Is this the gag?
Yes? Who is this?
Uh we'll just we'll just we'll just call.
Me tea Tea. How old are you, Tea?
Eighteen?
Well, what's up, Tea?
Not much. I was just about, uh, just about a load of bowl.
How can I get you today, sir?
Uh, I kind of got this. Uh, I kind of got a really weird story. So fuck it's weird. I've never told anybody this before. So when I was uh, when I was fifteen, I went to this hotsprings with my dad and like right as my parents were getting divorced, so he just kind of wanted to like take us out and do stuff. And uh, like fucking we go to this hotsprings with my with my cousins and uh, right, my female cousin that we have, she's like she like
we went with them or whatever. We were like fucking We're like, you know, it was like a hot sping was like a pool and like a hot from next to you and all the kids was like going to
the fucking pool. And I was so kind of you know, young, and she was fucking she told me I looked hot, and I was so like brought off by that, and like it took me back a little bit, and I just fucking like, I don't know, thought about it for a minute, and fucking like twenty minutes later, she came back up to me and like told me she wanted to, you know, do the deed, and uh basically short story, short story, later that night, we uh, you know I did the deed.
All right now, Well it's her tea t Yeah yeah, look, look he's I'm more than happy to have this conversation with you, but I just like human being the human being. Yeah, Like, I just really really need to ask you if you're messing with her right now, because it's like the number one thing that people to talk about is having sex with their cousin. It's like, I don't know why that's like the time, it's like the boy who cried cousin fucking like, it's the number one thing that people call in to
like make up. But I'm sure there are and I feel and if I feel bad for the people who actually did fuck their cousins that want to talk about it because of all the people who make who like make up stories about fucking their cousins. And I don't know if you're which of those two people you are, but I'm gonna trust you whichever of those two people you say you are.
Well, like I'm I definitely did not make the story of it. I feel like I've regretted it my whole fucking life. Like there's like like I feel like I just like suck my whole Like I feel like I don't necessarily fuck my life though, but like kind of fucked my sexual life because a little bit, because like it's just you know, that's like what I especially like when I listen to uh, this is kind of weird, but like every time I listen to that one fucking not jo is it a cool?
Uh?
That one song where he you know, he loses virginity and they like passed the note through school and like that every fucking time that song comes up on my playlist, that like that instant just fucking pops in my head that my first time was fucking my cousin. I just feel like I'm so like just so fucked. I should see the chap.
I don't don't what what don't? First of all, I don't like the chat. Second about so tea A couple of questions mm hmm, first cousin or second cousin.
Uh. So she's my my dad's first cousin's kids. I think that makes for my seconds.
Okay, so she's not like your dad's brother's daughter. No, no, no, no, no, okay, all right, So she was your dad's cousin's daughter.
Yeah, yep.
Okay, and this was three years ago, yeah.
About four.
Well it happened. I think it happened. Well, my parents got divorced in twenty late twenty twenty, at the end of summer twenty twenty.
Okay, all right, I mean, look, you know, I mean a second cousin. I'm not gonna I don't think that's I don't think it's good. I'm not I'm not gonna sign off. Yeah, look, I look, well I don't look. Ideally, if you're gonna have sex with someone, they would not be your cousin. But if but second cousin, at the least, it's at least it is better. It is better than first cousin. It could be worse.
Yeah, I did, I did. I wouldn't. I did wrap it before I tapped it, you know, so there wasn't like, uh, you know, I wasn't direct skin contact. You know what I'm saying.
Okay, but it was there. Can I how I see you were what you were fourteen and fifteen?
Yeah?
Yeah, how old?
Well we're the same age. She's born like a couple of months before.
I am okay, you're yeah. Do you ever like, do you ever see her like at like stuffy?
So she's on my dad's side, so and my parents got divorced, and I don't. I don't see my dad anymore. So I don't see her at all, Like I haven't seen her. We used to go to the same high school, and even everyone time I did seear, I just fucking turned the hallway. I would have voiter as well as like fast as I could.
Just you're being one hundred percent serious, right, yeah, I swear to God. Okay, I believe you. I really do. I I I try not to have this sounds real like you. I feel like i've anyway whatever you're telling the Chews, I believe you. Have you ever told anyone else about this?
No?
I feel so like I'm so shaky right now, like I I've never told anybody this, And I like even when people ask me what my first time was, I just told him I met some girl at Hotspring, like I told him. I just met some girl at Hosprings and it was random girl I met at Hot Springs. We just hooked up, and that is that the first time?
Was that the first time you ever met her?
No, we known each other for a little while before that.
Okay, do you ever you ever go to a therapy to talk about this or you've literally this?
Yeah, No, you're the first kind of therapy. I've brought this the first time I've ever gotten it off my chairs.
Okay, well let's I mean, I have a few questions, But how does it feel to get it off your chest.
Better?
I think I feel a little little more.
Okay, first of all, I mean, look, you're not the first guy to have sex with uh, their second cousin. They do that. These that there was a time in in America. This is I'm making this up, but I also I'm making this up, but it comes from a place that is is there's a kernel of truth. I think there was a period of time in human society where more people's sexual partners were their second cousins than not.
Right, I got to keep it in the bloodline.
I think. I don't know if that's true, and don't I don't know if that's true. It see. It sounds like it makes sense though, because people didn't used to, you know when back when people like you know, and they lived in like tribes and stuff. Like when people would hang out in tribes, everyone was having sex with their cousins all the time, you know, right, So you're not the first guy to do that, so you know, don't you don't have to feel that weird?
Yeah, not the first guy in history, I guess. And maybe I mean, like the you know, royals used to you know, like trade off their cousins and shit. So me and I maybe my ancestors are proud of me or something.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
I feel like you're making this up. Are you making this up? No? Okay, right, I believe I believe you. I believe you. No, no, no, you don't be sorry.
I believe you.
But yeah, I don't know. It's just I don't know, it's fucking I feel like I just I don't know. I feel like I fucked up my first time, Like I like now, looking back at it, I wish I just never I mean I wish I didn't do a lot of stuff in my life. You can't really be regretful about it, but I didn't.
You're you're you're only eighteen, man, You're it's too young to have so many crazy regrets.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
It's just it's because weird, you know, talking to somebody about it.
Tell me why, you let's get into this real quick, I mean what, so tell me why this seats awagh at you? Like obviously you know it's not a socially acceptable thing, like, but but let's let's let's really get into it. I mean why, let's get into your feelings about it, and maybe we can find something. You know, like what, tell me more about your feelings about this.
I mean, I don't know. I came up from like a more I mean, I moved around a lot when I was a kid, but for the most of like my high school years, I lived in like this smaller town, and you know, like anything like uh drama related like that, especially if the cot wind just the slides, everybody would know, like everybody in the whole fucking town would know what you did.
Mm hm.
So it could be some of that, but I'm not sure.
Look, man, you know, first of all, I mean you were four. First of all, I don't I kind of think anything that you did with your life before, anything you did with your life before you I mean you were fourteen when this happens.
Yeah.
Look, unless if you like killed somebody, kind of anything you did with your life before you were eighteen, you're fine, you know what I mean?
M hm.
So you know, I think you can. You can, you can, you can get you can get it, you can get it. I think you can have a clean slate with this one.
Yeah.
Yes, I mean it's kind of not been eating me as much, especially because I moved out of the state that where she lives at and stuff like that, and I'm like, I'm like six hundred miles away from her now, and it's not like it's kind of in the back of my mind. But just like like I said, like some times, like especially when I'm at like work, I have my music in like that, I'm pretty sure it's that Jake Cole. I'm kind of nervous right now, so I'm just kind of my mind is kind of racing
a little bit. But I fuck, I forget what it's called. Like you know what I'm talking Like that one song where he's like passing notes with his fucking chick or whatever, and he's talking about his first time. Like every single time that song comes up, or like anybody talks about their first time having sex, it always just like pops in my head. It's like, damn, you fucked up for
your first time. Like you you know that you can never tell anybody about your first time because they're just gonna think, you know, you're a fucking cousin fucker or something like that. What Dreams, Yeah, that's the song I'm looking for.
Yeah, well, don't you don't have to listen to Jake Cole?
What's that I said?
You don't have to listen to j Cole?
Yeah, yeah, it's a good just block.
J Cole, just a good block. Jake Cole on Spotify.
I guess I should.
Well listen, man, I I don't don't. Don't let this ruin your life. You know, go ahead and you will have you will eventually have sex with people who are not your cousin. You will eventually.
I've done other things.
That's cool, whether whether you did or your day, it's fine. You're you're, you're you're gonna you're gonna be fine. T all right. If if you haven't told anyone this and I'm the first person you've told let I'm telling you you're gonna be fine. I'm telling you shouldn't forget about this, and I'm telling you to stop listening to J Cole.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna pick that song off.
Taking off the playlift. Why is it still even on there? If you're if it's making you, I'm just gonna say that. Look, I'm just gonna say this. T if I had a song that reminded me of fucking my cousin, I would I wouldn't have it on my playlist.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Yeah, I probably I should probably take that song.
Off off.
Tee. Is there any other way that I can help you? This evening? Was this helpful?
I think this one was very helpful. Okay, honestly, I'm surprised because I literally saw your like live notification and I texted you and I didn't think you were gonna call me and I which is pretty surprising.
Well, here we are, and just here we are, just two guys who are gonna be okay.
Thank you.
Is there anything else want to say to the people in the computer before we go?
Uh, just keep it real and Uh, don't suck your cousin because.
You'll regret it.
All right, take care of man.
You too. I love the show.
Thank you, Thanks brother, Thank you.
Have a good one.
You too. I lost my virginity a two to my first girlfriend when I was eighteen years old, and like six years later, she sends me a text and it's a picture of her wearing a Therapy Gecko T shirt and she says, my friends found out that I lost my virginity to the Therapy Gecko, and so they bought me this T shirt. I hope you're doing well. It was actually very very kind. Hey, folks, this is Lyle. I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy
Gecko Live all across the country. If you've never been to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of group Gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself. And if you've been to the sh show before, I have new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people. If you're a fan of the podcast, you're gonna have a great time at the live show, so I hope
to see you guys there. Go to therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode description for a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also, if you don't see your city on the list of cities, please still click the link and RSVP with your phone number so I can contact you when tickets go on sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a bunch more dates very soon. Gek bless Hello. Hi, what's your name, sir?
Oh? This is Mike. Who's this? Uh?
It's the Gecko guy.
Oh?
Hey, man, what's up Mike? How you doing, buddy? What's what's going on?
Not much, man, I'm just you know, chilling out calling in the gek you know. Well, wow, I got nervous. I didn't realize I was going to get nervous.
You know what's funny. I'll tell a story real quick. So back I first, I used to do this show on uh Reddit. That's how the show first started. As there used to be this thing called the Reddit Public Access Network where people would like live stream themselves to Reddit, and if enough people were watching your stream, Reddit would actually put your stream to the front page of Reddit.
And so that's kind of how I got started doing this, is like my streams kept getting to the front page of Reddit, and I, you know, there'd be like forty thousand concurrent viewers on my Reddit streams, and I, for some reason, I just never got nervous. I really, like, I don't know why. I couldn't really like feel the presence of those people, and it just my my central nervous system never spiked or anything like that. But here's
what's Interestyle, Well, hold on me. Let me just restressing though, is that there occasionally would be other streamers who would do call in shows. And I remember there was this other streamer. I don't remember what their name was, but I was bored one night and I was watching this other streamer who like had a call in show and they maybe had like fifteen people watching their stream. But I called in and they picked up, and for whatever reason, I got nervous when I was on the phone. It
was so weird to me. I was like, why am I nervous calling in to somebody else's stream but I'm totally fine on my own. It didn't make any sense to me. It kind of made me like realize what it was like to be on the other side of the phone.
Yeah, yeah, man, that is kind of funny. And I'm used to, like, you know, I've like done singing in theater and stuff like that, and I should be used to talking to people live. But you know, when you're on you know, your hero's phone line is pretty cool.
I'm not. There's no way I'm your hero.
I have literally, oh honestly, you know what, I have discovered a new like interesting path because not only of you, because of other streamers too. Like I didn't even realize it was a thing, you know, and I here, I am, like this old dude hanging out on the internet, just found lyle you know, well.
Hold on, so what what's this new path that you found as a result of like streamers.
You know, I was really tired of working for big corporations and stuff like that, and I just like went off and did my own business thing because I saw a lot of people just kind of doing the the their own thing, you know. And now the internet is so cool you can pretty much do whatever you want. I mean, you could always do whatever you wanted to within reason, right, but now it seems like a little bit safer and more fun, you know, and I don't know, it's gonna dig in your thing.
Well, what tell me, what's this? What's this thing that you're doing? What's this biz?
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I'm just I'm I'm working on computers, you know.
I uh.
I help people with their uh with their computers, you know, recovering data, doing you know whatever, helping their website. Just you know, I do all the discourse. I'm a tech guy, you know, so I spend a lot of time doing tech stuff, and just I don't know, decided one day I was tired of do I'm tired of doing it for everybody else except for myself, you know, and like I wanted to do a project for myself. I wanted to do a project for myself.
I like that. I like that, I think I I mean, is that like uh or I'm I'm not a future ologist or an economist or anything, but that seems to me like a utopian world. Like everybody's a freelancer. You know, there's no like nine to five corporate shits kind of work when there needs to be work done, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I kind of like that, you know, like we can all kind of be ourselves and you know, do our thing. By the way, I was at the Syracuse Show, dude, and it was so much fun experience. I didn't. I didn't, I really like and my wife, you know, she was like a little skeptical, you know, because with Nana fifty, you know, not not and you're pretty young, right, you're like in your twenties, dude, So like, you know, but I get along with I get a
lot of the stuff that you guys are doing. You know, I saw you actually the first time I saw you was in an interview with the guy from AFN or you know, at the av EN the AVN.
Oh who wait, somebody was interviewing me.
Yeah, who dude was interviewing you on YouTube on the ABN. So I was like, who's this get go guy? And who a rabbit hole? Some porns to meet some porn star or wanna be porn guy?
You know.
Okay, So I inspired you to create a computer repair business.
Well it's repair business, but yeah, I mean yeah, yeah essentially, yeah, yeah, you inspired me like you and actually a.
Bunch of other streamers. Actually, I don't know if you watched you know, if you're on twitch at all. But there's a gamer streamer called Pirate Software. That guy, he's amazing. You know, there's a bunch of guys like you who are out there just you know, you can cultivate your own Internet experience at this point, it's kind of interesting.
Yeah, yeah, it is cool. I was having this conversation with someone last night. It's like, uh, you can really kind of like, do you it's you. We live in a universe where it's like easier than ever to do your own thing, you know.
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, So I mean, so, did you.
Did your wife like the show?
Was?
She was? She not skeptical anymore? Afterwards?
I don't know. Did you like the show Hunt the Gecko Show? Did you like it?
Yeah?
Liked it?
Okay, that's good. That's cool because that's my that's my like barometer. And people are gonna, I've I've been talking to so many people who happened to be at my live shows on this podcast lately that people are gonna think it's plants. But that's my real barometer to see if if the show was any good or not, if like some person who's like boyfriend or girlfriend just dragged them there, had a good time.
Yeah, yeah, she had a great time. I mean, I mean there were some weird The people who come out stays are pretty interesting, and that's why I like the show, dude. It's just like it's a unique formula. You know. I'm interested in streaming too, and like I've always been thinking of like what the hell can I do in streaming world? You know, But you show pretty much anybody you can do any fucking thing really well. You can go interviewing
people and that's fucking great. And I think you're hilarious and yeah about it.
Thanks for being so nice to me. Nothing about me. I'm curious about you. So you're you're you're you turn just turned fifty.
Yeah, I'm turning fifty.
This name? Man, what's it? So it's interesting because I mean mostly I talked to I feel like I'd like to think like like anecdotally, you know, it seems as though we have a wide age range of people you know, coming in on this on this, on this thing. But you know, when I go when I look at like my analytics and stuff, it is it's mainly like eighteen to thirty, you know, So what what's.
I'm an outlife?
What's going on at fifty. What's happening, how you're feeling, how you're thinking, how's life, what's what's what can you tell us?
Oh, dude, you know it's it's fun, you know. I mean, I'm on multi you know, many depressant medications and you know, kids, divorced, all the fun stuff. But but you know, I manage my life. I go with therapy. You know it's good. You know, people should go to their therapy. They should, you know, I think that.
So now, actually you go ahead, go ahead and finish. I'll say I'll say my questions to the end.
Oh no, no, no, I was just gonna say that. You know, I think everybody should, you know, uh, find their own path. But don't you know ever stop working on yourself. You know that's what I do.
So I'm going to tell you something. It's a little crazy, but uh, I feel like it's good for I'm just going to say it because I think it's only fair to like let people know where I'm at. Sometimes I I've been like fair, like I've been in kind of like a crazy depression for a bit and I have. So have you like been depressed for like your whole life? Would you consider yourself like have depression.
Uh oh yeah, I'll diagnosed for sure. Oh yeah, diagnosed and everything. Yeah.
So, like I've been in a crazy depression and I kind of like, bruh, this is kind of dark. But I thought to myself kind of recently, like, dude, you know, if every day is gonna feel like this for the rest of my life, like I don't know if it's like worth it, you know what I mean. And because like, because like I'm twenty I'm twenty six, and I used to have this idea in my mind that like when I turned the thirty I would like explode like that actually wouldn't even be like like that that like the
reality of me getting older doesn't even exist. I'm not I'm not saying like I'm just gonna tell myself. I'm saying, like, it doesn't. It's not I don't think about.
Yeah, you don't like past a certain time. Yeah, and you oh, dude.
You know, I'm curious what your perspective is because your fifty, so you've been dealing with depression for you know, twice as long as I have. What's what's up? What's your take, What's what's your thoughts, what's your feelings? Had you overcome it?
Yeah, man, I mean it's just basically keep it a positive attitude. That's all I've done.
Dude.
I finally went on Okay, so you know, I did go on the meds because it was getting kind of like a little bad where you know, when you feel those depressive thoughts where you know, self harm or any of that stuff. Dude, you got to see a doctor or a psychologist and get on some meds, you know, quickly, because that'll help you turn things around. And that's why I did, you know, And I'm still learning, you know. Every day I just try to stay positive, you know,
take care of my self. How much balance do you have between the computer and like touching.
Graph I'm trying. I mean it's hard because I, like, you know, what I do is on the computer, but also a lot of what I a lot of what I do is not on the computer, you know, like the show in fucking Syracuse. I I am easily easily happiest when I'm uh in front of you know, actual human being.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
I get so here. I'm curious about this because this is something I've been talking to a friend a lot about this because the whole like meds and therapy thing like I've been so like when I get really depressed, I kind of think to myself, like, Okay, I'm pretty sure that all of this is due to external like life, you know what I mean, Like like there's something fixed like either like whatever, like uh, you know, interpersonal relationships are fucked up, or like career stuff is like fucked up,
or like like you can actually peg it to something external in your life. And and I've tried to like figure this out, like is it is happiness and not being depressed like a symptom of like your literal brain chemistry that like medication can fix or that you know have meditation and perspective can fix. Or is it literally like nah, dude, you got to like unfuck your actual like life and make actual different changes to your life.
And I go very back and forth on it because I've I've had a lot of you know, I have a lot of things in my life right now that I think would you know, I I at one point really wanted and so if I just shifted my perspective to be more grateful for the things I have, I think I'd be happier. But then on another point. I do look at a lot of aspects of my external life, and I'm like, yeah, that looks like I'm looking at my fucking room right now, and it looks hilarious like this,
there's gecko suits straddled and upon this underwear in my sink. Bro, Like, there's you know, stuff to be well. I mean, you're here.
Let's say you gotta roll it back, though, dude, you gotta roll it back.
Let's roll it back here, be realistic. You are a twenty something year old single dude, right, It's true. No one's expecting you not to have your underwear strewn about the house. Okay. When I was twenty seven, dude, the underwear was everywhere. So you're good. You're good there. Don't worry about being slaw Yeah.
Yeah, well it's just me that I meant that to say. And and the the underwear in my sink is is a is a microcosm of the underwear of my sink. Is is like a metaphor for just like external things being like fucked up. And so basically what I'm getting at is like I'm trying to Basically what I'm getting at is simply how I'm trying to determine how much of my unhappiness is based upon things wrong in my external life or things wrong in my internal brain chemistry
and perspective. And I'm curious what your death take is on that.
I honestly think it's like a mix, right, Yeah, I think I've been using both. I've been using the CP what they call the CPT, the cognitive behavioral therapy and medication, and they and they both worked. You know, I got through a divorce. I also, you know, I do things
outside like you. I do things outside of my regular work too, you know, like I'll do I take I have a specific thing that I do for exercise that I'll do or you know, I don't know, I just set up a routine, you know, people and kids, Like maybe kids were the one thing that kind of helped me through some of this too, dude. Yeah, It's like when I had kids and you know, relate, you know,
regular relationships. Finally, you know, it took a while, but you know, when I finally got there, I was able to, you know, uh, find some more balance in my life by exerting different you know, taking the energy off me a little bit and putting it up on you know, my family and the people who are close to me.
Yeah, well how old are you?
Used to take a more Buddhist approach to life, and now I'm taking like a more Buddhist approach to life. You know, I'm very I try to make a giving thing every day. You know. I try to be kind to people.
You know.
I know the Internet is a shits pool of of of fun, you know, but it's you know, I try to be I try to be nice as possible, but I'm also kind of sarcastic. So you know, the Internet is perfect for me.
So how old were you when you started your family.
I was in my thirties. Yeah, like my thirties something.
So what were you doing? So in your twenties, what were you doing? Were you just like bumming around? What are you doing?
Yeah? I was going to Yeah, I was going to college. You know. I lived in a bunch of places. I lived in Baltimore, I lived in Philly. I lived Yeah, I lived a bunch of places, you know, just traveling around. I like to travel, you know, go go places. So I just with the you know, follow girlfriends here and there too. You know. That's the other thing that I
haven't been great at is relationships. So but now like I feel like I finally at me in my fifty and finally like at that point where I can be good at relationships.
Why why do you think you weren't good at relationships?
I don't know, you know, it's a good question. Just like early life stuff happened, I don't, you know, like everybody has got life stories, you know. So I think that probably my early lifehood stuff when I was growing up as a teenager or a young one kind of impacted my adulthood, you know. But I kind of like late loomed in college in the finished until it was like twenty five or whatever. Hell man, I just paid off my student loans.
Oh congratulations, gee, I meant, yeah, gratulations.
We took me twenty five years.
But you know, you know, crazy, what did you major in?
I have a two year degree at radio and television and a business degree.
Oh my god, that's crazy that it that it it takes that long.
Yep.
Well yeah, and I was just you know, I was kind of doing it on my own two you know.
So, how do you feel as though you've gotten better at relationships?
Uh? Well, the I mean, honestly, the therapy you know, like talking through things. You know, my therapist has kind of guided me through things as its kind of like a life coach, you know what I mean. So been guiding me through you know, when I'm being an asshole or when I'm you know, doing the right thing or the wrong thing. You know, that's been helpful.
M hm.
So having some guidance you.
Know, Well are you are you? Are you happy now? Oh?
Yeah?
Yeah, man, I'm I'm much happier now.
Yeah.
Absolutely, I'm my own boss and uh, you know, I love it.
Do you think has your life gotten better every year? Or is it has it kind of been like a like an up and down chart or like has it kind of been like.
Yeah, yeah, it's enough. Yeah it's not. It's not like even for me.
No, man, But does it But does it trend upwards over over time?
Oh?
Yeah?
Sure?
Sure?
Sure. I mean listen, you're talking to a bit of a niolist too, so does it really? I mean, I don't know if you understand nelism or not a nihilism.
Maybe that's annis you're an nihilist. Nihilist yeah, one cheerful lass nihilist.
I gotta tell you, well, no, but like, yeah, you have to be happy. But you know, the long and short of it is, does this all really matter?
You know?
And that's why I think. I think it's kind of funny, you know, Like that's the funny part about life, is like does this all matter?
No?
So that's why it's great to be what you want to do and do what you want to do, like like you ghek man.
Well, there's this two there's this two panel comic that I see all the time, and it's a guy who's uh, face down, shrouded in a cloud of rain, and the caption says, nothing matters. And then next to it is another guy and he's smiling and his hands are up in the air and he's he's cheerful, and he goes nothing matters, and you're you're the second guy.
Yeah, I'm the second guy, exactly exactly.
Well, Mike, it was a really good, great pleasure talking to you, man, geez, I, Uh, was there anything It's okay if not. This was a fun conversation. But was there anything in particular that you wanted to get off your chest or talk about before we go?
Yeah? I don't know, I mean, I just you know, I don't know, like you want me to tell you about like a little bit about my life. I could, you know, I don't want to extend my call. I want to give other people a chance, So I'm gonna just say, uh, you know, people be kind to each other or find a balance in life, and you know, keep watching you know Wild because he's awesome. And by the way, the Doja cat thing was awesome, dude, that was then ethic, Like, you get these great guests.
You know what, Mike, what's that?
You're my fucking hero?
All right, no, you're my hero.
He I'm hanging up.
You take care of Mike, Thank you very much.
What a nice guy? What a what a nice fucking guy. What a nice fucking guy? I liked Mike. What else do I have to say about Mike in this post post call recap comments, I'm trying to say more about about the calls after they end. I'm trying to say more about the calls after they end. But it's because I've started putting these post call thoughts in the podcast.
But it's kind of it always feels like, you know, when you're trying to leave a voicemail and you like the thing beeps and you panic and you're like, I don't know what to say. That's how I feel every time a phone call ends and I'm supposed to like give post call thoughts on it is like, I don't know what to say. I didn't prepare for this. I
only prepared to talk to another person. I wasn't prepared to just rant and have it forever be on someone else's phone, let alone you know, thousands of people's phones on this podcast. See, I've gone so far that I don't even this post call thought isn't even about Mike anymore. His name was Mike, right, thank god? Okay, I looked at the chat. His name was Mike. Mike was a cool guy. That's all I have to say. That's another thing with these post call thoughts. I'm on a roll.
I'm gonna keep going. I had a lot of coffee before this, which is I don't know there's a correlation between the amount of coffee that I have and how alert I feel on these podcasts. But whatever this is, we're still going. We're putting all this in that, we're keeping all of this in. All these post call thoughts are going in. That's another thing about post call thoughts is here's all I really have to say about that call is that Mike was a nice guy. I liked Mike.
I don't have a further right now. Actually, okay, we don't want to do that. Why don't I give it an analysis of why I liked I liked Mike because he was a great Here's why I liked Mike. We're gonna analyze it. I liked Mike because he was a gracious conversationalist. He allowed me to talk and responded in a way that really proved that he was listening and paying attention. He was optimistic, positive person. That's the kind
of people we want to be around. Is that's that's who you want in the life is a fucking war, and on your army, you want positive, optimistic people who are ready to go into battle, such as Mike. He was a positive, optimistic guy. He was a good conversationalist. What's the third final thing reason I liked Mike. Oh, Mike gave me hope. That's why I liked Mike. He gave me hope, you know, because I meant what I
said back there. I think, you know, my life also feels like a very big trend up trend down, you know, ups and downs things. But here's Mike fifty years old, going through life, still kicking. I don't know. I imagine I'm just like living life year after year after year after year. I imagine it tires on some you know, and so there is something or like I imagine that it'll like like, by the time I reach fifty, I'll just be like so tired.
You know.
And so when I talk to Mike, I'm like, I'm inspired. I'm like, all right, maybe I won't be maybe I'll still be able to do to you know, enjoy life and be kicking and doing stuff. So I liked Mike. And if this was a voicemail, it'd be a very long voicemail. I'm done. I got to take another call or else. This post call thought is going to keep going forever. But we're putting all this in the podcast and scene.
How from James?
Hello, Hello, what is your name?
You can call me James?
James? What's up, James? How's life? How can I get you today? Oh?
Not much?
I'm actually it's funny. I actually was going to go into see your podcast right now, actually, but I'm like, hey, you're streaming, might as well try.
Calling TFW you listen to the podcast, but then you are the podcast.
That's basically it. Man, that's pretty what it is.
Well anyway, shit, uh what's swear?
Do you?
Uh? Tell me? Tell me something anything at all about life, about you?
About honest me. It's funny because whenever I have the idea of calling you and having idea of like talking to you, I always have all these ideas we have to talk about, but never a precise life idea. I'd say, I'd say one issue I'm having. I guess it is more like nostalgia. I don't know if you ever have that, like an issue with nostalgia.
You have an issue with nostalgia? Yes, tell me more? What does that mean?
So it's like I would say that, like I let nostalgia kind of like dictate some actions. That's been over my life and it kind of ruined some friendships over the years.
Interesting, interesting, tell me if you want to talk about it. What's the get Let's get an example in here. What's what's a time where you made a decision based off of nostalgia?
Well, I would say, like to put it shortly, back in eighth grade, I had a girl that I was in love with who was my best friend, and I just never told her about it. And so over the years, as like time progress, we became a little distant but also together in a way, so like long, this is a friendship, but not also being too close to being best friends anymore, okay. And so like over the years, me and this girl, we've had mutual friends, we had
mutual like people we knew together. And so what ended up happening was that as time progress, we just it's it apart. And so around i'd say twenty twenty, we met back up. We had a mutual friend who said, hey, let's hang out, you know, let's catch you back up to speed. And so to me that was just like amazing, Oh yeah, let's hang out. Long story short. The energy was just like very I would say, not, it's more
like intoxicating, like there's down. The whole feeling was just like, hey, everyone consents that there's something between us around us.
You get okay, So here, okay, so here's this you why why is this bad?
So let me get to that. So my issue was that because of that, like I didn't realize like how much I was putting myself into this situation. More like me and this person, were like, oh, we're good friends, and we kind of wanted to keep it that way. But like for me, my nostalgia of just knowing this person for all this years kind of came into the idea, Hey, I'm in love with you, but I never told her about it, and that was the problem.
So what's your name again, James? James? So you were okay? And how old are you now?
I'm twenty six? Guy from twenty six?
Twenty six? Okay? And so you met you met a lady in eighth grade that you were in love with, and then you meet up with her years later as a young adult, and when you meet her again, you're you're still the feelings, the passion that you had at that age bubbles back up again. Am I correct?
Yeah?
And you design and is this this? And you decline to tell her that you have these feelings for her.
Yeah. And it gets more complicated than that, Actually, how.
So how does it get more complicated? Because a lot of the times things that apparently because I'll tell you something, James, I'll tell you something. A lot of times things that you think are complicated are kind of not. But what the fuck do I know? Tell me why I gets more component.
So basically, between the time of like eighth grade to like twenty twenty, me and her sister actually became really good friends and so like, even though me and the main person weren't I'm talking as much, me and her sister were becoming really good close friends. And that became complicated because at some point the main friend was jealous of our friendship and assuming things will happen between us.
I said, no, I don't really see her that same way, and I didn't really want to enforce any like kind of relationship kind of stuff like that. So for me, it was like, I don't want to focus on that, like I'm cold just being friends. But then in twenty twenty, when we all met up together, as out of all these years, I didn't realize her sister was also in
love with me. Okay, so it was a weird like triangle here without me having to really get involved with that triangle as much, because even I told her sister, Hey, I'm in love with you, it was like my main friend, you know, and I haven't.
Very funny to me. It's very funny to me that this girl you met in middle school you are still now as a man in his mid twenties, courting her as you would a middle schooler.
Yeah, so yes and no. So to put it lightly, like, as time progressed in twenty twenty, I was dealing with my own emotion and stuff. I had a stocker at the time, so like I was getting over that. And when me and this person became friends again and like re established our friendship, what ended up happening was that
we got really close. But the only issue was that she was dating other people freely on a non monogamous way, and so I was like, okay, you know, and for me, I was just like, I don't want to intervene with that, because I shouldn't really intervene with someone else's happiness like that, okay, And I was more like a martyr of myself. I was saying, hey, well, I'd rather keep it quiet and just not ruin our friendship even though I am in love with you. But that did cause its own.
So you did tell her you were and so you did tell her you were in love with her.
No, what ended up happening was that as time progressed, we got really close and we did have like one or two like flings, but the minute we.
Wait, so you so you did you guys fucked up?
Yeah, But it wasn't like we want It wasn't like a like, oh, let's do this. It was like a heat of the moment. We're just like we're hanging out and you know, you know, let's just like mess around. But that wasn't more like for me when I did that, I felt like, oh, my nostalgia fils just fucking left. That whole thing just fucking dipped out, and I was like, oh, I see the issue here, and it was like, oh, my nostalgia was just like oh, here's my filter and felt like oh this is Yeah.
Look I'm I'm I'm only telling you this, and I might be wrong and I might not have any nuance. I'm only telling you this, as you know, with the information you've provided me as a completely outsider perspective who's thought about your issue for a good you know, five minutes that you've been telling it to me. But why is this I still don't understand why this is so complicated.
So it's complicated because long story short, as we got further along, like I said, you know what, let's not have sex anymore. I don't want to do this anymore I've done, and I just didn't feel comfortable. However, I still felt like I was in love with her, but that just made more issues towards it along line with the whole kind of like her sister was like jealous of that.
Okay, all right, I'm gonna ask you. I'm gonna ask you a few questions to decomplicate things. Okay, James, does this woman live in the same location as you?
Well, same city, Yeah.
That would be the same location. Yes, Okay, is she? Is she in a relationship.
As of right now? I don't know?
Okay, are you in a relationship?
I'm not.
Do you like her?
I do, but we're no longer.
Would you, and would you? Would it make you happy to be in a relationship with her?
It would? Honestly?
Have you told her that?
I haven't? And it's hard to do so because so.
Why is it hard to do so?
So basically, when I cut things off of her, she started dating someone and she told the guy that me and her had a flings here and then, and he became very jussed about that and kind of cut her off from hanging out with me or being friends with me in general. And so that caused a whole rift of our friendship and kind of broke things off between us. I haven't talked to her for over a year at this point.
Oh, you haven't talked to her for over a year.
Mm hmm.
Okay, so your relationship with her has sort of do you I do you believe that you are both on Do you believe that you are on bad terms with this woman?
I do?
Do you believe she would be reciprocal to you reaching out and attempting to talk to her?
It's funny because for her birthday, I don't know what came over me, but it gave her like a happy birthday and like in a bit of an apology for how things went off between me and her, okay, And she just never replied back, and I was like, oh.
Okay, okay, all right, So it sounds as though you you reached, you know, out, and your reach out was was was not reciprocated.
Yeah, And I said, you know what, I think I should just move on from that. And I kind of just again, like it's not like I'm hung up over it. It's more like it's just one of those things that comes back to my back of my mind. Okay, and kind of bothers me a little bit on how things went off with that. Okay, but I was, but it's more like, you know what, it's better to move on than having to.
Just like James, you are severe. But I and I don't know if I know what I'm talking about here, and maybe I don't, but you're severely over complicating this.
I am sorry.
So no, I don't. You don't have to apologize. No, no, you don't have to apologize. I really do you do? Really you don't. Sometimes I think just talking stuff out makes you realize you overcomplicated the To me, the point is you reached out to this girl, uh uh, you know, to try to kind of it sounds to try to kind of rekindle a relationship, and she was not reciprocal to that. And at that point, you know, you you take it, You take it, and you you move on.
You know, it's easy, so much easier said than done. Dear lord, Yeah, of course, so much easier second done. I don't want to pretend like it's that easy. It's fucking not. It's not at all. And you know what I'm I'm I've been being a dick to you this whole call it's things are do get complicated things, hold on,
hold on, because things do here. And I'm saying this because like I you know, things do get complicated, right, but they all they also kind of aren't when you zoom out, you know, yeah, of course, so you know, anyway, what are you doing now? Are you? Are you tindering? Are you what are you doing? Are you going out on the town?
Ah?
Well right now I'm trying to like go out there more and like kind of date around. But like I'm kind of also like, hey, I'm cool with just being single.
Well wonderfully, I'm just cool just being thankful. Yeah, because it's like, after all this shit I went through with all that, I was like, I'm kind of cool being single, but you know, the back of your mind just like eat sat to you at what you did or what you went through, and it's like, fuck, I kind of want to move on from that, but it still kind of comes back and hits you a little bit.
Okay, well, now we're just see now this isn't complicated at all.
This is just.
The question of how do you move how do you get over someone?
Which well is normally you always ask the people who out on the phone. They have therapy, and I had taken therapy over it, and at some point me it might think. Well, she was like, well, it's better to just move on from it, and I have, And honestly it's been again since like I texted her a while ago, like I got a year ago. I just kind of moved on from it a little more. But it's still again.
Little things will come up and I'm like, oh, well I kind of missed that person, but also like, well, it's better to be moved on than having to like had the nostalgia of this friendship in general. Kind of stay with you.
Life's fucking crazy, James, Life fucking crazy, And ideally everything would work out right and you'd be like one of those uh, you know couples on the Instagram who you know, they found each other and they got married and everything was beautiful. Right. That's sick, That's what that would be. Sick. But life's fucking crazy.
Man.
I don't know what to tell you. It really is, it really is.
It's funny question.
You can ask me a question.
I know this is a little personal, but go ahead. Have you ever like fully fell in love? Oh? Man, you could say no, you say whatever. Dude, that's fine, it's cool, man.
I don't want to talk about it. I I you know, here's the thing. I was like, I like to be I really do. I like to be open been about uh my like life and stuff. But I don't. I don't like doing it if in ways that like involve other people. So I'm not going to answer that question.
Of course. Yeah, it's fine. No, it's cool, dude, it's fine. I don't want to push your buttons on that when I'm sorry, I.
Mean, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. But life's fucking life's fucking crazy and some things, you know, So it'd be great if everything worked out amazingly forever all the time. And I think when it doesn't, you have this like idea that for everyone else's working out amazingly beautiful forever all the time, and for you it's not. But that's not true. So I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I wish I had anything better to tell you than keep on keeping on, But that's really the sauce.
M No. Of course, one last question for you, guy. I had this in mind for a while about if you can time travel, where will you go too?
If I could time travel? Yeah, i'd stay right the fuck. Actually, i'd probably actually what, I would probably just use it to make money. I would just go into the future and like see how much bitcoin's worth or whatever and do that.
What do you even be like worth anything?
By then?
I feel like crypto will like die off by then.
Well, that's why I would go in there. I would figure out I would use I would go into you know how people did go into the future, like predict the lottery numbers and stuff. I would do something like that. I don't care about, Like, I don't want to know. I don't want to I don't want to know stuff about the future, you know, other than that. Yeah, and I don't want to go back in time because what am I gonna do there, you know, except fuck everything up by killing a butterfly or an ant.
I mean, they're not wrong. I would say, like as hard as to think about going in the future, about fucking things up too, but also the past as well.
Well. James, it's awesome. Take solace in this. No matter what happens to you and your love life, you can always sit in a dark room and jack off. That's something that nobody will ever be able to take away from you, and I hope he takes solace.
On that they're not wrong. Man, I'll do one for you, bro, I got.
It, don't I mean you can do I was gonna say, don't do one for me, but if you really want, if you, I mean, I can't stop. I cannot legally stop you from thinking about me, uh while you jerk off. And I wouldn't want that power because your thoughts are a sacred place that no person or government or entity should you know, be able to interfere with. So you know it is your god given rights to think about
whatever and whoever when you jack off. So go do that, James, God bless you, and I'll see you around the universe.
No problem, Jack, I have a good one.
Take care. He said he's gonna do it for me. Just he just comes and he's like for the gcko.
There, repeat get goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.
The repeat cat goes doing his eye.
Who's teaching you to.
A house to live your life?
But he's not really an expert.