Hello, holy shit, I'm actually on with GEK.
What a baby? How you doing?
What? Uh?
I'm better now that you're here, sick. How's life, buddy? What's going on? Hit me? Hit me in the balls? Gets get crazy? Come on, baby, come on, come on man, hit me, sir, hit me, hit me, hit me.
All right, So I figure I should talk about my codependency because that's what I talked to about with my actual therapist.
Sure yeah, sure, sure.
Yeah. So let's see. So I'm in recovery. I'm like five months clean off of fetanyl.
Congrats, I thank you.
I normally tell people my my drugs of choice are slow, which is sex, love, opiates, and women.
Oh, I really only.
Abstained from the opiates. And my therapist is like, I don't understand how you could literally say that you'd rather eat dog shit than do dope again, but you can't abstain from women. And I normally replied with the joke. I'm like, well, you know, it's hard when they just throw themselves at me. But I feel like like I grew up alone a lot, Like I was a latch tea kid, you know, like I make sure I was up in time for school, got home, did my homework, fed myself, showered, make sures in bed bird.
You know.
So it's like I seek attention because I didn't have it as a kid, which I feel like a lot of people do. But yeah, what are your thoughts on that?
What are my thoughts on that?
Oh?
My god? Uh slow interesting sex love, opiates women. Opiates feels like it's the odd one out of that acronym. Yeah, why opiates? Why is opiates finding itself in that acronym.
Well, it's like I went, I went to rehab like for the opiates and then come to find out that, like my codependency was like a bigger issue, Like I'm addicted to attention.
Yeah, what code the whole codependency thing? What does that look like? Really?
Like?
What is how does that manifest itself? A codependency addiction?
Oh?
I like constantly like have to be talking to somebody, if not like multiple women, because I get that dopamine hit from the attention.
Yeah.
But on the like negative end of the spectrum, like if I get ghosted or like I don't hear back for a bit. It's like books at my day and it's like I could like a week or two ago, I went on this date, and uh, like I didn't hear back from this girl for like a couple of days before our date. It went really well, but like I was like really shitty. I was like, I'm too gorgeous to be ghosted?
Is by the way? I can I just say this? And is this not? Like? Everyone? Is this not most people? Do? Most people not? And I'm not gonna I don't think most I don't think it's a universal experience to like need I mean, it is, of course a lot of people that are like want to be talking to multiple people at once, but a lot of people only want to be talking to one person at once. But it isn't that a kind of a universal experience to feel shitty when you've been ghosted?
I feel like it is, you know.
So why what do the opiates? Are the opiates just just a thing on the sidelines, or are they intertwined in the the sex and love?
Well, It's like I feel like it was intertwined. Like I didn't realize it at the time, but after like going to treatment and stuff, It's like if I was able to get high and have that sense of ease and comfort, I didn't have to seek out attention.
Interesting. Yeah, that makes sense. Hmmm mmm yeah. So it's like you're just kind of trying to fix some chemical, uh maladjustments in your brain, whether it be through drugs or through another person.
Right.
Interesting, M And so how has it been being five months sober?
It's pretty cool, Like my they call it like a pink cloud of early sobriety where you're like, fuck, yeah, this is the that's kind of coming gone, coming up some like half a year. So now it's just life. So I'm trying to live life on life terms. I do a lot of like volunteer work because they say that it's a good way to stay sober. I like help lead like heroin Anonymous meetings, which Heroin Anonymous just kind of encompasses.
Like all opiates.
And I do like aa like any sort of like anonymous program. I volunteer with the special needs like twice a month and once a week I go to pet COO and I volunteer with like the place where they have the like kitten adoptions. Hmm.
That's that all sounds nice man. Yeah, have you been enjoying the five months of being sober?
I have.
I've made like a move to a new town I'm in. I'm in Prescott, Arizona. So it's all my friends up here are sober. You know, I don't know where to find dope up here. You know. Oh you uh new geography, you know, it's a new start. M hm.
And what are you What does sobriety look like in terms of like sex, are you like upstanding from like having sex with anyone?
So they call that emotional sobriety. So it's like anytime that I would like have sex with somebody, or even if I'm like talking to people, they call it acting out right. They have they have a sex and love addicts anonymous, which I went for a bit, and then this dude was talking about how he fox dogs and I was like, this is not I don't think this is for me.
Wow, yeah, you know what's crazy? I bet And it's like kind of a something and I know this is probably an invasion of a sacred space, but uh, you know when a guy start when a guy is in a meeting and he starts talking about having sex with dogs, is everyone else in the meeting like oh shit? Even I am like that's the lot.
I feel like they're thinking it, but you're not like supposed to like comment on something that's well, I mean, you'd like you can, but you can't like direct it at them. This is a cross cross like if I interrupt, ye, if I interrupt wh somebody's sharing, or if I go to my share and I'm like this, fuck, you know, we're like I've never you know what I mean.
Like, there's this comedian named there's this comedian named Greg Roguel and I think he did this joke on an episode of Louis or maybe I just saw him do the joke. I don't know, but he has this joke about Tiger Woods where he's like, you know, they're they're on the news calling Tiger Woods a sex addict. These were beautiful women he was having sex with. Now, if he was having sex with like a dead chicken, I'd be like, wow, that guy is addicted to sex.
Yeah.
When when I went to treatment, they were asking me about like my sexuality and like promiscuity and stuff. I was like, well, I'm pan sexual, and I guess it's like you know, when it comes to like sleeping with somebody. I literally told my therapist, I'm like, if somebody's down to clown, we're going to the circus, you know, fucking interesting. I'm gonna get mine, And she was like, I think you might be a sex addict.
If someone is down to say that again, if someone is down to clown, I'm going to the circus.
Yeah.
If somebody's down to clown, we're going to the circus.
Yeah. I mean I've lived a lot of my life like that too. Does that make someone a sex addict?
I mean, are you preoccupied with sex or like relationships?
What is preoccupied? Man?
Like, if you think about it often for more than like thirty seconds at a time.
Do I think about sex for more than thirty seconds at a.
Time multiple times throughout the day?
Probably do? Is that not normal?
I mean I thought it was.
How many? What's defined multiple?
I don't they like never told me like an exact number. But it's like, if I'm preoccupied with it.
Is that? Well? You know what's about is the thing I saw some TikTok that was like, uh, humans are our only biological derivative is to have sex. I mean, if there was truly a god, like, the only actual meaning of life is to have sex. Like that's the only like inherent one, So it makes sense. Yeah, that's the only that's the thing that our bodies are hardwired to do, is to We're biological programmed for the meaning of life being to eat and to have sex and reproduce.
That's our like biological hardware or whatever programming. So of course it's gonna take up, you know, a lot of brain space, is it not?
Yeah? I think? So?
Are you thinking about sex right now?
I mean we're talking about it.
But like are you thinking yeah, well we're talking like, are you like thinking about it in like a horny way?
Oh?
No, okay, me neither, but I you know, I was. We are talking about it, yes, which is a step above thinking about something. Is talking about something. If I talked about sex multiple times a day all the time, that would probably be a lot.
Yeah.
Hmm, okay, let me think, Let me think, Let me think, Let me think. So, what's the future plan for you, sir?
The future plan?
Hmm?
Like just in general or like with this subject.
Let's start start with with this subject and then we can go into general.
So with this subject, I feel like it would be good for me each focus more on myself and not just like trying to get some tail or, you know, like trying to find somebody to to fill the hole within myself that I need to, ye know, do on
my own. You know, like they say, you can't love somebody until you truly love yourself, because they come, they become like my whole world, Like I do the whole like insist treatment, which probably isn't a good thing because then it's like if they if I like, like if I lose them, I lose like a part of myself, which is a healthy.
Yeah yeah, I know, but like, isn't that fucking that's so stupid, you know. Uh, I'm I'm sorry to react so strongly, but uh yeah, but it's like, of course that's it's so it's the one thing. And I was talking about this, I was rantic about this on the
podcast recently. But it's so stupid to be like that's not healthy because it's like, you know, it's like saying like, oh, if my wife died and left, if my wife left me or cheated on me or died, I would feel like losing a part of myself and that's not healthy. It's like, well, it's fucking yea, this is life, you know, it's supposed to I think, I think, I don't know, there's something about like therapy and about psycho whatever and about you know, there's something very sterile in all of this.
Do you know what I mean? Do you are you picking up what I'm saying, Like I need to have a perfect emotional whatever with everything, And it's like life is not sterile. It's beyond our attempts to sterilize it with therapeutic whatever. That's at least how I feel in this moment. So I think it's I don't know if
there is a correct way to love. There's things that are glaringly unhealthy and glaringly toxic, but then there's things that are just like, well, yeah, you form a connection with someone because of oxytocin or whatever, and when they are no longer there, it sucks, you know, And when they are there, it is good and there's no and a lot of the emotional sterilization is just attempting to tempting to avoid the sucks part. But yeah, I mean
that's that that doesn't happen. You know, there's no reason to believe that you should be exempt from things occasionally sucking, you know. I mean, yeah, I.
Guess what I would like an example it being unhealthy. So like I was with this girl for like four and a half years, and I was like saving up her ring and stuff and it didn't work out, you know, Like I was using at the time, and like she's just like I can't do this. She actually she like was prepared to leave me, and then like stayed with me like through like the first time that I tried to get sober, which shows like she actually really cared.
And then when we ended up splitting up, I was gonna like use the money that I saved for the ring to go to Peru and go to like an Iowas to retreat, but before I got my passport, I releft m So it's like it's, you know, is somebody such a big part of you that you're gonna I don't know, self sabotage or you know what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, like you like the concept of like you're filling a hole, and it's like, well, if it's not this lady, then it's gonna be fucking drugs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll fill the hole with another hole.
Yeah yeah. Uh it's weird, make it. I mean, uh, you know, we all I don't want to get to and I don't think that this is a bummer. But it's like, aren't we all kind of filling a hole? In some sense? Is in a lot? Is in a lot I'd love to have. I really would love to talk to more. Uh, you know, get alternative perspectives on this from you know, whatever philosophy douche bag people there are. But uh, I mean, isn't a lot of life filling a hole? I mean, like our like is having friends,
Filling a hole is getting is achieving things. Filling a hole is like working out, filling a hole, having kids, having like like all these like positive things. It's all filling a hole of some kind. Yeah, everyone, Yeah, and and so I guess it's just about filling the hole with as much things that are considered positive instead of negative so that you look back on your life and you enjoy it. But yeah, you know it feels a little complicated. I guess.
Yeah, life's the trip.
What's your name again, Sterling? Sterling? Sterling, Sterling, Sterling? How did you feel about this phone call? Sterling?
I was stoke that I actually got on mm hmm.
You're you're you're a good guy, Sterling. I like you. You seem like a nice fella.
Thank you Mike Boy's gig.
Hmmm, I'm trying to is anything I'm trying to think if there's anything else? This was an interesting thing. Do you feel like you'll you'll be able to like have do you do you feel optimistic about your ability to kind of work on your sexual relationships and have them be more healthy to your to your definition?
Yeah, I think so, Like if I actually try to start working on it.
Would you ever have would you ever have sex with a dog?
No?
Okay, that's good. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good thing to do. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go starling?
Hmmm. It's better to be a dopeless hope addict than a dopeless than a hopeless dope addict, and don't do drugs. Oh?
I like that?
Say that way, hopeless. It's better to be a dopeless.
A dopeless hope addict than a hopeless dope addict.
A dopeless hope addict and a hopeless dope addict.
I like that.
I like that. She put down a shirt or a fucking bracelet or whatever.
Yeah, a bumper sicker.
Thanks for calling Sterling. I appreciate you word.
Thank you, Geck.
They came in. Likewise, that was sterling slow sex love opiates women. I stole the feel like, Yeah, no, that all that all makes sense. I think it's bad to have sex with dogs. I'll say that on the record.
Hello, Hello, where's your shirt?
Where's my shirt?
Yeah?
Where's your shirt?
Jessica? What's up? How you doing?
Man?
How's life?
I don't do one all right. I decided to call in today because I figured you'd be interested in my story on nineteen And to put it simply, I'm going blind.
You're going blind?
Yes, So, I have a rare genetic condition called Stargart disease. It affects one in ten thousand people worldwide, and it basically like I'm losing my central vision. So it's supposed to deteriorate over time until all I really have is peripheral. But my perferal vision could go to So.
How do you know I'm not wearing like a skin color.
Shirt because I have Well that's a good question. But anyway, I have a lot of functional vision at the moment, so I can see a lot of things, but I have a hard time reading, recognizing faces and things like that.
You know, but what, yeah, go ahead.
The thing is I got bullied in high school because people didn't believe me.
Whoa what.
Well, first of all, people would say, oh, yeah, she pretends to be blind because my vision will fluctuate. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. And I would use a white cane to get around sometimes, and people say, oh, yeah, she doesn't use a cannel all the time. She's pretending to be blind, or like I knew her, you know, because I got diagnosed at thirteen. I didn't always know I was going blind. Something was wrong with my vision,
but I didn't have the tools to help me. So people are like, yeah, I knew her before, and she wasn't blind before. People would step in front of me, throw things at me, you know, the usual.
Wow, crazy crazy. So what are so? You're nineteen us?
Are you?
Are you going to school? Are you? What are you doing now? I assume you've graduated high school? Right? What are you doing now?
Yeah? So I took a gap year to kind of figure out what I wanted to do, especially like things that I could do. I want to like two different Like I don't know if you ever hear there's like camps and stuff for people. I feel like there's like a camp for kids with epilepsy and shit like that. I went to two blind camps, camps for blind kids, and that's kind of where I found that I can be a nurse, which is something that I wanted to do. So I'm going into a nursing program in December.
Cool. Cool? Yeah, is that something that you think your condition will affect your ability to do.
In a way.
I'm only going for my LPN, so that's a step above a CNA and a step below and aren So there might be some things that I won't be able to do, like give an IV or take blood, et cetera. But not all nurses that have to perform those functions. I mean you should know how. But as long as I get through the school, I spoke to someone from the board of nursing, as long as I graduate from the program, I can become a nurse.
Cool. Cool hmm. So what's your situation like at home? Like, are your parents helping you out? And you like, is everyone supportive and whatnot?
Yeah, my parents are very supportive, so are my brothers. You know, I can't drive, so My parents are always, you know, open to giving me rides wherever I need to go. I have a pretty good support system, I'd say, I have some blind friends to so that helps.
Really, where'd you meet these other blind friends?
Blind camp?
Blind camp? What's I got to know everything about blind camp?
Yes, I'd love to tell you. So the first one I went to, and I never knew this was a thing. So I got diagnosed when I was thirteen, and that was COVID. And then I went back to school and I had a vision teacher to teach me things like brail and whatnot. But she told me about these blind camps. I'm like, what on earth are you talking about? And I found out that through government funded organizations like the Center for the Blind and Visually Appaired at least that's
what's in my state. I live in Pennsylvania every summer and there's a camp at the CBBI Center where kids go for free and we spend about like three weeks in dorms and we learn things like how to navigate the world, you know, with vision loss. So we learned kitchen skills, technology skills, communication skills, career skills, do some braille orientation and mobility, and also we do fun things on the weekend.
What kinds of fun things do you guys do on the weekends?
Oh my god, So I forget what the place is called. It's like you go and it's like it's called medieval Times.
I think, oh, you guys, the medieval times.
Yeah, some people were pissed off. The completely blind kids were kind of pissed off because they couldn't see anything, but the food was good.
Well there, I mean, I mean, you know, what what do you what are you gonna do? I guess you could go to like a fucking orchestra or a concert or something something more auditory than Medieval Times. Yeah, the blind No, Actually, the blind kids have a point. They've got a point. What the fuck is the point. It's like saying, hey, we're gonna go I'll go see a movie or something.
Oh we did?
Why?
Well, So for blind people, you can request special headphones that tell you what's going on in the movie. Every movie has it. It's called auditory description that you can turn on, so it tells you what's happening in the movie.
Basically, Wow, No, okay, I knew about that, But is that like a thing that you just can go to any movie theater and request.
Oh yeah, my brother works at a movie theater too, so I mean, most of the time the headphones don't work, so I need someone next to me to tell me what's going on. But they do have that.
M What movie did you see?
It was the live action of the Little Mermaids. That's the one that I saw. We had two choices. I don't remember what the other choice was. I don't I don't remember what with that at the time, but that's what I decided to see. It was all right, it was good.
Uh so, what did any drama ever go down in blind camp?
This one necessarily no, But then one I went to at Penn State, we definitely had drama. So that was the following year. It was ten days long. You know, it's learning how to navigate college life. And my roommate was the most insufferable person. Insufferable person on this planet, I believe.
Really.
Okay, so my roommate, oh my god, her name is Ada, but she always told us to call her this name, and I don't remember what it was either. But at first, you know, we were all understanding that she's on the spectrum. I'm on the spectrum too, so I understand being socially awkward, not understand social cues and whatnot, maybe being a little annoying. But this girl pissed me off so bad. Okay, let me tell you one of the things that she did. I remember we were talking, so she has a lot
of provisions, a lot worse than one. And I remember she was telling me, well, well, you're lucky. You're lucky you get to see better than me. You know that. Why would you say that to me? Why would you say that to me? I remember I was doing my makeup in the dorm and everyone's waiting on me. So my friend asked, hey, like, ado, where Jessica. She's like, she's putting on her face paint or whatever. I don't
like makeup or something. I don't know. That wasn't all of it, though, I'm trying to remember, because I like the thing is, I remember that feeling of how irritating she was, but it's kind of hard to recall like everything that she did, so I'm gonna be.
There are a hierarchy of in terms of like, like, are like the most popular kids at blind camp? Are they the more blind kids or the less blind kids?
Like?
Who know the funny ones.
The funny ones is there? There's no like uh uh cast system based on who is more or less blind.
I mean, like some of us are, okay, not a social hierarchy. I got a little confused there. So some kids are more, some kids are completely blind, some kids can see shadows. It really depends. Some kids have spots in their vision, some kids have tunnel vision. Your vision, I think needs to be a certain amount of terrible to get in, and I get it. I got in both of them. Yeah.
Mmm, do you still hang out with anyone from blind Camp? They still talk to any of them?
Oh?
Yeah, my friend Wendy, she's sleeping over tomorrow night. I believe she has a stigmatism, which is when you're like eyeballs or not shaped the right way, and the stagnus, which is when your eyeball is constantly like shake back and forth. So that's that's her blind story. But I only ever met one person with my disease, because it's that rare, because one in ten thousand. You hear that, but I looked it up because I'm terrible with statistics
and numbers. That's point zero one percent of the population worldwide. Mm I you know, it's it's a it's a pretty lonely feeling. Not gonna lie, but you know, my friend Wendy's coming over tomorrow, so that's cool.
Hm hmmm.
I'm trying to think if I have any other any other questions about blind Camp. Is it true that your other senses start to become stronger.
Not unintentionally. You have to learn those things yourself. It's not like you go blind and suddenly you have a heightened sense of touch, smell, hearing. You have to learn to utilize those things in such a way on your own.
And have you done that with any of your other senses?
Yeah? I would touch. Learning brail is really hard because you, like, look at it, it is so small you can barely know what you're feeling. When I first started learning braille, I was like, what is this? What is this? Because I just couldn't tell what letter was what. It's actually really difficult, but eventually you get used to it. As far as me hearing goes, I can never tell what anyone's saying, but that's just because I suck at the auditory processing aspect of it.
What do you want the people listening to this podcast to know about being blind? That maybe they haven't thought about before.
I'm going to This is the part where I'm probably going to talk a lot. This is why I wanted to get on here. Oh okay, Yeah, so I did say that I got bullied in high school because people did not believe me. You don't understand my high school had thirty. Let me go back with this number, like it's a really big high school.
Hold on, I'm sorry, your high school thirty? What?
Hold on?
Huh?
I need to look at the exact because I'm on the spot right now, you know.
Yeah, thirty thirty thousand, no.
Not thirty, Okay, three thousand, two hundred and ten students.
That's pretty crazy for a high school. That it's a lot.
And to feel like I had that entire school going up against me was a lot. I didn't know who I could trust. There was this one girl that I thought I trusted, you know, we grew up knowing each other. She had heard everything I had to say in class. I had this one class. It was a small class. It was like emotional support, math or something. I don't know. Anyways, she heard all the things that I had to deal with, and still she went behind my back and told people. Yeah,
she actually does pretend to be blind. So I found her in the hallway one day and I was pissed off. I swung at her and well, I missed, And so you know, what does that tell you? Ignorance when it comes to disabilities like this can do a lot of damage. I in my senior year, I had really thought about taking my life because I couldn't deal with it anymore. The constant harassment, people going behind my back, who I thought I could trust in spreading this rumor. It was awful,
It really was. I felt like I felt like an amusement, a circus class. People would laugh at me in the hallways, take pictures of me, take videos of me, like I was some zoo animal. It was. It was ridiculous.
And how did you feel once you graduated a lot better?
I didn't have to deal with that anymore. I mean, there's still people saying those things about me. But what am I gonna do? You know, I still live in my hometown. I'm only nineteen. I can't get away from these people. But I just I hope that one day these people that harass me will realize what they had done and that blindness is a spectrum. There are all different kinds of blindness. It's not you're blind or you're not,
or you wear glasses or you don't. Right, I'm losing my central vision and that's something I have to live with on top of the bullying that I dealt with.
Are you optimistic for the future in general?
I definitely am great. I think my past might haunt me forever, but that's okay because going into this nursing program, I feel right about it. I feel like this might be the best thing for me.
In what way do you feel like the past will haunt you forever?
I graduated two years ago and I still think about it all the time. The bullying that I dealt with it was really bad. I mean, like I just every time I passed by I could hear people talking about Not every time, but you know, the paranoia that set in with these kinds of things, going around and feeling like no one would believe you. On top of being recently told that I was going blind. People didn't believe me and they were not nice sometime in trust me.
Just things like that, there's emotions they stick with you for a long time.
M Do you feel like you have a pretty good community with I mean, you know, both both your friends from blind Camp and other friends.
Yeah, I do. I don't have a lot of friends outside of blind Camp. That is a whole nother story. I lost them my friends in high school. But yeah, I mean my blind friends are you know, people that I can fall back on, lean on. But I feel like no one else understands me.
Mm hmm.
Pretty weird people.
Yeah, in what way?
Okay? So between my boyfriend and I, my boyfriend's watching this live stream right now. Oh my god, say hi Eden, say hi to him? Please?
Is he here?
Yes?
Oh? Does he want? He can say hi if he wants.
No, I'll say, you say hi to him. He's watching the live stream.
Oh wait, you said what you're saying me say hi to him?
Yeah?
I don't even. I don't even is he like here here? I mean, like, is he with next to you?
No?
Oh, well, if if he's next, I'll say, I don't know if he's next to you.
It's okay. It's the privilege to be acknowledged by the gecko. Anyhow, the nine eleven jokes went crazy at the second line Camp. I want to I don't know what that was about to be honest, I feel like that.
Go ahead.
So when we first all met each other our first day at the Penn State camp, we have this objective. We all got got put into groups and we were given like these I don't remember what they're called. They're like rods and stuff. You put them in the whole kids play with them. It's it's really hard to explain, but if you saw it, you know what I'm talking about. But anyways, it's a group activity, who can build the
tallest tower whatever. My group kind of got sidetracked and started building the twin towers, the plane and the Pentagon.
Interesting. Interesting today? Get today? I get mad at you guys.
No, I mean, no, you weren't even.
Alive when nine to eleven happened.
No, I was.
You aren't even alive? Nope, I don't think. I don't think it was, are you. I don't think. Are you saying that nine to eleven wasn't your idea?
Well, that wasn't my idea either.
I think it was how did you meet your boyfriend?
So he used to work at it nifty fifties? You know what that is? Right? He's little restaurant's supposed to be like the fifties or whatever.
No, I know, I don't know a place called uh chea burger chea burger, but I don't know a nifty fifties.
So it's basically like it's like imagine kind of like it's to sit in. It's like a burger joint, fast food place, kind of saying restaurant, but it's supposed to be themed like the fifties. Anyways, I went there with my friend Natalie, she's on my friend anymost fucked that bitch, but I'll get into that in a moment. But anyways, I saw him. He was my waiter, and I thought he was cute, like you know, he got He was close enough so I could actually see his face, and
I thought he was cute. So I left my number and he texted me and we started going on dates from there. And it's like a year and a half later.
So why don't you Why don't you like this lady that you just said you don't like?
Oh my sorry, So Natalie, I remember in my second blind camp, I was flaming this bitch, but I decided to talk to her again after her mom died. But she when I say secret animas, So do you like some friends are not your friends. This girl was jealous of me before I met Aiden. I'd be talking to other guys and whatnot, and she would see if she could talk to them too, or she'd be like, oh my god, call lease share him.
Okay, okay, what will do?
Is that appropriate behavior?
Right?
And and this is a person who used to be your friends?
Oh? Absolutely? I just like.
And this is what? When when did you stop being friends with this girl? Like when you were seventeen or something?
Then?
Yeah, okay, well listen, here's let me tell you something. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna act like a fucking I'm gonna go you know what. You know what, everyone, I'm going unk mode from now on, no more being, no more of this passive bullshit. I'm going straight up unk mode. I refuse to not Okay, here's what I'm
gonna do. I'm gonna go uncomode. Listen, here's the thing you're gonna One day, You're gonna you're gonna be uh an old lady, and you're gonna realize that when you were seventeen, not only were you incredibly immature and stupid, but everyone around you was incredibly immature and stupid. Not your fault that you're incredibly immature and stupid, but the fault of the fact that you're seventeen and you're in
high school. And so I'm gonna tell you something. You can either recognize that and let go of your anger now. You could do it when you're in your fifties, or you could hold on to it forever and die. So she is, yeah, do you still hang out with her?
No?
She she's two hours away now, but she keeps harassing me in any possible way she can find.
What do you I don't what is she in your life? Or is she what do you mean? What do you mean?
Like?
Is she your friends?
I don't want her to be my friend. She thinks we're friends, and that's like fucked up of me to do.
I'm aware, Okay, all right, wow.
So I finally stopped talking to her when she told me that she would never date a blind person. That's too far for her. She draws the line because she wants them to be able to see her and what she looks like.
And she said, hold on, all right, all right, okay, I'll I'll let you finish.
She said, I already have a hard time being friends with you because you're losing your vision, because I want you to see me. I have a hard time staying friends with you because of that.
The second, that's a stupid thing to say, But saying that they want that, that she wants to not date another blind guy, it's totally fair. I'm gonna say that's totally fair.
She said that to.
The wrong person, you know, I it's okay to think that. Some I just felt as though that was an inside thought.
I I feel like, if you're well, it's superb because I think if I were blind, i'd want to date a non blind person because too, if we're both blind, then you know you're the blind leading the blind. You know that expression absolutely at least one person. I think it's helpful. It's helpful for at least one person to not be blind. I think it's a it's a strong
logistical play that she's talking about right now. I don't think she should be faulted for it, but I no, I agree it was a dick move to say that that you that she doesn't want to be friends with you because you're blind. That was a dick move. But I don't know. I don't know anything about this lady that you are friends with that you hate. She could be She's probably fine, she's probably fine. You're I'm sorry, She's probably fine.
It's not that probably.
But but but anyway, fuck, give me your name one more time. Jessica, Jessica. And and you know what, you're fine too. You're gonna go into medication and you can go into nursing. It's gonna be good. You know it'll be It'll be good, It'll be good. Well, what was your experience of this phone call? How did this phone call feel to you? Was this helpful in any way?
Was this anything? Was this anything? I'm sorry, I'm today, I'm I'm today is a fucking weird ass to day and I'm and I'm just I don't know if I'm doing this well today, but I but I but I I'm doing it. Go ahead.
You kind of put some things into perspective for me. As far as you know, my relationship with Nattalie, we're all fucking immature. In the end, it doesn't completely matter. I mean, as long as we are treating each other with basically respect, that that is what matters. At the end of the day. You know, it's not something to whip my head off over, you know.
Okay, good, good, well, Jessica, is there anything else you want to say to the people as a computer before we go?
Yeah, just you know, everyone be nice, to be nice to disable people. I feel like people are either overly nice or they are overly ignorant. You know, two things can be true at the same time. Also, but I just don't want someone else to go through what I went through as far as the bullying goes, you know, keep an open mind.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jessica. I appreciate it great.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
From Jared. Hello, Hello, what's up.
How's it going?
Man?
That's too bad? Honestly pretty good? Low key pretty good?
Why is it going low key pretty good?
I don't know, Like I would say, like, the past three years has been pretty great. I've had some pretty good opportunities to travel the world, and like I was actually recently able to accomplish a really big dream something that like I've been working towards two for the past like and I wanted to say, like three and a half four years.
Oh shit, I lay it on us man.
Okay, yeah, I mean, like the big dreams that like actually happened was I visited. I visited New York City like for the first time, like in twenty nineteen and ever since then, I was like, fuck, I need to be here, like this is like the place I want to live. And I recently got a job offered to start there in like June, and I was living there over the summer as well, and it was such a good experience.
Cool, cool, cool, what what what job?
I'm basically just another corporate live at a bank.
You gonna get to live You're gonna get to live in New York.
Though, Yeah, that's a big thing. It's it was like so surreal over the summer because it's like wow, like I finally accomplished this dream and like I yeah, I just was not something I actually expected to actually happen, because I don't know. But like right now, I'm just kind of like, I what else is the next That's kind of what I've been struggling with.
Interesting, Okay, so well let's talk because where in New York are you?
So right now? Actually right now, I'm not living in New York. I'll be in New York. I'll be back in New York like in the summer because right now, I'm in a grad program, so I'll be back when I once I finished your program.
Oh wait, you'll be back. Oh wait, you're you're You're going to New York in the summer of next year.
Yeah, yeah, like full time jobs. Yeah, and then this past I was in the city. Just do an internship over the summer.
Oh okay, all right, so you are going to Okuess you don't live in New York, but you are guaranteed a job that will allow you to live in New York in about.
A year exactly.
Yeah, okay, very cool. Where do you want to live there?
It depends on the market, but like, ideally I would love to live in the East Village again because that was such a good experience for a few reasons. I mean, the restaurants a were great, the bar seiers there is great. The age there is a little too young for me maybe, but like I would STI love to live there.
How old are you?
I am in my late twenties, Okay, I remember when I first visit in East Village was like relatively I mean, I could be wrong, this is just from my own perspective, but like when I first was there, I felt like the East Village is more for like mid to late twenties, while like I don't know, neighborhoods maybe Murray Hill and like Hips Bay was more for like real post undergrad type vibes there. But now it's like getting younger and younger.
I feel like, yeah, you think have you seen yeah, have you seen that in your experience so far?
I totally. I mean there's certain parts, like a Lower east Side is like huge, you know, like a lot. I mean, like you know, NYU kids are all over the Lower east Side, But you know, I don't know. That's the funny thing, right, is because those kids, like I guess I don't know how many of them when they get out of like college age, are going to
stay in New York City. So it seems like that it's just going to keep being like a rotating a batch of eighteen to twenty two year olds just kind of like coming in and out.
Yeah. Yeah, that's I feel like that's always been like the tradition of like those specific neighborhoods in the city, just because like of how crazy it is, Like I know, there's like a big like controversial thing too of like how people are fluctuating, like you said there's a lot of turnover in the city because of like how hectic it is, and like you know, there's like a very few like real New Yorkers. But that's a whole different thing, I feel.
Like, And you said that the past three years have been really really good. Why have the past three years been really really good?
I've had some I mean, I consider myself really lucky and really blessed to have opportunities to travel the world. And like I get took my first year of trip back in like right when I graduated undergrad and like I've been addicted to go and like growing abroad and like seeing the world since then, and like every year I've had the opportunity to go abroad and it's been
such a great experience. And like a few of the past two years I've been able to like build a multiple trips to different countries, so that's been like even even great, and like you know that on top of like you know, actually accomplishing dream, it's been like such a great time and like I don't know, the I just yeah, super appreciative of like what I've been able to see, the places I've been able to go. And then like I have plans to keep on traveling as well.
Nice, Nice, Nice. Where else do you want to go?
Actually my groad trip, I've been trying to plant it out. I want to go to Vietnam and Southeast Asia. I really want to do the I could be pronounced it incorrectly, but I really want to do the ha Gian Loop. I know it's like really popular, but like I've seen videos on like TikTok and Instagram. I's like I need to experience like that looks beautiful, Like that's something I just really want to go.
Cool. Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I think, you know, of all the things that I the older I get and the more I've kind of achieved in my life, the more apathetic I actually become towards a lot of things. The amount of things that I truly care about has gone has gone down over the years, which which has pros and cons. I think that a man is rich in proportion to the amount of things he's he can afford to let alone. You know that phrase, Yeah, I kind of agree with that.
I mean, like, yeah, the less you're able to care about, the more rich you are, just because like you can afford to not care about certain things. Is that kind of like what you're getting at.
Well, a little bit, I was gonna say. But the thing that I'm like, I know for a fact I'm gonna want to keep doing this is traveling for sure. I mean, I don't think that's something I don't think I'll ever stop doing, at least until you know. I have a list of places that I still really want to go. There's probably a lot of places around the world that I'll die not having gone to. Like, I don't know, I mean, let me look at a map here.
I'm gonna just start lifting. I'm just gonna start listing off countries that I never need to go to.
I hope you don't put anybody off doing that.
Well, it's not about I mean, like where I like, I don't know, am I ever going to go to Belarus? Maybe I'll go to Belarus, I don't know. I'm trying to find a country. I'm really trying to find a place from, Like I don't think I'm ever going to go there. I want to go to Alaska.
What about like Antarctic?
I would love to love to go to the Antarctic. I'll probably never go to Turkmenistan. I'll probably never go to. Uh actually, you know what. I'm looking at a map and I'm like, I actually the actually want to go to I want to go to Peru. I'm like, all right, there's actually not as many places as I thought that I would do that I'll die never going to because
I want to keep going places exactly. I want to see what's I know, Russia is a whole thing right now, but maybe when they're not, it'd be it'd be interesting to see what's going on there. It's fucking huge, look at it.
Yes, I have that conversation the end of day about Russia. I was like, you know, I would consider going there, maybe like a few years after conflict ends, but you know, who knows it.
Yeah, I'd like to see Moscow. It's just it just seems like such a interesting place where it's sucking cold and crazy and I don't know, I don't I don't know anything about it. I don't know any fucking thing about anything. But uh, yeah, I don't know. That's the
one thing. Like there's a lot of things where I'm there's a lot of things where I'm like, I don't need to do that, you know, Yeah, I know, And I'm not just like in like whatever, skydiving or like when someone's like you got to go to this restaurant, I'm like, I'll I don't need to do that ever, ah, or like a party that is that I don't. There's a lot of things nowadays where I'm like, I just
don't fucking need to do that. But the one thing I'll just continue to do is yeah, traveling and seeing stuff. So uh, I'm with you on that. I think that's just cool. So did I don't? Did I ask her already what places are all on your bucket list?
No? But like right now would be like mostly Southeast Asia. I'm like, I haven't. I've been to almost I've been to like so, I've been to Europe, I've been to Asia, and I've been to South America and obviously live in North America, but like I just haven't been to Africa yet, which sucks because like I don't know when I'll be able to do that, like after I do this like
Southeast Asia trip. It's just like I don't know where what attractions are cool and like you know, what would be like perfect, not like perfect, but like ideal, so like what I would want to see I was thinking about like maybe Mount Kilimandreuro, but I don't know when I want to do that, Like that's like different out
of the priority list. But like right now, I'm like for my graduation trip after this grad program, well, I want to do like Vietnam on Thailand and maybe like Cambodia, just because like that's a really cool part of the world.
I really want to see Cambodia. What's going on in Cambodia?
Uh like incre Watt. I think, yeah, it's like super remote, like really ancient, like a lot of history, and it's like definitely one of the bucket less items I want to see.
Mmmmm. So what is it that attracted you so much to New York that you're so stoked about living here?
That's a great question. It's pretty much everybody has asked me that, because like you can get from people from different broads of the spectrum of like loving the city life and like just have no idea or like have zero desire to live in any kind of city. It's like, so I don't know, like I went't there like right after like a graduate like undergrad, and I think it's just like it's reminded me so much of a college campus where it's like it's super lively, there's public transportation,
and there's always something going on. I think that's like the main draw of it for me. I've been around like obviously I was talking about like being around the world and stuff, but like and there's last cities around Europe and Asia like that, but like, I don't know, there's just like no city that I've been to that has made me feel that I have about New York. It's really weird. But I also have like this crazy not like crazy experience, but interesting experience. It was summer.
It's where I was like, I don't know where It's just like I definitely to come back then.
What what was the experience?
This is actually one of the main things I wanted to talk about calling in So this is like I don't know, it's a crazy it's kind of a crazy story. I guess, I guess depending on how you ask. But there I'm like kind of like connected with this girl. This girl that like like our parents know each other, and like we've known about each other since we were kids. My parents like worked for her parents at a restaurant, and like ever since then we know each other. We
known about each other. We went to the same middle school, high school, and college, and we never talked until like this past summer where like, you know, she hit me up. She saw that like I was living in the city and like we actually connected and actually, like you know, I was like, wow, this guy girl is actually really cool.
You know, we're from She's also from the same hometown as me, not in the US, So there's also that crazy thing like we speak the same language, our native languages, and like, I don't know, it just looked really crazy how that kind of works out. And like ever since, like we went on like if we hung out a few times, and I was like, well, I haven't felt this way about a person in a very very long time.
And I'm just like unfortunately, I have the leaves and go back to school and I'll be back in a year. Like so yeah, like I'm just I don't know. For me, it's like it sucks about how that happened, but like that's such a crazy like thing for life to happen that way as well.
Hmmm.
Hmmm, for life to happen in what way.
Like it's I don't know, like more so just like you know, we've known about each other for so long and then like we never talked until recently when we're like adults. It felt like, I don't know, it's like a weird thing that like I might be just playing it up too much in my head, but I don't know. I felt like it's I felt like it was such like a romantic thing, like kind of low key like movie scirits. Don't want to sound corny about or anything.
Where do you live currently.
Right now? I live in North Carolina?
Okay, well with city in North Carolina. Uh.
I live in the like Raleigh Durham area.
Okay, Okay, So how are you biding your time between now and when you go back to New York.
Honestly, I've I've just been kind of chilling, just hanging out with my friends. Really, Like I've like since I have like a job offer after the grad program, I like don't really have to do too much anymore since last year is mostly dedicated to trying to find a job.
So right now, I've just been kind of like chilling and like I really put a big emphasis on like enjoying them now because, like like I said, like the past couple of years, my life's been dedicated trying to get to New York and try and just like looking
forward to that. But now that that's done and I've like achieved that, I just need to like I like kind of remember reminding myself and it's like I'm in grad school right now that like this is a very unique position that like I'm probably never going to go back to schools for this, So I need to enjoy
being in college. I need to be joy or into like in a college town being surrounded by like my friends are like within like such a close distance, because I know after this, it's not going to be like this ever again.
Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, that's the weird I mean, that's the weird thing about life is that it's very transient, and you try to make sure that you can enjoy things while you can. But also how do I say this, Like, uh, whether you enjoy it or you don't enjoy it, it passes anyway, so I guess might as well enjoy it. Yeah, can You can never you can never hold on to anything. It always escapes your grip.
Yeah, And it's I started to realize that pretty off, like relatively often when I was like being abroad and I realized, like Wow, this is a great moment, but it's you know, obviously it's not gonna last forever. I need to like just enjoy it and not worry about it at all.
What do you say your name was, sir?
I don't remember what I put when I first called in, but we'll just go with Jared.
Jared, Jared, was there anything else that you wanted to talk about today before we go?
No, Man, I honestly really appreciate your time. I mean, I've been listening to you since like I don't know, very like twenty twenty one, so it's been pretty surreal. I actually finally got on and like, I really enjoyed talking to you. It was great and like such a cool experience.
Thanks brother. Hopefully, you know, I don't know what the future is like for me and my live stuff, but you know, hopefully i'll get something going next year in New York and you can come through. It'll be fun.
Hell yeah, I would love that. I will be there if you do something in New York.
Beautiful, beautiful, take care, Jared, Good luck, Man.
Thank you, gex I'll see you.
See you.
Man goes on the line. Thank you.
Just teaching you an expert