Hello, Hello, Hi.
What's your name? Sir?
Hey, Chris Barty against you or I should say Chris Barty Tea is just a Jene Nasha. I am from the Nafo Nation in northeastern Arizona. Cool and that just gave me to I told you who I am, my name, my four clans, and where I'm from.
I appreciate you telling me your actual name, but I do have to let you know. So there's times during this podcast where a guy will be like, my name is Steve, and I'll forget that immediately, So I probably I'm not good at remembering things, but that sounds cool. That's a cool name. Do people call you by that name?
Yeah? They just leusually called me Chris, like Chris, that's my last name, Yeah, Chris Christ.
And you're from the Navajo Nation.
Yes?
Cool, you said living in Phoenix.
I'm living in uh on the Napo Nation. In the community it's called h fitch is it in our language, which means rough rock? So I live on the on the reservation on the NFL Nation.
Yeah, what's it?
So?
What's it like on the reservations? Because I've heard a lot of different things, but they're all just rumors I want to hear from you.
Well, it depends who you ask. We have what kind of in a moment of transition in the culture, Like we're still trying to hold on to our traditional ways, our language and culture, but at the same time, influence from the outside world is kind of drawing a lot
of our people away, especially our young people. So they want to be more westernized, and they mostly some of them mostly speak English only or they only speak maybe partially now for or some even Like a lot of young people are grappling with trying to understand the culture and the fluency of the language. But you can ask me anything.
How old How old are you?
I am thirty eight, Okay?
And did you grow up speaking this language or did you learn it later?
Oh a uh shamasana a my grandmother and shamato uh shatay my my relatives, my aunties, my uncles and people were fluent speakers, so they spoke to us at little kids, and I grew up speaking the language. Uh. And we're learning a lot of things as an adult.
Yeah, do you have kids.
I raised two boys, they're my nephews. One's eighteen and one's fourteen with my family. But I don't have any children of my own, not biologically.
Did you raise them like by yourself or was your brother slash sister there too?
My sister she's in college and working and things, so I pretty much raised them from babies like when the time they came from the hospital to the time they're like almost adults now.
Mm hmmm.
So that's very common with our culture because we we have like intergenerational families sometimes living together in the same area, and where we we go by clans. We have a plan system, so we have an a Our mother and our father's plan are the main plans that we affiliate with. So that was very.
Much wall I'm sorry, but are you are you? Are you taking a walk right now or something?
Uh?
Yes, I'm hurting sheep or I'm walking off my goats and sheep.
You're walking with your goats and sheep? Yes, whow interesting? I feel like you know what I feel like. Normally I would ask if you could stand still so that we can have this conversation without your phone going in and out. But I guess I can't tell you to stop hurting the sheep.
Oh jeez, yeah, I'm standing still at the moment. I'm not moving.
Okay, all right, you're hurting sheep. Interesting, Okay, we're going. There's so much to I want, There's so much to talk to you about. How did so, how did you grow up? What was it like for you? Did you grow Did you grow up on this reservation that you're on right now?
Yes, I've I've lived here all my life and I've grown up here. And I went to school here on the reservation, and I went to for a short stint, I went to Santa Fe. Yeah, I have a place called the Institute of American Indian Arts, and so I studied filmmaking there, and I came back here and started farming full time years ago. So, yeah, I studied filmmaking.
Have you made any films?
Just one? I helped out in some small films. I'm also a writer. I write poetry. I've written, uh and published poetry, mostly attempting to write a novel. I've done screenplays. I've helped edit people's work, you know, sometimes gone uncredited. But that's okay because I just volunteer, you know. But yeah, I went to Telm school.
Mm hmmm. What do most people, uh they do for work on the reservation.
Oh, they have odd jobs. Some work with the tribal They have a tribal headquarters, so people are work for the tribe doing different things. Some work as maintenance people. Some go off the reservation to find jobs in the cities, like weldings a big thing, electricians, journeymen. Some people are cowboys, professional cowboys, you know, like just all sorts of things. Some people are medicine people, they do healing work. I'm in the community and you know, for the world, so
it all, it all varies. Some are teachers, some are doctors. Some are this so that you know. Some people have gone to Harvard, some people have gone to Columbia. Some people come back to the rask people live. You know, we have Navajos everywhere, you know, like the people that I uh, the tribe that I belong to.
So there's a battle going on where younger people are becoming more westernized, and like the original culture is kind of being being lost, you say, in some ways.
In some ways a lot of people have seen the the change is happening, and they're doing something about it. They're being proactive in their families. They're speaking the language to the young people, they're bringing them to ceremonies, they're engaging with them culturally, teaching them things. We're land based people, uh,
that we have our origins here on this land. Our Cracian stories say, we came out of the earth and from there we journey through several worlds into this one that we're currently And.
You journeyed through several several worlds.
Yeah, under the earth, like in the ground, like ants. Yeah, so we were like spirit beings, but when we came up, we came into like material, physical beings like you and me, like human being, you know.
Confession blood, I gotta ask why, why why do you think we stopped here? Like what is it about this place where it's like, you know what, let's stop at this world, this wireless one as McDonald's.
Well, your people came from across the ocean, so you know, actually, actually, why why did you guys stop here?
A wait? Are you talking about like this like soul like spiritual souls you're talking about like the Navajo people.
Well, I'll talk about my people. We we we uh, we came out of the earth, out of out of sick place. I can't mention the name, but we came into this world and we are our boundaries to our homeland is four sacred mountains, and we stayed within those four sacred mountains what were supposed to anyway?
M hm, so I okay, I'm curious about this. Okay, So yes it is true. Yes, Uh, white people came to what was America called before all that stuff happened.
It depends on who you taught to a lot of the tribes like then the Shawnee and the Iroquois First Nations people, Uh, the sixth Council of forget how many councils they are, the people in the eastern part of the US, the Wapanog, the Cayuga, the Shawnee, the Pahatan, all those people that the Mayflower people met, the first colonists that came you know, Jamestown and all that before Columbus and the Spaniards after excuse after they came like with plummet Rock and all that. They called this plan
Turtle Island. Those people over there.
Hunts Turtle Islands. So okay, So yes, white people came and we just fucking did a bunch of shit. And then I'm curious, so does the American government, like to to what degree has the American government been like, you know, are bad we're gonna help you guys like you know has has what what does that look like?
Well, we have what it's called. Uh. We my ancestors fought the Americans when they came and tried to control them, and a lot of people were captured in the resistance.
Some people evaded resistance. My ancestors included Uh, they escaped and fought back and hid from the It was just carried in eighteen sixty four where the federal government came and relocated and tried to uh take them at least nine thousand Napos from the from our homeland when they marched them into New Mexico to a place called Fort Sumner and held them at gunpoint for four years. So they were incarcerated in a concentration camp like like what
happened with the Holocaust. Yeah, them us and also Mescalero Apaches and some other tribes. But the Muscleros got out in the night that it took off. So my people we call ourselves the NET. That's that's who it means. The people are human beings. So uh, the NET people uh were there for four years until eighteen sixty eight, where we signed a peace treaty with the United States government and military to quit fighting. Okay, so we have a peace treaty with the United States or treaty tribe.
So there's a peace treaty. But like, does the government like do anything for you guys like today.
Yes, they're obligated under the provisions of the Treaty of eighteen sixty eight to provide whatever way they can to try to they give like funding to the tribe contemporarily. And right now there's a lot of discussion and there's a lot of controversy how to spend federal funds that we get from the tribal government and I'm excuse me,
from the federal government to the tribal government. You see, our tribal government was set up in nineteen twenty three as a business council, and so in order to give legitimacy to energy corporations to mine and drill into the earth for oil, uranium, coal, natural gas, helium, and whatever you know water. So on our homeland there's a vast amounts of natural resources, including timber, you know, gravel, whatever you know. Coal. There was a big thing uranium I
think I mentioned uranium oil. And so when they discovered all these minerals below us are on the land itself. They came in and started to mine and established a relations with the tribe to modernize the now for people through boarding schools and through like things like mission schools, boarding schools where they took children away and basically tried to teach them how to be like white people. MM.
So you said that, you said that there's a controversy in terms of how this money should be spent by the tribal government. What's that controversy? Where do people think the money should be spent.
Well, they have several trust funds and they have several funding sources where they set up I guess like big bank banking systems. They try to make use to distribute the wealth of the tribal government evening among the people, but the tribal officials mostly spend it among themselves. They pay themselves millions of dollars and the hundreds of thousands of US in salary, like six seven figure salaries, and it's just really ridiculous. So that's where a lot of
the local government we see. We have one hundred and ten chapters, and we have a tribal council, and we have a three branch government like that mirror is to the United States government. And so we also have a president and there's been like a lot of controversy with him and his leadership are lacked thereof.
So the government is so a lot of the tribal government has gotten fairly corrupt.
Yes, just because they haven't learned how to utilize the funding correctly. M in my in my opinion, m hm.
So so the did the reservations right? Do they do? They follow? So they have their own government and their own kind of rules and laws and stuff, and like they do they have to like are are they still under the jurisdiction of the federal American government or like even or even like the state government that they're located in.
Yes, we have I'll start of the state. We have tribal representation within the different districts of the state of Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah. And we have uh people out in Washington who advocate our behalf. We have a Washington office kind of like a like a little embassy that people go out there and try to establish not just funding but laws that will help our people. And there's all sorts of things. I know, if you're familiar with federal Indian law, but there was a lot of things
that happened. The reorganization Department of Interior, which we call the bare Indian Affairs, oversaw a lot of tribal government business until they handed it over to the tribes. I think it was in nineteen fifty two or somewhere around there, organized a tribe into a tribal government with a three branch system, and so we're like a many Washington.
I like to say, it's just funny that I'm imagining you telling me all of this while you're hurting sheep.
Oh, yes, how is the sheep herding going?
It's good. I'm actually I'm trying to look over the hill here, see where they wait, because I was trying to hold steel they wanted at all, but they're not far.
So okay, you know, let's let's talk. I want to talk about you. I'm curious about you.
Okay.
So you have these two nephews that are basically like your sons. You have two boys that you raised. Do you have a wife or a girlfriend.
No, it's a I don't have anyone like currently in my life like that.
Did you did you use did you used to? Are you divorced or broken up.
Or oh I've left a long shrill of heartbreaks now. Uh, yes, once upon a time ago I did.
How did you meet these ladies? Like? Where are they like? Women that you met on like the reservation?
Yeah? I met some in high school. I met some in the I was involved in online resistance movements to try to protect sacred sites and things like mountains or water rights. I fought and want against power plants with people you know, and we uh built poalitions to protect the Grand Canyon in certain places, the Holy San Francisco
Peaks and flag Staff. Mhm. We did things like we changed ourselves to machinery and as far as protests, lots of community involvement, a lot of organizing, a lot of spiritual support from our elders and our medicine practitioners are healers.
So where do you Where do you think we go when we die?
Uh?
To the spirit world, the spare world. Do you think the spirit world is better or worse than the current world?
Oh, there's there's no sadness, there's no grief, there's no pain. It's just bliss. You're you're free.
Interesting, interesting mm hmm.
It's better than a Christian heaven.
So are you I don't know, man, I I guess are you? Like who's around? Like, what's the community like? Do you have a lot of friends and family hanging around? Oh?
Yeah, I got a whole bunch of followers social media people around me, but I live a pretty private life. I don't be.
You have I asked if you have a lot of people? Are you have? I asked if you have a lot of people around you?
You have?
You have social media followers?
Oh yeah, I have tons of followers and people that follow what I do. I work.
Okay, what about like, like, you know, like people in the community.
Not so much because I don't really mingle with them my neighbors, because we're we're like really private people. We don't really like get into people's business too much. But I do have I'm surrounded by relatives like blood and clan, so we all know each other, you know, but we just live separate lives.
Do you prefer the social media followers to the actual people?
Oh? Yes, because because the neighbors around me. If people get territorial and envious of things that you do, so we just kind of like I just or them, you know. Mm hmmm, it's kind of weird.
Do you talk with your followers?
Oh? Yeah, I engage with people all the time every day.
Where do you Where do you post this stuff? Uh?
Instagram, Facebook mainly. I don't really do TikTok or anything else, but that.
This is so interesting where you're like a sheep herder influencer.
Yeah, I have like five thousand followers on Facebook and my tenth or five thousand friends. I max it out all the time and people come on drop off and I'm about two thousand something on on Instagram, But I kind of neglect in it because I'm been so busy, you know, only kind to do things.
Do you feel like the sheep are your friends or that they're just like fodder? Like, what's your relationship like with the sheep?
Well? I call them my children and do that my babies, you know, even though I eat them sometimes.
Yeah, sometimes you gotta do that.
Mm hmm, we.
Mm hmm.
I'm fascinated by this. So you prefer being around sheep and social media followers to real people?
Yeah? Because animals they love you unconditionally. People are complicated.
Yeah, it's true, that's true. Do you do you hope to one day develop stronger relationships with the people around you.
Well, yeah, to a point. But like I said, I like my private you know, m hm, because once you start engaging with the community, they bring into the problems and I don't want to get involved people's problems. You know, I got my own problems.
So your nephews are so your nephews, I guess, are the representation of these young people who are becoming more westernized. Do you think that? Do you think your nephews are being westernized? Like, what's your relationship with them on that front?
Well, there's two ways. Show them the culture and bring them into it every day, a little by little, you know, and you teach them this is what this plant is. This is the name of this lizard. This is the name of that bird. This is the name of the when the clouds, the lightning in the thunder, Mother Earth, you know, father Sky, the Sun, father's son, grandmother is the moon, the stars. You know. You called them and you tell them this is what they're called, you know,
And that's how I was raised. And uh, this is what herb kills pierced. This, this is what herb helps the sheep. This is what herb is a tobacco you can smoke. This is how you make an offering for rain, you know. Hm, we're always praying. We pray with corn pollen and corn mill.
Mmm. Do you are? Are you are? Do you feel like they're being westernized? Like, do you like, is there like a specific part of Western culture or something like that that you think that they have found themselves aligned with.
Oh, movies, TV shows, video games, social media, music, you know, that's that's normal. I think every young person native and non native loves all that, right, like Fortnite whatever, you know, Legend Azelda. I've played all those things and like watch movies all the time. I have Wi Fi at my house if I just get online and start doing things. You know, one of my favorite things that plays Assassin's Creed.
All those games fucking you play? You played Assassin's Creed three?
Yes, I played all the Enzo and all that. The only one I haven't played the latest one with the Samurai storyline.
So yeah, well, Assassin's Creed three you play? I think I don't know, I don't know if he's a Navajo, but maybe I think maybe he's a navajo. Yeah, Like his name is Ken Kenny something like that.
Yeah, Ken, No, he's a native from the from the East coast. Like he's inspired by is that he's a native baby. Yeah, my switch I was playing it one time, kind of got far, but it's kind of confusing because it's on the switch, you.
Know, Yeah, and the controls kind of suck.
I love it. I played Rest of the Wild and The Tears of the Kingdom and everything.
Dude, it's fine. Something dude, something about something about a sheep herd, something about like it's very like you. I'm like, I'm imagining that you right now are in a vast field like herding sheep, and then at some point you're like fuck this, and then you just pull out your switch and then you play play a simulated version of of being in a vast field.
Yeah.
I live in the hills below a mountain. M hmm. The mountain is just like south of me. Uh, and I could go anywhere. There's canyons, there's springs, there's places where water comes and it rains it becomes like a river. There's also ta mesa tops like hills, rocks everywhere, trees, it's like a jungle like a and uh. Where I live at it's full of rocks and rocks everywhere, so it's not flat. It's like I'm a hill in a hill country.
There's one more thing I actually wanted to ask you before we go. You well, you texted me and uh you said that you you have a message that you wanted to deliver. Is that true? Is that accurate?
Yeah?
Yeah, before we go, do you wanna do you wanna to deliver your message?
I want to say that we're in a period of great transition on this earth and that we all need to come together, all people from all directions of life, to remember who we are as human beings, as people of the Earth's surface Nona, and no matter what color or blood, skin, or wherever we come from, we are all children of Mother Earth in the universe, and to never lose a connection to the source of life, to the Creator.
What do you think is this transition that we're going through? What would you how would you describe it?
We're coming into new times all the time, and people in a spiritual way think it's like a age of Aquarius or you know, some transition, some spiritual you know, five D reality, who knows, you know, they all have different things. You know, the year of the horse. You know, people astrologers talk about things with the planet whatever you know. But with us, in our traditional people, we see that we're coming back to our old ways. We're starting to
pick up where where our ancestors left off. Nesas that's what we call our ancestors. Has two Sania which means the way of our old people, the way of life, that way they live. Then they then and then not the excuse me? Then uh cut it ding j which means the corn pollen, the way which means the beauty way. We we pray for peace on earth. We also go to war. We have a warriors warriors societies. But when
we come home, we come home with peace and mind. John, and we want a beauty and we beauty around us, and beauty behind and before us, and are all around us, and make beautiful things come from our words and are our thinking and our hearing and our our our speak to our language. May everything become beautiful again? And j John Hasli Koja Hasli k j Hasli k j Hasli. I say that four times as a way of confirmation to say everything will be restored in harmony.
Chris, do you want to tell us where we can follow you? On social media and and keep up with your sheepherding adventures.
Is uh, you can find me at has teen got Herder at h A s T I I n go Herder Instagram and Chris Barney O k R I s uh space U A R n E Y like the dinosaur.
You're max you're maxed out on friends. Yes, you got to you gotta Oh okay, I was gonna say, you gotta purge some people.
Yeah, I just the other day I was filling kind of whimsical and so I I got meta verified. So I'm like navigating all that stuff now reels and you know, I'm trying to get mon monetization going, and it's like, I don't know how this all works. It's all complicated, but I'm figuring it out.
Dude, there's gotta be someone. There's gotta be some funk. I wish I was clever enough to come up with funny sponsorships for you to take as a sheep herder Instagram influencer. But they exist, they exist.
Yeah. Also, I sell seeds. I have a farm and my main uh employment is selling seeds.
Sell them? Do you sell the seeds online?
Yes? On many on those two platforms. Right now, I'm trying to get a website going, but I haven't figured it out how to do that?
Cool cool, cool well ship. I hope some people from this show go over and follow you. Maybe you can sell a seed or two.
Yeah, I sell all kinds of corn being squashed the back rook and chili tomatoes, mass thoogumsung flowers, we you name it, I grow it and I sell and I the seeds that grow are very drought tolerant, so they don't need much water.
And you sell the ship online or you like sell it at like a store.
Just out of my Facebook and Instagram at the moment. Cool.
Yeah, you're like a You're like a You're like a general.
Store on exactly.
Okay, yeah, all right here, you know I'll go there right now. What what say this? Say this? Say this again? I'll live how you act?
Hasting Hasting goat Herder on Instagram. H A S T I I N goat.
Herder hastin see okay, here you are Chris Barney. Well, okay, right, I don't know why. I don't know why I was so surprised to see a goat, but look at this goat. It's that's why does it have four horns.
It's a brief called now fla turtle sheet, and they have four horns. Most of them the rams. Some of them have two horns, some of them have like four horns. Some of them are fused together. It all varies.
Oh, this is you wearing sunglasses. You look pretty cool. I like how there's okay, your Instagram right now. I like how there's pictures of eagles and beautiful skies and then there's a just a meme that you posted and it's a guy looking in the mirror talking to himself going I'm not crazy, You're crazy. Yeah, Well, you sell seeds. I'm gonna look at your website. Okay, you have a po box, you have a YouTube chip. Wait, how come you don't have a link to your website on here?
I'm going into digital marketing mode. How do I yeah, I can't buy. How do we buy your seeds?
Well? Just message me. I was gonna update a list of seeds today and like I just mostly through. Like the direct are the it's a messaging direct messaging.
Ok all right, so you just so people just venmo you for seeds.
Yeah, yeah, Venmo cash Okay, all right, wait that's actually wait, that's way cooler.
Wait that's I I thought honestly, I thought what you did was cool before, but that's way cooler. You just like I thought you. I thought you had like an e commerce set up. You just you just kind of vibe it out.
Yeah.
Yeah, people they border and trade, but were thing too. You know. They give me food and we trade seeds with other people who are farmers and gardeners from all.
Over the way. So could I or anyone who messages you. Theoretically it like be like, yo, I have a I have like this rare Pokemon card, I'll send it to you in exchange for like a seed.
Yeah, or from corn, or like a uh something to eat, like maybe some pasole or some chili or you know something like that. You know, like there's a seeds butla food, and I saw all sorts of stuff. I'm kind of like a like a trading post or something, you know.
Okay, all right, I encourage, all right, I encourage the listeners of this podcast to message Husting the Goat Herder and and begin to barter. I'm very curious, but I'm very please let me know what kind of I'm I'm I want to know the most quirky trade that comes out of this. I want to see if you get like, I don't know, like a picture of someone's grandfather in exchange for a piece of wheat, you know, something like that.
Yeah. I have seeds from all over the place, all over the world. I have corns from the Ada Kama Desert in Chile. I have seeds from Brazil. I have seeds from like Europe, Turkey. I have a friend in Morocco that I'm trying to get some castor beans from him, you know, because they grow everywhere in Morocco, and I
send seeds everywhere. I've sent beans to Norway, Australia, Pakistan, all over the place, Germany, England, Brooklyn, New York, you know, La, Las Vegas, wherever I can send that ship things I tried.
Yeah, cool, cool, Thanks for talking to us today, Chris. I appreciate this. I hope I hope you get some good trades from this. This would be that'd be cool.
Yeah, even rocks. I like crystals and obsidian and things you can make arrow heads out of, you know.
Is there anything else you want to say before we go?
Just a yet, which means thank you, You know I've I've been I've been listening to you for a few years now, since probably twenty twenty two. Around there, cool and if you touch my heart? Oh, thank you, all your all your people on there. Just stay strong with each other. You know, we'll get through these tough times, you know, in this country, in the world. You know, things are kind of upside down, but I think they're
going to get better eventually, you know. Yeah, you gotta have faith and everything we do.
Hey, thank you, Chris. I appreciate the kind words.
Man.
I'll I'll see you around the spiritual, the spiritual realm.
Oh, definitely in this world too. You know, maybe someday I'll come and visit you in New York and then Washington wherever you came.
Out heaving fucking crazy man come through.
Yeah, I got an eagle feather for you, brother.
Oh, that'd be cool, all right, I'll chack all right. If I ever get to see you in real life, I'll trade you an eagle feather for a gecko foot, all right, right on. Hey, have it going, Chris, Thank you, man, here you will, but go on at by Chris. That was fascinating, dude, that man, I fuck with that guy that's I was dude, I was in my head thinking like he had like a some kind of e commerce store.
He's got like a Shopify page, and I'm like, no, I'm thinking he's fucking just He barters like straight up fucking yo. You're in Pakistan. You got a cool rock over there. Let me send you a seed in the mail you Venmo, no, no Venmo. You send me a seed. I'll send you a seed. You send me that cool rock. Shit it that's awesome. Everyone go trade with that guy. I want that guy to get all sorts of interesting stuff. Hello, what's up? Hey, how's it going?
Oh? Look with you?
You're about to go to work?
Yeah, I work at UH in thirty minutes, but I have to leave out like in like ten minutes.
So what made you want to call him?
The guy that was last talking on there on here about his culture and all of that was just super super interesting. And I have an interesting story about because I'm Native American as well. But yeah, but I'm like, my dad is half Naive American, half Puerto Rican, and my mom is white, so I kind of look just white and it's made it like kind of I don't know, nobody believes me, and then I have to like show them a picture of my dad and like he's like brown, so and then it's like I'm just like a kind
of a white presenting person. But my dad's family was super whitewashed because his mom, who is Native, she was utterly recognized as white and same with all of her brothers and sisters, because like that was like during the time of when they were sending like Indian children to boarding school. I don't know if you know about that, but her mom was like, you know, they were like, oh, no, she's white.
She doesn't need to go to boarding school.
You know, I'm white. And so basically because my grandparents or my great great grandparents kind of led to the federal government, I in turn have less federal recognization for my native heritage, which is kind of like just this crazy unfortunate event. I've talked to a lot of other people in my situation. It's it's a really common thing. But yeah, I wish. I so wish that my family was not kind of whitewashed out of their culture because
of you know, like segregation and prejudice. But yeah, I really like I just love hearing stories like the last guy that called, who's putting such an effort to keep his language alive and share it with the use. But yeah, I just wanted to say that, you know, there's a lot going on in like the Native American world, I think, and I just thought his call was really interesting.
Wild from I mean, what's going on in the Native American world from your perspectives.
What he was talking about, like with the uranium minds, and like all of the minds going on at the reservations are super or not, they're not on the reservations, but I know specifically what he's talking about is the uranium mind that is poisoning the water supply to the reservation of the Navajo people. And it's just like this super super fucked up situation that they're in and people are getting really sick, davies are born with like deformities,
Like it's like a horrible, horrible thing. And it's kind of like a trend, like not necessarily a trend, but.
You know, it happens everywhere.
Just like minds and water contamination. And since they are kind of a separate federal entity, it's like it's not being treated as kind of a another country would treat you know, it's not like we're kind of poisoning Mexico's water. In Mexico is like this giant, you know, entity, so they could easily fight back, but you know, Native American power is like very limited.
What so do you you said your mother was Native or your father was Native? My dad and what does your dad like like embrace uh, like a lot of cultural things.
No, it's like super sad, Like me and my sisters and my cousins on my.
Dad's side are starting.
To embrace that type like part of our heritage. But yeah, it's like, you know, during the time of trying to figure out who's Indian and who's not and putting them in boarding schools, it was just like so normalized to be like, oh, no, we're white, don't worry about us.
And my dad's dad, my.
Grandpa, he and migrated from Puerto Rico and he was facing a lot of discrimination too. So when my grandparents got together, it was kind of like a we're going to decide to not teach our kids about this because we don't want them to feel the racism that we experienced.
Hmm.
And okay, so they were just like we don't want to deal with any of the We don't want them to deal with any of that stuff, so we're just not going to even bother with.
It exactly, like we don't want them to to feel different. But you know, now it's so cool.
To be different.
I think back then it was.
Like yeah, yeah, that's that's interesting. I feel like that's like a it's a very interesting general cultural shift where like yeah, yeah, it's it's now cool to be different. When it used to be bad to be different, it did.
Yeah, And it's like in you know, I think that it's hard for people I don't know. I don't want to say it's hard for people like me, but it is kind of just like invalidating because I look kind of white. I look maybe a little bit hispanic. My hair is like super curly, so people think, you know, some people think I'm mixed, some people think I'm white.
But it's like other people don't believe me. They're like, you know, I work in a restaurant, so like the chefs are always like, oh, white girl, this white girl that the just making jokes about, like you know, because I look white, and it's like, oh, well, you know, I'm not really And then it's like nobody believes me because also it's like everybody wants to not be white. Everybody wants to like kind of stand out like that. So it comes off as like I'm trying to be different, you know, mm hmm.
But I am like suttterly recognized.
As natives still.
But I don't like have the correct amount of Native blood on my records because of my family not claiming their Native American heritage.
Have you ever been to been to a reservation? I have.
I've not been to the one my tribe, my tribe's reservation, but I have.
Yeah.
My sister teaches high school at a reservation in Arizona.
Yeah, how has that been for her? Like what was she reported about that experience?
Well, like kind of what he was saying, like the funds are super you know, stretched thin, and and they don't have a lot of resources for the school and uh, you know, people are, but people are like.
I will say that she said specifically.
I don't think it was the Navajo who she was working with, but she did say that, like there is a resurgence in teaching kids their native language. And she said that they're like trilingual, like they have like their native language and then they have they know Spanish and then they know English.
Obviously, but.
She said, it's it's a little bit, it's just kind of hard conditions.
Mmmm, what is this? What job are you going to right now?
I'm a server at a restaurant?
Okay? What are your what are your aspirations for your existence on this planet?
You know, it kind of segues perfectly because I just had a breakdown about that exact question a few hours ago. But I I I studied art in college, and I had some like good jobs with it, surprisingly outside of college, didn't really stick with any of them long enough.
But you know, I'm kind of trying to figure it out still.
I might go back to school. And I was actually considering studying Native American art history because I had this super cool professor in college who she like has a doctorate degree in art history with this like a specification or whatever in Native American art history studies, so and like she's just the coolest person ever. So I'm kind of like that's an option. But then I'm like, I don't I don't give a I don't like school that much.
I don't really know, I don't know. I just want to do something really sick and cool and feel fulfilled, and obviously working in the restaurant is not that for me, but that's okay, do what you gotta do.
You know what I'm I'm I'm I'm kind of the same way. I think it's a good way to be. I think when you get to when you get to a chat, when you get too attached to any kind of specific dream, you sort of set yourself up for failure. But uh, like for me, I'm always I'm. I remember long a while ago, I remember thinking, like I don't
really care what I do. I just want to do something interesting, something that like if I tell people what I'm up to, like, I just always want to be like if I'm like telling people what I'm up to, I want to be like excited to talk to them about it. That's my that's really my main barometer for my existence.
You know.
I think when you get to you definitely general. When you get to a specific things get you know, you set yourself up for disappointment.
Like I said, we're too general, Like what if you're just.
Like I do finance, that's very that's specific.
Well, I mean, yeah, I guess I was thinking like in terms of like your job is so niche and interesting and cool, and it's like you could just be somebody that does finance.
Well, I mean, you could be somebody who's like, I want to make a lot of money and you know that could be achieved in a myriad of different ways, or you could be like I want to be financed. You know, I think the I think the more general.
There's a weird dude. There's a weird paradoxical thing where like your dreams need to be both Like it's so paradoxical where it's like they need to be both specific enough that you can actually achieve them, but general enough that you're like open to the world, you know what I mean.
For sure, Like, yeah, I don't know, Yeah, it is this weird paradox I'm really like kind of been spiraling the last couple of months over it because it's like, Wow, what I went to college and studied four years to do and I got a job and I didn't like it, and I am now doing the same job I was doing when I was sixteen, and it's like that is kind of I don't know, it just kind of makes me feel bad, kind of makes me feel like I've failed a.
Little bit.
That you that you failed.
Yeah, not like I failed, but I mean I definitely got in closer now to what I want to do, like with all my life experience and whatever. But you know, I like went to college for a specific thing and I like didn't like it at the end of the day.
Did you mention what that specific thing is?
I went to school for art.
Yeah, but you don't like art? Why don't you like art?
No? No, I love art. I don't like the commodification of art and like the commercial side of art.
Sure, yeah, the fast is way. Yeah, yeah, I think. I think there is a lot of value in separating what you do for money and what you do for personal fulfillments. There's also there's also there's also a lot of value in those two being the same thing. But they each each situation, each situation has its trade offs, you know.
Yes, it's just like I can't, ah, I just like, you know, other than doing a restaurant job, which is like in my head, this is like the easy job. Like I can't think of anything else like that I want to do for money that I would like, Like, I don't know, I just can't find fulfillment in a job where I just get a paycheck. Money doesn't like motivate me, and I like wish it did, but it just like makes me feel kind of like icky when I'm chasing a bag, do you know.
What I mean? Well, can you take me? I have a speakerphone real quick?
Oh sorry, not no words.
I was no I heard. I heard you said. Why do you say you wish money motivated you?
Because then I'd have more of it and then I could do what I wanted to do.
You know that is.
I Yeah, I can't like do so I'm like starting to apply to a bunch of because I'm kind of you know, figuring out, Okay, I want to do art. I'm going to make this happen. So I started applying to like different art grants in my state and trying to make it happen for myself and like planning on moving to a more populated area that has more opportunities
and whatever for that. And it's just like, at the end of the day, I can't make art if I don't have money, But I can't make money if I don't have time to create.
You know.
It's yeah, like the.
Paradox, yes, yes, yeah, that's why the goal. The goal is to like, well, that's the trade off, right, is because the goal is to like be able to spend as much time, like and energy doing the things you really want to do. And then yeah, paradoxically, yes, you need money to do them, and then paradoxically, in order to get that money, you have to spend time doing
things you don't want to do. It's's weird. It's as weird like when you like when you like overlap them where it becomes a thing of like, you know, your your incentives start getting like, you know, you don't know what you're doing because you like it. You don't know what you're doing because you want to make money. But I guess the goal is to figure out. That's why
everyone's scheming all the time. You know, It's like we have everyone's everyone's we're like the goals like figure out how can I spend as little amount of time doing things I don't want to do and make as much money as possible? And that is that That is kind of the twenty twenty six American dream, just figuring out figuring out a good scheme.
True that I mean, I'm kind of in a scheme. What's your Yeah, I'm scheming for sure. I'm definitely on the come up, giving my way to a bag.
I guess you could say, what are you scheming? What's the scheme.
The Well, my scheme is like the art grants and like trying to find money to create and try to create off of somebody else's dime.
That's a good scheme, is my schemes?
Yeah?
Fuck it?
And I'm also kind of like I have a long term boyfriend, so it's kind of like, why don't I just move in with you and then we could live cut our rent cost in half and it would be dreamy. That's a scheme.
That's a classic scheme. That's a that's a that's a scheme as old as time.
True.
Yeah yeah, yeah, you pay people. People have talked about this. You pay like a there's there is a single tax that you have to pay.
Like being for being single? Yeah yeah yeah, And like, yeah, why would I pay that? If I have a boyfriend, I'm just gonna But then it's like why would I? I told my mom I might move in with him, and she was like, why don't you just get married? I'm like, what in this economy now? Not getting married?
How long have you guys been together.
Three years?
Three years? What's he do? What's his deal?
Oh my gosh, I wish I had more time to talk to you, but looking at the clock, I feel like I'm gonna.
Be late for work.
We have, in fact gone over ten minutes. So I will let you get on with your life. What is your name? One more time?
Nicole?
Nicole? It was nice talking to you, Nicole. I will I will see you around the universe. And good luck on your on your artistic endeavors.
Yeah, thank you. I liked your perspectives, the paradox.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Nice to talk about.
Yeah, life is crazy. I always say it, I always feel it. I never I never don't feel that way.
Okay, love you, talk to you later.
See you, man. What's up, folks, It's me. I'm gonna do a little bit of view or mail just to end us out, just because I just because I'm like, you know what, it's a nice I don't know, it's a nice way to end the podcast. I feel, you know, I can just talk directly to you, guys. I feel like I'm always talking to all to the I feel like I talk to the people who listen to this podcast. One at a time usually, and I like doing that.
But this is nice because I can talk to all of you at once by also, I guess, but I'm also reading emails, so which is also kind of talking to people one at a time still. But you know what, let's not think about it too much. Let's just let's read a few we don't. It's not gonna be crazy, it's not gonna be a lot, but let's just read a couple. Just is a nice way to end the show. This is David. This is an email from a guy named David. The subject line is I used to write
gay erotica. Hey, Gek. In your latest gek Mal episode, you read an email of mine. I was the guy who asked you about your favorite movies, and you told me that you are not a movie guy. This is true. I thought you were because I thought you talked about going to film school and made the connection that way. I did go to film school. I don't I like
making stuff, but I this stuff I like. The the stuff I like to make and the stuff I like to watch are very very different, like my whole Like I make videos about like like talking to people and about like real world stuff. I guess, but all of my like actual YouTube algorithm is like is like, we play the over the Hedge video game from two thousand and six and we reviewed it, and I'm like, yeah,
I want to watch tho. That's great. Anyways, while listening to my own email, I thought it was so fucking boring that I wanted to reach out again and share something more interesting that I could actually use some advice on. As the subject line says, I used to write gay erotica stories. Sometimes I'll start by saying I'm actually kind of a straight guy. I had two sexual experiences with men in an experimental phase that I met online, but came to the conclusion no pun intended that was good.
He wrote, no pun intended that was good. I concluded I wasn't into guys like that if I had to put a label on it. If I had to put a label on it, I would probably call myself by But I feel sure I'll end up with a woman in my life as I feel more attraction towards them. During this experimental phase, I also started reading some erotica and wanted to try writing one myself because I enjoyed
the act of writing. Because I recently had these experiences with guys, I thought I would take them as inspiration for the stories. After writing my first story, I posted it on the gay story subreddit I had been reading on, just to see if it would get any reactions. To my surprise, the next morning, I checked and saw it got a bunch of comments and likes fifteen thousand views. It felt kind of cool to reach so many people
and possibly make their day a little better. I kept writing stories, and some of them got more than one hundred and fifty thousand views, accumulating to a total of more than a million views on my gay erotica stories. I'm not sure if this is for a lot of Reddit posts, as I don't use it otherwise, but it sure felt like it for me. Some people actually kept reaching out asking me to write more with special requests.
It was like I had a little fan base, and I actually fulfilled some of these requests, but mostly stayed with my own imagination for inspiration. I'm also not sure why I kept writing exclusively gay stories. I guess I just stuck with what was working for me, as I
liked the engagement I was getting. I love the you know what, I love the fucking idea of like, you know how, like I don't know, I this is this is this sounds uh, this is ironic as somebody who's been dressing up in a gecko costume for almost six years now. But you know how, there are those content creators where it's like they figure out their niche and they're like, well, this is what's working, so we got
to keep staying with it. This guy, this guy's like, I guess my niche is being gay, So I have to keep being gay because it's what's working. It's just it's an interesting way to approach one's sexuality. I stuck with what was working for me is I liked the engagement. Now here's what I'm debating with myself. I haven't written a story or read one, for that matter, in over
a year because I lost interest in it. I'm currently single, but if I were to get with someone, should I tell them about this anonymous gay erotica presence I had online? On one hand, I want to be open with my future partner about stuff like this, But on the other hand, I have never told anyone about it or my gay experiences. It's not something I'm ashamed of, per se, but I feel like it's a chapter I've closed and it might be off putting to a future partner. Should some things
stay secret or it does honesty last the longest. I would love to hear your thoughts and advice. Thank you for sharing. This is a great email. So it's interesting. This is a very is a deeply it's a deeply personal thing, right. I will say this. It's a deeply personal thing, and there's a lot different ways to look at it. Here's a few things that I will say confidently. I will say confidently that I don't believe in any way, shape or form, you have some kind of external obligation
to tell a future partner about this stuff. I don't feel like you're obligated too. So if for whatever reason, you're gonna share it with them, I don't think you should share with them out of obligation. I think it's a bad reason if you share if now now now listen, Some people like I don't know, I have a thing where it's like I can't fucking keep my mouth shut about shit. So I like sharing. I like when I share a thing that I'm a little ashamed of with
the person, I feel closer to them. And that's my motivation for sharing stuff. There's things I don't share because I'm I'm uncomfortable, but some things are on the line of comfortability where it's like, I'm comfortable enough with this, I have enough confidence that I can share this with this person and it'll it'll strengthen our relationship rather than
making it worse, and I'm gonna do it. And so I have kind of an intuitive thing that tells me whether or not I want to share something with someone, and I follow that intuition. So I think that for you, you probably have an intuition about that as well. And I hope that intuition isn't guided by some form of obligation to keep a secret or obligation to tell someone something, but rather that your intuition is is again just guided by the principles of like, I don't know this, like
intangible kind of feeling. Oh, I think it would. I think I think this person would. I'm this interesting. I think this person might know me more if they knew this. Oh, I'm kind of feel comfortable enough with this person to show this side of myself. So I can't say, yes, you should tell her, Yes you shouldn't, but uh, you know I think you should stick your intuition on that. I mean, it's it's really interesting, it's cool. I don't think it's I don't you know you said you said
it's not something you're ashamed of. I don't think it's something you should be ashamed of at all, or or that it might. I don't know why it would be off putting to a future partner. Yeah, you know, I I used you know what I used to believe. Maybe some parts of me I used to believe, and maybe some part of my brain still believes this and it doesn't want to because it's the more difficult way of
going through life, I believe. But there's also the whole thing of like, well, you know, walk the reads naked metaphorically of course, or if I were naked, or just walk the streets naked, if that's your thing that you want to do. If if if walking the streets naked is your metaphorical walking the streets naked, then you know that's then that's what it is. You know, do that, but it walked the streets naked, and whoever's around, that's
who's meant to be in your life. Like if you literally walk to the streets naked, and there was and nine and most and everyone was horrified, except like one guy came up to you and was like, Hey, what are you doing? It's interesting? What's your name? Why you walk around naked? What's your name? What do you what are you doing? You're crazy, man? You want to hang out later? This is wild, Like that could happen to you. I don't know, but yeah, this part of me, part
of me wants to believe that. But then another part of me believes that walking the streets naked metaphorically is a little similar to doing it literally, where everyone's like, wow, that guy's naked. He looks like a crazy person. Let's uh go to another part of the streets. I don't know, but I appreciate you writing this email to me, David. Good luck with your with your Oh wait, okay, yeah, you know you lost interest in it.
MM.
I don't know why I'm pausing. I don't have anything else to say. I said everything I wanted to say. That was the podcast. That was it. We read one email. I don't think I needed to read more. I feel like that email was worth five emails. I liked, I liked all the people we interacted with today. Chris. I forget the name of the girl who I was just talking to, but I liked her. She was nice. Then this guy David, who I saw. His name. I only know because I can read it directly in front of me.
I mean, if anyone ends up bartering with that guy, that'd be awesome. All Right, thanks for listening to this podcast. I'll keep making it. Uh, get bless see you around the universe. Have a good one. Goes on the line, taking your phone calls.
Every night, goes to ride.
I'm just teaching you. Cloud's not really an expert.