Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a Premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I call them, we'll be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely
ad free. They'll also get a bonus podcast episode once a month, a bonus live show episode once a month from all of the live shows I've been doing around the world, a member's only live stream once a month. Plus you'll also support my ability to continue, hopefully doing this podcast for a long time, doing it around the world, and also supporting my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza. Go to Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or find the link in the episode description to
become a gek Legend. Today. All right, let's get into the episode. Call from John Hello, Hey GEK, Hey Johnny, what's going on?
Not much? GEK? How are you tonight?
I'm doing good. I'm feeling better. I'm feeling actually a lot better than I have in a while. So you've caught me on a nice mental day. What's going on? Man?
You seem super refreshed and happy. It's good to see.
Man, Is that true? I don't. I didn't. I never have any idea how I'm like, And I actually I appreciate you saying this to me because I never have any idea how I'm coming off. Do I have, Like have I been acting depressed?
No, I don't mean to say that. I think like tonight, it just seems like you're super You're super pumped, you know, like like you're just like it's not to say your baseline is bad, but man, you know, it's just like I can tell that you're you're doing good tonight.
You know, well, good man, I'm glad. I you know. Well, it's funny since I've been doing this for close to three years now, it's not even three years. Yeah, and throughout that whole time, you know, sometimes I show up to do this and I'm like, really, uh, I feel very present and like with everybody and ready and excited. And then other times I show up like fucking feeling like I'm I'm dead, and and I hate I hate that because it feels like it's it almost feel like
it's out of my control. But I don't know what. I've always tried to find the equation, right, Like is it should I drink an energy drink beforehand? Should I stop, you know, eating weird? Is it just am I just getting tired from doing it too much? I don't. I don't know, but I feel part of.
The you know, like I had nights. I have nights like that or like that when I show up to work and I have like a really good day, and I'm like, why can't I fucking have this good day all the time? You know, Like why can't I be this pumped about doing what I'm doing all the time? You know, And it's almost like disappointed, you know, because you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Every other time? But man, I think that that's just like a human thing, you know.
Yeah, And you know, I've got I've gotten down on myself every once in a while because I'm like, man, you know, people go to work at fucking Chipotle for eight hours scooping like chicken and stuff, and I am like feeling bad about, you know, the the two hours that I spend, you know, talking to people who are excited to come talk. It makes me I get like I beat myself up about it, but you know, I've learned to not.
I don't care, Like I don't care if you have the happiest job ever. Like, if you're like a fucking person who adores dogs and you just get to cuddle cute dogs all day, you're gonna have days where you're not fucking feeling your job. You know, you're gonna have days even if you're doing the coolest thing ever. You're like, I would rather be at home playing video games or whatever. You know, man, So like you're doing, you're doing great, and I'm super super pumped to see what you're doing.
It's really a cool time to be a gex Fand because it's.
Well pretty thanks, yeah, thanks, you know so, Yeah, you're right. Sometimes you have days where the dogs are nice, and sometimes you have days where the dogs try to bite your wiener off and you just got to accepted true. What is your name? My name is Johnny, Johnny, Johnny be good, Johnny Rocket. You ever been to Johnny Rockets?
Yeah? The one near me closed like five years ago though, so I haven't been to one in forever. But they're pretty cool.
What's going what's going on with you, Johnny, What's going on in the universe?
Yeah, so I'm just kind of chilling. But I called tonight because I used to be a nine to one one dispatcher and I wasn't sure if, like, I have some pretty crazy stories and stuff. So I wasn't sure if you had any questions from me, because I know, like you know, and the kind of career that people like see on TV and shit, and you know, it's kind of just a something that people might have questions about, you know.
A nine one one discusion that sounds very intense.
Yeah, well, yes, it oscillated between being really intense and for sitting for like three hours waiting for something to happen at like two o'clock in the morning, you know, so you would go from like drinking lukewarm coffee lukewarm coffee and eating hot pockets. So like someone getting shot in the stomach.
Like I like that somebody getting shot in the stomach makes you laugh that fond memory of that phone call. I want to Okay, before we listen, I'm sure here's the thing. I'm sure you have of a ton of horrific and depressing things that we could get into, which I'm down to get into. Okay, I'm not you know, I'm not shy of things that are horrific and depressing. But before we do that, what are tell me? Have
you how many prank calls have you gotten? Or how many people have like called nine one one because you know, they missed their bus or spilled coffee on themselves or things like that.
It's quite a few, you know, so like, well, so for the actual nine one one line, you get that sometimes, especially because I live in a state. I live in Maine, so there's a lot of like crazy storms and stuff, you know, So we'll get people who have called nine one one and be like when is my power going to come back on after a storm? You know, and it's like or fucking nine one one, We don't know when your power is going to come back on, you know.
So it's like stuff like that, or like people treating nine one one like it's their own personal army, you know, like call nine one one to be like my neighbor is parked in my parking space and I want you
to send a cop out to arrest them. You know, we got a ton of stuff like that where people just like felt like they were entitled to get the police called on like minor inconveniences to them, you know, which was super super annoying in terms of like prank calls though, Yeah, there were some, there, there were some.
They happened more like on our business line, because we had we had a line where people could call in for like non emergencies that we had to answer to, so like pretty consistently, so pretty consistently, we'd get people that would call for something like uh, because we have towns in Maine that are named after countries, right, so there's like a Mexico Maine, you know, and they would call in thinking that they were talking to like the Mexico police, like the country of Mexico, and I would
have to spend like fifteen minutes explaining to them that they're calling a town of like one thousand in Maine and not like the country of Mexico. You know.
They were they prank were they they were they calling uh? They thought they were prank calling Mexico.
No, No, it wasn't even a prank caller. It was actually like people being like I haven't heard from my my, my cousin, And they went on a vacation in Mexico and I need the police and stuff, you know. So it just was like that was super confusing for everyone at BOB No that like it's not you're not you're calling You're not calling Mexico the country.
You know.
Yeah, I feel like the cartel does not have a huge presence in Mexico Maine.
No, not at all. No, not at all. Like I'm trying to like pranks, there were some crazy people that would just like call in and just be like more like there were a lot of people with like grudges, right, like they thought that they had been wronged by the police before and you know, like probably head but they would call in and like try to like mess with dispatchers and be like I know where you live and stuff, and if you don't, like, if you don't like get
the officer to apologize to me, I'm gonna come over and blah blah blah.
You know, like did anyone did anyone target you specifically? Did you get anybody who like threatened you?
No?
But I got called an idiot like forty five times a day.
You know.
I would be like, yeah, I'd be like sorry, there's nothing I can do that year dog, that year dog got out and got sick from someone else's trash can, and they'd be like, you fucking idiot, I'm gonna get you fired like blobs, you know, like it's yeah, well, here's.
Okay, here's my question. And this is stupid. But in a town of only one thousand people, does the bar for what constitutes an emergency lower?
Yeah, that's a really good question. And it kind of like it oscillates, you know, because you know, we have a very The county that I worked in was very rural county, right uh, and it had a very like prevalent elderly population, you know, like like a lot of
elderly people. So you would get people that would call in the non emergency line and be like, my chest hurts and I think I'm having a stroke, And you'd be like, why the fuck aren't you calling nine one one, you know, and they're like, I didn't want to bother you, like like right, and it's like Jesus Christ, Edna called nine one one the next time you think your husband
is having a heart attack, you know. And then you would get people who are like, there's a there's a black suv that's parked at the post office for ten minutes and it has Massachusetts plates, So this is an emergency, you.
Know, right, those are the ones that call the emergency line.
Yeah yeah, or like someone someone turned around in my driveway. It's like okay, cool, like what what what do you want to happen? You know, it's just like yeah. And the thing about it, though, is it like jumps from really dumb, like just mind numbingly stupid stuff like that, so like really intense terrible things and like three seconds, you know, right, you could put someone who was just being a completely like a dumb ass, you know, and then pick up the phone and have like a legitimate,
terrifying emergency, you know. And it's like that whiplash that like because when you like watch like nine and one Dispatchers on TV and stuff, you know, it's like all actions all the time, like falls to the wall emergency, you know. But it's not really like that because it's like half of your time is spent dealing with really dumb stuff and the other half is craziness.
Yeah, So I mean, tell me about the craziness. How did you deal with that? I mean, you being the first line of of kind of defense against these kinds of things and talking to people who are in like shock and crisis, like how do you how do you do that?
Yeah, so it's like it's tough. I So I worked as a nine to one dispasser for two years, and I worked with people who had worked for work there for like decades plus, you know, and it's I think it's a really easy it's a really easy field to get burned out from, right, because there are some people that kind of treat it just like you follow, you follow the you follow the procedure, no matter what you know. So but then there are I tried to not be
like that, you know. I tried to put myself in the shoes of like these are actual people calling who are going through like the worst times in their lives and they need help, you know. But that also like ways on you, so like you have to put like
some sort of distance between yourself and them, right. So yeah, I mean like when I I remember when I so, you know, like you drivers that when you are learning to drive and your driver instructor is on has like their own brake pedal on the other side, so they can like stop you right right, Like, yeah, so when you're learning how to be a nine on one dispatcher,
and they're training you on the phones. You have your phone, and then your trainer has like a phone that they are also listening in on, so they can like cut your line at any time and take over themselves, you know.
So I remember it was like my first day like being on the actual nine to one lines, right, and I took like a bullshit call, and then I picked up and it was just this woman who was like, it's so terrified because their neighbor's house was on fire, right, And like I just had a moment where I was like, holy shit, like this is actually happening somewhere, you know, and like this woman is actually like terrified that her neighbor didn't make it out of his house, you know,
and it just like reconciling, like my response with the reality of what was happening. It was just super super weird, you know. And then I like stumbled through for a second and then my trainer took over. But that was like the kind of it's like literally trial by fire,
you know. They just like throw you in and you got to learn how to how to deal with that, and eventually it becomes easier because I I think of it more like I think of it more like as I'm doing my job for for like the people that are going to respond, you know, so like before ambulance rolls up, the ambulance need to know, needs to know
what's happening. So it's my it was my job to like paint the picture for them of like what's going on, Like do they need the fire Like is this person like you know, what does this person need on scene? And how do I convey that the ambulance crew or
the police or the fire department? You know, looking at it like that kind of helped because I was taking a step back and being like what do I do to make sure this person gets the help that they need instead of just like, holy fuck, this person is going through something fucking crazy?
You know what was it?
So?
What was it that made your trainer press press the brake pedal? You said you stumbled? And what way did you stumble?
Because I was like, okay, so the very first thing, like it's so like it's never the very like if you are dealing with a nine one one dispatcher who's like been trained at all, the very first thing you ask is nine one one what's the address of the emergency? It's not nine to one one, what's your emergency? It's not like nine one one, what's the emergency? It's nine one one? What is the address of your emergency? Like you're supposed to say that before like say anything, you know.
So the fact, so I didn't say that the first seconds of the call, and like was kind of taken aback by this like how freaked out the woman was, you know, and I couldn't really like interject to ask that question. So after me trying to get my shit together for like five or ten seconds, and my trainer hopped in the call, you know, because I wasn't given anywhere so have you.
So, so that was your very first call where somebody was very much distressed, and that kind of threw you off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was kind of like, yeah, it was the real moment, you know, because you do my training was like a bunch of classroom hours and stuff, and like being actually like out on the floor when the college are being taken is like a completely other like called new beast, you know.
So then moving forward, after you've talked, you've spoke to people in crisis, like over and over again, does it just become less shocking to you or do you just deal with how to handle it better.
Yeah, So it's like it does become less shocking some of them because there's there's calls that you get on a pretty regular basis, you know, there are like medical emergencies, heart attack, strokes, stuff like that. They happen pretty much
every day, every shift, you know. So it's like those kind of things start to become less shocking in the beginning, and like the progression of me like getting okay with it, Like in the beginning, what really fucking threw me off is like listening to people actively like struggle to breathe and stuff like during those calls, you know, like when you get a person on who's like having a heart attack and like physically can't breathe, youd like panic with
them a little bit, you know, but like after a bit, kind of look at it like clinically, you know, and you're just like, I'm not a doctor. I don't know how a doctor would think about it, but I would think it'd be kind of the same thing as like a medical like a like a medically minded person, right, you kind of just think, like, Okay, they're having symptoms and now I need to talk like through it, you know. But like there are like.
There were so.
Domestic violence happens a lot too, especially during the pandemic. Like there was a lot of really terrible societal things that happened during the pandemic, and unfortunately we saw a big spike and like violence like that. You know, so that never really got easy, Like those are always terrible things to deal with. But what helps, though is just thinking about like what do I need to get people to respond to this emergency? And what do I need to get people there safely, you know, and what do
I need to help people? You know. So I started kind of thinking about it like that and it made like the emotions sort of go away. But then there would just be calls that like just shake you the fuck up, you know, Like there are some calls that are just like they wake you up, you know.
Right, You've got people like calling about their parking space being blocked, and so you're just like, oh, what even is this bullshit job? And then all of a sudden you get some real thing and it wakes you up.
Yeah, and it's like yeah and all like for sure, but also though it's a little bit scary to think about to get at the end of like a six hour shift and be like, I dealt with like someone dying of a heart attack. I dealt with like all of these things, and you're like, I don't really feel anything, you know, So.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then there are some calls that just no matter what, no matter how burnout you are, they're fucking terrible. Like anything to do with kids is fucking awful. Anything would like you like anything where people like.
I don't know, like.
Die, it's pretty you know. So like yeah, and I mean another so I and it's also important to mention that I worked a night shift, you know, so I would go in at like six pm and stay until eight am, so we would have like three or four hours of downtime sometimes like at night, you know, when nothing was happening, so you would just be like playing Stardy Valley. I would be playing Stardy Valley or whatever on my phone and then get a call that was
just like, what the fuck is happening right now? You know? So yeah yeah. And another another call that I got late at night that was absolutely crazy was a guy whose best friend shot himself playing Russian roulette. And best friend called in and was like I just watched my friend like shoot himself in the face. That was pretty fucking terrible. And that again was during my training.
So that was during your training. Did they did you? Did you take that whole one yourself? Or do they have to hit the brakes?
No?
Well, so, so the way it worked this is probably like my fourth or fifth night had taken calls, but like the guy called in and was just super panicked. I got basically like where he was and what happened, and then he hung up. So my trainer after that was like, okay, take a seat, like I'm gonna deal with this now. So she took over after that, but like I still dealt with like you know, uh, getting the ambulances there and getting the police there and stuff.
But that was another like trial by fire moment because it was like you could just hear the raw fucking panic in this guy's voice, you know.
Hmmmm mmm.
But can I tell you a kind of funny story, now, Yeah, I.
Would love I would love to hear a funny story.
There are certainly funny stories. So this was like we we're we're on the border of another of New Hampshire, right, and uh so we get a call from this, uh, this lady, I own a greenhouse and someone just broke in and stole a bunch of my pot. And lee leed is legal in Maine, right, So we heard greenhouse and pot and thought that this lady probably owns like a you know growing you know, like like grew pot.
And we're like okay, So we get a description of like the trucks that supposedly like like broke into the into the greenhouse, right, this lady, sorry, this lady's ladies like, yeah, my husband's behind them. He's tailing them, you know, he like gave us all the license plates and stuff. So we're treating this like like these trucks broke into this out, broke into this place, like possible armed robbery, like getting everyone going like chasing these trucks, right, and the eventually,
like the cops follow the trucks into New Hampshire. So now we're all like, holy shit, it's like a fucking multi state like right, yeah, yeah, And and then like the cops are like we got two suck books out on a gun point blah blah blah blah blah, you know, and then we just don't hear from them for for a while, and we're like, Okay, that's kind of normal. They're probably doing a bunch of like paperwork and whatever, you know, so we kind of forget about it. But
we're like, yeah, they got the bad guys. And then like two hours later, this cop calls in and he's like, guys, like what the fuck. So when the lady said they stole my pot pot, she was talking about terra cotta pots from the greenhouse. This greenhouse wasn't a pot greenhouse. It was just like a place where it was a greenhouse, like she sold. She sold plants, right, and she and the lady who called nine one one forgot that she told a bunch of her elderly friends that they could
borrow these pots. So these like three old ladies and trucks were just loading up terracotta pots into the back of their trucks that they were permitted to take, like the lady told them she could take them. And they're just like going about their like old lady like.
Lives and all of a sudden getting tailed by the police across state lines.
Getting pulled out at gunpoint. It was kind of awful, but it was just like, oh my god.
Wait, well, way they were pulled over at gunpoints?
Well okay, so my memory might be embellishing this a little bit, but they the cops certainly were not nice when they took them out of their car, you know, so like I can't remember if it was gunpoint or not, but there I felt so fucking bad. I'm like these poor old ladies, you know, like, uh, but that is.
That's so interesting that where where was this again? This was in Maine main. Yeah, and weed is legal. That's so interesting that you know cops, Well, you used to like if your weed was stolen, you can't do shit about it. But now you can actually call the cops on people for stealing your weed and they will arrest them at gunpoints and then figure out that they're just nice old ladies.
Yeah, it is kind of funny, like we've made a lot of progress if you think about it like that.
Well, now here's what I was, Here's what I wanted to Here's what I wanted to ask you, is so I know that it's like illegal to like call nine on one and fuck with them and stuff. So like this lady, for example, who was like, oh oopsie, I forgot I could I lent them the fucking pop. Did she like get in trouble?
No?
Probably not, because to be charged with like misuse of nine one one, it has you have to prove that you're intentionally fucking with the nine to one one system, you know, So like if you make a mistake in good faith, then it's not like then it's not like you're gonna get in any trouble, you know. It's more like if you're intentionally like with the nine one one system or like millions because you don't like the response that you got and you want a better response or whatever.
You know, that's when you start to get into trouble. But that lady probably didn't get in any trouble.
Have you ever had somebody call you that got charged with misuse of nine on one a couple of times?
Yeah, So it was like and most of the time, I'm trying to think of the specific story.
What it comes down to most of the time is you get.
Someone We deal with a lot of people who are just like drunk or starf owned or high or whatever, you know, and they're in some sort of like distress and that's awful, but you know, they don't like the response that they got. So they're like I wanted, like I wanted this person to be arrested, or I wanted this cop to do this thing or this whatever. So they keep calling and calling and calling and like expecting a different response, you know, And that's when people start.
That's when people start to like misuse and I don't want from Like my experience is when they're like, you didn't arrest this person, like come back and arrest them right now, like or you know you didn't this person, or like I don't know this person's dog is still in my yard. Come back right this second, you know. But then like yeah, yeah, so I.
At the time this is being recorded, it's April nineteen, and then you're having me wonder what it would be like to uh, you know, uh uh run the phones on four to twenty. I bet you get a lot of very interesting calls.
Yeah, Like it's funny because I'm trying to think, like, man, four twenty is is is? I would much rather I would much rather not be working on like Saint Patrick's day right like four twenty. I feel like it's kind of just the thing where people chill, they like they smoke and they just fucking like.
Chill, you know, like right then, ever they get into a lot of trouble.
Yeah, Like if you're stone, I feel like you don't really want to call nine one one. Like that's every time I've been high, I've been like calling nine one one unless I'm like tripping my fucking balls off. Has not been on my agenda, you know. But like when your shit faced, that's when you start to well, that's when you start to make some questionable nine that's when you're more aptic all.
Nine one one.
I feel like like dealing with do uys on like New Year's is like crazy, Like, oh.
I bet there's a ship ton of them.
There are so many. It's like because I did I worked in this, I worked at uh that rural main county, and then I worked for like the highway police uh for like a couple of months. Uh but like the highway police on the like like the Turnpike police on those holidays. Just do u I after do you? I Like it's fucking crazy.
Mm hmm yeah. So so what do you do now?
I am studying to be a teacher.
What kind of thing?
I want to be? A middle or high school English teacher?
A middle or high school English teacher. I'm really debating now what is going to be. I'm I'm excited for you to come back and let me know what is more traumatic for you between being a nine one one dispatcher and being a middle school teacher.
Yeah, I think like it's gonna probably be a nine to one one dispatcher.
I know, like I know, no, go ahead, go ahead, no.
No, no gek I. So it's it's funny because it's like a whole different kind of uh like stress, you know, like being a teacher. It's a whole different kind of like problems that you have to solve, right.
But you know, you've you've all you've been through, You've experienced so much fucked up ship already that I feel like your skin is hardened to deal with, you know, getting pencils thrown at you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. It's it's like, you know, it's kind of like the problems are solvable, you know, like like it's not like, oh my god, I have this emergent thing. It's like, Okay, let's take a seat and talk about what you did and why you fucked up and how you're not gonna do this again.
Kind of thing. Right. When I was in middle school, I did either I think it was seventh grade or something. I had a music teacher and he had like he had like a these keys dangling from his belt, and I would like, whenever he would walk by my desk, I would like swat at his keys all the time. Yeah, And he would tell me to and he would tell me to stop, but I was a little shit, so
I wouldn't, and so I would. I was swatting at his keys, and he at one point looked at me and he said, if you touch my keys one more time, I'm gonna punch you in the face. And dude, part and like, look that guy, like look, I didn't do it. But part of me was like, what's he gonna can't punch me in the face, you know? Yeah, And so I'm so right, but I did. I didn't. I feel like, I feel like, here's the thing. If he had punched me in the face, I probably would have deserved it.
But he I don't think he would have continued to be a teacher. No, it's true, So don't punch kids in the face, is I guess what I'm I don't know why I told you that, but.
Look, but but it's also like it was a different time back then, you know, like and I like the way that teaching has progressed because it's all about like positive ways to solve problems and like, you know, but also sometimes like the old school teachers that at the school are just like, yeah, okay, if you keep doing this, like like you know, same same kind of deal, you know, And yeah, I think there's like I'm glad we don't do that anymore.
Me too, me too. But I'm not gonna pretend like I don't get why. I mean, look, here's the thing, is I I being a middle school teacher. It sounds so hard that, you know, I understand why the you know, human brain eventually throws up their hands and goes, I'm gonna fucking kick the shit out of this kid right now,
swatting my keys. Yeah, I mean, oh my god, I bet back in like you know, when, I don't know when when Aristotle was teaching people about philosophy and stuff, he probably wanted to, you know, punt those kids into oblivion.
But you know what, back in those days, just as just as there are in this days like today, there was probably like rich parents, like rich Roman parents who would have like waddled over in their fucking sandals and togas over to Aristotle and been like, if you touch my kid again, I'm gonna fucking hang you or whatever.
You know, Yeah, that's true.
Like there's been shitty parents and like entitled parents and parents that don't actually parent and let their kids fucking run wild, like since forever.
You know, what got you into doing the nine one one dispatching thing?
I was, Yeah, I kind of job hopped for a while. I got a degree in journalism, and I like was working at a newspaper making like and it was more just like I wasn't making enough money, you know, And I saw that this nine to one dispatching agency was hiring, and I was like, this sounds cool and it pays more, so like kind of on a whim, I applied and got it like I was not expecting to get it
and just kind of like wound up there. And I mean like I stayed for two years, and then the burnout was just in blake insane, like it.
Was, well, you only met, we only were able to do it for two years.
Yeah, and like what that mostly was, Like I think I would have got burned out no matter what. But I was stuff on night shifts and like acclimating your body to like working consistently, like living a night shift
life is like really rough, you know. And I was also I switched to agencies that I was working for, and the second and the last one when I got out, I was working like tons of forced overtime shifts, so like I would get I would work from like eleven pm to like seven am, but basically any time that they needed me to stay, they would like force me
to stay until three pm. So like three times a week, I was working from eleven pm to three pm, and then I would have an hour drive home and get like five hours like four four and a half hours of sleep, actually have to come back.
Did you ever have fucked up dreams about the calls?
Yes?
All, okay, So like you know, like we we have like radio codes like this is a nineteen forty seven one four seven over on North Boulevard, you know, yeah, and I would like recite codes in my sleep, Like I would be like I would like wake up and I'm like why am I rattling off codes right now?
You know?
And then like I have three cats, so like my cats got incorporated into my weird fever like dispatch dreams, so I'd be like like, I'd be like, Coda has a ninety nine on tenth Avenue and we have to spend like the ambulance, and then my other cats would like be characters in these dreams and be like, what isn't the ambulance there yet? And it was just the best, Like my psyche was fucked up that.
Actually it's that actually sounds a nine to one one dispatcher ran by cats actually sounds kind of adorable. Yeah, it would be very unhelpful, but adorable.
Yeah, it'd be like, oh, you're having a heart attack if you swat if you tried swatting a full glass of water down from the cabinet, that might help.
Well.
Uh, it sounds as though, uh uh, middle school teaching is going to be a little bit easier on your side. I mean, look, not that much easier, but slightly easier than hearing about death and decay and you know the horrors of blocked parking spots all day.
Yeah, it's gonna be it's gonna be better for sure.
All right, let me just did anybody I was one of the first thing I wanted to ask you with you know a half hour ago, is did anyone do any prank calls that were intentionally to waste your time but that also were undeniably funny?
Let me think, uh no, most people are unoriginal, Like most people are just boring. Like there was nothing where I was like, this is actually clever, you know.
Give me, me, give me one, give me one of the boring ones.
I literally got the refrigerator running once, okay, and I was like the fuck man, I don't.
Know why this is.
And like, okay, so you know, have you ever accidentally butt dialed nine one one?
Like that common thing?
It's super easy to do, and like very many of our calls are like butt dials, right, so it'll be like someone calling in on like they don't even realize that they call nine one one, and like we're illegally obligated to like make sure that there's no emergency no matter what. So like we have to go through and respond to every single accidental nine on one call, Right, so I would like call people like my favorite Okay,
this is my favorite one. So it was like five five in the morning, someone called just like standard camming back, right, and this guy was clearly asleep. All right, I say, Hi, this is nine one one. You dialed our emergency number. You have an emergency. And he's like, oh what. I'm like, hime, yeah, I'm like this nine on one. He's like, oh no, I'm fine. And I'm like like, uh, what's your name? Speaking from your address? And he's like, you know, I
don't really feel like doing that right now. Sorry. Then he's like hung up. So of course, like I have to keep calling back because like I need his information and stuff, you know, And like he gradually got more awake and like apologized. He's like I didn't know if it was a dream or not.
And I'm like, oh, okay, so that guy, you don't charge that guy. That guy you give him the benefit.
Of the day. No, no, no, no no, and okay. Also, like a PSA for anyone like listening to this, right, is that if you accidentally call nine one one, you are not in trouble, Like just answer the phone when the nine one one dispatcher calls you back and explain that this is not an emergency, right, Because when you don't, we have to spend like an hour trying to like locate where you are, Like send you text, Like, it's so much easier if you either like call in again
and are like, sorry, I fucked up, you know, then try to like actively avoid the situation, you know, like there's no trouble that comes from accidentally calling nine to one one.
Well, that's a shame that you don't. You don't have any good prank calls. I know, I know, I don't know why I'm I'm I'm inserting various things from my life into this conversation, but uh, what my one of the funniest things from my childhood that I can remember and I don't and looking back on, I don't know if it's the Actually, no, you don't know. I'll defend this is still very funny. My friend once called Red Robin. Yeah,
we we were doing prank calls. He called a red Robin and he was like, Hi, can I get a table for a thousand? Isn't that good?
Yeah?
I'm not crazy, right, that's hilarious.
That's pretty that's pretty funny. That's that's pretty funny. I'm just anyway, I was a clever, like clever enough to do stuff like that, or I would like try, like I remember I tried to do a prank call once, but I like got so sweaty and nervous that I like just hung up. I couldn't do it when I was like a teenager.
Like, man, what's your what's your name again?
Johnny?
Johnny, Johnny? Be good? John? Well, Johnny?
Are you?
Thanks for talking to me for so long about nine one one. I'm glad that you're transitioning into something. Actually I was gonna say, I'm glad you're transitioning into something less stressful, but it could be way worse. So I'm not gonna I'm not gonna hold my breath. But I think you'll be okay. Like I said, I think you're I think if you can handle all the fucked up ship that you get as a nominal one operator, you know you can handle you know, kids, I don't know, man,
middle school. You know this is gonna launch us into a whole other conversation. But I I shudder to think what the fuck is going on with middle schoolers these days because with all the I'm gonna sound like an idiot, but all the snap chatting, tiktoking, yeah shit, you know, just navigating that universe. But but I think you're gonna do a great job, Johnny. I I I believe in you.
I appreciate it. Thank you very much.
Is there anything else you want to say? Uh to to the people of the computer before you go.
If you ever have to call nine on one, don't be a jerk. That's about it. Not that you would, but don't be a jerky.
Thanks for calling Johnny.
You're welcome, Jack. I love you, man steel it.
Hey, take care man. Thank you. Here's the thing. If you ever want to call some if you're thinking about calling nine one one just to yell and cuss them out and say horrible things, just call me instead. Well, I'll talk to you. I don't care. You can call me and cuss me out and say mean things to me. Take if you are thinking about prank calling nine one one, just I want you to call me, okay instead on
this Twitch stream and I'll I'll take your abuse. You'll take your boot your a boot, I said a boose, I'll take That's what abuse is in Canada, abouse. I'll take your abuse. And so that Johnny doesn't have to or people like Johnny nine what's a what's G? I need a G one one? What what's G? On the number scale? All right, I'm done with this thing that I'm saying. Thank you, Johnny all from Alex. Hello, Oh no way, I really got on you did. What's up? What's your name?
I'm Alex.
How are you Alex? I'm Lile, nice to meet show. What's going on?
Oh?
Not much? I'm cleaning my house up, sitting here with my cat. I now, I had so many things I wanted to talk to you about, and I can believe they got on.
Let's call you cleaned your house? I'm I don't. I won't shut up about this tour that I'm on. But uh, I A large thing fueling me wanted to do this tour is and I'm and I say that it sounds like I'm joking, but I'm saying this with a disturbing
amount of sincerity. Is it's a it's a big excuse to not clean my house and also leave because the problem with the problem with continually avoiding cleaning your house to the point where it gets really gross is that you have to Then the consequence of that is that you have to live in that house. But I came up with a big brain play Alex, a world old tour that allows me to make my house clean, dirty, and not have to live in it. I have my cake and eat it too. Okay, tell me that's not genius.
That's a little genius.
Oh, Alex, you said you had a billion, You said you had a lot of stuff. You want talking about anything and anything jumping in your mind right now?
Yeah, let me see here. So I don't know. I think I have to sue my friend. So I don't know. Well, okay, so he came over to my house and he like he got drunk, I guess a little bit. But he like wrestled me in my bathroom and like the sink cell off like as he's wrestling me, and so water goes everywhere in my house, and I like messed up my heart with floors. So now I don't know if I sue him or I like he said he was gonna help me pay for it, and then he like
ghosted me. So like now I don't know what to do.
Damn how much? How much? How much are you out?
Oh? So far? I got the sink prepared, which was like a thousand bucks. But then the floors, like the floor's worked so like he hasn't even inspected that yet. But I think it's gonna be a.
Couple of graham mm hm, and your friend just totally ghosted you.
Yeah, well, he said he had a like when it happened, he said he had a switch. So like, now, I don't know if it's like like why why why would you do that in my house? You know?
So I don't know what's that You said he had a switch? What is that?
Man? Yeah?
I guess he went into like attack mood when we were like in the bathroom. So I was like, like, that's what That's what confused me. I was like, dang, I thought we were friends. So it's like a whole mess.
So let me get the straight he got so drunk that a switch flipped in his head to make him wrestle you and break your sink.
Yeah. I don't even think he was that drunk. I just think he's just a little bit violent.
Okay. You know, well, I was going to say if you do, if you do decide to sue him, I don't think his defense is going to hold up very well in court.
Yeah. No, I got like like text messages where he sent like he was like I'm sorry, Alex, I have a switch in every two So I think I got a little bit of proof, but then I'm stressed because I'm like, what if they don't believe me? You know, there's always a risk. And then like if they don't believe me, then it's like wow, does that meet him right? And the whole thing, you know, and then like it's kind of curious. I'm like adultish, you know.
I guess what I'm curious about is so, so he owes you three thousand dollars.
But then I hire deposit.
Well, so you then you need to hire Oh and then there's that too, so a lot. So he owes your security deposit mm hmm.
Yeah.
So then but you need to hire a lawyer. And how much is a fucking lawyer?
Well? Okay, so I called the lawyer and like I call like the Urman people. They get you in touch, but they say, like under ten k it's like small claims, so it's not even worth keeping a lawyer. So it's like literally me talking to someone and explaining the whole thing, and then part of me is like do I just soak up the cost and like take an l And That's where I'm like, can I just suck it up and just like move on and just like cut him out, but like I kind of want my money.
Uh you know, Okay, I'm might tell you I have a few thoughts. Yeah, that it sounds to me like if it's only for three thousand dollars that you're not gonna able to hire a lawyercause theawy' is probably gonna cost more than that. So you're and then you're all like, well, fuck, now I have to fucking go to small I don't know how does small claims work? Again? You like, I have to go and be your own lawyer.
Yeah, and you have to like talk to the judge and just tell the judge your side, and then he tells the judges side and then the judge makes the decisions.
But you like, when Okay, you talked about sucking it up and taking the l is that a and by the way, just sucking it up and taking the L I don't there's there's no shame and never do in that. I don't think it's a shame in doing that, do you as part of your inkling to do that? Like you you're looking at this process of going to small claims court and being like, oh, this just seems like a pain in the ass, I don't even feel like doing that.
Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it seems like. It's like I gotta go down there sell paperwork and then explain it and then relive the whole thing all over again because it's been like a month. So it's like, you know, this is like this is the time I should either do something or just like just pay for everything myself and move on.
So that's where I mean, I'm just like, wow, no, I mean, all right, it's three thousand bucks. Well, I mean, look filling out the paperwork and going to the court. Do you have a job. What's your job?
Yeah? I do something awful, but I work in banking, like retail banking. So if you really want to know, it's like it's like boring though, So like I go so, like you know, if you don't like pay your taxes or something, so like if you don't pay your taxes like the government.
No I wouldn't. No, I always pay all my taxes on time.
But yeah, but like so if you don't pay your taxes or your property taxes, there's like at every bank, every big bank at least, there's people that go into those accounts and take that money prem your account with like without you saying yes or no. So I do that it so like my yeah, I do a terrible thing. So I feel really bad about it. So I'm like, I don't know how long I can do this for it?
But yeah, stress going on in your life, Alex, Yeah right now.
It's so it's usually I live a very quiet like just me and my cat. We just show out email. And then I started letting people come over and that's when it's like, you know.
You let other people into the break your sink. Yeah, yeah, they break your.
Fucking sink, and you know they embarrass me in the whole front, in front of the whole building and my landlord. It's the whole thing, all right.
Like can I ask you, I don't know, I have to tell you to want to how much do you get paid an hour doing that?
Like twenty bucks?
All right? And I mean how long do you think it would take you to go to small claims court?
Uh? That's taking This is a good day of PTO.
Okay, So look like what you make twenty dollars an hour? It probably I don't know the math here, but I guess what I'm trying to say is like the amount of work that it would take you to, you know, go to small claims and do the whole thing is probably It's probably if you're just converting time hours into money, it's it's probably worth the money.
Going he is probably worth doing. I keep hearing the same answer over and over again, and it's just like, dang, I really have to do this. Because then it's also like you think this person's your friend, so it's like, dang, you really put me in a situation where I have to do. Yeah, it's like a whole thing, and like what and like the worst oh, sorry, no, yeah, you
go ahead. But like the worst part is so like after all of this happening, I kicked him out and like that was the first time I ever kicked someone out the house. But like he comes back and he's like the worst part, And what makes me feel nice is he comes back and he knocks on the door and he says, hey, he didn't ask if I was okay or anything. He's just like can I get my beers?
So like I'm like sitting here and I'm like, fuck, I can't believe I like let this be to my house and like all you care about is beer not to thousands of dollars in them? And you just did you know, It's just kind of like m So now I'm like kind of re evaluating my friendships too, and it's like, you know, do I want to have friends in my life? Because then you have to take those risks with those friends, like the whole thing.
So now you're looking at all your friends and you're like, which of you motherfuckers would break my yah? Who's gonna Who's gonna, you know, rip my refrigerator door off and throw it at my dog?
Yeah, like my cat was so he was getting wet. It was like a whole thing, and I'm like, dang, which one? Like which one is next? Like? So now I'm like do I want to hang out with people anymore? And I'm like yeah, because like a part of me does. But then part of me is like I was doing fine on my own, you know, you just like keep a pushing, you set your timeline and your goals. Don't know.
Well, look, Alex, I'm gonna tell you, well, here's the I mean. Look, like, first of all, I I I I am a big proponent of the idea that there ain't ever any shame in taking that L, taking that big L, putting it in your mouth and taking a big old gulp of water, swallowing it and shitting it out. You know, ain't no shame in that. So if that's what you want to do, if you're like, ah, fuck this,
then you know no shame. But also, mathematically speaking, there's probably a financially decent decision to go and get your money back on small claims if you feel like you can prove it. But okay, and then let's go to this thing. Right, you had a friend, you trusted this guy, You thought this guy was cool, and then he goes and wrestles you and breaks your sink, and so now
you're like, what the fuck? Which my other friends are about to come in my house and destroy my I think in general, right, you kinda find what you're looking for. So if you walk around uh with these these this new set of goggles that makes you look at everybody and that you meet as a as a filthy sink destroyer, then then I think that that's what you'll find. But don't let you know this one experience that you have with someone completely warp your idea of all of humanity.
You know that would be that would be really letting a letting holy win.
Yeah, okay, yeah, we don't want him to win, because that's where I'm at, like because like it's like because like like taking the l means that he kind of wins.
You know.
No, I don't think that's what that means. I don't think that's what that means. I don't think that's what that means because I now, look, I don't I think I don't think you letting the three thousand bucks roll off your back is letting him win. But I do think you now going through life with a deep sense of mistrust for everyone you meet, is letting him win. Because that's good because look, three thousand dollars, I mean, yeah, it's a lot of money. But we're talking this is
your this is your this is your psyche. We're talking about all right, that shit you gotta protect, you know, So don't let don't let that get sucked over by the sink.
M Yeah, okay, thank you all.
For sure? For sure? What kind of sink was? It was a granite?
No, it's like ceramid. It's really ugly too, And like I'm trying to do the mask on like how they calculated a thousand dollars because it's the same think you just put new legs and new pipes on.
It's true, you could probably. I mean it sounds like, you know, that's the most annoying thing, right is when like it's a shitty sink and they're still like it's three thousand dollars. You could probably go on it. You could probably buy your own fucking sink and put I know I could have.
Got a nice one from home Depot two hundred books.
Don't lose sleep over there, don't lose sleep over the sink. All right, life, you got more going on in your life. You know you'll you will be happy again and you will be pissed off again. I assure you of those two things.
Yeah, okay, that makes sense. There's gonna be worse than this. Okay, get ready.
I hope that's I hope that's not the main thing you took away from this conversation. But Alex, is there anything else you want to say to me or the people of the computer or Eddie Murphy before we go?
Yeah, one thing, I listen to your podcast, like for the past like nine months, you got me through all alast summer it's really awesome.
Thanks.
Yeah, I really enjoy thank you, and I love them. I like the like the two hour ones, like the ones that are closer to two hours.
Well I started. What happened was I was releasing them once a week, and then they were two hours, and now I released them twice a week and they're one hour. So you know, I kind of split them up a little bit. I couldn't for me to release two two hour podcasts a week. Yeah, a little crazy, but.
Everything in moderation. Yeah, does this one go on the podcast?
Yeah, I'll put this on the podcast. I don't know which one, but it'll it'll make it on there eventually regardless. Well, god damn, thank you, Alex. You have a good one. And I hope you get your cosmically, I believe you will get some version of your three thousand dollars back, okay.
And I hope So there you universe looked out by.
Never Get goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night, everythink, Get goes to any ride.
He's teaching you the housing of your life, but he's not really an expert. H