Hello, Yeah, can you hear me?
Yeah?
What's up?
Man?
What's your name?
My name is Austin, Austin Corey.
Austin Corey. I'll take a for why not first and last name.
It's all good.
That's good. We can use that for something. What's going on, Austin Corey. What's happening with you today?
Oh?
Nothing much. I'm at work right now smoking a blunt. I can't believe I got through to you.
Have we spoken before, we've.
Actually met before.
I don't know if it's like okay to say or whatever. But we met in Michigan and we went and got hot dogs.
Yes, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait do we did? We go to like a diner kind of a place?
Yep?
Yep, me and it was me and my cousin Austin.
Yeah, bro, I got in your fucking truck and we went to like a diner place.
Right, yep?
Yeah, that was me, that was my trust.
Yeah.
I remember you, man, Oh man, I remember you, dude. That was a fun night. Oh yeah, that was a fun night. Yeah. That was after oh god, that was after Grand Rapids was Grand Ship? Yeah, I was thinking that. I was thinking that was in Detroit. Yeah, that was in Grand Rapids. I had a show in the Pyramid Scheme, and I was just, you know, I'm in fucking Grand Rapids, Michigan.
I don't have anything to do, and uh yeah, I get in your car and we get high and we go to this like chili dog place with you, with you and your cousin. We just chit chat. That was fun. That was a fun night, dude, what's up.
I couldn't believe that you actually came with us. I was like, man, he doesn't know us at all. We could kidnap him and do weird things and you just hop right in the truck and it was. It was one of the best nights I ever had.
Oh man, I'm so happy to talk to you again. That was a fun night for me. Well, yeah, when I go on tour, I uh or even when I'm not just in general, I'm like, I don't know, I like a good adventure. I like it good let's see where this thing goes. And I tend to have a I did like, I don't know, I'm good at susting people out, I think. And I didn't have a sense from you that you were going to kill me.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely, definitely don't give off killer vibes.
But I was like, wow.
He's so trusting and you ended up being like the nicest person ever. I couldn't believe it. Than sorry, I don't know if this is a good stream you know stuff or whatever, but I was like, holy shit, I want to get Can I give a shout out to my cousin that we that we ate with a shout out to Austin. He he should give you a call sometime. He I don't want to put his business out there.
But he ended up finding out he had cancer like right after that, really and a bunch of like yeah, you remember how you remember how nice he was of a person and everything?
So is he Is he all right?
Yeah? Yeah he's okay.
Now, you know, but he just has gone through a bunch of crazy things since then. I always tell him like, man, you need to call into the get Go and talk to him about it.
Is he cancer free now?
Yeah?
Yeah? Yeah he's I believe he's all good now?
So oh cool? Good?
Yeah?
Good? So damn are you Are you playing in any tours again anytime soon?
Yeah?
I'm I don't know if I'm gonna come back to uh, Grand I mean, if they'll have me, I'll come back to Grand Rapids.
But if I gotta travel to come see, I will especially that now like you, I was like, man, I hope he remembers me.
Yeah, yeah, of course I remember that. Of course I remember that. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm planning a tour in twenty twenty six. I'm gonna come to at least like the big major cities. But yeah, yeah, if there's enough interest, I'll definitely come to uh Detroit or Grand rap Yeah. Wait, hold on, let me see if I wrote I'm gonna I mean, I keep a journal. I'm gonna see if I wrote about the US in my journal at all, I'm gonna see. Maybe it'll help jog wack. This was in.
This was in twenty twenty four, and like, when the fuck? Do you remember what months this was in?
It was sometime in the summer, I believe.
I don't remember for sure, but.
I remember we were smoking blunt outside and shorts and T shirts.
So yeah, wait, Grand Rapids. Maybe maybe let's see. Did I did I journal about this shit? I remember we did it. That was funny shit, man.
Yeah, every time when I meet somebody I new I'm like, hey, do you know the therapy echo and they're like yeah, I'm like, my guys, my homie. We we went and got some chili dogs.
Yeah, oh yeah, I wrote here. I was like, I had a fantastic show that was so much fun at this tiny punk venue with pinball machines, and then I went out to get cony dogs afterwards with these two dudes named Austin. Wait you guys are you guys are both named Austin.
Right, yeah, Austin and Austin. Yeah.
I drove with them in their truck and we hung out and ate food and tucked. So there we go. Damn good to see you again, man. Okay, so what's so all right? So what's up with you, Austin? What's been going? Any any updates? I don't remember? I don't I know that we met and hung out, but I my memory is not good enough to remember exactly what we talked about when we hung out with each other. Any any updates on your life since then?
Uh? Nothing? Crazy. I got into a fight with my cousin a couple of weeks ago. He was he was drunk, drunk and acting crazy, so I had to put a whooping on him. But besides that, nothing, nothing super crazy to talk about. So I'm just so glad that you answered. I was like, holy shit, I'm I'm at work right now, but I pulled over as soon as I heard hello.
I was like, oh my gosh, remind me of what you do for work.
I'm a lawns I work outside and mo lawns, so do like landscaping and shit.
So is that is that an easy job to do while you're high? It seems like it's a doable job while you're high.
It's a very easy job. I think it's easier to do while I'm high versus well, I'm not high. When you're high, it just makes everything smooth and you don't really care about, you know, things too much, and it it makes it easier to work with my customers, you know. And I'm kind of extra happy and giggly.
You know.
All my customers love me. I got a little old lady that I mow, and I just left her house and she she bakes me a hope like tray of sending holes.
Cool. That's awesome.
Yeah, it's a good, good job, and I like to I like to work outside where you know, I'm not I can be outside and be in nature versus being locked down in the building all day. I can never work that work in the building. And you know, like people that have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom and stuff. You know, like I'm not in school anymore. I don't want to have to ask permission to go to the bathroom.
Do you just go to the bathroom like on the lawn?
It depends, you know. I got a couple of properties where I can do that, but you know, no I work with I have one person that works with me, but I'm the boss. So if I want to pull over and you know, roll some weed up or pull over and go to the bathroom, I can, you know, do whatever I want.
Does anyone get pissed off of you for getting high on the job?
Uh? I don't think so. Not that I've never gotten any complaints. I've only gotten positive things. A couple of weeks ago, I had a neighbor come out and give me a custom to come out and give me some weed as a tip.
So that was pretty cool.
Nice man. When we were talking, do you have a girlfriend at the time or were you like seeing someone? Uh?
No, just I've just been banging ladies. Man, lately, I need to settle down here soon. I'm twenty eight, so I know I was when we talked. I think I'm only like a year older than you. But you know, we're kind of getting older, both of us, both me and you.
You know, we're kind of losing.
Losing potential potential mates, you know what I mean. Every day there's more and more girls our age that are getting knocked up and getting pregnant, and the first time I have a kid, I would like to hopefully have a kid with somebody that doesn't have a child already, you know, So I definitely need to settle down. How do you feel about that I have a lady right now?
I don't But I get dude, I don't know. I I disagree with you a little bit in the sense that, like, I mean, I'm twenty, I'm about to turn twenty eight, and I'm like, you know, I don't know, like the way I look at times, like man, you know, if I like, fuck, if I just like I could kind of whatever for the next what uh seven years, and I'll be thirty five and I could meet a nice you know, thirty twenty eight, twenty nine year old lady, you know, and then you know, thirty seven, maybe we
have kids. I'm like, there's there's there's room, you know, there's room to like do this shit it feels.
You see.
That's kind of how I feel like. I'm in a position myself where I personally don't want to rush going into a relationship.
Exact, I don't want to. I don't want to rush it, and I don't feel like I have time to rush it. Sorry, sorry, go ahead, especially rush.
I definitely don't want to rush having a kid with somebody. I've seen like so many people you know, have kids and then you know, as soon as they have a kid, their relationship just turns into ship. And uh, you know, when I finally want to have a kid and feel like I'm ready to have a kid, you know, I don't. I don't want to feel like it's rushed.
You know.
I feel like those kinds of things kinda will come to you in a sense, you know, Like I don't feel like I need to kind of hunt down somebody, you know, but I have like like my family will say weird things to me like that, like as far as like oh you need to you know, get check up with with the girl and you know, have kids soon blah blah blah. But you know, I kind of just feel like that's something that will come to me when the time is right.
Yeah, I've been coming around to the idea of, like, I don't know, being like a step dead. I think I'd like to have kids, but I'm like, if I don't know, it's I would, dude. I've been thinking about this. I'm like thinking about like how fucking insane it'll feel, because I look at having kids as like a far
off thing. But even when I'm like, even if I do wait the amount of time I want to wait, and I'm like or the amount of time I'm waiting in my head, and I'm like thirty six, thirty seven, whatever, I'm still me. You know, I still and I think me the idea of looking at a child that I've created that feels like so freakyly existential to me that I'm like, whoa, that's kind of fucking crazy. But it also it seems so it seems so nice, it seems so normal of a thing. It seems like a good
thing to do with, uh, your life. I mean, it's literally the if you have to if you had to go. If you had to consult the the User Manual of your Human Body for the Meaning of Life, it literally tells you that your your your objective is to uh, you know, is to have sex, but for you know, for the purpose of procreation. Like that's like the body's objective is survive by eating food and water and then pro create. That's in the User man.
Does that stress you out at all? Like the potential of like would you be okay with with not having kids?
Well, you know, when I really think about it, it stresses me out for sure, But I just I'm like, so, I don't know, I feel like I got some time, so I'm not stressed out about Yeah, you.
Know, yeah we're still young lads, but you know, fucking
that clock is is definitely clicking, you know. And I I also have a weird thing right now still where I don't know if it's it's childish or not, but I really like to do what I want to do when I want to do it, you know, and it's it's tough when you got a girlfriend, you know, they're like, oh, let's go shopping, let's do this, let's do this, you know, and they'll ask you to go do a bunch of things that you might not necessarily want to do, you know,
and I'm a very very busy guy. So it's but at the same time, you know, when if you're just having sex with people that you're not in like an actual relationship, you know, you don't really get anything meaningful out of it. And I do miss having a partner to you know, experience things with.
I guess, yeah, of course, of course I think that. Yeah, I mean it's a give and take, right because I'm the same way I'm I'm like, you know, I'm crazy. I'm like I'm gonna go to Iraq for a week, or I'm gonna go out to this random thing or do this or try this or whatever, you know. But I guess ideally, ideally, whoever I've whoever ends up like being you know, my partner probably you know, is like okay, like knows that I'm like that and is on board for it. But you but no matter what, you could
have somebody who's like totally on board, totally whatever. But you always, if you're you know, living life with another person, you have to make concessions no matter what, especially if you like hat another person. Yeah, you gotta make concessions, but I think I don't know. I'm not let's talk again. We gotta talk again in ten years because I don't have enough information. I don't have enough wisdom to really It's true, I don't have enough wisdom to fully engage
in this conversation with you. I feel like if we had this conversation, I feel like ourus having this conversation now and us having this conversation ten years from now, we're both gonna have totally different views on it. But because I don't know if, I'm like like, I don't know. I look at my life right now, and I'm you know, I'm the single, I live by myself. I don't like
and I'm like, it's some nights's cool. It's like, you know, some nights's cool and some nights you're like, oh, I think the whole point of this was to like build a real life. And then I'm like, wait, wouldn't it be awesome to dude?
Dude?
When I was when I was like fifteen, I used to I think this is just because I was watching Louis a lot. But when I was fifteen, I was like, I can't wait to be uh divorced you know that, like that seemed like a cool life to me. I don't know, not like a cool life, but like, uh because like my dad was you know, fuck it, my my parents got divorced and but my dad was still like in my life, and I was like, oh, that seems like the good setup is like you have your
kids half the time. But uh, but I don't know, Adel, I'm you know, I'm I'm dumb. I think if I I think, I think, I think. Me thinking about that as a fifteen year old in theory is much different from how I'll actually feel when I have children, you know, yeah, because I'm sure, I'm sure when I have children, I'll be like, I'm sure something like what we wire will like rewire in my brain to go.
No.
I want to be with these people, uh as as much as humanly possible, but I don't have the wisdom to fully address any of these things yet.
Yeah, it's it's it's a bit of a double edged sword. So but okay, yeah, I'm very very glad to hear that you're going on tour again, so at least I'll be able to see you again and in the next year. If you're going on tour, sometime, even if I gotta go a state or two, I'll come see you wherever you go.
So, you know, if I have I feel like, if I have kids, I can't be hopping in random high strangers trucks in the middle of Michigan to go to diners at you know, one o'clock in the morning.
See maybe I can. Like it's then, you know, there's so many things you're not able to do. You know, we would that night would have never happened.
Then, you know, well, I don't know, Like I don't, Uh, I don't personally know these people, but like there's like comedians like you know, Mark Normand and Joe List and like you know, other other things like that. I don't I don't personally know those guys, but you know, I know that they have kids, and I'll hear them talk about like our lives and I'm like, oh, you can like have a kid, but still, you know, do do that kind of shit. So but I don't know, I don't think it's something to count on.
Yeah, yeah, that is true, I guess.
Anyway, But who are these girls that you're banging?
Uh? So it's kind of like a short but long story. So it's just that kind of just raindom horrors. So I was in a relationship, like well, so I was in a relationship like five or six years ago, and
you know, high school sweet sweetheart, blah blah blah. You know, I thought she was going to be the one, but she, you know, ended up doing her thing and we split up or whatever, and she really did a number on me, but she so like, we split up, and I got and I got together with other girls or whatever, and then that girl would hit me up and I would shit on other girls that treated me very very good, just to talk to the one I was in love with, you know, if that makes sense.
Oh, like this girl, this girl didn't like the other girls, so you would talk badly about them to her.
No, so like the girl I was like, So me and the girl broke up my high school sweetheart, So I would start banging other girls, you know, and then I would get together with somebody and be seeing somebody or whatever. And then and then, you know, a couple months down the road, you know, my high school sweetheart, she would get done you know, fucking whoever she was
or whatever, and then she would call me back. Eventually, once she got bored or whatever, but because I was in love with her, no matter what kind of girl I was with, you know, I was with girls that treated me way better than she ever did. But because I was in love with her, I would just rop whoever I was with the moment she would call me. It didn't matter if it was a two months or fucking three years, you know, if she called me, I'd be like, hey, you know, what's up, you know, and.
We Uh So.
That's why I'm fucking horrores now is because I'm still.
Feeling why wait, why are these wait, why are these women whares?
Uh?
I guess when I say whoes that' shouldn't mean whes like they just there girls that I bang without being in a relationship.
So hey, listen, I guess I got some bad news for you, Austin that actually that makes you a whror as well.
Uh yeah, And I wasn't using it in a derogatory kind of way, you know, but we're all just freely, you know. It's we're taking care of each other's needs without the commitment part, you know.
Yeah, So I'm not I'm I'm pro I'm pro horedom.
But so like, the only reason why I'm doing that is because I don't want to get into another relationship quite yet while I still have somewhat of feelings for another person. That that's saying, you don't, don't bleed on somebody that doesn't cut you, you know what I mean.
I don't want to.
I don't want to break another girl's heart just because I'm being an asshole and I still have feelings for somebody else.
Yeah, all right, Yeah, it sounds like you're in like a transitional period right now of like all right, let me let me, let me dial all this back and figure out what I actually want to do.
Yeah, So, like you know, I'm just with the you know, non non committed relationships because then you don't have to worry about, you know, hurting anybody or being hurt in return.
You know, Yeah, I know what you mean.
No, no commit know nothing.
You know.
It also gives me the freedom to come and go with that please.
You know.
I can call, you know, a girl on one night, Hey, you want to go get some dinner? You know, blah blah blah. We go out on a date and if something happens, sweet, if not, you know, so I had a good time anyways, mm hmmmmm.
Yeah, that's a that's a that's kind of a yeah, it's very that's a that's a nicely low stakes place to be.
Yes, you know, you can't get can't get hurt in that zone, you know, And I've I've had a lot of hurt in my life, and I don't think I can. I just don't want to take any more quite at this point. But yeah, you know, I I I missed the I do miss being in a committed relationship. Just it's been a couple of years since I've been in a committed relationship, and I'm doing pretty well in life, and I just want to be able to.
Share my wealth.
Like I don't have like a bunch of money, but I just I'm doing good and I want to do good with somebody, if sense.
No, that makes a lot of sense. I mean yeah, that's what like every song on the planet Earth is written about, right, is like you gotta is like, yeah, like this isn't a this is just like an analysis is like yeah, to really like build a thing or you know, allow yourself to whatever, you gotta enter into something that both allows you to that above opens you up to an extreme amount of pain and then and then opens another person up to an extreme amount of
pain and then the stakes become fucking higher.
Yeah.
But that but also but you know, I mean, that's that's all of life. That's all of life is like you know, your high risk, high reward you know.
Yeah, do you think you're gonna be in a relationship anytime soon? I've got anything talking to I'm.
Kind of I don't know, I'm enjoying. Uh, I'm just I'm just like kind of living my life right now. I was I think I was maybe thinking about that stuff more. But I'm just living my life right now. I feel pretty good about it.
You said you feel pretty good about it.
Yeah, I mean i'd like, I'd like to do something in the future, but I don't know. I'm enjoying living my life right now.
Yeah, I'm glad that, you know, it makes me feel better.
Yeah.
Here's somebody else. Kanda has the same thoughts and viewpoints.
We're kind of we're young guys. Man, we're young guys. I don't think that we're uh, you know, I think we'll be okay.
Yeah, Yeah, we're you know, how old are you? Twenty seven? Twenty seven, twenty seven, I'm twenty eight, so I thought, I told myself. I was like, man, you know, if I don't have something going on by thirty, I got something to worry about.
But you got plenty going on. You have a truck, you have a job, you're doing all right?
Yeah, yeah, Do you have anything planned out for your new tour yet?
Uh? I know I'm gonna do. My plan is to do like half I think I think on my in my last tours, the show was like thirty percent my own material and seventy percent dicking around with the audience. And I think for the next one I want, I'm I'm hoping, I'm aiming it's gonna be some. It's gonna take some time to work on, but I'm hoping it'll be like half my own material, half took it around with the audience.
Oh yeah, yeah, well yeah, well that's showing Greenough is a super fun.
Thanks man, I appreciate that. Uh dude, it was. It was great. It was great talking to you again. This is I'm reminiscing now about that night. That was a fun time.
Yeah.
Is that?
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we get out of here?
Uh?
No, I just want to give one more shout out to my cousin, Austin Heath, the one that was there eating half dogs with us that night. Besides that, I'm all good appliche it. Well, you have a good day.
They take care, Austin. Thank you. It is raining hard out there. It is raining a lot.
Hi.
Who is this?
Oh?
This is Mike.
What's going on?
Man, dude, I'm in a very weird crossroads in life right now. Tell me, I'm about to graduate with my degree in finance, right about to join the whole business world, the whole like numbers, data and houses all that. But then, Mike, I'm a very creative person. So on the side, I'm gonna keep writing. You know. I want to write short stories, I want to write books and all that. I've been
writing for years. And it's just a very very strange place to be in because I'm I just I couldn't put all my eggs and one basket ghoth writing and I had to, you know, do some professional to support it. At the same time. Also, I'm Appalachian, So if that's interesting to you, we can talk about that as well.
What is it? What does that mean? You're Appalachian, Like you're from Appalaysia.
Yeah, I'm like, I am from Appalachia. My family's been there for generations. So I'm not super into, like, you know, the culture and all that. I'm just saying that's the area of grew up in. And it's a it's a When I'm saying I'm not super into the area, I don't mean like I hated or something. I just don't mean I'm like full gun ho Appalachian.
Just you know what I'm saying, remind me briefly of the culture of the area.
So Appalachia, one of the like the biggest part of the culture is just for a long time there was these groups of people who would just live out in the woods and just like a family or just like a single like a like a group of families or a single family in a house, just living out isolated for years, maybe decades, you know, just learning to live off the land and having a very you know, self made culture, that sort of thing, very different dialogue, different
ways speaking, that sort of thing. And it's just it's just an odd place, man. And the whole culture of like people being like self sufficient, it's still part of it. And it's odd to see Apple Latcha also updating to the modern world at the same time, because it's it's you know, we live in well, this is something interesting about being from Appalacha, right, So in the modern age there's like tech and YadA YadA, and everyone's like, oh, from the sixties or eighties, it was all different. We
have always been twenty years behind here. So while everyone else in like every other state was going through, you know, being modernized and like, you know, in the twenty tens being all I don't know what exactly the word is, just being like having a much more modernized culture, we'd all look outside that and we'd still be kind of stuck in like the eighties or nineties. It always felt like, you know.
That makes sense, Yeah, that makes sense. How old are you.
Twenty one?
I know actually twenty one and diviy do you feel like you grew up in the eighties kind of?
I mean, my my parents are a bit of an exception because they were both engineers. But it's like whenever I would walk outside of my house and it's like my high school had bringer tractor to school day and I'd have to be and you know that's not something that was just specific to the eighties, but like the way people talk, the way people still drive older cars, just the kind of culture. You know, it's not we just did not we just we just don't modernize. We
just didn't modernize as quickly as everyone else. We're getting to that point now because I don't think there's really any way to like run from that modern modernization anymore. But just yeah, it just felt like I was living in a different time period.
So well, let's get back to you. What's your crossroads? And then maybe I wonder if in some way, shape or form, your environment has led to whatever's going on with your crossroads.
The crossroads, Yeah, it's I was I was a nice slated, like younger guy when I was younger as well. It's just part of what it is. It's a lot less frowned upon I guess it kind of the way it used to be was everyone got raised by everyone else. So you know, when it was more okay that just when you could like sit on your computer and socialize people through the computer, then a lot of that kind of just happened to a lot of people, I think in my town. I don't know if that exactly makes sense.
What I'm saying is I just got a long history of just being just cooked in. Sorry, man, trying to explain. So what do you mean by I explained my crossroads to explain writing?
Well, hold on, first of all, everything, First of all, everything you've said so far makes perfect, So there's no reason to get flustered or frustrated. Well, okay, I mean a lot of things. Well one, first of all, what I mean by explaining your crossroads is you can't. The first thing you said on the phone pretty much was that you're at a crossroads. So that's, uh, that's what I mean. But okay, so you grew up feeling pretty isolated, Like you feel like you grew up on a computer.
Yeah, it was. I grew up on a computer, and I just grew up in like, even outside the computer, it was an isolated type of area. I grew up just reading, listening to you know, YouTube and kind of sort of stuff and like playing video games. And I think that really it was bad for me in a
lot of ways. But all those years of like not brooding, brooding sounds a little darker, but just like brooding with all these creative outlets on line and just sitting in my room and really having a lot of time to introspect like deeply, like for months at a time on a certain thing I think really led me to have all this like emotion and thoughts I kind of built up, and eventually in my teens there was just like nowhere else to go, and it just went to writing.
And the crossroads. You're graduating soon from college.
This December, Yeah, and what are the crossroads? It's I'm passing the point of like not like being able to
just not give a shit. I guess like before I could just sit around and just do nothing and play video games and all that, and now I'm I can either fall back into that and just you know, isolate myself again and go back to my hometown and just live in my parents' basement, then do nothing for a while and keep telling myself some will happen, or I can get out of that and seriously, like have to work seriously to support myself with like a finance career,
and then at the same time, you know, hold onto my dreams of writing and like write at the same time. So it's just it's maybe crossroads isn't the right word, just a very large it's very.
Transition, very odd transitionary period. Yeah, okay, good, I'm glad. I'm glad to hear you say that crossroads isn't the word because that means that you've chosen. Because when you were referring to this as a crossroads, the crossroad was between uh, pursuing something with your life that will engage you creatively and allow you some form of financial success and allow you to see the world and move out stuff. In the other road is to go back home and
play video games in your mom's basement. Not judging, but that that's what you referred to as the crossroads.
Yeah, it's I mean, even in college, a lot of times it would be I would still have that same sort of like air that I had, like air about myself, like, well, I can kind of goof off now, there's plenty, plenty of time. And I guess cross was just like I'm
I'm passing that now. And just this huge transition from going to is is very different, like and it's just a weird, a weird place to be into like trying to build like a very professional cold and you know, non creative career and building a creative career at the same time and doing all that while moving away from you know, I I was always like a harder worker
than most people. But it's it's so weird, like like, looking back, I see myself as so lazy before, which I mean, I have to have expectations if I want this stuff to work out, and I mean like work all day type of expectations.
M m hm uh, well, yeah, I have multiple thought. One is if I don't know, if you have a father to say this to you, but I'm proud of you because like, yeah, uh, it's pretty easy if you want to to not fucking do anything. And our and yeah, our developments, I mean, I don't know, you're uh, you're a solid bit. You're a solid bit younger than me,
six years younger than me. But I also feel like, I, you know, I don't feel like I grew up on a computer, but I had the same you know, we had social media, and we had Facebook, and we had fucking uh zoo pop trop pop troppic That's what I'm trying to think of.
We had pop drop.
Yeah, okay, all right, so we're on the same we're in the same boat a little bit. But uh, and yeah, it would be easy for you if you wanted to just stay in Appalachia, live in your mom's base and continue to not do anything. But I don't think that's what you want. And I and I get that. There's a hard transition.
Yeah.
I remember when I was I remember, yeah, when I was twenty two, I uh had this moment because I had also I had also kind of been spending my whole life. You know, I was being creative and I was making movies and I was doing things, and I had this Uh. I mean, you know, I'm lucky. I had a really I had a privileged upbringing. But I remember I had this. I had this thought where I was like, oh shit, I'm going to graduate college and I have to make I have to find out how
to make money. I can't just like stick off. Yeah, and I had that same realization where I'm like, oh, I have to make money. Do I'm having I'm twenty seven, I'm having that realization now, you know, like, uh, I have to make money. I have to do a thing to create a life and make money and I have to really work at that. And it's and it's real and it's really real. So I I go ahead, Well, there's.
Not much like a staying business has left in my on my brain because like, you know, you're you do creative work. And as soon as you said make money, my first thought was to ask you, like, well, how are you you know? Uh, are you target? Are you looking at the right target market? And YadA YadA, and what's your ro o I? It's just stupid ship like that, you know what I mean? But the consulting mode.
But you know what, good man, good, it sounds like you have good. It's good. Don't be uh like, don't be ashamed of wanting to be in business and want and you know, thinking about your KPIs and your ro O I s and whatever, right, Like, don't be ashamed of it. It's it's uh like fuck man. Like money, money is real, you know.
It.
It it's real. It's the thing that you use to to kind of build a life for yourself. You can do it. You can live a life without money, but it's hard. Yeah, And I don't think that there's anything inherently evil about you being like I want to go into business and I want to try to make money. And also like you said, you you you, I'm so sorry that I forgot about this, but you said you have a creative outlet, which what was what did you mentioned your creative outlet was writing?
Actually I do horror story writing.
Cool. Look, man, I want you to know you, uh, don't don't be afraid of this transition, Like, don't don't be afraid, in fact, in fact, every every part of the because you can build a really nice life. You can build a really nice life.
Go ahead from from Like, when you went through this transitional period, do you were like the same thing you talked about. Did you ever look back and it just it shocked or even just hurt you. I kind of see like the time you wait, I don't know. Maybe this is something basic and I don't even need to
point it out because everyone's gone through it. But just how much of a shock is it for you to look back on yourself, like even just six years ago, is it like, oh, I can still relate to them for that guy a lot, or do you feel like you've changed?
Like No, I feel like I feel like I can relate heavily to that guy I was thinking about. I was reading journals from six years ago, and I was like, I feel like I think when I think about six years ago, I'm like that guy was angry and I and I was reading journals that were angry journals. I was reading journals that were sad journals. I was reading journals that were ambitious journals. I was reading journals that
were happy journals. And in the happiness and the anger, and the sadness and and the ambition, I felt all. I felt them, and I can all of those feelings.
They're still with me, but I can deal with But I'm more mature now, I have more information, i have more knowledge, so as I navigate those familiar emotions, I'm it's still me like any like I have sadnesses and angers and ambitions and joys at twenty seven that I had when I was twenty one that are that come from that are similar things where I could write a journal now that would sound like I. If I wrote a journal that I wouldn't sound like I wrote it
at twenty one. But the emotions are still there. Do you know what I'm saying?
No, I see what you're saying. I guess I didn't kind of look at it like that, because when I look back, I think like me and the teenager me are like two completely different persons. But I you know, I guess. I don't know. I guess the emotions we feel are always the same. I don't know. Maybe that's a maybe that's kind of what you're saying.
Well, well, well, what's helpful for you right now?
It's creative, like doing creative stuff like right now, I'm also trying to move away from you know, getting stuck
down like dopamine spirals. I guess is the word of just like scrolling Instagram or whatever, and doing more fulfilling, creative work like the probably the enjoyment I get from five hours of or like the comfort or you know, what helps me after one day, what I would get from five hours of like scrolling, I could probably get from like ten to thirty minutes of like really good writing and seeing yeah yeah, seeing myself actually do something
meaningful and creative and that that helps a lot. Or like playing guitar, not even playing it well, just like snacking the strings and just kind of feeling that flow.
Yeah yeah, yeah I can, I can. I this is new advice that I'm playing around with to myself. But just try to love. Just you gotta love your life, you know, like uh, like yeah, you're gonna go get it. You're gonna do something in finance that'll take a lot of hours. I don't know if it's I don't know what the job market is like where you're at. I'm
not gonna pretend like I do. But if you can find a little thing that makes you, if you can find something, if you can find something that makes you enough money and leaves you enough time to write and see your family and your friends, then just start and just like maintain. I think I'm figuring it out a
little bit. I'm not saying I've fully figured it out, but I'm like, I'm like getting a little For a long time, I've been thinking about, like, Okay, how do I remain ambitious and remain wanting more for my life but also so be happy at the same time. And I'm getting a little hints of maybe figuring it out. And uh, I think the the key And it's harder when you're younger, it's easier when you're older. But the key is like, just start love on your life right
fucking now. Like, don't like, don't wait for a thing to happen, don't wait for an amount of money, don't wait for uh, some kind of external circumstance. Just start
love it. Just like every night when you go like anything good, Like if you're eating a fucking sandwich, or you're applying to a thing, or you get a you get a you're from your finance job, you get a you look at your bank account and you get your direct deposit, or you you're sitting in your house, whether you're water or your coffee or whatever, and you're writing. Just does any time you get anything, just go. I have a good life. Is any time you get anything,
just go. I have a good life. I still want more. I want to make more money. I want to write more. I want to explore more. I want to develop relations. I want more sandwiches. I want to do all this stuff. But and I'm gonna do it. But I just like, don't fucking wait to like love your life. So so the trends. So that's how I would phrase your transition.
I appreciate it that. That's a good way to look at Yeah, I think I'll use that. I appreciate that good good.
Yeah, it's real out here.
I get you. Yeah, that reminds me. I'm just gonna say this real fast, because go ahead, just right on. That that reminds me of like advice I heard like, if you if you loved yourself, you treat yourself like someone you love. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I've been trying to dive more into that.
You know. That's good man, It's it's tough, but you should love your life. And man, I'm glad it sounds like you're starting to love your life. Man. You should. You're like a get go and you get to talk to people all the I go in waves.
Man, I'm gonna, I'm in. I'm for the last couple of weeks. I've been in a good wave and we'll see how long it lasts.
But I I.
I don't want to go back. I just don't want to go back. Fucking don't want to go back.
Well, what if you don't mind me asking what sends you back? Or is that? Or do would you prefer the call to be more centered towards me?
No? No, no, no, that's a that's a good question. What sends me back? Well, Uh, loneliness sends me back, A yearned yearning sends me back. Letting my brain go too far away from reality sends me back. Binge eating sends me back, Like fucking.
I get ben jating that's I feel like a really I mean not to get super personal that, so I've actually that was for a very long time as well.
Yeah, oh yeah, I'm.
Trying to think of it. I could give you there. I mean again, I'm younger, so you've probably got way better experience like working with it than I do. But trying to think, like what works for me? Have you ever you ever tried fasting?
Yeah? Cool, Yeah, definitely it's hard.
Yeah, I'm just gonna say that's something I've noticed lately that has geared me more towards not wanting to eat as much. Like, no, I notice when I don't eat it, when this is just like a quick thing, I'll say, when I faster a little bit, my brain works better.
And I've started to prefer that state towards bingeingine. I think maybe maybe you could ride out or something like what feelings you don't enjoy or enjoy about in the state of beingining, and the feelings you enjoy and don't enjoy about like eating well, and maybe frame them somewhere so you can see them every day so you can remember, like, I don't prefer that state. I prefer in this state. And this is why but maybe you know what's.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. You know What's so funny though, is uh? And So I'm not saying this to dismiss your advice. The the the if I were to print out, like if I were to do what you are saying, and I were to print out and I were to like look like I had it on my phone, I was like this and I journaled. I was like, remember, this is how you feel when you're not binge eating. I could look at that, and if I'm binge eating, I could look at that and I could go, it
doesn't and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how many times I've been back there. I could look at that and go, nah, it's fucking bullshit.
You know.
You know what I mean? I have to I have to I have to be currently feeling it, even if I felt it hundreds of times in the past, I have to be currently feeling it right now in order to be able to believe you. Do you know what I'm do You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, No, it's I see exactly what you're saying. I don't know, man, Maybe maybe embrace Benjing with something super heavy healthy like you have, like like you have like eggs, like boi legs. Those are pretty heavy. Maybe you just have a jar of Boi legs instead of liking something else.
Listen, listen, I'm feeling okay right now. At some point we're I don't know when, and I honestly even think that accepting that this is gonna happen is part of the thing. But at some point, a fuck, I'm gonna you know, there's gonna be another At some point I'm gonna freak out again, and something bad is gonna happen, and I'm gonna eat at Pinea Bengerry's and whatever. But it will be okay, we'll go. It will cycle. I'm
thinking about. I always think about what that lady said on the podcast the other Weaker Day or whatever, where it's like life is like a spiral and you start in the middle and you go outward. I'm like, I know, I'm I know we're I know these cycles. I know that they're not I know we're coming back. But I've been down and come back for like eight million times that I just know it's possible. And each time I don't, you know, jump off a fucking roof, uh, you know,
each time I don't jump off a fucking roof. We get better at uh, we just get better at life. We just keep getting better at life every time. Every this is I could keep trying to put in new Jerry's flavors. Folks at folks. Every time you don't kill yourself. You get a little bit better at life every time, every time you don't kill yourself.
But that's a good way to look at it. That's a win you have every every hour.
What's your name again?
Man?
Did I give you a name or did you tell me your name? You can call me Mike man, Mike, Mike, is nice talking to you. I think you're gonna be okay. I'm you're you got it. You're a smart guy.
Thank you man. Thank you. Can I call you? Get go?
You can call me Gecko.
Thank you, Get go.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Always give someone the benefit of the doubt, no matter who you meet, Always assume they know something you don't know, and you can find out by talking to them. I like it.
Thank you very much, Thank you, Mike. I appreciate you.
Call your show in Nashville with Shaggy Too Dope, and it was really great.
Oh helly, will you would you come back if I went there in uh twenty twenty six?
Absolute lately, I would all right absolutely come back.
Okay, cool, Yeah, because I'm planning. I'm planning my twenty twenty six tour, so hopefully people come.
That'd be cool, dude, I do please, let's see. I mean, if you're feeling it, man, if you're feeling.
Oh no, no, I'm I'm, I'm, I'm I'm. I wasn't feeling it for like a year, but now I'm feeling it again. I'm so I'm excited. Okay, yeah, And if I meet you, you could be like, I'm the guy we talked about Appalachia and how I'm going through a crossroads.
I'll bring you a Gecko horror story.
Oh that sounds great. That sounds great. Okay, beautif Well, I'm gonna I'm back to Nashville. We'll meet in person. Nice, all right, beautiful, Good take care of Mike.
Thanks, take care, go go.
This is Mike. He's a nice guy. Hey, guys, I'm gonna end this episode by doing some viewer mail. I've been enjoying the hybrid male phone call approach, so uh, let's do that. Let's read some viewer mail and again, if you want to send in any viewer mail, you can send it to therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. And without further ado, let's read some viewer mail to end the Gecko session today. Okay, this is from Kline. Subject line I don't like being the quiet guy. Hey, Lyle,
my name is Klein. For some reason, I often get referred to as being a quiet person. I don't have an issue with talking to people, but I don't initially start conversations, and I get confused as to why people find this to be an issue. I talk a lot around my friends, but I don't have the urge to strike up a conversation with strangers or people I don't know. I don't see awkward silences as awkward. I find silence peaceful, and yet I feel like it's expected in American culture
to just talk to people. But I don't see much of a point in making small talk. I like to chime into conversations if I have something funny or interesting to say, but not if I don't see a reason to spout nonsense. I recognize that I'm more of an introverted person, but I don't like being labeled as the quiet guy. The label is almost always worded in a negative connotation, like it feels like people look at me and expect that I contribute more whenever I feel content
and comfortable with how I act currently. Do I just accept this label and learn not to take it so personally, or do I try to change and work on talking more. I've gotten better at making small talk by asking questions, but I could probably work on it more if I wanted to. Thanks Kliin. You know, client, It's funny because there are certain situations I'll just talk about myself for
a second. There's certain situations which I feel very introverted and like I don't really want to talk to people, not even because I'm like, uh, shy or nervous, but yeah, I'm with you about where I'm like, and I don't really feel the need to talk to these people or be a part of this conversation. Like, you know, if I want to talk to someone, i'll talk to them. If I don't really care that much, I won't And it can feel weird sometimes, but I'm gonna I'm gonna
run a quote by you. It's a good quote. It's by some dead guy. Let's see what Let's see what a dead guy this quote is by. I'll say the quote first. It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Who said that? Some fucking guy who's fucking dead. It is better to stay silent and be thought of Who said that?
That was a.
It was a throw Uh it was as this guy, Arthur burn I think it was Arthur Burns. Wait, Abraham Lincoln. Okay, it's a a bunch of different dead guys came together to say that. But it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter anyway. Uh, It's true. I do believe that in a sense. I do believe that, like, there is power to silence. And I've dude, I've noticed that if you're in a group of people and you're staying silent, if you choose, if you very strategically choose when to talk,
people will actually listen to you. Whereas if you just keep fucking blabbering on and you're not even being intentional, nobody will. You know, it's like you get talked over. But I think, yeah, I do think that you could learn to accept the label and not take it personally. You're asking if you should try to change and work on talking more. You could, I mean, is that something you really want to do? I think I think you seem like you do like people. You don't seem like
you are like a misangrist or anything like that. You don't seem like you hate being around people or you're violently shy or anything like that, but just that you kind of are like, I don't need to be in this conversation right now, but I don't. I think I think they, even introverted people, they want to connect with others. And I get the sense that you want to connect
with others. You wrote here, you said, it feels like people look at me and expect that I contribute more whenever I feel content and comfortable with how I act currently. Do you feel content and comfortable with how you are currently? Because that's the most important thing. Like, there's two types of versions of you that you could be. You could be a guy who really wants to connect with people and really wants to be a part of these conversations,
but it's just feeling a little shy and whatever. And in that case it might be better to. It might be good to kind of learn and force yourself to talk to other people. Or you could be a guy that's like, I'm just completely quietly confident in who I am, and I don't need to chime in on a useless conversation to prove that to anybody. So I would think about whichever one of those people that you really feel like you are inside and act accordingly. This is from Jake.
Subject line Ketamine saved me. Hey, GEK love YOUA. My name is Crash. It's you know, people the name in the email. Maybe it should just make all the emails anonymous or whatever. Who cares, Jake Crash doesn't matter. Hi, GEK love YOUA. My name is Crash. Been a fan for a long time. I know the email is odd, but it stands for proof that utch are revolving. Oh he's talking about his email address. I'm not gonna read
your email address, okay. But anyways, Ketamine, I always thought it was just a dissociative, which it is, but I thought it meant, oh, you can't talk to your hands or whatever. But no, it turns everything wonky. It is the drug that when drugs are portrayed, it is the drug that when drugs are portrayed on movies. Okay, Uh, the way this email is written is a little difficult, so I'm gonna I'm gonna, I'm gonna read this.
Uh what is it?
Ad hoc?
Is that right?
What does ad hoc mean? Ad howk? Okay? Yeah, yeah, that sort of makes sense. Okay, Yeah, I think I'm gonna read this ad hoc. I'm gonna just correct his errors in my Okay. It is the drug that is similar to how drugs are portrayed on movies. It's a fever trip. It's a it's a fever dream. It's a trip, but it has no bad side, no other side. It's heavy and light. It doesn't make sense, but it makes all the sense. It's perspective. It can make you massive and tiny at the same time. I have heard of
K therapy and boy it's real. You won't have the ego death, but you will understand that we are the directors of life. Like a movie, it pulls back the curtain so that your perspective changes. I don't think you are depressed. I think you see it from the wrong angle. Some good K will change how you see things. The trip reminds me of traveling the surface tension bubble of a water. The trip reminds me of traveling the surface tension bubble of water on a quarter. It's the whole thing,
plus some without breaking anyways, Love you Ghek. Your docs are amazing. You've been helpful to so many. Stay Green, Stay Lyah, love Crash, Thank you Crash. Did you write this while you were on the ketamine? Were you doing ketemy? Were you doing like actual ketemine therapy or were you just like recreationally doing ketmye Because I've been trying, I've been really considering I was gonna do that today, uh,
making an appointment for ketamine therapy. I've been really thinking about it because you know, as everyone who listens to this podcast knows, I want you to fuck up about existential stuff. And my understanding is that ketamine is helpful for depression and that it's helpful for those things. So I kind of want to give it a try. Yeah, I don't know. Oh well, if this guy Crash says it's good, then I should do it.
Maybe.
Okay. This is from Oh here we go, all right? This is from Alison. Subject line polyamory made me an alcoholic Hello, gek Man. You can call me Alison. I've been a long time enjoyer of your podcast, and since you have been reading more mail, I thought I would throw my hat into the ring of stories. So to make a long story short, I am a third year engineer major and my dating experience this year has been insane. I have been dating my current boyfriend for three months now.
A month ago, he wanted to try having a threesome. For context, everyone involved in the school is involved in a club at my college that is known for being queer and having a ton of polyamory within. I am demisexual. I did not want to casually hook up with another person. For those who don't know what that means, demi sexual is like, uh, someone who only wants to have a like a physical connection with somebody that they have a
strong mental connection with. I used to not know what that means, and I thought it was like a like I thought there was a new sex thing that was like a demi sex.
Okay.
That led us to figure out I needed to get a second boyfriend, and we quickly found a mutual friend that I fell head over heels for. Before starting the second relationship, the second boy mentioned talking to another friend, but that those plans weren't concrete at all. Flash forward a week, Boy two is love bombing me hardcore, and I was eating it all up. Me and the two boys hang out to watch movies, and you can guess
what happened. Okay, all right, all right? The next day after and making it The next day after, Boy two makes it official with me, but he also makes it official with another girl. It kind of stung, but I chalked it up to jealousy. He then proceeds to stop messaging me as much and only posting the other girl, which ate away at my mental state. It is, isn't it so fucking This has been talked about to death?
But like, isn't it so fucking weird? How much like whatever, Facebook and Instagram and all that stuff has like influenced all of our relationships and whatnot. I was constantly overthinking the situation, having anxiety attacks at work and coming home from my internship and drinking. It got to the point where I was constantly crying since I felt I was last place in a situation that should not have been a race. With encouragement from my roommates and the first
boy I called boy too and broke shit off. It all sucked with everything else going on wrong in my life, and I still drink way too much, but at least I escaped that bad situation. Nothing against people who enjoy polyamory, it's just.
Not for me.
Wait a minute, so, okay, this is a little The only reason this is a little funny to me is that, like this whole time, like what's up with the first guy? Okay, because so you start dating. Okay, so you're dating, you're your boyfriend, right, and then this other guy comes into place, and then he gets a second boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, and okay, so yeah, the second guy gets a girlfriend, and then you're like upset that he has another girlfriend.
And then you're like and then you're like, I feel like I'm in last place in this situation. No, boy, the first boyfriend is definitely in last place. In this situation. You're not in last place. The first boyfriend, who is like coaching you through the breakup, that is, you know, eating away at you with the second boyfriend, he is in last place. You're in You're in third place in this situation. You're not in last The boy number one, I want to read his email, what's going on with
this guy? Because here's the thing, I don't you don't seem like you're like into polyamory. I think if you were into poly I think if you were truly okay with polyamory, you wouldn't be having anxiety attacks and overthinking the situation and you know, having to drink to deal with the jealousy. I think you just like, I think you just didn't like your current boyfriend and you liked this other guy, and you thought you could handle this whole thing, but you couldn't. But no, you were not
in last place. Boy number one is in last place. I mean, I don't know, I don't know who boy number one is. Maybe he just wants to be friends with you, and you know, that's it, and you know, hopefully he's living his life and hopefully he's happy doing his thing. But yeah, sounds sounds like polyamory is not for you, which is totally fine. I'm sure that you will eventually find a a boyfriend that, uh is you like that you could just be the have the one.
Nothing wrong with just having the one, all right, m I think that's it. Yeah, I think that's it. I think that's enough. Email a right, maybe we'll get do one more the well, let's see if I can find a quick one. This is from Caden, subject line I got rid of my speech impediment with a septum piercing.
Yo.
My name is Caden. I'm twenty three years old and two months ago I got my septim pierced. I've had a stutter since five years old and have always had a lot to say, accompanied with a lot of tongue biting and silence. Not giving my septum credit for helping me move past that phase of life, but rather the mindset I had when getting it. Who cares if they
see me like this? For the longest time, I was extremely cautious with what I said and how I say, which led me to orchestrate my thoughts, reactions, and responses. Your show has helped tremendously. Not giving you full credit either, lol, that's okay, you don't have to give me any credit. But listening to how imperfect and human each conversation is and your stance on entering and exiting the world has woken me up. Blackness a snap, then back to blackness.
Oh god, Oh I wish I could forget about all that shit, that's all right. It's truly a beautiful thing. I've been giving more compliments. I've been talking with everyone comfortably. I'm not intimidated by people of a higher standing or status anymore. I can order my own fucking food. They wrote that in old caps. My foundation in life is slowly being built by snippets of how you live life. And I've never been so at peace.
Thank you.
That was Caden. I think what's going on with Caden is that they're they're realizing that nothing matters in a good way. I like an optimist sick nihilism. I do kind of wish sometimes I could forget about I don't think that's doing in in in nihilism all day. Uh is good. I've noticed there is a lot of people out there who they go years and years and years without or even their entire life without thinking these existential thoughts.
But not everyone is so uh, you know, not everyone's brain works that way, and some people, you know, some people could use some other fucking existential thoughts, you know. But it sounds like it's it's been really helpful for this person, Caden. You know, they're like, oh, I don't give a fuck anymore. When they said I'm not intimidated by people of a higher status anymore. Yeah, dude, once you fucking bro, once you, once you really like start
to get it. I think all like status games are like nothing like because you realize that we're all on the level playing field of just you know, being flimsy humans. Right. So I'm glad. I'm glad that these thoughts have been helpful to you, Kayden. And you can order your own food.
Hmm.
Yeah, And I see what you mean. The stutter of like it's not maybe not like was your speech impediments related to like overthinking about how people see you and maybe once you got the septum piers and you were like, I don't really care how people see me at all. I think this is in the Therapy Gecko podcast. I think my name is Lyle, and I think I'm gonna go,
but leave some comments on the Spotify page. Share the podcast with your friends, give it a thumbs up or a shake of the tale or whatever you gotta give it. Share it with your friends, tell the world about the Therapy Gecko show. I hope you enjoy it. That's it. That's me. I'll be back again on the next episode. Send an email therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. That's therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. Thank you very much, geck bless see you guys around the universe.
Goes on the line than your phone calls every nine.
She knows about in
Your life, but he's not really an expert.