Hello, Hello, Hey, is this Leah?
Yes?
What's going on?
Well? I am currently having a problem because I think I have a problem with like talking people online. Okay, I like made a fake account like two years ago, and it's like still an obsession of mine.
Hmm, what made you want to make this fake account? And what do you do with it?
Okay?
So a long time ago, my dad has this girlfriend that actually left him because he's fluck with She fleuck with my boyfriend, and so I made an account so I could like look at her profile and like see what she like was saying about us, and she accepted my friend requests on like the stake account. So I just like continued it and now I have like a bunch of people on there.
Okay, So how long ago was it that you made this account to look at your father's whatever's person's thing.
It was probably like late twenty eighteen, early twenty nineteen.
All right, so is a little bit ago, and what do you use the account for now?
I currently log on daily sometimes more, and I just like look at any posts she posts, and like any of my friends, like my enemies. There's my friends on that account, I guess, but like I look at whatever they got going on. Like a lot of them post like all their drama on there, so I can kind of like get the inside details.
Is your dad still engaged with this woman or are they done?
No?
No, they split up after she slept with my boyfriend.
Okay, and why what what what is causing you to still be interested in her life?
I have absolutely no idea, Okay, but.
I think it's just the curiosity of it all. And like she has like circles kind of close to my circles of like friend groups, so I kind of just like, you know, keep your friends close, your closer.
Your father's ex girlfriend has has a lot of mutual friends with you.
Yeah, well she was actually my friend.
First, but like she didn't know my dad was my god.
Okay, uh, who what give me an example of another person that you follow on here and what your relationship to them is?
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that question. Well, I have like my ex boyfriends girlfriends on there, or like my ex boyfriends groommates, or like people that are like close to the people that like have caused issues in my past.
Okay, and you you log on every day and you're looking at updates and photos and whatnot from Uh, your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend, her friends, his friends, your dad's ex girlfriends, all these people you're you're logging in every day and looking at updates from them?
Yeah, pretty much?
And how do do you do you get strong emotional reactions from these updates?
Sometimes?
Like when I see her doing the same things that she did to me when we were friends to other people, like, it gets me really mad because people don't see what I see in her, because she like showed her true colors, so like to me, I want other people to see her like that. But I'm not trying to like attack her or like put her information on Facebook or nothing like that. Like I don't want to look like the antagonists or anything. But I am curious, like how long she's going to get away with like.
Doing the same thing to all these other people.
And your ex boyfriend? When did you break up with them?
Twenty nineteen?
Oh yeah, b'go them three years ago?
Yeah?
Do you still talk to them?
He constantly is trying different ways to like get a hold of me, But we actually split up because he was physically abusive, so and she was one of the girls that helped me pack my stuff and get away from him, and then like she went ahead and just like moved in after moving me out.
And do you think about your ex boyfriend a lot?
I mean I have a lot of nightmares about him. I have like diagnosed PTSD because of like a lot of the ship. Oh, I don't know if I can say that. Sorry, like he put me through Yeah, sorry.
No, no, it's okay, okay. And have you ever made an attempt to have you ever considered deleting this Facebook account?
I want to, but a part of me like can't let go of it, Like a part of me wants to just like move on and like forget all of that happened to me, because like my life has moved on, but like my my emotions are still so stuck and like that hurts, Like I got betrayal from like both sides.
What do you think is in between you and letting go of this stuff? If you had to really really put it under a microscope.
I think it's hard to move on because they're constantly around, Like, for example, so and so might work with one of my family members, or this person I see every time I go to the store because they work there, or like I because I live in a very like small area, like maybe twenty five mile writing, so like we're constantly bumping into each other and so like I kind of like to know where they're at, where their minds that.
But what I do want to let go of it, but I'm afraid at the moment I do, like something's going to get hurt.
Mm hmm.
So you're running into just you know, as you're about town living in a small town, you're running into your ex boyfriend's friends, You're running into people from uh you know that that time in your life, and that's making it harder to let go. Yeah, all right, uh so so let's let's get into now. Welcome back to this Facebook account. But what is your life like now?
Well, I'm married, I'm trying to have a baby. I have a lot of fertility issues, so we're it's kind of like the.
Only option we have right now.
So you're married, Yes, does your husband know about the account?
He does, but he doesn't know like the details of it, Like he doesn't know the name of it, or he's not friends with it or anything, but he does know it exists. But my whole family kind of plays off as a joke.
But they not, just like you know whether or not it exists. But does does he know the nature of it? Does he know why you use it?
Yes, he knows that. I like look at people that I've had issues with in the past, and I like friend them and look at their stuff.
How does he feel about that?
Like I said, everybody kind of like plays off as a joke. Nobody thinks it's like an issue, I guess, But me, everybody else is like, oh, that's like what girls do, like their little FBI agents, you know, YadA YadA.
Interesting And do they know that you've been doing it for three years?
Yes?
Yeah, okay, but nobody else seems to nobody else it's a serious issue. Everyone just kind of thinks it's like a funny thing.
Yeah, everybody just kind of thinks it's like it's funny that nobody's notice as a fake account. Yet, like I've taken it this far and nobody like has picked up like, oh this person doesn't even exist.
Mm hmmm, I'm interesting. Okay, But we know that it's an issue. We know that you want to move on. I don't know if we if I've asked you this yet, but do you do you have a desire to move on from from all of this.
Yes, yes, I I want to delete it or deactivate it, proferbly delete it.
But I have like.
Nobody to really like hold me accountable to it. Like there's nobody that's like, hey, you should believe you should believe it, like you should stop at it.
Mm hmmm mm hmm. I mean here's the here's the great thing about this is that, uh, once you you can, once you delete it, you can delete it forever. I know that Facebook. Facebook does this fucking annoying thing that they do on purpose where you can deactivate it, which doesn't really do anything. This logs you out, but you need to go in there and you need to de
elete it irreversibly. And you know, I feel like, and this is how I felt when I've you know, had had these these sort of whatever things with social media, where like, you know, if you ever find yourself in some sort of emotional motivative state where you're like, you know what, I'm gonna do it, I'm going to delete it, take advantage of that and just fucking delete it right in there, because because then when you are in that addict d phase where you're like, no, I got a check,
you will not even be able to.
Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree with that.
I feel like I feel like talking about it is the first stuff I've really taken where somebody's like acknowledged that it's an issue because I've brought it up with like my gods before where I'm like, like, this is kind of crazy, like I probably shouldn't be doing this. But it all started when people were like giving information on my Facebook out to these people that I don't like. So I felt like, if they're in dating my privacy, I should be able to invade theirs. But now that I look at it, like.
It's it's just social media, Like.
It's not a reflection of their real life or my real life. It's just what we're what we're putting out for people to see. So is not getting any information inside So.
Honestly, outside side of just like the nuts and vaults of there's a Facebook account that needs to be deleted, the larger issue is one of moving on from these people. Yeah, which you know symbolically could be represented by deleting this Facebook account, But even after you delete it, it's about how can you move on and you have that you have a whole life, you know, I mean the one. The real way to move on from this previous time in your life is to dive deep into the time
of your life that you're in right now. You are married. How long did you say? How long did you say you were married for?
It's been a little over like six seven months?
Okay, six or seven months? Are you happily married? You enjoy your relationship?
Yes, I've never felt so comfortable with somebody or so loved by someone, like we really do have great communication, like a wonderful partnership. Like I'm incredibly grateful for him, especially for coming into my life when he did and how he did. So Yeah, he's great.
Okay, all right, So you're happily married. What do you what are you doing? You sort of professionally on your own outside of your relationships.
I'm I'm a full fum student.
Mm hmm. Okay, So you you have a life. Yeah, so, Lee, you're happily married, You're enjoying your life? What? Uh uh? Why do you think it is hard for you, if you have a thing going on for yourself to let let everything in your past go?
I think Okay, So going back to like the ex boyfriend. Why look at his stuff is because like he has a very large history of violence. So for me, I feel like keeping tabs on like where he's at or who he's with kind of gears me towards like, Okay, stay away from these people this area, like and you can,
you'll be safe. But for my dad's ex girlfriend, I really feel like there's not really a motive behind looking at her stuff anymore, Like it doesn't there's not really a reason to look at her stuff anymore besides just
like the odds that I would run into her. But the ex boyfriend, I definitely do it because like it just makes me feel so much safer for knowing what he's doing where he's at, because it took me so long to get away from him that it just feels like so much more comfortable knowing that he's like on this side of town or staying around these people.
This is really difficult because you know, look, on one hand, I really get you know, I get it, I get while you're operating out of the sphere because you really don't want to run into him. But I also I just I hate hearing that you're living your your that this fear is like policing your whole life and causing you to, you know, be on this Facebook account that you really shouldn't be on. Yeah, and I'm trying to think of solutions for you. I mean there's a few.
I mean, look, if this guy really has done some terrible shit to you, I'm sure you have the grounds to get a to get a legitimate restraining order against him. Well, I think that's actually I think that's a better idea.
Okay.
I was eighteen and he was thirty five. He was straight out of like he just came out of prison and he was like getting back on his feet, and so we started dating. I have no idea what was going through my mind. Besides, I thought an older dudes would bring me like more stability, I guess. But one like, it started getting like physically aggressive between me and him, and one day, like I called my dad to come pick me up and I never hung up the phone. Well, my dad heard him hit me, so my dad came.
They got into a fight.
Like three months or three weeks later, my dad went back there and fought them again, and my ex boyfriend ended up having to go to get meta fled into the hospital. And so because of that like I I mean, I've tried to get a restraining order will their order of protections in my county. But I tried to get like an order of protection, but because my dad had instigated a problem with him, like, they didn't want to get involved too much with it. So they just kind
of told him stay away from her. You stay away from him, because like it's already on police records and everything. So if anything like really happens between us, I guess those targets would be brought back up, but they'd be brought up on my dad. So him, like him instigating things with me could potentially get my dad in legal trouble. But like he's always like literally up until I got married, he was always like around and trying to like cause problems.
And so that's kind of when I started the Facebook was as soon as I left him. Sorry, that was a lot.
Sorry, No, no, don't be sorry. I mean this is a mess, dude.
Story kind of help?
I know it does?
Story helped terify it?
Does? It does? It does? Because I think, you know, I kind of go from you know, now that you give me this backstory, I I kind of go from you know, she needs to move on to Now, Okay, this is coming from a point where this is not uh you know, an ex that you're not over. This is your uh you know, policing, uh you know, his whereabouts, out of out of out of your own you know, fear for your safety.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was my girlfriend at the time when all that happened. And then she went and like helped me move out and then moved all of her stuff in like as like all of this like legal stuff and this like all started erupting. She just like up and left my dad and moved in.
With my abusive boyfriend.
So that's kind of like really why I started the account, And I want to I want to like delete it, I really do, but I'm so afraid that like the moment I do, something's gonna pop off, even though it's been for years.
Leah, let me. Can I ask you this too, Leo? What what is? What the fuck is stopping you from? And I know it's I know there are a lot of situations where the answer to this question can get complicated, and and I respect that, but I gotta what the fuck is stopping you from leaving this shitty little town? What the fuck is stopping you from getting out of here, And I I hate, I hate, I hate the idea that this guy you know, I get it, you have your friends here, you have your family here. I'm sure
there's a lot of reasons. I'm gonna let you speak in a second, but there's a lot of reasons why. And I hate the idea that you know, you almost are you know this this guy is like, you know, has the power to make you leave. I hate that idea. But what is stopping you from leaving? Man? I hate this place.
We actually plan on leaving in next April or mark wonderful. So we have like a little savings account that we started. It's just it does us because like me and my husband met here, so of course he has his family. I have mine, but my family kind of we are a different group of dysfunctions, so like we kind of are all spread out. We don't really talk to We talk to each other, but not like we used to. So it's just like for me, we do want to
get out of here. We do plan on it because it's a very toxic conservative like backwards town, like everything's kind of corrupt.
I'm I'm so glad to hear that you're leaving, Leah. I think I think you should delete the Facebook account. I think that you should just focus on getting the fuck out of there and if you get if you just if you get anything out of this phone call. Your brain is like wrapped up in all of the everything that that happens to you in this smallest town, and I'm just telling you, if you fucking get anything
out of this, I want it to be that. Like you're so young, don't let your view of the world and view of relationships be defined by what happened in this fucking place. Just as soon as you can, yeah, fucking leave it behind and go to a new place and move on from this stuff and form a new life, because you just can't. Your your life is too valuable to be poisoned by a bunch of bullshit going on
with these fucking people that don't matter anymore. And you should just you should just leave and find a new course for your life and delete that fucking Facebook account.
Thank you.
I'm actually sorry, I'm crying. I don't know if you get that response, office, but right now good, I'm actually beleeting it. Right now I'm guiding to my password to delete it.
Fuck are you really you're deleting it right now? Yeah? Good?
Please delete it.
It's about time, please delete it. Yeah. Yeah, you know, when you give me that backstory, it gives me a different perspective onto why you held onto it for so long. I hope that you have a real therapist, by the way, that you can, because I'm not I don't know how to fucking actually help people deal with their trauma and whatnot. I hope you have a real therapist. They can help you deal with the trauma of all these things.
We're kind of.
Hopefully we'll make it more up to eighteen soon, but good good. Also, I want to apologize for the way I hop on the call because I sot talking to one of your que guys again, which they are so nice by the way.
Of course, no, you know, probably just for anything.
I actually didn't know I was on the air.
But yeah, I I hope you really internalize that. I hope you really make an effort to move on. I hope you never fucking think about these people ever. Again. They're not worth it. Your your life is too short and valuable for you to spend any of your headspace in just all this fucking bullshit. And I'm very excited for you that you were leaving soon.
Yes, thank you, of course.
Is there anything else that you want to say to me or the people of the computer, or that we didn't get to or final thoughts or just anything like that.
I just want to say that I had a lot of adrenaline during the first like five minutes to the call, so it was kind of messy, but I if I got the whole situation out, so it kind of makes sense.
Thank you very much for sharing, and seriously, good luck to you as you you move forward on this.
Thank you so much. You've been a really great help.
Awesome thank you for calling Lea.
Of course, thank you.
That was super interesting. That evolved in a sense because you start off it's again it started off with like why is it started for me? It started off very easy. It started off like, dude, just delete the Facebook account?
Why are you still obsessed over this guy? And then it evolves into oh, she's doing this because she's like scared, uh, And that is the fear element of it is a different thing than just like some you know, nonsensical obsession over the past, and when it revealed itself to be a you know, a thing of fear is when it got complicated for me. And I am so glad that she is moving a very difficult thing. I kind of
mentioned this. I don't like that, you know, other people are giving her you know, are are sort of forcing her out of the situation. But at some point you just concede to that. I'm glad she's conceding to that and not fighting about it to make her life worse. And yeah, I'm happy for her that she's moving out and finding a new life, because i mean, shit, all this stuff was going on when she was eighteen. I'm sure that she's had relationships with you know whoever the
fuck this friend, I don't know. She painted a whole picture of a bunch of characters that I'm sure I've been around for a while, and I'm sure have been around for a little bit too long. And yeah, I'm happy for her that she's she's moving on and uh, you know, finding a new path for herself in this short life. And I appreciate her calling in and being vulnerable with us. And I'm a gecko guy on the computer, and that is all I have to think about that. Hello, Hello, Hey, is this Riley? Yeah?
Is this Gekasur rags.
Yeah, how's it going.
It's going, Okay, it's going, It's pretty good. I'm vacation right now.
Oh, you're on a family vacation. Where Where at.
Montana?
Who goes on vacation to Montana?
People from Wyoming.
When I think of Montana and I think of Wyoming, I truly think about I imagine the same place.
I mean, yeah, do you want me to draw you a map with my words?
Sure?
Okay? So Wyoming is like just south and it's sandwiched between Colorado and Montana. Right, So all of Wyoming is like flat, except for some parts that have mountains, but it's terribly windy, and all the mountains are kind of like flame, and it makes it so nobody wants to live there. If you go to Montana, it's slightly less windy and there's cooler mountains. Plus there's rivers in Montana. So but they're basically the same place.
Riley. It's says here that you have a secret YouTube channel in which you quote do weird shit, and you are afraid of somebody finding it because you fear the reaction of your friends and family. Tell me, tell me more about this YouTube channel. What exactly do you mean by weird shit?
Yeah, so I mean it's not all weird shit someone, It's like mostly normal. But like most recently, I've been working on a video about a snake that I found that was dead and I had a funeral for it. It's actually kind of a sad story. There's like this little baby rattlesnake outside the door of the warehouse that
I work in. I was there late at night because I lived in like a campground and like a trailer and I don't have a shower, so I was there late showering and he was so cute, so I took a video of him, and the next day I found him dead in the gutter. So I had a dramatic episode and decided to have a funeral for it. And I just think that's not really a normal thing to do.
I think that's a that's nice that you, you know, formed this brief yet passionate connection, And uh, I can I can see why you had a need to mourn it. Why do you believe that your friends and family would respond negatively to this snake funeral video?
So I don't think my immediate family would be like weirded out by it because they already know I'm weird. But like my extended family on.
My dad's side, they.
They're a little like judgmental, and I get I get some of that just for like the weird stuff I do anyways, like they an example would be like they'd be appalled that all summer I've been living in a camper trailer in like a campground. They just think that's that's not the way to live.
And so really, what right? Well, really, why Riley? Why do you care what your extended f family thinks about you, what you do with your you know time? Why does it matter if they think that something you do is weird?
So I don't think it doesn't really matter to me a whole lot, But I'm just worried I'm gonna get like weird comments at family reunions, being like, oh I saw you on YouTube, like playing with a dead snake. That's fucking weird. Why are you like this? Because always I already get like some of that.
Relly, Listen, you can't you can't live your life or not live your life based on what your extended family might say to you at the occasional family reunion. It's a terrible way to live.
So, Okay, there's another part to this story.
What is it?
It is a terrible way to live. It's more like so that's part of the reason why I haven't told people it because I'm not necessarily worried about people finding out about it. I'm trying to decide if I should like tell people about it and like advertise that I'm doing this and be like, look at the things I've made, or if it should just be like a privately creative thing.
I'm worried that if I like tell all my friends and family about it, and like I put it online and I kind of brand myself with it, that like I may have to take on some responsibility of being like an influencer, and I'm not sure if I want to be in the spotlight like that, even if it's only like with five thousand people or like less.
Okay, let's explore that you make these videos, You make them at this at this very moment. You make them for an audience of virtually no one. Correct yes, myself, okay, you make them for yourself out of your own enjoyments. You are debating whether or not to take it further and attempt to actually have people watch these things that you do. You're like a I don't want to use the word vlogger, but you do miscellaneous non you do miscellaneous,
somewhat deviant things such as hold funerals for snakes. Yeah, you enjoy doing those things. You enjoy documenting them just for yourself, and you're wondering whether or not you should show them to other people. Okay, so when you are thinking about the pros as to why you might want an audience of people to watch you hold snake funerals, what would those pros be?
So I think about the financial incentive for sure, if it ever came to that, I wouldn't I don't think I would like leave my career path to be like run.
Off to be YouTuber.
But if it ever got like big enough to make a little bit of money, that would be nice. Not gonna lie, I don't know.
That's the kind.
Of lifestyle I want to live. M Yeah. Especially the kind of lifestyle I want to live is a little more remote and like the harder, be harder to pull down like a sable job. So there's a lot of freedom within that if I were able to make money from it one day?
Uh you know, right? I think that's a I I think that's a legitimate that's a legitimate reason to to want to do that. I think that there is a lot of I think there's a lot to be gained on trying to build a business based on the things that you're passionate about. And I think that that is uh completely within reason for you to do, if that's what you want to do.
Mm hmm.
Uh So tell me more about the cons then.
Well, I would be kind of putting myself out there. And like, I think that there's a certain there's a certain desirability to privacy, and that's something that I really tend to value just general, Like I don't I want people like kind of around me. I like, I like my stuff to be very private, and I know that
about myself. So I'm worried that eventually, if people were to watch this, I would feel like I'm losing some of that and like that would bother me eventually, But I'm not sure because I've never been in that scenario.
I'm going to give you advice that I think I'm one of the only few people that can I can give this. You should wear a costume of some kind. I'm serious I'm serious.
You know that's not a bad idea.
I should wear costumes because I go out in public and nobody has ever, ever, ever with no costume. It's happened maybe two or three times where somebody has said to me, hey, you're the guy from TikTok. When I wear the costume, I get it a lot. But if I'm not wearing the costume, I have my complete another privacy. So if you're afraid of that, but you still want to try to build a brand their business on being yourself and doing the things that you enjoy, which I
think is a worthwhile thing to pursue. I really do. I don't think you know, people might have their opinions of whatever, but I think it's a worthwhile thing to do. If you want to do it and you're concerned about your privacy, wear a costume, maybe a snake, and then do your vlogs or whatever it is you do.
Yeah, I was gonna ask you what kind of costume should I wear?
I can't tell you that. You have to decide that on your own. That gecko came to me, okay, and your animal will come to you as well.
Did it did it come to you in a dream or like a vision or did it just like hit you.
At you?
Oh that makes sense, Riley.
I mean this is before we go. Do you out of the tell me? Tell me your flat out of out of what I have told you over the course of this conversation. What are your thoughts.
I'm thinking that I don't know if the costume I do would work for me. I think it's a good idea, but some of the contents I also make is like nature based, where I like hike because I'm like a like a park ranger kind of, and so I make a lot of like outdoor content, and I don't know if it would be all that practical for me to walk around at work and like when I'm outside hiking in like a tiger costume or something.
Mm hmm.
But I'm kind of leaning towards putting it out there just to kind of see what happens with it.
Okay, I think you know what I I don't like.
Yeah, yeah, I like doing it, and I think that as long as I like doing it, that if people watch, it's okay. But I'm not sure, Like I'm scared of what can happen in the future. But I'm do not think about that.
I think. Yeah, two final things with that is, uh, you know you're afraid, you're you're telling me that you're afraid of like what your extended family will think of you doing these snake funerals. And you know, Riley, your life is going to be a lot better if you choose to just fucking live freely and not give a fuck about what people think of you. And if you want to maintain your privacy. This is the second thing. There's a lot of ways for you to do that.
I mean, so there are some extremely famous and successful Internet people who have never shown their faces before. You could just make videos where you are hiking through the woods and just talking and the camera is facing the the trail. I mean, you could give your snake funeral video without showing your face. So there's a lot of different ways to do it if you want to do it.
But uh, try try and get over fixating on what your extended family or anyone else on the internet might think of you and what you do.
You know, Gek, that's a really good point. I didn't really consider just not putting my face in it.
Yeah, you don't have to. You can make a really good videos without putting your face in there. Yeah, no, I mean there's that's the thing if you scroll through, if you I dude, I could talk about TikTok and the Internet creator economy shit forever because like, if you scroll through TikTok or YouTube, you will find many, many, many creative people who have found uh different ways to express themselves that are not the standard. Hey, how's it going, guys? Welcome back to my whatever fucking thing?
You know?
So take that into consideration. Uh, is there anything else want to say to the people in the computer before we go? Riley?
You know what, I'm feeling spontaneous and aspired inspired right now?
Good?
And I think I should just do it. Can I plug myself.
If you would like too? Sure?
Okay, Uh, it's Riley does Alaska.
You live in Alaska?
I lived in Alaska. I don't live in Alaska anymore.
I want to live in Riley does Alaska. Okay. I'm gonna check out your videos because I'm trying to go to Alaska soon and maybe they'll have some insight for him.
Okay, I'll be your tour guide.
Where where in Alaska? Yeah you don't have to tell me out hit, but where in Alaska. Should I go? If I want to be a get go there and do stuff.
Any grades are cool. There's a lot of people there. But if you want to like see real Alaskan people, go to Fairbanks because they're they're gruff and tumble up in Fairbanks and ghosted on the University of Alaska Fairbanks campus.
Man. I didn't know they had college in Alaska. I thought it was just like bears. Thank you for calling Riley.
Thanks guys, five, Let's.
Talk to Kimbo. How are you, Kimbo?
Oh, there's a Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
I actually I have COVID right now, but I'm doing good.
What's going on with you?
So the past year I have been recovering from a traumatic brain injury that I sustained at work, and I'm started in grad school estimated the month with accommodations and yeah, a lot going on with that.
Well, Can I can I mention what you told the call screener?
Yeah?
Yeah, it says here that you are a future sex therapist. I assume that's what you're going to grad school for.
What I'm going to school for.
And you are having trouble finding love?
Yeah, that sounds really cheaty to hear it repeated back to me. But it's true.
Okay, are you? Are you in your head? Like I'm gonna start projecting onto you and you tell me if it's accurate in your head?
Are you?
Like?
How am I supposed to help couples with sex therapy if if I myself cannot find love.
I've definitely had that creeping fear. But I don't know. I like I've reflected on my situation, Like, first of all, when you have a traumatic brain injury, you should not date people. That's a that's not good. But I now that I've been cleared to start approaching life again by my neurologist, I'm like, oh man, I don't really have an excuse anymore, and I have to actually like start dating again, and I don't really enjoy dating.
Okay, Well, if I could back up for like a second here, If I go back up for a second, you laugh, because you know what I'm gonna say. Why you're why is this so immediately presenting itself as like a chore that you have to do? Why do you why do you? Why are you saying it like that you that you have to now go out and date people?
Well, well, no, I guess it's not. I guess I was talking about it like it's a chore. It's more like, well, like like there are people I'm interested in. I think it's because. Okay, So I'm I'm semisexual, which means I can't really use dating apps or things like that because I need an emotional connection before I can even find a person attractive. So so just I feel like everything, like I feel like most of dating right now is
dating apps and then i'm I'm trying. I also I want I want my my partner to be Jewish, and that just really narrows the dating pool. And yeah, I just I do feel like my intersection, my intersecting identities dating difficult. But it also means that I really understand myself.
I was going to say, no, I was going to say, you're on the hunt for an n j M. Nice, a nice Jewish man. Sorry, continue, I want to hear the rest of your of your thoughts about this this area of your life.
So okay, So I'm I'm feminine, presenting, non binary, I'm Jewish, demisexual, I'm pan sexual. I'm kinky, but I'm not kinky until once we start having sex. So I go from basically like very very like asexual to being very sexual, and which, like anyone anyone listening to this who has dated a demisexual can understand why that would be confusing or frustrating.
And you know, it's a shame that you don't like the dating ass because you just wrote yourself a very descriptive dating profile bio.
Thank you, thank well. I really know myself, but I've also been told that I'm extremely intimidating for all those reasons.
Mm hmmm. So I've got a couple questions for you. One is, uh, why why are you looking for a partner.
I'm a very romantic person and I love infusing romance into my own life, my my friendships, my relationship with the universe. But I would like to be able to channel that into a person or people romantically. That would be really nice. And I just I've been i haven't been in a relationship that's been longer than six months in almost six years, So I just feel like I've had a lot of time to get to know myself and I really want to share myself with others romantically.
That was a very poetic and introspective answer, which is that's a good sign.
That's that's better than I am a very poetic, introspective person.
That's a lot better than just saying I'm afraid to be alone. So that's a good place to start. Okay, Now I want.
To actually enjoy my own company a little too much.
Sure, Sure, No, I understand that. I understand that I want. Okay, so let's go back to at the very beginning of this, you were like looking at dating as a chore and you were like, oh, I have to date again, and you were saying it in this very negative way, and then us, now you gave us this whole I am a romantic person. I want to share a part of myself, which is like the complete opposite of the way that
you were describing your romantic vision at the beginning of this. Right, Okay, So would you say that what you just said now is more reflective of the truth.
Yes.
I think part of the problem is that I am clearly picky, Like I know, I've been single long enough to know exactly what I want, so it's not as if I don't have opportunities. I think I'm also oblivious when people are into me, which is another layer to this. So I think the way I was talking about dating before is reflective of my apprehension around miscommunications that can occur.
Mm hm uh. I think being picky is a good thing in most aspects of life. I think, I think I don't know at most and a lot of aspects of life, being picky is a good thing. And I think you know with your romantic partner. Yeah, if you fucking should be picky. You're trying to find a person to be with for the rest of your life, you should be extremely picky about that if that's what you are looking for. But I do want to try. I want to try to change your mind on one thing.
Oh, let's hear it.
I think I think that if you are really in I mean, I hate dating apps. I don't. I don't like them at all. But I feel like if you're trying to put yourself out there for the maximum opportunity to meet the kind of person that you want to meet, I think you should be less afraid of them.
I'm not afraid of the app. I'm actually more I'm not trying to dismiss what you're saying. I appreciate your approach to this.
No, I'm down.
No, No. Repexually dismissing you. I feel that the apps are a misrepresentation of opportunity, we think, because we're seeing hundreds of people a day scroll past us. Especially if you're like myself and you select everyone as far as who has shown to you, those aren't truly opportunities. There's you know, there's probably only a few people on that app that you can truly connect with. And I have found in my experience of dating apps that people grossly
misrepresent themselves, and I show up extremely authentically. I feel that people wear a mask when they're dating, which we all do to a degree, because we want to represent the best parts of ourselves, right, We want make a good impression. But I accept the bad parts of myself that I don't particularly like, and my friends embrace that about me, and I embrace that about my friends, And I think to love someone fully, you have to accept the negative parts of them.
Right.
However, when when someone who is in denial about the parts of themselves that they dislike and someone shows up in their life and says, oh, no, I see that in you, and I love that part of you even though I don't like it, that is terrifying. That's extremely uncomfortable for people, so well can actually so that kind of accepts I think everything.
I think everything you're saying. I think everything you're saying is great. You know. I think that you sound like you're comfortable being authentically yourself. You sound like you're not afraid of being authentically yourself, which is really important as
you're going out into the dating world. But what you just said to me has nothing to do with dating apps because the I think what people get wrong about these apps is that all these profiles, they are representations of real people, so like it can seem artificial and whatnot. But once you are connected with another shop, yes, once you're connected with another person over this app, it's almost as if you met at at the freaking coffee shop that you meet them at in person. Is the app
is no longer a relevant part of the interaction. So I understand what you're saying, but I don't think it's relevant to to dating apps.
You might be right about that, I think, I think what so the element in like revealing your true self that I was referencing that that seemed kind of like it wasn't answering your question. The element that's missing it is time and teasing and I really I really need a lot of time, like with transitions, so and being demisexual, it's when you're demisexual, it's really like you're asexual until you're not until you have an emotional connection with the person.
But Kimbo, you live in the world where you can go on the computer. You okay Cupid, and you can, I mean, take advantage, for God's sake, take advantage. You can go Kimbo.
You can.
Little people, you can hit little you can hit a little checkbox that says you can hit the there's a checkbox that says filter out by Jewish someone.
Who's willing to flirt with people.
I just all I'm saying, saying you sorry.
I come from New Jersey. It says we don't know.
How to okay, it's okay. I'm saying to you is that if this is important to you, you should try. You should put in you know, you put in the effort where you can. That's all I'm saying. And I feel like you're dismissing the dating apps if that's what you want to you know, I feel like dismissing the
dating apps is a mistake. That's all I'm saying is I think it's a mistake because you live in a world where never before could you go on a website and go show me Jewish demisexual guys at this age that live in this location, and the computer goes, yes, here you go take advantage of that. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, but.
There's Jay Swipe, there's Jay Date, there's coffee meat. What is the bagel locks thing? There's some bagel meets locks, whatever the fuck it is. Anyway, Kimbo, before we go, do you have any final thoughts about anything that we have talked about over the course of this phone call, or anything you want to say to the people of.
The computer, I'll say two things. One, I will reconsider dating apps. I appreciate you putting that back on my radar.
And then to.
Everyone else, I'll say, surround yourself with really good people and just love one another. And don't let a kind word flip your mind. Like, if there's something kind or loving you want to say to a person, don't be embarrassed to say you should just say it.
Thank you for calling Kimba. That a great night, And by the way, if it makes you feel any better about the whole sex therapist trying to find love thing. I reluctantly. I reluctantly give relationship advice to people all the time. I've never been in a serious relationship. I have no business giving the advice, but I do it anyway because this is the Internet and you can do whatever you want on here, including be a gecko. Hello.
Hello, how are you? I'm doing pretty good?
Huh by yourself, I am doing pretty good as well. What are you up to at this very moment in time?
I'm in bed. I have to go to sleep soon.
Yeah, you sound really tired. Do also sound like you're very far away from the phone.
I'm pretty pretty close next to my ear.
Yeah.
I have to wake up at five for work.
What do you do?
I'm a welder?
Okay, what kind of stuff do you wild?
Pretty much like marine type, stainless steel, aluminum, carb and steel. You know, it's usually the fun stuff.
I will make this phone call quick so that you can get to bed. How can I get you today?
I was talking to your amazing person, Tim, and pretty much I wanted to call you because, like this has been a recent epiphany for me. I recently quit porn while trying to it's still pretty hard because I feel like I'm addicted to it and it's not. And I understand, like it was always like a negative thing about it, but I you know, recently that I just got a girlfriend, it's just been more apparent that, yeah, I should stop doing this.
What sorts of things have you been noticing that are keying you into the idea that you have an addiction.
It's more of like like I like watching peel be porn. I like pretending that am I allowed to like curse.
Or have to. You can say whatever you want. You can graphically describe the pornography that you are watching, as long as it's not illegal. You want no, no.
No, no, it's it's all. It's all you know, regular stuff, but it's basically pov I. You know, I pretend that the penis is my penis, and you know, whatever porn star that I come across, I'm like, I imagine myself being there. I like I like when they show the penetration because I feel like, oh snap, I could feel this, like this is something that I want to feel, and yeah it's not. It's definitely not healthy. So I'm just I took a step back. You know, my favorite porn stars.
You know, Geena Valentina, you know the big name one Lanea, Gray, Blake, Blossom, all of them, all of them gorgeous, gorgeous bodies, And yeah, it's not a it's not healthy. So I like pull the step back, especially because I recently got a girlfriend. She's gorgeous, and you know, I don't want to be thinking about all of those women and all of their bodies while I'm with my girlfriend.
I think that that is a great reason to stop. It seems like you've identified it as an issue and you're working to correct it. Yes, so is your issue that no continue? Please?
You are the second person I ever told that I had this type of problem. I've like it's been like it's been a consistent thing, like since I was like fourteen, I'm twenty eight.
Who is the first?
My brother?
Okay, what'd your brother say?
He understood? He didn't understand the full extent of it until I recently explain it to him and he was like, wow, uh yeah. I mean he's like pretty much encouraging me to keep it up. He's like, don't completely go cold turkey. He's like, you know, you know you could do it, like at least once a week, and I'm like, I can't. I physically can't because then I just go crazy.
So you're attempting to do this just cold turkey. You are going to quit porn forever?
Yeah, I mean eventually when I have a grasp of it and I could actually go like instead of like like, let's just say tonight, like if I do it, then tomorrow, if I do it again, then the next day that I'm like, okay, then the habit is continuing. So I then that's when I'm like, I'll pull back. But if I could do it, well.
When is the last time that you did it that you watched porn?
Uh? Yesterday?
Okay? And before that, what was your what was your longest streak without watching porn?
A month?
A month? Okay, so you did a month. How was that month for you?
I was pretty good, like working out and I felt better, you know, sleep was better, you know, being wanting to meddle with my girlfriend. I never had a performance problem with my girlfriend. It was always a fear because of the amount of porn I watch and like to have a performance issue, but it was never an issue. And then after I realized it was not an issue, and you know obviously, like I continue, you know, just the sex got better and all that stuff. I was more
sensitive down there, and yeah it was. Again, this is a statful of pluses.
Okay, in the midst of your addiction, when it's at its worst, how many times a day are we are we hopping on the hub?
Like eight? Nine?
Okay? Okay? Is it nine? We're jerking off to completion nine times?
Yes?
Good? You know I'm gonna be on. I'm gonna tell you something. Going from jerking off to completion nine times and a day? Was it nine times in a day? Every day?
No, it's usually like once a day, but like on the weekends when I have nothing better to do, I'm like, I'm really going at it.
Kay. To go from well, once a day is not that bad. But I mean everybody has sort of their own metric as to what is that bad that they decide for themselves. But regardless, to go from that to a full month, it's pretty great. So this is something you have achieved already. Now tell me what caused that month to end? When did you have your relapse?
My girlfriend caught COVID, so I haven't seen her in like two weeks.
Okay. And so because you were not able to be intimate with your girlfriends, you went back to jerking off. Yes, now were you jerking off? Was this no jerking off or just no porn?
Uh cold turkey, no jerking off, no porn?
Okay? And so in the past two weeks, how often have you been jerking off?
Probably like in total, like five.
Times a day or five times in total in the week?
Five yeah, five times in totals in two weeks.
Christian, you sound like, I mean, everybody decides for themselves what they're you know, what is considered an addiction. But you sound like you got this under control, you know, I mean, is having an intimate relationship with your girl, a consistent intimate relationship with your girlfriend an important part of you being able to not masterb it?
Yes?
You know I really care about this this girl. I love her, and you know I don't want to just be a reliant on porn and my fantasies. Is you know also like in the back of my mind, you know, just being able to like fantasize that I'm fucking all these different women, and you know it just as feels like mentally it's not fair for her and it doesn't feel good for me, Like, and I never understood when people like said they feel bad after watching porn until you know, I like presently got a girlfriend.
So where do you feel like you are at with this addiction today? Because you seem like you're in a good place at least to me, But I don't know. That's why I'm asking.
I feel I feel definitely like I have the control of it. I'm I'm really into habits, Like habits are usually my go to, Like I go to the gym six times a week, you know, a meal prep. So once I get a habit down, I'm pretty consistent with it. And so if I can make it, If I can make this a habit, then I feel like I could just get like a firm grasp on it.
No pun intended, no pun intended. Well, Christian, I own I don't really have any anything for you because it sounds like you're doing but I mean, you're doing fucking better than me on this, So I'm not gonna sit here and try and give you any fucking advice on how to stop watching porn when I watch porn way more than you do at this point, Yeah, do you have advice?
For me.
Fuck it? Tell me how do I stop jack off ten times a day?
I have no idea. I mean I feel like if you what I what I perceived to be is if you think it's a problem, then it's probably a problem. And also the fact that you know you're not alone. You know, that's like a big thing that's like reoccurring to me, like with issues, like you kind of feel like you're all alone with your issues and then you're here, especially on like like I've been listening to your podcast forever and I've decided to call because this is the
reason of the end of mine. Sure, And I said, I decided to call because this is a recent event, even though I've been listening to you forever, like a recent epiphany, but like hearing all the different people that you have on and like how I could relate to them and some of their issues. I'm like, wow, you know it's a small world.
Well you've inspired me, Christian. Well that's the thing is that I'm I'm I feel like I'm a functioning pornography consumer. I'm able to It is not a I don't don't It hasn't like I have other vices that have definitely gotten in the way of my of my life, but porn has never been one of them. I've never been like, Oh, my life would be so much better if I stopped watching porn. I have other things that my life would be better if I stopped doing, but porn. Porn's never
been seemed to be one of them. But we're here to talk about me. I'm glad to hear from you, Christian that you are combating this addiction, especially I mean, a month without it. I think you'll be able to continue your cold Turkey streak even once once your girlfriend uh returns from her sickness, and I think you will have a happy and fulfilling life. Christian. Is there anything else you want to say to the people the computer before we go?
Uh?
No, the only thing like hearing about the flags. I kinda started getting into it.
Oh yeah, what flags are we looking at?
Uh?
For?
I first, UH started looking at my home state, Florida, and then my whole country, Mexico, and Uh, I like, I like Spain's flag. It's pretty cool as well.
Hold on, I'm gonna look at Florida. Hold on, I'm gonna look at Florida real quick. What's on the Florida flag.
Florida is boring. It's just like a like a white flag that's.
Like an X X Okay, and then what's on this thing? Oh, it's like a X. And then a lady holding sushi and some boats. Okay, I mean that's fine. That's like a Mexico real quick, I I know what the Mexico. Wait, the Mexico flag is just there's not like a symbol on it, is there? Yeah, it's as uh oh oh wait, oh wait. The Mexican flag is bad ass. Look at this guy. This is an eagles fucking poeing the snake's he's eating a snake and standing on a cactus like
the little cactus shreds are going into the eagles. This is badass. I've never really looked at the Mexican flag like this.
Damn.
Well, thanks for shouting. I'm definitely gonna jack off to this later.
All right, thank you, of course, have a good question to hear you too. Bye.
Thanks man, sweet sweet man doing better than me goes on the line taking your phone calls.
Every night.
A beacon goes to his he's teaching you cloud in the MIDI your life. He's not really an expert
H