Hello, Hi.
How's it going?
I'm very good? How are you?
I'm good? Is this Hank?
It is?
It is?
How are you?
How am I? I'm doing well. I'm enjoying life. It's another day at the office. How are you, Hank?
You know what it's going as well too. I wasn't expecting your thoughts.
Well, Hank, what brings you to call in today?
Well, I gat mailed you a month or two, a few months ago. Actually, I thought you would be interested about my curious interest?
What was your gat mail?
That? I have a fetish for suffering, and often that manifests with girls parting on me.
I remember the femail? Yes, I remember the femail. I'm going to see if I can pull it up. Actually, I'll read it back for the chat here, or I'll read it back for the for the for the podcast listeners. Let's see, did you put your name in the cemail? Here we go? Yes? Okay, Hey, gak, this is Hank. Since being sixteen years old, I've had a fetish for suffering, but without liking physical pain during sexual activities. So this manifests to me being made to smell or taste unpleasant things,
usually foods. I hate being farted on by a beautiful girl turns me on more than anything else. Interesting. Interesting. So how did you? How did you? How did you begin to do?
You go ahead and say the second off, what email baffled you even more?
If I remember, well, well, you know, well listen, fuck this email, let's just talk. Tell me, tell me more.
Wow. So what was your question? How did I first discover this? Yeah, that is a great question. I'm going to try and make this relatable in a way and see if you know what I mean. I would say I didn't know much about my sexuality and even like finding their attractive until I was like fifteen or sixteen. But before then I would just have this like curiosity about gross things like that, for example, And I didn't find them gross. I found them like almost enjoyable. But
obviously this is in a complete non sexual way. So I think there's people out there before they sort of hit maybe puberty or pre pubescent and before they know about weird type of shites. I always imagine foot guys always if i'd thinking about feet, even when they're like thirteen years old. But I don't know, I've never met a foot flesh guy to ask them, Well, I probably met them, just know that that's what they're into.
But you have such an idea. What's funny is you have such a polite British candor that it's really hard for me to imagine somebody farting on you.
And my last two girlfriends have both told me that I come across as those vanilla like if you completely ignore this, I'm a very normal guy. I'm I work, I work in healthcare, I live, I live in a flat, an apartment. Sorry, and I've just got a pretty normal life then and then there's just this like weird quirk which people don't know about.
So have you had a lot of different women fart on you?
Yeah, I'd say about seven.
Eight all right, And how does that conversation usually go?
It depends I read the room and over the year, I'm twenty seven now, fantastic age. Over the years, I've become more and more comfortable with it. But it depends on them, like if because I've been with people who are themselves very explorative, very out there, very kinky, so then you can kind of just come out with it and they're called it the fine. If maybe their interests
aren't quite as uh, it's explorative. I kind of just go in with a little bit of a sit on my face thing and then just like a bit of an ass play thing, and then yeah, build into it, you know, build into it.
And of all of that, how many how many long term relationships have you been in?
I've been in the one of them when I was like fifteen years old until I was eighteen, So including that one, three.
And what did all wear? All three of them down to fart on you?
With my first ever relationship, like I said, a fifteen year old one, we tried it once, wasn't really quite how, it didn't really work out.
But this is when long term, this is when you were fifteen.
Now we're about seventeen by this point. Yeah, the relationship started and it was like a week before my sixteenth birthday, on together till our date until we're eighteen. And that one we didn't really we tried it once. That was it. But yeah, the obviously long tired relationships, both of them involved farting. Yeah mm hmm.
You has there ever been a situation where you approach someone about farting on you and they were they were disgusted by it, or they they reacted in a way that felt viscerally negative.
Never in the comp never in like a relationship. We no, I say they only like if I get the vibe that they won't be into it. I won't ask with like sexual partners because I've had like casual relationships and my other relationships as well, which aren't long term. And if I get the vibe that they're sort of vanilla or like even just talking about like face sitting gets them a bit upset, then I won't. I won't approach it. You've got to know your audience. That's always a good
lesson in life. But no one's ever been like completely disgusted. And the more I live, the more that surprises me. And the more I just think, you know, people like you and they want to people. You know, people want to make people happy. You don't know at the end of the day. And I'm very open and I'm very explorative, and I'll pretty much do anything. Whoever I'm weird is significant other. If they say to me, oh, I really want to try this, then I'll always give it a go.
Part of that is because I can't say I want you to set my face and want your fart of me, but then you're one request. Oh absolutely not. That's kind of a bit bit of a dish move.
What are some things that you've tried because of that standard that you've set?
Piss play? Not saying I've ever been interested in but her a girl wanted to piss on me, so I let her?
And how is that? Uh?
It's once once again I'm asking girl. I'm asking girls to fart on me. So my threshold is probably higher than others. But like if you if, if girls want to do that, I was fine, It's not a deal break for me. The only thing I've ever said no to was knife play, and that's just a little bit too risky for me.
Interesting, where do they want to put the knife?
Press it around their neck and body? They wanted need to cress it around their neck and their body? Oh?
Okay, okay, okay did they ever? Did they want to ever? Pub Like, like, if a girl wanted to like put a knife up your ass, would you let her do that?
I've never had more than a finger up and I think probably keep it that way.
Okay. How about pegging, I feel like that's the one thing that people I feel pegging is heart Now. I feel like pegging people are into pegging.
Well, I've always I've always been very conflicted about that because once, as I say, I've only ever had a finger up there and that was quite painful. So I think it would take a lot to get me to be pegged. But I'm very submissive guy, so I love the idea of it that in practice I found it a lot more challenging to work.
And piss played. A girl wanted to pee on you? And how did it? How did how did that feel when she peed on you? Did you enjoy that?
This sounds really stupid, but it kind of like it was maybe she was too dehydrated. It was just like too much pea, if that makes sense. Like she if she like too much, isn't too strong, too diluted or not very luted enough. So it was like okay, but it was just very didn't do anything for me.
If she had drank more water beforehand, you think it would have done more for you?
Yeah, yeah, I think I think. I don't know if it would have done more for me, but it would have just been a slightly more pleasant experience. Interesting because I like, I like to be dominated, and that's a very dominated that's the very dominating thing but like it's very like you're very aware that someone's pissing on you when they're pissing on you, is what I would.
Say, tell dive more into that's an interest. You're very aware when someone's pissing on you. When they're pissing on you, do you mean by that?
So if a girl's if I'm tied up and a girl dominating me, I might not be thinking very specifically about what they're doing. It's more like the whole general like, oh my god, I'm being dominated, this girl's on top of me. This is fantastic. Whereas if a girl's pissing on you, I don't really think, oh my god, there's
this really hot girl dominating me. I just think, oh, that's piss mmm, And it kind of takes me out of kind of takes me out of the mood because the whole, the whole part thing, the whole suffering thing in general, and it's mainly a suffering thing. Fart. There's just a very specific point of that which I can't seem to shake, but it's the whole suffering thing in general. I think that definitely comes from just like a primary submissive, I just like dominant girls mmm, but that makes dating hard.
That makes dating hard?
Are you currently.
Yes, I am, but I'm dating. Yeah, I'm like talking to people and meeting up with girls. It's I was just going to say, it's difficult to know, like because you don't want to get too in a relationship, too far in deep with someone and I fall for them, so then find out that, like you're completely sexually incompatible, but like you don't want to be on the first date in the restaurant going so, hey, have you ever
farted on a guy? There's like a line. And sometimes because like I said, I'm twenty seven, that's like you've got to start thinking about the long term. You've got to start thinking of settling down and all of that sort of thing. And I'd say I'm dating to settle down. And sometimes if there's someone who I'm not like sexually compassible with, every other way we're sexually compatib's sorry, in every other way we're compatible. I kind of feel a bit like a dick for calling that off, Like am
I being immature? That the wrong decision? But ultimately I think sexual compatibility is quite important.
No, I agree, I agree, I agree. And also it's you know, you've decided that it's important to you, that's that's important.
But then I don't I don't need a dominate trix, just someone who's got like quite an open mind. Because I think you said pegging's very in, like like sitting on the guy's face is also very in, which is fantastic news for me. So and I think you can you can need girls into it, and you can need anyone into it. Really I was eased into it, so like it's if you go on the first date saying fart of me, Probably not you build up to it. Then people are normally more perceptive.
Well, when is there a rule of thumb for you how deep into a relationship until you bring this up?
Perhaps? So absolutely not. It depends on the other person. I've done it like free dated with someone before, but then I've also done it like a year and for other people. Oddly enough, the person I did it in was like three months was a co worker and we're like no longer a thing. That's very strange when I see her in a corridor and it's like I used to part of me and now we just like make small talk.
Were you just somebody that used to fart on.
Me exactly that. Do you know what, next time I see who, I'm going to think of that exact song. So thank you yet?
Yeah, of course that's that's it's the weird al Vic parody of that song.
I wouldn't suppose a peach on that.
Mmmmm mmm. So what are you on the apps? Where are you on?
Like?
Are you on? I feel like you do well on like a field, like one of the like one kind of like the alternative apps.
I'd considered that, but I'm very much in the English cantry side. The dating pool here is far is quite small compared to a city. So for example, when I visit London, there's there's loads of options, but I don't live there. I live many hours away, So unless you're on the mainstream apps, there's really not much elsewhere.
M hm hmmm. So are you getting a lot of matches on these apps?
Are you?
Are you talking to people in person too or is it mainly the apps?
So in my job in healthcare, it can be quite difficult to speak to people in person because I'm normally seeing them in a in a context in which it would be inappropriate to then ask for their number.
Mm hmm.
I know your family members dying, but hey, here's my numbers. It in my face. Sometimes it kind of doesn't really but otherwise, but it kind of em limits you to like, you know, people you meet in coffee shops and stuff. But despite what films have shown me over the years, I've never been approached for my phone number and coffee shops while disappointing. So yeah, it's it's mainly on the app.
So and I'd say I've got reasonable success. I've been you know, I would say, except for the week I was ill, I go on like two dates a week for the last month.
Oh that's pretty that's pretty good. That's pretty good. How do they usually go? Do you have a spot that you take people to?
Not really, I go, we drive usually most people see is like the closest city. It's still like a forty five minutes drive for me. But we're just going, like go grab coffee or grab grab lunch or something like that. Usually pretty laid back. I'm pretty good, chilled m hm. And I struggle with like making connections with people. I'm a little bit but I would describe myself as a
little bit autistic. But I'm also medicated for it, so maybe I'm a little bit more than I would say, but maybe it's the mets make me just a little bit. But I better in person, and I just usually get a vibe pretty quickly from people.
Do you try to date women who are also autistic?
I think I described it. I don't know where I've copied this from, but this isn't an original thought. But then again, what is like an autism bluetooth? Like two autistic people tend to like naturally connect to each other. They kind of naturally want to connect to each other. Sure, yeah, autism, bluetooth, autism, Yeah, alto them bluetooth. Yeah.
I bet autism and Wi Fi would be awesome.
I don't know what it would be.
I could get behind that. That would be quite helpful, that that would be a dating app. I could get behind that order than Wi Fi.
Is there a dating app just for artistic people? There's got to be, right, I.
Mean, there's a dating app for everything, isn't there? So there should be like Love on the Spectrum and those sort of programs have made that very popular, so there's services. Like in the UK, there used to be a show before Love on a Spectrum called The Undatables. It's like the UK version of love on the spectrum, and there's dating agencies specifically set up for people with like physical or like physical disabilities or mental disabilities or like more
severe autism. So yeah, I'm sure those services can exist. But I also I've always wondered, and maybe you can ponder this with me, because I know you love a ponder whether and because another thing with autism, except for like the social sort of interactions with people is like is obviously sensation maybe like some people often get either stimulated or things like that. And I wonder if my sort of enjoying gross things things which I should have
a negative reaction instead I have a positive reaction. Whether that's just like a fundamental ordersm thing of like just just wired slightly differently.
And shouldn't enjoy I should enjoy interesting like that for example, interesting do you know any have you spoken to anyone else about who has this particular thing?
Like do you go on the do you go on like the message boards to talk about this ship? Because like I can't imagine that you just hold this on your own, like you there's no way you haven't gone out in search of like, hey, is anyone else feel this way?
I'll be I have tried. I have gone to Reddit as any as anyone would as the best place for this sort of thing. But all the forums on Reddit, if I caul forum, I don't know all the pages of them Reddit are a kind of just like offering videos and just say guys saying, Hi, I'm twenty three male, meet up with me. I'm in Washington. Like there's no like I wouldn't say there's like a board for like general discussion and advice.
But you know what's you know, here's the thing is And porn hub I think has comments for this very reason, right, because it's bizarre that porn hub has comments at all, Like who wants to comment on the porn? But I like what you're this is what it's really for, is like you gotta go on to like a fart video on porn hub and make a comment and be like, hey, how was everyone here's childhood? Like what are your guys
like blood work? You know, like you got to kind of like try to make some connections that way.
Well, this might be a loaded question. I feel like you ort to know the answer this, But have you ever looked on the comments of part fetish videos.
I've never looked on them. You know, I'll do it right now. I'm going to do it right now. Yeah, go ahead.
I was gonna pay my experience, like after I can't have look at and it's usually just I assume guys you could be either saying, oh I wish that was me or who's that girl and thinks like that like that was so good. It's more just like constructive praise as opposed to a more of a community.
Feel interesting okay, fart porn? Okay, all right, hold on, let me look at this. There's not there's no comments. Okay. I would so love to experience this as humiliation. Yeah, okay, you're right. It's mostly people being like that's that's awesome. It's not as many people being like, hey, how's everyone here doing?
Yeah?
You know what, that's not much. Constructive criticism is normally pretty positive as well, so you know they're don't that right? Mmm?
I mean someone had. But here's the thing is, like someone has to start the conversation.
You know.
I bet if you put yourself out there on Reddit and you're like, hey, like I think it would be brave of you to go into the far fetish porn subreddit and make the first pop, make that first post that goes, hey do any of do any of you guys ever wonder why we are like this?
Do you do? You know? The I think I've been a big fan of yours for years and I've got and I've not come to a live show yet. If you ever come back to England, they'll be there. But an example you always use because when people call in and are like, I'm feeling lonely, I'm really struggling to connect. I'm really I've got really niche interests, which I technically
do as well. But you know you always say go on a discord and just make a discord and other people who are sad and have your niche interest will go on the discord as well. Maybe that's what I need to do.
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I think disc I think I always think going in person and doing things is best. But you know, if you don't have the ability to do that, or if you're I don't know where you would go in person? I bet where do you live? You live in England? You live near London?
Yeah, the English countryside, many hours away from London. Oh okay, so there's no life like a village hall and be a bit strange.
Yeah, there's no like fart loving meetup in the They're probably they're almost I would bet that there is a fart lover's meet up somewhere in London, but I don't know if you're going to find that. Yeah in the English countryside, but yeah, you can join it. I'm sure there's a discord. Do you care about that that? Do you need? Like do you want to connect with other fart loving people?
I don't think it would be more of my own personal interests as opposed to a need. I'd be curious to know also how they got into it, because I've looked into the psychology behind it and there's only really one study and that was more of a case study if they just interviewed one guy about it. So yeah, it would more just be of a curiosity standpoint. I feel that I wouldn't personally develop as a I would personally develop because of this, Like I've had this for years.
I feel like I know where I am, I know what I enjoy, and part of me will never really understand why. Because one thing you said when you did read out the email is people don't choose this and people don't choose their fetishes. I don't. I don't know what. I'm just glad my fetish is legal, like you know.
Yeah, well, and that's I mean, of course people I
think it. Yeah, I mean, of course people don't choose the I don't think that if you bro I actually, when I think about this a lot, I wonder about, like, uh, how why we get attracted to certain things, and like how much of it is, like because I know the whole like nature verse nurture thing, Like I wonder how much of like whatever, like my own shit is like uh, just because like my like my fucking like dad being like a horny guy, or how much of it is like you know, like exposure to porn at like a
young age. You know, like how much of it is is like genetics and random neuron It's like personality. It's like you don't you don't. Well, it's kind of like personality in the sense of like you don't choose your personality, but you also, I guess, kind of do a little bit.
Yeah. You can feed into different areas if you can.
Yeah, It's like you have these wolves in your head and you can choose to feed them or not it's probably it's probably a little bit more how it is. But yeah, I don't you don't like start out with it.
No, I can't think of any sort so one here's one interesting sort of As I said, I looked at a lot of psychology of this. I'm definitely not a psychologist.
Not hit me, but no, neither am I. Neither am I.
The closest I've got is if you've gone for a traumatic childhood where you have suffered a lot as a child. As an adult, you'll say, used to suffering, you almost want to harness that suffering and you want to be able to control that suffering. That's the closest I've got. But that's even just from a very general general sort of b DSM just being tied up or anything like that. Like you've not been in control as a child, so I'm an adult that's manifested and she wanted to control that,
control that. Yeah.
I went to the AVN convention like three years ago, the like the big porn convention, and I was talking to Yeah, I was talking to some people there who were like really who are like big BDSM people, And they mentioned that they were like, oh, a lot of this is like people who experienced some kind of like trauma and they want to like uh uh yeah, harness it in like a way of their own choosing. I mean,
is that you is that like? Did you? I mean, if you want to talk about it, did you have did you get like far along a lot as a child?
Well? I think I when any suffering I've had as a child is very normal. It's like parents split up, abusive father never to me, but it's a family and an alcoholic and a drug user, so sort of that general sort of suffering of being in a bad environment. But I can't think of any specific like unpleasant smells or unpleasant tastes or anything like lap so kind of
hat kind of half half mark there, half marked. But I think that's why I'm submissive, probably because that's probably what I'm submissive.
Mm hmm.
What else? What else do you do you need to? Do you like to be farther on every time you have sex? Or do you is it so? Is it every time? Or are you able to just have regular normal sex? And you're like this is.
Fine, Yeah, I couldn't just have regular normal sex. I enjoy that as much like usually when it when if you're doing the farting thing. That's not gonna then be punished to sex because logistically that's a little bit challenging. So then usually that's like sixty nine or something like that. But yeah, I enjoy just penetrative, regular sex and doggie and I canna say it's not it's just it's an ass. I love that, so you know, ali ass and yeah, boggie and all. That's absolutely great.
The way you, the way you say these things with your British accent is really funny.
I've always been told I'm well spoken, even for like my even for being in the English countryside. It probably sounds disproportionately oosh and well spoken for you.
What do you do for a living, Hank? What's the I'm curious, But briefly before we go, I want to hear about your life outside of farts. I'm curious.
So I work for I work for healthcare, work and the ambulance service.
Right, Okay, sorry you mentioned that a bunch of times.
M hm. So yeah, when I'm in Mandoon people's houses, that's what I don't ask for girl's numbers.
That makes sense. What's your go ahead? Go ahead?
I was just gonna say I come. I also come across that work from some gross or disgusting things. But in the same way that the guy who's like into feet doesn't find all feet attractive, and they can look at feet in a platonic way. I'm very much in control. I've never been turned on at work because of something gross. Even just like if someone I'm with is like farts, I won't be turned on by that. It's very specifically the girls who I'm like attracted to, or it's very much in the context.
You ever been in like an elevator and a lady like farts in the elevator and that does something for you.
I haven't been in that situation, but if it was a very hot girl, it would be interesting to know what my brain would do.
Or I guess a lift, Yeah, a lift.
Well, that's true.
It's been nice talking to you, Hank. You're you're a nice guy. You're a pleasant guy. What's your dream in life? Before we go with see what do you want ultimately in your life?
Hank? Well, a very sort of traditional sort of I just want to live in a in a house in the countryside, with a loving life, go to work, come home, live on not like a farm. We call it a small holding. Have you got small holdings in America?
What is it? What is there? What's a small holding?
So it's like a it's like a tiny farm or like a hobby farm or things like that. So you're not like keeping hundreds of cows for a profit, but like you might have like a pet cow, a couple of goats, or like a couple of ducks and geese.
So you know, a house in the countryside of a bit of land and just yeah, just a pretty normal life, if there is such a thing as a normal life, a life where you would walk into it if you were if you were the postman or the mailman, or you know, you walk past his house, you would never think that guy's probably going to get fired on later. You'd never know. There'd be no signs.
Thank you for calling, Hank. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Just make sure that make sure that you're friends are okay. Recently in my area of work, Lesbion an increase in suicides this year, so just just checking on people, make sure make sure they don't make.
Any Thank you, Hank. You have a good rest of your entire life.
Stay awesome. Get see around the universe by Hank.
What a nice guy? What a what a what a beautiful soul? See I believe, I love, I love. I don't think you have to be all things at once. I really don't. Look at Hank. Hank is a is a supportive friend. He's a Hank is a supportive friend. He's a good citizen. He works hard for people in need, and he loves eating farts. And he can he can be all those things at once. I remember this, folks. This is important when you think, folks, when you think
people talking, this is a real thing. And I had to deal with this in my own life, and I think people deal with it. And there's you. Sometimes it's easy to think that you have that every part of your existence has to be perfectly, neatly aligned, But it doesn't. You can be all you can be all kinds of conflicting things. Shout out to Hank, Hobi Obiah finds his heart.
Queen, no way, I'm on with the cat.
What's up, buddy? How you doing good?
How are you?
I'm actually I'm pretty good. I'm sure. I don't I can't really complain about anything. It's another day at the at the motherfucking office. What's going on with you, buddy?
Currently having like, Oh my god, I can't believe I'm on with you right now. Okay, give me one second, go.
Ahead, take a time, brother, What are you having?
Okay, I'm on with the geck, don't blow.
It to blow What do you? What? Are you having.
A little bit of anxiety because I'm just so happy to talk to you? Hmm?
Do I do you normally get Do you normally get anxious? Uh?
Just like in life, And it depends on the situation, certain social situations. For sure. I get a particular anxiety about the phone. Yeah, because I think I found dumb on the phone. But it's fine, dude.
It's interesting. I've talked to a lot of people over the years who said they have specifically anxiety about phone calls, like it would be almost more anxious for them to make a phone call than it would to like talk to someone in real life. I don't know if that's you, but I've heard people say that is that is that you?
I have way easier of the time. I've been trying to get over that because I kind of want to do what you do a little bit, But I kind of have a mix of things that I want to do on the internet. It's my content is a lot more ADHD. It's all over the place. But I don't know shit, man, I want to do like story times and stuff. I've had a lot of interesting jobs and like a lot of interesting experiences that a lot of
people haven't had. So I feel like I've got a lot of advice I could offer, But the anxieties crazy.
Wait, so you don't have to live, You don't have to like you don't have to like pick the best one or like psych yourself out about it. But like, what, what's like an example of one of these experiences that you feel like not a lot of people have had.
Shit, Where do I start? I was one of the few kids who like, once you get into the foster system, usually you like don't get back with your parents. But my mom fought really hard and got me back. That's one thing.
Wait, why I thought like she like she you were taking it, like CPS took you away or something.
Essentially because it was hard for her to get on her feet after escaping. My dad he is another type of monster any of itself. But my mom's fucking awesome. I call her on Father's Day. She gets both days, you know what I mean?
Fuck, yeah, that's cool. That's awesome. Like, damn, you did the work. I like that you did the work of both parents. You get both days. Oh hell yeah, that's cool. How long are you you foster care for?
Not long, maybe like two three months. But I was really young and surprised. It's like one of my first memories. They were those people were terrible. I'm glad my mom got me back.
Let me say that really.
Yeah, Like when I went to see her, like I wanted to bring this dinosaur one time, and they were like, you can't take anything with you when you go to see her, And uh, you can't take anything from her anymore either. I think she gave it to me in the first place. But uh, how old are you do a ship like that? Almost have been like, oh my god, eight seven ish?
Dude, you know what's I'm sure you feel this way strongly, but like, I don't know, I don't have the Maybe I'm missing some kind of context because like I've never really I've never like worked with kids. I've never been like a I don't you know, I don't have kids I've never been like a teacher or like a counsel
or any of that shit. But like, dude, growing like once you like get older and then you like start to think back about like teachers who were dicks or like, you know, like caretakers who were dicks, you start to start to be bro. You start to be you start to be like, how the fuck could a grown ass man or woman be such an asshole to like a kid? You know, Like it's like when I think about like shit like teachers said to me or yelled at me about or anything like that, I'm like, how did you
have the capacity to be that way to a kid? Dude?
It's just low intelligence, man. They are just not emotionally intelligent at all. The other thing that's pretty interesting is I'll say my voice doesn't match what I look like. I'm kind of a big dude. My main gig for a long time is being a bouncer. But I barely had any altercations because I can talk a dog off a meat wagon. It's one of my skills.
What kind of club were you bouncer at?
Uh? You know the City World of Witches?
Guide City World of Witches.
You know the city where all the witches died.
Oh I thought you said, do you know the City World of Witches guide? Now Salem, Salem?
So that was my stomping grounds. I did like on the big.
H you're cutting out, You're cutting.
Out, Okay, so I'll try that again. I did three different bars on the main street in that city that like all the tourists, it's like the where everything goes on.
Can I can I get an idea?
How?
Oh?
Sorry, go ahead, go ahead, la finished.
The main one that did was called Coodo, and it was basically like sushi restaurant during the day, metal club at night, with like a bunch of different events that happened every month. They got like gay night and dark night and eighties night.
Can I get an idea of how?
Like?
What do you look like? How tall are you? How much do you weigh?
I am six foot even and I'm currently two hundred and seventy eight pounds, But I just started hitting the gym again, so I'm gonna get really big.
Real big, really Oh shit? Okay, all right, yeah I know, And now I gotta picture of you. Now I don't want to fuck with you.
I got face tats too.
Really you have facetat. What kind of face tests do you have?
It's just some uh generic spooky looking chaos magic tribal shit I made up.
I don't know you made it up?
Yeah, I drew it.
Are do you do? You do a lot of art?
Not really? That's the thing is like I spread myself so thin. I do so many different things. So I don't know if you're familiar with instructor Bense, that guy that does rope d art and meteor hammer mm hmm, well it's basically U Scorpion for Mortal Kombat. I do that for fun. Lot a lot of self taught stuff too, Like I feel like I've made up moves before because I don't.
I do a lot of ship. I mainly want to write one day, if I can find the right artist, I'd love to make like a graphic novel or something.
Have you ever had to get into a physical altercation? Have you ever had to like fight a guy or drag a guy out?
Okay, I'll tell you a good story. So it's Halloween and penny Wise is getting really shit faced and he's like this beer sucks, fucking just.
Yeah, yeah, hilarious.
He's like reeling character fucking you just goes this beer fucking sucks and spits on the floor, and I'm just like, dude, what the fuck are you an animal raised in a barn? Like, stop fuck out of here? And I just you know, I grabbed him. I grabbed his arms and put him behind his back and fucking walked him to the front.
It wasn't anything.
Too crazy, but I figured i'd answer your question with a funny one. I made his ass walk to the front. I didn't even throw him out the side door. I could have been nice, but every he had to do.
The walk of shame.
So are you still working as a bouncer right now?
No, I'm currently working in a memory unit.
What's a memory unit?
Uh? So, it's basically in an old folks home. I work on the looney floor, like for when they are really gone.
Oh I feel like you. I feel like you probably gained some transferable skills as.
Yes, I've talked to who understands this. It's still people. It's still people.
Tell me about this jump.
Uh, I'm I do activity. So I hang out with them and like fucking make them rip your floats and fucking put Pee Wee's Playhouse on the TV and well, we have a blast.
That's awesome, that's really cool. Have you okay? So I I let me ask you this more because if some of the if some of these people are a little unstable, have you had a lot of You've told me that you can talk a dog off a meat wagon. Have you had to diffuse any old folks home, like, have you had to break up any fights or anything?
Yeah?
Yeah, hit me, hit me.
So there's this guy. I can't say names, but he thing.
So he's just like, sorry, you cut out. Sorry, man, you cut you cind of cut you cut out? You cut out? Do you wanna say that again?
Uh? So there's this one guy and he used to do accounting or something, but he got real worried about not seeing his wife because she comes by really often. And so he had this nurse just like in a death rip. And I went up to him and I was just like, man, it's okay, it's okay. She told you she was going to see the boys, Like it's
all right, she went to her trip and whatever. I'm trying to avoid details because I'm not supposed to do that, but yeah, he was just looking me in the eye, telling me like no one told me that you didn't tell me that, and I'm like, dude, I said his name to him, and I'm like, dude, I know you. You know me. Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever steered you wrong?
Man?
You know We're good, I promise you. And he ended up letting her hand go. I didn't have to like whip it off, thankfully.
Calling you know. Working in the Memory unit.
Almost a year now, I honestly it's good for the soul, like the bouncer jobs were, because I always really like that keeping people safe and stuff. That's always kind of been a passion. I could actually tell you the story of when I think I gained that, like where I really knew I wanted to do something like that, like security. But the memory unit is rough. It is rough because like you lose people all the time that and I
do better in like a bar setting. I'd like to get back into what I was doing, but I just can't afford to live anywhere that has a scene. I'm stuck somewhere kind of close by, but the last train of the night leaves before i'd be able to get home, so my old thought is just not doable from here.
What's your name? Again, Tom, Tom, It's interesting that you say you have a lot of anxiety because you're in a lot of kind of anxiety, because you seem to be in all these seemingly anxiety producing situations that you're you're able to keep calming.
I feel great now, thank you.
Yeah, But you're able to keep You're able to keep calm in all these kind of crazy situations. It's like that's what you're being paid for.
You know. The little things get me going. But like when when it's true crisis, when like the building's on fire, I'm like, all right, everyone, let's go.
M That is what I'm like, mm hmmm.
So what's your ultimate dream is you want to start making videos?
I I mainly want to do that just so that I can get enough income to get back to a city with a real scene. I want to be a bouncer again and still be able to afford rent. Is essentially what I want to.
Be able to do.
I like just being around and keeping people safe because I feel like I do a good job. But I'm just not cut out to be a copy either, So
like I come up with no nonsense policies. The bars still used to this day, like for example, if someone goes in the bathroom with a drink I was always a fan of, you know, instead of confiscating it in case they spiked it, look them in the eye and just be like, look, you can go through the whole rigmarole of getting that replaced, or you can just take a big swig of that in front of me, so I know that if there's anything in there, you're getting some too.
What did what?
What?
What would typically happen when you would uh?
Oh dude?
I used that in like a hundred times, and people were always so much more excited and willing to do that then have to go through all the bullshit.
Mm hmm.
What's the city I brought in the bathroom?
What's a city that you would most want to be a part of their scene?
I want to get back to Salem. I love it. Mmm.
Where are you now? Can I ask?
Uh?
Currently in Gloucester?
Not as not as good as a fake?
And uh, do you got friends over there? At least? Do you have like homies or family?
I got some pole who I hit up and like we do d D and stuff.
Like I got my boyson very good.
Now that.
What hello, what the hell? Just happens.
Yet.
Oh hey, are you there?
Yeah?
Oh?
Sorry, what was that?
I don't know.
Okay, we're keeping that in. That was like saying that was psychedelic anyway, what happened never? I don't even I don't know. I don't know, but we're keeping it in, okay, Tom right, yeah, Tom Hollow, Tom Hollow, you can go. Yeah, we can go first life if you want to, we can go first last name. You want to be first last name.
I'm trying to get famous, right, so I gotta I gotta plug.
Okay, here, let me look at your ship? What what is Tom Hollow? What is that on?
Tom Hollow? Seven on TikTok? Right now, I'm trying.
To I'm so excited to I'm so excited to see what you look like, because you probably I would be willing to bet that you look very different from Yeah, how you sound Tom Hollow? Sound?
I hate it? I hate Oh. My wife's cool this. She thinks it's cute. She thinks I sound like the guy from the Thieves Guild and Skyrim, the guy that goes like this.
I don't know, Tom Hollow. How do you spell tom?
Oh?
Is it? Oh? There's two ends in what the fuck?
Oh my god, that's.
So grow What the hell? What is that? Tom? Are you still there?
Oh?
No?
Tom is gone?
Man?
All right, Tom?
Tom?
All right? That was weird. What the hell was that is? He like on? Is he's he on? Like a landline? And his wife just picked up? I didn't I thought it was like a loan. I don't know he his wife was there, so maybe that was that's what that is? Was that a SoundBite? Okay, I'm gonna have to end the call if he doesn't get back to me and just a sec. But okay, Tom, Wait is he still there? Hello? Tom? All right? I think Tom's gone? All right, Tom's gone. I don't know what this is. This is a psychedelic
we're keeping it all in, it's all staying there. Let me see if I can't call him back or if I have it? No, shit, I can't or can I hold on?
All right?
Tom's gone? That sucks. I liked Tom. I could have kept talking to Tom for a while. I'm trying to find his fucking TikTok Wait, okay, maybe hold on. Let me see if I and get him back, this might be him. Hello, Okay, you're back? Wait, what's your what's your what's the what's the name? What's the user name?
Hold on now, let me just put it in the chat.
Okay, Oh, Thomas Hollow, Tom Hollow ninety Oh, oh okay, oh Tom Hollow in ninety seven.
Hold on, Jack, I'm I'm terrible with phones. I'm working on.
It, all right. I gotta know what you look like before the end of this thing. Okay, Tom Hollow ninety seven on TikTok No, Tom, just tell me what the thing is. It's all right, Well, you can't hear me. This is a cluster. Here we go, here we are. Oh, I see you? Uh crazy. I don't think you look that different from what I imagine from what I imagined you to be.
Really, that's the first time I've ever heard that.
Yo.
I'm on the phone with a deck right now.
I'm on the phone with actually no you Okay, Actually, maybe you look a little bit different. I mean I think it's the big hair and the beard.
Yeah.
I think I maybe imagined you as more of like a little boy.
What.
Yeah, I don't know why.
I don't know about that.
Well, Tom, let me ask you. Let me ask you. This is okay, everyone, everyone go follow fucking Thomas hollow seven, he's got unlicensed therapy, roped art, hot takes, and D and D means thanks.
I appreciate that, Thomas.
This was this was a this was a good conversation. I enjoyed talking to you. I hope that. I hope you keep doing your ship and you keep telling people your stories.
On. Hold on, hold on. I would hate for this whole call to be a plug. I could give you, like a cool story.
Oh well, well, if you want you want to give us, if you have a few more stories that you want to give us, you can give it to us.
Dude, I could go on. This is what I'm trying to do. Okay, Okay, I'm so sorry that that took up any of this time. That's all right, Okay, uh you you give me a tone, and I've got a story for it. I could tell you a funny story. I could tell you a scary ass story.
Let's hear how about this before we go, Let's hear one funny story.
Okay, funny story again.
Okay, all right, you know what, fuck you, Tom? What story do you want to tell us?
Oh?
Man, okay, I'll tell you about a story from this morning, though was pretty funny. Okay, go ahead, So lee in my roommate, who's going to the gym with me every day. Five am. Where we just finished our workout and we went to go into the locker room and my boy over here holds the door open, like to let someone out who like is holding a towel with this poor old nash holding the fucking towel, and he almost did it.
He almost walked out into the fucking ship. Can you believe that he held the door like And the old van was laughing too because he was like, I almost did it and just got banned from this gym for the rest of my life from.
Oh because he was because he was just walking around naked.
No, he was in a towel and my boy here held the door open. We were walking into the uh the locker room, and my buddy held the door open to like let the dude out even though he was in a towel. Like my boy wasn't paying attention, like trying to consider it.
I see, I see, I see.
Like ushering the dude out.
M I kind of want to hear a scary story and then.
Well, okay, okay, this is the freakiest shit that I will never be able to explain because it doesn't make any sense and it haunts me to this day. So me and my childhood friend Evans used to break into this fucking old building all the time, and everyone had a different explanation for what this building used to be. I've heard totally conflicting things, like someone said they used to make like certain parts for missiles that were used
in a war or something. I called bullshit because there was like posters with little kids can Quinton kink, like it had to have been a preschool or something, but there was freaky shit in there. There was a desk that was chained to the wall. In the middle of the building. There was like a big metal room or elevator or something with like around green window. It made it look like it was like a fucking glowing reactor or something. I know, it was just like green window
with light going through. But it was just an ominous ass fucking place and we just set that scene. We found this pile of books. They were like premium red leather, gold fucking numbers on the side. They were all part of like a set. Clearly, now we were like kid kids. They didn't know shit, and we used to like thatch Bell because so we needed a book.
For a prop.
We took it and I remember looking through that shit and on one side it would have names and then dusts all the way across the page, and on the others of that page it would say alive or deceased. I have no fucking idea what those books were, what they were records of, because they didn't have anything else going on. It was just names and alive were deceased, and uh. We ended up wrecking that book and we went back to get another one, and the Giant Pilot was fucking.
Gone, very spooky, very Halloween.
Very spooky, very like I just don't know no one. It's gonna harm me forever because I'm never gonna know what the fuck that was about.
Maybe the books died and they're and disintegrated.
No way, because we went back like a couple of days later. The one that we had did disintegrate because we left it under the porch like idiots, and it rained. That's why we went back to get another one, like just a couple of days later, and they were all gone. Maybe like a homeless person used them to like start a fire, like you were a cold like I've thought about this a lot and things that could have happened, but it's just weird.
Well, Tom, thanks for sharing, Thanks for sharing your stories. We had the we had the haunted, we had the Haunted book. You're not You're You're a cool guy, man. I hope that you uh uh continue your journey through life. You know, I'm glad that you found a found found a found like a good lane to be in being, you know, a keeper of the piece. Thank you, brother. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No matter what you do, someone is gonna think that it's their full time job to make you feel like you're not doing ship. But as long as you know you're giving in you all, that's all that really matters.
Hey, thanks for calling.
Tom.
Appreciate you have a go on guest. Okay, I am going to do a thing I've been doing on this podcast again, which is that I'm going to end the session by reading a few emails. I feel like that's a nice way to do it. We have a couple calls, we have a couple of emails. I don't know if I'm going to do it every podcast. I'm probably still going to do email only and call only episodes, but I kind of like, I'm kind of enjoying this thing of doing email only or doing like a little hybrid ones.
So I'm just gonna read a couple of emails, not nothing crazy. If you want to be in one of these emails, you can send me an email at therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. It's therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. Okay, this is from Ania, Hey gek, longtime listener, first time emailer. Every now and then I call in hoping you'll answer, only to be met with the automated record. Hopefully one day we'll get a chance to talk. Anyway, I wanted to offer a recommendation for people trying to
get out of the house volunteering. I started volunteering at an animal shelter a couple months ago, and it truly brings me joy. I work with the dogs, help out at the front desk, wash dishes, do laundry, I clean and it brings me joy and gets me out of the house. I've been working from home part time since COVID and I go to school part time. I live in North Philly in an apartment building with seven other units.
You mentioned you went to Temple University. That's yeah, shout out to where you are living in my old stopping grounds. I enjoy being alone, which is cool because for a long time I was alone and lonely. Now I'm just by myself, which is a big difference. But I found that I was spending too much time alone and wanted to socialize, so I started volunteering and it brings me a lot of joy. I will also start volunteering at a bookstore that has an after school pro where I'll
be helping out with the kids in my neighborhood. I'm nervous but excited for that as well. I haven't made any friends yet, but I've had great interactions and conversations with the people I volunteer with, and that has been fulfilling to me at this moment. So if anyone is interested, look into volunteering opportunities that pique your interest. Also, if you want to, also, can you share my emails so people can reach out to me. Sure this is spiritual
black Girl. Okay, hold on, it's you gotta get a new spiritual black Girl at yahoo dot com. But black is spelled BLK and girl is no. Oh, there's no I in girl, so it's just g r L. Let's send an email to spiritual black Girl. Don't send her anything weird, just say hi, Hello, be cool. Okay. This is from Let's See Okay, actually I don't have any more. Okay, let's try Let's try this one. This is from Ripley,
subject line third shift, dear Lyle. I work nights at a dog daycare and boarding facility, so I am alone a lot. There are people here for an hour at the start of my shift, and then after they leave, I have the building to myself for the rest of the night. This job is great because there is usually about two or three hours of actual work followed by whatever the hell I want. Most nights, after I'm done with work, I smoke a joint and watch movies or YouTube.
And it feels amazing because I'm getting paid more than any other job I've had, and i have more freedom than I ever thought possible. But after six months of doing this job, I'm starting to feel like I've run out of things to do at night, and I'm getting lonely. I've never been an extrovert. I'm extremely shy, anxious, and bad at communicating, so I thought this job would be perfect for me. I basically isolated myself from all social interaction. At first, I liked it and I was really starting
to learn more about myself. But now I'm craving friendship. I've tried putting myself out there by making friends with some of the people that work during the daytime, but they don't text me as much anymore and don't invite me when they do things together, so I convinced myself that I'm annoying them. Now I found a discord server full of voice chats with random people to practice having conversations, but I'm starting to learn that they aren't filled with
the best kinds of people. I'm pretty sure this job is a safety net that turned into a hammock, and I'm not sure what to do. That was a saying I got from your show that really stuck with me. I was wondering where I heard that before. I guess, yeah, somebody said it. Listening to your show, while always helps me get out of my own thoughts. The way you talk to everyone is hold on, boy, I think about this piece of advice. Thank you for your show, Thank you Ripley. Sorry I don't like to. I feel weird
reading emails of people glazing me. I don't know if that makes me a dick, but I feel but I appreciate you. Appreciate you, Ripley. Thank you. Also, I love when you take your shirt off. He didn't phrase it like that. He said, I love the shirtless Gack episodes. Anyway, Ripley, Well, I don't. I mean, I could say the same thing you. I mean, I've I've been talking about this over and over again. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think the discord chat is a good one. You could
find more discords. Hmm, what else could you do? I don't know. I don't, I'm I'm I don't. I I uh hmm. Sorry, I'm having a brain fart right now. But yeah, I I hope Ripley finds something to do. I'm sorry, I can't. I'm not. I can't give advice in this very moment. I don't, I don't, I but I hope Ripley finds something good to do with his life. This was is it? Is it bad to have an advice podcast and then just not give advice? I don't know if I wouldn't consider this an advice podcast. What
else can I say about things? I don't know if I have anything else to say. I'm gonna rant for a bit. I'm just gonna rant. Someone in the chat said finding friends in adulthood is hard. It is, but I believe that, you know, if you put yourself out there, you'll find things to do. You know, someone asked people still use Yahoo? They do. I don't know why, man, smoking weed and watching YouTube is fun. I get why you're in I get why you're having a good time
smoking weed and watching YouTube. I'm not gonna say that I think you're crazy for smoking weed and watching YouTube. I really, uh, I really do get you. Okay, let's do one more. This is from Cameron, subject line I want to cross dress, but I'm afraid. Hey, Gek, you can call me Cameron. I am a twenty one year old male and I want to start cross dressing, but I am afraid. I've always loved the more feminine side of life, and I want to start dressing and acting
more feminine. But I feel afraid all of my coworkers and family are either super religious or homophobic. I have told my friends about this, and they understand and are perfectly fine with how I act and dress, which is a big help. I live a few blocks down for my parents, so I dress up at home sometimes, but I want to dress up in public as well. I guess I'm just afraid of what everyone's expectations of me
are and how people feel about me. I would also like to have a boyfriend, but my family has said they would disown me if I ever dated a man. I feel like I'm trapped from I'm trapped of be away from being my true self. Thanks for listening to me, Rant. I hope you have an amazing day and thanks for all you do. Sincerely, Cameron, thank you for sending this email. Cameron, beautiful time time for a straight white man to give advice on a podcast about being yourself, and I will
do that gladly, Cameron. Cameron, Cameron well Man, well Ka, honestly, Camera, if you're listening to me right now, I'm gonna assume you you you're you're twenty one. I'm assuming you're still living in the town that you grew up in, and I understand it's a difficult economy, but when I read this email, I'm like, fuck, man, this guy's got to go find a place to be, you know, because I think, wait, hold on, well, I'm I'm you live, you don't live
with your parents. You live down the block from your parents. I'm but I feel for you. I feel for you, man, I'm really sorry. It's it's a it's a fucking damn shame that your parents said that to you. I really I'm sorry to hear that they said that to you. That's a fucking damn shame. But you can't let your parents uh stop you from living your life. You know what I mean. You don't. You don't need I assume that you're not financially reliant upon them because you don't
live in the same place as they do. And look, the way I see it, brother, is is if your rent is paid, do whatever you want. You know, I I think, I think, Cameron, listen to me. If you want to have a boyfriend, if you want to date guys, please please please please please do not let you know, I mean, you're an adult man, like, don't let your family stop you from doing that shit. Don't let your family stop you from like living your life. You know.
It's it was nice of them to birth you into existence, but beyond that, you can't you can't let them dictate your shit. You know, it sounds like you live in a b It sounds like you live in a bad place, or not a bad bad place is a strong thing. Sorry, my brain is running out of energy. But you gotta
get out. You gotta go see the world somehow, because it seems like it sounds like you're in like a like a red state small town where everyone is like super religious and homophobic, and it's like, Bro, Cameron, come to Bushwick, Brooklyn, brother, come to Bushwick, Brooklyn, go to fucking Portland, go to like like, oh my god, Like I don't know, man, you're twenty one. I get it. You got good friends, you got family. Economy is hard, but like, fucking get your ass out there in the world,
my friend, because he's the thing. He seems like if you grew up in a place where like everyone's like religious and homophobic and crazy. I don't know much about you, Cameron. I don't know where you've traveled or where you've been or anything like that, but like you're gonna, dude, like if you go to Bushwick, your head's gonna fucking explode.
You're gonna be like, holy shit, I didn't realize that there was a all these sanctuaries all over the world of people just doing whatever the fuck they want, you know, and it hurts it hurts my heart to hear that you, uh, your family said that they would disown you. That's that's that that really fucking success. I feel for you on that, But you can't let that dictate what you're gonna do with your life. Try you, I don't know, try your best to figure out how you can get the fuck
out somewhere else. If you've been living, if you've been living in the religious, homophobic, like small ass town for all twenty one years of your life, like, listen, you do, you man, but like you should try to you should try to give a little shot at seeing what life might be like, seeing if you if you can find a job in some other you know, even just like I don't know what state you live in, but I'm sure there's a large city in whatever state you're in
where you'll find other people and you'll find interesting uh communities and scenarios where like where you're like, oh shit, these people think I'm weird for not being dressed up as a lady. You know, So I'll help you I'll help you, uh find, find find or create some opportunity for yourself to expand beyond those horizons and like live
your fucking live your life, dude. That's the That's the main takeaway I'm getting from the email is like you're scared to live your life because you were just It's like you're scared to live your life because your parents are assholes and they didn't encourage you to live your life. But I think you should live your life. Man. I don't know if that was I don't know if that motivational speech was anything, but but we did it. We did a motivational speech, and we did a podcast, and
we talked to people. We talked to Thomas, and we talked to Hank the fart Man, and we had a good time. I think we had a good time. This was good. I had a good time. I'm gonna go send an email and do a push up and drink a cup of water. Bless you all, Thank you for listening. See you again on Sunday. Bobbye. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, An entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
Well, I can't stop masturbating.
You can't stop masturbating, Nope.
I mean, for example, one day, this girl came into work and she was just straight up like butt naked, and I was like, well, it's just like God toying with me. At this point, I was the only cash here and I had to make everyone wait so I could go in the bathroom and jerk off.
Isn't that stressful though? Like having to come while you know that there's a bunch of people waiting for you that cause that's like double It's like when you take a shit in a single stall bathroom and you know that there's a line outside of it or did that like stress not even occur to you because you just were so checked out.
The stress of needing to jerk off is much greater than the stress of the social political environment of my job.
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say.
Those on the line.
Taking your phone calls every night.
Never big Get goes to his hide.
He's teaching you to a housing over your life, but he's
Not really an expert.