“I TRAIN HOPPED AMERICA FOR 12 YEARS”

there's things that I really like about it. You know, like you can kind of like, you know, like I look at her and I kind of see like a younger me, you know, and it's like I'm able to heal my inner child by having a child sometime, you know, if that make sense?

grow up. You need to you know, like like I feel like I missed out on a lot of childhood things, so you know, I like to be there with her and like do things with her instead of just like, oh, I give you food, I give you a roof, I give you clothes, that's it. That's kind of how my parents were, you know, like they're like, Okay, you know, we provide you with life and that's it, you know, so I try to do like more.

he was, yeah, he was. He was pretty mean, you know. So, and I was homeschooled all of junior high Yeah, yeah, man. So I started running away just because it felt like I had a better chance out there than I did where I was. But ultimately, is like when I was a young team, like thirteen fourteen running away, eventually I would have to come home because I would needed food

like that. That. Like there was times where I would be gone for you know, a couple of weeks, but I just never could get enough food, so I would like come crawling back.

take care of themselves and stuff. And I mean I would run away and like be in the woods under a bridge, you know, like sneaking out, stealing food, you know, trying to find berries, you know, trying it just never would work out. You know, it's not really how it is in the books. You know, you read a book and there's always like, you know, people always figure because the story. It's not real life, so people always find a way. But you know, it's a lot harder than

it seems. And I would always tell myself, you know, when I'm big enough to take care of myself, I'm gonna go and I'm not gonna come back. And it was like probably a month after my sixteenth birthday, I was like, you know this is you know, I'm old enough now I can take care of myself. I don't have to be here. And I mean my parents didn't try and stop me. I was just like, you know, I was like, I'm ready to go. I want to go, and they packed me a backpack and I remember my

mom looked at me. She's the last thing she said to me, She said, well, what are you going to do? And I remember looking at her and I just said, I don't know, but I'm going to do it, you know, And like That's how it was. I had no idea. Yeah, my very very strict Christian household, very very sheltered, very very like in a bubble, you know, like not outside influence. Like we didn't have cable, we didn't have internet. I'd never used the computer, you know, Like we were like

very sheltered, you know. So I just went out into the world, not really knowing what was going to happen, but I just knew that, like, whatever it was out there had to be better than where I was at.

dollars bill. So that's how I know, That's how I started my life at sixteen, you know, I had a backpack with my old school backpack in like sixth grade, with some clothes in it and a twenty dollar bill. And I mean, I didn't I didn't know anybody because I was homeschool. I didn't have any friends to go to. We were living in Japan at the time. So they flew me back to the States.

with some clothes. Your mom slips you twenty dollars. They put you on a plane from Japan to to back to California to lax Okay, and so you land in Lax and you have no money, you don't know anyone.

like he ends up buying crack. He's sitting there smoking crack and I remember asked. I was like, hey, can I have it? He was like I wanted to get I was like, oh, can I smoke some? And he was like have you ever smoked this before? And I said nope, and he said, then you're not going to do it. And I think about that guy sometimes cause I'm like, man, you know, my life could have been on a lot different trajectory if he had it, just like not given a fucking ben Like, yeah, man here

smoked his crack. Because I was a dumb kid. I was like, I just lost left my family. I had smoked weed before. I didn't really know what was going on, you know. So yeah, he was like, no, you're not going to smoke this. You've never done it. And he was like, so what do you do? Like all right, I smoked weed and he was like all right, And we went on on skid road just like looking for a bag of weed. And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a bag of weed. On skid row.

You could find anything but a bag of weed. We finally found some and I smoked some weed and I ended up hitting up someone that because I was homeschool for junior high. But then I went to high school and I ended up hitting up someone that I went to high school losing. He came and picked me up and I stayed with his family for maybe a year or two. But yeah, and then then my life pretty much changed completely, all because of a Facebook ad. So I was like living in southern California. I had been

so I got off skid Row. I was because I told this guy that I went to go. I was like, man, I'm on skid Row. I don't know what to do. So he came and got me. I stayed with him and his family. Him and his family were really cool. I ended up getting a job, and I don't know, life just wasn't I don't know, it was just boring. And I remember sitting there and I was on Facebook and I seen this ad for the four twenties Festival in Denver, Colorado. You know. It was just like I'm

gonna go to this. And my friend was like, dude, you don't know anybody in Colorado, You've never been to Colorado. Don't do this. And I just like got two hundred dollars together, got on a Greyhound and just went to Denver for the four twenty festival. And like, you know, I I was always very spontaneous, you know, like I'm just gonna do something. It doesn't matter what anyone's saying. I'm just gonna do it, you know what I mean, Like it doesn't matter how impossible it is, I'm just

gonna do it. That was always my mentality. And so I go to Denver. And on the bus, I meet this juggler. Dude. He's covered in face tattoos like you would like like if you saw me, be like, oh, this guy is sketchy, this guy, but he was really nice. He's like this tall guy covering face tattoos. He had like clown tattoos, like the upside him, triangles under his eyes and like, you know, like this guy looked crazy.

And he was like, hey, man, like you know, me and my friends are gonna have this four twenty barbecue. And I was like, dude, hell yeah, and he's like, you want to come with me? I mean, we had been talking on the bus from California to Colorado and he invited me to their barbecue. So when I got to Colorad, I didn't even sleep outside one night because

I went straight to their house. It was like this big Juggalo house where like everybody in there is a Juggalo and they're having this huge barbecue and smoking weed and like everyone was super cool, and I like slept under their kitchen table. Yeah. Sorry, that was a lot.

But actually, before you even said that you met a Juggalo, I was thinking about just like your story is kind of making me think about the gathering of the Juggalos. So it's weird that I was thinking about it and then you mentioned that you met a Juggalo because the Juggalo culture is very like, uh, like bohemian and welcoming towards you know, people who are are like, you know, kind of trying to get their footing, you know, so it's interesting you met one of them.

have a lot of good friends that are Jugglers. You know. I listened to the music a little bit, but yeah, definitely more of a deadhead, you know. So I didn't really get absorbed into it, but I was like alongside with them.

But yeah, I ended up staying with them, and then I ended up getting a job with a tree service company, and then I got my own apartment right next door to there, so like in the same apartment complex, and uh,

which was cool working tree service. I did that in Denver for like a year, but then yeah, I mean all all of my roommates and all my coworkers were drug addicts, so they have to tell like a lot of things about like you know, like roofing, a lot of people that do roofing, or like matheaddicts and opiate addicts and kind of same with like tree service. At least in my experience, a lot of the people were meth addicts and heroin addicts. And I still just smoked weed,

didn't drink. But that's how I lost it all was. I mean, my roommates were my coworkers, we all worked for the same company, and basically the landlord had enough of their bullshit, you know, having people coming over at all weird hours, you know, just cops being called, just random you know, just random things when you're living with

drug addicts, you know what I mean. So we ended up my boss ended up well, he was on parole and he ended up violating his probation because he was doing drugs, went back to prison, and then none of us had jobs, and then we lost our apartment. And because I really wish I had saved more money, because I was making really good money working for Tree Service, but I had never had that kind of money before, so I was just spending it as fast as I

could make it, you know. I didn't have like I'd never had a reference for the money like that, like I was. I mean, there was days where we'd make I'd make a thousand dollars in a day, you know, and I had no idea what to do with that kind of money, you know. And at the end of the day when we got kicked out, I'm sitting there with all my bags and my cat, and I'm sitting outside. I don't have nothing. I don't have any money, I don't have anywhere, you know. So that, yeah, that that

was kind of a life lesson. Was like just because it's good doesn't mean it always will be good.

man like, like literally just spending it. As soon as I would get it, I would pay rent and I would just spend it. But yeah, pretty much any day off I would be downtown, and that's where I met dirty kids for the first time, like travelers, like basically hippies, but people that live outside by choice and kind of just like travel around with what's in their backpack. And like I would hang out with them, drop some acid in the park, smoke some weed, and everybody seems so happy.

Man Like, everybody just seems happy. And I was like, they have nothing. They got no, they don't own anything, they don't have any stuff. They don't have a house, and it just seems so happy and like running around barefoot in the grass with their dogs smoking weed. And I'd be like I saw that, and I was envious of it, because like I have to go back to my apartment. I have to I have to go do this job. I have to go shovel wood chips all day. I have to go cut trees, you know what I mean.

I have to go do all these things. But these people are completely happy just hanging out in the grass. And basically that's where I went when I got kicked out of the apartment, didn't have the job, had all my bags around me, had my little cat. I was like what do I do? And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go down to the park and talk to those guys. And I went down there and I was like, hey, you know, I just lost my job. I just lost my apartment and I don't know what

to do. And they were like, oh, dude, youd hang out with us. And you know, at the at that point, still in my mind was like, oh, if you need money, you get a job. So like I immediately like went restaurant to restaurant, store, store, Hey, I need a job. Hey, I need a job. Got a job under the table at a sushi place in downtown Denver, making cash. The guy never even asked me my name. I never filled out a job application. He was just like, oh, can

you start tomorrow. And I started working there, and then I would just like I would work at the sushi place and then get on my skateboard and just skate down to the park, sleep in the park with everybody, drop acid, smoke weed. Uh. My boss eventually found out that I was homeless. I didn't tell him, and I thought I was gonna get fired. He was like, oh, why didn't you tell me you live outside, because he seen me out there one night and I was like, oh,

I didn't want you to, you know, fire me. And he was like, oh well, And then after that he started getting me a meal every day. So every day i'd go into work, he'd let me have a meal, and he'd let me leave my backpack there. He was really cool. I felt bad when I quit that job, you know, I really, I really did. I when I when I told him I was quitting, you know, I felt I felt pretty bad. But I was like, I don't know, I was ready. I wanted to go to

San Francisco. And it's kind of crazy, but you hear about San Francisco and you're like, Oh, it's like a hippie paradise. You know, that's what you would think. At least that's what I thought, you know. I was like, Oh, I'm gonna get there and it's gonna be a bunch of people like here, smoking weed, hanging out. So I quit my job and I fucking I started hitchhiking to San Francisco. And I remember, yeah, I had I didn't

have a backpack. All I had was a pair of shorts, shoes, a shirt, and a bed sheet because someone stole all my stuff and I I just like looked at the map and followed the high start walking down the highway with my thumb out, and it took me less than a week to get to San Francisco from Denver. My first time. That was my first time, like, that was my first real hitchhiking trip. I had done small ones, like fifty miles, one hundred miles, but that was my

first real getting your feet wet into it. It was Denver to San Francisco, and I got to San Francisco and it was not what I thought. It was cold. It was very The air is very wet, it's very damp, it's very cold. In the streets are very harsh. There's a lot of a lot of hard drugs, a lot of people with mental illness problems, and a lot of people on drugs, and just like it wasn't that safe and it wasn't that fun. So then I I was like, all right, it's cold, I'm gonna start hitchhiking south. And

that's literally how it all unraveled. Like there was always another place to go to. There was it was another thing to do. Like I never like set out like, oh, this is how I'm gonna live my life. Like it was just like, oh, I'm gonna go here and do this thing. And I was like, Oh, this kind of sucks.

I'm gonna go here and do this thing. And so I ended up in Arizone at the gem Shows, which I don't know if you've heard about it, but the Tucson Gem Show is like the world's largest rock and mineral exhibition, and people from all over the world have all these different minerals and rocks and gemstones, and everybody's like hanging out it's a huge thing. It's it's crazy.

And so I was there working at the gem show, like unloading boxes of rocks, setting up boots, because if you show up there earlier and you just walk around, you're like, hey man, you need a hand, you need a hand, and like you can get a job just on yeah, unloading rocks, setting up boots. You don't need an id, just under the tablework. And at the end of that I heard about a rainbow gathering. I had

never heard. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a gay thing, and I don't have anything against gay people, but I was like, oh, you know, that's probably not for me, and then I realized that what it was like it's just called rainbow gathering, but it's like meant to be what society would be like if there wasn't money or like like it kind of shows you how like okay, see they pick like a national forest. Everybody shows up and you learn how to dig a latrine and put lie in it so everybody

can shit in it and not spread disease. And they show you how to get water from the river and purify the water. And you know, there's different kitchens that show up and make food and you help get firewood, and they call it leaving Babylon, so you like leave the sidewalk and you go in the wood and you're like living in like a little mini society for a little while. And then they have these gatherings all over

the world, not just the United States. They have them all over the world, and I went to a lot of them and they're a lot of fun. But yeah, I was doing that for probably five years, just hitchhiking around the United States, going to different rainbow gatherings, doing different seasonal work, like oh, let's go harvest potatoes, let's

go harvest sugar beets, let's go prim marijuana. You know. Yeah, I'd do jobs like that, like go to the Pacific Northwest when I knew everybody was pulling their weed plants, and you just hang out outside home depots. So like these towns where people are growing weed up in the mountains, there's only one home depot for like hundreds of miles, you know, so any weed farmer has to go to

this home depot. So I would just hang out there with like some weed trimming scissors in my hand, and eventually someone will pick you up and be like, oh, how many pounds can you trim in a day? And if they like your answer, they'll take you up to the mountain, provide you with food, room and board, and you just trim weed all day. And I mean sometimes

for months. You just you're just way up on this mountain, like no cell phone service, no roads anywhere, like the type of mountain where in the winter people got to use snowmobiles to get off it, and you basically just trust these farmers that they're gonna pay you. And I mean it was it was nice to get a break from living on the road, and you know, like for for at while you can just live in this little

shack on a mountain and trim weed. And it was cool because I mean there'd be like twelve foot weed plants hanging from the ceiling. I'd wake up just surrounded by hanging weed. You wake up and you can smoke as much weed as you can as long as you can keep working, and I would just I would just wake up fucking there'd be like a mason jar full of oil, dab oil, a roll of fat joint with some oil on it, smoke it, and you're just covering weed.

Like if the weed sticks to everything, sticks to your socks, your clothes. I would just wake up twelve foot weed plants hang from the sea and just grab some colas start trimming. Yeah, and that was like, yeah, I see different seasonal jobs Like that is basically how I stayed alive.

sleeping that they can take advantage of. Like sleeping was hands down the most dangerous part of living out on the road, Like, like you just get accustomed to survival, Like I would have to position my head a certain way every night when I went to bed, just to limit the ways that people could walk up on me, because you don't want someone to just be able to walk right up on your head, you know. So I would sleep like with my head to like a big wall or a rock or a big tree or like

and people. It was serious, man, because you don't know if you could be sleeping and then all of a sudden someone's stealing your shoes in your backpack and like whatever. You know, So I got I got tired of waking up with no shoes, waking up with no backpack. So I got my first dog and I never got robbed in my sleep again. I made a deal with my dog. I was like, hey, you know, I'll love you. I'll give you the comfort that you need, the food, the water. You just help me and not get robbed in my

sleep anymore. But I have my dog, go Ryd. He's my second. My first dog that I had on the road got stolen and it was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Yeah, I hopped my very first freight train with that dog because that's the day. I went hitchhiking for maybe five years and then I met some trainhoppers. So I was in Manitou Springs, Colorado, which is this beautiful little mountaintown and Pike's Peak National Floors.

That place has natural soda water, so like kind of like the water that I have here in Oregon, it's instead over there, it's carbonated, so it's like natural soda mineral water just coming out of the ground. And there's all these fountains, and different fountains have different levels of carbonation and like minerals, so they all taste different.

And I didn't really understand what they meant by this dog hates everybody, because this dog's in my arms, and like the night we all camped together, and in the next day they're like, dude, you know you can have that dog. So I kept the dog, and then I realized what they meant by she hates. She would bite anybody, a child, an old lady, a woman, a man, anyone. And she wouldn't growl, she wouldn't bark. She would just

lunge and attack them. And like like if someone was trying to hand me money, I would have to walk away from the dog and take the money. If like someone was trying to give me a fist bump or a handshake or anything, I would have to walk away from the dog. Like people like drunk people like drunk women would come out of the bars and be like, oh my god, can I pet your dog. I'd be like no, and then they would be like no, dogs love me, and then it get bit or people wouldn't ask.

I'd be standing there and like turn away and someone would try to pet my dog, and I mean that was the dangerous part. She wouldn't give any warnings. She wouldn't growl, she wouldn't bark, she would just bite. So then I understood what those people meant by this dog hates everybody. Like I don't know, It was like that dog knew me. It was like like I just walked up the truck stop and it just ran and jumped

into my arms. And like I didn't understand how important that was when I first met the dog, but then after being with her for so long, I was like, Oh, that was really special, you know, like this dog hates everything.

an awesome dog. She's so cool. And then the next morning they were like, man, we thought about it, and we think you should have this dog because they had their own dogs, and that was like it was like a dog that they were just like helping out because they needed them at that moment. And yeah, and I hitchhiked around with her and then yeah, like I said, we were in Manitu Springs and I was living in a cave in the mountains. There's like and there was like a stream in front of the cave, and I

would wash my clothes in there. If I'd take my clothes, put them in the river, put the rocks on them, and he just let the river be like a washing machine and wash my clothes. And the cave was like made of clay and it went really deep, so it was nice and cool in the summer. And there'd be like a dozen of us in there eating mesculine, eating acid,

eating mushrooms, just living in this cave. And then we'd go out at night into the town and like play music and get leftovers, bring the food back to the cave, share it with everybody. But I ended up meeting some train hoppers and they came there staying in the cave and we had a fire and we're all sitting around the fire and they're telling me all these stories about Ryan trains and I was like hanging on every word, like it sounded like the ultimate adventure, you know, like

it was insane. Like I was like wow. And then I hung out with them for a couple of days and then they were going to leave, and I was like, Oh, where are you guys going And they're like, oh, we're going to Pleblu, Colorado to hop out of here. And then and then they were like, do you want to come with us? And me, I was like yes. And so many times in my life I'm glad I took opportunities like this where it's just like it changed and it changed the entire trajectory of my life. Just saying yes.

It was like taking a chance, you know what I mean, Like, even if it seems crazy, even if everyone's telling you not to, just taking that chance because you never know how what doors it's going to open. And yeah, hopping my first train was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. It was very scary. Yes, uh, he has a guy. His name was Scruffle up Agains, and then the lady, her name was Mama Red. And they brought me on my first train. Why it's so scary,

It was scary. Okay. So there was like eight of us with just as many dogs. Okay, in the nighttime. We've been waiting in this train yard for days. We're trying to go east. And so Scruffy had told me, he said, hey, the railroad police, the railroad workers, the bull they're like a t rex. If you don't move, they won't see you. That's what he told me. He said, don't move. If you don't move, they're not gonna see you. And like everybody wore like neutral colors, you know, like

earth tones, browns, grays, dark greens. Everybody had like a bandana over their face and a hood pulled up and you know what I mean, like it was serious. We're all hiding in the shadows. Well, the train pulls up and it's an old junk train, like a grain train that they filled with grains, and you know, they got oil tankers, maybe a couple of box cars. Now we all climb on this train and we're laying there on the grainer porch. It's hard to describe. It's like they

got these cars that they filled with good. They opened the top and fill them with grain. But then at the bottom there's like a ladder in some there's a little platform right there you can lay on. And so we're laying there. And as I'm laying there waiting for the train to leave, I got my dog, I got my backpack on. I'm holding my dog to my chest, I got my bandan over my face, I got my hood pulled up. And I'm laying there and I hear the rocks crunching, because there's all these rocks along the

railroad tracks. And I hear him crunching. Someone's walking towards me, and I look down the side of the train and I see a railroad worker coming down with a lantern. He's shining his light at each of the grainer porches, walking closer and closer and closer. And I walked up the guy next to me. I was like, dude, I'm

gonna get out of here. Because on the other side of the train there was like an opening in the fence and there was a big abandoned building and I was like, I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go. And he said, no, remember what Scruffy told you. If you don't move, they won't see you. And I was like, dude, that's crazy, Like just lay down. So I'm laying there.

My heart's racing. I'm holding my dog and the crunching is getting left and the louder and the udder and I'm laying there and I'm eye level to this guy. He shines the light right on me. He's looking me dead in my eyes. And then he just puts the light down and just keeps walking. My heart felt like it was gonna come out of my mouth, like it was like and I'm just holding my dog as tight

as I can, and then the train shakes. We go backwards, and then it screeches, and then we start moving and then we start moving faster, and the wind's blowing and remem I was just I'm holding the railing and I'm like sticking my head out and the wind's blowing and the brake dust. You can smell the brake dust on the train, and like every time it goes around a curve, he like screeches and like, oh man, that first train

ride was just like exhilarating. I was. As soon as I did, I was like, I am gonna do more of this. And it was kind of crazy because the train didn't go east. It went back to Denver, and I had tried so hard to leave Denver, like I it took me forever to get to Manitu Springs, and I just ended up all the way back in Denver. But those guys, they drank too much alcohol for me, so they like, you know, they it was funny. Everybody has like a funny name out there, and they were

calling me. My name is Trip out there, and they would call me Trip to Shwilly because like a swilly kid is someone that drinks a lot of alcohol. And I didn't drink any alcohol, so they gave me the name Trip the Swilly, which was funny because I just didn't drink at all and everyone drank a lot of booze. So I like left and like the first few trains I hopped, I just like I was terrified of doing it during the daytime, so I'd only do it at night.

And I didn't even know which way it was going, you know, like that was a beautiful time in life, like not having anywhere to go, You're just living, You're just going to go, you know what. Like I would just get on the train just because I know it's leaving. And it took me years to like figure out which ones are going, what way, why they're going that way? You know. Yeah, all in all, I was out there for twelve years.

You gotta know when to run and when to hide. And it just got blady, got mundane to me. It was like I know what to expect. This was after years and years. So then me and my current dog, my dog O'Ryan, where I still have him. He's he's eleven years old now. But me and him rode into Canada, no idea, no passport, and we started Vermont, rode into Montreal, and then we rode all the way to Vancouver and

then walked over the border. And it's one it's one of my greatest achieved Honestly, I think it's my best adventure ever, you know, because everybody told me not to do it. They're like, dude, don't do it. You're gonna get deported. Don't do that. It's insane. And I was like, I gotta do it. And I pretty much asked anybody I could, any trainhoper I met before I went up there, I was like, hey, have you ever been to Canada? Do you know anybody that's been to Canada? You know,

I wanted to know, how'd you get up there? How long did you stay up there? Did you get deported? Why'd you get deported? How'd you get caught? You know. I just talked to anybody I met, you know, and I just put all the information together and I learned a lot, you know. I learned, you know, Canada really doesn't like public drinking. So a lot of these kids that were riding trains up there. They were getting arrested and deported because they were like publicly intoxicated.

I ran from the Mounties three times, lied to them and got out of it once. One other time. I was up there for like two months. I met some amazing people, dude people up there. But you hear that Cano Canadians are stereotypically nice. They fucking work. Like I met, I met some like I'd just be walking and people would just like put money out the window. They'd just be like, here, man, I'm just walking down this show. I'm like, man, I must look rough, I must look

like I need it. Fucking yeah, I met some amazing people. I met people that that's the thing about living out there, man with no money and just like you just got what's on your back. The people that hang out with you and the people that stopped to talk to you, you know that it's because they actually want to talk to you and you they think you're a cool person. It's not because you've got something they needs, not because you've got coke at a party. It's not because you

got a nice car. It's not because you got a nice job. It's not because they think that you you're well loved. You know. Like I felt like I've met a lot more down to earth and real people because it put me in those situations to meet those people. Because I mean, dude, for so long, I was the kind of person that you if someone saw me, they usually didn't look at me twice. They weren't even look at me once. So if someone stopped and got on my level to talk to me, a lot of times

they'd be like, dude, you're fucking cool as hell. They're like, you're an actual person, you know. And that's the thing is like it's easy to look out your car window and see someone on the streets and be like, oh, I know what their situation is. Oh, they could have done X, Y and Z to get out of this. They could, you know, but you don't know what they're going through. You don't know what kind of childhood trauma

they got. You don't know how hard it is to get a Social Security card when you've been chronically homeless for over a decade. You know, there's a lot. I just wish people had more compassion, and I wish that they could see that they're you know, the people living outside aren't your enemy. Those are your neighbors. You know, those are your neighbors. Like we're all, You're not any better than anyone just because you have something and they don't.

you know, like I get around, I don't really. I don't know a lot of people, you know, their cars, like their personality and like their manness and like their masculine you know what I mean. But I don't. I don't attach that to to yeah, a big piece of machinery.

was like, hey, you ever ride trains? And that was like my pickup line, was like, hey, you ever ride freight? And she had only ever hitchhiked, and so we met up to ride trains. And when we were living inside of a bridge, like uh like literally inside of it, Like a lot of the infrastructure around the city is

built hollow to make it cheaper. And we had found a little door that led inside of a bridge, and I got my own walk and replaced it, and we were just living in there, and she got pregnant, and you know, she asked me if I would go back home to her home in Ohio and be a dad, and I at the time, I was, you know, I was like, no, I'm gonna ride trains. I'm gonna keep riding trains, Like, you're crazy to think that we can

be parents. I don't even have I was like, how could I That was the main thing in my head, was like, how could I be a dad if I don't even know what it's like to be to have a good dad. You know, my parents were terrible little mods. I didn't know, Like I still have problems with my own dealing with my own childhood. How could I be a dad? You know? Those are all the things that were running I'm like, we live in a wall, we eat garbage, I shower once a month. I'm like, you

cannot be parents, you know what I mean? And those, yeah, those are the kinds of things that were running through my head. And so I told her no, I said, I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna keep Ryan trains. So she went to the Greyhound and she got a Greyhound. She went home to Ohio, and then a while later she told me, hey, I'm gonna have the baby. The baby was born December third, when I rode trains in the middle of winter to Ohio and I saw the baby being born. I held my daughter and then I left.

And you know a lot of people say they're like, oh, when you hold your kid for the first time, something changes, you know what I mean. It didn't change for me right away, you know. It wasn't like this magic thing like, oh you see the kid, all of a sudden, You're gonna make it work. And I feel like it would have been selfish of me to try to make it work because I knew I wasn't ready, Like I knew. I knew if I stay, I'm gonna go. And I didn't want to do that to them, you know what

I mean. I felt like it was better to be away than to be there just to rip it all away, you know what I'm saying. So so I kept Bryan trains, kept traveling, and I probably would still be out there if it wasn't for some really nice people that I met off Reddit, of all places. But yeah, I mean, yeah, there was this. I used to post a lot on Reddit.

I don't anymore, but I used to post a lot on a lot on there about me riding trains and stuff, and people would follow my adventures and donate money to me because I'd be you know, And there's this person who lived in Sacramento, and it was like pretty much every week she'd send me like fifty to one hundred dollars, Like it was crazy. I was like, this is insane. And then I'm in Oregon picking mushrooms around Thanksgiving and she messages me and she's like, hey, do you want

to come to Thanksgiving dinner? And I sat there and thought about it. I was like, I literally could not remember the last time anybody had invited me to a Thanksgiving dinner, Like it had been years and years and years and years. Like every holiday for me was just a Wednesday, it was just a Tuesday. It was Oh, I'm behind this gas station, you know, And it meant a lot that they invited me. So I went down there.

I got on the train, rode down the Sacramento from Portland and I got there and I was only supposed to be there for a day or two. These people had a nice house, tons of money, kids, just regular people and they liked me so much, and I liked them that they were like, you know, she asked me, she said, you know, if you can have anything, what do you need right now? And like she asked me, like what do you need? And I told her I was like, I'm tired, you know, I'm tired. I was

like I need to rest. I need to just I need to just relax and rest. And so they literally sold their house and bought a bigger house that had an extra bedroom, and I stayed with them for a couple of years and learned how to live inside again. It was hard because I would I would pack all my stuff and leave it and I'd go ride trains and then I'd just like feel like I was stuck in this revolving door. You know. I was like, there's nothing out here from me. I've already done it, I've

already seen it. And I would end up going back and staying with them, and that kind of went on for a couple of years, just going back, leaving, going back. Well, you know, I had to I had to learn how to be stagnant. I had to learn how to because that's the thing is when you're when you're go, go go. Because I would never stay anywhere more than three days. Usually anytime anything got bad, you just go. And you when you stop, everything you were going from catches up

to you. You think you have to deal with stuff, you know. So like if I didn't have that time to be in that safe space with them, I don't know if I could have been to Dad and been here with my family, because you know, I would have just left. If I had gone there, I wouldn't have been ready and I would have just left. So they gave me, like the no judgmental, unconditional love. I had never known unconditional love. They gave me unconditional love like

you know, you deserve love. That was a lot of things. Was my self worth, you know, I felt like I deserved to live on the streets. I felt like I deserved to be on the sidewalk. I felt like I deserved to be cold. I felt like, you know, like my self worth was so little, you know, like I just I thought, that's always my life was always supposed to be. And anyway, I had this room I had. They paid for my food like weed, They paid for everything is Yeah, this is.

had to deal with that. But yeah, they gave me the space to just work everything out, work through the drama. It gave me the space to just be myself, you know. And and I still but I got through it, and I still wasn't happy. I felt like something was missing, Like I was sitting there sun shining, a beautiful house, fridge full of food, I mean, and I still wasn't happy, like there was something there was something missing in my life. And I realized, you know, ten years are gonna go

buy it quick. My kid's gonna grow up, not gonna know me, not gonna want to know me. You know. The time's gonna go by fast. And so yeah, me and their mom reconnected, and so he asked me if I wanted to come see them, And I thought that I was only gonna visit, like I didn't think that it was gonna be a whole thing. And so I I went to one last music festival I went to Hardly Strictly in San Francisco. It's one of the only

things I'll go. I used to go to San Francisco's four was there's an annual free bluegrass show and Golden Gate Park called Hardly Strictly, and it's it's like three days of live music. They got all the live stages and food and like it's a really chill time. They clean out Golden Gate Park and then it's just like a bluegrass show. It's been free forever, like since they've

been having it. It's awesome. And I went there, had a great time, went to the day, hopped out and I rode trains from basically Oakland to Florida, and then I got on a bus from Florida up to North Carolina where they were staying in Section eight housing and I mean, man, they were they were like living in the projects. They were like living off government vouchers and like this giant Honeycomb apartment complex. My kid was running around.

There's I've never seen a cockroach infestations so bad. My kid's running around just like catching cockroaches, you know. And I'm there and I'm like, you know, I couldn't leave. Like I thought. I was just going there to see them and the visit. But once I got out there, like I'm looking at my daughter and she's looking at me, and it was like I was looking at myself, and I couldn't just leave, you know, like I couldn't just leave them to live like that. And I stayed there

for a year. Yeah. Now we live in Oregon and we live we live in like a duplex, so it's not like a giant apartment. We have like a shared backyard. We live less than a mile from the beach. I live like right on the beach, you know. I work at a resort as a housekeeper. And that was the hard thing, is you know, living that long without having a job or like being a part of society, and

like that's probably some of the hardest parts. It's just yeah, like and I got a problem with authority, so having people telling me what to do, and just like it's hard working for money. When i'd be you know, like when you're on When I would live on the road, people would see me and they'd be like, oh, you're a road warrior. You're traveling. Like a lot of people didn't see me like a regular homeless person per se.

You know, they would be like, oh, you're the traveler, you know, So they'd want to help me out because I'm leaving. So it's hard sometimes when it's like, yeah, people used to just throw money in food at me, but now I fucking scrub toilet's first food and money. But but it's worth it, man, It's word. That's all I got to keep telling myself is that it's worth it.

Because you know, when I was out there on the road one time, this older guy told me, he said, you know, it's their good adventure, but it's not a good life. And I laughed in his face and I said, you're an idiot, old man, you don't know what you're talking talking about. And then the older I got, the more I realized he was right, Like it's it's not sustainable to live like that. Like I think everyone should,

you know, maybe hitch like a thousand miles. Maybe you know, like maybe go maybe you could just take a break and just like rely on yourself and go have an adventure. But I don't think it's a good it's not a good life. And yeah, it took some grown up to kind of come to those towns, you know, m it's a good life, yeah man, yeah, yeah, And almost everybody that I knew is dead, like from alcoholism or fetanyl, or they're in prison, or they got cut in half

by a train. Like there was a lot like a lot of people that I knew would drink a lot of alcohol, do heroin and go hop and then get their arm cut off, get their leg cut off, get cut in half, get paralyzed, like yeah, I got yeah. And the crazy thing is like I knew that I could die any moment out there, but I didn't really have I was just living to live. I didn't really like think about five years in the future or ten years in the future. It was just day to day,

like what do I need today? What does my dog need today? You know, like but now and now I worry. But now I sit here and I think about ten years from now, I think about five years from now. It's yeah, it's a lot different. And yeah, the other day I saw some train hoppers here just like hang

I was. I got off work, went to bike home and I seen I just start crying, and I was like, can I just talk cold you guys, because like they got up there, liked you, gonna give you a hug, and you're just like the random you was just hugging me and I'm like, like, man, I wish I could be still just sitting here with my dog, but at the same time, like I know that I have to be here in that part of my life's over. M hmmmm mm hmm. Yeah, man, I've wanted to talk to you for a long time.

at me? Why why were you sent me? Like? Well, and he's all he had to say was that his dad was an alcoholic and his dad was meaning him. He was like, that's not good enough because my dad was an alcoholic. My dad beat the shit out of me, and I don't do that to my kid, you know. So I just felt like it just wasn't good enough, like and I told him, I don't forgive you, like that's not but that's not good enough. That's not enough.

whole life and you're telling me it didn't happen. And you know, they're really really really like ultra evangelical Christians, So like all he ever says is, Oh, that's the devil. That's the devil in your head telling you things. Anything good that happens, oh that was God. Anything bad that happens, Oh that's the devil. That's the devil putting lines in your head to trick you. And it's like the ultimate you gotta gaslight me with some fucking demons and shit,

you know. So it was just they basically acted like I died, Like they had all these pictures of me from when I was a kid, and just like they've just always been waiting, like the product the story of the Prodigal Sun, you know, like waiting for the son to just like come back. And my dad told me, you know, like he kept setting like timelines. Okay, by the time he's twenty, he'll come back and he'll have his share, he'll he'll have his fellow sin out there

in the world and he'll just come back. Oh nope, okay by twenty two, he'll oh by twenty five. And I'm like, yeah, I've always been here. But I mean, like who I am is who I am. They just don't accept me for who I am. And it's okay to cut off your family, you know, that's what is. It's hard, but sometimes your family is just like it's better to be away from them and it's better to

not talk to them, and it's hard, you know. Like like the other day, I was biking home from work and I saw this guy my age in a driveway with an older guy that looked like his dad, and they're sitting shooting some hoops, and I just I just think about I'm like, what would it be like, you know, to just build a thing out with my dad and you just like talk to him just like normal people. That's all I ever wanted. They just wanted to be a normal person having life.

you had it this rough. But I'll say that the good news is is that I know that you're like really anxious and worried about your daughter having a nice life and not having to have dealt with the things that you had to tear with but you're in a really like great position where like I mean, bro, like you you're fucking there, you know, like you're fucking there, you know, and whether or not regardless of of of whatever material resources you you you do or don't have,

or your daughter, like you're you're sucking there. Man, You're there and you care and you love her, you know, and that's that's it, right, So I think that like I don't, I don't think you have to worry about whether or not your daughter is gonna feel like you were there for her and and and it's and it's nice, man, it's it's like, it fucking sucks ship that your your dad came back to you with like, oh well my dad was like this and his dad was like that.

I'm sure his fucking dad was. And I'm sure you're a part of a fucking long cycle of like you know, absentinis and it's like it's fucking sucks shit. And I I really I'm sorry. I feel your pain that you are a part of that cycle. But you have this I'm not even gonna say opportunity because it's it's something

you're doing. It's not even an opportunity. It's just it's it's your life, you know, it's it's it's it's embodied and expressed by the decisions that you've made to be there with your kid where you're doing this really tremendously powerful, beautiful, amazing thing, where you're breaking the cycle because you're fucking there for your daughter. You know, you got you get in the car and you're going to the spring and you're filling up water, you know, like you're fucking there,

you know. So again, I'm I'm really I'm really sorry that you, like I can feel that you feel a lot of pain at being part of the cycle. But uh, brother, I'm I'm very very proud of you and very I deeply deeply commend you for breaking the cycle and being there for your daughter and giving a ship and going

back and you know and being here. And I and I hope that you know, I know from what you've expressed that you've had a lot of you know, self image, uh problems, and I and I really hope and I really, uh I want you to understand that, like, bro, you're like you're you're beautiful, you know, like it's it's a beautiful thing that you're you're. I I don't even want to say doing. It's like you're it's like you're living it. Uh And and I hope you feel good. I hope

that makes you feel good. I hope that makes you, uh sleep easy at night when when you're when you're in the house with your family, with your daughter, that you're you're there and uh I and life gets hard and you sometimes you try to do shit and it doesn't always work, but like you're trying, you know, you're.

because you're a fucking because you're a great guy. So I I uh, I hope I hope you recognize that about yourself and and that you feel that and you understand that, and you let that be a thing that lets you live your life a little bit lighter and a little bit less anxious and heavy. That you understand that you're you're doing all the right stuff and that you, and you and you and you don't don't beat yourself up if everything doesn't go fucking perfectly, you know.

you either stit or you don't. So I feel like, like I like that she can socialize with other kids because that was something I missed out on. You know, I didn't really get to have friends or socialize with people my own age, So I think that's important for her. But yeah, she I mean, at this stage, she's just like obsessed with like cats and legos and uh, we have pet roly polis, which is pretty cool. Most people are like, what what do you mean? You have petroly

like little isopods, little roly pulleys. We have like there's like a community of people that keep like exotic ones that have different colors, and we have like white ones with yellow and black spots, and we have zebra ones that are black with white stripes. And I don't know. When I was a kid, I was really into bugs and shit, and dude, if my dad had to show any interest in anything that I like like that, that

would have been huge. So yeah, we live in like a tiny town with a lot of like trees, and forests and stuff around. So I take her out on hikes and go on hikes and I try to teach her. We feed the crows. There's crow met here. We'll go feed the crows together, and I try to teach her know to respect nature and all life is valuable, even if it's small, its life still has value, you know. So we go rock hound. I bring her to look

for fossils. There's like certain areas near us where you can find a lot of like marine fossils, like shells and stuff. Who go and do that. He likes wearing little cat ears and cat tails, and it's just funny with people. What is she intellect? She's into cats, so like, I don't know, she really likes cats.

don't want to do that. You know. I treat her like she's a person, you know, I ask her, I try and talk to her like a human being. And you know, that's one thing I never understood is I told my dad, you know, like, my life's been really hard, man, my life's been I've been struggling, and he just told me, oh, my life was hard too, And he just kind of has that mentality of like, oh, if my life was hard, your life should be hard because it'll build character or whatever.

Like no one helped me, why should anyone help you. But I'm under the impression. I'm like I think of it like you're supposed to make it easier on the next generation. So the next drink becomes more educated and their life is a lot easier. In the next air, they're even more educated, and they have they make more money, and they're like, it's easy. You're not supposed to make it harder on the next generation because it was hard for you and it was hard for your dad. Like

that's just going nowhere. So I my parents were really young when they had me too, So I try, like I try to look in perspective, like my parents were sixteen when they had me, So it's kind of crazy to think, like when I left home, my parents were like my age, and it's hard to think of like why was my dad such an asshole so young? Like

why was he such a dick so young? Like he like, I don't know, it's just it's hard to think, like, oh, dude, he was like twenty two being that much of an asshole, Like come on, man, you know I was supposed to make it harder on the next generation. We're supposed to make it easier. Build generational wealth, build heal generational trauma. Do you do you?

I'm not going to be treated like that. My daughter's not going to be treated like that. We're not going to live like that. So it is. It does. It does take a lot of strength. And that's kind of like what I learned from being on the road for so long is like I had that sense, you know, I look around, I look behind me, nobody's there. I look around nobody nobody knew if I had food, nobody knew if I had sheltered nobody knew if I had clothes,

only me, only me. I got myself there. So I feel like that strength I continue now because I'm like, oh, I know I can do it, and it is. Yeah. I feel I feel like I had pulled myself out from under the sidewalk, you know, like I started with less than nothing. Because I feel like I'm catching up to a lot of people my age, But I try not to compare myself too much because I'll start feeling about like, oh, like when will I ever own a house?

When will I? You know this or that? But not everybody starts at the same spot, you know what I mean, Like, not every not everybody starts at go some people start behind me.

different things going on. You never know what someone's got going on, you know, you just see them in that moment, and that that's all. That's all the reference you have. So I like, yeah, just hearing people's stories, hearing what people are going through, you know, any day. Like I've thought about it so much, like what would I talk about? What would I say? And yeah, I mean I got a lot to say, but it just came naturally once

I started talking. Yeah, you're very easy to talk to you, you know, once I started talking, you just.

a little YouTube things or anything like that. I don't know why that's where my brain goes, but I just I just like, I love I love your stories. You've lived in a wild life.

like the short version of everything. I'm sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would like to just so it's not lost, just because I do like sharing my story and I feel like, yeah, there's other people that maybe could take use, you know, maybe they're going through really hard time. They don't. When you're in something, you don't see how it could get better.

You know that. That's the thing is like when you're going through it, you don't see how it could possibly get any better different, you know, and it gets overwhelming. But think things really do take wild turns. You can change your life. You know, Like a few years ago, I would have thought for sure, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna die outside on the side of the road somewhere and now here I am, I'm you know, so yeah, I uh, I don't even know where I would start,

you know. I. I guess I should think about it more. But do you do you do you do?

You know, not you don't have to feel obligated to, but if that was something you want, do you have a thing that anyone listening to this?

pictures riding trains and stuff. Well, yeah, people used to. I felt it was kind of a debating thing when I deleted everything. I thought about it for a long time. I have a lot of the photos and videos saved.

check my dms and ships. So if you ever want to send me an email, or if you ever want to start posting anything or whatever, you can send me a d M or an email and I'll shout it out on you know, one of one of the future episodes of the podcast or on Instagram or something. So you know, invitation is open if you ever think about it and you want to start doing something like that.

like Montana, oh my gosh, fucking beautiful. You just open sky is beautiful. The people there are cool. Like I could just walk into a town and just be like, hey, I need work. I need a job, and I'd find like, oh, so and so down at the furnire stores renovating, you know, like it was like like people are always really cool up there. Oh I like the land up there. Yeah, Montana, Oregon and Colorado is my favorite, for sure.

I'm like, man, I'm not gonna get shot over there. Like you know, like I've had people be like, oh what do we didn't do anything, and it's like, bro, you do what you want. To get shot over your fucking backpack, but you want to fucking die, you know, and it's not worth it, really, I bet yeah. I had the one time this guy with a machete. I was sitting there with this kid that'd never hopped a train.

That was one of my favorite things to do is bring people that never rode trains Ryan trains, because I love to just look in their face, you know, when you start going and you just look at them and you can see that glint in their eye and it's just, yeah, it's magical. And this guy with a machete was just like walking around us all tweaked out on myth and he's just like, oh, you know how many of you are there? And I told I was like, oh, there's about four or five of us at the liquor store

right now. And then he like walked away. And the greenhorn when you're new to something like Ryan trains to call them greenhorns. He was like, man, why'd you say that there was more of us? And I was like, bro, that guy does not need to know that it's just me and you down here, because we're like, I mean, that's the hardest thing is like getting off the train,

because then you've got the cops fucking with you. You got people all kinds of crazy, tweaked out homeless people fucking with you, you know what I mean, Like you're just trying to get some food and water and supplies and go. So that was like the hardest part. I mean, I almost died riding trains now that I mean that will still give me nightmares, Like I still wake up sometimes with nightmares from that. I almost died of dehydration, and it was, I mean, it got It was so serious.

I was having auditory and visual hallucinations just from dehydration, and my press real vision was gone. It was like someone was holding their hands over my eyes, like it was all black all around my eyes and I could only see right in front of me. I basically I hopped onto a coal train and I thought it was going one way, but we ended up going towards a coal mine and we sided out. So the train stopped and I was on an empty coal train and I look and there's a what I thought was a full

train loaded with coal. So I got off and got on that one because I'm like, oh, this loaded coal is gonna leave, and mind you, it's over one hundred degrees. It's like one hundred and eight degrees. And the next day we're still there. And I walked to the front of the train, walk to the back of the train. There's no engines. It's just a string of coal in the middle of nowhere. And I look all around. There's no bushes, there's no trees, there's no shade, there's no

power lines, there's no pupp of smoke. I'm like out in the open planes, just on this string of loaded coal. And I run out of water quick and at one point I started walking away and then I was like no. I was like, I need to go back to the train, because they're not just going to leave a loaded coal train there forever. They'll eventually come back for it. And I was like, if I just walk where am I walking to it? Ut to the horizon, I'm gonna die.

So I walked back to the string of trains and did I tell the story to people and they're like, man, you probably drank your piss, huh. And I'm like, dude, I was so dehydrated I couldn't piss. Like I was trapped. One point, I had my dog bowl and I was trying to pee into the dog bowl to drink it. And I couldn't even pee anything there was. I couldn't even it was so bad, I couldn't even piss. And then like I'm hearing voices, I'm hearing people laughing at me,

mocking my condition. I'm seeing like shadow people running in front of my vision, and like I thought I was gonna die, gag. I had came to peace with my leg I was like, this is it, this is my last train. I fucked up. I'm gonna die, this is it, and I had I was so out of it that I thought I was cold, and I had every layer of clothing on me. So they eventually did come for the train, and the railroad workers saved my life. I

was in and out of consciousness. I was going in and out of consciousness, and I it was over one hundred degrees and I had every article. I had my thermal un to wear on, I had my being on, I had my hoodie on, I had my jacket, I had everything on because I thought I was freezing. I thought it was freezing cold. And they found me. They brought me the hospital. They fucking but yeah, man, every day since then's been extra for me, I've been like

every day since. Then's an extra. That was my first first couple of years Ryan trains, and it happened because I was arrogant and coffee and I just thought I could get on and off whenever I wanted. I was like, I'm in control, you know. But you went to know that the trains in control. There's no such thing as the wrong train. You just went a way you didn't want to go. You know, the trains goes where the train goes. But dude, I'll wake up like screaming for

water and shit gets bad. I'll feel like I'm still there on that cold train, fucking with no water. I had food, I had weed, I had everything except water.

You know, like like there's no ifans there, but if you've got that support system, eventually you'll go home because you'll get tired of being hungry, cold, fucking whatever, you know, But this whole time, ain't Lots of people have asked me this question and I always tell them the same thing. You cannot learn how to do this by watching YouTube videos. You cannot learn how to just do You will die.

You will fucking die. Like the only way that I recommend anybody get into this, and it's hard to do this, but it's to find someone that knows what they're doing and is already doing it, you know what I mean? Like that, like that can show you, hey, if you step there, you don't want to step there, because when the train buckles, your foot will get caught and you will fucking die, you know. Like like there's just certain things, like it goes beyond just getting on the train, hiding

and getting off the train. Like you know, there's shipping facilities. Your train could get pulled into a shipping facility and all of a sudden you're surrounded by barbed wire and watch towers and they're fucking yanking all the cargo containers off the train with cranes.

go to enough Rainbow. You're gonna meet some train hoppers and they might not like you at first day. You know what, the first train hoppers I've ever very met made fun of me because I was a hitchhiker and train hoppers think hitchhikers are stupid.

I mean, it's like, uh knows in the air. Fuck you get away from me, because you're the reason everybody hates us is because you're just sitting here in one spot making a miss. You know. But any train hopper that tells you he doesn't hitchhike is a liar. You've got to hitchhike when you're Ryan train. Eventually you're gonna have You're gonna have to hitchhike. But yeah, you know, train hoppers are like, oh, why would you just stand there with your thumb ow? You can just fucking ride freight.

But like Ryan frays, not for any but everybody. Like, when it's hot, it's hot. When it's cold, it's cool. I've rode trains in negative ten, and i rode trains in one hundred and ten. I'd rather ride in negative ten than one hundred and ten, honestly, which surprises a lot of people. But yeah, when when it's negative ten, if you got the right gear, you're fine. But one hundred and ten there is no right gear. Like you're on a fucking piece of metal, no shade that the

metal is hot as fuck. It's like burning up. You touch it at all, and you're yeah, so I'd much rather ride and negative can. But and it's never the answer people want to hear. No one ever wants to hear. Oh, go find a train hopper and fucking get bullied by them and like either greenhorn and carry their water and

stuff and go and learn the ropes. But really, that's how you do it and keep your limbs, you know, like you gotta find somebody, you gotta get caught the waves, because you can't just watch some YouTube videos and be like I'm gonna do it. It's just too dangerous. Hitch hiking. Yeah, go out hitchhiking, and fucking you'll run into people. Man Like when I went out, I didn't know that people

lived out there doing that. I didn't know that there was like a whole subculture of people just like by choice, living out there on the road with their backpack. When I went out, I had no idea. So like, that's the best way to get into it. Just go out here chiking, Go to some rainbow gatherings, go to the gem shows, go to the Tucson gem Show. Check out something, go to hardly strictly, do you know, like you go places where the culture is and you'll meet people, you know.

really appreciate you sharing your story. I'm like, you know, I I know that you haven't had the chat open, but there's a lot of people in the chat who are just you know, uh, giving you your flowers on you know, uh getting to where you are from where you've been and you know, doing you and being you. So I hope, uh helpe you recognize that you got a lot of support out there.

again if you want to. You know, I don't know if you have me on Instagram or you have me on whatever, but if you want to create some form of line of communication for anyone who hears this to get in touch with you, you can hit me up and I'll figure out a way to Yeah.

Thanks for thanks for chat with us. I'm sure I'm sure a lot of people will listen to this and you know, gain some form of camaraderie if they themselves feel like they're not doing so hot. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

you know, like we're all gonna die anyway. You only get this one life, so like, just live it because then it's over, you know what I mean, Like you just live it like you got this one life, you got this one chance. It's gonna be over anyway, so just live it.

just wild, man. I mean, twelve fucking years of of hopping trains and you know, dealing with like fucking family shit and then uh, it's really it's beautiful to hear about someone like going out and breaking the cycle and trying to like be the father that they didn't have.

Like I think that's so I think that's so cool, you know, I think that's so cool because it's so easy to let life smack you around and mold you into something, and just to to talk to someone who who through sheer like force of fucking will, right, Like I don't I always wonder, I always there's so much that shapes us as people that's out of our fucking control.

You know, there's so much that shapes this as people that's out of our fucking control, Like who our parents are, weird, neurological synaps, firing, whatever, the fuck shit that I don't know about, environment, time, random chance, whatever. There's so much that's beyond us that like shapes who we are.

you know, saved his ass. And you know, everyone around him was drinking and he wasn't into drinking, and is you know, dad was shitty to him and he ended up being a good dad regardless, and like, bro, just the story of a guy just like encountering every pitfall that was possible to knock him down and still like

creating a beautiful life for himself. It's cool. It makes me question my often deterministic viewpoint about life and and lean more heavily into the idea that we have free will over who we want to become and not letting the ship that happens to us or the world we live in or whatever like shape us permanently. It's cool. It's an inspiring story. I appreciate I appreciate you staring at sharing it. Steve once again, Yeah, what is it again? Trip? I wrote it down trip Trap tramp Trash a GMI

dot com. I don't know. Sometimes I like the idea that you know, I mean, we had We've had a few callers on this podcast that uh wires have crossed somehow by people listening to it, and uh, cool things happen. So I like, I like throwing it. I like throwing it out there for that to happen. Anyway. Uh, this has been the the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you all very much for listening. This was This was great.

you know, I'm proud to be doing this show. I'm honored to have you guys listening to it. And anything else. I don't know if I have anything else to say. I think that's it, all right, Thank you all for listening gek bless see you around the universe. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to. By becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko

over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. So you have these uh bass gastric distress as you call it, and it says here that this causes you to shit

your pants. Uh in several inopportune situations.