“I TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE IT WORK”

to get this guy on live. So I just followed you on Instagram. And then you're like, okay, I didn't know how it worked.

everything was like, everything's going well in my life. So I just recently got out of a breakup, like in twenty twenty three, in January, and that was because during COVID obviously, like it was a hard time for everybody, but I was like, I just I felt like the need for a relationship because I wasn't messing with my friends at the time. So thankfully I finally got into like some sort of relationship that was organic that lasted, you know, two and a half years, three years, first

love kind of thing. It was good. But the thing with this girl was she was always spoiled and stuff, and I didn't fuck with it. So I just had to move on right. She was bratty. But then comes like a month later, I'm over here. I'm like, okay, you know what, I don't want to rebound. I don't want to go to a party school and just fuck girls, hook up, do whatever. So I went to God. Obviously. I was like, hey, you know what, I got Saint

Michael on my arm. Let me see if I could find God right now, let me do this right, join the join the what's it called. I don't even know what it's called? Angelic a jelous. I'm sort of church that was like Bible studies. It was cool until they like told me like get baptized again. And I was like, okay, i'm a.

So ironically, I went out with these guys. We went to we went out for like a bar the drinks, and I found my my friends from high school that I haven't talked to in years, and we went out one night. And then I found this girl. And I didn't want to get into another relationship, but after my first one, I honestly just wanted to travel the world and be like a nomad for a little bit. But I found this girl, and you know, I connected with her.

And she like she's from Mexico, and she barely spoke English when I taught when I talked to her, but I felt like this connection and as you could see, like I really enjoy talking. You'll get a lot from this call, but so coming off anytime you have a question. But and she obviously didn't speak like full sentences, but I had like this connection with her, so I thought, I thought it was like like God or something, right, So I just went out with this girl a couple

of times. And at first it was just for fun. It was just you know, going out dating scene. Like it's always like the best phase when you kind of meet a girl when you connect with them and you do the dates and all that stuff. And this girl taught me that, like, oh I could love again, because like a week before this, I was like, you know, curled up like damn man, like I've just missed this,

my accent, this and that. Like but over over the time, like three months or so, I had the best time with this girl, Like oh my god, it was like pure euphoric. It was like pure fairy tale like most early relationships. I never asked her out though, because I didn't want another girlfriend, but I just enjoyed her time.

And then she told me in after June like it was it was like the epitome of our our love and it was like really everything was going good, and I was like, Okay, you know what, maybe I might try with this girl. She told me she's moving across the country for work in the summer, and I sat to myself and I remember I was we were on a beach and she just sat me down and she told me the news that she's going for the summer for work. And I was just like, okay, it's June.

I could clearly just say all right, cool, that was fun and have like a halfway summer. But there was something in me. There was something in me that was like, no, like I gotta try with this girl. I gotta see you. It's like because in my previous relationship I spent I would say, too much time with my ex girlfriend. It's way too much time. So this one, I'm like, you

know what, maybe this is good. Maybe this is good because if someone's away from me, I'm able to know I work a lot in the summer, I'm able to work and I have like that companionship through text or through call, and then maybe I could go and visit throughout the summer. So I so I just asked her on the spot. I said, all right, well I don't want to leave you, so here you go, like, because

let's shy it out and let's do this. So obviously said yes, and it was like a very weird time in my life because I was like, why am I doing this? Like this is this nothing seems right. I'm telling everyone about it, and they're all like, Michael, what this Like what are you doing? Dude? Like do you really like this girl? Like you have yourr you got everything, you don't need to like settle down and that that that's kind of a theme that carried out throughout this relationship.

A lot of people thought I was like settling down with this person and like thinking of this person as less than because obviously she doesn't have paperwork and all this shit. But fast forward, I spend the summer. Summer was all right, you know, it was a little hard bumped because of my first long distance relationship, and I said, okay,

fuck it, like spend a month there. And then I ended up going spending like three weeks in at this place, and we traveled and we did a bunch, We just ded so many memories together, right, and then fast forward I left for Spain and it was like the hardest, probably the hardest thing in my life where I love wise, where I looked at her and we were both confused because this place was she wanted to move out. She

wanted to move out. She wanted someone to like kind of move out with her and stuff, but she never told me. I was just kind of insisted. So this place it was Vancouver, and we went to Vancouver, and honestly, lylet I don't know if you've been, you've probably been on tours. I don't like Vancouver, like.

we had. And yeah, I left her on the boardwalk and we I just told her straight up, I'm like, look, I don't want to move here, like I don't want to I don't want this place, like I'm whether it's homesick, I don't feel comfortable this and that, And it was like the first type of like argument, not argument, but this this this silent treatment, which is like a pattern from like here and for the last two years, and pretty much there's so many other details. I'd rather do

you ask questions than I answer. But when I left in Spain, she literally she said like, Okay, you know, we'll work it out. We'll work it out, we'll work it out. It's everything was like, we'll work it out. Went to Spain. It was really it was really hard

to like process everything. And then she finally then in October, another hiccup happened where she you know, she was staying for work because then again like these these these people like like when they come here and they overstay, they don't have a lot of selection, right, And I think she opened up my eyes to that, Like she made me a lot more grateful of like my life and that's what I'm thankful for. But she doesn't have a lot of selections, so she just goes wherever work is.

And I just told myself, I was like, look, man, like, if you love this girl, everything will work out. And in October she told me that she might stay the Vancouver for school, the same school that was was an Ilac And I'm like, dude, why, like I haven't even dated you for for for like a month. I haven't even we haven't even been in person dating for a month yet, How am I? How am I going to?

Like I'm a very you know, like physical person when it comes to like physical touches like a love language of mine, I can't really like do the long distance forever, right, I need like a goal in mind. So she made the decision to come back to Toronto, not for me, but he shows a couple of her family members here too, and just everything stress was a little bit too much and she needed that support, so she came back. She we we did a lot of like trips together to

like kind of bond. But I think the pattern was this, I always felt really amazing with her by myself. Every time I brought around my family, it was like awkward about it. My family's very supportive, but I just felt a little awkward, and she felt a little scared and stressed because of obviously she's a little insecure about her situation and she doesn't want people to know and all that stuff. And when I brought around my friends, it was just kind of awkward, but because she didn't know

the language too well. But there was still love there. So she came back. She actually surprised me to come back, which is likely where she like switched her flights and stuff. So there was love there. And this is what I call like phase one of the relationship. There's there's so much more. But like in January, she wanted to go back to Vancouver in the summer, and I'm like, hey, I don't know what's going on. Like there's you're just constantly back and forth and that's her lifestyle, right, Like

she's just living by the day. For me, it's like, Okay, I got to live through the year, and I have year releaf plans and stuff for her. It's like whatever comes her she has to take because that's that's the life she made for herself. And pretty much I just was so conflicted of what I should do, Like should I stay with this girl? Should I help her with her paperwork? I'm twenty four, Yeah I do me. I got a pretty good career on my hands, but I still got to work towards it, right like, like I

want to I want to build. I have a lot of opportunities that I'm taking, Like I'm literally in freaking Barbados right now, skeeping the whole winter of Toronto, which is amazing for work. And I just can't find the need to feel guilty for being successful because she can't have the same opportunities that I have. So in May, we tried to get like an immigration lawyer and just to figure it out. I just needed to have a path. I needed some sort of I couldn't do this day by day shit, and the.

Like this is a professional telling me that the only reason, the only way I could keep you is if I marry you, and like I don't even know you, you know, like like a year goes by and like, yes, we spend a lot of good time together, but she hasn't really like proved to me that that, like I got to marry her, Like it's a big commitment. It's like a lifelong thing, and I don't want to do that. So I said, I'm not doing that, but we'll figure

something else out. And then I got so overwhelmed a point where my family's like like we gotta end it. It's just it's not doesn't make sense, it makes sense. I got so influenced by other people. And then I try to break up with her. And when I during that breakup, it was just it was hard because I, you know, I went over there. I kind of had my mind made and I pretty much told her shut up. I said, look like this is just not gonna end well and I'd rather just cut it off before it

ends bad. And she she just pretty much said like, oh is this It is done? And I just walked out, like you know, we concluded that it was all on conversation, but to long stide short like concluded that walked out And as I was walking out, it was kind of raining and sh it was like a movie scene. I was like, did I just do that? Like I do? I feel like I made the right decision. And I'm like, okay, I feel like a little bit of weight lift off my shoulder. I feel like I made the right decision.

And as I'm as I'm thinking this to myself and opening my car door, this girl comes running out in the rain in her feet it's cold outside, and and jumps and just and just kind of I don't know, like just tells me not to leave and this and that,

and I'm like a sucker. I'm like, I can't do this, Like I don't want I'll leave any girl, even in my ex my other acts like no, girl, I don't want to see you crying because I left I want to be like, Okay, it was refreshing, closures key, and I just had to like I had to make it work. I don't know, something inside of me was like, Okay,

let's try again, let's try something else. And then in August she later I fast forward August twenty twenty four, everything was kind of going well, like, you know, she actually brought her to my parents and we had dinner, and she kind of had to like confess that she's

not there for the paper. She loves me and all this stuff, like it was a big thing for her to do that she didn't want to do, but she she did it because of the love for me, right and and but she always told me that, like I forced her to do that, and I thought that that was the best part of our relationship is when she did that. So that was a discrepancy. And in August she pretty much said, like everything was going decent. You know,

the love was still there. You know, we went to much real we did some fun stuff together, like we still had some bonding. It was a little bit drier, but like every other kind of relationship, you know, when you want to rack up the year or two, it's not going to be as good at the first couple of months, but then in August she kind of blindsided me. I don't know. She got on the phone with her mom and then her friends and and and you could tell like this, like energy was off, Like our relationship

revolved around energy, because obviously language wasn't the key. It was all about energy. And she just sat me down and she's just like straight up said like, yeah, this is I don't know if this just gonna work out. I want to go back to Mexico. I can't do this anymore. Like I just I feel like I'm too like I'm not good enough for you, all the stuff, like, and I'm telling her like no, like this girl's a

strong girl. Like I'm always boosting her up. I feel like any any person that moves to another country and tries to start a life here like my my grandparents did, and I'm spoiled, like I didn't do I didn't have to suffer through all that, all that dumb pain. So I always boosted her up. I said, no, she's strong, she's fire, she's like confident like all this stuff. I always brought her up no matter what, because that was

my goal. And yeah, she was just telling me like yeah, like that's it, like whatever, And once I lyle, I'm I'm a lover. I'm a lover boy if I love her, boy, I don't like once someone breaks that love, I just become evil, Like I just it is what it is, like I just don't love you anymore, like the connection's lost. Energy is lost, and I just became like this version of myself that I hated, like I felt like it was like a dickhead. Like I was like, no, like,

you made your decision. I know that I'm a sucker. And if I ever give you a chance to come back, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna eat it off. I'm gonna take it and take you back. So I just told her straight up, I said, all right, well, like I don't know when she told me that, I was like, why do I why do I not want to cry right now? Like why do I feel like okay, yeah, that's true. And it's because she put herself first. Finally, I'm like, okay, you got to go back to Mexico.

You have your own problems. I clearly have my life kind of figured out a little bit in a way, and I have a lot of golden dreams and aspirations, and in a way, she's kind of holding you back, like she she was because like I don't know, she was a little bit, but I didn't want to admit it to myself because I was in love with her. But August Taman went, it was really hard for me because I we we broke up in the most phoenix

spot ever. There's like this place across where Toronto. There's like it's called the Park Lawn, and it's like this beautiful place overlooking the skyline. And you know, she she didn't think we were gonna break up. She thought she could like win me back before that day. But I was My mind was set. My mind was set, and I just told her straight up, I said, look, I enjoyed my time with you, like I don't want to think it was like a waste of time. I enjoyed

my time with you. But this is a decision you made, and I can't really forgive you right now for that. And I just want to like move on and let you make that decision. And and i'd rather her move on so I can move on, because if she doesn't move on, I can't move on. That's like the whole thing of of my my love life, and so we so a month on month went by and ironically her

her birthday was the end of August. And this is important because I turned down a really big opportunity to film in France for her and I I kind of regretted it. So I was looking for vacation stuff. I was like, hey, I want to go to Switzerland, I want to go to Costa Rica. I need something to do at the end of August. The guy who I turned down called me back and he goes, hey, man, just wanted, as you know, cantrafund your flights. If you still want to come, I'd rather that seat be with

you instead of being empty. And I'm like, oh my god, man, you have no idea how much this helped me. Right now, took that gig, had the time of my life filming everything. And and then she called me. She called me. I was thinking about her after a birthday because I didn't say happy birthday. I was really wanted to do it, but I said, no, don't do it. Don't do it.

She called me to Comber first, and I was I was like, fucking in between the seats on the plane, fucking bawling, writing a love letter in my notes, like just trying to like figure out this shit. And in that night she called me and it's like what the fuck, Like there's there's a guy out there, Like there's no way, there's no way, right, A coincidential face for for most people, but for me, it was like, yeah, spiritual.

was like, I was like so happy. But then a phase like I you know, BC, we went to we went to Yukon too, like we did the mountains and everything and and the Rockies and every time it was in the mountains. It just reminded me of her, So I was like I was going through it, but I also like pivoted with like I was doing what I loved.

So it was just a weird, weird emotion. And I mean, I know that you're film major as well, but there's a I really get like doping rushes when I film, and then it's like kind of coming off Molly, like when you were like finish a project or finish everything, you're just like, fuck, it's done, like it's over, and you get kind of sad. So I was kind of sad about it being over, and then on top of it, I was sad because it was her birthday, and I was just an emotional wreck and a point because I

knew I had to come back. And usually when I come back to these things, you know, when I went to go travel, I love calling her and telling her about everything and my experiences, and I'm like, damn, I can't do that. So that night she called me and I got to like, I was like, what the heck, Like it kind of got into my prayers, so I thought, right for then and there I'm like, Okay, this girl, this girl is going to this girl special like I don't know, the energy is still there. It came back.

Let's try again, Let's try again. And important thing to notice in my previous relationship, I got into like some sort of like you know, big kind of fight or argument and dispute and to a point where it left me like like heartless in a way. And then we

tried again. We tried again, the same idea, but it was never the same she and the difference between this girl she was she never forgave the girl that I'm with or was with now my second ex girlfriend, she forgave a lot, but she didn't forgive what she did. Instead of holding the grudge, she would just like boil like she would let everything boil in and she would never tell me anything, so I would never know.

just based off. She just was like like Sylvie, like just freaking live the life and we'll figure it out as we go. So anyways, we called each other and like we really just like I don't know, like we felt. I felt that connection that we felt that I felt throughout the years. And I'm like, all right, like this is this is gonna be scary to bring it up to everybody again, but this has to be God, this has to do energy, this has to this, this is aligning with what I thought, and let's try it out.

Let's do it. So I went to go. When I came back from from France, I we went out together. And even the first time we went out, like I was like, oh shit, like I'm trying to like, I just really wanted it loud. I really wanted it to be like, Okay, we both love each other right now, let's just you know, let's go back, let's pick up where we left off.

then it just it worked out. It was fine. It was fine for like a month, but she kind of just told me, like Michael, we have to work it slowly because it can't be quick. If it's quick, it's gonna go up and down. I'm like, all right, and I feel like lyle like in August, I felt like shit because I was I'm a very sweet guy. I would say I didn't let her down easy. I really just read. I just read like I said, I try

to let her down easy. And then she tried to coming back, and I said, Paul it, I don't like I really, I just don't love you anymore, like I just I straight up. I remember we broke up beautifully. And then I saw at the gym a week later and I just couldn't couldn't figure out a way to like just leave her because she was constantly in my brain. And I told her like in the car, straight up, im like look, maybe we're not soul mates, maybe I never loved you in the first place. Like I just

fucking ripped on her. It was so bad because I needed to I needed to tell myself that like this.

then I went to like a music festival. I did all this shit, and it was I kind of was living life, went to concert solo, like I was trying my best to just move on effectively. And then a week later I saw at the gym, and I said fuck, Like I thought it was like, okay, we're good. I just could say hi to you and just move on. I'm like, okay, I'm never gonna be in the gym at the nighttime again. And that's it. But but yeah, so where was that. Yeah, So in September, we tried

our best. We really tried our best. I kind of slowly introduced it one by one family members, one by one. My mom was first, and then my my closest my oldest brother, and then my grandparents and then my second closest brother, you know, like I was just slowly introducing it to my family because it was a scary thing, you know, like like it's not easy for for for me to say, like, hey, like I'm going to choose myself and my love and I'm gonna I'm going to tell me who to love and I'm not going to

be influenced by anyone else. And everyone was accepting, you know, like they was like, all right, Michael, you're happy that was the big thing.

we gotta start doing things together again. We gotta like revive our relationship again, Like we gotta go to go out to dinner, go out. Do we really like rocked our phase one of our relationship. Phase one was like May twenty twenty three to like August twenty twenty four. Like Phase one was fire, and that's why I was sad about phase one. Phase two was September twenty twenty four, and then we'll keep going. So in October she was she focused on herself more, and I think that's what

I realized in between the two phases. Her Phase one was her constantly doing things for me to please meet And I loved it, no wonder, I fucking loved it because she was kind of like selfless for me. She did everything that I wanted. She enjoyed everything too, don't get me wrong, Like I planned things. I told her, like, do you want to do anything? She was, no, No, just plan whatever. I'll just join you.

My lad, She goes work from five eight thirty five, sits in traffic for an hour, goes to school from six to nine, and then god for like, hopefully we get a gym session together at nighttime. And that was her schedule and the only time she had was Sundays and Sundays was like her errand day. So I was like, holy fuck, Michael, is ship you want? You know, like why do you what relationships you have? Like she's just either working all the time we're in school, and I

was just like, okay, I still love this girl. I still love this school. I admire her hard work, and honestly, while she motivated me to work harder because I had everything, but I felt like the need. I'm like, okay, I can't make any excuses because look at my girlfriend, Like look at her working so hard. I'm an excuse because I don't want to edit to one am Like fuck that, Like, come on, look at your girl. She's doing everything for and to keep herself afloat and you got everything and

you can't. You can't grind for another couple hours. So she was motivating me in a way and that's why I kept her around so long. And then in October she's pretty much I pretty much like we met up and I wanted her to come to like this Halloween party of mine. And ironically, if there's anyone listens from Toronto, like the World Series Game seven from with the Blue Jays was on Halloween night and it's sabotaged my whole

Halloween party because everyone was watching the game. And then when the Blue Jays lost, everyone left and like the other people that didn't care about baseball came. So it's just like it was such a it was whatever, it doesn't matter. I was just some community for any Blue Jay stands. But yeah, like I went to she didn't come to that Halloween party. I really wanted to come because I wanted It was the first time that she was around me with everybody, and she didn't want to

come because well, she had a reason too. She had to work. I like, she got a job, a big job at like the following day at like six am, was like a twelve hour shift and it paid her well and she needs the money, so she had to like not come and I understood that, but it was just like fuck, man, I feel like she's dodging all the stuff. But I'm like, no, no, no, it's okay. She has worked. You kind of gotta to understand, you know, she's not like everyone else. I could just take it

off and you know, get another job. Like she needs to take all these opportunities as they come. And but that was not the first time she kind of denied something and then I don't. I just I just felt like, okay, you know what this relationship is going self, I need to revive this. I'm not doing what I did last relationship with the Italian girl and just letting it supply. I got to tell her how I feel right now.

So I met up with her again. You know, we went out finally, we like got a day going because of with her schedule, and we went out for dessert and stuff and it was it was fun, but there was the was just tension. I was like, what the fuck's going on?

where we were because I can't. I don't feel anything. I feel like i'm constantly seeking approval, and I'm like, this sucks. You know. That's not what it was before. This's not what I signed up for. This is not what I expected when you called me in September. So I told her straight up in November and I said, look like I need you to to settle down and just be like do you do you want this or not? And she goes like I want it. I just I'm like,

what do you think of me? And she said like an X or something, and I'm like, an ex, I'm a fucking ex. Like I'm like, holy sh dude. I'm like, dude, I'm not your ex boyfriend. I'm not you. I'm not I'm not a person to like to sign up for a relationship to be an ex boyfriend. Like no, yeah, Like, I'm putting a lot of energy into you, and I'm doing things that I never did for any girl. Every relationship I needed, I needed a girl to love me as much as I love them, and if they didn't,

then I would just match their energy. I was doing something like that. I did something I'd never done before for any any person. And I love someone without THEMB reciprocating that back. So I just pretty much told her. I said like, look, I'm like I need you to like, I'm not your ex I don't even honestly, I'm kind of forgetting a little bit, which means I'm healing. But then that that happened, it was really it was kind

of rough, and I was really upset about that. I just wanted her to, like I invited her to another like event. I wanted to go out with her, and she goes, no, I don't want to do this. And the thing with her allle is because she's in Mexican. She grew up in Mexico. Winter sucks, Like winter sucks for everybody. I love winter, my birth days in winter. Like I'm a Canadian, so like winter is fun for me, like skiing and all that shit. But for her, winter sucks.

Winter always sucks because Christmas time she's away from her family. Her parents are in Mexico. She doesn't have a lot of immediate family here. She can't go back. She's stuck in limbo in Canada. And I feel for her, so I want to make it like enlightening for him, like yeah, let's go out, let's let's go party, let's you know, come over, let's watch movies, let's do all this shit, but she wasn't having it because she didn't have any

fucking time. Well, she doesn't have time for relationship. And I'm like, okay, you know what, fuck it whatever, let her be, let her heal. She'll come back to you if it's meant to be. And then December came. I really wanted her to come for over for Christmas dinner. Like that was huge because last Christmas she didn't come for Christmas dinner because she got sick. I think I had to do with some sort of stress or something.

It's always like this every single year. So I wanted her to come for Christmas dinner because I was like, this is it. My family's gonna see her again, She's gonna She came over for dinner one time with my other brother's girlfriend and that was nice. I was like, fuck yeah, let's do that more like that felt good. She didn't come for dinner. She was kind of I say she had a breakdown on Christmas Eve with her family.

I think what ended up happening was her family. She tried to open up to her family about me, and they shut it down so quickly because I think I heard her so much in August that she just blacklisted me for her whole family, and everyone of her family fucking probably hated me, and she couldn't. She was scared to open up, and she never did, and she kind

of shied away from it. And I think her her friend probably influenced it, because she kind of fucked someone over for paperwork, Like she literally got paperwork from this guy for three years and then ended up having a baby with another dude and just fucking used him for like it was fucked up, fucked up situation.

her her cousins and brothers and stuff. I didn't get to spend it with mine. So it's like, yeah, maybe she'll she'll do it fine, and this will be a good kind of telling if she's if she's tucking with it, you know, because in December she goes, yeah, let's do it. It'll be fun. And then she kind of, I guess maybe had that whole episode on Christmas and figured, Okay, I can't even I don't even know how to tell my family that I'm going to go spend New Years

with this guy. So she told me, like straight up, she goes, I can't, I'm not going to go, and I'm like, oh my gosh, here we go again, Like why, Like do you know how many times I'm defending you from my family, Like you're not making it easier. I just need you to to like show that you've loved me so I could just like be free if reminded from everyone telling me, like Michael, give up on this girl. And she just we just kind of and she just broke up. She gave up again, and it was like

the same cycle. In August and I'm like, I told myself, I'm like, Michael, what did I What did I do wrong? In August, I said, Okay, I gave up with her so quickly. I said, Okay, that's not what I'm gonna do now. I'm gonna I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna give up on her. I'm gonna try because I think that she's just going through a little episode or a little phase. And I tried to remind her. I try to be like, oh I remember those times, remember this,

remember that. And she was so stern. She was like, nah, I can't do this, like it's I'm gonna go back to Mexico. I missed my family, this and that, this and that. And I'm like no, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing this like I'm gonna fight because last time I didn't fight. So I text her like I left her.

We left in tears whatever we were ending last episode, the second last episode of Stranger Things that comes to the story later because we watched Strange Things together and she pretty much said like I gave her all the stuff that she gave me throughout the relationship as like a way of love, because she used to send me like letters when she was in BC, like she used to she used to send me like paint, like little things that she did a little scrapboard she sent me

over like a really sweet stuff that I kept and I for I sent the mental value and I just gave it all to her. And I'm like, look, remember remember this, oh shit, and he believes that out remember this person, Remember this person? What where were you in this space? And I try to like that's what that was. My attempt just makes you believe about that name. But anyways, then then uh uh. A week went by and like I said, once I'm out of this relationship, I'm out

of this relationship. Like I texted her the night of I was really really like lost. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like what do I do? Did I just lose? Did I just lose this girl? Did I just lose this girl? Like I don't even know what happened, Like everything happened so quickly. And I texted her and I pretty much told her. I said, don't give up on us or whatever, like whatever she told me, because I try to like be poetic with

this ship. And then a week went by, two weeks went by and I'm like, all right, I don't know if she's gonna like New Year's one buy New Years was pretty hard? Like New Years was fun because I got to spend it with all my brothers, and I saved a lot of money because I would have paid a lot for her to like stay and ski and all that ship.

like I'm gonna call you. I want closure, and I think this is like the biggest thing that I want your advice on. I need closure with stuff like this, and the closure that I had was she called me a couple of times. I said, no, I sent her. I made some videos of the way to like kind of cope with it. I wanted to like danker for relationships. I didn't want to be too you know. I didn't want to let her down hard like I did last time,

because that was guilty for me. So I told her straight up, I said, you know what.

I thought, I really just needed that last kind of break the stick and move on. Didn't get that.

Like you're it's grief, right, it's grief. It doesn't have closure. That's the hard thing is that there's no closure. It just ended.

a great life. You have this uh way of existing and being that is coming off to me as we're having this conversation that feels as though you you you have a lust for life. You're an optimist, you know how to do shit. You know, you're twenty four. Like dude, just I I I I don't. I think if you really want my honest take, after listening to your entire story and hearing you say everything you just said right now, I think this fucking thing ended the best possible way

that it could for you. Okay, don't ask for anything else. Don't don't, don't don't ask for anything else. What do you want? There's nothing else for There's nothing else for you to get, Dude, your career is taken off. You have great friends. You don't You're not you're not drowning in the feeling. You're not feeling woe is me, You're not like you like your life. You're not wondering, you're not worrying, You're just like, just what do you What

the fuck do you want? What do you mean? When closure go live your life, dude, there is no closures. Go live, you go live the life that you're telling me right now that if you mean it, if you mean what you're saying, that you really do love your life, just live to live the life. Man, what are you talking?

I can't fathom what you're missing. If that, if you were telling me, right, here's the thing, right, if you were, if you were getting all sad sack on me, if you were getting all sad sack on me and you were like, oh I miss her. I don't know what to do. I'm worrying, I'm dwelling, I'm this and anything. But dude, but the fact that you're coming out of here and you're like, oh, life is great. I'm actually I don't miss her at all. I I don't want

her back, Like, but what what do you want? I don't understand what you want?

crystal fucking ball that tells you the future. You only have your gut and whatever experience you have at the time, which sounds like it wasn't a lot because you only have so much time that you'd lived on the earth. So why couldn't you see that before?

stare at a wall. It's like if it's like if you it's like if you were at home staring at a wall and then you went to the Empire State Building and you were like, why couldn't I Why couldn't I see the Empire State Building before when I was staring at the wall? It's because you weren't looking. It's just it's a stupid thing, you know, So like just live, just live, keep living your life, man, that don't you

don't need anything more. Just keep living life forward, don't don't if if if, if you're not in, if you're not deeply uh shadowed by a pain that's forcing you to spiral and dwell, then then don't just live your life. Man. That's all I got to say about it.

But that's not something to grieve. You know. You have your own little ways in which you can wrap things up with a bow and live your life. But like dude, I don't have to tell you you know any more times, but just go go live your life. Man. I'm I'm proud of you after hearing this whole story, I'm proud of you, Mike. I think you should keep living your life. I'm rooting for you. So you know your story is still being written. Nothing's you know, you're not dead man, Just just keep going all right?

the couple of days before my wedding. So let's say I didn't get the paper in Italy, I wouldn't be able to come over here and attend my wedding at all, because we planned it over here in the States, not in Italy.

I missed. I miss uh Italy. I've been back to Europe a bunch of times, like do shows and stuff, but I have never been back to to to Italy since.

That's true?

used to play soccer a lot with my friends. My brothers used to go out just you know, for a pizza or something, just to eat it out there on the beach or all these little things. Bro. You know, it makes you makes you miss it, of course, my home. But I would also like it here. I want to say I do like it. It's just it's more definitely a different, a different thing. It's like black and white. So mm hmmm mm hmmmm.

other people. I'm not just speaking for my own self, but yeah, but I'm definitely excited about it, and my wife is ready and I'm ready, and I think we're mature, and you know, it's going to be nice to see a little little Simon or little Ileana walking around house. You know.

My wife She was always against this kind of stuff, and now she ends up doing the same thing I do. She kind of accepted it, and she like that now she enjoyed it. You know, we do it every time played from art Credit, Fortnite and Night with the Family and this end of the time. Oh yeah, but yeah, quite quite the new ship.

with it. I had to start speaking with people, and she I am, I'm pretty sure you can steak you a little bit of my accent, but there's nothing I can do.