“I NEED TO KICK MY EX OUT”

Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I call them, we'll be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely

Man? I'm doing pretty good. How about you tonight?

I'm hanging in there, man, I'm feeling all right. What's what's going on with you? Your name is Jason.

Yeah, yeah, yeh, Jason.

What's happening with you? Jason? How can I get you today?

Uh?

Well, I call it in because I'm kind of in like a little bit of a unique situation. See, my ex wife lives with me, and my ex girlfriend kind of like sits outside and stalks my apartment at like three in the morning because she doesn't know the ex wife lives with me.

Yeah I did that. You were right, Yeah, that is quite a predicament. So why does your how how long ago did you divorce your first of all? Which one was more recently your uh? I guess actual partner? Were you more recently? Uh? With the wife or with the girlfriends? But the girls recently did not have the ex status? Oh okay, all right, So you were dating this girl and then you broke up with her, and then your ex wife moved in with you.

Oh what, myg's girlfriend broke up with me? Sees me and my ex girlfriend, the one the stalker in question, we had dated previously to me and my ex wife being together.

And why does your okay, so okay, so that that makes sense. You and you were with the wife and then the girlfriend. Who are you? Who are you with first?

The girlfriend first, then the wife, then the girlfriend again.

Oh okay, all right, now, why is your ex wife living with you?

She found herself in a situation where she didn't have anywhere to go. So we were together for like eight years and out helped raise her kids. So her kids still consider me, like, you know, a father figure or whatever. So kind of out of the kindness of my heart, I was like, well, if you know how anywhere to go? She was like, I need a place to stay for a week, and then a week. That was back in January.

So yeah, okay, so she's been living with It's August right now. She's been living with you for I'm gonna it's August is eight months, right, yeah, yeah, seven or eight months, between seven and nine months. So why is she still there?

That's a good question. She has a temper, so it's hard to bring it up with her without a lot of confrontation, but it you know, she had previously said that. Okay, so she left me, my ex wife did because she said that she felt like she had always been like using me, because like I was a person that would provide, you know, I give her a places there, you know, pay the bills, you know, I keep a steady job, things like that, and then she felt like she was

You know, she broke up with you because she felt like she.

Oh, she didn't just break up with me. She left me for a dude that was ten years younger. Thus that was the ecstasy dealer, and then kind of went on like a crazy bench and like.

Yeah, yeah, and when she left you for this guy, she told you that she didn't really love you and that she was just using you for your money and and the things that.

You provide, not necessarily money. I don't make like a crap ton of money. It's it's just like it's enough to maintain a household where she necessarily didn't have to work or you know.

Yeah, right, so yeah, but using not Yeah, she's she was using you for your money and she told.

You that yeah after the fact, Yeah.

Okay, And then she goes off. Do you guys have kids together? Did you say that?

No, they're not my kids biologically, but you know, I treat them as such.

Her kids.

Yeah, she had three kids with one other guy, you know, not separate baby daddies that they're all the same baby daddy. But you know, I when I'm when I met the kids, they were like, you know, between eight and eleven or so. And then you know, I helped raise them, so like they they they considered me their father because they're actual father wasn't anywhere in the picture.

And do you still keep in contact with those kids?

That's correct.

How long were you away from your ex wife before she moved back in.

About three years and.

During those three years were you in contact with her kids still.

For the first two years? No, But she's got two girls and a boy. The boy graduated from the Academy of Science and Arts. And when he graduated, he made like a big to do about he didn't want the guy that she left me for there. He wanted me there because he felt like I contributed to his success. And then that is what started the conversation, you know, back up between us.

All right, so he's graduating, he wants you there, and then how does this converse? So then how does this conversation go where she comes back into your house?

So she had bounced around a few different places. She was like a living nurse for a little while way out in the Sticks, and then you know, she lost that gig or whatever, and she was living in really sketchy places and like for real, because like the way that it ended, it wasn't like I you know, it was kind of out of the blue, and like I still had feeling for her, so like I didn't want to see her suffer, and you know, knowing that I had the power to at least alleviate some of that,

Jason. You're a sweet man that your idea of being the bigger person in a relationship is letting your ex stay in your house and eat your food and paying for everything for her for eight months. That's very nice of you, Jason.

Yeah, I'm still here, Jason.

I'm not here to hurt your feelings. But like, let's talk. Is she's still is she still in the house? Are you are you Where are you calling me from? Is she like in the fucking other room.

No, she actually went to go shoot pool tonight with another guy who's, like, I don't know, fifteen years younger than her that she's trying to seduce. So I'm just sitting here watching your stream in.

My apartment, Jason. What are you doing?

Man?

Jason? And you're afraid to tell her to leave because she has a temper and she'll get mad, Jason has I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to tell her to leave because she doesn't have anywhere else to go. Like if I if I was just like, hey, kick rocks, you know what I mean, Like, she doesn't have a hot hand job, and where we live at is kind of expensive to get a place to live, so it's like I'd be putting her out in her ass again, you know. I personally like, I don't want to do Go ahead.

The kids. Hold of the kids now.

They're grown, they're eighteen, twenty twenty two.

Oh, Jason, Jason, Okay, I was gonna say. I was going to say, if you felt bad because of the kids, that's one thing I'm fuck. I don't like telling people what to do Jason, kick this woman out of your house.

I do kind of feel like the kids might hold it against me to some degree, even I mean they're not kids, they're they're adults obviously, But like you.

Know, Jason, man, all right, let's talk. I'm all right, you talk about you? Jason. What do you do?

I am a I'm a route driver, so I drive for a company that you know, I drive around Houston. That's what I do.

Okay, all right? How how do you feel? You happy?

No?

What's making you unhappy?

Uh? The fact that, like I guess I got you know, I had to struggle to find my own sense of identity and independence, and then I feel like it's kind of been stolen away from me.

And stolen away from you from this woman.

Yeah. I mean it was really hard to I love that woman, you know, and it was really hard to break away from her, and and you know, to separate myself find my own like sense of purpose outside of being a husband and a father to kids that aren't mine, you know that I have no rights over and then to have that thrust back into my life and then, you know, and then I'm obviously being taken advantage of again.

Mm Jason, Jason, Jason.

Mhm, I know this is savvy man. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, don't be sorry at all. I wanna, I wanna. I want to help you here, because look, do you understand what what if? What if we what if we looked at it like this? What if we looked at it like this? If it's in your nature to help people, why don't you help yourself?

Man?

Because yes, kicking this woman out would make her unhappy, but uh, having her stay is making you extremely unhappy. Isation where you need to prioritize your own happiness over this woman.

The problem I have with that is if prioritizing my own happiness means that I would okay, So the happiness that I would gain from kicking her out is not comparative to the suffering that she would be subject to.

Jason, I'm gonna can I put this to another way? The suffering that this woman subjects herself to.

You have.

Okay, dude, And this is and this is something I really I really, I really really want you to understand. This woman suffering is her own fault. It's her. She's how old is she?

She is forty two.

She's a forty two year old woman, Jason. She needs to be responsible for her life, Okay, not you. Her suffering, her not having a place to go, and her having not being able to have a job or doing any of these things about and her life not being together is not your doing, Jason. You've only ever helped this person, and at a certain point she needs to go help herself. And by God, I'd understand the situation a little bit more if it was somebody.

Who who who who you had a great relationship with, who you shared kids of your own with, who said something to you other than I literally point blank was using you for your money.

Jason. You gotta let her be responsible for herself. Man.

That's hard to do. Man, It's hard for me, Like, regardless of the situation of any individual, I find it hard for me to inflict, you know, suffering upon another individual when I have the means to not do. And you're right, I'm not disagreeing with you, It's just hard to get to that point where I'm like, hey, yo, you know kick Rocks brod.

I I I really, I really hope there's a heaven. Jason. You're the first person I've met that made me think that I really hope there's a heaven, because the fact that you know, the idea of you dying and you know you never get anything in return for this path of selfleslessness that you've chosen is upsetting to me. Dude, that's kind It was kind of you there, Jason. Have you talked to anyone else about this?

I have, man, I actually talked. I had a therapist for a while, uh for over a year, and like, granted she would if she heard this, she would tell me that, you know, having her stay with me, it was an absolutely terrible idea.

It's a terrible idea. So knowing that your therapist thinks it's a terrible idea, no that I think it's a terrible idea. Knowing that there's not a single person on the world that you would talk to about this that would tell you that it's not a terrible idea, Why do you remain unconvinced.

I don't. I don't know, Wow, I don't. I don't like hurting people man like. I don't like putting people in situations discomfort, Like, regardless of their situation with me, even if it was like a random stranger, I would still be in the same position, I think mentally, Yeah.

But you're heart but you're hurting yourself every day.

Just to do you have any family? Do you have any any family where your parents still arounds?

My parents got divorced when I was very young, listened to im. I was raised by my mom.

And.

I don't like she wouldn't approve of the situation either, And like I kind of a keeping the fact that my ex wife is staying with me a secter from everybody, because literally no one would say that this is a good idea.

We know, we know nobody would say it's a good idea. So do you have any friends?

No?

Mm hmmm, hmmmm.

M hm.

And you don't have any children of your own aside from this woman's children, right, No.

I have a half sister who is uh, that's strange, we'll say, and then my mom and that's pretty much it.

So are you are you close with your mom?

Yeah? Very close?

Okay, great, have you you have you talked to her about this?

No?

Uh, I don't really want to get my ass rings to my mom my. Terrible decision.

Maybe what about your dad? What's up with him?

Ah? We we don't have a great relationship.

Yeah, you have any friends that were or you drive? You drive a car, so you're you You're pretty much alone during the day.

I drive a truck. I drive one of those like snubnosed box trucks as you see going down the road delivering random things. That's what I drive. It's a it's a very very lonely job. I spend five percent of my day conversing with other humans.

Mm hmm, God. I really do hope there's a heaven, Jason, I really do. Tell me about this. Okay, let's put a pin in this ex wife situation. Tell me about this ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this that you wanted to talk about? Tell me about the ex girlfriend. Is this the other part of this that you wanted to talk about, Because not only do you have this ex wife situation going on, now, your ex girlfriend is currently stalking you as well.

Yeah, so we dated before me and my ex wife were together and it ended tragically. She left me for a guy like a meth dealer or something, and then that ended badly. And then me and my ex wife had gotten together, and then we spent the next eight

Did your friends? Growing up.

One quasi long term friend, I moved around a lot. Like being raised by a single mom in a less than advantageous financial situation, you find yourself moving around a lot. And when you find yourself in that situation, you have to reinvent yourself. You find new friends. So I don't really have any long term friends or family members, so now I'm kind of just going solo in this.

Well, look at you now, man, I'm proud of you because you know, it sounds like you grew up not a great financial situation and now you have enough money not only to support yourself, but to support your wild ex wife.

Yeah yeah, I guess so.

So no, no, And I know it's funny, but I seriously should be proud of yourself for that, Jason, You really should, because it sounds like you went through a lot to get where you are right now.

Thank you for saying that.

Okay, so you've kind of been alone in your whole life. Yeah mm hmm, what would your dude, what would your life look like if it was if it was really good, what would it what would what would that look like?

I mean that's a good question, I guess. You know, it sounds simple, but like basically the kind of life that afforded me to sit around a bonfire on the weekends listen friends just barbecuing, you know, with the tailgate down the truck with some music on, just shooting ship, you know what I mean, just kind of like not taking things too seriously, like I I got I got me tattooed on my arm, because like that's kind of like how I want to go about life, Like I I want it to be like it's not that big

Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. Because you'd like to be able to, uh kick your ex wife out and when she bangs on the door, turn around and go meh, but for some reason you can't know that.

Yeah, I mean that sounds pretty accurate. It's I have a high sense of morality. I guess when it comes to my own personal act, maybe I'm very critical of myself.

Why why are you critical of yourself.

You know, my whole life.

Man.

I mean I'm told that that dudes are like pieces of shit, you know what I mean, Like we're all toxic, We're all like there's no good dudes in this world. Like I've seeing that over and over again, and I kind of made it my like fixture to prove that wrong. Like there there are actually like good people in this world who just want the people that they love to be successful and happy. It's hard to prove that to people. I guess they just have their own walls or something.

Now, Jesse, have you ever done anything outside of your normal routine to put yourself out there to make new friends or to meet girls or anything like that.

Yeah, I've kind of had this, this this experience recently where like I go on like dating apps and I'm like, hey, you know, maybe I can meet somebody, Maybe I can meet somebody new. You know what I'm saying, somebody had zero contact with outside of my previous life. And the response I've gotten is that and this sounds harsh, but it's true. Is that, like I'm too ugly for other women, Like no one wants to take the time to get to know someone else.

I don't know who told you that.

In the last three months, three separate women on dating apps were like, well, you know, you seem like a cool guy, but you know you're not that cute.

The three different women on dating apps told you that, Yeah.

Yeah, I look, man, I don't. I don't consider myself like a like a like a nine or anything like or a one. I think I follow like a five or a six, Like I'm six to like one hundred and seventy. I'm a ginger. It is what it is, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm not everybody that's pretty good right.

There, I guess. I mean my job is pretty active.

Man, Jason, you said you went to therapy before.

Yeah, for like over a year.

Man.

It was expensive, but at the time I could afford it. I can't anymore, which might be why I'm talking to you.

Was it helpful when you had it?

Very very helpful. If anybody thinks that they can't be held by therapy, they're wrong. Everyone can be helped by therapy. Mm hm, it was. It was a beautiful thing, man, Like I miss my therapist. I ain't a log.

Just I want I want to keep talking about I want to keep talking to you about this, but will you do me, Will you do me a favor after this call if you could, and I might. You know, this fucking just comes up so much on the podcast that I I I've done some a little bit of research into it. Can you try to what can you can? I ask you what state you live in, Texas? Texas, go to the go to the I don't know how far you are of like the University of Texas or whatever,

It's uh, I like that advice. Well, I appreciate that. Man, mm hm hm.

I'm trying to think of what else? Man, have any have have either of these this x This woman has been living with you for a months. She hasn't tried to hit you. Has she? Uh?

My ex wife hit me in a lot. Uh. I actually had to have surgery to remove a like a like assist, you know what I'm saying. That devolved from the But dex's girlfriend, No, she's more like psychological warfare. But that his wife. Yeah, No, she was highly abusive and is in Texas. Man, you can't well probably in any other state. You can't be like, hey, my wife's beating me, you know what I'm saying, Like it it comes just kind of like looked out the way on that.

Well, this is the this is the woman who's staying with you right now.

Yeah, it was always my fault, right I drove her to that or I made her insane or you know whatever. You know she's abusive.

Can I can I ask you something? Do you? And bro? I'm not I'm not a real therapist, but I'm I'm captivated by your this moment, like, get do you do you understand even a little bit and it's a genuine question because you seem like a you know, a self aware guy and a smart guy. Do you understand the effects of a relationship like that? Do you understand the effects that that relationship has likely had on you?

I don't know. I I struggle with this. See. I grew up watching my mom be highly abused, and I don't know if I fall into that same pattern of accepting abuse as a byproduct of emotional instability. I don't know. M I'm sorry to make you think so much.

Man, I know, don't be done. You got you got nothing to apologize for now. I want to be thinking because I'm like, I'm like, dude, no j I wanna, I want to, I want, I want. I would. I would love to get a call from you of a fucking year from now, to hear that you you found somebody new and you're having bonfires and you're living a good life.

I'd probably I'd probably just be playing Minecraft, just hating myself. H mm hmm.

Have you got any when you were on the dating apps? Did you go on any successful dates?

No? Look, man, the thing is the thing is like that that I I think that I run in a highlight level, and and so like, you know, I'm talking to you about some like really deep ship, right like, but my life is kind of full of really deep shit, right like, so like really deep ship is kind of the norm for me, and and like that kind of scares people off, like they don't want people of substance and value, right.

Tell me what you tell me what you mean when you say that your life is filled with really deep shit?

Ah? So okay, Well, my my mom raised me, right and then like me and or my mom and my dad broke up and split off when I was like one or two. And then after that my mom raised me, but like she was in really bad position because she was raised terribly by a highly abusive father of hers. So she found men that kind of emulated that, you know, aspect of themselves.

And then yeah, you're just a descendant of a of a long standing pattern of all this shit.

Kind of So so when I was like nine, uh, my mom decided that I would be better off living with my dad because like he lived this quote unquote

So you so you just had such horrible uh views, and and of of like these male models in your life, of your brother and your dad that you kind of just swore you were, like, I'm never ever ever going to be somebody that inflicts any kind of modicum, bro, Anybody.

Let me tell you that, Like the person I am today is almost it living in of of that. Yeah, in spite of the male figure mm hmm, which which in itself, which in itself regards yourself, like am I doing this for my own thing? Or am I actually a good person?

You know?

I struggle with this ship all the time.

Man, And so you're like, so so so don't want to be anything like these horrible models that you had growing up that you don't want to kick out your ex wife? Who does you cut totally? You got to kick out? Is that kind of what's going on?

If you want to put it in a in a box? Yeah, I mean yeah, I guess so.

Well, I guess not putting it in a box. But I maybe that's it sounds to me like that's a contributing factor to what's going on.

M I guess that's why I'm talking to a gecko on the computer.

M h.

Oh Man, Jason, Jason, fuck man? What what? What is your company?

I want?

I want, I want to get you into How do we get you to talk to a real therapist or something? Because it would be dude. I just I just feel like if you if you were able to unlearn these these horrible things about yourself, I think you could you could really turn it around and have a have a good life.

But I agree with you, man, like agree with that way about yourself, Jason, I'm listening.

You. You agree with me. You you you have have have the same modicum of optimism that that I that I'm feeling.

No, but I'm listening. Mhm. Look, it's not that I'm not it's not it's not that I'm not optimistic, but like love I look man like it it's I want to be optimistic. I I know that there's there's a bright side out there, and I just feel out of touch with it, like I I don't know how to

And I just tell me, I'm on that spiral on fall losing touch with the things that give you joy in life throughout your life, even even I mean, you can go back to when you were like thirteen or anything, anything, anything at all? What has given you joy?

The quest for knowledge? I was an astrophysics major in college, and I wanted to be a professor of cosmology, and I truly find joy in finding answers to things that other people don't have. Interesting, Like, it would be great to be a teacher, right, but teaching doesn't pay well, so you can't paign bills with that.

Mm hmm. I've been doing this lately, if you're cool. I don't know if you're cool with this, but I was gonna see if the chat have any questions of things that they wanted to ask you. Sure, Chat, do you have any questions for Jason.

I haven't looked at chat once, so.

Good, good, here, I'll uh, I'll feed you the questions. Well, someone said, Paul says, Jason is fucking smart. I wanted to do astrophysics, but it's just too hard.

No, it's really not. It's actually not at hard. It's just physics in the vacuum. It's not that bad.

Inglorious bastard wants to know if your therapist never talked to you about negative core beliefs.

That's a broad question. I would say yes, but it doesn't address like the problem that I have is that I ask very specific questions. And when when you talk to somebody who like all therapists need a therapist, right, So when when you start talking to a therapist, it's when you ask them very specific questions. They find it hard to answer those questions because it's hard to insert yourself into someone else's mind state. Over you know, X amount.

Of years, somebody asked what you play besides Minecraft.

Seld A Singularity, I play also I Person of five Royale. I mean, I don't know if that helps. Other than that, I just I watch YouTube video. I haven't watched a TV show or a movie in literally years because I don't have the attention span for it.

Who do you? Who do you watch on YouTube?

Mm hmm, let's see. There's there's the occasional mister Beast video. And then I listened but not to slight you, but I listened to you on Spotify as a podcast and yeah, yeah, yeah, So what I do is I listened to that. I work two jobs, so I have my primary job and then like as soon as I get off work on my primary I'm go to work at like in the morning, and then when I get off work, I immediately go and I do door dash, and I listen to you

Ipout O wait says, do you have any hobbies? Because hobbies help the mind a lot.

Yeah, I struggle with that. It's one of the things that I talked to in my therapist about a lot was that I have no hobbies. I have no interest or likes or friends or anything like. Literally like, I'm just like, eh, just I know, man, I'm throwing a lot at you.

Cow no no, no, no, no, no, don't be I don't want you to be. Sorry, Jason, I'm fucking thinking here, what would you somebody in the chat ask this, what would you say to somebody who you loved who was in a similar situation as you.

That's a damn good question. I would tell them to run as far as they can. But I'm also in a position of I'm also in a position of knowing, like how hard it is to run from something like that, Like what what is your capacity to hurt somebody? You know what I mean? Like what like what level of when you say take care of yourself, right, like like look out for yourself? Like what capacity of selfishness is involved in that? To the point that you have to ignore someone else's suffering.

But you have to understand that you're not caught like you're just you're You're Your perspective on this situation is warped by years and years and years and years of of of of what sound like an unfortunately very traumatic experience.

I like the extra years you put on that.

Now, sorry, this is why I'm not This is why, this is why you don't do unlicensed therapy on the fucking twitch. Fine, but dude, I just want you to know your perspective on this whole situation is warped, and I don't know what it's gonna I don't know what it's gonna take to unwarp it, because you're not you are not the cause of this woman suffering. Her she's forty two years old, her and her port And by the way, I want you to know something, you can

I know what you're saying I mean, and it makes it logically makes sense.

Bim bam bop, says Jason. Come to the Netherlands and smoke a joint with me. That sounds funk.

Yeah, sounds like some good conversation. Do I do I need to go to another portal to get to the nether Lands or.

You know, I never I never made the connection of Netherlands. And like the word nether meaning like an underworld, it's pretty good. Hm hmm, Jason, I'm gonna tell you this before we go. Yeah, here's the thing. Everybody listening to this right now and me.

Are all.

We We want you to succeed. We really do.

And me too, man, I want to succeed too.

I wish I wish I could take the optimism I have you and I as I wish I could take the optimism that I have for you and just like, you know, fucking blast it like fucking Goku into your into your into your soul. But I don't know how to do that.

I mean you you painted your face green, dress up as a get go. You took your time and talk to me. It's thank you, man, Like I appreciate that. Just it's been nice to just I don't know talk about it because I don't have any friends, I don't have any family really, so it's nice. And I'm fucking forty years old, you know what I mean. Like I'm an old ass man, I'm close to desk.

It's nice to just say it, I guess, Jason. Is there anything else that you want to talk about or anything else you want to say to the people as the computer before we go to.

The people on the computer. Not really, man, Just you know this is this is the only one shot we have, and really it all depends on your perspective, so try try to make the best of it.

I hope you listen to your own words, man, I really do.

I hope so too. I appreciate that, bro.

Have a good night, Jason. It's hurt a man, man man man man man. That was really tough. That was that was that was really really tough. I've I got a ton of thoughts about this. I feel I feel bad because Jace Jason seemed like a great dude. He had great intentions. His dream in life was just a fucking chill by a fire with his homies. And he he He's like a fucking cool guy, you know, someone you could be boys with, and just he just I don't know. I'm not a real therapist. I'm playing. I'm playing,

Goes on the line making your phone calls every night every week, and goes to his teaching you aloud in the of your line.

An expert