Hello, Hey, what's up? Man? What's your name?
Oh? No, fucking way, dude, my name is b B.
What's going on? B has life? Man?
Life? Bro? Oh I'm sorry, I'm geeking. I didn't dude. I've been listening to you for years. I never thought I would have seen your name pop over on my phone. Bro, what the fuck? This is crazy? This is crazy?
Well, be we're here, Uh, it's December, whatever the year. Who cares? And we're both alive at this very moment, and we're connected now via a system of over Yeah, via a thing that is so deeply beyond our comprehension as to how it works that it would take us a lifetime. Maybe not a lifetime, but it would take us more time than either of us care to invest to really understand the technology behind how you and I are connected now. But it doesn't matter who care. We
don't have to think about that stuff. All we have to do is be in this moment with each other. So let's do that. Ye, what's going on with you? B? What tell me about your life?
I mean there's a lot going on right now, dude, honestly, but yeah, I mean yeah, there's a lot going on. I mean I DJ. I'm just I'm hustling on the side. I got three months paid off of my work as well, so that has been great. Just been going great.
You got three months paid off of your work.
Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
Are you a teacher?
No? No, So I work at the bank and I've found out about this program that my company offers when my coworkers told me about it, Like everyone in the company is taking it almost but you can file like it's called a leave of absence. I've been going to therapy actually thanks to your show for a while, and they told me that since I do go to therapy, I can just have my therapist sign up on some papers that's saying that I'm like I'm too anxious and I can't work and everything. So yeah, file had Really
I've been getting paid. Yeah, Yeah, I've been off. I've been off for the last like two months. I'm supposed to go back end of this month, but I'm trying to see if i can get it extended to longer.
So you can get a note from a therapist that tells you that you're too anxious to work, and then your job has to pay you for three months.
Correct at least three months. Yeah, they pay you one hundred percent of your rate for three months and then after that you can get it extended, but it's only going to be at like eighty percent or something like that.
What is that? This like a whose program is this? This can't be the bank's program. It's just like a government program.
No, No, it's through the bank. But the bank company's partners with this third party company that does it, and they're the ones who are prove it or don't approve it. But that therapist pretty much just gave me the paperism was like, here, just just tell me what you want to say. I'll sign up on it.
So wait, what's the incentive of the company to do that?
Literally nothing, I guess, just to provide like a like a I don't know, honestly, just to provide time off for their employees who genuinely do like feel too anxious and sue because it is stressful working in the bank. You think we just like kind of punch numbers and get people cash and take cash from people and stuff like that. But it's so much deeper than that. There's so many different rules and regulations and they go do audits and shit like that. It actually is right.
Yeah, No, I'm sure it is. I guess my one My thing is, I'm just like, uh, it's a nice thing to do, but I don't know if banks are in the business of kindness, you know what I'm saying. I'm like, what is the There's gotta be something behind it of like why they're doing I'm just curious, you know, what's the third it's the third party that they're getting with.
I don't want to say the name of the company and blow my spot up because I'm not even supposed to be. I'm not even supposed to be. I'm supposed to be in my little height hole in my room, away from the world, trying to trying to trying to get better and not be so.
All right, well whatever, we don't have to talk about capitalism. We can talk about you.
Yeah, But I don't know. It's been going great during this time off. I've just been hustling, man. I'm learning how to day trade. I'm three D printing ship and I'm reselling it. Actually had a trade show here in about like two hours. I got ahead over there to go resell some three D printed ship and I DJ too as well. I've just been I've just been kind of moving and grooving, man, using this time to my advantage.
You're learning how to day trade.
Yeah yeah, yep, like crypto, I'm doing like foreign exchange. So like okay, so you ever you ever look at like the race of like US dollars to like euros, like that exchange rate.
Yeah yeah, no, I know, I know, I know four X. So you're like you're like watching the chart of like how many how many like Zimbabwe dollars are are going up and down and then trade them for Okay, now.
Yeah, because you can make money on that, on that value that changes all the time. You can make money on there.
Have you how much money have you lost doing this?
I mean trading overall or just in four X, because because in trading, I mean I've done I've gone anywhere from like doing stock to crypto to commodities like silver and gold and ship I've traded for a while, but with four X, I just started not too long ago. But I haven't. I haven't lost any real money in four X yet. I'm like trading. I'm trading with a
simulated account. I'm going to challenge. They gave me an account with like one hundred grand and they had to make ten grand on it in like sixty days, and then I get to keep eighty percent of the profit that I make on the account.
Okay, slow down, who First of who's they? And then is this real money?
Uh, it's not real money in the account yet? And they it's called it's called it's called an FLMC. So they they like, you pay five hundred bucks and they give you an account with us with like one hundred grand in it of simulated money. And if you pass this challenge of making ten grand in the account, then after that they give you like a real account with real money, and then any money that you make in that account, then you get to keep eighty percent of it.
You pay this company five hundred dollars and then they give you a They give you one hundred thousand dollars of fake money. And if you can turn that one hundred thousand dollars of fake money into one hundred and ten thousand dollars of fake money, then they will give you one hundred thousand dollars of real money that you can keep turn into real money, can try to real money, and then give them a percentage of the real money.
Correct. Yes, sir, that is right.
That's fascinating.
Yeah, yeah, it's dope as hell. It's called the f MC challenge.
Now, so basically, they give you this money to be they give you this fake money to be like, all right, are you are you good at trading? And then there you are. Then they're like, okay, here's some money to trade with. But then but then okay, but here's the thing, right, isn't a lot okay four x right, and a lot of this trading stuff isn't a lot of it? Like luck? You know, So couldn't you theoretically with your fake money get lucky and then when they give you the real money just lose it all?
I mean yeah, I mean at the end of the day, I always tell people who are interested in it, it's always a fifty to fifty chance either it going your way or not, because what you're really doing is just betting on on on on your currency or whatever you're trading, going up or down. At the end of the day,
that's what it is. So you always have a fifty to fifty chance, But it always depends on like how many confirmations or how many things you can stack in your favor to give yourself a better chance, whether it be like an eighty twenty chance. You know what I'm saying, it's it's it's it's kind of that simple. Honestly, it's simple. It seems complex just because people see red and green candlesticks and there's charts and shit all over the screen, but it's actually very simple. No.
But what I'm asking you. But what I'm asking you is, is it what's the difference between this and like, what is the difference between this and if I was like, all right, here's one thousand fake dollars to go to the casino with, and if you can make that into one hundred and ten thousand dollars, I'll give you real money to go to the casino with.
I mean, I mean, I guess in that logic, it's kind of the same thing, pretty much the same.
Okay, so it is. So it is still kind of gambling.
Yeah, yeah, I'd say, I'd say just more aculated gambling, just because again I'm looking at different type of what we call indicators to kind of stack the odds in my favor versus like the house pretty much always wins. You know, with gambling, the house is pretty much going to win with a majority of the time. But I mean there's people who make who are like eighty percent
accurate and they're making the killing. But I don't think you're going to be eighty percent accurate at the casino unless you're counting card or some shit.
Okay, so you're trading, and are you I guess, I guess are you lifetime up in trading?
I'd say I'm pretty break even. I'm not like a professional. I don't do it for a living. I mean, but I'm I'm just doing on the side, just trying to make some money, trying to beat this economy. Man, I'm trying to stack up as many things as I can
to help me out. And thankfully I met a guy who who has made it, has who does do that for a living, and he believes in me enough to be able to like fund me and know what I'm saying, he bought that account for me and everything, so he's been kind of mentoring me.
This ironically sounds more anxiety inducing than working at a bank.
I mean, it's it's a different type of anxiety. I guess you could say. I mean, yeah, because happen to deal with people and then dealing with their problems, and you know people people hold their money to a certain standard and when shit is like not right in their account, they freak out and they flip out in front of everybody in the bank. That that can be Yeah, that can be a lot too, because I've had like six year old women come in and be like, I had
one hundred thousand dollars in this bank. What the fuck you guys are charging me at three dollars fee. I'm like, bro fucking I can't help that. I don't make commission off of this. I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't get enjoyed in telling you that you gotta pay us five dollars a month to keep his killing.
You're like that guy from South Park who's like, Okay, we'll take you one hundred thousand dollars and put it into a money market mutual fund and it's.
Gone and it's gone. Yeah kind of yeah, that's what banking is pretty much.
Uh, okay, So you're trading, Okay, So you this is I'm so fascinated by your situation. So that so that your bank. So you got a note from a therapist that tells your bank that they have to give you three months paid leave off and you're using it to trade commodities. That's the first thing, and then what are the other things.
I'm just running a whole bunch of side quests, honestly, man. But I'm I'm, I'm, I'm. I've been three D printing like a whole bunch of cheesy holiday stuff, so like Santa hats and earrings and stuff like that. So I'm just three D printing items to resell at a trade show. And then I'm djaying too as well. On the side. Well, I've been I've been djaying for like ten plus years. I've done a whole bunch of different events for celebrities like Jamie Fox and shit like that. But I just
I've been I moved states from California to Texas. I just have been kind of trying to grumb my name out here and it's been working. So yeah, just just there's three D printing stuff and then DJing.
What so you said you used to dj for celebrities. How did you get involved in doing that?
Just living in LA honestly, man, just just word to mouth. So I mean, I hate to too my own home, but I'm pretty good at what I do DJing, so a lot of people just they'll come up to me and be like, oh, hey, I got this gig, do you want to spin for this and this and that. I'm like, yeah, of course, I'll do it. And then usually from there again, it's like a domino effect, like I'll do one gig and then I'll get another gig from that gig, or like someone that followed me on
Instagram from the gig or something. It's kind of just kind of just snowballs from there. M m.
Okay, So what have been your recent DJ gigs?
Last night, I've been, I've been. I've been a regular at this place out in Fort Worth. I'd spend there every Friday night. And then from there I met the owner of like one of their one of their other companies that the guy owns, so he wants me to start spending there on Saturday. But tonight I got to go DJ there after I finished selling this three D printing stuff at the show.
What are you three D printing?
Uh? Just a whole bunch of holiday stuff. So I got like like reindeer headbands, I got like snowflake eaterings, I got like Christmas tree ear rings. I got I printed out like a little like uh six seven uh. It's literally just like a pair of numbers assist sixty seven. And it has like the hand and like you can kind of flexible with the legs, so it's like a
little like like a little action figure. I guess you could say I'm printing out like little mini Christmas trees and stuff like that, just cheesy little stuff that people will want to buy for their kids or for as gifts. I printed out like wallets too as well, like little cardholder wallets.
M yeah, so what are you What are you anxious about?
It was honestly just my job, man. It's just I don't know. While I'm there, I feel like, I mean, for a lack of better words, it's felt like a
fucking loser, dude. I don't know. It's just like the people that I work with, they've been with the company for thirty years, thirty forty years in the same position, and I'm like, dude, I know I'm meant to do so much more than this, Like I don't want to be stuck, you know what I'm saying, Waiting for waiting for for wire come for me, and I just see it for Jamie Fox last year, Like you know what
I'm saying, I felt like such a loser there. So it's just while I'm there, and then again, the customers that you got to do with are kind of unbearable.
Like people come in pissed off and the systems are down, or like a lot of a lot of a lot of old people still come in the bank, so a lot of them are just s nile and wondering where this came from, or wondering whether the money goes or like like one of my last days, I remember while I was there, I had I had to stop this guy from sending out one hundred thousand dollars to PayPal. I was like, why the hell are you sending PayPal
one hundred thousand dollars? And he was like, oh uh, they overcharged me for something from Macavie, so I'm sending the money back. I'm like, bro, what So he told me the whole story and he ended up almost getting scammed h because some guys did. They took over his computer and a whole bunch of stuff. So I ended up stopping that that was fraud going on. And it's just it's just a lot, man, a lot at listen.
By the way, I just want to just so you know, I'm so with you. If so, I'm so with you because if because for it, Like, if you can get a bank to pay you for three months of not working, you should totally do that. You should you should totally do that, and then you should totally spend those three months trying to figure out how to make enough money that you don't have to go back to work at the bank. I'm very I think you have I'm I'm
totally with you. I don't. I think I don't. I think this everything you're doing, weirdly makes a lot of sense to me because I think, what's everyone because everyone knows everyone knows that that and you got to be careful with it, I think. But like everyone knows that people are out there making all sorts of crazy money doing whatever the fuck four x crypto, whatever the fucking bullshit, whatever thing is. I mean, you've got to be careful that you're not what is it? You're not like gambling
away all of your savings and money. But yeah, but you're smart because you're like, I'm gonna get some fucking I'm gonna do this simulated money, whatever the fuck thing as long as you're not risking a lot like it, like you seem like you've mitigated your risk and increased your upside. So I respect that. I respect that because you got to make you know, that's the thing, right is, if you want to not be like that guy who's been working at the bank for thirty years, you gotta
make some swings. I respect it. And if you can, if you can get the if you can tell the bank that you're anxious and make and make the downside of taking your swings lower, you should totally do that ship exactly. I respect.
Yeah, sometime I'm trying to reduce my nut and increase my income.
So yeah, well it's hard out there, right because you need money to do everything that there is. And then mhm, you know, I don't know, you're putting you like you're taking swings. I like it.
Yeah, yeah, dude, I'm trying. You got to. I'm I'm I'm young right now, I'm I'm in a very unique position to where I can't take risks like this. I'm trying to take all the risks that I can, you know what I'm saying to be able to uh again, like you said, just not have to go back to work if I don't want to.
You told me, you said that you're homeless. You said that in a text.
Yeah, So so technically I was supposed to move out of my place like last week or two weeks now, like last week.
And.
Uh, my credit is shot thanks to my mom, so I can't really get approved for anywhere else. So they they technically I think they were supposed to kick me out last week. But I've been talking to them to see if I can just resign in my place now because they wouldn't have to do a credit check and I can just I can just move unit. But they haven't got back to me, so I'm kind of just like, I'm kind of just waiting nothing to kick me out or like if they're going to talk to the office
people about like let me stay longer or something. So I mean, I don't really know. I don't really know what's going on with it. I'm kind of just waiting.
How did your mom fuck up your credit?
Shud. That's a whole another story too. Man. She's she's done a lot. So when back in like what like during during like COVID time a few years ago, she was like pretty suicidal and shit like that. And then on top of that, she had just had her car like repode, and she my mom is very like she's not a typical mom, Like she doesn't sew and knit and make hot chocolate and bake and shit like that.
Like she she's kind of like a young mom. She had me young, so she's more or less worried about like her her her image on social media and to her friends and shit. So she she needed a car right away and wanted to get another car, but she couldn't obviously because she her credit was shot. She had just got a repost. So she had me put a car for her under my which I was already kind of skeptical about, but she I was like, I mean,
it's my mom, you know what I'm saying. I got to help her out with all the stuff that she's going through. She's been through for me. So I signed my name for a car for her, and it went well for a while, but then I started getting calls and saying that she was like laid on the payment
or that she had missed a payment and everything. So the car ended up ended up getting repote, and that shit ding my credit really hard, and then as well, on top of that, during COVID time, I don't know if you remember, but they were doing some type of like rent assistance program, so it's like you couldn't pay your rent air quotes, they would cover your rent during COVID if you did all this paperwork and talk to the leasing office. Did it's like shit, And apparently she was.
She was doing that, but she never finished up the process. So once we moved out, I got a ding on my credit for like forty thousand dollars and like due rent because she didn't finish the paperwork and all that. So it's like technically on paper I got, I got a car reponent in my name for her, and then I got like forty thousand dollars in like due rent for this place that she kind of screwed me on
too as well. And on top of that, she took out like three or four different iPhone lines in my name and just kind of kept the phones and never like returned them. So I got I got digged for that too.
So you said she's obsessed with social media.
Yeah, yeah, she's. Yeah, she's on TikTok live and shit like that.
Like what's she doing?
She I mean, she just she's she's just she just wants to be an influencer. I think she owns like her own medical spot, so she's like kind of advertising for that. But I think she kind of just got lost in thoughts and now she's just trying to be like an influencer. So she'll like go TikTok live and go to pilates and shit like that.
Okay, I mean, is it working for her or is it like a detriment to her existence in yours?
I mean, I don't really know. I don't really ask her if she's getting paid from it or anything like that. I just I just know that she's doing her She's talked to me about it before. I was like, okay, it's cool. I just I don't know. The credit shit has stopped me from doing a lot in my life. Like I wanted to get a new motorcycle because I ride bikes and I wanted to get another one, but I can't, obviously, because no one will approve me. I wanted to trade in my car and I can't. I
wanted to move into a new apartment. I can't. So it's like, shit that she's done is really kind of hindered me like a lot.
Actually, how's your guys' relationship in general?
It was good, it was good, but i'd say, after this and like another incident that happened, is just I don't know, it's not the same. It's not the same, Like we're all right. Like she'll I'll call her randomly and she never answers, but then she'll text me and like say with stuff and shit like that. But I mean it's cool. I mean, she she sends me from like money for groceries and shit if I really really need it, because I hate asking for help, Like that's one thing about me that I need to work on,
but I fucking hate asking for help. But I was just super down bade one day and I was like, look, I don't have any groceries in my house. You know what I'm saying. I can't eat, so I need to get some food. So she sent me some money for groceries. So I mean, maybe she's trying to get better, trying to be there for me, but it's just I don't know's she's she screwed me in a really big way that like it's hard to just do life, you know what I'm saying. It's kind of hard to forget her for all that.
M h are you only child?
I have a stepsister that I don't I've never really got along with.
But yeah, so your mom's remarried. No, no, well was your dad's remarried?
No? No, my real dad was locked up. And then she met this one dude who's been in my life. He's a ship, but yeah, he was in my life since I was born, and he had a kid with my mom, and then they got divorced and then we moved away and then.
Yeah, okay, so yeah you go oya. She's a half sister.
Yeah yeah, yeah, mm hmm.
And she doesn't live where you live.
Nah.
My whole family's kind of pretty divided, so I mean we don't really that's another thing. Like on holidays, I'll just spend them by myself and ship. But now she lives out in Louisiana. She goes to LSU. My mom lives out in Houston.
Mm hmm. Your mom's in Houston, and where are you?
I'm not in like the like the DFW area.
Okay, all right, right, that's not that far, but yeah, I mean it's a whole city away.
Ye, Like it's like a five hour drive.
Yeah, hm hmm. So do you So do you have like any do your friend's family, like who's around, who's around Dallas?
I mean, honestly, it's just kind of just me and my pets against the world. Man.
I don't really.
I don't really. I mean, I I have some some people like I'm cool with, but I don't really Like it's no, there's nobody in my life that I can kind of just call and kind of just shoot the ship with, you know what I'm saying. That's just I'll see people like like my DJ gigs, then I'll be like, oh, hey, what's up. Like we'll be cool. But it's nobody that I can just go, I don't know, just go to the movies or go paintballing with. You know what I'm saying.
There's nobody in my life like that I had. I had a girlfriend, but that that ship went at that situation.
With what did you grow up in DFW?
No, I grew up in in In. I grew up in LA like Los Angeles area.
Okay, yeah, wow, why'd you move to Texas?
Uh? Kind of just to get away?
Man.
Honestly, it's just I just I saw the.
I did.
Everything was just getting so expensive, and I knew a guy that was making like six figures a year and he was still living paycheck to paycheck. So I'm like, I don't know, I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this. So I kind of moved away just to kind of, yeah.
Do that.
And obviously Texas was the promised Land after COVID. Everybody was like, I'm moving to Texas, so I kind of I joined. I'm a transplant.
And what happened with your girlfriends? Man?
A lot a lot? Honestly, she just she just I mean, the latest update is she's just crazy, like abusive. So she she caught herself like putting her hands on me and ship so I could call the cops. After the third time, like the first time, I was like, okay, maybe you know I'm saying I kind of put the blame on myself, but I knew it wasn't okay for her to be putting her hands on me because again, I grew up in a household that was that was
full of domestic violence. That's the reason why I said fuck my stepdad because he was like that, so I know what that situation is like. So for so for her to put her hands on me, it was kind of like a lot. And then she did it a second time, and then she did a third time. So I might not screw that dude. I called the cops. So mm hmm mmm.
Yeah, So I can't How old are you?
I'm twenty five, so fow.
Okay, did you? Did you? So you don't have any like a whole you don't have any sense of community out that because you're doing a lot of stuff right, Like like you talk about like seeing people, seeing people as a DJ gigs, Like how is that?
You know?
Are you like build like you're out right?
You know?
I mean, I mean I'm out, but I'm not really like out, you know what I'm saying. So, so I go to the spot every Friday night and I DJ, but it's just me behind the I'm just by myself playing music and stuff. And occasionally I'll get like a drunkerl will come up and be like, oh, DJ, don't take videos with me and shit. But I mean the
end of the night, I'm still sleeping by myself. I don't really have like a sense of community when I I mean I did when I was riding motorcycles, I will go to a motorcycle meet like a damn near every day, So that community was pretty deep. But I mean, now that it's cold, it's too cold to ride, everybody's kind of just in hibernation or they're just hanging a month like their own kind of people, and it's just kind of me. I'm just here here just doing my side quest.
Man.
This in general, I mean the next four months in general kind of just suck because it's cold.
Yeah, yeah, I mean there's still stuff to do. I mean, I'm a pretty weird guy. I'm into weird stuff. So ill I've been seeing a whole bunch of different events that I want to go to. Like there's a Simil wrestling events out out in Texas I want to go watch. It's a huge sumo fest that I want to go watch. And there's also like ren Fest and stuff like that,
so I can. I'll find stuff to enter myself. It's just I don't know, I lacked that sense of like community, even like with family and with friends, I don't really have like a community around me. And I mean it's I mean it's I think it's lonely. But I mean I'm here. I'll tough it out. I got my pets to kind of keep the company.
But what pets do you have?
I got two cats and two dogs. I got a pug and a frenchy M.
Very cute.
Yeah nice, Yeah, I'm my little guys. M. Yeah.
Community is really important having people around you, is I I have noticed I think over let's see, I'm about to turn twenty eight, and I've been thinking about my
life and things I've learned. And one of the things that I have learned, at least for me, and everyone's kind of different, but I've learned over the course of my life the importance of like having somewhere to go, a third space as they call it, because the times in my life where I've had something like that, I can distinct divide in my life times where I had something like that and times where I didn't, and the times where I didn't have something like that, which they
just were cold, you know, like you got to have somewhere to somewhere to be where there's other people around. I mean, you know, I've talked about this a bunch on here, but yeah, it's very important. And they're they're out there, you know, they're out there.
Yeah. Yeah, I just I just gotta keep keep looking. I mean, I found a whole bunch of cool stuff to do, but like you said, it's just the community part. I just got to figure out where to go to find people that are as weird as me. So, I mean, I mean, I found this one place. It's called the maker Space. It's out here with a time. I don't know if you know, I don't know if you know what a maker space is, but.
Yeah, yeah, there is. They're a chain, aren't they.
I don't know. I don't know if this place specifically is a chain. But a maker space is I mean a maker space Yeah, in general, Yeah, typically is like a thing that's in different cities. But the one I go to specifically, I think it's just that just that company, you know what I'm saying. But but but there are other maker spaces, yeah, correct.
Yeah, I mean I'm kind of I'm sort of part of a maker space. I guess there's a lot around New York where it's like whatever you pay, you pay uh some kind of monthly fee and they have like equipment that you can use and ship like that exactly.
Yeah, that's the reason.
Why I'm running. Yeah, it's dope, dude, and they have classes on everything. I'm actually teaching a class. I'm kind of DJ on Sunday. Uh yeah, yeah.
That's great.
That'd be pretty cool.
That's great.
Yeah, it'd be cool.
Great, that's awesome.
Yeah.
You just you just joined this you just joined to this maker space.
Uh No, I've been a member there for a while, but I just I kind of used it previously as like as like a means to start a business. Self was doing powder coding there now and doing like three D printing, and I think next I'm going to start this whole DJ class adventure because that's where the real money is too, as well as like teaching people how to do how to do djaying stuff. I feel like a lot of people be interested in that. So it's using the space to make some money. Man. Honestly, have you.
Made any friends of the space or at least like acquaintances.
Yeah, I've met some acquaintances, and for sure I'm on like first name bases with some people. But it's not like it's not again, it's not anything that's gonna be like, oh, it's go grab a beer or something like that. It's more or less like you see each other in a space like, oh, hey, what are you working on today? Okay, cool, I'm gonna go through my thing there.
Dude, I'm about to drop an unpopular opinion.
What's up?
Hit me? And I actually don't know if I believe in this, but this is just I feel. I I almost think it's better to have a lot of acquaintances.
Do you think so?
I don't think so. I almost think so. I'm because like if you have like two for like, I think, like if you can go into a place right and there's like twenty people and you're fairly friendly with them, and you see them every day and you know, you hang out with them, but like when you go home, you're alone and maybe whatever, maybe there's like a social event and you're there whatever, versus like a couple people that you know you get. I don't. I guess ideally
you have both. Ideally you have like a couple people who you're like really really close with and then a lot of acquaintances. But I really I think you know what it comes from is like I just like having like a place where you go and you have like a bunch of people, like like back when I did like open mics stand up and stuff that was a
big thing. It's like you just go you have a bunch of acquaintances because you're just around this thing and even like being part of like a maker space, Like again, you have a bunch of acquaintances. I'm almost like it makes you an't it makes you feel like you exist?
Yeah? Yeah, it is dope being surrunning around other people who are creative and they're working on things too good. It's a very I don't want to say it's like a niche thing to be creative. Nowadays, it kind of is a lot of people are just are just boxed and just walking around just going to work, waking up, going to work, going to sleep, waking up, going to work, going to sleep. Like people is a loss in that loop.
So it's kind of cool to find people and be around people at least acquainted with people who are also being creative too as well. I mean it, it does. It feels good when I'm there.
Yeah, well you're I mean, yeah, you're I like what you're doing because again you're gaming the system, which you have to do. You have to do that in some way, shape or form to a vul the company offers it.
I mean it sucks. Your manager obviously doesn't like when you're missing work for three months because they're short staffed already. But hey, if the company offers it and improve it, it's kind of it's kind of it's kind of out of their hands.
Yeah. Yeah, But you get one life, you know what, I mean, you should to you get what. It's weird, right because you get one you get one life. And on one hand, that's like, uh, there's something very uh there's a great challenge to that. I'm like, oh, should I get one life? I should make my own existence? But you you have to all you have to do that in spite of the fact that, uh, you need
you need a lot of money to just exist. So you have you know, so if look, if you can get the I need the money to exist thing as under control, as under control as possible, without as under control as possible, using as little of your finite time and energy as possible, then do it. You know, whatever on go on welfare, fucking steal through the people. Don't do that, you know, don't do that. I mean ideal, Look, ideally, ideally we live in a system where our basic needs
are uh met more easily. But I guess I'm always like, I'm always like, I'd like to it would be cool to live in a system where people didn't have to do that. But as long as we do figure out some way to do it that requires the least amount of your energy.
Mm hmm, yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. And with the way that AI and robots and shit's going, we're gonna be in wally r I robuts and so we don't even have two words. I guess do you.
Do use AI for anything?
I mean, I use AI to find a bunch of different places out in like the DFW area where I can DJYT and I'll have it right the I'll have it, get the contact information for those places, give me their emails in a list, and I'll copy and paste their emails into like a like a mass blast email, and then I'll use the AI to write me like a short and suite introduction interest email to send out to them to see if I can DJ there. So yeah, I mean, I use it a little bit. I use it in my favor stuff like that.
That's cool. Do do this though, because I get all kinds of like AI I get, so I get a ton of fucking emails to my inbox that are like where I can tell that they're AI uh or I can tell that they like I'll get like, hell, I'll get a lot of emails and say like hello therapy. You know, like they just like scan you know what I mean, They just like scanned like the first thing.
Whatever.
So like, if you're gonna use AI to masks make your emails or whatever, change the at least the change at least one part of it to make it be like, hey, I am sending this email to you, you know, because I fucking when I get I hate when I get something that I can but whether it's whether it was written with AI or even if it's just like someone sharing a meme with me. I hate when I get something where it's like I can tell you I'm just one of like a hundred people you fucking sent this to.
You know that that chip is.
Yeah, yeah, I'll change up the verbiage and everybody down again. So if I'm like sending out emails to strip clubs that I can DJ, I'll change like the I'll change the subject line and like a little bit of like the examples of gigs that I've done, or if I'm setting out uh, an email to like some skating rinks that are near me that I want to DJ at. I'll change up like the gigs and the example to something of music that I play and stuff like that, so I'll tailor it to the to the audience, the
people that I'm that I'm emailing out to. I'm just using it as like a marketing tactic because I mean, it's half the battle is trying to find people that that do want to book you because I can. I can keep a gig for sure. I mean, I have no problem with that. Again, I'm pretty good at what I do, so once I kid the gig, I'm good at keeping it. But it's just getting the gigs is like half the battle.
Do you like us all? Do you do? You post your own mixes on online and stuff?
I mean, I'll go live on TikTok every now and again. It's just I'm not that big of like a social media guy to like try to go in and edit videos and set up tripods and ship like that. That's not really like my thing. I mean, I know, within DJA you kind of need to do that, but yeah, I don't know, I don't know.
Uh, yeah, you do it's unfortunately. Well that's the thing is, you can can't really be like, I'm not a social media guy anymore. You know what's hard is like there's and I'm gonna here's the thing is, there's it's not going anywhere well because you have you have to make
concessions in some way, shape or form. Because it's like you could if like if you're like an artist of some kind and you want to be like a bit of a purist, it's like it's like a like, if you're an artist, you probably I mean not everyone, right, not everyone. Some people are totally okay with just like making the thing for the thing's sake, and that's fine, and you know, there's even some virtue to that. I think in my in my soul, I think there's some virtue of that. I have. I have a lot of
respect for people do that. But most, I think the majority of artists or the majority of people who like
are working really hard to make something. They would like to a make money doing it so that they can keep doing it and so that they can and you know, do the things that you need to do a make money doing it and be have people see it, right, because like you work so fucking hard to make videos, make music, make paintings, make whatever like you want, you want you and you like you're making these things because
you are trying to express you. You're trying to make your existence valid in some way, shape or form by creating, and so you want people to see it, you know. It's it's like very natural to want people to see your work if you're working hard on it. And the main way to accomplish those two kind of directives of an artist are are through social media.
Yeah, yeah, that's another layer two as well. While I'm kind of awful work, I think once I get my moving situation kind of planned out, that's what I planned
on doing too as well. It's just like you ever like roll across some of those tiktoks where it's like a DJ and like a random place of like a kitchen or like their apartment or something that's kind of just vibing with a few friends in DJ, and she's like that, I'm thinking about doing something like that, just setting up like my mixture of like my island and my kitchen, yeah, and just playing for like a little kick that kind of thing, and using that as like
content to spread out I'm thinking about doing that, and.
I also figure it and you also actually bring up a good, uh counterpoint to everything I'm saying now I'm thinking about it is like, uh, in a weird way with something like what you do, I actually actually I'm I'm gonna completely take back everything I just said. Maybe not everything, but I'll be like, because what you do right where you DJ and you can like throw parties or like whatever, if you're an artist and you you know,
throw a little gallery or whatever. If you can get ten human beings in real life to perceive your work, or if you're making a movie or a video, you can get twenty people to like sit in a room and watch it. That actually that weirdly feels more real than getting like twenty thousand Internet views. And then if doing what you're saying, if you can combine those two things, it's cool.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be ideal, because I mean I've DJed for a coliseum, like a stadium worth of people, and then I always find out that like it feels more intimate, it feels more good. But I'm tjing for like a small intimate crowd of people. So I mean, yeah, I agree with what you're.
Saying, yeah, so maybe you don't need social maybe just maybe you just need five people willing to listen to your thing.
Yeah, it's I mean, I get paid the spots that I DJ. I get paid if five people show up or five people or five hundred people show ups, I mean matter to me. But obviously I mean I DJ. I prefer to just spend for people who for people, not for their cricket.
Now, tell me about these strip club gigs? What are they like?
I mean they're cool. They're cool. I've did on multiple different like types of gigs, but strip club gigs are cool. I mean you get the dancers up to you, like request a song or like to tip you to play a certain song and stuff like that. I mean it's good, it's cool. It's a cool vibe. Mm hmm, it's pretty cool. That's pretty cool, and you get a good show. Like you're DJing.
What's that? What's your what's your craziest gig You've ever done?
The craziest as far as like who I've DJed for or just like crazy and like the amount of people or like the events that occurred in the in the in the gig.
Let's go both, uh, I mean, I guess I've DJed for uh for for Netflix before, for when they like their movie screening kind of opening parties.
I DJ for Netflix. That DJ for Yeah, I did it for Netflix. For for Jamie Fox at his house a few different times, a DJ for fifty cent at a at an opening of a show that he was doing for Power. He had like a little pop up kind of event and DJ four I got to see him and say with something ship like that DJ for celebrities and so with the so on that end. But the craziest, I mean, I guess that's the DJ like
the warehouse out in LA. Actually know the crazy is probably that I've done was at this TGI Fridays in my hometown when I was growing up. They had shut down, UH and these people that I knew, we were just kind of desperate for money, so they were just kind of breaking in and just doing gigs anywhere that they could.
So they we kind of we broke into this TGI Fridays that was abandoned and they still had power, and we broke in there and then we set up my whole DJ said we had people like coming party in the in the abandoned TGI Fridays when the swat team showed up and should they kicked us out? We had the police helicopters coming out. I just got my mixture and I didn't wait.
You had a police helicopter kick you out of the TGI Fridays. What the fuck? Yeah?
In this like the swat team came and shipped the big ass bear cat. Yeah, they kicked this ou.
Why'd they call they? Why did they bring in a helicopter?
I don't know. I mean, I mean in l A. I I DJ a lot out in LA, and they're kind of famous for that. Like all the house parties stuff that have got shut down, and I'm DJ four, they usually bring a bring a police helicopter. I don't know why that is, but yeah, almost all the house parties that have ended like kind of crazily have ended up with the with the police helicopter coming to shut it down.
Why did you? I am I am curious. It sounds like you had a pretty good thing going to LA. Why did you move to Texas if you had more connections over there?
I mean just because at that time I was young, was making a lot of money. I had a sugar mama and shit like that I was young making a lot of money, but I was just again, I knew a guy who was making six figures and he was living paycheck at paycheck. So I was like, I got to get my shit together. I need a four to one K. I need to save his account, I need health insurance and stuff like that. So I kind of like matured in that sense, but like now that I'm
in it, and I'm like, damn, that sucks. I'd rather just be DJ and TGF Fridays. Yeah, yeah, I kind of touched twenty two And then.
I guess I'm sorry. You had a sugar mama.
Yeah, yeah, I've Yeah, I've had. I've had like two or three of them in my lifetimes.
But what does that entail? I mean?
I mean she she was a she was a porn star, and I had met her, and she she wanted to she wanted to to pay me for some sugar, and and she did for a while, and I was making really good money actually too as well, making really good money with her. We would just hang out, kind of shoot the shit a little bit right in a hotel room and then do the thing and go my separate ways.
I have I have a lot of questions to follow up to this, I'd imagine, how did you meet this porn star?
Uh? So I had gotten to a car accident some years ago. Yeah, I had gotten into a car accident and I had to go to physical therapy, and my physical therapist there was kind of hitting on me. And again I don't mean to too bune a horn, but like I'm I'm I'm six five, I'm I'm athletic, I'm a good looking dude. I've been told a few times. So my physical therapist was kind of hitting on me a little bit, like she was massaged me like a little bit longer than she really needed to, and do
these extra exercises with me. And she was like one day, she randomly just came out and said it. She's like, you know who I am? And I was like no, and she was like google my name and she gave me her name and I googled it and she was a porn star. I was like, oh shit, and I was like that's you know way and she was like yeah. She was like would you be interested in getting into like that industry? And at that time I was like, dude, hell yeah, it's like every dude's dream yeah, hell yeah.
I was like, I was like, eighteen nineteen twenty, I'm gonna getting paid to do what I'm trying to do all the time anyway, Hell yeah. So I mean yeah, I took to dive. I went into it at and at one of the auditions I think she had me show up to with like a test fund and just kind of see what's really like behind the scenes of like a porno. I had went and there was this lady who was shooting a scene and immediately, like as soon as she saw me, she said to the director guy,
she was like, I want to fuck him. She said, he was like, who is that? He is gorgeous. And I heard her say and I kind of like blushed up. It was weird. I never had like a grown ass woman just out where me say that to me. So I ended up, but you ended up kind of shooting the ship, got a number and everything, and then we hung out a few times and she told me about She told me she was cool. It was like making an arrangement with me to to pay me for for
my time. So that's how that started. I met her on a set of a porn Now damn.
Wait, so this and that was and this was a second lady. What happened with the physic So the physical therapist lady got you into porn, uh huh, and then you met the sugar Mama on the set of this porn thing.
Correct, Yeah, yep.
So how so how deep did you go into the porn world?
I mean I did my toes a little bit. I mean I did like a video or two, but it was just I don't know, it's weird, Like it's it's very weird because it's like it's not all all hyped as it is as it seems to be. Like it's very like you got guy, like I've tryed to do my thing and there's like the cameraman over my shoulder kind of fucking embracing me all up on me and he has like a camera over my shoulder. I'm saying to do my thing, and like it's kind of I'm
already kind of like I'm not that outgoing. I'm kind of shy when it comes with stuff like that. So it was like kind of weird to stay like, for a lack of better words, it's hard to stay bricked up like that when there's when there's like eight people in the room, and you've got this guy with a camera over your shoulder and like behind your butt ship like that. It gets it's weird. So I didn't. I didn't continue it, but I did, like I did like two or three videos, and I got paid for it. It
was cool. But it's just I don't I don't think I would ever I would ever do it again.
Mm hmm. You'd rather be trading four X.
Yeah, I'd rather be I'd rather just be running a whole bunch of sidequest, just trading four X and DJ and and hustling. Honestly, I just I fell in love. I fell in love with the with the with the thriller of the Chase.
Mm hmmmm hm. And so what this sugar mama like you said? You said you had a few. I'm sure, okay, So the sugar manta thing like this is an attractive woman.
Yeah, she's all right. I mean I give her, okay, she was an older woman. I mean, she wasn't bad looking. She had plastic surgery and ship, so she choose her. I mean, I give her out of ten, i'd give her she I give her like a seven point eight. She was all right.
How old was she?
She was late forties, I believe.
Oh okay, so not at Bath was late in her sixties. Interesting. I guess I was well because I guess I was wondering like that lady could probably just like have sex with some guy without paying him. But I guess I guess she. I guess she wanted specifically you because you're six five beautiful.
Yeah, I guess so, I guess so uh for me?
Hmm, okay, So why did that? How did that dissipate or did it just kind of just kind of ran its course.
It just kind of just ran its course. She just uh, she she kind of realized she was getting older and everything, and she didn't have kids. And I was kind of in it just to do my thing and make some money and go my separate ways. But she ended up offering to pay me like twenty grand to like put a baby in her, and I was like, eh, I want to do all that. So we houcked up maybe like two or three times after that, but it just got kind of weird because I know that's what she wanted,
So I can't even I can't do this anymore. It ran its course.
You said you had a few of these.
Yeah, I've had I've had like I think I've had like two, I've had like two or three.
Yeah, how did you find the other ones?
Uh? The other one. I was working at this job and like a pretty I was working on this corporate job and there was like this older lady. She was probably like mid like mid forties too as well, but she seemed like kind of young and fun and hip and shit. So I kind of I kind of like started to form a little attraction for her. So we hung out a few times that I invited her out. She was reluctant, of course, because I'm in my twenties and she's in her forties. She was kind of like
reluctant to kind of hang out with me. But I finally cracked her. One day. I cracked her. I got it to go out to drink with me, and we kind of just we kind of just hit it off. From there. We started hanging out and she started buying me like work clothes and shit like that. That's that's one thing too, I will say about like dating older women, which I kind of prefer, is like they'll they'll they'll take care of you many I really will take done
like kitty women my age but yeah, he's older women. Man, That's that's that's the wave. Man. I'm telling you. They knowlder women is the waves.
So I get I guess, are you how do I say this? Are you gonna continue monetizing? Uh?
Uh?
How beautiful you are?
Like?
Are there like could you be a model or something? Nah?
Nah, I don't. I mean I've been. I don't really feel that way about myself, but I get told it a lot. But it's just I don't know. I don't know. It's weird.
Man.
Like I have my days where like I'm filling myself. I'm like, damn, I do look good. But the majority of the time I'm kind of just I don't know. I keep my head down. I'm not really trying to you know what I'm saying, do all that. I'm just I'm just here. I'm just trying to trying to hustle. Man.
Are you Are you dating at all?
Uh?
Not at the moment, since that last situation went kind of bad. I mean I mean, I mean, yeah, no, I'm not really dating them. Yeah, I mean I'm on the apps, but they all go to shit. I mean, you send that a like out to the universe and doesn't go anywhere. So mm hmm, yeah, I'm not. I'm kind of just focusing on the on the time that I have off right now, just trying to hustle and make it so I don't have to go back to work if I don't want to.
You sound like you sound like you've had a cool, fun life so far.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's been all right, It's been all right. I've had my ups and downs, but I can definitely uniquely say that I've done a lot of things in my lifetime, but a lot of people have
never got to do so. I mean, I take pride in that I look back at my memories of my photos sometimes I'm like, damn, I was really I was really sixteen skipping school to go DJ at the Coliseum in LA and to go to go DJ for two chains, and then had to go to school the next day and walk around like you people don't even know what the hell I just did yesterday, like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
I've had a lot of time. I've had a lot of shit like that in my life where I'm like, I mean, I'm I feel really blessed. I've gotten to do a lot of really cool things with my life in the last like ten years.
You know, yeah, you're like, I agree, man, you haven't had to like work an actual job, which fucking sucks. I mean it's cool. I mean, this is a job, and like, of course you have like your your ups and your down days, but you're in a very unique position too, where you don't you don't have to you don't have to deal with other people's bullshit like on a day day and then have to clock in and have to do all that. You're in a very unique position. And that's that's the reason why I listen to you.
I think it's very cool. Like I respect people who are hustle and who who want to work for themselves, and you've kept it up for a very long time. It's inspiring.
I appreciate you saying that, and I listen, you sound like you're on your way to your version of that because you're I think what I think. I genuinely do believe with this kind of stuff, it is a bit of a matter of just like continuing to hack at it. I mean, I of course I have survivorship bias, but uh, I feel like it is almost inevitable if you just
keep hacking things I mean, I don't know. I mean shit, man, I like even even I guess, like in my own life, like even though like things have been going well with this with the podcast and stuff, like, I'm still everything you create for yourself becomes its own. Prison is not a good word, but its own.
Uh capsule, like it's on yeah, like it's on obligatory, Like.
It's it's an obligation. Yeah, it's on obligation. And I you know what's funny is if you're the kind of person who's always I've I'm the kind of person I'm always trying to escape, you know, even and and like I you escape something and by creating something else, and then you try to escape that. Like a good example is like I'm always like thinking about like, oh, once I'm gonna I'm gonna escape this city and move to
this new one. And then you keep that goes on like an infinite thing of like one day I'll move here and then then like I like, it always just keeps going, you know what I mean. But that's good. That's how like life evolves. That's how you stop staying. That's how you stop you know, That's how you get to a point where you're fucking seventy eighty years old
and you're like, damn, we ran the gamuts. But also but it's also but it's also how you get to seventy eighty years old and be like, wow, I have no family and friends and it was all for nothing. Sorry, Yeah, find that. I thought you would find that funny and not depressing.
No, I mean, I mean, that's that's the goal. I mean, I again, I would rather have my obligation and my prison be working for myself then haspen to work at a company where I'm there and not really progressing for fucking thirty years, like I have much rather have my prison that that that I'm interested in and uh that that I that I want to do, versus doing something like I have to do.
You know, of course, of course prison is not a good word. Prison is not what I meant.
Yeah, I mean, I know what you mean, but just for a lack of terms, I was throwing that turn back at you, I know exactly what you mean.
Yeah, yeah, but it's good. I mean I think well because also because the the kind of people who do like uh like, such as yourself, who do have this thing and then that want to keep evolving. I don't think it. I don't think it goes away, you know
what I mean. So like you'll start so like you'll start like uh like maybe one day one of your three D printed prints will pop off and you'll be making three D prints, you know, and you're like, Okay, great, I finally escaped the rye race and making a living off three D prints. But you're gonna have something in you that's like, oh, but I want to do this too, And I want to do this too, you know, because because it because you have a thing within you that
makes you want to just keep evolving. And you know, but that's good. That's good. It's a good thing to have.
Yeah. I think it's a good thing to have. And I think it's it's very dope to to continue to chase that because then again, I I have scatter brain. I have so many different ideas and thoughts and everything, and it's dope to actually like when I put when I put some some effort towards like the thought that I had that I think would be a good idea, it's always rewording. Well.
Yeah, man, I I'm rooting for you. I think it's all really cool. I think you're I think you're a cool guy. I think I have a lot of respect for you that you're, you know, like really making a good life for yourself after you know, dealing with some difficult circumstances and ship. I got a lot of I got a lot of respect for you, man. I think it's cool. I appreciate you sharing all this stuff with us.
Yeah, thanks man. Yeah, it feels good to kind of talk about it and kind of like reflects on all the crazy cool shit I've done because I get down sometimes I'm like, damn, I don't really have anybody. I'm not really doing like enough. Sometimes it's like I'm not doing enough, like sitting here talking to you in the phone, and I'm like, damn, I've lived like four different, four different crazy as life.
Well that's what it takes, because yeah, of course, because that's what it takes, is to like cause you only get you.
Yeah.
Now, once you start like like really like reflecting on your life, it can kind of bring out like it can help you sort of thwart whatever narratives you've created for yourself. Do you want to plug you? Do you have like a DJ thing you want to plug? I don't know if after. I don't know if you want to identify yourself, but if you do, it's fair game.
Yeah, I will screw you. I'll do it. It's just it's just my name. So it's just spelled out. It's on Instagram and it's on TikTok and everything, but it's it's Gray Jean my name. So it's B like boy r A Z like zebra ja B what that's long weird, got a long ass name. So it's B like boy r A Z like zebra j h A N. And then I should pop up right there and.
Peat and Jean. Yeah, it's the moment you have. Your name is written in Arabic. Right, Oh okay, this is okay. This is definitely not you.
B R yeah, B R A Z j h A N N N three.
Oh okay, only I put one N on there, yeah three yeah three? Oh there we go. Okay, look at this. Oh this is the look cool man? Hell yeah sick. I love yeah, I love this picture of you DJing with the orange and ship. That looks cool.
Yeah yeah. One of my buddies took that shot. That was like mide me up club out in l A. That was a pretty good night.
Cool man, well, brajeon, this is this is great talking to you man. Uh, I'm ins I'm inspired by the hustle. I'm inspired by this. This was this was this was an enjoyable conversation for me. I appreciate you sharing everything. Is there? Is there anything else you wanna say to the people of the computer or talk about or whatever else about life before we go?
Nah? Man, just fucking Catalina wine, mix your boats.
And hose swag. Thank you, I'll good luck to you, man, I'll see you around the universe.
All right, thanks, see you lady man. Good quess.
I liked that guy a lot. I liked that, you know, clearly he's got clearly he's facing like a lot of challenges, you know, with like his fucking family situation and fucking you know, the general mental anxiety that comes with UH being alive on the planet. And I don't know, I like the way he's uh. I like the way he's doing it. I have a lot of respect for it.
I saw, like while I stream these phone calls live on Twitch, and I saw people in the chat saying that he might have been making all this stuff up. And I was thinking about this just in general. On this podcast about like, oh, are people making stuff up?
You know?
Like that, Like I posted a clip from the woman who talked about what is It who talked about meeting that homeless guy on the streets and sleeping in the train station with him, and everyone was like it's fake
or whatever. And listen, I'm telling you, as the part for a lot of things, as the person taking all these phone calls and talking to all these people, I really very rarely, if ever, like if like, I really rarely think that people are making stuff up personally, no offense to anyone, but I'm gonna throw this out there. I think the people who tend to go on the internet and be like this person's story is fake are
people who haven't really lived a lot of life. Uh So, Like cause if you if you're a person who puts yourself out there and says yes to things and tries and you know whatever, like like this. You know, like like this guy Brazen, you know he someone's like, hey should try poorn. He's like yeah, okay. Or someone's like, you know, hey go to Jamie Fox's house. He's like yeah, okay. You know he's saying yes, he's putting himself out there
he's trying. If you're someone who does that, you know that life is really like weird and crazy or like the woman who slept with the guy on the train, like like shit, fucking shit happened, So you know what I mean. So I really I believe ninety nine point ninety ninety nine. Sometimes a guy calls in and is like, yeah, I fucked my cousin. Actually, one time a guy did call in to talk about fucking his cousin. I did believe him. But like things happen, I believe every word
of what this guy was talking about. And uh the other like like I don't know, man, shit is just uh like I think like like people I don't like if you go out, like life is crazier than you think it is. So I have no real reason to not uh believe the you know, not only the like empirical events that people talk about on this show, but like their feelings about them, like, uh, you know, it's it feels it, it's very it feels real. That's just that's my perspective on it. But anyway, I appreciate raising
for calling in and sharing his story. Hey, what's up, folks, it's Lyle here. I just wanted to give you a little bit more episode and thought I would read just a few gek mails, maybe a couple, maybe just one. I don't know whatever I'm feeling today, just to you know, give you guys a little bit of bonus Gecko time. So I have some emails in front of me. I'll read one or two of them before we go. I hope you guys enjoyed that call that we just had
with our young DJ hustler friend. I really liked that guy. All right, Okay, yeah, let's read a few emails. Let's see. Ah, here we go. This is This is from Bray. Subject line femboy identity and dealing with self perception problems. Hello, mister Gecko, I am Bray. I want to quickly get the fanboy stuff out of the way. I've listened to your podcast since I was sixteen, and it's been a huge part of my day to day. Very much helped me cope with many quiet periods of my teenage life.
I love your show and your takes on everyone's issues, and I want to say you're awesome. I was a top ten listener on Spotify this year. Btw. Thank you, Bray. Also, thank you to everyone else who I got a lot of really nice messages about Spotify rapped and because I know they do a podcast one, so thank you to everyone who has listened to even one single minute of
me doing this. I saw some guy in fuck Spain or some guy in some non English speaking country logged like a full month of the podcast this year, so I appreciate that guy. So yeah, thank you guys very much for sending me that stuff. Anyway, anyway, back debray, I've always been lost in terms of identity and self perception. I know everyone goes through life changing and developing their version of self and creating a vessel, but I've never been sure of who I am and especially how I'd
like to appear to the people around me. Since last year, I've been experimenting with my feminine side, dressing up as a stereotypical femboy in private. I normally like appearing androgynous and going against typical manly behaviors, having long hair, doing a bit of eyeliner and makeup, and also skincare. It makes me feel comfortable and confident, but I struggle with how I perceive myself versus how others see me. I'm a I'm a relatively average looking guy, but I take
really good feminine photos. I think these photos fool me into thinking I'm more feminine than I really am. I'm literally oblivious to how I look, which is ruining my mental health and identity that I've made since I was a kid. Huh, why is being oblivious to how you look ruining your identity? All right? Hold on, I have thoughts,
but I'm gonna finish the email. I have dabbled in posting pictures of me and feminine clothing on Reddit, but the compliments I receive online haven't ever really felt good or meaningful. I don't get confidence from online interactions, nor do I feel engaged with them either. At this point, I live by the confidence I receive from the mirror, and the days where I'm not confident in how I see myself are some of the most depressing moments in
my life. All in all, I'm a boring, emo looking boy living in Australia who's deluded himself into thinking he's cute, And it's just wondering how you deal with your own self perception and identity, how you cope with negative thoughts, or how you deal with anxiety from being self conscious. Thanks Bray, A lot of stuff in here, A lot of stuff in here. There was one line where you were like, I'm oblivious to how I look and that's
ruining my mental health. I'm wondering why, and also like your oblivious to Like, Okay, you're saying that, you're saying you're I assume you're saying you're oblivious to how other people are perceiving you. So I'll tell you a few things, which is how the knowledge of how you are being perceived by others is only helpful when it's helpful, you know what I mean. I've talked about this before, But there's like a I believe in like a strong spectrum.
I believe there's an optimal place to be on the spectrum of like conscientiousness, right, because you don't want to completely disregard the way in which you come off to other people, because there's valuable in in there, right, But you also don't want to be too obsessed with it because at a certain point it's moot how you come off to other people because there's infinite people and you only have your one life, So who really gives a fluck?
It depends on what you're trying to do and how you're trying to live your life and all these things. But I mean, look, man, here's the thing about like your identity. And also, you were sixteen when you started listening to the podcast, so I'm gonna assume you're probably like eighteen nineteen something like that. Your identity can be
whatever you want it to be, you know. I mean, if you want to dress up like a girl and take photos of yourself as a girl and that's and you feel to yourself that you are cute and that makes you feel good, then fucking do it.
You know.
I feel like I'm I feel like I haven't gotten into the full crux of this issue. Okay, the confidence I received from the mirror is where. Oh I live by the confidence I receive in the mirror. That's great. That's good. That's a good thing, Bray, that's a good thing. If you build up your identity on and I know this because I do it, if you build up your identity from like internet likes and like com and like external validation, you're building a fucking castle of sand, you know,
and everyone knows that. So good. I think that's good. I think it's a healthy thing to not really feel that much from compliments on the internet. It'd be way worse if you were to if you were telling me, like, I can only feel good about myself other people on the internet are telling me that I'm attractive and amazing. I'd be like, that's a bad thing. But so so I guess it's more about like a self perception. Hm hm, oh, okay,
I'm an idiot. Okay, no, okay. This person is posting pictures of himself being a girl on the internet and people are saying that he looks cute, but then he is looking in the mirror and he does and he doesn't see what the other people are seeing. Okay, that makes sense. I think. I think that's it. Uh, I'm a boring, emo looking guy in Australia who's deluded himself into thinking he's cute. I mean, think whatever you fucking
want about yourself. I believe that, like I do believe in manifestation in some regard of like whatever narrative you want to play into, like uh, hours your actions, I suppose, so, like if you walk around thinking that you're cute, then it does kind of rub off, you know, to an extent. Of course, like you don't want to be like completely delusional, but.
I don't know.
Man, believe whatever, Believe whatever you want about yourself. Bray, I'm a big fan of fake it till you make it, and maybe we will all one day make it. Uh okay, let's read like one more. This is from Bailey. I'm thirty and still having nocturnal emissions. Uh okay. I'm thirty and on occasion, I still have wet dreams, or nocturnal emissions as they are called. I'm not exactly sure when this first started, but I would say that this has been a thing for about half my life, and took
quantify the frequency. I would guess this happens at least once a month, maybe on average a little more. Sometimes it has happened twice in a night. Thankfully, it hasn't happened in over a week or two. I have never talked to a doctor or a therapist about this, and
I don't really want to. It seems my problem is dream induced, so something freaky might be going down in my dream leading me to finish finishing as soon as it happens, I wake up, and then the feeling I have when I wake is that I have to pee, so in an attempt to prevent this, I try to cut off drinking any fluids at least an hour or more before I go to bed. I also read that sleeping on your back helps, so I try to do that when falling asleep. To embarrass myself further with this issue.
I have a longtime girlfriend. However, thankfully she has no idea about this. But this has happened when I've stayed over at her place. Because it seems like it is unpredictable. I pack extra underwear when whenever I am not staying at my place, and when it happens, I wake up, go clean myself up, and change. When this has happened and I am at her place, as I'm getting back in bed, she will ask if I'm okay since I
keep getting up in the middle of the night. I believe I have her thinking I have bladder issues or an upset stomach, which is good. I don't really have anything specific I'm looking from you for from you other than your thoughts on this matter. I don't really want to consult a doctor on this, as I'm embarrassed by it. I don't want to think I am a sex addict, What do the hell does this have to be in
a sex addict? While I did see that masturbation and sex can reduce this from happening, I'd like to refrain from watching porn. If you read this on your podcast, thank you. I'll be listening for your reaction in any words you have on this matter. Okay, Bailey, Uh, First of all, First of all, I can tell that you're carrying way too much. You're carrying way, way way too much shame about this, my friend. You're like, it's all right, brother,
It's all right to come. It's our biological imperative. It's okay to come. Your girlfriend doesn't care that you come in your sleep. A doctor doesn't care that you come in your sleep. You're not a sex addict because you come in your sleep. You're You're okay, brother. I want to I want to go into this guy's brain and make him realize that he's fine, because he's clearly freaking out about a thing that's really not that big of
a deal. So, I mean, that's the main thing I would say, is like, you're definitely taking this thing and making it into much bigger of a deal than than it is. Like, what if your girlfriend. Your girlfriend doesn't care that you come in your sleep? Dude, are you peeing your sleep? You're coming in your sleep? I think you're coming in I think I think you're coming in your sleep. Yeah, wet dreams, Yeah, I think you're coming
in your sleep. How much are you because I because I think everyone comes in their sleep a little bit. But well, I'm curious. How much are you coming in your sleep? Are you like full? Are you coming full loads in your sleep? I cut off drinking fluids at least an hour before I go to bed. See are you don't? Are you peeing in your sleep? Or you're coming in your sleep? I try to cut off fluids at least an hour or more before I go to bed.
That reads that you're peeing, but the sex part of it makes it leads to your I'm gonna assume you're coming in your sleep, and I'm gonna assume you're coming strong liquiity comes in your sleep? Does that happen? Go to a doctor, man, there's notion. You don't need to be ashamed of this. I'd like to refrain from watching Do You Wait? Hold On? I don't want myself to think I'm a sex act or anything. But I did see that masturbation and sex can reduce this from happening.
I'd like to refrain from watching porn. There's so much of it. Do you have Do you not have sex or masturbate ever? If you don't have sex or masturbate ever, then then yeah, then then yeah, something's gonna They're fucking damn building up and something's gotta go at some point. You don't have to watch pooring to masturbate. You can just do it. Do you and your girlfriend not have sex? It sounds like you have shame about having sex and
masturbatings too. Billy I, Billy Bailey, Billy Billy, release the shame and fucking have sex and masturbate and come in your sleep like it's fine. There's no you're putting value judgments on this thing for just no reason. Maybe you had a religious upbringing, maybe you just are scared. I don't know, but that's my main thought is you should
uh relinquish the shame. And it's just you know, because look, you either jack Your body is telling you you either need to jack off while you're awake, or jack off, or or it'll jack off for you while you're dreaming about, uh, Lola Bunny or Selma Hyak or whatever your thing is. Do you watch TV? You're seeing this kind of seems like the kind of person that thinks that watching TV is sinful and maybe wouldn't know who Lola Bunny is. It's okay, It's okay for you to watch Lola Bunny.
Hentai Billy, You're all right. If I could be the if I'm the if I could be the first person in your life to tell you it's okay to come, I'm an honored to do that. So don't don't be embarrassed by it. Man, Just fucking go to the doctor if you need to tell your girlfriend. Nothing wrong with it. The only the only thing that's I jend you know what's funny is is contradictatorially. Contradictorily. It's more weird to me that you find this weird then that this is occurring.
So let yourself live, Bailey. That's all I gotta say. All Right, I think that's that's the end of my gackmail reading. But there's more emails here, but I'll fuck my voice cracked. Okay, I'm alive. I'm okay. See that was kind of embarrassing, but I don't care. I'm gonna own it. I'm alive. There's more emails here, but I'll read them on another episode. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I hope that you are enjoying the podcast. I hope you liked the conversation that I had with the caller
I did. Maybe some of you will get into four X trading. I didn't. I didn't tell you about that. That was someone else.
Uh.
Go to Therapy Echo tour dot com. I'm planning my live shows. I'm excited about them. Give me your email or phone number or whatever, or don't I mean you? Should you? Or do you should? Should? I want you to come. I want you to come to my show. And I want Bailey to come on a towel or wherever he wants to come. This was the Therapeuticle podcast. Thank you again for listening, Thanks for sharing your Spotify
raps with me. And here's to many more years of talking into this microphone and talking to people and being a gecko and living life gek bless.
Everythink goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night, everything goes, and I'm just.
Teaching you aloud, in the mean of your life.
He's not ready an expert