Is this Lyle? Yes?
Who is this.
Hid Lyle?
My name is Goldie, Goldie. What's going on, Goldie? How's life? Oh?
Man, I'm actually I'm crying right now, but so not the greatest at the moment.
You're quiet? Why are you? Why are you crying?
It's kind of silly. But so I'm an avid Twitch watcher, Okay, I love to watch Twitch streams, and uh, I've actually been watching you for probably like two or three years now. Cool, So I'm a very big fan. I love your stream, dude. But but uh, yeah, I'm actually crying because another person
that I watch on here? Can you just ban me? Yeah? Yeah, from his Twitter community because actually, as it turns out, I'm already banned on Twitch, so I can't actually chat, but I do listen, right, Okay, yeah, so but I I just got banned from his Twitter community and I'm crying about it.
Okay, all right, let's well let's talk this through. Well, first of all, why why did you Why do you think you got banns?
So I have a lot to say. I'm kind of I kind of talk too much, I guess, and I kind of say some outlandish things sometimes, and I think that he did not want me kind of speaking over him in his chat.
Okay, is this as like a small streamer.
Usually about like six hundred viewers a stream he has?
Okay, yeah, all right, I mean let's reverse engineer this in a few ways, because why are you why are you spending so much time talking in this guy's chat?
Yeah, I mean they sometimes they call me a parasocial okay, because yeah, I'm not exactly one hundred percent sure what that means, but I think it's.
Like, like I where I believe that I'm closer to him than I really am.
Yeah.
A parasolic relationship is like a relationship that you form, is like a one sided relationship you form with someone that you don't know.
Yeah, yeah, that's definitely what I'm kind of doing. I don't really have many Actually I don't have any friends in real life.
Oh.
I kind of use twitch as a platform where I can connect with people since I don't really have a way to do that in real life.
Okay, why do you feel like you don't have any friends?
Well, I'm a single mom, though I kind of lost most of my friends after becoming a mom.
And then.
I never made any new ones after I lost all my friends.
Where were your friends from? Like? Where or were they from like high school?
Yeah?
Mostly?
Uh, high school. I never really had many friends, but the few of them that I had were from school.
Yeah.
M you know, I'm not fully opposed to using online communities to make friends. I'm not fully opposed to it. I think that Well, Like when I first was twitch streaming, I was a little worried about parasocial relationships. I was worried that people were like finding you know, I mean, I don't think parasocial relationships are are They kind of
depend on intensity. I mean I have parasocial relationships with people that I, you know, listen to a lot or watch a lot, you know, I've you know, kind of form ideas of who they are, and you know, they they maybe uh their work speaks to me in ways that make me feel very understood. But I don't I don't ever, I don't let that go to to a place where I like feel like they're you know, I maybe have a reverence for their work and what they
have to say and whatnot. By I don't let that cross into a territory of like they are part of my social life in any way, shape or form. And I was kind of worried about that when I first started streaming, But then I I noticed on Discord and even like in my twitch chat that people independent of me were like making friends with each other, and that
became those became like, those weren't parasocial relationships. Those were real uh you know, albeit online, but they were They were real relationships that people formed with each other, and I thought that was cool. And I'm not against that because I've actually seen a lot of situations both you know, in my Gecko universe and in like anecdotally in real life where people have relationships like that that turn into like real friendships. And I'm not I'm not opposed to that.
I'm opposed to like I'm opposed to like like making friends with an AI chatbot or trying to feel like a streamer is like your friends. But I I the the space between of like, you know, I chat with this person who lives in uh, Wisconsin, and I'm in Florida or whatever. I don't think that that's all that bad. And if that's where your life is and that's where your comfortability is and that's where you need to start, I don't think that that's the worst thing in the world.
But I guess ultimately you'd want to form a forign friendships in real life. And it's I get why it's I get why it's hard for you as a as a single mom. You know, it's a lot of responsibility. Is there a kid? Yes, By the way, you sound like you're you sound like, uh, you sound like you're out in Are you out in public somewhere?
No, I'm actually in my room. I'm pacing back and forth in my room right now, and my little baby just came in here and he wants me now, So I'm.
Like, okay.
But but about what you were saying is, yeah, like the thing about the parasocial relationships is like there's no form of like, uh the what's that word recipprosity? Yes, yeah, so there's no Really, I'm not really getting anything out of these relationships of course, other than you know, it's kind of like an imaginary relationship in a way. So I definitely wish that I could find friends in real life. I'm just like kind of like an awkward person, So I don't know if I don't really know.
How to do that.
Well, you can find friends in real life even if you're an awkward person. You, I really do you can find friends in real life being exactly as you are, because I don't like I think like real friendship is mostly this is like really boring. But most friendship is truthfully more about repeated exposure than it is about any form of It's repeated exposure with like a little bit of compatibility, but I think it's mainly about repeated exposure
than it is compatibility. And if you're awkward, but you have repeated exposure with like the same group of people, you'll be you'll start to you'll be less awkward because you get more comfortable with them because of that repeated exposure. So it's like, well, where do you get that repeated exposure is the main question. And it's hard for you because you got to you got a lot going on, But uh yeah, it's possible, And it's possible to do
it online too. Like when you were in this guy's Twitch community, were you were you just like sending our messages to the void or were you talking to other people.
Mostly like I would. I would interact with the other chatters once in a while, but I would mainly comment on his stream and what he was doing, sometimes say like jokes here and there. The guy that I was watching, he kind of felt like the things that I would say were me trying to like outshine him in a way, I think, and he, I guess he wanted to, uh basically had more control over his community and what was being said in his chat. And I don't know, maybe
he just got the wrong idea about me. But yeah, sorry if it doesn't make any sense.
No, it it makes perfect sense. But I don't think but it's I don't think it's the thing to be focused on, right because well, I mean what I what I want to see, what I'd like to see for you is to uh build up a better like social life, whether it's on the internet with other real people or with real people in real life, but less of this thing of you know, where it's you and like a streamer.
You know, yeah, yeah, definitely.
And it's one thing if you like what they have to say and you like having them as background noise, you know, because I I have there's people that you know, I listened to Stavros' podcast all the time. I listen to a lot of different podcasts that I have on and ship and you know, but like I don't you know, but you got to have like a healthy, like, uh, real social life. Have you made any have you made any attempts to do that or like what would those and what have those attempts looked like?
Not? Actually, not at all recently, like I would say, probably within the past couple years or so. Like, I haven't really tried to go out of my shell when I when I'm in public, which is usually like the grocery store, I avoid eye contact with everyone and I just kind of go in and get out as fast as I can. So I I don't really leave that open for opportunity.
Well, are there areas in which you would feel more comfortable? Like what are your what are your hobbies? What do you like to do?
Uh?
Uh?
I like to draw, and I like to paint, and I do word searches every now and then. But I don't imagine that the word search community is easy to find.
Sure, we could find the word search community the fucking probably plenty of any anything that you would do, there's like a discord of people who are also doing it.
Yeah, so.
Hmmm, I think that you should definitely go out in search of like online communities that are related to what you like. To do. How's being a mom?
Uh, it's it's amazing because my kids really just like bring joy and just love and light to my life, and my whole world revolves around them, which has its pros and cons. But and there, my kid's dad is not in the picture, but he definitely tries to be. And our relationship was not the greatest, so it's kind of rough because I have to see him and uh, he kind of left, like left me in a dark place,
and he's kind of like controlling. So it's it has its pros and cons, but I would say it has mostly pros.
M Hm.
Why why is your guys' relationship strained?
Well, he's just he's always been very controlling and manipulative, and I'm uh, I don't I honestly don't even really know how to put it because.
He just.
Ye for a while, he would try to make me feel like I was crazy and and anything. Anytime I try to come forward about anything that he does wrong, he shuts me down completely. So I don't even really know how to describe it.
Mm hmm.
It's yeah, it goes pretty deep, which probably didn't need real therapy for.
But what's your what's your your kid sounds like he's running around ding a bunch of stuff in the background.
Was he up?
Was he?
What's he doing right now?
My bed is just covered and I was cleaning my kitchen, so I took everything off the top of the microwave and put it on my bed. And now they're just going through that all that. I actually have a little baby and an older four year old, so they're just going through everything right now. But it's okay, man.
So you're juggling with fucking two kids. Are you you live do you Is it just you and the two kids or do you live with your folks? Oh?
No, it's just us, just me, boys and.
My cat man. You're holding you're holding that fucking ship down, dude.
Thanks man. I try my best.
That's hard, that's that's really that's tough doing that. And what do you work?
I do not at the moment. I am looking for a job. I actually applied at the hospital near me to do like like you know, the people that bring you your food at the hospital. Yeah, I applied to do that and then I got denied. So try a different angle.
Mm hmm, goldie, goldie, Goldie. Damn, you're holding that fucking ship down, Goldie. I respect you, I really do. I respect you. This is you're holding You're holding out a lot of ship dude. I want you know, and I'm not I really I don't want to say this as a way of uh, I'm not trying to be like, uh motivational speaker type of type ship, but uh, get just give yourself some credit, man, I mean I hope throughout throughout whatever it is, like, give yourself some credit.
I mean, you're what you're doing is uh is a wild undertaking. It's really that sounds so hard. Uh, you know, dealing with like a fucking uh you know, uncooperative, uncooperative father, you know, taking care of two kids on your own, working you know, dealing with I mean that's tough man.
So you know, uh, have have some have some compassion for yourself as you never like do like it like do both things at once, Like have some compassion for yourself, you know, because what you're doing is hard, but also like like look at yourself in the mirror and be like, I'm fucking killing it right now. I'm doing I'm doing pretty good job at this like hard thing. Like because you because you I don't know it's from from what you said about like, oh, I feel awkward if like
I can't look people in the eye. Like, uh, you didn't say it out right, but I don't know if you're dealing with any kind of like self confidence issues, but like take a second to look at yourself and be like, wait, I'm actually kind of sick right now, you know, like I'm dealing with all this shit, but I'm still I'm holding it down, you know, like walk around with it like that's what you should be walking around with and not like, oh I'm weird and I don't I can't fit into the planet.
Yeah. Yeah, you got it down for sure.
You got it down. You got it down.
Man, dude, you have no idea how happy you just nade me because, like, like I said, like when I first started watching you, like it was like every single stream back when you used to have like call screeners and stuff. I tried to call in, but then I got too scared and I hung up. But back then I used to watch literally every single one of your streams. I'd be chatting in it. So it's like so like surreal to be on the phone with your right though.
I'm Goldie. Try to try to try to build yourself up. You're doing a fucking tough thing and you're doing a pretty good job at it because uh, your kids sound like they're alive, which is uh, I mean, even doing that it is hard. So uh, you know, give yourself, give yourself some credit when you try to make friends and you just go just don't know. When you're going about the world in general, you want to have that mindset about yourself about like, wait, I'm actually kind of awesome.
So do with that information as you please. All right, man, Goldie, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Yeah, just love love, come on, chat, love on yourself, keep this uh stream of love going, swag, do something nice for yourself.
Thank you so much, Lyle, Thank you Goldi. You have a good one.
Good luck all right, you too, my Golden.
I want to join the word search Discord. No, I actually don't want to do that. I'm not gonna lie and say I want to do that, but it's because I don't like word searches. If I liked word searches, i'd be in the I'd be the fucking head mod of the word search Discord and then I would have sex all the time. Hello, Hey, buddy, what's uh what's your name?
My name title idle like like American? Yeah, like American idol?
Cool. I like that name. I assume we haven't spoken before, because I would remember an idol.
No, yeah, we haven't. I've been watching for a while and I've been trying to call in. I have a very specific reason why I'm calling in.
Okay, Well, you texted me and you said I want to talk about my anger.
Yeah. I have a lot of pent up anger towards a you know, specific group online that just like gets me gone. I'm kind of sicking. I'm sick and tired of like these food reviewers blowing up, you know, low key spots, Like just the other day, like there's this pop up spot, taco spot, very low key nobody knows about.
I'm going through Instagram and I see a fucking food reviewer with like one hundred and ten thousand mics at this spot, and I'm like, Fuck, it's gonna be like ten thousand people at this place now, I gotta wait in line. Quality is gonna drop because they're trying to serve Everybody's just like what the.
Fuck why does that upset you that that's that's good, that's what you want that it's I I hate the whole like, uh, gatekeeping thing. Don't you want that business to be doing well?
I do, but then it inconvenience is me because now it's just a line and now you know it's people there and it's just too much, too much going on. Yeah, I want the business to succeed, but not at the cost of me.
But you don't run the business.
No, I don't.
It's just how can I say it. I'm just tired of places that I love to go where it's low key. Nobody knows. It's just I just like to enjoy it, enjoy the scenery, you know, but you know people, You got ignorant people and all these types of people coming in because you know, all this ship and it's just too much, you do.
You do sound very angry. This is not about I can tell this is not about tacos. There's something else going it's definitely notice about going on in your life.
No, nothing that's going on. It's just I'm sick of the tired of low key spots that I enjoy being blown up by food reviewers.
But do use what I don't know. I can. I have go on to rants to you, and I don't get food. I don't get it. Do you know what I mean? You don't know what I mean. I don't I don't get like, Okay, I'm gonna say a bunch of things that sound insane. But you know when people are like, oh, the food at this restaurant is so good, I'm like, what who cares? There's food everywhere, Like, you can get a taco at a billion different places.
It's fine, but it's just you know, the quality of the taco. It's not just the quality of it's just the food in general. It's just places that were special to me are being taken over. I guess you can say.
That, Yeah you don't. You don't own I don't own it.
No, I don't. I don't own the police. It's just safe spots where I can where people who like to just go and just like all right, yeah, nobody knows about this spot, let's go here being blown up. That's my problem.
Where do you live? I live in Pennsylvania, what like in a big city. Yeah, he in Philly. Yeah, there's a billion restaurants in Philly. Just go to another place.
That. No, that's the thing.
I don't want to go to another place.
But you might discover a new place. But you might discover another new place that you like.
That is true. But it's just okay, you're right on that. I can discover a new place. It's just do I want to open myself up to that new experience?
What did? I don't understand what you're saying. Why would you not?
I don't know. It's this new things scare me.
Well, let's talk about that. That's more interesting to me. Why do new things scare you? Why does it scare you to go to a new taco place.
It's not necessarily taco place. It's just like, I hate wasting money on bad food, and that's what scares me. Then I'm just gonna waste money and just not enjoy it. Okay, you know what is life?
Okay?
And everybody likes to Everybody likes to sit there and enjoy a nice meal. And the meal would be ruined if you pay a certain price for for disgusting food.
Mm hmm. Yeah, but that's what you gotta do. That's the cost of Like I actually, I can I tell you something. I hate reviews. Here's here's what my hot takes. No, No, I hate okay, I hate review Like when we're about to okay, here's here's one of my hot takes. Like if I'm with someone and I'm like, oh, let's try this restaurant, and they pull out their phone and they start reading the reviews. I hate that because, to me,
if it's bad, let's just find out. Who cares? I don't want to Why does every experience have to be Why do I need the perfect, most amazing thing all the time, Like if we go to a place and it's shitty, we'll just find it out by going there. I hate that I have to like curate my life. I hate like trying to curate your life so that you never have any negative experiences ever, or any like
negative food experiences even it's just stupid. It's like, just go into the restaurant and you pay the money, and you eat the shitty food, and then you know not to go there anymore. The reviews. I don't like the system of like we have to protect ourselves from you know, it's a real think. I think it's listen and I'm about to go on a huge this is the most podcast bro thing I'm gonna say it's part of the overall pacification of America food reviews. You know what I mean.
It's it's it's a further passification of America that we feel the need to protect ourselves from eating a shitty burrito. You can handle the experience of eating a shitty burrito, and then that's what happens to you. You ate a shitty burrito, you know, you get upsets, and then you don't go to that place anymore. I'm being facetious, but I also do one hundred percent believe everything I'm saying.
Yeah, it's just, you know, I'm just tired of it, but I do. Jeraly do thoroughly enjoy talking to you. It was good to get it off my chest. I appreciate it and appreciate you answering my call.
Thanks mate, Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go? Idle subscribe? Sweet? Thank you, adel. I was explaining this to someone the other day. This is why I don't I like when people are like, oh, the food in Texas is so like, the Mexican food in Texas is so great. I'm like, I'm sure it is, But if you live in like Rhode Island, there's some fucking Mexican restaurant within fifty miles a year that's probably pretty good. Is it is the
one in Texas? Is it that much better? I don't know. Food is food. That's just how I am. I'm not like a Also, you know, I'm like, I think this maybe maybe this is because I'm like, I'm a single guy, you know, so I'm not gonna like like whatever. It's when people like people like, oh, you live in New York, you go do you go to all the restaurants? I'm like, no, I'm a single guy. I'm not gonna like go out alone to a nice restaurant on a Tuesday night. I don't.
I'm not it. I just don't care. I eat at like I eat at the grocery store, the bodegas, the little fast casual whatever things. I also I hate. I also, like, just on principle, I hate spending money on uh fancy food with like low purport like low portions. You know, I like going to a shitty Mexican place where they'll give me a big fucking burrito for not that much money.
But if it's think it's like a fancy takaria whatever place, and they give you a tiny thing of chips and a tiny little whatever and you pay like it's like thirty dollars. I hate that shit, and I hate I hate yeah, and I hate reviews. It's like, just eatat it's okay, you know, go you have a be in a bad go to eat a bad food. You know it'll be okay. I like good. I like UH. I like good reviews of things. Sometimes do I read a review? I guess I read reviews of uh. I read reviews
of video games? Yeah, okay, all right, maybe it's maybe I'm you know what, I'm actually kind of a bullshitter because I read reviews of video games before I play them, or do do I? I do sometimes? Yeah, you know, because I don't like to waste my time on it. Okay, you know what, I take back everything I said. I think I just I think I just applied it to this situation because I don't care that much about food. But when I apply it to something I care about, Yeah, yeah,
I think reviews are good. Hey, everybody, what's up. It's me Lyle And I'm gonna do the second half of this episode as a gek mal portion. If that's okay with you. If that's not okay with you, then uh, I don't know what to tell you. It's too late, because I'm gonna I'm gonna do it. I am currently alone in a room talking into a microphone. I feel good. I took a Celsius, I took a bathroom break, and I feel good. I feel ready to talk into a microphone alone and read some emails and I feel like
I'm talking directly to you guys. What's going on in my life? I went to Canada. That was nice. New York in the fall is great. I'm trying to romanticize my own life. Here's what's going on. This is my this is the portion of the podcast. I'll do my therapy for a second. I find myself constantly thinking about the future, the future, you know, I'm always making plans. I'm always like, oh, wouldn't it be cool to live here?
One day? Like I go to fucking uh Zillow or whatever, and I'm like, what's the what's the rent in uh Madison, Wisconsin? What would it be like to be there? You know, I'm on the Reddit. I'm looking at other people's lives on Instagram. And shit, and I'm like, what would it be like to live that life? What would be like to do this? What would be like to do that?
And I'm realizing I'm like, I'm fucking thinking about versions of myself and versions of different versions of life that are that I'm not even in, and I'm missing my own life. It's crazy. So I'm trying to romanticize my own life. So I'm feeling very romantic about this very moment in which I'm sitting here talking into this uh microphone, talking to you guys. So I'm going to romanticize the life I'm currently living right now, however good or bad
it is. When I'm with someone, I'm trying to really be with them. I'm looking in their eyes. I'm like, even if I hate them, I'm like, oh, this is nice. I get to I'm like warmed by the distain I have for this person. Get I feel alive. I'm like really diving in all of my emotions. I'm like diving into them. I'm like, oh, I get to feel angry, I get to feel I'm getting into a I'm gonna fight with my landlord, and I'm like, this is exciting. I get to send an angry email about fixing my
fucking heater. Look at me, I'm engaging with the universe. I don't know. I'm crazy. All right, let's read some emails. Let's see here. This is from Waka Hello GEK. My life is not bad. I'm about to graduate college, I have a good lady, I'm planning to marry, and a job that is giving me good experience with decent pay. Recently, I had a strange dream. In the dream, my parents were flying out to where I live to visit me, and their plane suddenly vanishes. But I can remember involves
me trying to process this moment. I don't know what happened to the plane, but when I learned that my parents were missing, I was devastated. After some time, I began to question why I was even sad to begin with, and I started to reflect on all the problems in that relationship with my parents. I remember feeling angry for even considering that. Eventually, some kind of authority came to me and was about to reveal what happened to my
parent's plane. But then I woke up. My parents are flying out to the state I live to visit me and my sister for Thanksgiving, So the timing of this dream is alarming. I recently asked chat gpt to interpret the stream for me because it's been stuck on my mind for a week now. Chat gave me mumbo jumbo about how it is a reflection of my strained relationship with my parents. Blah blah blah. What are your thoughts? Does this sound like a sign that my parents are
going to die? Uh? No, I don't think it's a sign that your parents are going to die. I don't think. Okay, Like, there's actually a lot of woo shit that I believe is completely logical that makes a lot of fucking sense to me. I and what but and then there's a lot of woo woo shit that I think is stupid And with dreams, Like I don't interpret dreams to mean anything about the about anything external, like they don't. I don't think they mean shit about the external events of
the universe. So like, no, I don't think that, uh, this dream means that your parents are gonna die or that something bad will happen. I don't believe in wu wuo shit like that. But I totally believe in dreams being like reflective of the internal state. So it definitely means you have some anxiety. It's definitely also dreams will like show you shit that you don't want to admit
to yourself. Like what a perfect example is, like if you break up with someone and you believe you're fully over it, your dreams will show you that you're not. You'll be like, you'll be fucking like fun five months after a breakup or something like that, and believe you're totally over it, and then you just have a dream that you're like holding hands with that person, and your subconscious is like you're lying to yourself that you're over
this right now, you know. So dreams will like show you uncomfortable shit, But that doesn't mean any That doesn't mean shit about the you know your ex girlfriend, you know she's out living her life, has nothing to do with your fucking dream. It's just reflects how you feel. So maybe you feel anxious that about your parents. Maybe you feel anxious about your parents dying, which is a legitimate feeling to have. Maybe, yeah, it's probably reflective of
some relationship problems that you have with your parents. It's probably reflective of some anger of some kind. So I agree with the chat gpt interpretation of that. But I don't believe in like signs of external thing. I believe in signs of internal things. Uh yeah, I mean thinking that. To think that your dreams are like signs of the universe, of like events that will happen, that means that means that you're like God or some shit. You know what
I'm saying. Okay, there's more of this email. That is the first of two strange experiences I have had at night recently. The other was last night I could not fall asleep after watching six episodes of Bob's Burgers. I turned to YouTube, and I decided to watch a documentary about the ongoing civil war in Sudan. The documentary explored
the complex landscape of the parties involved in the war. Eventually, the video talks about a specific skirmish over a town in which one of the military forces kills hundreds of civilians and burns everything down. At this point, I had to stop watching the video. I feel like I somewhat keep up with global events. I am aware of horrible
things that happen everywhere every day. Human history has an unmeasurable list of tragedies that have occurred, but for some reason, I could not go back to watching Bob's Burgers this time. I feel like I try to typically keep a good outlook on life, but this makes me feel like I am so ungrateful for my problems. I get to be upset at my parents from my childhood and not have to grieve my entire town being slaughtered and burned to the ground by an evil dictator. Ghek, am I going crazy?
Why am I suddenly burdened with these thoughts? I'm grateful for the opportunity to be more appreciative of my place in this world, But how do I not let this haunt me? How am I supposed to bring kids into this evil world one day? Is it not morally wrong to be responsible for sending the next generation into a place where so much bad happens? Anyway, I hope this email reaches you. I enjoy your perspective on things, and
I hope to hear back from you on this. I have the exact same thoughts, oh man, listen, man, I have the same fucking thoughts all the time. And uh, it's very funny because, like, I don't know, I've been to places where like I've seen like object poverty, and horrible things, but also like you know, I mean I live in haven't lived in like New York and LA, Like you just see that shit outside of your house, uh, And also like whatever you hear about it and you
see it. Yeah, yeah, you know if you're looking at if you if you look up from your phone or down at your phone, yeah, you'll find lots of examples of horrible things happening, for sure. And that makes you feel a sense of like, damn, I'm ungrateful for feeling
like shit about my problems. And I've heard people talk about this, and I've heard people say things like like sad and this is relative and problems are relative and this and that and the other thing, and it's like, well, you know, like people people say like, oh, I think it's so annoying when I have a problem and then someone says to me, well, you could be starving in Africa. It could be worse, like people people get like annoyed by that. But I I I disagree. I disagree. I
think every problem. I think every problem can totally be solved by being like, well, at least I'm not you know, in Sedan getting killed by a dictator. You know, I think that's real. I hate when people say that that that is that that's not real. Like if your brave, if you your girlfriend broke up with you, or you didn't sell enough necklaces on Etsy or whatever, and someone's like, well, it could be worse. You could be you know, starving to death in the streets, and you're like, fuck you,
that's not helpful. I'm like, fuck you, that's really helpful. You could totally it could totally be worse. I really try to think about that a lot. So I so you're not crazy. You're not crazy for believing that your life is so much better because you don't live in a country where you could be killed by the government.
I don't think that makes you crazy. But also, at the end of the day, you got to live your own life, because I think if you dive too deep into that, and I've dived really deep into that feeling of like, well, let me just negate my entire existence because it could be worse, and that's not helpful either. That's not helpful either. So you know, I'm working. I'm pondering this shit with you, and I think it's as as as is the answer to a lot of shit. It's a yin yang like hold a good make some
room in your brain for like a dedication. You like, dedicate a real, nice, solid part of your brain portfolio twenty thirty forty percent whatever you want delegate a real solid part of your brain portfolio to. Thank God, I'm not living in a country that's deeply impoverished in at war. Really, really, that's worthy brain space to take, So dedicate that, But don't dedicate the whole brain to it or else or else? What even are you? You know you're You can't because
you have to engage with your life. And part of engaging with your life is engaging with your problems and your conflicts, such as your relationship with your parents. So you still got to engage in that. You can't. Oh, it could be worse. Your way out of your problems entirely, but having a little bit of it could be worse. I could be living in a bad place and subject to horrible the horrible things of the universe. Is a good it's a good thing to keep it in perspective,
But you can't just negate your life. So uh, I think it's healthy. Uh Okay. And then the part where you're like, how do I not let this haunt me exactly? You don't want to let it haunt you. How am I supposed to bring kids into this evil world one day? That's another problem is you don't want to look at
the world as evil. You don't. And there's a lot but you know, there's a lot of fucking people that I've met and talked to who live One of the craziest things that I've experienced in my life is like, I feel like I've been so fucking lucky to live the life I live, not even just like you know this the like gecko stuff, but like just outside of that, just like living in a growing up in like a suburb, and like having good parents and all these things. And I feel I feel these feelings of like of like
lack and of like, uh, depression or whatever. And I'll meet people who've grown up with and have so much less than I have, and their way and they just figure out a fucking way to like be happy and have a really positive outlook on the world. And I'm like and that and that, and that blows my mind, so uh. And I say that to mean that there's probably people whose lives are worse than yours. That don't
think the world is evil. That there's people with who are who's lives are worse than yours, that have a better outlook on the planet than you do. And I know that because I've met people like that, talk to people like that, And so if they can have a shittier life than you, and less stuff than you, and worse problems than you and still not believe the world is evil, then I think you can too. So I don't think that. I don't I'm I don't think that like object doom and being like, oh the world is
an evil, awful, terrible place. Being like, oh the world is an evil, awful, terrible place is not fucking helpful to anyone in the same way that being like, dude, everything is fucking great. Like when you meet a guy like that who's like, everything's amazing, Everything's awesome. I just love being alive, and it's like, yeah, because you have whatever the thing is or maybe or maybe you don't,
maybe it don't. I like a measured thing. I like a measured perspective of the world of like something in between those two things of like, yeah, there's some crazy shit going on. There's a civil war in suitan there's a horrible poverty and crazy wars and is awful stuff going on, and you know, it's good to be aware of that, like but also, like you know, there's a lot of good stuff happening to people. There's great things
happening all over the world. There's right now, as I'm right now, as I'm recording this, all over the planet, there's like two, three, maybe four people who are eating something and talking to each other. That's happening. That's happening in an unfathomable amount across the planet Earth right now is a group of two to four people eating something and talking to each other. That's kind of amazing, that's
kind of beautiful. So you take this pros and cons to it, and those four and those four people who are eating something and talking to each other there they have their own whatever problem's going on with their life, but they have also little moments where things are good and you have to believe that the good outweighs the bad enough that life's worth living. And we want to keep doing this, we want to keep doing this enough that we'll bring a kid here. I've thought about that too, man,
I was thinking about that yesterday. I was i got to earlier this year. I was in such a dumor existentialist place that I was. I was on the Wikipedia page for anti natalism. Maybe I talked about this already, but yeah, and I was like looking through this like movement of people who believe that it's like morally wrong to have children and like bring consciousness into the world. I was thinking about that. I was like, yeah, I was.
I was feeling really scared yesterday because I was thinking about, like if I want to have a kid, and I was like, fuck, that's a terrifying idea to me that I like bring consciousness into the world and then my kid is unhappy or feels, uh, you know, has exist some bad life, and I would feel weirdly responsible for that, Like, oh fuck, I've brought a new consciousness into this like kind of difficult thing and now I'm responsible for that.
Like that spooks That spooks me out for sure. But I think it's gonna be up to me to believe that this thing that we're experiencing between two Oreo cookies of fucking oblivion is uh is worth, it is a cool ride, is a good thing, and that I have the opportunity to uh like install a positive perspective upon or dude, try the best I fucking can. I mean, at the end of the day, you bring a kid into this world, and you you have, of course a
lot of influences. You have probably the most influence. You'll be the most influential person to this kid's life. And you know, I try to do that the best you can. But then after that, they, you know, develop their own perception of the world. And that's kind of a beautiful thing too. But uh, yeah, you have the opportunity to find your own I guess joy and positive perspective and like show and like introduce you can't make You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it.
You can lead a horse to good vibes, but you can't make them take it, you know what I mean. You can introduce your kid to like, oh, hey, this is a way of looking at the world that I think is good, and you can't make them take it, but you can at least be like I tried to introduce them to it. So is it not morally wrong to be sending the next generation into a place where so much bad happens? But also think about it like this,
and I think about it all the time. And I have been the thing like I've been talking about on the show of like bad shit has been happening forever. I mean there's bad things have been happening forever, and we keep that, we keep doing it, we keep doing it. This is not new like all the stuff that we're thinking all the like uh numerism that we're dealing with. It's not like our problem where it's we have new problems.
But like.
You know, think about like whatever nineteen thirty whatever the fuck being like you know, oh fuck, this Hitler guy is kind of crazy. Uh, the world? Is it war? Should we have a kid? I don't know about how I feel about the world right now. You know, we figure it out. We just keep we keep figuring it out. And we've been and I'm pretty confident that we'll keep figuring it out because we just we keep figuring it
out after like, uh, I mean, isn't that wild? We people keep even in like fucking places that have experienced a lot of turmoil, people keep having kids, and they keep figuring it out, and they keep deciding either logically or just or biologically their bodies. I mean, we're programmed to fucking reproduce. We just keep deciding we want to keep doing it. So the answer to why we keep deciding that as a species that we want to keep doing it is beyond me. I think it's just innate.
I think it's just as a species where like sharks, we just want to We just fucking want to keep going and we're gonna do it. If you believe yourself to be part of a eight billion large collective conscious, we've unanimously, not unanimously, but we've kind of as a whole decided that we're gonna keep doing this until we can't.
So if you wanna, with whatever individual agency you have, make a new person and try to raise them to be one of the good ones, I think that's a noble thing to do, regardless of would you believe the current state of the world to be, because there's always gonna be there's never gonna be a time where something bad is not happening, and there's never and there's never gonna be a time where something good's not happening. I
really do believe this is bad. There's so like you, and that's why I love living in the city because every day I see, like, if you live in like a big American city like every day, or I guess a lot of European cities, there's not a lot of like a like I don't know, I haven't been to a lot of Asian cities, but like, uh, I think in most major places, you walk around and you see
people living in some form of poverty. But then you also just see like if you if you're if you're looking for it, go on a walk outside in a populated area and you just watch like a mom like walking with their like normal fucking things, like a mom like walking with their kid and the kid has is holding a thing, or like two people just like someone just walking and existing like like, I don't know, there's good stuff about being alive as well as bad stuff.
I've been ranking about this for too long, but I hope you understand what I'm kind of trying to say. All right, Okay, this is from jose Hey Lyle. I'm an on and off listener, and I want to know how tall you are. I'm five foot six and a half. I was five foot seven and then I started telling the truth. When I go on the day, when I go on the dating apps, I'm five foot seven. I can get away with five foot seven. I'm five foot
six and a half. I'm somewhere in between five foot six and five foot seven, and uh, you know, I can work with five foot seven. I could work with five foot six, honestly whatever. I think. I've gone through ebbs and flows about my height where sometimes I get really insecure about it, and then other times I'm like, it's so stupid to be insecure about your height. It really is. It really is stupid to be insecure about
your height. I sometimes I go to bush I think I go to Bushwick sometimes and that's a strong Mexican community, and I think in general Mexican guys are a little shorter. Walk around Bushwick and I'll see like a five foot three Mexican guy with a beautiful girlfriend, and I'm like, okay, you know, we like, this is workable, you can work with this. Okay, wait, there's another height thing. Okay, here
we go, Yeah, there we go. All right. This is from Danny, subject line five foot guy with women troubles. Dear Gek, First and foremost, you and your podcast are wicked. I've been listening to your show for almost a year now. It's been such a refreshing way to get new perspectives on life and hear experiences I'd never come across otherwise. Having you on in the background during my my team calls, Outlook, Grind, and daily work routine has made the nine to five
so much more bearable. For context, I'm twenty five years old, five foot in stature, single and ready to mingle. I haven't been in a relationship for the past two years. I mentioned my height because it's been a bit of a hurdle on dating apps. Being short isn't exactly society's gold standard for attractiveness, and that can suck sometimes, but it is what it is. I've been using Tinder and Hinge for a couple of years. Met my past girlfriend's there, Okay,
fucking we got some. We got some, we got a track record, and while I do get matches and occasional dates, there are definitely dry spells. Since moving to a new city last year, I've only been on two dates. I feel like I've reached a place where I'm comfortable being alone, but I still want to find someone to experience life with. I'm not trying to rush into a relationship just to check a box. I want it to feel right, so here's someone in my mind, I matched with a girl,
let's call her April on Hinge. I was attracted to her and after a few days of texting, we set up a date. By the way, just like, that's another like, look, this guy's five feet and he's able to find meet a lady unhinged. And also, here's another cool thing I like about this is this guy's not like, uh whatever cards you were adults on the planet of like height
or whatever whatever it is. It's it's only over when you when you spiral because you read this guy's email and this guy like this guy because this guy again, you can't. Falling into doom is not a good strategy, as is falling into blind optimism. Look at this guy. This guy's like, look I because this guy's like, look, it sucks being short, but it is what it is. Like, that's a perfect mindset. Because if this guy was like,
I'm foot six, it's over. I'll just I just have to assume I'm never gonna be happy ever in my life, then you know that's he's never gonna be anywhere. But look, he's got a he's a sensible guy. He has some fucking grip on himself and so he's able to, you know, meet someone. Okay, I met a girl. We set up a date. We went thrifting and grabbed a late lunch an early dinner. I paid, did the gentleman thing. Date went well, conversation flowed, she was receptive. At the end,
she asked if I wanted to hang out again. I said yes. Afterwards she texted me a lot of sweet messages, complimenting me and checking in on my day. I responded with playful, cute replies. But now I'm not sure how I feel about her. It feels like she's more into me than I am into her. Oh my god, look at this. This is not how where I thought this email was coming. Don't get me wrong. Being chased is nice, But I don't know if we see this turning. I don't know if I see this turning into a long
term relationship. We have a I can date, planned moving it at her place where young. We have urges. We might not watch the movie if you catch my drift. Okay, but I worry about leading her on if I go through with it, and that thought keeps lingering. Can I do better? It sounds shallow, but it's there, so I'm asking for your advice. What should I do? You know, well, the I used, by the way, the whole idea of like can I do better? Being shallow. Can I do better?
Is not like a when you say can I do better? It doesn't mean like, uh, I don't think that's like reflective of the other person. That's a reflective of you. When you say can I do better, you're not like, can I do better? In terms of like this person that's standing up, can I find a better person? You're more like, can I find a person where I feel
a better feeling about them? So I don't think that that's shallow necessarily, because what's the fucking point, right, Because if you're like not that into this person, I don't know. I mean everyone's experiences this shit differently. Some people they can like be not that into some person and then over time they really like grow with them and they feel good with them and they kind of get a uh, they get they get like a positive you know, they
they develop attraction over time. And that could be you, But I don't know, maybe you're maybe you're not that guy. Have you been that guy in the past, Like you said you met your past girlfriend's there. Are you a slow build guy or are you a I know when I know it guy? If you if you've been a slow build guy and you kind of feel in your gut you're like I could, I could be a slow build guy. I could slowly build attraction, then go for it.
But if you're if you know in your gut that you're not a slow build guy, then I understand wanted to call it, and I don't. I don't think it's shallow because I think also, like you want to fucking be with someone that you want to be with and you want and so does this fucking this lady wants to be with someone that wants to be with her. So I don't think it's shallow to look for a stronger connection. I don't. I don't even think it's reflective of this lady. I think it's just reflective of like
your own brain. That's That's another thing about like attraction is it's so it's a lot more complicated I think than people give it credit for. I mean, obviously, in general, like if you're more physically attractive, if you're taller, if you're in better shape, and you know, you get people, more people are going to be attracted to you, but like there's still a lot of subtleties that make it so that you can't be too black and white with
this stuff. Uh So that's that's what I suggest you should do, is decide if you're open to a slow burn or if you're not, then it's okay to it's okay to withdraw respectfully. Uh let's see here, let's do one or two more. Uh okay. This is from Malachi. Subject line, I got stalked by a creep in prison. My name is Malachi aka Invader mal and I wanted to share a story with you. That's funny now, but back then it had me shook. I was locked up in prison and for a minute I had a cell
buddy who called himself Mike that smokes crack. I thought it was just a weird nickname, but it turns out he was a full blown creep. Dude. Was this fat, oversized white guy. And at first he told me he got locked up for breaking into a pharmacy in the daytime, high on drugs after his girlfriend left him. Sounded believable until it got weird. One night, I'm asleep in my bunk and I wake up to this dude literally sitting
at the edge of my bed watching me sleep. I jump up, I go what the hell and he hits me with, oh, hey, sell, buddy, I was just waiting for you to wake up. Jes got off the phone with my pastor bro what So later that day I told one of my big homies, yes, I'm a gang member. Tree Top pierro a blood set. I let my og know that Mike was watching me sleep, and he said, if he do that again, let me know we're gonna
handle it. The funny part. I'm playing spades in the card room later that week and I run upstairs to grab my coffee. Mike's in the cell and goes, hey, sell, buddy, I accidentally showed someone my butt. I'm like what. He explains he was in the shower, bent over with the curtain wide open, and a Muslim brother saw him. That Muslim brother threatened to stab him for real. I went and asked the Muslim brother myself, and he said, Bro was straight bent over in the shower like he was
in a music video. I was done. So now I'm thinking something's off. Rumors start going around the unit that he's in for touching boys at a Catholic church. I asked for his paperwork, and he sends me some fake nonsense that said breaking and entering. I dig deeper and find the real charges, multiple counts of molesting boys in the church. That night I went to bed with a plan, wake up and get him the hell out of my cell.
I wake up to him again, staring at me, this time sitting on the bunk reading a book like this was some lifetime movie. I said, nah, not again. I ran to my og The whole blood set formed up. We went in that cell, took all his commissary, his food, and kicked him out barefoot. It was like prison house hunters. He got moved to the old man tier and where it is. They beat his ass and had him transferred out to another prison. When I got home, I looked
him up. Everything was true. Not only did he have those charges, but apparently he used to sleep up in the rafters at church and wait until the service started and play with himself. That man was a real life boogieman. So, Gecko, what would you have done in that situation? Dude? I don't I don't know what would I What would I have done in that situation? I would have gone to sleep and been like I'm gonna would I would have
just slept as much as I possibly could. Probably I would have been I would have attempted to be unconscious as long as humanly possible. I would have read a book and be like I would have I don't know. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. Man, how are you doing now? Matt? Like I call in, I want to talk to you. You see to make an interesting guy. I want to hear more more stories about what's going on with you. If you're listening, I want
to I want to hear what's going on. You got a good you got it?
Yeah?
I like the way you tell stories. Also, yeah, I feel like I'm only hearing about Mike, who smokes crack. I want to hear about Malachi. I want to hear what's going on with you. Let's see here. I think that's it. I think I think I'm done reading email for now. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it was a good time for you all.
Uh.
I hope I didn't piss anyone off every time. I I don't. I think I try to be pretty fair about the way I do this, But sometimes I'm like, am I pissing someone off?
Right? Now?
That's the that's the trade off of talking into a microphone and putting it on the internet, is you can just piss someone off somehow. I hope I don't do that. Okay, maybe I should read one more? Should I read one more? I'll read one more. I'll make the podcast a little bit longer. Okay, let's see here, Hey GEK call me ismail. Oh the subject line is h I stopped listening to podcasts.
Hey GEK call me ismail. Thanks for all the time I spent on your podcast because I was depressed and wouldn't leave my house and had to remember how regular conversations worked. Now the Lexapro is working, and in a four month turnaround, I'm sleeping with two people that know about each other and are fine with it and love biting me. He capitalized all those anything that I said in that weird voice. He he had fully capitalized. Big
shout out to Lexapro. Glad I'm not dead. I don't have a whole lot of use for podcasts now that I quit night shifts at UPS and got my sleep schedule right, started getting some writing done in a coffee shop and then going up to people that I'd seen around town, which is possible without lexapro for those interested. I got back to therapy. Fuck, working out, meds and sleep is fucking fine. I don't know what that last
part means, but I mean working out it's cool. I always forget that I'm great at talking to people when I'm hold up in my room. Thanks for getting me through the night shift. I have listening since episode ten, but I have to go now. Sorry, and thanks again. Is Meil, But you know what is mil? I'm I'm happy to hear. Oh he sent this. He sent this email a long time. He sent this email months ago,
so he's not he's not even gonna hear this. But whatever, he's he's having sex right now with two people that know about each other and are fine with it and love biting him. So that's good. Hmm. Yeah, that happens to me all the time. Man, Oh God, that hapens to me all the time. I'll be like, I'll be like really fucking depressed and like not wanting to talk to anyone, and I'll be like, shit, I think I've
there's been so many times. It happens multiple times a week where I'm just like, shit, I don't think I can have a conversation with another human being. I do it for a living, and I'm just like, fuck, I don't I can't talk to other people. And then let's have a day where I'm like, I don't know the fucking vivance hits right or the sun hits right or whatever, and I'm just like, damn, I forgot that I'm actually awesome at talking to people. You got to remind yourself
who you are. It's in there, folks. You just got to remind yourself who you are sometimes, and then you could end up like Ismail and stop listening to this podcast as well. No, thank you guys for listening.
I listen.
I don't, I don't, I don't. It's funny because this kind of harkens back to the very first caller we had. But uh, I don't, I don't know. I listened to a lot of podcasts just for like I guess noise, not so much for like social interaction. I fall asleep every night to podcasts about Nintendo games. I love that shit, And you know what, I'm gonna go do that right now. Actually I'm not. It's the morning time. So thank you, guys for listening to Therapy Gecko. I'm a gecko. I
hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope this was good for you guys. I hope you enjoyed being here. I enjoyed recording it. I know that much. Thank you all. Have a good night and have a good What is it today's Wednesday? Okay, have a good weekend. Everyone, Get blessed, see you around the universe. Repeat, Get Ghosts on the line, taking your phone calls every night. The repeat, Get ghost doing his ride. He's teaching you a housing over your life, but he's not really an expert.