“I LIVE IN IOWA”

All from Kay. Hello, Hey, what's up?

Who is this?

I'll go by k Okay?

What's up? Okay? How's life?

Oh? It's treating me decently, an average like sticks? How about you?

You know, man, I'm out here trying my best. What can I do?

What you can do?

That's how you can do?

What can I do?

For?

Okay? Would you want to talk about Well?

I am half deaf. I can't hear out of my left ear at all. I was born like that. My mom, I'm pretty sure I'm convinced she didn't mess with me at the time, but she will. She will never admit to that. She's like told me timeline stuff back in the day because we're super close, and I'm like, so, you did do it at that time, but she won't admit it to me.

She just won't.

And how old are you now?

I'm twenty three and you said so?

So your death partially because your mom did meth while she was pregnant with you.

Yeah, she didn't know. She didn't know, obviously, I would hope.

Not at least did that. Did you come out addicted to meth?

No?

So that's crazy because I mean I live in Iowa and meth is like the number one years drug around here, and everyone always asks, oh my gosh, have you tried math? Have you tried math? And I'm like, why would I do that? Because I'm already predispositioned to be more addicted than the regular Iowa folk, you know what I mean? Why would I even subject myself to that?

Yeah?

So no long, long as or short. No, I didn't. I've never done that, thank God.

And what do you do over in Iowa? What's going on?

Oh?

You know, just try to get out. Basically, I'm a janitor right now. Actually I'm at work, but I'm by myself. It's kind of cushy job. And then I go to school and I'm just trying to work my way through the system.

You know, what do you go to school for.

I'm in criminal justice right now, but I'm not much of an enforcer type. I'm not good with authority and whatnot. So I think I'd like to go into human services or something, help help someone.

What kind of human services?

So, since I'm at that age where a lot of women are either getting pregnant or asking me why I'm not, I kind of realized I really don't want kids. I mean, maybe that had something to do with my mom not knowing that she had me and doing messing the room or something. But I think I'd like to go into CPS or something. But also I'm not much for breaking up families either or breaking up homes, but I do want to help children in some way. I just don't

M what's uh, what's the path to that look like? Do you have to go to a school for a long time?

No?

I think it's really just so Iowa. It's a lot of worker We're known to be like worker bees. Basically, let's just kind of work your way up the ladder of the government centence to government job technically and all that good stuff.

You got friends over in.

Iowa, Oh sorta. I mean, yeah, I got a couple of friends. I got a couple of beef and friends. But it's a it's a small pool out here, you know. De Morn is the our capital, right of the state, and it's one of the smallest capitals in this country, like population wise, and when you if you ever came here or if you have, I don't know if you have, but it's pretty small, like square miles or whatever. However you measure a city.

Are you still like like when you were when you you grew up there? I assume yeah, yeah, Well, and are you still friends with the people that you knew growing up like middle school, high school?

No? No, no, no no. So I grew up in a small town, which it's nuts, okay. I grew up in a town that's like fifteen thousand population, which isn't super small, but small enough. And uh, it's a lot of people that live there are townies, like they just stay there forever and never leave. They can't get out of it. Their last name means so much to them, and you know, blah blah blah. They just pump money

Now.

It's new to me, so experience is a little different, I guess.

And do you do you want to leave Iowa? At some point? Where would you go?

Honestly, I this is this is so stupid. But I'm since, you know, Iowa has all the seasons, and we have a little bit of everything. We got a little bit minus, like hurricanes and all that. But I'd like to go to Minnesota or something. I think I could handle the extreme colds and whatnot. And the crowd seems to be a lot cooler. They're more people, a lot more to do, a lot more opportunity, and not too far from my family here.

You know, that's nice.

I doubt you will experience significant culture shock moving from Iowa to Minnesota.

No. No, I went to California. I went to see Diego and I lived in my car with my shitty ex for a while, and that was a culture shock for sure. Well, I was like, I was like, basically I was home. Was there right, and he is all tatted up and scary white guy and stuff, And everybody just knew we were from out of town, you know what I mean, the state, let's put it that, or

What do you mean? What do you mean by that?

They were like, who did you what kinds of interactions did you have while you were down there?

Well, we went into like a local skateboard shop and bought some words there, and the owners there they were super cool. Apparently they were like multi award winning skaters. I don't know the competition for that or stacked, but they were super nice, but random strangers. They they did not appreciate us. But also my ex he's kind of, for lack of a better term, he's pretty extra, like he's just always doing way way too much. But like local shops and stuff, they'd constantly see us and kick

A while, you know, Oh yeah, No, California, you can't park anywhere or else. It's weird.

California is weird because like in Los Angeles, if you have a if you have a car and you park it anywhere for five minutes, you owe the city three one hundred thousand dollars. But if you have a giant I don't know what this is. If you have a giant RV, you can park it in the middle of the street like grand theft dollars. Just get out of it, just leave it there and it's for some reason. Fine, it just stays there.

Right. No that San Diego.

Why did you go to San Diego to be homeless with this guy?

Well?

So he was super manipulative. And it was my first relationship ever and I was a vergent before that, and yah YadA, yaday. And he manipulated me basically because he didn't like that talk to other guys, which I wasn't talk to other guys like that. It was very mundane human interactions. He couldn't deal with that, even you know, if I worked with another male, or if I if I you know, I worked at gas stations, if of

But so, how long did you guys just hang out in your car in San Diego?

Well, okay, do you want to hear kind of an embarrassing slash funny story about when we left? Sure, it was only like a week or maybe two right. I don't remember because we went to the dispensaries and you know, spent most of our moneys there because I was not legal. But anyways, we went to Jack in the Box for the first time because we also don't have that in Iowa. He bought a crap ton of food, right, like an abnormal amount of fast food from Jack in the Box.

Well, you know what, you know, I don't think that that's an embarrassing story.

I think that that is a truthfully, I mean.

Here not having the ship hey first, I mean, that's a great reason to leave a place.

Is because you can't take a shit there.

That's a no exc reason some hours away from home.

That's wild.

That's a great reason to leave a place.

By the way, you guys, leaving because he didn't have a place to take a shit is is is a microcosm of the actual issue I mean that was your issue is.

You didn't have a place to live.

You didn't you That really was the legitimate reason to leave, is hey, we don't have a place to ship. So I don't think that's particularly embarrassing, And I think that's it sounds like you were fed up with living in your car and you were like, let's go someplace where we don't have to do that.

I mean I was more. I was willing to follow this man wherever. He had a problem with not being able to ship free will, you know, But he also dragged us too there, so that's also on him. We should be saying, well, if he wanted a place of shit and so, all.

Right, so you went down there, you went down to San Diego to hang out with this guy, You go back to Iowa, do you break up with him?

We were, uh, we went, we came back, We went to Texas because he did the same. Now he knows I'm willing to follow him wherever, right, so he just used that against me for a couple more times. We went to Texas like twice, went back to San Diego with his shitty friends another time about we haven't been together for three years now, so I don't know, it was mass but we were together like on and off for a couple of years after that.

So what's up with you now?

You're a janitor, you're working in a little bit outside of Iowa, You're gonna try to.

Go to Minnesota. What's what's the goal? What's the dream?

I don't know. I just honestly, through that relationship, I just don't want anyone to take advantage of me ever again. I mean, growing up in with my dad at least he only had girls and he wanted boys, and I'm the oldest and he just always instilled, you know, don't ever depend on a man besides him. I guess, which kind of fucked. But uh, and that's my goal, I guess, just try to build enough of a life where I don't have to depend on anyone, just not even a man, anyone in general, you know.

Mm hmmmm hmm.

It's tough. It's really tough. Do you are you have you gone? Have you tried dating anyone again? Or are you staying single for the time being?

Oh?

No, I dated. I mean, like I said, I was full of mess and I dated this white guy who thought he was like in the gang and stuff and yeah, not for me. I'm I'm honestly, I'm I'm a pretty like I want to consider myself a hippie, but like a rocker chic. I don't like guns and stuff if you don't know how to use them, don't you know.

I mean, look, man, you sound like you've done actually pretty well for yourself considering the circumstances that you're coming from.

Thank you, Thank you, I appreciate.

Yeah.

So your so your mom was on math? Where did you do you self? Have a relationship with her? What's what's her deal?

Oh?

Yeah, I know, we're so. The funny part is my dad was the mess dealer and that's how they met, and you know, all that good stuff. But no, I'm pretty close with her. She's she had never really been a mother to me, just because of some trauma. She went doing her life and whatnot, and that's all right with me. I've kind of come to terms with that, but we're no, we're sure close. She's she's still one of my best friends. You know.

Wow, Okay, great, so you so you still have a good relationship about your dad. He still got a good relationship with him.

Uh me, and so he wasn't really around much in my childhood because he was an iron worker and when you're in a union, you can travel a lot. He chose to travel so he could cheat, be away from his family and whatnot. But then when I was like sixteen, he came back in and tried to control me and that didn't go too well. So we had a lot of beef then. But and then it keeps me out and whatnot. But I deserted. I was being a shithead

M hm hm hmm. You sound like what's your name again?

I'll go back, k Okay, Okay, you sound like.

You're doing pretty okay for for everything that's uh that's been going on with you, ver re all. I mean the fact that I mean, you know, you got a lot going for you. You're not addicted to meth. You have a job, like really, like really genuinely.

I'm not thinking I'm.

Like rude, like I mean this, I'm thinking about it. I'm like, Okay, you're not addicted to meth. You seem like, uh, it was a journey to get there. But you got good self esteem, you got a job, you're going to school, you're.

Doing very well. You're doing very well. That's that's a great those are all those are all a good things.

Man.

You got goals to you got goals. It's good. It's all good stuff.

Man.

I hope, I hope you're Are you happy or you do you feel happy?

I mean for the most part, i'd say, yeah, I got I got a lot more than people in life, but also in my outlook. Like how you always say, you know, it's perspective on everything, right, And I believe that too, like wholeheartedly. So I are me and you gek are morals A line I swear to God.

Well it's so, I don't know if that's a I don't know if that's a moral. I don't know if that's a moral. And by the way, that that's not like people have been saying. People have been saying like, oh, you preach this every day, and I appreach it as an observation. It's one of those things.

I have all these things that I like know in my soul that I try to that I I are like beacons that I attempt to practice because my perspective is shitty. Well, I don't, I don't know. I mean, my perspective is shitty all the time. I actually will notice all the time that there's a saying that like the mind can make hell of heaven and heaven of hell, and I'll notice all the time that I make hell of heaven, and I have to remind myself. I'm like,

I really I don't think people take it like that though. I really don't.

Yeah, I'm probably just pro just in my own fucking head about it. I don't think they do either.

But it's it's kind of like it's kind of like fake it till you make it you know what I mean. So you're you're like perspective, perspective, and then one day you know, you'll have a good perspective too.

I was like, I caught myself the other day. I was like, I'm in this situation right now. I've been like living out of airbnbs for for months and months. I've been living on Airbnb's for like seven months or something, and I'm you know, tired, and I'm like.

The opposite of cabin fever, I guess.

But I've just been thinking, I'm like, Okay, once I finally settle down, I can get my perspective right.

And it's like, what the fuck does that mean.

It's as if it's like something that's like, Okay, once this is an it's like you're delaying it. It's like, well, once this is an order, and this is an order, and once my life looks pretty much perfectly exactly like this, which it never ever ever will, then I'll be able to have good perspective. Like that's like it's just it's

But also I.

Feel like that's a normal human thing, like justification though too.

You know, yeah, it is, it is, it is, but it's it's it feels like a race to the bottom. But I don't know, I've been wrestling with.

You know, external versus internal in in in all of this. But anyway, that's cool, man, Meth is probably really good. I'm just gonna put that out there. It probably feels it's not good for you, but it probably feels really good.

And that's why you should make people why you shouldn't do it. Then, yeah, it's why you shouldn't do it. That's why you should.

Like, if I have it runningto my vans already, I definitely shouldn't because I'll be you know, walking down the street with no shoes and no time if I tried, you know, like a progression. I feel like you beat up for me.

You know, I've thought about it, like, uh, if you you ever.

I have this fantasy that I'm coming up with just now where I get addicted to meth. But I just go, like I make it a like a lifestyle choice.

You know what I mean.

Like, so I was addicted to coke before, and like badly did not just like a party thing or whatever. And I respect people who come from all walks of life. I know I had shit on meth and stuff, but and I found myself while on coke being like everyone else has a problem. It's not me, it's everyone else, you know. And that's when you know it's like real bad is when you're trying to rationalize it to the general public.

Just like no, no, what I mean, like just a total just like you know what, fuck it, what's the point of anything.

Who gives a ship. Let's just let's just meth. Let's just ride it out meth meth style, you know what I mean. Like that's that's if I were if I were gonna make like a like if I were gonna like come admit to being addicted to meth, like I'm just gonna ride it the funk out, like just do meth until I die. But that's I don't that's probably it's not a good idea. It would it's not the best way to do it, do you know.

Shank Dillers, Yeah.

He has a he has a little bit where he says his sister's a heroin addict or whatever, and he said, it must be nice, nice just having like side quests all day, you know what I mean. That'd be exactly like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've I know, I.

Know, a regular quest, just side quest.

Well I'm probably not gonna do meth.

Uh no, But I don't know what's the I really I really mean, I really mean this, And I know it's a fucking weird thing to say, but like when I think about like, like look at a person who like maybe they have a family and a career and friends and they sorry, I just sneeze, like somebody was somebody was a real like life, you know, and somebody and somebody who likes and it took a long time, and then you know they work out, they eat right, they're in really good shape.

They do crossfits no no, no, no, no, like they do like CrossFit and whatnot, and here's the thing that person will die at some point, and then there's another person who's like, I'm just gonna smoke meth and play video games all day until I die. I do have a hard.

Time, like really mentally being like, show me at the end of the day of the difference between those two lives.

I know that's insane noice. I'm eighty percent joking.

No, No, I think that's a valid point because meth isn't super common like everywhere, Like obviously there is meth, but I feel like it's more by.

The way, I'm not even talking about like I'm not like like like we're getting too specific with it with me. I'm like, like a person who.

Just smokes weed and plays video games and jacksaw and like doesn't do it like doing like quote doing something with your life versus not. I don't maybe this is just like depression or whatever, but I don't like, what is the difference between these No, I have no.

Problem with people do in their own lives, you know. I think the main problem with meths, I should say, is just what we were getting specific was it just makes people into something different. Man, they steal, they hurt others, they're not. They really aren't themselves. I swear it's and I mean maybe that's just because there's a lot of people on your podcast are like, oh, I'm a very functional nine to five. You know. However, sixty can hear average dude and I do some mess here in there,

I wonder how many people have called the meth hotline thinking it was a hotline you could buy meth from.

Honestly, I didn't think about that, but Ny, you got to be on mess to think in that way, not insinuating anything that's not bad.

What's your what's your name? Again? I'm for the hundredth time.

Okay, okay, well okay, Like I said, you're doing great.

You're doing great.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Just peace and love and all that good stuff.

Take care, k Thanks for calling, and I'll talk to you again, maybe never, probably never. I'll probably never talk to you again, but.

Okay, I've already made piece of it.

Was great sharing this.

It was great that our lives intersected at this very moment on the phone together.

And I wish you lots of luck you two gig bye.

By k That was nice. I like to that.

Cool all from Kyle.

Kyle, you haven't been it. What's up?

Oh? Hi?

Wow?

Oh?

I didn't expect to actually get on a call. Okay. So I have to head into work soon. But I hate my job. I hate it like absolutely. I want to quit, but I can't because I have no money at all. My friends hate my boyfriend, and I don't know what to do with that either.

Why do they hate your boyfriends?

I have no idea, Like, I don't know what he's done to them, but literally every time they're like you should always they want me to tell them about him. But every time I do, they're like, oh, he's disgusting. Why would you tell me about him? And I'm just like pick a side.

Uh, what do you do? What's your job? I work?

I'm a cashier at five below?

Or can you work at five below? Yeah? Damn it, you know what I was this.

I was gonna make this a one minute call, but uh, I kind of want to hear more about five Below.

I'm a huge fan of five below.

Okay, cool because I have like five minutes before I have to head in. Okay, So the place I work, it's awful because of the kids that live around us, Like they always come in on their e bikes. They're destroying the store, like twenty four to seven. We have to kick them out all the time.

Yeah, it seems as though the like it's just teenagers fucking around.

That's really what five below is exactly. Yeah, do you ever do you ever have to do you ever have to beat them up?

Well, we're not allowed to beat them up. I wish I could. All we have, Like the only thing we are allowed to do, like is say, oh, you have to get out of the store. Like we can't even accuse them if we saw them steal, Like we can't say you still give it back. We have to literally just escort them out.

Do people ever, Like, well do people go into five below? How many? How much revenue does it make?

Honestly, like it depends on the day because usually we're quite slow during the week, but on weekends it's like crowded as can I sear. Yeah, okay, it's kind as a fuck. I literally hate it.

Why why did you pick five below as all of all places to work at?

It was the only place that hired me and I was in desperate need of money.

I'm surprised.

I'm surprised five below is not in desperate need of money.

They are. We actually are suffering, like really bad.

Who the fuck would buy anything? I mean, also, everything is five dollars?

Right?

Do they sell any Do they actually only sell any anything above five dollars?

I mean that might be their new business plan. They got to do that. Inflation. Five below is not.

Prepared for inflation, definitely, we literally have a section in the back called like five and beyond, and it's stuff that's sixteen to twenty dollars. And every time someone comes in, they're like, why do you have a section that's more than five dollars? I thought this was five below. I'm like, okay, so what deal with it? If you don't want to buy it, don't buy it?

Did you still do you still have the part of the store where it's one dollar pranks?

I used to love that, Yeah, we do.

I hate it.

Why do you hate it?

Because they take the stuff out of the package and put it like like they'll literally just spread it around the store so we can't sell the items.

Why do you give a shit.

Because I have to clean it up?

Oh yeah, that makes sense. Dare you you ever felt you ever fell for any of those? You ever fell for the fucking uh the buzzer prank?

No? No, but one time a kid he turned on one of these like annoying little it's like a little part, not like an electric part bomb, and it wouldn't stop making noise, like we couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so and we couldn't destroy it, obviously, because if we did, then we'd be responsible for it, so he's just to let it Like who fortnoys is the whole night?

That's why couldn't you destroy it?

Because if we destroy it, then we have to pay for it. But if like a customer destroys it, then it's like, oh, no big deal.

Wait, hold on when you say you have to who? Who? Who makes you? I mean it's broken, it's defective merchandise that the customer fucked up.

It's yeah, I know, it's weird.

Wait what do you mean that you have to pay for it? Who makes you pay for it?

Oh? My manager, he's an apple. I don't like him.

Yeah, he's probably His life is probably awful.

Yeah, he doesn't really talk about much about his life, but literally, like the one time he did, he was like, yeah, I live alone most of the time. Occasionally I'll get to see my kids. And I'm like, you're just miserable and you're working at a like low rate job at by below both like, find something better to do with your life.

Yeah, life's fucking crazy, man, life is fucking crazy. How come?

I so?

I mean, can you just how much is it? How much is a broken fart toy?

Usually it's three dollars, but I don't. Am I willing to pay three dollars out of my minimum?

Ways?

Not really?

No, No, that's fuck to know. I don't think you should have to file a complaint with the labor board about the farts. I might.

I just might, honestly, but it's okay. I just recently applied to Baston Robbins, which is like two stores down, and hopefully I'll get a job there.

That sounds marginally less awful.

Definitely. I just give off the vibe that I should work in an ice cream shop.

Anyways, do you have to go into work now?

I do, unfortunately. Thank you so much for picking up the call. This is my first time ever watching your stream. Actually cool, super cool.

Well, good talking to you, man, and good good luck. Well at least at least this job has given you the skill of deciphering real vomit from fake vomit, which is this is a good skill to have.

Yeah, definitely, thank you so much.

Take care of it.

Bye howl from Hello, what's up?

Man?

Who is this?

This is hot hand Sandwich. But I'm pretty surprised that you actually.

Answered triple ah hot ham hot Hay. I'm just going to call you. I'm just going to call you, Ham, hot Ham. What's going on? How's life?

That's the thing, man, I really don't know how to answer that question. I've thought about it more than once, but I keep trying to read you because you're the only therapist that I would think would be able to really level with me.

I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm gonna stop you right there, and you know what I'm gonna say. Do you know what I'm gonna say. No, you don't know what I'm gonna say.

No, I really don't, hot ham Uh.

I am not a real therapist. I'm not even a fake therapist.

Yeah, I know, I know that I am.

I am. I am a crazy person talking to strangers on the phone. I'm not hold hold hold on, let me speak my piece real quick. I just want you to know. I just want you to know. Yeah, not a real therapist.

Yeah, okay, but but I am a person on the phone with you, and I am happy to talk to you about whatever it is that you want to talk about. So what is it that you wanted to talk about?

Well, honestly, I want to talk about your shoulders right now, because you're not in full costume.

I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about you.

Okay, okay, all right, fair enough, yeah, man, So hear me out, Okay, hear me out. My kids just walked in the room side home the I love you, get out. I got kids, all right. I'm probably around your age. You don't need to talk about ages. You know how old babies are, right, we don't need to talk about age. Got a job.

Everything's expensive.

I've got most of my stuff in order, you know, trying to every day. But like, I'm just just not happy. Man. I don't really have like a cool story for one of your clips or anything. Like there's just going to be the chat in either enjoying or hating our conversation right now.

But like, what's your hot hand? Hot hand? Don't don't worry about me, don't worry about what clips don't work, don't worry about any of that stuff. Man, Just what's up?

I don't know, man, I'm diabetic. I like chocolate shit, you know. Uh. I've got a good family that supports me, and I'm just not happy. I hate the I hate the state of the things around me. But I try to stay away from the news and stuff because it's all bullshit, and like most I feel like most of most days are just kind of like get through it, you know, grind it out and deal with it. And it's a lot of the stuff that you hear is just kind of.

Bullshit.

I mean mostly, really it should be easy, like it should be kind of easy overall, but it's not.

Let me ask you this, have you ever talked to a real therapist about this?

Not?

Probably in this context, because you know, I'm pretty close to the heart. And then like here comes to my one and a half year old, come say hi, and I'm.

Like, does having does having a kid make you happy?

I have three kids?

By the way, just having three kids make you happy.

It's it's kind of hard to say this sometimes that like I would have stopped it too, but but yes, I love all three of them, like scarely. And actually before before.

We even uh had kids, uh, when my wife and I were first kind of dating, there was some crazy stuff going on in her family's life, and we adopted kids, her niece and nephew, and I kind of learned at an early age.

I was like twenty five at the time, like it's way more important one of my life goals is certainly to make other people's lives better, especially if I can help in a way that makes if there's something that I can do to help other people, That's where I'm at.

And that's what drives me crazy too sometimes because I'm like, damn, I really do try pretty hard to make people happy, and then you know, at the end of the day, I'm.

Still psychotic and not happy. But then I'm like, you know, it'd be kind of weird to take it away from them.

So dude, it's well, dude, I really don't know. I really really fucking don't know. I'm like in pain talking to you right now. I really don't know.

Because well because because look, dude, I'm I'm I'm I'm like pretty unhappy a fair amount of the time. And I have a lot of things that I think people would think would make them happy happy, you know. I mean, I have a lot of people on the internet who are very very nice to me all the time. I have this dream job. Uh you know.

I I've got good family, I've got some good friends, and and so I think to myself, I'm like, well, if I have all these things, why am I still not happy. And then I'm like, well, okay, maybe I maybe if I had a if I had a like a real family, if I had like a wife, if I had kids, if I had a girlfriend, like.

Maybe that would be happy.

And then I talked to people who have those things and and and they're not happy. Well maybe this thing I'd be happy, And and I do. I don't know, I wish, I wish I knew.

And I'm and I literally spend every.

Day trying to answer these questions and I don't know how. And this, this podcast I do, This is not a you know, here's here's life of advice from a guy who's got it figured out.

It's really quite the opposite.

And again, every day I'm trying to figure out the answer to these questions.

And and I'll share notes with you.

I think for a long time I wanted to take a stoic approach to my happiness, which was like, if you limit your attachment to external things and the external universe, and you you try to find your happiness completely from within, you just like surmise it out of your out of your gut, it's through your balls.

You just you just make happy.

You know.

I used to think that that was the way to do it.

And then I decided, well, actually recently even I've decided that that wasn't the and now now I now I have a new theory, which is that a lot of this ship is probably it's probably a little bit of both.

It's probably a little bit of both.

Because you know, I'm reading I'll read the Stomic books and it's like, you know, you can't find and this is this is common ship of people telling you that you can't find your happiness in things outside of yourself.

And I used to really want to believe that, and now I think it's it's got to be a combination of both.

It's got to be a combination of getting your external circumstances right. What you know, whatever you're, what you what you do for money, who you hang out with, where you are, and a lot of these things can be in your control, but a lot of them you you got to figure out. And then there's the other side of the coin. There's internal, which is like, hey, listen, you could have the greatest life of the fucking world.

Just have anxiety, you have.

Depression, it'll it'll just fuck you. And so you gotta you gotta figure that out in addition to the external stuff. And it's a giant balancing act. And I'm hoping it gets a little bit easier with age. And I've been told that it gets easier with age.

How old are you?

I will be thirty seven in a month.

Okay, do you feel do you feel like it's gotten easier or harder as you've as.

You've gotten older.

Do you want the truth?

Of course I want the truth.

Uh, it's gotten harder over the last.

Ten years.

But you know, you do kind of solve some of those problems as you get older and you learn, and but then there's new ones, and you know, maybe that's on me for introducing three lovely children to this world who are absolutely immaculate, and it's like, holy shit, man, I'm like, I can't keep sucking up. I can't being a parent of any matrio. It doesn't matter if you're

But I'm still struggling with some of.

My problems at the same time, so I know I'm kind of like random, randomly saying words at this point.

But yeah, good luck to everyone out there.

I'm gonna.

This. This was I'm trying not to.

Take up too much more of your time because I know you're busy fucking get go and ship.

I mean, I'm busy doing this.

Yeah, I know. I don't know. It's it's cool man that you actually actually got through this time, because I've called a handful of times and I don't know if I ever really would have talked about this but those same times. But that's what I'm personally going through as a hot hand Sandwich.

Is well, well I'll tell all right, Well, hot hand Sandwich. Look are you do you feel like you're a good dad?

I feel like I am a pretty good dad. I could be better.

Do you do you show up for your kids? Do you feed them everything of them? Spend time with them every day?

Good night? Kisses you?

Then you're a great Then you're a great dad. What are you talking about?

Yeah?

No, man, but it's because you know, I know, we were probably trying to close up.

But I've had diabetes for.

About twenty years, so I feel like I only have about another twenty.

Good years left in me.

Thirty six, thirty seven, I'll probably yeah, yeah, I don't know, maybe maybe thirty years maybe, but uh, like what can I do now to make sure that I'm setting them up for the best future? And then like with everything, how everything is so fucking expensive now, dude, it's crazy give up to all those parents. That's kind of what I was everything.

I mean, dude, everything you're doing is what you could be doing now. Yeah, yeah, you're spending You're spending time with your children. You did not abandon your children.

You did not uh move to a foreign country and say, hey god you you prioritize.

You know, it's really tough.

It's tough because when you have kids, you got to prioritize their life over yours. And that's what you and that's what it sounds like you did. So, uh, you're you're a great dad from what you're telling me and.

From you from your Yeah, I mean.

It's it's just literally just be literally just being there is.

And so you go back to that when you start thinking about a lot of this, and so I I like, I.

Like I've been saying, you know, happiness is is a crazy, fucked up thing to figure out, and I'm in the process of trying to figure it out.

But I just hope that you.

Have some self esteem and some confidence in the idea that you're you're doing a good job, you're making a good impact. And you know, I don't like stupid bullshit that they put on T shirts and like to you know, positivity will will wholesome bullshit stuff. I hate it more than anything. Makes me want to kill myself. But but I'm gonna use one. I'm gonna use one that I feel in this moment, which is I think you're enough.

Man, cool man.

I appreciate that.

Yeah, for real, that means a lot. Actually, thank you.

What's your name again?

My name is my name. My real name is Kegan, but hot hand Sandwich in the twitch chat.

My well, Kegan, thanks for calling.

I love your Comedy Central show and I'll talk to you again soon.

All right, man, I appreciate taking the call. Everyone, have a great night.

I'll be uh a lurking.

Leader, Kegan. Life is fucking crazy, that's all.

I I I've got I've gotten to such a point with the show where that's all I have to say. That's I've gotten such a point with my life. That's all I have to say is that life is just fucking crazy. I wish there was more. I wish there was like more to say, more thought my brain. Then life is crazy. That's all I got. Every thought that I could surmise out of my brain is contained.

Within just life is crazy. I don't like tattoos.

I don't have any, but if I were to get something tattooed, I would I'd probably get Betty Boop on my ankle. That's how I'm ending this. I'm just saying, I'm just gonna say a random thing. All right, I'm gonna take a couple of one minute calls. I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna take some calls. I'm gonna just talk to them for a minute.

Let's see. This is a little segment we're gonna do. Hey man, you got a minute.

Okay.

So I'm thirty four and last week I just want an ssdiks from an injury at work. And I kind of won like this five year goal, and now I'm kind of lost like what is an SSDI?

Man?

Like social Security disability?

Okay, so like what do you what are you gonna do with the money?

Uh?

Pay for my West nursing school mostly, and like make sure responsible things happen.

That's boring. You should? You should? Uh? Uh? Actually, no, that's nice. You should.

That's all good stuff. I was gonna I should. I was gonna say, you should gamble it away?

Oh no, I don't.

I don't gambling saying okay, wait we have we only have ten seconds? Any is there anything else you want to say?

Yeah?

So what should I do at thirty four? What would you do if you had basically infinite time? Which your glass is broken? You can't read it, you know what I mean? Like that's Wilight Ground episode.

What would I do? I hung up on him?

By the way, what would I do with my infinite time? You don't have infinite time? By the way, you're gonna die?

I don't know. You have a wife. Why don't you? You could make some babies, you could knit? What do I do with it? This is the general question of what do I do with my time? Uh? Play video games? Do whatever? You just walk honestly, just walk around, go wake up, walk around, spend time with your wife, and and and jack off. You don't even need to jack I just have you have sex with your wife, read a book. You're gonna be okay.

How from thanky hanky, you have a minute? Yo, my aunt, you're on?

You got a minute?

Yo, mister gek, Holy ship?

What's up?

Holyh what's up?

How you doing? You got? You got like forty five seconds?

All right?

Man?

Yo, fucking gak.

You're amazing, dude.

My wife loves you.

I just had a son. Holy thanks man, thanks man, thank you, thank you? Is that it?

You?

Don't you have anything else?

No, bro, I just wanted to talk to you.

Holy shit.

I listened fucking podcast for like months and ship, dude, I'll I listened to all these fucking crazy ass stories. I'm born as fuck, dude.

I just wanted to talk to.

You, hud Are you happy to you?

Are you?

Do you like life?

Dude?

Yeah?

I'm loving life?

Man.

My my friend was just born recently.

What's the secret to everlasting happiness?

You know, eat lots of candy when you like.

I have tried that. It does not work.

How from yeah, hey, you got a minute?

I have one?

Minutely you have one minute?

You have one minute?

Are you ending the string after a minute?

Uh?

All right, you got, you got forty you got, you got fifty seconds?

Fifty seconds?

Okay, how are you.

That's what you want to do with your fifty seconds?

Yeah, I mean I don't what I would want to talk about. Probably take like fifteen twenty.

Minutes, so I'm you would be surprised. Chat with your god, Yo, go ahead, just throw it at me. Let's see if we can do it.

I was in a relationship and I ended a relationship like a few months ago, but I still am having trouble getting over it emotionally.

Uh yeah, we don't need twenty minutes for that. I want to say, jack off, that's what I want to say. That's what I want to say. That's what I would do.

It's help, I know.

I know.

Oh god, I had to hang up on him. I'm not a I'm not a real therapist. Just just keep jacking off, that's all I got. Just keep jacking off, man, Just keep jacking off and jacking off and time.

That's that's how we heal. That's how people heal is masturbation and.

Time all from please.

Hey, what's up? You got a minute?

Okay, So do you have a Peo box set up? Because I have fan art for you that I made like two years ago.

Uh no, I don't have I'm I don't have a Peo box set up. Unfortunately, damn. What what city are you? What city are you in?

I mean for Tuna, in the middle of nowhere.

Cal Oh are you anywhere near Los Angeles?

No, I'm on the other end of the state.

Oh ship, Well, I was gonna say you could come to one of the shows. I would, I'd let you come to one of the shows for free, but.

I will be there in the end of August.

Stuff.

Well near there.

Oh well, I'll let you know if I ever do open up a PO box.

I'm just I'm I'm I'm living out of airbnbs right now, so I don't really have stuff but anything anything else.

No, You're awesome.

That's all.

Thanks, man, take care. Let's ride it out. We have five seconds to just be on.

I don't know. I'm on the spot and I have no.

Call from Hey.

You got a minute, well we should I made it. What's up?

Man?

What's going on? Brother? You got uh fifty seconds?

Oh?

Well, I don't know.

Man, I'm just kind of matter at you because you know, if you're coming to need your on September September sixth, right.

Yes, I am Wait. Why you're mad at me for coming to New York? Why?

Yeah?

Because my my my birthday sounds like September eighth, and I'm just twenty.

You know I'm not going to make it to your show.

Man.

Oh you I don't.

Yeah, I guess I can.

I guess I fake a fake ID.

Don't don't ask me if you I'm not. I don't ask me if you can use a fake ID for the venue. Don't ask the venue either. By the way, I can't. By the way, I don't. I can't give you permission to use a fake ID. That's not how a fake ID works.

How much we have? What? How much that time? Do I have? Uh?

Were none? But yeah, I hang out. I hung up on him. It doesn't always make the noise, but I hung up on him. I can't.

I don't know why he asked me if he could use a fake ID, as if I have an answer to that question. Uh, I feel it though I used to when I was doing stand up. When I was I did stand up from like sixteen to twenty one, so I never was able to get into those fucking venues.

It's annoying, but I don't know, it's it's probably good.

I'd rather I'm I'm pretty I'm stoked that it's mainly twenty one plus people coming to the shows and not you know, I know there's a lot of like internet people who all their fans are fourteen, and I would rather not have that all.

From Levi, Levi, you have a minute?

Oh my god, I actually got on.

Fuck. I need to find a new job. And I'm thinking kind of moving across the country.

What do you think of that?

Where are you gonna go?

Well, I'm in Canada, so I'm thinking of going to Alberta out west.

Uh, you're in Canada when you say you move? All right? So is Alberta all the way on the east.

It's on the west side. It's like almost as west as you can go if you're not counting DC.

Okay, And where are you?

I'm in Toronto right now.

Okay. All of Canada is the same to me.

Yeah, that's fair.

So you're not really moving anywhere.

What if I tried to get American citizenship come down there?

What do you think of that?

Hey, good fucking luck, baby. I don't know.

I've heard it's pretty hard to get American citizenship. You have five seconds, anything else?

I love you, man, you're doing this.

Thanks man, Thanks man. Have fun, have fun being Canadian. All right, I'll take.

One more of these, all from Tinton.

Hey, you got a minute?

Hey, lyle U, Miss vincent I, I've got it. I've got a dilemma. I'm going to Maine, all right. I'm going to Maine on a trip with my girlfriend and my girlfriend's friends. They're gonna bring shrooms. I've never done shrooms before. I'm curious. I got junkie parents, though, so I've always been kind of weird with needs and alcohol and stuff like that.

What's your look?

Look? Look? I like shrooms a lot. I think that you you know, I think that doing psychedelic drugs is a good, uh human right of passage.

But it's your it's your life, and you shouldn't. You should only do it if you want to do it. You shouldn't do it because I'm telling you that you should do it, or they're telling you should do it. If you want to do it, then do it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

I know.

That's Julie.

Great to speak with you.

Also, second part of the reason why I'm considering doing your shrooms because I hear of but he's doing shrooms on the podcast and talking to demons and stuff, and it's very interesting to make that.

Guy doesn't need shrooms. He's got it all figured out. I don't know shrooms are fun, but uh yeah, I like shrooms. I wouldn't I would only do them if you want to do them. I wouldn't do them because you like like I mean, if you're curious if I would say, if you're curious about them, if you're curious about them and you think they might be fun, then give it a shot. All right, I'm done. Should we

You can you can throw and throw in the comments YouTube. I might start making this a regular thing.

Ending the stream, ending the podcast with ale minute calls all right BYEP goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. The beacon goes to his eye. You're just teaching you about in the mid of your life, but he's not really an expert.