Well, hello, Hey, what's up man?
Dude?
I just wanted to say, like, I remember you used to do our morning announcements.
Dude, you met, You sent me a text and you said I wanted to talk about how you used to do the morning announcements at our school. Yeah, yeah, you're a gecko. Uh yeah, I went to Franklin High School.
Uh back in weren't you used to dude, they used to do our morning announcements.
Yeah it was.
Yeah, I used to do the morning announcements of Franklin High School back in two thousand, shit those ten years ago. Yeah, twenty sixteen.
That's fucking crazy, dude.
Now you're a gecko, now, my gecko.
That's insane.
That's so inspirational, and you could be anything you ever want to.
I thought, what did you say? Did you think I was good at the morning announcements?
Yeah?
I thought you were pretty solid at it. I thought you going to like a new station or something, but you did it your own way.
What.
I don't don't give you your last name, but what's your first name? I don't know who you are?
Dan? Daniel?
Fuck, I actually actually have no idea who you are.
Dan.
Yeah, you were you graduated like I think a year or two before I did. I graduated twenty eighteen.
Wait, do we know each other?
You probably know my older cousin.
What's your older cousin's first name?
Alan?
Did your older cousin once throw a huge party? Dude?
That was he did once?
Were you were you there?
I was not. He actually dicked me. He didn't invite me.
He didn't fucking invite you. I don't think he invited me. I think I just showed up.
He just dicked me. I live right down the street too. I kind of touched off.
That was a legend. That was a legendary party. I remember showing up at that party and feeling like it's maybe the weirdest I've felt in my whole Some of the weirdest I've ever felt in my whole life is like being at like a college party where I can not a cost the high school party, where like I could see other people like who were good at socializing and like being whatever. I was so nervous. I was just like standing in I remember, just like I was
at the party. I was just standing in one spot, just trying really hard to like get through the night or find someone that I knew that I could talk to just to like get through the night. I used to be really bad. I used to be a little bit. Yeah, I used to just like not know how to just inhabit space. I had so much social anxiety. And then what happens is, over the course of the next ten years, I slowly realized that uh uh, nothing and no one matters at all, And now I have and now I
don't have enough social anxiety. I actually need more to prevent myself from uh uh, annoying someone by talking to them. Yeah, that's not true. I actually I do. I do still have social anxiety in some situations, but less of in less of a like, No, that's not true. I have social anxiety in some situations. I was recently in a situation where I had some social anxiety. But I also I don't social this is I don't. I've kind of
come to the conclusion. I've come to the conclusion that I am correct in all of my social interactions, not in the sense of like I'm like right about everything, but that as long as I'm not being a dick, like, however our interaction goes is fine. Like if I'm a little awkward or if I'm a little cringey or whatever, like, that's fine. I'm still I'm valid in my own existence as a human being, and so I don't there's no way for me to embarrass myself in front of someone.
There's only like, there's only like I like, if I'm like being a dick or if I'm being rude, that's different. But there's no way for me to like be annoying. I mean, I could, you could be annoying, but you're still if you're annoying, you can still be correct and valid in your existence. Do you know what I do? You get what I'm saying?
I do get what you're saying. It's it's deep. It's like if you're if you're trying to just speak your arm, you know, and like you're not being disrespectful, Like there's no way you could be wrong technically.
Exactly right, exactly because the social anxiety comes from like, oh, people are judging me, and it's like, well, judging you on what you know, what the.
Dress up as a get go for the first time? What inspired that?
Wait?
What are you doing now, Daniel? What do you what do you what did you grow up to be?
Oh, I'm accounting, but I just got fired.
So, oh, you get why'd you get fired?
I said it was performance related, but it was really I think because I took.
Some time off work.
Okay, well, yeah, they probably weren't happy about it around this.
What did you take? What did you take time off to do?
Uh?
How do I explain the how do you I spent some I spent some time in jail. Let's just let's just say that.
Oh, okay, is that related to why you got fired?
Probably they said it was performance related, but I mean you take some time off and uh, you know you're performance really in it.
I mean when you say you took some time off, did you like call out of work for personal reasons and not explain why? Like how long were you in jail for?
No? Yeah, like I told him, Hey, I got some personal stuff going on, like I had to messag, jump off my laptop.
Okay, all right, So how long were you in jail for? For?
Like ten days?
It was a fun experience at all.
I highly recommend that not be a good experience and not to go there.
What hap what happens?
What happened?
I don't I really don't want to talk about the details because the storm.
I'm going, well, you don't have to, but like can I what what? What can we hear? Because I'm so we I feel like I gotta know some I.
Mean, like long story short, like a domestic situation where my ex started breaking things and called the cops and I was when I got in trouble.
Okay, all right. I thought I thought I would have thought I would I I knowing, I thought you were. I thought you were trapping.
No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I did that back in the day.
Yeah that runs of the family.
Not in the family, No, just just the mind, dumb ass on.
I thought your cousin trapped?
No, no, what were you?
Were you trapping? In high school?
A little bit?
Yeah? Here and there Ermin and German?
Did I ever buy weed? Did I ever buy weed for you in high school?
I don't remember. I really don't it.
Maybe who who did you sell weed to? In high school? Give me their full name. Don't give me their full name, give me their first name.
There was a lot of people that were like, I don't, I don't know, like I don't, I don't even like it's so long ago, I don't even remember. Like everyone it was a lot of different random people from all took me really to the random at parts of Maryland, a farm where I myself in like Prell County.
Can I be? Can I actually be honest with you?
Be something?
So when I was in high school, I had a lot of friends who trapped, and it always that was kind of that actually might still to this day be one of my great aspiration. I mean, it's never gonna come to It's another lifetime, right, But like selling, we like being, you know, being twenty, Like Okay, what am I gonna say? Like the lifestyle of trapping while you're in high school, it always looked so fun to me. It wouldn't be fun to do.
I remember this guy named Sasha, I tell tell me more, bro, He's mean, he's just gotten himself in like the craziest situations I've ever heard of.
Yeah, like like the like all the guys who would like and I was friends with some of them, like the dude, the drug dealer guys. They always seemed like they were having like I'm sure it was like it was stressful. There was like a ton of like obviously
you know you're uh. This was like ten years ago before weed was like fucking legal everywhere, but like there was always like like obviously it's a lot of stress, like you can get caught, you go to jail for a long time, but it just looked fun like some like like one of the things I love about like my life right now is like I love running around, you know, like I like being able to like travel
running around. They would always be running around. They're always running around, like they're alway, They're always getting a text from some guy. They're always like they seemed like it seemed like they had a lot of friends and like they had a lot of places to be. And yes, I know, of course it's like, well they're only friends with them for their weed or you know this anything, but it just seemed like a fun way to like, yes, it just seems like a fun way to like connect
with a bunch of people. Now, listen, I don't want to do it now. If I were twenty eight and selling weed the high schoolers, I that does not sound like a fun experience. But being sixteen and just like driving around like you would smoke everyone up, you know, like because everyone knew that you were fucking uh, that you were packing right, and you kind of felt like the man. You kind of felt like an alpha provider. You know, you were like packing everyone's bowl, Like I
just the kids, the kids who did that. I just was like I always envied that lifestyle. I was wondering how they got it.
Do you remember do you remember there used to be a lifestyle where people used to buy like glass and bongs for like thousands of dollars, and like you would walk into the plug's house and he would have like a bong or like a fucking y rig that he's like, you know, this thing is made by.
Some wook on.
Top of a mountain with the lightning stright, and he carves his.
Name into it.
You can see, like with a lead pencil. He carves his name into it. And yes, it's the most rare thing on earth. If you smoke out of this thing, if she smoked this hash out of this, it will cure cancer.
Yes, absolutely.
No. You can't use tap.
Water in my bong. It'll leave a mark. You have to distilled water.
Yes, absolutely no. I remember like there was a certain level of Again, I like, everything is like there's so many there's so many pros and cons to like the ten year experience of realizing that like, none of none, none of the fucking shit matters, because I kind of miss back in the day when uh, like, social status was so easily pronounced by just like who had the
coolest and most expensive rig. You'd go to the plugs house and you'd have, yeah, like a fucking Rick and Morty bong that was worth like one thousand dollars, and you'd be like, holy shit, how did this guy get a thousand dollars piece? And now if you go to if you go to your friend's house and he has like a thousand dollars bong, You're like, dude, what are you doing with your life?
Hey?
Man, I got to bounce off the phone in a second. But it was good chatting with you.
Man, Yeah, it was a good chat.
Definitely good Ermin and German on the phone and like reminiscent a little bit about the path.
Well yeah, maybe in another life I'll sell way to you in high school, in whatever the next universe we we inhabit is.
Yeah, man, come buy Riser Tound sometime.
All right, wait, what's going on over there? Absolutely nothing sounds fun. It's all right, man, Well good luck, I'll see I'll see you around the universe. Wait, what do you wait? What are you gonna go do? What are you doing right now?
I'm actually about to go buy a car.
At a car Okay, car two.
Thousand and four Mercedes Benz E five hundred.
Well who you buying it from?
Uh?
Somebody in the city. I'm actually sending my friends to buy it because I think it's just a better idea.
Wait, so why do you have to leave if your friends are going to go buy it?
I'm not They're here to like pick like pick up some stuff and go do that for me. But I'm on hoom detention, so I can't wait.
If you're okay, I was gonna ask why you couldn't go that you have. That's nice of your friends to do that.
Yeah, anyway, I got to bounce off the phone man. All right, another time.
I'll see you around the universe. See you, Dan. God the party that that guy's cousin through was I was an awful night in my life, so racked with anxiety and I know how to even do anything. Fucking Dan, dude. Well, I'm glad to see he turned out. Okay, glad to see you turned out. Well, everything works out in the end.
To accept press one to send a voicemail.
Hello.
Oh hey, what's that man?
What's your name?
Dude? Uh? You can call me beat b B.
What's going on? B? How's life?
Life is life? And you know I been going through a rough patch, but just closed on a house the other day, and you know, chilling?
What's been rough? How about this this here patch?
Uh?
So went through a bit of depression after I stopped drinking alcohol sober now? And then I cheated on my wife with her sister.
Oh okay, why why I keep going?
Yeah? No, just poor decisions and very bad mental health.
So you're so, I actually find this fascinating because I'm so quitting drinking made you more depressed?
Yeah, because I had coped with like depression for like eight or nine years with alcohol and alcohol alone. So once I stopped drinking, I didn't have that coping any coping skills.
So what how are you? When did you quit drinking? When did you quit drinking?
Uh? A little over two years ago?
Ah, So what do you How do you cope now?
Uh?
Spend a lot of time with my kid and smoke some weed, okay, and play Little Stardy Valley whenever I'm not working on my house now, so.
You swapped alcohol with like weed and video games and hanging out with your kid.
Kind of been spending as much time as I can with my kid.
Are you depressed?
Oh yeah, I would say so. Still on medications, trying to find the right one. But you know, getting a house is a big step in the right direction for me.
Pretty good, Pretty good, I've been you.
Know, I'm thirty and I've been living with my parents for like seven months.
How many kids do you have?
I only have the one?
Okay, how old are they?
He is four years old, and luckily my ex wife and I we are able to co parent very well. Less in that scenario.
Is she like still is she still pissed off of you for cheating on her with your sister? With her, not with if she if you cheat on her with your sister, she'd probably be like, you know what, I'm not even mad. Just keep them.
Yeah, she would have. It probably would have been better. Yeah, but yeah, that's where my life has been. Uh, just trying to fix the uh wreckage I caused and me and her sister are no contact because once everything blew up, I was like, yo, I fucked up, and then I stopped talking to her.
Hm hm, why did you have some form of like actual like romantic relation, Like were you involved with the sister?
Like it got into like a romantic kind of thing. Uh. She I realized, well, well too late and after everything blew up that she's like a really good manipulator and she took advantage of my depression and where I was mentally. Whoa, So I noticed that after I didn't know that that
was happening at the time. She was feeding me information, telling me like how her sister, my wife at the time, was wanting to leave me and all this stuff, you know, making me even more depressed, and then basically pulled me into her to comfort me with that. And then it led to more.
Whoa, dude, how does something like that even start? Like you're at a family dinner and you're like, let me get your number.
I have known both of them for like twelve years. So her sister actually introduced me to my now ex wife because we worked at the same place back in the day. Ah.
She knew the sister first.
Yes, okay, and.
She is married with three kids. And I don't even know what that scenario is, Like, I stay out of that, stay away from that I'm cleaning up my own mess.
So how often do you have the kids?
I have him? You know, three or four times a week?
Okay, okay, And that it's just the one right like you're I mean, I know you said, just hope. Does your like wife have ur ex wife have any other kids?
Nope, just the one.
And so you and your ex wife co parent pretty decently.
We do an excellent job, to the point that we both like get pissed off at me for fucking things up because we get along so well.
Interesting. Interesting When did this all go down?
Uh?
She found out about everything like the end of August last year. Then I had sort of a little mental break, spent a few days in a not so great psych ward, spent about five days there, and then was released to go sign my divorce papers.
Damn the exit paper combo. She picked up from the hospital.
Yeah, she picked me up from the psych ward and drove me. It was like an hour drive. She was her choice to do that. Strangely enough, we even stopped at Red Lobster and had lunch together on the way home.
So did you enter a psych ward right after she found out?
Yeah? It was everything finally just cracked and boiled over for me to where like, you know, I had been hiding a secret. I had been living alive for a long time, and once it was exposed, I just cracked. And there's kind of a fear I live with of like what if one day I do want to hurt myself? And it's never of like oh I want to hurt myself. But I felt weak that day and I just checked myself into a hospital. Who wait?
So yeah, so what's that like? Like you just are like, oh I can't handle this and you check yourself into a psych word.
I was on my way to work and I could either take the left to go to work or right to go to the emergency room and check myself in. And I just ended up taking it right and went to the hospital.
Whoa. And what do you do? You just say, you just go in and you're like, yo, I think I'm gonna think I'm gonna Yeah.
I was like yo, like I don't feel super safe, just want to check myself in.
Whoa.
And then you know I had to like get a hold of work to be like, hey, I'm not gonna be a work for a grip. And then you know, I had to get a hold of my parents, let them know what was going on on.
So what so what do you do? Like, what are you doing there? You like read books?
Yeah, I read a book. They encourage you to do like art. I have never been an artistic person, so I fucking hated it. But it was like the more you participate in their programs, uh, the quicker they release you.
But you check yourself out get out of there anytime. Uh.
They they were gonna hold me to three days, which is like their normal amount they'd do. And then my wife at the time came to visit and was like, hey, by the way, I'm filing for divorce. And then they claimed that was grounds enough that I might leave and hurt myself, so they kept me an extra two days.
Fucked damn wait.
I was like, you couldn't have Like when I got out, I was like, you couldn't have waited until I got back to the telling that's been another two days in there.
So you're in the psych world and then your wife comes and serves you divorce papers and then the doctors or the staff is like, yeah, we're gonna keep you in here for a little bit longer.
Yeah. They were just like we're gonna They even told, like specifically, were like, hey, the reason is is because your ex wife said she's going to divorce you. That was kind of a bogus call because I'm like, hey, like I already knew that one coming.
Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. That is the I think if you are if you're like I already knew that this might happen, they should be like all right, well no, they were, hey, go, so what's what's why are you depressed?
Now?
I mean there's a cog. I mean, there's eighty billion ways to questions, but what's why you depressed?
You know that's been trying to figure out, you know, uh, what really is the root of my depression? And I have not found it therapist yet to be able to help me quite answer that question if there is a root cause or if there is just a chemical imbalance.
I mean, what do you like your life?
I'm in the process of trying to get a new job because to make things even more interesting, I still work with the said sister. Oh no, yeah, it's fuck, it's fucking shitty.
You guys still wait you're no contact but you don't but you work together?
Yeah, Like I don't. I just don't speak to her at work.
I okay, you're like no eye contact.
Yeah, it's a keep my head down around her. I'm not like, I don't want anyone to ever be like, hey, he was talking to her and get back to my ex wife because then she's she would take the kid away, and I choose my child over anyone else.
So yo, what the fuck that's crazy?
But yeah, working on getting a new job.
That's good. What else is going on?
Bought a house other day, been working on that and that's about it.
Okay, hmmm.
Hmm.
I mean, do you have friends?
Uh not? I mean I do, but nobody I speak to the past few days. One of my friends has been helped me help me work on like electrical stuff at the house. But like, that's the most I've interacted with another human being in a long time.
Listen, I'm not a real therapist, but I mean, yeah, dude, the most depressed, the most depressed I have been in my life is always when I'm like fucking alone, you know.
Oh yeah, I try to plan things and then I like back out last minute, you know, just the energy of doing it. Do you like when I am planning Michigan. So I am, I'm going to follow through with that and I'm going up there with some friends.
Okay, that's pretty good.
What what other?
What things have you been like planning? Like your friend's text you like, yo, let's go out to the thing, and then you say yes, but you know, show up.
Like yeah, we'll make plans to do something, and then last minute I'm like, hey, like, I can't do it. I got to do this instead, you know, like or whatever, bullshit, excuse I want to make up.
And that's because you're just like exhausted.
Exhausted even if I haven't done anything. Yeah hmm.
Okay, So what do you do when you get home from work?
Typically I will hang out with my kid for a little while if he's going to be going back to his mom's house. If not, I am either just trying to pick up time at work or I am playing video games.
Have you thought about doing something that is gets you around like other people?
You know?
Because that's the thing about Plack. That's the thing about plans. I don't know like plans are. Actually I think plans are a bad plan. I say, I mean this is the I've repeat this on like every episode of the podcast by now. But like you have to find some activity or community where like it's the antithesis of plans. It's something where you just show up and life happens, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I am from a small town, like small area in general, there's no like big towns around, so it is hard to find like a group of people too.
Yeah, I mean that's what I mean in places like that, that's what that's what like churches for I don't know if.
It really just I damn NERO went to church just to try it out.
Yeah, that No, that means seriously, that is like what like the main reason for like it's just church in a small town is just like something where you can like show up and there's just like people you know there.
I tried doing AA for the same kind of reason, just to yeah there we go, you know. But those are all like church based and it's hard to get into whenever they're like preaching instead of just like talking about life and it's more of just a church session I.
Guess, sorry, talking about when they talk about like the higher power.
Yeah, like the ones I've been to, I've been to two or three different ones, and each one They're all like, the only way you can do this is with God. Like, well, I've been doing it two years without them.
Well God, well God and like higher power. Uh aren't necessarily the same thing, you know what I mean?
Yeah, no, they but they definitely are like pushing God.
Yeah, I mean I don't know what's God mean to you, like a like a physical.
Anything floating around in the universe, you know. Yeah, yeah, different to you than he is to me and to the next person.
Yeah, well church is side. The only reason I mentioned church is because it's the only thing I didn't think of. That's like in a small town, I would say you should move, but you have a child and you want to child, and he just bought a house. Uh, it
can't be that. I mean, dude, you there's gotta be something right, like you just need you just you just you need something where you're like out and around people, like I do think that is everyone's wired differently, but that at least just in my own life, that that to me is like one of the just the power players against you know, depression.
If I could get past uh the bars being you know bars and serving alcohol and just being around at a bunch, I do enjoy playing pool. That's the setting is wrong.
Yeah, interesting. Oh that's fucking sucks. Yeah, damn because pool, because that's a good that's a good, that's a good thing like doing like a pool. Are you at a point where you can be Yeah, that sucks right because pool is like a good like legit ass like a community hobby thing like they have like tournaments and it's very social, but like it is inherently always around alcohol.
Yeah, I I'm good around alcohol. I just realized I don't really like being around it too much. It does like trigger a little bit like wanting it. But I do kind of fight that off with when I get like an urge, I'll drink a THHC.
Drink oh really like you know mix.
It was kind of like bubbly and.
That's pretty good.
So like that kind of fights the it or like itches the scratch there a little bit.
So why don't you go to more and you start like going to more pool halls?
Coming back to depression again, just not bringing myself to do it, not holding myself accountable.
Yeah, I get you, man, I get you. I get you. I get you. I uh no, I don't know. It's like I have I have Yeah, I have friends who when they get depressed, they just like cut everyone off and they like don't want to do shit or talk to anyone. I feel the opposite where I'm like, I feel like, I like, if I'm depressed, I need to.
Be around out of it.
Yeah. Yeah, And so at a certain point, against your own will, because that's the thing, where is it some part like against your own will? You have to do these things because it's not gonna feel because you for whatever, like our bodies are designed so stupidly, you know, because like you don't know how you're gonna feel in any
given situation until you're actually there. But you have to like physically bring yourself to the thing before you realize that the thing is going to make you feel better than you would just sit around not doing shit.
No, that totally makes sense. I did you know. A couple months ago, I finally brought myself to go to a reptile show.
Well, why did sucks? Why did it suck? Why did it suck?
They had so much packed into a tiny They had like a three story building and put it in one tiny room, and it was just like too much in one little room to like try to be able to see anything. So all the animals were cool. Uh, but I did find like the most authentic, like Mexican restaurant I could sign by just walking into a random place and.
There we go.
See that.
Yeah, that's the did you live your life?
Non English or only English speaking person in there, And I was like, this is to be the best goddamn food I ever had.
Yeah, there we go. See that's fucking see. I listen, I'm no expert on solving depression, but I like, I've I have it, and I know what the fucking like. Depression just it goes it goes away as a result of like actually living your life, and it comes to you as a result of like stewing about your life, and so situations like that where you're like, oh, I'm I'm I'm excited by walking into a new restaurant. Oh
I'm in the moment of being with my kid. This that The other thing is whatever you can do to like be in your fucking life is is really like the only cure for it. No, you're absolutely right, And that's why alcohol. That's why alcohol is so Yeah, I mean that's why people that's why alcohol is so addicting. Is because that's why addictions are addicting, is because they're people are just looking for ways to, you know, get into the present. Whether it's like sex or weed or
food or whatever. We just want some dopamine hit that brings you into the present moment.
And I do believe that's probably a part of the reason that, like, you know, coming back to the cheating, I needed that dopamine of someone I don't know, I guess showing affection in a way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's the That's a device for sure.
Yeah.
I know you can get addicted to it, for sure, but but that good news is you can also get addicted to pro social things like playing pool or hanging out with your friends or your kid or whatever.
You know. No, you're right, I I do need to get out and try something.
What's your name again, man?
Uh, you can call me b B.
But I'm glad we got to talk. This was this was nice, man.
I'm glad I listened to you almost every day.
Hey, thanks man, I appreciate I'm honored to be part of your routine.
But it was a pleasure talking to you. Man.
Anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
I just talk to your spouse as if you're having issues your significant others than you, and that is.
All it was. Either it was either B or D, but whichever one was, have a good rest of your entire life.
You too, See you around.
See you man, pool hall. Maybe I'll go to a pool hall, be a cool guy at the pool holl, smoke a cigarette, get addicted to cigarettes. You know what, Fuck the pool hall. I'll just stay home and smoke cigarettes. Hello is this Lyle?
Yeah?
What's up man? What's your name?
My name is Jacob?
And you called me eating some purple Doritos?
What? What flavor is the purple dorito? Is that? What the doritos? The doritos themselves aren't purple?
Right?
You're eating the purple The bag is purple. That's the sweet and spicy chili flavor.
Yeah, that's yeah.
I know my put them away.
Now that's out. I keep them out. Who cares? Live your life anyway? What's up?
Man?
What's up with you? How are you? Who are you? What's your name again?
Jacob?
Jacob? What did you do today?
I worked most of the day. I worked as a pool tech. I clean pools and work on filters and palm and systems and all that. So that took up most of my day. I thought I was supposed to go do something for the county uh, and then I checked my email and realized that I was wrong as I was on my way there. So I had dinner with some friends and then I came home to work on my uh little a little side hustle.
What's your side hustle?
Well, I do.
A concert photography and videography, and I worked with a bunch of artists and do like music videos and stuff like that in every spare minute that I have though, Wait.
You have a you have a pretty cool life. Actually, do you like your life?
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
I get to uh get to go to concerts for free. I might be shooting a band at a soccer game tomorrow in DC. I'm also uh a Maryland resident. I know you come from the land of Maryland. So shout out Maryland.
Shout out, shout out Maryland. What part I shit? I want to ask you, like where specifically in Maryland you are, but I don't want to dos you. But also if you don't care, I don't care.
I know.
Well, it's up to you.
I mean, I live in like the northern part of Maryland. I can tell you if you want to, I could tell you, like roughly, I don't know where in Maryland you're exactly from. I could tell you where I'm from if you want to bleep it.
Out, dude. I I today, someone swatted me like five years ago. Have I ever told this story? Somebody fucking uh like found where I live and they like, they found where I live, and they called the police and they were like, hey, I live at and then they gave my address, like pretending they lived at my place, and they were like, I live at you know such and such a dress, and a man has broken into my house wearing a and he's wearing a gecko costume
and he has a gun. And the idea of being they were trying to get the cops to come to my house and think I had a gun so they would kill me. Isn't that crazy?
Yeah?
Where I don't know what scale you were at five years ago to And I feel like I see it happening to like these giant streamers, but like, were you streaming at the time or did it just happen?
Yeah?
The question is whether or not I had enough clout to be uh, to be to be swatted. All that's to say, I don't want that to happen to you. You know, I don't want that to I don't want somebody to say, you know, I clean pool filters and I have a gun whatever? Uh anyway, ah fuck you're uh your name one more time? Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. It's it's genuinely, it's completely okay if not. I'm trying to be a little more loose today. Sometimes, you know what's
funny for the past. For a lot of times on this podcast, I say to someone it's okay if not, but do you have something you want to talk about? And a lot of times I don't actually mean it when I say it's okay if not, I mean that about fifty percent of the time depends on what mood I'm in today. I'm I could take her to leave it. We could talk about pools for an hour, But do you have something you want to talk about today?
Do you call me because I called you? Or did you call me because I texted you.
We're on the phone together right now. That's all that matters.
I was gonna say, because I left you at text, but I saw you might find interesting didn't read it. Okay, well, I can reiterate if you'd like.
To please, please please.
I have this kind of conglomerate that I call the Mysterious that is really a embodiment of all the failed relationships and situationships I had in like middle school, high school, you know, like kind of those early I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to talk to girls,
made a lot of mistakes. Yeah, and I call it the Mysterious X because I like, I was kind of the first of my friend group to really like start dating, and me and my buddies weren't really like public with like we didn't talk too much about like the girls we were talking to. It was kind of weird, like
the anount. We didn't talk about it, but when it would be brought up, it's like, oh, I just kind of you know, it's a conglomerate of multiple different females, but it's like, oh, that is was just an experience I had with the mysterious X.
Okay, I have multiple questions. I'm also looking at your text now. You said, dear GEK, life has been good, but the conglomerate. That is, the mysterious X haunts me too often. I also long for the nomadic lifestyle because the housing market sucks and I do not dream the American dream, but I feel held down by my girlfriend and current situation. Okay, those are two things. Let's start with the first thing. What Okay, when you say the mysterious X. Ex. By the way, it's not like a
chemical or whatever. When you say the mysterious X. This is a conglomerate. This is multiple people that you are referring to as one person. Correct, Yeah, okay, and these are okay. So the mysterious X is a force that is created by the traumas endured you at the hands of all of your previous ex girlfriends.
Girl, yeah, pretty much?
Okay, how many of how many ex girlfriends make up this force that is the combination of all your ex girlfriends?
It was it was really like middle school high school situationships. There was only like one or two that was like we were kind of dating but not really, but it's essentially like.
Middle school. These are middle school situationships.
It was like people I was talking to as like you know, getting through puberty, like learning how to talk to and like, you know, lots of you know, emotional mistakes made. It's like just growing up learning how to. I mean, I'm only I'm only nineteen now.
Okay, I was gonna ask how old you are? Because yeah, I mean, dude, do you guys, I you're nineteen? How are in what way? Is your your middle school relationship still haunting you?
Unfortunately? It's like people that I still see every once in a while and like randomly come across them at the gym or like there is still kind of in friend circles. So it's like I get reminded of like, oh, you know, me and that person used to talk and we're like a thing for a while, and now we're not. It's just awkward.
But dude, it's like, why is that? Why is that awkward? It's middle school, man.
It's it's really not awkward. It's just me stuck in my head making it awkward. Like exactly full conversations with them, like nothing happens, but like in my head it's like, oh, I got reminded of that one text I sent to them that one time.
You know, dude, yeah, I listen, my friend, you have a free listen. You have a free pass to be as cringy and stupid as you want in middle school and high school. Man, you're your knight to Why are you? What are you doing with your life?
Now?
Are you in college?
So?
I was in college. I dropped out of community college, okay, because I've been doing all this like concert media stuff and ended up kind of getting successful with it and making decent money with it. And I was taking classes for it just because I was interested in it. And then I like didn't learn anything from my classes, and I was learning way more by just being a doer and going out and actually getting stuff done and networking and meeting people and you know, going to do stuff
that I was like, this is kind of dumb. I'm just gonna stop paying for classes and just go do what I enjoy doing.
Cool, Okay, all right? So, uh you have a girlfriend now, I do, well, So why and you're happy in that relationship?
Yeah?
Yeah, very much. We've been together, uh a little over three years now.
Okay, So dude, what I mean, I don't know if you're I don't know how serious you are about any of the ship. But like the conglomerate known is the Mysterious ex I mean is that Is that really a thing? That's like, you're in a you have a successful business and you're in a successful relationship. Why do you give a shit about anything that happened to middle school?
I really don't. I'm really like past them ultimately. But then it's like, you know those late night thoughts where I'm up too late, you know, working on stuff I just like get reminded. It's like, oh, you know, I gotta reminded that person or like one of them randomly added me on Snapchat like semi recently. Is like all this just like brings back weird, awkward memories, you know, throw my mood off for a day or two. And then it's like, you know, when I'm back to like
normal life and I completely forget about it. And then a couple of months later, it's like, oh, you know, I'm reminded of them again.
You know what I'm gonna do, Actually, I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make this worse. You want to hear something that that will actually make you feel worse, go for it. You know how You're like you're uplate at night and you start ruminating about like, uh, cringey stuff that you did in middle school. Right, I'm gonna make it worse for you. And in just a few years you're gonna be up late at night ruminating about cringey stuff that you are doing right now.
Cringy stuff that I'm telling a get go.
On the phone exactly exactly. This is the kind of thing that you're It's like a cycle. You're gonna be reminist saying on how cringey it was to cringe over your middle school ex girlfriend.
I just remembered, can I go on like a slight side tangent, I have a little story that kind of pertains to you.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Wait you have a story about story.
So you had an episode recently about a woman who worked with rats, and you talked about like, oh, what if one of the rats became sentient, and like would you let the rat free?
Yeah?
Yeah I remember that.
Yeah.
Well, like the next night, I had the most vivid dream. I haven't had like vivid dreams in a while. I had the most vivid dream about a sentient rat that like came out of a pool and was like talking to me. I was like in my dream, I was like I heard about this somewhere, and then I was like, thinking about you in my dream talking to this sentient rat?
Is that weird?
So you had had a dream about me?
Well, I had a dream about a sentient rat, and then it kind of came like a lucid dreamer, I kind of realized I was dreaming, and then I like was consciously like.
Oh, this is what Lyle talked about.
This is like it's like that trained situation where you like you can either hit five people or you change the track and it hits you know, one person and you're responsible for their death.
It's like what am i?
Am I gonna let the sentient rat go? Or am I gonna like turn it?
Having the dream itself is like the train situation.
No. Well, in the in the episode, when you were talking to a woman, she like raises rats to be sped to like cats and snakes and stuff, And the situation you posed to her was like, if you found the sentient rat, would you just let him go or would you keep him there to be fed to the snakes?
And I was like faced with that same situation of like, oh, do I like talk to the rat and let him go free and just let him like live a ratitudy life, or do I like turn him into a lab and like let people do science on him and find cures to cancer or something.
What's your name again, Jacob? I don't think it's weird, Jacob. Is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Yeah, I would say, just just be a go getter. Do things. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you're doing something. That's been my one of my biggest.
Things in life.
I've gotten to do some really cool stuff I got I've gotten to shoe for a bunch of cool bands and meet a bunch of cool people and do all these cool things with you know, a hobby and an art that I never thought i'd be doing, only just because I thought it was fun, and then I went and did it. And now I get to, you know, you do what I love doing and make money from it. And it's a lot of fun and I love it every single day. So just go do just don't don't sit still. Just go do something.
Thank you, Jacob.
Awesome, Well, thank you, Lyle. Have a good night.
Hey you too, man, good luck, good luck with the mysterious X.
I appreciate it.
No, no, I'm thank you.
See Jacob. That was Jacob. Hello, Hi, Hello?
Oh is this the Get Go?
Yes?
Who is this? My name's Riley, Riley have do you ever see this show? This is fucking Nickelodeon show. It's called The Replacements.
Oh, I haven't heard of it.
Ah, there's a character in the name, right the show goes Todd and Riley were oh so sad. Then they replaced all the people in their life. You know.
That's that.
It's about these two kids and they can point at someone and press a button and they replaces them with a different guy. Uh huh.
I one thing I ever watched.
Oh, we just looked familiar.
Oh you looked it up. Okay, I'm looking it up too. This is definitely something that uh what years is from?
What?
Who created it? Wonder what they're doing? Now? Wow's let's see created by Dan Santat. What's he up to?
What did he get my text?
Dan Satat was born in nineteen seventy five to Thai immigrants in Brooklyn before moving to California when he was three. What's he doing right now? Hold on, he's a commercial illustrator. Well he's doing pretty good. He's like put you always. He's making books.
Now like children's books.
Yeah, he made a book called a fish boy named Sashimi.
But did he get my text?
Are you hold on? Hold on, Riley, hold on, hold your horses, Riley, Jesus Christ?
Can't we on talking to the get go?
Well?
Interesting? He was a commercial illustrator for GQ Russia. Oh uh, he's got two sons, a bird, three dogs, and a cat. This guy is cool. Imagine you just make like a like if you just have three years where you make a Disney Channel show and then you write children's books and you have a and then you buy a bird?
Is it like a parrot?
It doesn't say what kind of birdie? He just says he has a just says a bird, three dogs and two cats. All right, what did you want to talk about?
I was going to ask your opinion on what you think about if smut books h are equivalent to porn?
Are smut books equivalent to porn? Well, smut books have from what I understand, I from what I understand, smut books kind of vary in their level of graphicness. Correct.
Yeah, and uh.
Do you I mean do you read smut books?
Yeah? I mean there's like that really popular one it's uh, like, the really popular one is a Court of Thorns and Roses.
And who does that?
Oh, let me check. I have the book, but I haven't read it yet. It's by Sarah J.
Moss.
Wait okay, so you have you have the book, but you haven't read it yet.
Yeah.
But uh but okay, but you read books of this genre.
Like romantic fantasy books.
Yeah, okay, yeah. And do you I mean, do you think that they are on the same level as porn?
I don't think so. But obviously a lot of men like and like the Manisphere saying that, like it's equivalent kind of but I disagree.
Okay, well, so what so these guys from the manisphere are saying their equivalent? What what's what's their arguments?
I mean, none of the men in like the Manisphere really have good arguments, to be honest.
So well, I didn't ask if it was a good argument. I just what is the argument of uh that it's that it's porn.
Well, but you're like reading it versus seeing the actual videos of porn, you know, uh huh, So I don't really, I don't know. I can kind of see it a little bit of being equivalent, but not to the extent that men's I think it is.
Do like the men in your real life, do they do they believe that they're they're equivalent?
Uh in my own personal life.
Yeah, I mean there is an aspect of okay, and there is an aspect of it where it is like genuinely for the plot correct like that, Like the plot lines of these books are meant to be engaging. You don't watch poor and for any sort of like engaging plot line exactly.
Yeah, And honestly, a lot of the smut books that are popular are more it's like eighty no, like even like ninety percent of it is just storyline, and there's like ten percent of smutt you know.
I mean, are you jacking off to this stuff? That's another big thing. No, if you're not jacking off to the star, then it's not even on the same and it's not even in the same universe, right, Yeah, Okay, have you.
Ever read any spot books?
When I was younger, I was like fourteen, I there was I actually actually think I've talked about this on the podcast before, but there was this like website called my first Time dot com where people would like tell stories about like losing their virginity and whatnot. I think there was just people, but a lot it was probably fake, but like people would just tell like stories about like meeting someone and then like having sex with them for
the first time. And I used to jack off to that when I was like fourteen, But since then I haven't really.
Been like, how did you even like come upon that? Because like when I was fourteen, I didn't even think of looking for something like that, Okay.
But when you were But when you were fourteen, you don't look for these things. They just they find you, you know, like when you were fourteen exactly, like you're like, you're listen, you're you read smell you're former Tumblr person? Correct, I'm not?
Actually no?
I mean no, yeah, what was your site? What was your thing for?
What?
For the Internet?
I mean it was really just Instagram and Snapchat. You know.
How how old are you?
Twenty two?
Okay? Uh, that's that's so that's a that's about that's enough of a generational gap. Uh.
How old are you?
Uh? Forty seven?
You're forty seven.
You're like you were young.
I'm not forty seven. I am not forty seven years old. I'm I'm who cares? Okay, so, I mean, what can I say you? Why did you want to ask me this?
I don't know, because I feel like it's like a controversial question, and I've gotten like mixed reviews as to like other people's responses and everything. So I was curious to see your stance on smut books versus porn.
Does if I search up Rouge the Bat from Sonic Nude, that's not smut, right, that's like what does that count as?
What?
That's what would you? What category would you put that under? If I wanted to read stories about Rouge the Bat engaged in in a tryst with Shadow or perhaps on on one regardable evening the Eggman, that would that would be under a under smut?
I guess I would. Yeah, that would be under smut. And it's probably gonna be on.
On what what bad?
You don't know what good?
What wet pad? Yeah? W A T TPA D it does this is a porn fan fiction? No? No, no no.
It was just like a like an app that you could uh pretty much upload your own stories, like you don't have to be like a published off like a like author or whatever. But some of the stories on there actually did get published because they were super popular, but watpad was like a big thing when I grew up.
At least, what was the most intriguing thing that you have read on? What ped?
Oh it's been forever, but man, that I don't remember. Actually, I haven't been on it in years, Riley.
Yeah, you should check out that show the replacements. It's pretty it's I want I'm gonna rewatch this guy Dan Okay's so I'm inspired by this guy. He's had a really long and good career. Man, he's fifty. How old was he when he made the replacements? He was like, my damn, he was like, what year was he born? Nineteen seventy five? He's thirty one?
Okay, so he was thirty one.
Yeah that's pretty good. I feel like I'm almost thirty one.
How old are you?
I'm I'm almost thirty one, Riley? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No, I still didn't really get your opinion on if you think.
What do you mean and give what do you mean? And give my opinion? Well, what do you mean?
Give?
I totally? I absolutely gave my opinion.
Do you think it's actually like equivalent?
Yes?
Well, I gave you my opinion. I said, it's not they were not even in the same universe.
Okay, okay, perfect, thank you, that's perfect.
You came in here with some kind of I don't do you feel like you got what you wanted out of this interaction. I don't know I can handle whatever the truth full answer is.
I mean to be honest, I'm kind of drunk.
Okay, and I didn't even think that I was ever gonna be able to talk to you, so I was kind of caught off guard.
I thought it was, you know, shot in the dark.
You know, what do you do? What do you It's Tuesday night? What do you are you celebrating something? No, well, every day is a day to celebrate.
That's true. It's a you know, every day you should celebrate.
I'll see you around the universe.
Riley, all right, I'll see you.
Get go, dude.
Please tell me if someone else knows remembers this show. Uh, it's a little strange that they can just like, oh fuck. Nancy Cartwright played the main kid. Gray de Leslie played the other kid. Why do I know who this woman is? She's like a super famous uh voice actress person who she played she played uh oh, she played Vicky, the babysitter on the line every nine nos Id just teaching you to how to have your life, but he's not really an expert.