Hello, Hello, Hi, Oh my god, gek.
What is your name? Sydney, Sydney? What's going on? Sydney? How's life?
And life is good. I'm just at home, just came back from walking the dog.
You texted me and you said you want to talk about what it's like being a female truck driver. I thought that was interesting.
Yeah, yeah for sure. So I work for a trucking company and I basically just like move trucks around all day. It's pretty fun.
You move. How long of a distance do you move these trucks?
Well, I do just like like around like my city and everything. Like you can choose to do lognissance or like around the city, but I want to come home.
Every day, so.
I choose, like I chose like to be able to like work during the day.
You know.
I just worked like seven to two every day and it's pretty chill.
Okay, So it's not like a crazy like long haul trucking.
No, it's because like I wanted to do that, but I have a kid, so I like don't want to do that obviously. I like being home everyday.
How's your kid doing? How old are they?
She's too she just turned two.
Yeah, how's that? Gone.
Yeah's it's fun. It's good. She's crazy, but you know it keeps me busy.
Yeah, hesitated? Why did you hesitate? I'm curious?
Well because right now, like she's not with me. She stays with her dad half the time, so unfortunately she's not here today.
Is her dad in the same city as you?
Yeah?
Yeah, so he lives not far from me, like ten minutes for me. So I moved out like in October, so be cause things aren't really great between us. But you know, how long were you too?
How long? How long were you two together?
For like four or five years something like that?
We met in twenty twenty, Okay, it's a long time.
Yeah, And that's when like I started listening to you in twenty twenty, when I was working at a different job, doing like different kind of trucking.
Why did uh do? Why did things like deteriorate? Ah?
Well, he was like addicted to porn.
Ah how how addicted to porn?
Was he?
Like everybody he.
Used to spend Yeah, no, he used to send pictures of his ass, so like random guys on like snapsdown and like talked random people in ome goal and shit, and like the thing is he never wanted to have sex with me. That was like the main issue. And I'm like not like that, Like I like having an intimate relationship, you know, Like but he like just never communicated, like always shut down every time I talked to him, you know, Like so like things kind of just got worse.
So we're kind but we were stuck living together, you know, because like we both moved out pretty young, so I was like he was my only way out of like living at like my mom, So you know, I didn't really have a choice. And like obviously things are always good at first, but then like you find out who someone really is.
Mm hmmmm.
No.
This the thing about like the like porn and jack and off addiction thing is like that is the point yeah, when like, uh, like I I do believe that stuff can co exist alongside a healthy relationship, but like when it gets to a point where like you're not even attracted to your like partner anymore, like you didn't want to have sex with them anymore. I mean that's just like yeahah, it makes it like a relationship.
It was not fun. Like it made me feel very unwanted, you know, and then it made me like very anxious, like I got, like, you know, I had like an interesting childhood, so I was like pretty anxious already, and then like him always like seeking around and like lying about his phone and shit and hiding his phone all the time, you know, and I would find shit like on his phone and he would just lie straight up to me about it, you know or see who would change and then like never.
Do was there? Like what did you guys have like a good sex life, like at the beginning of the relationship, and then it just like from I was like always always there.
It was always me who in this she did like she'd have seen the red flag, but like it was always me, you know. But like his Lafe relationship, he told me that his girlfriend never want to have sex, so he like never did, you know, and he respected her obviously, you know, but like so I think he never learned. So like we did it for the first time together great, but then he never really like initiated,
you know. M But like, you know, we've got along really well, like we had friends like together, you know, like we got along really well. You know, I had a lot of stuff in common, you know, So I tried not to think about it too much.
Mm hmmm.
Hmm, and yeah, I just never got better.
You know, how are you guys lying? It was the lying you said.
Yeah, there's a lot of lying, you know, like even to this day, always like a little white live.
How how is the co parenting going? Selright to co parent with?
Uh, it's a lot better now for sure, Like I moved out in October. So ever since moving out, like it's been way like ten times better. But I had to fight to like get to mediation at to fight him, you know, to like get child support. And even like today he's still like late on child support, hasn't paid me yet, you know, like he's supposed to do it every month.
But like whatever, did you guys?
I feel like the kid is happy?
Did you guys have a lot of disagreements in terms of like how to raise the child? No, I mean.
Not really, Like but I'm the one who's more in control of everything, you know, like I have to tell him like what to do a lot, you know what I mean, Like yeah, like what to feed her, how to put her to bed? How like you know, how to give her a back, like simple things you know that he should just do as a parent, you know,
I have to like tell him mmmmmmm. But like I mean, he has gone a lot better though, because I think like having her more you know, like on his own, like has made him like show up more for her, because he wasn't really there for the first like year of her life.
You know, where was he Well.
Like he was just working all the time where he would come home and just like line the couch and if I ever asked, like if I want to go out, he would just be like, call my mom, you know, to watch her.
If he ever say that again, if you ever wanted to go out, he would call his mom to watch her.
Yeah, Or he would tell me to call her and be like, if you want to go out, like call my mom. You know, Like he wouldn't stay home and watch her. You know he can deal with the.
Baby, does he like being a dead.
I mean yeah, like you know, he's the one who wanted the baby. You know, he's the one who can think me like not to get an abortion, like was super into it, like will be you know, nice happy family and then yeah really yeah, yeah, so that's the thing.
Like you know, like I found out pretty early, and you know, like I was like for sure fifty to fifty, like definitely had to think about it, and in the end, like I did like keep her obviously my decision, but like he definitely like play a part in it too, you know. Was like I'm very happy now, Like I'm living my best life right now, so I'm like super happy and everything now. So everything worked out well, you know, but still like I have a boyfriend now and that's
been great. He's like the best guy ever. So it's like a one to eighty, you know.
That's awesome. Was was the baby planned? Like was it like a planned story? Like he became pregnant and then it was like fifty to fifty on keeping it.
Yeah, Like like we weren't even together when I got pregnant really like we had we had broken up, Like it was like August twenty twenty three and we had broken up. But then like like we had two cats, and I like was bored on a Friday night and like I want to go see if they were there, and then he weren't. They weren't there, like he brought them to his mom's and shit, and then like whatever, one thing led to another, so fucking stupid. So we
got back to bed together. Obviously when I found out I was pregnant and then Yeah, so it's already be like not stable to begin with, I guess, but like we're chilled now, you know, like he has a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend now, Like you know, he's living his life. I'm living mine. I mean we definitely do disagree every once in a while, and you know it's not too bad.
But you're living your best life now.
Yeah, definitely, like like having an amazing boyfriend. We have like a little like townhouse together.
We just got a dog.
You know, Like I work like part time, you know, like at a super chill like truck driving job. You know, everyone's like very nice, you know, so I'm pretty lucky.
That's awesome. Yeah, tell you about Yeah what is that? What does your best life look like? Is it? Is that what you always wanted to be?
Like yeah, definitely. I think it's like I don't really have like like a normal upbringing. You know, I had like divorced parents, but like not messy divorced parents.
You know.
So when I, like me and her dad didn't work out, I wanted to make it like as easy as possible. Like I didn't want any fighting, I didn't want lawyers. I didn't want court, you know, I just wanted to make it like easy as possible.
Mm hmm.
But yeah, but yeah, I love my life. Like I love that I get to drive around all day and you know, get to hang out my dog and go to pool and like my me and my boyfriend golf together. We go to dinner even though we can't. We shouldn't go out to eat as much. That's our main issue in life, spending money on food.
But like.
Everything's so expensive.
And what's making your You said your boyfriend's the best. Why is he the best?
Well, I know, like he tells me he loves me. He actually like treats me right, he like cares about me and like shows it, you know, like took in like me and my daughter. You know it didn't have to do that. You know, he liked me and he knew he had a kid.
I had a kid.
But like he didn't have to do what he did. You know, he didn't have to help us and like you know, help me, you know, like he didn't have to do all that, but he did.
Mm hmmm hm. No, he sounds like a good dude.
No, definitely, he does like like car wrapping, so like you know, like you put like let's say you get a new car whatever, and you want to protect your paint, like he does that, so he like wrapped the car and like a clear film or like you can make a mat or whatever. He has his own business.
Nice. What uh? And you're Canadian?
Yeah?
Yeah?
Where in Canada? Do you? What city is it?
I'm in Montreal and I'm actually here in Montreal.
Oh, Montreal. You go to the show. Oh cool, that'll be my first dude, that that's gonna be my first time in uh Montreal. I've heard only incredible things about Montreal. I've heard it's like an amazing place.
No, honestly, I love living here like I was born and raised, you know, like I love it other than the friends, like everything is great other.
Than okay, tell me about this. What do you mean other than the French?
Well, just because like I'm like born here, but like I don't speak very good French, so like sometimes it's hard for me.
You know.
That's why I like, I like truck driving. I don't really have to speak French to anyone, but everyone.
Speak Well what's the deal there? Okay, So I'm very that's been a thing and I guess I'll get a handle on it when I go there. I'll probably stay a few days. Actually, most of these places I'm kind of going in and out. But Montreal, I want to stay a few days.
I've yeah, I do for sure.
I've heard that. It's like, yeah, I don't know what's the deal with it, because it's like it's frenchy, but not everyone speaks French. But sometimes I meet a guy from Montreal and he has like a French accent, and I'm like, what is this? But then I talk to you and You're just like, uh, you have a fully Canadian accent. So I don't know what's going on.
So, like, it all depends, I guess on where you're like born or raised, Like I'm in like the west part of Montreal, so it's all like English here, like very English like suburbs, you know. And then if you're in the city or like the outskirts of Montreal, it's more like French, you know, like Laval and like Lunge, like downtown, you know, French. But let's say I are to go to a restaurant downtown and spoke English, like
the waiter would speak English to me. You know what, I mean like people are pretty bilingual mm hm, so like you'll have no problem you know, talking to people like maybe like they'll have an accent, but like they'll still speak like English to you. And people love tourists, you know.
Do you guys get a lot of tourists.
Yeah, I would, I think so, Like I don't go downtown too often, but I love going to the Old Port during the summer. It's so nice, like going on the terraces and everything like that the best.
Well I I was gonna h I also wanted to ask you wanted to talk about what it's like being a female truck driver. I didn't know if you wanted to elaborate on that at all.
I mean, it doesn't really matter, like I mean, it's pretty fun, you know, like like I don't know, like it just sometimes like obviously men like it always seems like they're very surprised, you know, because I'm like not a tall girl, Like I'm pretty petite, you know, So like there was like, oh, like how do you do this drive these big trucks, you know, And I'm like I don't know, like you like normally, like I just got to bring the seat up a little more than you,
Like I don't know, like I think it's the only thing, or like they'll call me like, you know, like in French, like pretty is like Jali, So they'll call me like Jelly a lot, you know a lot of people I work with, but like sometimes I'll go like today, like a construction worker called me that and I was like okay, like but like move along.
You know, it is the horniest language, is it not?
Yeah, I feel like it.
Like pepe lepeu, like the the most famously horned do you know pepe Lepu?
Yeah, of course I love Mooney Tunes.
I feel like Jalie. I will say, like, but it makes sense that it's like the hornious language because like I don't know, if like some French guy called me Jalie, you know, I would I would blush a little bit.
I think, yeah, for sure, I mean I'll take the comment, you know, like I'm not like they're not being like rude or anything or like overly like sexually, you know, like they're just old men, you know see a pretty girl, Like I don't really let it bother me too much.
So you speak a little bit so everyone like when you go to you went to school there right, Like what do they teach in school? Is it French or English?
So well, there's two school boards. There's an English school board and the French school board. I went to the English one because do you need, like your parents to be born both your parents be born in Quebec to be able to be able to go to English school? Because both my parents were born here, I was able to go to English school. But if they weren't, I was an immigrant. Like immigrants when they come here, they're forced to go to French school, like, so they have
no choice but to learn French. So they're like stuck in quebecause they only know French when they come here.
That's stupid. Yeah, that's kind of wild, is it? Why do they do it? Why did they do it?
Like that?
Be could they want to protect their language?
Oh yeah, but then it fox everyone who goes there, because yeah, they can't really leave Quebec exactly exactly.
But that's why I like you if you're never coming from you know, wherever, you know, India or whatever, like they want you to stay here, but they want you to like only learn their language, you know, m And they make you pay a bunch of money to come here too.
How big is this truck you're driving? How many wheels? We talking?
Uh?
Some eyes like eighteen wheelers and stuff and or like straight bodies like the long ones. Yeah. Yeah, I have to, you know, be careful, especially driving around the city. But that's why, like it's kind of safer than highway driving. You know, more accidents can happen that way, So I don't mind being in traffic all day, you know, like just going around the city.
Wall, I feel like it was okay. So I actually was feeling like it's the opposite because if you're on
a highway, you just got to move forward. You just like like I love when I'm doing a long drive and I look at my Google Maps and it says like one hundred miles or kilometers or whatever until the next thing, because I'm like, all right, I just go forward, right, But yeah, driving an eighteen wheeler at like like taking an eighteen wheeler to like a traffic stop, that sounds that sounds like a nightmare.
Yeah, I mean it's honestly, like I'm going pretty slow, you know, it's not a big deal. And I'm like just like kind of cruising around the city, you know, like I'm not really rushing anywhere. It's more annoying like when I'm trying to get home and like there's traffic, which tends to be often but you know, it is.
What it is.
But like the thing is, it's like when you're on the highway, like it's more dangerou because like that can cause like a statal axit. You know, I'd rather get into a little fender bender, you know, like in the city then like get into like a five car pile up on the highway, you know what I mean. Like I feel like that's like what the danger is. I don't get paid like crazy, so like the highway guys they get paid more because like of the risk and obviously they're.
Going further, you know. Yeah, yeah, I've talked about this a billion times something here, But like I fucking that's the thing that's the most, Like that's so dangerous to me, just be the highway. I hate the highway. Like I'd rather go to like the walk around you know in Iraq than like be on like the highway of a nice suburb.
You know.
Like that shit fucking scares me.
Yeah, exactly, for sure. Like I MO, it's like I always hear about accidents and shit, you know, people dying all the time. Like I always see like people dying, you know, and it's like, fuck, man, it's messed up.
Well, I hope you live long enough to be a little old lady walking around Montreal. That sounds like one of the best lives available to a human being.
Thank you me too, honestly, Like, I want to live a long time. I don't want like I want my daughter see me when I'm like old and shit, you know, and be there and watch her and everything. We just had a loss in the family. My aunt just passed. It's like, why can my cousin be without a mom? I'm like, oh, I don't want that to ever happen, you know, like only when I'm really old.
Sydney, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh No, everyone, have a nice.
Night, beautiful. I'll see in Montreal.
Dog, Yeah, I see you in Montreal. Have a good one, by Sydney. Thanks by.
Montreal. Yeah, Canada's cool. I was just in Vancouver. You want some funny aout Vancouver?
I was.
I was in uh. I was on a leg of the tour that took me through the Pacific Northwest, and I forgot my passport. I was like, oh fuck, So I like looked it up online and it's like, you can so like legally if you have a like a like a true notarized copy of your birth certificate and your driver's license, sometimes they'll let you in. But I didn't have that. I just had I like printed out like just a piece of paper from like an email.
My mom sent me with a copy of my birth certificate and my my driver's license, and they they let me in. And then I came back to America with just that like piece of paper and my driver's license and they let me in again. The Canadian border is very chill, so I mean you probably I wouldn't risk it. If I were you, I wouldn't go out of my way to I wouldn't go to I wouldn't go to the border of Vancouver and fucking Washington, Oregon, whatever one of those states. Why do I not? Why is it
that I wouldn't. I wouldn't bet my life that I know whether Oregon or Washington is this north or in most state, It's got to be Washington. It's Washington. Washington is above Oregon. Yes, Washington. I wouldn't go to the border of Washington in Canada just to see if you can do it. But if you if you have to, if you're there for whatever reason, and you get a nice Canadian guy, he might let you in without a passport.
You can. You can. You can tell them that you heard that on the Therapy Gecko podcast and they'll let you in.
Hell. Hello, Hey, what's up?
What's up? How you doing? How's life?
That's all right? How about you?
You know? Uh, just another day, just another day. What's your name?
I'm Jackson?
Jackson. What brings you to the Therapy Get Go program today? Uh?
I don't know, man. I was just having a bit of a of a hard day, but I just got that com I'm feeling a bit better. But you're just having a weird day with my girlfriend.
I guess what's been weird about it?
Well, basically, we're hanging out today. I'm like about to leave to work at a summer camp job, and her birthdays on the weekend, so we just like went to hang out. We went to like a ceramic place to make some pottery and like go for lunch, and basically she was just like very upset at me this morning, because like right when she woke up, she was just like really stressed, and I was like, why are you,
why are you stressed? Like what's going on? And she just like wasn't able to tell me, So I didn't really know what to do. And then she was just like kind of upset all day that I like wasn't able to help with that. And then yeah, she's at work now and we had like a really not great conversation about and I just feel kind of weird about the situation.
Okay, so she her birthdays this weekend. You guys, you did a bunch of birthday stuff with her earlier because you're going to be out of town for the summer camp job. Uh, she wakes up, she's stressed out, and then she's upset at you for you don't really know why she's upset at you.
Yeah, like she she was just she had like a rough day at work yesterday and I was like really trying to just be there for her last night, but I guess this morning, I like didn't quite have the energy to give and I was just kind of like hoping that she would figure it out and like be okay. And because she just didn't really know like why she was stressed, but she was stressed. And then when you like kind of ruined the whole birthday day.
I guess when when you when you say you didn't have the energy, you were hoping she would figure it out? What was there? What was there too figure out that she needed from you.
I was trying to figure out why she was stressed. She was telling me she didn't know, but she like wanted me to help. So I was saying, how can I help you, and she was saying, I don't know. So then I just was kind of like going back to bed. And then we had talked about it later because she was just like kind of in a bad mood after that, and she was saying, it's like because I couldn't like figure out why she was stressed and
like help her not be stressed. So I think she wanted me to solve it for her basically, But I don't know. That's where I'm like, I don't know what's what's going on. Maybe I'm being weird now.
I have multiple thoughts about this. Okay, tell me how long you been with this lady.
We've been together for like a year and two months.
Okay, has anything like this happened before? Or has she ever complained about the anything like this before?
Yeah, like quite a lot actually at testing.
Okay, many many.
Times it has And what give me like the last time it happened? Give me like the recurring situation? What does that look like?
So I guess last night, like she comes home from work, she had a rough day, like the just the person she was working with was like in a really bad mood. So she came home and was like, I had a really tough day at work. So I'm like, okay, like I'm totally down to like help you feel better or just like be here with you sad, And it was like working last night, like she felt better and like
everything was cool. But I think a lot of the time, maybe if she has like a bad day or whatever, I will like try to come in and be there. But if like I'm not able to make her feel better,
it's like she gets mad. It's me. So it's like it's almost like I guess to me, I don't know if it's actually what's going on, Like I might be having some weird process about it, but it feels like her whatever is going on in her day just kind of like translates into like that I have done something wrong, and she's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, it's you knows the thing. It's hard to assess. Yeah, so I have so many thoughts about this actually, because it's hard to assess this without like having been in this situation. But I might think multiple things. I think, like on your end, right, like, well, i'll talk about your end first, I'll talk about her end, So on your because you're because your ends more import
because your ends like what you can control. Right, So on your end, it's like if your girlfriend's having a bad day, you the whole like, how can I help you? And she says, I don't. No, obviously you can't be a mind reader, but really all you have to do is like all she wants from you in that moment is just like your presence. Yeah, there is, there's no
specific thing. I mean, there's sure there's specific things you can do to show your presence, but all she wants and you said the way you said, yeah, just now, it's like you're not stupid, you know this. She just wants your presence, right, She wants your your she wants your attention, she wants your presence, and life's hard. Sometimes you you don't have it. Sometimes you don't have that presence and you sometimes you reach into your brain and
it's fucking insufficient funds and that sucks. I've been a billion situations, you know, personal and professional where uh, you know, my presence was required and it just was I just had insufficient funds for that presence in my brain. And that sucks, you know. I think it's it's what you want to do is just try to Again, You're not stupid. You know this that that all she wants is your presence, right, So I'm sure you tried as hard as you can
to uh give her that presence. So but then on her side and it's I you know, I'm not talking to her, I'm talking to you. But on her side, it's like you gotta communicate and you can't just like go A to B you really can't. Just like it's not fair for her to take out her stress on you, Like you're trying to help as far as I know, you know, I don't know what the situation is. I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what it looks like. But you sound like a nice guy. You
sound like, you care about this lady. You sound like you're trying to give her your best presence, And in that moment, it's like it's she can't just take out her stress on you because like you're trying to you're trying to help her. As far as I know, you're trying to help her, You're trying to be there.
So I just want it's like it's.
Yeah, and so it sucks that she's like taken out on you. It's like, why are you taking it out on me? I'm trying to help you. So yeah, I mean, what when you bring this up to her? Like what does she say? How do these conversations go.
Like when I bring up the dynamic.
Or yeah, when I bring up the dynamic and when you're like, well you're you know.
Well, honestly, man, I think she's really great at coming back and I can tell she's really reflected and she'll come back and be like, hey, I'm really sorry about my reaction. I really want to work on you know, how I react when I'm stressed and how I deal with my stress. It's not fair to put it on you. I guess. I guess it's just like recurred. I feel
like kind of the whole time we've been together. So now I'm at the point where I'm like, maybe we need to change our strategy and the like talking about it isn't.
What's helping.
Interesting? What do you when you say you want to change the strategy? What is what do you mean by that?
I guess it feels more like you can you can only do so much talking with somebody. But I think what changes things is actually acting differently. So I guess it just feels maybe like a miss match in expectations, Like she just expects are going to act a certain way, and like as much as I want to try to act in that way, I just like can't do it exactly how she's expecting. Yeah, So that's where I'm like, do I just keep trying to like change it slightly or do I have to, Like, I just really want
things to work with her? And I know the other option is just to like be like, I'll find somebody else, but I care about this person, and I just I guess I just don't want to keep doing the same thing if it's not working. Ah.
I'm not an ex but you know it's I've been in little situations that remind me of this and it my you know, my my, my gut thing that I would that I my gut feeling that I have a better situation like this is that like you know, you've tried to like over the years, to like talk it through, communicate yourself. She over and over she said, And you know you've tried to do what's best on your We already talked about your end, which is like being present and shit. And then on her end, it's like she's
trying to not take out her stress on you. And she's told you that she's trying to not take her stress out on you, and and then she'll get upset and then she'll come back and be like, I'm sorry, I got upset, and then you'll you know, you'll kind of break and rec and being and break and reconvene. But but you're not noticed. But what I'm hearing is you're not noticing over time that the issue is improving,
but that it's just stagnant. So so this is one of those situations where if you feel like something is not uh getting better, it's probably likely I mean, if you feel like something's not getting better, there does come a point where like you should I think you should always keep trying, you should always keep letting yourself be known.
But they're kind of comes a point where you have to like look at a person and and and uh be like, you know what, this is not gonna improve or not not that let's say this not necessarily that this is not going to improve, but that in order to continue, you have to accept a reality where it does not improve, you know what I mean, Not say oh, oh, this is never gonna change, this person's ever gonna change, but accept the fact that they totally might never change.
And if you really love this person, if you feel really compatible with this person, if you really like this relationship to move forward, there does have to be some form of acceptance where you're like, you know, I'm willing to like, okay, I'm willing to stay, but staying involves accepting that this thing is gonna uh may not ever fucking change, and that everything else around it is so is good enough that I'm okay with this or you leave, But you sound like you want to work it out.
Yeah, for sure, No, I totally get what you're saying. Yeah, at some point, you do just have to accept somebody how they are and like they're showing you how they're gonna be. And I do think after a certain point you can maybe like hope for change as much as you want, but it is I think it does add more frustration where there doesn't need to be. I think, like trying to change somebody else really doesn't work. Ever, so I don't know, I see what you're saying. Man, for sure, Yeah.
It doesn't work. But there's also yeah, I mean everything I said is that it doesn't work, but you should also you should, but you should keep letting yourself be known and like keep communicating. It gets exhausting, but yeah, it's like the reality, the real it gets exhausted. But the reality is like when someone kind of shows you that they're not going to change over a long period of time, they're basically telling you, like, you know, hey,
take it or take it or leave it. And by the way, for sure, like and by the way, man, you know, on your end, it's like what the fuck it's situation. There's probably a lot of things where it's like she has to look at you and accept that you're not gonna change. You know. That's yeah, it's tough, man, Sorry what I said. Yeah, it's tough man.
Yeah, I just every time I've gotten in a relationship, it just feels like I'm immediately a burden with like you have to now choose if you're gonna stay our lead, whereas like if you're simply you don't have that decision, and like I want to be with one person going
forward to my life. But I guess just like that pressure of like are you gonna stay, you're gonna go is just like so hard to deal with because I also just want to focus on my own life and like the ship I got going on outside of a relationship, So I don't think thinking about a relationship all the time is like beneficial, but like I'd like to be in one.
You know, I'm not listen, I'll be honest, I'm not like a relationship expert. There is a part of me that there because there's another part of me that believes that, like, you know, the right relationship. I don't know if I don't know the more I get into things, I don't know if there is like such a binary of right and wrong relationship, But there is a part of it. There's a philosophy for me that goes, like you know, if you're in the right relationship, then you're not always
thinking if you should stay or if you should leave. Right.
Yeah, maybe it's just like kind of working out. I don't know, man, there's.
A big part of me that feels that way too, that if you're in there is a big part of me that does feel like in terms of like chasing your alignment in your life, that like the things that you're because I audit my life a lot, and I think, like, what am I? What am I like sure of? Like there's certain aspects of my life, certain people in my life, certain things where I'm like, I'm one hundred percent sure
about that. I don't waste time thinking about that. And there's tons of things in my life where I'm like, I'm like that takescept a lot of my time thinking should I or shouldn't I? And there's a part of it and I don't want to I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that. I'm really good at always going with this guttural response. But there's a part of me that feels like if you have to go, oh, should I or shouldn't I, then it is a sign
of of misalignment. But I don't have the wisdom yet to say if if I believe that's to be true.
Yeah, I think everybody kind of struggles with that, like forever pretty much. I don't know if you can really answer that question.
I don't know. I want to do the science on it. I keep thinking, I'm like, i should take like in my life audit. So I'm like, I should. I want to live a life where I'm like a full body yes to everything, But I don't know if that's a fantasy.
You know.
Yeah, I think I just want to feel excited about the decisions I'm making, you know. I want to wake up every day kind of being like, maybe everything's not perfect, but I'm excited about the choices I'm making and like the possibility of the choices I get to make today.
But I don't know if that's like realistic. Like I feel like a lot of days I wake up and I'm like I just kind of have to do what I have to do. But I don't know if that's like the way to live life.
You know. Well, I hope you figure it out, man, Thank.
You, thank you.
I was getting to dis respectful. I'm sorry.
Well, I mean that's what this whole stupid uh I think that's what the whole thing is is. Maybe it's not what the whole thing is, but uh no, I don't think you've I don't think you've gotten too introspective. This is a comple This has nothing to do with anything. But have you ever had the new This is not an AD. This is just I'm just thinking about this right now. There's nothing to do with anything we talked about. It's not an AD. But like, have you ever ever
had the dude? I just had the popped caramel Eminem's? Have you ever had those?
I've had the pop Skittles and there you've had the pop Skittles.
Okay, the pop Skittles? Okay, So I so, dude, freeze dried candy is a huge thing all over the place now. I keep seeing it everywhere and I've never I've only seen it with fruity candies. This eminem ship, it's the only time I've seen it with like a chocolate candy. It's up there with it might be one of the best candies I've ever had in my life.
It's really period.
Like well, first of all, it like, well, it is not an AD. I'm just thinking about that the like so like one caramel eminem it's so dense right when you kind of eat it and it's gone, But when they pop it, the density is is uh bigger. So it feels like you're getting more out of the same amount of the thing because it's like it's all popped and stuff, and then the texture is a lot more. It's like crunchy and still CARAMELI you know, isn't.
It more intensity or like you get a longer lasting experience, You.
Get a longer lasting experience, Yeah, because I could. Yeah, you get a longer last nit you get more out of less. I would say, I think a bag of popped caramel eminems will last me longer than just a bag of like the regular ones. They're better than you've never had caramel, that's not have you ever had M and ms?
Yeah, but I feel like I've only seen the peanut butter eminems. I don't know if I've ever even seen a bag of caramel eminem's in my life.
They only have the popped version of the caramel ones. That's the only eminem that they've popped. But I am open to them popping more. I don't know what the science is behind freeze drying shit and popping shit. I don't know if I can buy a freeze dryer off of Amazon. Let me know I can. I I'm gonna if I can buy a freeze dry I'm gonna sure.
I feel like you can't for sure?
Like what would be the first thing that you would freeze dry to pump?
Oh?
I would pop a Nerds gummy clusters. I was gonna say that I've popped oh, But I don't think. I don't think the texture of them is conducive to popping and freeze drying.
I feel like if you can pop a skittle and a caramel eminem, that's such a wide range of ingredients that I feel like you could pomp anything. Like I'm no candy genius, but I'm just thinking.
What's your name again?
That's Jackson?
Jackson. I hope you figure out all that stuff with your girlfriend too.
Thank you much. I appreciate that.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I love the podcast listening to a lot, and yeah, thanks for chatting with.
Me, beautiful yet blessed man. Thank you very much for calling and Sharon, good.
Luck, Okay, I have a good one.
Man, man. I hope our caller figures it out. I'm curious in the comments when people think about his his dilemma, because I I'm Yeah, we've been talking a lot about relationships on the podcast for a bit, and uh, I mean with all things in life, it's like, yeah, everyone's trying to chase like alignment, you know, and I don't know. I don't think perfect alignment part of me things perfect alignment in life is like a myth, you know.
But.
It could it could be possible. Maybe it's just me being me. Hello, Hello, is this Zeus?
Is this the get Go?
Yes, this is the Gecko and this is Zeus.
Dude, Helia, I am Zeus. You are the gek Zeus.
You texted me and you said you said that you are a caver and you go deep into underground caves for fun.
I do.
I do those things now.
That is one of those things that I think is insane.
You know, as I've been doing it over the years, I also think it's insane.
I mean, you've seen that photo of that fucking you know. I don't even the guy what's his name? You know, the photo I'm talking.
About, Yeah, I forget his name. That was a nutty putty cave.
Nutty putty cave. You've seen that photo, right, So you tell me you see that photo and you're still like, all right, I'm down to risk that shit.
Well, I personally don't go ahead first down holes. That's just a personal preference of mind.
But that's what caving like the cave do you Like? That's what caving is, right, It's going into unexplored caves and fucking around and trying not to get stuck. Right.
Uh, yeah, certain parts of it for sure. Yeah, you definitely don't want to get stuck or have a rock fall on you that kind of tings you into place that's uh, those are not good things.
So what is the process of the kind of caving that you do.
Well, a lot of people when when they think of caving, they think of like what you're thinking of is just going into really tight spaces and stuff. But like, there's a whole plethora of caves across the country where you know, you may be walking the entire time, you may be swimming, you may bring a boat, you may be doing a mix of all of those things. You may you may be going into really confined spaces with water. You know, it's a kind of a broad spectrum of what you
can do underground. You can even do rope access and do the SRT and ride ropes down huge pits.
But do you ever get freaked out that you're going to die like all the other people that died.
I have never felt that way. I've never felt like I was going to die in a cave. But you've always got the possibility of like a loose rock falling on you, especially if there's a slope into a pit and you're on ropes, your rope could adjust and a rock could fall on you. And that, to me, that's one of the most dangerous hazards that I faced rock fall.
What is the coolest cave that you've seen?
I'm not going to say the name of it, but there's this epic cave in Tennessee where approximately.
Wait, why would I say the name? Why would you say the name to the cave? Is it a private.
It's on private property. You don't want to you don't want to harass private property owners, and you also don't want to increase traffic because caving is kind of a conservation minded thing, you know, like it's leave no trace, you leave nothing, but for footprints and take nothing but pictures. So if you increase traffic to the cave, then it
just gets torn apart, basically. And if the public knew about it, then they're gonna want to go in there and not know what they're getting into and spray paint and leave trash and stuff.
Okay, tell me about this cave.
Oh yeah, Yeah, it's like a two hundred and sixty foot waterfall repel. You cave for about two hours and it's mostly walking stream passage. You're up to your waist to your chest and water most of the way, and then it breaks through this layer of limestone and drops two hundred and sixty feet up and you're about fifteen
feet away from this raging waterfall. And when I did it, my buddy had one of those massive like diving lights, and that can light up a whole massive room, and so I went over the lip of this pit and the whole waterfall was lit up, and it was just the most incredible thing I've ever seen. And that ride down and climb up was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had. I love that.
And and you just like broke into this guy's house and went into his cave, like this is where had you find this cave?
We had permission, We had talked to him prior and gave us a day and a time to show up and go visit his cave. It's a very massive cave. We only sorry.
How'd you know that he has a cave?
Through the grottos in the local area. You can get property access through people in the grottos. Grottos are caving clubs that are mainly across the southeast, but they're all over the country. They're just caving clubs where people who like crawling around in caves can meet other cavers and go explore.
How does it feel when you're in the cave?
To me, it feels he it's you know, there's no self service, it's it's dark, it's quiet, it's some kind of relaxing. You just dress a little warm, and you dress for your environment and try to prepare because there's no help for you down there. If if something out that happens, you know, I I find peace in it. That's how I feel.
What's the scariest thing you've encountered in one of the caves?
Ooh, good question. I've had rocks fall on me a couple of times, nothing major, mostly just little pebbles and stuff like maybe a little bit about the size of my fist. I had one hit me in a thigh
pretty bad and left a big bruise. What I think what scares me the most and what I think about the most is when you get on ropes and we're all we're all down there for fun, we're all trying to have a good time, and we're all hobbyists, and a lot of people don't really have extremely good vertical skills, and that's okay, but it's scary when something happens and they potentially become stuck on rope or can enter an uncontrolled repel on rope. So there are ways to medicate that.
But I think I think that's the scariest thing to me is not necessarily knowing the skills of my partners doing the activity.
M okay, So it's not being able to have a crew that you.
Trust sometimes yeah, yeah, most of the time a cave with some very experienced cavers and we all know what we're doing, and even then things can still happen, for sure.
How about creatures, you see any crazy creatures? Critters?
Oh yeah, okay, thousands of bats. They're really cool environments because a lot of the creatures in the cave are cave adapted, so they only live down there. So tons of salamanders. In my area Tennessee, we have this salamander called the Tennessee Cave salamander, and it's it's only a very small area that they live in, but they're really cool and they're quad. They swim around. They have these huge red gills, kind of like an ax A lottel. Yeah.
Tons of crayfish, like cave adapted crayfish. There's cavefish that are white. The crayfish are also white. A bunch of different baths. I'm always scared that I'm gonna turn around the corner and see like a horny female, but bigfoot that's gonna kidnap me. That's always be in my big fear of underground.
A lot of people that's their fantasy.
Well it's not my fantasy, it's a fear of mine.
So, uh, what do you do outside of caving?
Outside of caving, I do a lot of fishing, hiking. I work in rope access and work on wind turbines, repair the blades on them. We repel off those giant death machines.
Wind turbines, so you're just constantly around things that can kill you.
I'm more scared of the wind turbines than I am of the cave, to be fair.
Right, right right, literally, sorry, go ahead, no, you go ahead.
A wind turbine is literally a giant machine that is designed to kill you. That's that's we say that in safety meetings all the time and keep it in the back of your head at all times. You're around a bunch of moving parts and they're you know, they're they're generators, they're electrical machines, so you've got to be very cautious with how you approach and treat those those things.
You think more people have gotten killed by wind turbines or by caves?
Oh, another good question. I I don't have an answer for you. A lot of people have died in caves. There have been several people that have died on win tournaments. I would say probably caves, but I don't have a factual answer to tell you. That's my my opinion. If I had to.
Guess, zeus before we go, give me, give me the dream cave. Where's the cave where you're like, I've always wanted to look and see what's inside of this particular cave.
The dream cave, I think a good multi drop cave. So it's like you repel in and you do some horizontal caving and it goes the trip is down, and we'll also do it. Let's make it a pull down cave to where when you go into the cave and you repel down to your first level, you pull the rope down behind you, and once you do that, you're committed to going to the bottom. So there is going to be a second entrance, at least one, and it's
going to be beautiful through the whole way. Lots of formations, lots of critters, lots of like salamanders and cave adapted life through the passages and water. Water caves are a lot of fun when when you're repelling next to the waterfall and crawling through water or even walking or waiting through it. I think that's my perfect mix of caves.
Wait, well, I guess I'm looking for a specific cave like a white wolf a white whale cave where you're like, I want to go to the you know, deep in fucking China or wherever, Like, is there a specific cave that you want to go see.
A specific cave, probably let you gia. It's been closed the cavers for a long time. If you're not a researcher, let your gia.
How does one Because if you're not a researcher, but aren't you, I mean you're a researcher. You're what's it really take to be if you're going into the cave to look at shit? That's researching, right, You don't need a piece of paper to say you're yeah.
Yeah.
So like I do map caves. I I make my own maps and publish them through a caving club. But like they're looking for more people who have like who can study animals like cave adapted life, or study the geology, or study like why this cave the way it is is? Why is this cave the way it is? You know know, like so like the average caver doesn't typically get permission to go visit the bottom of letagee and see all the cool stuff.
Why is this cave the way it is? It's profound good question.
I think that all the time.
Zeus, Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh?
I love you get Thank you Zeus. I wish you good tiding. I'm gonna manifest that you have good cave experiences for the rest of your life.
Thank you, Gek. I'll try to stay safe.
See see Zeus, Zeus, see a Zeus, see you.
Man.
I hope that God is okay in the caves. Man. I don't fuck around in caves, man, but I guess someone has to. I guess someone's got to see what's going on in those caves. We thank Zeus for being that's someone who from Alexia.
Hello, Oh my god, Hello, Hi.
What's your name?
My name is Alexia.
What's up, Alexia? How's life? Life is good?
I'm standing in the middle of the forest right now.
You're standing in the middle of the forest. Yeah, what are you doing in the middle of the forest.
I'm actually at work. I do feel botany, so I'm like hiding plants and measuring trees and shit.
Oh cool. How how tall was the last tree that you measured?
Well, we measure the diameter, so I don't know, is maybe like a diameter of twenty.
Five a diameter of twenty five?
Yeah, I mean like sometimes we measure the height, but we're usually doing uh width for it.
Yeah, do you think trees are important people?
I do think trees are important to people, seeing as we can't really like breathe without oxygen.
That's true. I was gonna ask why you think trees are important? But that's good. But this this does make sense the whole but the whole thing of trees providing oxygen. I mean I'm in a city and there's like two trees in the whole city and everyone's breathing. Fine, you know does that How does that work?
Well?
I think the idea is that like all the trees on the planet like dispersed the oxygen because there's something like I don't know, this is like totally made up maybe, but like the Amazon rainforest provides like some big percent of oxygen for the whole planet. So I don't know. I think it just spreads around.
Alexia is was there a particular thing that you wanted to talk about today?
No, I mean I just saw the you posted on your Instagram. I probably have had like a thousand things that I've wanted to say in the past, but uh no, I'm just a chilling right now.
And how long do you have? How long do you how long do you have until you have to get off the phone and go do tree stuff.
Well it's lunch now, so my timeline is pretty free. I think we have like a cool schedule. So we just kind of come out here and like fallock around for a while and then go back to the office.
So it's chill.
Is there. So okay, So you have like an actual office that you work out of too, it's not just yeah.
No, yeah, it's like fun we do. So we do like, uh like forest assessments for like military land, like soldiers come out here and train and then we come through and see like how bad they messed it up or like how like if they can go back to the spot. I'm not totally sure. I just take all the data for it. My boss does whatever else with it.
And do you ever see any cool animals while you're doing it? Oh?
Yeah, we see. So I'm in Alaska and it's actually interesting because I've heard recently that you've had a lot of callers in Alaska, but you don't they don't seem to be interior. I live in Fairbanks in the interior.
What does that mean? Interior? Exterior?
So like the exterior is anywhere like around the coast or like I don't know, maybe like one hundred miles in from the coast, and then the interior is maybe like because there's like a mountain range that borders the coast, and I think the interior is considered inside the mountain range. So I'm in, like I'm in like central eastern Alaska.
I want to go. I'm going to Alaska. I have a show there in October. I'm gonna probably do.
Some I know, I'm literally signed up for the I'm signed up for the thing. Hell yeah, yeah, yeah, you know the thing.
Do you have anyh go ahead? Go ahead?
Oh sorry, yeah, Well everyone from Fairbanks has to go to Anchorage for like events and stuff, and it's like six hour drive. So I'm pretty stoked for that. It's gonna be fun. I think if you get the chance, you should come to Fairbanks. Although it's October so there's probably not a lot happening, I you know.
I to me, when people say like, oh, there's not a lot happening because it's you know, X month, I never I never like when people say that, because it's like, you know, listen, there's some The main attractions of any place to me are like, you know, just some fucking guy walking around, you know, and everywhere you know, I'm whatever the weather, whatever the time, everywhere in the world, there's always just you know, some fucking guy walking around
eating something, and I want to talk to that guy. So I don't, like, I don't always people do this thing about the weather where it's like, why would you go there in that weather? And it's like, well, I don't know, it's not why do I I just the idea that like you always have to travel to a place when the weather is perfect. I resent that.
No.
I mean, you're totally right, honestly, And you know what, there's so many like crazy people here, but I think that you'd have a great time if you got to talk to some people on the street.
Yeah.
People keep telling me that about Alaska, that there's uh because it's either it's either always really dark or really sunny.
Right yeah, like right now we have like twenty well it's almost twenty four hours of daylight. Solstice is next whoa really really yeah, Like it's really hard to go to bed at night because it's just like sunshine out all the time.
WHOA, Okay, I know I just made that whole stink about the weather thing. But I would like to see that. That sounds very no.
Yeah, yeah, that's like the highlight is like we we Alaskan, We really like to tell people to come up here during the summer so they can get to see the midnight sun. It's really cool. But you know winter is really cool too, is Yeah, I will would recommend ten out of ten in.
October is it fully dark?
So October it's like so like the solstice and the summer is June twentieth, and then the equinoxes December twenty fifth or something, so that's like the lightest and then the darkest day of the year. So October is like kind of in between. I feel like October would be like a typical daylight cycle for like in the lower forty.
Eight Alexia, Yeah, is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I would like to say, thanks for picking up and peace and love.
Thank you, Alexia, have a good rest of your entire life.
Thank you.
Goes on line, thank you calls every night.
Everything goes to and his eye's.
Teaching you to a house of your life. But he's not really an expert.