Hello, while Hi.
What is your name?
Hey, my name's Ray. How's your Saturday?
So far?
My Saturday is going fine. I'm in the I'm always having an existential crisis. You know, do you ever have those.
All the time? What's your crisis about?
Well, it's just like I don't know what the point is of like doing anything. I know this sounds really depressing, but it's like I don't know. I'm gonna tell a story real quick. I'm started. I'm gonna start. I'm having more fun actually now talking over callers and giving my thoughts. So I'm gonna do that to you right now. There's this guy so I used to be I still am. I'm really into competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee. You familiar with Super Smash Brothers. Yeah, And there's this guy I
think about all the time. He's a player. He's a professional Super Smash Brothers player. His name is Hungry Box, and he's been playing professional Super Smash Brothers Melee for like fifteen years something crazy like that. I don't know if it's exactly fifteen years, but whatever. And he's been like he hasn't been like number one the whole time, but for at least like seven, six, five years he
was number one. He was the best player of all time, okay, and he's like his whole he's a very competitive guy, and he just he always wants to win the game. And I saw I was watching a video of him winning a tournament from like eleven years ago or something like that, and when he wins the tournament, he pops off. He jumps out of his chair in excitement because he won the tournament. He's like so amped. He wants it so bad to win this tournament. He wants it so badly.
And then I watched the video from like six months ago of him winning a tournament, and when he wins the tournament, just as he did eleven years ago, he pops off. He is filled with emotion. He's so happy that he won the tournament. He wanted it so bad. And I think about this guy often just because, like I guess, I don't understand this thing of like, after being number one for eleven years, how do you still give a shit? You know? How do you still care
so much about winning after you've won? I mean, this guy's won, you know, a hundred of these tournaments and he still wants to win so badly every time. I guess, I don't. I don't understand, you know, how does that deep how does that desire stay so palpaable for years? And I'm thinking about this because I'm trying to figure out in my own life, like what I give a shit about, like what I care about, and I have certain things that I've cared about for many years, and
I'm just like, I don't. I don't know how I can see myself caring about this, you know, into my thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, you know. And I'm like, is that is How is that how life is supposed to be? Or are you supposed to kind of pick your things that you give a shit about? Like you do you understand what I'm saying right now?
Definitely? Like how do you keep the fire burning?
Right?
I had this conversation with someone the other day actually, and the way that he described it is like growth can kind of come through in different ways. As long as you keep growing, it doesn't really matter how so, you know, sometimes it's good to take a break in the thing that's no longer you know, on fire for you and just kind of grow in a different direction.
Sorry, I just I just hopped up to Sorry, I just hopped up to turn off a space heater.
You.
Yeah, well, you've been experiencing this in your life. Well how you? How have you reinvented yourself? How have you done this?
Well? I, I guess in terms of my career, I have been really questioning if I still also if I still care about it. But I've been forced to kind of take a different direction in my career because of my personal life. And I think with a lot of things that have been going on in my personal life, it's it's become impossible to care about my professional life
in the same way. You know, I think different areas of our life can kind of drain a lot of energy out of us make it harder to perform in other areas.
So tell me what is going on in your personal life is that has made you care less about the professional life?
Well, two years ago, I got married to a stranger on a girl's trip. I went to a small country in Central America with some of my girls and had a love at first sight experience. I've never experienced it before in my life, and I think in some way I thought it was kind of like it didn't really matter if I got married to this person, but I never felt those feelings before, so I just went for it.
And there were a lot of people in my life, you know, telling me, probably shouldn't do this, what if he's like a serial killer or something, And I didn't listen to them because I was thinking, like, the chances of him being like a serial killer or some crazy person are are there.
But not that high, you know.
I yes, I made I meet a lot of strangers all the time, and I was less afraid of it than I should have been. But he turned out to be a total psychopath. Actually, uh.
You know.
At a certain point, I went to live with him in that country and it was okay, but I got really bad feeling about it. So I came back to the US where I live, and he snuck into the country illegally. I came here, and the situation just got really abusive, really bad. In September of last year, he was arrested for strangling me. So I led to a bunch of you know, court cases or police investigations. The FEDS got involved, I got the FEDS reached out to me. So it was just so all consuming of my life
and trying to figure out how to keep myself safe. Yeah, so I've reached this point. He was finally caught because he was released on bail for the strangulation and just went on the run. So he was finally caught, and he's in a detention facility very far away from me now pending deportation. But yeah, I'm definitely in this place, like I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
You know.
I came in so crazy and hot, and now this kind of left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what I actually want.
So where did where did you go in Central America? Where you met this guy? Believe belieze? And how long were you there for?
Uh, for the Girls Tripper. I guess like maybe two weeks, but then I came How did you?
How did you meet this guy?
He was our tour guide for like a boat tour. They have a great barrier reef out there.
I actually met him before the tour.
It's so weird. We didn't really say that much to each other. It was just I had an overwhelming It's felt like everything exploded in my body when I saw him. It's so weird to talk about. I've never had an experience like that before or since, And he described the same thing. But yeah, and that we just kind of once we did start talking, we became inseparable.
M And so you went back to Belize how soon after the trip?
Just a couple of weeks after?
And do you not have a job or anything that you like? Did you? Did you quit your job? Did you not have any place that needed your attention to be there?
I did have a job. I eventually I quit that job, which I also very much regret doing. It was a very crazy, impulsive decision. I think I was also kind of growing tired of the life that I had in the US, so it was appealing to escape to another place.
You know.
So you got married to this guy? How soon after you met him?
A couple weeks after I met him?
And why did you decide to get married? Why not just hang out?
Well? I actually thought about it. I was like, I'm either going to have to go home and just never talk to this guy again, just let it stay there, or I have to really commit to this happening.
I think he.
Also really drove that idea into my head, like I had to if I wanted to make something happen with him. I had to commit one hundred percent or I had to just leave it behind me. He was heavily pushing or marriage, which should have been a huge red flag.
How old are you and how old is he?
I am twenty seven, he's twenty six, okay, and at the time I was twenty twenty five.
What'd your girls think about this? Did they tell you not to do it? After kind of being the only other people who knew anything about this guy?
They actually really liked him. At first. I didn't get any you know, strong, don't do it messages from them, but other friends of mine at home and in my family, of course, we're we're not happy about it, and told me that I shouldn't do it. But the girls on the trip were weirdly pretty supportive.
And so the plan was just to, you know, abandon all your life in America and move to Belize. What was it in America going on that was making you so sick of being there that you wanted to just hail Mary over to Belize.
I don't I don't know if I really hated America. I had a pretty comfortable life here. I think I was just it was starting to feel monotonous and I had such what I felt like was such an exciting, appealing opportunity to leave the country and live a different kind of life. I think I just thought that the idea of something completely different really made me want to try it out.
And how long did you stay in Belize? Married to this guy?
For a couple months? Maybe two months?
Okay? And were you living at his house? Were you living with his family?
Yeah, we had a place together.
Did you have a job there? Did you like what? I guess? What were your plans for being there outside of just being with this guy.
I was.
I was considering getting a job I never did. I looked into a couple opportunities, but the pay was it was pretty much nothing, and I actually had some bills in the US I had to take care of. So I realized pretty quickly I couldn't like, there was no way I could really take care of myself with any kind of job, in believe, and he wasn't making enough money to even take care of you know, our our
bills and believes. So I considered some remote work, you know, like working jobs that are in the US, but just doing it from believe. I kind of I left with the decision like to just go back and forth, you know, find a job that I could work in the United States and then maybe either hybrid remote or full time remote work, so I could go back and forth. But there were a lot of red flags and his behavior was really erratic and scary, so I never actually went back to live there.
And how did his behaviors start to change?
Where he shouted a lot of jealousy, obsessive jealousy. He was always very quick to apologize for behavior. If he did something that was that really upset me or made me feel uncomfortable, he was at first really quick to apologize.
And.
He just continued repeating the same behavior. So nothing changed, but a lot of jealousy, Like I wasn't I wasn't really safe or comfortable to hang out with friends or you know, go out and do anything without him calling, texting me over and over and over and over and then getting very angry at me. He had my location.
Tracked on.
We used different like apps, but he was very insistent on knowing exactly where I was all the time, and he lied about pretty much everything I started finding out as the relationship progressed that everything he told me about who he was, about his family about his life was a lie?
What kind of lies?
His age? Even his age? He lied to me about his age. He claimed to have a really good relationship with his family, and I met his family, but that wasn't it wasn't true. He really he really kind of painted this like fantasy life that he had and none of it was true. He told me he was my age, but he was a year younger than me, which is such a small thing to lie about, and it didn't make sense.
Okay.
He told me that he had been because I had been single for about three maybe four years before I met him, and he told me he was also single for about three years before.
I met him.
And then I found this girl had made like a me to post on Facebook about him, claiming that he had like hit her and that he was really abusive towards her and that he was cheating on her with me. Wow and yeah, And he told me, was this.
Another was this another? Was this another foreign foreign woman? Or was this was this a girl of Belize?
Yeah? Yeah, she was a girl in Belize. So he told me she was just an ex girlfriend from a long time ago, and that she was really jealous and crazy, and even his family members told me the same thing as she was crazy. They they hadn't been together for so long. And then over time, slowly it just kept eating at me because a lot of the things that she wrote about in her post started happening to me.
She talked a lot about how jealous he was and about how he started trying to control what she did and who she talked to, and the same way as she described it, it started happening to me. So I kind of kept pressing him about this girl. I was like, you know, and his answer changed every time. So it went from oh, no, I haven't talked to her in three years, to oh, well it was like a couple months, to oh, well, you know, she wanted us to stay together, but a couple of days before you and I met,
I broke things off with her. You know, the stories just kept changing over the weeks and months.
And so when was it that you decided to leave Belize, leave a past or leave Belize?
I guess September. I left in.
September, and and then and that was after about two months of being there.
He said, yeah, just about two months.
And I'm curious, what was it that kind of was like, all right, I gotta leave, and then also was it difficult to get out?
I was. I actually had a trip to Italy planned to visit my best friend who lived there, So it was kind of a decision of whether after that trip if I would go back to Belize or if I would go to the United States. So I ended up going back to the United States after that trip. But he made it very difficult to leave. He didn't want me to go on this trip. I'd planned it years in advance, but he was trying to stop me from going. He told me he was going to hide my passport
so that I couldn't leave. So I actually I slept with my passport on my person for days before I left. And then once I went on that trip, he did everything he could to try to make my trip miserable.
He asked me, he harassed my friend. He just would call over and over and over and over, and I made it really clear, you know, I tried to tell them, you know, we can talk for like an hour maybe two hours in the mornings, but I need the rest of the time for like me and my friend, and if anything urgent comes up, just text me and I'll get back in touch with you. I shared my location with him the whole time, but it was it wasn't
enough for him. He seemed to think I was cheating on him the entire trip, so I didn't get a break from that. And when I finally was like, you know what, I can't do this and I turn off my phone or block him or you know, just silence his messages or notifications, he would start. He would make violent threats about me or my friend.
And did you go from Italy back to Belize or do you go straight from Italy back to the US?
I went straight back to the US. I was like, I can't deal with this guy anymore.
Would did you have any belongings that you had to leave behind? And believe.
One that I really cared about. I think I had some clothes and some like toilet trees. But I knew before I left on that trip that I was probably not going to come back.
Yeah, I don't think it's worth going back to a crazy Belizian man for some shower gel.
Yeah, it's definitely not. It got worse and worse to the point I'm like, you know what, I need to divorce this guy. And around the time I started talking to him about you know we need to get a divorce. Is when he I guess he had a contact in the cartel who was able to get him across into the US illegally.
How did he find out where you lived?
It was we had to put our addresses on our marriage certificate. He knew where I lived. He was also constantly like he had access to my location. He made me download certain acts that would share my location with him, so he knew where I was and where I would go.
And so he had a contact in the cartel. Did you have any idea that did he ever talk about like the cartel or anything like that with you before?
Towards towards the end, when I was when I was pretty sure I wanted to end things, he mentioned that he had like killed people. He claimed to be like a gang leader and believe I didn't believe it because he didn't have any money, you know, But like he told a lot of kind of stories like that, either to scare me or he was kind of opening up about being involved in some bad things. So it wasn't
really surprising to me. I I can't really talk too much about certain things because of some investigations that are going on. But his family is really bad news.
So I was curious about your guys marriage. I mean, like, what, how how legally binding was this thing? Well, now that you're back in the US, like do they really give a fuck about you know, Belizean that's probably not how you say it, Belizian, belie it's Belizian. It sounds made up. I feel like I made that. No, Belieze is a country, right, it's not a city. I'm so dumb. It's a country, right, Yeah.
Yeah, it's a country. Their main city is Belize City, So oh okay.
So it's believe Belize.
Yeah.
I was gonna say the city is so nice they named it twice, but it sounds kind of like it was bad for you.
Now you're fine, beautiful people in Belize, and I really love the culture and the music is great. It's a great travel destination. I just maybe wouldn't get married to a stranger if you if you decide to go.
So now you are back in the States. Yeah uh r. And so what's what happened with this marriage certificate? Like is I assume I guess how legally binding is it? As there is there? Like, what's going on with it? I suppose like the legality of the marriage.
It's a really good question. I've been trying to find out the answer. I can't really get a clear answer really. I mean, technically, you can get married anywhere in the world, and it's as long as it's legal in the place where you got married, the United States will recognize it. But it's I mean, in the United States, am I married? I don't know. There were some documents that I had to fill out for him to start with, like the green card process. There's a document in particular that kind
of claimed him as a family member of mine. I never filled out any of those. I just had a really bad feeling about making sure on paper, you know, the US government recognized him as a family member of mine. So I never filled any of that out. But I don't really know if it's I don't really know if it's legally binding. I would it is.
So you left Belize in September September of what year two? Okay, So it's been been a little bit yep, And still.
He came into the US and February of last year, twenty twenty three.
Okay, let's talk about that. So he comes into the US and what happens.
So he got hot at the border, or I guess right after he crossed the border, and border patrol or USCIS or whoever technically asked to like call me two or have me fill out documents for me to be his sponsor. But they didn't do that. He was just kind of you know, he put me down as a sponsor. He had our marriage certificate with him, and they shipped him over to where I live. I live in North Carolina, So they shipped him here and I took him in.
He claimed that he was scared for his life and believe he claim that people were trying to kill him, but the story also kept changing over and over and over again.
So he just kind of shows up at your door.
Yeah, well I picked him up from the airport. But yeah, he called me like I'm here and I have nowhere.
Else to go.
And were you were? You know, and this was after he had made these violent threats against you and your friend? Yeah, were you were you skeptical? Were you afraid of of of of the sky at that point?
Yeah, definitely. I thought if he was here, you know, I kind of I had a little bit more in my head. I had a little bit more of an upper hand than when we were in Believe because I didn't know anybody else in Believe and I was kind
of totally at his mercy there. But the way I was thinking about it was like, well, here, I have a friend, you know, this is my home, Like I know how things are done here, and he's showing up with kind of you know, no idea what's going on and how to live here, and he made it very much like, you know, I was all he had. So I thought things were probably going to calm down and that he wasn't going to be as aggressive or abusive as he had been, which is very naive to think.
But I thought maybe it wouldn't.
Be so bad.
So how does that play out?
The opposite? Yeah, the opposite. It was really bad. He started being physically violent about three weeks after he got here, and that was pretty much a weekly thing until he left. It's a it's a miracle I kept my job because I had a new job at the time. But yeah, there were times I started getting really bad migraines. I wasn't I pretty much had no relationship with my friends. I couldn't really like leave the house or go out and do anything unless he was with me, So.
How does this eventually end? Like, how does how does he get out of the picture.
He he strangled me, and I thought I was going to die. It was pretty bad, like I urinated all over myself and it was really bad. So I went to actually just went to an urgent care, like I ran and went to an urgent care, and they filed a police report and the police finally followed up with me, and as I was taking the report, he was calling me over and over and over and over again. So one of the police officers told me to answer his call, put it on speaker and not tell him that they
were there, and my husband just confessed everything. So they got him and arrested him, but they almost immediately, like after two weeks maybe released him on bail, and then he went on the run. And from that point he was sending me multiple death threats. He like video called me, pointed a gun at the camera, told me I was dead, a lot of things to try to scare me. But his violence as we were living together kept escalating, So at that point I really believed that he might hurt me.
I was really lucky to have some friends that were still kind of waiting waiting for me to come back and ready to help.
What happened to him? Where's he now? Do we know?
Yeah? They caught him. He's in a detention facility in another state. Yeah, I guess he was arrested on a domestic violence call in Tennessee and then they they kind of got him and sent him to a different facility to wait deportation.
So he's in jail and he's going to get deported back into Belize. Yeah, and he has he contacted you since or do you have him blocked?
Well, he doesn't. He doesn't have a cell phone, which is nice. He doesn't really have a way to contact me. His family members have been kind of sending me threats sporadically. I randomly get, you know, a call from a believe in number I just have to block. But it's been quiet for a while, for a couple of months now, it's been really quiet m.
Hm hm, which is nice.
But now it's you know, it's weird to go from something so intense to just regular life again. I don't know what normal regular life really looks like.
I mean, yeah, this is uh, this is pretty crazy. This is very very crazy story that you're telling us right now.
Yeah, it's it's it's hard and very weird too, kind of go back to a normal or try to, you know, figure out what normal is.
And you're in North Carolina right now, I am. And do you do you still have that job?
Uh?
I've gone through a couple jobs. I just started a brand new one. It's just kind of for safety reasons. He knew where I was working before, so I started a new one.
And do you like that job?
Yeah?
Yeah, I love the people I work with. I I kind of wish I was able to contribute more, I guess, be more focused. It's been hard to I hear some people say that they're able to just drown themselves in work to avoid thinking about anything else. Oh, yes, I really envy people who can do that. I can't. I wish I had.
More of that, you know. It's it's I don't know, man, I think I don't know. I don't know how like normal human beings like live their life and stuff. But I always kind of think that. And I don't even know what a normal human being looks like, or I guess, I guess I do. I have in my head what a normal human being is like, but I think there's
a lot of like drowning yourself in stuff. You know, whether it's whether you're unlucky enough for it to be you know, drugs and alcohol, or if it's work, or or even or even if it's spent time with family and friends, you know, or or winning super Smash Brothers tournaments. Everyone's kind of drowning themselves in something because that's I guess that's what life is. Is you pick something to drown yourself in to prevent yourself from going insane, and
then you die. And if you're lucky, you've chosen to drown yourself and the warmth of your friends and family. And if if not, you know, you pick something else. But again I don't I don't know how how normal human beings operate. But that's that's how I imagine it to be.
Yeah, that would be nice to drown your life in that.
What do you what do you? What do you desire to do next? What's on what's on the uh on the docket for you?
I don't know.
It's gotten it's gotten really difficult to look forward and imagine the future. M I think I'd like to relocate. I'm kind of pay here for now, but it would be nice to go somewhere else in a different state where you know nobody can find me and just kind of start fresh there, start new.
Would you consider leaving the country again.
Yes, not Believes, but somewhere else. Yeah, probably nowhere in Central America. I think I'm good on Central America for a while.
I think you're good on Central America for a while too. I think you've seen it. You had the food. It was good. You can check it off on your little map list. Probably good for Believes for the rest of your life, I would say, depending on depending on how how high quality that shower gel you left there was. If it was the really good stuff, then maybe you make a trip back to Belize. But if if it was kind of just like something you picked up at Walgreens, then you know you can leave it.
Yeah, I don't. I don't think the shower gel quality in Belize is much better than in the United States. I think we've got some good stuff here.
I'll be Okay, Well, that's a tough thing. I think about that all the time. I think about like life restarts, and I've talked to a lot of people, Uh, you know, when I've been abroad who've restarted their lives, and you know, I've thought about doing it myself, and it's it's a fascinating idea. I mean, you kind of and it's hard because you kind of tried to do it and it just went really poorly. And I don't know if that should necessarily I think I don't know if that should
discourage you from trying to do it again. Maybe you know, you've you've learned some safety tips, you know, is to have you could do it again, but not you know, have it be such a crazy, crazy thing. But uh, you know I would keep that courage that you have. Whatever the courage was that you know, caught want it made you, you know, be like, Okay, I'm going to take a nice leap with my life, right But you know, we we we hone it and we we adjust it.
So it's like, Okay, you know, we're gonna have the courage to go out into a new place and make new connections and whatnot. But you know, we've learned. Maybe we don't you know, sign any any marriage certificates or or do anything super crazy, but something doing something just crazy enough that it you know, propels you into this this new place that you want to be, you know, yeah.
Like get really into some crazy hobby.
Like yeah that sky die sky you're gonna that's skydiving. I mean, I don't know. Skydiving is probably safer than driving a car. I personally, I mean, I watch videos all day of horrible skydiving accidents on Twitter, and so I'm biased against it. But you know, it's I think.
Any extreme sports.
I don't like extreme sports. I don't think it's worth you know, don't get I don't like things where you can get all fucked up. Yeah, yeah, Like why don't you Why don't you move to China and start a knitting club and it's just you and you know the people of China and you're and you're knitting. That could be fun. So that sounds lovely.
Yeah, I have to learn how to knit, but that's a good idea. Go off to some like French countryside and learn how to make you know, French dishes.
Yeah, yeah, don't that's I guess what I'm trying I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope you don't lose is your sense of adventure and sense of.
You know, desire to keep evolving and changing. But that but so don't lose that, you know, don't let this horrible experience, you know, totally freeze you up to the point where you don't want to go out and live your life anymore. Right, we don't want that to happen, but you know, but but take that sense and you know, don't let it aroad. But also don't let it, you know, steer you into you know, the bad places. You know, you know what I'm talking about.
Oh yeah, yeah, I think it takes some time too for healing. I haven't really spent a whole lot of time in between adventures, I guess, focusing on healing myself and making myself, you know, stronger before jumping into the next thing. Sure, sure, sure, I think that healing can be an adventure in itself.
Sometimes I like that. I like that. You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna take that. I'm going to take that from you. Healing can be an adventure in and of itself. Sometimes I'm going to take that. I like that.
Sometimes it's the hardest one, sometimes it's the scariest one, but it's one of the most important ones.
What's your name again?
Out right?
Right? Well, right right, thanks for sharing your tale with us. I hope it was helpful to talk about. You know. You know what. I bet somebody will listen to this podcast and you you'll you maybe you'll you'll get them to think twice about their you know, crazy foreign marriage adventure that they might be embarking on.
That was my hope. That's the plan. Thank you so much for having.
Me a while.
Of course, any final words for the people of the computer before we.
Go, just think twice before doing anything crazy.
Take care, right, Thanks so much. I you know, at the beginning of Race Call, I was telling her that I was in an existential crisis mode, and I am. And whenever I get into an existential crisis mode, my first instinct is like, okay, well, I'm not getting any younger, and I have this job that only only every so often requires me to actually you know, be in a physical location, and so why don't I go to Thailand for a little bit, you know, and see what the
fuck happens. And I do think I'm gonna do that. I do think it's important to do those things. But I am inspired by Ray's words of maybe, you know, healing and overcoming and reinventing and and tacking on. You know, the issues you actually have in your home are already adventure in and of themselves, and so I'm going to think about that and what what would you know? As it's it's my favorite thing in the podcast is when when the therapy gecko gets therapy echoed. So thank you very much.
Ray.
Hello, Hi there. What's your name?
Oh? My name is Mea.
I was at your Syracuse show a few days ago.
Why are you? Why are you talking like that? You're like doing a bit.
I have no idea.
I think I'm kind of like a little I don't want.
To say a little autistic because people don't like when.
It's okay, yeah, that's okay, that's okay.
You know, I think that might be a little bit.
That's okay, that's totally okay. I just I just the only I didn't say that, I promisedly. I wasn't saying that to be a dick. I just I was saying that because I was like, no, you were You don't have to do that. You can do we can just talk. It's okay.
Oh it takes a lot to bother me, honestly, So you're fine.
Okay, I really, I didn't mean to offend you. I just wanted to tell you, like, you don't have to because I think some people I think they have to like do a put on, and you don't. You could just be be whoever you are. It's okay.
No, I'm just naturally strange. I'm sorry about that.
Oh no, no, no, no no, don't don't be. Just as long as you're being naturally whatever you are, you have nothing to apologize for. Oh yeah, anyway, uh Mia you yes, you you? You mentioned to me over over this text that you were at my Syracuse show a few nights to go shout out to Syracuse had a really fun time this week Syracuse, Albany, Hartford, Connecticut doing shows. Uh therapic gecotour dot com, go check it out. But anyway, you said you broke up with your boyfriend after the show?
Was he at? I'm wonder was the show like a catalyst for this breakup?
Oh so not necessarily. I mean it was like a couple days.
After, but not long after.
You know, I feel I feel like a bitch, and I'm kind of like, you know, am I the asshole?
I might be?
I might tell us what happens if you if you want to.
So, me and my boyfriend, uh we met on TikTok's very very strange way to meet and he lives in Michigan and oh god, I he flew out here. He was supposed to stay till freaking boom till Tuesday, and uh, I should not be laughing. It's not funny, very sad. I laugh at sadness.
Uh.
You know, we were we were playing these cards that were that are like, oh, let's get closer.
Couples of a day.
Oh yeah, I know, it's the whole like here's some questions to build intimacy kind of cards.
Yeah.
I kind of went like the opposite direction. I just kind of like, you know, I do thing where it's like in every relationship, I kind of lie to myself after a while, which is totally not intentional. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm in love, this is great. This is going to be the rest of my life.
And then there's just kind.
Of like this impending cloud of doom, like oh no, this is going to be the rest of my life. Yeah, and then I kind of start freaking out. It's not that I don't know, I don't know what is So you know, it's kind of like, oh, what's going on? You see him a little upset, and I'm like, yeah, not feeling it, you know. And it was just it was just like this downward spiral. And I paid for him to fly home that day.
That that is hold on, hold on, that is funny, Like.
Oh, it's so bad because like he didn't do anything wrong.
That's okay, that's okay. You don't have to. They don't have to. It's not it doesn't have to be. It doesn't you know, it doesn't have to be sad. Hold on, Okay, all right, Well can I can I just real quick me out, let me, let's rain all of this in real quick. Okay. So here's how I understand this. All right, So, so you went to the show with with this guy that you met on tape. Was see your boyfriend? Or was he just like a guy that you kind of met for the first time on to off of TikTok?
So we met on TikTok, but we had meeting up in person like twice before, Okay, so this was like third times charm.
All right? So if you do so, he flies from Misschigan to Syracuse, you guys, was he were you both at the show. Yeah, did I meet guys?
Yeah, we have a picture with you. We were like, I want to last in line.
Wait a minute, hold like, I'm so sorry. Can you send me this picture? I want to see if I remember your faces?
Oh Jesus, Oh so I just text it to you.
Yeah, I just texted to this phone number. But I'll talk to I'll talk to you while you're doing it. It's recent enough that I remember your faces. Maybe, but anyway, Okay, so you So he flies out from Michigan to Syracuse, Uh, to hang out with you, go to the show? Uh? And how long is he in Syracuse for? So with that?
Oh god, that was the first day.
So he flies in, goes to the show. Okay, he sent the picture. He hold let me let me let me see if I remember you guys. Okay, wait a minute, Oh wait, I told absolutely, Wait hold on, hold on? Is his name? I don't want to dox him, Brandon. Let's cut all right, Brandon. Let's me if we can mute this name from the podcast, because I don't want to dox him, But tell me if I was right?
Is was his name? Yeah? Ah? Fuck? Yeah? The fuck all of you guys, who think I don't remember anyone's name because I fucking remember this guy's name.
Hell yeah, Oh he got it, you got it, I got.
It, I fucking got I'm actually, I actually am so stoked about that because you listen, if you listen to this show, you'll listen to me ask people's name about one hundred times. But yes, I remember this guy. No, I remember this guy. He had a he had a vibe going to him. Both both both you guys had a head a little vibe going. I do remember you guys.
Yeah, it's just like, man, he didn't do anything wrong, you know, I don't know, maybe you don't know, but just like, not to sound corny, but the vibe is there or it's not there. And we very much, you know, connected as friends, but they're the romance it was dead.
I remember his name because he just looks like his name. He looks like his name. Anyway, listen to me. I don't think. Okay, you plant you paying for him to fly home that day. It is funny. Okay, you don't have to feel bad about I mean, you don't feel bad about it because it is. It is funny. But but here's the thing. I don't think there's anything, there's nothing wrong with uh, just be making this decision of like, you know what, it's not there. We don't have to
waste time. We don't have to, you know, hang out in Syracuse for another week while we're not feeling it. Just just go home. They lick the wounds and we'll move on. We'll figure it out. It's fine, it's fine.
Like I totally would have waited till after the trick, Like I did not plan to do this. That's why I feel like an asshole, because it's like, damn, I couldn't have waited till Why.
Wait, why wait? What was gonna happen? You decided you didn't like him? What was that week gonna look like? That wasn't gonna be a fun week for either of you. That was only gonna it was only gonna get worse, right, because you were gonna be feeling slowly, slowly, more and more as though you were getting trapped into a thing that you didn't even want to be in. And he was gonna start, he was gonna get more and more excited and happy and more invested, and it was it
was just not gonna be a good thing. So, you know, I don't think there was anything wrong with being you know, being honest and sending him home and being like, you know what, this wasn't gonna work. It was only gonna get worse. You know you actually did the right thing, I think because you ended it, uh before before it got worse.
And he's like, let me pay you back for the point ticket.
I'm like.
This, it was honestly, honestly kind kind it's still very funny, but kind of you to pay for the plane ticket back.
Well, it's like, you know, don't we sit there like four days in awkwardness and then right right right, you know, let's make it work.
It's like, no, instead, did you pack him a lunch and give him an apple juice for the flight?
No?
You know I didn't do that, And I do feel bad.
I could have I can cook.
What was I gonna say?
Oh?
What was the card that made you decide that it wasn't gonna work?
Oh? God? Well, you know it was kind of like one after the other, like questions like like I should not be laughing. See this is how I feel like an asshle.
I just I laughed to deal with things.
I do genuinely feel so bad because he's a great guy, great friend.
He was a nice Yeah, I liked I Like, it's like questions like, what what made me fall in love with you?
Do you remember the moment I fell in love with you? And I was like, oh God, not really.
It's like, am I supposed to?
You know?
I mean, you just met the guy for the second time?
Well third, but still how how how.
How long were you guys chatting on the TikTok for?
Oh, but I think I'm bad at timelines.
We've known each other for like a bit over a year.
Okay, we talked on TikTok for a little bit, went over to Snapchat kind of weird, but like just talked on Snapchat and just continuously talked every day. And then, like I want to say, after being friends for like six months or more, we were like, let's try to date. But I said I wasn't gonna like date him till I met him in person.
That's a reasonable request. That's a reasonable request.
Yeah, It's like, I'm not gonna call you my boyfriend before I meet you in person, even though I think.
I like you.
Does he is? He? So you guys both came to my show? Does he also listen to this podcast. I assume he's gonna hear this.
You know, I don't know if he really does. I think he sees like the clips on like Instagram and stuff. He's probably too depressed right now to be doing this.
Look if he's here, Look, because I've met this guy, all right, so here's let me and I only knew him for two seconds, but uh, let me just if he's listening to this, I'm not gonna say his name again because we already said we're gonna bleep it once. But if you're listening to this, okay, listen, I remember you. You had a lot of swag. I'm looking at a picture of you right now. You're a swaggy guy. You're you got you know, cool hair, you got a good vibe.
You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna I'm gonna give him a fake name so I can address himself. I'm gonna call him John. John. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, John. You know you'll go You'll find someone else.
Please forget probably, Yeah, bounce back.
And I kind of feel like it's me problem in a way, not to be like the whole cliche. Oh, it's not you, it's me. But this feels like it happens in all of my relationships, and I do try to like take it slow, you know. I do try to pace myself, make sure I like him. And then it's like, all of a sudden, in the middle of stuff, I'm like, uh, oh, who.
Is this guy?
Not really who is this guy?
But it's like no, you're right, you're you're sitting in there, laying in bed, You're looking at him, and you're like, who's this random guy in my bed?
Yeah? Like yeah, is this is this the rest of my life?
That's every that's every that's that's everyone's worst nightmare. That's really everyone's absolute worst night are both both a guy and a girl. If you're a guy, there's nothing worse than when if you're like in bed with someone you've been dating and you can tell that they just looked at you and they were like, who is this stranger
in my bed right now? And then for you as well, you look at them, you're like, why this is insane, We're just we don't even you could be you could be dating someone for like five years and look at them and be like, who's this fucking guy? In my house. You know, terrifying I've had.
You know, I'm I'm twenty seven. I'm not I'm not super old. I'm not super young anymore. But it's like, you know, I don't. I'm kind of like, should I just not fucking date people anymore?
You know?
I feel like this is a family curse. I had an uncle who passed away and like his early sixties, and he was kind of like a player, and I feel like him, Like he always tried to have a girlfriend. And like even this one girl, her name was Tammy, and and my uncle Mike going Tammy. They had a freaking vibe going. She was sweet, she was cool, and the like main reason why they broke up was because she had a fucking dog, Like because my uncle is like anal about everything and he's like, oh, the dog's
gonna get hair everywhere. And it's like I feel I feel like him. I feel like we have this this curse.
Yeah, Jesus, I have you know what fuck it. I'm just gonna say this because I'm trying to be I'm trying to be more authentic on here. I kind of have that curse too, and I'm not I'm gonna be honest with you, I think it's bad. I would I would refer to it as a curse. I would definitely refer to it as a curse.
Sorry, I'm not trying to cut you off.
Here, cut me off, go ahead.
No, it just like I get really into my thoughts about it, and I'm like, am I the weird one? Or are a bunch of other people lying to themselves? Like does that make sense? Like like maybe maybe all these other people are just like pretending and feeling weird, but just they're miserable in their relationship and not talking about it.
That's why, buddy. Fuck if I know, Fuck if I know, I don't know. I don't know who's happy and who's not happy. I mean, I mean, look, there's four kinds of people, right, There's people who are happy in their relationships, people who are unhappy be in their relationships, people are happy being single, and people who are unhappy being single. And all of those people exist in the universe, and I don't know what necessarily differentiates them. I don't know
what the X factors are. But you know, choose your character, mate.
Yeah, It's just.
I think I gotta stop trying, and I just I don't know if it can be achieved. I think, you know, I think it's all in my head that something's going to be good, and then it is not.
It's not good.
Well, don't beat yourself up.
Me.
It was nice of you to pay for that guy's flight. Did you send him home first class? That would have been really funny.
See about that.
We didn't go that far.
Did you at least send him Southwest a boarding group.
I know he was on Southwest.
Don't know about the group.
Oh no, you send them home in the sea. Boy he got he had to sit in the middle seat between a baby and a fat guy.
I know his flight got delayed. He did get home at like one in the morning. It was pretty quick, like we broke up and then you got on the flight like three hours later. My damn, this this happened real fast. This was not in the itinerary.
Well me, I mean, don't feel it. Don't you know what I'll say. I'll say one more time before we go. I think I think you know, I honestly I respect the genuineness by which you went around, by which you went through the situation, because you know you didn't want to drag it out a lot of people will drag it out out of fear, you know, because a lot of people, by the way, a lot of people have this curse that you're referring to, and a lot of those people do not have the courage to admit it,
and so they'll drag it out, right. So don't don't don't feel too bad. Don't feel too bad. It was nice you to pay for this cause flight. Thanks Thanks again for coming to the Syracuse show. That was fun. I remember the guy who called his dad to telling me drank his piss. That was an ald timer.
That was my favorite part. Listen if the cannibal girl was listening, I'm sorry that was that was kind of cringey, kind of kind of out there. I don't know how serious she was. I'm scared, but the pee part was my favorite. It was a great time. You did a great.
Job, folks listening. Go to therapy geckotour dot com to r s VP for when I come to your city or to go to you know something, to go to one of the shows. Anyway, Mia, thanks for calling. Uh, there's anything else I want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
You know, guys, I don't think I'm an asshole. You know, I can't pretend. I can't hide. If I could, I would have, but that.
Might have been worse.
So hopefully I've got some supporters out there, and definitely goes a therapy Gecko show. It was worth it. It should not end your relationship.
All right, take care, Thanks MAA.
Well, thank you, Bobe bye.
Actually it's kind of funny. So I did a show. Oh my god, was it last No, it's two nights ago. I did a show in Hartford, Connecticut, shout out Hartford, Connecticut, and this couple came on stage because this woman submitted an entry to come on stage saying that her she almost s broke up with her boyfriend when they went to my show in New York because her boyfriend like didn't want her because she tried. She tried to wear a gecko costume to the show and her boyfriend wouldn't
let her. And because the reason why is because he said there could only be one gecko and he was like trying to he was trying to like defend my honor. But they are still together anyway. Thanks, thanks for thanks for calling. Yeah, goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night, Deacon goes to his side.
He's teaching you a loud of your life, but he's not really an expert.