"I SMOKED CRACK WITH A STRANGER"

Hi, is this Corey?

Yeah, yeah, it is.

How are you doing, Corey?

I'm pretty good, man.

How are you?

Uh?

Man, I'm just a gecko on the computer. Corey. What's what's going on with you?

Oh, dude? Lately, I've just been doing the whole work thing. Moved back home, d graduating. Yeah, you know, the whole is just working, making that money.

You be back home after graduating, and how's how's being at home?

Ah?

Good? Good, dude.

I moved back in looked like my my lifelong buddy who I've you know, missed, especially being being gone for for five years and stuff. So, uh, we're hanging out and we're we're enjoying being to bachelors, you know, taking on the world.

Mm hmm. Man, that's uh, that's cool. I know a lot of people we we've talked to some people tonight who are like trying to leave their hometown in search of greater adventure. But you seem like you're very much enjoying being being back with your with your homie and your hometown.

Dude.

Yeah.

And you know what's crazy is that like I moved home back here where my parents did live, and my parents moved across the country, and so so both my sisters. So I'm like the only one of like my family that is still in the hometown. But I'm still I'm cool with that. It's it's comfortable, you know, And I think in a couple of years I'm trying to like do some like really bold traveling uh across uh across the world and live in Europe or something like that.

Yeah, where in uh, where in the world do you want to go?

See, dude?

So basically, lately I've been experiencing and toying with o'megal to like practice socializing and learn about people, and man, that's been a lot of fun. Like yesterday I talked to an Irish dude. I talked to a Italian who is like going to school in Scotland. He was really cool, and he told me a lot about how cool the Netherlands were and how I should go there, and how I should go to Scotland because obviously he's going to school there, so he thought it was really cool, you know.

Have you done a lot of traveling before in your life?

You know, my mom really really liked to travel, so growing up, I've seen a lot of the Fifty States. I really like Yellowstone. I've been to Hawaii like twice, you know, likes there's a lot of places, the Black Hills, even in uh, the Dakotas are super cool. But yeah, I've done I've done quite a bit of traveling, and I haven't done as much as i'd like to in my my young adult life.

And have you gone out of the country before?

Uh, you know, I don't think anything more interesting though, I think like Mexico sometime before I would even remember, and then maybe, uh, maybe I went to Canada at some point, but no, nothing else.

Man, you know this is cool. We're about the same age,

Yeah, dude, I love that you have all that to say, because, like one of my biggest inspirations, it is the show you should you should check it out. It's an anime called Golden Boy, and it's about this super smart dude

M hmm. When do you plan on taking your adventures? Do you do?

You?

How how much longer do you plan staying in the hometown for.

I think the track that I'm making and saving money, I think in a couple of years, I could feasibly look into doing something for at least a year. If I wanted to do longer, I might have to, like plan a little differently, but that's that's about how I want to see the timeframes play out.

That's nice, Yeah, dude. Like I said, it's it's so interesting to hear from you. I feel like I'm learning from you, you know, because like you know, a lot of people they would have that mindset of like, ah, I'm driving for you know, delivering packages in my hometown. This sucks. But in two years, I have this plan I'm going to travel the world and and then I'll be happy, you know. But I love what I'm hearing from you, Like you know, in two years, I'm going

You know.

It's it's it's truly like one of the hardest things to do, and it's it's really cool to hear it from you.

Yeah, man, And like you know, I had a couple of years where I didn't think I was going to have like that mindset again, you know, we the the early twenties are are hard on a lot of us, and you know, you get into like a foggy mindset of of you know, a foma you know, if you're missing out and tough, and you you kind of lock down on yourself, but eventually you just kind of got to appreciate what you got going on and obviously strive

So you say that in your early twenties, so you say that this mindset that you've adopted, it wasn't always like this in your early twenties. You had a lot of fomo. I mean, tell me about your mindset in those early twenties.

Yeah, I mean, I guess for I dated a girl from like the end of high school, from when I when I was like seventeen until I was probably twenty two, and when we broke off, that was that was that that time because I had to kind of relearn independence because i'd been with somebody who we're you know, inseparable, you know, go depending kind of relationship. But you know, I want to I don't want to a healthy codependent because you really shouldn't be, and I've learned that that's

So hey, it also says here that you wanted to tell me about a time you tried crack cocaine.

Yeah, dude, that's okay, so uh like sidebar, Like, I'm I'm insecure about the story because I've told it a handful of times and to some of my friends it just seems so outlandish, and I'm sure it's gonna sound the outlandish, so it's like a fake story or something. But bear with me and just kind.

Of I tell you, I trust you. I'd like to think that the people listening trust you. You've you've exerted yourself to be a truthful, genuine person. I I and I would love to hear the story of you try and crack cocaine.

Sick sick. Okay, So I went to college in Omaha, Nebraska.

People very well.

But basically comes back out and gets gets in the car and then we start driving back pretty much right back to where we were Initially. We we went way further than we needed to, and I had no idea why at the time. But while we're driving back, he starts telling me these stories about his son coming out of the closet and how he actually found out that through his son deciding that he was gay, that he was willing to explore himself more, all this kind of

Uh uh.

He was like, but you get like high high. And I was like, I've done some I've done some psychedelics, and stuff in my life or whatever, you like, you know, coke school eyes light up when I say the words coke. And he just starts digging into his sock all of a sudden, and he.

Sock he's wearing, he's dark, digging into it.

Yeah yeah, Oh dude, I'm I'm telling you in a couple of minutes, you're you're not gonna believe me as a as a person. But he pulls up this JANKI looking crack pipe and and uh a little baggy just tied up off like a Walmart sack or whatever, and some crystal looking looking ship. And I'm like, oh, I'm like crack. And he's like free base on free base, like okay, crack or and.

I'm an like, that's a combination of crack, and that's crack, cocaine.

Free free bases, free based cocaine, e g. Crack. And you know you never say no to never say no to free crack is the saying I heard one, but I suppose But anyway, Uh so, I'm like, uh, ship, okay, do you know what whatever? And he's like, pull over here, here's a good spot, you know, kind of guys near the side of the road. And pull over, and guy says to me, you cannot shotgun you And I don't know if you know what a shotgun is. There's different ways that people do it. Often it's the way people

Yeah, yeah, he got a.

Lot, He got a buddy to smoke crack with. He got a kiss.

Yeah, he did get a kiss. I mean, you know, I didn't. I didn't use any tongue or anything, like I told my girlfriend after I simply hung out with him for a little bit, let him talk about his life, let him explore his sexuality maybe a little bit. When I took him back and I take him to the place sole took some sort of shelter or something, And as I'm trapping him off, he was just like, can

Corey, Corey, Uh, Corey, you are You're a say yes to life kind of guy, aren't you, dude?

And it rarely I see, I'm I'm a lucky guy.

Man.

You I don't think it's a good idea to be that person kind of like a yes man, so to speak, like the movie teaches you. But but shit, it's been good to me to be that type speacause I've been lucky with the people I've met, and like a lot of the times that I've been like that, it's rewarded me. That's why I've had a had a good time when I said yes to things. You know, my girlfriend was mad at me that night, but like.

She was, you kind of how long was the was the was the kiss with this guy?

It was as long as it takes to exhale some crack, so.

But I don't know's very like, it's very giving of you to to let I was receiving man exploring himself with you.

I think, I think so maybe I do trust me that I don't want to say he didn't ask for consent because he asked me, and like maybe I was thinking, I don't know. I thought maybe he was like, maybe he doesn't want to touch my dirty crack pipes, so I'm gonna blow it from a distance. I don't know, dude, it surprised me. I didn't intentionally think I love I'm a plan one on this guy, but when it happened, it is kind of just what it is.

You know.

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not. My sexuality isn't too fragile or too too I don't like the Actually, I don't like the phrase fragile sexuality.

Just because you're confident about who you are and and and whatnot, and that you know small instances of things aren't going to make you compromise that. You know, Corey, I'm uh get.

I don't know.

I don't know why, but this story about you picking up this man and letting him blow crack smoke into your mouth via a kiss, it's it's it's inspiring to me. I don't know everything about your Corey, I I you know, the just your mindset about things is like proving further and further how important that is. You know, your perspective on things and whatnot. You seem like you've got a very uh refined, refined one.

And I've been coming to you podcasts recently for like, uh, you know, more perspective on life. You know, I think it's interesting how we all can learn something from each other, or like we all can you know, look up to the same people that you know look up so to speak to to us.

So, Corey Crack Cocaine, would you do it again?

You know, I think you're not supposed to. I think they like you, like thet from you're not supposed to. But like Crack, you never say no toice to crack once, but like you know, the second time, maybe maybe not, because then there's there's a reason you came back. Like that was the same thing with like whippets and myths and anything else I've ever tried. It's always do it once if it's like considered that super dangerous thing, and

Well, Corey, you've got a very fun life ahead of you, and you know, I wish you're the best of luck in living it to the fullest.

Thanks man, thank you so much for having me on. It was it was fun to be able to throw that one out there.

Take care, Corey and bless man, take it easy. Who what a great What a great call. What a great call? That call had everything in it. I am genuine I'm inspired by Corey in many ways. Really I am, I'm I I I mean it. He he uh, just like had so much of I've been thinking. I have been

Pretty close.

What's going on with Kiana?

Not a lot, just hanging out watching a stream.

Is there anything particularly on to talk about?

Yeah, basically, I've just been feeling like kind of an imposter, like I put on kind of a costume, but in more of a professional way. I guess when I go into work and when I come home, I kind of like to just get blackout drunk and smoke a bunch of weeds. And in the mornings I go and work at the kindergarten class and I don't know, I just kind of feel bad about it in a way, but I don't because I can still get my shit done at work.

But so you feel as though the identity that you put when you're teaching kindergarten are you when you say you have a kindergarten class, like you teach kindergarten, or you just work at at a at a school in some other capacities, I work at a.

School, so I'm an education assistant, So I work with the students that have extra needs and need extra help. So kind of like grade one through four.

Okay, And so you're working with children all day and you feel like that contrasts with you getting blackout drunk and smoking a bunch of weed after work.

Right, Yes, I'm also the youngest there, which puts a really big divide. Like I started doing this when I was twenty one. I'm twenty five now, and not a lot has changed. Like summer breaks, I'd like to go camping, go in the woods, do some acid with my friends. Like I don't feel like it really bothers what I do at work, But I also feel like if anyone found out, like I don't know, especially parents and everything like that, like I don't want to go in public or drink at the bar or whatever.

So aside from this sort of feeling as though it contrasts with your identity at work, does anything else bother you about your drinking and smoking habits?

Not really, I mean not really, No, like it doesn't affect at work at all.

I want to take this to take to take work out of it, like your other aspects of your life, your your general mental well being, your relationships, family, whatever whatever else you got going on. You know, do you feel a though it's being negatively impacted by by your drinking and smoking? And I'm not, I'm not. This isn't a leading question. I'm not here to say it is. I'm I'm just curious.

No, totally.

I think that it's gotten out of the hand in the past where it's like blackout every night, it's gotten a little bit better. But just like social anxiety as a whole, like I don't even want to go grocery shopping.

I just.

I don't know.

Have you spoken to a real therapist about this?

Absolutely yes, And I know that they can't really give a lot of advice as much as just kind of guide you through it. So it's kind of nice just to like talk to like a person just.

Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, what did they say?

Just to kind of cut back on it, keep more track on it. I don't really eat a lot either, so that kind of negative tipally impacts it. But just to keep track of everything and cut down. I'm supposed to call a place to talk about the alcohol and stuff, but I haven't.

But would you when you say you're supposed to call a place, what is this? What is this place?

It's kind of it's a provincial Like I live in Canada, so there's provincial buildings in places, and they kind of offer free services. And I've been through there a few times before, not for like addictions or anything, but I've seen many psychiatrists and I've talked to a lot of places, and it's been going really well for me. We've got like a good plan going on and stuff like that.

Well, I'm okay, So to touch on that a little bit, you say that you're very different from your co workers. In what way do you feel like you're different from your co workers?

One of the ways is being quite younger, Like I'm the youngest of all of them by at least ten years, and that's kind of.

Tricky.

Yeah, I think that's like one of the main ways is I'm just like so much younger, and like, I know, I'm inexperienced and I'm trying to learn from them and everything.

Do you have a strong desire to connect more heavily with them?

It gives me so much anxiety, Honestly, on my lunch breaks, I go into my car and I drive around the corner and I spend my lunch break around the corner because it's just I don't know, it's freaky, but I see it, and I guess the desire is kind of there, but I don't know how it would work. I feel like it wouldn't work.

Interesting. Okay, so now you've got me curious about this. So you have social anxiety with talking to your coworkers, you seem like, as you're saying, as you're telling me, you have sort of general social anxiety. But now with the kids, how do you feel when you're interacting with the kids.

It's so different. I feel like I couldn't work with adults. With the kids, it's so much different. I love the way their mind works, Like the problems that they have actually makes sense. Like you've seen an adults with all their problems like just bullshit, petty stuff. It's like, Okay, come on, you can.

Work it out.

But kids, they're actually struggling with stuff and you can kind of really understand from their point of view, and it's just it really changes working with kids.

Could you give me an example of sort of a problem that a kid was having that you felt like a more real problem than a typical adult problem.

Yeah.

Absolutely, So for example, like just developmentally, you know, if something's out of place, or something spills, or somebody called you a poo poo butt head. If you're thirty years old, you know, you can kind of work those things out, you pick up the mess, you can be upset or whatever. But especially the kids that I work with who have autism and just different developmental delays or what you call it,

Mm hmmmm mm hmmm. So I find it yeah, yeah, So so the level of anxiety that you get, uh, you know, interacting with people your age, those sort of feelings that you have, none of them occur when you're interacting with with the kids.

Correct, Yeah, they could be screaming flipping chairs over. Everything just kind of turns off and I'm just really in the moment.

Yes, but yeah, I was about to say, it's like again, I'm I'm doing some armchair gecko therapy here. But you know, I can, I can relate a lot because, uh, you know, it seems like you have a lot of kind of chaos going around in in your life and a lot

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Interesting. Do you consider yourself an alcoholic?

Hmm. That is a really interesting question that I've been asked a lot. I think like, if money is tight and I can't drink, I won't and it's fine, it's not a problem. I'm not like itching for it or anything like that.

But at the.

Same time, when you look at what they recognend like for how much Canadians should drink or whatever per week and what is considered at risk alcoholic. I'm definitely in that at risk for sure.

Okay, so you're in that at risk category, but you're not. I don't know what this I I don't know. I don't I don't know if there's like some sort of objective standard of you are an alcoholic, you are not an alcoholic type.

Of I like to be drunk every night?

Okay? Do you ever do you ever get drunk and go to work?

No?

Never? Okay, I don't even see.

Would you ever see yourself getting to that point?

No, honestly no, I have nightmares every night, just like about being lead to work, definitely.

Right, So you have this as like a sort of anchor point of something that's very important to you that you don't want to compromise, or that you don't even see yourself being able to compromise, because it's that important to you, right, Yes.

And I don't want to compromise it by someone just like finding out who I am.

So you're worried about people finding out about your drug use?

I guess.

So have they ever gotten close to finding out?

No?

Never?

You know I'm a big proponent of the idea that there isn't a true self. I've talked about this a bunch, right, So like, look, you getting black out drunk and smoking a bunch of weed, like you know, yeah, that's that's a part of you. That definitely is it in a way who you are. But also you helping out autistic children to feel better and I'm sure being a strong pillar of comfort and support in their lives and doing that is a good thing, and being in the moment

Yeah that makes a lot of sense. Actually, yeah, thank.

You for sure? For sure? Have you been I mean, is that something you have been feeling like you do you ever feel like what you do outside of work negates what you do in work.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like if like a parent was like, oh, she's like bringing all these beer cans with the recycling or supposed peoples sweet or like is kind of a mess at home? Or like anything like if they have got to know my true self?

Right that right there, like literally what you just said, Literally what you just said, if they got to know my true self? Like you're labeling you with the beer, but that's what you do. You're labeling you with the beer cans and the getting high and the black. You're labeling that as your true self, which it is.

It is.

I I mean, this is just me and my philosophy is like that is who you are.

But you.

Helping these autistic children, the way in which you are making their lives better, that's that's also your true self. I don't think that one is more true than the other. So I think it is. It's a fallacy to label that as true.

Yeah, you're right, I was wording it like that, And no, that makes a lot of sense. That's not like just who my true self is at all, super passionate about what I do and I take it super seriously. Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, yeah you are. And that's that's that's that's true, and that doesn't get negated by whatever it is you do outside of that. I feel like people deal with I deal with this myself. Is like, for whatever reason, we beat the fuck out of ourselves and we go, you know, we we completely negate all the I do it myself. Again, I'm talking to myself here when I'm

Either.

Yes that is true, because that's bullshit.

It's right.

So you know, I hope you operate. You know, it sounds to me like you'll or you have a desire to I don't get blackout, drunk less and smoke weed less, right, and I think that you should pursue that desire. But as you're pursuing that desire, you can't, like I don't I don't know. I don't think you can like beat yourself up into beating it, right.

Yeah.

So I mean, as you're pursuing that, I don't think you should completely throw away all the good stuff you're doing and fail to fail to recognize it in the process.

Yeah, that's true.

Can't thank you very much for sure?

For sure? Keana. Is there anything else you want to talk about in life in the world before we go? That is about it. Thank you, beautiful, good luck, talk to you soon.

Yes, yes, yes, goodbye?

Hello Yan?

Yes, this is Yan.

How are you yan?

I'm great, yek. How are you doing? Uh?

Yeah?

It says here you would like to You would like to you would like to discuss any and Audi Vagina's.

Yes, any and Ali Kuci?

Okay? Sure?

Uh?

Do you want to? You want to sort of start by giving me your initial thoughts, So.

Gek first, personally, would you say you're in any or Audi Cuci type of guy?

Uh?

Do you mean in my in my personal like sexual preference.

Yeah, you know.

I want to be perfectly honest with you, Yan, I did not know that there was such a thing as any and audi kuci.

Oh that's interesting. I didn't know either. One of my friends told me. But I say all that to say this. So, I have a girlfriend that I love very much and in my own personal preference, I am any coucie type of guy. But she has an Audi kuci and I love her, but I can't deal with it. And there's a procedure I can she can go through called the vaginal plasty, and I would I'm willing to pay for it, but she's very sensitive and I don't want to hurt

Mm hmm.

So wait a minute. Okay, So you told me just now that you yourself did not know that there was a distinction between uh any vagina and audi vagina. So but but that you learned it from your friend. So if you didn't even know that there was a distinction, how would you even know that you had a preference.

This was beforehand. This was like two years ago.

Okay, So I have a few thoughts about this, but let me ask you first. Have you have you talked to your partner about this at all?

Not yet?

M hmm.

She's a very well sensitive woman.

Sure, sure, sure, I think here's the thing at the end of the day, and I'm sure you know this and don't need me to tell you this. You know you you can't really uh compel somebody to uh you know, do something with their body that they don't want to do.

Of course, of course.

So I mean, look, knowing that, what were you going to say? What were you going to say?

You see, he's always telling me how much he loves me, she'll do anything for me, And I just don't know does this cross the line or is this within those boundaries?

Oh?

You know what you gotta do. You gotta find find You gotta find something about your body that she wants to fix, right, And you guys can do a little bit of a bargain, like a yeah and I for and I like, I don't know, maybe she likes maybe maybe maybe you have small balls, right, and you find out that your girlfriend likes big balls, and you find that there is a procedure that enlarges the testicles, and you say to her, Okay, if you flip your kouchie,

It does say my ball sizer is below average. Sometimes she says that, and I would be willing to do that for her.

Okay, then that's what that's the approach I would take with it is some some form of of bargain.

Okay, thank you, Gick, I appreciate course, have.

Any that a good night? Any and Audi cuch I did not know that that was such a thing. I did not know that that was such a thing. I know there's any and Audi belly buttons, I myself have a deep deep inny. Hello Veronica, Hi Veronica. It says here that you had an encounter with the guy working at the front desk. Apparently he was flirting with you

Okay. So, I mean, I've been going to the gym for a while now, and I've seen this guy at the front desk and I've been like, oh, he's cute, but I never really noticed him before, like too much. Sorry, I'm getting water because I'm parched and married. I'll drink some too, But I'd never really quite noticed him before. And then the other day I was struggling with a machine and I'd never used like this specific machine before.

So I was.

Tugging at it and tugging at it, and I'm realizing I look stupid, like for when my arms are jelly already and I'm looking real dumb. So I start laughing at myself and I tug at it and I look over and this front desk boys laughing at me and I like shook my head, laughed it off, tried it again, could not get it. Still cannot get it. So I look over at him and he's still looking at me and give him a look like are you gonna help

I'm so happy.

Okay, So so all right, sorry, so listen, say so, so you have a crush on this guy?

Right?

I guess so, I mean this is like the first time I'd ever really really know. So I just thought he was cute. I think it was the fact that like he like started to flirt with me, and then I felt like this pressure and like, I'm I'm very comfortable in myself, if not anything, like, I don't I don't even know that I've only interacted with him a couple of times, you know, but it's.

Well, here's the thing is, are you hoping that he makes some form of a reach out to you to whatever get your numbers?

I am so happy, I mean, I am so happy single right now. But I was like, it would fund to flirt with him, just like when I see him at the gym or whatever. But no, I'm really happy single. But it's like the idea that now I have to build up, like, oh, what am I going to say to him? Like what is he going to say to me?

You're enjoying, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. You're like, you're just enjoying. You're existing in this realm of tension, and you know, I know that you say you can you're you're existing in this realm of tension. Hold on, you're existing in this realm of tension. And you're saying you don't know how to flirt properly.

I guess, so, yeah, gotta feel a little something.

So in that case, you know, feel the tension for the tension's sake, Right, You don't have to really do anything to, as you say, flirt properly. You're just enjoying your romanticization of what this guy might think of you. Well, hold on, you're enjoying this romanticization of what this guy might think of you, of what could be just you're just enjoying the daydreams for the sake of the day dreams.

I hear you.

Yeah, yes, I think that's true, and it's I'm definitely not really looking for anything right now, you know so, But I did do the whole thing, I see. It's the thing. I've ranticized it in my head, like I was going on Instagram trying to figure out I don't know. I don't even know his name, so I was trying to see if I could figure out his name or something. I don't know, But I guess I'll just have to ask him. I guess that'll be the next point of a pension. I suppose.

I think that that sounds like a much better idea than trying to find out his name on Instagram.

I'm not the only one who does that though, Like I know, that's.

The normal thing.

Thank you for calling, Veronica.

It was nice talking to you.

Get Hello. Hello, Hey, is this John?

Yeah?

What's up?

John?

Not much? How about you?

Well, Uh, it's a I don't know. The vibe tonight is definitely very interesting. It's definitely very self it's very the vibe tonight is very self healthy for every single person involved in this in this operation right now. And you know, look, I'm rolling with it here, John. What's uh? What's new? Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today?

Yeah? You know it wold. You know it's not long ago. Savalentine's Wolves and yeah, I had some but nothing nice experience this year with content today and I want to talk about that.

You had a not nice experience with Valentine's Day? You said, yes, what was what was this not nice experience?

So because that was my current her friend for like one half years, and yeah, we basically said this year we wouldn't. Yeah, we basically we set a limit for how much money we would spend on our presence. And yeah, so basically because flowers are expensive, pretty much just bought her flowers and sub chocolate pretty much. Yeah, Yeah, she was not very happy with it. She she was very well, say, angry with me because she told me she would rather have some chrem here crystals and so because she.

Is in victory and so okay, so hold on, so let me get this straight. So you guys said some sort of cost limit on your gifts. You got her flowers and chocolate, and she angry because she was angry because you didn't get her what she wanted. Yeah, pretty much, John, Well, how long you've been seeing this girl for.

One and a half gifts and basically we are The thing is, I was living in a pretty rough situation with my family, yep, and I will we texted for a long time and met up and basically I moved with her to her and her mom and Yeah, I'm now living with her and hour pretty much together with her for one and a half years.

All right, So you're having this one issue with that? Do you have issues with her consistently? Many, many, many, many issues? Okay, so you have many, many issues with her. This isn't just the one and you're living with her, which is the whole thing to have to get out of.

Yeah, I'm looking with her.

I don't know, John, Listen. I'm not here to tell anyone whether or not they should break up with their significant other. But do you have a job.

I'm thinking about it, to be honest, Yeah, I have a short.

You're an it ta Uh. Where do you live?

Like?

What what place in the universe?

Germany?

To give me your dress Germany? Do you make enough money to go out and live by yourself or or find a roommate and live with them.

Yeah, definitely. But the thing is it wouldn't be so bad. Address was one thing, but you know, there are multiple things that are pretty annoying. And I can't talk about with her about it because my thing is I moved up the cause of my my mom was not the nice person to me, you know, And it's like the same it's like I was facing my own mom. I went to talk with her. Pretty much, she's screaming at me, and she's not very nice.

John. I don't like this, man, I don't like that. It seems like you sort of left one bad situation for another one.

Pretty much, and it's it's not very stressing me out pretty much.

So what is what is stopping you from? What do you what do you feel like a stopping you from breaking up with this girl and moving into another place?

You know, the thing is pretty much she I care about her pretty much. But the thing is, I don't know. You know, it's like I know if I would do that. I know her that she has some self harm experience in the past, and I don't believe want you know that that shit happened, that she would hurt herself or something like that.

You know, John, you talked to a real therapist about this.

I am pretty much a funny thing. I would visit my therapist for the first session and he got yeah COVID and not got moved for tomorrow.

Okay, all right, so you're going to talk about your You're going to talk about this with therapist tomorrow. I don't know what your therapist is going to say, but what if I had to make a prediction about what they say? Or you know, what I've heard people's therapists say when this issue comes up is that you I get it. You're an empathetic guy. You're someone that cares about other people. And so the idea that somebody would harm themselves because.

Of like.

You leaving them quote because of you leaving them, We have no idea why anyone does anything. Really, ultimately, that's not your responsibility. Other people's happiness and well being is never your responsibility. Really.

Yeah, but that's the thing I really have problems with just because I'm not putting myself person I'm always thinking about it.

You know, it's hard to do. And again, there's something there, right, I think there's something there because there's a delicate balance between selflessness and selfishness that a lot of people haven't, myself included, have a lot of trouble striking that balance. But you do need to realize that other people's happiness is not something that is within your control, or else you'll just be a slave to it your entire life. You know, I don't know how old you are. How

Yeah, it makes sense.

What do you do?

You said you do it?

But hmm, yeah, I'm in it.

T what's Germany like? Is it nice? I kind of want to go.

It's pretty nice when you're having home office and you basically it doesn't have to move in.

Where a city in Germany?

Uh, I'm a near Cologne, I would say Cologne. I don't know what that is.

I don't know why I asked what city in Germany? Because I only know.

I can.

I think I think I can. I think I can only name three cities in Germany. I know there's pro in all right, I can name one city in Germany. M John, good luck to you and you're a therapist, I said, hello, thanks? Can I John, Thanks, I will John John John John John, I liked John. Hello, Hello, how are you?

I'm good? How are you kid?

I'm doing good? Ryan, Ryan. It says here you want to know if it's a good idea to move nine hundred miles away all by yourself.

Yeah, h.

Where where we Where are we moving to.

Ohio?

Where are we're moving? From Florida, Florida to Ohio? The classic down, up, down to up drive all right, So tell me what's going on in Florida and then tell me what's going on in Ohio.

Some big life changes, you know, separated from my partner of almost eight years. Being in this area is a little depressing. I visited Ohio about a month ago by myself, drove up, spent some time up there, made some friends, called sites, and I really enjoyed it. So I kind of made the last second decision.

To move up there.

Have you found a place?

I've been looking on the rental apps and whatnot looking around. Cost of living is cheaper up there.

You know, with.

Everything that's going on, So I think it might be good, but I wanted to get an unbiased opinion on.

It, right, So the fact that you called me is signaling that you have some apprehension about it, whether or not founded. What is your apprehension?

Just moving that far away from all of my family by myself, you know, I'd be packing my car up with my closest possessions, driving the ten hours and hoping it works out.

You know, Man, not to make this about me, but I just did that. Actually I just did that like a month or so ago, and really yeah, yeah. And my philosophy, and this is me talking to myself right now, is that life is short, right, And I think it all kind of depends on what you value. I know, for me, when I die, I really want to feel like I lived some bit of a storied life, you know, of a varied of varied experiences, and I feel like

And that's what I was thinking when I went up there by myself. I kind of threw myself out there. I went out, I made some friends. I was talking with new people, you know, people I had never knew before. I was walking around the city by myself, and one of the friends I made, I was talking with him about it when I came back home, and he was like, yeah, man, that sounds good. You know, with my line of work, you know, I could get a job fairly easily and

Right, right, when you move away from all your friends and family, there's also this very interesting opportunity. You have to, like, as you just said, see who you are and develop who you are under no influence from other people. That's a really important thing to do because you kind of become the equivalent of the five people you hang out

Yeah, I thought the same thing. With me still being you know, relatively young, I can, you know, plant myself somewhere else, spread out a little bit and if it comes down to it, and move again and expand my horizons as as far as my body will let me.

Yeah.

Man, you know, good luck to you. Ryan. This was this was a good call. It was good. I felt like I was talking to myself here because, as I said, I really appreciate that. Yeah, for sure, Man, have a good rest of the night, you too, I love you, Love you too, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. No, I really felt like I was talking to myself just then, because yeah, I just moved across the country about a month ago.

Goes on the line, thinks every night.

I was teaching you.

You're like, but it's not really an expert