“I’M FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING MY BF"

Call from Lily.

Hello, h what is your uh Lily, Lily, what's going on? Lily? How can I get you today?

I need some advice on a like relationship issue that I've been having.

Okay, how old are you, Lily?

I'm twenty three.

Okay, I mean I'll try my best. Dude, all these relationship calls, I fucking don't know what I'm talking about, but go ahead.

Yeah, no, no worries. So my boyfriend recently quit his job and he he kind of like ultimately wants to be like a stay at home figure kind of uh. And I don't mind that I make enough at my job that like, that's not really an issue. But my issue is that he won't like clean or keep up with any other like household related stuff while he's also at home.

Dude, hold on, hold on, hold on. Your boyfriend quit his job so that you could bankroll him.

Yeah, no, not not necessarily. We've we've been together for more than a few years at this point.

Okay, what do you mean not necessarily.

Uh, it's it's kind of been like a pre established thing of like the direction we directions, like we want to go in our lives. And I kind of always aspired to make enough money to support myself and the people around me. If that makes sense, look like it's yeah.

Hold on, So when you say not necessarily, tell tell me tell me exactly what that means, because it sounds like you're friend quit his job so that you could bankroll them.

Well, no, it's I mean okay, kinda yeah, I guess maybe.

Okay, so your boyfriends quit his job so that you could bankroll them?

Yeah, okay.

Are you financially supporting your boyfriends?

Yes?

Okay, Now tell me why, Like why was that so difficult for you to admit?

Because I'm in I'm in denial with myself a little a little bit maybe. Okay.

How long have you been with your boyfriend?

About three years now?

Okay? What does he do for you while you bankroll him?

Well, he's to take care of the house and uh, you know, like wandery and like you know, like homemaker responsibilities per se.

What does that mean exactly? Take care of the house, Like he's gonna like cook for you and clean the house and what are the plants?

Well?

Yeah, okay, has he been doing those things?

No?

And that's the issue.

How old is your boyfriend?

He is also twenty three.

Okay, And when he said, Babe, I'm gonna quit my job and take care of the plants, what did you say?

Ah, there's there's some box throw to it, but uh, at that point I was alright with it and understanding of it. It's it's been like a pretty difficult couple of years for him in general. His father passed like kind of suddenly fairly recently, and he lost a couple of their close family members in relation to that in like a short period of time. And yeah, I don't know, teaching some support when we met. I also needed a

So it kind of liked so there was a period of time where he was financially supporting you. Yeah, okay. And when you say take care of the house, I mean, do you guys have a kid together?

No? We have like cats, but definitely no.

Okay, listen, dude, I don't want to get into what why can't he work a job by himself?

And I guess question.

There's this dude, I've been very inspired lately. There's this guy. I'm gonna shout this guy out. There's this dude on YouTube. His name is Caleb Hammer, and he does these I don't. I have no idea why people agree to go hunt on his show because it's just him yelling at them. And I've been watching and I'm like, should I should yell at people more a little bit? So I'm inspired

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree that that is fair.

So why are you doing this?

Uh? Again, I don't know. Generally, I feel like financially comfortable enough to do it, and I also feel like, again, like some of it's kind of tied back to how much he helped me out, like when I was homeless when we first met and kind of how all that played out.

I mean, do you want to? I mean, you know, there's another thing I like by kayleb Haanmer's show. He gets into specifics. Do you want to get into specifics? Like like, you don't have to tell me how much money you make if you don't want to, but you're you say you're making enough to support two people?

Yeah, okay, yes, it's close to like like one hundred to one years.

And where do you live?

Uh, Denver, Colorado?

Okay, I still think that, you know what, I've been trying. You know what, dude, I've been trying really hard because I feel like the whole point of my show sometimes is like I'm just gonna stay neutral while people tell me stuff. But I can't. I can't keep doing that. Dude. What you can't bankroll your boyfriend? You can't do that?

Okay, Okay, that's fair.

I mean do I mean again, and the read I don't feel good saying that because it's your fucking life. You do whatever you want. But if you're calling me and you're asking me what I think about the situation, I think it's a horrible idea.

Okay, Okay, I understand. So so from here, should I perhaps like set up a conversation about different expectations and terms of that, like.

Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah, tell him, by the way, by the way, I mean this, if you love this guy. Do you love this guy?

Yeah?

Yeah it is.

Do you want him to have a good life? Yeah, then tell him to get a fucking job and build his own life and not have be on your payroll, because that's what's gonna make his life better more than you paying for him to exist.

Okay, all right, that's fair. I would agree with that.

Okay, anything else about this situation.

And not not this one specifically, if if you need to get onto another color, I understand.

Uh.

If you want to hear about my mom, that's also something exciting, but.

I'm time to hear. I'm down to hear about your mom. What's up with your mom? I'm on a roll right now, by the way, So I might tell your mom to go fuck herself or congratulations. I don't know what the situation is, but go ahead.

I mean I would say go fuck herself, like with her mom. So also kind of connected to this growing up My mom initially was a great mom. My dad kind of kind of peaced out when I was like fourteen or so, moved to another state suddenly, and then my mom kind of lost her shit completely and started doing a lot of coke and other nefarious substances, and it spiraled a lot of shit out of control for a minute, and I ended up moving out at a

I'm sorry, she tried to poison you.

Yeah, yeah, so I guess some content text on that we didn't. We never have like tea or sugar or anything in the house usually, like at that point in our lives, we were like living off dollar store food for the most part, but like first apartment, everything like getting established from from ground zero, you know, we didn't

Okay, okay, all right, all right, poison me wants shame on you.

Yeah yeah, I mean yeah, it sounds like easy like that when I when it's laid out like that, But through the process of it, it was very uh. And it's your mom too, you know, like I really want to think the best of her, But.

That did you find out whether or not she I feel like we glossed over that a bit too quickly. Did you find out whether or not that was anti freeze.

I'm pretty positive that it was, because nothing else makes sense, and she She's definitely the type of person to do such a thing, I think.

Okay, So where are you at with your mom right now? Is she? What's the deal?

So I've been no contact with her for about a year at this point. Ye, and it's been really nice.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry to hear that. By the way, that's that's really awful.

I mean, it's it's life, you know, like character building experiences or something.

I have think sasaidia, But go go ahead.

Yeah, I don't know. Uh. Again, it's just a difficult thing. I don't know. I want to talk to her. She keeps getting new numbers and trying to contact me, and I keep walking her on them and not speaking. But I want, I want to believe that she would change for the better or or so forth. But I I don't know. Like she she's my mom, but also like given past experiences, I'm not sure what to do.

Yeah, can you can you forgive somebody for poisoning you? I mean, I don't know, man, that's uh, that's fucking crazy. That's really, really, really fucking crazy. I mean she should be in jail for that.

Yeah she Yeah, she's a tricky person.

Lily. Can I ask you, aside from your mom and your boyfriend, who who else do you have in your life? Do you have friends?

I have some friends, but but they're back in my hometown. Uh yeah, So who's in Denvers?

It just you and your boyfriend?

Yeah, my.

Dad lives fairly close by, but we're obviously not very close.

Are you and your dad aren't cool?

We're trying to be cool, but it's it's not necessarily like comfortable.

M Do you want to go into detail about that or not?

I can nothing specific? Sorry, what we're gonna say? Uh yeah, yeah, nothing specific. I moved out here after leaving my my ex and kind of like re established close to family in just in case, and then we recently started talking again and we're trying to be cool. He's trying to again like help me, like set me up and make better decisions for my foreseeable future, but also kind of awkward because he I feel like he's trying to be a dad, but like a little a little bit.

Too late, Lily. So okay, so it's you and your dad, So it's you and your dad. Okay, so do you I mean, do you have a social life outside of your boyfriend and your family?

Not?

Really? I work on average like fifty to sixty hours a week.

Okay, what do you do?

By the way, I'm a dog groomer.

You're a dog groomer. Do you work for yourself or do you work for a company?

I work for a company, Lily.

Yes, you're a very very very sweet person. And I really admire the fact that you have gone through so much adversity in your life and seem to have not only put yourself in a position where you're financially doing well, but more important than that, put yourself for the position where your perspective is also really good, you know. And so I admire that a lot, and I and I

You.

You have gone through a lot in life, and you deserve to set yourself up for a very nice rest of your life. And after you know, giving yourself to your mom and giving yourself to your boyfriend, and giving yourself to all these other things, please start to make decisions in your life that benefit you because you deserve it.

Thank you.

I appreciate it a lot.

Okay, Jesus Christ. How long have you been grooming dogs?

For about a year now. I've been working with dogs for two years or so, but trimming and stuff about a year.

What's your like if you can, I'm very curious if you could do anything like if imagine any kind of a life for yourself. What would it look like.

Being a veterinarian for like large farm animals on like farms, like horses, cows, got stuff like that.

M hm. Did you go to college?

I almost got my degree. I'm five or so credits away. But life got kind of crazy and I took a little break.

Okay. Can I ask why you took a.

Break because of my leaving my ex, divorce and such Okay.

It sounds like so you're yeah, you're you mentioned an next husband. Yeah, okay, and I assume that didn't.

Go too well, not ideal?

Okay, okay, Lily, Yes, do you want to go back to school? Do you want to get your credits?

Yeah? I would, Yeah, that's the goal, Lily.

Don't please don't let I don't know what your deals with your current boyfriend, but don't fucking let And if you're making enough money for you to go back to school to do this thing, please don't spend it on your boyfriend. Please don't get your boyfriend, your mom, your dad, your ex husband, or anybody stop you from going back to school and getting those credits.

Will do, thank you?

Okay, all right? Is there anything else you want to want to talk about her say to the people of the computer before we go, Uh?

Nothing specifically. I hope everyone has an awesome night and a happy memorial.

To take care, Lily, have a good rest of the night, you little goodbye. What a tough what a tough racket, What a tough racket? And you could just hear in that girl's voice, how how she's she's really a sweet person? Who I mean between everything right, between my fucking mom tried to kill me. Should I should I should I

Hello, Hello, hey Lyle, how are you.

I'm doing all right? Brother? What's your name?

Uh?

You call me art Art? Yeah?

Like uh for for Arthur, like art like Art Garfuncle.

Yeah, you could just call me Arthur.

Okay, I'm gonna actually I'm gonna call you Garfunkle, Garfunkley. Your delayed response indicates to me that you don't like being called Garfuncle.

What makes you say that.

Because you delayed your response?

Okay, I think you're right.

Okay, you don't like being called a Garfunckle.

No, you can call me anything else, I think.

All right, do you want me to call you anything else. I should just I could make this. I could make this a lot easier for both you and me if I just called you by the name that you told by your actual name, call you by your name. That's that movie.

I haven't seen it.

Have you seen? Okay? It's about so there. It's about these two guys in love and the whole the whole idea of calling somebody by your name. It's like like like, if I'm in love with someone and I call them Lyle, that never made any sense to me. There's a scene where they're both calling each other by their own name. What does that mean to call someone by your name?

Why?

Arthur? What would you like to talk about today? How's it going? You texted me and you said, and you said, I want to talk about my illegal restaurant. Somebody should know what the deal is, somebody, and maybe in the YouTube comments, if somebody knows what was going on with the call me by your name thing? Like why do they call each other by their own names? If someone in the YouTube comments give an explanation for that? What's your what's this restaurant?

So?

I'm a chef. I've been in the food and beverage industry for like six years now, and my last job was the longest I've ever stayed out of place for and I had a head chef position there.

It was a really small spot.

We would serve like probably forty eight to fifty people a night, and it was just me and one other guy basically back in the kitchen. And that kind of fell through because of just some shitty decisions by the owner and stuff that I began to not want to deal with anymore, and I quit, and shortly after I quit, the place closed down and took like a month off

There's like a.

Ploy in the industry where if you're trying to go straight ahead to a higher position, they'll kind of keep you on for about a month and they'll just keep you at a line cook position with line cook pay while you're trying to prove your chops to whoever is higher you for that higher position. And that's basically what I got, you know, for about so two three months.

So this restaurant, this is illegal restaurant? Is this your restaurant?

Yeah?

Why?

How is how is it? How is it illegal?

Well, it's because, uh it's run out of a home.

You run a restaurant out of your home? Yeah, what kind of restaurant is it?

Uh?

It's kind of hard to explain.

But the best way I can explain it is just it's a tasting men your restaurant. I do ten courses at night MAXI amount of people I could take in is like ten people. But the food, the best way I can explain it is just like it's modern food, like you could you could consider it new American, meaning like it's globally influenced. Just doesn't like take from Italian or Japanese or whatever.

You know what I mean, what do.

You think about it? I kind of want to do the same thing, but I just picked ten different lean cuisines to put in the microwave for people.

You know what's crazy is that just the other day I saw a real like Instagram post about a dude who bought like a plate of food from a guy for like twenty dollars have you seen that like on like Facebook.

Now market he bought he bought it. He bought a plate a food from a guy on Facebook marketplace.

Yeah, he bought a plate of food from a guy. And what was displayed on the post was like really nice, like boneless buffalo wings and uh, it looked like homemade fries. And when the guy went and got it and he came back home, he opened up the foil, it was there's dino nuggets tossed in buffalo sauce.

You're acting like that's not fine cuisine right there.

I mean, you know, it's debatable, but features on what's.

Your favorite dish from your tasting taste thing from your tasting menu.

I think it has to be.

The It's called a passivier, And what a pacivier is is basically, traditionally, it's this short crust pastry, so imagine like pie dough, and in it it would have some type of like sweetened almond paste in it. But in different parts of France they do a savory filling instead. And so I'm doing mine with a pork collar filling that has like a green garlic in it and an onion jam and smoked bacon, and it comes with a charcoutier sauce. Yeah.

Bro, it's like a little Hi.

Where do you live? I'm coming? That sounds incredible?

Uh in La?

You live in La?

Yeah?

Can I come to your restaurant?

Yeah?

Of course?

Again, how much does it cost?

So I still I'm I was actually I'm like crunching numbers right now. I was watching your stream while doing so because I ran out of podcast to watch and I saw that you were alive, and I was like, oh shit, I should watch that. But like I said, it's it's price per person, so you're looking upwards of like two hundred two two fifty two fifty is really really high end. But for two hundred for that amount of money, you get ten plates, two of them being

Wait, hold on, so it's ten plates of food? And is it is it unlimited drinks?

It's not unlimited drinks. You do have to pay for them.

Okay, Unfortunately. Is it just like a Is it just like a diet coke from your refrigerator?

No?

No, No. When I when I say a drink menu, I mean like cocktails and wine and beer and things like that.

What kind of snacks? That's kind of a funny idea some but like, let's get a snack while we eat dinner.

Yeah, so there's kind of a reason why that stack menu exists. It's kind of like for the alcohol.

Oh sure, what to me? I mean, so that you can sell the alcohol. But okay, but if you're already here's the thing is, let me ask you this. If it's already okay, I get it. The snack thing is because of the alcohol makes it like slightly more legal, right.

Yeah, because the way that I have the snackman, you're set up is that a purchase of said snack, whatever you want to get, comes with a complimentary cocktail.

But if you're already doing an illegal thing, why don't you just go crazy with it?

I don't think that's the best thing to do.

It's not. It's a terrible idea. Don't listen to anything I ever say. What's the best kind of snacks on the menu? What's your favorite snack?

So I got marinated cassavatrono olives?

What the fuck? What did you just see?

Like green olives?

No?

No, no, you didn't say and you said a whole new word.

Yeah, Castle with Toronto olive.

Okay, I've never heard of that.

Yeah, they're like the specific olive that comes from Italy.

They're really nice.

So who's your client tele Do you have a lot of Do you have a lot of celebrities come through?

No? No?

Well I think I should kind of butt in here and say that I haven't opened yet and I'm planning on opening this coming month.

What is opened mean? You just post your address on the internet.

That's no, not that way. Basically, I have a newsletter that's up on my website and you give your info and you get an invitation basically, which is just a link that to make a reservation, like a private link.

That's pretty sweet. But how do people find out about the newsletter at first?

So a lot of it's word of mouth, much like how a lot of these things operate.

It's a very word of mouth.

But I I'm also going to be putting up flyers all across LA. Actually got some printed today, which you know, it's kind of very old school. It might not work, might work method of advertising. I mean, who knows, you know. And I'm also planning I'm putting those flyers at shops that I frequent with their consent of course, not just like posting up business on another business. You know, that's pretty cool and social media.

You know, do you have a calming voice? Do you do you read off the menu when people sit down? Do you like you? Is part of the experience that we to listen to you talk say new Italian words that sound kind of made up while you explain each of the plates.

So you know, it's funny that you bring that up, because I feel like with a lot of financing places, you'll go there, you'll sit down, you know, if you're not too knowledgeable about food, and you'll have some person. Usually it's the person waiting you, and frankly they probably don't know that well what they're serving you either. But I kind of find that to be kind of too much because I just kind of want to sit down

That's cool. It's like you get a little sheet of paper, right exactly. This is fun. I like this. I want to do like my own version of it, except it's ten dollars and you get a lean cuisine, a bag of Cheetos, and a diet coke from my fridge.

Hey, dude, people do that, you know?

Actually, you know what, you know what, I actually might steal this idea not I mean, you know, you do your fine dining version of it. But it's kind of it is kind of cool, the idea of like, all right, you have like a thing that you're only letting twenty people in or ten people in at once, and they have to make a reservation and it's word of mouth and they get it off with like a newsletter. That's kind of a cool. I just like that concept as an entrepreneurial thing. I think that's really cool.

Is this the first time you're hearing about said concept?

I'm uh, it does. I mean, I maybe maybe.

The reason why I asked is because la Is I want to say, it's like the birthplace of this kind of a like ordeal.

But there's quite a lot of them.

Final question for an extra fifty dollars at the end of the meal, can I sleep on your couch?

Yeah?

You can.

There's a few of them. There's three.

You have three couches.

Yeah, So the way.

So I had a lot of money saved up for my last job, and this is kind of like my first impression.

M hmm. That's just like my own thing. M hm.

And so I really kind of built out the place that I'm leasting out, like really.

Really, well, what do you what do you rent?

And yeah, what's that?

What do you pay for rent?

Like what is it?

Thirty seven hundred.

Thirty seven hundred? Okay, I mean I guess that's that's not that's not that's not that bad for a place that can that can fit three couches in Los Angeles.

Yeah, I mean it's a pretty big place.

But because because your business is illegal, you can't write it off on your taxes.

Well, the thing is is that I am I'm still taking tax into consideration. I will be charging people tax.

Because wait, hold on, you're charging people tax even though you're not paying tax.

No, I am going to be paying tax to the I R S.

Why it's illegal, they don't even but aren't they going to get mad at you? It's like it's like when they tried to get cocaine dealers to pay taxes. Not that you're dealing cocaine, but I means that's the same concept.

That kind of still does eventually happen, like to some degree.

Right, I don't know. I've never dealt cocaine or paid taxes. That's not true. I pay, I pay, I pay taxes.

Oh well, the reason why I'm doing that is because I have like an actual like corporation, I tied to the business and what I because I couldn't have done because like, how do I explain this? Sorry, I'm surprised that you called me.

Is it a teared system? Where for fifty dollars I sleep on the shitty couch, one hundred dollars I sleep on the good couch? How much for like a bed for two hundred? For two hundred? How much money? All right? For an extra two hundred dollars, can I make you sleep on the couch and I get to sleep in your bed?

Uh?

You know what?

I can pull out an air mattress for you?

No, no, no air. I want to sleep in where you sleep and you have to I want to make wait for an extra two hundred and fifty dollars, can I sleep in your bed and make you sleep on the air mattress?

Well, I don't have an air mattress. I would buy or an.

Extra three hundred dollars. Can I make you sleep on the air mattress, I sleep in your bed and I get to use your toothbrush?

Okay, we'll do.

Yeah?

Yeah, because I think I'm gonna need to brush my teeth after eating all this food, and I don't feel like bringing my own toothbrush, so I would pay premium to use yours.

I actually got this a new toothbrush recently. It's Japanese.

Does it vibrate?

No? Should it?

I mean for an extra three hundred dollars, I think yeah.

Like, do you do you want me to build like a like a you do you like want me to like duct tip a vibrator tour? Do you want me to buy a whole new toothbrush that vibrates to use it and then have you use it?

You know what? I'm just going to google to call me by your name thing. I'm not gonna wait until the the YouTube comments show up, because I don't know why they did that art art. Good luck with this. This sounds fun, this sounds cool. I'm genuinely I'm excited for you. I'm inspired by this.

Oh Lyoe, go ahead, thank you for the amazing kind words. I really really of course, but I just wanted to say something very clear. I hope this isn't coming off of like some type of advertisement, because it legitimately was not.

No no no I I I asked, I asked, I asked, I asked. I mean, I look, I don't care. Do you want do you wanna? Do you want to tell the people where they can find it?

I feel bad, I'll tell you what.

Okay, all right, you can tell the people where you found it. But when I'm in La, you gotta let me use your toothbrush.

The side note, though, would you actually want to come and eat?

Eat?

Actually? I actually would? That would kind of cool?

And when will you be in La? Uh?

In l A?

And I'll be in La in November?

Okay? Cool?

From my from my from my two therapy get Goo Live shows at the Masonic Lodge.

Oh, no way, you're gonna be uh at the Masonic Lodge.

I'm gonna be at the Masonic Lodge.

On Los Felis the probably Oh all right, well I'll try.

I'll try and get a ticket and swing buy and I'll show face and.

Remind you then.

Sweet man, Yeah, yeah, you can drop that. You can drop the link to the newsletter if you if you want to, but you do have to let me use your toothbrush. And I do want to die coke from your fridge. Those are the only two things I asked for.

Wait, do you do you like why diet cocain not coke zero?

Do you want to do? Do you want to drop it the link the thing or do you want to stay anonymous?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, sure? All right? Uh here U it's E s u r i O.

Dot l a E furio l dot.

L a A serio E s u r I.

Oh oh, I thought that was I thought he was an r E s u r I O.

Yeah, E s u r i O.

Do your hello? Good at making up words?

No, that's real, that's a real Latin word.

I would take a coke zero, but I would prefer diet coke.

Is it the taste? All right?

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

I just want to say thank you Lelle for calling me back.

And finally responding to me, of course, and allowing me to.

Be on your fantastic show for a brief moment.

And I hope the tour goes very well. Thanks man, and I hope you have a good night.

Thank you Allart. I was just thinking it would be pretty funny if like I went to your house and ate, like you know, you cooked for us all and all that stuff, and then like I found out that you actually had a rat under your hat the whole time that was making you do all the cooking like in that movie.

So can you not mention the rat thing, because that's kind of like the secret thing with how I'm able to cook so well, And so I appreciate it if you've cut this part from the pod.

Now we're going to keep it in Take care of Art, Thank you.

Hold on, Gecko, what's up?

Gek Hey, what's up?

Man?

Where are you right now? You've got people in the backgrounds.

Yeah, I'm at a car show at a bar. I just walked out and I'm in the parking lot. So it should be a lot quieter cool, all.

Right, So you're at the parking lot of a car show.

Yeah, right beside the bar.

Why what kind of car show?

Old timey cars. Got a lot of old sixties Mustangs, Chevyes, all kinds of stuff here. It's out in Everett, Washington, it's called cruising to Colby.

What brings you there? Are you a connoisseur of wacky races esque vehicles?

Yeah kind of. I'm just a car guy and it's just it's something to do. So I don't like being, you know, trapped in the house all the time. So I decided to come out and see the cars as they were getting lined up and ready for the show tomorrow. It's a Memorial day show. So they all did a little like cruise around and started parking in their spots and everything, and tomorrow was the actual show.

You're a little, uh bon vivant, aren't you. You're just going to car shows. You're really living up life.

I try, I definitely try, that's for sure. I can't. I can't be stuck in my house. I gotta go out and I gotta do things.

It's funny, so you texted me, you said you're.

Thirty nine, right, that's true.

I'm twenty six and I feel the same way. I can't stay home in my fucking house. And I was like, okay, maybe it's just like I'm wondering if I'm going to be this way forever.

Yeah, you know, so when I was that age, I was the same way, and I just like, I felt like, dude, I'm missing out on so much. I stay in my house all the time. I need to go out and I need to meet people. I need to get myself out there. I need to go to events and everything. Otherwise I'm just gonna rode away in my house and I'm gonna drive myself crazy.

And have you been going out and doing things for your entire life.

Then since about the age of twenty six twenty seven?

Yeah?

Okay, so from until you were twenty six twenty seven, you were a kind of a homebody.

Yeah. I'd always sit at home and I'd play video games all day, all night. I typically would never leave my house.

And nowadays, are you tired or are you still wanting to leave your house all the time.

I am tired, yeah, thirty nine, but I still want to leave the house all the time. I don't care. I have to get out. I'm a social butterfly.

Who do you hang out with these days?

Oh?

Well, usually my new boyfriend and my new girlfriend and whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.

Whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.

Tell you in.

I'm in Washington.

Washington is washing Washington's a state.

Right, correct, not Washington d C. Washington state.

All right, So you're in what Seattle? Probably?

I'm a little north of Seattle, about thirty about a thirty minute drive depending on traffic. If anyone is listening from Seattle, they know how that can be. I'm up in a town called Everett.

Everett is Everett Poppin', I mean, and they've got car shows. That's cool.

I think it's popping. A lot of my friends that like to hang out in Seattle are like, oh no, it's ever It's not that great, but I love it out here.

So what's your name again?

Mike?

Mike? We can keep talking about ever written, car shows, and life, but is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about this evening?

Yeah. So I'm recently divorced. I was in a relationship for twelve years. It was super controlling. It was just a really toxic thing, and I got out of it about seven months ago. And I've been seeing a new guy. He's amazing. His name's Calvin, and I've been seeing his girlfriend Kat as well. And I've been doing this whole

Interesting because I was going to say, it sounds kind of like you were playing the Crane Machine and you got double prizes.

Yeah, basically, Yeah, I mean I met this guy and you know, he told me that, you know, he's in this polyamorous relationship, and I was like, hey, that's cool. And then I met his girlfriend and she was hot, and we all we all hooked up and we all really meshed together quite nicely. So I see I see her and I see him.

Well, So I guess I'm curious first about the twelve year relationships. So you were okay, so you got with her when you were like twenty six or whatever. And I don't know if that math works out, but who cares? Yeah, And was it control? Was it controlling for the whole time or did it kind of escalate to that point?

It just kind of escalated to that point. It took me. It took me a few years to really kind of see it. I always kind of thought it was me though. I always thought maybe there was something wrong with me in the relationship. But as time went on, I realized, No, this guy's just super freaking controlling.

What how did that control manifest itself?

Oh gosh, So like I wasn't allowed to have any friends. Basically, all my friends had to be his friends. We couldn't go out and do anything that I liked. We had to go out and do the things that he liked. We couldn't go out to see my family for holidays. We had to go out only to see his family for holidays. I was kind of trapped within his family. We weren't allowed kind of outside that circle basically. And yeah,

And have you always been polyamorous? So this is kind of new thing.

Uh, this is kind of a new thing.

Yeah, And how are you enjoying navigating it?

Well, I like the relationship and everything. It's that the

So well, it's kind of interesting You're going from somebody who was kind of controlling you to somebody who you're feeling like you're not getting enough from.

Yeah, kind of. I mean when I'm with him in person, I feel like I'm getting a lot from him because we I appreciate his company, I appreciate I love the sex and all of that.

How long have you been How long have you been with this guy for?

Since the beginning of April.

The beginning of April all, it's just been like a couple months.

It's it's been two months now.

I mean, look, man, different people have different communication styles. Uh, do you prefer to be texting with somebody all throughout the day?

I mean yes and no. I mean, like I work in everything, and so it's not like I can be texting constantly. It's just I feel like I just want something a little bit more than like a monosabilitic response like ooh or okay or yeah or something like that. Like I feel like I feel like he's not interested, but then when I go and see him in person, it's like, Oh, he's super interested. But outside of that, I feel kind of like he's disinterested. So I don't know.

So, Okay, have you talked to him about this?

Yeah? So his explanation was like, it's his anxiety, Like he doesn't want to feel like he's obligated to text something back or something. Sometimes he just doesn't really know what to say.

Yeah, and is what do you make of that?

I mean, in my past relationships, I've always gotten something back that was seemingly a little more meaningful. So like the way I think of it is, I get the feeling that he's disinterested in some of my things, or he.

Doesn't like, here's the thing you're not always gonna like it's not in my opinion, when people tell you shit, you take him a face value, you know what I mean. Yeah, like unless if somebody's like what, somebody might have the reasons to lie to you, but like ninety nine percent

Yeah, No, I definitely definitely see hat for sure, and no, just just for a little more you know, disclosure there. You know, when we got into all of this, he had even said like, hey, I you know, I'm down if you want to see other people, but I'm not the only people that I really want to see our cat and you. And I told him, no, I'm not seeing anyone else but you and Cat, and so that's kind of our circle.

Okay. So I don't know, man, I think it sounds like you've attempted to work this out with him.

I'm thinking too much into this, aren't I. That's my whole thing, Like, I think maybe I'm thinking way too much into this and I'm spiraling sometimes and then I have to kind of wake myself out of that and be like, no, everything is cool, because otherwise he would tell me. And I just saw him yesterday. We spent the entire day together yesterday, had a wonderful time. I told him, you know how happy that he makes me,

Uh, yeah, have you if you want to get into some real therapy here, which I'm not inclined to give because I'm a dumbass and a gecko costume. But have you ever heard of anxious attachment theory.

I've never know what is that?

Okay, So I mean, go talk to a real therapist about this, or you know, go look it up on the internet. There's anxious, there's there's like relationship attachment styles. There's secure, avoidant, and anxious, and anxious attachment is basically kind of what you're describing where it's like, uh, you know what, kind of like anxiety that you're not enough for your partner or that your partner doesn't like you and you're just kind of always anxious about the relationship.

Yeah, I do. Actually, I've been seeing a therapist for the past two years since my dad and brother died.

What does your real therapist think about this?

She doesn't really give me too much insight. She knows that like I've been a thousand miles away from my previous partner for years and years. All she really kind of says is you just need to be careful. You got out of this relationship, and I know you feel comfortable, but just be careful, is really all she tells me.

I agree, you know what, that sounds smart. That sounds smart. Next time you see her, ask her about the anxious attachment.

Gotcha. Well, I see her on Wednesday, so that's perfect, okay.

And I'm, by the way, I'm just no expert in relationships at all. I really don't fucking know what I'm talking about. But because you know, I've done some research on this stuff.

Yeah, I get that, and I've been listening to you since December, and so I understand your position on everything. It's just sometimes it's just good to talk about it, and I don't really have anyone to talk about it with. So I was like, oh, I guess I'll ask Gek.

Well, let's get it. I mean, why don't you have anyone to talk about it with. I guess it's not from your therapist.

Yeah, yeah, I mean that that's that's that's the other thing. But I also feel a little weird sometimes because she's always kind of like, well, you need to be careful. You just got out of this relationship, you just finished up a divorce, and like I said, like you know, I was a million miles away from this person emotionally for so long, and now here I am just trying to enjoy life, and I just keep hearing you need to be careful, you need to watch and watch.

Yeah, well, brou when did you when did you break up with this relationship? When did you break up with this guy you were in a relationship with for twelve years? How long ago?

It was?

Back in back in November?

All right, So you're pretty quick. I mean, I yeah, a few months is not that quick. Like, yeah, dude, I think your therapist is right, like, you know, be careful, like don't don't hedge all your bets if anything, Just don't, Like you know, relationships are supposed to be like good and fun and add value to your life. They're not supposed to be this thing that you hedge your entire fucking life upon, right, right, So just don't hedge your entire fucking life upon this guy. Enjoy his presence in

Yeah, No, I mean definitely you know. For further disclosure on that though, too. I mean, we've been taking this really slow. I mean, I mean I've been I've been seeing this guy now for two months about and like we haven't even done anything outside of his house. Like I just go over to his place and we hang out for a bit. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we're very cuddly, sometimes we're not. Sometimes I just go over there and and help him out with things

Well, uh, I think that's a good thing, probably, Uh.

Yeah, I agree. For sure, and I mean so to see I mean his whole his whole outlook is you know, absence kind of makes the heart grow fonder, which I get. And it definitely makes sense when I when I see him for the first time, you know, after like a week and a half or so, and.

Mike, yeah, Yo, anything, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Just love each other and be good to yourself and be good to the people that you love. And thank you very much.

Gek all right, man, have a good time at the car show. See if they have a batmobile or some shit.

Oh I will. I'll take pictures if I find one, and I'll shoot one over to you.

Hell yeah, I'm going to get a picture of a of a batmobile that.

Ghosts on the line taking your phone calls every night.

Never bid ghost doing his eye. He was teaching him his house, your life, but he's not ready. An expert