“I WANT TO DO NOTHING”

All from Maddie.

Hello, can you hear me? Yeah?

Hey, what's your name, Maddie, Maddie, what's up, Maddie? What's up? What's going on with you? You know?

Nothing much? I uh, I'm just eating some pizza right now.

That sounds psychedelic. That sounds psychedelic eating pizza. You know. I'm sad.

I just I just can't. This is just crazy, but continue. Sorry.

I was just gonna say, it's really about the simple things in life. Is eating pizza is so great? I talk a lot on here about like my own like

What do you?

What do you think, Maddie?

Okay, I've like been having this similar issue because I'm like a good eater, you know, and I don't know I've been I've been trying to like be more healthy, but like I will literally like do the mill prep thing. It takes fucking forever, and then I could sit there and like eat it all I feel like, and it's because it's healthy, and then I'm like not even full, I feel like, but also part of it is definitely just sugar, and it's like another I don't know, it's

What are your plans for the summertime? Do you have anything exciting happening?

You know? I, well, I'm broke, so I'm gonna do the best I can. But I'm actually I'm going to LA next week, so I think that'll be fine. I got a friend to pay for my plane ticket, which was pretty baller, so yeah, I'm just gonna hang out there for a few days. I'm moving this summer, so that should be fun too. But yeah, kind of on a budget, so not much besides just working and saving money.

Honestly, Uh, your friend did your friend pay for your plane ticket out of the kindness of their heart or was there were there strings attached?

Well, there's no strings attached. Her mom is a flight or she used to be a flight attendant, so they get some weird like ticket perks now, which I'm super jealous of. But I guess I'm in on it now.

So hmm, well, Mattie, let me ask you this, is there anything in particular that you called in to want to talk about?

You know, not really, I didn't really think you'd answer, to be honest with you. Last stream I was calling as well because I was on a little road trip driving back home, and you always talk about how do like you romanticize things in your life, and I was like definitely having that moment home, like listening to sad music, and then I saw you like get on the stream or whatever, so I was like, damn, like I need

It's an interesting thing, romanticizing your life. I think about it. I've been thinking about it recently because there's parts of my life that I romanticize, like when I'm traveling or doing grand things, or talking with my parents or or with friends, or there's parts of my life that I certainly romanticize, and some of them are like inherently romantic,

Is eating And how are you supposed to do that? Though? How how do you be normal? Do you know?

You just eat a sandwich and watch TV. It's the most it's the least romantic thing you could do but be But I try to be in the moment of it, and I go, I am so fuck I actually, I actually I actively de romanticize it. I ate it last night. I ate a cheese steak and fries, and I thought to myself, there is nowhere else on the planet and nothing else I would rather be doing at this exact moment. I am honored. You know what, I know, what I'm thinking about right now is I'm actually I'm talking a

I literally, yeah, like the most normal, Like it's so normal of you.

I thought myself. I thought to myself, I cause I sat down and I'm trying not to feel guilty about like whatever. But I mean some some things you are you should feel guilty about, like you know, being addicted to the fucking Instagram all day or whatever. But I was eating this cheese steak and watching TV, and I literally said to myself, I am honored to sit here and eat this and watch a YouTube video about defective

Yeah, well, it's hard. It's hard to catch yourself doing something normal and then not being like, oh, I'm doing it. Look I'm doing it, and then once you notice you're doing it, it's not really normal anymore. In my opinion, I don't know. Maybe that's the first steps. Because I'm a human.

I'm back. I'm always back and forth between like, oh, life is this infinitesimal, crazy event that I'm experiencing in the middle of two walls of a Blacklivian that are all the time before I was born and all the time after I die, And I should spend this little speck of time in oblivion doing like be trying to be amazing and romantic all the time, you know, But it's too much to ask. It's too much to ask to do it.

Well, yeah, I do. I have this issue where I like, well, I guess it's romanticizing. I set myself up like I'm in a movie or something, and that might sound like so selfish and like, oh my.

God, hold on, hold on, hell I can I stop? Can I stop? Can I stop you real quick? Because immediately, yes, I'm curious you immediately went negative with what you're saying. You immediately said it was a problem, and you said it was selfish. Why do you feel it is either of those things inherently? Why did you?

Well?

I feel like I think it's just like you, like us as individual humans, would like to think the things around you are happening because of you or for you, but like, obviously it's not. You know, it's just like the world and randomness, and I like will inherently be like, oh this this was a sign or something or when

Well, I don't think. I don't think that's inherently bad. You're basically what you're doing is you're take like life is chaotic and random and has no narrative or order to it, but and you are choosing to take this chaos and craft a narrative from it. So I mean that's what you're doing. You're crafting a narrative and I guess if you want to be a nihilist, you could say that the narrative you're crafting, yes, is built on a foundation of you know, chaos and inherent meaninglessness. But

Yeah, I don't think I'm an asshole at this point, but maybe one day I'll become one.

I think.

I feel like people get a little bit more assholey as they get older. I haven't met many people that are like, oh, I was such an asshole back then and now I'm better. Like I feel like it was like it's the other way around for most people.

Why do you why do you think people get become assholes as they get older?

Oh?

Man, I don't know.

I feel like it's just like it's it's more of like a've been there, done that sort of situation. It's you've been through more, and it's kind of it's easier to like jump to conclusions. I feel like it's like the same reason why like like my grandparents are I don't know, it's like they I guess they're just like less accepting of things, whereas I'm like, why would you really care about something that doesn't even affect you?

You know.

But also I've you know, I've met some people that have like really cleaned up and like have been on a non asshole journey. I guess, But I don't know. I just feel like that's kind of the way it goes.

It's always and anytime I see I've probably said this on the podcast before. But anytime I see like a you know, when you see like an like an elderly person like yelling at a customer service person and you're every time I see that, I'm like, dude, you had eighty fucking years to figure this out? How are you still at? Like you're at like level zero of consciousness right now when you're doing that right you're and how did you get How are you at?

Like?

How are you eighty fucking years old and you're at like level zero still? It's crazy?

Yeah, I am. I'm a cashier at the moment, and I literally sell T shirts and I deal with that every single day. Like someone will walk in and dislike something about a T shirt and then like stand there and argue with me like they're like I'm holding them hostage, and like there have been multiple times where I have to be like you can leave. You know, I'm not

I guess, I don't know.

I don't know where that comes from.

It probably comes from like they don't I assume that they don't have a lot, or like that all their friends and family are like dead, or like they don't have I don't know. I don't know how people end up like that. I really don't. I mean, also, we grew up differently because we we exist at this weird turning point in society.

Oh man, Yeah, this is definitely a weird time. I don't even want to get into that, honestly. Yeah, all anyone talks about you know what I mean, And that's all I That's all I talk about at work too. It's like, oh, the economy, and I'm like, yeah, I don't even Yeah, I have like no money saved. That's all I have to say. Like, that's all I got to add to that.

I guess I was talking less about the economy more about just like technology in general.

Uh, yes, yeah, I'm.

Right, You're right, we don't have I mean, if you had something you wanted to say about that, you can say it.

No, I mean honestly, So I guess, like a little context into my life. I just graduated college with a communications degree because I ran out of time to figure out what I actually wanted to do and money. So I was like, let me just get something out of this, you know. And my whole little background was film production, but I somehow made it through without ever figuring out how to use a camera or like all this very

Well a few things to that is uh I I yeah, I talk about this a lot. I also went to film school, and yeah, they make you watch old movies and they don't actually teach you anything.

No, I wasted my money and my teachers they didn't really not to throw them under the bus because I had a good time, but like they didn't know how to do anything either, because I feel like that's kind of like an ever changing industry, you know, And they're all like pretty old.

Yeah, no, yeah, they're they're they the film school. I'm just I'm god, I've been on this rent eight thousand times, but yeah, the film school track is like the people who like teach at film school usually are like they'll be like, yeah, I've been working on the same documentary for seven years and we're going to try to get a grant for and it's just they're just in a universe that is not the universe of that media is actually consumed in. But anyway, so why why do you

I mean, I guess I could, but like then, I also have this thing where like I obviously want to be like comfortable one day, you know, and like not having this. I feel like if you sell apples, you just sell You have to sell apples for the rest of your life to survive. And I don't want to be old selling apples. Interesting, what do you But I would like to I would like to be young and sell apples like right now, okay.

Well what do you why not? I guess I don't. I don't see why you How old are you now? Are you twenty two?

I'm twenty three?

Yeah, fucking go sell apples? Why not?

Yeah? Maybe I will. I guess. It's more of the it's kind of this. I was actually talking to my coworker about this today, the feeling of like, oh shit, like I am gonna be like I'm gonna be like a middle aged person one day, like hopefully, you know, And that's like a that's that's kind of new to me,

You know, Yes, I know what you mean. I remember. I think it was twenty nineteen. I had my Yeah, when I was in twenty nineteen, I had my existential crisis of like, oh shit, this is real and I'm going to have to make money and have like a job, like have a job and figure out life. I think I was twenty twenty one, and you know, up until then, it's like I had just been I was in high school and I was making movies and doing stand up and then I went to film school, which, as you know,

Yeah, you know, how is that? How's that going for you? Do you like it? Or is there something else that are you? Like, A damn it, now I have to do this fucking podcast again.

In this very moment, I'm enjoying our conversation. I think it's because I'm on a little bit of caffeine, and it's also it's you're an easy person. I think you're an easy person to to talk to. I like because some you know, I like, I appreciate callers who will let me just go on really long rants an interrut.

Oh yeah, I didn't even think you were gonna I didn't think I was gonna get on. So I'm like not prepared at all.

Okay, that's okay, that's okay. There's nothing to prepare for. That's the guys, and there's other things I want to do. But I'm enjoying. I mean, it's nice. It's nice to get to talk to so many people. You know, it's been it's been great. Before this, my plan, I had

Yeah, that's kind of my plan right now. Honestly, I'm just like praying I can get a social media type job at least to say, I use my degree for a few years and then maybe I'll like magically figure out what I'm am like actually super into.

I mean you want to you want to pick what? What would you say? You want to sell apples? Is that like a are you being specific? Or is that a is that is does sell apples? Is that a broad way of saying do something simple? And you know real?

You know I It's it's more of just like a like a space filler, I guess, because like my my biggest problem is that I really I have like this sounds so depressing, but I have no passions. I feel like like my when you were sitting there talking about like literally just eating and watching YouTube. I've seriously considered. I'm like, should I do muck thangs? Like should I get famous for like being a fat ass or something?

Yeah, I I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking about that a lot. I genuinely have. I've been thinking a lot about like, you know, I mean, there's infinite different ways to live life, and you don't and you can actually even kind of weave in and out of phases of your life where where like at some.

I guess.

Yeah.

The thing I've been thinking about is like is it okay to just fucking live or do you always have to be like you're talking about, like striving to be great and striving to do be amazing. You know, it's a lot of pressure.

And I do I think it's I think it's totally fine to like have a humble living and like live your life. Yeah, but I guess I guess kind of was like, you know, I'm always on the Instagrams and the whatevers, and it's just like you see these people doing like insanely crazy things, like in your face all fucking day, and it's like, god damn it. Like I'm sitting here like hitting my vapes in the back of this tea shop.

Dude, our fucking brains are not We're not meant to be I really do I really feel you on on all these things that you're talking about. They're all things I've been thinking about because I'm also on Instagram seeing people do cool things, and I'm like, gosh, should be doing more cool things. You know, our brain, our fucking brains are not meant to be doing this shit like

I so I like I like to watch the like travel vlogs or whatever. But also another weird thing is that like like when given the opportunity to like leave the country or like, you know, I had all these like study abroad opportunities in college, like I'm just like, no, I don't know, I don't have a passport, Like I've never left the country, and like I also don't have like a dying urge to do so. And I'm like

I don't know.

I don't think it's easier to get down on yourself when when all of that is happening, it's just like where should I even start? I guess, well.

That I don't know. I mean, is it just like a sense of like all feeling guilty because you're not doing enough? Or is it like, oh I actively I mean you know it's something you don't actively want to do any of that.

Yeah, I guess it's more like should I feel like I want to be doing this for everyone else is? But like I wouldn't even know that everyone else is if I wasn't, so just like on my phone, know what I mean, it's really that damn phone.

Like, but well, here's an here's another thing to think about God, I am, I'm I'm such a hypocrite with this, but I've been thinking about it because I'm also at a like a little inflection point where I'm trying to figure out, you know, my passions and dive deeper into them. But it's like the the the action I'm gonna I am. If you saw how I spent my day today, you

You know, there's really there was really no other time like in human history where someone could do that, you know.

Yeah, yeah, basic basic humanity is Like what do you have parents? Right? Mm hmm, Like do you have a good relationship with them?

Yeah, just like yeah, we're all right.

Do you have friends?

Yeah, sorta. I I definitely have friends. I guess that's another thing, Like since I've moved. I've been in a different state now for like four years now, and it's been a lot harder to make friends for some reason. Like I feel like the older you get, the harder it is to just be like you want to hang out after this or something, you know. But yeah, I have a I have a solid little group of people, and I have some friends that are gonna move with

I mean again, if you died tomorrow, you could be like, well, I had friends, and I had a decent enough relationship with my mom. And yeah, you know, I got to watch YouTube. This is great.

Yeah, I got to talk to the therapy. Get go.

I I really it's I it's cool going to talk to you about all this, because I swear I've been like deep in thought about uh like ambition and whatnot. I'm always it's a personal it's a person no choice. Well, you know, I.

Also will say I used to be like, you know, when I first when I first left my hometown, and like my freshman year of college, like I graduated high school twenty twenty, so I the whole COVID thing was happening, and literally like it was like rock bottom for me. I was literally sick every day. I went to college and lost like fifty pounds and I like came back looking sickly or whatever. And like now I work nine to five and I go to the gym after and I eat Quen wall So it's like I'm doing something.

I have this theory. I have this theory. I have not experienced it in my personal life, but I I am optimistically believing that it is possible. My theory is that it it is possible to achieve things and improve it life and be ambitious without fucking hating yourself. I have not gotten experience. I have not yet personally experienced this,

You know?

I do kind of feel like some of the most like ambitious people in my life also have this, like, like, Okay, my best friend she is in like every college club dean's list every year, winning awards all the time for some shit I didn't even know she was doing, but then will tell me like all the time, like I literally like everything I do, like I hate myself, you know what I mean. And I'm like how And I'm like, okay, yeah, me too, But how is this manifesting so differently like

Yeah? Yeah, absolutely I don't.

I'm like, how did you How did she get that into the stick?

And I didn't, you know.

And it's the same with like those ultra running people, like well they'll run for like one hundred miles and be like yeah, like something super traumatic happened in my life to where this is what I do now, And I'm like, god damn, Like if something traumatic happened in my life, like I'd probably be sitting here eating the pizza still, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah.

I always think about those like people who don't have arms and legs that like didn't fucking go climb a mountain, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have arms and legs, and I still didn't climb the mountain. But Monday one day, I might.

I don't. I actually, I'm not gonna say I don't have answers to all these things, because I actually think I do or I don't. No, No, I don't have answers, but I'm I have theories and I'm working on them. I think my current theory is, uh, well, like I procrastinated all day on making a fucking video, and then

You mean, like as a reward.

I don't know. I don't know what I mean, I really don't, but I'm.

Because I'll do that. I'll do I'll do one good thing in my day. And then I'm like, oh, I can do whatever I want now. Like, for example, I usually go out on Thursdays and do karaoke, and last Thursday I didn't go, and I was like, since I won't be spending money at karaoke, I can go eat four donuts for breakfast today, Yeah, as a reward. And then it's just like, well, that wasn't a reward. You You might as well have just gotten done karaoke and spent your money, you know.

But now see how great would your day be if you went you took a long walk and you're like, all right, I achieved my fitness goal for the day. I'm gonna go do karaoke. That's a great day. See. It's a balance, It's a fucking balance. I think the answer I think there's the I think the like the capitalist thing of like you are never enough and you must keep improving is not like there's like something that

There is I think one one other thing not to be that guy. I've recently stopped smoking so much weed, and like that has been. That's been like the best thing. I think. It did make me gain like a ton of weight, which kind of sucks. But also like I remember to do things and I don't have like that constant like oh my god, you fucking suck thing over

It is. It is very hilarious. How many times I've been like, Oh, I'm gonna smoke weed before I go to the grocery store, and then I have a panic the grocery store. And then the next day, dude, and then the next day I'm like, I should fucking smoke weed before I go to the grocery store.

Well, it sounds so nice, And it used to be, like I'm telling you, like in high school, I was literally like all day long, just like high as fuck, hitting the dappin, smoking joints, hitting the bong or whatever. And now it's like one little rip of the bong and it's like ruined my whole day and I have to go to sleep. I guess that's part of I've heard that happening like to other people, and I guess it's just part of Like I guess you just hit

Maddie, mm hmm. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

No, is not. I really appreciate you picking.

Up, of course. Good luck with your life. Thank you, Uh, you know everything I was gonna say. I was gonna say everything will probably be fine, but that yeah, why not?

Yeah?

Sure, I mean everything will be fine. Everyone, everything is gonna everyone will die, and it will be good because that's we'll go back. We'll go, we'll return, We'll return to the prodigal son. I don't know what I'm talking about. Thank you for calling, Maddy. I'll see you around the universe. Lyle bye. That was a nice conversation. That was good. I am. Yeah, a lot of those things that Maddie was talking about. I was thinking about a lot.

Yeah.

I don't know how ambitious you're supposed to be or like the weird, like the thing of like, oh, should I be feeling certain feelings? I don't know. There's probably some book about all this ship that I talk about on this show that is like, here's what you here's here's what your brain should be doing at all times.

Hi, what's your name, Tony the Tiger.

Tony the Tiger. What's up, Tony the Tiger? What are you doing?

Uh?

Nothing much, man. I just finished playing pickle ball. It's played about an hour and a half to pick a ball, So just kind of relaxing for the rest of the night.

M Is there anything in particular that you called in want to talk about Tony the Tiger?

Yeah, man, I just Uh. I'm graduating from medical school in about a month, so it's kind of a big transition for me. I'm starting residency in July, so it's a big It's a big thing for me, a big life event.

Uh Y, are you excited? What are you in? Residency? For like what kind of medicine.

So internal medicine. So that's like you know when you think doctor, that's like the doctor like you know, like when you go to the hospital, the one that just sees you rounds on you every day.

That's cool.

Get kind of like general medicine type.

You're gonna get to look inside of a lot of ears.

Well not in the hospital so much. A lot of hospitals don't even have that tool to look in the ears. You just kind of got to bring your own around. And if you don't have it and then you're not looking in any years, wait.

A minute, you have to buy you you're like a teacher at an underfunded school. You have to bring your own shit.

I mean a lot of the hospitals, like you go in the room and they don't even they don't even have like the tools and stuff on the wall all. A lot of times that's more in like a clinic. That's more in like you go into the clinic, like your primarary doctor to get like a check up for you know, your struped throat or whatever.

So you just got like a steph of scope in your pocket with your like phone and keys and vape and ship and you bring it into the hospital.

I try to stay away from the vape. I've had a couple of classmates that pulled out their vape in the hospital, Like we're walking through the er and they just start vaping. I'm like, dude, we're gonna get kicked out of here, like stop stop sucking vaping, Like just walking by the patient room and they just put It's just like automatic because like the nicotine addiction, they think, do it without thinking about it.

You know, how was medical school? It sounds like it was easy.

Oh, it was the easiest four years of my life for sure. No, it was. It was super hard man. I would say the first year, what was the hardest. I think you've mentioned that you have friends who were in med school or something, but.

Yeah, I do. I have one of my best friends is is about to start as residency.

Okay, so you know, you know a little bit about it. But for the listeners or whatever, it's like first year is when you have like all the classes at once. So you got like anatomy, like your general class where you learn how to like treat patients and be a doctor. And then I'm at a doo school, so I'll theopathic medicine, so you have to do like spinal manipulation stuff. So that's another class. You're doing all that at once, and

Like doing doing drugs and trying to fuck your classmates sounds pretty standard.

No, oh, that's yeah, that's pretty standards. That's pretty standard stuff.

So that was across across all disciplines.

Oh yeah, even if you're like, uh, you know, an accountant school, you're also trying to fuck your classmates. So it's it's across all disciplines. But that's the hardest semester. And then it's like once you figure out how to study, you just kind of coast from there and you're just

Yeah, are you excited to be a doctor? That's so real. That's such a real job. It's an interesting it's an interesting thing because like like the previous caller that we talked.

To, I didn't hear that, but yeah, she.

Was kind of like, oh, like what am I going to be doing when I'm fifty? And I also have that thing, and I have some friends who I'm also like, what the hell are we going to be doing when we're like old and shit? And but what you're doing is interesting because you kind of know you're how old are you?

Thirties and my early thirties.

Early thirties, see, but you kind of know what you're going to be doing for the entire rest of your life.

Yeah, you generally know, Like each day is different. That's why, like I like medicine because you're not you're not doing the same necessarily the same thing over and over because you're seeing different patients. Every day. So but you generally know what you're going to be doing, and you have like pretty good job security, i'd say, because you actually

You know, that's a great reasons like I do it. Can AI replace the doctors or are you guys good.

Dude?

I was literally thinking about that today because I was I saw a meme or not a meme, but like a post about the Medtronic. The company has like a new robot where they're they're able to do like the surgery general surgeries like appendectomies and stuff like where you take your appendix out with's like the same error rate as like a regular surgeon. But the robots aren't actually robots.

That makes sense there, Yeah, yeah, it does, like uh, you know, you want I mean, yeah, part of your job is like talking to people and doing stuff that I guess a robot can't do.

Yeah. Yeah, And maybe at some point we'll have like freaking matrix robots that just like take over and they're the doctors. But I don't know if they'll be evil, Maybe they won't want to treat humans, so I don't I don't know about that, but maybe at one point we'll have that. I don't know. It's gonna be a long time, probably. I don't think in our lifetime. Low. I think it's gonna be way past when we're or alive, that that's gonna be fully like honest robots doing surgery, that's my opinion.

But well that are you excited for that? I mean, like do you feel like they'll be better?

I really think like the biggest thing that patients like say to me that they like about me is that I'm like generally pretty personal. They're like that. They're like the I'm like the nicest person to come in the room all day and just talk to them. And you know, human touch is another thing. So like I don't know if you ever had a doctor that just went in and like didn't even touch you, like do a physical exam, and you're like, what the fuck's that? Like did he

It'll be interesting when like you have kids who grew up with robots.

You know, Well, it'd be like Alledium, like that movie with Matt Damon where this guy Elysium where the rich people just like go get into a pod with robots and they just are like automatically healed. But the poor people don't have access to that. It could be like that something.

I think. I think, I think I got to stop talking about AI so much.

Yeah, man, but yeah, just yeah, I'm excited to do it for residency. I'm excited to be a doctor. I don't have to walk into a room and say I'm this I'm student doctor Tony and Tiger, and I can just be like, I'm doctor Tony the Tuger. I can just actually be more confident. You know what, I.

Forgot that you started this call by saying that you were Tony the Tiger.

Well, dude, Tony Tiger's a He's a forgotten mascot.

So I wonder I see when Honestly, when you said that, I thought you were going to bed of a dumb ass troll. But you're actually like a smart guy.

I was just trying to come up with the name. Dude, I just popped into my head and I was just coming up with a stupid team. I don't want to troll you, dude, y'll be listening to you. You were one of the podcasts that getting me through med school.

Do.

I started listening to you my first semester in med school and like what, I'm just like vibing out chilling after test you. I just listened for like four hours, yeah, and just like chill. So I think you you can, I can. I shout out a couple other my podcasts that got me through the tough time. Go ahead, bad friends, Bobby Lee, my boy Andrew Sentino. I know Bobby Lee was on your your podcast, and then uh ceo Von this past weekend. He's he's a cool, cool dude. So

Yeah yeah, so yeah, there's.

Just like yat to have someone anyone's thinking about doing some sort of horror graduate agree now as med school or anything, you got to have like some sort of outlet, you know, the whether it's like chilling listening podcast. I just would go for a three four out walk and just listen to therapy. Get go just kind of chill and get out, like you said, you always say get outside, like that's anyone can just go outside, just walk outside.

You know.

I kind of like bringing this back to the previous conversation that I just had, and I know you weren't there for it, but it was a lot about like ambition versus not and talking to you is interesting because the world does require the continued existence of the human you know what's fucking oh man, okay, hold, I'm about to fuck my mind. The continued existence of the human race is kind of dependent upon people having ambition, because we need people like you to be ambitious enough to

Kind of have a little part of me that goes, you know what, if the human race died out because we all got lazy and decided that eating sandwiches was enough, and then we all died, maybe it kind of really was enough and we could all just die.

That's insane. I'm insane. I gotta stop talking like this. I really I don't know what the fuck happened to me. You've been listening to me, What's what is this? Okay? You've been listening to me go crazy for a month. What does that sound like to you? Am I insane?

Dude? I love it. I know you're just because you've been driving a lot and you've been like probably really tired, and just like had the opportunity to be like thinking all the time because you're I mean, I'm assuming like you're traveling alone a lot of times, so you just when you have the time to think by yourself, sometimes you just go into spirals. I think everybody does that, Like I've been doing that the third year of med

It's scary, though, I don't want to be different than how I know. I I've thought myself into. I've kind of it feels almost as though I've irreversibly thought myself into Like today I was just I was on I was procrastinating, and I was like asking chat gybt if science could verifiably deny that we are living in a simulation and shit like that, And I was really I really like like like people say shit like like like people get high and say like, oh, could we be

But that's how you my quick thought on that. It's like there's a dud that used to listen to you on Serious XM and he would just be like, well, who the fuck here is if you're living in you know, simulation, you still have you're still living. Just enjoy like the experience, like everyone dies, like, just enjoy it while you're here. And there's probably no way that you're ever gonna know if you're living in a simulation, So just keep going.

Yeah, all these things I'm thinking about. All these things I'm thinking about, you're not supposed to be thinking about them for too long.

Yeah, you might. You might have gotten a little bit too deep into this.

I think that's why I got a little bit too deep. Outside of the matrix, there's no there's no bottom, there's no and you know, getting you know, reading like I don't read books. I I don't read books. I adhd

Like like athletes or something or like like I love Jamie Soox. I just Wikipedia Jamie Fox over and over. Yeah, I don't know. I just Wikia like fun things a Wikipedia racist.

Yeah, I used to do that on stream. But if you go too deep into like existentialist thoughts and theory and stuff. It just will ruin. It ruined my life for a little bit. I'm trying to get out of it, and I actually think I will. I think the key to getting out of it is you got you just gotta do. You just gotta be in your life. You gotta have responsibilities, you gotta. I mean, you're a great example of a real person because you have so many

It's frozen meals over and in my life.

That's the key. You gotta be in your life in some way, shape or form, whether it's being with people or working or what. You gotta be in your life because if you if.

You gotta go do something real, like you gotta do something real, solid, objectively real that can get like y'all just sit in your room. I know if people I've been that way before, while I've been depressed, I just want to sit in my room. But you just got to force yourself to go out and do things, you know, which is easier said and done.

But I've had too little responsibility because I was touring and traveling for a while, and now that I'm now, I'm not and I think I've had too little responsive. My responsibility has become too little. Now that I'm I thought, I literally thought about that. I thought about that. I'm like, should I just have a But that's a that's a bad reason to have a kid.

No, I know, don't have kids. Maybe get like a goldfish or something.

I do you have once you yeah, if you have too little responsibility, you start thinking and I'm actually I mean this, I'm I am glad that I don't think this will last forever. I'm optimistic that I'll I'll heal myself.

And everybody goes through it. Dude, there's like it's just kind of stupid reference but there's that episode of Knock Them Now from the Middle where like Malcolm like goes into like the existential crisis and like doesn't believe that anything's real and just like super depressed, and like his mom's like she's like, don't worry about respent like two days in the dryer, just like sitting in the dryer,

I actually I don't know if everyone experiences that. I think it's no, Like do you think no some people are too, I don't think. I I genuinely I don't think every single person experiences that.

Okay again, Yeah, yeah, it's hard to talking absolute, so probably you're probably correct.

I mean, like, okay again again alluding to the previous conversation I just had. We were talking about like people who are like eighty years old and like arguing about coupons with people or whatever. You know, I'm talking about like angry eighty year old.

Ye.

I don't. I don't. I think if you're I think if you're eighty years old and you are arguing with a retail worker, you've probably never had an existential crisis in your entire life. I would gander that.

That's probably true if you're like pinching pennies like that, Like what are those people called that are the super coupons or whatever that are like they try to they spend hours trying to like save money on shit with coupons. Those people probably never.

Yeah, well not necessarily like people who not necessarily like penny pinchers, but just people who like they like are like, you know, concerned with like complete other. But if you're eighty years old and you were just concerned about like complete other bullshit that has fucking like nothing to do with you, you've probably ever had an existential crisis, which is But so I guess I think.

What's another example of that though, like something that had nothing to do with you that is bullshit? What's what's one other?

Let me think, like sorry to challenge you, No, no, no, no, this is it's okay. I'm trying. I'm trying to think of like concrete examples.

I'm trying to think of one too, but I don't know, like what you're I don't know, like I don't know, like what you're like what someone else is wearing, maybe.

Like yeah, sure sure something like that, you know, or I don't know, if you're like crazy what you know what you know what I mean though, like people definitely people who've never had accidential crisis. So I think by that point, like if it is kind of it is weirdly an honor to have like a terrifying existential crisis.

Just eat your sandwich and just kind of.

Eat your blooney sandwich and look at you know, watch a YouTube video and shut up. You know, it's fine, shut the fuck up, right, you know, but it's an honor that you ever got, and you I don't think you can ever fully silence whatever screaming part of your brain is is in touch with that, but it's you know, it's good to have had that at some point in your level before you you know, it's good to have.

Know, I don't know anyway, think you're someone's but.

I'm sorry you cut out just now.

Nobody thinks that you're a douche.

What's your name again?

Yeah?

Okay, Well, Tony the Tiger, your phone sucks and I can't I can't understand, but it's okay. I was going to end the phone call soon. Anyway. I like you, Tony the Tiger. You're You're a cool guy. I'm I'm I'm happy to live on the same planet as you. Uh right now, this is cool.

Person.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to win back. Where do you live? Like, you don't have to give me your address?

No, where that you would ever come. It's a it's a big college campus, but in a state that you'd probably never come to.

Well, try me what state?

Arkansas?

Uh? Where? What's the biggest city in Arkansas? Lafayette?

To someone the other day, Now you talk to someone the other day who's from that town?

What town? Little Rock?

Like? No, what's the biggest college University of Arkansas. That's the big college here.

Which city is that?

Fayetteville?

Fayetteville, Okay? Is there is that where you live?

Yeah, I'm in this in this area?

Is it? What's it like?

Dude? It's fucking awesome. There's tons of comedy clubs here. There's bars, and there's big concert venues and stuff. Bobby Lee came here to do a show. We had a bunch of comedians. Nate Bargetti came here.

I would do a show in Fayetville, Arkansas. Well, I don't know if anyone would, if people would come, If I get like one hundred people, that could be fun.

I mean it's forty thousand people of this campus, college campus, So all.

Right, maybe what's the comedy club there?

There's a bunch. There's JJ's Live. But then there's the Walmart Empathy here, which is like the big outdoor venue where Bobby Lee played.

I don't know if I draw to play the Walmart amphitheater man.

Yeah, there's there's a JJ's Live is probably where you go. There's a bunch of them. There's these big, big clubs where bands come and comedy people come.

I'll try if you work at JJ's Live hit me up on Instagram.

All right, man, Well that's talking to you, dude.

Let's talking to you too, Tonny. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Just keep listening to therapy that go as long as he doesn't.

God fucking bless you, Tony. Keep keep keep being I'm glad. I'm glad that you didn't. I'm glad you did something with your life. I'm very happy about that.

It's good that you're a doctor and you as well, sir, have get care man.

Bye bye. Hello, Hey, Hey, what's your name? My name is Mike, Mike. What's up, Mike? How you doing?

Oh no, I'm gonna at the gym at the moment, So I'm gonna taking a break right now.

You're at the gym. What are we what are we working on? Is it a push day? A pull day?

It's leg day?

Leg Day? Respect for not skipping leg day. I'm a big leg day skipper.

Oh no, yeah, you should not skip leg day at all.

Just real quick. I'm not on like a headset or anything like that, right.

No, I'm trying to find the quietest part in this gym, and it's just like I think I'm gonna go there.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, Okay? How are you? How are your legs? How are your calves?

Oh? I'm dying right now. I'm legit dying.

Why are you legit dying?

It kind of went a little hard on my lot today. Yeah, I did five forty on the squad.

You did five five? I'm sorry you say five forty? Yeah, five hundred forty pounds? Yeah, So like, hold on, do you squat? Hold on? You squat five hundred and forty pounds?

Yes, And like to give you like a picture of like what my body size is. I'm five eight and I'm less than one or forty five pounds at the moment.

Bro, there's no way you squat five hundred and forty pounds. That's like how many of you?

About three? I think I'm not good at maths?

Is that even physical? Is that? Is that physically possible?

It is? It is physically possible as long as you conditionally train your your muscle to do it, and then you always up your your level every time you you, uh, you work out that muscle, then you'll get stronger.

Do you What do your calves look like? Are you ripped?

I'm getting ripped. Yeah, yeah, but my legs look way better than my upper half body right now, so like I'm getting my my ass back again at the moment.

Did There's no fucking way you you're lying to me. You do not squat five hundred and forty pounds.

I'll see you a video later if you want.

You know what, Yeah, actually, dude, send me a video of you squatting five hundred and forty pounds. Can you do it right now? Actually?

Yeah? Okay, do you want me to go back to the leg part of it? I'll do it.

What do you mean the leg part of it?

No, because I'm at the core part of the gym right now, so I have to walk to the.

Oh okay, Oh I thought you had a pre existing video of this.

No, no, no, not yet, but I'll film one just for you.

You squatted five hundred and forty pounds and you didn't even video it to show people.

No, I'm not the show off kind of guy, though, I don't. I'm not like literally like three quarters of people here in the gym, or are they like take selfies in the gym, or like you know, if you kidnap that if.

You can squat five hundred and forty pounds. You get to take a video of it and brag about it. You that you get to do that, you earned the ability to do that. Is this a one rep? Is this? Is this a one rep max? Or are you doing multiple ramps?

I do? I do? Uh? Uh? Ten reps? Uh ten ten rap, ten raps.

Three sets, ten reps, three sets of five hundred and forty pounds. You're fucking lying to me.

No, I'm not. I promise. I think you promise.

What do you what do you bent?

Uh?

I'm venturing at two fifty at the moment.

Two fifty? Yeah, dude, what do you look like?

I'm okay?

Uh?

Imagine Bruce Lee with long hair.

You look like Bruce Lee with long hair.

With really long hair.

Yeah?

Are you skary?

Like?

Are you skinny?

Yeah? I'm slim fit. Yeah, I'm skinny.

And how much did you say you weigh?

I'm less than one hundred and forty five pounds at the moment.

Shut the shut up, Shut the fuck up. You are less. Shut up, dude, you are lying to me. Why you like you learn less? You're less than one hundred and forty five pounds right now.

I'm at five eight two five eight forty five pounds.

Shut the fuck up. You do not bench two hundred and fifty pounds and squat five hundred pounds.

I'll tak a video so you can be shocked for yourself.

That's not even four. Like what, dude, You're fucking completely lying to me right now.

I'm not. I'm not lying to you, Lyle.

Not. How is that even physically possible?

You just train? I've been training like since like last fall, I've been I've been uh sticking to my gym regiment since last fall, and I've gotten stronger since you've just seen me. Like last fall I was, I was like at one to fifty eight, and I somehow managed to lose weight during my journey of like uh working out like every time.

Dude. Okay, yeah, I you know what. I don't even I was going to react to it on the podcast, But send me, send me these videos of you doing me. I just for my own personal I want to see you one hundred five eight one hundred and forty five pounds man squatting five hundred and forty pounds and benching two hundred fifty pounds looks like Cause I think, what do I bench, I bench like, let me check, I forget. There's no way. Do you take steroids?

No? I don't. The most I do is uh is actually that energy drink that you drink Celsius?

Oh celsius.

Yeah?

So now all right, how many how many celsiuses are you on? When you bench one hundred and whatever? Fucking put? When you bench one?

I just do one?

What do I bench? I'll bench like my max. I don't really like do the bench. I do like dumbbells. So my max with the dumbbells is like I'll do like two sixty pound dumbbells. That's like what one hundred and twenty pounds?

Yeah, oh that's good. So do you do like max rap until you you equally can't do it and then you do another set and so you can't do.

It again something like that. It depends if I'm like really into it, I'll like track all this shit. But lately it's just going to the gym has becomeing like more of a casual thing.

I was.

I was really I it was really good at like doing it like without fail three times a week, and then I got and then I and then I had an existential crisis and I wondered what the point was. But now I'm back sort of, not really. I don't know why I.

Said, hey, hey Low, uh, just so you know that a lot of people care about you, so like we look out for you.

Well, thank thank you man, thank you. I'm trying to look out for you. You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing this.

No, no, I'm not going to kill myself. I know my limit. So it's like if my body notes went to quit, I'll quit. I'm not gonna like push myself until like I pop at mc l or at L or something like that. Yeah, I don't want to do that.

Man. Yeah, what's your name again, Mike, Mike.

Low. We've actually met, and we've actually met in the Salt Lake Show before your last salt show. Yes, I brought my girlfriend with me and she was she was the girl that mentioned about the chocolate covered cinnamon gummy bear. I don't know if you remember that, but yeah, we shook your hand with a pictures and you made our night.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh that's really nice. That's really nice. And she mentioned the chocolate covered.

Gummy gummy bear.

You're not you're not eating that stuff.

No, No, I'm in a strict diet right now.

What do you eat?

Uh? So, I've been really boring with my with my meal meals lately. I've been just doing, like I alternate between like beef and chicken every other day with rice and then that's it.

How long you've been doing that since last fall and you're and you have no desire to eat something like a chocolate covered cinnamon gummy bear. Uh.

I do it at least like on the weekend sparingly, but most of the time. Yeah, I tried. I tried try to fight it. Remember like that, have you seen the movie, uh, Dodgeball, where like Ben Stiller almost got that because like he was trying to pry his urge to like eat the drumpstick.

Yeah, I'm like that.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm like at that moment right now, but I'm yeah, my concentration is pretty good right now.

Oh, help me solve this mystery. Okay, help me solve this mystery. I go to the Blink Fitness, and at the Blink Fitness they have for sale like these sour rainbow belts. Yeah, and I thought first I was looking at them, and I was like, are these like this is like protein candy, and it's not. It's just regular ass sour belts. Is there any reason whatsoever from a fitness perspective why you would want to eat that before working out?

So I would not recommend you eating though us. I just do like the energy bars, any energy bars that's like a little over like twenty grams of protein, and then I would I would just eat that before the thing, yeah, because like yeah, yeah.

The the question is is is is there a reason why they sell that other than for people who have given up on their way out of there?

It's pure marketing. I think it's just like, oh look, oh you're at a gym. Oh look what else we're selling here? Because like they're selling like other like uh like weird stuff that you shouldn't be eating too. Yeah, because just like the gym that you just stated, Yeah, I have a membership at that particular gym too, and yeah they do that ship too.

What's your take on bear Bell's protein bars.

I actually love it. I highly recommend it.

Yeah, they're awesome there, like, but here's my problem. I eat I think I Yeah, I eat one for breakfast every morning. I eat a Barebells protein bar that's that's good. That's good. That's good.

Yes, yes, it's good.

But because I'm because because I'm eating it, and I'm like, this tastes like a candy bar. I'm I think I've convinced myself that eating a candy bar for breakfast every morning is somehow not unhealthy.

Like there's got to be a cat no, no, uh, it's no. U. Just like if you just stick to like what you're doing right now, or you intermittently go to the gym when you feel like it, and then you're still eating that in the morning, Yeah, I think you'll still be fine. But like from like the sound of like your previous episodes, you're just physically active every day. I think you'll Yeah, you'll be fine.

I don't know why I'm listening to you. You're lying to me about fucking benching.

You're lying.

I'm not You're gonna get You're gonna get your video tomorrow.

What's your name again, Mike? Mike? I like you, my You're cool.

Yeah, you're cool. Guys.

Everyone I talked to on the podcast today was was I enjoyed talking to?

Yeah? Yeah, I agree, especially that that lady that you talked in the first half of this episode. Yeah, I sortally enjoyed that part of the episode.

Yeah, she was cool. What else? What else? We got it? Let's we can keep going for however long we want. There's no thing, there's no yeah, go ahead, go ahead?

Okay, So, uh what else? Oh and then there's another thing I want to talk about? Okay? Yeah, so, uh so my act still pays for my uh my subscription on like premium channels like Max and Paramount, And I still don't have the heart to like tell her that I'm still using those accounts that she paid for.

I'm gonna go ahead, and I'm gonna label that as a victimless crime.

Oh really, well I love that.

Well, look, dude, I mean it's not it doesn't take away. It's not like she it's not like she. Are you at like the max amount of accounts that can be added to the thing?

Uh yes?

Oh really yeah?

Like yeah, like my name is still on the account like for this said use their name for all like the Prime Video, the Paramount plus match Netflix.

Yeah, damn, her new her new guy is gonna be like who the fuck is.

Matt right exactly?

What's your what's your icon on it? Uh?

An alien like for one of them, and then like I have the main guy from the Last of Us from like Max, and like I have a random puppy for my paramount.

I'm gonna, I think gets I think. You know what, Look, here's the thing. If you want to be Jesus Christ, right and some some people, uh, if you want to be the like like Ned Flanders, like I commit. You know, if you want to be a man of like complete, utter, unflinching, one hundred percent nobility, then yeah, then you could take yourself off of the HBO Max subscription. But yeah, you know, I I don't know if you're got nobody gets to

So yeah, yeah, no, it's it's it's kind of yeah, because like every now and then, like uh, I would like switch user names on these asset apps, and I would and I would notice like someone's been like watching like different stuff and I on my part of the channel too. I was like that's weird. I was like, I haven't seen h Gilmore girls in a long time. I was like, I've never seen that shawe.

I was like, what the heck?

I was like, why are they watching it on my account?

Yeah?

And then the weird part is like we split up like almost two and a half years ago.

Oh oh oh it's been two and a half years. Yeah, well yeah, let her let her kick you off?

Oh yeah, who who?

Who broke it off? She did?

She did?

Is that part of what inspired you to train to uh squat four of you?

Actually? Yeah, I just yeah, I was like not in a good shape when we broke up, and then now I'm in a better shape, Like I feel I like this version of me versus the version of me two and a half years ago.

Wait, so was that was that? This is not the same woman that I met in Salt Lake City?

No, No, that was my new girlfriend?

Okay, okay, well yeah your ex girlfriend? Fucking she definitely she definitely sold low on that shack.

Oh definitely. Yeah. Yeah. And then yeah she's still Yeah, she's still working a pretty bad job. So I'm kind of happy that I'm in a better place now than she is now.

I don't believe you at all. I don't believe for a second. Then you know I don't, and you know what the thing is. I guess, Yeah, next, I guess on the next podcast. I'll have to mention at some point whether or not because I'm expecting you to send me these videos.

Yeah, you're getting one tomorrow.

Okay, all right, I mean I don't I yeah, okay, I'll try to remember to check the phone line.

Yeah, I'll send it to your Instagram page.

Okay, yeah, do that, I check that more.

Okay, Yeah, I'll do that, all right, Matt.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Uh, pigeons aren't real.

You're telling me I can eat a bare Bells protein bar and drink of Celsius every day for the rest of my life and it's not unhealthy.

Yes, that's track.

Please let me look you go ahead, go ahead, you look.

You look better now than you did when I first started watching you. So well, you're doing something good in your life.

Well hold on, Well, I I lost weight and I'm continuing to lose well, I'm I'm I fell off a lot of my habits, but I did lose weight. But even though I lost weight, I don't know if that's I don't know if losing weight is the same as being healthy because you can eat only twinkies for a month and you will lose weight.

Yeah, no, there's there's so So the thing with weight loss is just like it's literally what you do on top of it. It's what's very beneficial for you. Like even if you don't think you you don't feel like you're progressing in your in your physical house right now, but like if everyone can notice that you like physically changed and you're doing something good about your your physical workout right now.

I'm gonna I'm gonna only eat cosmic brownies for a month. Those are so you know how many fuck guess many fucking calories is in a cosmic brownie?

Dude?

Uh isn't it like uh like fifteen hundred?

It's like five fifteen hundred. That's crazy? Is what is up with you and your numbers? You have aut landish?

No, no, no, I just my my brain is full of like useless sacks. So it's just like it's yeah, yeah, I'm crazy like that with numbers.

Five hundred and ten, Dude. Five isn't that fucking bullshit? Five hundred and ten calories for a for for for you know, ten seconds of joy?

Man, you eat it that quick? That's crazy.

I've never tied myself. But all right, I'll tell you what. You send me a picture of you doing a five hundred and forty pounds squat in a two hundred and fifty pound bench, and I'll send you a video of me eating a five hundred and ten calorie cosmic brownie. Deal, Matt, is there anything else you want to say to the people the computer before we go?

Be kind? H justick care of yourself and I'm glad you're doing better now.

Thank you, man, Good luck, God bless you your beautiful soul. I'm around this. I'll see you around the universe. God, good there's I'm you. Hold on, I'm gonna keep you. Okay. First of all, First of all, first of all, I didn't mean. First of all, whenever I say God bless you to someone, I don't mean like the Christian God. Okay, even if I did, that's an asshole thing to say to someone when they say God bless you. It's an asshole thing to say to someone when they say God

Well, is this what it feels like being blessed by the gekker right now? Do you believe I do believe in the Gecko?

I just that because I've been saying God bless you to people, and I don't know why, but that's what I mean when I say it, I think when it comes out of my.

Ask you about that. I've always wanted to ask you about that. It's just like, I don't know if he's like real because I know you're Jewish. So it's just like.

I grew up I culturally, I grew up culturally Jewish, but I don't like, I don't like, I don't know what the toll rest. I don't even think, but I don't think most Jews know what like it doesn't Judaism has no effect on my spiritual views of life in the universe. It's just you know, I like, I like eating matza.

I haven't had matsa in a long time.

But no, I don't mean like a Christian. I don't mean like a Christian. I don't mean like a Christian made Jesus Christ as we understand that to be. You know, it just means, you know, whatever I guess I explained it. Well, it's just a higher power. That's not even when I you know what, you know what it really is. Actually it's not even any of that stuff. It's just you know what it really is. I just needed something to say. Oh, that's what it really is. It just means by it

So yeah, if you put down a T shirt, I'd totally buy it.

Matt God bless you. Send me that video of you lifting one hundred and whatever pounds and I may never talk to you ever again. But if that is the case, I enjoyed the period of time that we did get to talk.

I I I concur have a good name Matte that.

I liked Matt, that was cool. I liked everyone we talked to today. What a great episode of the podcast. Thank you to everyone who listens to this. This is a fun episode of the podcast. Sometimes sometimes we just do an episode and I'm like, wow, I felt great. The correlation is always it's always about how much caffeine I induce I ingested before recording. It makes me feel like myself, like chemically. I know it's not. It feels weird to like need a substance to be yourself, but

Never Beacon goes to his ride.

He's teaching you

A loud in them of your life, but he's not really an expert.