Hi.
Hi. Wow, Uh, yep, Hi, what's up?
What's your name?
Uh?
Shae?
Shae? What's happening in Shane?
Uh? Not much. I mean, I want to start out by saying, I really appreciate what.
You do for people.
Really, man, Thanks man. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to you know, I don't know. Uh, It's it's nice to be able to do a podcast. It's nice to be able to do a podcast.
Yeah.
Well, what's up with you, Shae?
Well, I'm going through some stuff right now, and I guess I'm looking for some advice. I feel like I'm kind of dropped in my relationship right now, and I feel like there's not much I can do about it.
Okay, Well, I'll tell you what I've you know, been saying for a while, which is that I don't know if I'll always have advice. I think if anyone, I think anyone who always has advice for everything is not to be trusted. But I'll gladly pond. I'll gladly ponder the situation with you. Why do you feel like you're trapped in your relationship?
Well, him and I have been together for almost two years now, and about a year in we decided to move to a whole different state across the country to live with my parents so we could save up some money to get a house. But now that we are here, I'm kind of coming to realize that I feel like
more of a parent than I do a partner. And yeah, so like simple things like having to remind him to go to the doctor and to clean up after him and laundry and all the stuff that I feel like we should be doing together, and there's just kind of nothing. And I have communicated this with him, I communicate everything that I feel, but it just doesn't get through.
And now that we're all.
The way over here, I don't exactly have any plan if things were to end, If that make sense.
Yeah, okay, so let me get a few things straight here. So well, when you say you don't have any plans if things were to end, do you work or are you guys in a thing where like he works or neither of you works, or like, what's the kind of like financial arrangement.
When we moved, I wasn't able to transfer my job from here, but he was so has been consistently looking for work, but I am unemployed.
I make some money online.
But not much so in he's kind of ahead of financials right now.
Okay, and you guys have been together for two.
Years almost two years.
Yes, And when you attempt to communicate with him, being like, hey, you know, I thought we were going to do the laundry together. I thought we were gonna clean up shit together, what does he say?
Well, he says, I'm sorry. He says, my mom didn't teach me how to do these things. He says, so get better. He maybe does one thing the following week, and then he thinks that like, doing that singular thing has changed him so much and he's so much better now, you know, But then nothing else happens.
I remind him again, I.
Have another question. Well, you said you feel trapped, Like, on a scale from one to ten, how badly do you actually want to make this work?
Right?
Like, how badly do you want to make it work?
I'm like got a solid live oh right in the middle.
Yeah, yeah, you said, pretty pretty evenly, it's pretty.
Pretty even Yeah, because you know I love them, but also I don't necessarily want to be taking care of another person for the rest of my life, especially if we plan on having a kid.
Yeah.
Well, also the fact that you even said, the fact that you even framed this as I'm trapped, and I don't know if that's just the way that you do. The fact that you even like the fact that that's the way that you naturally described the situation is not a great sign no, because you didn't I have a problem with my significant other. He's doing this. You said, I'm trapped in a relationship that's a bad outside.
I think the reason why I use the term trapped is because, so, like I had mentioned, we live with my parents here and between the both of us we share a car. It's the car is technically mine, but he uses a car for work because he's the one that makes the money. So while he's at work all day, I am stuck here and I don't have any freedom to go and make friends or go socialize with anything like that. So I think that's why I use the
term trap. But I think I probably used it incorrectly to describe the relationship.
If that makes sense, Well, you are describing a relationship in which you are describing a relationship in which you are relating upon your partner's financial resources right to exist correct.
Exactly, which is another issue of if I leave, I leave my health insurance.
Right, but you don't want to be with your husband for his health insurance.
I do not want to be with my boyfriend for his health insurance.
Now, yeah, do you well, let me ask you that, do you have well, what's your family situation? Like, do you have savings or a family that you can kind of fall back on.
We kind of put our savings together for putting a down payment on a house.
Oh, okay, you guys are really in it.
Yeah, we're we're trying. But now I'm kind of having second guesses with this full you know, being a grown.
Up man when you say that you put your savings, like, did you guys put it down payment on a house or where?
Like?
Where are those savings?
It is in a savings account that he recently just started putting things into again, because I recently found out that he wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.
He wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.
So we had made a deal that when we moved here, he would be putting a good chunk of every paycheck into that savings account. And we found out about two months ago or sorry, two weeks ago that he was not actually putting anything in there, and he was using that money to chip away at his own debt.
Did you know he had debt when you guys intertwined your finances.
I was aware of student loans, but I wasn't aware of he took out. I don't know. I think it's called like a predatory loan something, and I wasn't aware of how urgently that was to be paid back. Okay, so it's a lot, I know.
Well, yeah, that's well, you know what a few things is. You know, the concept of like I think all of this is like, this is just my opinion, you know, I don't. I've been talking to you for nine minutes, but you have said that you love your husband. But it does feel like a lot of the drivers of this relationship are purely obligation. They're less about love, They're
less about, you know, some kind of spiritual commitment. They're less about, you know, working as a team or less about you know, having a life that's better together than a part, and more about obligation. Is that accurate when you look at your gut, you.
Know it definitely there's definitely a portion that feels like that you know, it feels like there's less time investing in affection and romance and just like you know, the typical things in a relationship and more so on like you said, it's like obligation.
So do you want to I mean, you know, the babying him and the specifics of the laundry and whatnot. I mean, do you want to be with this guy?
I don't know, Like you have that hope in you that people will change the better for the room mental help, but they don't. And I know that they don't.
I know, I know, so.
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's I know you hope that you hope that people change. Sometimes they do, by the way, you know, sometimes they do. I know, I said they don't. But sometimes I know, I said they don't. Sometimes they do, but I don't. I I absolutely believe that people change, and I absolutely believe the people evolve, and I believe the relationships evolve. But they have to want to. And you also, like don't want to be sitting there with your asshole out,
you know, waiting for the change to happen. So is there any paperwork between you guys on all this financial ship or it's all just hanging out.
It's all hanging out.
Do you have access to this savings account that has your money in it?
I do?
Okay, and okay, so you have access to Okay, so it's a joint account under both of you guys name and you guys are not you guys aren't even married.
No, we are not married.
Oh okay, so your assets, your assets are not really intertwined, right, it's all just cast.
No, it's this. The financials are not the main thing in jeopardy. They are a big factor into things.
But it's more like.
I feel like I'm losing my mind in this whole relationship, and I'm not sure where. I'm not sure what my next step is.
Well, you're looking for a job, right, I am, well, because I guess the next step is is uh if you well, there's a few next steps. I mean one is there's two paths you can go down. One path is to decide that you want to make it work. I mean two years, two years, two years, two years ain't that many years for my parents my parents were together?
Go ahead, God, no, sorry, I was just gonna say for me, two years is is abit?
Uh?
I want to say this is probably my second longest relationship twenty six.
You said you're twenty six. Yes, you're twenty six?
Yes?
Really?
Well did you think I was?
I swear I thought you were like forty nine years old.
What?
Yeah, I thought you're you're twenty you're twenty six years old? Yes, Oh my god, leeah yeah. Leave, Oh my god, leave, Oh my god. Leave, Oh my god, leave, leave leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave leave leave. I thought you were like forty nine, and you were like, look, it's either this guy or I'm getting cats. No, you're leave. Please leave, Oh my god, oh my god, please leave. Jesus Christ, twenty six years old. Let me tell you something. What's your name again? Such
with an S, say Shay Shay. My parents were together for eleven years before they got divorced, and I think they got divorced when they were My mom and my dad got divorced when they were in their like the late forties, mid to late forties, and now they're both remarried to people that they're much happier with. They were together eleven years and they were in their mid they were. To imagine that eleven years in their late forties, You guys have been together for two and you're twenty six.
Ye oh my god, No, you're not trapped in this at all. Holy shit, and you have you're not even there's no and you have access to the bank account and you're not and you're not married. Correct, Oh my god, you should. I I don't usually give a lot of strong opinions on here, but you should totally leave for sure. How old is this guy?
Okay, twenty four, he's twenty five.
Of course he'll this is he's he'll he'll be fine. He'll be so f you'll both be so fine. He's twenty five. That's nothing, because here's what happens, right, is you leave this guy and then he learns. Maybe maybe if.
He's lucky, if he's the thing, if he's not a total dumbass, he'll learn right, and he'll be like, Okay, next time I get into a relationship with someone, I'm gonna have my shit.
To god, I'm gonna make sure that when they tell me these things, you know, he'll be sad for a while, but he'll be fine. Both of you will be fucking fine with this. Oh my god, I can't believe you're literally I thought you were at least like.
Can I can I can I ask why you thought I was that old.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why I thought you were that old. I maybe just imagined, maybe just the the situation when you said you were trapped. I was like, oh, okay, I could see that if you I could I could see feeling that way, if you were like older more so than than younger.
Not so. So maybe I had just been viewing this a much bigger situation than it actually was.
Well, no, not that. I mean it, look, everything's big in relativity, right, So it's big to you. So this is your first like you know, this is you haven't had a relationship that's lasted this long. Two years feels like a lot. So it's big to you. And that's you know, that's a valid thing. But uh no, you not trapped yet. You could be so much more trapped. You could be you could be so much more trapped. You have no idea. You're so not trapped. It's amazing.
All right, Yeah, here's the thing, right is uh and whatever? Again, I've only known you for seventeen minutes. But the fact that you're talking about that these these these are important life decisions and you have a lot of time to make them. And I think that one of the important life decision. I think that who you're gonna be committed to, it's an it's an important life decision. And I'm still young too, and so I'm figuring all this shit out.
But these are important life decisions, and these are decisions that you should feel really confident and strong about. So if you're if you're in a relationship that you feel obligated to or that you feel obligated to or trapped in.
I mean, that's such a strong way to talk about this thing that's supposed to be a big part of your life and you're and also like you seem like you haven't really had much of an opportunity to like develop yourself, right, I mean you are taking your You're taking your like your money is now your guys's money. Like you sound like you don't have like money of your own that's yours. Like you don't have a job
of your own that's yours. Like you know, you don't have to do that, like we this isn't like the fucking nineteen you know, fucking twenties or whatever. You don't have to do that, Like you can develop your own shit. You don't have to. You don't need to do a guy's laundry to survive on your own.
And totally beforehand, I had, you know, my own self established. You know, I had my job in my car and doing whatever I you know, whatever made me happy and not cleaning up after another person. It's you know, if I could do that one like in definitely do that again.
Oh you can a one hundred percent do that again. I can't believe. I literally I thought you were like fifty nine years old and this was like your last chance. No, oh my god.
No.
Here's what I would do is is like you should go. You should. If I were you, I would take a break and be like and it'd be like, I gotta get myself right, I gotta get my I need my money, I need my car, I need my health insurance, I need my job, I need my life. And then and then once you have your own life together, be really, really really careful. I don't Maybe maybe this guy learns his lesson and he gets back to himself, and maybe you guys are separated for a little bit and you're like, Okay,
I'll give it another chance. But if I'm going, if we're going back into this. We're going in. I got my own ship, You got your own ship, and we're gonna slowly, you know, weave our lives together a little bit, but we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it really carefully, and we're gonna do it really intentionally, and we're gonna make sure that neither of us feels like we're getting shifted.
Because you're feeling like you're getting shifted. Your husband's out there with the car and you're feeling like you're you're shifted. You don't have your own ship, you don't have your own life. You you have to ask for permission from this other fucking guy who and he's not supposed to be the guardian of your assets. He's supposed to be your partner, you know. And so you got to do it again. And you're so unbelievably not trapped. It's it's honestly,
I mean, everything's relative. So it's a big to you because it's the longest thing you've been in, so it's relative, but sure you're you're not trapped at all. You have the complete freedom, obligation, opportunity to be like, hey, I think I made a little and this is life is just error correction. So it's okay, it's something shameful in being like, you know what, I made a bit of a misstep going too hard in this Uh too fast.
Let me tracked a little bit. I do you have parents you can move back in with.
That's where we're living. We're living with my parents right now.
Oh wait, wait, hold on, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I thought you guys. I thought you guys were living with his parents.
No no, no, no, no, no never, no.
No, we were staying with my parents.
I'm an idiot. Oh my god, you guys are living with your parents?
Yes? Yeah, Who the fuck is this guy? Well, there's.
We This was a solid plan beforehand, our parents, my parents weren't going to have us pay rent here for six months, and that was with how much he makes and how much I was hypothetically going to make. We were going to put it down the payment on a house here. So like everybody was cool with this. It was fine, and like he was okay with this, But now it's just kind of you.
Know, what do you what do you? I mean, what do your parents think about this guy?
Mom fucking hates Yeah, your mom hates.
Yeah, your mom fucking of course, your mom fucking hates this guy. By the way, I just want you, I want to say this because I you, I think you do love this guy. I think it's I you can totally totally love And I don't think this guy is a piece of ship. I just think, you know, I don't think he's You can totally totally love someone and you really deeply love someone and have a deep connection with them and be and be and be incompatible, uh logistically in life, and you know that's the thing. It's
totally a thing. And this guy's twenty.
Four, twenty five next month.
Okay, let him be a dumb ass. Let him be a dumb ass, and he's gonna be fine, you know. Yeah, of course it makes total sense that your mom hates this guy. But the I the idea of like, let me, I'm gonna stay at home with my first of all, living in homely parents, saving up money. If you're privileged enough to be able to do that, it's a fucking it's a life hack. It's a great opportunity, amazing opportunity,
and you should totally take it, you know. Uh, And you and you're what you're looking for jobs, right.
Yes, I am relentlessly looking for a job. Any excuse to not be trucked in the house all day?
Okay? And what's the deal with this car? You guys bought it together.
It's my car, it's your car. Yes, he was leasing a car before we moved and we weren't able to take both cars. And because I own my car, that is the one that we use. That's like the only one we have. So he uses my car to.
Go to his job.
Why does it he has a Why does then he buy.
His own car.
Because he spent all his money on his debt instead of putting any amount of it in the savings without telling anyone.
I'm losing my mind here, dude.
You gotta like I'm I try, I try really hard to remain agnostic on this show. But then you gotta leave this guy.
You can.
You gotta leave it. You gotta kick this guy out of your parents?
Does it?
What's his parents house? Does he is he have a good relationship with his parents?
No?
Does he? Does he have a good enough relationship with his parents that he can like.
I mean, his mom begs him to move back in.
Oh, tell this guy to go move back in with his parents, his parents. He didn't. He's not over here like, oh my parents beat me or whatever. Right, Okay, tell this guy, Tell this guy to leave, Tell this guy to go leave it home with his parents and give you back your fucking car. And you and I know the job market success. But eventually, you're working really hard, you'll eventually find some way to make money. And then you can be twenty six living at your parents' house,
you have your own fucking car. You'll eventually find a way to make what you're making money online. You don't have to. I don't know what you're doing, but you know what are you doing?
It's to start. Okay, great, amazing condition like that, right, yeah.
Amazing, amazing. All right, So you go make your own money, say say to him, hey, let's and we gotta do our own thing.
And he go.
He goes, lives back home with his mom, figures out his life, he's got a job. He'll do the same thing that you're doing, making money living at home with his parents. But yeah, you' you don't want this. Fucking guys, there's nothing in this for you. There's nothing. There's nothing in this for you. There's nothing in this for you, and you'll be able to build up your own ship. This is good for him too, because because he it's okay that this guy's kind of a dumbass and has debt.
It's fine, Sure, he'll figure it out. You're both really young, so you both figure it out. But he's got to figure it out on his own and not rope a bunch of other people into it.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
So you know I, by the way, I I must I must be the like sixth person that's told you to leave this guy.
Right.
So, I actually haven't talked to anybody about this except my mom. I felt like I needed some kind of different outside perspective from someone that wasn't you know, a friend that has heard me bitch about this person before. So I, you know, I really like your show. I like the the you know word you have. So I figured, you know, why not? And I figured you were going to say what you said.
Of course, Yeah, of course you did. Of course you did, because it's you know what you know why. I think you figured that I was going to say what you is because you already know all this. And then the problem. The problem is nothing logistic, right, The problem isn't isn't isn't. This is not a knowledge based problem. This isn't a problem where we don't have all of the informa. This is a very emotional problem.
Right.
It's not that we don't. It's not you know in your heart everything I already said before I even said it to you, and because you were you were, Yeah, you already know all this stuff in your gut. The problem is not, oh, I don't know what decision to make. You already know what decision to make. The problem is the emotional quotet of having to make that decision. And yeah, that's really hard because there's so much.
Time put into something like that and then it's thrown away.
There's not actually that much time put into this. There's not actually much time, but it feels like a lot of time to It feels like a lot of time to you, But it's not that much time. A, it's not that much time.
And B.
Please remember life is error correction. So the making of the errors, the quote unquote wasting of the time was all part of the process of being a living human navigating the world. So it wasn't wasted time.
Okay, I've already taken up about thirty minutes at your time. But I do want to say thank you for your words, and once again, I really do appreciate what you do for other people. I think you're a cool person.
Thanks, and yeah, I'm sorry I've asked you ten times, but what's your name one more time? It's such an as Sarah Sha Shae Shae Shay. Give us a call back, let me know what happens. I'm curious.
Absolutely, Thank you so much for your time.
All right, good luck, shame, thank you bye. That was so funny when she was like, my mom hates this guy, but of course your mom hates this guy. Again. I don't think this is a bad guy. I don't think he's a piece of shit. I just think, you know, he just doesn't have a shit together, and you gotta get you He's got to get your shit together without, you know, especially if his mom is begging him to come back home.
You know.
Yeah, I was no. I was really bummed out by that call because I thought that caller was sixty seven years old and this was like her last shot at a relationship or whatever. But that's no. I hope, I hope she gives herself the space for them both to independently get their shit together, and I I wish, I wish i'd heard more about her mom's perspective on the situation. But yeah, thanks for calling Shy.
Hello, Hello, Hi.
What's your name? My name is Jessica, Jessica, what's up? How's life?
Life is the most amazing ever.
I'm so last and so happy and full of joy.
How are you?
Why you sound like strawberry shortcake or something? Why why are you? Why so good?
I'm literally drinking a strawberry lemonade Sativa, and neverminds you of a strawberry shortcake. So I just turned twenty two. My birthday was on Monday, and I'm at the beach. I'm just I feel so relaxed. I just got registered back into school. I started school Monday, junior in college. And I told the boy that I have the.
Hugest crush on that I like him on Wednesday and he likes me back. So life is just I'm teaking right now.
You you sound like you're being written or something, like you're a fictional character in a novel.
Oh let me so good. God has been so nice to me. And I went fishing today for the first time. In five years.
Dude, I caught twelve fish.
Yeah awesome, Okay, this is that's a lot, this is so much well, uh well, Jessica, listen, I'll ask you this. Is there anything in particular you called in to want to talk about today?
Yes, a thousand. So I've spoken to Lyle twice, the first time I ever spoke to him.
It's me, by the way, I'm Lyle.
Wait Lyle, yes, wait, Lyle.
Oh my god, I've been wanting to update you all my life so you might remember me.
Then.
The first time we ever spoke, you did a five am call and I was in the hospital with my dad who's dying. Yes, yeah, oh that was me.
Uh.
I think I just cried on the phone for like thirty minutes.
Yeah, oh my god? What hold hold on, wait, hold the phone real quick. Okay, you know what, Can I be so honest with you right now?
Can I be?
Can I be so honest with you right now? I just get you call? Okay. At the beginning of this call, I was a little bit like, why is this fucking girl so cheery? This is pissing me off a little bit. But this lady, it was it was I had I gotta be out there. It was pissing me off how happy you sounded. But now, uh, you soundedude and happy. But I I remember our call. Yeah, this was like three years ago.
Right, yep, Okay, you know what I thought?
I was kind of okay the beginning of this call, I was like, who is this lady? Why is she so happy? This is pissing me off? But I remember three years ago. Yes, I remember you called me while you were in the hospital with your dad and you were crying, and we had this very emotional phone call. And now I'm like, you know what I think if three years ago you call in and you're miserable and you're crying, I think you get to be happy now.
I think this makes me more sense. I'm I'm I'm so much more enthralled by your joy than I was previously agitated by it, knowing the context of.
This, Okay, this I've been wanting to update you. So we met in person. I'll tell you about it because I know you meet thousands of people. I brought my aunt to one of your shows in Nashville, Tennessee, and I wore an evy onesie and I sat right on the front row.
I do vaguely remember that. I do vaguely remember that I that we you and I you and I met, because yes, I remember that phone call that we had. Yeah, it was it was very touching.
Yeah, I was going through a lot. I was really sad, and I went through a really hard time in my life. I love being opening up. I love opening up and being raw on the phone, because you know, what is this talk show for. So right after that, I got into this like really toxic relationship. It was super abusive.
I tried to kill myself and life was just not going great right as life does sometimes, And I ended up getting saved, and I mean Jesus just pulled me out and God started revealing himself to me, and he completely turned my life around, saved me. I ended up sending that silly, little abusive X to jail on domestic violence, and he restored the relationship with my father. First of all, he let him live, which is amazing. I'm so thankful.
Yeah.
Oh cool, good, good, good good.
Yeah. That was a rough time. And for the last year now I've been trying to call in to talk to you because my life has just changed so much for the better and it's been amazing.
Okay, great, yeah, no, this is you know what, Okay, because here's my thing is I think if you if you are just if I think you know, when you meet people and they're happy, just like by defaults, they're like everything's amazing. Of course it is. It's like those I think those people are completely insane. And I think, for a second I thought maybe you were one of
those people. But you're. No, You're the You're You're You're the kind of happy person I love who is like, oh no, I've seen horrible things and I understand them and I'm and I and I'm happy despite them. I'm like, that's a that's a great happy person.
How can you possibly appreciate the sunshine and the peaceful ocean if you don't sit in the storm?
You know, I'm with you. I'm with you.
No, I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better. So okay, I'm trying to remember a little bit about our call, and tell me if this is correct. But I remember that. Okay, I might be confusing this with other things, so tell me if this is correct. But I remember you had a bit of a of a No, I not troubled necessarily but a difficult relationship with your dad. Is that accurate?
Yes, that was accurate, And all of.
Your siblings were kind of like leaving him behind and you were the only one who was at the hospital with him and your siblings. Well, yeah, so.
I'm the youngest. My dad has like six kids that he knows of. My dad was very busy in his youth, so none of us have the same mom.
I have been talking to.
My sister over the phone for the last three years, and my dad doesn't know, and so he's usually really aggressive about it. But me and my sister we.
Talked usually at least once a month.
She's four years older than me. She was living in San Diego for a while and then she moved to Washington and I almost got to meet her because I've been working looking for this nonprofit profit and I get to travel for my job. And then the week that I went up there for work, she ended up moving to Jacksonville.
Florida, which is where she was born.
But she just despises my dad, even though she hasn't met him, but it's from all the things that her mom told her about him. So none of my siblings are very fond of him. My dad was very not emotionally intelligent due to the upbringing he received, and it was not entirely a fault of his own. As much as you know, nature plays a part, it's also nurture, and he did not receive the love and care he
needed growing up. So as I've gotten older, you know, I'm celebrating my twenty second birthday, I've really gotten to teach my dad a lot how to communicate and understand and process his emotions and feelings and be able to talk to me. And it's really improved our relationship. I mean, it's like we're friends now, and it's super awesome.
That's amazing. How are things going with your siblings?
So it was crazy. My brother and I have never been super close, which is kind of my mom's fault because my mom, she's an illegal immigrant, and when my brother was seven was when she had to make the choice to come to America by herself or you know, stay with him until she came here and left him behind. She got here, she had me and my brother ended up being raised by my aunt.
And not my mom.
And so when he finally got here when he was eighteen, right till like eleven years later and he meets me. I don't want to say he despised me, but I could tell he was upset because he felt like my mom favored me. But the last year we have been kind of rekindling getting to know each other, and I stay getting to know each other because his first language is Spanish and mine is English, so you know, there's
a little bit of a communication barrier. But this is the first year ever my brother has got me a birthday present. Yeah, it was so crazy. I love writing poetry and I like writing short stories and I journal very often, which I've shared with him, and so he got me a quill and ink with like different calligraphy tips. Yeah, it was super cool and I was like, oh my gosh, this is like really thoughtful. I can't believe he did this. He's never gotten me anything before, so that was awesome.
It sounds like your whole family dynamic is like on the upwards.
Yeah, everything is completely changed, like what I was when I called you at the time, Like my dad was dying, my mom wasn't talking to me because she was going through like a messy thing her husband cheater, and or she moved to Mexico, wasn't talking to me like I wasn't really talking to my siblings. My dad was upset that I reached out to my sister because he was like, if she doesn't like me, why are you talking to her?
And bled.
But God has really worked some magical wonders in my life and it has been so beautiful to watch unfold because I sat in that waiting for so long, like growing up was the hardest thing that I ever did, and being on the other side now, like I'm still a kid. I'm still every age that I was before until this moment.
What you just turned twenty two? You still have so much life ahead of you still, Yeah, it just hits different.
Walking with the Lord hits different.
Well excellent, I'm I'm I'm so happy to hear that. And yeah I do, Okay, I do remember the the ev Onesie?
You do you remember that random girl the ev Onesie?
Well that that was a Zanies, right, yeah, that was a Zainies.
Yeah. Wait did you tell do you old? Actually I was trying to did you Did you mention that I met you on this phone call that we're having right now? Did you mention that we met in Nashville?
Yeah, we met in Nashville.
Okay, all right. I was trying to see if I pulled that from my own memory, because again and I just that and this is the thing, and I don't I don't remember your name. I don't remember the names of people who I talked to, but I remember our conversation Vivia there. I literally can put myself back in the room that I was in when we had that phone call, because that was uh yeah, it was. It was an emotional one and you were nineteen at.
The time, eighteen or nineteen.
Yeah, yeah, it was definitely pre COVID, and I think I was like, one was trauma dumping on you.
Well shit, what is your name?
My name is Jessica, Jessica.
Well shit, yeah, Jessica.
I no.
I actually even remember meeting you in the ev Onesie. It was like outside at Zany's and I remember you told me that that was you from that phone call, and I remember being like, oh shit, I remember that. That was cool.
Yeah.
I had a lot of mixed feelings. I remember when you released the podcast. I was the headliner, and it was like calling from the hospital and I was like, oh man, everyone's gonna hear me crying and trauma dumping.
Did you read the comments on YouTube?
I didn't.
I'm sure they were nice. I don't think people. Actually I'm not so sure they were nice. People are dicks on the internet for absolutely no reason. And also people don't even know. I just think people don't understand the point of the show because they'll comment being like this person sounds like a bitch, and I'm like, this is not the point of why we're doing this is to give your opinion of whether or not it's no one said that about you. I'm just saying people say that
in general about in general anyway, whatever, who cares? Who cares?
I always listen to you on Spotify.
So well, uh well how about this? Well, first of all, glad you gave the update. This is a nice update. What's new for you? What's next for you? I mean, you're twenty two. Are you going to go to I did you just graduate school? Are you gonna what's what's the deal? What's next for Jessica?
Yeah?
So I'm a junior in college now, super exciting. I just changed my major for the fifth time.
Oh yeah, well what too?
So now it's.
Business entrepreneurship with a minor and computer science.
Are you gonna think you should do like a new are you gonna are you gonna make like a AI tech company or something?
Definitely not. I don't trust AI. I have mixed feelings about it, so that's why I want to learn about it. Like one of the classes that I actually have with my best friend set out to call I love her so much. We're doing Introduction AI together, so I'm really excited. But yeah, no, I think it would be important to learn basic computer and technology. Is that day and h that we're living in.
The Only reason I say this is because I feel like that's the like business entrepreneurship with computer science. It feels like all those people are just doing AI shit, not.
That I know, right, Like, let me build an automated system so I don't actually have to put.
In any work, all right, So you what are you? What are you hoping to do with with that?
I would really just sounds silly. I don't care as much about starting my own business. I did about a year and a half ago. I was doing senior and veteran helow income living. Had a little staff and we provided housing and care for disabled veterans but disabled seniors, and it was super educational. But I've been working at this nonprofit for about two and a half years now. It's called Veterans Village, and we helped provide on a
larger scale, low into housing for seniors and veterans. And I would love to do some kind of whether it's mission work or nonprofit, but providing help and support and outreach for young girls who come from broken homes, the young girls who are going through abuse, because that's.
What I relate to.
And when I reflect now back to that younger person, you know, the need that's still inside of me. She just needed some kind of love and support, somebody to remind her like life will not always be this way and there's a bigger world.
Like it's okay.
And so I would love to develop I'm saying that would support young girls.
Cool.
I like it.
I like the I like the upwards trajectory. Jessica. I'm very happy for you, and I hope you continue, uh continue being cheery.
Thank you.
It's been amazing. Like I don't know, I never expected life to.
Be good, you know, no doubt.
Yeah I again, yeah I I I mean it was a it was a while ago, but yeah, I remember you were things were difficult three years ago. So you know the fact that the families get together, the families getting back together. You got a nice direction of purpose in your life. You're uh, the boy you have a crush on likes you back. That's nice. Yeah, I think, Jessica, Jessica stock is up.
I think. So I'm going to fill the tea with you while Okay, So, so this boy that I like, he has a girlfriend. I think he likes me back. I can't tell. So I literally just confessed my feelings for him on Wednesday, like this this past Wednesday, and he got my number. I thought that was a little strange because he has a girlfriend. But we've been talking and I've known him for about three years now, so i've met him like prior to the last two girlfriends
that he's had. But I finally got the courage to be like, hey, I think you're great, and he was like, oh, I think great too. So I've been excited about that the last couple of days. But I don't know, I've been trying to pray about it.
It's been a lot.
Well, I hope God livers whatever the right thing in that situation is too, man, Jessica, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before.
We you go, people of a computer. It always gets better, even if it sucks. Right now, there's always a light and it's not just at the end of the tunnel. It is right there with you. I'm so glad I could talk to you again, Lyle.
Thank you, Jessica. You have a good one.
You're true.
That was cool. Yeah, I totally remember that phone call. I think, yeah, the episode was I'm calling from the hospital, and she was calling from the hospital, yeah, with her dad who was dying, and it's good to hear that he's okay. It's good to hear that. No again. When she first picked up the phone call, I was like, who the fuck is this lady? You know, being so cheery. It pissed me off, It really did. I'm and I don't feel good and people are gonna be like, oh,
you know, Lyle, I thought that was wholesome. Why is that pissing you off? And I don't control that it pisses me off?
But it did.
And I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't, but it did. But then once I found out who she was and remembered the backstory, I was like, Oh, okay, this is actually awesome that this person is feeling cheery. I was happy, And that's a microcosm because here's the thing. Even Let's say that that person got on the phone and was like, you know, talking like you know, a fucking Alice in Wonderland or whatever, and I didn't and I didn't know who she was, and I was just
pissed off naturally at how cheery she was. Maybe if I had, you know, I that was a preconceived judgment that I made. That probably happens to me in real life. I'll meet someone and I'm like, who the fuck is this person talking like this? And then uh, but I don't know. Maybe they maybe they went through some fucked up shit and now they're cheery and now that's exciting for them, and I'm being an asshole, you know, So
I gotta I gotta. You gotta check yourself sometimes when when you're getting pissed off at things, I guess, hello, Hey, what's up?
Hey, how you doing today?
I'm doing good? What's your name?
This is Crystal. I just talk to you about I don't know, four to eight weeks ago, maybe oh.
Yeah, I remember, what's up? Crystal, you have a what's going on?
Well, I was just well, a couple of things going on. But I was calling first of all to say thank you because I needed to hear what you told me. And yeah yeah, and then I, uh, you know, I went to work and basically things worked out great and I'd learned to ignore them everybody, and you know that's a whole other another show.
But well here, I'll I'll give some I'll give a little bit of context. I remember you called in, uh maybe a month ago, a few weeks ago, to talk about how you were getting like bullied at work and like you had coworkers who were being like assholes to you. And I don't remember what I said, but I remember that that was your situation, and you're telling me that things are going better.
Yep, yeah, I don't remember what you said exactly. You kind of went too like a big kind of woe, went a little bit of rant, which is.
What I need.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well I mean sometimes, I mean, honestly, you just you were telling me things I already knew. I was like in a real bad state of mind when I called you, and I don't even know how I really managed to even call you and that you actually answered. But you know, things happened very reason, I feel like and it was it was awesome. So yeah, I went back to work and I just you know,
I ignore them, and uh just karma took over. And the main person that was you know, giving me help, giving me feel whatever type of way, was the supervisor. And I guess you know, it was not to me thing. She was just an asshole and they ended up getting rid of her, so which was awesome. But yeah, you know, I just feel like I need to just say thank you.
Oh well, I'm I'm just so happy to hear that you yeah, because you weren't doing so great. Are you doing better now? Are you feeling better at that your work?
Well, I'm feeling better in general.
I'm on my way up, you know, wonderful, it said.
Yeah. Yeah, it's only been you know, a month, and some days are better than others. But you know, I just go there and I just basically stay to myself and listen to my music. Listen you and you know you're you were you sittn't along the lines of like you know, you know, if somebody's treats you cruel or treat you not well, or makes you upset, or any kind of negative things towards you. You know, it's not really a not always a you problem, it's you know, objected.
Yeah yeah, so you know. I mean it's so simple. It seems so simple. But you know, when you feel up the daily and you you start and you start to believe people with some names, you know, and you needed somebody just to kind of give you a little slap in the faith and be like, hey, you know, you know, it's it's work, you know, you know, yeah, yeah, I won't take up all a lot of your time. I just wanted to really say thank you because, like I said, you know, I didn't realize how how cool
you were until after I talk to you. I was looking and you talked to some really cool people.
So you're doing awesome well ship.
Thank you, Christal, You're cool too, man. I I know, I'm glad you called it. I'm very Uh this makes me happy. This makes me feel like I'm I'm this is good. I'm happy that this that was a helpful phone call for you. This makes me feel like I'm not just uh uh wasting not no, not wasting my time. But uh, I don't know ranting, ranting aimlessly into a stick alone in my room. I'm very I'm happy to hear that that phone call had a positive effect on you.
I sincerely am christ and you know, also very happy in general. Also just very happy in general to hear that you're doing better. So thank thank you very much for calling back.
Yeah, yeah, no problem. So I wanted before you get off here, I want to say I like your your choice of outfit today. You're you know, you get from the head up type of situations.
Yes, yes, for the you know, well here's you know, what I realized is most of most of the people who who consume this show, they consume it on audio, so they can't even really even see that I'm in this suit. But you know, so I'm I'm half gecko.
Yeah, you're like half gecko half We're gonna say this not anyway, half half gecko.
Half ape. And you know what, I'm gonna interpret that positively.
Yeah, well, yeah, definitely. I would never say any means.
Think you Crystal. Thanks for calling man. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer.
Before we go, No, just I mean, be nice to your fellow people. You know, you never know what somebody's going through.
Beautiful. Yeah, thank you for so good luck?
Yeah you as well?
How today? Bye bye?
Goodbye?
Did I just say yo? I think I just said yo. That's okay. A lot of good a lot of good callbacks today, lot of good uh lot a good lot of good return callers today. Maddie, Hello, Hello, Hey, what's up?
Oh? Oh wow? This is really it? Wow? Your name that's crazy. My name is Maddie.
Maddie. What's going on? Maddie?
Uh oh wow?
Sorry, I didn't actually think i'd get through. Uh I am, I'm all right. I've actually I've got a bit of uh well, I guess everyone does this, but I've got a bit of dumping to do. If you're if I can borrow your ears for a few minutes.
Well, okay, let's do this. Instead of a dump, let's do like, uh, you know, a conversation like like if I'm a bin, right, you know, for a one piece of trash in there, and then you know, we can go back and forth. How does that sound?
That makes a lot more sense and sounds pretty good.
Okay, great, hit me.
All right, So I, or rather me and my partner, we just came back for just so I don't dos myself or anything. We came back to our major city after our little vacation in Montreal. I'm Canadian for that for reference. And I had a lot of fun in Montreal. I enjoyed, like, I enjoyed all of it, like it was It's beautiful city. There's amazing people there and great food.
And now I'm back, uh, and I I feel I feel like I'm missing like that, and and and I know it's I know that my head's kind of like, well, fuck, let me let me just outline it. It's like I'm bummed that my vacation's over. I go back to my corporate esque job starting Monday, and I've been struggling with a bit of an identity crisis is the wrong word, but it's like, I don't want to be a fucking desk worker for the rest of my life.
Okay, are you still there?
Yeah, that's yeah, Yeah, it's still here.
Okay, Okay, what's your name again, Maddie, Maddie? How old are you?
Maddie? I am twenty six.
What would you want to do if you weren't a desk worker?
I'd want to be, well, an artist or rather like a music artists specifically. I grew up on like techno and electro house and house in general, and that's that's what I want to be.
Life is a very complicated push and pull between the things you have to do to ensure that you don't die and the things you want to do to ensure that when you look back on your life you're proud of it. And there's a lot of things that go into those two things. I think one of them is ensuring that you're what is it your your you're nut is as low as you can possibly get it to be.
Right.
And then there's if you do have a corporate desk job, how much of it are you saving versus spending? And uh, I mean that's that's it. I mean a lot of this stuff is is is just financial planning.
I think.
So you live in a major city, right, Yeah? What Toronto?
Yeah?
Okay? Is no one's no one's gonna find you based on the fact that you are a man who lives in Toronto. Yes, everything's fine, Everything's gonna be fine. Why why do you live in Toronto?
You do you want to hear my whole story? Then are we okay with that?
Sure? Wait, go ahead. Yeah.
So I emigrated to Canada from India at a young age, and basically we were actually planning on settling in Montreal. I couldn't do that because there was just issues because I was like a teenager at the time, and my schooling would have been kind of messed up because I would have had to not go to school for like a year and a half while I learned French. So my parents were like, all right, well, we want you to like be on track with people your age, So
we're just gonna go to Toronto and stead. It's a bit more of like a multicultural hub, and you know, there's people from like our family that's there versus no one in Montreal, right, and it's yeah, it's been where I've grown up for at least for the second half of my youth. It's where I met my partner. We both live in the city and have two amazing little cats, and currently at least for the next when I'm at two, yeah,
for the next three years. I also do need to stay within well, I need to be able to go to or be in sort of like traveling distance, or I need to be able to go to a hospital because I'm still in remission from from my cancer that I had a couple of years back, and I'm still in full re mission. I'm set to make a full recovery. My doctor has told me that you are more likely to die from from obesity related health issues than you
are from cancer, which is a good sign. But I still do need to hit my five year mark before I'm considered quote unquote cured.
Okay, okay, okay, I gotta what's your name again, man, Maddie, Maddie. Listen, Matti, here's the thing. We can talk. Listen, Maddie, here's the thing. Life's I'm not gonna say life sucks, but it's hard. I don't have a lot of I don't really have answers for this.
Man. I know it's okay, I get it. Like I'm just this fucking random cam from Canada with all my shit.
Okay, well shit, I mean, so you don't want to be a desk worker? Are you saving money?
Yeah?
I am?
Yeah, I so right now, at least, like the plan is, I'm I'm I have my emergency fund covered. I am almost set to buy myself like my MacBook, so I can, you know, take more of my productions outside of my apartment, just because like I find that when I when I work like anywhere else but from my home, it's a
bit easier for me to like be creative. There's that, And then I also kind of like, through the past year, I've been sort of setting this expectation of myself of I'm going to put out some sort of project, whether it's an EP or even a single, And the main with that is like I will book a show, I will I will do all of these things so that at least, you know, in a year's time, in a couple of years time, if I'm still at my desk job, if I if this does not take me anywhere, I
can at least still kind of look back at the work I put in and the effort that I put in and say, you know what, I might not enjoy every aspect of my job, but at least I did this cool thing that I thought was good.
Yeah, and I think that's and I think that's great. I think that's great. The thing I would say is like, if I mean making money off of like music is a tough thing to do, but I would say, if I were you, I would like figure out how to get your burn rate down to as little as you possibly can, save as much money as humanly possible from your desk job, figure out how to use those savings to invest in something that you know makes you money independent of your job. I mean these are kind of
figure outable things financially, but also on the way. It's like, you know, as long as you're able to make the art and you're not letting your job like seep into every aspect of your existence, like your identity. You know, you said you had an identity crisis. Yeah, like you don't want to let your job be your identity. It's okay to and it's okay. It's okay to have something that makes you money and something that you really identify with and have those be two separate things.
Yeah, yeah, you're that makes sense. I mean, like, I think this past year has been a realization of there are there are things outside of work, And the problem with the company that I work at is that there's very much a there's very much like a s of no, we expect you to like kind of enjoy being with all your coworkers all the time, So go and have lunch and dinner with them, like, you know, let's let's do a quarterly outing with everyone, and oh, let's all go for like.
I have to do.
You have to attend those things.
Are the most part well it's like I don't have to, but you can definitely tell that there would be some like serious judgment or you know, there's like there's very much a you're not really a team player kind of I kind of approach to people that don't like partake in all of these outside of work events. And everyone over there is like in their late late twenties to you know, mid thirties. I think it's one of the oldest guys in our department. It must be like touching
fifties soon. So it's not like they're old, but it's very much a like I I'm someone who's like, look, I I don't mind the work that I do. I think it's uh I you know, I think it's a lot better than working a retail job. Like I I fucking hate retail for that matter. Who are all to everyone in your chat who's a retail or a service worker, I genuinely love and adore you because you are doing some hard ship that I could not. And so but getting back to the point, like I might be good
at the work. I might think it's not the worst thing ever, but it's still my job. You know, I'm not. I'm not sure to be everyone's best bud, and I can't. I can't.
You don't have to be, you don't have. You don't have, you don't have to be. And if they judge, then fuck them. You know you're there to make, You're there to make. It's okay, it's okay to be. Like, listen, I submit to the fact that in life I got to do things I don't want to do to make money so that I can, you know, afford to live. And it's okay to put in the bare amount of effort into those things because energy, because your energy is finite. You know your time, Your time is finite. It's always
your energy. And so just conserve as much of your fucking energy as you possibly can for the things you actually want to put it into. And if they judge you, that's great. They could judge you, but they can't fucking fire you for not going to this thing that you're not getting paid to go to. At least I think they can't. I don't know what Canadian labor laws are like, but you know what, who you know? Fuck it, don't don't.
Don't expend any energy that you don't have on on this job, you know, like expend them, expend the minimum amount of it. Figure out the minimum amount of work, energy and time that you need to put in to make the amount of money that you need to live. And figure out the minimum amount of money that you need to live, and then from there, spend your finite amount of time and energy on the things that you
actually want to do. When you don't have to wrap your identity up in it in it, you know, you don't have to wrap your identity up and in your job. You can just do the things that you want to do. That's my rant for your for your situation.
Man.
But I I don't think you should let this, you know, crumble you into an identity crisis, right, thanks? Well for sure, Yeah I don't. This doesn't you know. I'll just repeat everything I just said, but uh again on on on paper, on paper again, like like, work it out on paper, man, I'm dead serious. Go go into your journal working out on paper.
The minimum amounts of money you need to live, and then the minimum amounts of energy and time that you need to put in and abide by that, and then everything else can go fuck itself.
Yeah, neat, thanks man for sure.
What's your name again?
I'm sorry it's funny because like, I remember your name, Maddie. My name is Maddie.
Maddie like Maddi heally the guy from the thing.
Definitely not like that.
Uh.
It's an Arabic name, like uh, like Macbeth. But you know, I usually told people call me Maddie because again, I moved here from like a country where people can pronounce it properly. Actually, to be fair, they kind of didn't. But the point is that for me, it's more of like I'd rather have you call me what I want to be called, rather than here's someone's rendition of my name. Like imagine if I called you lightly.
People do. That's why people call me that. When if I, like, I'm at a place and I order a thing, they called me lightly. I hate that. By the way, am I going to Okay, I'm gonna go on a ramp, Maddie, I fucking hate you know, fucking star Bucks was like, Oh, it'll make people you know, like us better if we call their names out when we give them coffee. I think Starbucks invented that shit, right, I hate that shit. I hate every time I go to a food place
they need my name. I don't want to give you, guys, any personal information I miss I miss when I was a number I want to be. I come to McDonald's to be dehumanized, Okay, to eat fucking slop like a pig I when I am in McDonald When I'm at McDonald's, I am not lyle. I am number one oh five. And that's exactly how I want it to be. I don't need to get chummy with the the organizations that I'm getting my slot from. Okay, I want to I want to clock in. I want to be in order
one oh five. And I don't want anyone to have to I don't want anyone to have to learn my name. I want it to be a very very very transactional, impersonal process when I go to these places. I was at Taco Bell the other day, I had to put in my name. I don't want to do that. I want I want them to call me Order five seventy eight. I don't want it to be like Order for Lil. I just want, you know, it could be a purely transactional, disgusting alley Way endeavor picking up.
I need to sorry, Lyle, I need I need to interject here. So then you said you want this to be purely transactional. So you're okay being called a number? So why not why not have your order called out by what it is?
Like?
For example, I always get a flat white when it goes and get coffee, you know, why not like, oh, I've got a flat white and that's it.
I don't know. I don't know the whole it's any Any rant that I go on, uh is not meant to be questioned, you know, Like I mean that's how rants are, right, Like if someone's ranting and then like if you're ranting and then someone says, oh but what about this? Then you go, well, h okay, you're probably right. But the whole point of a rant is that it's an uninterrupted thing where you know, nobody questions you about it. So sorry, this is really stupid.
No, that's fair. My apologies, man, I don't I don't know what I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Mattie, Maddie is nice to talk to you.
Man.
I hope you do you have any music out.
I don't, but tell you what. In let let's let's do this in about six months time from now. I'll try to call back and let you know if I have any any music out.
Okay, cool, that sounds good. Well, good luck, Mattie. I hope you. I hope you get your work done. Here's, by the way, just one more thing, and this is how I'm actually and by the way, this is this is actually how I'm feeling about a lot of things in my life lately, as I'm kind of like shifting around the kind of work that I do. The work doing the work that you're happy with is all that matters, you know. So as long as you're making the music you want to make and you're doing the work that
you're happy with, that's that's what matters the most. So I hope that that's what you end up doing. Thank you for calling, Maddie. I'll see you around the universe.
Thank you, cheers, take care man Later, I.
Would he say, he said, why don't they have why don't you have them call it out by the well, I don't. You can't really have them call it out by anything. They have their own processes. But that's the best part of having a of ranting on a podcast as no one questions you. That's how that's how people get away with saying, uh, you know, stupid things that aren't true on podcasts all the time. Is they don't have somebody going like, well what about this? You know,
the whole point is, uh, is it this disease? A stupid rant? Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay goes on the line, calls every.
Night every big goestro on his eye.
He's teaching you
How to live your life, but he's not really an expert.