Hello, what's up man? What's your name?
My name's Wyatt, Wyatt.
How's life Wyatt?
If they're uh, you know, it's okay. You know, New Year, New Year, it's kind of going off on that.
Do you have like a New Year's resolution of some kind?
You know?
I was, I was talking about my girlfriend about that and like, I don't know. It's I'm twenty five years old, so I've had twenty five, I guess twenty six whole New years, and I've never really thought of like an actual New Year's resolution. You know, I don't know what that's sad, We're good, that's kind of going I don't I don't think that that's either sad or good.
I think, well, yeah, it means you're just living life. You're not trying to say yeah.
So I'd definitely like to reflect on my past year, like how the year, like my past year has gone. But I never really like, oh, I'm gonna start this this coming year. I'm gonna I'm gonna change this. I'm going to start doing that.
Okay, you're just like, Okay, that happened, and then let's let's continue on to the into the present, where more stuff will happen. That's your take. Yeah, okay, you're not a rev. You're not like I'm going to reevaluate and change and do this other thing.
I mean, I guess it's not a bad thing to do, but I really know not really.
That's okay. I don't think you need to do that necessarily. The funny thing is is actually sometimes you can do that and then YEA ultimately change nothing, and then you wasted a bunch of time doing that when you could have just been like living life in the moment. So so, living life in the moment almost risks nothing. There's things you might not there's things, there's things about the other
method that you might gain or lose. But if you want to risk, but if you want to risk nothing, right like if you're if you want to take no risks and you just want to exist, that's I think that's the way to do it, is just be in the present.
Well what about you, mister ghak you got any New Year's resolutions?
My news resolution is to ask you whyat about about what it is that you texted me?
I mean, we could tell you we could do Oh this past year has been crazy, dude. I think that's one thing that's been on my mind here recently. But I got a whole lot.
Well, okay, let me ask you this. So you texted me initially and you said, I'm afraid I am becoming more like my father.
Yeah, so I guess I can give you a little yes sound? Yeah?
Please? Sure?
Can you get me good? Yeah?
I can?
Okay, Yeah, So, long story short. My dad's he's he's a recovery alcoholic and he got through some or went through some stuff, got divorced from his second marriage, lost custody of my half brother. It's been in rehab, in and out of rehabs. Was really rough until here this past year he actually got really good. Man Like, it was super good. You know, he was doing good, didn't really drink much, and then you know, kind of started
hitting the gym all this stuff. And then here recently he's off of like probation and then me and my sister kind of think came out of relas but he's kind of doing it secretly. And I'm all over here like judging my dad almost, and I feel bad about it because I do. I'm like, oh, my dad shouldn't be drinking blah blah blah. But as I'm doing that. I'll be sitting at the bar pissed drunk, and then I'm like, damn, am I like do I have a
drinking problem? Which granted my dad kind of like without getting into like he didn't do anything like terrible, like you never you know, nothing horrible, but just been an if you father to to you know, I still love him, but over here is sitting here. You know, I've got a serious relationship going on, you know, if I want to pursue a family and like you know what I mean, does that make sense?
Yeah, of course, yeah, no, you're I mean, I feel like this happens with a lot of people when like
a it's interesting. I mean at least in my experience, Like yeah, I've become exactly like my uh my dad, And it's it's funny because I look at my I look at my dad, and I think about there's a lot there's a lot of I mean, as this is true about all human beings, of course, but I look at my dad and I there's a lot of like negative aspects I think he has to his like life and I and I'm absolutely I'm absolutely positively inheriting those And then I look at my dad, and I'm like, my dad's the best.
You know.
I look at him and he has uh well he he and he has and he has and he has all these like very positive aspects of his personality of his life that I really admire and respect and love, and I see themselves in me too. So I'm like, I feel like I'm a carbon copy of my dad in all of the best and worst ways.
Yeah. No, I kind of feel the same, because I mean, like, I love my dad to death, and like I think, deep down he's an amazing father. You know. He he has his issues obviously, you know, it's whether it's his fault or not. But like I see the good in him, and I'm like, I hope to inherit those good parts about my father, you know, the things I love about him. But then I see myself sometimes, I like I'll see my stuff, like inheriting some maybe his bad habits, and I'm like, oh crap, you.
Know, m Yeah, yeah, it's it's hard to not become like your parents.
So no, yeah, for sure.
Okay, So You're sitting at the bar and you're like, all right, I'm at a crucial tipping point. You know, I have a I'm sorry. I know you have. You said you have a wife, girlfriend.
A girlfriend, yes, sir, a girlfriend.
Okay, and you want to have a family.
So yeah, so we just we're just moved in together, okay.
And so you're like, I want to have a family. I want to do this whole thing. And are you are you like afraid of how drinking is going to affect that?
I mean sort of yeah, because like like I said, like we go out sometimes we'll drink, but then we'll be like, like, I don't I mean, I guess this is what every alcoholic says. But I don't think I'm an alcoholic because you know, I I work nine to five. You know, I don't drink during the week really, you know on the weekends though, you know, I like to have a drink, but it's like whenever I do drink,
it's like I like to have fun. But then I'm like, you know, if I'm gonna if I'm gonna take stuff serious, you know, because I mean we've already been talking about, you know, the future and stuff, and you know, like if I am gonna take that serious, you know, it's something I'm gonna have to at least keep in mind. You know how I do?
I guess yeah, when you well, let's all right, let's do this. When you were a boy, do you do you remember ways in which your dad drinking negatively affected you or his relationship with your mom?
Uh?
Yeah, for sure, for sure there was again, nothing bad or crazy happened, but I mean, yeah, definitely there there's definitely some times I can look back on and be like, maybe he shouldn't have been Maybe that wasn't the situation to be very drunk at like, for instance, like he was looking on the couch watching football and then a few beers turn him.
He's not, He's not. It's like, okay, was he like let's not say plaster, but was he like putting a few down at like the uh, your school, your school play or soccer games or ship like that.
That's that is that is the perfect way. Yes, that is the perfect.
Okay, he's not getting he's not getting. He's he he's not like that fucking South Park episode where Randy is fighting everyone again. He's not like that, but he's he's having a beer at these places where you're like, should he really be having a beer right now? Kind of a yeah, okay, all right, Okay, I give it.
You mean destally gotten worse over the years, because like I'm twenty five, so I you know, I've been done and moved out, but I've got a little brother who That's where I see it the worst in I guess is because I'm like man like he was in my h I was in his shoes, and I'm like, I'm kind of grateful. He doesn't get the full scope of it right now, because you know, he's young and he doesn't know.
What's yet. What's to deal with your little brother? Do you see him acting like your father in some way?
Oh, my dad and my brother are almost the exact same person. Besides you drink. He's thirteen, but oh no, yeah, they're they're the exact same person.
Interesting. Do you feel like he's mostly more like my mom?
Though?
Do you feel like you're like your dad in any ways other than the drinking that in any ways, other than just like drinking a lot? How do you feel like you're like your dad?
Uh?
Definitely, my dad is like super bad, Like he has really bad OCD and like in a weird way, like I'm kind of messy and like sloppy, but like in a weird way I I I kind of have the same thing because like, whenever my dad like hyper focuses on something, like, he will not finish or stop or pause until he finishes or does whatever he's doing. And I'm kind of the same way if I get super hyper focused on something to a point where it's like
like I just tunnel vision, you know, mm hmmmm hmm. No, definitely, Yeah, that's that's one of the big things. I definitely have some of his like mannerisms, like he's a he's a very sorry go ahead, I know you go ahead now. I was just gonna say that, like some of his mannerisms I definitely have, Like he's very like he'll talk to anybody like he'll he'll he's easy to make or go up making friends. And I feel like I'm the same way. I can talk to anybody and just you know,
make a friend. What you like I said some of the good things that I that I like.
Yeah, hmmm, dude, it's interesting. I like I like this subject because I think about it a lot in my own life. Yeah, not to like whatever, I guess, just like, yeah, I'm pondering and in in in the process of pondering this with you, because sometimes I'm like, and I don't I don't know if this is inherent. I don't know
if this is healthy. But sometimes I look at like the you know, like I was saying early, like a look at my dad, and I'm like, I'm a carbon copy of him, and I and I have all I think I have all of his best qualities and all of his worst ones too, And I think about that, and sometimes when I'm like embodying the qualities where I'm like, shit, I kind of think I know where this came from. Part of me. There's a little part of me that like uses that to like fucking like accept it, you
know what I mean? Yeah, you know, so there's a little part of me uses that to like accept it and maybe in some cases excuse it. And I and I know, yeah I do that. Yeah, I think we both do that ship and yeah, I accept it and excuse it. But then I'm also like, ah, fuck, but I gotta fucking I can't, you know, you know what I mean?
What you mean?
Yeah, So I can ponder this with you, but I would be lying if I said I had the answer, And I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that you gotta fight back. You know what I mean, you probably should. You probably should, you probably should. I Yeah again, I feel the same way where I'm like I'll do something and I'm like, fuck this, this is me. This is the part that I inherited from, Like I totally see how I came to exist by looking at my parents. And yeah, you can use it, yeah again, you can
use it as like an excuse. But I'm at a part of me wants to believe in free will.
But exactly, but then genetics definitely takes a part.
But I don't know, Bro, we gotta try, you know what I mean, especially if you but also you know, also also you know what you know. Okay, I'll sell I'll tell you this. And this is another thing, a little bit that is like my experience with this is and this is more like addiction stuff than it is like genetic family shit or whatever. Yeah, is like, uh, quitting doing something is like a thousand times easier if you have a reason, right, Like I've had I've had
things I was addicted to. Uh where or fuck am where? It's like I don't have a good reason to stop doing this, Like I'm not, I don't have a good reason to stop doing this, or I don't have something else in front of me that's so all encompassing that it forces me to be present with it. So I'm
not doing the thing. But you have a thing, and maybe this is the north star of like, Okay, well I want I I care a lot about investing in my relationship with my wife, and I care a lot about having a kid and giving my kid a good childhood.
So aut lest you have that. It's a because if you were just like a single, if you were just like a single twenty five year old guy with you know, with like some random job, and you're just like a guy, then it's like it's like, yeah, of course I'm gonna get drunk all the.
Time, you know, No, yeah exactly.
But you gotta you have like a higher thing to serve now, So I guess that's at least, yeah, that's something.
It definitely, it definitely is what makes me think about it, I guess. And then another thing, just to you know, you were talking about, you know, addiction, which that is
another thing that's like really bad. I'm my dad's side of the family, you know, yeah, from him to his mother, and like you know, they're all like have some type of whether not necessarily drugs or booze, but like you know, some type of thing and it's you know, addiction is it's super super genetic at least from what I understand, And like I've definitely like you know, when I was in high school and college, you know, I was vighting and you know, doing the zen and which I haven't.
You know, I don't do that stuff anymore, but holy crap, do with that shit? Hard to quit? Mm? And then another part of me was like, is it is it hard because it's hard or was it is it? Does it because of my you know, back to my dad and I guess my lineage, my genetics is like is it a genetic thing?
Yeah, it definitely is. But again I guess if we're trying to not if we're trying to overcome that shit, I guess it is helpful. It is helpful to know where it comes from. I feel like, yeah, it's helped me, It's helped me at least, and I'm I'm no, uh, I'm not like I I mean this is true with
like everything on this podcast. Like I don't want to speak as like some kind of like authority and getting over stuff, but just like in the terms of like feeling it, so like in the terms like feeling it, I'm like, yeah, I've felt like, oh, it's good to have the information as to how I got here, and that helps me and that helps me shame myself less, like I feel a lot less, Like yeah, it does, like like like it helps me like feel a lot less shame because I because it puts me in a
position where I'm like, Okay, I at least kind of understand how I arrived here, and it's through something that I can kind of logically explain, not just because I'm like some grand piece of shit and uh, I mean, you know, and you can you can kind of say that about anyone. But it's like, Okay, now I gotta I can't keep I just I can't. I can't keep using that. I gotta figure out how to fucking Yeah, I know what you mean, you know, deal with it.
But I think it also helps you know what you're saying that it, I mean, it kind of helps like if you have kids, you know you want you know, your future, uh whatever, Like I guess it kind of helps them too, to know where it came from. You know, well, my kid's not just a piece of shit, you know, Yeah, you know it's you know what I mean not. I guess it's a terrible way to say it.
But no, when you're kid, when you're your kid's fourteen and he starts sneaking Mike's hard lemonades out of the free free like yeah, yeah, I think maybe. Okay, what I was going to say is I think that the understanding of how you came to a certain point, leading to a removal of shame, it is helpful in some way to getting to your uh, getting getting to what you want because like if you're because if you're gonna approach I guess, because if you're gonna approach this like logically,
like how do I logically beat this? The the shame of it isn't helpful in that logic process, at least in my opinion. But I'm also my opinions. Yeah we also my opinion is uh bad because I'm addicted to a lot of stuff.
But no, yeah, I guess.
So yeah, I don't know, man, what's your why? Okay, let me ask you this. What's your wife say? Like, is she like, yo, you gotta fucking stop doing this?
No, she doesn't really say much about it. I mean, I definitely talk to her about this stuff, and like, you know, especially with my dad, because you know, before I met her, I was just kind of dealing it with on my own. So it's been going on for a while, you know, I met her and then after dating and I think it was like right before we met out with my parents, like hey, by the way,
my dad was a recovering alcoholic. Just FYI yeah, and then you know, I just you know, it does help to talk to her about it, but I mean she's very supportive, but like she doesn't really like I don't know how to say this. She doesn't shame me for anything, because at the end of the day, I think I am. I could just be overthinking stuff. Like I saidt the end of the day, I'm twenty five, you know, I
like to drink on the weekends and have fun. So like maybe it's something that I'm overthinking and making it into something big and it's not. But i'd lie if I'd say I don't think about it. Yeah, well that if that didn't makes sense.
No, no, it makes perfect sense. Well, I mean, I well, let's let's put it like this, at least you're thinking about it. Like, I don't know when your dad was like drinking when you were a kid. Do you think he was even thinking about it?
Definitely, Well, I don't know. That's that's definitely something that I haven't even thought about. But like I don't know. I really couldn't tell you.
Hmm.
I think you'll be a I think you'd be a good dad. You can't you give at least you give a ship. That's the place to start.
I try.
Okay, what am I news? I don't do. I have nears resolutions, They're all boring. You don't have any of them. You are You're just gonna keep living your life.
Well, I kiss, Well, I got like it's it's the same thing that everybody says, you know I am. I mean, I've been. I feel like I go to the gym pretty like frequently. I'm a a s Other thing I think I get from my dad is my dad's like huge into the gym, even if whether he's drinking or not, He's always in the gym. It's something that I like to do. And I've got some like muscle on me. But like I'm trying to cut back and trying to look skinnier. So I guess that's that is one is
lose weight, cut back, and that's that. I don't know if it's an addiction, but dude, does that door dashing does not help?
What do you? What are you been door dashing?
Did all doors anything? McDonald's. It's so hard not to.
It's a lot of protein.
That's that's another addiction.
You got a lot of protein in there.
Yeah, a lot of protein and fried crap I don't need. But that could be another good New Year's resolution, less stor dashing.
Dude, I'm just gonna I don't know why. I'm just something that someone else said on their podcast, but uh, this guy, Stavros Halkias said something on his podcast once about like getting to a fat guy, Uh, getting to like a fat guy logic where you start eating chicken tenders as a side oh life and like and the and the excuse being that it's protein. I was like that fucking I was like, damn, I've never felt more
seen in my life. Wyat If they're hm, hm, is there anything else you wanna say or talk about before we before we go?
No, man, I I definitely feel better talking like I haven't really talked to anybody about this or you know, but other than just thought about it to myself. So definitely appreciate it. Appreciate what you do for sure.
Man, Is there any other aspect of it you think we didn't cover?
I mean no, not really. I mean at the end of the day, you know, I love my old man. I think he's a good person at hart He's never done anything evil. But you know, there's there are some aspects that I see myself in him or himself in him and myself that I definitely don't want lingering around in the future. And like I don't shame my father for anything. You know, like I said at the end of the day's my awesome.
Dude, Wyatt, thanks for Sharon Man, I appreciate this was a health.
Conversation too, ye Happy New Years bye way.
Yeah, that's interesting. I mean there's something we've talked about in here before, but like, yeah, how do you how do you not become your parents? And I it's it's interesting. I'm I'm I'm blessed enough to have a you know, a lot of a lot of friends from childhood who like I know them and I know their family and every single every one of my fucking friends, I can like pinpoint how they exist by thinking about their parents, not every single one of them. Sometimes there's a bit
of sometimes they're a black sheep. I actually know. I have a couple. I have a few friends where I'm like, I don't know how you got became this, But I have a lot of friends where I'm like, I know exactly how you became this. Myself, I look at my parents, I'm like, I know exactly how I became what I am. It's hard. It's one of those things that makes you like question free It really is one of those fucking things that makes you question free will. You're like, are
we just doomed genetically to become our parents? Or do we have some say? I think ultimately believing in free will is more empowering than believing in uh determinism. So I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead and say we help we have free will to try not to become our parents. Hello, Hey, what's up?
Hey?
What's your name?
Aubriel A brill?
Okay, you had a shitty twenty twenty five? Do you should we start there? Should we start more positive?
Whatever? Really? All right?
So I got arrested earlier in the year, so that kind of put it like a damper on things. I would say, for.
Sure, do you to talk about what you were arrested for? I don't have to.
Essentially, I got pulled over in a pretty bad area and I didn't know this at the time, but I have my medical card. I live in Florida, but I let it lapse by like two weeks or something like that. Uh, So I got pulled over during that time, and I didn't know that carts were a felony. So I ended up getting a felony for like resin possession, which that really sucks, and then like three missing years along the lines of the paraphernalia and stuff. Yeah did wait, it was the whole thing.
So okay, so you have a medical Okay, so, uh, recreational marijuana is illegal in Florida, but you have a med card, but the med card expired, so they charged it for the carts.
Yeah, so like the like a like like a dad pen.
Yeah.
So I had like it had my name on it and everything already, but because it had lapsed, it was still a felony because I didn't have like an active medical marijuana card.
That's fucking lame.
No really, lamb really lamb initially, like because I didn't and it didn't even like register to me that I had it in the car, Like they asked me, they were like, have anything in there, and like they tried to search and I told the nose and they got a dog. It was a whole fucking thing. But I was like, I think I only have like a quarter or something like that because I completely didn't even register that was weed obviously. But yeah, they're like okay, well yeah, so yeah, but no.
That's lam as fuck. It's so crazy to be in like legal states where it's like you don't you don't, it doesn't even like register that it's illegal. And then like, I mean, foreign countries is one thing, but like the fact there are places in America where you can get like fucking arrested for uh just having a cart is insane. Like so they put you in handcuffs.
Yeah, dude, Like no, Like they had me at the front of the car initially, and then they were like okay, we'll put your hands behind your back, and then the red meee my Miranda rights and everything, and I was like, oh, okay, so this is like actually happening, and I think, yeah, I was nineteen at the time. I think when that happened, I don't yeah, I don't think I was eighteen. It was really scary, but they told me. They reassured me, like on the way to the jail, because that was
my first time only time getting in trouble. But they were like, girl, like you should be good. Like I just heard a story about somebody in our county who had, like I don't even want to say it out loud, but like had did some really heinous shit to whatever and he had gotten out on probation. And I was like, okay, well that's great.
Did you have to let me go to jail.
Yeah, yeah, no, like I fully went to jail.
Yeah.
How long were you in jail for?
So I got I think it was on like a yeah, I think it was on a Sunday. I was into like seventeen hours I sat in booking. That was the worst fucking part. Honestly, jail was fine, like the girls were fine, but booking was like actual psychological torture. Like I just sat there for ten hours staring at a fucking wall, couldn't even tell the time, And then there was one point. Oh, this shit got me so bad.
I was like, is it almost seven o'clock yet or like seven am whatever, because that was the time that they said that was gonna have my arraignment. And he was like yeah, and I was like really and he's like no, And I was like, are you fucking serious? So what would y'all have done if I hadn't said really? Like what? I okay?
But yeah, that's hilarious. Oh hmmm, so okay. Jail was Wait, the girls were fine, Like you were chatting it up with the people in the jail. What was that?
Like?
Who would you meet?
So there was this one girl she was a year younger than me, and she was in there for DTA. She was really cool. They helped me put like, uh thee One of the girls fucked up their comb, like you take if you have like nose piercings or anything like that, you take a piece of the comb and you put it through your nose so it doesn't close.
So they gave me one of those. They let me try crack powder whatever it was, which is like basically fucking mint powder that you put in your drink, but you like to put it on your chips and shit and it tastes really good.
Wait is it actually as a crack?
No, No, like it doesn't have crack, but they called it that.
Okay, I was about to say, seventeen hours in jails a little early to be, you know, doing jail crack.
No, that actually would have been nuts. Yeah. I don't do none of that. But yeah, there's some older ladies. There was two younger ones. Uh so it was me. I was on the top bunk. Then there was two girls who had their beds on floor, but those were the younger ones, and then there was like three of their older ladies.
And you were there for one night. Yes, damn, that's crazy they put you in that.
What's so? What so.
Holding you're just kind of staring at a wall and then jail You're like, it's like camp. It sounded kind of like summer camp.
Essentially.
Yeah.
Basically, honestly, it wasn't that bad. It was just like knowing that freedom was not there was kind of surreal. Yeah, like, actually, like you're not a person anymore.
Yeah, yeah, okay, so it's not actually like summer camp at all.
I'm sorry.
So you said you didn't feel like a person. Oh, yeah, so when you got out what happened after that?
I had to get a lawyer, So that was a whole thing. It was like forty five hundred dollars and essentially I went to I did go to court, and they gave me diversion, which was like a first time offender program. But I encountered like every single possible obstacle you could encounter in that program while I was in it, which is like kind of my own fault in a way. But I have like really bad anxiety. Like I'm sure you can hear it, like I'm still it's kind of
crazy that I'm talking right now. I'm still shaking. But yeah, I ended up I have really bad P anxiety, So I ended up not being able to piss and like that fucking stuff. So like I don't add, yeah, you.
Were holding it in for the whole time.
Well no, No, I meant like afterwards, like because you have to do P tests and stuff. So I said, oh, oh, oh yeah, so you have to do like P tests and ship like that, and that was not fun. So I ended up having to be in for like an extra three months on top of the year that they already wanted me in. There. So yeah, I'm out now, feel good, feel good, free birds.
Wait, I'm fuck. I'm sorry if I'm miss hearing this first, but you were you were aware for three months?
Oh sorry? No, like they had me in the program for a year, I'm limit, and then because I had sucked up with the testing and everything. Yeah, yeah, so they added on.
Three extra months because of that, which fucking sucks about.
How are you doing now?
Great? Actually, I just moved out of my dad's I'm living at my nana's now, so that's been really cool. My parents got divorced like two years ago. I've been living with him, but he just has not been the happiest camper since. Yeah. So, finally got out of that situation. And I'm also twenty so just feels good to not be there.
I guess you mentioned in this text to me that you said you you found your childhood crush that you've been looking for online for nine years. What does that mean? Yes, I'm curious.
Okay, So, essentially, my dad was in the military growing up and I got stationed. So one of the places we were when I was in fifth grade it was Mayport, Jacksonville, and I had this best friend who while the entire time I lived there and we just got really close
to whatever. So then we ended up moving, and he ended up moving too because his dad was also in the military, and I basically he had no social media presence for the entirety of until he got out of high school, and I'd spent like at least twice a year, like twice a year looking him up on social media, which like I hadn't done that for any but like any of the other people that I'd met over the years,
like as consistently as I did with him. I don't know, it's just crazy, like you just have a connection with somebody, even when you're still little, not little, but like even when you're so young, and like it's you just know something's real. I guess, I don't know, Like I thought that was cool. So then I finally found him and he was he joined the Navy too, and it was really freaking crazy because he's he's currently stationed in the same at the same base that we met at when
we're kids. WHOA, And he's actually, yeah, so he's here right now, actually, like I'm in my hometown and he drove three hours so that was really cool.
WHOA. Interesting. So you guys met at a bed at this base that your dad was at, and then fucking years later he's stationed there now.
Yeah, no, like really crazy? How did you find Okay? So I knew his first and last name, and like when I tell you I'm a d one stalker, like, I'm actually a d one stalker. So I went through every social media platform he could possibly go through, and I would look up people with his name and I would I would message them basically, like twice a year, I'd message a whole bunch of random people who had his name and hoped they were him.
Wow, that's actually pretty romantic.
Yeah, it's a lot of dedication for sure.
So hmmm, I have a lot of questions about this. How long had it been since you guys had connected with each other?
So I hadn't seen him since I was ten, and then reconnected when I was like nineteen, so nine years. We hadn't spoken for nine years?
Wow? And so how long were you searching for him? You said you said like twice a year you would do this.
Yeah, like twice a year or something like that. Just see what's up.
How did it feel when you finally found him?
It was fucking crazy. It was nuts, Like genuinely, I was like, no fucking way, like this isn't real. And he had full like he remembered me, and that was also even crazier. Oh sorry to burp, but I don't know. It's just like, honestly, it still feels really surreal. I so we've been talking for like a year now and we finally like made it official on the sixth, So that was all fucking nuts, Like fucking nuts.
Wait, this is so romantic. This is like a beautiful story. I'm very invested. What was the first meeting?
Like, so, okay, so he drove down here from Jacksonville also something to know kind of I have PTSD from getting arrested, so I just don't like driving long distances. So he came down here and he had never been to the Bush Start in Tampa or yeah, down here, so it's like, oh my god, like we should go. So he drove down here and I drove us to Bush Gardens and it didn't start out like a day at all. I don't know it was. It wasn't awkward, but it was like I could definitely tell that he
was flirting with me. But he's also Okay. So he's like actually autistic, like clinically autistic, so he doesn't pick up on social cues very well. And like I had already kind of pursued him a little bit previously, but it didn't seem like he was interested. So I just like completely laid the fuck off it, and I was like, just him being in my life is enough, so whatever. But by the end of it, like I don't know, like we laid in bed, like because I got a hotel.
So we got back from Bush Gardens and he was slurting and I was just kind of being standoffish, and we watched like three movies on his laptop and he let me pick every movie, and then he fell asleep and I literally sat there like smelling his breath for fucking an hour before I find I fell asleep. And then I woke up at like five a m or something, and like he was cuddling me, and it was just like it was so fucking crazy. It was so crazy.
Wow. So it started out okay, So so that night when you, yeah, you got you were smelling his breath, He's cuddling you. It be the romantic interest was was there from the from the from the second beginning.
Yes, I just I didn't want to come off that way because I wasn't sure if like that was just his personality or it's like I was reading things wrong or.
Yeah, m.
What was it about him that you remembered from when you were ten that made you so dedicated to finding him?
It's really corny, but he just really is so like thoughtful. He was just so thoughtful and so observant and his perspectives on the world. Like I'm also not trying to sound egotistical, but I just I feel like I was a much more denteent child than most like my My earliest memories go back to like one and a half two years old, and he's kind of similar in that way where he's like always been a more introspected thinker. And I don't know, like I also don't know if
you're like spiritual or whatever. But when like just when you know, you know, like when you meet somebody and you feel like your soul knows that person.
M sure, sure, hmm, I don't know.
I'm so.
I said it might be a little delusional.
But no, I don't think anything about this is delusional. This is like I know, this is a beautiful story. I'm trying to think what else I want to know about it? Were you uh uh okay, here's one. So you hadn't seen him since you guys were kids, right like when you saw him like as an adult, were you like instantly like attracted to him again like physically yes?
Yes, And that was another thing I honestly wasn't.
Expecting that, Yeah, because you because did any was any part of you like, oh shit, he could have like grown up chopped.
Yeah. It just it's one of those things where it didn't even matter, like realistically, like once I actually seen him, like it really didn't matter even if he had grown up chopped, Like I still would like him anyway. It's just the person that he is.
Really damn that's so nice. Holy shit. Hm hmm So no, no, no, no, no, that's that's awesome. Wow. Okay, So he lives three hours away at the base where you guys met, and yeah, what's your what's what's your guys' future?
Looking like you think, well, I don't, I don't really know.
I mean I feel like it's a little early, but within the next year or so, I mean hopefully it would be not long distance anymore. Realistically, he doesn't live that far. But he also he was talking about because he's been talking about whether or not he wants to re enlist because his contract is over in twenty twenty seven. I think so, like literally next year. But if he gets orders to come down to Tampa or to stay
in Jacksonville, then he will re enlist. But if not, I don't know, but he was talking about me going up there. When he gets into part himself, was like, I don't know.
That's fucking crazy.
Wow, man, So you really Uh yeah, that's so wild. That's so wild. Mmmm what what do you?
So?
What do you? What do you?
What do you do for? Like work and stuff? Like what's your kind of like life situation.
It's pretty lame. I'm not gonna lie to you, Like when I got arrested, like this is definitely an excuse, but it put it to me. It put like a hold on everything in my life. Like I felt like once I had that over my head, like I couldn't do anything else basically, So I'm still working. I've been working at the same job for like two years. I work at an Italian restaurant as a host. So that's pretty still very fucking easy job, and I get Hella hours because nobody knows how to work nowadays.
You should work as a fucking private investigator.
I really should. I've thought about that. I don't know about with the felony on my record, but maybe.
Hmm, what's your name again, Abrielle, Abrielle, Yeah, thanks for sharing your story, Aubrielle. This is very interesting. I want to feel. I feel like this is one of those things where I'm like, wow, this is so fascinating and human to me, especially in a like like you have like a fairy tale like drama movie romance going on in a world where everyone's just trying to you know, not get ghosted from a dating app. You know, it's like it's cool.
Yeah, I feel like I always kind of yeah, I don't know. You can't like, you can't not romanticized life really gets really fucking depressing very quickly.
Yeah, you should romanticize life, every aspect of it, you know, waking up, opening a door, you know, being Yeah, wait.
In my mind at the thing, everything like life really is a fucking gift and that you should make the most of it too. Just make the fucking most of it. Like if you can do something. Do it? Really? What's the worst that could happen?
Abriel? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No, that's it. Have a great night, Thank.
You, Abria'll have a good one, have a go Bye bye bush Gardens. I love bush Gardens. I like that story. Trying to think if there's anyone that I'm trying to think, if there's anyone that I fell in love with when I was ten that I could reach back out to via this podcast, there's not. I guess that's the thing about our I remember my dad fucking telling me this once about Facebook. He's like, your generation will never understand like going no contact for like fifty fucking not fifty,
but like, you know, thirty twenty years not seeing anyone. Yeah, this is a unique thing to our generation because like the old the generation, they go like, you know, twenty thirty years without seeing anyone, and then on Facebook, all of a sudden, everyone they reconnect. Whereas like our generation, it's like we've been if I know you, if I met you at a party once or whatever, you might be in my life every day for the next sixty years of me looking at my phone. That's what we're
bringing back in twenty twenty six. We're gonna bring back mystery. We're gonna bring back a rekindling misconnections. I don't wanna. Let's do the opposite. If you meet someone at a party or the thing or whatever, and you had a nice conversation, I don't like that even I don't. I don't if I met you, I don't.
I don't.
I don't need you to be in my life forever now, I don't you know what I mean, Like if I meet you at like a random thing, we don't have to be in each other's lives forever via via the internet. If I if I want to find you, or you want to find me, you need to remember my You need to go. You need to go as hard as
this lady did to find this person. And that's the funny thing too to me about this is that she didn't like try to find a bunch of She messaged tons of people with this guy's name until one of them responded. That's fascinating. I hope this lady uh gets married and has whatever her you know, life dream is with this guy. But I hope it all works out. It has I mean, that was so much fucking work. There's no way it doesn't work out.
Hello.
Hello, what is your name?
My name's Rachel.
What's up, Rachel? What's going on with you? Has life?
Oh?
Well, you know, new year, trying to be a new me, just you know, punching in, punching out. Went to the club last night. Lost my apartment key.
You know, sometimes the things you lose at the club are the price you pay for the memories you made at the club, which doesn't necessarily mean that those memories were good. Sometimes sometimes losing your phone is the price you pay for the horrible memory of losing your phone. You know what I mean?
You're so right, You're so right. I mean I did have a good time. I think it was worth it. I mean, I'm going to try to get another key on Mondays, so we'll see how that goes. I just hope they go charge for like two hundred dollars.
Can I can I ask you about the thing you texted me about?
Yeah?
Sure?
Uh so you texted me and you said, can we discussed? Can we discuss how it's almost an insult to be a fat chick these days? I've been thinking about it now, what do you mean? What do you mean by that? Because the way you phrased it, I'm curious.
Yeah, so I probably should have phrased it a little better. I guess what I'm kind of trying to say is, so I'm an overweight twenty two year old and just the way I interact with people, even if it's not you know, usually being overweight comes down to attractiveness and somebody being attracted to. But what I was thinking is the way people interact with me. It's almost like I've heard, you know, insults left and right, big whoop, but just
little interactions. I'm like, oh, okay, it's not so much how I say or excuse me what I say or how I say it, but just interactions are so different, you know, especially like going to the club last night, I had like a really weird interaction and I was like, okay, I didn't do anything, but me being overweight kind of changed our entire you know, conversation. Does that kind of make sense? Yeah?
First of all, yeah, that all makes sense. What was the interaction?
Yes, so I'm an extrovert. I'm single. I saw a guy and I thought we were kind of exchanging glances because he was playing pool and I was just sitting with my friend and I thought we were exchanging glances, and I said, okay, I'm gonna go talk to him. Why not? And I go up and I say, hey, you look like you look like you're having a fun time playing pool. Do you want to play with me next?
Or something along those lines. I don't know. I had way too many Robin Cookes, but he was like he looked me, you know, up and down that like horrible mean girl, up and down, looked again. Now, why would I want to play with you? And I was like, oh, okay.
That's like that's like a POV. The worst she can say is no type of thing.
Yeah, I got the other end of it. And that's not the first time that kind of thing has happened.
You know.
I usually go up and talk to people because it doesn't really seem to go the other way. But I've gotten that many times where it's just been like, Okay, you don't really care about you know, oh, just do even if you're not interested in me. Like, I get it, I totally got it. But to kind of make it about something that I don't want to say I can't control, but something that I'm working on is a little strange to me.
Yeah, no, I'm not. Actually, I'm happy to have this conversation because it's you know, it's one I deal with as well. But let's I mean this first is okay, Well, first of all, you're doing everything correct because you're being an extraverted person willing to put yourself out there and
talk to folks. So I have to imagine that, Yes, you have these interactions that sometimes don't go that well, but I have to imagine that just on pure numbers game, if you are constantly putting yourself out there, that you have had like success with that.
Yeah, I've definitely had some kind of success with that from time to time. But you know, it's also like, is it maybe something else? Like I know, I'm a very straightforward, honest person. I know that maybe like a big turn off. I say exactly what's on my mind. I gotta stop doing that. But you know, I'm twenty two, Like I said, I've only had two boyfriends, one for four months, one for one month, and I'm like, something's
not adding up. I try to be I like to think or at least from you know, feedback from you know, my friends and my family. Oh you're such a nice person. So what's what's not clicking?
Mm hmmmm hmmm. Well, I mean, first of all, having two boys, that first of all, I the the having two boyfriends one for four months. That whatever you just described is normal.
So I don't.
I don't think you need to compare yourself to anything outside of yourself. Uh you know what I mean, Like, I don't, I don't. You're whatever, whatever metrics you you feel like you have to achieve or stand up to, you know, I think, Uh, I mean, it's probably not good to compare yourself to any metrics. But if you were, you're you're doing great, you know, if you are, if you if you are trying to metric yourself up two boyfriends, that's pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, I mean, I guess like comparing. I probably shouldn't compare, but I guess to my friends and like my family. You know, my parents got married at my age. My brother's getting married or got married a year ago, you know, when he was my age. So it's like, oh crap, I'm kind of falling behind.
Well as your twenty two brother. You can you're not falling behind if you're not getting married right now, well, all right, so this is an interesting topic because I deal with it a lot. Like, yeah, there's a lot of times i've like whatever, been at a party or at a whatever, and I just I feel I mean, I don't know about you. I don't want to project anything about my experience being overweight on yours, but I'll
just you know, talk about mine. It's like, I don't I feel pretty just like I feel like pretty uncomfortable in my body when I'm overweight, and I don't really feel confident and I don't and I kind of know that it's like affecting the conversations and the interactions that I have, but you know, and it bums me out sometimes. But it's the like the golden goose of it in my that's the wrong phrase, but whatever, the north star of it in my mind is like okay, well it's
something in my control, you know kind of. So I'm like, all right, well, if I want to not, you know, deal with this, it's like the uncomfortable reality, and I don't, and I don't. I don't again, I don't want to uh uh uh what is the word project anything about
my experience onto yours. But in my experience I'm like, I'm like, well, fuck, you know, people can say this, and people can say that, and people can say, oh, you'll find someone like all this stuff, but in my head, I'm like, fuck, man, the reality is that I'm less attractive for me because I'm overweights and I don't like that, and I, you know, I just want to like fucking fucking deal with it. You know, I don't how do you? What do you what's what do you make of your experience?
Like, how do you?
Because because I I I sometimes I'm like, you know, I I'm like, I don't know if the way I think about this stuff is healthy or if it's you know, what it is. So I'm curious what your you know, feelings are.
I mean, like I think, I know I shouldn't use you know, nasty comments as maybe a motivator, but you know, it kind of helps me. The reason I'm overweight, I probably shouldn't blame it is just because I had like a horrible depressive episode for two years. I didn't take care of myself and now I'm like reaping the consequences of my sewing. So you know, I'm just kind of taking it as like, you know, should I should I change myself because of negative comments or because it'll make
me feel better about myself. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think can be right, It just matters if you care about yourself. And I'm that like, if I had to put a percentage on it, I'm like at a seventy percent, but I swear if
I lost some weight, I'd be like ninety ninety five percent. Yeah, So you know, it comes down to I would like to get into a relationship again, because although it doesn't sound like it, and you know, I come off as like, you know, ooh, the strong, like fighting girl, you know, deep down I am a lover. So it's just kind of like, do I have to really change myself in
order to get that. It doesn't seem totally fair. You know, I'm a firm believer that anybody on this planet can easily be an eight out of ten or nine out of ten, or shoot even ten out of ten. You know, it all just depends on how you take care of yourself, you know, what you do, the effort, you know. So it's it's kind of that debacle of should I change because of other people or because of myself?
Okay. Here, yeah, that makes one hundred percent sense and okay, okay, as of as of January twenty twenty six, this is and I'm I'm open to alternative whatever's on this because I think about it. Here's here's what I think is true, at least for me. It's like, if you want to be in a relationship and you're overweight, you just have to be okay with being in a relationship with somebody who is as overweight as you, which is like, which
is to me, the most fair thing ever. I mean sometimes yeah to me, I'm like, to me, I'm like, you know, I came to that realization, and I'm like, that is so fair.
Yeah, I mean, like my type is all over the place. But my biggest thing is you can be like overweight or extremely underweight, but as long as you take care of yourself, that's really all that matters to me. Sure, sure, sure, Like I know, especially for larger people, it takes a little more effort, you know, just to you know, look
a little better or small a little better. So that's my biggest thing is as well as you take care of yourself, I'm pretty open to almost like any body type or really anybody.
Yeah, I mean yeah. With me, I'm like, when I think about this stuff, I'm like, Okay, you can't. Like, I think it's unfair if I were to ask for something out of somebody that I don't have, you know, So it's like, well if I'm not, like, I don't know. Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's kind of how I feel. But to the point of like should you do this for yourself or should you do it because of mean comments? I mean, of course you should do it, uh for yourself.
And again I'm just gonna keep talking. I don't I'm not trying to project anything about my experience onto yours. But for me, I'm like, oh fuck, I don't like the way I feel, uh when I'm fat, you seem like I mean, for you, it's like you're naturally confident no matter what your body looks like it sounds, which is like amazing, right, So that's that's that's great. I
envy that. I think that's great because I also think I also I know I said I said the thing before about like, uh, you know the ways in which being overweight restricts you, and I do think in the realm of like relationships and whatnot. Like physical attractiveness is like the the big thing or whatever, but like you can fucking go pretty far off of confidence, you know, Yeah for sure.
I mean I think that's what kind of got my boyfriends or even like my friends, is just going up to them and be like, okay, we're friends now, Like.
Yeah, just be like what's up?
Because actually that's how I met all of my friends. Need just y happened to them and they, I guess liked it. So I was, so can I ask you this?
I mean again, like why do you think you are having problems like finding a boy finding a boyfriend? Everything you've expressed to me so far, yes, make me wonder why you why you have problems?
I mean maybe it comes down to I I've heard that I come on too strong or that I'm not cocky. What's the word I'm looking for, just kind of a little strong headed, So like I don't take any disrespect. You know, regardless of you know, what size anybody is, they will still you know, start to be like a total crazy feminist here. But like you know, guys, we'll just like go up and like touch you, and it's like I instead of being like.
Ha ha ha.
Like away, I start like swinging, so it might come off as like I'm the mean girl you know in college. So my best friend's name is also Rachel as well, ironically, and our nicknames in college where she was the nice Rachel and I was the mean Rachel. So I'm thinking, you know, maybe I just come on too strong, or maybe it's just how I dress, or I don't know, I'm weird hobbies. Maybe people think I'm a crazy person
because I'm you know, I'm a country girl. I dress in like slannel and jeans, and I look maybe a little scary.
Well come I ask you this. I mean, one everyone naturally attracts someone like I. I and and tell me, tell me if I'm wrong. But I have to assume that there are there are romantic prospects that are coming into your orbit, not only regardless of these things, but because of these things. There's a lot of people. You know, for every personality but you know, I mean, you know, for every personality type that turns many people off, it
attracts many people. You know, the personality type that you're describing of being strong, milled and not taking ship, Yeah, sure might turn some people off, but for some people, it might be exactly the kind of person they're looking for. I have people like that not entered your orbit in some way, shape or form.
Well, I I've been on lots for lots of baits, right, I usually like after the second one or after we talk for a while, it kind of, you know, papers off. Like I literally just went on like four baits with a guy and then we were talking and then all of a sudden he goes to me, and I was like reading back my messages, I'm like, did I say something?
You know?
And it's hard to like ask your friends did I say something wrong, because they're always going to take your side, But it's like, what did I say?
What did I do?
Did I?
Like? What what happened? Is he like scared that, you know, my hobbies or something, or you know, like make him weird? I don't know. I'm always like insecure about like what I do because people are like, oh, you're a heck, but you know, I don't really care. But maybe some people aren't into that once they kind of find.
Out about it. M hmm.
Well, or something is like intimidating because one of the number one questions that I get asked in the bar when people are like looking at me is why do you have a how do you have a giant scar on your arm? And I have to explain that I work at I work at Barnes. That's pretty much all I do. And I get attacked by animals all the time. I got bit by a pig. I got kicked by a horse. That's how I broke my rib. I got thrown off by a horse. That's how I broke my tailbone.
And maybe sort of like okay, creepy, you.
Know, well it's a fund. I think this is another fund. And and actually even like whatever taking like this isn't either taking like the uh whatever usual metrics of whatever is involved in dating. It's like, I think you admit to yourself that you're like a peculiar person of some kind. I don't know you've I don't know you very well. This is in me saying this is stuff like you know, if you kind of like it. See it seems like you've evaluated yourself and been like, you know, I'm a
peculiar person. I have this personality that maybe turns people off. I have these weird hobby, have this you know whatever, and it's it it undeniably, I think makes dating harder if you're like a kind of a peculiar individual, because it means that you need to find another very peculiar individual.
Uh.
And the if you're on a dating app or you're going through life by the very nature of what it means to be peculiar, most people are not. So the math is not exactly on your side with this one. But the good news is that you know, when peculiar people find each other, they form really deep and beautiful connections. And from what I know about you, it seems like you're no you you have zero shyness when it comes
to uh flinging yourself into the into the world. So you've got you have a lot of things that are currently a word for you accept uh patience.
Yeah, definitely. I think also, you know how people react to me. I don't want to, you know, self diagnosed by any means, but I definitely think I have some anger issues where not if it's somebody rejects me, I'm going to lose my mind, but if they say something that is maybe a little distasteful, I do get very defensive.
And I'm like, what did you just say?
Like, excuse me?
And my friend Rachel says, I like turn my head like a son cohe like, I'm about to attack those But you know, but that's just another part of like saying I don't know if that's like an anger issue thing or just saying what's on my mind thing, or how I have literally no tolerance for any disrespect or anything like that. But you know, maybe it's also just a sign of the times. You know, I know it's not just me who's struggling with being single or you know,
chronic loneliness. I know it's not s me. I know it's guys, girls, skinny people, or people like.
It's everyone.
So maybe it's just all of the stones put together is kind of conjuring into me not having any luck.
Hm hmm. Well, Also, I don't know, man, I mean, like you're I think you know, four dates only if you like you're like nothing nothing about your nothing about what you have told me so far about your experience dating seems like it is particularly out of the normal. I mean, it's a difficult gambit. We can't all be like we can't all be like that last lady.
Yeah, I was thinking to myself, I was listening to that, I was like, Oh, that's such a beautiful story. I was like, what's that happening?
Yeah, we can't all be like that Last Lady, which is a bummer. Which is a bummer because I feel like we were all it's a bummer because we were all kind of grown up. I feel like being conditioned into thinking everything was gonna end up for us like that Last Lady. You know what I mean, all the fucking movies and everything. I think I probably I think
I've said this on the podcast. I think I've said this on the podcast before, But like all those fucking Seth Rogan movies, like they like they they give you a message where it's like if you're like, if you're like you're in high school, you're watching those movies, and they the message of the movies to the all is like if you're fat in high school, It's like, if you're fat and you're a little funny, you're gonna have
a hot wife. That's the message. It's it's like it's like convincing everyone that they're like endowed to have a hot wife, even if they're if they're like fat and a little funny. It's weird. Reality doesn't.
A lot.
Mmmmm, so maybe.
But I mean, I'm hoping that kind of falls together. But I don't know.
But that's that's you know, I guess I'll let to I guess I'll just reiterate what I said before, which is that I think if you're a little peculiar, the game is going to be more difficult for you. But right I don't know. There's nothing more to do but continue to fling yourself out in the universe hoping that you'll get lucky. And the good and the good news is is that the more you fling yourself out into the universe, the luckier you tend to get.
I think, Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna give up. I'm not gonna I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's a little hard sometimes, but you know, I still go out with my friends, you know, with my hobbies. You know, I do meet a lot of new people. So you know, I'm still gonna try. I'm taking a break from dating apps for a whole other reason, but you know it, I think it just comes down to I just got to keep trying, you know, and eventually it'll hopefully kind of fall together.
Rachel, is there anything else you want to say the people of the computer before we go.
Just everybody, take care of yourself and happy.
New Year, Happy New Year. Thank you Rachel.
You're welcome the bye.
That was Rachel. This has been the Therapy Gecko podcast. I think this was a good episode. I enjoyed this. I feel like I could relate to a lot of the callers. I hope you guys could relate to the callers. I hope you enjoyed the conversations. This is the end of the podcast. I'm just gonna rant for I don't know if I have anything to say in this rant. This is the first episode of the New Year. I think it went pretty well. I think that was classic Therapy Gecko affair.
I don't know.
I read all the comments. I'm a psychopath, So if you have anything to say, say something in the comments I get because I'm sometimes I need a sometimes I need to look at something, So I look at the comments on this Spotify page or YouTube or whatever, or don't do whatever you want. Go to Therapy Geto tour dot com. I'm gonna go on tour this year. I'm excited to do that for the fourth time. I have more documentary style videos that I'm going to work on
that I'm excited about. That'll be good. I'm going to try to I'm going to try to be less overweight. I think that's a good idea.
That was it.
That was the podcast. We talked to the dad guy, we talked to the online boyfriend lady. We talked to the lady about dating. I felt like this was a good gambit of of of stories and calls. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having them. I hope you enjoyed listening to them. This has been this is too long. We're keeping it in. But I'm not gonna ramble like this at the end of the episode again, unless you guys want me to, or even if you do want me to, I'm still not gonna do it. Okay, I should stop talking now
and and and end. The episode goes on the line making your phone calls every night. Never Beacon goes to hide. You're just teaching you about the end of your life.
But he's not really an expert.