Paul from Mike Hello, Hello, what's up? Man? Hey? Man?
Is this Lyle sure is? Who is this?
My name's Mike, Mike.
Baby, what's going on? Hit me?
Oh? You know? Just living man? How what's going on with you?
What's going on with me?
Uh?
Dude, I don't know. I'm all over the place. Uh I'm a little crazy.
You know.
What I hate is that this is as not your fault. By the way, there is something to do with you. But have there been in a situation where you feel insane and you're in like a normal human being situation and someone asks how you're doing, and you're not supposed to say, I'm I'm in I feel insane, and.
So you say, happen to me all the time?
Yeah, yeah, what do you do? What? What normal human being situations are you normally in?
I mean, I guess, like normal human situation. I'm a I'm a school team. I interact with like thirteen to fifteen year olds all the time, and they just say the most ridiculous stuff, And half the time it's like kind of funny, and I want to react like, oh that was funny, But half the time it's not funny, and I'm like why on earth did that just come out of your mouth? But you can't say that. Most of the time, you can't say that.
Okay, that's see, that's cause you can't, like you can't trauma dump on the thirteen year old. Like if a thirteen year old has asked how you doing, you can't show any sign of like, I'm kind of going insane right now. You really, you really can't.
You have to be like the rock in the room for sure.
Yeah, you have to be the rock in the room for sure. But also I feel like something about being a rat something, you know what. It is interesting. I feel like in that position, right, I feel like you, even if you're having an insane day, I feel like you naturally become the rock in the room, even if you're having anything right.
It's almost like grounding. But then that process is like super wearing, I think really so like sometimes like I'll get out of work and I'll come home, I'll be talking like my family and I'm just like I can't. That's that's like normal human stuff where I'm like, Okay, I can't function right now, and you're expecting me to function right now and it's not working the way they want.
It to you know.
Yeah, but but being being like having to teach a classroom of kids, I feel like something that does like that that must like just do something to your system where you're like naturally, because that happens to me too, where like certain situations just kind of demand me to be a normal human being. And it's not like I'm not putting it. It feels like I'm not having to put an effort to it because my brain and my body are just like naturally adapting to the necessity of that.
Going through the most like you're on like autopilot or something.
A little bit, yeah, a little bit, mm hmmm. What kinds of shit are the kids saying these days?
Honestly, it's so much just like grain rot garbage that it's like hard to be around it. Sometimes, like ask like a serious I teach English, so they talk a lot about like literature, and uh, I'll ask like a serious question, like a deep question, you know, and I'm like, Oh, this is gonna be so good. We're gonna have like a great conversation. And it killed this razor hand and be like, yeah, what do you think, like six seven?
We are they still doing? Six seven?
Oh? Dude?
It's like the I don't even know if it's I think it's ironic at this point, but it's become it's gone from like a real meme to like an ironic meme. It hasn't run its course.
And I would have thought it ran its course by now.
It's so stupid, Like I don't know, there was a period where everyone was like that's so last year, but still it's still like the most prominent one.
I would say, like when you're about to when you're like, uh, okay, everyone, your homework tonight is to read chapter six, are you like fuck they're going to say it?
Yeah?
Of course, of course absolutely, the big what page are we supposed to be on? Even if it's like i'd be like fifty six the fifty six seven, Like, there's no escaping it. There's no escaping at all. I was talking about coworker that math teachers in the same boat, like obviously that comes up all the.
Time for them.
Oh no, I was like, I don't envy it.
I don't envy it.
Oh no, being the math teacher, being the math teacher in the six seven era, that's crazy. Yeah, man, okay, so well, shit, would you want to talk about today, man, if anything, I actually.
Was like thinking about that when I saw that you were recording and taking calls, and I was like, I
don't know. It kind of relates back to what we were just talking about out because I feel like I'm trying really hard to be a human and do a good job at it, but I feel like I'm getting caught sometimes in between, like the balance of trying to do day to day like normal shit, but also wanting to do like fun stuff Like my job opens up a lot of time, especially in like the summer, so teaching the United States obviously with often the summertime, I
like to travel a lot. But I also feel like now I'm kind of coming into this part of my life where I'm like I kind of have to save money, and traveling can be pretty expensive even if you're frugal. So I'm like, I don't know, but that's what I wanted to talk about, is like kind of coming into that. Like I turned twenty seven yesterday and like looking at them, like, Okay, the kids love to call me unk. They're like, you're
old as fuck, dude. I'm like, yeah, I don't feel old, but like also I do feel old.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I do know what I mean, And I mean I'm twenty eight, and uh do I feel No, I don't really feel. I mean we're still in our twenties. I mean you ever meet like a thirty something year old, like they're Yeah, most.
Of my coworkers are a lot older than me, and I fee always like funny too, because like most of them are like settled, they have kids, and I don't have any kids or anything yet, So I always think like that. I listen to your podcast all the time, like always like, yeah, that's true when you're like, you know, you have kids, and then you're like changes like I'm not there yet, but I'm like at the cusp of it, it feels like, you.
Know, interesting. No, I don't actually think thirty is that old. I mean I don't think any of like every age you think. I mean I have. I was reading a journal of mine the other day where I was like, I was like, I turned twenty three today, and I feel old. So you can. I mean, you can feel old at any age, and uh yeah, we are. We are the problem is that we are getting to a point.
I mean we're still chilling for like a pretty long while, But we are getting to a point where you have to make certain major like you kind of you do at some point have to declare a major in terms of like life like that analogy. Well it's it freaks me out a little bit because I'm like, yeah, at some point you do have to like decide certain things like are you going to have kids? Are you going to be with this person or are you going to
find somebody else? Are you going to you know, try to do this career or try to do that career. And you can, look, you can change it up. You can like you know, you can start doing something or start to I mean, my parents were in a crappy marriage for eleven years and then they broke up and got remarried in their late forties to and you know, they had you know, twenty something years of like great time with their current people. And so life can take on a variety of stuff. But I do, I do.
I am a little wary of like, oh, you have time to do this, that and the other thing, because I always feel like I don't have time to do shit. I mean, I feel like I speed ran a lot of my life in a good way.
I kind of get that yeah, I definitely get that.
But I did that because I never felt like there was enough, like there's only now that's all. That's all. That's all that Like I.
Had a lot too, and I feel like that's kind of what I was what I was thinking about when I was saying like I'm at this like struggle with a balance type point where it's like I try to be very very now oriented, but I'm also at this like like we should say, like this cusp and I guess that could occur at any given time in your life, but like the cusp of like, Okay, what is next? Like I do have to plan for a future a little bit, like you can't at least I feel like
I can't just make like stupid decisions. But then it's like sometimes stupid decisions are fun, you.
Do I agree, and I listen, I've I've made stupid decisions that are very fun, and I don't.
I don't.
I have no regrets for any I mean, I there are things in my life that I wish I there are things in my life that I I wish there was a different word that I could use than regret, because I don't like regret.
Is this is.
I'm kind to myself in the sense that like I'm aware that, like I'm aware of my like human finititudes, and that my human finititudes are the you know, kind of drive most of my actions and I and I like looking at that, and I I I you know, you analyze the past so that you don't repeat mistakes. I've made so many. I've made tons of mistakes, but I don't have any like but like I got to do a lot of great off and like I'm very
grateful for my life. Like if you make if you make me really look at it, and if you make me look at it when I'm in the throes of like my anxiety or depression, then I'll look at it like fuck, I you know, did this say? I think? But if you make me look at it when I'm feeling good, I'll be like, yeah, I got to you know, this was this was awesome.
Yeah, I get that. I totally get that.
I don't know, I feel like I get that thought often of like is you know, do do you have regrets? It's like I feel like I'm in that same boat what you were talking about of like I don't feel like I have regrets. There's definitely things where I'm like, you know, how would that have turned out, or like, you know what would have played out differently is like learn from the mistakes or you know, try and try not to put yourself in the positions that you don't
want to be into the future. But like that idea of your current mood playing a big factor into that. Like I've been thinking a lot. My my two siblings moved pretty far away, like across the country and constantly like I'm very close with them. We talk pretty much, I would say at least two plus times a week on the phone and stuff. And they're always like, oh, come out. My one brother lives out in Texas, my
my brother and my sister lives in Tennessee. They're like, oh, you got to come out, Like you know, don't don't you think you could do something different and blah blah blah. I'm like, I don't know, Like I like what I'm doing right now a lot, but then like I also I've traveled around the country a number of times. I
love road tripping and camping and stuff. I'm like, I've met so many cool people, Like it would be there is that like call to wouldn't it be amazing to just like pick up, start somewhere fresh, meet a bunch of new people, do something new and interesting and cool. But then it's like then that other voice comes in. It's like nah, like no, don't do that, Like you know, that would be a lot of work, first of all.
Second of all, be like pretty scary, like just starting over, especially being like rather set up for something.
You know what I mean?
Yes, I do know what you mean. It is scary to start over when you're rather set up for something. I mean, what if what would you think? What have you thought about starting over about?
Well, like, I don't know.
There was a pretty long period of time when I first started my job. I've been I've been working for not the same exact school, but the same area for four years now, and like when I first started here, I was like I really want to do this. It's also like a big commitment, like I'm from New York and like the teaching system is really good. It's also like a pretty big commitment if you start buying into like the retirement systems, like you know you're gonna be
there for thirty years. And I constantly have that thought where I'm like, damn, thirty years of my life. That's a long I mean, that's like that could be that could be almost that could be all my life, you know who knows?
Yeah, well what else you want to do?
Well? So that's like I don't know, Like I've talked. It's funny. My sister and I have had this conversation because she also teaches, but she's like kind of disillusioned with this things right now, and so she's like intent, She's like, you could come down here, we should open a gym together, and like it's a lure ring.
I like going to the gym.
I'm pretty active, but it's also something I have a zero experience in. So it's like kind of jokey between us. But I think like part of her really wants to do it, and part of me is like that'd.
Be kind of cool, you know, why not? What's stopping me? I'm not a dumb person. I could do that.
Hmm. But I don't think is that something you'd be interested in doing?
You know, I don't know. I don't know.
I feel like this is like the idea of like there's a lot of things I think would be interesting. I think that would have a lot of headaches attached to it, so like, ultimately, I don't think that's something I would do completely, but like I don't know. I like, you know, that's very business oriented too. I like humanity.
Like I said, I teach English, I like writing. I'm big into music, and like, I don't know, I've thought about that too, Like I've done music in the past, and like I've made some and put it out there.
And I'm like that'd be cool.
But then also like that's I don't know if I would like that, Like I don't know, I don't know. I love what I do. That's the thing is, like I have this conundrum where I'm like, would something else really be better? Kind of like when you have a good hand, do you want to, you know, try and trade it in for something even better?
I don't know.
Uh, yeah, I actually know exactly what you mean about, Like, yeah, the grass is kind of always greener on the other side. But also, dude, I don't know. It's funny. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't have answers to any this shit because I'm like also dealing with it right now where I'm like, uh, I mean, I'm pretty happy with
everything I've gotten to do with in my life. But like I, I, you know, I have a lot of existential dread about like oh uh, you know, am I like like shit like picking the right like romantic partner, picking the right thing to do with your life and most of you, and a lot of like like career wise, for me, I've been kind of like career rush me.
I've been kind of like, all right, let me do everything, you know, Like I make these documentary I make these documentaries, I do this podcast, I do my live shows.
I like to perform, right, come to your live show in Brooklyn. I'm super echoing.
Oh cool man, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome cool. Yeah, fucking shout up Bellhouse.
Yes yeah.
But I'm and I'm like, oh fuck, should I like stop doing this podcast so I can just focus on making those documentaries?
You know?
Should I like start like focusing harder on that or can I like, can I, like, you know, manage doing everything because it all feeds into itself, you know. I have dreams of like I you know, I used to dream about like opening a venue, and then part of me is like, well, you know, I'm only twenty eight.
Maybe that's like a project, you know, in twelve years from now, when I have, you know, more money or like right I have career wise, I'm kind of like, well fuck it, let me just fucking like do everything. You know, it's actually for me. It's a lot of like the personal stuff that uh is weighs on me. This stuff where like it's like how do you find how do you pick the right partner? How do you make sure that, like you know, when's the right age
to have kids? What you know? Like one person, dude, I've.
Been getting that like crazy incantly, not necessarily the kids thing per se, but like I'm the oldest of my siblings, and both of my siblings in the past six months have gotten engaged and are like getting ready to go and like take this next step in their life. And I'm like, you know, like I said, like I like what I'm doing. I'm very content honestly, but like I look at that and I'm like, damn, am I like am I behind? And like I get that question. I'm like no, no, no, no, Like you said, like I
got a lot of time. I'm like, at twenty seven, I'm not that old, but then I feel old and I'm like, dang, and then they're doing it younger. It's like, am I what's the right thing to do?
And is it a rat thing to do? I don't think there is, but I don't know. This is a question.
This is the conversation that I've been having, you know what I mean?
Yeah, No, I know exactly what you mean.
Man.
I have all the same crazy I have all the same insane anxieties. I wish I wish I didn't. It's it gives me a ton of anxiety. I think it gives a lot of people a ton of anxiety. That's what.
You know.
What's funny about America, dude, is we just have like fucking problems of abundance. It's so funny because like if we were living if we were living in like I'm gonna say, I don't even like eight early nineteen hundred's India or whatever, like we would just be like arrange married when we were like you know, like fucking like eighteen, and then like that would yeah, and then we were just like have to make it work different. The problems
that would be extraordinary. I mean there would be you know, resentments, and there'd be a whole other problems set right, But it's like we wouldn't we have all this Like uh, I feel like I feel like in America we have we just have all these like problem of like abundance that cause us anxiety. You know, yeah, I don't. I don't know what the right fucking answer is, Dude, I am.
Dude, I don't either, honestly. That's like I get into that sometimes too with like students, like you know, the ones I'm close with might ask similar questions, like you know, especially kids that get super anxious about stuff.
They'd be like, oh, like, you.
Know, it just feels like I shouldn't even be feeling these things because like, you know, realistically, my problems aren't that big. It's even compared to like other people here. And it's just like yeah, like but doesn't mean your problems don't exist, Like I don't know. It's again, it's like it's that question of balance that I that I
keep bringing up. It's like, you know, there's there's definitely some degree of like you know, it's real because it's right in front of you and like the hypotheticals are are huge, But then I don't know, you don't want to get lost in like that infinite possibility type thing.
Yeah you don't. I mean, I dude, shit, there's something I was gonna say just now. Oh yeah, I was like a friend about this today, Like you know, I'm
you know, a dude. Another thing is like like as you get older, uh, you have all these people who you kind of look up to, who you feel like have like shit figured out right, Like i mean starting their parents start with their parents, right, yeah, and then you get old and you get older and you realize that your parents don't know what the fuck they're talking
about or what they're doing for real. And then and then and then I have like there's like there's like people that I really like looked up to when I was a kid, and I and I still, you know, have respect for them and their work, and you know, in the same way that I have respect for my parents and stuff. Like I've met, you know, like through doing my work, I've met a lot of people that I was like a fan of when I was like, you know, in my like teens and early twenties, and
I'm like, oh, this is just some fucking guy. Like this is just like some fucking guy. And then also like I'm a guy who people are a fan of and I look at me and I'm like, I'm just some fucking douchebag. I don't know what the fuck's going on. And I'm like, oh god, nobody does nobody you know? I know, I know, literally, I'm sure you actually no, no, I'm sure you do. Because you're a teacher, and so you have to be the right this conversation.
I'm not even king like verbade him this conversation. I teach a philosophy class as like an elective, which is really fun, and like most of that this is like older kids to teach at a small school, so I teach high schoolers.
We had his.
Conversation the other day, and it's funny because like a lot of these kids are getting ready to graduate high school and like they're going to graduations and prom and all these things. They're talking about going to college, and then something came up where they were like, oh, sorry, this is my last name. I don't know if I don't know if it was going in a podcast or anything, but appreciate that it wasn't out there.
Brandon, let's cut out his let's cut out his last name.
They're like, you know, we're going to college, Like should we have a college experience, and I'm like, uh, first of all, like I don't think it's appropriate to be talking about this, but like, like I went to college obviously, and like I engaged in a college experience to some degree, but like I also learned my decisions about that. I gave him all this advice.
About Well, another thing is, well, are you equating a college experience because the way you're talking about are you equating a college experience with like what getting like drunken shit?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
They were asking about like parties and like you know what it's what it's like to go and like they were asked about like fraternities and stuff like that. I wasn't part of a fraternity or anything, but like obviously I experienced some of that being around the demographic and whatnot. But eventually I ended up telling I'm like, guys, you know, like what I what I discovered is you know, I wasn't really a fan of that environment. I would get super anxious. I thought it was kind of like a
waste of my own time. Like I had more fun doing stupid things with my friends, like we weren't. I wasn't a person that would do stuff like that, you know, and I gave him all this advice and I was like, you know, I started looking into things that I thought were like more in line with like what I liked and whatever. And a lot of the kids, like a couple of them were like, man, like you know, they're kind.
They they they did it.
I think that's a pretty big norm in America is like, you know, go to college at the college experience, have freedom, do whatever you want, like you know, And I was like kind of telling them not to and like not even because you know, I'm trying to be a professional at that point, Like I was just like giving them my honest opinion. And I was like, guys, like I'm just some dude, Like I don't know what I'm talking about.
This is what.
Worked for me, like exactly, yeah, I don't feel.
Like an adult most of the time, and you guys are looking up to me like I've got all the answers, like I don't.
Know, no exactly, no exact you you feel the same exact thing, because it's like you're who all these kids look up to as like uh like a like you're like you're a real adult. You're the rock in the room. You're like, dude level.
And I feel like I've got no clue what's going.
On, Like, yeah, dude, a lot of the time, Yeah dude, we all have no idea what's going on? And fuck was I gonna say? But but what you just said right like I did. What works for me is that's the thing, right is there's no like objective like manual for everything, but there is the cool The thing is is like this thing where you kind of can look at what people are doing and kind of deride from
that something. It's like, Okay, if all of the people I looked up to, like my parents, you know people uh you know whose work I admire, teachers, uh uh, the the you know whatever is that whoever and whatever is fucking out there? Right if all of that stuff is like you know, I don't want to say an illusion is too bad, Like I don't want to be doomor about it. But I think the answer is you look at all that stuff and you like kind of take it in as like an aggregate of like these
are all these people's learned experience. These are still even even if even like you know, my teacher, this fucking podcast guy, you know, my parents, like even if like they're at the end of the day they're they're just some fucking dude or whatever, they still have lived experience and they still have like you can still glean things for Like that's what we're That's why humanity is. We're all just like gleaning things from each other's learned experience. And I was talking to my.
Brother about this the other days. You're talking about the like you know, he's, like I said, he's younger than me. He just got engaged recently. You're talking about like next stats and whatever. And we talked about the idea of like the phrase coming into your own and like I had never thought about it in these words up until that conversation, but I was like, dude, you know that literally is exactly what you're doing as you get to
be an adult. And like you, I think, like part of it is like you like your parents to get like your your role models, your teachers, you're you know whoever, and like you look at them like they're the model. But then you realize that, like like you said, like you know, they're they're flawed, they're confused, they're not perfect. So you realize that like you have no model, you kind of are the.
Model, right, yeah?
Yeah, And so I was like, you know that was that was like whoa, I was just gonna say something I forgot was gonna set off my train of thought. But like that idea was pretty like oh shit, you know, there's no such thing as like a right choice as long as you're trying your best, I was gonna say. Being being the English nerds that I am, I was like, yo, it's like to kill a mocking bird, you know, do the best with what you have, with what sense you have.
I was like, you can get more sense, like more experience, and talk to as many people as possible and read as much as possible, Like then you have more of that like the aggregate you're talking about to kind of go off of.
It's like kind of cool.
What's your name again, man or your fake name?
Mike? Mike?
Well, Mike, I'm glad we had this conversation. I wish I still lived in a bubble. I wish I wish. Actually I don't.
I try.
I'm trying to have the I'm trying to have the strength to deal with the loss of groundedness that I UH have been experiencing. But you know what I think we'll find it, Mike. I think we will find I think we will. I think we will. I think we will find it.
Like become comfortable, become comfortable with like the floating, you know, Like yeah, I think I think what you said before is like that that problem of like having too much, that's not a bad problem to have. I don't think that's kind of that bit like the balance and like, you know, get comfortable with like being able to do a lot and be happy that that's that's kind of like not a bad problem to be in.
Exactly exactly, it's, uh, it's not a bad problem. You get to choose your own adventure and that's a little scary but also but also nice, pretty amazing, amazing, Mica. Is anything I was gonna say with people of the computer before we go?
Oh dude, you asked us at the end of every call, and I've never thought about what I would say. You can say, No, I don't know, be happy, be happy and choose your own adventures.
I like its.
Hey, man, I'll see around the universe.
Gek, bless you.
I'm super excited see you in Brooklyn, supery.
All right, I'll see you then, Man, take.
Care, all right, have a great night. See you, GEK.
Thanks Mike. Hello, Hi, Hello, what's up. What's your name?
I'm uh you call me Bob? Is this the Gecko man?
This is the Gecko Man. Bob. What's going on? How you doing?
I mean, man, I'm doing. It's a day.
Okay, it's a day on the earth queer people. What do you think, Bob? Should we should we do a show? Should we talk? Should we see what we can find out about each other in our in a one on one conversation?
Okay, I'll see why not. Beautiful day might as well?
Yeah, beautiful day to sit inside and podcast. I'm interested in you, Bob, not like that. I'm interested in your brain. I want to know what's going on in it, and we're going to get to the bottom of you for the next however long I decide to or you decide to. You have equal You have as much. The callers don't really realize this, but they have equal amount of power to hang up on me as I do on them. So both of us are going to be on this phone call for exactly as long as each other wants to.
All right, then you sound excited, you sound thrilled.
Yeah, I mean that's a little racing right now. I wasn't really expecting you to call. I mean, like, I know, I know, I like text it and ship, but like you know, you text, but you don't ever expect to call back.
You said, you said you texted me two years ago. Well you text me a whole bunch of stuff. Oh my god, you said. Okay, first of all, you said, I'm about to join the military and I'm scared. And then it's and then and then recently you're texted me I still haven't figured out why I joined the military. So you were about to join the military and now you're in it, and you were scared. Okay, so there's
a lot. There's a lot going on. And then you also said for the past you spent two years ago, you said, for the past two years, I've been living a lie. Yeah, so that was that was four years ago. Okay, So we have a lot. Do you want to talk about any of this? Do you want to have this conversation? I don't want to force you in a conversation you don't.
Want to have Oh yeah, yeah kind of, because I mean, I guess that's that's why I texted.
Okay, I'm ready I'm present, my phone is off. I I turned my laptop screen, the brightness all the way down. I'm staring at nothing. I'm staring at the microphone. I'm trying, and I get distracted. Let's I'm locked in on you, Bob. Let's hit it. Okay, let's begin here. Let's start. Let's start two years ago. Let's start two years ago.
With the with the I'm living a liar. I don't know why.
I'm telling you. Tell me, tell me. Let's start with that. Tell me why I four years ago, you were living a lie.
So pretty much that would have been after I got out of high school. I uh. I moved to Montana and did like a like a summer like work program thing over there for a ski resort, trying to just like you know, figure out why and ship. Then I moved back to a college town because I told my parents that I was gonna start going to school. I like, hooray, good job, honey, and so they they like offered to pay for school and my living and and food and all of that. But I mean, like the whole time,
like I was just not going to school. I was sort of just getting like super drunk, super high and just fucked up, like all day, every day, and I felt bad because you know, they were paying for all of it, and I was a lot to them for the whole two years that I was doing that. M and then uh, at the end of that twoish years, it kind of felt like that I couldn't keep the jig out anymore. So I'm like, fuck it. I could always just join the military and and have like a
not I don't. I don't want to say like an honorable way out, because like it's not honorable at all, but I could have an easier way out instead of having to, you know, talk to my parents about how I've just been spending their money to get drunken high all day for two years. Hmm. Okay.
And so then you were like, okay, so your parents were sending you to school and you weren't really going. But then I don't I'm trying to understand how the how to joining the military. Joining the military was like your your thing of like, oh, school is not working out, No, I actually want to join the military, yeah, instead of being working out because of getting drunk all the time.
Yeah. I just didn't want to have that conversation with my parents, so I'm like, all right, I can just do this, and they can see that it's like, oh, you know, he this isn't working out for him the soul. I don't know, but yeah, I guess I just saw that as more of a way out than having that talk with my parents.
Okay, that was two years ago. Yes, and you were afraid to join the military at the time. Why were you afraid?
I mean, shit, dude, it's the military, Like, you don't don't I don't know if I'm guessing, did you. Were you ever in the military? No?
Never in the military.
Yeah, So I don't know. I was kind of afraid just because I didn't know what it would be like. And uh, when I was signing up for it, the whole time, I was thinking, damn, am I like actually gonna get through this. And then I got on the bus to go to the airport and I got on the plane and I'm like, shit, I'm really doing this. And when I got then when I got off the plane, they they start yelling at you, like in the airport
to get on these buses. And then uh, we rolled up to the front gate of the basic training and I saw the flashing red and blue lights and the ship. I'm really doing this and uh yeah, I mean now I'm now, I'm here, I'm at my first base. Yeah.
And how has the past two years been?
I mean, it's I don't I don't want to say it's bad because it hasn't. But it's just not what I, I guess, envisioned my life to be like right now.
How old are you?
I'm twenty one.
Twenty one? Okay, how did you envision your life to be?
I don't know, I guess just not in. I guess traveling. I've always moved to do that. Mm hmm. Maybe you work at a bakery.
M Are you in one of those crazy military contracts?
Wait?
You man like I know some people like who are in like six six year long military contracts.
No, so there are four and six year or like the standard contracts. But I signed a four year so I'll be getting I'll be getting out in twenty twenty nine, at the start of twenty twenty nine.
Okay, So all right, so you'll be twenty four by the time you're out of the military.
Yeah.
Are you making any money? Are you saving anything?
I'm trying to but I mean, shit, do you fucking talk I've been big back and really going to Taco Bell. Have you tried their new like dessert and panada things like that.
That's crazy to me. That's crazy to me that you can be in.
Like that.
The reason you can't save money is because of Taco Bell, because it's not like Taco Bell is the whole point of dude. I'm sorry, this is just this is such a separate rant from what we're talking about. But it's so stupid that fast food is like expensive now, like that wasn't supposed to be. The whole point is that it was like shitty and cheap.
Yeah, I went to McDonald's the other day and the McChicken is like two or three dollars. That's I remember. I remember when it was a dollar. Life was good, life was peace, life, life was good.
Are you still drinking?
Uh No? Not not every night? Like uh like I was when I got here a couple of months ago. Like when I first got to the base that I'm at now, I was drinking probably a seven fifty of whiskey like every two or three days.
Maybe what's a seven fifty.
Uh three quarters of a leader?
Okay, Oh, you're drinking that every day?
Not not. I would. I would finish a bottle of that every like two or three days.
Okay, so you were drinking. You were't drinking the whole bottle every day. You were drinking the whole bottle every day. You were drinking every day.
Yeah, I was drinking a considerable amount. I was drinking enough to know that it wasn't and healthy.
How often drinking now?
Really only on like special occasions like I'll be going to I'll be going out of town next week and for a tournament, so I'll probably drink then. But other than that, like, I don't really I don't really drink like that anymore, just because A it's expensive and B it's not really healthy in it. I don't know. It makes me sad.
Cool, Yeah, dude, I mean a genuine congrats on that. It's hard to kick a habit, man, It's hard to kick a habit. Yeah, you can get you can lose so much fucking time to that shit.
Yeah. I mean I wasn't even really doing anything I was drinking either. I was literally just sitting in my room alone, watching fucking TV and playing Fortnite.
And what's life like for you on base these days? What's like a day to day life.
And I kind of have the same the same routine, wake up, go to the gym, get lunch, and then go to work after So I work afternoon till like the midnight, so I sort of have my mornings to myself. Cool, but like it's it's hard because all my friends are you know, eight hours away back home. I can't can't really you know, leave whenever I want to go see them. It's kind of hard making friends as an adult, I guess. But I think being having having shared experiences that makes it easier. Now.
It's interesting to say that because I would think that the military is actually like a decent way to make friends as an adult, because you're, like, I assume you're around a lot of people on a regular basis.
Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm around the same people like I'm I'm friendly with them at work and stuff. Like we don't really do anything outside of work. But I mean, there's not too much to do around me besides like go to the beach.
You said in your text, you said, I still haven't really figured out why I joined the military.
What do you that? Something?
Is this something you're kind of wrestling with?
I guess I mean, like, I think I have an idea. Off my parents found out, they would have stopped like paying my rent, I would have been homeless. Like, I guess that's a reason. But like other than that, I can't really like find a deep, being full reason within myself. But I don't. I don't know if there has to be one.
You know, how do you feel you seem I mean, you seem a little down, I mean.
Shit due, I think I'm I don't know, I might be a little a little depressed, but I kind of I don't want to put like a doctor or anything about it because if I do, I'm afraid I might lose my security clearance and then I.
Would just oh ship, Yeah, dude, that ship. That ship is so fucked up. That's like, that's crazy.
That's crazy. It's like it's like the same thing with pilots, like if they if they're like if they go like a therapist or anything, like, they they won't get medically cleared to fly. I'm pretty sure it's it's kind of the same thing with the rest of the motor, but I don't want to test it.
Yeah, damn, I'm sorry to hear that. Man, that's a crazy situation to be in. But yeah, okay, but that's that's interesting to me because I would think that, like, I mean, the military is such a wide ranging thing. It's not one specific job. I would think that even if you can't get like it, like, it makes sense to me that there's certain positions in the military that
you can't be diagnosed with certain health issues to do. Yeah, but I mean, there's got to be a wide ranging amount of positions within the military that you you can do.
I mean, there definitely is. But I don't. I hate my job that I'm doing right now. If I'm trying to once I hit my two year mark being in, I can switch jobs. And the job that I almost switch to need you need a higher clearance and you have to go through more training. And if I you know, if I like go to someone, there's a very high chance that I would get denied for that job if I transfer.
Well, I'm glad you could. I'm glad that you could talk to the therapy gecko because I cannot. I will not your I will not strip you of your security clearance. Okay, so hm.
Hm hmm.
Let's think through this, you said. Okay, you also said, my best friend hates me.
Now, yeah, that guy. That guy hates.
Okay, is that something you want to talk about?
I guess so yeah, I feel like a lot of people would relate to it. Maybe, but probably not. Okay, it's up to you, but yeah, we can talk about So back in back in high school when I was I think I was like fifteen or sixteen. This was my end of sophomore year going to junior year, and I was talking to this one girl that my best friend dated for like two months our freshman year. We're meet and my burst men, we're in the same grade. So freshman year, he dated this girl for like two months,
they broke up. They didn't really talk after that. End of my sophomore year. Going in junior year, I started talking to her, she came over, YadA, YadA, YadA, and then like we stopped talking for a bit, and then last yeah I think it was last year, we picked up talking again and things were like getting a little more serious and like we should probably tell him, like it, you know, feels right because he dated you back in freshman year and he's also my best friend. Like it
doesn't feel right, feels like I'm keeping a secret. And so we told him, and he sort of flipped his ship. Not really sure why. I don't get it because he, you know, he hadn't talked From my perspective, he hadn't talked to her in years, and so I didn't really see the big deal of it. But I guess he saw it differently, and yeah, he kind of flipped the ship,
blew up on me. He didn't talk to me for months, and then this New Year's I went home and I met him out at a bar and she was like, oh, like you he apologize, saying all this shit like that, And in my head, I'm thinking, what is there to apologize for? I didn't. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, Like you didn't you haven't talked to her in years. But I kind of kind of one of my best friends of actually I sucked up my ego. I'm like, look, man, yeah it was wrong. Whatever should
have done it. For the next couple of months, up until up until three weeks ago, I thought things were good between me and him. And then I went to the town that he went to college in, which is
like two or three hours away from them. Based on I'm saying at now, and you know, I met up with him some other buddies who went out drinking, and he like the first night that I was there, all night, he was slipping me comments saying like, oh, you're done, You're done for like all this shit like that, and I sort of on the drive back from the bars, I sort of blew up at him because I mean, it's stupid cut. But he wasn't turning on wasn't turning on the radio. So I'm like, oh, dude, turn on
the radio, like YadA, YadA, YadA. He blew up on me. I was LOOKI bitching him out while I was in the back seat, and I mean, yeah, we sort of just haven't talked then, but yeah, he he sort of like hates my guts.
Now, Hmmm, do you uh do you like, do you grieve the friendship? Do you guys do you wish that you guys could patch things up? Or do you kind of not care anymore? At this point?
I mean, I would like to have the friendship back, but at this point, I mean it's kind of done with. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna keep fighting for it just because I know it on would be the same, and like, it's not gonna go back to the way that it was, so I'm not even gonna try and repair it at this point. M hm hm hmm.
Do you have a lot of other friends.
Of not not like here on base but back home. Yeah, I talked to them pretty regularly.
Why do you feel like you don't have as many friends on base if that's where you're spending most of your time.
I mean, I kind of I don't. I don't know a lot of the things I like to do, they're kind of like solo people things like solo activities, like and I know you can go to the gym with other people, but I kind of just go to the gym to like look good. I don't really go to chit chat and whatnot. Mm hmm. But I mean, I
don't know. I think I just don't really have that many hobbies to go, like meet people at And when I when I do, like go out to a bar or just anywhere in general to like meet people, I'll talk to like one person and then that that conversation won't really go anywhere, and I'll be I'll be in my head thinkin damn, like well why did I even why did I even come out like this is a waste of time. I should I should just go home, and then I just go home after that.
Yeah, well, I mean I've talked about this to death on the show, but I'll talk about it again.
Like the.
You got to find like a kind of recurring place to show up, right, because you're totally right, Like what you go out to the bar, you have one conversation with a person, and then nothing really happens, right, Like there's a lot of there's a lot of expectations, you know, but if you kind of find yeah, like you said talking about like hobbies that are more conducive to being
around other people and that are recurring. I mean that's kind of the secret to friendship is like find the community and and add value to it so that you're visible in the community.
You know.
That's kind of the that's the general friendship equation. What are your other hobbies we like to do?
Uh? I mean I'd like to go, like there's a there's a rock climbing gym. It's like forty five minutes away. It's like, I don't really go all that much, but I'll go sometimes like just camping. I guess, like I'm a big outdoors guy, but there's not really a whole lot of outdoors stuff here.
Uh? Are there not?
Where?
What? What part of like on the base? Is there a Is there like a rock climbing gym? I feel like rock climbing is actually a pretty social thing like that. I mean here in fucking Brooklyn, there's a ton of these like rock climbing gyms that have regular uh regular regular meats.
Yeah, I mean, I mean it's pretty social. But the only gym that's close to me is like forty five minutes away, So I'll probably only go there like once among m, just because I mean, I don't really have that much time.
So what's the dream, Bob? What's the dream you want? You want to you want to travel in a couple of years when you get out.
Yeah, that that's that's the dream. So we're just saving up money now to have you seen those uh this band life for a video where people buy like a shitty then and renovate it and sort of drive around the country.
Sure, is that what you want to do?
Yeah, I mean it seems like ituld be. It seems like it could be pretty fun, bring a dog along. It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot of expenses doing that.
Yeah, I mean I'll warn you have something. I'll let you know. The like van life thing, like general, I think it's kind of one of these things where if you haven't traveled a lot, you kind of picture what
like a nomadic lifestyle would be and traveling. Traveling is great, traveling rocks, but like when I you know, you meet some of these guys who do van life or like in a hostel or whatever, and they're like, been on the fucking road for like nine months, Like the road and the nomadic world is their thing, like a kind of constant motion, and it's it's it's lonely, it's it's very conducive. It's not conducive to building long relationships and friendships,
especially if that's and you'll notice that. I mean if you were if you were kind of sitting here telling me like, oh well I needs myself and my dog and all that, I'd be like more pro van life.
But the.
I think it's so I think it's okay to just be like, oh, I want to travel somewhere for like a couple of weeks or something like that. You know, if you want to choose a whole nomadic lifestyle. It will make you lonely.
Yeah, But the cool thing about I know you've done like sorry, I know you, I know you. I know you've done a whole lot of like, uh like traveling solo. Yeah, likes. Has that ever affected you, like filling lonely.
Or yeah, totally Yeah, that's well you're twenty one, right, Yes, that's the that's the age that I was when I started traveling by myself. And the first time I was doing it, it was it was awesome, it was beautiful. I mean I told one hundred percent recommend that you do it. But I would travel for myself for like two weeks at a time, three weeks at a time, something like that. And uh, it's so it's totally lonely.
But that's but I don't I really cherish that that period of time because, uh, the loneliness is part of the experience. In a sense. You have kind of these you have kind of these high highs where you will meet people. You know, especially if you're good to put yourself out there, you will meet people and you will have experiences that you couldn't have had if you went
with a group. But then you'll also have these very melancho hollic feelings that are new, and there's a lot of I think value and humanity in those feelings, and especially if you're young, it's good. I'm at the age of at now, I don't want to. I have no interest in like long term solo traveling of any kind, just because like, I feel like I've felt those melancholic feelings. And I I mean, sometimes I end up doing solo travel, like just by necessity if I'm filming something or doing
a show or something like that. But uh, I think, yeah, when you're when you're when you're young, I recommend it fully because it introduces you to new Yeah, it introduces you to new feelings and new excitements that are are valuable. But I don't think you need to rent a whole ass van to do it, you know. I never I never did like eight months on the road or six months on the road. I was like, a couple of weeks in a place is cool for me.
Yeah, I mean, I get I get thirty days of a pto year from the location. Maybe I'll do maybe, maybe I'll just use up all thirty I like that.
I like that idea. I like that idea. Yeah, where would you.
Go, just just give it a little taste.
Yeah, I like that idea. Where would you go?
I was thinking, like, northern Italy, go see go see the Dolomites, do some hiking.
Dude. Yeah, dude, I don't know what your budget is like, but if you can rip a rip Spirit Airlines, but there's an airline, I'm gonna give a free shout out to Ryan Air. Do you know Ryanair?
Dude? Ryan Air is fucking goaded. Have you easy Jet?
I have an easy Jet?
Yeah, that's pretty it's pretty good. Ryan Jet. Spirit spirits closing down though they.
I know, I know. It's it's actually so tragic, and it kind of pisses me off because people people like would meme on Spirit. People would be like, oh Spirit sucks.
They weren't that bad. They were never that bad.
Dude, they were never that bad. And also when people when people were like like when Spirit was like, hey, we'll do a super low cost thing where you can stand in the back of the plane, I was like, that's sick. You know, It's like.
I'll like, I'll pay for that. I'll probably to go stand in the back of the plane. You kidding me, right, right?
I mean, you know, there's a whole conversation about, you know whatever, capitalism making things cost more artificially. But Spirit was sick in the sense that they were like, if you want no frills, if you if you don't care about getting your little bottle of water, if you don't care about the seat reclining, if you don't care about all and you just want to get from point A to point B, we will offer you that option for cheap and uh a valuable service completely gone. Whereas yeat.
In Europe, you have Ryan Air, which can like do shit like it can take you from Italy to France for like I don't know, I haven't I haven't used, right, I haven't been in Europe in a while or used Ryan Air in a while. But I know there was a ship where you could like go to go from fucking like France to Italy to France for like thirty dollars or something that's like a bus ticket, right, So I don't know if that I don't know what's Yeah, I don't know if that's I don't know what's going on.
Don't quote me on that, but I guess I'm saying it's like if you have thirty days, you should totally like dick around in Europe and see what's up, you know, go spend a little bit of time in Rome, spend a little bit of time in Paris. I don't know, I don't know what your budget is, but but even if your budget's tight, there's like, there's there's you know, you can stay in hostels for like Hella Chief, you
can fly Ryan Air for Hello cheap. There's a there's a if you're if you're scrappy and you're down to like stay in a bunk bed with like sixteen other folks and like fly on shitty airlines at like five o'clock in the morning, there's a there's a there's a beautiful, budget friendly adventure that I believe you could take for those thirty days that might give you a nice little taste of the travel universe.
Yeah, I mean, I have no problem with you know, sleeping on a bunk beds. I slept at in a bunk bed with you know, fifty other people for two months, right.
Yeah, right, right, right right right?
Not not that out of.
The ordinary, dude, Was there ever any fill metal jacket shit where like some guy just went bonkers on everyone dude almost.
So we had this one guy, uh I'll just call him John, uh so John, Like when when we were come back from doing drill, which is basically just fancy walking, we would hear this dude like whisper to himself and talk to himself for for like a few weeks, and we're like, what the fuck is that about? And then on week week five, we go to the rifle range to get qualified, and on the Sunday before we go, this dude was talking to and she was like, I'm
a fucking killer. I'm gonna kill this bitch. And I was walking Me and this other kid were walking by like as he said that in himself, and I'm like, dude, we gotta like tell, we gotta like tell the drill instructor like that, like if if he goes to the range and fucking kills this lady, like like, we'll feel responsible for that. Yeah yeah, so so so we told the total drill instructor and she's like, thank you for letting me know. H We'll get this, you know, righted
through the proper channels. And we went to lunch one day, came back all this dude's stuff was gone, his bed with strips, his walluck or was empty. There was ye, I mean it looked like there was zero sign of life in his dead in his area.
I mean I assume he got kicked out.
Oh yeah, uh he It turned out he lied on his uh his like entrance mental evaluation thing m and they kicked him out.
See, if you're walking around like go ahead, no, not go ahead. I was gonna say, if you're walking around like I'm gonna kill this bitch, then you know fair, it's fair. They should let you go. But if you're like I'm kind of sad, they should, you know, let you They should still let you have a gun.
Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not you know, police or whatever. I do. I don't think it's that bad.
I'm just kidding, but they should let you whatever, press a button that makes a helicopter do something. There's a lot of stuff you can do in the.
Yeah, we we almost the private piled this one kid because he up them. We almost did. We We were we were very close to it because I mean he just kept messing up and we would all get smoked for it. And we, like a lot of us, came to the conclusion like, yeah, like this guy's gotta got this guy's gotta be taught a lesson. But we we never we never did do that because we would have gotten we we would have gotten found out and been in beach ship, probably gotten kicked out.
So hazing is not still a low key accepted part of the military experience. Legally, no hazing is not allowed, but anecdotally.
It's not. What's the word for it. I don't want to say it's exorrected, but maybe I don't know. It's sort of I know, I know in the Air Force it's not really a thing, but I can't speak on other branches, but I'm sure it's prevalent in the other branches. But in the Air Force it's it's not really a thing. So Bob, get go.
We've gotten to know you a little bit. You seem like a good guy. You seem like a man with a head on his shoulders, a man with desires, a man with uh intention for his life. Let me ask you this, Bob, are you still there?
I am, I'll answer, get go.
We've been talking for about thirty six minutes, and I'm willing to let you go if you must go. But uh, was there any aspect of any of this that you feel like you wanted to get deeper into, or any way in which this phone call could be of of any kind of assistance for you that we did not do.
I mean not really. I feel like I talked about what I wanted to talk about, share what I wanted to share.
Okay, okay, kay, is what do you think you're going to do? What do you think you're going to do for that that thirty days? You think you're going to rocket somewhere?
Yeah? Right, well, right now I have a I think forty two days saved up.
Oh shit, Oh you can do so much stuff. Damn that's awesome.
Well, well I can only take thirty at a time before having to come back to work before I can take another thirty.
I I dude, I actually would recommend that you not take like thirty in a row, like you should just you should take like two weeks and go somewhere instead of like, you know, thirty one, because you'll get because you'll get tired and burnt out after like two weeks anyway, you know, So I would say, if you have yeah, I think so, if you have forty two days, I would like split it up into like if you have forty two days. What's forty two divided by three? I
would go on three. I would split those forty two days into three if I were.
You, Maybe I'll do something for my birthday.
Yeah, when's your birthday?
Uh? It's uh, it's in September, so I mean towards the start of the cooler months.
Cool man. Well, happy, happy birthday.
Well, thank you, even though it's not for you know, another four months. Private Bob, Colonel Gecko.
Is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Wayno boenga bing bang Dilly Deli.
Excellently said goodbye, mister Gecko. Goodbye, mister Bob. Thank you very much. That's who I want defending our country. Cat people, cat cat boys named Bob who longed for the van life. That's that's who we want. That makes me happy anyway, folks, that's been the Therapy Gecko podcast. My name is Lyle. I'm a Gecko Pacific North we I'm coming to you. I'm coming to you. I got I got shows, man, I got shows. I'm doing The Crocodile in Seattle June sixth.
Before that, I'm doing Polaris Hall Portland, Oregon June fifth, San Francisco June fourth, I'm Coming to Vancouver June seventh, Minneapolis June ninth, Cleveland, Ohio, June eighteenth, Pittsburgh June twentieth, Charlotte June twenty first. Many more shows in addition to those. You can find them all on therapy geckotour dot com or the link in the episode description. If you don't like listening to the ads, you can get an ad free version of the podcast at Patreon dot com slash
lyle forever. Other than that, I don't have anything else to say. I'm tired of feel insane. But we're gonna make it through, folks. I'm gonna make it through. You're gonna make it through. Our teacher friend is gonna make it through. Our military guy friend is gonna make it through. We're gonna do it. We're gonna figure it out. We're gonna live. We're going to join the living, folks. We're
going to join the living. Gat Bless Get Go Out, goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night, goes through, and he's teaching you a loud in them of your life. But he's not to be an expert