Hello, Hi.
Uh is this Alex?
It is?
What is going on with you?
Dog?
I just opened some civs? What about you?
Dog?
Oh? And I have a modilo.
Is SIV is like civilization like the video game? Right?
Yeah? Have you played it?
I have. I don't really have the patience for games like that because I feel like SIV is a is a commitment, like I don't. I don't do any entertainment thing that's a commitment. Like I won't even watch a movie because I know I'm in it for an hour and a half and a game of SIV. I mean that's like three days. Right. How long is the game of SIEV last it is?
Yeah, I mean it can go on for a really long time. I'm on the second day.
I've been invited by friends before to play Dungeons and Dragons and that's just my worst fucking nightmare because it's I mean, that's a whole commitment, you know. I want to say I want to say this real thing about Dungeons and Dragons real quick, because I don't know why
I need to get this out there. A lot of the times in Dungeons and Dragons, like when like I've been with my friends and I like talked about putting a game together, and they're like, we need somebody who's like knows a lot about the game in our group that they can like guide us through it. Does that make sense your play Dungeons and Dragons?
Yeah? Yeah, I think I really want to.
But I think that that's not what you want. You don't want anyone in the group who knows what they're talking about, because then that person's just gonna be running everything you. I want to play Dungeons Dragons with a group of people where nobody knows what they're doing, and that feels like it's more fun than having one guy be like, Okay, now you do this, now you do this, now you do this, now you do this.
Right.
Wait, it's way more fun if you figure it out together, way more fun.
Anyway. Let's see, what is your name, Alex, Alex, it's us here that you are a private investigator. Tell me about that. What is that? Like?
Oh, well, there's a lot of things you can do right now. I mostly do like surveillance, so a lot of cheating spouses, trying to figure out if people are cheating on each other. Really you can do yeah, yeah, that's actually like a lot of what prime investigators do, and they do a lot of insurance too, to like see if you lied about your insurance claim and stuff.
So back up for a second. I want to get the whole picture here. So you're says you're twenty three years old. Twenty yeah, twenty four. So are you Is this a private practice or do you work for another investigator?
I work for a company. Yeah, but it's private because it's not the government and true or like a government agency.
Well it's funny because I feel like when I think of a private investigator, I feel like most of them are like they're like older, like they're like when I think of a private investigator, I think of someone who's like fifty or something.
I am very rare. I'm very rare. Most people are retired police.
Yes, how does want to become a private investigator?
I went to school for criminal justice and I got super lucky, and I just asked around to see if somebody knew somebody, and I ended up finding someone who was willing to take me under. But usually you'd go to school and go get your license on your own. So you have to read these huge books and really not that big. It's like three hundred pages, you read this book and then you go take this test and the test is ridiculous. There's one hundred questions and it
was horrible. But yeah, that's then then you find a job. That's kind of it.
Why do you need a test to become a prive investigated? Because don't you? I mean, because it's it's very it's very much like because if you're not working for like the governments or whatever, and there's no or like the police, and there's no like buy the books, you know, you know how that people are like, we're gonna do this by the books. I feel like there's no book for you to go by and just kind of doing it on your own. Why do you need it to pass it?
The book is actually the Idiot's Guide to Private Investigation. That's what the test is based off.
There's an idiot's guide, Like you can just go on Amazon buy this book and become a private investigator.
That's I got it, Yeah, I got it. Okay, But there is a lot of laws. Most of the questions are about the laws, and the laws are.
There's a lot, right, because what is the line between privately investigating somebody and stalking them?
That's a really good question. And I think we are stalkers. We're just legally allowed to be stalkers.
Mmm. How long have you been doing this?
This is I had my apprenticeship for like six months, but I never went and did anything. I went and did something for the first time last week.
Also, so last week was your first time out on the field.
Uh huh Yeah. And I was telling the call screener, I've got some imposter syndrome and it just doesn't feel real yet, like because I've been working towards us for so long and now I'm doing it, and it's just like it has not hit me yet that I'm a private investigator at all.
Well, yeah, I mean, you've only done one one thing. I want to I want to get into the whole imposter syndym thing, but I have so many other, so many questions about your your gig. All right, So okay, so how much are you what are you are you allowed? What? What was the case that you went on today?
It was, oh, I went on one yesterday that was a custody case. So we're just trying to get somebody doing something that they're not supposed to be doing. The first one that I went on was a cheating spouse case, and so same thing it has followed her around and made sure she wasn't cheating.
Hmmm. So so okay, let's let's take this cheating spouse one for example, and this is this is this cheating sauce one? Was this like you were an assistant to somebody else or or this was your case?
It was all me. I went out alone from my very first case.
Awesome. And so I assume you had a lot of cases before that where you were like sort of shadowing a different PI. No, oh really, I would think on that time. Is that not how that works?
It should be how it works. But I don't know. I guess I kind of have this like air about me or people think that I know what I'm doing, and so they're just like, oh, she's fine.
Perfect And it was terrifying. All right, So tell me, tell me, tell me how this went.
Tell me.
I want to hear. Did they like give you a Okay, here's their license plate number, here's their address, go to their house, follow their car, see what's going on type of thing.
Yeah, you might as well go get your license. That's exactly what I did, just talk to get all the information that you can.
And then go follow Tell me how it went. What did you see, what's the what did you feel? What?
What?
What was what was that that stakeout? Like?
Oh man, I mean I was really really nervous because I hadn't done and shadowing before that. I was not in a good position and that I was going to totally blow everything. Like they were just going to be like, who's this chick following me? But that didn't happen. I followed her, she went shopping, she went and got some food, and that was it. She didn't cheat. But yeah, I was super super nervous that I was going to blow the cover the whole time.
I would fucking be too if that was my very first time doing that. I'm so surprised that they didn't have you, like shadow a person beforehand. They just sent you on your way. Yeah, but you did it. You found out that they're not cheating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what's so surprising about the ampopter syndrome is I keep getting thrown into these situations and it's totally fine. But for some reason, I'm like, it's not totally fine.
I don't know, well so, but this doesn't make sense to me. Because so they hire you to follow this. This guy hired you to follow his wife around for a day, But how does he know that she's just not cheating that day.
Well, we usually do it multiple times because of that exact reason.
How much long are going to follow?
You know, the circumstances have to be perfect. I don't know. It usually depends on the client. You know, they might get that feeling where you know, I'm just I need to chill out. Maybe she's not cheating, or they might be like, no, I know this is a fact, and I need to get this for my divorce, So keep going because people, you know, they could they could be cheating every other day. They could be cheating once a month.
Like.
That's what makes the private investigation stuff really hard too, is that there's no guaranteed results. We could follow your wife around getting lunch for two months, but she could still be cheating. Like, it's difficult, dude.
It's so crazy that this is like a legal thing you can hire somebody to do. You can just hire somebody to stalk your wife and it's totally legal. It's crazy. Now, I totally understand why you have all these feelings about this. Yeah, you have to hire. You can as long as they've bought a book from Amazon, Reddit, cover to cover, you can hire them to stalk whoever you want. That's crazy to me. Now I understand why you have all these feelings.
This is a wild thing that you're doing. I would feel all the same feelings.
It's crazy, it is. I'm just wondering when it's gonna set in. Like I've already gone on the two cases. I've been doing the apprenticeship for a while. I got my life, and but I took that stupid test, Like when am I going to feel like a prime investigator?
Can I ask? What tell me more about this test? What kinds of questions were on here?
Oh? Man, that test was horrendous. There was so like when you do certain things wrong, you can either get fined or you can get your license taken away. And like some of the questions would be like if if you did X thing, would you get fined one thousand, five hundred dollars, two thousand dollars, three thousand dollars or three thousand.
Five hundred dollars.
Like they wanted you to know to the t what was going to happen to you when you fucked up in each and every single situation, and then like, so, how much.
Do you get fined if your adhesive mustache falls off your face?
It's going to be two grand?
Unfortunately they have Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm like, I know you are, like have like legitimate feelings behind this that you called in to talk about, but I have so many questions just about this thing because it's fascinating to me. You like, so, okay, so it's legal. Okay, So it is legal to hire somebody to stalk your wife to see if she's cheating, But there are certain things about it that are illegal, and if you do those things wrong, the government can find you.
Yes, can you can you give.
Me an example of like give it? Give it. That's an example of like a couple things that could go wrong that you might get fined for.
Well, I mean the easy one is confidentiality. You know, like if I walked around telling the names and address and the you know whatever of the people that I'm watching, that that might be a revoke actually, And then there's like so so much gray area, like when it comes to GPS's you know, you'd think that a GPS would make this whole thing so easy. We're actually only allowed to use GPS's if both names are on the car.
That's the only circumstance. So if you put a GPS on somebody not both names on the car, they'll find again, Like there's so much random stuff.
Oh so if a husband and a wife both own a car together, you're allowed to track it.
M h yeah, but it have to be the client whoever's asking for the tracking has to be on the car.
The confidentiality thing is super funny because you're not allowed to disclose. So if a client comes to you and says you their name and all, you're not allowed to tell anyone. But your whole job is to find confidential information about other people and tell it to your client.
You know, I hadn't thought about it that way. That's pretty hypocritical. Yeah, yeah, we're we're allowed to dig into other people's business, but we can't. We can't be the information or I guess.
We are information for us.
I don't know what we're doing.
This is so interesting to me. Okay, so tell me about you said you went on two cases, one with the guy and his wife, and you followed her all around through her day and you didn't find anything. What what was the second case?
It was a custody so trying to catch somebody doing something. They would look bad if she had kids with her, And same thing, you know, a bunch of nothing, which is another crazy thing, like I got paid to sit in a parking lot for four hours and wait for her.
Did you bring like binoculars and shit like that, Like it's like a legit stakeout.
Yeah, I have a bag and it has a has a a disguise in it. It has a Oh.
So I was I was right about the stupid mustache thing. You have an actual disguise.
I do personally because I'm kind of an identifiable person, Like I don't think I blend into a crowd very easily, so I bring things that would make me blend into a crowd easier.
Like what but I don't think.
I have like a league because I don't have natural hair color. So I have a natural hair colored wig, and I have like a T shirt, like a just a normal ass T shirt, and I usually wear normal looking pant it's like jeans and normal sneakers, and then I wear a hat because the wig kind of sucks, so I got to hide that that's a key part of the wig, and I think that helps me blend in a little more, just just look a little more normal. I have to hide my tattoos as well.
Do you have a trench coat?
I actually don't have a trench coat. Maybe I should invest in one, I don't. I feel like that would make me look If I went out as myself and I put on a trench coat, I think everyone would immediately know I was a private investigator. It would just.
Being to me because Okay, you say you have to cover what colors your hair? Is it like? Is it like a like green or blue or something that makes it like stand out?
Yeah? Right now it's blonde and pink and purple and blue.
Blonde and pink and purple and blue with tattoos. Why would you have to cover up the tattoos with the tattoos like make it? I feel like when I think of a private investigator, I don't think of someone I don't. It doesn't. It doesn't seem like a tattoo wey kind of job.
It's because of the copy feel to it. Yeah, it's really like it makes me identifiable. So if the person had looked at me and they had happened to look at my tattoo and think, oh, if they saw it again, then I'd be bumped. Yeah, I mean I might not be immediately, but the more they see.
Me, yeah, right right now, that that makes perfect sense. If they see if you have like a sort of descript look, and they see you multiple times, they're like, wait, why the fuck does this person keep popping up interesting?
Yeah, and that happens quickly.
Well, I'll say this. You know, I know that you you're having these feelings. Not a single feeling that you've brought up, uh, you know on this phone call in the context of what it is that you are doing, seems remotely abnormal. Like, yeah, you know, if you've never ever shadowed a person before, and you're like, have this job where you're like a fucking super spy and you've never done it before, of course you're gonna feel a
little bit nervous the first time. If it's your first time, of course you're gonna feel I would feel nervous as fuck if I were doing what you were doing. So I don't think anything that you've described as anything other than a very normal part of this process. If you could, if you could call any part of this process normal. I mean, it's a crazy thing that you're doing. What brought you to want to do this?
Oh?
I always wanted to be a detective, but I have never wanted to work for the government any sort and you know, in the car level or federal level, and the only other option is private investigation.
So these the guy with the wife and the guy with the kid, are you going to follow up with them at all? Like, do you have like a like are they going to say yeah, another on another stakeout?
Yeah? I think so. I haven't talked to the boss lady about them yet. Actually, I know that the child's case is still going and I think I'm going back out to the cheating guy on Thursday, but I know I'm going to have somebody with me that time, so that's going to be really nice.
Wow, this is fascinating. This is I mean, it's scary what you're doing, because, like, if you get caught spying on someone like this is a really awkward. It's just a really you know, being looking at someone through binoculars and then having them make eye contact the binoculars in any even if you have a permit to be watching them, still an uncomfortable situation. So I understand why you have all these feelings about it, but I think you're gonna be fine.
I think you did get.
Exciting career ahead of you. You got caught. What happens, Well.
I didn't get caught by the suspect. I got caught by another person. And she came up to my car and she was so mad at me. She's like, why are you parked here? And you know we have to lie to them, So I was like, oh, I'm just waiting for my friend, and she started going off with me. She's like, you cann't park at a church, You couldn't park at a at the store down the road, you couldn't park anywhere else. You had to park in somebody's driveway.
You know.
In my head, I'm like, yes, ma'am, I literally have to park in your driveway because I can't see this house from any other angle.
Oh you were part okay you left out you were parked in her driveway. Yeah, okay, you left that part out when you said some lady came up to me. I was mad at time, So you're parked in this lady's driveway And she was like, hey, can you how did you resolve that conflict?
Oh?
I just laught because she started taking pictures of me and I was like, yeah, okay, well I'm not.
Wa Well, Alex, I'm very happy to hear that you have this cool job. I'm so excited for you many more in your whole Your life is like a fucking TV show. Now that's exciting. I know that you are feeling some imposter syndrome, but I couldn't feasibly imagine you feeling anything else with this kind of job on your first day, So I don't think it's abnormal. And I think a few years from now, when you have hundreds of cases under your belt, you know, I think you'll
be You'll be a hardened veteran. You have now inspired within me and possibly any other people listening loads of paranoia that any parked car that they see in their peripheral vision is a private investigator that is spying on them. Oh boy, so thank you for that gift.
I would say that the chances are probably somebody doing something illegal more than it being one of us, but but not, you know, not to inspire the paranoia.
But is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, Alex, Well, it's.
Kind of lame, but do what you want to do. You know, if you want to be a private investigator, go do it because it's totally possible. If you want to be a musician, go do it all possible to do it.
You know. I don't think that's lame at all coming from you. I think that you're you're definitely living proof that you can if you if you can dream it, you can do it.
That's right. Thank you, Geko, of.
Course, thank you for calling Alex h oh Man. She was a trip. Shout out to her. I met, I met what I said at the end, she really is like like for what she described to me, I totally thought, like I didn't know that you that you could actually be a detective. I thought that was a fake job. I didn't know that there are people who actually do that. That you can legally pay a person to just stalk whoever you want, That people can get stalking permits. Isn't
that crazy? You can just if you want to fuck with your friend, you could just hire someone to stalk them, and it's totally legal, and Alex gets to do it. Shout out to Alex, truly a a truly proof that if you can dream it, you can do it. And she was saying she had some imposter syndrome the whole time. But I and I was kind of just so engrossed and the logistics of what it is that she does that I didn't talk to her about it too much.
But also it's because like, yeah, of course she's gonna be nervous going on these things for the very first time. I mean, it's crazy. I'm stoked for her. I think she's got a very cool career ahead of her. So thank you for calling in to tell us about it, Alex, I said that, I said that weirdly, Alex. All right, all right, let's move on. Let's do another call.
Hello, Hello, how's you going?
Is this Joseph? Yes, it is? What's up?
Man?
Oh?
Not much?
This is the Gecko.
This is the Gecko.
Okay, well, I got going on everything.
Nice. Just wanted to start off by saying, I enjoy watching all your clips and your streams, and I love the advice that you give out.
Thank you, man, I appreciate you.
So I'm calling in today because I wanted your advice. I grew up in a house full of girls and one day they had the like put on address and you know, some makeup as a joke.
And I realized that in.
That moment that I actually kind of liked being like that, and I kind of always played along, and in my own time, I would dress up and you know, so much sister's clothing. But now and today, with me and my wife having an apartment and stuff, it's been harder,
but I still carried it on. And I actually have a group that I go to on the weekends, and she's been I feel like she's been catching on lately because it was an incident last week where she's on me wearing a pair of underwear and you know, it was kind of like I just bent over and she noticed and I told her like it was a joke. But she's been like acting strange, and I think she's catching on to me.
M hmm. Interesting. So I want to get a little bit of backstory on this. So you says you're twenty eight years old. Yeah, so you've you've been and you said that this when you were growing up, So I mean this, this was like, like how old were you when you were first started, uh, wearing women's clothing.
I was like, I want to say like ten. Yeah, like more and more so ever since I got with this group.
Mmmm.
It's the name of the group is Big Buff and Bitchen and we get together on the weekends and you know, you know it's guys that you would never expect, but you know it kind of makes me feel like more safe because and more normal because you know, these guys do it almost some somewhat just the same line, like they kind of hight because you know, I guess it's not really accepted out today's society.
Mm hmm.
How did you find this group of fellow cross dressers?
Well, I kind of like stumbled upon it, like through Google and stuff. But that's like a long story itself.
Mm hmmm. So as far as you're you know, all of this in relation to your wife, how long have you guys been married for? How long has been together for?
Well period like about like seven years, but we've been married for like four Okay, so you've been.
Together for seven and this is and this is not like a news you this the cross dressing has been a part of your life for like a really long time from what you've told me, right.
Yeah, Like I've been experimenting more and more over the years, but yes.
Okay, and throughout all those seven years, it never it never came up to her.
No, because you know, it's not something I'm particularly you know, like telling everybody exactly, you know, like it's more on the tewn though mhm.
Can can you tell me? Why are you afraid of your wife knowing about it?
I don't want her to think, you know, like maybe I'm not attracted to her, or like I'm gay, or she might leave me, you know, like it's complicated for me. Yeah, yeah, like I do love her and everything, and then you know, like at the same time, I do enjoy like other stuff that I feel like I could never tell her, Like every time I dress up, I pit a buck plug in and like that feels good for me.
Yeah yeah, so I you know, man, I understand this from from both of those sides. So let me ask you, because you know, wanting to wear women's clothing doesn't inherently say anything about your sexuality, but I assume that you assume that your wife will think that it means that will get the wrong idea and think, oh, he's gay. Why would I, you know, be with with a man who's gay. You know, I tried to me of course.
Yeah. And she's pregnant on top of that, so it's you know, she's she's been crazy with her emotions lately.
Mm hmmm. You know my opinion is I mean, look, I don't if, if, if you so, tell so tell me this. So you are attracted to your wife. You are in love with your wife. There's no sort of like, oh I might not like girls kind of thing. You you you are attracted to your wife, and this cross dressing thing doesn't have any effect on your sexuality.
I just don't want her to feel like, you know, like I'm prettier than her sometimes, or like, you know, like like she has, you know, like anything to worry about.
So, if you're married to this woman, you've been with her for seven years, it's important for her. I feel like it's important for you guys to have a level of communication with each other where you feel like you can adequately explain this to her. It might come as a bit of a shock, you know, especially if you guys have been together for seven years and this has sort of been a part of your life for a long time, it might come as a shock to her
that you've never talked about it before. But I think if you're married to this woman and you're about to have a kid with this woman, you guys should be at a level of communication where you know, you should be able to be like, hey, I like dressing in women's clothing has no effect on you know, my sexuality. That has no effect on how I feel about you. But it is the thing about me that I've been hiding because I feel like you'll think this, and you'll
think this and that, but I'm telling you this. You know, she should be able to understand that you guys should be able to have that conversation. I understand the fear behind wanting to have that conversation, but if you guys are getting married and you're having a kid, I feel like your relationship with her should be such that you guys should be able to talk this out. I mean, what do you think of that?
I mean, I hear you. But the thing is, like, you know, like I know my no no offense, Like I know my girlfriend bets you know what I mean? Yes, my wife and.
Uh, like.
She's I don't want to say she's homophobic, but I know she's not like the idea of like people. She believes to each his own or anything else like that. But I feel like she might think like I'm a weirdo, and I don't feel like a weirdo. I feel like, you know, like I'm just trying to be myself and like just have experiences.
Yeah mm hmmm. So you you think that your wife will judge you heavily for this?
I think she would. She would run for the hills.
I mean, if I mean, what girl would it? I don't know, Like if she saw me dressed, I wouldn't go I would.
I wouldn't go. Ahead, tell me what you're gonna say.
No, Like, I feel like if she actually see me dressed up and then you know, I come out like, you know, like in my tight leather clothes that I like to wear, She's gonna just walk.
Away, you know, I think. And you know, look, man, I know you said you know you're you know your wife well, And this is this is hard man, because I'm sure that your relationship is a lot deeper than you could let on in this little phone call. But if you're going to be married to this person and you're gonna have a kid with this person, like I feel like they should be able to accept you for
who you are. I mean, that's one of the like I mean for me personally, everyone has their own little thing, but you know that feels like a major tenant of marriage is like you you are are accepting of of of one another. I feel like and that man, you know, I feel like you deserve somebody if you're gonna get married and have a child with them, you deserve somebody
who fucks with you for who you are. I mean, if you guys have been together for seven years, I mean, I like, I get it, if like you've been dating for a month, if you know, she's like, yeah, I don't know how comfortable I am with this, I'm out, like, you know, sure whatever. But I mean, if you guys have been together for seven years, I feel like the relationship has evolved to a point where you know, you
should be able to talk about this again. I don't know your relationship, but it does pain me because I feel like you deserve you do You deserve a person who you know won't think you're weird for this kind of stuff. I mean, maybe if she was like, I, you know, I don't mind you doing this, but I don't want to see it, or something like that. You know,
maybe that's a workable situation. But I don't know. I don't feel like this is something that you should have to hide if it's you know, if this is your wife, we're talking about what what are you What are your thoughts on all this because you know, I'm just I'm just I'm just talking ship.
Well yeah, like it's just it's I guess it's the not knowing and the what if. And like I I do construction and she knows like a lot of people that I work with, and you know, like off a bid, like she was to like be mad and post anything online and you know, like all the guys would know, and like it would just I feel like it would spread like wildfire. And I maybe even if she's accepting, and you know, I don't know, she tells someone off the bid and she goes to advice or someone and
people people talk mm hmmm. And I just don't feel like this secret's ready to come out yet.
Yeah, dude, Okay, So you know, against everything I just said, this is your secret, this is your life. And if you feel you know, it's like, if you feel like it's the most beneficial for you to keep it a secret, then that's, of course your decision to make.
I feel like a secret.
I can't. I can't answer that because you only know your life and you only know what's best for you. I can't tell you what's best for you. I personally think you deserve to be with somebody who accepts you for who you are, if you're gonna get fucking married to them, because marriage I mean, I mean, like, look, I don't think marriage is that sacred. You can always get a fucking divorce, people do it all the time.
But if you're gonna get fucking married to someone and have a kid with them, I mean, that's that's some serious shit. You know. That should be a person who would just like fox with you, you know, on a on a on a really deep, deep level. And I think if you're gonna get married to someone, you deserve to get married to somebody who fucks with you on that deep of a level. That's just my own opinion if you're gonna get married, But again, you're your own person.
If you're evaluating everything and you're coming to the conclusion, my life would just be better if I continue to hide this. You know, I don't think you're inherently wrong or right. I don't think you're inherently wrong or right for making either decision, but I'm just kind of giving my thoughts on both sides of that.
I was thinking about Meybi introducing the buff clug idea to her and seeing if she would be down with that.
You could start slow like that, Yeah.
I think that would be the best way to do it. Let me try next week.
Well again, what's your name of Joseph, Well, Joseph, good luck to you. And and like I said, I really it's it's it's hard because I understand both sides of where you're coming from, and it's your decision at the end of the day. Totally.
I do.
I do think you deserve somebody who you feel like will love you, uh for exactly who you are. I feel like you deserve that. If you're gonna give somebody your lineman, that's what you're doing with marriage, given somebody your fucking life, you know, it should be somebody who you really feel like deserves it.
So just saying they don't know what hurts.
Hey, you know what that's not. That's not a horrible well, that's not a horrible philosophy to live by either. If that's what you choose. So thank you, good luck to you. Joseph.
Well, I got a lot of.
This, of course. Man, take care.
You're a man.
By ah, that was a tough one. That was a tough one. Let's see, it is very high.
You know.
It's it's hard, right because I get on here and people call me and they tell me these things, and you know, I have my thoughts of what I think, Oh, you should have, you should have if you're getting married to someone, you know, it should be someone who accepts you for who you are. You know, it's easy for me to sit here and say that I do believe it, I really do. I really do believe that that if you're going to give somebody your fucking life, you're gonna
marry someone. I mean, Jesus Christ, you know, it should
be somebody who accepts you, whoever you are. But that's it, you know, easy thing for me to say over the course of this fifteen minute phone call, because I'm not living in the fear, the visceral emotions of it that this guy is living in and he in you know, overcoming and you know, very it very well could be that overcoming that fear is too much for him, and he looks at his life and from a logical point of view, says, it just would make more sense to
keep this as a secret. It would just make me happier if I can have this little thing, if I can go to my little group, I can have fun there, I can do my cross dressing, and then I can have my other life with my wife, who has no idea. I my other life with these construction worker friends, they have no idea, And that just makes me happen. I just want to keep it like that. And you know what, I truly, truly, truly I would I wouldn't fault him for doing that at alone. I wouldn't fault him for
doing that alone. So you know, I just hope he makes whatever decision is the best for him. Okay, and scene, let's take another call movie.
Hello.
Hi is this Lydia.
This is Lydia.
What's going on with you, Lydia?
Oh?
You know, I've just been enjoying your podcast here.
It's been good.
Oh, thank you man. I appreciate that.
I'm really happy I'm talking to you. I'm kind of shocked a little bit. I'm gonna be.
Honest, I'm stuked to be talking to you too. I I'm really enjoying the stream tonight. I'm enjoying talking to people. Some nights feel very slow. Some nights, you know, my energy is off, but I feel very good. It really good tonight. So I'm grateful for that. Any moment I get to have where I'm I'm feeling attentive and and happy in the moment. So that was a little corny. Live in the present, can't take it back. Now it's been said, how can I get you, Lydia?
Yeah, so you know, I just kind of wanted to get a little bit of your perspective. I haven't you know, talked to anyone for about four years, and and I never went on a dating app. So first time I went on Tender, I met someone pretty interesting and it's the only person I ever met on there. So yeah, this person, you know, very smart, taught me gardening stuff, like very smart. But as I got to know him a little bit more, I discovered he likes some very
interesting things and then he has some suspicious behaviors. So I I'll start with like the smaller stuff, like he only likes we're both thirty years old. I feel like snapchats for like high schoolers. He will only communicate through that. I got his number like months later after I knew him, because I thought it was kind of weird, You're like,
how do I not know this guy's number? So he gave it to me, and then one time I sent him a message and he like freaked out, like, no, only message me on Snapchat.
I was like, Okay.
Then he pays everything in cash and then so like for everything, like we'll go on a little manification all cash. If like gets an uber to my house or something like he won't use the app like he I'll order it and then he'll get here and paint me cash. So like, or he'll say, like, you know, Lidia, if anyone bothers you, like, I'll take care of I don't even know what that means. So I don't really know a lot about him.
He's very nice to me though, So it's just been very interesting.
And you know, as I started doing other stuff with him, like I discovered he likes wearing girls underwear and other things, and I think, what kind of you know, like made me feel like not so positive about the situation was just the way it was presented to me. I always go you know, like, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Like how was presented to me
was very shocking. I've never seen anything like that or done anything like that, or even met a guy who really like, like I have friends, but like I never experienced that with a guy, you know.
So when you say, oh, I'm just to clarify when you say when you say it or do you mean do you mean everything you've been talking about this far just the women's underwear.
Thing, well A saying I'm like the I don't know how much I can say here, you know, like a pike from the woman underwear. You can say whatever you want, Okay, So okay, So it started small, so for I still call me like can you stick your finger in my behind? And I was like okay, like I never had a guy who left him. I'm like sure, whatever, I'll explore you. And then it started going to butt plugs and I was like okay, yeah, okay, yeah.
I'll do that.
Then one day we were like kind of in actually, you know, having good time, and then he's just like, oh, you know, I want to show you like the porn I like. And I was just kind of like in a shock because I was, you know, a little distracted, so he just showed it to me and then he's like, isn't this just like a beautiful girl with such a large, you know, cock?
So after that, I was.
I was kind of like a like surprised because I was not expecting anything like that. So then, you know, I didn't want to make him feel awkward because I feel, you know, that's something like something you don't fully always share, I guess. So yeah, I'm glad he was open and all, but like it was still like kind of like where'd that come from? And yeah, so I didn't really say
much about it. But then after like the whole thing, I like kind I like thought about it, and I was like, me, you kind of feel a little insecure because I'll never have a penis. Like these whole times that we've been doing things like has he imagined me with the penis? Like you know, he wanted me to get butt plugs put my finger in him and then he'll like suck my finger in face. It's like, my girl cock. I didn't even know what that was.
Okay, So so we've got we've got a lot of things going on here, two different we're talking those are two separate things. By the way, I feel like you're bringing up two separate things. Yeah, because there's the whole like, what the fuck's up with this guy and what he does, and then there's what the yeah, you know, what's up with this guy in the bedroom type of thing. So
let's talk about the first one first. He pays for everything in cash, so I mean it's pretty safe to assume that he does some he's a drug guy, you said, you say, I mean you tell the call screen, or that he works in the cannabis industry.
Yeah, he's a professional license cannaby cannabis industry. He like manages like four hundred plants in his warehouse.
Yeah, okay, And he clearly has like a a privacy thing because uh yeah, he only wants to do snapchat. He's in one of your conversations recorded. He pays for everything with cash. Maybe he just has this like inherent distrust of like a government. Say that again.
He always is concerned about safety.
Like that too.
Yeah, so that one last time he said it, you cut out right when you were talking about safety.
So he he's also always very concerned about safety all the time, Like he always wants to have a gun around him.
He always has a gun around him.
Yeah that too, Yes, I think that's like important detail at all.
Like every time you're with him he has a gun.
Yeah.
Yeah, Like he'll come over and he'll bring his gun. Yeah, we go somewhere, like on vacation, he'll take it.
Okaym how does that make you feel?
Well, I'm not really afraid of guns. I'm pretty comfortable with I own one myself. It's not like I go you know, I'm not like a fanatic and goal it's crazy about him, But I'm a girl, you know, who lives at home.
So I just have a can gun for protection, so it doesn't really bother me.
But it is kind of odd that it's like why, like he's so worried about safety that you always feel like you have to have a gun, Like I have one, but I don't feel like if I leave my house, I must have it with me to feel safe, you know.
Okay, So he pays with everything in cash. He's afraid of people. Listening to this conversation, since he carries a gun around him around with him everywhere, as you say, not just like you guys go on your many vacations that he brings the gun.
M m hmm.
Okay, so like, you know what him the whole the whole second part of this where it's like he is, you know, attracted to trans people and you're wondering, like, oh, yeah, not attracted me because I'm not trans, you know whatever, That is what it is.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, what.
How long have you known this guy for?
Oh?
I would say like eight months or so, since it's been been dating for eight months.
Yeah, but I don't see him all the time. It's a little bit like an interesting setup, you know, because I'm pretty independent myself, so I only see on maybe a couple of times a month, and then sometimes we'll take like a little vacationers thing.
Yeah.
And then you wrote he has offered to take care of people. You told me this as well. You said he is offered to take care of Yeah.
He has that, Yeah, said a couple of times, like meeting taken care of I honestly never asked for details. I think I just heard that and I was like, what the what is that? I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna yeah, you know, I'm gonna say if I have a problem.
With you know, lydia uh listen, Lydia, you're your own human being. You are thirty years old, you have the agency to you know, date, see, you do whatever you want. But by god, this guy, this guy would not date this guy. This guy seems dangerous to.
Me, you know.
Yeah, I think I tend to like dangers. I don't know. Yeah, it's a pattern. I guess I'm very smart.
Yeah, okay, it's pattern.
Yeah. My the last person I was with a very toxic person too.
Yeah, okay, you said two Just now are you.
You said?
Why don't you said it was toxic? You know, I'm just talking you through what's going on with you? Do you do you think he's toxic?
Not really, because he's very.
Nice to me.
Like, yes, there's these odd behaviors.
I see that.
I see that as read he flags that you should run for the hills for I get that.
But he's also very kind to me, like very generous, very very nice.
Very nice.
Very see. I'm conflicted. I'm I'm conflicted about this because you know, look, you're your own person. You should do whatever you want. But yeah, it just it just it just makes me squeamish that, you know, because like, look, people are nice to you until they're not.
I don't know.
He doesn't seem like a guy who's I don't know. It's just this is a weird situation to me. This guy's always carrying on a gun and he's like because another thing is if you don't really know that, if you don't really know what's going on with this guy. I'm in my head, I'm like, well what if you know what if like there's he's involved with some fucking gang or something, and they're like, all right, well we can't get him, let's figure out who's close to him
and you know, send him, kidnap her or whatever. The fuck. I mean, Look, I'm not gonna tell you it's I'm not going to tell you it's not safe. I'm not going to tell you it is safe. I I I don't really know. I really can't gather that much information over this eleven minute phone call. But yeah, well let me ask you this. You called me, and I don't know if this is just like something that you're just like, oh, I called the get go. Let me think of what
I have to talk about. But the fact that you called me shows that there is some inkling within you that's like it's a little bit skeptical. Let's talk this, talk about this gut feeling. What's what's this gut feeling saying to you?
It just sounds well, okay. So I just feel like I, in a sense need him for something because I grow cannabis plants and he gave me some, so I need him to tell me, like what my nutrients to give it. And then everything's so secretive, like if I ask, oh, what did I give this with the brand of it, I want to share it with whatever, and then very limited information will only tell me day by day.
Right backup, back back up. Yeah, you say you need you. This gut feeling is saying we're all over the place. Now you're saying you need him to help you grow your plants.
Yeah, I know that.
And you're saying that as a reason to stay with him. What are you saying that as.
Well?
See the way I feel it, I don't really see him too much.
I see him maybe a couple of times a month, and then when you feel them, it's like a good time. So the time, like I still get like instructions on my plants, and then I want to learn how to grow them so I can just have that as my supply, so I see it as I.
Only have to Okay, hold on, we're geting, we're getting off top, we're getting off topic here. This is feels off topic because I'm talking about this gut feeling. You called me because you wanted to talk to me about this stuff. How you feel like this guy is shady? You know what, the bedroom stuff. It feels like an after the fact thing, but you just feel like he was shady, and so he called to talk about it because a gut feeling is telling you it's shady. Tell me about that gut feeling.
Yeah, my gut feeling says it's not worth my time.
Okay, you got feelings telling you that it's not time.
I don't know.
Actually, I don't know.
That's a that's a I don't know.
This is this is a this is a This is a tough situation because you're an adult. I'm not you know, I'm not here to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Yeah, Like, I mean, if you want my I'm not even looking to the chat right now. I'm sure everyone has the same thing where they're like, yeah, yeah, this guy, he sounds to me like he's kind of bad. News. You're an adult. You can make whatever risky decisions you want to make. But it's definitely I just I don't
know about this guy. It seems like a weird situation.
To be in.
Yeah, so just be vigilant at least. Yeah, and this is you said you're on tender right.
Yeah, it was the first time I used it, only person I met there.
M hmmm, are you talking to other people on tender?
No?
I only like to sleep with one person at a time.
Mm hmmmm. Well Lydia, Uh, good luck to you, I hope. Talking about this situation, you said, did you tell me that? Have you like told told other people that you're seeing this guy? And like just about this ship.
Just one person?
Or is it like one of your friends? What does your friend think about this whole situation?
Oh, they don't.
They don't think he's a positive person.
The beer out?
Okay, all right, so now we have two perspectives, right because I'm a little and this is a bad time too, because I'm thinking, like, well, shit, if she's gonna break up with him, like I'm almost I'm like, dude, I'm scared about like how are you going to leave this? Because this guy just seems like he's a this is messing.
If I'm you, I'm like, okay, cool because I you know, I'm just think about like if you're gonna leave this like is to see has he ever ever been like violent or weird just a little shady?
No, one just like the communications being is kind of off, you know, like the cash, the.
That's it.
But yeah, I don't really know a whole lot about him, so that's kind of good too. Yeah. He just he's very nice, to be very generous, very nice Christians.
Well Adio like squirt things well, Lydia, Uh, you know, look man, be vigilant, uh all that stuff. Thank you for sharing.
Uh?
Is there anything that you want to say to the people the computer before we go?
No, thank you for listening. I think listening helps more than you know.
Awesome, Thank you for calling, Lydia.
Thank you, Hi. Bye.
Would I personally date a guy who brings a gun everywhere? I would not.
Yeah.
That just had bad news written all over it. That had bad news written all over it. And you and I heard Liddy. I almost went deeper into this, but I guess I didn't. Where she said you heard her say she said that she's attracted to danger, and maybe that's part of the reason why she continues to see him. And she had all these reasons. She was sort of justifying it. She was like, well, he's nice to me and I only see him a few months, a few times a month, and like whatever. You know, she's an adult.
She can make her own decisions. If she is attracted to danger and wants to do risky stuff, you know, it's her prerogative. But dad just fucking didn't sit right with me at all. Anything with that guy. I hope she is okay. I hope she makes the right decision, whatever that may be. Stay safe Lydia, Okay, moving on. Hello, Oh my god?
Is this me?
No, it's me while.
Oh my god.
I didn't think I was gonna get picked.
High and here you are. You're picked. Let's make it worth it.
How are you doing tonight, lyle Joey.
I'm doing pretty good. I'm feeling I to be honest, I'm feeling better than I felt in the past forty eight hours. How are you doing?
You know what?
I'm I'm doing pretty good. I was just making mistakes for dinner and I I actually saw my spoke alarms, so I had to do with that for a few minutes. So it's good now, is.
It still going.
No, you'd hear it if it was.
Yeah, that's why I thought. That's why, That's why that was a dumb question of me to ask what's going on with you, joey.
Ah, nothing much. I'm just uh, just living, trying to live my best life, you know, doing doing everything I can to make others happy in the world. You know.
Uh, is there anything in particular that you want to talk about tonight?
Yeah.
So the reason I called you, Lyle was because so I don't know if you know who the Colorado Avalanche are, but they are. They are the Colorado hockey team. So like they're the professional hockey team in Colorado, and they've just made it to the Western Conference finals, so they're one they're one round away from making it to like the championship, right.
Mm hmm?
Does that Does that make sense?
Yeah?
Of course?
Okay, Well when they so for context, in game in game five, they they in game five, they blew a three nothing lead. So in the third period they had a three to one lead and they blew it. They ended up losing that game five to four in overtime. And I found myself getting very upset, like I was beyond upset, right, oh yeah, so so except that I pounded my fist at the bar and I like hurt my fists for a little bit, and I went to
bed angry. And then when I woke up, I found myself I was very anxious because my team happened to have this curse on them where they couldn't get out of the second round. They did, they did eventually win the game, but up until that point where they won the game, I was extremely like, just's just a nervous that we were going to lose again. And I I found that I was letting myself become hyper, like my emotions, my happiness, and my sadness were dictated by the hockey team.
Right.
So my question to you is how do I how how should I not get so invested because I like have I have a ton of jerseys I buy, you know, I just bought tickets to game one tomorrow, you know, so like I am a super fan, but I don't want to have my emotions connected to it, you know what I mean?
Yeah?
Man, it's well, you tell the call screener that you feel like your obsession with sports is letting it letting you know, affecting your happiness and your emotions to an excessive degree. Yes, yes, so I feel like sports is like with all things, you know, escapism, you know, because your your emotion invested in something, and it feels kind of good to care about shit, be emotionally invested in shit. And that's why people get invested into sports, is because
there's something to that. And I guess the problem and you can say this about a lot of things, but it becomes a problem when you get so emotionally invested into this thing that is not worth being the sole focus of all of the emotions that you have to invest right, that's the problem. So I ask you, what else in your life do you have to become emotionally invested in?
Well, well, I kind of just got a boyfriend, so I have that, but he's an hour away from me, and I can only ever, I can only see him like every the week because you know, gas is expensive, mm, so you know I'm trying to Uh, So I have that, and then I have a couple. I don't know if you've heard of the shows called Has Been Hotel and Hell of a Boss. They're on YouTube. They're free to watch. So has been Hotel is about the Princess of Hell. They have like a purge in Hell every year.
Ar what the what the what the show is about? Are you saying that those shows are what you would You're becoming emotionally invested in.
Yes, but the.
Problem is the season finale of of one of the shows is taking a while to come out because it's an independently funded show, and then the other one, the other one is a is it's still coming out, So I'm kind of invested in that.
Yeah, what do you do?
What do you do for for a living? Or are you in are you in school? Or do you work?
I work at this place called micro Chip micro Chip Man. People are people are mean?
And chat.
Joe Joe, Joe Joey. Can you hear me? Mhm, Joy, Please don't read the chat. Please put the chat away and we'll just you and me talk. Don't worry about what they're saying. They're not real people, they're just spots. This is all and you're not real either. The callers aren't real. I'm not real. No, No, this is real. We're all a dream in my head. Don't read the chat? Can you hear me, Joey, Yes, I can hear you. Sorry, No, it's okay, man, don't worrybout. Don't listen to anything. O
they said. Okay, all right, so you have you have your boyfriend? You are, Yeah, you work at this place called microchip. Tell me, tell me more about your job. What do you do there?
So it's it's kind of hard to describe what I do there because it's like I literally make microchips. So I'm in a clean room, like I'm wearing a bunny suit, which is kind of like a half in that suit of white, and like you have to put boots on, you have to put glasses on, but the whole shield.
Okay. Do you like your job?
Not really? But it pays very well and it's a very it's like a very professional job.
Okay, that's fair. So you don't like the job itself, but you like the status and the money, which is fair.
Right.
Okay, See if your boyfriends he lives an hour away. Do you have Do you have friends?
Yes?
I do.
They're they are they're very busy because they deal with a lot of crap themselves. Sure, so I don't really get to talk to them that often. And we do hang out at a club meeting like at like a club every every other Wednesday that I can make.
It for for for a card game awesome. So if your card game club every other week, that's great. You have this job which you seem like you're proud of
and spaking the money. If you don't like the job that much yourself, you have this, boyfriends, is the reason I'm asking you all this stuff because you know, we're kind of trying to find like you're getting and and you and this is you you telling me that you feel like it's a problem for you being too heavily emotionally invested into uh sports, which is something that you just you know, I mean it's a classic thing that you have no control over and that it has no
control over you, you know. So I think it's you know, everybody has their thing, whether it's video games or movies or whatever, and you know, if it makes you happy, that's awesome. But you know, I think you also understand that like there's a you know, you want to limit your amount of emotional investment in this kind of stuff before it gets like too real, because you're describing it as getting too real and find better things to be
emotionally invested in. And your relationships are great things to be emotionally invested in. You know, your friends. I love that you have this card group of people. I think that's awesome. I love that you have this relationship that's that's new, that you seem excited about. That's awesome. You don't seem too invested in your job, but that's that's okay.
Now everyone has to love their job. But I guess I'm trying to think of, like, what are some productive things for you to get a mouly invested in that aren't just uh, you know, sports or or entertainment necessarily.
Yeah, And see, see that's the problem because I funny, funnily enough, I do have a real therapist and a psychiatrist and we talk about these things because I do. I do take antidepressants and stuff. But the problem is, like it they like, all they help me do is like get out of bed, really, and then it's up to me to determine what to do. And I'm not a very interesting person. I live kind of in a I live in a very beautiful city where there's a lot of nature outdoorsy stuff, and I'm not a very
outdoorsy person. So you know, I'm more like, let's go do things with people. Let's go let's go hang out with people. But the problem is we don't have anybody to go do those things with. No, then you kind of just have to find something, you know.
Hm hmmm. Because you say you're not a very interesting person, do you do you genuine question? Do you want to be more interesting?
Well?
I mean yes and no, Like I I want I want to I want to be a good enough person and an interesting enough person to be able to make an impact on the world where I can make people smile, make people happy, just you know, be enlighten people's lives where they don't have one.
But at the same time, I want to say, right there, I just want to say, right there, I think what you just said, that goal. I think that in and of itself is a thing that is worth you becoming emotionally invested in. Is the the idea of that and how you can execute upon that idea? Does that make sense? Mm hmmm, because.
So like try and find try and find a way to get involved in like local community and stuff.
Right, yeah, I love that. I mean, yeah, that's one of you know, a billion different ways that you can satisfy that goal right there. I'm a big fan of the general, the general idea that can be filled in many different vessels, such as getting involved in local ship like you just said. So I think that, right there is a great thing to be emotionally invested in that's
not necessarily you know, sports or or entertainment. Tell me, what else does your therapist tell you when you bring all this ship up to them?
So my therap, I actually my last meeting with him was like two weeks ago because I can't afford him anymore because he's I have insurance, but he's out of market, so I have to pay out of pocket for him. Yeah, so I'm actually working on buying a new therapist. But what he was saying was, you know, I think maybe the stems from you just having a having an overwhelming sense of self hate.
Hmmm, really, what was the reason for that?
Because because I do have an overwhelming sense of self loathing, self hatred, self skitty you know stuff, right, And you know, and you know, I look at people like you while and I see the great impact you're having on your community, and you know, that's what I want to do. I want to help people, even if it's just talking. You know, talking to someone even for five minutes a day can maybe save someone's life, you know.
M yeah, man, I appreciate you saying that. I think, well, I think that's awesome. I I think that if if you get anything out of it, if we can take this call down to a thesis of it for you to like think about with all this shit, I think that right there is the thesis is is you know, great you have and I've talked to people a lot about this before. You have like this central idea that you want to help people. That's a great it's a
fantastic foundation. Not not necessarily that idea itself, but just to have any idea of what you want to do
while you're alive. And so all this all this emotional energy that you're putting into, if I can give you one sort of recommendation, all this emotional energy that you're putting into, and not to say that you have to stop watching hockey or stop you know, uh, watching these these online shows or anything like that, but like I would take some of the emotional energy that you're putting into those things and put it into really sitting down and thinking like I would like, dude, even if you
wrote out a list on paper of like, Okay, I want to help people. I want to give back to the community in some way. What are concrete ways that I could do that. Does it involve going on fucking Facebook events and finding when people are picking up trash at the local park, or does it involve going on YouTube and making videos talking about your experience with your self hatred and how that you know you sharing that
might be able to help other people. Whatever, it is, just like taking some time to brainstorm and really think about actionable ways for you to accomplish this central idea that you have, I think would help. And I think that And I'm not a real therapist. I'm i going to tell you anything that your real therapist, you know whatever. But I think with the self hatred thing, I think
we all deal with a little bit of that. And I think if you had a little bit of evidence for yourself, right, if you sat down and you wrote this stuff out, and then you went and actioned upon it, and then it provided you with a little bit of evidence of like, Okay, great I do and you and
this will happen. This will happen if you take some form of action toward it is a little bit of evidence will sprout up and you'll be like, oh, I do have the ability to affect change in other people, and I have evidenced that to myself through these actions I've taken. You know, your brain won't be able to ignore that, So that that is what I would I would recommend to you. What do you what do you think about all of that?
Okay, I think you're right. I think that's that's some of the best advice I've gotten in a long time. And you know, I really I can't believe it's coming from a get go.
No, I can't believe it's coming from the get go.
But Lyle, thank you, thank you so much.
Of course, man, Joey, of course, of course. What's the name of this team again?
The Colorado Avalanche?
Colorado. Okay, I'll be keeping an eye on the Colorado Avalanche. And I do hope you take the time to think about actionable ways to you go off on that idea, because I believe in your Joey, you sound like a sweet guy, and uh, you know, I'm wishing you good luck on your journey.
Thank you, And people don't forget to tip your bartenders.
Touching baby, have a good night, joe.
Lyle.
I like Joey.
He's a sweet guy. He's a sweet guy. I talk about this all the time on here, rarely think about it when I'm trying to solve my own problems of my own life. That's how a lot of therapy you got those stuff goes from it of little moments in my life where I'm like, well, you told people on the internet you should to do this, when you fucking do it, and I'm like, ah, fuck, I'm therapy geckoing
myself because I have tenants like that. The whole, the whole, That whole call was about having a little inkling of a general idea of what you want to do with your time alive and then trying to figure out how to do it, which is what I hope Joey does. I think mine is that I just want to do something interesting. I just want to be doing something interesting.
I think there's something interesting about talking to strangers on the phone about their lives, and so I do that, and if I ever can't do that, I will think of something else interesting to do. It's always good to have some sort of general, vague tenant. That is just a floaty idea more so than a specific I want to go to Berlin and be a be a crab fisherman, because then when you're banned from Berlin and you find
out you're allergic to crabs, you're fucked. But if you're just like I'm going to do interesting things, then you know there's infinite ways to fulfill that. Good luck to Joey, sweet boy. Sorry the chat was being mean to him. Hope they don't do that again.
Everythink goes on the line, making your phone calls every night.
Everythingcon goes to it and ride you're teaching.
Your cloud on the meaning of your life.
That he's not really an expert.