"I HAVE A PEN CAP STUCK IN MY ASS"

Hello, Hello, How are you?

I am pretty good. How are you?

I am a gecko on the computer.

Yes, that is true.

What's going on with your life?

You know, not too much. I didn't really do that much today, chilled at home.

Uh Adam. It says here that you have a pen cap stuck in your ass.

Yeah, if you couldn't tell, I was kind of waiting for you to bring that up. I didn't really want.

To, Okay. Uh why don't you tell me about this?

Yeah? So Friday night, you know, having some me time, and I had this pen and you know, this isn't the first time that I have done something like this, but you know, I put I used the pen, and after the activity is concluded, I removed the pen and guess what didn't come out?

The cap of the pen?

Right?

Okay? So you were this was a sexual pleasure thing. Yeah, okay, So you shove the pin up your ass in pursuit of sexual stimulation and the cap is now lodged in there.

That's correct, yes, okay?

And how recently did this take place?

This past Friday night?

This past Friday night? Okay? And is the pens cap still in there?

It is still in there?

Okay. And it is currently Wednesday, so it has been about Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday is about it's been about five days since pen cap has been in your ass.

Yeah, you're really driving the point home.

Okay.

And am I the first person who you came to about this?

Yep? That is correct.

Have you considered other people who might be better equipped to help you with the situation, perhaps just throwing it out there a medical professional?

Of course I have. But here's okay. You know, I call it because I wanted to. Obviously that's the first thing someone would say. But I have my defenses. First of all, it's extremely embarrassing, you know, that's obvious. And second all, I'm not in any serious pain or discomfort, So you know, why would I spend all that money going to the doctor or the emergency room or whatever

So okay, so you're wait, No, you're just gonna wait until it becomes a problem.

Kinda or or until I get the courage to finally go.

Do you do this with other things in your life? Like, do you always wait until a situation is a critical emergency until you handle it.

I do have a problem with avoiding things.

Yes, okay, and you're problem with avoiding things. Has it ever in the past made any problems significantly worse for you?

You know it has?

Tell it. Tell me about a time where it has.

Okay, So I kept procrastinating renewing my tags on my car. So I had gotten two tickets and I just paid the fines. You know, it was whatever. And after I paid the fines, I finally did it. I finally went to get my tag renewed, but because it was a year overdue past the year overdue, I had to end up getting a new plate and it was way more money than just renewing the tags.

So I guess that's really funny to hear you tell this story while you currently have a pen cap stuck in your ass. Yeah, Adam, I think if there were ever going to be a straw that broke a camel's back situation where you finally decided you're not going to procrastinate anymore and you began your journey toward facing your issues head on, it would absolutely be this one.

I cannot argue with that, So.

Why don't you go head over to the doctor, tell them that you had a pin cap stuck in your ass? You have a pin cap stuck in your ass, and live in the shame. Realize it's not that bad, and that you should have gone on Saturday. And then next time you're embarrassed or you're procrastinating on something, you'll think back to this and you'll go, Man, you know, I went to the doctor and I told him about the pen that I had in my ass, and lo and behold, he reached in there, he got the pen out, and

You know, you're kind of right, I really do need to well, Okay, I definitely have.

Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, go get that pen cap out of your ass.

Okay, I'll do it. I'll do it for you.

Thank you for calling Adam. Anything else gonna say the people of the computer before we go.

Yes, I know you don't like when callers read chat. But someone asked how I poop? I poop fine, like it still comes out. I just want them to clarify for anyone wants.

Adam Adam, Yes, Adam, go to the doctor.

Okay, okay, by Adam? Bye?

Hello, Hi, Hi le Molly. What's going on with you? Man? Not much.

I have a I have a weird thing that's been going on the last few months that I was looking for some insight or advice on what did the screen are put down?

Let's let's read it. Uh, Molly, it says here that you have Okay, I'm gonna read this whole thing. Uh okay. It says says that you have a nightmare disorder and you have been having vivid sex dreams that make you

Uh, so that's mostly true. It started off with right around the same time I started writing this erotic novel last year, I do you know what a fandom is or science fiction?

Yeah? I know what a fan fa And in uh, in middle school, Uh, kids in my grade were obsessed with writing one direction fan fiction and they and people would like, write me into it and stuff is weird, But no, I am familiar with fan fiction.

So okay, okay. So I wrote a fan fiction last year, and obviously it included a embarrassing to say because I'm twenty eight an influencer. And right around that time, I started taking medication for nightmares that I've been suffering my entire life, like every single night, vivid grewesome. I like, I don't even want to say it on the phone because it's like fucked up what my dreams dreams.

Would come up with.

So while I was writing this, I got put in the medication and I started having these dreams about this influencer. But they weren't just sex dreams. I was falling in love with this influencer, and eventually, as I guess you know, I had as any dreams as I could about him. It transgressed into the kid that sat behind me in Spanish class one night, to my neighbor, to my uh my boyfriend's brother, anyone that could come up with. And they weren't just vivid sex dreams. I fell in love

You have.

You have you have dreams where you fall in love with Cole hirsch Well.

Actually the sad part about that is I love him a lot. And he was the only dream that we went on a date. And neither one of us had a good time. And I I don't know why it was him specifically, but neither one of us really enjoyed ourselves. We kind of were like looking at our watch. We were like at a hot dog stand waiting to go

Well anyway, okay, so you're having these dreams about miscellaneous. It's not just people from the internet. It's like, you know, your brother's boyfriend, like just random people are like fictional characters. Is all these people? How long? How long has this been going on for that you've been having these vivid, vivid love dreams about all these these different entities.

I started writing my novel and I started being put on the medication probably in November, and it's every I have vivid dreams every night, and I have these love dreams like five nights out of a week.

Okay, so they've been since November. So it's been like, God, don't maybe do math right now, Like it's been several months that you've been having these dreams. It's not been like your entire life.

Yeah, okay, yeah, like nine months. I've been having nightmares my whole life, but the love dreams, like nine months.

And have the love dreams replaced the nightmares? Or some nights it's a nightmare, some nights it's a love dream.

Well that's the thing is why I am scared to get off this medication is the medication has stopped the nightmares. I don't have nightmares anymore, but instead they're replaced by these love dreams. So I'm scared that if I get off of it, I'm going to go back into, you know, watching my family get tortured and these horrible things. And it's like a it's like a toss up. I'm like, I don't know which which is better because I'm sleeping great.

But you know, well, to start here, I assume you have a psychiatrist. That is the person that that prescribed you this medicine. Yes, okay, Have you been to the psychiatrist and told them, hey, not, my medicine working out great, but it's giving me these other dreams that I don't want to have, and now I don't know what to do. You have you told them that?

So I haven't because a lot of psychiatrists are kind of like quacks. They don't really care, especially mental health psychiatrists. They don't really care, just putting you on something and then whatever happens happened. I more so have talked to my therapist about this, and he was the first person I opened up to about my fan fiction, and he told me that he also wrote fan fiction about Dean from Supernatural. I guess when he was younger. So I

Yeah, so okay, so when you tell your therapist that you're having this problem, what is What does your therapist say you if you don't tell your psychiatrist.

I guess I haven't talked to him recently about it. I've I can play it out in my head, and I know what he's going to say that you know, it's better than the horrible nightmares where you wake up crying and covered in sweat, So what's the harm? But I don't know it's I don't know if it's a sect with my sex life, with my with my partner or you know what I mean yeah.

So so the first like, the first thing I'm going to tell you, and this is what I always say, is like, you know, look, I know why you maybe don't have a trust for your psychiatrist or your therapist, but like, you know, if you're having this issue, uh, you know, in with a medication that they're prescribing you, you know, my gecko guy on the computer, recommendation is to tell them about it. But let's see. Okay, but okay, so you should do that. That's the first thing I'll say.

I mean, they're a big problem. I've been dating my partner for nine years, so obviously I'm madly in love with him. But after nine years, it's not the butterflies. It's not where, you know, having sex every single night. We can't keep our eyes off of each other. But I love him. It's like that stagnant I love you,

Tell me more about that.

Yes, so it's it's become a problem because my partner Will couldn't live up to this character I created. And like, the thing about fan fiction is you take this person and the things you like about them, and then you add these all these other things that you don't even know about them. I didn't know Coule Hirsch, like hot dogs, you know, like you create these things in your writing

And so it's is it creating a problem for you because you feel like it is making you to devalue your Did you say he's your husbands or boyfriends.

Or he's my we've been together nine years. He's basically my husband without the ranks, So whatever you want, okay.

All right, Yeah, let's do significant other nice. So let's do partner perfectly. That's good, that's a good catch all perfect, all right, So your partner, it's uh, do you feel like it's making you value your partner? Liss?

I don't know, dude, Like when I first it depends on the nights, the nights where the dreams are so romantic, so beautiful. Yeah, sometimes it'll be the littlest thing he'll slip up on, like, oh, you didn't walk the dog when before I got home from work. Great, and it'll be an extra ooms because I just had the dream the night before that we're so romantic. But if you know we have sex that day it's a little different.

Know, m is this something that you have talked to your partner about?

I mean, he's in the other room listening to the stream. I will if you're listening, Okay.

Is this something that you're Is this something that your partner is finding out about right this very moment.

He just left from the other room. Yeah, basically he knew I wrote the erotic novel and he knew the Influencer was about. But yeah, he did not know any of this. Really.

Okay, what should we get him on the phone? Is that would that be helpful?

I will, he can be kind of awkward on the phone, but sure, I will Garrison speaker for a mile.

All right, Hey, what's up man? What's your name?

My name is Will.

Are you doing.

How are you doing? Will?

I'm doing all right. We're very very unexpected change of events tonight, I guess.

But so you are? Are are just sort of now hearing all of these these issues and about all these dreams that your partner is having.

Yeah, I think there was maybe a small things you mentioned, but I guess the scope of it, yeah, was probably not revealed until Yeah.

Okay, And how are you? How are you feeling in this moment? What do you what do you make of all of this?

You know, I I feel a little bit weird, but I don't feel like I can be mad at someone, So there's subconscious you know what I mean. It's like, of course, I know we everyone has weird. I guess it's like I don't have as many vivid dreams, but I don't. She told me she's had a lot of mess of dreams, and I've never like, I've never held that against her because, like, I feel like you can't hold someone subconscious against them, right, because it's not like

I mean, what you know, I already told uh, Molly that you know, she should go to get better help

That's a good question. And honestly, this is a this is a very kind of abstract issue that I don't even know how to really approach it, to be honest, I mean, I guess just being open about it, right, because I mean it's maybe I think maybe part of it is her feeling like she's holding this in and that maybe that's creating the dreams more vividly. I don't know, you know what I mean, Like if you're suppressing something, maybe that's making it more intense. I don't know. No, honestly,

Hmmm, yeah, man, I think being open about it is uh definitely helps because another thing is and again this is why I you know, I wonder what her actual psychology team people would think. But like, is there is there a desire that she asked? Because you know, she said all that, she said she loves you, she said

No, that makes sense. Maybe there's some bigger issue that needs to be addressed here. I don't know.

What do you think, Molly, I mean, I think you're onto something. It's we're a little vanilla in the bedroom, so it wouldn't hard to maybe explore That's, like I said, when you've been together nine years. It's a static level and the erotica I wrote, there's a reason why I've only let two people in my life read it because it is pretty raunchy and nasty. So and Will's read it. I mean, it wouldn't hurt if maybe we I don't know, tried some stuff in there. Maybe I don't know.

Okay, all right, so I mean here, while we're here, what are we thinking? Are we thinking you know, some role play situation, you know, introducing new elements like what maybe you could brainstorm different ways to spice that you don't have to do it on this call right now if you don't want it, but but maybe.

You think of different Okay.

Maybe you could think of ways to spice things. I don't know. If you want Will to role play as Coal hirsh put on glasses and a mustang.

I mean he kind of wild, to be honest. He has a coal Hurst vibe if Coal had a beard and was six threes, but everything else he's very cold Hurst. Does he have a beard? Does he have a big, full beard? You've seen him recently in.

DC, right, it's just kind of mustache. I think, I don't know, but uh, okay, but but anyway, I think I think, if anything, if we could, I feel like a takeaway from talking about all of this is that maybe there is some unfulfilled desire within you. And it's really actually kind of beautiful to hear you the way that you guys are are so cool and open with each other, that you you both seem like you are are very uh on board to figuring out what that

Right, You're right, maybe I need my milligrams adjusted and I'll talk to I have an appointment with my therapist and my psychiatrist actually this week, so I'll talk to them.

You know what you should You should see a sex therapist. There's like therapists that specifically, oh they they're a therapists that specifically do this kind of shit.

That's because we we saw a couple's therapists. At the beginning of Quarantine, we moved in together after being together for seven years, and we saw a couple of therapists just on and off. But that would be interesting because I didn't even think of that avenue. What do you think will I forgot about that? Yeah? Thank you, Lyle. That's actually a good idea.

Yeah, what if they tell you? What if they tell you? The answer is to do Cole Hirsch.

Was about to say, it's Cole I live in Chicago. He's he lived here. Yeah, I think he's the epicenter of it all when it gets the crux of it. But I do promise you he is not what the erotic novel was about. But now I'm thinking I should maybe write a short story about him. I don't know.

Well, I promise not to tell him that you had this dream.

He won't he won't hear this.

Hopefully, Yeah, hopefully he won't hear this. Uh.

Is there anything you guys want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

And I had this pre planned out And it's awful that the conversation took up so much about Cole Hurst because I have to ask, is he as adorable in person as I think he is.

He is a total cutie PETUITI.

God, damn it, Lyle, thank you so much.

Hate to say it, but he's an adorable little man.

I knew he would be. Well, you got competition. I'm sorry.

Well anyway, Molly will good luck to you guys, and thank you for calling.

You so much.

Thank you, yes bye.

She brought up a very interesting dilemma, which is like she had this desire. You know, she was in She's in a nine year relationship, clearly, very in love with her partner, very attracted to her partner. Clearly you can tell by the way that they interact with at least I got to read by the way they interacted with each other that they were very much on the same team with one another. And I got the sense that

This is is this the geg it is?

How's it going, Kristin?

It is.

Going a little tumultuously, but we are We're making it work.

Tumultuously. That's a great word. I got to start using that more often. There are many, many great applications for that word, Why is it? Why is it going tumultuously?

There are I would say a lot of things are up in the air. I just turned twenty seven, and I've had this fear of twenty seven for a very long time, and I feel like things are about to change very drastically. I don't know if I'm ready.

In what way are they going to change very drastically?

Living situation is the big one, ending a relationship that is long overdue?

Okay? Do you do you want me to uh say what you told the call screener.

If it makes sense or or I can do it?

Uh?

Yeah?

It says here that you are in three relationships currently, uh, one of which does not know about the others.

Yeah, okay, and that's the one that needs end.

That's the one that needs to end. Okay. So how long have you been in all three of these relationships?

For? I would say a little under a year. But I guess I should preface with I feel personally, and I know that it's not a widely accepted thing, but I am polyamorous, and I guess that's just my truth.

You sound very far as I can express.

It at this point in my life. Well, it's I have never been in a relationship that I have not emotionally or physically straight from them, And I guess it took me a while to come to terms with why I was doing that. And I don't know if I'm just an absolute attention horn. I just feel the need to like have all these different outlets or inlets interesting.

Okay, so so listen. So so I let's touch on that real quick, because uh, yeah, man, I think people should be able to people should be able to do whatever they want, have as many boyfriends, girlfriends as they want whatever, obviously, as long as you know, ideally everybody is on the same page of the agreement that they are signed up for, right, But you are, you said to yourself, just now, I am you feel like you're doing this because you you need or want all of

I it's a it's a question that I have, and it's probably a good amount of validity to it. But I also just love people, and I feel like there's a lot of amazing people in the world, and I want to like show love where I feel it's deserved or where it feels right and it comes off as slutty or you know, whatever you want to call it.

Well, we're not talking, we're not We're not talking about you know, if something is slutty or trying to label anything right now, I'm just trying to get to, like, what your feelings are about yourself and the way you're living your life.

Why do you feel like you you need so much attention?

I think it's because when I was younger, I always felt left out, and maybe this is my way of making up for it.

Okay, now, why have you not told the one person that you're in a relationship with that you are seeing other people.

I so when I met him, I was very open about my past and about how I feel about relationships and how an open relationship would be my ideal situation. And that's kind of like the only thing I really wanted. And then COVID hit and all of this sudden. I was living with him when I had only known him for like six months, and that conversation kind of just got swept under the rug. And when I've brought it up, like more recently, it's kind of dismissed as, oh, where

Been Kristen, how long have you been dating this person with him not knowing that you are dating other people as well?

Two years? Two and a half years.

You've been dating him for two and a half years, and the entire time you've been dating other people.

I've slept with a few people. I call it dating emotionally entertained other people. But I guess within the past year it's come become more serious with two of.

Them, and and and this this one guy has no idea that any of this is happening.

I think maybe deep down he does know, but maybe he wants to pretend or it's easier to to just ignore.

Do you do you really love this guy?

I love him as a person, and I feel very connected to him. And the way we met was very just felt like I knew him for a long time.

Mm hmm and mm hmm.

You know, you just get kind of stucked up in these.

Things, yeah, Chris Christ, Christen Christ, you need to leave this guy alone because you're fucking with him. You're you've been working with him for two years, this guy, and it's not cool. Uh, it is not fair to this guy.

Yeah. I have tried, actually, and he makes it very difficult. And that's no excuse.

It's it's totally not you are You're you're in you're in control here, Kristen. You can go talk to him right now and clear this up. And and and and I'm I'm not I'm a get go on the internet. I'm here to tell you how to live your life. And I'm no moral authority. I never want to be a moral authority or tell people what is right and what is wrong. But you you have to you you can't be fucking with this guy for two years. Yeah,

Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate the brutal. Not brutal, it's the warranted honesty.

So I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I will a little bit leave leave leave this guy alone because I don't know him. Yeah, is it a guy? Yes, Okay, leave this guy alone. Let him go live his life. Let him you know. I mean, he's gonna be, you know, upset because you fucked to them for two years and you shouldn't have done that. But whatever you did, and you can't change back time, but don't don't dig further in to this

Just want to say thank you and to everyone, live your truth and don't get caught into something that you're not capable of.

Okay, thank you, Kristen, thank you.

Oh my god, two years, two years, Christian, I don't know, And I'm thinking I've been thinking about this a lot.

Uh. Yeah, all that we have people call in all the time, who you know talk about doing uh, you know, bad ship, right, cheating on their uh significant others, fucking committing crimes of just you know, all this ship. And it's like, you know, I could see, I could sit here on the phone and I could I could yell

I'm doing quite well. I'm doing quite well. That's the best.

You have a very soft, secretive voice.

No, I'm assure you I don't have I don't have any the big secrets I would say an open book.

Okay, well, if you're an open book, tell us what is in the book.

Yeah. Well, recently on the pages, I've had this issue. I'm calling it a nostalgia attack. So basically, I get overwhelmed with businessstalgic feeling and it's gotten to the point where I try to I try to recreate this. Recently, it happened after taking some some edibles. It affected me a lot, and I tried to recreate my childhood bedroom like a frenzy. It was really weird. Mm hmm.

Yeah. It says that you have I think you have. You have something that you refer to as nostalgia attacks, and that these nostalgia attacks are what attempt are what caused you to attempt to recreate your childhood bedroom. Tell me more about this nostalgia attack. What is that?

Well, so it's kind of a mix of anxiety for me. I would say, like, it's like, I'm I can't go back to the past, so I can try and recreate those memories and maybe that'll that'll bring me something. I don't know.

It was.

I tried to get the I tried to get the lighting right. I tried to watch the same thing on the TV. I found that commercials really really hit deep for me because they played more than like actual TV shows, so like hearing jingles and stuff like that. It was it was really fascinating.

Yeah, is there like a so these nostalgia attacks as you call them, But tell me, tell me. I'm gonna tell me if this is accurate. So you have some form of anxiety that you seek comfort from by putting yourself mentally in the past.

I think so, Yeah, I'm at a I'm in I'm in college right now, so I've been focusing on the future a lot. So I think since every action has an equal opposite reaction, like it's just sending me back kind of mentally interesting.

Interesting. So these things that you're doing to try and recreate the past for yourself, do you believe that any of them are causing you any sort of harm or distracting you from anything, or are negative things for you in your life at all?

I think, Well, one question I've been worried about lately is if I focus too much on the past, am I wasting the present? And so it feels like I'm just wasting time by focusing on the past, and like repressing that feeling feels like it's not doing me any good. But also I have like memory, Like it feels like I have terrible memory too, So like being able to remember anything is important to me.

Tell me about the future. What do you see when you look at the future? Are you? Are you excited about the future.

I don't know. I'm I'm more curious than anything, just to see what would happen. I feel like that's my motivator. I don't know exactly what job field I'll be going into after college, so like it'll be interesting to see what opportunities prop up.

Okay, So, uh, you approach the future with curiosity and it does the the whole you know, you clinging to the past, trying to recreate it by listening to the free creditreport dot com jingles Uh cause.

You to.

H Does that have a damper on that curiosity? Does it not allow you you to dive into that curiosity with full force because you're still holding back to something or is it a relatively harmless thing.

I think I think it's holding me back. I would say, like, Okay, I can't seem to like move on, you know, like I can't go back to the past, even though I really want to, because I feel like I I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have, and I'm just forced to keep on going, tucking along.

I have a little I have I have an idea for you. Actually, I have an idea for you. Do you do you have a journal? Do you give it? Do you give a journal at all?

I used to. I uh, I did it when I was deep in Christianity, so I've kind of had bad relations with it or like thoughts on it. It was a prayer journal.

Okay, I think you know it's fine. I've I've I've been I've been hanging out with a lot of my friends from high school lately and talking with them, and when we talk, we talk a lot about the past, and that felt that feels really good, and we sort of when we get together, we're like historians of ourselves in a weird way, and there's something about recording that

I think I'm not much of a writer, so I feel like it'll be a good experience to try and learn how to write along with that too, Like it won't feel like a waste of time, like learn how to write, get his skill on the past the future.

Well, here's the thing about writing is I do a jo and I do a journal, and when i'm my journal is not meant to ever be seen by anybody. And these these writings, they're not meant to be seen by anybody. It's it's only when you try to write a thing that you are thinking about showing to other people is when it it's hard, you know, So at least keep that. But but yeah, man, I hope I hope you dive into your curiosity because because that could take you two diffinite ways and probably make you a

I get it.

Is there anything you want to say to people the computer before we go? Jacob?

Uh, I don't know.

Look the look up the camps of the theme song. It's a good one. It's a good one.

How does it go? Do you know how it goes?

I have no idea. I might look it up after this and head down memory lane start writing about it.

Thanks for calling Jacob.

About Team Network. They have bang a theme song. Thank you.

Hold On It's fucking hold on hold on uh camp camp Laslow theme song lyrics, Oh it's the fucking it's the there was There were two scouts who made a friend, and Laslow was his name. Oh l z l a z l o l a z l o Okay, it's the I forgot. It's a parody of the Bingo song. I'm not going to sing the rest of it, but but now we know what it was.

Deacon goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.

Dere Beacon goes doing his eye's teaching you Cloud on the memory line.

But he's not really an expert.