“I WAS A DRUNK MALL ELF”

Hello.

Is this a therapy?

Get go? Yes? Is this You didn't even give me your name? What's your name? Or give me a fake name? You know what, I'm gonna give you a fake name. I'm going to call you John so John, Yes, Gecko? What's up? Man? What's up? You texted me and you said, I want to talk about how I went from being a Santa Elf to a being a clown influencer to being a school teacher. What is this? You seem like you've had an interesting career trajectory. I'd like to hear about it.

Oh.

Yeah, the pipeline is definitely strange for sure.

Let's start from the beginning.

I started being a clown or not a clown. I started being a clown years ago. I started being a Santa Elf because I was kicked out of my mom's house when I was like seventeen, and so I started being a clown or not a clown elf. And it was a really weird experience. The people there were always on drugs and I don't know, it was just an experience. For sure. I was an alcoholic at the time, so I'd be like a drunk elf and I don't know, it was a weird experience. I lived in a weird house.

But you were like living that movie Bad Santa.

Oh yeah, for sure. I was definitely in Bad Santa. I almost went back this year as like a side hustle on top of being a teacher, and then I was like, I don't know if I can go back with how much I've changed since the last time I was Santa Elf, because I was definitely not the best Santa Elf.

I have questions. So, all right, so you were kicked out at seventeen and you dropped You dropped out of high school around then.

I dropped out of high school like six months before because I kind of could tell I was about to.

Get kicked out.

Yeah I'm in college now, but I great. Yeah, I was kicked out and I didn't know what job to work, and I saw a posting for Santa and I applied as a joke. And then they called me back and they're like, how old are you? And I was like, seventeen, can I still be Santa? And they gave me an interview for Santa, but they said it didn't work out, so they gave you Santa Elf.

Are you skinny or fat.

I'm not skinny at whatsoever, but I'm definitely not old looking enough to be Santa.

Yeah, I feel like a seventeen first of all, a seventeen first of all, people lining up to sit on a seventeen year old lap a little weird, but.

It's got to be illegal.

That's got to be illegal. So I think, yeah, you're better suited to be uh an Elf. I would say, so interesting. So you just applied as a job, I mean, not his job as a joke. What was your experience at the time that that made them call you back?

I don't know. I used to work a lot of events stuff. That's kind of what led me into clowning. I used to work at my city's art museum and like a bunch of stuff. So I think they were just like, yeah, he could probably Santa Santa or Santa Elf. And it was a weird experience because there was like, there's such intense drama with all of the Santas and all of the ELFs.

I would love to hear some stories of drama in the uh in the Elf Santa universe.

Oh yeah, I think my favorite Santa where there was drama, Well, no, I have two favorite Santa's where there's drama. One was so unbelievably narcissistic and abusive to his daughter that was a Santa elf. And he was also really homophobic and really transphobic, and the manager was gay, and so my

And then, honest, I do feel like like being a mall Santa, it is kind of a great job for someone who's a narcissist, right, Like you're the guy you know, yeah, I know Santa.

The daughter was like the whole reason he's Santa is because he's narcissistic and he couldn't find a job where he could get more attention than being the Santa what a I I.

Mean, I mean, look, if you're gonna look if that's just part of who you are, right is, like you have this grand desire for attention. Being a mall Santa is not the worst outlet I've ever heard of for that.

Oh yeah, for sure. I feel like it's honestly probably the best outlet if you're gonna do anything. I feel like that's the least harmful. And the other Santa that I really loved, where's a lot of drama. It's just really funny. He definitely had dementia and didn't want to admit it, and he would just get confused all the time and be like who's this? Where am I? He's like look down in his Santa suit and he's like what's going on all the time.

See, a narcissist would make a good Santa, but someone with dementia that'd be kind of hard because Santa's known for being like omnipotent, you know what I mean, Like he's supposed to like know, He's like God, He's like supposed to know everything.

Oh for sure.

So what happened this? This the second Santa that you liked? Well, was there any drama or you just liked him? He's a cool guy.

I just liked him.

But it was funny because he just like never knew where he was. And then there was also like missus Claus drama because she kept calling the like seventeen year old elves whores? Really strange.

Why was she calling the elves whores?

The elves were all hooking up and like everyone knew it. I was not personally hooking up because I'm in a long term relationship, but every other elf was like hardcore hooking up with each other. So much drama at work. And one time this girl was sitting like on the floor and missus Claus comes up to her and goes, that's how hookers sit in the Netherlands. If you sit like that, you're gonna get asked for sex. And we were like at Santa.

Huh, how many how many elves worked here?

I think about thirty elves. Yeah, I knew all the elves because I'd be there at different times of day, so I had all of the drama of all of the elves and all of the Santas, and I did not hold it very well because I was very drunk and high at work every day.

Were all the other elves also very drunk and high at work every day?

Oh yeah? People would take smoke breaks off the time, and we were like the most hated people in the store because we worked at a really fancy department store, and like every other department in the store actively made fun of us and like would bet on who's going to quit?

The soonest are all of the are were all of the elves like high school kids.

Not necessarily a lot of them were just because it was like minimum wage. But there was a few, like middle aged women who were just doing it as a side hustle and then they would like party with the like children, which was funny. And there was also this one middle aged lady that was an ELF that would not leave people on the street alone because it was

Like, so, dude, Jewish people love Santa. I mean, I don't know that, but I believe you, Yeah, dude. One of the first things that my my dad did, uh after I probably shouldn't tk about this, but I'm going to One of the first things my dad did after he and my mom split up was he bought a Christmas tree. That's what he always wanted to fucking he was Jewish. His whole his whole life, he was told, you know, as a Jew, he could not celebrate Christmas. And then finally, you know, a single man in his

Anyway, my my ex girlfriend was Jewish and her the only reason they were Jewish is because of her grandma. And when her grandma died, she cheered because she was like, I can finally eat bacon and celebrate Christmas.

Oh yeah, every every every Jewish, every Jewish kid. Because when you were a child like and you see every one else like celebrating Christmas, you feel a little bad that you can't do it. And so when those shackles are released, it's it's, uh, you know, the Jews are overdosing on Christmas.

Yeah. I as a school teacher during the holiday scene and none of my kids are Jewish, but they were asking me, like, why does it Santa visit Jewish people? And I said I don't know, because I was like I don't I don't want to dive in and tell them something something stupid.

Well, we have Hanikah Harry, but he's a little bit of a.

Creep Hankah Harry, Yeah, we.

Don't talk about him. But anyway, all right, so you're working at how long? Were you an elf?

For like three or four months?

I think?

All right? And what made you quit?

I didn't quit. I got it was like a seasonal thing because Santa only lasts for so.

Long, that makes sense.

And then I worked at a coffee chain, a really evil one, for a couple of weeks and it's so horrible. So I begged my old manager at Santa to get me a job at the department store, and then I worked there for a while, and I kind of had a breaking point of like, if I work in retail any longer, I think I'll fall apart. So that's how I started looking into being a teacher.

And so is that what you do now?

Yes, I'm an after school teacher and it's pretty insane. I think it's actually funnier than being an elf, because with an elf, like the all you see of the kids is crying and screaming and waiting for Santa, and the things I see on the daily as an after school teacher is just so much funnier.

What's the funniest thing you've seen as an after school teacher.

Oh, there's so many. There's so many. I have like a quote page in my journal of funny shit they say. I think the funniest thing I've ever not witnessed but heard a kids say was he was reading this garf comic and he was like, why would he eat my My coworkers like, why would he not eat Lazan on Mondays? If he hates Mondays? And the kid goes, well, think about it. If your dad died, would you want to eat Lazania the next day? And they were like what And he was like, diet tip, kill your dad.

Wait. I don't get it.

I don't get it either. I had no idea what he was talking about.

I wait, yeah, wait, actually hold on, I do get it a little bit. It kind of makes sense, right if you if you kill your father, like because when people are more No, no, no, Actually I know exactly what's kid saying. Because if you're in mourning, you will want to eat less, So you should kill your family so that you're too sad to eat. Is that's what he's saying.

Yeah, you should just kill your family, But don't, don't. I'm not condoning that, but kill your family.

Well, you don't condone killing your family.

I mean in some circumstances. I think it's situational. I don't think everyone should go around killing their family. But like, I don't know, I don't know your life.

Oh, that's the situation where you should kill your family.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to. I don't want to sound saying oh, I mean like the Gypsy Rose shit or something. I don't know. It's like there's certain circumstances where it's the only way out as a murder. I guess, like, do what you want with your life. I'm I'm not. I don't have a moral. I mean, I have morals, but I'm not gonna put morals over people I don't know their life.

I respect that. Hold you now.

I'm eighteen.

I've been working as a teacher since September. I think the funniest thing I've ever witnessed recently, though, was it was actually kind of horrific where these kids got in a fight and another kid tried to choke someone out with a jump rope.

Jesus fucking christ Man. So I'm curious. I'm curious, I have to ask. So it's all this stuff is very recent and so, I mean a few questions for you. Uh, one is, so you dropped out of high school? Did you get your GED?

Kind of I'm in this weird program where it's like you take your GED tests and you go to college, but instead at the end they give you a diploma. I'm not sure how it works or is legal. I don't know. I'm just I'm just in it, just giving me free college.

So I was like, okay, and uh, what was I gonna say? Are you? How are how are you able to get a teaching job without a college degree.

I'm really good at talking my way into things, but since it's after school, you're not required to, they just like strongly want it. But I just kind of went on a tangent about how I was an elf and like I babysat or something like that. I definitely was not qualified enough for my job. It's definitely been interesting. I love my job, but it's definitely been interesting trying to navigate it because I'm definitely not qualified.

And how are you on the alcohol now?

Sober? Sort of? Like I actually, I like I stopped drinking for a long time, and then I was like, you know, I think I can drink, but I just can't drink every day because I didn't want to, like, I don't know. I was just like, I don't want to never drink ever again. I don't want to like waste all my alcohol, like all my all. I don't want to waste all the alcohol and being like an edgy sixteen seventeen year old. But I don't drink very often.

So yeah, I mean, you're a young fucking guy, John, What are you going to what's your plan? What are you gonna do? Now?

You know?

I what do you desire for life?

I've just been focusing on doing the most shit possible. I just want to experience stuff. I just want to be funny and goofy. I try to put myself in social situations where I have to talk to strangers and I host clown events. That's the clown part. I host local clown events. I had a really big, technically illegal clown punk show slash pageant in the park a few months ago.

That sounds fucking awesome. What dude, Can I ask you what state you live in? Or is that too much information? Oh?

I don't care. I live in Washington, live.

In Portland, right?

Oh? No, I do not live in Portland.

Wait, you you host hold on? You hosted in a legal clown You hosted in illegal punk clown pageants.

Yeah, it was actually really awesome. I was like looked into getting the permitting to do stuff at the park and then I realized it's like two hundred dollars and I was like, there's no way I'm paying the city two hundred dollars to do this. And thankfully no one called the cops, which I was really surprised because that area is very cop colleague. But there was a lot of because it was a public parks that weren't involved, that looked very horrified because it was like a bunch

Now, real quick, John, real quick, John, I really want to hammer in on this because what you're talking about. First of all, I find it fascinating. I'm very impressed that you're so fucking young and you're you know, showing the initiative to like do all this stuff. Because I want to press on this for like logistical reasons because one of the big things that people talk about on this show that is also honestly a big thing in like my own personal life, is like, how do you

What?

Like me, give me some logistics?

Actually were my not my whole inspiration, but like like I'm going to do this. You was like talk a lot about making your own thing if it's not a thing. And when I worked at the department store and I dropped out of high school and I had like no social interaction, I was like, I have to force myself to make my own and then I was trying to think of what I could do, and then I had the first one that was also illegal, but it was like less illegal because there wasn't like money being exchanged.

Will you?

What do you want to do at the thing, so there was I reached out to a band I know. I reached out to my friend that is a line cook, and he set up I probably not food handlers, sir, not food handlers safe like free barbecue where I bought all the groceries. I was like hands and shishka bobs

I just kind of no, no, no, no, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you, so I'm gonna tell you something. You go into an event planning in the best way, which is that you fucking do it, you know what I mean. Like a lot of people are like, uh oh, I think that would be cool, and then they never do it. That's the worst way to do event planning. You do it. Don't try to get it. Don't try

Yeah, we're really cool. It was entirely because of her boyfriend. So I we we're cool. We hang all the time.

Cool. So I mean, dude, I'm very impressed with you that, you know, at such a fucking young age, you're you're like taking control of your own life, not succumbing to your addictions, like like like a mazle tove to you, my dude, Like that's all really cool. I'm inspired by you genuinely. You just did this random clown pageant thing. I want to do more shit. I want to do

I was actually really bombed because I saw that you had your your gecko race here, but since I'm not twenty one, I couldn't go. And I go to a lot of the local race here and I was like, they're kind of horrible, They're not very good. So I was like, man, but I encourage if you have an idea, just just start posting it online and then you have to do it because you already promise people that you were doing it.

Yeah, man, let me know if you want to come. I'm doing a show. I don't know if you're in Seattle, but I'm doing a show in Seattle. Let me know if I don't know if it's any one, I don't know if it's twenty one plus or not. Is it twenty one plus?

Free show? Twenty one plus?

Oh damn, I was gonna. I was gonna. I was gonna invite you to come, but yeah, you got to wait a couple of years anyway.

I mean my friend I would get a fake ID for it, and then he tried to hook me up with somebody. You got me a fake idea, and I was like, no, I'm not getting a fake ID for that. I'm not spending hundreds of dollar. It's get a fake I need to go to the Gecko show.

Fair enough. Well, I mean here's the thing. Man, going into the park and make your own illegal Gecko show. You can get a bunch of people, yeah, me and around to you.

Yeah, I'm gonna impersonal. I'm gonna get my own gucko costume and I'll stand outside the venue for anyone that can't go in.

Is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, John.

If you have an idea, do it, even if it's stupid. Kiss bugs, hand out stickers, smoke weed if you like to do that. And stop taking yourself so seriously. That's probably the best part, the best thing that helped me getting sober and in general, just stop taking yourself so seriously.

Let me ask you one final thing before we go, And if you don't want to doc yourself or if there's no real way to do this, then that's okay, but there are people in the chat, myself included, who are curious. Let's say somebody is in the Seattle area and would like to attend your next clown show. How might one do that? If that's possible?

Oh yes, I had an Instagram for it, and then I don't anymore. But I'll plug my person mind.

I don't care.

It's guard Knees and I regularly randomly post different clown stuff and just different shit in general.

I tried to.

Host a bug meet up for people that like bus but it fell through.

Gargoyle Just Gargoyle knees all one word.

Yes, all one word, Gargoyle Knees. I I also, if you're in the Seattle area, I'm friends with a lot of event people, so if you're looking for stuff, I'm usually posting it.

Cool. Well, everyone hit up Gargoyle Knees on Instagram if you want to go to the next clown time while I'm in town. I'm fucking there, bro.

I will plug one soon. April sixth I'm having a backyard circus s'mores clown party.

So sick, but yes, thank you, Gecko.

I was an honor. I've been listening to you for like two years. Every time I feel miserable, I just turn on the geck.

Thank you, John. You have a rest of the night. I appreciate you sharing.

You have good rest of your day.

Bye bye John. Dude. I really really really like that caller. I mean, I'm not bullshitting and like just blowing smoke up his ass when I say I'm inspired by that, because like, and he's so fucking young. He's eighteen, and he's like forming this path for himself and creating community with such initiative to be doing these pageants and putting on all this stuff and like not letting just not like shit stop him, you know, like, uh, you know, he overcame fucking the whatever was going on in his

Oh.

Also, I just another note to John. I forgot to mention this, but uh whatever, I'll jinx myself. I'll give a fuck. I do my gut co on the street thing where I like set up in a park and interview people and stuff. You think, but do you think I'm paying for a permit to do that shit? You think I'm getting permits from the city to do my Gecko shit. You're out of your mind. Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in twenty twenty four to

Hello.

Hi? Who is this?

Oh? Nice? Oh? This is a I guess you can call me Gabe.

Gabe, my man. What's going on? How's it going?

Not much? Not much? My wife wants to stay Hi.

Oh sure, Hi.

My husband's obsessed with you.

Well, I'm obsessed with your husband. That's why I called him. I wanted to get my moment with him.

Oh my god. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna come back on okay.

All right. So no, yeah, I've been going to actual therapy and I told my therapist about you, and uh, I invited him to come see you on when you come to Miami. And he said, yeah, you and.

Your therapist are coming to one of my lives just together.

Yeah.

Is that crazier? Is that crazier or what is that?

Is that like weird to like hang out with your therapist?

So I started I started crying. What he said, yes, I thought so weird?

You started crying. Why did you start crying? When he said yes, I.

Got a little emotional, you know, because like I don't have friends, and you know.

You don't have anything. Well, okay, well you have one friend. Your wife seems like your your wife seems like she likes you. I don't think she would live in a house with you. And get married to you if she didn't want to be your friends.

Well, well, the well, the problem is that I would go with her, but she's about to have a baby, like next month, so she wouldn't really be able to come with me when you come to Miami.

So why because she's too she's too pregnant to come.

Yeah, not too pregnant. She just had the baby, and we don't have we don't really have anybody to watch them, watch watch the kids. You know, I have like two of the kids in the house right now too.

That's nice for her to watch the kid while you go to see my show with your therapist.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna reconfirm with him, hopefully, he says yes. Again. I don't even know if I should be confirmed with him or not, but I just want to make sure it doesn't seem too weird?

Is it okay? So, I mean, this is an interesting thing. Do you think like hanging out with your therapist socially would be weird?

No? No, we're cool as fuck. The thing is like, I don't know if it's cool with him. I feel like it's fine, you know, but I don't know if that's like hip hop protocol you saw me. But it's not like I'm gonna slitch on him or nothing.

Now do you have are you afraid that? Like you know, maybe like you and your therapist, you go to the show, maybe you get some drinks afterwards, maybe you get some drinks during and maybe you guys are at the bar and and you just you start going in on them, right, not going not like going in on them, but like you start start no, not hitting on him, not hitting I didn't say hitting, no, like you just start telling him.

Would like to tell him more my my my real ship, because I don't want him to jot down my crazy ship. You know, I have like an addiction ship. You know, I don't want him writing down. So maybe he could help me, you know.

So the idea would be that you go out with him socially and you are you trying to get some free therapy out of this or are you gonna keep it?

No?

No, no, no, just talk to him and see what he thinks, you know, maybe can help me with that. I'm not trying to I'm trying to hang out and see the geck though.

What if you guys, what if you guys become like really good friends. What if you become such good friends that like you can't be he can't be your therapist anymore because.

It's uh, I mean friends, friends talk to each other. You know, it's therapy itself.

You know what did he say when you told him? Okay?

So you hed hey, and then I started crying.

So you said, hey, there's this fake gecko therapist guy he's.

Doing a couple of weeks ago, I'm like, Yo, you should really listen to this guy. He's a gecko. Can he get here just like a therapist? And he's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna check him out. And then a couple of weeks later, I'm like, yo, you know he's coming coming to Miami. He's going to go see him. And then he's like hell yeah, And I'm like, don't worry, I'm gonna pay for everything I got you. And I at a little tearyd because I get emotional.

Why do you feel like you get emotional for? Why why do you feel like this made yourself?

I'm I don't know, I've been through a lot. You know, and I'm scary motherfucker. You know I still cry.

You're a scary motherfucker.

Yeah, oll at least people think I'm scary. People think I'm aggressive. I don't think I'm not. I'm just I'm Cuban. I'm loud. You feel me, like, I don't know. The way I talk, I guess is like a little too intimidating or I don't know. People think i'm People think I talk Mexican. I ain't know Mexican. I'm in Miami. There's how people in Miami talking for me?

Are you Cuban?

Yeah, I'm Cuban.

Okay, there's a large Cuban population down there, right.

Yeah, yeah, this is a Cuban city over here.

Okay. So so people think that you're like a tough guy, but you're really a big soft.

Yeah, because I have a beard and you know, I'm like three hundred pounds, Like I don't look three hundred pounds, but I'm like big if I'm black, big bone. But I'm like, I'm cool, man. I don't know why people fucking get so scared of me, Like my wife's family hates me, like shit, wild over here.

Is your Why do you think your wife's family hates you.

I don't know, they're fucking walking fuck. I try to like be nice to the family and ship, but like I started them, I started noticing them lying to me in my face, and I found out what the lives were, so I know they lied to me. I'm like, damn, y y'all can just talk to me normal, like y'all show me some little kids like whyle y'are lying to me. Show me, but it's all good, the fake motherfuckers and let me not get involved with those types of people.

Give me so, So give me a second here, Gabe, because there's I I have like seven you There's like six different things I want to Well, there's.

One main thing I want to talk to you about because I went crazy today.

Okay, all right, sorright, So I mean there's a thousand I want to know about. I mean, obviously I only want to know about what you want to talk about on this podcast. But like you've brought up You've brought up many different You've brought up many different things that we could delve into.

If you have one, to tell me where you want me to go from here.

So if you have several different things that you want to If you haven't, let's start with you the thing you wanted to talk about, and then we can get into the other stuff. What was the thing that you want.

To right right now? Just got off of a little bitch, not a bitch. I just started to night and I went nuts because I'm hearing shit you so me and I'm like, and I'm doing the whole little looking out the window and hearing ship in the bathroom, and I fucking ripped off the top of the bathroom and I started like putting the light and the shadows like I'm like, I'm not going crazy, Like the shadows is black. I'm pointing the light, while the fuck is the light not

What?

Okay? All right? Wait, So so you're you're ripping the tile off the bathroom.

Yeah, we're like it's fantis And like I'm looking through the people to see if somebody is trying to look at me, you feel me and I turn on the light and I can't see nothing. It's just dark.

So you're you're you're, you're paranoid that somebody might be might be watching somebody. That's what That's what you texted me. You texted me saying I have somebody sleeping and spying on me through the bathroom.

Yeah, so this this happens every time, you know. I'm like, how the fuck? And like some Brando mouth calls got me called me today and I feel like he tapped into my phone somehow. I don't even know, because he knows I caught him this time, he told me, and I have it on camera. I have it on camera this time, Like, okay, I don't even Yeah, I got a slow down for me for a second game.

Why do you think that somebody is spying on you?

I don't know, because I'd be paranoid. People are trying to fuck with my life and destroy my life and ship, and I be doing things I'm not supposed to be doing, you know, so I get paranoid.

All right, let me ask you this, uh, this guy that you're going to my show with, this therapist, if you.

Talk to him, he does not know nothing about this?

Wait? Did Wait? You haven't told him about this? This sounds sounds like something you should talk to your therapist? Wait? Why for me again? So that from again? Why do you not want to talk? Why do you not want to talk to your therapist? Why do you not want to talk to your therapist about.

My children are gone? I don't think he'll do it, but you'll probably help me try to, like, you know, give me good advice. But still I'm too scared. I can't run the risk.

Why would he call CPS on you?

Are you allowed to do drugs in one of your kids? I don't think so?

Hold on this is is this a drug thing? Or are you just paranoid?

No? I'm I just going on my drugs. I hear things.

Oh okay, are you? Are you by the way, you just so you know?

You only if you don't want to just pop too right now? So I'm chilling, Okay, all right?

I was just gonna say, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me, But I like, if you want to talk about this weekend? Are you all right? What drug are you taking that makes you think that you're like ship?

I don't really want to talk about what drugs I'm taking. It's embarrassing, okay, but they're real hard. Okay. Yeah, I'm going through a lot right now. I'm going through a core process right now. I have a stepson that I've had since one years old. He's six right now, where I'm taking him to school, He's at A's and B's, Like, I take him to school every single day, Like I'm I'm a functional addict. Youee me? I do it on the weekends. I don't do it every day. You know

Okay, huh right, So wait, I don't do it every weekend.

I don't do it every week If you give me the yeah, you know what I mean?

So, so, Gabe, do you I mean tell me this? Do you.

Like?

And I'm gonna play a little armchair therapist here right now? Do you Okay, when you take a bunch of drugs and you don't have to tell me what the drug is, but when you take a bunch of drugs and it makes you paranoid, and it makes you think that people are like it.

I like it. I like it.

I like it, okay, because I was gonna ask, wait, Gabe, gavee Gabe, let me, let me, let me finish my questions for a second. Does it make your life worse or better?

It makes it worse, like when I'm well. It makes it worse when I'm coming off of it. But it's only for a little bit. I already learned how to get through it. People like go crazy because they want to keep doing. They want to keep doing it and want to keep doing. But I'm gonna go nuts like that, and I know that I'm not dumb, so I'm just, you know, stop and get the little crazyiness out of me for a little bit. You know, it's a little routine. You know, you gotta know how to fuck with it.

Do you have any do you have any desire within you to to to quit?

Yes? I do, okay, especially I'm about to have another baby, and I really like every time I come off of it, my son wakes up with a AI and I'm like, you know, it's the sweetest thing ever. And I can't look at him in the morning when I'm coming off of it, and I feel a little embarrassed. You know, I'm like, damn dough like it's a little hurtful. But if you know, I really don't want to do that.

No more can I can? I can I offer an opinion to you?

Yeah, what's up? Of course? Do you think I'm talking to you?

Okay? Because I was. Here's what I want to Here's what I want to say to you, and I hope it resonates. Is that, Okay, I understand that you are You're afraid that if you go to like seek help for this stuff, that like you're gonna get punished for it, and like they're gonna like take already.

Rehab and uh, it's an everyday battle the honey person that's gonna help don't Prince's gonna help me with myself? Man?

Sure, But I guess what I'm stuck on is like, you have a you have this therapist, but yet you you don't want to talk to them about this issue. And this sounds like something that if you're going to be seeing a therapist, that you might want to talk to them about. And I guess I'm stuck on, like, yeah, totally, I'm I'm stuck on. I'm stuck on why you're why you don't want to because I don't. I mean, I

I'm gonna show you my pictures, my kids.

I just just but, Gabe, I'm just saying I think I don't think you should be afraid of trying to get help for this stuff. Yeah, you seem like a very sweet, nice guy who cares about his kids and his wife. Can I can I talk to your wife?

Babe? You want to talk to you? Yeah?

Wait, did you know about all this? I don't want to put you on the spot because I was going to talk about him.

I didn't know about all this, okay, so it seemed like a lot more hardcore than what he actually does.

He doesn't do it around the kids ever. He's not on it.

When he's like doing anything with the kids, Like this is like something that he does once every maybe two months or something, and then like it's the kids are in bed.

Okay, hold on, hold on le forever, give me one record. You're you? Really? I watch you every day I go to sleep to you.

Wait, let me can I can I talk? Can I talk back to your what's your name by the way, Oh, you can give me a fake name. I'm gonna call you Veronica. Veronica, Yeah, Veronica, Well Veronica, I guess. I mean, what do you think about all this? You seem like, uh, like as I don't know, man, Gabe's heart seems to be in the right place, and you know, you see you're you're you're his uh you're his greatest ally in his life. So I'm curious what you think about all this?

Absolutely, I mean, do I want him to stop doing you know, the things that he does?

Yes?

Obviously, I mean maybe not obviously because I could be you know, a person that instigates him. But I'm definitely not a person that instigates him. But the fact that he doesn't do it as often as he made it seem like he does it is what like kind of gets me because he just he made himself sound so bad. He is not that bad, like I said, he doesn't maybe once, you know, like in a blue moon type of thing. And and and again. The kids are never

Hold on. I'm sorry.

He has epilepsy, and he forgets a lot of things. So he wants to say one more thing to you. Okay, okay, can you give me one second?

Sure.

Another reason why like I want to quit too is like she says, I wait like a month or two, Like no, it's like a month a most because it's not it's not a go crazy. And while I while I'm waiting for that month, I'm like constantly thinking about it, like I have dreams about it, like it's crazy. It's in my dreams, like it's terrible, Like I really want to stop, like got me fucked up in my dreams and everything.

Okay, oh hey, what's up? I mean, fuck? Fuck fuck fuck here? Well I mean just from talking to Gabe, like again, seems like a good hearted man, but he's all over He's all over the place, man.

I mean, he.

Definitely is, which is like one of the reasons why he's you know, he's in therapy and things, and and I definitely pushed him towards going to therapy so he can get help. He's had a lot of trauma in his life and that you know, I won't share because it's not my story to tell, but I know that it affects him and it and it, you know, uh

Me to finish?

Hold? Let me okay, let me hold, let me finish, let me finish finished.

Wait.

Wait, because she's not giving me the right information. It's not trauma. I'm a fucking pervert and I'm addicted to fucking like feeling like you know, Okay, it's not no trauma.

It's I think that's why I say it's not my story. It's not because I'm not in his brain. I don't know you know, like, Okay, that's why I got a trauma because I don't know like why you you know, these are the decisions that he makes, you know.

Well okay, well you know, let's let's talk about this. How long have you guys been together for we've been together.

It'll be five years this year.

Okay, great? And hold on? And when did when did you have?

You?

You said you had your When do you give your first kid?

I had my first kid a year before meeting him. Okay, with someone else, yeah, with someone else, with another person. I left him and I got kicked out of like my living situation and ended up with my husband. Like I said, I was going to spend the weekend at his house and I just never left and we got married, and you know, we had our first child together. He's little. What do you mean where wet?

We met on Facebook?

You guys?

We we met on Facebook, but like it was through like a literal one one mutual friend that we had and not a friend that either of us talked to. Was just like a mutual you know, Facebook friends. And that's how our Facebook ended up, I guess, you know, being being connected, but that's how we met. And like we I guess we I don't know. I spilled all my beans to him, all my you know, crap and my own trauma. And he was like, come just I'll save you all. I'll be I'll be what you need

Life, the.

Most doting and amazing dad, Like he loves his kids, like I don't think.

I don't know.

I don't think.

We have I don't know what he's saying.

Sorry, I'm going to repeat it. My situation right now is that I'm in a process, like it's just's right here, man, Okay, And I don't he I'm sorry.

I was sorry.

I don't like talking about these things, and like you don't.

Don't have you don't have to. I mean, look, man, we're on a you know, you don't have to talk about any anything you don't want to.

No, we actually do.

These are this is like one of the things that we've been dying to talk to you about. But like with my oldest I'm in a core process right now. His like bio Dad has been involved from the beginning, has not stopped being involved. But he never like it was like he you know, saw him on a weekend basis, and then randomly one day he showed up like with his girl to my place to drop off my kid and was like, oh, like you're abusing the kid and I want him one hundred percent.

And like.

Bio Dad and I had always had like really great communication and like this is like all you know, there's all like text messages, like we were we didn't really call each other, and and it got to the point where like when it came to like drop off, we would spend like an hour between me and my husband and himself just talking about whatever type of thing. Like I just to show you that we had a really we had a really good bond up until that point, and then all of a sudden he comes out saying.

That, like, oh, I'm abusing the kid.

He didn't take me to core, and that was the main reason why we started therapy.

Well, that was the.

Main reason why my husband had up started therapy because well I restarted therapy because I've been in therapy on and off. So that's his main concerns with like, you know, talking to the therapist about specific areas of his you know, like his you know, we're in this process of the guy trying to take my kid away from me.

Oh, the bio dad is like being fucking weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, bio dad is like super weird. Like like we like my husband said, he takes the kids to school, he picks him up from school. If you see the amount of homework that we do, like I basically I basically like he does school work and homework, and then I basically homeschool him afterwards. Like we do a lot of like educational things in my household.

Let's listen, Veronica, let me I think, Okay, I think look, man, I'm uh i uh, I think this situation might have gone a little bit over my my pay grade here, but I do want to say, but I do want to say just from my own opinion, because you guys are uh, you know. I I appreciate that you guys have been, you know, willing to talk about all of this stuff. I just want to say, from my own opinion, I believe from talking to both of you that both of you have a a a strong desire to be

Talk to me.

I I I kind of, I will say, Gabe, I kind of I kind of want to leave it at that because I think I'm getting a little bit too it over my head here. But is there is there anything else that? And also I'll say, let me let me, let me come say hi in Miami. Man. We can we can, we can talk, Okay? Cool? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before.

Chat? It was good?

Uh? I hope you guys fuck with me. Hopefully my dreams come true and I might start streaming. Not that that's pretty much. It help everybody in the chat as a bluss day and you know, and the dreams come true and they can be happy with their lives.

Thanks Gabe, and thank you Veronic. I appreciate you guys, and good luck to you Veronica. Yeah alright, man, I don't know, man. Yeah, that was that that that did get a little bit over my over my pay grade for a second. But I met, I met everything. I fucking met what every everything that I said. I believed both of them. Uh that like they they love their children and that they like are are good people with

The line thinking phone calls every night.

Everything goes to his teaching you in the mid of your life.

But he's not really an expert