Hello, Hey, this is Steve. How's it going on?
This has gone good? How are you doing, Steve Greed?
I'm glad to be here. I'm a huge fan.
Oh I'm a fucking fan of you, dude. Nah, Steve, Steve, Steve, what's going on with you today? Steve?
Well, I come to you, mister ghek. I like I go by froud Wood Steve on the internet, so I can kind of relate to you as a fellow Greenman. Sorry, I'm nervous.
Never here now, nervous. It's just us here on the computer.
Exactly, just us on the computer. So my problem is, I've been for the past couple of weeks now, I have been talking with this girl on the internet, and I felt like we made a pretty strong connection. But as things have gone I am feeling as if I may not be anything more than just a wallet to her.
Why do you feel that way?
Well, it seems there's times when I feel like I can only get any sort of reciprocation when or any kind of attention away from her other friends, is when I buy her something.
Okay, have you met this woman in real life before?
I have not.
Okay, what kinds of things have you been buying for her?
Well, she's into like kpop stuff, so I bought her. They have like these photo card collections that people correct, and I bought a whole bunch, a whole collection of this one girl that she's into for her. That's one thing I bought her stuff on, like video games that we play, like Legal Regions Islant. I brought a bunch of skins stuff like that.
Yeah.
I've spent probably upwards of close to one thousand dollars already.
Okay, have you ever video chatted with her?
Yes?
Okay, let me ask you this. Why do you think you are doing this?
I can give you an honest answer. I can do it. I do it because I think I'm desperate for a woman detention, and I think I cring on to the first sign of interest in any way, shape or form.
Mm hmm. Have you always been like that.
For the last few years of my life? Probably? Yeah. I think as I get older it becomes worse. Mm hmmm.
Why do you think it gets worse as you get older?
Ah, I don't have very much success meeting people in real life. I work from a home and I don't drink, so I don't like go out to bars or anything. I don't. I just it's hard to meet people in real life.
M h.
M hmm.
Would you say you have low self esteem? Where do you think that comes from?
Uh, my own insecurities as a as a human. I'm a I'm an I'm an overweight man, and self image mostly.
Mm hm.
That and I feel there hasn't been a whole lot of times in my life where I've been I've had reasons to feel confident. I feel like no one else has really had confidence in me, So it's hard to instill that upon myself. I know that I should. I just don't really know how.
What kinds of things do you think would give you more confidence?
Uh, I don't know. I'd like to see myself, you know, start losing some weight. I've been kind of doing that a little bit this year, but I think if I can, if I can knock that out, it would help my at least my self image and self esteem in that regard a little bit. But you know, they say you can't love anybody, so you love yourself, So I guess that's really what I'm working on.
Yeah, man, So this is a really this is really interesting stuff that you're bringing up here because and this is a lesson I had to learn myself that I'm telling you here is you're trying to fix an internal issue through external means, having the validation of other people, having the validation of this girl. It may fix your issue temporarily in the moment, but it's not a sustainable solution because their validation is fleeting. It is what's the
word I'm looking for. It is inconsistent and it is not a thing that you want to be dependent on. Instead of finding the solution to your problem of insecurity by trying to get other people to like you, you need to go one eighty and find that through means that are completely in one hundred percent within your control.
It is a harder and longer road because sometimes it feels like it's a it's a shorter cut to you know, pay a girl, you know, for Valoris Skins or for whatever else it is, to get her to like you. It's like, I think one of the reasons why you might feel inclined to do that is because it's a little bit of a short cut, and it's like, Okay, if I do this, then I don't have to do the internal work and walk the long road of building
internal confidence. And I get that, man. I don't think that's something you need to be ashamed of or or feel like you're an inceell for or anything like that. It's it's a really understandable impulse. But I think that if you you got to just really understand that that the only sustainable solution to your problem is to walk the long road of building internal confidence.
I agree, I I definitely recognize that obviously, Like you said, it's easier said than done, but uh yeah, I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree anymore dred percent.
It is easier said than done. Dude. When I was in college, I was like obsessed with Tinder, and I was really I was really obsessed with like trying to get validation through like you know, other people like me, you know, or things like that. And it's just it's just not the correct way of going about that. You know, you really have to find things within yourself that give you self esteem. I mean, now it's and it's weird, man, because you know you're saying you're overweight. I mean, dude,
I'm the most overweight I've been in my life. But I feel confident in myself and what gives me confidence in myself lately is that I just I know when I wake up in the morning that I fucking try. You know, that's all that matters. I don't get I don't I don't get confidence or validation from people dm ing me that you know I've helped them with this podcast, or from some girl liking me, or from any of that stuff. It's it's lately just been you know what,
fuck it. I wake up and I do the best I can with however limited of energy.
I have.
To figure stuff out to try and be nice to people, to exert some kind of energy out into the world. And if anyone wants to give me shit, go ahead. But I fucking tried. That's that's what gives me confidence, more than anyone externally telling me anything, you know, And it took it took a really long time to get
to that point. But if you can find something like that for yourself, that you can really cling to and that you can really believe in, not just like try to get yourself to believe in, but that you can poke around at all the angles and be like, no, this is true, I really I did. I tried, And that's my rock of self esteem. Then you'll just be happier man's and and I just I know from experience, so I don't know if any of that resonated with you, but.
I think very insightful shit. I think I just wanted to throw one one thing and then I kind of left this out because it's probably the biggest insecurity I have, and I don't admit it to many people, but especially the climate, and not climate, but the society, the male dominated size society we live in these days where everything's about you know, who gets the most bitches or whatever, et cetera. Like sex is a lot of big part
of this world. I'm twenty six years old and I'm a virgin, and that drives me insane a little good sometimes to think about. You know, I'm not getting any younger. My friends they all have they have families like the children I have little nephews like and it makes me sit here like I'm twenty What am I doing?
Hmm? Well, first of all, you're not. You're definitely not alone. There are lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of guys out there who are also Uh. I guess you could say, you know, virgins at an age where most people aren't. But I mean, tell me, okay, tell me more about your personal relationship with that. I want to dive a little bit deeper into that. Do you feel like an embarrassment? Do you feel you know, what is your relationship with that aspect of your life?
Yeah, it's definitely something I'm embarrassed about. I think I've only told I've only explicitly told like two or three people in my life about it, because you know, I mean, obviously it comes up sometimes. I don't feel like, you know, if I'm hanging with the boys and everyone's talking about like ill, you know, just like sex stuff, I'm just sitting there with my my sumb up my ass, not knowing any of them that I feel left out. I feel embarrassed, I feel ashamed, I feel like I'm behind.
I don't know, I feel I'll feel a lot of things about it.
M why do you feel like you're well, Okay, let me ask yourselfing take away if we could for a second, take away the boys you know talking about sex. Take away the general societal expectation that you lose your virginity at a certain age. Take away, the shame take take take it all away then just for a second, like what's important to you in your life? How does being a virgin compare to just what's important to your life in general?
Right?
Like is sex? Is it really important to you? And by the way, completely okay if the answer is yes, very but I just want to know what the answer is.
Yeah, I mean I think I mean, to be honest, something there. I don't think it's like, it's not super important to me. It doesn't define you know, who I am. I'm not out there looking to you know, stick my dick into anything that moves, obviously, but I just think it's not it's it's more of just a crutch. I guess at this point it's like a milestone that I feel like I should have reached, even until as it sounds, but I think, you know, it's not super important.
But yeah, okay, that's what I wanted to know, and it would be fine if it is. If you're like, no, I really want to know what sex feels like. I really want to like if that was your truth, then that would you know, It's totally fine. But I was just wondering if, if, if that is important to you and from what you've told me. Just now you're saying it is not.
Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, obviously I'm not gonna you know, I wouldn't mind. But it's not like it's not top priority because I'm my life.
Okay. But althoughkay, okay, But so all the other things that we've been talking about, though, finding a sense of security within yourself. That sounds like, and again, tell me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like that is important to you.
Yeah, I would like to kind of like you said, you know, when you wake up and you're confident in yourself that you're trying and you're doing your best every day. I want to I want to be able to feel that about myself.
Mm hmmmm. By I don't feel that every day. Sometimes I'm like, fuck, I was a piece of shit today, you know. But even even then, even you know what I'm I lately, my thing is, you know, even then, even the days where I'm like fuck, I just slept all day, I didn't do the things I was supposed to do. Try to be less hard on myself and just be like, okay, well that's a version of trying the best I can in a sense, in a weird way.
I'm still not working on that, but m dude, I feel like walking the path of finding security within yourself. It sounds like it's the most important thing for you to do right now. And losing your virginity I think will happen as a result of that, right, because you'll become more attractive if you're more secure in yourself.
Right.
But but you know, it's another thing, man. It's like, you know, I was just talking about like losing your virginity and sex, and well, it's just another It's just another external thing. It's just another fucking external thing that is not a sustainable way of building self confidence. I would look at it like that, It's just another fucking
external thing. Like like I don't know, dude, Say you got to a bar one day and you meet a girl and she happens to be into you, and you guys have sex and then boom, now you're not a virgin anymore. Like is that really gonna change your life? You know, like, Okay, maybe you won't feel like so whatever about being a virgin, But is that really gonna sustainably change your life for the better in a long
term way? It's not. That's the that's the truth. The only way to sustainably change your life for the better and long term way is to do all the other ship. We've been talking about it about looking inwards. So I just hope you recognize that, because because it took me a while to recognize that too.
So I think, yeah, I definitely I don't agree with that, But I think going back to the original point, then, do you think I should stop talking to this girl?
Yes, you should definitely stop talking to this girl.
Gotcha. I tried. I actually did try, but she had to me back and then I felt free to again.
Oh, I mean I did. I. Look, don't don't be so hard on yourself. I know that. You know, at the beginning you said the chat was calling you or whatever, but like you know, it's Look, it's it's tempting. Man. You have a you have this like problem, and here here is an easy solution to the problem. It's fucking fucking tempting.
Man.
Like, I get it. I'm gonna sit here and be like, I don't know why why is he doing it?
Like?
I get it, man, Like it's a tempting band aid to the self esteem problem. It's fucking tempting. I totally get it. You know, try your that's dude, try your best to resip the to resist the temptation. But when you give in, don't spiral out of control as beating yourself up. It's understandable. You're working on this thing and you're not gonna get it perfect the first time, but as long as you keep working on.
It, right well, uh yeah, that was awesome, Thank you, Thank you. Well, I really appreciate the time today.
Yeah, man, and good good luck to you. I'm I I, like I said, it's a it's a hard path and everyone kind of has their own thing that builds their internal self confidence. And it's something I'm fucking working on every day still. But you know, it's it's it's kind of I think the only way to do it. And and and good luck to you and Steve, thanks for I know this is something you don't talk to a lot of people about, so thanks for, uh you don't having the courage to talk to us about.
It, one hundred percent, it helps kind of having that. And I'm m Toby, I can't say that word that well of the internet, but you know, a huge fan of the therapy gected watching you for a while, so figured i'd give it a shot and see if I can get on.
Hey, thanks, Steve, talk too soon, take care a while. Let's see. Yeah, everything I was talking to Steve about is the thing that took me a while to realize. I feel like there's there's and and everyone this. I don't think this is specifically like, you know, a guy issue. I think this is just a general human being thing, like the struggle for finding internal validations so that you're not looking to other people or to events or you know whatever, sex or likes on the internet or whatever,
whatever the fucking thing is for validation. It's a struggle that a lot of people have, and I'm not a master of it by any means. It's something I've been struggling with for a while. Everyone has that struggle to some degree, and it's hard. It's really hard to build that internal rock. But I think the first step to it is to is to snap the fuck out of the mindset of Okay, well, if I finally have sex, i'm not a virgin, then I'll feel validated, you know.
Or Oh, if I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I'll feel validated. Oh if I make this thing on the Internet, and lots of people tell me every day how much they they love this thing. I'll feel validated. It's it's just not. It doesn't fucking work like that.
It really doesn't. And I've been really lucky to kind of be able to experience all the things that I thought would make me feel validated if I were to experience them, because that, for me, was the only way to then realize, oh, okay, that's not the answer to then go back and go okay, you actually have to, as I was just talking to Steve about do the
one eighty and look within for for validation. You know, I'm grateful for that, but if I can tell you now, you know, if you the first is to realize you're not going to find it anywhere other than within. You are on a wild goose chase. Otherwise, all right? That was That was That was my little gecko talk. That was my little gecko talk. Sometimes I forget that I'm streaming and I just talk to myself. Thank you again, Steve. Hello, Hello, how are you h what's going on?
How are you?
I am? I'm a gecko, You're a gecko. What's going on with you?
Nothing? I'm just showing in bed, I was smoking waiting again on the show hopefully the weed of course.
How how stone are you right now?
To be honest with you, I'm not really that stoned. I smoke every day. So more so like, let's chill and see if I get on the show.
Okay, you know I wanted to. I'm gonna. I know you have a thing you want to talk about it, But I want to ask you this real quick. How how does smoking weed make you feel? Because I feel like it affects everyone super differently, and I have my own way that it makes me feel, and it's I'm very interested in how how differently it affects people.
Well. To be honest with you, I've been smoking every day for the past four years, I'd say, like consistently, sure, so to be honest with you, it's not so much of a like, oh, like I'm so big, like I don't even know how to handle myself. It's not like a drug to me. It's more so like, let's just chill, smoke a bowl, calm down. It just calms everything down. Like that's really the best way.
Well, I feel like after getting high every day for four years, it's it's almost like it's your baseline.
Yeah, basically, I mean even in my fucking license photo, we got might be bigged in there. So if I get BIGGD colled over out looks the same in my license photo.
You know what. I I want to say that that's a smart move, but I feel like that would be responsible of me to say, so I'll imply it indirectly. Autumn, what's that? What's what's going on? How how can I get you today?
Well, I am in love with somebody that I met less than a month ago, and I truly believe that it's love it first night. And I know it kind of sound stupid, but.
Yeah, what makes you believe that it is love at first sight?
Well, to think about it though, is like I truly believe in like human connection and like soul connections, twin flames, soulmates, all of that. Like I can feel somebody's energy while talking to them, I can read somebody's body language like the whole fucking nine yards, And it's like, just with this one specific person, I've never felt more of a like a connection almost like I really don't I really do know how to describe it, Like the first time I hugged him when I first met him, like it
was unreal. It's there's no words to describe it. That's why I feel like love at first sight is really a true thing when I don't have any words to describe it.
Is this something that you felt before?
No, that's the thing. I've never felt it before. And now there has tea and we've had like long conversations about this too.
So so are you It says here that you are planning on getting married to this guy.
Yeah, So that's something that really caught my mind because it was kind of a joke, like I had like a bunch of rings on and I put my left hand out and my left hand didn't have a ring finger, I mean a ring on my ring finger. And I was like, oh, look it's missing something. As a joke, you know what I mean, like saying that like it's missing a wedding ring. I joke all the time. I'm a fucking sarcastic person. And he kind of looked at me differently, and I was like, what, you actually want
to get married to me? And he was like that wouldn't be a bad option though, And I was like, wait, would you actually like like we kind of just like got into a full conversation about it, and we realized, like, no, like I would actually get married to you, Like I've never felt this type of emotion towards somebody, The type of energy towards somebody, Like it's undescribable. That's the problem, because there's no way to like actually put it into words.
So it is an indescribable energy that you are feeling. What exactly are you looking for? Let me let me rephrase this question. Why is love important to you?
If I'm being truly honest, I feel like I never received it in the way that I've always wanted to receive love like past relationships. Wise, I'm not talking about like my family, like my mom or grandparents or any of that type of shit. Like I'm talking about like true love, like just wanting to find my true love. And I don't know why. Maybe that's just because I've always been on like the search for it. But I hopped on bumble and I was just like, fuck it, let's go get some free dinners.
And I mean so well, so so so hold on top because I want to. I want to, I want to. I want to answer you this real quick because because you said to me that you want love in your life because you've just been searching for You've just been searching for it for so long that you haven't even stopped to think about why you're searching it or or you know, ever asked yourself that question.
Well, see, that's that's the thing, though I haven't. It's not that I haven't stopped, like I have stopped. I've stopped and really thought, like, how do I want to be treated? How do I want somebody to like really treat me in a relationship? How do I want somebody to show love towards me? How do I want somebody to truly understand me? Can they deal with my depression
and my anxiety? Like somebody who is one hundred percent the person that I imagine them to be and the person that I met, Like, he is that, and that's weird. So it's weird to find somebody who shows me true loves.
So you you have imagined this person and you say that this is somebody who is exactly who you imagined them to be. Basically, Yeah, so let me ask you this. You said you've known them for a month.
Mm hmm. That's the that's the that's the catch there.
Yeah, how long do you believe that it takes to really get to know a person.
I don't know what I mean, it really depends on like the conversation. I don't think there's really like a time limit. Like you could spend weeks and weeks working with somebody and not know a single fucking thing about them because the only thing to talk about is work, or they don't talk at all, they're not a social person.
But when like the other day we sat down and watched the stars and smoked the blunt and fucking cuddled on the beach and we were talking about life and like like goals and like it's just it's not just conversation, it's just like really really getting to know somebody. Knowing somebody's like true emotion, true feeling Like this, Sam, what else?
Tell me? What else was going on in your life at this moment?
Really?
Nothing? I mean I was going out of college, I was in a job. I was really just making money to pay for college. So it was kind of just like, oh, let's just hop on bumble and have some fun. I mean, I was in a past relationship a little before that, But okay, what was.
What was that past relationship?
Like see.
That's the thing, though, is that was really shitting probably about like two weeks, and not even two weeks two days. It was an argument after an argument after disagreement, after he didn't like the fact that I was going out with an old guy best friend who actually has a boyfriend, and I tried explaining that to him, and he said
that he could still hit on me. He didn't like that I was going out with my guy cousins, like he wouldn't like the fact that I would wear a crop top and a skirt, that it wore a lot of makeup, that I wore a big, chunky platforms, that I didn't mind yelling at somebody on the street who would say something back to me. It was very controlling, and I am not one to be controlled. I am the last person to be controlled. Immediately when it started, I mean not immediately, within like two weeks.
But well, that's good. I'm glad to hear. I'm glad to hear that you have at least a baseline of what you know is not acceptable to you in this realm. And you know, oh look it says okay, it says he you're twenty one years old. You're thinking about getting married to a guy that you met a month ago. I mean, look, conventionally, I'm sure that everybody in your life who you've discussed this with is totally telling you that that is a terrible idea. Is that correct? Yeah?
Basically okay, And you know, I'm thinking about it. I'm really thinking about I've been thinking so much lately about what the point of fucking life is in general. Is it to find love? Is it to love yourself? Is it to have an impact on the world? Is it this? Is it that every one really gets to kind of
decide in their own way what's important to them. And look, you're twenty one years old, and really at this point, the only way you could irreversibly change your life is if you went to jail, or got pregnant or got seriously injured. So look, if you want to go ahead and marry this guy who you met a month ago, I mean, look, is it a good idea? Isn't a bad idea? What does that even mean? A good idea
or a bad idea? In in this case? I mean, you kind of get to decide what's important to you, right, And so you're here and you're deciding.
That love is important to you.
You're deciding that this connection is important to you, and if you want to go ahead and map your actions at this point in your life to what's important to you right now, and then you know if later you decide that, oh, that actually is not what's important to me, Oh, this actually wasn't the great decision. You know, you can change the course. So I don't think that you're about to do anything that's completely irrational and crazy. Do I personally believe that this is going to work out forever?
I don't fucking know. I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there who've been in similar situations that have made them very happy, and really, not me or anyone else in your life can tell you for sure whether or not this is going to work out. But I think you should do you know, whatever maps to what's important to you in life right now, and know that if what's important to you changes later, then that's okay. You can always change the course.
Yeah.
I like that.
I needed that, Adam. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before.
We go.
Smunk a lot of weed? It'll help.
Thanks for calling, Autumn.
Of course, do you have a great one.
That was interesting. I feel like I'm about to repeat everything I just said, but like, I've really been thinking a lot about what the point, like I said, with the fucking point of life is. And I have a complicated relationship with relationships. We get a lot of relationship stuff on this podcast. A lot of people having problems or having whatever the opposite of problems are with their romantic life. And some people's romantic lives make them very happy.
Some people's romantic lives make them very sad. But I mean, look, if this girl goes and gets married to this guy, if she has a kid with him, that's a whole other thing. But if she just gets married to him, uh fuck man, I don't know. Maybe it makes her happy, maybe it doesn't. But if anything I think is important for her to know is that she can always change the course no matter what. So go with your gut. I suppose I don't know. Hello, Hello, Hey is this Jordan?
They say, that's right?
What's going on, Jordan?
Nothing much? Just got off from a long day at work.
What do you do for work?
I actually work at a dispensary in Baltimore.
They have dispensaries in Baltimore.
Yes, it's a medical dispensary.
Holy shit, really, because how easy is it to get the med card?
So it's honestly not that hard. You have to apply through the state and like prove that you have a medical need, and then once you apply with the state, you go to a doctor and then get certified through them. So it's like it's basically just a two part process where you get pay twice.
What is the least severe medical issue I could claim to have to get a med card to Maryland?
Honestly, I heard somebody just say back pain or headaches, even if they haven't had it like consistently. It ranges, But I think the least severe would either be like consistent knee pain or something like back pain something like that.
Yeah. I guess they can't really make you prove a headache because they can't like go into your head. Yeah, exactly, Jordan. It says here that you're haunted by one of your extra roommates. What's going on with this?
Yeah, So I had a friend from high school. We had been friends for like ten years, and she when I moved home from college, I had started dating. If somebody moved in with them, we had been friends hanging out like every couple of weekends here and there, and when my ex and I broke up, I moved back into my mom's like empty house for a little bit before I like couch hopped for a bit, and she
proposed the idea that we get a place together. At the time, she said she had an issue with her social security and I believed her just because she was a high school friend. We had been really close for a while, so she said she couldn't get her name on the leaf. So I was in a situation where I didn't really have anywhere to go. At that point, I took up a job at the teature and got the apartment, and she said that she would pay in everything, get her name Malise as soon as her social security
issue was cleared up. Six months into it, like she moved in. I let her move in without giving me anything to start, which was my mistake. I was too trusting, and she immediately took the gym fobs. She wouldn't put it back on the common hook. She took the mailbox key, she wouldn't let me have that. It got to the point where six months in she still owed me eight hundred dollars, she wasn't really paying rent on time, and
her cats were tearing the apartment up. And then I guess about four months before the end of the lease, she had almost called off was paying me out. She started acting really crazy, like I had surgery on the back of my head, and my family was over and she's fits saying they were too out and like how dare we come into the apartment like that? And then two nights later she had friends over until two in the morning on a work night for me, and very
shortly thereafter, she moved all of her stuff out. She stole my mail, a bunch of my stuff, and she abandoned the so called lease, which her name really wasn't on. I was just letting her learn. And then she used the money that she should have paid rent with and bought a new Cameron And she's continuing to take pictures for all of our friends for like graduation, baby picture's weddings with that money.
So how was this a two bedroom apartments and you just put your name on the lease for the whole thing?
Yeah?
Did she ever pay you anything?
Yeah?
So she started paying me off the eight hundred initially, and then she was she was still like owing me like five hundred dollars, but she was paying ran consistently for a bit. Then all of a sudden she stopped paying and ditched.
Interesting, So, all right, tell me what was your relationship like with this person before you moved in with her? Were you guys friends for a long time?
Yeah? So we met in our freshman year of high school, and we had been friends since then. She had been friends over ten years and fifteen years ish, and we had been like we were people who texted every day. She was the person I would text and be like, Hey, you want to go to Target. We'd jump in the car run Target. Like. She was the person I went and got groceries with. We're really close. I went to
all her family stuff. She called my brothers her brother like very intertwined, like all of our friends were the same. We were really close. And then it just flipped.
So over the course of your ten year friendship with her, it says, you're you're twenty six, you know when you're like sixteen. Has she done anything like this at all? That found her character at all? This is the first time she's she's she's kind of screwed you over.
This was the first time that she screwed me over. But I think, like I think she had more so screwed over like ex boyfriends, but never like friends or anyone close to her.
Interesting, what do you what do you think it is then that that caused this like shift in personality to do this to you.
Honestly, So the teaching job I took, she encouraged me to take that it was at the same school that she was in, but she wasn't a teacher. She was just an aide to one of the students in this school.
And I think that when I started doing well there and really enjoying it, I don't know if she just felt invaded by me working in the same place and living with her, But again, she was the one who proposed like living together after working together as well, So I'm not sure what was going on there, But I really do think it is either a jealousy aspect or I or maybe she didn't have the money and she just thought that I'd be a good person to drag into it to take advantage of because a caring though.
You know, so in the past, like have there been situations not where she's necessarily fucked you over, but where You've been generous to her, and she's maybe taken advantage of it, not that I.
Can recall honestly, Like it all really started when we reconnected once I got back from like college, and after the breakup and everything, it just she she really it came out of nowhere. I mean, I know she had some issues again with exes, but never with friends, and she was always very consistent with friends usually.
And at the end of this, did she just completely ghost you or was there a moment of explosive tension?
So she sent me a bunch of text messages and basically told me that.
Like I was the.
Reason all this was happening, and that I was inconsiderate of her. But I've reminded her again how I let her move in without paying anything. I let her pets live there when they weren't supposed to. She had people over all the time. I really kept to myself, and she was a very like as soon as anything happened in the house, if anything was off, she would immediately
blow up. So I actually, for the entire period of living there, wouldn't even go in the kitchen, Like I never cooked there once because I was afraid of anything like going wrong with her because she just had a temper.
Nothing really just fucking ruins a friendship more than living together. I've really just found then that to be true.
Yeah, I definitely regret that for sure.
Yeah, so do you talk to her at all? Still?
No?
So she blocked me on everything immediately following that, Like she literally took my mail and I had to call it the post office and they did a search and they actually found it at her own like where she was living at the time. I guess where she had moved and like, oh, yeah, your old roommate had your mail. And I still have things like missing to this day that I can't find that I know she took. But I've seen my brother has seen her. She goes into the jet's office that he works at, but she will
be real friendly with him, say hi. Nothing else. Nobody else really seems to see her besides, like my teacher friends still get photos done by her and everything.
Are is any part of you going to attempt to go after her legally or just try to find her and be like, hey, you owe me these things or you know you don't have my stuff.
I thought about it, like right now, I have a lot like going on health wise and like stress wise that I don't know if I could handle the additional stressor of it. But if it's given the opportunity when I'm a little bit more like stable, then I would love to figure out my options with that, whether it be like small Quan's cord or I don't know what that would be. But she's like, because of her, I fell for a scammer. I'm like over seventy five one
hundred dollars in debt because of it. Like I just, I was so desperate to pay off my debt that I became even more in debt. So I just I'm gonna stay under the radar for a bit until things clear up.
Yeah, no, dude, I feel you. I feel it. I feel you when like the going after a conflict or or going after retribute becomes more of a of an issue than than to just let it be, you know, especially because it is it's taxing to hire a lawyer, go to the core, gather your evidence, like really build a case, do the things. It's a whole fucking thing. And I can totally understand weighing that against just dropping it and finding that dropping it is is better for
your piece. I understand where that decision comes from. I wanted to ask you, how do you feel? Are you in like a mourning feeling at all? I mean a ten year friendship that ends like this just out of nowhere? Like how how does that feel? How are you what's going through your head about that?
Yeah?
From all of this, Like I honestly, this is something that literally haunted me day to day, like me thinking about like what did I do wrong? Like uh, going over why I let her come in in the first place without paying things, like going over every action and every thought based off of that, and then like moving forward thinking about my interactions with people. It kind of I mean, it really does haunt me because I just
don't know who I can trust. I mean I've met some really great people since they then, who understand and are a lot better friends than her. If I see any kind of sketchy behavior, I tend to dip out very quickly now. But yeah, it's constant anxiety from from that.
So you're saying that this is so you're saying that this is this is influenced, you know, not just your relationship with this person, but just your overall trust levels and weariness of being taken advantage of in general.
Yeah, because I mean, again, this is somebody that I let into my family, Like she came to all of the family birthday party, she came on vacations with us, like that was a long friendship. And she watched another one of our high school friendships dissolve and was like that, I'd never want that to happen to us. So that's something that I thought would never happen. But again, like that, that's what threw me off so much because of that
was something I never in a million years. Guest, we had literally like not on purpose, but we accidentally have matching tattoos because I got mine from my grandmother who was born on Saint Pathrick' Day and she was born on Saint Patrick's Day. So yeah, like we have tattoos that are matching.
Well well, Jordan, Yeah, it's it's just I mean, this is an interesting thing because it's like, on one hand, if for you, being generous, being trusting is just important to you as you move through life, I feel like it's, yes, it's you know, important to stay true to that, but it's hard, it's very hard to balance that with Yeah, it's important to me to be trusting and generous to people to one of my values. But also I don't want to get fucked you know. Yeah, it's really hard.
It's hard.
It's hard to balance that, it really is. I don't have a solution for that, but I you know, at the end of the day, you know, it's good that your your it's it's nice that you have that generous spirit, and I hope that you find a way to continue to tap into that in but in uh in in in maybe more calculated ways then letting people live with you without being on the lease.
Yeah, definitely.
And Hey, I'm gonna try to come see you in d C. So I hope to see you soon. I really appreciate you taking my call and everything too.
Yeah, thank you for sharing your story. And I'm hot fucking ce in d C too. That'll be that'll be crazy with the Miracle Theater, four hundred people. You can you can watch me ship my fucking pants directly on the stage as I.
Walk out right there with you, So prep yourself.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, Jordan.
No, everybody, have a good night, stay chill, have a good night.
Thanks calling.
Thanks gat kind of good night.
Yes, an interesting one. I've dealt with shit like that all the like, not dealt with but like I should, I guess possibly sometimes dealt with personally, but gotten calls like that a lot where somebody does something nice and then fucking backfires on them. And I'm trying to think like, because you can go to two ways with that, where you can go, Okay, I'm never gonna do anything nice for anyone ever again because the last time I did,
I got fucked over and I'm just done. Or you can be like, you know what, actually fuck them because they're trying to get me. They win if I do that. You know, if I stop being nice to people because this one person fucks me over, then they win. I'm not giving this person the power to change my character toe how I interact with people. I don't think either of those two options is the wrong one, but it's interesting to think about because I I really don't know.
It's a tough situation. Hello, Hello, how's it going.
I'm doing well? How are you wile?
I am okay? What's going on with you?
Heck yeah, doing good, feeling good? It's got all A bike run by I mean, it's not a run. I'm on a bike, so using a bike.
Okay, that made a little bit of sense. What's is there anything in particularly calls that you talk about.
Oh yeah, I mean a particular scenario that I found myself. I mean, I've been dating this girl for a while, it's like four weeks about a month, really cool, kicking it off, been having a good time. But every so often we hang out, ends up bringing up that she wants to punch my balls, and like, at first it was like, oh, okay, ha, like it's funny, like so
with the demeanor, the delivery awesome. But it's consistently being brought up each time we hang out, and I'm unclear on whether I should be concerned of a surprise attack or she'll respect my boundaries and say until I'm ready for such things.
Okay, you're concerned about whether or not she will just surprise attack your balls.
I mean that, and also just to carry the amount of the amount of want to put such an action into effect.
Okay, I mean, have you expressed to her that you do not want her to to punch you in the balls?
Oh definitely, yeah. Yeah, It's like, yeah, I'll say I'll let her. I told her. I was like, Man, until I feel I'm ready, I'll let you know for sure. Although John, a little surprise attack I'm having me on the.
Yeah, John, have you told her that makes you uncomfortable when she asks you to punch your balls?
Uh?
I don't. I don't know if I'm like totally put off because I enjoy hanging out with her.
John, you're calling a gecko on the internet to tell him that you're uncomfortable with this girl, Uh, saying that she wants to punch your balls?
Yeah? Yeah, I don't want my balls punched.
Okay, So you so have you really? Yeah? Have you? Have you really honestly expressed this to her honestly?
Like sit down and be like a yo, like I don't know if Oh no, I don't know. I definitely know that I don't want you to punch me in the balls right now, and so I hope you can respect that. And I'm sure she could, although like anyone else with such a desire, it's still gonna sit in the back. So it's just like keeping me all my toes is all, keeping me all my toes with it. I'm sure she could respect it. Although it's like mm hmm, there's definitely a good want to do it for sure, John.
I mean, as a gecko, do you get hit in the ball? I don't know about the getto.
Thing, John, John, are you are you genuinely afraid that this girl is gonna punch you in the balls?
I'm concerned for sure.
If she does not respect the boundaries that you have set between her fists and your balls. Mm hmm, then then she is not the one for you, John.
Okay, No, yeah, definitely that's a good it's a good way of putting it. I just hardly. I just think it's someone you're just telling me wholesomely of such a scenario because he's trying to bring it up like ha ha ha. But no one's like a yo.
No, no, no, this is you're and you're you're like passing this off as a joke, but you are you're afraid that this woman is going to find the balls? Yeah, okay, beyond just be honest with her, John, tell her that you will never be interested in that. Tell her stop bringing it up, and hopefully she will. Then you know, you reevaluate the relationship.
Most definitely, and it's a good portion of time to do that, you know, month in gouts sem my boundaries right away, Yes you do. Yeah, thank you John.
Is there anything else you want to like?
Ultimately good?
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Mm hmm that I feel like you don't get enough credit for how handsome you are ultomely.
That's very sweet that you say, especially as a good group. Thank you, ma'am.
Of course, and thank you. Take care of John, you too, have a good night, love, bye bye.
John said he was twenty six on the call screen. Anything he is not twenty six. Maybe he is. I don't know. I don't know why I said that. I don't know what a twenty six year old sounds like.
EVERYTHNK goes on the line taking your phone calls.
Every nine ever goes and I'm just teaching you the line. But he's not
Really an expert though,