Hello, Hi, Hi?
Is this.
What's going on?
Nothing much it's going on with you? How are you? Geck?
I'm doing good. I just ate a lot of.
Skittles, you know, I just ate a lot, period, So it's pretty doing pretty well in life.
I think, Uh, gigiu, how can I get you today? Is there anything in particularly called in to talk about?
Yeah, I mean this is something I haven't really told anyone before because it's kind of like silly. But last year, like right when all the lockdowns were being lifted and stuff, I was coming like I was in the middle of like a really bad depression, and so I decided to go towards like my faith because I was raised Catholic.
Decided to go to a Bible study. And I went to like three little sessions of Bible study or whatever, and in those like three hours, they they convinced me that the Bible was real and that the revelation was coming in like twenty years, which, if you don't know, the revelation is like the end of the entire world. So like the last time I went to the Bible study, they told me that, and I was like, just to make sure you guys are telling me that we're all
going to die in like forty years. And they were like, yeah, but it's a good thing, don't worry. And I was like, okay, great, I kind of ever come back here again. And since that day, I've had like super, super bad anxiety about just the world ending. Like I can't watch End of the World movies anymore, like twenty like movies like twenty twelve or whatever. I watch Eternals and like the last scene of that is the earth like about to impode or whatever, And I like almost had to walk out
of that. I can't sleep at night without I usually have your podcast on at night in order for me to sleep. Actually, but yeah, it's been wild.
Now I really want to know what is it? And you said that you haven't really been all that religious, but you wanted to kind of get back in touch with it. Correct. Yeah, And when you were younger, like whatever, middle school age or just just just growing up in your faith, did they talk about revelations? Do they talk about the end of the world to you?
No, it was mostly just like learning my prayers and going to church. But I never really listened in church, you know, I just it was a thing I had to.
Go to.
What is it that convinced you in these three sessions that the world was going to end?
Well, it was they they used the first couple of sessions to just prove that everything in the Bible was real. Because at first I was a skeptic. I was like, you know, there's no way, but they showed me, like, and I don't want to say I'm going to be using confident words, like like they told me that it
was real. They showed me evidence and stuff, but I, you know, I don't know if I should believe it or not, but like they just showed me want Yeah, they just showed me like specific lines and stuff in the Bible and then like outside resources that that proved that that line was correct. And then they showed me like quite a few things that people at the time shouldn't have known that managed to get in the Bible.
So that was like evidence enough for me to be like, oh shit, like they know this when they shouldn't have and it's written in the Bible, so like it probably is correct.
And then at the end of it, like can I hear like one example of something that was in the Bible that they showed you an outside resource of that turned out that convinced you that that thing was true.
The one that I remember, they showed me like three or four, and the one that I remember is that in the Bible, it's I don't know the verses or anything anymore, but they said it's written in the Bible that the Earth is hanging like in empty space, and that the Earth is not the middle of the of
the universe. And at the time that the Bible was written, everyone believed that the Earth was the middle of the universe, you know, like they didn't believe that everything rotated around the sun, right, So that was that was one thing, and then I don't really remember the rest.
Okay, all right, So they're showing you evidence that things in the Bible are correct, and it's causing you to believe that the world will end. So, all right, according to revelations, when's the world's supposed to end?
They didn't They don't have an exact timeline. They just stood within my lifetime and I'm like, twenty one right.
Now, within your lifetime, world is going to end. Okay. First of all, oh, no, go ahead, I want to hear what you have to say.
Another thing that they mentioned was in the Bible it's written about like a female god that was coming, like when when the Revelation is about to come, there will be a female god like revealed to the to the world. And there are hints and clues of her in the Bible, but people won't really put it together until the revelation is happening. And so apparently more and more people are learning about her, and so like that's a clue that the revelation is happening soon.
So like, if Beyonce does the Super Bowl halftime show and she absolutely kills it, that means we're all going to die.
Yeah, she's God.
All right, I want to say this. Okay, here's all I have. And this is first of all, this is something I've always thought, which is that if I'm going to die, which and it's not even if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. You're gonna die. Everyone listening this is going to die. I feel like the best wouldn't it wouldn't you want to die in an apocalypse? I would rather die Like, here's like the best you could possibly
the best move. And it's said in your lifetime. Let's say you get to be like eighty years old and there's a world ending apocalypse and everything's gonna die. How awesome would that be? Wouldn't it?
Really?
Because almost because one hundred percent of everyone dies alone, really at the end of the day, unless if like you and your you know, husband or wife, like both die right at the exact same moment of cancer or something which you know I'm sure has happened once or twice, or you both get like like you die alone ultimately, But wouldn't it be kind of nice to die like with everyone else? Wouldn't there be some camaraderie in there.
Wouldn't the all the like, all the fuck like everything would just go away, all the wars would be like, ah, fuck it, we're gonna be dying anyway, all the little
conflicts it. But actually, like I really do imagine in a pot and I know this maybe isn't the case because we've had minor apocalypses and they have not been moments of unity as as I've I'm hip picture picturing in my head to me, an apocalypse, look would be a moment of unity would be everyone being like, all right, none of this are I'm sorry, I'm fighting with you. Fuck it, Let's all hold hands and dance and just die,
just die because none of this nothing would matter. All the petty shit would just stop mattering, and you get to die with other people. It's kind of nice because I mean, look, let's say there's no apocalypse. You just die alone in some hospital if you're lucky. Some people they die on the street. Some people they die in the middle of the ocean. So first of all, that's the reason number one why an apocalypse wouldn't be that bad. It actually be kind of nice. It'd be nice to
die with other people. Second thing, what scares you about the apocalypse, like, tell me more about this fear that you have.
Well, something that they really pushed was like telling more people you know about it because apparently if they didn't know about it and if they didn't take the right steps, you know, it's the revelation. So some people are going to die and they're going to go up to heaven and then the rest of the people are gonna stay. So Earth is going to become like hell on Earth and people are going to stay there and it's going
to be hell. So what really made me nervous was that, like I really was worried about like my family because it's not something that we really talk about at all. And I was like, oh, my little sisters like going to hell for not knowing this, Like I don't know. It was like a panic thing. I don't want to die yet. I don't want to die right now.
Well, well listen, you're not going to die right Oh you're gonna die, but you're not gonna die right now. Actually I don't Actually I don't know, an I don't want to guarantee anything, but this sounds like that kind of you know, that kind of thing where like isn't this kind of the missionary everything where they're like, oh no, these poor people they if they haven't heard the word of the Lord, and if they die without their sins being cleansed and accepting Jesus Christ, they go to hell.
Is it like that kind of thing?
I think?
So.
Yeah.
The girls that were in charge of the study group were like from a different they were both from two different countries, and they've come to my city. I mean, so I'm I'm scared to not just in case it is there, and like if I don't believe in heaven, like I'm not going to go, but then I'm scared to believe that there is because I don't, you know, I don't know the rules they get to heaven like, and I don't. I'm scared of well, I would be
scared of hell. So I'm mostly just scared of not believing and they're actually being a God, and then I have to face the I didn't believe in him the whole time.
See, it's I forget. It's somebody. I forget who said this. Maybe it was Marcus Aurelius. And I'm gonna completely butcher this, but I remember here, I remember heard some quote. Can I read you this quote?
The quote?
Maybe maybe it will make you feel better. It's a quote I like. It's sort of a religious thing, Marcus Aurelius. He says, live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based solely on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods but unjust, then you should not want to worship
them anyway. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. What he's saying is basically, just go out and try the best you can to be you know, uh, just try the best you can in life, to to to be good, to do whatever it is you're doing. Because here's the thing. If there is a god and he's a good guy, then he won't really care how devout you've been to him. All he really care about is
that you tried to live a good life. And if there is a god, and he does he cares a lot about whether or not you were devout to him, well he's well, then he's kind of a dick because why is he cares so much that you're obsessed with him?
You know?
I mean, and if he's kind of a dick, then you shouldn't like him anyway because he's a dick. And then if there's no God, well then okay, you lived a life, you tried your best, you know, so while what's what's what's the problem with that?
That is a very nice quote. I really like that. Gig Well, one of the things that has helped me because it used to be really bad, but I've started thinking to myself, like every day, I'm like I can literally die in a car crash on my way to cross today, Like so it doesn't really matter.
You know, you know that's a legitimate thought that you're having right now. You could And when you say it doesn't really matter, what that means to me. The idea of nothing mattering is that I get to choose what
matters because nothing inherently matters. So I am bestowed with the freedom to decide what matters, and if I want to, I can fall into traps, not if I want to, but I fall into traps sometimes of feeling like certain things matter that maybe don't matter that much when I think about the fact that I could die in a car crash at any moment and neglect the things that actually do matter with the knowledge that I could die in a car crash at any moment. So I don't
look at the nothing mattering as something bad. I look at it as a a a opportunity to reprioritize. Do you look at it as something bad?
No, I just look at it as in, like fuck it. Very I come from a very strict household, so recently I've like been having a lot of freedom and I've been allowed basically to just be like fuck it with a lot of things, and I've done stuff that I never thought I would do. Before. So it's pretty cool.
That's awesome. I want to get back to your central issue before we move on, because there's a lot here. So you said that, how long ago did you go to this Bible thing?
I think like last January, like January twenty.
Twenty, June twenty twenty. Okay, so this has been giving you anxiety for a long time, for like over two years.
Yeah, no way, think about it. I mean it's gotten better, but just some habits that I've that I've you know, like I haven't been able to sleep in silence since But I don't think that's like anything too bad.
You haven't been able to sleep in silence?
Oh like you mean you put Yeah, I've just been something on in the background.
Okay. Well, I'm honored to sometimes be the thing preventing you from thinking about your own death, except this call. This call could be like, there could be somebody like you who puts on this podcast to sleep at night and not think about their own death, and this call is now ruining that for them. But maybe that's maybe it needs to be ruined, Maybe it needs to be real.
Just think about it. You could die like when you sleep. So it's fine, g.
I I I'll let Marcus Aurelius. I'm such a douchebag. I'll let Marcus Aurelius speak for me. I'm such a douchebag. I'll let Marcus aurelia speak for me. And I'll i'll, i'll, i'll, I'll say to just do your best, to live a good life, and God won't really care. And if he does, then you know, fuck him.
Thank you guy, that's helped a lot.
Anything else you want to of course, I appreciate you. Uh sleeping to my voice that sounded creepy? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
You were my number one podcast in my Spotify rapp.
I saw the Spotify. I've been getting a lot of Spotify wrapped love lately. I don't know when this call is going to go on the podcast, But whoever you are, if you are listening on the Spotify, I appreciate or if wherever you're listening, I appreciate you.
All Right, Well, thank you, Greg, have a good.
Night, you too, Gigi. I said you two really weirdly just now forever.
Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi this Lyle, Yes Francis, Yes, this is Pross what's going on with your Francis.
Well, I mean, if I was just to get right into it, I just had some stuff to get off my chest because I can't really talk about this stuff any of my friends or family or anybody really, and I've been struggling with kind of like a do I or don't I kind of thing.
Okay, we're going on.
Uh, basically, I have like a crush on my girlfriend's mom, and I don't know, said I just get into it.
Oh yeah, please get into it.
Okay.
Well, so there will be times where you know, I'll go drinking over at my girlfriend's mom house has a big backyard, I'll uh, sorry work, I'll uh, I'll get into it and uh we'll start drinking and then everyone else pass out and then like so when the whole
family is sleeping, it's like a smaller family. Then it's just being hurt and we I feel like we've built a pretty emotional connection and the physical one basically, So I'll start partying with her and like we'll drink like two bottles apart liquor together, and like sometimes we start smoking weed or whatever. And She's had a lot of really emotional conversations to me where she's crying or like
I even cry about talking about some stuff. And then after that, the very first time this happened, we were hanging out, everyone was sleeping in there. All of a sudden it started getting like like this like tension in the air, you know, and it's I got to go to the point where she was like, oh, you know, come with me to the bedroom, like help me on the bed, because she has me problems. And this this is the first time, so I wasn't really sure what
to expect, but I was getting my hopes up. I'm not gonna lie, so get her in the bed.
And then she's like.
Here, lay down with me. I'm like, okay, I lay there. I feel like I feel like when you bring a girl over for the first time and she's just sitting awkwardly on the bed or whatever. And then so then she was like, oh, hold my hand. I was like all right, and then like I feel all this stuff, and then she starts to roll over and I'm like,
oh shit. But then at the exact moment, I kind of freak out and uh, like I was just in the bed and then my girl walked in like she just woke up and she was like, yo, like what's going on here? Like, oh, I was just helping her up. She's like, well, why are you in the bed? I was like, cause it's comfany. She's like, yeah, that bed is comfany. All right, Well I'm ready to go home.
So we ended up going home, and this probably happened about two or three times, and then all the very last time, like another time, like we were I was getting the bomb for her, which she hides, and when she when she like she kind of did this thing where like she leaned over like stuck her like butt out. She's and just nothing but a nightgown, and I kind of like, I'm like, I don't know because there's so
much like tension. Like I kind of like like start to feel her like tips and stuff, and she lets out like a kind of like a m and.
You saw the mom was sticking her butt out and you started to like touch her.
Yeah yeah I did. Yeah, And it's not like the first time like I've I've been like it's always like kind of like just teazing. It's not like you're actually gonna see you anything, So like I just like kind of like I was kind of like moved because it was a small closet space, so I was like trying to get her to like kind of like you know when you hold someone so you can get get around.
Him kind of.
So like I guess I played it off like that, but.
So was like that it was your like when you grab someone kids to like move, you were but it was that was a guy's for just touching her.
I guess, yeah, but I think she was. She knew what she was doing too. And then when I when I grabbed the hiss to move, she kind of like I don't know, let out like a little voisish kind of like a kay, and then like but but I never The thing is, this is the problem is like I love my girlfriend, and I just I wouldn't do anything, like I didn't want to do anything with it, but
then part of me really wants to. So it's like, do I really love my girlfriend if like I'm having these kind of feelings for you know, her mom, and like if if this was to happen, then you know she's even hate her mom. Then her mom just like loves her daughter. She would never like she wouldn't be able of a good relationship with them, and that would like kill her on the inside because I know her pretty well and I don't want to like break up
a family. And this isn't my first time like doing something like this, to where I break a family up over something stupid or.
Like you've done you know you've done this before.
Well not exactly the same thing. But so I was dating this girl and her brother had a girlfriend, and I cheated on my the girlfriend at the time, with her brother's girlfriend. So at that point, you know, he broke up with her, she broke up with me, and I guess the family didn't really break up, but it did kind of like fuck up a relationships, like the family that they built around. There were there's kind of me and then that girl, you know, but never like
with the mom. Like I've always had feelings for the mom in some kind of way, but then recently it's just been like growing and growing and then just just a couple just last week, we drank like two balls of alcohol and started talking and then I think it was a little blurry that like I actually, like not on the lips, but like I kissed her but I
don't know where. But man, I just like, do I stop when when my girlfall's asleep and the family falls asleep, should I just like go home because that's the moment. Like her mom will never like really drink drink, but the moment everyone's asleep, she'll be like, hey, let's take some shots. So like, okay, so we'll just start doing that. We'll literally just sit in the kitchen and talk while taking shots to alcohol till it's gone. So it's like
everything's gone. That's crazy to me because she never really drinks like that with her daughters. It's only me, and then like her daughters are like, make a joke, Oh, it's your drink somebody. And at one point she even told her daughter like, well, I think you're getting jealous, and then she thought that was funny.
You know wait, she told wait, so that your girlfriend's mom told your girlfriend, but your girlfriend's getting jealous of her, yeah.
About our relationship, And she thought that was funny. And I just I just I just don't know what I'm doing.
Yeah for incis. Okay, let's let's start here, all right. So you say you love your.
Girlfriends, yeah, very much.
Okay, Hallane has been together.
About ten years.
It's over for ten years.
Okay, yeah, we're done married.
But well, wait a minute. So you guys have been together for ten years, and I assume you have known her mom for a very long time.
I have, but it's just recently that these uh, I guess it's kind of always been there, but recently.
Do I why why do you think this has happened recently?
Well, because it's just been building up over time. It's not like I see them all the time, but then recently it's like it kind of has this build up of like, oh do or don't? You know, Like like I feel like I always thought that there was something there, but now I know, I know for sure.
There is something there.
So I think, okay, because we both know now, it's like it's out in the open, at least for us.
So it's kind of like, you know, yeah.
So Francis, here's a couple. Here's a couple of things. I think you being attracted to your girlfriend's mom, You having feelings for your girlfriend's mom. Feelings and attractions I think are things that you don't control, right, so you know you don't have to, you know, hate yourself for feeling attracted to her or feeling feelings for her. But what you decide whether or not you decide to act on those feelings. Is one hundred percent in your control? Do you agree with you?
H yeah?
And I think that's kind of why I have this conflict, is like should I shouldn't I because you know, this should kind of get excite me. But at the same time, I'm like, you know, maybe next time, like when everyone falls asleep, I'll just be like, oh, let's get an uber, let's go home, like immediately, like don't even like just try to limit I think just talking about this with you, just thinking about it is kind of like helping me.
I don't know, see myself, because I don't talk about this with anybody, So it's just helping me, like talk out loud, and maybe maybe I just don't let don't let that happen, you know.
Okay, what are you thinking about as your when you're talking about this out loud? And you say you're thinking about it differently? Now, what are you thinking about as you're talking about this out loud?
I guess it's just not worth it to me to lose my girl and to break up a whole family. And knowing that this is an ongoing problem with me as far as you know, get with other people's girlfriends or doing things I'm supposed like relationship taboosh, maybe that's kind of just the like a weird thing I have where I just want to like, I don't know, I'm starting to think of it as like maybe that's what excites me, like like, I guess it's not like a kink, but you don't try to say it.
And maybe that's sure. You're you're excited by how taboo it is and how wrong it is, and you know, I mean that makes sense, right, But again, whether or not you choose to to succumb to that feeling is up to you. That's in your control. Yeah, And so I think if I were you, I would first first of all, masturbate furiously, just masturbate like mastermate, like ten
times master been ten times in a row, okay. And then after you've done that, after you've done that, take a second here and really look, I don't think you're a dumb dude, you know, take a really think about the pros and cons of following these feelings. And I think after doing that, in as logical and non emotional of a mindset as you have available to you, you will come to whatever is the correct decision for you. Does that make sense?
Yeah?
Yeah, I maturation parts kind of extreme, But as far as trying to take the emotion out of it, I can get that, you know, Like, well, the other thing is like, oh, worried about It's like, do I really like you said, it's not it's not in my control. Like I can still love my girlfriend and be attructed with my girlfriend and like, you know, not not feel bad. You know, like you said, all right, man, yeah, yeah.
Well look you don't do that, just just just all you got to do is like, look, man, just don't don't I like, yes, I did mean what I said when I was like, you don't have to you know't you shouldn't feel ashamed of feelings or attractions. But again, it's about it's about what you decided to do with them moving forward. Yeah, we both dude, I I don't. I try to remain neutral in situations, but we both know you can't be fucking your girlfriend's mom. I don't have to say that.
Oh yeah.
Part of me is like if I was to like break up on my girl and try to go after but still that would break the family up.
And can I tell you? Can I tell you yeah, I think you would feel really stupid if you did that. I think I think if you think if you broke up with your girlfriend to try to have five seconds with them mount, I think you would. I'm telling you that. I just think you would feel really stupid. I think you would feel so stupid. I try to what you don't want to. You would feel really stupid if you did that.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, so I'm just it's gonna not do it.
But I don't even want to, like.
Have the because if I start drinking and I let alcohol kind of make the decisions for me quote unquote make it compared, then I would.
Do one of the things that I I when you say alcohol make the decisions for you, and like whatever. I'm not a heavy drink or anything, but I always hate when people are like, oh I did it because I was high, because I was drunk. It's like you're still you.
Know, Yeah, yeah that's true. But anyway, but but part part of me is like if it kind of gets through of that, I don't give fuck like kind of makes me do that, you.
Know, but yeah, I gotta.
You know, you're right, like this is a don't think I'm gonna drink.
Oh.
Here's the thing, man, is if is if, and this is the thing of relationships in general, is if you're making a commitment to someone. If you're making a commitment to someone, you're like, what's the point of even doing what's the point of even being in that kind of a relationship if you're not going to fully dive into the commitments? You know, like, what do you do?
That's what I was thinking, is like, maybe it's deeper than just you know this thing I have, Maybe like it is like a kind of a like a says some think about our relationship that would even consider it, you know that trouble by the way.
Mmm, no, but I was even thinking about saying one. Just I told my birl too, like, h.
Probably gonna see therapist. I want her to go not with me, but to one too. But yeah, I gotta I gotta figure that out.
Okay, I think it would be beneficial.
Francis, go jack off ten times. That part's non negotiably. That's actually I actually have to do that by calling into the stream. All right, you're actually legally obligated your jack off ten times, all right, and then go think about what's important to you in life and think about how you can act in certain ways that uh serve those things that are important to you.
All right, cool man, thanks for the help.
Uh.
I know, I know I can't say this and you can do what you will with but I would appreciate if you didn't clip it. But if you did, I don't think I could blame you, you.
Know, so I appreciate it, like clip.
Yeah, yeah, but I mean, you know this is your stream, so do it with that well as you please, but you listen to put that out there anyways.
I appreciate that.
I won't. I won't clip it and put it on TikTok.
Oh, dude, you're a real one, bro.
Thank you of co.
All right man, anything else you want to say to the people the computer before we go?
Francis, good therapy, masturbate and lile forever.
I like all those things. Thanks Francis, thank you. I am not putting. I won't make a clip and put it on TikTok, but this is totally going in the podcast. I don't know if I have anything else to say about Francis. I really do wonder when an actual there
are so many calls I get here. Well, I really wonder what an actual therapist would say if you're a real therapist out there and you have a comment, you have you have, you have thoughts about that whole I like that as a subject, the whole thing of UH. You can't control your attractions and your feelings, but you can't control your actions. I wonder, like what actual philosophers and therapists have to say about that shit. But I hope that Francis makes UH, you know, an informed decision
about how to maneuver this situation. And the best way to make informed decisions is too it's to jack off ten times.
Hello.
Hello, is this Lewis? Yes, what's going on? Lewis?
I'm super fucking nervous because this is my first time like watching your stream, and I just decided maybe I should call in and yeah, I'm now I'm on the phone.
This is the first time ever watching the stream. Have you like listened to anything else or is this your first encounter with UH?
No? I like, I like, I don't know, Like three weeks ago, I like discovered your I think it was from install YouTube shorts, and then I like discovered your channel, and then I discovered your stream and.
Yeah, so Lewis says, you're calling us from Germany. Yes, what is going on over there?
It's in the middle of the night. It's like, let me see it. I think it's four am? Yeah almost?
Wow? What are you doing up so late?
I'm extremely sleep deprived and I go to university regularly, but today I like being sleep and now I wanted to go to bed early. But then I saw like you had a stree today and yeah, so I stayed up a little bit longer.
Well, thanks, Slash, I'm sorry for for staying up so late to catch this.
Yeah, I mean it's that's would be my full thing.
What city in Germany.
Are you in? It's I don't know you you won't not it probably because it's like a little city. It's called Rostock in the northern of Germany.
Rostock.
Yes, okay, exactly.
I went to Berlin four years ago. I'm going back next year. I liked it a lot. I ate a lot of kree worst and looked at stuff. Great. It was great.
Because it was just like the best.
It's really good, Lewis Lewis, what is is there anything in particular that you called in to talk about? It's if not, it's cool. We can keep talking about Curry worst.
Yeah, I don't know. I just wanted to like call in and I have like a lot of stuff I can talk about. I just didn't have something specific, so I just said to the film manager, I like to have pont ofach maybe, but we can talk about everything if you want to.
What would you in this moment? What would you most like to talk about?
Yeah, I'm like, like I said, I'm really deprived right now. I can't really properly think, so I'm open for everything.
Are you do you usually stay up this late.
Sometimes? Yeah, but like not every day, Like nobody can handle that. I think you.
Said, you're in university. What do you What do you study?
I like recently moved to I don't know how it's called in English. We just said it how it's called in English. It's called.
Like child education, child education. Okay, they have children in Germany in the shore need educations. You're studying child education? Do you want to be a teacher.
Like something similar? Maybe like I want to do something with children. I would really love to, but not exactly a teacher. I actually, like a few days ago, I saw a video from you where you where you were talking like to a I think it was in Mexico, I think, or in some Spanish lands. We were talking to a guy and he said he was like like a child psychiatrist, and it really really really inspires me because I absolutely felt what he said.
Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I loved that interview. I love that guy. Yeah, totally know what you're talking about. Okay, great, I'm glad to hear that.
Fucking fucking amazing and fucking sympathect.
Fuck yeah fuck yeah. What is it that is interesting to you about teaching children or being a child psychologist?
We had a lot of personal feelings involved with all of that, and just I think I can really like represent myself into them.
It makes any sense, Yes, it does make sense. What are these personal feelings?
Yeah, A lot of like fucking lot of anxiety on my personal life and like emotional like trauma stuff back in my childhood.
And h m hmmm. Is and you don't have to talk about anything on here that you don't want to talk about.
Of course, it's okay, Just like I talked a tongue about it.
So I'm yeah, is there a particular issue or like kind of subject that you want to be able to give back about like it sounds as though you've been through some rough shit yourself as a child, and now that you're an adult, you want to go and help children who might have gone through something similar as you, which is an admirable thing to do. Is there a particular area of thing that you you want to help people with.
I'm a thing mainly like mainly showing them that they can always open up emotionally. That is really important for me to show that children.
Mm hmmm hm. When you were a child, did you not have anyone that you could open up to?
And yet it's like it's a little bit complex, but I grew up in that mindset that I thought I had nobody yet mm hmmm hm m hm.
How has that affected you, uh sort of in your life today.
Yeah, Like I said, like I'm I'm I'm asking a lot like the guy like that was on the phone before me, I can really relate to him in many ways of you sorry, I just I just spoke German and sometimes that happened.
Okay, we we we can always stand to learn a little bit of a new language.
I can teach you some new German with if you want to, well, I.
Don't want to interrupt you from what you were saying. You felt as though you were masking things.
Yeah, yeah, Like, like the thing is that if you experience some kind of I just say, trauma in your in your childhood, some kind of then you grow up in that mindset that you experience, and like what happens in your childhood is basically what it is through the life. You know. So, and I think, when something.
Go ahead, what do you want to say?
So? I think, like, when you experience something in early childhood, then especially then like you have extremely high risk of developing anxiety disorders and like personality disorders later in your adult life.
So now he says, you're twenty one, Yes, do you feel as though do you feel a similar way that you felt as a child where you feel like you don't have people that you can open up to.
It's got really better because I have loving friends and I'm really grateful for that. But recently I just experienced some kind of mini flashbacks the first time my entire life. And I didn't even know like I had something to flash back to, but apparently I did. And yeah, I lived a little bit through that, but I like I hear that's pretty well.
I would say, do you want to tell us about this flashback?
Not like I don't have a problem talking about it, but I just don't feel like in the mood right now to talk about extreme deep stuff. You know.
Yeah, sure, no problem at all, No problem at all. I find it admirable that you want to go back and help people with the thing that you were struggling with. So I'm glad to hear that that you're doing that. I almost feel like it'll help you deal with those things as well.
Yeah, obviously of course. Yeah, And like, sorry for my monotone voice all the time, but I'm really nervous safe to say, and this always gets monotone.
Then No, you're doing great, man, don't be nervous at all. I'm excited to be talking to you. Okay, So you're going to school to do a to do a to do a therapy thing. That's good stuff. What else is going on with you in your life, Lewis. We've been talking about a bunch of depressing things, and I'm sure that that's not the extent of your life. You said you have great friends. What do you what do you do outside of school? Outside of you know, the monotony.
Yeah, Like I am really really really into art and music and stuff like that. So that's why I related with the Mexican guy extremely because I think he said something similar if I remember correctly, that he was like a creative guy, but he works in this like having children's psychology psychology job. And I can really rate to that because I love making music myself.
And what do you what do you make music about?
Like I started with rap and lyrics stuff back in my puberty, I would say, and that's kind of transformative to like doing beats nowadays, and doing music on piano and like just just just everything related to music that comes into my mind.
He said, you wrapped? What kinds of things did you wrap about?
Yes, a little bit, dark stuff, A little bit. I don't know, just just what comes to my mind. It's not specific exactly. Mm hmm.
Is wrap something that you still want to pursue? Is do you intend to do music while you're studying?
Yeah, I like I would like to do it, Like to pursue this every time I have the chance to, Like, as long as my passion is there, I would love to hear m hm hm.
Tell me more about these friends.
Even now even even now during.
O if is me no, go ahead, Like I just want.
To say, like, even now during our cools, I have my loop station. I don't know if you know what that is. Yeah, I know the musical device. Okay, Like I have it right now here, and it's staying on repeat all the time. So during our call, this phase don't repeat like in the background.
And yeah, wait, you're you're looping our call right now.
No, no, no, I'm just looping like my own stuff before the call. But I forgot to turn it off and now I'm on the call and like this thing is repeating itself in the background.
Ah. So you were up late at night making music. You you were one of those night owl musicians.
Yeah.
Is the even middle of the night an inspiring time for you? Do you get a lot of ideas?
Absolutely? Yeah, m hmm.
It's the last like epiphany type idea that came to you in the middle of the night.
It's a good question, actually, Like do you mean like music related or just general.
Just general?
I don't know, Like I love to think, I love to do philosophy and everything, but I can't like exactly remember what the lasts breakthrough thought was in midnight.
Do you have a personal philosophy?
Yes, like it's it's really tied in with psychology in my case, Like I just I think everybody should be I don't know as a it's it's it's it's hard to explain. Like I said, I can't really concentrate it now because it's in the middle of the night in type A M. Yeah, it's it's complex to explain. I think I just everybody should grow up healthy and should grow up in emotional and thought freedom.
Well, I like that. I like that you're doing something that contribute to your personal philosophy. A lot of people have personal philosophies and they just have them. It's just this is my personal philosophy, this is what I believe. But you're really going and being like, this is my personal philosophy, and I'm about to go dedicate my life my vocation to its fulfillment.
You know.
I think that's all. I think that says a lot.
Just actually, like, now that I think about it, I can say that my philosophy is like follow your passion. I think that's extremely important. And I think that everybody, like really everybody, no exception, has this kind of passion inside of them, and I think most of them maybe don't even know it or haven't discovered it. But I absolutely think everybody has really great passion in fire insight and can undis it in some sort of way.
I wanted to ask you this, Lewis, tell me about your friends, because you mentioned earlier that you felt for a long time you had nobody that you could open up to about things, and now you say you're lucky enough to have really good friends. Tell me about these friends.
Yes, yes, so, like I have my best friends. He's called Noel, and we are like extremely close. We are like brothers, and like everybody, like people who don't even know us say, like, yo, you look like brothers or you act like brothers, and so it's really intimate and close friendship here.
That's great. Is have you known him for a long time?
Yeah? I know him since I think seven years now.
And is it just you guys or is there a whole group?
No, there is like a whole group obviously. But we kind of split a little bit in the last month or the last year because like everybody is growing up and getting adult and kind of separating, and you know, yeah, but we stayed together. We too.
Has that been a tough thing, everybody separating and going in their different ways.
Yes, like for me, especially because I can't really handle like abandonments really well and loneliness and I like I love to have things that stay and not change, like especially for me, it's a real challenge for new things. And yeah, that's why, Like I think that my old friendship last and persis really strong and good, but I'm not really good in spontaneously like new making friends right now?
Do you? Did you say that you are in school right now or your plan to go to school?
Yeah, I'm in university right now, like not right now at the moment, but you know.
Do you are you able to make friends in your classes or in after school activities or anything like that?
Yeah, a little bit, like kind of a little bit challenging, but it is okay, it's better that I thought of him.
Good. Good. I'm glad to hear that it's going better than you thought it would, Lois, Thanks for staying up so late to Thanks for staying up so late to talk to us. Man, I'm trying to think, is there any other aspect of your life that you you might want to share with us, or any philosophies, or I guess anything else you want to say before.
You go, not in particular, but maybe like I can teach you, like one or two German words you didn't already know.
I would love to hear one or two German words that I didn't already know.
All right, then tell me what you want to have translated.
All right, I'm gonna go to the chat for this one. Chat. What what words should we have?
What?
What words do we want translated into German?
Oh?
Yes, can we get gecko translated into German? What is gecko?
It's basically gecko. It's the same.
Oh, okay, all right, that one didn't count. They want to know what that one. They want to know what butt crack is in German?
Oh okay, okay, so it is called.
Uh so say that again?
It's like yes, ah.
Yeah, like Aschwitzer. My Aschwitzer hurts. I'm scratching my aschwitzer and that only makes it itchierh They want to know what how do you say? Oh? This is how do you say passion? In German?
It's called like we have a word for it. It's we can also use like passion because it's called puffun. But there is like another word and it's called lighten shoft and that's basically the same.
Say that word again, lighten shaft, lighten shaft. Someone wants to know what Someone wants to know what penis is, and lighten shaft sounds like what penis is in German.
Oh yeah, you're right, actually a little bit like penis is basically penis. It's almost the same.
Penis and German penis. I am finding out by talking to you that I actually know a lot more German than I thought.
Yeah, like English and German are really similar.
Well, thank you for teaching us those words, Lewis. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, not.
In particular, No, nothing I can think of.
Just thank you, Yeah, thank you very much man, And fucking get some sleep.
Brother, Yeah, thank you.
I will take care of those. I liked that, dude a lot. Man, It's very cool. It's the coolest thing ever to me that people are finding this stream, this podcast in other countries and that maybe this you know.
What my persistent thought was during that call and during a lot of any time we get international calls, is like it's very interesting to me that there are just these I don't know if this sounds cliche, but I'm gonna say it's very interesting to me that there are like these common, common, common human issues that persist all
over the world. Right, Like you know, Lewis was talking about having trouble making friends and putting himself out there, and you know, having this great group of friends that you know eventually grow apart, and I don't know, it just it's interesting to see that be a universal experience, you know. It's it's good to see that staying up until five am is a universal experience because that kind of makes me feel better about the fact that I did that last night and we'll be doing it again tomorrow.
Thank you for calling and sharing, Lewis. I'll be I'm coming to Berlin. I'm doing a live show in Berlin at some point, so I'll report their live There be Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. There Rep Can goes doing his hide.
You're just teaching you cloud in the midd of your life, but he's not really an expert.