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Hello, Hey, what's up Love?
How's it going? Is this Will this?
As well?
What is happening in the universe?
Will Man? There's so many things happening, so many things happening, and I have a big dilemma, which is do I talk to you about the life I had more the one I have now?
Well, I mean, why don't you tell me a little bit about both if you if you want, of.
Course, yeah, for sure. So let's see. I guess the most interesting part of my past is when I literally ran away with the circus.
How old are you in that?
I was nineteen And just to preface this really quick, what happened was my dad had died a few years earlier. This is back in ninety eight, ninety nine, and my mom had remarried some guy really quickly, you know, like some blasphem passed. And I was nineteen years old, still living at home my little brother, and just started button heads with the new husband, and they just wanted me gone.
And I was between jobs, and I was opening up the classifieds one day, you know, the old the old way in which we used to do with actual newspapers. And I want to say, there was a good quarter page ad for the Ringling Brothers in Garden my Bailey Circus, and I was like, what the hell is this? And it had all kinds of jobs, you know, like animal handlers, you know, veterinarians, you know, uh just on and on on, but uh you know, and and uh my mom and knew the husband walked in and I was like, guys,
what the hell is this? You have to look at this, and you know, we had like a laugh for like ten seconds, right, but then they were like, well maybe you should do it. And I was like like what are you talking about? You know, like are you insane? And I mean more or less, I'll just give you
the quick version. I mean, they just wanted me gone, like I said, and I very shortly, you know, for lack of other options and what to do you know in life, even just went down there to see what was going on and I got hired right away and within a couple of days I was gone and on the road. So yeah, I linked up with the legit Ringling Brothers Barnum and Valley Circus for about a year. Actually, I think it was a year to the date I was with them.
M hm. And what was that time like for you?
It started off very just like wow, man, I'm doing something really wild. This is something you know, once in a lifetime maybe not even that you know chance, you know, to actually do something crazy like this. But I thought as just a way to travel a lot, you know, and to see different things. But so it started off very much, you know, like oh this is a new adventure,
you know, meeting crazy people doing crazy things. But you know, as time went by, you know, being completely isolated, living on a train, working eighty hours hard labor, you know, every almost every day, you know, it just really got to me. So, you know, I want to say close within you know, a month or two before I actually left,
I was in a really bad statement depression. And you know, it's very hard to sleep on a train, you know, even when it's at a standstill, because things are always bumping the damn train, you know, and all the train cars are going boom boom, boom boom, you know and moving around all the time. It's it's very hard to sleep. So you know, it was it was hard. It was really really hard. You know, I'm glad I did it, but it was you know, it was not fun.
And how long did you say total? You were doing that for.
One year to the date, one year?
And what did you do when you got out? And you were about how old then? As well?
I was twenty one when I got out. Okay, yeah, so I was well asking myself, I'm like, well, how do I translate like these like skills, which was basically setting up a whole production, you know, running props, running cables, rigging, you know, sitting up the trusting and like, well, how does this How does this apply to my next thing? You know, And like, I don't know how this is going to work out, but it did. And I actually
got a job. Since I live in SoCal, I got a job with a lighting company that does stage lighting and mostly in the music industry. So yeah, after I left that, I basically became a roadie and I traveled with a bunch of bands and did a lot of cool stuff for I don't want to say another three years after that.
M And so you say that there's a there's a strong dichotomy between your life then and your life now because you you came in here asking which one you should tell me about. What do you think are those big differences?
Well, I'm like, honestly, I'm definitely back in like a depressive state just because of the way things have gone, you know. I uh, I like had these incredibly adventurous jobs when I was young, in my twenties, you know, and then you know, got married and then was trying to figure out, Okay, well what do I do with the rest of my life now? Because she was not
loving this whole like road life thing. So I did, like what I was supposed to do, Like I went to college, got a bunch of bloring office jobs, you know, and completely forsake like, you know, my god given talents and just did you know what we're told to do is you know, adults, it's just like, you know, go for money, you know, and just try and let the
you know, American dream and all that. So long story short, you know, I had a divorce a couple of years back and lost everything you know that I had worked you know, twenty years for you know, the home you know, and then everything else. So I am back kind of like square one, you know, and it's a weird place to be at forty four. It's a really weird place. And especially in the year twenty twenty three, you know, it's like things have changed a lot. So that's where I'm at right now.
So how when when did you say this divorce.
Was uh twenty one, twenty twenty.
One, And in the past two years have you been out there trying to date anyone or do anything like that.
Yeah, actually that's kind of where my therapy needs is right now. I yes, I definitely dated a string of women, got back out there and just quickly learned, you know, like the whole games people play these days, and like the lifestyles of people live these days, and I just feel like a relicive. I feel like, yeah, go.
Into that for me real quick. The games that it will play and the lifestyles. What do you tell me, because I assume what you mean is you're on the dating apps and you're seeing some stuff that makes you feel like I mean, people have been calling into this show talking about polyamory and uh, you know, booming dogs and sex dungeons and all sorts of things where I'm like, yeah, I could see if I were you, you know, getting back out there being feeling like you were a relic
of the past. But from your perspective, what what have you seen that has made you feel that way?
Like the first thing on top of my head is just the shallowness of people these days. The you know, like I was brought up where like, you know, you would pick a girl up on a day, you know, uh, you know, take her out, you know, kiss at the end of the night and then you know, you know, you might sleep together after three days or something like that.
Like that was, you know, the the ftatus quo. So these days, I mean, people are giving it out on the first date and saying but they want a long term relationship, and it just seems like people are really confused about what they actually want, you know, and.
Let me ask well, let me ask you this first. Are you on the are you on Tinder? What are you on.
I have honestly, I've used all the apps at one point.
When you're on the apps? What age range are you? Are you looking at here?
I have done I want to say thirty to forty four or maybe forty five. Even so, I mean I would I wouldn't mind dating someone one or two years older than me. That's fine, It's not a big deal of my age, okay.
Right, all right? And so you're you're hmmm, and so you're feeling is there's a lot of shallowness. How many people have you actually like? Were you able to actually go on dates with anybody?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, I've dated quite a few, probably at least eight.
You're on eight dates between uh now and when you got divorced.
Yeah, I've dated probably they know what very was there was there a common theme as to why none of those worked out for you.
Basically, like what I've been seeing is people are out there saying, oh, they want to meet their partner, you know, they want to they want you know, their soulmate, they want the long term relationship. And then you, you know, you're you're telling them, okay, well you want the same things. So we're on the same page, right, Spend a week or two talking to these people, finding out everything about them,
they find everything about you. It's exhausting. And then you meet up and then you go on several dates and then they're just like, well, you know, you know, maybe I don't want to be in a relationship right now. So you're like, what was that all about? Like why did I just waste all this time and energy? And I'm telling you it's happened over and over and over and over again. But I didn't meet. Unfortunately, one girl that I fell in love with, and unfortunately she's a textbook narcissist.
Now what makes you say that?
Uh, okay, well this isn't just a girl and she's my own age. By the way, She isn't just somebody that takes a lot of selfies and is like, oh, I look so pretty. She's not bad looking, but you know it's a little overboard, you know.
Okay, But.
What makes me say that is she seems to keep a lot of secrets. It's never completely forthcoming, you know. And I've asked her straight up, would you be my girlfriend? She'd be like yes, But then come to find out, well, she's still talking to a lot of people on the side and keeping things secret. And then you know, out of nowhere, she'll do a breakup and be like, well, I'm going to step away for a while. You know, maybe we'll meet up again. And you're like, wait, will you know?
And this? Yeah, and do this is the whole thing. And if you don't want to get into it, we toil. They don't have to, but like, yeah, what what do you think was the cause of your divorce?
The cause of my divorce honestly was we both married each other too young and did not didn't not so oats you know, so to speak.
And.
I don't regret it. We had an amazing child, you know, from that marriage, and accomplished a lot, but you know, just time definitely revealed, you know, that we were not compatible, you know, in several ways, and I think that was just honestly, definitely the cause of it is just being married too young, too early and not having you know, really gone out there and seeing what's out there.
Well, it's it's interesting to me that you say that, because that is a totally how old were you when you got married.
We started seeing each other when I was twenty two, we got married at twenty four.
Okay, so he is a marriage. It's it's pretty that's a solid run. That's a good run.
It's a solid run.
Oh, it's a real good run. That's a real solid run. But now you're back out there and your nick you you're like, oh, yeah, dating, dating, by the way, you know, I it sucks for everybody. It sucks for guys, it sucks for girls. It sucks if you're young. It sucks if you're older. Actually that's not true, if you are no, if you're actually, if you're young and really really attractive, it's probably but I wouldn't know. So, yeah, it sucks out there. So what about what's going on in the
rest of your life? The professional life. Let's talk about that. Let's get a let's get a well rounded picture of you.
Okay. So so basically I've been doing it work for a while now, like a really long time. I decided, you know what, you know, I'm getting old, it's getting competitive. It just isn't fun keeping up, you know, with all the changes in society and everything else. You know, just it's just NonStop being beaten over the head, you know when you work in it. And so I did a stint in graphic design, which is, you know what I would like to do more of, because you know, I
have a whole artistic site. But I had a really shitty boss, so I had to go back into it. The pandemic happened and I lost my job because apparently the company was going to lose money, but it turns out they actually made more money in the end. But regardless of that, I ended up getting the job i'm at now, and basically I'm a call center supervisor right now, manager supervisor what you won't call it? And it sucks.
Mm hmm.
What does anything? Does anything give you happiness in life right now?
Oh?
Yeah, definitely. I mean my kid, I have a really amazing kid. He's ten going on eleven, I gets your way from making art and yeah, I mean those times I'm with my narcissistic, you know partner. You know, I'm happy because we have a we go out, we have a great time. But it's just, you know, it's uh, these kind of people have different personalities, you know, and the next day she can be a completely different person.
When you say I'm sorry, you're I'm sorry if I'm coming. But when you say your narcisstic partner, you're talking about your ex wife or the person you're with right.
Now, the girl I'm dating right now.
Okay, okay, I say, sathy to you, So you're still dating this? This is the person who you said, who you fell in love with, who you said was you're going to be your girlfriend that? Or is this a different person?
Well it's it's an on and off relationship. Yeah, but yes, currently we are dating. Currently we're dating again.
Okay, just like can just this person that you're currently dating are you referring to as a narcissist? Are they making your life? Are they in general in general? Are they making your life better or worse?
Mmmm?
Currently worse?
Okay, I mean look bro, uh.
It's it's just it's a suspicion in stress, I know, And that's that's just part it's part of the whole game. Yeah, they do, and it's just you know, I've accepted it.
Yeah, So.
Why have you? Why have you accepted it?
Just because I know that that's part of her personality. It's part of her you know, Uh, Psyche, that's it's something that she is going to do and continue to behave this way, and it's not something that she can change about herself, I don't think, because she she needs the attention, you know, and she will justify it.
Will I'm gonna I'm gonna will. Is this a sex thing?
Is it?
Like?
Is it like I'm afraid of not being able to have sex and being alone and so I'm gonna be with this person who is making man happy because I'd rather do that than be alone and sexless.
Uh. That could be part of like a small part of it. That could definitely.
Okay, because that's have affection okay, and that leads into it too. I don't know why I said sex, but the sex and affection thing because like, dude, I guess I don't if you're you don't want to be actively referring to the person that you are dating as a narcissist. That's that. I don't think that's good. And and you don't even need me to tell you any of that ship you already know that. So I'm glad that you have things in your life that are making you happy,
like your kid and art and whatnot. But I I I hate for you to settle just because you don't want to go back out there, you settle with somebody who you really don't like, because that's just gonna make your life what that's gonna Your life's gonna be way worse being with somebody who you refer to as a narcissist than being alone and Jack and all, Jack and off. You know what I'm going to say it, Will, I'm going to say it, and I know you know it,
and I know the people out there know it. I'm going to say it so that everyone can hear me pretty loudly. I'm going to say what the people want to say. Being alone and Jack and off is kind of awesome, Okay.
I feel like the ripples of that is going out into the universe right now.
The ripples of that are indeed going out in the universe right now. That's what that moment of silence was. Well, Will, what's the future look like for you?
I believe my art is actually pretty good now, and I plan to pivot and doing more of, you know, the things I that I want to do, you know, because I've spent these forty four years pretty much pleasing everybody else, and I think it's, you know, it's time to do some self love and start doing some of the things that you know, I kick ass at good Man good.
It seems like it seems like you're you actually are, like really you know, solid pockets of your life that are keeping you well afloat.
You know.
I'm glad you have a great relationship with your kid. I'm glad you feel confident in yourself. I feel like that's the most important thing. What do you make art? What do you make art about?
All different kinds of things. So I've been doing a couple of landscapes, I'm starting to do some more like pop art, and yeah, I think I'm gonna do uh a new painting pretty soon. I'm taking maybe like an edgarupt mm hmmm.
Do you have an art Instagram that you want to share? You don't have to if you don't want to.
Uh, I have one. I actually started not too long ago. It's uh sure it's Will dot the Dot Artist with an underscore.
Wow, I'm surprised that wasn't taken even with the underscores and dots and stuff.
Yeah.
Here, I'm gonna go to it right now.
What is it against? Will dot the Dot artist with an underscore?
Are tist.
And an underscore? Okay, let's check this out. Oh all right, we there, we go. We got your we got your first and last name. That's out there.
Okay, yeah, it's okay.
Is that with you? I can bleep it out if if it's not, that's fine. Okay.
I like this.
This looks pretty cool.
What is that?
Who is that?
Dave?
I'm gonna sound like an idiot. That's not David. Who's that with the guitar?
Yeah it's Martin Gore?
Nice man. Who's this girl?
Uh?
That is a girl? I need it?
She looks cool. And then this is uh Flora plans to a Walmart?
What is this?
It's basically a role playing like map, architectural map.
You know what? Will you got a good life?
Thanks?
Man?
Appreciate that.
M sore. Well thanks for talking about all this stuff. Man, I'm glad. Do you do you have a real therapist that you talked to about these things?
Unfortunately no, I just kind of do the stoic maile thing and just kind of like this his life. You know, it could be worse.
I do the stoic male thing, and I talked to a guy in a gecko suit about it and still.
Yes, as one does.
Well, thanks for calling, Will, and good luck to you in the future man, and anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Yeah, check out Alan Watts. He will start you on a good journey.
Beautiful. Take care man. Thanks for calling.
All right, all right, but.
Oh crap, I just really he said in the in the call screening notes that he met God. I didn't get to ask him about that. I wonder if you met God on Tinder? Is God a thirty seven year old woman on okay Cupid?
He is?
You know why? Because he's all of us. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Thanks for calling Will, Hello, Hello, what's up? Hey? Is this geg.
Uh?
Yeah, man? How are you?
I'm all right?
Uh, I'm okay. Just it's just wanted to come on here, you know, share some thoughts and whatnot.
What kinds of thoughts and feelings would you like to share.
So I've been living with my brother for about a year now, and we moved out together. He's a he's twenty four and I'm twenty, and.
So it's just.
It's been it's been okay, like you know, we get along.
And everything, and it's it's everything's fine and there I pay rent, he pays rent and all that.
But it's been a lot of times recently, I just I feel like he's.
How do I wear this?
Like he feels like he's trying to have authority over me, you know, like he's trying to.
He's just trying to be.
The bigger person in every situation, and just it's it's weird. I don't I haven't really talked about it with anyone. I don't know, I've never really put its words. I just I thought you were streaming, and I thought this would be the chance to really get it out there. So but it seems like he had like how he's twenty four and I'm.
Twenty Okay, so he's trying He's not that much older than me, all Right, so you both pay equal rent on the house. But he's still trying to like big time yet.
Yeah, it's really weird. Like it's like he took the role of our dad, like as soon as we got out of the house, and it's is he.
Is he reminding you of your dad? Oh one, what things does he do about to alpha you around?
That's a good way to put it, Alpha me around?
But uh, he like.
So we have a weekly schedule of cleaning, uh where I do one week, I do stuff and then he does the other stuff and then next week we switch. Right, There's been times where he'll he'll he'll tell me to you know, do He'll he'll run down the schedule of like of what's going on.
And just so much like.
If the way he talks to me is just so talking down to me.
And even when I do what I'm supposed to do, because I get everything usually done in like half hour of an hour, well not everything, but like majority of what I'm supposed to do, and he he's like, there's no how do I sorry, Uh, it's.
Let me ask you. Let me ask you him. Yeah, all right, this is clearly and I get this. There's a lot of times in arguments and ship where you know, you just don't have fucking concrete examples and evidence, but you have the way you feel. I get that. I've been there before. Have you told your brother about this shit? Have you had a conversation with him?
I've We've argued about it where like I'll tell him, like, he's just like our dad, and he gets so pissed, but like the way he gets pissed is just like our dad, and.
He he.
He gets he gets physical too, and that was much like our dad growing up.
Yeah, he hits me.
Okay, your brother's hitting you.
He's hitting me.
He's he's he's treating he's treating.
Me like our dad used to do.
My dad was an old school he grew he was fifty when I was born. He grew up old school in the in the seventies and eighties and.
Or whenever he grew up.
But he grew up.
That's how he wouldn't talk.
Our dad wouldn't talk much about how he grew up. But you know that whole thing where he kind of when you grow up and have kids.
You you sort of have patterns with when how you were raised.
Yeah, so you heard that all right? So So what you're what you're getting at here is that your dad would fucking hit you and hit your brother. And now you're now you're living with your brother. Now your brother's hitting you. Yeah, and you guys are you guys are adults? You're twenty and twenty.
Four or full on adults, full jobs and ship. Okay, Like I work as a plumber.
I've been doing it two years now.
Like it's a shitty job.
Funny, but uh but it pays the bills, pays my half.
And I like your I like your way of bringing levity into the situation with a joke.
Yeah, I try to. You know, it could be worse, It could be way worse.
But all right, Matthew, how long you've been living with your brother?
For living with him for what is it? It's month is July, so that'd be.
A year and four months.
Now you're in.
Form in four months, okay, So it's been a year and four months.
And we tried to move out.
He moved out the second he hit graduation.
He moved out and did his whatever he did.
And so so how how many times over the course how many times over the course of that year and four months does did he was he hitting you?
It didn't.
In the beginning, it was fine, Like like the first I'd say, like six months, it was like, okay, you know, we'd get into arguments. Brothers use it all the time. We'd always we're not like the closest brothers.
In the world. But but Matthew MaTx got along and Matthew, Yeah, how many times in the year and a half, in the year and four months did he hit you?
I'd say at least like once to twice a week.
Once to twice a week.
A week. Yeah, there may be there'd be a week where he didn't. May there'd be weeks where it'd be more.
But all right, Matthew, mmm, and you haven't told you. I'm the first one you're telling about this.
I pulled my cat.
Okay, matt Well, I want to let me say a few things. One, Matthew, you seem like a real nice, real sweet dude, and I'm really real I I feel bad because you have to sounds like you have to go through this fucking twice because like it sounds like your dad was not fucking super awesome. And then it was like, finally, you're eighteen, you can get out of
the house. And then now you're living with a mini version of your dad, and like, bro, I don't know, I feel bad for your brother too, because like I'm sure he you know, is hurting as well. But like at twenty four years old, you gotta you gotta, you gotta work out what the fuck is going on with you and not be taking it out on your little brother because you seem like a nice guy. So yeah, and you don't deserve. And also you're you're twenty, you're
making your own money. You should be allowed, would you you? You deserve to be able to live in his safe, chill place where you're not dealing with your brother being an asshole. So yeah, I mean there's lots of things here that I'm thinking about.
I appreciate that man.
So let's well, let's well, let's start with Gecko solutions and then I will for you, and then I'll refer you out to other uh solutions. But are you are you? Are you want to least? Are you on a least with him? No?
The house isn't fully in his property.
Oh it's in his name, so he he owns it.
It's in his name. He's letting me stay and pay half?
Is he so he bought it and you're helping him pay the mortgage? Yeah, did he buy it or was it?
Like a family, It's just it's a what did.
Did he buy it? Or did your dad give it to them?
It's in our dad's name, but then now it's been moved to his name. Our dad passed away two years ago.
When I was.
I'm sorry to hear that, man, So your dad's That's what I was thinking. So your dad passed away and then gave the house to your brother, and and in the will he gave it specifically to your brother. Yes, have you ever, dude, I'm have you ever had like a lawyer help you out with this kind of ship?
With the not I have not looked to lawyers, okay, but this conversation is starting to think that I need one.
Mm hmm, I bro, I think here's the thing.
I'm down.
I'm totally I'm totally down to uh talk with you for a little bit more about this. But you absolutely should go talk to a lawyer because your brother, don't. Your brother could be doing some kind of like shady ship where like maybe your dad actually left both of it.
Because if your dad left you ship and your brother is just like if he's aultphaing you around the house and hitting you and ship, you know, it wouldn't wouldn't It wouldn't be beyond me that he's, you know, taking ownership over this house that you know a percentage of could rightfully belong to you. Would You just didn't have the resources to figure that ship out? And I feel for you. I know that getting a lawyer as a
whole expensive thing. All right, So you pay your money and you're paying or you're paying rent to your brother.
Yes, I'm paying to help out the mortgage. And it's also like power and whatnot, and none of it is I pay, no.
That I know of. None of it is in my name.
But like I obviously I wasn't going to be here forever. I just thought for the meantime. But it's been you know, a year and six months now.
So where do you work for you? What's your job? What's your job? Uh?
Plumbing?
We go around, you know, people call in, you know, having trouble with leeks and whatnot, and uh, oh shit, what time is it?
M's do you have to go right now?
I don't have to go to work. I have dinner reservations with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a long time, and now that I think we've had this talk, I might bring this up with them.
Yeah, you should talk to people. I have a lot of questions for you. But let's okay, So, are you making decent money being a plumber?
I'm it could be better, but like it's not the worst.
So like, okay, I'm okay, I'm making it.
Okay, all right, because you have something, because Brownie and I have all that. Bro like, get the fuck out of that place first, when my brother sounds like he's just making life hell for you. And if you can afford it, go, you know, get get with a roommate or if you can afford a fucking studio or one. I don't know where you live at or what you make or any of that stuff, but like, yeah, try to get a different housing situation. And then like, I mean, hey,
you probably have you should talk dude. Can I ask you a question, why haven't you talked to anybody besides me about this?
Honestly, it's more of a pride thing, like, and I also just never had really been.
Excusing it for a while at the same time too, so.
And after after I gotta go.
I'm gonna be late here in about fifteen minutes.
You gotta go. Wait, you don't, can't. You don't want to fish this conversation. It's okay if you got to fucking do it.
I really want to do I've been waiting here like forty five minutes, but I I don't want to miss his dinner at all. Right, Well, but I do want to say thank you, man, I I really appreciate this, and it's really talking to you.
Swallow your pride. Go talk to a lawyer, talk to your friends. Don't don't be don't don't don't feel a need to be prideful about this man like you're getting you're getting fucked over, and you're a nice guy and you don't deserve that. And so you should go talk to a lawyer and and everything you just told me. Go tell him and see what they can do for you.
All Right, I'll do that, man. I'm gonna I'm gonna eat. I'm gonna eat the shit out of this dinner for you.
Man, all right, go eat the shit out of some dinner. Okay, Bye, Matthew, all right, dude, have a good night, you too. Damn that poor fucking guy. I hope he talks to I don't know this is some ship where, like you know, he I'm I'm too stupid to know what his options are in that, but almost certainly sounds like his brother
is doing some shady ship with the will. And even if he's not, even even if the dad was like I give everything to the brother, he still got He's still definitely got some case against this guy if he's you know, fucking assaulting him and all that shit.
So uh.
Damn, I wish you could have talked for longer. I have so many more questions, But ma'am, I hope. I mean, if I was the first person that he talked to about this thing, I hope that it inspired him to talk to other people about it, because like that's the thing, right, Sometimes you don't because he didn't. I don't even because a when he mentioned pride, it was like, hey, he's feeling prideful about it, and be It's like he might not even because he's not getting feedback from other people.
He might not even be aware that, you know, things are fucked up. So hopefully he talks to his friend over dinner and it gives him a bigger perspective on this. But thanks for calling, Matthew, and good luck to you. Hello, folks, it is me Lyle.
So.
About a month ago, I was invited to do two live shows at the Electric Forest Music Festival in Rothbury, Michigan, and it was a lot of fun. And while I was there, I did some street interviews on the festival grounds. I talked to a lot of people, and I'm ending the podcast today by playing a little clip from those
street interviews. It's an interview that I did with this girl who is basically like trying to figure out how to be a human being having regular conversations with other people, which is something that you know, I even struggle with a lot. I know that my whole job is having conversations with people, but that's just when I'm in a Gecko costume. You know, when I'm in real life and I'm at a store or something and I got to
talk to someone, it's a whole different thing. But anyway, this isn't about me, and I'm only recording this so that you guys aren't confused. Once once normal non cell phone people are talking. I hate introducing calls and interviews because it's like just let's just listen to the thing and it'll introduce itself. But anyway, I'll shut up and let us transport ourselves. You guys are gonna like this interview. This is I had a lot of This was a good one. This was a good one. You should listen
to it. Don't just stop listening because it's not a phone call. Sometimes you gotta listen, you gotta all right, let's transport ourselves to the Electric Forest Music Festival in Rothbury, Michigan. Right now, what is your name?
My name is Zoey.
Zoey. Nice to me, Joe. How is the life? How's the human experience treating you? And give it to me straight?
Okay, Well it's it's difficult.
Okay, Why is it difficult?
I feel fundamentally different from a lot of people.
Okay, how so.
I feel like other people just fit in a lot easier than I do.
M fit it? What is fit in even me?
I guess we accepted by like general public?
You feel not accepted by the general Yeah? What aspects of you do you feel are not being accepted by the general public?
I guess just socially, I feel like I interact a lot differently than a lot of people do. I don't know really what it is, but it feels.
I don't know.
I don't know how to describe it. It just it just feels different and it always has and I don't I don't know how to articulate it.
Do you have a lot of friends or family?
I do have a bit. I have a very big family, but I don't have very many friends.
Did you come here by yourself?
No?
No, no, no, I'm with my boyfriend and oh well he left, but I'm with my boyfriend and his friends.
You feel unaccepted, do you? That's very saying. Do you have a desire to fit in or do you at this moment like yourself as you are?
No?
I do like myself. I just wish other people liked me for who I was.
But it seems as though, I mean, your boyfriend just case seems like a sweet guy just came over, gave you a kiss, and he obviously likes you for exactly who you are. And so you have fundamental proof out there in the world that there are people out there
who will accept you as you are. And not only will they accept you as you are, they will actually like you even more than they would you know, anyone who might traditionally fit in, they might like you for the reasons that you so what some, as you say, do not fit in right, which is like a beautiful thing. Yeah, you know.
Yeah, the people that I have I'm very appreciative for.
How did you meet your boyfriend?
None of my work? Okay, I was working at a restaurant and he came in for takeout, and really, yeah, he thought I was cute, so we asked for my number and I said sure because he didn't seem weird. And that's it went from there.
You know, at least, like I don't know talking to you in this situation, nothing about you has I mean I've only known you for less than a minute, right, but nothing about you has struck me as particularly off kilter.
I'm glad to hear that. I don't feel like I am either. So it's strange to me that that I have been rejected in so many like sectors of my line.
Genuine question, do you have as have you ever considered that it might all be in your head?
I have it might it might be.
It could be you said, you've been rejected from many different sectors. Yeah, in what senses? In what way?
So like even when I was like It could also be that I moved around a lot when I was younger, so I never formed like a steady friend group, which I think a lot of people have, and so I rotated through a lot of friend groups, and I learned
how people interact at a very young age. And not that there's anything wrong with being like looking out for yourself, but most people are very and I don't want to this isn't a bad thing, but most people are looking out for themselves, yeah, than they are for other people, And I am the opposite. I want everybody around me to be comfortable and to look out. I want to look out for everybody else. I want everybody else to be safe and to be comfortable and to be happy.
You know, it's funny that whole thing about everybody is like looking out for themselves and selfish. You could interpret that two different ways. You could interpret that negatively and be like, oh, everyone's so selfish and what is this world to come to? Or you can interpret it like, you know, oh, everybody only really cares about themselves, So
I can do whatever I want. It doesn't people who It doesn't matter if people judge me or you know, reject me or any of these things because I don't really matter to them, So why who gives a shit about them judging me or you know any of that kind of thing.
That's true. And I do flip flop between those two like ideas perspectives. Yeah, So like on days when I have I tend to have a lot of negative self talk. So on days when I have that negative self talk, it's like, oh, like everybody's just terrible, and like why why can't anybody care for me the way I would
care for somebody else? And then I realized, like, if they don't care about me in the same way that I care about them, then why am I putting myself out on the level of that like emotional energy if they don't care about it? So it's not even worth the worry and the anxiety and the sad.
Absolutely m hmm. Do you what's your dream in life? Hopeful? Life?
Is to.
Help other people not feel the way that I have felt.
And with your friends, like the friends that you came here with and your boyfriends, you feel like you're doing that.
I try to. I'm not a perfect person and I definitely make mistakes.
Yeah, and.
I've done a lot of work on myself to try to be the best person that I can be, not only for myself but for the people around me, because as I improve, my relationships with everybody around me improves.
Right. See, that's it's just the thing thing you just said, right, because you said that you're you're oriented to make sure that everybody else is okay, to make sure. But then also what you just said was you were like, when I focus on myself and I improve myself, it does have a positive impact on other people as well.
Yeah, And and I've also realized, like as I go through life that the people, like, as I improve, if the people that I thought were my friends or you know, close to me start to pull back a little bit,
then those people weren't really there for me to begin with. Yeah, and it's hard for me to accept, and I think that's probably hard for anybody to accept, but in a strange way, it does offer me a sense of comfort, like, well, then they can go find people who who fit better in their lives than I do, and I can find better who I can find people who fit better in my life.
It seems like you have a very healthy perspective on all these things.
I tried to. It took a long time to get to that point.
Yeah. I have a lot of negative self talk too. I'm trying to push it out, and it's stoked.
It's hard, it's hard to combat, especially like for me, I tend to like ruminate on thoughts and it's so easy to find that like one negative thing and just like focus.
On it for for days, right, right, right, But it's in your control, right, yeah, always so I fucking uh, that's why I forget all the time. Yeah, so all right, for the rest of this weekend, well you wouldn't meet. We'll try to focus on the positive things.
I agree. I agree.
What is your name again?
My name is Zoe.
Zoe.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Sure?
I would like to say that I think everybody should focus not on themselves in like a selfish way, because focusing on yourself is an inherently selfish But if you see areas of your life that you you don't appreciate or maybe aren't working very well for you, you you can control that and you you can fix that, and how you do that is up to you. But but if you don't like something you're you can fix that. It's not a personality trait. It's not inherent to who you are as a human.
If you don't like it, change it and eat cool ranch doritos. They told me to say that. Okay, nice to meet you. Hey, folks, it's Lyle again. If you enjoyed that little interview and you want to hear all of the interviews that I did at Electricforest, you can go to YouTube dot com slash Lyele forever and look for being a Gecko at Electric Forest, or you can just find the link in the episode description. All right, thanks God bless you. Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.
Goes's teaching you cloud in your life is not really an expert.