Hello, So Hi, what is your name?
My name's NICKI go by Nikki the Star.
Uh Niki? What's going on? How can I how can I get you today?
I'm so excited.
I'm ecstatic to be gecked.
Well, it says here you wanted to talk about being homeless by choice for the past two years.
Yeah, it's kind of been like a house hopping situation, to be.
Honest, Okay, what's the deal.
I don't know.
It's like more peaceful and I kind of get to like be wherever I want. Like I live in the middle of nowhere in Ohio and I've gotten to like go everywhere in Ohio in a sense.
So when you say that you are okay, so you've been homeless by a choice. So you say that you've been the house hopping for the past ten Yeah, what does that mean?
So?
I just went through my third toxic roommate.
This one was the worst of it.
I went over to his house to pick up my staff ultimately, and he kicked the side mirror off of my friend's car and like throwing the blatta gun and everything.
It was before we get that what. So, So you're like, what is house hopping mean? Like what do you do? Whose houses are you hopping?
It's kind of just I'm a stripper and a porn star. Okay, like this that's my full time profession. But it's kind of just like it's really toxic men that I shouldn't move in with, and it's it's not great. I can't get out of the cycle at this point.
So okay, so the homeless. So you're homeless by choice, hopping around the houses of different guys and you're living there for a little bit of time, and you've been doing this for two years all over Ohio.
Yeah, No, I'm no, I don't know what Chat's saying because I'm not.
I don't don't, I don't. I don't want to talk about the chat. We're not. I'm not this is We're just don't don't think about the chat, don't think about just I'm just curious, okay, we don't think about any that stuff. I'm just I'm just asking, you know, So, is that so that's what you're doing?
Yeah, I've been.
Yeah, Okay, how is that gone?
Well, I'm homeless as of yesterday, But ultimately, like my biggest thing is I've had the money at multiple points, like I'm homeless, carless. I've never bought an apartment or anything like, and I've had the money to do so, but for some reason, it feels more comforting to do it how I'm doing it, So I call myself like nomadic by choice.
Okay, so you've so you've made money stripping and doing porn, and you've made enough money that if you really want it, so you could rent an apartment.
But yeah, like I've had all the I've had all the things to put my life back together, and I really just have.
It, Okay, And so instead you're how are you meeting these guys that you're you're living at their houses?
I don't actually know. It's a really bad habit of kind of moving in with strangers. I'm just like, I'm careless in a destructive sense.
How do you meet these strangers that you move in with?
I'm not sure. I have like memory issues from a little brand image, and I can't remember the stories of how I meant most of them. But I do end up moving in like shortly after meeting these people.
How many different people's houses if you stayed.
At over the passage, I think over four or five. It only lasts a couple of months and then I kind of like gotta fund one.
And are you, like, do you have stuff? Like what do you what do you do with your stuff?
I've lived in toads, right, I own three totes worth.
Of planes and I kind of just live like that, all right, And what uh in these past like five dudes houses that you've lived in, what has the experience been like?
Well, most of them ended up really badly and me getting kicked out in like a really traumatic manner.
Okay, So if you have the money, why do you not get your own place?
Well, currently I'm on like probation and stuff, but prior to this, I don't I'm I don't know. I have like a weird outlook on life. I've been through like a lot of trauma and a lot of like changing experiences. I got really heavily into like a lot of psychedelics for a while too, So I feel like introspective about the world. But like, I have a condition where I have seizures if I get too stressed out. So in order to like keep my seizures to a minimum, I
have to live completely stressed free. So I don't like everything about owning a house or in a parka.
I'm going to stop you. I need to stop you right there. Oh no, I'm sorry. Would you say your name was again?
Nikki the Star?
You're telling me by choice, you believe that you being homeless and staying at the houses of strangers that you just met is less stressful than just having your own apartments. Yeah, I how did you come How did you come to that concision?
I don't know.
It's also just like I started off doing this when I was in like a really bad position, Okay, and like, ultimately mean it's it's easier and less stressful for me not to change my situation.
Nikki, do you do you want better for your life?
I don't.
I don't know that better is like a good word, is.
A good word. I think better is a good word in this situation.
I'm going to be one hundred percent honest. Even in my situation, my current situation, it's not optimal. I'm sure nobody dreams of this life. I feel the best I've ever felt in my life. I feel I feel honestly fantastic.
About my life.
Okay, part I mean it's not all optimal, but I mean I've been to the bottom of the barrel because I feel like every I get to enjoy everything else a lot more. The little things in life mean a whole lot more.
So tell me more why you feel like you know these these past two years. Why do you feel why do you feel like your life is the best it's ever been.
I had like a whole traumatic assault case when I was really young. I was like fourteen fifteen, and my whole childhood I was just like sheltered this like I turned eighteen. I got kicked out before I turned eighteen, and this is when all of this has started.
But like I chose to.
Spend my adult life so far not worrying about being an adult as much as like, okay, enjoy, like I have a good quality in life, which I don't feel like a lot of people can say. And that's what I've been working on. Okay, my mental health and my physical health are really bad off.
So you're right, Yeah, No, I'm not crying. I'm sorry.
No I'm going to you're not. That's what a great sentence. No, I'm not crying. I'm just smoking a joint. Okay, sure, all right, you know what, But all right, there's so many things going on here that are interesting.
Uh.
You know what, when I think, actually I watched I watched all of the adults in my childhood. I'm happy with their life because they never spent time trying to find quality in life and they just spent time living life.
I I I really, Nikki, I really do feel like you are reaching positive conclusions and then making wrong decisions based off of those positive Because here's the thing. I'm really I'm happy to hear that you are. It sounds to me like you're just like, oh, things were so bad and now they're not as bad, and I'm really grateful for that. And I think that's sick. But I
still don't understand why. By if you're telling me the truth, and this really is by choice, that by choice, you are opting to meet strange guys in ways that you don't even remember and sleep at their houses instead of just getting an apartment with the.
Money, and it sounds really bad for everybody. Well, I'm not saying that I had money at the time that I moved into their house. I'm more so saying I'm talking.
I'm talking about today, I'm talking about I'm talking about right now.
Well, right now, I just got kicked out of the last one. I don't currently have money for all that because life's been a shit show this year. But like I'm just saying, everybody kind of looks at my life from a distance and doesn't really understand it.
What do you think people don't understand about your life?
Like I I nobody, nobody would do the things I do but me and my breast friend, and we call ourselves goblins and we just kind of like I've been living the past two years is just like a street goblin.
Okay, what do you think people don't understand about being a street goblin?
I don't know. I do goblin shit twenty four seven. It's it's permanent goblin time over here. Just my whole day is dedicated to whatever the fuck flies to me, and like it's it's always goblin shit.
So look, I think that you can kind of do whatever you want as long as you're happy and as long as you're safe. Do you feel like you're safe?
I do?
Can I ask you this too? Like you're like, what's your what's your deal with your family?
My family is not great and I have I don't know. They just didn't like how it turned out, which I get it. I mean, I'm a stripper in porn starr and I do like let people know this proudly. Okay, I'm proud of my career choices and my family doesn't vibe with strippers.
Okay, and you said you have a you have a goblin friend. What's how do you How do you know her?
My goblin friends? I actually met at the strip club the first time we ever met. She worked at a sixth store at the time, and she had it they'll give you freezies when you work there if they're like getting rid of stuff, and they gave her butthole loop and she does not do any so, so we befriended each other over butthole loop.
Okay. Do you do you have any concerns at all about the way that you live or about or or okay, well how about this? How about this with this? If not any concerns about your present, do you have any concerns for the future.
I do have concerns for the future, definitely.
Okay, what are your concerns for the future.
I don't know. I don't spend too much time worrying about like what's going to happen, because I do have some significant brain image, Like I got to focus on processing what's going on now in this current moment. Like I don't really do like plans or schedules or anything like that. I don't worry horrifically about the future, but I do, like I have been wondering lately if there's something else that's going to be better one day?
Is there is there something else in.
Your getting a house like I have been in the longing for Like I have decorations, but they've stayed in a box for two years now, so I've never been somewhere long enough to decorate. H Like that that sense and like similar.
To confidently.
Call a home definitely like gets to me.
Okay, hm hmm. Have you ever seen, like have you seen a real therapist or a doctor to talk about any of these things?
So, I mean I have in the past, and it's all been very traumatizing, But I almost like to think myself, I'm a little delvisional, and I'll put it out there now, but I do find myself like very therapizing.
I've got a lot going.
On in my brain and like a lot of it's some really serious mental stuff, but I feel like I understand my own brain better than I could explain it to somebody else.
Okay, that's ensure. That's an interesting thought. But I'm not telling you. I'm not even saying, I guess explaining you. Why was therapy? Was it?
Like?
Was it helpful for you?
I don't feel like so. I'm unmedicated and parawell i'd like to call it. I don't go to therapy and it never helped me, and medications never helped me either. Okay, I just I just smoke some weed and I get on with my day.
All right, Do you feel like you'll be Okay?
Okay, it's very retrospective. I didn't get to tell you why I feel a little bit safer because I also do have background in like dominatrix work.
Okay, h what the funk was I gonna say?
Just now, there's a lot going on.
I know there is sure Uh all right, I mean, I mean I'm debating, uh how much concern? Uh? This is raising? I guess because I don't I don't know, man, I don't know. But where do you? Well, I know it's gonna ask where are you calling me from? Right now?
I am currently at It's it's the guy I'm sleeping with. Sisters and her girlfriend's birthday today, so we're having a seafood boil and I'm allergic to seafood.
So okay, so you started hooking up with a guy and it's his sister's birthday, so he brought you to this seafood boil.
Yeah, I'm like, there's I'm like, they're little pet. I'm their little stripper pet. They just bring me everywhere. I like pretty and stand in the background.
Okay, well shit, I mean is there anything else that you wanted to talk about in this regard? I just I just like, look, I think it's good that you
enjoy your life. That you're enjoying going goblin mode. I just would think that, like, like if you like, even like if you're making money and you have money, I would think if I were you, about how you can use the money that you're making and the money that you're saving and the money that you know, whatever you're you know, how you can invest it, how you can use it to gain a sense of stability so that
you know your God you can still goblin mode. I actually like you can still like because to me, look, goblin mode. Okay, I have thoughts. It took me a little bit to come up with my thoughts. I've decided, what do you think about this goblin mode that you are describing? This freedom? This? I do what I want. I don't care what other people think about me. I've spent my whole life fucking whatever, bowing down to parents or bowing down to whatever the fuck, And I'm gonna
do what i want. I'm gonna live how I want. My parents just did whatever they were told forever, and I'm gonna do what i want. I'm gonna go goblin mode. I think that's cool for real, I do, okay, But I think you can have that mindset and live your life with that mindset without being homeless. I think, and I said this during this call. I've said this, You've
come to positive conclusions. It's just the actions that I feel like some of the actions that you have taken as a result of the positive conclusions you've comfort to are are are wrong turns, you know.
Like I'm not saying I disagree at all, Okay, but it's a very delusional life that I'm living, Okay, all right, I just I mean, I'm happy. My quality of life is fantastic.
And that's great, and that's great.
Get past eighteen years and that.
Not hav great and that's great. And I don't know if you believe me, but I think you can maintain that level of happiness, if not even increase it by choosing not to be homeless and live with strangers that you don't remember meeting. That's that's that's my word. You can think about it, you can take it, or you can leave it. But that's that's I guess what I have to say.
I mean, it's it's valid. I feel like I'm also twenty and I'm not really like vibing with the idea of being an adult at the moment. So the least amount of adult shit I could possibly do so that I don't wake up every day and cry is alright with me. Like I still go to work and I still like pay my bills. There's a couple that are necessary.
But uh, well, Nikki, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go? No?
I just love walking your show. I'm excited to see this episode. I've been waiting forever. I was sitting there and they were I was admiring them tearing apart crawfishells and then I saw that you'd called, so I ran outside.
Well, take care of NICKI good luck, good luck, good luck? Yea goblin mode. I don't know. I don't have anything else to say that I didn't already say while I was talking to her.
But.
A shit, I don't know, man. It's like, it's like if you're a homie told you that he was good. It's like if like, what's the story, what's that that? Into the wild? You guys know, into the wild? It's with that guy. Christopher McCandless was his name. I think that's his name. It might not, that might be the name of something that could. But there's this guy who went into the woods by choice to survive off of berries and nothing else, and in a weird way, in
a weird way, he went. He went faral mode when christopherm you can look this up. Look up. I don't know, people, look up Into the Wild, Christopher McAndless, you wrote a whole book. There's a movie about it. He'd by choice, was homeless and went into the woods. I don't think he told anyone. I don't know. I really don't remember. But if he did, right, like if he did, if your friend was like Hey, I'm gonna go live in the woods because nobody can tell me what to do,
and I'm going goblin mode. You you'd like, you'd be concerned, right, he'd be concerned. But a lot of Look, a lot of people think Christopher McCandless was awesome, and they egged him on, and they were like, you know, this guy is a hero. He's sick, he defied convention, and he's he's inspired me to also exit the capitalist healthscape that I live in and go live in the woods. Other people are like, hey, you know, he did do that, and I don't know exactly how long, but pretty soon
after he did that, he died. He super died. He died a lot. He very much died after doing that, and he I don't think he lasted that long. And a lot of people are like, hey, you know, he died, so it probably wasn't the greatest idea for him to go goblin mode, which camp was, right. I don't know. That's a matter of personal philosophy. I suppose I will not be going goblin mode anytime soon. I will be sitting and eating chips.
Hello, Hello, Hi Gach.
What is your name?
Millie?
Millie? What's going on has life?
Well, I guess I just kind of wanted to talk about my dad.
H go ahead, So.
Whenever me or my brother don't talk to him for a few days or like we're mad at him, he will go on Facebook and say that he passed away.
How does he say that he passed away? Does?
Who?
Does he pose as making the post?
Yeah, that's what we don't really know.
So he just so like, what, what's what's your dad's name? Or give me a fake name. What's like, what's his.
Jacob?
Okay, So Jacob goes, Jacob Frankfort, that's your fake last name. Jacob Frankfort has died. Post by Jacob Frankfort.
Yeah, So what exactly happened was he changed his Facebook banner. It was just like a blurry photo of nothing, and then someone replied to it, like one of his friends, and said are you okay? And then my dad replied back at himself saying he passed period. And then and then the friend replied who passed and then he replied Jacob did. And like, I don't have Facebook, so I didn't see this. So my other siblings and like my friends, they contacted me, like have you heard from your dad,
Like what's going on? I'm like, oh God, what do you do? Like, Oh, he's saying that he passed on Facebook? And I'm like.
How many times did he fake his own death.
On Facebook? Only the once? But he's doing it again. So that was about a year ago, and he never really explained what that was about. And about a few days ago, him and my brother have like issues that they need to work on or whatever. My brother was trying to have that conversation with him, and instead of having that conversation, my dad like calls me and starts going off on me, saying that we don't care that he's dying. I'm like, what are you talking about? You're dying?
And I don't try to get him to tell me, like what's going on?
Like, so.
A year ago, when he posts that he's dying, how does he get like like how does he get caught that he's not dead?
Do you?
How do you when you when you find out that he's.
Not dead, He'll just keep posting again like nothing happens. That's the crazy part. Like I don't see how he doesn't see how that's insane or like how it's going to affect us, you know, like we have our own ship going on, and on top of this, we have a dad that's one day he's perfectly fine and then the next screaming at me on the phone saying, you don't care that I'm dying. And I'm like, I don't know, Like, are we gonna see on Facebook again?
He so, what? What's what? It seems like you, in general have a tumultuous relationship with your dad.
Sorry what did you say?
It seems in general that you have a tumultuous relationship with your dad.
Yeah, it's I don't like I love him a lot, but he stresses me out beyond belief. Like what's the last night he calls me at five in the morning and I'm asleep and he leaves me a voice smell saying, well by tried. I'm like, what do you mean you try? You called at five in the morning?
So he's dying again?
Yeah?
Is he really dying?
Why?
He say? Why does he say he's dying again?
He just threatens that. I guess. Like I talked to him very often. I keep up with him. I ask him about his health and he always says everything's fine, until like, either I don't talk to him for a few days, or my brother goes off on him, then suddenly he's dying.
Is does your dad? Is your dad married?
Yeah?
Okay, what's going on with his wife?
So they take care of his mom and she does like the day shifts and he does night shifts. So as far as he tells me, they don't really get to spend much time together. Wife either happily Yeah, I mean, they're happily married.
So this is not This is not a guy who's just completely alone and is trying to get attention from his kids because because he's lonely, he's happily married. Yeah, how long has he How long has he been like doing shit like this?
A long time? I mean the threatening of dying. I can't even remember. Honestly, he is, like he's such a smart man, but he's so dramatic and like says the craziest things, like just the other night, he was mad that I didn't reply to him within thirty minutes and then he texts me, you're selfish, you know what, Just don't bother. Karma seeks those who seek it, So this.
Is probably what I assume a real therapist would tell you that your dad has no boundaries.
Uh, huh?
Have you attempted to set boundaries with your dad?
When I do, he start screaming and saying that we don't care about him, and like I keep saying, he will go back to the I'm dying and you don't care? And I'm like, is he dying?
I mean, as far as I know, no, how.
Does your brother deal with all this ship? How does your brother deal with all this ship?
He tells me that I should block him.
I assume that means your brother has him blocked?
He has? I mean, I'm the only one of his kids that he has, like an actual.
Really with how many kids does he have?
Four? And that also don't talk to him anymore.
Okay, so you're the last one that like wants to put up with him.
Yeah.
So I'm curious, and I mean I don't This is not a leading question in any way, shape or form, but I'm curious. Why do you put up with him?
That's a good question. That's what my brother asks. Because I love him, That's the simple answer. Like he drives me crazy and he says crazy hurtful ding sometimes, but.
Like I don't know, You're right, Milly, Oh yeah, Okay, how much longer. Do you think you can put up with them?
I don't know. I mean, this has been happening for a long time, Like this isn't just the only crazy thing.
Well, yeah, he faked his own death twice. That's two crazy things. Have you ever spoken to a real therapist about this? No? Okay, you probably should, but I assume they would tell you. Uh uh, I don't know. I don't fucking know what a real therapist would say in this situation. But fucking.
Everyone that I talked to about it, they say, don't deal with this, you don't deserve this. But if I I feel like, if I really stop talking to him, who knows what he would do? Like if he acts like this when he doesn't get a text back in thirty minutes.
Yeah, but okay, you know what, Look, I'm gonna actually like, uh, let loose on this one a little bit. How how old is your dad.
Sixty two?
Sixty two? Is he mentally competent?
Yeah?
Okay, he's not. There's not like something divergent about him.
No, I mean he drinks a lot.
Okay, I'm so your dad's sixty two, so in my opinion, And how old are you? That was in his thirties, he decided to have a kid. And with that decision, it's like a crazy decision to make. That was thirty, he decided to have a kid, and he kind of has to take on one of the responsibilities of doing that, which is to not consistently call your kid yelling at her and saying heartful things, you know, And it kind of sounds like he you know, I mean, he's he has he shown you any remorse at all?
Yes, but.
Like it's really passive aggressive, We're backhanded. Like I mean, for example, when when he went off on me the other day for no reason, started doing that I don't care about his health and stuff. I was like, what makes me selfish? Like what am I doing?
Your dad is? Take your dad is? Is I'm playing? I mean, I guess it's my job to play armchair therapist. I guess that's what I fucking do. But to play armchair therapist your dad sounds like he's taking all of his problems and unleashing them upon to you and making them your problems, which is truly a horrible thing for a parent to do to their kid. I believe he.
Had always done that too, and like, yeah, that's not.
That's not it's a terrible fucking reason to have a kid.
Yeah, it's really it's really frustrating because like I have my own ship going on, I have my own life, Like I can't answer at five in the morning, you know, I don't know. Me and my brother thought, like after we found out that he was okay, obviously, like we thought it was pretty funny two right on your own Facebook as yourself that you passed.
No, no, no, it's really really funny. It's very funny. It's very funny to do that. And then afterwards, you know, update your fucking candy crush scores.
Uh yeah, twenty four hours later he's posting his candy.
Crush that's funny. You know, I almost I actually, jen I feel I like, for real, I feel bad for your dad because I don't know why. I don't know why he he he uh like that that's kind of how I feel. Like, I feel bad for your dad because clearly he's in a lot of pain, but he doesn't. I feel bad for you because he's unleashing his pain upon to you, which is not a cool thing for, you know, a parent to do to their kid. And I don't think you I don't think you're required to put up with it.
I feel Badrahim too, and I guess that's why I keep responding in right.
But but you, I think you can feel bad for him and want him to be better without taking a loan out of the bank of your sanity. Yeah, and I know, by the way, that's an extremely hard thing to do. I actually have no idea, you know, like this is like we're we're discussing a pretty like emotionally distressing and complex thing that's way easy, easier, easier said than easier said by a gecko than done. But you know, I don't know, man, It's it's a really it's it's
it's a tough situation. I feel I I I feel your stress.
Yeah, he'll spam text me late at night, Like one second it's really sweet, like I love you so much, you mean the world to me, and then ten minutes later it's shame on you.
Tell you tell your dad to get help. I mean that that's you know what, That's probably what I would do if I was you. Unfortunately, I'm just trying to I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. Is like I would just like your your dad like like you can set up a kind of I guess, like an ultimatum, a thing where it's like, look, you can be a part of my life, but you gotta fucking get help, dude, Like you gotta go, you gotta there's something going on with you. Your brother did that.
Exact thing, but yeah, a few days ago, and that's what unleashed this.
I mean, if that's your brother, I mean, dude, if that's what your brother did, then the ball is in your dad's court.
He just doesn't reply to him, and then he calls me, yelling at me that we don't care. It's just the same cycle, like so frustrating.
I I think you should tell your dad he's gotta he's gotta get help. He's got to work on himself. If if you're gonna talk to him, because he can't just like because like you want. He's your dad, you clearly love him and you want him to not be insane, But he's gotta also want himself to not be insane and not just take it out on you.
Yeah. I don't sorry, I don't see how he doesn't realize, like what he is doing is unfair and crazy.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't I don't know.
And he's smart, like he is. He's smart. So that's another reason I don't understand how he could act like this. And we're nothing but completely rational too to him. And it's a good thing he deleted his Facebook, because.
It's a good thing he deleted his Facebook. I think Facebook was too powerful a tool for him and frank Frankly, I mean frankly, too powerful a tool for us, several people of his age. I think I love you. You ever go on Reddit? You ever go to r slash insane people Facebook?
Yeah, I've seen some stuff.
Yeah, you know, there's there's thousands and thousands of your dad's out there also faking their own depth on a daily basis. So I so I hope you don't feel alone in that. H what's your name again, Millilli? Well listen Millie again. You know this is a tough situation, but I hope you do whatever is best for you. I know that's that's like an empty thing to say.
I'm bad at ending conversations, but I feel like we got some good stuff out in the middle of this, you know what I mean, Like if you judged it on the middle, not on the end when I said a platitude to you, I think it would have been a good I think it was a good. Do you think was Was this a helpful conversation to you in any way, shape orfore? Yeah, I think it was okay, cool.
Yeah, you kind of just said what everyone in my life.
I absolutely assume I'm not the first person to tell you all of these things. But listen, listen. Similar to how you can tell your dad that he needs to do something all he wants, at the end of the day, he's the one that's got to make the choice, and as are you the one that has to make yours. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
If your dad ever writes on his own Facebook that he passed away and you're not sure and it's probably not.
True, I don't I don't know, I have no idea. Facebook's kind of crazy. Okay, bye, Milly, bye talking to you. Yeah, you know what this is kind of so I kind of wanted to go look at crazy face Facebook stuff. There's still people on there. Do you know that you ever log into Facebook to see who's still on there? It's it's pretty uh like I remember being on Facebook in like twenty seventeen and seeing people facebook into the void.
You know, you know those people who are facebooking into the void, like whoever, whoever, you whoever when you were on Facebook in twenty seventeen, was facebooking into the void and you were looking at them their statuses and going, how does this person keep making these Facebook statuses for no one? I guarantee, Like, if you have someone in your head, I guarantee if you log into your Facebook right now, they posted an hour ago and they're still
doing it. And you know what. Actually, and by the way, by the way, I don't mean to say this as a as a dick thing, like, oh, that person's crazy. I don't. I actually don't think that person is crazy. I fully understand why people facebook into the void. It's like journaling. They're basically they're basically journaling. That's what they're doing. They're journaling, and they're like, it kind of feels good to take my journal and throw it into the void
just so it's there. That's what That's what it is, man. That's why we that's why they're facebooking. We all just want to be seen. I think I think we all just want to be seen, felt, heard, understood, loved, and that's why we publicly and that's why Farmville works, because we just want to be seen. That's why people Facebook into the void, that's why that's why people fake their
own deaths. That's why if you go on in sane people Facebook, it's just it's just a bunch of people who want to be loved, which is kind of as stupid to say, but it's I guess that's true. And sometimes love makes you say completely insane horrible things on Facebook, is what I'm saying.
Okay, from Hi my it was Bob out of twenty two.
Hello, Hello, what's your name?
My name is Bob.
Well, Bob, what's going on? How can I get you today?
Well? I actually have a question. I mean, it's just because I'm mostly a podcast listener, but I've noticed you don't really ever get anyone on the show that's like super trolley, Like there's never anyone who's called in and been like a boobs or whatever. Then hung up. I was kind of curious about why that was.
Well, it's interesting that you say that that nobody has called in and gone ah, boobs whatever, because I too thought when I first started this, that there would be a lot more people calling in and saying ah boobs yeah, and I'll set the show. So the way, like I don't know how much I talk about this on the podcast, but this show first started as a thing that I would do on the Reddit Public Access Network back in
like twenty twenty. I don't know, are you familiar with the Reddit Public Access Network?
Yeah? I never really got like on it, but like I knew of it.
It never took off. It was this weird thing where for like a year or two, maybe not even that long, about a year, Reddit was had live streams where you could go live and if your streams got popular, they'd go to the front page of Reddit. And so the way that this show first started is I was fucking around as therapy Gecko taking phone calls on Reddit. And when I was doing that, that was a lot that was like my streams would go to the front page.
So I'd have like forty two thousand concurrent viewers watching the show, and like almost all of them had no idea who I was, or cared or anything like that. And so I was definitely getting fucked with a lot more back when I was doing that. Other people would call in and just like try to you know, be
an asshole. But true. But even dude, even back then, truly, I was astounded at how little that would happen, even back then, Like surely maybe like once a month someone would call in just to you know, say something bad and hang up. But I thought it was gonna happen every single time I went live. To be honest, I thought I was gonna be my stream was just gonna
get kind of vandalized. When people kept telling me that, They're like, I would never put up a phone number because someone's gonna say something and I'm gonna get banned from Twitch, And I'm like, I don't people, that doesn't really happen. And even when it would happen, I wouldn't make it a big fucking deal. I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't stop the stream and be like I do not condone. I would just I would just be like, that was stupid, Okay, let's move on, you know, because
it's what they want you to do. They want you to get pissed off and make a whole big deal out of it because they want attentions. I mean, that's really it. But dude, for real. I am very pleasantly surprised that like ninety nine point nine nine percent of people that I have spoken to the thousands of fucking phone calls I've taken since do it on the Reddit streams and the Twitch streams and the podcast alsoff genuine people for real, like genuine cool They just want to talk.
Or if they are being trolley or saying boobs or whatever, it's not out of any malice. Maybe it's just because they're nervous so they don't know what to say, or they were trying to be funny. Like nobody. I don't think anyone's really come on here with true, honest to god negative malice. And if they ever did, it was you know, three out of a thousands, which is kind of crazy to me. It's kind of crazy to me.
It's funny. I've thought about this before. Of all the people that I meet doing this, whether it's on the phone or in person, again, like pleasant interactions, extremely pleasant interactions over the phone and in person when I do my live shows, Like, I really don't have any bad experiences meeting talking to any of these people on the phone or in person. It's mainly like on the comments section of things and in the chats, you know what I mean, where people are just going insane, you know.
I mean even I'll say that the twitch chat is cool. The twitch chat it does not. But still it's like it's so funny to me because I'll look at the Instagram comments of like a clip of some kind that I've posted, and you know, everyone is like people are getting into crazy fights and just acting like lunatics. And then I meet these same people in person and everyone's awesome. I don't, I know, it's funny, but and they're the same fucking people. You know, it's crazy.
Yeah, that's what I was curious about, because like that it sounds like I'm setting up for a bit, but I promise you I'm not like do it.
I don't even wonder, No, I.
Re seriously would have a bit. I was just curious because like I primarily listen to the podcast, and then I had that thought. So then I start watching more streams and I'm still like, the ratio here is insane because I haven't ever seen anyone call in and do anything stupid, Like I think most shows that are calling have those kinds of people, and it just seems like yours doesn't just nuts.
Yeah, and I you know, I'm very also, I'm also
very happy with like the size of my show. I'm not like, like if whatever ex QC or someone like that open to their line to phone calls, I'm sure that would happen a lot, but uh, I really I'm at a fantastic perfect size of audience where the people who listen are just like I mean, that's the dream, right is You're you're popular enough that the only people who like know about you are people who are like, you know, actually like give a fuck about what you're doing,
and not like, you know, people who not not not being like someone someone crazy internet famous who people just kind of will well we'll want to fuck with just because it's funny. Yeah, Like I'm surprised. I'm I'm really surprised that a bunch of like fourteen year olds into discord chat have not been like, hey, let's go say a bunch of horrible racist things on the Therapy Geckos stream. You know, like that's that's happened. That's happened way way
way less than I thought it would. Sorry, what did you say?
That's why I'm like, I wonder if maybe I've just like missed it or because for whatever reason, like maybe it's that it is happening on the show and it's just cut out of the cast. But no, I guess not.
No.
I mean I cut a lot of phone calls off of the Twitch stream before I put it into the podcast, but nothing like with malicious intent. Part of me wonders if because I'm probably gonna put this conversation on the podcast, and part of me wonders if we're jinxing it a little bit, But I don't think so. I don't even think. I don't think that this is going to jinx it. I don't.
I was hoping that like by calling it and asking I wouldn't make it worse, because I'm sure that people have had the same thought.
Well, I mean, that's the thing is that the people like I think that the people who would want to just like call in and vandalize the stream are the people who they're not. They left, They left a long time ago because they didn't actually give a fuck about like being here and listening to any of this. So it kind of makes sense when you think about it like that, have.
There been any calls that you have that have been super long. When did maybe you thought were with somebody pulling your leg, because there's been a couple where I've been like I feel like that was an act.
Uh yeah, sure, yeah, definitely hundred percent, one hundred percent. You know, you know what I'm gonna say this, and this is uh uh do you?
Yeah?
Fuck it? So the you remember a caller who talked about jizzing on pizzas.
Yes, that was the one I thought of, Like that was okay.
So like like a few days after I put that out or whatever or had the call, and I went on discord and I was just like browsing my discord and I saw a guy in the cord. It'd be like, hey, that was I was just that was me who was talking about that. I was just pulling the prank. And I was like and no, I didn't know. It wasn't even funny. I was like, don't do that, man, I hate that.
That's crazy.
No.
The one is the I think there was this lady who like thought she was like fucking of aliens or something.
Yeah, yeah, sure, the lady who I remember you're talking about the lady who thought that she who she was, she was like a high she claims to be a high ranking government official who gets abducted by aliens regularly. I okay that I know exactly what you're talking about. I think, okay. The question of okay that one I think I would say confidently whoever I was speaking with on the phone believed what they were saying to be true.
Yeah, it was hard. It was a toss up for me. Like part of me was like, this person is either it's possibly mentally ill, foot pulling a break, but either way, like, I think you handled it really well well.
Thanks. Also because I don't I think it's not fun to constantly be like this is fake and stupid. I I really someone was asking about this thing. I really believe, like from sitting in the driver's seat of this thing. My perspective is that the majority, you know, most people are telling the truth and coming on here to be sincere. Uh yeah, I think. I sure there's like a handful that aren't. But like you look at the like I said, you look at the YouTube comments and every there's every
fucking video. Someone's like, you know what, I'm actually really smart and know everything and this is a fake And it's like, dude, you don't like you don't. It's so it feels like ignorant to me to like say that everything is fucking fake and like that you know that it's fake. It's I feel as I don't like it. It feels ignorant.
Yeah, it's a weird flex.
It's a weird flex. It's a weird flex.
No. I think most comment sections that kind of have their own vibe terrible. Like you look at the YouTube comment section and this is completely stupid, but like in the Reddit comment section, it's like people fighting over the dumbest shit you've ever heard of in your life.
Actually, okay, I want to you know what, I want to say this real quick. Thank you for giving me the uh the opportunity to say this. I know I said just like two seconds ago that everyone in the YouTube comment section is crazy. I take that back. I take that back. A lot of people in the Actually in the YouTube comment section, I let people are pretty cool. It's in the it's in like the short form, like the TikTok the TikTok comments section is filled with the
same people. I will never take that back. But actually, I've I've been reading all the YouTube comments, like on the recent podcast because I'm curious because these conversations feel like conversations that I'm having alone, and so after I have them, I'm a little part of my brain is like, did anyone else hear that at all?
Like?
Was that just a conversation? I know that they are because I'm doing it as a fucking podcast, but I still does it doesn't feel like. I mean, I'm the only person in this room right now as I'm talking to you. It feels like I'm just talking to you. So I like going on YouTube and being like, what
do other people think about this guy? Like we had that guy rowdy, that a kid who is obsessed with his teacher, and I read I read every single comment that people had to say about him and his situation, and I want, I actually really want to say this. I felt as though a lot of the people in the YouTube comments section, if not again, if not the majority, like a ninety nine percent, were very thoughtful, in very kind,
and very well intentioned in their responses. And that made me very you know, because I think a lot of people, especially for that call, I think a lot of people maybe had a reflex to criticize and focus on the things that were negative, And I was a little worried that would have I'm bean worried. What I you know, I can't control what other people think and say, but uh,
I was. I was pleasantly surprised that that was not the case and that people were being thoughtful and helpful because I was actually I was reading because in the podcast, the kid talked about how he's gonna read he wants to read the YouTube comments, and he was like, are you gonna post us on YouTube? Because I want to read the comments and I want to hear what other people are saying about it. And so I was reading the YouTube comments, imagining myself as that caller reading them,
and I was like, okay, I think nobody. I didn't see any comments that I was like, that would be a concerning idea to put in this dude's head, you know what I mean. Like everything I read, I was imagining him reading it, and I was like, Okay, this is actually like seems as though it will be helpful to this person to get these people's uh perspectives that people came in with with good and positive perspectives. I
actually part of me was I was reading it. I was considering making it like a segment of the podcast where I would like read comments, Yeah, but I don't don't. I don't know if I'm gonna do that. It's the real reason I don't know if I'm gonna do that
is because it's a bunch of fucking work. And I also I also really like I want the podcast to be like insular, Like I want it so that you can click on any episode and there's no like like some fucking podcasts are there about like their little in there, like they're about like their inside jokes and their community and stuff. And I don't like that. I like the idea that you can you can click on any episode and you don't need any backstory or context to know
what we're talking. But I guess I don't know. Maybe I'm I don't know who cares, who cares about anything?
Yeah, I like that. Other I like the guy a lot. Yeah, ready, scenes like like cool, but no, that's awesome. I guess a lot of that has to do with this community, because it's neat that a lot of people were on their offering him some decent advice. I feel like a lot of the times with like negative comments, it's more on like the short form stuff. I don't really poke around on like YouTube video comments, it's mostly like short.
Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. Yeah, that's why I was saying that the TikTok comments are kind of insane because it is mainly like short form, because because you don't you really can't get a good perspective on on something in you know, a minute, whereas these people are are presumably you know, I mean, they could have just been listening for one minute and gotten gone right to the
comments section. But these people are presumably listening for a full fucking forty minutes to this guy talk about his life, and they're getting invested and they come to know, they come to you know, know him as a full human being instead of well, as as much as you can come to know somebody as a full human being in forty minutes. But yeah, you can do that more than forty minutes than you can in one.
So for sure there's still stuff you can relate to.
Do you not go on the internet?
Oh no, I do. It's not as much anymore.
You see, you sound like a healthy individual.
And yeah, I mean maybe I just I got off of Reddit and I stopped caring about Reddit. I mean, I watched YouTube during like lunches and stuff. I keep up with news. I'm not like entirely disconnected. I'm just not super like socially linked in you know. Yeah, I'm on Instagram, Twitter, yeah all that.
Yeah. Twitter is horrible. I hate Twitter. I hate it so much. It's horrible. I don't post on twit Twitter anymore. I deleted my Twitter back and you know, years ago. But I have, like I have like lurker accounts just so I can like scroll and it's it's awful. I I was scrolling Twitter the other day on my little like burner account that I have just to read it, and I was like, why the fuck am I doing this every single time I come on here.
It's just.
Like it just makes me upset, you know, like there's no there's a reason for me to do this. And I was like, I was like, like I would type therapy Gecko into the search bar like a fucking crazy person to see if like anyone on Twitter was like talking about me or talking about the podcast. And it
was like, what am I? This is just like a horrible and then I and then it's like, you know, you're like your social media programming or like your brain just like does things fucking automatically, Like I trained my brain to automatically do this and automatic actually scroll on Twitter, and I was and at a certain point was it was like snapping out of fucking brainwashing. I was like, what the fuck am I doing? This is insane, this
is insanity. I'm dying. I'm slowly fucking dying, and I'm sitting on here like getting mad, like getting mad on Twitter, like what am I doing? Dude?
I did this. I remember being on the toilet and being like I can't do this anymore. I'm too angry. The algorithms work way too well. Like I think that everyone has at the moment where they come out of it a little bit and they're like, I, this is this isn't working for me. This isn't healthy.
Mm hmm. I mean even like I don't feel I don't feel bad playing video games anymore. I used to
think maybe video games was a waste of time. But in this car, like in this uh timeline in twenty twenty four, if you in this world where like your attention is kind of being like taken away from you through like just the brainwashing of like I'm programmed to go on Twitter and scroll mindlessly if you can resist that and be like intentional with how you want to waste your time, Like there's almost something weirdly productive about that,
Like I would like spending three hours mindlessly scrolling TikTok is way worse than spending three hours like playing a video game or watching a movie that you're reading a book that you intentionally chose to, you know, consume that was designed as like art. That's not just like weird brain even like a nice YouTube video essay or something like that. It's not just like a weird brain rotty fucking thing.
Because then you're at least being like intentionally lazy, Like there's still soft skills you can get from like playing video games or reading or doing something else like the doom scrolling. It's you don't never get anything out of it, Like I I cannot remember what I looked at as soon as I put my phone down from like exactly like on TikTok or YouTube or whatever, like it just vacates my brain immediately, it's gone.
Exactly. I watched The Whale five days ago, thought about it every day since.
The whale.
The whale, you know, the whale, Brandon Frasier. Yeah, the guy's got a daughter and he's he's obese. Are you still there?
Yeah? It was good.
It's crazy. It's an I saw really un It's a
really uncomfortable movie to watch, like uncomfortable. How like well, also here's also here's an I think I'm like, like, I don't look like the whale, but like I'm a little overweight, and I think if you're like a little overweight, it's more uncomfortable to watch because the guy is kind of like wheezing and having a heart attack the entire fucking movie, and you're it just it kind of makes your like, like I was watching it, and I felt like I was having a heart attack vicariously through him
in the movie. It's terrifl No, it's terrible. It's not a fun movie. It's not a fun movie to watch. But it's it's great. It's a great movie. You should watch it, Okay, but it's gonna be streamingly uncomfortable. I watch that. I watched The inside Out. I thought about that a little bit. There's it's a very it's a really weird movie night inside Out in the Whale, But that's that's that's what it was.
Yeah, no, kidding on a side I like super relate to uh problem with like snack food. I went through like an entire box of sentiments, like an hour ago.
Oh, sinmons are great, They're great.
Someone brought me like an entire box box because they like go to like food pantries. Yeah, and they were like, yeah, well someone has left this year. I got it for free and I'm not going to eat them. So here you I've got seven boxes of Oh.
That's not cool man, that's so that's so yeah, that's not cool man. But I once got uh a fucking the uh like I got I got Someone sent me a thirty mister Beast bars. They were just sitting around my house and that, and they weren't they weren't sitting around for long. They were like full sized candy bars. It was not It was not cool man. It was not cool man. You know what I love is those uh I go to this bodega every day and and they always have a they have these chewy chips of
hoys with reeses. And every single I go to that badega every day for it to get like a whatever breakfast and ship and uh, I always look might I always make eye contact with the chewy chips of hoy races, and every day I have to answer the question what kind of day is today going to be? Because if I buy those, I'm not gonna like it's not gonna be like a grocery. It's not gonna be like I have a few in there, like in the pantry, you know, I have them if guests come over whatever, it's like.
If I buy them, I'm standing outside of the bodega and eating the entire package, and then and then and then after. If that's how your days starts, there's no going back. You have to take Nike will and go to sleep and start over. You there's no returning from doing that with your morning, you know what I mean.
Yeah, it's too much. It's vero much.
It's too much. But again, you seem like a normal person. You seem like a well adjusted man.
Oh, thank you, I hope.
So is there anything wrong with you?
Oh? I'm sure.
That that's a really awesome response. I respect that. Well. Well, thanks, I guess thanks for asking me these questions and letting me talk on this thing. It's fun to talk. I get. I get why people call in to talk on this thing. It's fun to talk.
On it is. I mean, really, you're for answering it because it was mostly just to satisfy my own curiosity.
Sorry, can you say that again?
You got a good community. Oh we thank you for yeah answering my question.
Do you have any more questions or comments or thoughts or concerns before we go?
Mm hmm I don't think so. Now.
Well, Bob, God bless you.
And remember my name.
Yeah, you never do your name. I remember your name and I never do that. I feel I feel mentally clear today in a weird way. I feel honored as you should be, as you should be.
All right, thank you as the get bye Bob bye. O.
That guy's awesome. I love that guy. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to By becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over
at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, They get recordings from my live shows members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
And she like turns the phone around so I can see it, and in like the ten seconds that she's showing me her phone, a text drops down. And you know, I'm not like a snoopy person. I don't, but naturally, your eyes just kind of, you know, it kind of catches your eye. And the only thing I saw it was that it was a guy's name.
Mark.
It's spilled M A R C. And that's why I knew that it had to be the same guy, because the spelling was the same. And so now I'm in a situation where I found out just yesterday that I've invited both of these people to my birthday party this weekend, and she's going to show up and he's going to show up unless I do something about it.
So it's just like a weird thing where she's seeing you romantically and him romantically at the same time.
And we're about to be in the same house, right Okay.
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Or find the link in the episode description. That's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say.
Again, goes on the line making its own every.
Night, goes to exact in the line
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