blah blah blah. I think this would be like something that you know, what you say to it if you like someone stuff
like that. And then I was like, you know, like a couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with herpees, and I told him what my frequency was and how my out like when I get outbreaks, and I told him like the percentage of like what's like transfer transferable? And I sent him like this whole chart on.
You you included visual aids, yeah.
Because like I don't know, yeah, because like before I had herpes, I like I never knew anyone that had herpes. And I like, well.
So so you wrote all this stuff out for him, you send it to him, and how does he respond?
He had the most amazing response ever. He was basically he said I was worth it and that he appreciates me coming out and kind of saying like what was going on? And he basically said he wants to like you know, wants to have a future with me or see how it goes, and it doesn't really matter to him.
And like he obviously was like you know, like he said, like keep me in check on like how everything's going, like let me know if you're having an outbreak and when it's done, and like he was just trying to be like super supportive and everything like that.
Really, so it was like you can kind of find like so so basically you guys have like sort of windows where it's not breaking out where you can safely have sex and he won't get it.
Well, it's still transferable. I think it's like something in to like this a wide range, but it was like ten to thirty percent chance of transfer transferring if you don't have an outbreak, and then I think it's like seventy five percent if you're like during an outbreak.
But and how how many times had you hung out with this guy before you told them.
I hung out with him three times?
Three times? This is interesting. This is like a you know, in a weird way, this functions as like a litmus test for you. You know, I mean, if you're the type of person who you're really seeking a long term, committed thing, this is a good litmus test for you because it's like, you know, three meetings in you hit him with that, and you're like, all right, let's see if he's in down for the count, you know, and you kind of
get your answer that Yeah. So in a weird way, it, like like I said, works as this litmus test to kind of prove who's in and who's out. And you clearly have found somebody who is in.
Yeah.
So so moving forward, you know, as to kind of wrap this up, things seem to be going and you've been with this guy for five months. You had a little bit of issues with your living situation, you know, before we go, Jessica, what's kind of like the next step for you? Do you think where can we see your adventures taking you, you know, in the coming.
Weeks, in the coming weeks. Well, right now, I'm unemployed, so I'm currently looking for a job, and I've been looking for the job since like I don't know, like mid March, and I just got a job interview on Wednesday for this as being like an administrative assistant at this doctor's office that does like therapy for kids that have autism. So hopefully that job interview and I'll be around positive people constantly.
So, uh well, Jessica, thank you for sharing that with us. Is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
It gets better.
Sometimes, hopefully.
Yeah, that's the.
Thank you for calling, all right, Thanks guys.
Mhmm, interesting, interesting, interesting. Yeah, that's a heavy thing to like have to you know, I'm glad for her that, Like, so it sounded like she wasn't on a super super long search before she found somebody who was cool with the herpes. I'm happy for her about that because I almost you know, I don't know what I would do if I were in that situation, because she chooses, and you know, look, I respect, I respect the strategy that she went with. She's like, Okay, let me get three
dates in and then I'll bring it up. And I don't I don't know if I would do that. I don't know if I would do that versus like, I mean maybe not look, maybe not the very first thing that comes out of my mouth, but you know, opting to as soon as possible let it be known, because look, for some people that can be a big thing. But
she opts to kind of do the slow burn. And I'm glad it worked for her because that would have been kind of a crushing thing if she were to have invested all of that time, dropped the bomb and then he was out, you know. And I mean, look, you know, no shame to anyone for you know, any choices that make to do anything, But you know, I'm glad it worked out for her, especially considering all the other shit that's was going on in her life between
the dog and the grandparents and everything. So at least she found someone. It's cool with the herpes. I feel like that's I don't know, I don't know, I've never dated with herpes. But I assume that I feel like that's gotta be rare to find someone like that quickly who's cool with it. I feel like you would have to go through a lot of people before you found the one. So so props to good luck for her. That's good luck. I would say, that's a that's some
that's a four leaf. I'm trying to got out away in the sense it's a luck thing, miracle from God. That's what I'll end this with. Thank you for sharing. Jessica. Hello, hello, Cole.
What's going on man?
How's life?
Cole?
Uh? It's a whirlwind man, It's just you know, good days, bad days.
Tell me, tell me. Let's let's get into that. Tell me. Let's start with the good days. What are the good days? Like?
Uh? I like to stay busy. I really like sitting around a whole lot, like to be on to go.
What are you busy with? What do you typically busy doing?
All right now, I'm just picking up extra shifts, making money, trying to distract myself.
Okay, So on a good day, you're keeping busy and you're distracting yourself. Yes, okay, that sounds like a lot. That sounds like my good days as well. Is distracting myself with things and stuff until you sort of have to sit alone with your own whatever. Tell us what's going on on the bad days.
I'm kind of finding myself in the middle of a pretty screwed up love triangle, and we're going on a little ever seven months now, and things that's kind of gotten out of hand a love triangle.
You say, should I Should I say what's what the screener said? Or do you want to tell us in your own words about this love triangle?
You can say what the screener said. I'll get into it all.
Right, well, Cole. It says here twenty five years old from Pennsylvania. It says that you're dating a married woman. That is that accurate?
Yep, that's correct.
It says you started dating her even though you knew she was married. Says you don't have any guilt over the situation. And it says that your husband know. It says that the husband knows about you. I have so many questions about every aspect of this, So let's let's kind of go one by one. How did you meet this person?
Met her own good old dating app Tinder? I wasn't really looking for anything in particular at the time. It is just kind of doing me and things just kind of happened. And the whole situation was she was actually looking for a friend with benefits now strings attached, which I went along with. And things were fine for a period of time, and then we both kind of developed emotions and things evolved pretty fast.
And at what stage in your sort of courtship did she tell you that she was she was married?
Actually, before we even met, I knew she was married.
How did you know that? Was it like on her profile or something?
Uh?
No, Actually, in I believe our first conversation, because we talked for quite a while, she actually messaged me first, and I got back to her not too long after, and we had a pretty long conversation our first talk, and she told me that she was married, had two children. And at this point in time, she gave me the
impression that everything was fine and she was happy. But as I got to know her a little bit more she got to know me, things started to slowly unfold, and she eventually revealed how on how she was and told me some things that any normal person, in my mind, if we're done to them. They probably would have left, but she stayed.
So so she was giving you this portrait of her marriage as pretty unhappy, and of her husband it sounds treating her poorly.
Pretty much. I mean, he's there, he's there for the kids, but he doesn't really do much. And I do think the guy's a narcissist at this point. I've kind of gathered enough information. I don't obviously he hasn't been like formally diagnosed, but just off of stuff that she's told me, there's no doubt in my mind he's a narcissist. I think he's totally apathetic.
And Okay, So to kind of dive to the second point, it says that you don't have any guilt over the situation, is a lot of that lack of guilt because of all the things you know about this guy that she's married to, and how they point to him being a narcissist.
Absolutely, and just knowing how he's treated her over the years. I mean, because there's a lot of stuff I could get into here.
Man.
Basically, the whole reason she was even seeking anybody is because they established an open marriage due to him being unfaithful. Unfaithful pretty early on in their marriage, actually while she was pregnant with their first child, so they kind of
had a battle going on for a few years. We're cheating on each other, and I guess eventually one day sat down and said, you know, what are we doing here, and they just I guess came to the conclusion they should stick it out while having intimate relationships with other people.
Okay, so back, so back up real quick. So this is exact important information. They're they're in an open marriage. Yes, okay, this because I mean then then that I wouldn't consider that cheating if they have formally, you know, communicated with one another that they're going to establish, you know, open up their marriage and have intimate relationships with other people.
You know, if that's you know, the bounds of their relationship discussed between the two of them, and then that's that's not cheating.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't say she's I don't know, it's debatable because I guess their whole agreement was mainly sexual, you know, strictly no strings attached, no feelings, which she had done for a few years successfully. She was good at not really having feelings, but she definitely that's that's which was flipped with me and the feelings mutual.
So now.
It's a full blown love triangle, like it's not just sexual between Kurt and I at this point.
So listen, I want to get into this. I want to get into this last part. I want to get into this last part. And this is sort of my my questions about this have changed now that idn't know that it's an open relationship. Her husband knows about you?
Yeah?
Absolutely, have you guys talked at all?
Uh? I believe two or three times over the phone. I have seen him face to face one time, not directly, but like I was there. I was actually driving away in my car with my quote unquote married girlfriend in the car with me, and he wasn't very happy about it. He was chasing me down the street.
He chased you down the street.
Oh yeah, he was trying to throw hands right out in front of his house.
Hm.
Hm, why is But but so, if they have an open marriage, they've agreed that they can see other people, why is he then upset with you?
I guess because he feels like I'm taking away his personal servant. That's my best guess.
Mmm.
So how do you feel about about this, this person that you're that you're dating.
Uh, I have really strong, deep feelings for her man. I mean, I seriously love her.
I do.
It's you know, there's been many times now I've really considered leaving just for the sake of my own mental health. But it's just something about her Man. We're just drawn to each other. So I just can't find that energy, that motivation to just walk away. As much as I want to, as much as the logical side of my brain wants me to do that, the emotional side just won't let me.
So you said just now that you want to walk away for the sake of your own mental health. So I mean, are you saying that this relationship has been detrimental to your mental health? Because I can I can definitely ascertain as to why that might be.
Yeah, I mean a lot of it just comes down to jealousy, infusion, uncertainty, you know, just not knowing what's going to happen. I mean there have been some developments, you know, throughout this seven month ordeal. Neither of them are wearing their wedding ring anymore. They don't really sleep next to each other like they were, so she might be on her way out the door but I mean she's been with them, they've been married for twelve years.
They have two children, ten and five, you know, so they have a lot of history together, so I know it's hard on her. I know she's like probably holding one of the memories and doesn't want to walk away. And I understand that, you know. I mean I just got out of a two year relationship not long ago and that was hard, so I can imagine twelve years would be tough. But it's just like this guy's broken
every cardinal relationship rule and she's stayed, you know. So that's probably what's the toughest on my mental health is like jealousy, uncertainty, confusion.
And now the kids. Have you met them before?
Yeah, I've met them like three times.
See, that's that is sort of an interesting aspect of this because you know, especially when you're like, I feel like it's probably different for the ten year old than maybe the five year old, because like, I don't I don't know, I don't know anything about fucking child psychology. I don't know what a ten year old would make of this whole situation, But a five year old, it's like hard for them to know how to see you.
Right exactly.
Do you kind of feel that from them?
Yeah, Her five year old daughter is she's at that age. You know, she's like self aware and she remembers stuff, but she's definitely that age where I don't think she'll really entirely know what's going on. Her ten year old son's actually very smart, really sweet kid, really polite, like she's in still great values in these kids already, and they're really young, but like with him being so smart, I think he definitely has an idea of what's going on.
So I mean, yeah, perspective, sure. I mean, I guess part of me feels bad. I mean me personally. My parents split when I was three. They got a divorce when I was really young, so it hits kind of close to him. But I wasn't as old as they are either, so I can't really tell you how that would affect them. You know, it was just kind of the norm for me because it happened so.
Early on.
M And you know, in your I assume because because you're telling me that you know you love this woman a lot, and that I assume you you see some form of a of a future with her, and therefore some form of future where you're like in the lives
of her children. Absolutely, okay from what you've heard. And by the way, this kind of this call, it's not gonna involve me in any way, shape or form advising you on what to do in this situation, because you know, I don't really think that, and I don't even get the sense that you're wanting that from me. But I don't know if I can give that. But anyway, what do you sense of the relationship between these children and their father?
From what I've gathered, I mean, he doesn't do anything like them, like, he's just there. And she's also said that many times he's like a mindless zombie that just gets to work and comes home and does nothing like she cooks, she cleaned, she takes the kids out like she keeps them active. He doesn't really do anything. He's not too involved with anyone like her or their kids, which is another thing that bothers me. It's like I feel like he doesn't parent. He just expects her to do everything.
You know, all right, I know I totally just said that I wouldn't give my input on the situation, but here are my thoughts. I can really see that you have like genuine, pure intentions for all these people, you know, for this woman and for her kids, and that you truly like care because you're clearly invested. You know, I
kind of hear it in your voice. You clearly invested in the well being of this woman and her kids, and you clearly are super empathetic for all the you haven't told us about it, and it's I don't know if it's yours to tell versus hers to tell, but you know all the sort of shit that you've heard her husband do to her, and it's great that you have that empathy, and it's an important thing to have, you know, when you're developing a relationship with a person.
But the problem, man, is that at the end of the day, at the end of the day, when the push comes to the shove, uh, there is nothing that you can do to influence this woman's relationship with her husband, like at like she has to be the one to say, Okay, I've had enough of this, I'm leaving. And I don't know how dude, I don't know how good it is for you to be like biting your nails, watching over continuing to get more invested in her life until she
makes that decision because you can't. You can't make that decision for her. She she has to make that decision on her own, and you can't just like sit there continuing to get more and more and more invested waiting for her to leave, even if you're doing all of this with like the purest, sweetest intentions. She has to pull that trigger, dude, and there's nothing you can really do.
I mean, you can, like, you know, tell her like, oh, he's wrong for you for these reasons and these reasons, and you can do all the best you can to let her know why you think this guy is a narcissist and why he's bad for her, and you can do it again from the purest place in your heart. But she has to come to all those realizations on her own at the end of the day, because you can't break them up for her. She has to do
it on her own. And I hate hearing that you're standing by so heavily invested in this situation that you just have no fucking control over because she has to be the one to break up with him at the end of the day. I mean, what do you think about that?
Exactly? No, you're absolutely right, and that's a lot of the problem too. I mean, I do have control issues to a point, and that's also hard on me, because you're right, I absolutely have like no control in this situation. There's no control of this say, And what really sucks is like, she doesn't want me to leave, you know, she wants me to basically be sitting here id to leave by because anytime I try and leave, like she freaks the fuck out. Like, dude, I don't want me
to What do you want? You know, you just make your mind, make a decision. And to see that now she know, she keeps telling she doesn't want to do it for me. She doesn't want me to be the reason.
You know, Dude, again, I really, you know, I really, I feel like you're coming at this with nice intentions and you really care about this person as a fellow human being, and so I can tell why you're reacting very strongly to her, like, as you say, freaking out when you're talking about leaving. But like, dude, this woman I don't know her. You know anything about her relationship on anything at all, about her relationship with you, her
relationship with her kids, her relationship with her husband. But we do know that the only the only person that can make that decision of leaving her husband is her. So like she's either she's either gotta man, she's either got to leave her or stick it out. But like to to be you know, holding you on the side, keeping in. That's not fair to you, man, So you know that's not fair to you. You know, yep, And maybe maybe maybe I'll be the person to let you
know that's not fair to you. And kind of because you because you just said just now you're telling that to her, So you not you're aware that it's not fair to you.
Yeah? Absolutely, so.
I mean, dude, it's not fair to you. I don't think that you know good as as I'll keep saying clearly, it sounds to me like you have good intentions, you have empathy, you care about people. Fucking Yeah, to go use that somewhere where it can be better appreciated.
Yeah, I hear the Yeah, it's the whole logic versus emotion, man, because like I said, my logic absolutely tells me. It's the line that I walk every day, you know, and a lot of time the emotions prevail. I wish the logic would prevail more because if it did, I mean yeah, I would have removed myself from a situation probably like five months ago, because I mean, the longer we drag.
This out, it's just it's gonna keep getting everything, just keep getting fucking worse. Man, It's just gonna keep getting worse.
And it has. You know, her and I fight way too often over the same thing. We just rehash and it's like it's because nothing's changing.
You know, dude, what's your name? Cole? Cole? Listen. I know a gecko man on the internet should never listen to anything that a guy in the gecko costume on the internet tells you to do, but should really really really consider all the aspects of the situation and whether or not it makes sense for you to continue to be invested in this stuff. I don't even have to tell you this stuff. You already know this stuff. You already you already know everything about the idiot.
Sure, absolutely, I just figure you'd tell me I need to leave because any sensible, normal person. I've considered going to counseling and like laying it all on the table for them, but you know, I already figure they're just gonna tell me. You know, it's not good for your mental health. You should probably leave.
That's the easy so you so you know it's not good for your mental health, you've asked me. Yeah, you're like putting You're like having fantasies in your head of telling people the situation and them confirming it for you to leave. Yeah. You again. I'm trying not to tell you what to do, but you have all the evidence that it sounds like you need to make your informed decision.
I would say, I could just be denial emotions, you know, sang it's a concert the factor during it like maybe she'll leave, but I don't know.
You know, is there anything else you would like to say to the people the computer before we.
Go, uh, never date a married woman.
I'd say that that's uh, say that's good advice. Listen, if I can hammer in one final point, If I can just hammer in a final point before we conclude this conversation, it is that again, I've said this three times. We'll say the fourth. You're clearly a dude who has capacity for empathy for other people, which is great to have. That's a nice thing. Go fucking use that in a situation that is more welcoming to it than the one that you're currently in. That's that's that's the last thing I'll.
Tell you, all right, that's sair.
Cole, thank you for talking to a gecko on the phone.
Yep, no problem. Thanks for having me.
Take care baby. Thanks cold, cold, cold, cold cool. I was gonna I was thinking about what I was going to say in my post call monologue. But I don't have anything to say that I didn't say during the call. I don't know anything about the situation with the the here's the thing. Here's by the way, here's another thing. Is everything I told Cole, I probably would have told him like like, okay, the the factor of whether or
not the wife's husband is a jerk to her. That's that almost doesn't even that doesn't even like matter in Cole's decision making, Like it shouldn't even be a factor, like like it's it's not what it's not at least in my opinion one of the key elements of the situation, Because the situation is Cole is invested in a person who he is waiting on to uh make a decision as to whether or not she wants to be with him, and he shouldn't wait on her that whether or not
the husband is is a good guy to the wife that that doesn't even it is not even a factor. It's that coal shouldn't be, you know, waiting on someone to pull a trigger or not as to whether or not he's gonna be with them, if he if he's getting that invested in them. So I hope Cole does whatever he feels best is to do for him. And uh and I am I am very much a got go on the computer. The beak goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. The Beak goes do
what his ride. He's teaching you to loved in the mind of your life, but he's not really an expert.